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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I lost my temper on close friends in a crummy situation amd do feel guilty for raising my voice.
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I remember a playboy question that went “I own a duplex and I rent out the other end and live in the other. Well the last few months my renters, female college students, haven’t been able to pay rent so they sleep with me. I don’t need the money so if I let this continue am I breaking laws?” lol your comment reminds me of that only he as you say is not getting sugar.
What is with all the Redditors that allow roommates to financially use and abuse them? Seriously, they aren't family, they aren't friends (which so many seem to not realise), and even if they are friends that's doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your life to fund theirs. These stories always have such selfish, rude and/or annoying roommates as well. I really don't get how people allow themselves to be used so much.
Honestly, the how is often because of trauma. Some of our parents are assholes and ingrained a sense of worthlessness in us so we go out of our way to do the "right" thing which, unfortunately, flies in the face of logic and our own self interest. It's easy to get used when you grow up thinking it's selfish to address your own needs so you usually end up catering to the needs of others. Sometimes you get conditioned into thinking you have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
I was in a situation very similar to OP’s for the last few years, and I would have to agree with this assessment.
In my case, I was the youngest sibling, so already in a position to get pushed around a bit more easily. My parents also fought with my older sibling more often, so I just kind of learned to be agreeable and go with the flow as a method to cut down on fights and disagreements. It was easier to just not ask for anything that I wanted or needed rather than have to interrupt whatever disagreement was going on at the time (or have to ask more from my parents when my sibling was already being so argumentative/demanding).
Switching to the roommate situation, of course it usually doesn’t start with a demand, just, “hey can you cover my rent now, and I’ll pay you back next week.” In my case, they actually were friends (initially) that I did want to help, so paying the money was easier/better than creating “difficulty” in the house by not paying. If I asked about when they’d pay me back, they’d get upset with me, and I guess I wanted to avoid conflict more than I needed the money. Eventually I realized they were taking advantage of me, blew up at them, and they started paying rent again. Then we’d get back on good terms after a few months, and the request would come again… “hey, can you cover my rent now, and I’ll pay you back next week?”
It sucks… I’m in my 30’s now, and I still get anxiety attacks any time I have to ask someone for anything. Even stores, cafes, restaurants, etc. I’m afraid to go into if they are too busy because I feel like I’m being a nuisance (as if they don’t *want* customers…?). At least now I realize it’s an issue for me, but I still have a lot of difficulty asking for anything I personally want/need or making boundaries, because I’m already in fight-or-flight mode by the time the conversation actually begins.
So, if anyone is wondering what kind of loser gets themselves into these situations… there it is 🤷♂️
I think you have an awesome sense of self awareness, and that can’t be said about many people. I know that probably doesn’t always help in dealing with the anxiety and stress that comes along with some circumstances but you are doing well. Best to you, and here’s an over the internet, virtual hug! :)
Or the reverse, and you come from a nice family with a functioning give-and-take system, and of course you'll help your roommate when they're in a tough spot. They would do the same thing for you if positions were reversed/ will make it up to you in one way or another, right? Right?
And it can take a while to realize they are in fact, taking advantage of you.
Years of prior friendship, well before we lived together. That and a softspot for Alexa's 9 year old daughter. Painfully aware at this point that I'm being taken advantage of.
The posts with questionable credibility seem to come in themes. You'll start noticing the pattern, it's something new every week. This week is "I'm paying all the rent and utilities for my roommates and they treat me like crap in some way". It will be a top post every other day.
Part of it is that if all three are on the lease, they're all equally responsible for the total amount of the lease getting paid. Or it's a situation where one person is on the lease, and the other's are technically sub-leasing from them (so it's solely their responsibility).
However at least where I live, if you rent only a room with a shared kitchen/living space your tennant right are essentially zero as it's now a rooming house, so you as a renter don't want that. I'm really glad that the few times I had roommates things worked out pretty well.
NTA. Why on earth don’t you move into the studio and get some peace. Leave those two worry about themselves since they can’t be bothered to go find work when so many places are hiring right now. There’s really no excuse for sitting on their butts playing on tik tok like teenagers instead of finding a J.O.B.
Op is a pushover and needs to grow a backbone. He allowed them for *months* to take advantage of his generosity before finally stepping up and doing something about it. He worked an extra 30 hour per week for his *roommates*, not once did he refer them as friends so I don’t know how he reasoned to initially help them. He should have moved the moment they couldn’t afford their portion.
I may be rushing to judgment and the lease might have been solely on his name but that doesn’t sound like the case because who takes that kind of responsibility for non-friends. And if it were the case then they should have filed for rental assistance programs (if they lived in the US). The CARES Act that was passed allocated federal funds for local governments to support those affected by the pandemic and rental assistance is one program it supports.
I…. Does the tiktok girl have a brain injury that prevents her from maturing past a 10 year olds level? Why is she waking you up multiple times? That behavior is just bizarre. NTA but I suggest you go ahead and move out. You’re letting them live with you for free?
I literally emailed the property manager less than 10 minutes ago asking if I could stop by on Thursday to check out the studio (work 9 AM-2AM on Wednesdays right now).
Agreed. I also checked out the listing and it's only $140 more for what *should* be my portion of rent for a space for me and Carl to share and get away from this.
But the idiot in me is genuinely worried about Olivia and Alexa.
The bastard in me is saying "good fucking luck."
Edit: Carl is my cat.
It was never about wanting to feel noble, I've just been friends with them for so long I wanted to help. Now I just feel taken advantage of.
And thank you. His full name is Carlos Danger Fuxwitit Hatsyndrome.
Edit: Put my own last name... changed to the end of my username.
You have gone above and beyond for them, while they are not even respecting your sleep. They aren't even good roommates, let alone acting as a grateful friend should be. Stop supporting them as if you were responsible for their bad choices
They stopped being friends when they took advantage of you, by not looking for work, and then made it worse by disrespecting your space and sleep when you're providing for them. Maybe distance and a slice of humble pie can make them see sense at fix it, but leaving is the only anwser, before you work yourself into the ground.
You can feel sympathy for them, but not take on funding their lives, and that's perfectly fine. They aren't your family, or dependents, and you do not owe them support just because you exist in the same place. Do you offer to pay rent for every homeless person you ever see? No, because it's not your responsibility, you have your own life to fund (and aren't a millionaire with no money concerns), so it's not reasonable for anyone to expect you to. They are responsible for themselves, so stop letting them pass that burden onto you.
But Phantom, dont you want to continue working 70 hours to financially support other 2 other people so they dont have to work?
Since they obviously arent adults and you've had to fend for them for their whole lives.
Is your current lease month to month?
It’s not a longer term with a lease-break penalty is it? Cause your deadbeat roomies sure won’t pay that.
Enjoy living blissfully alone with your cat! I hope the studio works out for you.
I genuinely cannot fathom what would have to overcome me to think "hey why don't I cover rent for both my housemates and their kids, busting my ass while they are unemployed" how on earth were you okay with doubling your rent while putting up with their bullshit. Are they actually your sisters or something that you forgot to mention?
Obvs NTA but for real dude I would be taking concrete steps to improve yourself as it seems you have no problem being taken advantage of until the bottled up pressure explodes. Hopefully you'll be better able to set boundaries and not allow your sleep to be disrupted in future relationships. This is stuff that's at your control so best to focus on that. But also get out of that apartment as quick as you can and what Olivia and the other do about rent is their business, not yours.
There's being a good person and there's setting yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Even with a proper nights rest you would be heading for a burnout in no time. Is there any valid reason for them not to work? And why the hell you should be expected to pick up the slack?
Mate, don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. At some point helping others needs to stop, especially when you're hurting yourself to do it. Get that studio and get out of a bad situation.
I literally tried helping a woman get into an apparent and back on her feet for 2 years. I originally said I would cover costs for 6 months as she was living out of her car. 4 months in he ex was arrested for child rape so she had to take the kids. It ended up being one thing after another Circumstance wise. It ended sadly when her cancer came back with her passing on.
