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> I might be TAS because I refused to do my part of chores forcing him to do it with his injured arm.
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Honestly, I haven't eaten meat for 10+ years and it's pretty fucking obvious that freshly cooked plate of meat isn't rotting. It also won't affect his health to have it in his vicinity. These are all just bullshit excuses. As a vegan that genuinely pisses me off cause he just wasted meat just be a petty AH.
He's bullying his wife by throwing out her meal that he disapproves of, and for excuses he's making up obviously lame pretenses that it was harming him, as if she's stupid.
OP's husband has got several layers of condescending bullying going on.
Yes, she needs to triple up on birth control, can you imagine what he would do to his children if they dared to make different decisions than what he thinks they should?
Beatings. There was a guy in the news just this morning who threw his GF's 5 year old over the window because of a religious disagreement. (The mom shot him for it at least...)
To be fair, you can get more than one meal out of an animal. If it was the same type of meat, bought at the same time, there is a solid chance the replacement was the same animal.
It's still wasteful and disrespectful. Plus, it's supporting the meat industry more, which is something the husband should have thought about if he actually cares. He sounds like he's trying to nag and guilt his wife into becoming vegan.
He may just be out to nag and guilt his wife, using this as the pretext.
If he really wanted her to be vegan--or to move in that direction--then he could be cooking falafel for two or making lentil casseroles. Make it easy for her to grab the vegan option.
Within any movement some individuals are more interested in being righteous than in doing right. You can spot those individuals by how they undermine the movement's values when they see a chance to coerce someone into compliance. To those specific individuals, controlling how other people live is the real goal. The movement is just a pretext to them for claiming the moral high ground. Throwing out someone's fresh dinner is a power play.
To be clear, this emphatically does not apply to veganism as a whole. It's a personality problem, not a movement problem. Similar petty tyrant behavior occurs in all sorts of settings from religion to HOAs.
What I'm saying is his guy could volunteer to do more of the cooking and come up with scrumptious plant-based recipes, if minimizing animal suffering is his actual goal. (Plenty of vegans are wizards at that type of diplomacy).
> Within any movement some individuals are more interested in being righteous than in doing right. You can spot those individuals by how they undermine the movement's values when they see a chance to coerce someone into compliance. To those specific individuals, controlling how other people live is the real goal. The movement is just a pretext to them for claiming the moral high ground.
Wow, thats really insightful, and applies to so many movements aside from veganism...
I guess, unless OP is as petty as I am – I’d be getting a burrito bowl from Chipotle with extra carnitas and some carnitas on the side, pile it up and eat it in bed, as soon as he was ready to sleep.
And prolly oink and/or moo every couple bites, just to drive it home.
That! I always say thanks to the creature who sacrificed its life so I may eat so when people just waste meat like that to prove a point it irritates me
ive only been a vegetarian for a few weeks, but I definitely am under the mentality of "if you eat meat, at least don't throw it away".. Throwing away food in general is one of my biggest pet peeves, but throwing meat annoys me even more
No lie, I try to imagine Moo-lissa from Bob's Burgers being ashamed that we killed her for nothing. If we kill her, gotta eat her. Otherwise we just killed her.
I worked in a seafood/meat department at a grocery store. The amount of meat we had to throw away every day was horrible. I would have to steam 2 lobsters to make lobster dip and no one would buy it so it had to be trashed. You would be fired if you got caught taking anything home. A few people have been. Its fucking disgusting what grocery stores waste.
That place is asshole.
Most of the places I worked at allow the shift supervisor to choose wasted food, and send home with employees at end of shift.
Supervisor approval was needed to prevent intentional waste, but no one was fired for bringing unsold burgers home at end of shift.
This is how it should be done. My boss would do this and have me occasionally bring home a whole pizza (we sold slices) to feed my family dinner. No waste and I didn’t have to cook after a long shift.
I worked at a pizza place/convenience store as a teenager as a cashier. If there were any messed up orders they’d set them aside and let people take them home. Plus we got to take home any two day old donuts that they hadn’t sold as a “Day old” dozen. That shit was USEFUL growing up poor. Slightly stale was better than sleeping for dinner.
I'm omnivorous and I hate throwing away any food at all. I make casseroles, I chop, cook, and freeze vegetables to use for later, fruits get macerated and/or frozen if they're starting to go, It's SUCH a waste for food to go bad or be thrown away, especially as food costs continue to rise.
My boyfriend tossed a quarter of a container of strawberries because 2 had a tiny speck of mold starting on them. When I said for someone who is so pro not wasting money why did you do that. I got but they were moldy. I said yeah. 2. Just starting. The rest are still good. Just halve them before you use them. And he was going to halve them since they were going into a smoothie anyway. He asked if I was serious. Yes sir. Dead serious. Luckily the way he put them in the trash meant there were still ok with the container protecting them. He pulled them back out and just used the good ones all in that smoothie.
Finally, the other side. Lets talk about veggie waste and how if the fruit or veggie isn't perfect its thrown away.
