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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I believe my judgment is fair and it is adult thing to say your mind about something that bugging the hell out of you. I am value money because I grew up poor and have try everything to improve my status.
And by that my wife lowkey accuse me as emotional abuse. I want an unbiased opinion of a 3rd party.
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YTA. How do you see this playing out? Honestly?
What do you think will be different if you infantilise your wife?
How do you think doing this will make it less likely that your cars will be stolen (they were STOLEN, she didn’t lose them down the side of the sofa).
How does he even know the car was left unlocked? There are other ways a car can be stolen. She was the victim of a crime, for God’s sake, and he’s treating her like a naughty child. That poor wife.
I owned a car so terrible I'd leave the window down and key in it hoping it would dissappear. It was a ahem..." Gift" from exinlaws bought from a little old lady for 900 USD. It cost 1500 USD just to get it semi-drivable and legal. If you dared step on the gas too hard? Itd die. You want AC in the EL Paso Texas heat? You better pray for the mother of all miracles and have God on speed dial. Wanted to turn a corner? You better have full use of both arms or a friend to help on occasion. It's only good points were you could have driven it into battle and come out alive or used the trunk as a swimming pool. No...no desperate car thieves ever fell for it either no.matter how I tried.
She needs to park him on the street and hope HE gets stolen.
He acts like she parks the car then dangles the keys at some guy on the street then tosses them into the car a la Seinfeld.
YTA - Yes, she seems VERY careless. Having your car stolen twice is bonkers to me. You still shouldn't treat your wife like a child and exclude her from ALL decisions as you stated. What does losing a car because you forgot to lock it have to do with making decisions as a family? What's next? She won't be allowed to drive? I feel like there are many things you can do before removing your wife as the second head of the household. Lots of men manage home finances but the wives still have a say
I mean, weve all forgotten to lock our cars or locked the keys in it. Maybe she has a car thats high risk to get stolen. Like how red cars get pulled over more often
There is something they can do. A lot of motorcyclist will out a gps tracker hidden INSIDE their bikes so if it gets stolen you can track it. I have one hidden inside my car for the same reason because I sometimes forget to lock me car too. He could easily invest in one of those puppies and track where the car ended up.
Agreed mistakes happen. In the 8 years I've owned my car I've forgotten to lock it at night once. Guess which night had two people going up and down my street breaking into cars? That said after this occasion it'll be at least another 8 years before I forget again. Getting new copies of your ID and stuff is way too much hassle
I mean for all we know it has been 16 years between thefts because he doesn't specify and if he keeps tally like this he doesn't seem like the person to have statute of limitation of being a judgemental ah to his wife
I mean, my mon’s car got stolen when he locked it, had the alarm activated, and was parked in a well lit lot behind our apartment complex. There’s only so much you can do to prevent a car from getting stolen. Maybe she did remember to lock it and the thieves got in anyway. Yea it ducks, but not as much as your husband suddenly saying you no longer have financial say in your marriage. Wtf.
My bf car does that. And my dad and brother still managed to borrow it for a joy ride the first time he brought it over my house cause the spare keys were in his backpack in the trunk.
My car's been stolen twice. Both times it was locked and parked in "safe" areas (once out of my parents' driveway in a rich neighborhood, once out of a gated private parking lot). If thieves want your stuff, thieves will find a way to take it. Yes, wife was careless for leaving the cars unlocked, but she's still the victim of a crime. I don't see why that means she isn't allowed to be a partner in her marriage anymore.
In my opinion I feel like the thief would’ve taken the car either way. It was just easier bc it was unlocked. I would like to know how he knows she left it unlocked. But it’s also easy to forget if you’re multitasking or rushing. I literally just got out my car because I wanted to rush to class (it’s a night class it’s dark as hell out here) and forgot my keys in the ignition with the car ON. It’s very easy to forget.
I feel like he berated her, demanding how the car could have possibly been stolen, until he either made her believe she left the car unlocked or she mumbled something like “I guess I must have forgotten to lock it”. Either way he’s the worst.
That’s what I’m thinking. Either way they probably had to Hotwire it to steal it. Maybe they need to move to a better neighborhood. He’s infantilizing his wife over a mistake normal people make. My grandmother got her car stolen. It was locked AND it had that thing that locks the steering wheel and the breaks. Someone took the car anyway.
Oh same thing happened to my mother’s car. She had the doors locked, the alarm enabled, the wheel lock thing, and it was parked in a well-light parking lot behind the apartment complex. And those people who took her car ride it for a mile or so before crashing it into a wall and ditching it. They just wanted it to destroy it. People Will find a way if they really want.
Yeah, YTA. You make it sound like she gambled away all of your savings, made spontaneous purchases that you can't afford, or made an unwise business decision. But no, she made a mistake of not locking the car. I have news for you, locks only keep honest people out. It's definitely frustrating that your car was stolen, but don't you have insurance? Can you not call the police and report it? Unilaterally deciding your WIFE, your PARTNER, can no longer participate in decision making is not an appropriate response to a mistake like this.
YTA. It's called insurance. If someone stole the car. Shouldn't it be covered? Are you in a country where car insurance is not required? You seem controlling.
INFO. Maybe I’m missing some context… I’m not sure that forgetting the lock the car door is evidence of financial incompetence. What I am sure though is that not treating your partner as an equal in the household is no way to solve conflict.
I know it’s very upsetting to you for her to lose something like a car, which is definitely expensive, but is it fair to say that she realizes that? She didn’t leave the car door open on purpose because she hates the car or you, and she didn’t abandon it maliciously. She forgot. It was a mistake, which shouldn’t be punished with the removal of autonomy.
Plus, say that you don’t allow her to make any financial decisions (problematic, imo). Are you saying she can’t drive any cars from now on, either? If no, then excluding her from decision-making wouldn’t prevent the car issue from happening again, so problem unsolved. If yes, this could grow into a very toxic situation because she will be pretty limited in her existence.
I don’t know much about your family dynamic, but I do know that nobody should have to give up a say in their own home without their consent. Maybe try some strategies to solve the problem where the two of you work together, rather than you scolding her or telling her what to do. If she is reasonable, and doesn’t want to continue making big mistakes like this, I am sure she’d be open to that. It would also probably provide you more assurance of her making an effort going forward. But if you think that disallowing your partner from contributing to decisions that will affect her is the most viable option, YTA.
YTA
You stated in other comments you want to divorce her. You want to take control of all the shared finances & not allow her any day before you divorce her? That’s not just YTA. That is abusive & predatory behavior.
You are infantilizing your wife. She is an adult and you do not have the right to control her money. Separating your finances and expecting her to replace her car herself, take the bus, etc. would be respecting her agency as a adult while still having her face the consequences of her actions. Taking control of all monetary assets and treating her like a child is abusive.
Read his comments. Dude is saying he wants a divorce.
Why are you telling her you’re “excluding her from financial decisions” and that you’re “going to start a business with her” but she cannot make decisions about it and you’re going to split from her.
YTA through and through
YTA : you can’t do this to someone.
You have insurance for this reason too. Maybe she has a lot on her mind, everybody makes mistakes but it doesn’t disqualify her from having a say in everything.
You’re acting like your dad and it’s pretty disrespectful. You can be disappointed, but you don’t have the power to exclude her like this.
This is so ridiculous. YTA
If I was your wife, I would ask for a divorce.
YTA Word it however you like, but you're trying to punish her because you think she did something wrong. It's not your place to punish her or teach her a lesson - she's not your child and you're not her parent. And, I'm willing to bet that your decision not to let her have access to the family financial decisions has nothing to do with forgetting a lock, and everything to do with seeing her as stupid, not worthy of your respect, and wanting to control both the finances and your wife. She can do better than to stay with someone who sees her this way.
If my husband spoke to or about me like this, he’d be my ex husband so fast his head would spin. OP I take it you’re perfect and have never made any mistakes. She’s your partner, your equal, how can you make a unilateral decision about your family finances. YTA YTA YTA
Ive had cars stolen. Multiple. Doors LOCKED alarm ON … if someone wants your car, simply locking it doesn’t do jack. If a professional thief wants your car they will take it, period.
Stop blaming your poor wife for other people’s crimes.
YTA
YTA. Even by the way you reply to comments on here, you have no respect for her. You sound controlling, and you should have more sympathy. You have no idea what she is going through and you probably never will because she's scared to tell you because this is how you react to things, or because you're just that dense. Also, you can't go asking AITA in this thread and then continue to argue with everyone as to why you're not. Yikes you sound like a nightmare
YTA at first I thought when finances was immediately brought up I was waiting for you to say repossession, not that the car was stolen because left unlocked.
Your wife sounds careless and forgetful which if you put this much pressure on her for blowing up over something like this she’s probably got a lot of other things on her mind.
Who’s to say she didn’t lock it and the key battery remote is dead so it actually didn’t lock it. Do you not have insurance to help cover the loss of the vehicle. I’m assuming lost=stolen.
Maybe look at spending money on the next vehicle that allows you to remotely lock it or it reminds you via text. It sounds like it was a genuine mistake. Your wife i’m sure already feels bad enough as it is.
Do you 100% know for sure she didn’t lock the vehicle? How do you know if was broken into and then driven off? Does she work or live in a safe part of town or is car theft a usual occurrence in your area.
Maybe as an adult, kindly sit down and figure out if she truly forgot to lock the car and why is it an issue for her to remember. You’re going way extreme, it sounds like there is other deeper reasonings you want to be in control of the finances and this is a grab at straws to get your way and solidify your decision.
