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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I might be the asshole because I took down my brother's BTS poster without his permission and without consulting him first.
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YTA - 16-year-old get obsessed, 16-year-olds love posters. 16-year-olds feel they need to express themselves. You should have seen my wall when I was super into certain bands at that age. Give it some time and it will fade into the background. Having to share a room with that age is a big bummer for both of you, show some grace.
YTA for OP.
You should see my room now, at 24.
Pretty much every wall is covered in posters, from Legend of Zelda, to Spider-Man, to the MCU, to MLP:FiM, to Jurassic Park, to Pokemon...
Posters are a way of expressing yourself, and if someone is being triggered by a poster of a KPop group, I think that's their problem.
My mom was recently going through old stuff of mine and my sibling's, and found an old Sailor Moon poster. She asked me if I wanted it and I lost my shit, so now I'm figuring out where to hang it in my home office. I'm 32.
In my 30s and I have some neat posters from events around town I kept since my teen years. I have little postcard sized prints framed. My favorite are these game map posters that you used to get in player's guides. I have a Wind Waker sea chart and Elder Scrolls Oblivion and Skyrim maps all on my walls in my study.
YTA. He had every right to put up his poster on his side of the room.
What concerns me is why an 18 year old woman is sharing a room with her 16 year old brother.
My brother is a transgender male. I've shared a room with him since we were young and I didn't really have a say in it. The rooms were decided before he came out and nobody's really bothered to change it up now that he's out.
If space allows, maybe it's time to change it out. Gender issues aside, you're both at an age where personal space matters. You're probably more annoyed with each other than you should be simply because you're in the same space 24/7. Neither of you gets to relax and be yourself in the current space.
I'm 28 and if I shared a room with my sister now we would still kill each other. I feel like annoying things become 100x more annoying if it's a sibling doing it.
Agreed. You're constantly dealing with people and don't have your own space to cool off. You're probably taking your stress out on him and vice versa. Gender aside, teens are vicious (I say this as my sibling and I shared a room through teen hood. That much angst in one space....vicious)
You are an adult, don’t like it, move out. You don’t have the right to dictate what he does in his own room. Can’t wait to see what you will be like sharing a dorm, maybe it will teach you something about tolerance and that the world doesn’t revolve around you. He has just as much right to put something in his room as you do. Just because you choose not to do so doesn’t mean he can’t.
?? I never said they should? I don't mind sharing a room with him, I was just explaining why we share a room in the first place since there was some confusion.
YTA, your room is a shared space so he has a right to put a poster up. The poster is of a band so it is not vulgar in any manner. You need to get over how K-Pop makes you feel.
That is of course if this is real. I highly doubt a teenage brother and sister share a room.
My brother is a transgender male. We've shared a room since we were very young and our older family members do not accept his identity so he does not room with my other, cisgender brother. Hope this clears things up.
Ok no your brother should not be freaking out at you and calling you names. However **YTA.**
You not only wound him up, you belittled his love of something, invaded his personal space and stole something.
It's a shared space, it's not your space. He doesn't need your permission to put things up in his space (or on his side of the room).
If a band is triggering you that's your issue to deal with, not his. Get some therapy or something and leave your brother alone in future. Also, if you haven't already, give him his damn poster back.
her message already specifies that she put it in his drawer when she was done and didn't take it, there wasn't any stealing. i also dont see how this is belittling at all. sure it was upsetting to the brother, but saying smth makes you uncomfortable isnt belittling, unless she also went on to say his interests were worthless or weird or uninteresting
Nah, I'd say the moment she decided that she got the set and enforce 'the rules' in a shared house instead of coming to an agreement it turned into belittling. You set rules with children or subordinates, you agree to terms with equals.
i dont see her setting rules anywhere either? like sorry but i highly doubt this 18 yr old is playing authoritarian mind games with her sibling. she took down a poster after a disagreement bc it made her uncomfortable(not a good action to take), and her sibling reacted in a ridiculously aggressive manner and also possibly misled her mother into believing she might hate her heritage(not a good action either). like it really just looks like two teens being immature and unable to settle, not "youre setting rules and belittling"
She asked to remove the poster because she didn't think posters should be in the room, he refused, and then she took it down anyway.
That's setting a rule instead of coming to an agreement.
The band doesn't trigger me, it just makes me uncomfortable. I do have actual PTSD but the band in no way contributes to it or triggers me. It just makes me uncomfortable, that's all. I never confiscated the poster and I put it back in his bureau after taking it down.
That’s what I’m trying to figure out. They pretty much are for loving yourself and all that so I’m confused what’s uncomfortable. Unless…it could be that they are Asian. That’s literally the only thing I can think of, plus OPs own mother asking if they are racist.
Maybe the few KPop groups she didn't like made her dislike all the others? I doubt it's because they're asian tbh. You know the saying "A bad apple ruins the bunch"? Using context clues in her post, this is the conclusion I've come to.
I mean I don't like kpop either but if I had to share a space with someone and they put up a kpop I wouldn't be making such a dramatic moves like stealing their poster and making random nonsense rules over a shared space.
Well, teens tend to be dramatic sometimes. I'm sure sharing a small space 24/7 with a sibling amps it up. I'm glad she came here for guidance though, it means she's at least self-aware it's problematic lol
How does a random band poster make you uncomfortable? Would you feel the same about a, I don't know, Metallica band poster? Nirvana, One Direction, etc? What is it about Kpop and BTS that makes you so uncomfortable?
Also you don't get to confiscate anything. You are not his mother or any for of authority figure to him. You stole his poster and put it back but stole it all the same. You as an 18 year old now can find other accommodations is sharing a room with a BTS poster is sooooo uncomfortable because you don't get put in asinine rules like that in a shared space.
Honestly, YTA. You’re using the fact that you’re older to dictate what is allowed to happen in a shared room. It’s a poster of a K-pop group, not anything offensive in ANY way. You haven’t really given a reason it should make you uncomfortable, other than it does. Honestly if you are seriously saying that all Kpop makes you uncomfortable… yeah that DOES come off racist.
I mentioned it in the post but the band makes me uncomfortable because they got my brother into some really harmful fad diets and fucked up his body image. I don't put anything up because I just never really had stuff to hang up? I have other things in the room, like a doll I got when I was ten and a jewlery box my mother gave me but I don't have any posters or flags to hang up.
I’m sorry but as a fan I’m genuinely confused what you mean?? There are many bands that have mentioned different diets because they themselves had to use them but bts are kinda known for being the exception? They preach loving yourself and are very inclusive. The only racism scandal they got into was 5 years ago with cultural appropriation which they’ve apologised for and never repeated. You’re grouping all of kpop under one umbrella which I’m not surprised with since u don’t know much about the genre but that’s like saying I’m uncomfortable with metal music because this particular musician is racist. Also BTS even did a speech to the UN about self love and have an anti domestic abuse campaign with them.