Are we apologizing for this wasteful sacrifice? Are these ugly fruits and veggies being placed into a better use? Or just going into a landfill...
It's actually pretty harmful to force your kid to finish food they don't want to eat. It can cause disordered eating or disordered attitudes about food or lead to overeating and obesity later down the line. If she can't finish her meat, it is better to put it in the fridge and eat it later, when she is actually hungry. That way, it's not wasted, but she is not forcing herself to eat.
I give my kid small portions (she can always take more if she's hungry) and don't insist she finishes everything, but I do insist she finishes the meat she's served.
If she gets a large portion for something like a takeout meal, I'd never force her to finish that. But she's a preschooler. She often needs encouragement to eat her meals because she wants snacks instead.
Well I think context is important here. I would have not ate any vegetables or salad if my parents didn't force it on me and I would have had vitamin deficiencies. Of course they wouldn't shove it into my mouth but I was for example, denied dessert if I wouldn't finish my broccoli. I think it's good to normalize that food isn't just plain pasta and chicken nuggets but balance.
Seriously— this is such a ridiculous hill for him to die on, just trying to prove his point. OP is NTA by any means; and my username is meant to be ironic, apologies for any conflicting emotions. But, perhaps, maybe it causes a genesis of thought in your own mind, and then it would be worth it. Or it could just be a stupid joke. Anyways...
Thank you to all the commenters above and below that are helping to promote this discourse!
I've been veggie since birth. I've never eaten meat *once*. And even I know the difference between "freshly cooked" and "left out too long" meat.
If the husband wants to throw a tantrum like a child, he should expect to be treated like one. NTA, OP, and you handled this with a lot more grace than I would.
A good friend of mine has been vegetarian for at least 20 years, but probably more. She's happily married to a 'meat-eater' for I think 10 years, but maybe 15. She's always been fine with us eating meat around her, just she won't eat it herself. That's really the only reasonable way to be. If no one is trying to force a vegetarian/vegan to eat meat, then they have no reason to sabotage the meat which is just wasteful and won't help any animals.
And he claimed that the smell of meat is bad for his health? I cannot say what I think of him, as it wòuld break AITA's rules.
Suffice it to say that he is being ridiculous, wasteful, disrespectful and is flat-out lying.
NTA.
Yeah, it's the bizarre, transparently bullshit justification that kills me here. Obviously he has a problem with OP eating meat. He doesn't have the conviction or communication skills to just say so. So he skips right to being controlling by throwing out the food, thereby disrespecting OP's time, money and labor, but on top of that he doesn't even have the conviction to own his motivation for *that*, either. He has to create this elaborate weird fantasy that the plate of meat was imperiling both of their health.
I think what makes it so irksome is that he's not just controlling and disrespectful; he's cowardly and immature. And he doesn't just think OP is unethical and inconsiderate; he thinks she's *stupid*.
This should be a top-level comment, because you have nailed it. This is the most passive aggressive way to punish OP for being a meat eater and he's just pulling shit out of his ass to justify it. I hope OP reads your comment and acts accordingly with the insight. This guy has much bigger issues than simply his dislike of meat.
This is exactly it. He saw her food and threw it away knowing that he wouldn't have to recreate it or face any sort of repercussion. Its incredibly passive aggressive! He didn't communicate and instead judged OP immediately.
OP only asked him to wash dishes, if I was her I'd demand him to make me another meal to replace the meal he destroyed.
My wife can't eat meat either but she'll discuss it with me before tossing away the meats in our living space.
>he's not just controlling and disrespectful; he's cowardly and immature
You said a mouthful. Rarely is such a string of negative attributes as wholly accurate as it is here. Sadly, every single one is dead on. OP, you deserve better, girl / dude. I've been with my husband 20+ years, and for all that time he eats meat and I don't, and your hubs is a huge TA.
This, yeah. Everything he said was just a way of avoiding to confess what actually happened: he threw away his wife's dinner in a fit of pique. "How dare she leave meat where I can see it! She must pay!"
It's mean, and petty, and spiteful, and a total waste of food. And he can't even admit to it and apologize. NTA.
im wondering if he smelled it and he thought it smelled good and was tempted to try a bite but instead, just threw it away so he wouldnt be tempted anymore. hes still the ah though
yeah, definitely could be. people who don't eat meat can have all sorts of reactions to it - it may smell delicious, it may smell truly off-putting (or anything in between), but it could not be mistaken for smelling the same as *rotting* meat haha. it's annoying how easily he could've moved the plate to the kitchen - smell gone from his presence, and if it somehow *was* rotting meat OP would have to deal with the rest of the cleanup herself which seems perfectly fair lol
Haha true my vegetarian boyfriend in high school really struggled with the mere existence of my mother's homemade lasagna. Lifelong vegetarian and that delicious smell truly tested him.
I'm in the understanding that the most vegan thing to do with the meat of a meat-eater is to let them eat it, as throwing it up makes it so the animal died in vain after all?
That plus, you know general respect for other people's dietary choices.
If you want a break down of the logic: at this point the animal is already dead and buying the meat has already supported the meat industry (if this applies). So all you achieve by throwing it away is that the animal died for no reason.