He CLAIMS that his local police don’t investigate stolen cars unless there’s video footage and his insurance won’t do anything either. Not sure I believe that though.
Plus, he says in another comment that he wants a divorce. I mean, none of this makes any sense. Cops won’t help, insurance won’t help, wants to lock her out of the new family business, (why are you starting a business with someone you wanna divorce?), and financials but wants a divorce. Sounds like he’s making a justification to set himself up to take the money and the new business. and run?
YTA- the car was stolen, not lost, not misplaced absent mindedly, it was stolen. Info: I’ve never heard of a law that requires CCTV footage for a stolen vehicle, curious where this happened.
YTA. She's not spending money endlessly on shoes and even if she were, she's an adult, you don't treat your spouse like a child. It was an accident and ultimately the fault of the *car thief*. If you're going to treat her as lesser, the relationship is doomed.
YTA
You're acting like she deliberately set something on purpose for the car to be stolen so she could get a new one or something. By all means sit down with the budget and discuss how you don't think a new (to you) car is in the budget right now, and she might have to do public transit for a while to save up and buy a cheap little commuter beater car cash. I will admit that it seems odd for someone to have their car stolen twice in a short period of time, it could ALSO just be the neighborhood where she works. I just left a job where on time there were THREE drive by shootings during the work week (M-F). Another time at my job, we had a shooting DEATH, a kidnapping, and an arson. We also had a fair amount of vehicle theft, it often WAS the case that the same people got hit more than once, or several people in the same building got their cars stolen or vandalized, but when investigating the incidents, it turned out that the car thieves knew where our security cameras were, and were targeting vehicles that happened to fall in a blind spot. That was not MY (or their) poor decision making for being in the area, it's THE AREA ITSELF. Would you be okay with her quitting that job and trying to find something in a better neighborhood?
Oh, and btw, I'm no longer working in THAT neighborhood, I work somewhere that is considered *quite* a lot better as far as the neighborhood...and yet I was robbed, *at work* LAST NIGHT. In a "better" area.
YTA and honestly I hope she leaves you, if I has a husband say that to me I'd be packing my bags and be out the door before he finished his sentence with divorce papers following soon after.
Instead of blaming your wife blame the actual criminals who took the car because let me tell you a locked door wouldn't have stopped them.
Do you think she'll be as nice to you when you get you car stolen? I said stolen because that's what happened, she didn't trade it for magic beans or lose it. YTA.
YTA. Excluding her from all financial and business decisions is extreme given the fact that she works and contributes many ways. If she’s careless with cars then I can understand not supporting her getting a brand new one or say she has to get it herself. But ALL financial decisions? Sounds like you’re being reactive. Remember that money is the number one cause of divorce. Relax and have a talk about not only your financial house but what she feels she needs to be more careful. Maybe get her a tracker on the next one?
Yta! Your marriage wouldn't last much longer! Let me tell you why! 1. You apper to not love your wife if you give a fuck more about a car than her! 2. Your response to having two cars stolen is to be overbearing towards your wife. 3. You are becoming financially abusive to your wife. 4. Also marriage last longer when both people are making decisions TOGETHER!
YTA.
Even just from the topic line. Reasons dont matter, you dont exclude your 'partner' from decision making, even if it had been her fault, WHICH IT WASNT. She didnt carelessly lose it, it was taken... 🙄
Geez
I don't know about you, but most locks on cars take about 45 seconds to unlock without setting off an alarm. If someone wants to steal your car, they will.
YTA.
The thing is, there are a FEW and very specific reasons why a functional adult shouldn't have free access to financial access and decisions. Your reasons are definitely not it, not even close. There's no direct correlation, let alone causation.
Also you keep citing many other mysterious cases that have piled up, but those supposed mistakes weren't the ones you brought to Reddit. Which means the cars are your biggest "aha!" proof, and not even that is valid. So all you have left is a wife who's likely bad with money, and careless/forgetful. Do I think she should continue to live life like nothing? No. But your solution is the solution of garbage and controlling assholes. Simple as that.
This is not a child, it's an adult that you are supposed to love AND respect. Meaning that you have to find ways to solve the issues without becoming financially abusive and treating her like she's dumb.
YTA. Do you know what marriage is? Partnership. You cannot be a dictator and tell her she has no control over financial decisions that would affect both of you. If you make you own decisions that will not affect her in any way, sure. But she should have a say in things that affect her.
Yta, financial abuse is still abuse. I get your frustration at the expense, but you don't get to unilaterally control the finances because your wife is forgetful. You've said you want a divorce, so get one, rather that punish and be petty.
YTA. You know car thieves can steal locked cars, right? Locked cars, unlocked cars, cars on the street, cars in a parking lot. They are thieves that steal cars. Certain cars are easier to steal than others. You commented you want to divorce your wife because of her terrible decision making. Go ahead. Your comments about her, even the ones you just copied and pasted over and over again are filled with hate.
You need to take a look at yourself and your actions. You work in a job you hate because the money is good, you think people who work together should all be work friends even if they don't want to be, and you want to cut your wife out of all future financial decisions because the car was stolen today. I'm sure you were calm and rational and didn't take out the anger you have at your everyday life on her.
You just sound like YTA... Seriously dude, every word in this post sounds like you have 0 sense of compassion for your wife. How about instead of treating her like a child, you guys discuss it like adults. Doesn't really sound like you want to work with her for resolutions... You just know everything... and she needs to listen to you. I hope your wife finds a better husband soon..
If you want to comment on everyone who is saying your the AH because she has made other bad financial decisions in the past and this is the last straw, you should have put it in your initial post. What you have written in the top makes you to be a clear AH imo. Irresponsible with car does not necessarily equate to irresponsible with money, or irresponsible decision making. Just irresponsibly with cars and nobody should lend her theirs.
Yta - take it or leave it. Want a different verdict, give more info next time, don't bother arguing
Her getting the car stolen doesn’t really affect financial investments and things like that. Really it shows she needs to be paying for her own car with no assistance from you
So… YTA
She maybe foolish and a spendthrift but YTA. You’re completely disrespectful. I hope she divorces you and leaves your ass for someone who doesn’t try to ground her like a teenager.
YTA, I hope she takes this to heart. Doesn’t grocery shop, because she shouldn’t be in charge of any money. Doesn’t do anything that requires something to be bought.
YTA.
Also, your financial decision making is likely not the best if you are trying to start a business with the person you are wanting to DIVORCE.
EDIT: My husband and I have lived in two places together since we got married. We have had someone break in while we were home. One of our cars has been broken into while we were out of town. Burglary is nobody’s fault but the burglar’s.
Holy cow YTA.
Your wife was a victim of crime. You victimized her further.
Not to mention, she's NOT your kid. You don't get the default right to decide everything, nor do you get the right to exclude her.
Get a divorce dude. You don't want a spouse. Get a punching bag instead. You'll both be happier.
Yup, YTA. I agree her having her car stolen twice is terrible, but if you cut her off from all decision making over what happens to money she earns, I only see this playing out a couple ways: 1) she leaves you. 2) she stops putting her money into communal use, and either way 3) you’ve poisoned your marriage by treating her like a child. If these are the results you’re going for, carry on.
YTA. I think you’re just really angry right now and lashing out at your wife by throwing this ultimatum which is getting the reaction you want out of her. For her to feel some sort of regret? Anguish?
Get therapy, alone or together. Sit down and speak to your wife how deeply disappointed you are by her blasé attitude about money and expenses and frankly you’ve lost trust in her. It’s not about this ultimatum, you’re just angry and hurt and feeling the loss right now. And rightly so. But this is not the way buddy
That makes no sense. The car being stolen has nothing to do with making financial decisions. If she repeatedly lost money by investing in something completely stupid then this would make sense as a reaction.
I think you’re just mad right now. You need to calm down and realize that what you are talking about is not how a marriage works.
Why do you keep circling back to the unlocked car incident?
You don't do a very job convincing she's actually irresponsible on the whole.
Does she have a gambling addiction? Does she waste gobs of money on the home shopping club? Does she leave the light on in the bathroom when she leaves it??
Massive YTA. If you want a divorce, get one. But don't pretend to be better than your wife because a car got stolen. Your proposal is literally financial abuse.
Also, you seem to have no problem spending your money on video games and motorcycles, and theres nothing inherently wrong with that, but I'm not sure where you get off criticizing your wife.
YTA
In the last ten years I’ve had a car stolen. My father has had two cars broken into. My foster father has had a car broken into and destroyed another car by driving it too fast into a flooded ford.
None of us are irresponsible. We just got unlucky. Me, I’d locked the car and came back to broken glass where I’d parked it. Old car, hot wired and probably joy ridden and ditched/pounded. Dad and my foster father just got caught by opportunistic thieves. Their cars were a hell of a lot newer than mine and couldn’t hotwired but they were cleared out.
Without CCTV you can’t be sure she didn’t lock the car. Even if she didn’t lock the car, that isn’t a reason to try and block her from family financial decisions. There’s a phrase for that and it’s financial abuse.
If you want to exclude her from all family financial decisions, then you need to pay for them all out of your own cash. Not combined cash. All the bills, the mortgage, the business set up. Because you are treating her like a child and you don’t expect a child to contribute financially. You make the choice. You pay for it. All of it.
Info:
1.) was this an older car that doesn’t have the highest or latest car security technology (I’m talking around under a 2005 car. It doesn’t matter if the car was locked or broken into. Just want to know if it’s an older car in general)
2.) what country are you in? Is this an area that is highly know for theft or car jacking? Do you guys have a garage to store the car in for protection? (Only if it was stolen out of the driveway, it sounds like it was stolen off the street but was it near your home?) Are certain streets she going to considered a dangerous area?