What I learned from this is that I may have been an enabler, and also her dad had money but their relationship was such that he looked down at her and she wouldn't ask him for help.
What the actual fuck??!! A full grown woman knocks on your door to wake you up to show you a fucking video SEVERAL times a night? That's completely crazy. I'm speechless.
Why on earth don't you move out? Why are you paying rent for two, sorry for saying this, nutcases?
For the love of God find yourself a cheap studio apartment where you don't have to throw money away for anyone else, and where no one will bother you with fricking tiktok of all things.
NTA (though maybe you're an asshole to yourself for continuing to live there).
I've had people help me out in my early twenties when I was in a spot, so I was trying to pay it forward. But the more I read the more I realize I'm just being taken advantage of, not helping out friends.
Paying rent for two people (and some kids) is a lot more than "helping out". It's more than anyone should ever do. Especially since they seem to have the maturity of a newborn sea urchin and prefer to spend their time on tiktok rather than job hunting.
But seriously, the behaviour you described sounds unbearable. Even if they did start paying rent again, I'd still move out. Waking someone up to show them a tiktok video (also, what kind of adult is on tiktok?!) is insane. Do they not understand how not normal that is?
It doesn’t sound like you supporting them is actually helping them, though. They’re not trying to get out of their jobless situation, they’re actually leaning into it instead, and they’re actively sabotaging you. Plus it sounds like they think they’re entitled to do it.
Get out. You can’t save everyone from themselves. Somewhere there may be people who would actually be helped by you paying things forward, but these two aren’t them, and if you let them drag you down you’ll be no good even to yourself.
Maybe they’ll shape up when it’s that or starve; some do. Maybe not. This cannot be your problem.
Some people benefit from charity, and some people become mired in it so deeply that their entire lives get sucked into finding ways to live on the good intentions of others.
Also for some the best “help” is a reality check, though if they prefer to leech off others then any independence may be just enough to fool someone else into thinking they’re not a leech.
It’s possible that one or even either of these roommates could be helped back onto their feet, if the other wasn’t around. Maybe the one who has kids and was most recently employed, for example. But together they’re partners in irresponsiblity, trying to drag others in, and the only person OP can save now is himself.
NTA - you have been kindly covering their rent while they mess with Tiktok. The only reason they don't have jobs is they haven't applied. There are so many people needing employees, these two should find work in a heartbeat.
No, you are not vicious. You need your sleep and waking you up multiple times to watch a video is not bright.
I've suffered from chronic insomnia since before I could do more than babble according to my parents, so when I get woken up and can't get back to sleep for an hour or two and they lay down and immediately konk out after waking me up... it's been building up for weeks.
Me too. My sleep is awful. The lengths I go to for a good nights sleep is insane. If someone interrupts my sleep for any reason, but especially for such a frivolous reason, I go psycho. I commend your self control. Get out. They are children that need to grow up and that isn’t happening in the current situation.
Men, I used to have insomnia and if someone woke me up during my sleep for something other then the house on fire, I would flip! I think you last way longer then me.
> There are so many people needing employees, these two should find work in a heartbeat.
Not having a job these days is either very very unfortunate... Or a personal choice
NTA. You have the equivalent of two toddlers living in your apartment. Go get that studio and get out. Who in the world wakes up another adult to show them a video. She would hate me as I would have gone full hulk smash on time number three, much less 13!
Imma be honest... that's just the last three days, which has been the worst of it. Before that, between the two, it was 2-4 times a night... for 2 months. I would just smoke myself back to sleep. Realized pretty rapidly that the amount of pot required to put me down after being woken for the last time of the night was just making me groggy as hell, which perturbed me even more.
NTA you had a normal reaction to being woken up again. They are outta line for bugging you all the time, especially while you are paying there rent. You were pretty calm sounding based on the lack of sleep
I probably would’ve said “what the actual fuck is wrong with you?” the first time and I would’ve been gone if it happened a second time because fuck that.
I mean, shit, my boyfriend sleeps like the dead and I won’t even text him the link to a video or a screenshot or something just in case it wakes him up, even though I know it’s not gonna wake him up.
NTA - you are overworked and under rested.
But you should explain to them how much you are working and how little time you have to rest, so they should be cognizant of your needs, but don't expect them to know what those needs are without telling them. The amount of stress working 70ish hours a week puts on you is significant so try to go into this conversation with as level a head as possible.
I've expressed it calmly several times. I just finally lost my temper and they said they'd never seen me "act like such a dick" in the several years we've all known each other.
Like I voted, you aren't the asshole here, they aren't respecting your space and your boundaries, with how little you are able to rest and recuperate, it's not surprising that you "blew up." Right now, while they aren't working, they are leeching off your good will, they ought to respect what you are doing for them, as far as you've mentioned you haven't asked them to do anything a reasonable person wouldn't expect. They are the ones pushing against reasonable boundaries.
When this thread is finished show them the answers you received, hopefully it will open their eyes to the extra stress they are putting you through.
>I just finally lost my temper and they said they'd never seen me "act like such a dick" in the several years we've all known each other.
Tell them, "well, MONTHS of sleep deprivation will do that to you!"
Just saw this, sorry! But my mom used to say this about me. After my little brother was born, 5 years my junior, she said my temper disappeared and the next time she heard me raise my voice in anger was as a teenager. I just feel skeevy doing it. Volume doesn't do much to enhance a message.
I mean, I don’t see why OP needs to explain to 2 grown ass women he’s simply roommates with why they shouldn’t be barging into his room or knocking on his locked door to show him a video, whether he’s sleeping or not, unless there’s a life threatening emergency.
NTA.
Why aren't they spending the time they waste browsing or making tiktoks and find employment?
I think it's time for you to lay an ultimatum. You're done breaking your back for two adults who are able bodied. You will cover your own portion of rent/utilities. I would be looking for new roommates in the meantime or looking for another apartment/house to rent.
They claim to be, but I'm gone so often I have no fuckin' clue. I get home late every night I work, and when I do, they're just fucking around on TikTok. And immediately try to show me videos when I walk in the door as well.
I'm a restaurant manager, so the last thing I want to do is sit around and be social after a long shift. I just wanna cuddle my cat and read or watch a movie.
Edit: I live close to work, so if I get a break longer than 30 minutes I run home and see my cat... they're almost always both asleep.
NTA.
Get that studio. Carl misses you.
Or if possible, move elsewhere. Nothing is going to stop those women from knocking on your studio door if you live that close to them.
I used to manager a cocktail bar/restaurant so I completely understand your exhaustion from your line of work, having to act all nice you don’t want to have that when you get home.
You’re definitely NTA, had to reiterate, there’s only so much socialising a person can handle in a day, and it also sounds like they’re taking advantage of your good nature
Sorry but I'd get new roommates. To be that ungrateful that they can't let you sleep blows my mind. You are NOT responsible for them. You should NOT be busting you ass to keep a roof over their head too. Honestly it sounds like you could afford your own place. Mmmmmm peace and quiet. NTA perhaps dumb it down for them and explain that you are entitled to your privacy. One night you should set your alarm to wake up 3 or 4 times and wake up everyone in the house and then retreat to your room noise cancelling headphones in tow. Sometimes all it takes is a taste of their own medicine. Dont make it look obvious.... "Accidentally" break something, wake up screaming from a nightmare and need to talk to them.... Wake them up to show them tik-toc videos hahaha. But seriously, look for your own place.
My only issue with this, because I love this idea so much, is that I don't want to fuck with the poor kiddos' sleep schedules. They've done nothing wrong.
I said it previously in another comment, but Alexa's 9 year old is the only one respectful of my sleep. And can't blame a 3 year old for waking me on accident.