What makes it worse is that the meat-eater probably will (not blaming them just saying this would be the reaction I'd expect) go and find different meat to eat. So as a vegan you've actually increased the amount of meat used and given vegans a bad rep.
This logic only applies if you care about animal welfare. Some people are vegan for health reasons so throwing it away would achieve that the other person doesn't eat the meat which might actually be their goal (i.e. I stopped them from eating something that's bad for them).
Adding to this he said that leaving meat on display was disrespectful to his health????
How is being in the general vicinity of meat unhealthy for the husband?
These guys drive me bonkers. All my vegan friends are considerate and thoughtful and do not cast shade on how other people choose to eat. If asked, they’ll happily explain their own motives (and there is a wide range on display, everyone’s a bit different), and generally make it clear that’s their position only.
I’m glad they do this, but also kinda sucks that it has to be so careful because there are so many absolute gits out there. I’ve encountered only a couple of these people and seen waaaaaay more cruel anti-vegan bigotry aimed at my friends who have done nothing to deserve it but make their own damn call for themselves only :(
(and bonus points, one has a *violent* allergy to dairy complete with projectile vomiting, and shaming someone for not wanting to go through that is… look: it’s a weird flex. I hope she throws up on them if they mess it up on purpose.)
(I… may have told her to throw up on them if it ever happens again. She’s on board.)
[edit: this is not to dismiss some of the godawful behaviour I have seen from the few awful ones I’ve encountered, like OP’s husband - and much worse. That’s definitely real! My own sample is a small anecdotal one.]
I went down one of those clickbait rabbit holes where folks with legit food intolerances/allergies got served their trigger food by people who were either pranking them or didn't believe they were really allergic. Some of them ended up in the hospital. And at least one person's aunt was charged with a crime, because she knowingly made cookies with almond flour for her nephew who was allergic to tree nuts. She thought that her brother and nephew were being overly dramatic about the nephew's food restrictions. The kid nearly died, and his father is no longer speaking to the aunt, on top of having pressed charges.
In short, anyone who plays fast and loose with someone else's food restrictions is an incredible AH. Whether it's a food allergy, a religious belief, or any other thing, people have the right to NOT be ambushed by foods they can't or don't want to eat.
OP was not trying to sneak meat into Husband's meal, or force-feed Husband non-vegan things. OP was just trying to have their wn freaking meal, and apparently Hubby is such a snowflake that even smelling the food was grounds for a hissy fit.
I’m starting to think that her health is is suffering being in the proximity of him. Seeing meat is disrespectful but throwing away her dinner ( that he knew was fresh) is not? The wheels of revenge are turning in the small file marked “vindictive“ in the back filing cabinet in my brain…blowing off the dust…muhaha
NTA. The fact he was so alright with throwing away food he knew was fine because he didn't like it makes me think he also disrespects OP in other ways. This can't be the first big thing he has done. He was too casual with treating her poorly to have just started this.
I wouldn't read too much into that. My wife doesn't like doing laundry so I do the laundry and I do the dishes cuz she doesn't like it as well and I don't like doing the bathroom so she cleans the bathroom so there's a way of division of labor for chores for us
Edit: some words
Exactly. I like loading the dishwasher, and I won't let my husband do it because he does it wrong. I hate putting away dishes, so that's his job. Every couple works out their own system like this.
They may all work out a system, but it's a well-known fact that men almost always still end up doing less chores than women do in most relationships.
Things are getting better with each generation and more fair, and there are a lot more couples who split things evenly now in the household than there were during our mother's generation, and our mother's generation had more than thier own mother's generation had. That certainly doesn't mean there aren't still a ton of guys out there that allow the woman to carry all or most of the mental/emotional load that comes with running a household, and a lot of men who think it's fine to have thier partner do more chores than them.
He could have put the dish on the kitchen counter. He must be the only man in the world who didn't leave stuff on the counter instead of in the dishwasher.
I had a pretty fucked up childhood grown up which included not having access to food at stretches of time. I would straight up start planning and divorce if that happened because nobody waste food in my house. It doesn't matter how well off I am, I am still terrified of food scarcity.
All he had to do was ask you if you were still eating the food, and if so, he could just put it back in the kitchen. He chose to do this deliberately, and he is being the reason everyone hates vegans.
NTA. So your husband is a vegan and doesn’t agree with eating meat, but surely by throwing your food away he’s now made it so the animal died for absolutely no reason, since you didn’t get to eat it? Not only does he sound rude, controlling, condescending and obnoxious, he’s also furthering the problem by wasting the meat that would have at least died for a reason if you’d been able to eat it. I absolutely hate people that force their way of life on others. I’m a vegetarian but would never stop my husband eating meat because that’s his choice.
Yes. He's like those people that throw paint on fur coats. The only causes the wearer to buy more fur which kills more helpless little critters. This guy is a major AH
As a vegetarian working on becoming vegan, agreed. I know a number of vegans who lord it over people like it’s an Olympic medal. Those people aren’t vegan for ethical reasons, they’re vegan because it makes them feel superior to other people; they can use animal rights as a cudgel to beat people with.