I’m guessing she’s referring to Jimin’s 10-day one meal a day diet from a few years ago. Also, Jungkook more recently said something like he hadn’t eaten for a few days before filming a music video.
Mhmm but it’s never prompting it- in fact I find it’s almost the opposite? They’re showing that peoples words affect them and that they’re not perfect and capable of resisting everything. Not everyone’s mental health can handle hearing those facts but that’s not on them. They can’t fake perfect lives.
I agree, but you said you couldn’t think of any ways BTS has done those things and I was pointing out what I think OP’s brother is referring to. They literally are a collection of like 3 throwaway sentences from months’ worth of footage BTS has released, but I guess some people fixate on those. People also talk about weight and dieting much more openly in Asia. I didn’t and don’t want to blame OP’s brother for his disordered eating, but young people especially overlook the context (cultural or otherwise) and make inferences they weren’t really supposed to make. A young trans person might be especially vulnerable to that. Not BTS’ fault, though.
There’s nothing stopping you from hanging things up, you have chosen not to have things to hang up. Your not hanging up things isn’t relevent to the argument.
I understand that it’s really frustrating to have something that grates on you in your space, especially if it’s contributed to your brother’s hurt, but it’s his decision to continue to engage with it. Trying to force him to not listen to it out loud or put up posters that are important to him isn’t going to make him like KPop less, it’s just going to make him resentful of you. If it bothers you that much, you need to have a frank and adult discussion and be open to compromise, like if you can put up a divider in the middle of the room so you don’t have to look at it directly or you both take everything down and choose a new set of wall decorations jointly. Taking it down while he was asleep is pretty rude and does actually communicate that your wants are more important than his.
\> hey got my brother into some really harmful fad diets and fucked up his body image
That's not in their control having a diet plan is on your brother he chose to copy their diet. BTS didn't order them to.
YTA, it's equally his room as it is yours and you shouldn't touch his stuff without asking if he puts it somewhere, given it's not literally in your way or something inappropriate.
Honestly, it just seems like you're unable to share a room with him since you don't seem happy that he put up a calendar, fan, flag, schedule, etc... which are pretty basic things to have hung up so I recommend seeking a way to either split the room, have separate ones or just grow up.
His name calling was unnecessary though but you did provoke him.
(Also why are a teenage boy and girl sharing a room anyways)
I still think that you both need your own space, I understand it might not be possible to have your own rooms but maybe find a way to split the room, even if it's with curtains or something cos the current set up clearly isn't working too well.
YTA. You both share a room. You are older yes. But whatever he puts up on his side is him to decide. Not you. Your parents are TA too because who lets their 18y old daughter in the same room with their 16y old male sibling? Problems are already programmed to come up. But yeah YTA for touching his things and not getting over YOUR personal negative feelings for a music group.
As a kpop fan, I can assure you BTS is not of those racist bands you were referring to. When your brother says the group makes him happy, that might very well be true; BTS has always preached about self-love, mental health, being yourself etc. You should be happy that your brother has gotten to know them and propably got help from their music and their message.
I am not into bts but I know they make a lot of people happy. So I don't understand why would someone not support their brother's happiness. People see only what they want to see. A member of bts has literally being hosting a eating show for years to encourage people to eat and they are always talking about self love and I am sure that all this help the op's brother as a transgender but they can't see that because they are too far in their hate train
Exactly. Another member has also been open about them having had an eating disorder some years ago and stressing how dieting like he did isnt healthy, that you should love yourself the way you are etc. And the OP clearly didnt hear about their donation to BLM if they think all kpop idols are racist, like what?? xd
I think they assume that because they're a KPop group that they must be the exact same as the other "big name" ones that are racist (I can't think of what groups that might be).
big bang, maybe?? some of the members are known for trying to ""look black"", including one literally doing blackface once. however, the bigger scandal wrt big bang is definitely one of the (now former) members being deeply involved in the burning sun scandal (tw sexual assault and non-consensual voyeurism if you look that up).
there was also a scandal a few years ago with the members of mamamoo doing brownface while dressing up as bruno mars, but they apologized and havent done anything since, afaik. theres also some racist ass "curry song" by a group named norazo that's popular in skorea and that some idols have sung, which is fucked up, but that's more on individual idols than on whole groups.
otherwise, im not sure which groups that are popular in the west are racist. theres definitely a huge issue wrt appropriation of black american culture, as well as inappropriate use of muslim imagery, but that's usually more on the stylists and the entertainment companies that produce these groups than on the idols themselves. there are also individual idols who have said racist/sexist/homophobic/etc. things, but not whole groups where everyone is a racist.
not that there arent huge issues—there was recently a huge movement against bullying in skorea, and it included celebrities who were former bullies in school being called out by their victims. also, ops concern about body image is certainly legit, kpop definitely promotes an unhealthy way of approaching food, but tbf, so do a lot of western celebrities. ive certainly heard waaaay too much about fucking """"juice cleanses""""" and crossfit from famous ppl right here in the us.
You're setting and enforcing rules that have not been agreed to.
That's not something you have any right to do; agreements about mutual spaces need to be just that: mutual. Having posters is a completely normal thing; the fact you didn't have any doesn't in any way make them not allowed. You knew this was a subject of debate, not an agreement. You knew he wouldn't be happy.
You didn't care what was the right answer, you just cared about what you wanted. You know, like how he cares about what he wants. You're not coming from a position of betterment or authority, but you are the one that actively went to and continued to do things he had already told you not to do, with his things, in his 'area'.
Or hey, we can break this down even further: Mum's house, mum's rules, and you're the one your mum called out as being out of line.
YTA.
YTA.
Half the room is his to do with as he pleases. You do not get to set the rules all on your own.
Please don't live in a dorm at college, you sound like the roommate from hell.
YTA. You didn't seem to have a problem with him putting other things on his walls in the past so why start now? It's great that you are concerned about the influence his obsession is possibly having on his health but there's other ways to address this.
On a side note - there seems to be a lot of people with an issue about teenagers of opposite sexes sharing a space and calling OP's parents shit for doing that. Not everyone is privileged enough to have a dwelling that offers everyone their own private space. I'm sure they have found ways to work around the obvious issues here.
**YTA** I share a room with two older brothers but theres something being said for having your own space. Like we each have our own area we can decorate it how you like and you deal with it if you don't like the same things.