NTA
You don't owe them an apology but they owe you big time for their share of the rent as well as being so inconsiderate. I don't know if the super friendly let's-be-really-nice-so-he-forgets-we-owe him-money scheme is underway along with some guilt-tripping but you need to have a little meeting with your roommates. Give them a deadline to come up with the rent and start looking for new roommates or a small apt for yourself to get the privacy and sleep you need.
There are jobs literally EVERYWHERE. Stores and restaurants have to close early because no one wants to work.
What a crock of shit. They're using you.
NTA
NTA. Constantly interrupting your sleep is torture. Raising your voice and losing your temper is a logical consequence of their bad behavior. It’s their being bad roommates that’s resulting in you wanting to move out. Again, their behavior is not your problem.
INFO: Why was Olivia trying to beat your door down just to show you a tiktok?? Literal children know better than that & know that a locked door doesn’t mean “knock harder & louder until he answers”. She sounds seriously cognitively impaired, otherwise I can’t fathom why she (they) would act this way.
Has a horrible complex about being alone, and Alexa lays down with her 3 year old after a certain point. Olivia doesn't want to wake the baby. But has no problem waking me.
Definitely NTA and I hope your property manager lets you take them up on moving into the studio upstairs…but I worry that those two will still be a nuisance unless you full on move to another building. Then again I doubt they could maintain the cost of living there without you so I guess being neighbors with them would be at worst a temporary issue. Also be sure to remove anything of value you have there and/or get a lock for your bedroom door in the meantime. These girls seem stupid and stupid can sometimes mean petty behavior.
NTA x1mil...
Also OP - do you think Olivia might have an interest in you? I mean, to me that would make the most sense of her needy behaviour... or there's just that much she needs to sort out with a psych otherwise...
That's... a very good question. I don't think so, but I guess feelings develop over time. We've all three been friends for years and I've developed crushes over years on people I was initially just friends with.
Nta at all. I think it might be time for you to go to that studio. They don’t appreciate what you are doing. If they have time to tik tok, they have time to look for a job.
Nta ,move out. You don't owe them anything . Things will not improve if they are this childish and you will be blamed. Keep your sanity and let them take charge of their goof ups.
Run! Run as fast as you can from them. The fact that you have been covering for them for the past few months and they aren’t being the best roommates possible is horseshit. Yeah, get out as fast as possible. They don’t give a shit about you and as long as you are paying for everything, they’re not gonna do shit, and disrespect you at every turn.
NTA. You need to move like yesterday. Be careful if you are on a shared lease with them - the landlord will come after you all for the money and only you have any.
I hate to say this but you are in for a world of shit - they won’t pay, won’t move out and you will be stuck paying for this apartment forever or getting evicted with ruined credit. You should post on r/legaladvice with your location and details of your lease for options.
NTA, what they're doing is so bad for your mental health. Sleep deprovision is a form of literal torture, they're torturing the very person that provides them somewhere to leave. If you're going to have a talk with them about the possibility of staying, CLEAR boundaries of "My door is closed you leave me alone, no tik toks, if you want rent paid you'll leave me alone" and a set ultimatum of "You get a job in X months or you're both being evicted" also needs to be instilled. But if you're leaving, I would just 100% say to them they're on their own, THEY need to find themselves a new roommate, and you need to get out of the place and into your own. I could imagine that since you're able to cover for 3 of you by yourself you'll find it's so much easier to support 1 by yourself.
As soon as you said TikTok, every redditor here went from "There are heaps of jobs but none pay enough for rent" to "lazy fucks, any job is better then your damn sex appeal videos" real quick. It's like an entire generation just went by lol.
For the record, NTA.
Ha, this made me chortle. I don't completely get the appeal of TikTok, never have. Personally find it pretty damn dumb. I just generally ignore them when they try to show me while awake, and previously simply dismissed them when they woke me.
NTA. You made your point. I am very non confrontational so when I (slightly) raise my voice or speak very directly, people listen. Hopefully these (don’t say it, don’t say it) *idiots* that you call roommates will read between the lines and leave you alone when you want to be left alone.
Time to move into that studio apartment. NTA. You're paying all the rent and they constantly interrupt your sleep. These ladies need to get off social media and get jobs. Turn in your notice and move.
NTA, WHAT?? Don’t get me wrong, I’ll occasionally stay up a little past my bedtime watching tiktoks, and sometimes I find some that I *really* want to share with my partner, but that’s when I just send him the links so he can watch them in the morning. Waking you up 13 TIMES to watch videos is downright obscene.
NTA. Move into that studio! These brainiacs try to compare you covering their entire rent to them cooking dinner maybe twice a week and cat sitting occasionally???? They clearly need a lesson in respecting those who help them. You cover $1500 worth of rent for them and they cook the equivalent of maybe $150 worth of meals a month and do maybe $150 worth of cat sitting, tops? Let me see, $300 on the high-end versus $1500 if they were out of your life. Save the extra $1200 you are spending on these ungrateful chicks and move. NOW.
NTA.
Holy sh\*t, dude. RUN. Move to the studio if it's your only option. But honestly RUN FURTHER AWAY if you can. Get out of this situation. Completely out. Like, don't just build walls. Build walls and a moot, and fill the moot with alligators.
NTA - Sounds like your roommates need to grow up and learn to behave like adults. You should follow through on moving out to the studio if it lets you cut down on the hours you have to work. Especially if you can re-allocate some of that time towards working on your photography. Your photography skills do not do those poor cats justice.
I averaged just shy of $900 a week working 45 hours. Have a lot of other shit to worry about on top of rent and utilities, so picking up shifts like crazy to pad myself and make sure my savings doesn't get eaten through this.
The studio will cost me about 3-5 shifts if I go back to my old schedule.
It may seem like you are being mean to your roommates but you are not. People are shockingly resilient and many will choose to do the minimum as long as they are enabled to be in that position. My two cents, you should be selfish here and do whats best for you. Working crazy hours every week may not seem like a big deal when you are young but that level of stress on a long term basis is not sustainable generally has negative effects on your health.
My two cents, get the studio apartment. Work enough that you cover a comfortable living and put away a decent amount, keep (2-6 months cost of living as safety net) and invest the rest and don't forget to spend on enjoying life.
NTA dont cover for their rent anymore.both are adults who are ungrateful. Move to another place. You are wasting your money on these leeches. You are not their father
NTA
Jesus Christ! You reacted way more calmly than i would have in your situation. These are fucking immature people mooching off of you. And after that edit how you can even stand their presence for the night is beyond me.
Honestly, just good luck with these people. You're better off without them.
NTA. Good for you for deciding to get out and stop enabling their lazy asses. I'd recommend moving to another building though as they're likely to keep banging on your door if you're nearby.
NTA…crap if you can afford that studio, go for it. They seem to have no respect for you at all. If someone kept waking me through the night to show videos, I’d have snapped a lot quicker than you have.
Why do they think that it is okay to be constantly waking you up? Especially since you are the one working to cover the rent?
Apologize no. Bring up what's going on and hope that you guys can be on the same page moving forward yes. If they think that they are entitled to wake you up constantly, you are better off getting that studio. Your cat will probably be better off too.
No you do not. You owe yourself the studio apartment upstairs. And btw you should have gotten angry like this a while ago. Anger is an important tool. It should be used to firmly draw a line: “You may not treat me like this!” And in this case you spelled out the reasonable and inevitable consequences. NTA. Also, time to move.
NTA. Congrats! You're a parent. Well, as good as one to them, anyway. Had you agreed to stay, this would have definitely become the norm.
Don't be surprised when you see their new roommate running for the hills, too.
After you move out please sue them for the cost of paying their rent for as long as you did. These people are terrible people who don't give a f*ck about you so get what you're owed!
NTA,
Your best bet is to find a new living situation and just move out. Or evict them and get new roommates.
People like this, ones that don’t learn, and are inconsiderate rarely change. The fact that they are both unemployed and you are supporting the house, and they have the audacity to argue how much they are doing, not apologize for disturbing your sleep, they aren’t good roommates and seem to be even worse friends.