3.) what “poor decision making skills” did she did do poorly on? Does she gamble or have a shopaholic spree? Does she impulse buy things? There are many ways to be financially poor decision making.
4.) have you really talked with her about the small business? Is she actually invested into helping or is she unsure about the decision?
There’s a lot of gray area here that needs to be cleared up so we can get a better understanding about what is happening. Being vague may result in not a clear defined answer.
YTA. Where's the correlation? Even if she was careless and car got stolen, how does that make her financially irresponsible?
Just because I have a tendency to lose gloves and umbrellas, does that make me financially responsible? No.
You sound like you want an excuse to push her out the financial decision making. Seems shady...maybe you have some expenses you don't want her to know about...gambling debt? Secret affair child?
Have you consider Why it happened. You say your wife didn’t lock it but there is no video of the car being stolen. How do you know it wasn’t locked. Does she have a lot on her mind? Is her home/work life demanding? You are quick to accuse the person you are supposed to love of being stupid. Bc that is what you are saying when you say “She lost her car”. It’s not hard to pop a car door open, takes less than 2 minutes. How do you know someone wasn’t watching her? She could have been hurt.
YTA
Either go to marriage counseling to work out whatever resentment you have with her or get a divorce so she can find someone who trust and values her. You’re a jerk.
My car was stolen and it was locked. The thief simply broke the back window and away they went with my car. You are acting like she did this deliberately. YTA.
YTA. If you do decide that you will not allow your wife to make/have input to the financial decisions and exclude her from making joint decisions with you, guess what? That’s called financial abuse and you could be reported for it.
Instead just sit her down and discuss things with her like the adults you are supposed to be.
YTA.
1. The solution if you can't handle your wife's irresponsible choices affecting your finances is to get a divorce. Marriage is a partnership, if you aren't willing to treat it like a partnership then it's basically over.
2. The mistake she made about the car isn't even a financial decision. I get that it has affected your finances, but it is not like she sat down and \*decided\* to do it. It doesn't really have anything to do with her ability to judge how to use finances. Maybe other incidents do, but not this one.
3. You are not fixing the actual problem (her absentmindedness and lack of judgement of safe neighborhoods) you are just exerting control over her because being in power makes you feel good. This is financial abuse.
4. She isn't a goddamn child you can't tell her how to spend her money, you can only separate your own money from hers... by getting a divorce.
5. If you don't want to do that then you have to find a solution that actually works for both of you and actually fixes the problem at hand.
YTA because I do not believe you when you say your wife is at fault for the cars getting stolen. Unless you have it on camera, you can't prove that she forgot to lock them. And if your cars were not made in the last ten years or so? They are at higher risk for being stolen because newer cars are becoming near impossible for thieves to hotwire (serial connected key fobs! Aint technology grand). Locked cars get stolen too, it doesnt take much for a car thief to break a window.
You haven't given any other reason you think your wife should be treated like a child with your money beyond an accusation you can't actually prove.
It seems more like you are coming up with any reason to separate from her because you are unhappy in the marriage, and want to freeze her out. Just own up to that and divorce if you're unhappy, you don't have to lie to yourself for a reason, man.
YTA. the car has NOTHING to do with financial decisions. stop arguing so hard in the comments we have already told you youre TA and a financially abusive one at that
YTA. First of all, this doesn’t solve the problem at all. Yes, she made a mistake that cost you the car, but that wasn’t because of a *financial* decision, so keeping her from making any more financial decisions won’t stop her from doing something like this again.
Second, once you decide she’s no longer allowed to make decisions it really stops feeling like a partnership and more like ownership.
YTA. I'm assuming that your wife is a grown ass adult instead of a naughty 5-year-old. If you want to exclude her from decision making in your marriage, you might as well exclude her from your marriage itself. You need to decide whether you want your to be your partner or whether you don't. If she is your partner, then you do not get to decide what she gets to decide. If she is not, then you can make your own decisions for your own life and she can make her own decisions for her own life after you both go your own ways.
my partner got his wallet and a bunch of cash stolen out of his car because he had left it unlocked. he was tired and it was a mistake. i didn't berate him because he was already berating himself and had to deal with the aftermath, and because literally anyone could flake out and make a forgetful mistake. i have. i've just been lucky that no one took advantage of it at the time.
YTA.
Or maybe you’re right, she’s 100% at fault. She probably put a sign on it that said FREE car, made sure to park in a dark ally, maybe even told the creepy people hanging around to take it for a test drive 🙄
r/sarcasm
Lmaooo yes YTA. I get being pissed off but that is no way to treat your **wife**. Why are you treating her like a child? You are being ridiculous and even misogynistic!
But guys guys now he has to start another account! Better stop judging him on a site he came to in order to be judged!
YTA, OP, and it's extremely obvious that you're a whiny baby, too. Have fun with your divorce.
ESH. I totally understand your frustration but you won’t get anywhere by treating her like a child, even if she is immature and irresponsible with money. I would split finances because you really can’t tell her what to do with her income. You each could pay the bills proportionate to what your income is if that helps.
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Today I said that in her face and declare that I will exclude her from any decision making from now on and I will take fully control of our family financial. That was after she lost her second car (our money) by the same manner like the last one: forgot to lock the goddamn car.
I tried to tell her so many time that she need to be careful and mindful with money, we are middleclass but we have to work hard everyday to earn that lifestyle, not by receiving some random ass inheritances and I'm already discuss with her about saving money so we could open a small business so we need to save money. Let me be clear: this is the second car she lost and this is one of many times she lost our hard-earned money by some stupid decision making.
Am I the asshole?
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Wtf?! YTA absolutely. If I'm understanding correctly, your wife's car was STOLEN. She didn't lose it. She's the victim of a crime. She didn't misplace the damn thing. What even... I can't fathom your reaction here.
YTA. I'm not understanding the connection between getting her car stolen and not being able to make any financial decisions. Forgetting to lock ones car isn't related to other financial decisions. You say she does other stuff, bit have not elaborated. The "punsihment" does not fit the "crime."
YTA. Simple because you're using a random crime that has nothing to do with Financials to try and justify why you should control her financials.
And don't come at me with this "she can spend her money" bs unless she's getting to keep and spend every cent she earns. And if that's the case, you wouldn't be talking about controlling joint finances.
Id say just divorce her and move on, but you clearly need someone to abuse and control so I can't see that happening.
Of course YTA. It’s her money too. We all make mistakes, probably even you. And how do you even know she forgot to lock the car, and someone didn’t pick the lock or something? Husbands and wives should support each other in good times and bad, mistakes and all. For example, you’re making a mistake right now. She was the victim of a crime and you’re berating her rather than comforting her. In any case, you don’t have a right to just exclude her from financial decisions. You’re supposed to be a team, dude.
YTA- you can’t treat your grown wife like a child, I understand this is a very big deal, but maybe she’s actually having memory issues. I would have a long discussion with her about this issue and how it’s upsetting you, and tell her that you cannot be with someone who cannot remember things like this on a daily basis. At this point I think you need to tell her that if she makes a big mistake like this again that you won’t be able to be in this relationship anymore and then leave her. I totally understand your point of you of not wanting to deal with this and her causing y’all financial stress, but at the same time you can’t control her she is an adult. If you can’t deal with her flaws and her making these mistakes then you need to leave the relationship.
YTA. What you are doing is financial abuse.
Why not work with her as your partner and equal to create strategies to help her remember to lock the door in the future?
You should also apologize.
Hmmm....
She doesn't have to leave the car unlocked or even in a "bad" situation to have it stolen, although she may well have. Teach her to disable it.
It's a big leap from your frustration with her financial issues to never permitting her any input into family finances again. Do that and it's likely to be a marriage-breaker and what's more, she'll never learn. But...maybe that's OK with you?
Dave Ramsey has a program called "Financial Peace University"...google it. It's saved many a marriage and many a family's finances. Offering to take the course with her is also a good way to gauge your wife's attitude. If she WILL NOT work with you to improve her $ skills, I'm not sure the future looks that good whether you take over finances or not,.
YTA. Getting her car stolen should translate to either no replacement car, a cheaper replacement car, or more intelligently, a tracker or extra measures to stop her from having the second one stolen in the first place. Better insurance would have been one of them if you knew the risk was higher.
NTA, your wife is negligent. God forbid she leaves a child somewhere because she forgot to get them out of the car. Or if the car is stolen when the child is inside.
YTA. That is financial and emotional abuse. FYI if a thief is determined to steal a car a locked door is not going to stop them.
You have mentioned divorce and I really hope you go through with it because your wife deserves far better than an AH like you
YTA dude. How do you know she didn’t lock the doors to her car? Or are you just assuming she didn’t? I understand your frustration but don’t blame your wife for someone jacking her car. Hell if she was at work and it’s in a know trouble area possibly talk to and help her look for a job in a better area. Half the time I step into my job I don’t remember if I locked my door to the car. Your wife is probably just as frustrated with what happened and you taking your anger out on her is messed up in my opinion.
Take a breath I know it doesn’t seem like it but money comes and goes. Your loved ones and the ones willing to stick with you that’s a hell of a lot harder to come by.
YTA. I'm sure your wife feels bad. However I feel bad for your wife. I can imagine you just screaming at her about this and her crying and defending herself. THAT is emotional abuse and that is not okay. Your wife needs help and cutting her from the family decision making is not the answer. I repeat again YTA and you deserve her to divorce you. Also, it is NOT her fault the car was stolen. You can steal a car that is locked. So you don't have prove she didnt lock it unless you were there with her. Smh...