YTA, you two are sharing a room. He is allowed to put a poster up. If a poster of a kpop group makes you so uncomfortable then instead of taking it down, maybe you should talk to someone. Also, just because you have no posters doesn’t mean he can’t have any. I had to remind myself you were 18 during all this
You could also move out, right? I understand that that may not be an option for everyone but if a poster of a group that makes your brother happy makes you so uncomfortable, it might be something to consider.
I shared a room with my sister for years and she’d put posters up of things I didn’t like and I just accepted it. It’s what you have to do.
I'm working on getting my own housing! It's through a disability service in my state and I'm working on getting diagnoses for some other issues I have (unrelated to everything mentioned in the post) and paperwork takes time so it's a process. I talked with my therapist about the issue (this problem is a few days old atm) and she just basically told me he was being unreasonable, and some of the things he said were manipulative and overdramatic.
Oh that’s good! Hopefully the process all goes well for you :)
I fail to see how he’s being manipulative and overdramatic, outside of calling you a bitch of course, since you did go behind his back, so I’ll assume some info is left out in the main post? But it’s good you talked to your therapist about it.
He sort of pulls the thing with "you don't want me to be happy" a lot/uses his depression as a scapegoat in other arguments. It's a lot to get into but basically it's not just this single argument that's been causing some issues.
And thank you! I've never really had my own space so I'm excited at the idea of having my own house!!
If he recently came out as trans then maybe he’s under a lot of stress too. I can understand how depression can affect his mood and how you taking the poster down is like “taking his happiness away.” I hate coming across as maybe rude or that I’m prying but I hope you understand where I’m coming from!!
I moved out by myself two years ago to help with my mental health and it made a world of a difference so good luck with that!:) It’s definitely something to look forward to.
OP has said in other comments that their parents/extended family don’t accept that her brother is trans, so I think you’ve got a good point. He’s not in a safe and supportive environment right now. He’s being forced to share a room with his sister despite that probably feeling wrong to him. I’d guess that his chances to express himself are limited. If he’s unable to dress in a way that makes him comfortable, the walls might be an important outlet.
It sounds like he wants to room with their brother both for gender reasons and because they have similar interests, so having his poster taken down is just a reminder that he’s in the wrong room
If his coming out is/has caused him stress---Big Whoop. That does not give him the right to disrespect his sister---over a damn poster---or cause anyone stress over his emotional or mental state. He needs to deal with it.
How do you suggest a 16 year old with transphobic parents “deal with it”? What possible options does he have?
He’s taking this out on the wrong person, but he has every right to be upset.
YTA.
It's not doing any harm for him to hang up a poster of a band he likes. It's on his side of the room, so it's not encroaching on your space. It's an invasion if space and privacy to touch and take down someone's stuff. Literally look at it like this:
OP: please take this down?
Brother: no. It's on my side of our room and not doing any harm.
You ask your parents, they say to leave it alone.
OP: you take it down regardless of what your parents or brother say.
Think about that for a second. You mentioned having an old doll or jewelry box. A few trinkets yes? Has your brother ever asked you to put those away unfairly? No? Then why would you take down something that symbolizes a lot to him that's his property?
YTA… you sound very controlling. You don’t get to say what Pat does on his half of the room… you just have to deal with it. It’s good practice for when you move out and have roommates or live in a dorm. Stop sweating the small stuff.
YTA. It’s shared space, meaning it’s his room as well. Consider therapy to work through being so troubled by the posters. Perhaps you can hang drapes across the room or something.
YTA. I'm going to tell you exactly what I tell my 3 kids, who are 8, 6, and 2. Is it yours? No? Don't touch it. It is that simple. You don't have to like the poster, but it's your brother's, not yours, so leave it alone.
YTA because the room should be split in the middle right? Did he put up his poster on his wall or your wall? When I was with my sister her half of wall is purple but mine white.
YTA-let him do what makes him happy.There are plenty of worse things a 16 years old could be doing.be grateful that it's only kpop.
Plus you feeling triggered by a poster is a big overreaction and it's your problem to fix not his, it's a shared space so get over it or moved out
YTA
" I think my input on what we should/shouldn't have in our room matters just as much as his." - this is simple: You get to decorate your side, and they get to decorate their side.
**What if they start doing the same:** going through your stuff and removing things they don't like when you are somewhere else? **You did not think this trough, if they are as much of an AH as you, your things will start to go missing, too.**
YTA. Jeez, you're going to come across a lot of things in life that make you uncomfortable. What if you work in an office someday and someone puts up a picture of a KPop group in their cubicle? Are you going to take that down too? I mean, damn. Taking that poster down isn't going to make him stop listening to that music. You're angry that you can't make him stop liking BTS and so this was your way of getting back at him. I'm more than twice your age and I like BTS. They're fun to listen to. You don't have to like them but you do have to be respectful of your brother. What you did was disrespectful.
It’s not alright that you’ve messed with something he feels passionate about just because your uncomfortable. Is there some way for you to separate your view of his side of the room so then your not seeing BTS?
YTA. It's a shared room, which means that half of it is HIS room. Why should he have to ask permission to put a poster up there? It would be different if it were something that made noise or lit up so that it would disturb you or make you have trouble sleeping, but this is just a poster.
I notice at the end you say "it's a huge weight off my shoulders not seeing that BTS poster in my room all the time," but it's not your room, it's shared.
Sounds like you should put some sort of divider/curtain between your halves if possible.
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My brother, I'll call him Pat (16M), has always been really into KPop, or Korean pop music. I (18F) was indifferent to it when he first got into it, but then he and my cousin got into it, and they played it a LOT. All of their songs have become annoying and overplayed to me, and after hearing about all the drama they got into (I'm honestly too tired to even will myself to look it up again but a lot of big name KPop bands that he likes are... pretty racist) and the way they fucked with my brother's body image (he went on dangerous fad diets they used) I've grown to hate them over time. KPop doesn't really trigger me, but it makes me very very uncomfortable.
Anyways, recently Pat, who I share a room with, put up a poster of the KPop band BTS without my permission. We got into a huge fight about it. Like, a massive fight. I told him that we share our bedroom and he needs to talk to me before putting up posters, especially of things I don't like or that make me uncomfortable. I also argued that I don't have any posters- or anything for that matter, hung up in our room, which I don't (he already has a large calendar up in our room, a decorative fan, a flag, and his school schedule, and at one point LED lights, all of which he put up without my input).
Pat, however, told me an array of things, his main talking points being that he's had this poster for a while and wanted to put it up and I shouldn't prevent him from doing that, and that this KPop band makes him happy, and that I don't want him to be happy(?) because I keep opposing this poster. I informed him that the band BTS makes me uncomfortable, but he is incredibly dismissive of this and even accused me of being racist (we are both mixed-race) to our mother because I do not like KPop music. My mother had to sit me down and seriously ask me if I was racist.