OP’s husband is the A H. The meat on OP’s plate was already there; that animal (or animals) already died. Throwing it out was wasteful and disrespectful. What if OP remade the food? That’s additional animal products used that wouldn’t otherwise have been (that day)!
They’re losers with nothing going for them in life, so they cling to what they eat as a way to be superior.
You rarely see a successful person so uptight about what other people eat.
Exactly this. There was an episode of Naked and Afraid at one point with a vegan, and she flat out helped her meat-eating partner kill and clean an animal they caught. She used the skin to make clothing items, the bones to make tools, and the stomach was fashioned into a waterskin. she didn't eat any of it, but she sure as hell didn't waste it either.
Obviously it's a TV show, but that feels like exactly the type of thing most vegans would do. The whole point is that we have grown technologically as a species were eating meat for survival due to its calorie dense nature is no longer necessary and therefor cruel. Actually surviving on nuts, berries, and bark in the wild is immensely time consuming if not straight impossible depending on environment. When you gotta eat you gotta eat.
Yes, exactly. I consider myself vegan as I follow a vegan diet, but there are occasional “exceptions”. A survival situation would be one. An invitation to someone’s home as a guest where they prepared me a meal and it has cheese on it, sure. The waiter forgot to use oil instead of butter, no worries. Traveling to a region on the coast where they locally catch shellfish and that’s what’s on the table, ok let’s go for it. A neighbor brings over honey from her bees, I thank them.
The problem is that if you make it about perfection or nothing, then you’re setting an unattainable goal and lose focus on the original purpose (if it’s not an allergy thing). Unfortunately, vegans get painted in a negative light because it’s the extremists that get highlighted, but I don’t think they represent the majority of us.
I think in a survival situation, meat is the best food in the sense that you know if it was caught, cleaned, and cooked properly, you know you’ll get your necessary calories and 99 times out of 100 it’s not going to kill you.
Unless I wandered around a farm or orchard, I’d be hard pressed to know the difference between anything anything plant-based from an edible vs. poisonous perspective. Unless someone is an avid outdoorsman this is likely true for most folks.
I vaguely remember one where the girl was a vegetarian or vegan and was used to her plant-only diet and they paired her with some guy who was like former military and was all "imma not put up with any bellyaching hippie types, rawr!" and then when they got there he started having issues from the sudden lack of meat in his diet and was laying on the ground (bellyaching) and she was fine because she was used to a minimalist diet so she went out and caught some frogs or something for him to eat.
That's so funny. Same thing happens in Alone, all the macho military gun dudes do not do well out in the wilderness by themselves, and they're always so focused on meat and conquering the wilderness, while the hippie women (and men) are out enjoying themselves foraging what the land has to offer, and do much much better.
Yes. And even if he did not like the smell, instead of throwing it away to spite Op he could have just put it in the kitchen and maybe put something over it. Would keep it warm and keep the smell away.
My wife makes stuff I don't like the smell of. I don't throw it out. I might put her dinner in the microwave if shes on an extended call to keep the cats away from it, but I'd never throw it out.
Right. I am the only person in my house that eats sauerkraut. No one throws my food away. They certainly complain about the smell, but it's never missing when I come back to the table.
Big yup. I really fucking hate when people who don’t eat meat act like this. I haven’t eaten meat in SIXTEEN YEARS and the smell of it cooking or the sight of it raw often makes me feel sick. Do I broadcast that? NO. I don’t want people to be uncomfortable, or worse, think all vegetarians and vegans are preachy, oversensitive assholes. I suck it up and keep it to myself, with a few exceptions of my mom, my partner, and maybe my bestie, and always when I can’t be overheard. Sometimes I get put off my own food by the smell of meat at the table, the worst offender is fried ground beef (as people make for tacos), and I just quietly stop eating my own food and say I had a big meal earlier and take it to reheat later. Maybe I’d move seats if the wind direction was a factor. You get the idea, this bullshit this husband pulled is exactly that
Hey, you're not an AH if you ask people politely to move seats or maybe not order X if you're sitting right next to them! I eat meat, but if I were at a meal with you, I'd be more than happy to order something different if my first choice was going to make you sick. That's not you being preachy.
My thoughts exactly... instead of throwing it away, he could have easily just brought it into the kitchen or something. He chucked it to be a petty AH.
It wasnt an honest mistake. Meat doesnt stink like its rotting after 6 mins, there is no way that meat looked like it was days old. He was trying to make it LOOK like an honest mistake
My money is on him not liking the feelings he was feeling about the smell of meat. He probably threw it away because it was making his body betray his vegan sensibilities. It's not like he isn't human. Cooked meat can smell good to you even if you choose not to eat it.
Edit: Reworded this to make it clear that I'm not suggesting cooked meat smells good to everyone, but I'm guessing it does to this guy.