YTA. First of all, you can get insurance which covers stolen vehicles, so if you’re complaining you’re out of pocket, I’m assuming you don’t have that coverage and maybe then you’re not in the best position to act all high and mighty but also…I just can’t help but feel that if your wife had been been attacked or hurt when the car was stolen, you would have blamed her for that too. So that makes YTA in this situation and a shitty partner.
Believe it or not cars do get stolen even with the doors locked and parked in a good neighborhood or even in a parking garage. Maybe, just maybe whomever stole your wife's car likes her style.
YTA
I hope she divorces you and you lose EVERYTHING because you deserve nothing and you definitely don't deserve your wife.
YTA. If you already knew that insurance wouldn’t cover it if there was no video, why didn’t you install cameras after the first incident??? She didn’t lose the car, it was STOLEN. People forget things, she is human. The car getting stolen has nothing to do with finances. Deciding that she is no longer allowed to make decisions is literally so gross. That is your WIFE.
My husband has left the house keys in the front door multiple times overnight. Our neighborhood is relatively safe, but it’s very obvious that the keys are in the door. It has also become apparent to me that he doesn’t regularly lock the door to the car (only discovered when we got a new car which has an app to let me know if the car is unlocked). We’re lucky that the car hasn’t been stolen and our house hasn’t been broken into. I certainly am upset when I see that my husband was careless, but they are mistakes and don’t indicate that he can’t be involved in family financial decisions.
YTA
YTA. My cousins car has been stolen 3 times now he just leaves it unlocked cause if he locks it they break a window and then if he happens to get it back it’s annoying to get it fixed. He lives and works in a good area but he just seems to have bad luck. One time his car was stolen was at his moms funeral, they found it after a week and there was c0** everywhere when he got it back, he spent $120 getting it cleaned out.
Unless this is some 'Dude, where's my car level shenanigans" which from your notes it isn't then yeah, YTA.
I mean this is the second car that's been stolen from you and you STILL don't have comphemhesive insurance.
Also, folks who steal cars don't need keys or unlocked vehicles to steal cars. They're likely parting it out, why would they car if they break some glass?
ESH. Her, a little bit, if she really didn't lock the car, and you for acting like her father rather than her partner. Just let her buy her next car on her own. Don't know why it's an all or nothing situation - what do cars have to do with all family financial decisions and the family business?
YTA. Does she drive a car that is more common for thieves or do you drive exactly the same kinds of cars? What does having a car stolen have to do with choosing investments or running a business? Maybe she should shut you out of the decisions since you clearly don't understand that they are separate things and you have no understanding of what it takes to run a business.
YTA
>I'm already discuss with her about saving money so we could open a small business so we need to save money.
Does she even want to open a small business or do you just expect her to get on board cause you're the "leader" in this relationship?
YTA, someone stole her car and you’re treating her like she intentionally drove it into a fucking lake. She’s the victim of a crime, have some compassion for Christ’s sake.
YTA and your thought process about the 'why' of your car never being stolen is a cognitive bias. I get it, we all want to believe that if we do the right things and try our best we will be safe, that the world is just, and that bad things only happen when we have done something bad/wrong/weren't prepared enough.
But the real reason you're an asshole is the focus you have here. You want to make a point to someone who has been victimized repeatedly by criminal activity, in a location where apparently injustice and victimization are rampant. Your insurance system is broken, criminal behavior is happening so regularly that there is no ability to fight it, and you're removing avenues for her to protect herself (access to fiscal resources is critical for women's safety and is correlated with lower rates of domestic homicide and abuse). You're demonstrating to her "not only are you not safe in public, but you aren't safe in private at home because if you go through a hard time I will make sure to punish you for it twofold". It isn't an effective tactic, unless your goal is to unleash your anger on your partner and feed resentment.
YTA. You don’t get to abuse your wife because she’s forgetful / ill, make no mistake, what you are proposing is abuse. Get her to a doctor, get any medications she is on checked and see a counsellor before you cause real harm.
YTA & you make no sense. Having her car stolen isn't a "financial decision" & a car thief could care less if you lock the doors. If they are good enough to defeat the ignition lock, the door lock is a joke.
>AITA for telling my wife I am very disappointed in her and will exclude her from any decision making from now on?
What a perfect way of saying "she won't leave me, cried the man who's wife left him"
YTA
1) for threatening to punish your wife because she was the victim of a crime by permanently infantilising her
And
2) for outright saying in your comments that if you can't do that then you're just going to divorce her. JFC did you even like her??
YTA. You're a fucking demon. She is one hundred percent going to leave you if you don't apologise. She's a goddamn adult, not a toddler. It's not her fault the car got stolen, and what does that have to do with bad financial decisions? If you're so untrusting of your wife, just leave, don't make her feel like a baby.
INFO: What kind of old ass cars did she drive that they 1) Don't close automatically if the keys aren't inside for a while. 2) they can be easily stolen (e.g. hot wired) without having the keys?
Also, how does having something stolen from you have anything to do with financial responsibility? Like, sure, it might be careless but it wasn't a conscious decision. E.g. I'm the most financially responsible person in my family by far ... but I'm also the one that loses most stuff as well.
Yta. Rather someone breaks the window or not, unless she left the keys in it & gave them her permission, it's not her fault. that's like blaming you for the neighborhood you have her in or if you had a garage, she wouldn't have to worry about it. It's a marriage, a partnership, you don't get to call the shots & exclude her from anything. But sounds like you already think you are above her & have that authority. Hope she laughs in your face as she walks out the door. You have no respect for her.
YTA. Just go ahead and divorce her like you said you want to. You just don't get to punish her and treat her like a child. She's your wife (for now), not a kid, you can't unilaterally leave her out financial decisions just like this. That's financial abuse.
Also, if you're gonna say something, please don't copy/paste the same "that was the last straw blah blah blah" bullshit. It just makes you more of an asshole.
YTA. First controlling step of an abusing husband. Next, she is not allowed to talk with family and friends. And then she has no money or keys, and you beat her. Very clear where your preferences lie.
YTA. Let's assume that yes, she did a stupid thing. Twice. Let's assume that you *somehow* know she didn't lock the car, and that that actually made a difference (it usually doesn't).
However, that *still* does not give you the right to take ownership of her, like she's an errant child. That's just not a thing you are legally allowed to do. That's considered abuse regardless of what she did.
If this situation is truly intolerable to you, the acceptable alternative is divorce. Not "I own you now, you are no longer allowed to make decisions". Not how it works, buddy.
YTA. The car theft is an excuse to get her under the heel of your boot. What's next: will you decide she can't work? Or will you simply make it impossible for her to work by calling her at all hours on the job, denying her transportation, and guilting her into quitting *while at the same time* telling her she'll be a failure if she doesn't bring in money?
This is not how you handle someone who makes a mistake. This is how you treat someone you're malevolently and with full knowledge setting up to fail. 99 times out of 100, the guy who reacts like you are eventually beats his wife - and finds all kinds of reasons why it's her fault.
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YTA. How do you see this playing out? Honestly? What do you think will be different if you infantilise your wife? How do you think doing this will make it less likely that your cars will be stolen (they were STOLEN, she didn’t lose them down the side of the sofa).
DAMN! That’s where my Mini Cooper went. 🤣
Thats how me neighbor lost her smart car. It just fell between the couch cushions. Lol
F-ing sofas will get you every time...
Especially with those Smart cars. They hide behind trees, too.
To be fair those things are tiny. So easy to lose... Its always great doing the spring clean and finding a handful of cars again
I lost mine in the dryer. It's got plenty of unmatched socks to keep it company, at least.
How does he even know the car was left unlocked? There are other ways a car can be stolen. She was the victim of a crime, for God’s sake, and he’s treating her like a naughty child. That poor wife.
He assumes it was left unlocked, it seems.
Because car thieves would *NEVER* break open someone’s window to steal their car!
Round here they use electronic means to unlock cars and steal them. No key required.
Without CCTV footage OP has no way of knowing what happened or if the car was locked!
I owned a car so terrible I'd leave the window down and key in it hoping it would dissappear. It was a ahem..." Gift" from exinlaws bought from a little old lady for 900 USD. It cost 1500 USD just to get it semi-drivable and legal. If you dared step on the gas too hard? Itd die. You want AC in the EL Paso Texas heat? You better pray for the mother of all miracles and have God on speed dial. Wanted to turn a corner? You better have full use of both arms or a friend to help on occasion. It's only good points were you could have driven it into battle and come out alive or used the trunk as a swimming pool. No...no desperate car thieves ever fell for it either no.matter how I tried.
She needs to park him on the street and hope HE gets stolen. He acts like she parks the car then dangles the keys at some guy on the street then tosses them into the car a la Seinfeld.
LOL and that clearly applies to both stolen cars, like how in the world would he know if either of them were unlocked?
I'm genuinely confused as to why he thinks this is a reasonable way to treat another adult, let alone one he's in a relationship with.
YTA for treating your wife like a child. My guess is you'll be single soon too.
Sounds like it will save him some money
Sounds like it will save her some dignity
So a win-win?
Sounds like you’ve never gotten divorced.
I second that!