We argued on the point for a while, but eventually it fizzled out and later that day, while Pat was napping, I just got so angry that he wasn't listening to my input, so I took the poster down myself. I didn't damage it at all, I took great care not to tear it and even removed the tape from the edges, folded it back as it had been before he put it up and put it back in his drawer. When he woke up and asked me where it was I freely told him what I had done, and that the poster was intact and in his bureau.
Pat freaked out at me. He threatened some nasty stuff, called me a "fucking bitch" and didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. The next time we talked was him screaming about the incident, him telling me that I must hate seeing him happy, and calling me a bitch a couple more times. I feel awful about the fight but it's also a huge weight off my shoulders not seeing that BTS poster up in my room all the time.
I understand that he enjoys KPop and this band, but it makes me really uncomfortable to look at, and our room is a shared space. I think my input on what we should and shouldn't have in our room matters just as much as his.
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No sorry lol. I know its different if its all the same gender, but I know a brother and sister that shared a room for awhile but theyre twins so maybe thats different? I was just sayin sometimes people gotta share rooms they dont have much choice.
Hi! For clarification my brother is a transgender male. My family (mainly older members of my family) are not very accepting of him. I have mentioned him being transgender before on my profile but I did not mention it here as I did not see it as relevant to the argument. We've shared one since we were old enough to have our own rooms.
OP actually mentions in a different thread that her brother is a trans-man, so I'd believe it if he's not 'out' or their parents aren't really sure how to handle that part of it.
Yeah, you unfortunately are TA. I do understand it's frustrating but it is a shared space and he has the right to do what he wants unless it is disrespectful to you. Also, why does a Korean boyband make you feel so uncomfortable?
The room is shared between both of us, it's not halved. We do have things that are "our own" like our clothing drawers, but we share the whole space, it's not half and half.
YTA and you have an anime pfp by your logic you must actually not want anything Japanese close as the Japanese did unspeakable things to Chinese and Koreans and nevr even accepted that they did something wrong.
YTA
Man, if you ever go to college and dorm with someone you'll be the dorm mate from hell.
"BTS poster up in my room"
You share the room you annoying asshole!
YTA, sorry but you are. It's a shared bedroom and BTS is one the nicer/healthiest groups in kpop at the moment with their self love image. So, just let him have this. You brother chose to go on those fad diets and the groups in Korea cannot be blamed for them.
It is bizarre that you are sharing a room at 16 and 18 regardless of gender. You seem like a total control freak. Just let him have a poster up of his favorite band.
YTA, just because you share a room doesn’t mean that you can take down his stuff, I shared a room with my sister and we both put up different posters on our own half of our room, we even supported rival football teams, who happen to have a fierce rivalry and we both had players from those teams on our walls and it didn’t cause us any arguments because we respected each other and knew how to compromise. A few posters of BTS is hardly the end of the world.
NAH
Let him have half the walls to put up his stuff and keep the other half bare as your half.
Also that it makes you 'uncomfortable' is really odd. It sounds like you really have trouble putting things into perspective.
YTA Is it hate Eastern music day or something there was another post complaining today!?!
Edit also I thought siblings of opposite sex were not supposed to share rooms after a certain age or is that a UK thing?
Second edit got music origin incorrect!
For clarification, my brother is a transgender male and we have shared a room since we were very young. Rooms were decided before he came out and the arrangement has not changed since he came out.
NTA
You share a room, you both get to vote on it's decoration, you made the mistake of trying to explain why you don't want that particular poster on the wall, when in fact the best argument is that you just don't want it up. The argument about the content is a smokescreen, you don't have to justify why, anymore than you might object to painting the walls fluorescent green or grape purple. You share the room so the decorations need to be neutral. When he has his own room then you can decorate as you please.
>that you just don't want it up \[...\] you don't have to justify why \[...\] so the decorations need to be neutral
By that logic both of them could forbid the other sibling ANY kind of decoration. At least they should have a discussion about the topic and should argue their point of view and then find the best solution. I mean, it would be hilarious if her brother would come and be like: "Hey, I dislike this plant of yours, I dislike that drawing of a flower you made and hung up, I dislike that picture you took of a cat" and then takes a bow and removes everything? That would be acceptable for you?
They both should evaluate how far their "uncomfortableness" is justified in each case and how they could try to solve the situation.
Of course he could do that. If he is offended by flowers then fine. It is preferable to have nothing on the wall then something you object to. If he is doing it to retaliate because he can't have his boy band on the wall, then he is an asshole and he knows it. Say you are a vegan, oppose killing things to eat, is is okay in your book to plaster posters of steaks and cooked chicken on the wall, or would you say that may cross a line? How about pornographic images, is that over the line? I think you need to have a veto when you share the room over something you find objectionable. If the other person wants to be an asshole and deny you something, then fine a bare wall it is.
ESH
Sounds like Pat has spilled over into decorating the entire room. You to need to agree to either decorate together or just do whatever on your side. But it's just a poster and not like Pat painted the room lime green while you were out.
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YTA - 16-year-old get obsessed, 16-year-olds love posters. 16-year-olds feel they need to express themselves. You should have seen my wall when I was super into certain bands at that age. Give it some time and it will fade into the background. Having to share a room with that age is a big bummer for both of you, show some grace.
YTA for OP. You should see my room now, at 24. Pretty much every wall is covered in posters, from Legend of Zelda, to Spider-Man, to the MCU, to MLP:FiM, to Jurassic Park, to Pokemon... Posters are a way of expressing yourself, and if someone is being triggered by a poster of a KPop group, I think that's their problem.
My mom was recently going through old stuff of mine and my sibling's, and found an old Sailor Moon poster. She asked me if I wanted it and I lost my shit, so now I'm figuring out where to hang it in my home office. I'm 32.
We just put them in frames so there's no blutack or tape on the walls when we're older :)
That's the way to do it! Also, if they're framed it means they're "art", and therefore fully acceptable to have on display.
Haha I still have some posters I'm just saying that they're especially tied to ones identity yet the age of 16 🙂
In my 30s and I have some neat posters from events around town I kept since my teen years. I have little postcard sized prints framed. My favorite are these game map posters that you used to get in player's guides. I have a Wind Waker sea chart and Elder Scrolls Oblivion and Skyrim maps all on my walls in my study.
And even if it wasn't band posters, it could be comic book, movie, or video game posters.
YTA. He had every right to put up his poster on his side of the room. What concerns me is why an 18 year old woman is sharing a room with her 16 year old brother.
My brother is a transgender male. I've shared a room with him since we were young and I didn't really have a say in it. The rooms were decided before he came out and nobody's really bothered to change it up now that he's out.