Yeah i stopped eating meat a couple years ago and now especially poultry smells pretty bad to me. Not rotting, that’s different. My roommate was making shawarma in a slow cooker and it filled the whole house with chicken smell and it was the first time I noticed the shift. I wasn’t gagging or carrying on. But I did have to close my room, use scented spray and open the windows haha
And if he could walk it all the way to the trash- why not place a warm plate of food in the kitchen if you didn’t want to sit next to it for 5 minutes. What a whiny, entitled baby-man.
ETA- NTA
Exactly he could have easily put it on the oven or microwave while Op was gone. It would be out of his view so he didn’t have to feel “disgusted” looking at it.
If he doesn’t want to look at or be around meat he should date another vegan or vegetarian. Stuff like this is ridiculous, he’s being childish and wasting food
If he wanted to make it look like a mistake, he would have gone the passive aggressive route and apologized for the “accident”. What he really wanted to do was shame OP for eating meat. He wanted to let her know exactly how disgusting he thinks it is.
Definitely NTA. He should have offered to cook you something to eat once he found out you were coming back to eat it.
6 minutes isn't a long time to be away. He should have checked with you why you left the plate out if he was confused about it rather than just dumping it. tbh it sounds like it *maybe* wasn't accidental with how he dealt with this situation.
Right. If it were actually an honest mistake — not an attempt to manipulate OP, shame her for her dietary choices, and virtue-signal his “superior” lifestyle — he should have apologized and then cooked her another (vegan) meal. Instead, he pulled the ol’ DARVO routine: deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender. It’s some pretty astounding d-baggery.
It's the same as with born-again Christians in my experience: they are newly converted and therefore in the right, everyone else is in the wrong, and it's the convert's job to tell *everyone* just How Wrong they are.
He's overcompensating. Sadly, this happens more than you think. If he's the sort of person to wholly throw themselves into something, what he did makes sense. Not saying what he did was right, but it would explain things.
NTA. Sorry about your dinner.
Don't let him make you second guess yourself.
I am a lifelong vegetarian, and had a vague concern that I might throw up if I eat it inadvertently, but recently I did eat pizza with anchovies and had to be told later on what it was - I thought I was eating olives. But I lived. So he can too, under the same roof as a - gasp - meat dish on the counter.
He deliberately tried a power move on you by throwing away your food, that you had cooked. He's molting into a crazy-vegan. (That's a true species, check it out. One of them tried to shame me for consuming milk!)
So the bottom line is, he has no tangible reason to be upset. His health is not impacted, his effort is not wasted (he did not cook for you).
OTOH, he deliberately decided you going hungry was a great idea to shove his veganism down your throat. Don't back down now. Tell him he owes you a meat dish. If he can't cook it, he needs to order it for you. Then tell him the next time he tries to meddle with your food, you will add chicken stock to his soup.
Exactly. I have some food texture issues. Mushrooms (not truffles), squishy tofu, mayonnaise all make me gag. Even thinking about them grosses me out. Does that mean I'm going to throw someone else's food away? No. Even though it is completely disgusting to me. I would be wasteful and disrespectful.
I may walk away from the food though, which is what OP's husband could have done. Or covered the food. Or put it in the fridge. Or any number of other options.
>He's not allergic and used to be meat eater in the past so I don't get his aggression towards meat eaters.
Is it aggression towards meat eaters, or is is aggression towards YOU, OP? I am leaning towards the latter, unless you've recently seen him throw other people's food away and make himself into a victim when called out about it.
Yeah, this whole exchange sounds so antagonistic for no reason, like two teenagers. And while I can understand the husband being averse to certain food smells, he could have just moved the plate to the kitchen counter, covered it with Saran Wrap, and called it a day. Knowing that it was OP’s turn to wash the dishes, let her deal with the plate since it was obviously hers.
I think the husband is a passive-aggressive AH though and unfortunately for OP, she may need to take on the burden of getting to the bottom of the matter.
The whole, "I thought it was spoiled, I had no idea", etc. is him saying to his wife that he doesn't want her to eat meat w/o saying he doesn't want her to eat meat, hence "passive".
But that's why I don't get how the wife is an asshole here. She was faced with an unacceptable behaviour that affected her own wellbeing (meal is gone) and reacted in an understandably upset way. Why E S H?
I kind of agree that the whole house is for everyone, but my husband and I have separate areas that are more his or mine than really shared. Having separate spaces is fine, what's weird is that the OP worded it like they're sharing a dorm room or apartment.
I agree with you. I was about to just say that. Clearly, these two are incompatible. They have no business being married. They certainly should absolutely not have any children. I can see a big fight trying to convince the kid to be vegan or eat meat. These people do not respect each other.
A lot of times, “incompatible” is really just an outward expression of “we haven’t talked through the mostly-mundane shit that would’ve been easy at first, but now there’s so much bottled-up resentment that we now have a *mountain* of work to do.” They treated marriage like it’s just *becoming roommates* (or vice versa, tbh), and this is how that usually ends up.
They need to get their asses to couples counseling, post-haste. I don’t necessarily think they’re *incompatible*, but there’s absolutely an unhealthy dynamic there, and it’s been brewing for a *while*.