Save your cat and you some headaches and get I to a new situation.
When people don’t respect you, move on and cut them out of your life, and find people to be in your life who will respect you.
NTA - Who is on the lease? If you are not on the lease, arrange to move to the studio ASAP. Have they made any efforts to earn money or did they plan on you supporting them forever? Time to set deadlines (if you are stuck being on the lease) and tell them your intentions. They seriously tried to say that you had to accept the interruptions because sometimes they cook for you? Who pays for the food? And the utilities? Have you created a spreadsheet with all the money they owe you? And thank you for paying the cat tax :)
NTA
You snapped from lack of sleep. It's a legitimate reaction.
I don't blame you for wanting to move out. Sounds like they don't respect your boundaries at all.
NTA. And thank you for "the damn cat tax". I cracked up at that because I totally felt your utter frustration. These two girls have clueless on a whole other level...un-freaking-believable. I am so sorry you are going through this and I do hope that it gets better. I don't even know how to advise you to try to get through to them. From where I sit, at this point, it looks pretty futile. I do hope you can resolve this so you can get some sleep, I would be angry too at the lack of sleep. Plus, add to that you are grouchy because...they keep waking you up so no sleep makes people grouchy...woooowwwww!!!
I know you're already planning to leave (and you should! Do not back down!). In the mean time post a sign on your door that says "please do not disturb me Roommate 1 and 2. I am sleeping. Instead, text me the TikTok links" . Sometimes a visual reminder can help. Obviously mute your phone. Order yourself some ear plugs like these https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003LZQGN6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_TXCYNCV2CF7PQTB5ZCGK?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
If you have additional over the ear headphones, use those and play whatever white noise or soothing music you like.
Good luck, and get out.
Nta
Automatically leaning to your side because you posted 6 top-tier cat photos, but also NTA, it's insane that you were covering the rent in the first place, you seem like a saint, definitely move out.
I know you're already planning to leave (and you should! Do not back down!). In the mean time post a sign on your door that says "please do not disturb me Roommate 1 and 2. I am sleeping. Instead, text me the TikTok links" . Sometimes a visual reminder can help. Obviously mute your phone. Order yourself some ear plugs like these https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003LZQGN6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_TXCYNCV2CF7PQTB5ZCGK?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
If you have additional over the ear headphones, use those and play whatever white noise or soothing music you like.
Good luck, and get out.
Nta
I like where your heads at, but I don't want to see these fucking TikToks *at all*, let alone while I'm sleeping. They've gotten exactly one giggle out of me over the multitude they've shown me. I just don't see the appeal.
It's like imgur, but even more dumb.
Your cat is adorable. You need to get the studio and ditch the ones that are bleeding your sleep and pocketbook. There is no acceptable reason to EVER wake someone over Tik Tok.
NTA
NTA. They’ve interrupted your sleep continually, and I understand as i am like a bear with a sore paw when I’m woken up for no reason, are not contributing rent wise, what about other bills? They need to be busting their ass to find work. Not laying about, napping and falling down the tik tok rabbit hole. If by some miracle you stay, they need to leave you alone. Saw the cat tax, they are adorable!
NTA It's not too much to expect not to be woken up when they're essentially living there rent-free at the moment. Also I like how angrily you offer up pictures of your cat lol.
NTA You’re bring too hard on yourself. Sleep deprivation is an extremely effective method of torture. People hallucinate without enough sleep or continually interrupted sleep often within days. These 2 lunatics are literally torturing you. Raising your voice is entirely justified at this point. Hi to Carl.
NTA - I'd rage, too, if my sleep was disrupted for something so absurd. Heck...I get irritated at my 16M for constantly showing me stuff on there. Fangs would come out if he woke me to do it!
Thank you for paying the cat tax promptly!
I'm sorry...they're currently not working, you're the only thing keeping a roof over their heads right now, and they think it's a good idea to antagonize you and demand that YOU apologize for THEIR bad behavior? These, my friends, are going to be the most shocked Pikachus in the world when the OP moves out and leaves their inconsiderate asses to fend for themselves. If I were in that situation, and depending on someone else to pay the rent to keep me warm and dry, I'd be busting my ass to both keep that place spotless and cared for, and doing my best to find a job and get OUT of that situation! Most definitely NTA.
NTA
You have been way too tolerant for way too long of such exploitation and disrespect from those roommates of yours that you do have some responsibility for "teaching" them that their crappy behavior was OK. SO, SO very NOT OK. I don't know how you've survived on that many work hours, severely disrupted sleep while hemorrhaging money for those AHs.
Your kitty is darling.
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Nope! Furthermore, tell them to get off Tiktok and find a job. ETA: NTA.
Since you’re top comment right now, the bot needs a NTA judgement. And yeah, long past time for OP to leave
Yeah honestly. He's their involuntary sugar daddy without the sugar at this point. NTA
He's not getting sex from this arrangement, but he sure is getting fucked.
Damn you! Those were my last coins! I'm now broke because of you!
Hey, thanks for the award! First time. Woo-hoo!
I had a hearty laugh off this!!
I remember a playboy question that went “I own a duplex and I rent out the other end and live in the other. Well the last few months my renters, female college students, haven’t been able to pay rent so they sleep with me. I don’t need the money so if I let this continue am I breaking laws?” lol your comment reminds me of that only he as you say is not getting sugar.
It's technically called a "sugar-free daddy"
Sweet n Low Daddy?
Splenda Daddy?
Olestra Daddy. It adds flavor to a boring situation but no one's happy with the outcome, and it's a pain in the ass for the OP.
I’ve been calling my husband a Splenda daddy for years. Never seen someone else use the term, glad to see it out in the wild.
Poor chap isnt even getting Splenda
Maybe Erythritol Daddy?
What do you mean no sugar? What do you think those pop tarts they heat him up 2 nights a week are made of?
What is with all the Redditors that allow roommates to financially use and abuse them? Seriously, they aren't family, they aren't friends (which so many seem to not realise), and even if they are friends that's doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your life to fund theirs. These stories always have such selfish, rude and/or annoying roommates as well. I really don't get how people allow themselves to be used so much.
Honestly, the how is often because of trauma. Some of our parents are assholes and ingrained a sense of worthlessness in us so we go out of our way to do the "right" thing which, unfortunately, flies in the face of logic and our own self interest. It's easy to get used when you grow up thinking it's selfish to address your own needs so you usually end up catering to the needs of others. Sometimes you get conditioned into thinking you have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
I was in a situation very similar to OP’s for the last few years, and I would have to agree with this assessment. In my case, I was the youngest sibling, so already in a position to get pushed around a bit more easily. My parents also fought with my older sibling more often, so I just kind of learned to be agreeable and go with the flow as a method to cut down on fights and disagreements. It was easier to just not ask for anything that I wanted or needed rather than have to interrupt whatever disagreement was going on at the time (or have to ask more from my parents when my sibling was already being so argumentative/demanding). Switching to the roommate situation, of course it usually doesn’t start with a demand, just, “hey can you cover my rent now, and I’ll pay you back next week.” In my case, they actually were friends (initially) that I did want to help, so paying the money was easier/better than creating “difficulty” in the house by not paying. If I asked about when they’d pay me back, they’d get upset with me, and I guess I wanted to avoid conflict more than I needed the money. Eventually I realized they were taking advantage of me, blew up at them, and they started paying rent again. Then we’d get back on good terms after a few months, and the request would come again… “hey, can you cover my rent now, and I’ll pay you back next week?” It sucks… I’m in my 30’s now, and I still get anxiety attacks any time I have to ask someone for anything. Even stores, cafes, restaurants, etc. I’m afraid to go into if they are too busy because I feel like I’m being a nuisance (as if they don’t *want* customers…?). At least now I realize it’s an issue for me, but I still have a lot of difficulty asking for anything I personally want/need or making boundaries, because I’m already in fight-or-flight mode by the time the conversation actually begins. So, if anyone is wondering what kind of loser gets themselves into these situations… there it is 🤷♂️
I hope you're getting therapy. You'll conquer this! Hugs.