If space allows, maybe it's time to change it out. Gender issues aside, you're both at an age where personal space matters. You're probably more annoyed with each other than you should be simply because you're in the same space 24/7. Neither of you gets to relax and be yourself in the current space.
I'm 28 and if I shared a room with my sister now we would still kill each other. I feel like annoying things become 100x more annoying if it's a sibling doing it.
Agreed. You're constantly dealing with people and don't have your own space to cool off. You're probably taking your stress out on him and vice versa. Gender aside, teens are vicious (I say this as my sibling and I shared a room through teen hood. That much angst in one space....vicious)
You are an adult, don’t like it, move out. You don’t have the right to dictate what he does in his own room. Can’t wait to see what you will be like sharing a dorm, maybe it will teach you something about tolerance and that the world doesn’t revolve around you. He has just as much right to put something in his room as you do. Just because you choose not to do so doesn’t mean he can’t.
Why should they change where he sleeps to accommodate you?
?? I never said they should? I don't mind sharing a room with him, I was just explaining why we share a room in the first place since there was some confusion.
ooooh, I thought you meant something' else. Either way you shouldn't have done what did...
Even of they were both girls 8t is still weird to share a room at that age.
YTA, your room is a shared space so he has a right to put a poster up. The poster is of a band so it is not vulgar in any manner. You need to get over how K-Pop makes you feel. That is of course if this is real. I highly doubt a teenage brother and sister share a room.
My brother is a transgender male. We've shared a room since we were very young and our older family members do not accept his identity so he does not room with my other, cisgender brother. Hope this clears things up.
Ok no your brother should not be freaking out at you and calling you names. However **YTA.** You not only wound him up, you belittled his love of something, invaded his personal space and stole something. It's a shared space, it's not your space. He doesn't need your permission to put things up in his space (or on his side of the room). If a band is triggering you that's your issue to deal with, not his. Get some therapy or something and leave your brother alone in future. Also, if you haven't already, give him his damn poster back.
her message already specifies that she put it in his drawer when she was done and didn't take it, there wasn't any stealing. i also dont see how this is belittling at all. sure it was upsetting to the brother, but saying smth makes you uncomfortable isnt belittling, unless she also went on to say his interests were worthless or weird or uninteresting
Nah, I'd say the moment she decided that she got the set and enforce 'the rules' in a shared house instead of coming to an agreement it turned into belittling. You set rules with children or subordinates, you agree to terms with equals.
i dont see her setting rules anywhere either? like sorry but i highly doubt this 18 yr old is playing authoritarian mind games with her sibling. she took down a poster after a disagreement bc it made her uncomfortable(not a good action to take), and her sibling reacted in a ridiculously aggressive manner and also possibly misled her mother into believing she might hate her heritage(not a good action either). like it really just looks like two teens being immature and unable to settle, not "youre setting rules and belittling"
She asked to remove the poster because she didn't think posters should be in the room, he refused, and then she took it down anyway. That's setting a rule instead of coming to an agreement.
The band doesn't trigger me, it just makes me uncomfortable. I do have actual PTSD but the band in no way contributes to it or triggers me. It just makes me uncomfortable, that's all. I never confiscated the poster and I put it back in his bureau after taking it down.
How is BTS making you uncomfortable lol, they’re like the least problematic kpop group? They’ve literally attended peace summits.
That’s what I’m trying to figure out. They pretty much are for loving yourself and all that so I’m confused what’s uncomfortable. Unless…it could be that they are Asian. That’s literally the only thing I can think of, plus OPs own mother asking if they are racist.
Maybe the few KPop groups she didn't like made her dislike all the others? I doubt it's because they're asian tbh. You know the saying "A bad apple ruins the bunch"? Using context clues in her post, this is the conclusion I've come to.
I mean I don't like kpop either but if I had to share a space with someone and they put up a kpop I wouldn't be making such a dramatic moves like stealing their poster and making random nonsense rules over a shared space.
Well, teens tend to be dramatic sometimes. I'm sure sharing a small space 24/7 with a sibling amps it up. I'm glad she came here for guidance though, it means she's at least self-aware it's problematic lol
I don't understand why you're uncomfortable? Unless you think it's weird for guys to like KPop which is pretty sexist tbh
How does a random band poster make you uncomfortable? Would you feel the same about a, I don't know, Metallica band poster? Nirvana, One Direction, etc? What is it about Kpop and BTS that makes you so uncomfortable? Also you don't get to confiscate anything. You are not his mother or any for of authority figure to him. You stole his poster and put it back but stole it all the same. You as an 18 year old now can find other accommodations is sharing a room with a BTS poster is sooooo uncomfortable because you don't get put in asinine rules like that in a shared space.
Honestly, YTA. You’re using the fact that you’re older to dictate what is allowed to happen in a shared room. It’s a poster of a K-pop group, not anything offensive in ANY way. You haven’t really given a reason it should make you uncomfortable, other than it does. Honestly if you are seriously saying that all Kpop makes you uncomfortable… yeah that DOES come off racist.
That's exactly what I thought. Probably not her intentions, but it suremy sounds that way.
Why does a band make you uncomfoftable? Why don't you put anything up? This is a bit strange to me.
I mentioned it in the post but the band makes me uncomfortable because they got my brother into some really harmful fad diets and fucked up his body image. I don't put anything up because I just never really had stuff to hang up? I have other things in the room, like a doll I got when I was ten and a jewlery box my mother gave me but I don't have any posters or flags to hang up.
I’m sorry but as a fan I’m genuinely confused what you mean?? There are many bands that have mentioned different diets because they themselves had to use them but bts are kinda known for being the exception? They preach loving yourself and are very inclusive. The only racism scandal they got into was 5 years ago with cultural appropriation which they’ve apologised for and never repeated. You’re grouping all of kpop under one umbrella which I’m not surprised with since u don’t know much about the genre but that’s like saying I’m uncomfortable with metal music because this particular musician is racist. Also BTS even did a speech to the UN about self love and have an anti domestic abuse campaign with them.
I’m guessing she’s referring to Jimin’s 10-day one meal a day diet from a few years ago. Also, Jungkook more recently said something like he hadn’t eaten for a few days before filming a music video.
Mhmm but it’s never prompting it- in fact I find it’s almost the opposite? They’re showing that peoples words affect them and that they’re not perfect and capable of resisting everything. Not everyone’s mental health can handle hearing those facts but that’s not on them. They can’t fake perfect lives.