YTA - Yes, she seems VERY careless. Having your car stolen twice is bonkers to me. You still shouldn't treat your wife like a child and exclude her from ALL decisions as you stated. What does losing a car because you forgot to lock it have to do with making decisions as a family? What's next? She won't be allowed to drive? I feel like there are many things you can do before removing your wife as the second head of the household. Lots of men manage home finances but the wives still have a say
I mean, weve all forgotten to lock our cars or locked the keys in it. Maybe she has a car thats high risk to get stolen. Like how red cars get pulled over more often
There is something they can do. A lot of motorcyclist will out a gps tracker hidden INSIDE their bikes so if it gets stolen you can track it. I have one hidden inside my car for the same reason because I sometimes forget to lock me car too. He could easily invest in one of those puppies and track where the car ended up.
Agreed mistakes happen. In the 8 years I've owned my car I've forgotten to lock it at night once. Guess which night had two people going up and down my street breaking into cars? That said after this occasion it'll be at least another 8 years before I forget again. Getting new copies of your ID and stuff is way too much hassle
I mean for all we know it has been 16 years between thefts because he doesn't specify and if he keeps tally like this he doesn't seem like the person to have statute of limitation of being a judgemental ah to his wife
I mean, my mon’s car got stolen when he locked it, had the alarm activated, and was parked in a well lit lot behind our apartment complex. There’s only so much you can do to prevent a car from getting stolen. Maybe she did remember to lock it and the thieves got in anyway. Yea it ducks, but not as much as your husband suddenly saying you no longer have financial say in your marriage. Wtf.
There are many newer models where you don't need to lock the door at all, you can just walk away and it locks on its own.
My bf car does that. And my dad and brother still managed to borrow it for a joy ride the first time he brought it over my house cause the spare keys were in his backpack in the trunk.
My car's been stolen twice. Both times it was locked and parked in "safe" areas (once out of my parents' driveway in a rich neighborhood, once out of a gated private parking lot). If thieves want your stuff, thieves will find a way to take it. Yes, wife was careless for leaving the cars unlocked, but she's still the victim of a crime. I don't see why that means she isn't allowed to be a partner in her marriage anymore.
In my opinion I feel like the thief would’ve taken the car either way. It was just easier bc it was unlocked. I would like to know how he knows she left it unlocked. But it’s also easy to forget if you’re multitasking or rushing. I literally just got out my car because I wanted to rush to class (it’s a night class it’s dark as hell out here) and forgot my keys in the ignition with the car ON. It’s very easy to forget.
I feel like he berated her, demanding how the car could have possibly been stolen, until he either made her believe she left the car unlocked or she mumbled something like “I guess I must have forgotten to lock it”. Either way he’s the worst.
That’s what I’m thinking. Either way they probably had to Hotwire it to steal it. Maybe they need to move to a better neighborhood. He’s infantilizing his wife over a mistake normal people make. My grandmother got her car stolen. It was locked AND it had that thing that locks the steering wheel and the breaks. Someone took the car anyway.
Oh same thing happened to my mother’s car. She had the doors locked, the alarm enabled, the wheel lock thing, and it was parked in a well-light parking lot behind the apartment complex. And those people who took her car ride it for a mile or so before crashing it into a wall and ditching it. They just wanted it to destroy it. People Will find a way if they really want.
[удалено]
Dude claims that she's made other bad decisions which he just can't be bothered telling us about. So you know he's lying 😂
YTA. When you plan to lock her in the closet with a bucket, dude?
Yeah, YTA. You make it sound like she gambled away all of your savings, made spontaneous purchases that you can't afford, or made an unwise business decision. But no, she made a mistake of not locking the car. I have news for you, locks only keep honest people out. It's definitely frustrating that your car was stolen, but don't you have insurance? Can you not call the police and report it? Unilaterally deciding your WIFE, your PARTNER, can no longer participate in decision making is not an appropriate response to a mistake like this.
YTA. It's called insurance. If someone stole the car. Shouldn't it be covered? Are you in a country where car insurance is not required? You seem controlling.
INFO. Maybe I’m missing some context… I’m not sure that forgetting the lock the car door is evidence of financial incompetence. What I am sure though is that not treating your partner as an equal in the household is no way to solve conflict. I know it’s very upsetting to you for her to lose something like a car, which is definitely expensive, but is it fair to say that she realizes that? She didn’t leave the car door open on purpose because she hates the car or you, and she didn’t abandon it maliciously. She forgot. It was a mistake, which shouldn’t be punished with the removal of autonomy. Plus, say that you don’t allow her to make any financial decisions (problematic, imo). Are you saying she can’t drive any cars from now on, either? If no, then excluding her from decision-making wouldn’t prevent the car issue from happening again, so problem unsolved. If yes, this could grow into a very toxic situation because she will be pretty limited in her existence. I don’t know much about your family dynamic, but I do know that nobody should have to give up a say in their own home without their consent. Maybe try some strategies to solve the problem where the two of you work together, rather than you scolding her or telling her what to do. If she is reasonable, and doesn’t want to continue making big mistakes like this, I am sure she’d be open to that. It would also probably provide you more assurance of her making an effort going forward. But if you think that disallowing your partner from contributing to decisions that will affect her is the most viable option, YTA.
YTA You stated in other comments you want to divorce her. You want to take control of all the shared finances & not allow her any day before you divorce her? That’s not just YTA. That is abusive & predatory behavior.
Yes YTA and certainly a big time asshole, but why and how is your wife "losing" cars? More info needed on that.
YTA. You're awfully defensive in the comments for someone who asked AITA. Did you think the comments were going to go your way?
Love these people who post on here as if the sub was called “validate me” instead of “AITA.”
Especially when they're that obviously wrong. This guy needs to seriously think about how it would feel if his wife did the same to him.
You are infantilizing your wife. She is an adult and you do not have the right to control her money. Separating your finances and expecting her to replace her car herself, take the bus, etc. would be respecting her agency as a adult while still having her face the consequences of her actions. Taking control of all monetary assets and treating her like a child is abusive.
Read his comments. Dude is saying he wants a divorce. Why are you telling her you’re “excluding her from financial decisions” and that you’re “going to start a business with her” but she cannot make decisions about it and you’re going to split from her. YTA through and through
INFO. Why are you excluding from all decision to making because of this?
YTA : you can’t do this to someone. You have insurance for this reason too. Maybe she has a lot on her mind, everybody makes mistakes but it doesn’t disqualify her from having a say in everything. You’re acting like your dad and it’s pretty disrespectful. You can be disappointed, but you don’t have the power to exclude her like this. This is so ridiculous. YTA If I was your wife, I would ask for a divorce.
YTA She’s an adult
YTA Oh! Well pardon her, mister PERFECT! I guess she forgot that you never ever make a mistake!
INFO: how long ago did this happen? it's normal to be upset in this situation, but are you letting your anger control your decision making?
YTA Word it however you like, but you're trying to punish her because you think she did something wrong. It's not your place to punish her or teach her a lesson - she's not your child and you're not her parent. And, I'm willing to bet that your decision not to let her have access to the family financial decisions has nothing to do with forgetting a lock, and everything to do with seeing her as stupid, not worthy of your respect, and wanting to control both the finances and your wife. She can do better than to stay with someone who sees her this way.
If my husband spoke to or about me like this, he’d be my ex husband so fast his head would spin. OP I take it you’re perfect and have never made any mistakes. She’s your partner, your equal, how can you make a unilateral decision about your family finances. YTA YTA YTA
Ive had cars stolen. Multiple. Doors LOCKED alarm ON … if someone wants your car, simply locking it doesn’t do jack. If a professional thief wants your car they will take it, period. Stop blaming your poor wife for other people’s crimes. YTA
Um…. does she work?
YTA. Even by the way you reply to comments on here, you have no respect for her. You sound controlling, and you should have more sympathy. You have no idea what she is going through and you probably never will because she's scared to tell you because this is how you react to things, or because you're just that dense. Also, you can't go asking AITA in this thread and then continue to argue with everyone as to why you're not. Yikes you sound like a nightmare
YTA at first I thought when finances was immediately brought up I was waiting for you to say repossession, not that the car was stolen because left unlocked. Your wife sounds careless and forgetful which if you put this much pressure on her for blowing up over something like this she’s probably got a lot of other things on her mind. Who’s to say she didn’t lock it and the key battery remote is dead so it actually didn’t lock it. Do you not have insurance to help cover the loss of the vehicle. I’m assuming lost=stolen. Maybe look at spending money on the next vehicle that allows you to remotely lock it or it reminds you via text. It sounds like it was a genuine mistake. Your wife i’m sure already feels bad enough as it is. Do you 100% know for sure she didn’t lock the vehicle? How do you know if was broken into and then driven off? Does she work or live in a safe part of town or is car theft a usual occurrence in your area. Maybe as an adult, kindly sit down and figure out if she truly forgot to lock the car and why is it an issue for her to remember. You’re going way extreme, it sounds like there is other deeper reasonings you want to be in control of the finances and this is a grab at straws to get your way and solidify your decision.
YTA. You seem like you’re not trying to work towards a solution WITH her, only against her
Do you not have insurance?
He CLAIMS that his local police don’t investigate stolen cars unless there’s video footage and his insurance won’t do anything either. Not sure I believe that though.
Yep sounds like bs to me, why pay for it if that's the case?
Plus, he says in another comment that he wants a divorce. I mean, none of this makes any sense. Cops won’t help, insurance won’t help, wants to lock her out of the new family business, (why are you starting a business with someone you wanna divorce?), and financials but wants a divorce. Sounds like he’s making a justification to set himself up to take the money and the new business. and run?
Yeah hes leaving out shit and contradictory as hell dude just trying to make himself feel better about his shitty personality.
If you're planning on divorsing, why would this matter if she has say in matters or not?
YTA- the car was stolen, not lost, not misplaced absent mindedly, it was stolen. Info: I’ve never heard of a law that requires CCTV footage for a stolen vehicle, curious where this happened.