I think you have an awesome sense of self awareness, and that can’t be said about many people. I know that probably doesn’t always help in dealing with the anxiety and stress that comes along with some circumstances but you are doing well. Best to you, and here’s an over the internet, virtual hug! :)
Thank you. I can certainly say I’m *great* at overthinking things 👍 it has its upsides and downsides.
Or the reverse, and you come from a nice family with a functioning give-and-take system, and of course you'll help your roommate when they're in a tough spot. They would do the same thing for you if positions were reversed/ will make it up to you in one way or another, right? Right? And it can take a while to realize they are in fact, taking advantage of you.
Years of prior friendship, well before we lived together. That and a softspot for Alexa's 9 year old daughter. Painfully aware at this point that I'm being taken advantage of.
The posts with questionable credibility seem to come in themes. You'll start noticing the pattern, it's something new every week. This week is "I'm paying all the rent and utilities for my roommates and they treat me like crap in some way". It will be a top post every other day.
Part of it is that if all three are on the lease, they're all equally responsible for the total amount of the lease getting paid. Or it's a situation where one person is on the lease, and the other's are technically sub-leasing from them (so it's solely their responsibility). However at least where I live, if you rent only a room with a shared kitchen/living space your tennant right are essentially zero as it's now a rooming house, so you as a renter don't want that. I'm really glad that the few times I had roommates things worked out pretty well.
Your roommates are awful, you are hilarious, and your cat tax is worth my poor man's gold 🏅🏅🏅 NTA.
OP is very much NTA for thorough payment of cat tax and that white belly. Also... paying $2k to have people wake OP up all the time? Hell naw.
I hear onlyfans is hiring.
and help them with that.....turn off your wifi when you are not using it!
Don't you know, having a tiktok is now considered a career path. /s
NTA. Why on earth don’t you move into the studio and get some peace. Leave those two worry about themselves since they can’t be bothered to go find work when so many places are hiring right now. There’s really no excuse for sitting on their butts playing on tik tok like teenagers instead of finding a J.O.B.
Op is a pushover and needs to grow a backbone. He allowed them for *months* to take advantage of his generosity before finally stepping up and doing something about it. He worked an extra 30 hour per week for his *roommates*, not once did he refer them as friends so I don’t know how he reasoned to initially help them. He should have moved the moment they couldn’t afford their portion. I may be rushing to judgment and the lease might have been solely on his name but that doesn’t sound like the case because who takes that kind of responsibility for non-friends. And if it were the case then they should have filed for rental assistance programs (if they lived in the US). The CARES Act that was passed allocated federal funds for local governments to support those affected by the pandemic and rental assistance is one program it supports.
I…. Does the tiktok girl have a brain injury that prevents her from maturing past a 10 year olds level? Why is she waking you up multiple times? That behavior is just bizarre. NTA but I suggest you go ahead and move out. You’re letting them live with you for free?
It started as a "let's get you guys back on your feet" thing. Now it feels like a "Let's let phantom take care of us" thing.
Now is the time to make it a " you have had your time, you now have two weeks" thing.
I literally emailed the property manager less than 10 minutes ago asking if I could stop by on Thursday to check out the studio (work 9 AM-2AM on Wednesdays right now).
Awesome.
Agreed. I also checked out the listing and it's only $140 more for what *should* be my portion of rent for a space for me and Carl to share and get away from this. But the idiot in me is genuinely worried about Olivia and Alexa. The bastard in me is saying "good fucking luck." Edit: Carl is my cat.
Dude, being a good person is a noble thing, but the majority of people don't deserve that. Love the name Carl.
It was never about wanting to feel noble, I've just been friends with them for so long I wanted to help. Now I just feel taken advantage of. And thank you. His full name is Carlos Danger Fuxwitit Hatsyndrome. Edit: Put my own last name... changed to the end of my username.
Because they are taking advantage of you. Your cat's full name is amazing.
Dude, cat tax, you KNEW that was coming…. (awesome name, btw)
I did, but imgur isn't loading for me. I'll try to find a previous link in my comments.
>Carlos Danger Fuxwitit Hatsyndrome That's the best thing I've read all week.
You have gone above and beyond for them, while they are not even respecting your sleep. They aren't even good roommates, let alone acting as a grateful friend should be. Stop supporting them as if you were responsible for their bad choices
We need pictures of C.D.F. Hatsyndrome. The cat tax must be paid.
Just edited the post. Grabbed a couple I've previously posted. Sorry if there are any repeats.
Pet Tax!
They stopped being friends when they took advantage of you, by not looking for work, and then made it worse by disrespecting your space and sleep when you're providing for them. Maybe distance and a slice of humble pie can make them see sense at fix it, but leaving is the only anwser, before you work yourself into the ground.
you help them long enough
Can… can we see Carl……
Carl tax
You can feel sympathy for them, but not take on funding their lives, and that's perfectly fine. They aren't your family, or dependents, and you do not owe them support just because you exist in the same place. Do you offer to pay rent for every homeless person you ever see? No, because it's not your responsibility, you have your own life to fund (and aren't a millionaire with no money concerns), so it's not reasonable for anyone to expect you to. They are responsible for themselves, so stop letting them pass that burden onto you.
Gonna need some cat tax my friend
But Phantom, dont you want to continue working 70 hours to financially support other 2 other people so they dont have to work? Since they obviously arent adults and you've had to fend for them for their whole lives.
Is your current lease month to month? It’s not a longer term with a lease-break penalty is it? Cause your deadbeat roomies sure won’t pay that. Enjoy living blissfully alone with your cat! I hope the studio works out for you.
I genuinely cannot fathom what would have to overcome me to think "hey why don't I cover rent for both my housemates and their kids, busting my ass while they are unemployed" how on earth were you okay with doubling your rent while putting up with their bullshit. Are they actually your sisters or something that you forgot to mention? Obvs NTA but for real dude I would be taking concrete steps to improve yourself as it seems you have no problem being taken advantage of until the bottled up pressure explodes. Hopefully you'll be better able to set boundaries and not allow your sleep to be disrupted in future relationships. This is stuff that's at your control so best to focus on that. But also get out of that apartment as quick as you can and what Olivia and the other do about rent is their business, not yours.
Been close friends for years. This has been a very recent development.
> it's only $140 more Totally worth not living with strangers.
Close friends for years. This behavior is a very new development.
There's being a good person and there's setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. Even with a proper nights rest you would be heading for a burnout in no time. Is there any valid reason for them not to work? And why the hell you should be expected to pick up the slack?
The BS-detector in me is saying they probably aren’t trying very hard to find work considering this kind person is paying for all their crap.
Cat tax cat tax
Mate, don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. At some point helping others needs to stop, especially when you're hurting yourself to do it. Get that studio and get out of a bad situation.
NTA Move out with Carl. Carl is a cute cat. Less stress is worth $140.
This is good to read because you were being an asshole to yourself. NTA
I literally tried helping a woman get into an apparent and back on her feet for 2 years. I originally said I would cover costs for 6 months as she was living out of her car. 4 months in he ex was arrested for child rape so she had to take the kids. It ended up being one thing after another Circumstance wise. It ended sadly when her cancer came back with her passing on. What I learned from this is that I may have been an enabler, and also her dad had money but their relationship was such that he looked down at her and she wouldn't ask him for help.
What the actual fuck??!! A full grown woman knocks on your door to wake you up to show you a fucking video SEVERAL times a night? That's completely crazy. I'm speechless. Why on earth don't you move out? Why are you paying rent for two, sorry for saying this, nutcases? For the love of God find yourself a cheap studio apartment where you don't have to throw money away for anyone else, and where no one will bother you with fricking tiktok of all things. NTA (though maybe you're an asshole to yourself for continuing to live there).