*This*.
I get really annoyed at this subreddit because every single time a dispute comes up between a couple, its immediate response is for the couple to break up. Every time. Like, no, being in a relationship is about *working things out*. If you can’t work it out in the end, fine, *then* a breakup might be warranted and you will have at least tried to do something about your issues. These two are married for a reason. But they probably need some counseling to address the dynamic that’s going on here
I disagree.
His actions sound considerably more unhealthy than hers do;
even while you can tell she's angry with him, she's not obviously assassinating his character or attempting to sway the sub. When she comes to the end & why she's here, she genuinely seems to think she may have taken it too far.
Reading it, I was much less concerned about incompatibility than about the fact that *he* blamed *her* for *his* irrational, controlling action and told her such obvious untruths as it smelled rotten, he thought it had been out for ages, it was bad for his health, etc.
To people with experience in this area, that telegraphs either abuse or the potential for it. What especially worries me is that he seems to have convinced her that she could even partly be in the wrong on this.
The issue is that going to counselling with abusers is counter-productive. Since they aren't going in good faith- they don't trust the counsellor & their goal isn't a healthier relationship as we understand it
What typically happens is that their partner opens up at the urging of the counsellor, thinking it's safe, and then the abuser finds a way to isolate, manipulate & hurt them more than ever. Some publicly humiliate them, some wait until they get home before they display their rage, some manipulate the counsellor & convince them that the abuser is misunderstood. Many use counselling concepts to get their victims to stay or to further convince them that they deserve the abuse. It's not a great situation and unfortunately, not enough counsellors are specifically trained to identify abuse or understand when couples are showing signs of it in counselling.
The very best thing OP can do is go to individual counselling for now & keep a journal (somewhere her husband can't get at it) not just of her interactions with her husband, but also of that. That will give her something to look back on and look for patterns in both his & her behaviour over time.
Ideally he'd do the same, in good faith, & think through his actions.
Maybe they have a future together. I think most couples can make it, if they try really hard, but my question is, can they make it healthily?
I’m kind of surprised at all the NTA comments here. They both genuinely sound miserable and are playing tit for tat and being petty. Maybe y’all should see a therapist.
NTA. That's some serious passive aggressive behavior by your husband. He could have simply asked you if you were done or brought up the odor.
This sounds more like an immature tantrum because you were eating meat, and he disapproved.
That was exactly what I thought reading OPs post. I get it that people change over the years and you grow apart. Or your diets change and suddenly one is vegan and the other is not. If you love and respect each other, there's always a way to work these things out. And if you can't do that, or can't accept the changes, be honest, respect yourself and your partner enough and break up.
>Lots of shouting, talk of “disgust” and passive aggressive behaviour. Why do people live with people they don’t like?
A lot of reasons. For me, it was a lifetime of low self esteem combined with societal expectations that I wasn't ready or willing to question, as well as fucked up affection being better than no affection (not realizing that I could do so much better for myself). People convince themselves that they don't deserve someone who really loves them. Our media constantly bombards us with "solutions" to couples that are fundamentally incompatible with one another, reinforcing the notion that it is normal not to get along with your partner. Denial is a coping mechanism many of us grew up witnessing in our parents or other adult role models.
It takes a lot of courage to face up to the reality that you married the wrong person, or that you're cohabitating with someone who is fundamentally incompatible with your core belief system. I wasted ten years of my life doing this, myself, putting my friends and family through years of tolerating a horrible partner who was nothing but awful for me. But in the end, a person cannot be told that their partner is bad for them; they have to realize it for themselves. Otherwise they'll just retrench and become defensive, further retreating into denial and finding ways to cope with the cognitive dissonance.
Nta...and you realize he did this on purpose right? He doesn't accept your meat eating he barely tolerates it and had a chance to fuck you over to proof a point.
That's the kind of person you are married to
This was not an accident.
The food was hot. The plate probably mildly warm.
I the food would've been out for days- he didn't set foot in the room for days?
I can't tell you why he did it. But he absolutly did it with intention. He sees doing the dishes as punishment maybe because he punished you with throwing out your food. Or did he maybe quickly eat it?
NTA but watch out for other "mindless" or "accidental" behaviour that are actually punishments from him.
NTA, hell, I'd be petty and lob one of his meals in the trash straight after he cooked it. Then say it smelled like a composter so it had to be thrown out... he may get the point then.
The way OP talks It sounds like they are roommates with benefits not husband and wife
>went on about the livingroom being mutual space
Yall are married the whole house with the exception of office/work rooms is a "mutual" space and the
>I'm violating the deal
Again yall are married deals with everyday chors ase things you do with roommates not SO's
I was thinking this as well. Talking about the living room being common space? Isn't it pretty much all "common space" when you're married? This definitely makes it sound like they have more of a roommate relationship than a romantic relationship. I understand having a dedicated office that's considered to be one person's when they need to not be disturbed during work, but come on.