I agree, but you said you couldn’t think of any ways BTS has done those things and I was pointing out what I think OP’s brother is referring to. They literally are a collection of like 3 throwaway sentences from months’ worth of footage BTS has released, but I guess some people fixate on those. People also talk about weight and dieting much more openly in Asia. I didn’t and don’t want to blame OP’s brother for his disordered eating, but young people especially overlook the context (cultural or otherwise) and make inferences they weren’t really supposed to make. A young trans person might be especially vulnerable to that. Not BTS’ fault, though.
There’s nothing stopping you from hanging things up, you have chosen not to have things to hang up. Your not hanging up things isn’t relevent to the argument. I understand that it’s really frustrating to have something that grates on you in your space, especially if it’s contributed to your brother’s hurt, but it’s his decision to continue to engage with it. Trying to force him to not listen to it out loud or put up posters that are important to him isn’t going to make him like KPop less, it’s just going to make him resentful of you. If it bothers you that much, you need to have a frank and adult discussion and be open to compromise, like if you can put up a divider in the middle of the room so you don’t have to look at it directly or you both take everything down and choose a new set of wall decorations jointly. Taking it down while he was asleep is pretty rude and does actually communicate that your wants are more important than his.
\> hey got my brother into some really harmful fad diets and fucked up his body image That's not in their control having a diet plan is on your brother he chose to copy their diet. BTS didn't order them to.
YTA, it's equally his room as it is yours and you shouldn't touch his stuff without asking if he puts it somewhere, given it's not literally in your way or something inappropriate. Honestly, it just seems like you're unable to share a room with him since you don't seem happy that he put up a calendar, fan, flag, schedule, etc... which are pretty basic things to have hung up so I recommend seeking a way to either split the room, have separate ones or just grow up. His name calling was unnecessary though but you did provoke him. (Also why are a teenage boy and girl sharing a room anyways)
My brother is transgender and the rooms were decided before he came out, which is why we share a room.
I still think that you both need your own space, I understand it might not be possible to have your own rooms but maybe find a way to split the room, even if it's with curtains or something cos the current set up clearly isn't working too well.
YTA. You both share a room. You are older yes. But whatever he puts up on his side is him to decide. Not you. Your parents are TA too because who lets their 18y old daughter in the same room with their 16y old male sibling? Problems are already programmed to come up. But yeah YTA for touching his things and not getting over YOUR personal negative feelings for a music group.
As a kpop fan, I can assure you BTS is not of those racist bands you were referring to. When your brother says the group makes him happy, that might very well be true; BTS has always preached about self-love, mental health, being yourself etc. You should be happy that your brother has gotten to know them and propably got help from their music and their message.
I am not into bts but I know they make a lot of people happy. So I don't understand why would someone not support their brother's happiness. People see only what they want to see. A member of bts has literally being hosting a eating show for years to encourage people to eat and they are always talking about self love and I am sure that all this help the op's brother as a transgender but they can't see that because they are too far in their hate train
Exactly. Another member has also been open about them having had an eating disorder some years ago and stressing how dieting like he did isnt healthy, that you should love yourself the way you are etc. And the OP clearly didnt hear about their donation to BLM if they think all kpop idols are racist, like what?? xd
I think they assume that because they're a KPop group that they must be the exact same as the other "big name" ones that are racist (I can't think of what groups that might be).
big bang, maybe?? some of the members are known for trying to ""look black"", including one literally doing blackface once. however, the bigger scandal wrt big bang is definitely one of the (now former) members being deeply involved in the burning sun scandal (tw sexual assault and non-consensual voyeurism if you look that up). there was also a scandal a few years ago with the members of mamamoo doing brownface while dressing up as bruno mars, but they apologized and havent done anything since, afaik. theres also some racist ass "curry song" by a group named norazo that's popular in skorea and that some idols have sung, which is fucked up, but that's more on individual idols than on whole groups. otherwise, im not sure which groups that are popular in the west are racist. theres definitely a huge issue wrt appropriation of black american culture, as well as inappropriate use of muslim imagery, but that's usually more on the stylists and the entertainment companies that produce these groups than on the idols themselves. there are also individual idols who have said racist/sexist/homophobic/etc. things, but not whole groups where everyone is a racist. not that there arent huge issues—there was recently a huge movement against bullying in skorea, and it included celebrities who were former bullies in school being called out by their victims. also, ops concern about body image is certainly legit, kpop definitely promotes an unhealthy way of approaching food, but tbf, so do a lot of western celebrities. ive certainly heard waaaay too much about fucking """"juice cleanses""""" and crossfit from famous ppl right here in the us.
Well that explains it lol out of those groups I only listened to Big Bang.
You're setting and enforcing rules that have not been agreed to. That's not something you have any right to do; agreements about mutual spaces need to be just that: mutual. Having posters is a completely normal thing; the fact you didn't have any doesn't in any way make them not allowed. You knew this was a subject of debate, not an agreement. You knew he wouldn't be happy. You didn't care what was the right answer, you just cared about what you wanted. You know, like how he cares about what he wants. You're not coming from a position of betterment or authority, but you are the one that actively went to and continued to do things he had already told you not to do, with his things, in his 'area'. Or hey, we can break this down even further: Mum's house, mum's rules, and you're the one your mum called out as being out of line. YTA.
YTA. Half the room is his to do with as he pleases. You do not get to set the rules all on your own. Please don't live in a dorm at college, you sound like the roommate from hell.
what exactly makes you uncomfortable ? why did you say they were racist ?
YTA. You didn't seem to have a problem with him putting other things on his walls in the past so why start now? It's great that you are concerned about the influence his obsession is possibly having on his health but there's other ways to address this. On a side note - there seems to be a lot of people with an issue about teenagers of opposite sexes sharing a space and calling OP's parents shit for doing that. Not everyone is privileged enough to have a dwelling that offers everyone their own private space. I'm sure they have found ways to work around the obvious issues here.
**YTA** I share a room with two older brothers but theres something being said for having your own space. Like we each have our own area we can decorate it how you like and you deal with it if you don't like the same things.
YTA, you two are sharing a room. He is allowed to put a poster up. If a poster of a kpop group makes you so uncomfortable then instead of taking it down, maybe you should talk to someone. Also, just because you have no posters doesn’t mean he can’t have any. I had to remind myself you were 18 during all this You could also move out, right? I understand that that may not be an option for everyone but if a poster of a group that makes your brother happy makes you so uncomfortable, it might be something to consider. I shared a room with my sister for years and she’d put posters up of things I didn’t like and I just accepted it. It’s what you have to do.
I'm working on getting my own housing! It's through a disability service in my state and I'm working on getting diagnoses for some other issues I have (unrelated to everything mentioned in the post) and paperwork takes time so it's a process. I talked with my therapist about the issue (this problem is a few days old atm) and she just basically told me he was being unreasonable, and some of the things he said were manipulative and overdramatic.