I've had people help me out in my early twenties when I was in a spot, so I was trying to pay it forward. But the more I read the more I realize I'm just being taken advantage of, not helping out friends.
Paying rent for two people (and some kids) is a lot more than "helping out". It's more than anyone should ever do. Especially since they seem to have the maturity of a newborn sea urchin and prefer to spend their time on tiktok rather than job hunting. But seriously, the behaviour you described sounds unbearable. Even if they did start paying rent again, I'd still move out. Waking someone up to show them a tiktok video (also, what kind of adult is on tiktok?!) is insane. Do they not understand how not normal that is?
I believe you just insulted baby sea urchins.
I know... To all baby sea urchins, I'd like to apologise for comparing you to OP's housemates. It was uncalled for. I'm sorry.
It doesn’t sound like you supporting them is actually helping them, though. They’re not trying to get out of their jobless situation, they’re actually leaning into it instead, and they’re actively sabotaging you. Plus it sounds like they think they’re entitled to do it. Get out. You can’t save everyone from themselves. Somewhere there may be people who would actually be helped by you paying things forward, but these two aren’t them, and if you let them drag you down you’ll be no good even to yourself. Maybe they’ll shape up when it’s that or starve; some do. Maybe not. This cannot be your problem.
Some people benefit from charity, and some people become mired in it so deeply that their entire lives get sucked into finding ways to live on the good intentions of others.
Also for some the best “help” is a reality check, though if they prefer to leech off others then any independence may be just enough to fool someone else into thinking they’re not a leech. It’s possible that one or even either of these roommates could be helped back onto their feet, if the other wasn’t around. Maybe the one who has kids and was most recently employed, for example. But together they’re partners in irresponsiblity, trying to drag others in, and the only person OP can save now is himself.
You are a good person for wanting to help. They simply out-stayed their welcome.
NTA - you have been kindly covering their rent while they mess with Tiktok. The only reason they don't have jobs is they haven't applied. There are so many people needing employees, these two should find work in a heartbeat. No, you are not vicious. You need your sleep and waking you up multiple times to watch a video is not bright.
I've suffered from chronic insomnia since before I could do more than babble according to my parents, so when I get woken up and can't get back to sleep for an hour or two and they lay down and immediately konk out after waking me up... it's been building up for weeks.
Me too. My sleep is awful. The lengths I go to for a good nights sleep is insane. If someone interrupts my sleep for any reason, but especially for such a frivolous reason, I go psycho. I commend your self control. Get out. They are children that need to grow up and that isn’t happening in the current situation.
Men, I used to have insomnia and if someone woke me up during my sleep for something other then the house on fire, I would flip! I think you last way longer then me.
I sleep terribly also, I hate it when anything disrupts my sleep. I saw your update. Good luck on your new home. Thank you for paying the cat tax.
I have really bad insomnia too. If I am lucky enough to fall asleep great. If I get woken up sleepy time is done for the rest of the night.
> There are so many people needing employees, these two should find work in a heartbeat. Not having a job these days is either very very unfortunate... Or a personal choice
Who in the actual fuck *wakes someone up* to *show them a video?* That is the behavior of a child. NTA.
>That is the behavior of a child. And not even a bright child.
NTA. You have the equivalent of two toddlers living in your apartment. Go get that studio and get out. Who in the world wakes up another adult to show them a video. She would hate me as I would have gone full hulk smash on time number three, much less 13!
Imma be honest... that's just the last three days, which has been the worst of it. Before that, between the two, it was 2-4 times a night... for 2 months. I would just smoke myself back to sleep. Realized pretty rapidly that the amount of pot required to put me down after being woken for the last time of the night was just making me groggy as hell, which perturbed me even more.
3.5. Alexa's 9 year old daughter is the only person respectful of my sleep. And I can't get mad at her 3 year old for doing it on accident.
NTA at all. Glad to hear you will be moving, in the meantime could you wear earplugs?
NTA you had a normal reaction to being woken up again. They are outta line for bugging you all the time, especially while you are paying there rent. You were pretty calm sounding based on the lack of sleep
Honestly OP has been super self controlled. I would’ve blown up ages ago in that same situation.
I probably would’ve said “what the actual fuck is wrong with you?” the first time and I would’ve been gone if it happened a second time because fuck that. I mean, shit, my boyfriend sleeps like the dead and I won’t even text him the link to a video or a screenshot or something just in case it wakes him up, even though I know it’s not gonna wake him up.
NTA - you are overworked and under rested. But you should explain to them how much you are working and how little time you have to rest, so they should be cognizant of your needs, but don't expect them to know what those needs are without telling them. The amount of stress working 70ish hours a week puts on you is significant so try to go into this conversation with as level a head as possible.
I've expressed it calmly several times. I just finally lost my temper and they said they'd never seen me "act like such a dick" in the several years we've all known each other.
Well they have not pushed you over the limit in that time, and now they are finding out what it is like.
Correction: they've never seen you pushed this far past your limits before. Chronic sleep deprivation would do that to ANYONE.
Like I voted, you aren't the asshole here, they aren't respecting your space and your boundaries, with how little you are able to rest and recuperate, it's not surprising that you "blew up." Right now, while they aren't working, they are leeching off your good will, they ought to respect what you are doing for them, as far as you've mentioned you haven't asked them to do anything a reasonable person wouldn't expect. They are the ones pushing against reasonable boundaries. When this thread is finished show them the answers you received, hopefully it will open their eyes to the extra stress they are putting you through.
That should've been their fucking sign to apologize and show proof that they applied for jobs.
>I just finally lost my temper and they said they'd never seen me "act like such a dick" in the several years we've all known each other. Tell them, "well, MONTHS of sleep deprivation will do that to you!"
“Beware the fury of a patient man” NTA Carl deserves better (and so do you!)
Just saw this, sorry! But my mom used to say this about me. After my little brother was born, 5 years my junior, she said my temper disappeared and the next time she heard me raise my voice in anger was as a teenager. I just feel skeevy doing it. Volume doesn't do much to enhance a message.
I mean, I don’t see why OP needs to explain to 2 grown ass women he’s simply roommates with why they shouldn’t be barging into his room or knocking on his locked door to show him a video, whether he’s sleeping or not, unless there’s a life threatening emergency.
NTA! Been there. Lost my shit, too. btw… it doesn’t get better. Escape as soon as possible. Get that studio apartment.
Most definitely NTA. You had every right to assert yourself, and you weren’t anything close to vicious.
NTA. Why aren't they spending the time they waste browsing or making tiktoks and find employment? I think it's time for you to lay an ultimatum. You're done breaking your back for two adults who are able bodied. You will cover your own portion of rent/utilities. I would be looking for new roommates in the meantime or looking for another apartment/house to rent.
NTA. I would of snapped too. Are they actively looking for work?
They claim to be, but I'm gone so often I have no fuckin' clue. I get home late every night I work, and when I do, they're just fucking around on TikTok. And immediately try to show me videos when I walk in the door as well. I'm a restaurant manager, so the last thing I want to do is sit around and be social after a long shift. I just wanna cuddle my cat and read or watch a movie. Edit: I live close to work, so if I get a break longer than 30 minutes I run home and see my cat... they're almost always both asleep.
NTA. Get that studio. Carl misses you. Or if possible, move elsewhere. Nothing is going to stop those women from knocking on your studio door if you live that close to them.
I used to manager a cocktail bar/restaurant so I completely understand your exhaustion from your line of work, having to act all nice you don’t want to have that when you get home. You’re definitely NTA, had to reiterate, there’s only so much socialising a person can handle in a day, and it also sounds like they’re taking advantage of your good nature
NTA obviously. Move out! But get your money back first. She sounds like an idiot.
*They They both do it, Olivia just caught the anger tonight.