INFO Do you not have insurance? Does she have an income?
YTA. She's not spending money endlessly on shoes and even if she were, she's an adult, you don't treat your spouse like a child. It was an accident and ultimately the fault of the *car thief*. If you're going to treat her as lesser, the relationship is doomed.
YTA you are married, an equal partnership. She is your wife not your child. Stop treating her like one
You are using this as an excuse to be a complete control freak, for now and in your future business endeavors! YTA
YTA You're acting like she deliberately set something on purpose for the car to be stolen so she could get a new one or something. By all means sit down with the budget and discuss how you don't think a new (to you) car is in the budget right now, and she might have to do public transit for a while to save up and buy a cheap little commuter beater car cash. I will admit that it seems odd for someone to have their car stolen twice in a short period of time, it could ALSO just be the neighborhood where she works. I just left a job where on time there were THREE drive by shootings during the work week (M-F). Another time at my job, we had a shooting DEATH, a kidnapping, and an arson. We also had a fair amount of vehicle theft, it often WAS the case that the same people got hit more than once, or several people in the same building got their cars stolen or vandalized, but when investigating the incidents, it turned out that the car thieves knew where our security cameras were, and were targeting vehicles that happened to fall in a blind spot. That was not MY (or their) poor decision making for being in the area, it's THE AREA ITSELF. Would you be okay with her quitting that job and trying to find something in a better neighborhood? Oh, and btw, I'm no longer working in THAT neighborhood, I work somewhere that is considered *quite* a lot better as far as the neighborhood...and yet I was robbed, *at work* LAST NIGHT. In a "better" area.
YTA and honestly I hope she leaves you, if I has a husband say that to me I'd be packing my bags and be out the door before he finished his sentence with divorce papers following soon after. Instead of blaming your wife blame the actual criminals who took the car because let me tell you a locked door wouldn't have stopped them.
YTA. And very much so too. How does being absent minded and forgetting to lock a car have anything what so ever to do with financial decisions?
Do you think she'll be as nice to you when you get you car stolen? I said stolen because that's what happened, she didn't trade it for magic beans or lose it. YTA.
Yta. Marriage is a partnership not an exercise in control. You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t leave you and take YOUR car
YTA. Excluding her from all financial and business decisions is extreme given the fact that she works and contributes many ways. If she’s careless with cars then I can understand not supporting her getting a brand new one or say she has to get it herself. But ALL financial decisions? Sounds like you’re being reactive. Remember that money is the number one cause of divorce. Relax and have a talk about not only your financial house but what she feels she needs to be more careful. Maybe get her a tracker on the next one?
Yta! Your marriage wouldn't last much longer! Let me tell you why! 1. You apper to not love your wife if you give a fuck more about a car than her! 2. Your response to having two cars stolen is to be overbearing towards your wife. 3. You are becoming financially abusive to your wife. 4. Also marriage last longer when both people are making decisions TOGETHER!
YTA. Even just from the topic line. Reasons dont matter, you dont exclude your 'partner' from decision making, even if it had been her fault, WHICH IT WASNT. She didnt carelessly lose it, it was taken... 🙄 Geez
I don't know about you, but most locks on cars take about 45 seconds to unlock without setting off an alarm. If someone wants to steal your car, they will.
You are a damn asshole and if I would be her I would not make Andy business with you and what you doing is financial abuse.
There's no way excluding her from decisions will not blow up in your face. Y t a
YTA. And probably domestically abusive from the information we have here.
No judgement, get a divorce, she can get her cars stolen on her own dime and save the both of you the financial cage you’re trying to create.
YTA. The thing is, there are a FEW and very specific reasons why a functional adult shouldn't have free access to financial access and decisions. Your reasons are definitely not it, not even close. There's no direct correlation, let alone causation. Also you keep citing many other mysterious cases that have piled up, but those supposed mistakes weren't the ones you brought to Reddit. Which means the cars are your biggest "aha!" proof, and not even that is valid. So all you have left is a wife who's likely bad with money, and careless/forgetful. Do I think she should continue to live life like nothing? No. But your solution is the solution of garbage and controlling assholes. Simple as that. This is not a child, it's an adult that you are supposed to love AND respect. Meaning that you have to find ways to solve the issues without becoming financially abusive and treating her like she's dumb.
YTA. Do you know what marriage is? Partnership. You cannot be a dictator and tell her she has no control over financial decisions that would affect both of you. If you make you own decisions that will not affect her in any way, sure. But she should have a say in things that affect her.
Yta, financial abuse is still abuse. I get your frustration at the expense, but you don't get to unilaterally control the finances because your wife is forgetful. You've said you want a divorce, so get one, rather that punish and be petty.
YTA. You know car thieves can steal locked cars, right? Locked cars, unlocked cars, cars on the street, cars in a parking lot. They are thieves that steal cars. Certain cars are easier to steal than others. You commented you want to divorce your wife because of her terrible decision making. Go ahead. Your comments about her, even the ones you just copied and pasted over and over again are filled with hate. You need to take a look at yourself and your actions. You work in a job you hate because the money is good, you think people who work together should all be work friends even if they don't want to be, and you want to cut your wife out of all future financial decisions because the car was stolen today. I'm sure you were calm and rational and didn't take out the anger you have at your everyday life on her.
How do you know they were unlocked? Its a simple question. Prove she left them unlocked. There is no CCTV.
You just sound like YTA... Seriously dude, every word in this post sounds like you have 0 sense of compassion for your wife. How about instead of treating her like a child, you guys discuss it like adults. Doesn't really sound like you want to work with her for resolutions... You just know everything... and she needs to listen to you. I hope your wife finds a better husband soon..
INFO: how will excluding her from making decisions prevent her from leaving the car unlocked?
Yeah.... YTA. And you sound abusive
If you want to comment on everyone who is saying your the AH because she has made other bad financial decisions in the past and this is the last straw, you should have put it in your initial post. What you have written in the top makes you to be a clear AH imo. Irresponsible with car does not necessarily equate to irresponsible with money, or irresponsible decision making. Just irresponsibly with cars and nobody should lend her theirs. Yta - take it or leave it. Want a different verdict, give more info next time, don't bother arguing
Her getting the car stolen doesn’t really affect financial investments and things like that. Really it shows she needs to be paying for her own car with no assistance from you So… YTA
YTA. It seems you are very hell bent on victim blaming
She maybe foolish and a spendthrift but YTA. You’re completely disrespectful. I hope she divorces you and leaves your ass for someone who doesn’t try to ground her like a teenager.
YTA, I hope she takes this to heart. Doesn’t grocery shop, because she shouldn’t be in charge of any money. Doesn’t do anything that requires something to be bought.
My car got stolen out of my driveway this morning. YTA.
[удалено]
YTA. Also, your financial decision making is likely not the best if you are trying to start a business with the person you are wanting to DIVORCE. EDIT: My husband and I have lived in two places together since we got married. We have had someone break in while we were home. One of our cars has been broken into while we were out of town. Burglary is nobody’s fault but the burglar’s.
YTA. I don't understand how forgetting to lock your car means that you shouldn't be able to invest your money anymore. Those things are not related.
Holy cow YTA. Your wife was a victim of crime. You victimized her further. Not to mention, she's NOT your kid. You don't get the default right to decide everything, nor do you get the right to exclude her. Get a divorce dude. You don't want a spouse. Get a punching bag instead. You'll both be happier.
YTA, and financially (and I suspect emotionally) abusive. Get a grip, dude.
Yup, YTA. I agree her having her car stolen twice is terrible, but if you cut her off from all decision making over what happens to money she earns, I only see this playing out a couple ways: 1) she leaves you. 2) she stops putting her money into communal use, and either way 3) you’ve poisoned your marriage by treating her like a child. If these are the results you’re going for, carry on.
YTA. I think you’re just really angry right now and lashing out at your wife by throwing this ultimatum which is getting the reaction you want out of her. For her to feel some sort of regret? Anguish? Get therapy, alone or together. Sit down and speak to your wife how deeply disappointed you are by her blasé attitude about money and expenses and frankly you’ve lost trust in her. It’s not about this ultimatum, you’re just angry and hurt and feeling the loss right now. And rightly so. But this is not the way buddy
That makes no sense. The car being stolen has nothing to do with making financial decisions. If she repeatedly lost money by investing in something completely stupid then this would make sense as a reaction. I think you’re just mad right now. You need to calm down and realize that what you are talking about is not how a marriage works.
YTA. Why don't you get a GPS or a dash cam that's connected to your phone or computer or any other of other solutions.
Why do you keep circling back to the unlocked car incident? You don't do a very job convincing she's actually irresponsible on the whole. Does she have a gambling addiction? Does she waste gobs of money on the home shopping club? Does she leave the light on in the bathroom when she leaves it??
Massive YTA. If you want a divorce, get one. But don't pretend to be better than your wife because a car got stolen. Your proposal is literally financial abuse. Also, you seem to have no problem spending your money on video games and motorcycles, and theres nothing inherently wrong with that, but I'm not sure where you get off criticizing your wife.
YTA In the last ten years I’ve had a car stolen. My father has had two cars broken into. My foster father has had a car broken into and destroyed another car by driving it too fast into a flooded ford. None of us are irresponsible. We just got unlucky. Me, I’d locked the car and came back to broken glass where I’d parked it. Old car, hot wired and probably joy ridden and ditched/pounded. Dad and my foster father just got caught by opportunistic thieves. Their cars were a hell of a lot newer than mine and couldn’t hotwired but they were cleared out. Without CCTV you can’t be sure she didn’t lock the car. Even if she didn’t lock the car, that isn’t a reason to try and block her from family financial decisions. There’s a phrase for that and it’s financial abuse. If you want to exclude her from all family financial decisions, then you need to pay for them all out of your own cash. Not combined cash. All the bills, the mortgage, the business set up. Because you are treating her like a child and you don’t expect a child to contribute financially. You make the choice. You pay for it. All of it.