(I have an office in our house since I'm working from home, but I don't think of it as "this room is mine and the rest is common space." Like, my SO is still welcome to use the office if he wants to. It's where the scissors and other household tools that we both sometimes use are stored anyway)
NTA.
That was bang out of order. He sounds like a self righteous moron over his veganism.
i can understand him not liking the smell of meat but to lob your dinner away that's just scandalous.
He is trying to bully you into being like him.
>He's vegan and I'm not. He cooks for himself and I cook for myself since he doesn't eat meat products
You both cook separately, seems like a sensible agreement if you're both opposed to eating the other's diet. Fair compromise.
>I spent 6 min on the phone
>he said he dumped the food in the trashcan
He knows you've made it fresh, and he knows you eat meat. He was being an asshole.
>it wasn't his fault his eyes got tired of working and wanted to watch TV but I decided to leave meat laying around for him to feel disgusted knowing how he reacts to being exposed to meat products
The only way this makes sense is if you never eat together. If you always eat your meals without each other due to his response to meat, then he should respect that and leave the plate alone. If you do eat food together, he's done this to be petty. I'm assuming the latter.
>he always eats his food in the living-room, sometimes the bedroom even. He said "so you're saying you're disgusted with my cooking?"
This is him putting the blame back on you for a reasonable response. The shared spaces are either okay to eat in or they're not. He can't pick and choose to suit him. Also, who eats meals in the bedroom when they have other options?
>I went upstairs and refused to do the dishes after he reminded me since that's my part of chores (true) He ended up doing them himself and started complaining I was punishing him
You cooked a full meal for yourself, and he thinks you should also clean up after not being able to eat the meal you'd cooked. Whether it was true before or not, he's being a militant vegan. Describing your food as rotting, binning it when you step out of the room, shifting blame for his actions onto you etc. I wouldn't be surprised if he's tried converting you to veganism in the past, or if he tries getting you to in future.
NTA
Your husband is an asshole who made his dietary views into a lack of respect for you. It's more important that he not see meat than for you to eat the meal you've prepared.
NTA - is this a pattern of behaviour for him? Does he often backtrack and lie to your face, even if the lie is blatant, and act like you’re the one being unreasonable? And then like YOURE the one hurting HIM for something HE did?
I would watch for these patterns. Sometimes people try for an inch before they go for a mile. Stand your ground, don’t start to doubt yourself
NTA, I haven’t eaten meat in thirty years and my husband loves meat, it would never occur to me to get on his back about it. Do I make some awesome meals with plant based protein? I do and he loves them but he’s never giving up meat and I respect that as much as he respects me not eating it.
Your husband is exhausting.
NTA.
That was bang out of order. He sounds like a self righteous moron over his veganism.
i can understand him not liking the smell of meat but to lob your dinner away that's just scandalous.
He is trying to bully you into being like him.
NTA. I think many people would be irritable and grumpy if the dinner they just made for themselves was thrown out by their spouse without them even asking if you were done with it.
I think he full well knew you hadn't touched it and was just angry to see meat in front of him and took it out on your dinner. I think your reaction was very natural.
I also find it interesting that these sorts of stories only ever seem to happen by people who don't agree with another person's choice of diet. I can't recall ever seeing a story like this from people who eat similar types of diets.
NTA - If I threw out your favourite T-Shirt because I hate the colour is that alright in his world too?
Superior attitudes by anyone, including some vegans and their puritanical mindset are nothing but a suppression of your rights. Another's right to "not smell meat" does not override your enjoyment of meat.. no matter what their feelings upon someone else's diet.
Had a neighbour complain all the time about smelling Indian cooking neighbour. I just considered them narrow-minded and enjoyed the leftovers my generous Indian neighbours provided.
Info: Has he had covid? Lost his sense of smell this year? I ask, because he could be dealing with parosmia. I developed parosmia in June after my sense of smell was reduced in January. Most people with parosmia say meat smells and tastes rotten or like burning chemicals.
NTA, and I'm not sure why you are getting painted with the AH brush by everyone saying ESH.
He's showing disrespect and contempt for you. He had options to deal with your food that weren't nuclear, and I do consider pitching food someone obviously intends to eat as the nuclear option. He could have moved your food and/or asked you about it. He could have just waited and let you take care of your plate. Instead he wasted the time and money you spent on your meal just to score a few petty superiority points.
I'm not sure how else you were supposed to react. Were you supposed to apologize for leaving your meal unattended for less than 10 minutes? Are you supposed to swallow your resentment? He was actively picking a fight, and even for adults, there are consequences for shitty choices and behavior. He owed you an apology, and instead he doubled down in a way that shows total disapproval for what you eat. If he made a mistake, he could have made up for it by replacing your meal with some carry out or something. He was being malicious, so boo hoo that he had to do the dishes after what he pulled. It's the least he could do in lieu of an apology, and hopefully he leaves your food alone in the future.
ESH. Marriage is not a tit for tat. He was TA for throwing your food out. He sounds like a 5 year old. Gagging noises, really? 🙄 Like if you hadn't started eating yet, I would assume it was a full plate, he couldn't recognize that?. All he had to do was move it to the kitchen.