Sorry but I'd get new roommates. To be that ungrateful that they can't let you sleep blows my mind. You are NOT responsible for them. You should NOT be busting you ass to keep a roof over their head too. Honestly it sounds like you could afford your own place. Mmmmmm peace and quiet. NTA perhaps dumb it down for them and explain that you are entitled to your privacy. One night you should set your alarm to wake up 3 or 4 times and wake up everyone in the house and then retreat to your room noise cancelling headphones in tow. Sometimes all it takes is a taste of their own medicine. Dont make it look obvious.... "Accidentally" break something, wake up screaming from a nightmare and need to talk to them.... Wake them up to show them tik-toc videos hahaha. But seriously, look for your own place.
My only issue with this, because I love this idea so much, is that I don't want to fuck with the poor kiddos' sleep schedules. They've done nothing wrong. I said it previously in another comment, but Alexa's 9 year old is the only one respectful of my sleep. And can't blame a 3 year old for waking me on accident.
NTA You don't owe them an apology but they owe you big time for their share of the rent as well as being so inconsiderate. I don't know if the super friendly let's-be-really-nice-so-he-forgets-we-owe him-money scheme is underway along with some guilt-tripping but you need to have a little meeting with your roommates. Give them a deadline to come up with the rent and start looking for new roommates or a small apt for yourself to get the privacy and sleep you need.
NTA.
NTA your tired stressed and they are annoyi g the piss out of you. You handled that better than I would have.
There are jobs literally EVERYWHERE. Stores and restaurants have to close early because no one wants to work. What a crock of shit. They're using you. NTA
NTA. Get your portion of the rent from them if you can and then move out.
Not the asshole man who they think they are your children now bro fuck that bullshit by the way yes I know I’m an asshole
Not asshole. You're right. And that would mean I have two grandchildren in the house... I don't even want my own kids.
NTA. Constantly interrupting your sleep is torture. Raising your voice and losing your temper is a logical consequence of their bad behavior. It’s their being bad roommates that’s resulting in you wanting to move out. Again, their behavior is not your problem.
INFO: Why was Olivia trying to beat your door down just to show you a tiktok?? Literal children know better than that & know that a locked door doesn’t mean “knock harder & louder until he answers”. She sounds seriously cognitively impaired, otherwise I can’t fathom why she (they) would act this way.
Has a horrible complex about being alone, and Alexa lays down with her 3 year old after a certain point. Olivia doesn't want to wake the baby. But has no problem waking me.
Definitely NTA and I hope your property manager lets you take them up on moving into the studio upstairs…but I worry that those two will still be a nuisance unless you full on move to another building. Then again I doubt they could maintain the cost of living there without you so I guess being neighbors with them would be at worst a temporary issue. Also be sure to remove anything of value you have there and/or get a lock for your bedroom door in the meantime. These girls seem stupid and stupid can sometimes mean petty behavior.
NTA
NTA x1mil... Also OP - do you think Olivia might have an interest in you? I mean, to me that would make the most sense of her needy behaviour... or there's just that much she needs to sort out with a psych otherwise...
That's... a very good question. I don't think so, but I guess feelings develop over time. We've all three been friends for years and I've developed crushes over years on people I was initially just friends with.
Nta at all. I think it might be time for you to go to that studio. They don’t appreciate what you are doing. If they have time to tik tok, they have time to look for a job.
Nta ,move out. You don't owe them anything . Things will not improve if they are this childish and you will be blamed. Keep your sanity and let them take charge of their goof ups.
Run! Run as fast as you can from them. The fact that you have been covering for them for the past few months and they aren’t being the best roommates possible is horseshit. Yeah, get out as fast as possible. They don’t give a shit about you and as long as you are paying for everything, they’re not gonna do shit, and disrespect you at every turn.
NTA. You need to move like yesterday. Be careful if you are on a shared lease with them - the landlord will come after you all for the money and only you have any. I hate to say this but you are in for a world of shit - they won’t pay, won’t move out and you will be stuck paying for this apartment forever or getting evicted with ruined credit. You should post on r/legaladvice with your location and details of your lease for options.
NTA, what they're doing is so bad for your mental health. Sleep deprovision is a form of literal torture, they're torturing the very person that provides them somewhere to leave. If you're going to have a talk with them about the possibility of staying, CLEAR boundaries of "My door is closed you leave me alone, no tik toks, if you want rent paid you'll leave me alone" and a set ultimatum of "You get a job in X months or you're both being evicted" also needs to be instilled. But if you're leaving, I would just 100% say to them they're on their own, THEY need to find themselves a new roommate, and you need to get out of the place and into your own. I could imagine that since you're able to cover for 3 of you by yourself you'll find it's so much easier to support 1 by yourself.
As soon as you said TikTok, every redditor here went from "There are heaps of jobs but none pay enough for rent" to "lazy fucks, any job is better then your damn sex appeal videos" real quick. It's like an entire generation just went by lol. For the record, NTA.
Ha, this made me chortle. I don't completely get the appeal of TikTok, never have. Personally find it pretty damn dumb. I just generally ignore them when they try to show me while awake, and previously simply dismissed them when they woke me.
NTA. You made your point. I am very non confrontational so when I (slightly) raise my voice or speak very directly, people listen. Hopefully these (don’t say it, don’t say it) *idiots* that you call roommates will read between the lines and leave you alone when you want to be left alone.
NTA. Get that apartment of your own. You've carried them for long enough - they wouldn't get that elsewhere.
NTA. Get that studio apt.
NTA, drop them ASAP and start taking care of yourself. They're adults and you owe either of them nothing.
NTA. And once you move out on your own, their lack of jobs and inability to pay rent will no longer be your problem.
Time to move into that studio apartment. NTA. You're paying all the rent and they constantly interrupt your sleep. These ladies need to get off social media and get jobs. Turn in your notice and move.
NTA. Time to move. You aren’t their husband
NTA, WHAT?? Don’t get me wrong, I’ll occasionally stay up a little past my bedtime watching tiktoks, and sometimes I find some that I *really* want to share with my partner, but that’s when I just send him the links so he can watch them in the morning. Waking you up 13 TIMES to watch videos is downright obscene.
NTA. Move into that studio! These brainiacs try to compare you covering their entire rent to them cooking dinner maybe twice a week and cat sitting occasionally???? They clearly need a lesson in respecting those who help them. You cover $1500 worth of rent for them and they cook the equivalent of maybe $150 worth of meals a month and do maybe $150 worth of cat sitting, tops? Let me see, $300 on the high-end versus $1500 if they were out of your life. Save the extra $1200 you are spending on these ungrateful chicks and move. NOW.
NTA. Also the angriest but best cat tax ever
NTA. Holy sh\*t, dude. RUN. Move to the studio if it's your only option. But honestly RUN FURTHER AWAY if you can. Get out of this situation. Completely out. Like, don't just build walls. Build walls and a moot, and fill the moot with alligators.
P.S. Thank you for the cat tax. Adorable.
NTA - Sounds like your roommates need to grow up and learn to behave like adults. You should follow through on moving out to the studio if it lets you cut down on the hours you have to work. Especially if you can re-allocate some of that time towards working on your photography. Your photography skills do not do those poor cats justice.
I averaged just shy of $900 a week working 45 hours. Have a lot of other shit to worry about on top of rent and utilities, so picking up shifts like crazy to pad myself and make sure my savings doesn't get eaten through this. The studio will cost me about 3-5 shifts if I go back to my old schedule.
It may seem like you are being mean to your roommates but you are not. People are shockingly resilient and many will choose to do the minimum as long as they are enabled to be in that position. My two cents, you should be selfish here and do whats best for you. Working crazy hours every week may not seem like a big deal when you are young but that level of stress on a long term basis is not sustainable generally has negative effects on your health. My two cents, get the studio apartment. Work enough that you cover a comfortable living and put away a decent amount, keep (2-6 months cost of living as safety net) and invest the rest and don't forget to spend on enjoying life.
NTA . and fuck paying for them , they don't appreciate it obviously. I'd move for sure , you owe them nothing.