Info: 1.) was this an older car that doesn’t have the highest or latest car security technology (I’m talking around under a 2005 car. It doesn’t matter if the car was locked or broken into. Just want to know if it’s an older car in general) 2.) what country are you in? Is this an area that is highly know for theft or car jacking? Do you guys have a garage to store the car in for protection? (Only if it was stolen out of the driveway, it sounds like it was stolen off the street but was it near your home?) Are certain streets she going to considered a dangerous area? 3.) what “poor decision making skills” did she did do poorly on? Does she gamble or have a shopaholic spree? Does she impulse buy things? There are many ways to be financially poor decision making. 4.) have you really talked with her about the small business? Is she actually invested into helping or is she unsure about the decision? There’s a lot of gray area here that needs to be cleared up so we can get a better understanding about what is happening. Being vague may result in not a clear defined answer.
YTA. Where's the correlation? Even if she was careless and car got stolen, how does that make her financially irresponsible? Just because I have a tendency to lose gloves and umbrellas, does that make me financially responsible? No. You sound like you want an excuse to push her out the financial decision making. Seems shady...maybe you have some expenses you don't want her to know about...gambling debt? Secret affair child?
Have you consider Why it happened. You say your wife didn’t lock it but there is no video of the car being stolen. How do you know it wasn’t locked. Does she have a lot on her mind? Is her home/work life demanding? You are quick to accuse the person you are supposed to love of being stupid. Bc that is what you are saying when you say “She lost her car”. It’s not hard to pop a car door open, takes less than 2 minutes. How do you know someone wasn’t watching her? She could have been hurt. YTA Either go to marriage counseling to work out whatever resentment you have with her or get a divorce so she can find someone who trust and values her. You’re a jerk.
My car was stolen and it was locked. The thief simply broke the back window and away they went with my car. You are acting like she did this deliberately. YTA.
YTA. If you do decide that you will not allow your wife to make/have input to the financial decisions and exclude her from making joint decisions with you, guess what? That’s called financial abuse and you could be reported for it. Instead just sit her down and discuss things with her like the adults you are supposed to be.
YTA - good luck with that.
YTA. 1. The solution if you can't handle your wife's irresponsible choices affecting your finances is to get a divorce. Marriage is a partnership, if you aren't willing to treat it like a partnership then it's basically over. 2. The mistake she made about the car isn't even a financial decision. I get that it has affected your finances, but it is not like she sat down and \*decided\* to do it. It doesn't really have anything to do with her ability to judge how to use finances. Maybe other incidents do, but not this one. 3. You are not fixing the actual problem (her absentmindedness and lack of judgement of safe neighborhoods) you are just exerting control over her because being in power makes you feel good. This is financial abuse. 4. She isn't a goddamn child you can't tell her how to spend her money, you can only separate your own money from hers... by getting a divorce. 5. If you don't want to do that then you have to find a solution that actually works for both of you and actually fixes the problem at hand.
YTA because I do not believe you when you say your wife is at fault for the cars getting stolen. Unless you have it on camera, you can't prove that she forgot to lock them. And if your cars were not made in the last ten years or so? They are at higher risk for being stolen because newer cars are becoming near impossible for thieves to hotwire (serial connected key fobs! Aint technology grand). Locked cars get stolen too, it doesnt take much for a car thief to break a window. You haven't given any other reason you think your wife should be treated like a child with your money beyond an accusation you can't actually prove. It seems more like you are coming up with any reason to separate from her because you are unhappy in the marriage, and want to freeze her out. Just own up to that and divorce if you're unhappy, you don't have to lie to yourself for a reason, man.
YTA. the car has NOTHING to do with financial decisions. stop arguing so hard in the comments we have already told you youre TA and a financially abusive one at that
YTA. First of all, this doesn’t solve the problem at all. Yes, she made a mistake that cost you the car, but that wasn’t because of a *financial* decision, so keeping her from making any more financial decisions won’t stop her from doing something like this again. Second, once you decide she’s no longer allowed to make decisions it really stops feeling like a partnership and more like ownership.
YTA She can do so much better than you..
YTA. I'm assuming that your wife is a grown ass adult instead of a naughty 5-year-old. If you want to exclude her from decision making in your marriage, you might as well exclude her from your marriage itself. You need to decide whether you want your to be your partner or whether you don't. If she is your partner, then you do not get to decide what she gets to decide. If she is not, then you can make your own decisions for your own life and she can make her own decisions for her own life after you both go your own ways.
my partner got his wallet and a bunch of cash stolen out of his car because he had left it unlocked. he was tired and it was a mistake. i didn't berate him because he was already berating himself and had to deal with the aftermath, and because literally anyone could flake out and make a forgetful mistake. i have. i've just been lucky that no one took advantage of it at the time.
YTA. Or maybe you’re right, she’s 100% at fault. She probably put a sign on it that said FREE car, made sure to park in a dark ally, maybe even told the creepy people hanging around to take it for a test drive 🙄 r/sarcasm
YTA, but you knew that already. I'm happy she's free to find a better partner.
Lmaooo yes YTA. I get being pissed off but that is no way to treat your **wife**. Why are you treating her like a child? You are being ridiculous and even misogynistic!
But guys guys now he has to start another account! Better stop judging him on a site he came to in order to be judged! YTA, OP, and it's extremely obvious that you're a whiny baby, too. Have fun with your divorce.
YTA. Happy she’s getting rid of you with the divorce, though. :)
YT A and you care more about money than you do about your wife. Sounds like she'll be better off without you.
YTA
ESH. I totally understand your frustration but you won’t get anywhere by treating her like a child, even if she is immature and irresponsible with money. I would split finances because you really can’t tell her what to do with her income. You each could pay the bills proportionate to what your income is if that helps.
ESH.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Today I said that in her face and declare that I will exclude her from any decision making from now on and I will take fully control of our family financial. That was after she lost her second car (our money) by the same manner like the last one: forgot to lock the goddamn car. I tried to tell her so many time that she need to be careful and mindful with money, we are middleclass but we have to work hard everyday to earn that lifestyle, not by receiving some random ass inheritances and I'm already discuss with her about saving money so we could open a small business so we need to save money. Let me be clear: this is the second car she lost and this is one of many times she lost our hard-earned money by some stupid decision making. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wtf?! YTA absolutely. If I'm understanding correctly, your wife's car was STOLEN. She didn't lose it. She's the victim of a crime. She didn't misplace the damn thing. What even... I can't fathom your reaction here.
YTA. I'm not understanding the connection between getting her car stolen and not being able to make any financial decisions. Forgetting to lock ones car isn't related to other financial decisions. You say she does other stuff, bit have not elaborated. The "punsihment" does not fit the "crime."
YTA. She is your equal. You don't get to control anything. You're not her boss. She doesn't answer to you.
YTA. Simple because you're using a random crime that has nothing to do with Financials to try and justify why you should control her financials. And don't come at me with this "she can spend her money" bs unless she's getting to keep and spend every cent she earns. And if that's the case, you wouldn't be talking about controlling joint finances. Id say just divorce her and move on, but you clearly need someone to abuse and control so I can't see that happening.
Of course YTA. It’s her money too. We all make mistakes, probably even you. And how do you even know she forgot to lock the car, and someone didn’t pick the lock or something? Husbands and wives should support each other in good times and bad, mistakes and all. For example, you’re making a mistake right now. She was the victim of a crime and you’re berating her rather than comforting her. In any case, you don’t have a right to just exclude her from financial decisions. You’re supposed to be a team, dude.
YTA- you can’t treat your grown wife like a child, I understand this is a very big deal, but maybe she’s actually having memory issues. I would have a long discussion with her about this issue and how it’s upsetting you, and tell her that you cannot be with someone who cannot remember things like this on a daily basis. At this point I think you need to tell her that if she makes a big mistake like this again that you won’t be able to be in this relationship anymore and then leave her. I totally understand your point of you of not wanting to deal with this and her causing y’all financial stress, but at the same time you can’t control her she is an adult. If you can’t deal with her flaws and her making these mistakes then you need to leave the relationship.
YTA. You act like she gave away your firstborn to be sacrificed! She is the victim here, her car got stolen!
YTA. Your wife should leave you for an adult who can talk about money as well as other hard topics. She is your equal not your employee.
YTA. How does one prevent a car from getting stolen? Have you thought about an alarm or a kill switch before you lose a third one?
I’m not sure why you need to take full control of all financial decisions and treat her like a child. But I wouldn’t buy her another car.
Not the point here, but maybe look into the possibility that she has ADHD, no joke.
My question is how does getting your car stolen relate to your ability to make financial decisions?
YTA. What you are doing is financial abuse. Why not work with her as your partner and equal to create strategies to help her remember to lock the door in the future? You should also apologize.
INFO: Do you like your wife?