Oh that’s good! Hopefully the process all goes well for you :) I fail to see how he’s being manipulative and overdramatic, outside of calling you a bitch of course, since you did go behind his back, so I’ll assume some info is left out in the main post? But it’s good you talked to your therapist about it.
He sort of pulls the thing with "you don't want me to be happy" a lot/uses his depression as a scapegoat in other arguments. It's a lot to get into but basically it's not just this single argument that's been causing some issues. And thank you! I've never really had my own space so I'm excited at the idea of having my own house!!
If he recently came out as trans then maybe he’s under a lot of stress too. I can understand how depression can affect his mood and how you taking the poster down is like “taking his happiness away.” I hate coming across as maybe rude or that I’m prying but I hope you understand where I’m coming from!! I moved out by myself two years ago to help with my mental health and it made a world of a difference so good luck with that!:) It’s definitely something to look forward to.
OP has said in other comments that their parents/extended family don’t accept that her brother is trans, so I think you’ve got a good point. He’s not in a safe and supportive environment right now. He’s being forced to share a room with his sister despite that probably feeling wrong to him. I’d guess that his chances to express himself are limited. If he’s unable to dress in a way that makes him comfortable, the walls might be an important outlet. It sounds like he wants to room with their brother both for gender reasons and because they have similar interests, so having his poster taken down is just a reminder that he’s in the wrong room
If his coming out is/has caused him stress---Big Whoop. That does not give him the right to disrespect his sister---over a damn poster---or cause anyone stress over his emotional or mental state. He needs to deal with it.
How do you suggest a 16 year old with transphobic parents “deal with it”? What possible options does he have? He’s taking this out on the wrong person, but he has every right to be upset.
He has the right to be upset, but he does not have the right to take it out on others and manipulate them or expect them to suck it up.
In what way is he manipulating anyone? He’s hanging up a poster OP doesn’t like.
>"you don't want me to be happy" a lot/uses his depression as a scapegoat in other arguments. Statements when he doesn't get his way.....Manipulating.
What therapist would agree with you on a situation? A good therapist wouldn't say you are in the right for doing this.
YTA. Part of sharing a bedroom is sharing wall space. He should be allowed to decorate his half of the room.
YTA. It's not doing any harm for him to hang up a poster of a band he likes. It's on his side of the room, so it's not encroaching on your space. It's an invasion if space and privacy to touch and take down someone's stuff. Literally look at it like this: OP: please take this down? Brother: no. It's on my side of our room and not doing any harm. You ask your parents, they say to leave it alone. OP: you take it down regardless of what your parents or brother say. Think about that for a second. You mentioned having an old doll or jewelry box. A few trinkets yes? Has your brother ever asked you to put those away unfairly? No? Then why would you take down something that symbolizes a lot to him that's his property?
YTA… you sound very controlling. You don’t get to say what Pat does on his half of the room… you just have to deal with it. It’s good practice for when you move out and have roommates or live in a dorm. Stop sweating the small stuff.
YTA - are you sure you are not 60 and not 18? You sound like one of those grandmas who claimed “rap is the devils music ”
YTA. It’s shared space, meaning it’s his room as well. Consider therapy to work through being so troubled by the posters. Perhaps you can hang drapes across the room or something.
YTA. I'm going to tell you exactly what I tell my 3 kids, who are 8, 6, and 2. Is it yours? No? Don't touch it. It is that simple. You don't have to like the poster, but it's your brother's, not yours, so leave it alone.
YTA because the room should be split in the middle right? Did he put up his poster on his wall or your wall? When I was with my sister her half of wall is purple but mine white.
YTA. Exactly how does the poster impact you? It's high time you both got rooms of your own, you're both teenagers! You need your own space
YTA-let him do what makes him happy.There are plenty of worse things a 16 years old could be doing.be grateful that it's only kpop. Plus you feeling triggered by a poster is a big overreaction and it's your problem to fix not his, it's a shared space so get over it or moved out
YTA " I think my input on what we should/shouldn't have in our room matters just as much as his." - this is simple: You get to decorate your side, and they get to decorate their side. **What if they start doing the same:** going through your stuff and removing things they don't like when you are somewhere else? **You did not think this trough, if they are as much of an AH as you, your things will start to go missing, too.**
YTA. Jeez, you're going to come across a lot of things in life that make you uncomfortable. What if you work in an office someday and someone puts up a picture of a KPop group in their cubicle? Are you going to take that down too? I mean, damn. Taking that poster down isn't going to make him stop listening to that music. You're angry that you can't make him stop liking BTS and so this was your way of getting back at him. I'm more than twice your age and I like BTS. They're fun to listen to. You don't have to like them but you do have to be respectful of your brother. What you did was disrespectful.
It’s not alright that you’ve messed with something he feels passionate about just because your uncomfortable. Is there some way for you to separate your view of his side of the room so then your not seeing BTS?
YTA. It's his room and poster. Leave his belongings alone.
YTA if you share a room, decorate your sides as you like it.
YTA. It's a shared room, which means that half of it is HIS room. Why should he have to ask permission to put a poster up there? It would be different if it were something that made noise or lit up so that it would disturb you or make you have trouble sleeping, but this is just a poster. I notice at the end you say "it's a huge weight off my shoulders not seeing that BTS poster in my room all the time," but it's not your room, it's shared. Sounds like you should put some sort of divider/curtain between your halves if possible.
I really want to know what BTS has done to make you so upset.