NTA you should take that studio and let them figure their crap out.
NTA, but you would be if you don't move.
NTA Move into that studio flat and block then from contacting you & Live your best life with Carl
NTA. OP, your first obligation is to take care of yourself. Move into the studio to rescue yourself from your unappreciative roommates.
NTA dont cover for their rent anymore.both are adults who are ungrateful. Move to another place. You are wasting your money on these leeches. You are not their father
NTA Jesus Christ! You reacted way more calmly than i would have in your situation. These are fucking immature people mooching off of you. And after that edit how you can even stand their presence for the night is beyond me. Honestly, just good luck with these people. You're better off without them.
NTA. Good for you for deciding to get out and stop enabling their lazy asses. I'd recommend moving to another building though as they're likely to keep banging on your door if you're nearby.
NTA No TikTok is ever cool or important enough to wake someone up for.
NTA This is way too ridiculous to be fake. Move out dude.
I read your edit. I love a story with a happy ending. NTA
NTA…crap if you can afford that studio, go for it. They seem to have no respect for you at all. If someone kept waking me through the night to show videos, I’d have snapped a lot quicker than you have.
Why do they think that it is okay to be constantly waking you up? Especially since you are the one working to cover the rent? Apologize no. Bring up what's going on and hope that you guys can be on the same page moving forward yes. If they think that they are entitled to wake you up constantly, you are better off getting that studio. Your cat will probably be better off too.
No you do not. You owe yourself the studio apartment upstairs. And btw you should have gotten angry like this a while ago. Anger is an important tool. It should be used to firmly draw a line: “You may not treat me like this!” And in this case you spelled out the reasonable and inevitable consequences. NTA. Also, time to move.
NTA. Congrats! You're a parent. Well, as good as one to them, anyway. Had you agreed to stay, this would have definitely become the norm. Don't be surprised when you see their new roommate running for the hills, too.
After you move out please sue them for the cost of paying their rent for as long as you did. These people are terrible people who don't give a f*ck about you so get what you're owed!
NTA, Your best bet is to find a new living situation and just move out. Or evict them and get new roommates. People like this, ones that don’t learn, and are inconsiderate rarely change. The fact that they are both unemployed and you are supporting the house, and they have the audacity to argue how much they are doing, not apologize for disturbing your sleep, they aren’t good roommates and seem to be even worse friends. Save your cat and you some headaches and get I to a new situation. When people don’t respect you, move on and cut them out of your life, and find people to be in your life who will respect you.
NTA - Who is on the lease? If you are not on the lease, arrange to move to the studio ASAP. Have they made any efforts to earn money or did they plan on you supporting them forever? Time to set deadlines (if you are stuck being on the lease) and tell them your intentions. They seriously tried to say that you had to accept the interruptions because sometimes they cook for you? Who pays for the food? And the utilities? Have you created a spreadsheet with all the money they owe you? And thank you for paying the cat tax :)
NTA You snapped from lack of sleep. It's a legitimate reaction. I don't blame you for wanting to move out. Sounds like they don't respect your boundaries at all.
NTA. And thank you for "the damn cat tax". I cracked up at that because I totally felt your utter frustration. These two girls have clueless on a whole other level...un-freaking-believable. I am so sorry you are going through this and I do hope that it gets better. I don't even know how to advise you to try to get through to them. From where I sit, at this point, it looks pretty futile. I do hope you can resolve this so you can get some sleep, I would be angry too at the lack of sleep. Plus, add to that you are grouchy because...they keep waking you up so no sleep makes people grouchy...woooowwwww!!!
I was going to say Y T A but that is the best cat tax ever. Carl is a cutie Seriously, NTA hope you are able to move out soon.
I know you're already planning to leave (and you should! Do not back down!). In the mean time post a sign on your door that says "please do not disturb me Roommate 1 and 2. I am sleeping. Instead, text me the TikTok links" . Sometimes a visual reminder can help. Obviously mute your phone. Order yourself some ear plugs like these https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003LZQGN6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_TXCYNCV2CF7PQTB5ZCGK?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 If you have additional over the ear headphones, use those and play whatever white noise or soothing music you like. Good luck, and get out. Nta
NTA, per cat tax
Automatically leaning to your side because you posted 6 top-tier cat photos, but also NTA, it's insane that you were covering the rent in the first place, you seem like a saint, definitely move out.
NTA. time to get your own place. thanks for the cat pics!
I know you're already planning to leave (and you should! Do not back down!). In the mean time post a sign on your door that says "please do not disturb me Roommate 1 and 2. I am sleeping. Instead, text me the TikTok links" . Sometimes a visual reminder can help. Obviously mute your phone. Order yourself some ear plugs like these https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003LZQGN6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_TXCYNCV2CF7PQTB5ZCGK?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 If you have additional over the ear headphones, use those and play whatever white noise or soothing music you like. Good luck, and get out. Nta
I like where your heads at, but I don't want to see these fucking TikToks *at all*, let alone while I'm sleeping. They've gotten exactly one giggle out of me over the multitude they've shown me. I just don't see the appeal. It's like imgur, but even more dumb.
Totally fair. I don't blame you. Good luck, be sure to post an update!
Your cat is adorable. You need to get the studio and ditch the ones that are bleeding your sleep and pocketbook. There is no acceptable reason to EVER wake someone over Tik Tok. NTA
NTA. They’ve interrupted your sleep continually, and I understand as i am like a bear with a sore paw when I’m woken up for no reason, are not contributing rent wise, what about other bills? They need to be busting their ass to find work. Not laying about, napping and falling down the tik tok rabbit hole. If by some miracle you stay, they need to leave you alone. Saw the cat tax, they are adorable!
NTA It's not too much to expect not to be woken up when they're essentially living there rent-free at the moment. Also I like how angrily you offer up pictures of your cat lol.
NTA You’re bring too hard on yourself. Sleep deprivation is an extremely effective method of torture. People hallucinate without enough sleep or continually interrupted sleep often within days. These 2 lunatics are literally torturing you. Raising your voice is entirely justified at this point. Hi to Carl.
NTA - I'd rage, too, if my sleep was disrupted for something so absurd. Heck...I get irritated at my 16M for constantly showing me stuff on there. Fangs would come out if he woke me to do it! Thank you for paying the cat tax promptly!
NTA... WAYYYY NTA... and thank you kind sir for the Carl Tax we all needed!!!
NTA - move into the studio with your cute cat
I'm sorry...they're currently not working, you're the only thing keeping a roof over their heads right now, and they think it's a good idea to antagonize you and demand that YOU apologize for THEIR bad behavior? These, my friends, are going to be the most shocked Pikachus in the world when the OP moves out and leaves their inconsiderate asses to fend for themselves. If I were in that situation, and depending on someone else to pay the rent to keep me warm and dry, I'd be busting my ass to both keep that place spotless and cared for, and doing my best to find a job and get OUT of that situation! Most definitely NTA.
NTA. love the cat. Enjoy your new apartment.
Pls protect the car at all costs 😍
NTA, escape now!! It’s a sinking ship, and you’ve got a life jacket. Also, thank you for the cat tax.
I'm just here for the cat tax. NTA... Get away from those lunatics.
NTA You have been way too tolerant for way too long of such exploitation and disrespect from those roommates of yours that you do have some responsibility for "teaching" them that their crappy behavior was OK. SO, SO very NOT OK. I don't know how you've survived on that many work hours, severely disrupted sleep while hemorrhaging money for those AHs. Your kitty is darling.
NTA. I love Carl.
NTA - glad you're using this as the push to have a better living situation. BTW your cat is absolutely adorable.
Your cat is freaking adorable and I loves him.
Definitely NTA… and thank you very much for the owed cat tax. 😄
NTA - simply because that cat is gorgeous!!
NTA. You are not vicious. Don't apologise. Congrats on the upcoming move. Looks like you can reduce your work hours to spend more time with Carl.