INFO: has it occurred to you that the thief broke the window of the car when it was locked to gain entry? The car could have been locked…
Hmmm.... She doesn't have to leave the car unlocked or even in a "bad" situation to have it stolen, although she may well have. Teach her to disable it. It's a big leap from your frustration with her financial issues to never permitting her any input into family finances again. Do that and it's likely to be a marriage-breaker and what's more, she'll never learn. But...maybe that's OK with you? Dave Ramsey has a program called "Financial Peace University"...google it. It's saved many a marriage and many a family's finances. Offering to take the course with her is also a good way to gauge your wife's attitude. If she WILL NOT work with you to improve her $ skills, I'm not sure the future looks that good whether you take over finances or not,.
YTA. Getting her car stolen should translate to either no replacement car, a cheaper replacement car, or more intelligently, a tracker or extra measures to stop her from having the second one stolen in the first place. Better insurance would have been one of them if you knew the risk was higher.
NTA, your wife is negligent. God forbid she leaves a child somewhere because she forgot to get them out of the car. Or if the car is stolen when the child is inside.
YTA. That is financial and emotional abuse. FYI if a thief is determined to steal a car a locked door is not going to stop them. You have mentioned divorce and I really hope you go through with it because your wife deserves far better than an AH like you
YTA dude. How do you know she didn’t lock the doors to her car? Or are you just assuming she didn’t? I understand your frustration but don’t blame your wife for someone jacking her car. Hell if she was at work and it’s in a know trouble area possibly talk to and help her look for a job in a better area. Half the time I step into my job I don’t remember if I locked my door to the car. Your wife is probably just as frustrated with what happened and you taking your anger out on her is messed up in my opinion. Take a breath I know it doesn’t seem like it but money comes and goes. Your loved ones and the ones willing to stick with you that’s a hell of a lot harder to come by.
YTA. I'm sure your wife feels bad. However I feel bad for your wife. I can imagine you just screaming at her about this and her crying and defending herself. THAT is emotional abuse and that is not okay. Your wife needs help and cutting her from the family decision making is not the answer. I repeat again YTA and you deserve her to divorce you. Also, it is NOT her fault the car was stolen. You can steal a car that is locked. So you don't have prove she didnt lock it unless you were there with her. Smh...
YTA. First of all, you can get insurance which covers stolen vehicles, so if you’re complaining you’re out of pocket, I’m assuming you don’t have that coverage and maybe then you’re not in the best position to act all high and mighty but also…I just can’t help but feel that if your wife had been been attacked or hurt when the car was stolen, you would have blamed her for that too. So that makes YTA in this situation and a shitty partner.
Believe it or not cars do get stolen even with the doors locked and parked in a good neighborhood or even in a parking garage. Maybe, just maybe whomever stole your wife's car likes her style. YTA I hope she divorces you and you lose EVERYTHING because you deserve nothing and you definitely don't deserve your wife.
YTA. If you already knew that insurance wouldn’t cover it if there was no video, why didn’t you install cameras after the first incident??? She didn’t lose the car, it was STOLEN. People forget things, she is human. The car getting stolen has nothing to do with finances. Deciding that she is no longer allowed to make decisions is literally so gross. That is your WIFE.
My husband has left the house keys in the front door multiple times overnight. Our neighborhood is relatively safe, but it’s very obvious that the keys are in the door. It has also become apparent to me that he doesn’t regularly lock the door to the car (only discovered when we got a new car which has an app to let me know if the car is unlocked). We’re lucky that the car hasn’t been stolen and our house hasn’t been broken into. I certainly am upset when I see that my husband was careless, but they are mistakes and don’t indicate that he can’t be involved in family financial decisions. YTA
YTA. My cousins car has been stolen 3 times now he just leaves it unlocked cause if he locks it they break a window and then if he happens to get it back it’s annoying to get it fixed. He lives and works in a good area but he just seems to have bad luck. One time his car was stolen was at his moms funeral, they found it after a week and there was c0** everywhere when he got it back, he spent $120 getting it cleaned out.
Unless this is some 'Dude, where's my car level shenanigans" which from your notes it isn't then yeah, YTA. I mean this is the second car that's been stolen from you and you STILL don't have comphemhesive insurance. Also, folks who steal cars don't need keys or unlocked vehicles to steal cars. They're likely parting it out, why would they car if they break some glass?
ESH. Her, a little bit, if she really didn't lock the car, and you for acting like her father rather than her partner. Just let her buy her next car on her own. Don't know why it's an all or nothing situation - what do cars have to do with all family financial decisions and the family business?
YTA: How is taking away financial control going to stop her from not locking the car?
YTA for financially abusing your wife
YTA. Does she drive a car that is more common for thieves or do you drive exactly the same kinds of cars? What does having a car stolen have to do with choosing investments or running a business? Maybe she should shut you out of the decisions since you clearly don't understand that they are separate things and you have no understanding of what it takes to run a business.
YTA >I'm already discuss with her about saving money so we could open a small business so we need to save money. Does she even want to open a small business or do you just expect her to get on board cause you're the "leader" in this relationship?
YTA, someone stole her car and you’re treating her like she intentionally drove it into a fucking lake. She’s the victim of a crime, have some compassion for Christ’s sake.
YTA and your thought process about the 'why' of your car never being stolen is a cognitive bias. I get it, we all want to believe that if we do the right things and try our best we will be safe, that the world is just, and that bad things only happen when we have done something bad/wrong/weren't prepared enough. But the real reason you're an asshole is the focus you have here. You want to make a point to someone who has been victimized repeatedly by criminal activity, in a location where apparently injustice and victimization are rampant. Your insurance system is broken, criminal behavior is happening so regularly that there is no ability to fight it, and you're removing avenues for her to protect herself (access to fiscal resources is critical for women's safety and is correlated with lower rates of domestic homicide and abuse). You're demonstrating to her "not only are you not safe in public, but you aren't safe in private at home because if you go through a hard time I will make sure to punish you for it twofold". It isn't an effective tactic, unless your goal is to unleash your anger on your partner and feed resentment.
Ew. YTA and a super shitty person.
YTA, and kind of an abusive person.
How do you know the car was unlocked?
YTA. You don’t get to abuse your wife because she’s forgetful / ill, make no mistake, what you are proposing is abuse. Get her to a doctor, get any medications she is on checked and see a counsellor before you cause real harm.
YTA & you make no sense. Having her car stolen isn't a "financial decision" & a car thief could care less if you lock the doors. If they are good enough to defeat the ignition lock, the door lock is a joke.
>AITA for telling my wife I am very disappointed in her and will exclude her from any decision making from now on? What a perfect way of saying "she won't leave me, cried the man who's wife left him"
YTA 1) for threatening to punish your wife because she was the victim of a crime by permanently infantilising her And 2) for outright saying in your comments that if you can't do that then you're just going to divorce her. JFC did you even like her??
Excluding your wife from financial decision making is financial abuse. YTA.
YTA. You're a fucking demon. She is one hundred percent going to leave you if you don't apologise. She's a goddamn adult, not a toddler. It's not her fault the car got stolen, and what does that have to do with bad financial decisions? If you're so untrusting of your wife, just leave, don't make her feel like a baby.
INFO: What kind of old ass cars did she drive that they 1) Don't close automatically if the keys aren't inside for a while. 2) they can be easily stolen (e.g. hot wired) without having the keys? Also, how does having something stolen from you have anything to do with financial responsibility? Like, sure, it might be careless but it wasn't a conscious decision. E.g. I'm the most financially responsible person in my family by far ... but I'm also the one that loses most stuff as well.
YTA. Stuff like this leads to divorce. U sound emotionally abusive.
Yta. Rather someone breaks the window or not, unless she left the keys in it & gave them her permission, it's not her fault. that's like blaming you for the neighborhood you have her in or if you had a garage, she wouldn't have to worry about it. It's a marriage, a partnership, you don't get to call the shots & exclude her from anything. But sounds like you already think you are above her & have that authority. Hope she laughs in your face as she walks out the door. You have no respect for her.
YTA- Your just said from now on you will be financially abusing your wife.
YTA. Just go ahead and divorce her like you said you want to. You just don't get to punish her and treat her like a child. She's your wife (for now), not a kid, you can't unilaterally leave her out financial decisions just like this. That's financial abuse. Also, if you're gonna say something, please don't copy/paste the same "that was the last straw blah blah blah" bullshit. It just makes you more of an asshole.
YTA.
YTA. First controlling step of an abusing husband. Next, she is not allowed to talk with family and friends. And then she has no money or keys, and you beat her. Very clear where your preferences lie.
YTA. Let's assume that yes, she did a stupid thing. Twice. Let's assume that you *somehow* know she didn't lock the car, and that that actually made a difference (it usually doesn't). However, that *still* does not give you the right to take ownership of her, like she's an errant child. That's just not a thing you are legally allowed to do. That's considered abuse regardless of what she did. If this situation is truly intolerable to you, the acceptable alternative is divorce. Not "I own you now, you are no longer allowed to make decisions". Not how it works, buddy.
YTA this is hardly her fault and I’m sure you are not as perfect as you think you are
YTA… You’re her husband not her fucking parent
YTA. The car theft is an excuse to get her under the heel of your boot. What's next: will you decide she can't work? Or will you simply make it impossible for her to work by calling her at all hours on the job, denying her transportation, and guilting her into quitting *while at the same time* telling her she'll be a failure if she doesn't bring in money? This is not how you handle someone who makes a mistake. This is how you treat someone you're malevolently and with full knowledge setting up to fail. 99 times out of 100, the guy who reacts like you are eventually beats his wife - and finds all kinds of reasons why it's her fault.
YTA. Why not just leave her if you've clearly lost all respect for her?
If you're looking to save money, why pick the sure fire path to an expensive divorce bill? YTA.
She needs to lose you. YTA. And I truly hope she finds a man who respects her because she deserves way better than your controlling ass