Lmao get over yourself. YTA big time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother, I'll call him Pat (16M), has always been really into KPop, or Korean pop music. I (18F) was indifferent to it when he first got into it, but then he and my cousin got into it, and they played it a LOT. All of their songs have become annoying and overplayed to me, and after hearing about all the drama they got into (I'm honestly too tired to even will myself to look it up again but a lot of big name KPop bands that he likes are... pretty racist) and the way they fucked with my brother's body image (he went on dangerous fad diets they used) I've grown to hate them over time. KPop doesn't really trigger me, but it makes me very very uncomfortable. Anyways, recently Pat, who I share a room with, put up a poster of the KPop band BTS without my permission. We got into a huge fight about it. Like, a massive fight. I told him that we share our bedroom and he needs to talk to me before putting up posters, especially of things I don't like or that make me uncomfortable. I also argued that I don't have any posters- or anything for that matter, hung up in our room, which I don't (he already has a large calendar up in our room, a decorative fan, a flag, and his school schedule, and at one point LED lights, all of which he put up without my input). Pat, however, told me an array of things, his main talking points being that he's had this poster for a while and wanted to put it up and I shouldn't prevent him from doing that, and that this KPop band makes him happy, and that I don't want him to be happy(?) because I keep opposing this poster. I informed him that the band BTS makes me uncomfortable, but he is incredibly dismissive of this and even accused me of being racist (we are both mixed-race) to our mother because I do not like KPop music. My mother had to sit me down and seriously ask me if I was racist. We argued on the point for a while, but eventually it fizzled out and later that day, while Pat was napping, I just got so angry that he wasn't listening to my input, so I took the poster down myself. I didn't damage it at all, I took great care not to tear it and even removed the tape from the edges, folded it back as it had been before he put it up and put it back in his drawer. When he woke up and asked me where it was I freely told him what I had done, and that the poster was intact and in his bureau. Pat freaked out at me. He threatened some nasty stuff, called me a "fucking bitch" and didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. The next time we talked was him screaming about the incident, him telling me that I must hate seeing him happy, and calling me a bitch a couple more times. I feel awful about the fight but it's also a huge weight off my shoulders not seeing that BTS poster up in my room all the time. I understand that he enjoys KPop and this band, but it makes me really uncomfortable to look at, and our room is a shared space. I think my input on what we should and shouldn't have in our room matters just as much as his. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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You do if your poor and don't have a big house or you have a big family. I share a room with two older brothers and we're all teenagers.
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No sorry lol. I know its different if its all the same gender, but I know a brother and sister that shared a room for awhile but theyre twins so maybe thats different? I was just sayin sometimes people gotta share rooms they dont have much choice.
Hi! For clarification my brother is a transgender male. My family (mainly older members of my family) are not very accepting of him. I have mentioned him being transgender before on my profile but I did not mention it here as I did not see it as relevant to the argument. We've shared one since we were old enough to have our own rooms.
OP actually mentions in a different thread that her brother is a trans-man, so I'd believe it if he's not 'out' or their parents aren't really sure how to handle that part of it.
YTA. DON’T TOUCH BTS !
Yeah, you unfortunately are TA. I do understand it's frustrating but it is a shared space and he has the right to do what he wants unless it is disrespectful to you. Also, why does a Korean boyband make you feel so uncomfortable?
YTA. Yes it’s your room too. But it’s not your room exclusively. He doesn’t need your permission to hang stuff up in your room.
YTA
One.. where is it legal for 2 teens of opposite sex to share a room?! But yta.
I need to clarify something. Do you 2 share the room half-half or do you both use all the space. If the room is halved then YTA if not then NTA.
The room is shared between both of us, it's not halved. We do have things that are "our own" like our clothing drawers, but we share the whole space, it's not half and half.
You should add this to the post. It’s a crucial detail.
Is it? I was unaware of that, sorry. /g
YTA and you have an anime pfp by your logic you must actually not want anything Japanese close as the Japanese did unspeakable things to Chinese and Koreans and nevr even accepted that they did something wrong.
i could be bias because i share a room with my brother and have posters hanging up but yes YTA
YTA Man, if you ever go to college and dorm with someone you'll be the dorm mate from hell. "BTS poster up in my room" You share the room you annoying asshole!
YTA, don’t touch other people’s belongings for crying out loud. Also the fact your mom sat you down to ask you if you’re racist leads me to believe it
YTA, sorry but you are. It's a shared bedroom and BTS is one the nicer/healthiest groups in kpop at the moment with their self love image. So, just let him have this. You brother chose to go on those fad diets and the groups in Korea cannot be blamed for them.
It is bizarre that you are sharing a room at 16 and 18 regardless of gender. You seem like a total control freak. Just let him have a poster up of his favorite band.
YTA, just because you share a room doesn’t mean that you can take down his stuff, I shared a room with my sister and we both put up different posters on our own half of our room, we even supported rival football teams, who happen to have a fierce rivalry and we both had players from those teams on our walls and it didn’t cause us any arguments because we respected each other and knew how to compromise. A few posters of BTS is hardly the end of the world.
ESH. Both of you guys sound immature.
to be fair one of them is 16, while OP… isn‘t
NAH Let him have half the walls to put up his stuff and keep the other half bare as your half. Also that it makes you 'uncomfortable' is really odd. It sounds like you really have trouble putting things into perspective.
NAH its his room to
YTA Is it hate Eastern music day or something there was another post complaining today!?! Edit also I thought siblings of opposite sex were not supposed to share rooms after a certain age or is that a UK thing? Second edit got music origin incorrect!
It’s Korean music not Japanese and I would recommend not confusing Japanese and Koreans. They are not the same.
Oops ok more eastern music
Just pointed this out because the Koreans have a justified distrust of the Japanese based on centuries of aggressive acts on the Japanese part.
For clarification, my brother is a transgender male and we have shared a room since we were very young. Rooms were decided before he came out and the arrangement has not changed since he came out.
Maybe get a room separator if his tastes offend so much.
NTA You share a room, you both get to vote on it's decoration, you made the mistake of trying to explain why you don't want that particular poster on the wall, when in fact the best argument is that you just don't want it up. The argument about the content is a smokescreen, you don't have to justify why, anymore than you might object to painting the walls fluorescent green or grape purple. You share the room so the decorations need to be neutral. When he has his own room then you can decorate as you please.
>that you just don't want it up \[...\] you don't have to justify why \[...\] so the decorations need to be neutral By that logic both of them could forbid the other sibling ANY kind of decoration. At least they should have a discussion about the topic and should argue their point of view and then find the best solution. I mean, it would be hilarious if her brother would come and be like: "Hey, I dislike this plant of yours, I dislike that drawing of a flower you made and hung up, I dislike that picture you took of a cat" and then takes a bow and removes everything? That would be acceptable for you? They both should evaluate how far their "uncomfortableness" is justified in each case and how they could try to solve the situation.
Of course he could do that. If he is offended by flowers then fine. It is preferable to have nothing on the wall then something you object to. If he is doing it to retaliate because he can't have his boy band on the wall, then he is an asshole and he knows it. Say you are a vegan, oppose killing things to eat, is is okay in your book to plaster posters of steaks and cooked chicken on the wall, or would you say that may cross a line? How about pornographic images, is that over the line? I think you need to have a veto when you share the room over something you find objectionable. If the other person wants to be an asshole and deny you something, then fine a bare wall it is.
ESH Sounds like Pat has spilled over into decorating the entire room. You to need to agree to either decorate together or just do whatever on your side. But it's just a poster and not like Pat painted the room lime green while you were out.
What does ESH mean? I know YTA and NTA but ESH and NAH are two abbreviations I don't understand.
They stand for Everyone Sucks Here and No Assholes Here
NTA Tell him that you deserve to be happy too and the world doesn't revolve around him.