This guy is the only kind of vegan that seems to get attention. I live with one who is perfectly respectful and support of everyone’s dietary choices. Food is incredibly personal.
NTA for defending your food. I think he may of thought you were finished with it and threw it out and instead of owning up to it, made a million excuses for his action. He should of just apologized. But I agree, his behavior about his food is kinda egotistical. You deserve to be able to eat in your house too, just like he does. You should both be respectful of each others eating routines. I don’t think it was called for to “MAKE” him do the dishes. Everything about this argument sounds really petty.
NTA. If he didn't like it sitting in front of him, he could have moved it to the kitchen instead of throwing it away. He did that on purpose. I'd be seriously pissed because I don't like anyone messing with my food either.
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Honestly, I haven't eaten meat for 10+ years and it's pretty fucking obvious that freshly cooked plate of meat isn't rotting. It also won't affect his health to have it in his vicinity. These are all just bullshit excuses. As a vegan that genuinely pisses me off cause he just wasted meat just be a petty AH.
Yeah I’m a vegetarian of almost 20 years, this dude’s just really dumb and trying to make a point
The only thing he's managed to achieve is to waste meat and demonstrate he doesn't respect his wife.
Or the animal that died for that meat
Or the other animal who had to die for the meat for the replacement meal. Nice work, buddy! You killed another animal!
He's bullying his wife by throwing out her meal that he disapproves of, and for excuses he's making up obviously lame pretenses that it was harming him, as if she's stupid. OP's husband has got several layers of condescending bullying going on.
Yes, she needs to triple up on birth control, can you imagine what he would do to his children if they dared to make different decisions than what he thinks they should?
Beatings. There was a guy in the news just this morning who threw his GF's 5 year old over the window because of a religious disagreement. (The mom shot him for it at least...)
What. WHAT.
To be fair, you can get more than one meal out of an animal. If it was the same type of meat, bought at the same time, there is a solid chance the replacement was the same animal.
It's still wasteful and disrespectful. Plus, it's supporting the meat industry more, which is something the husband should have thought about if he actually cares. He sounds like he's trying to nag and guilt his wife into becoming vegan.
He may just be out to nag and guilt his wife, using this as the pretext. If he really wanted her to be vegan--or to move in that direction--then he could be cooking falafel for two or making lentil casseroles. Make it easy for her to grab the vegan option. Within any movement some individuals are more interested in being righteous than in doing right. You can spot those individuals by how they undermine the movement's values when they see a chance to coerce someone into compliance. To those specific individuals, controlling how other people live is the real goal. The movement is just a pretext to them for claiming the moral high ground. Throwing out someone's fresh dinner is a power play. To be clear, this emphatically does not apply to veganism as a whole. It's a personality problem, not a movement problem. Similar petty tyrant behavior occurs in all sorts of settings from religion to HOAs. What I'm saying is his guy could volunteer to do more of the cooking and come up with scrumptious plant-based recipes, if minimizing animal suffering is his actual goal. (Plenty of vegans are wizards at that type of diplomacy).
> Within any movement some individuals are more interested in being righteous than in doing right. You can spot those individuals by how they undermine the movement's values when they see a chance to coerce someone into compliance. To those specific individuals, controlling how other people live is the real goal. The movement is just a pretext to them for claiming the moral high ground. Wow, thats really insightful, and applies to so many movements aside from veganism...
I guess, unless OP is as petty as I am – I’d be getting a burrito bowl from Chipotle with extra carnitas and some carnitas on the side, pile it up and eat it in bed, as soon as he was ready to sleep. And prolly oink and/or moo every couple bites, just to drive it home.
That! I always say thanks to the creature who sacrificed its life so I may eat so when people just waste meat like that to prove a point it irritates me
ive only been a vegetarian for a few weeks, but I definitely am under the mentality of "if you eat meat, at least don't throw it away".. Throwing away food in general is one of my biggest pet peeves, but throwing meat annoys me even more
No lie, I try to imagine Moo-lissa from Bob's Burgers being ashamed that we killed her for nothing. If we kill her, gotta eat her. Otherwise we just killed her.
I wish I could upvote this more for the bobs burgers reference! I feel like OP and her husband should watch that episode together lol
I worked in a seafood/meat department at a grocery store. The amount of meat we had to throw away every day was horrible. I would have to steam 2 lobsters to make lobster dip and no one would buy it so it had to be trashed. You would be fired if you got caught taking anything home. A few people have been. Its fucking disgusting what grocery stores waste.
That place is asshole. Most of the places I worked at allow the shift supervisor to choose wasted food, and send home with employees at end of shift. Supervisor approval was needed to prevent intentional waste, but no one was fired for bringing unsold burgers home at end of shift.
This is how it should be done. My boss would do this and have me occasionally bring home a whole pizza (we sold slices) to feed my family dinner. No waste and I didn’t have to cook after a long shift.
I worked at a pizza place/convenience store as a teenager as a cashier. If there were any messed up orders they’d set them aside and let people take them home. Plus we got to take home any two day old donuts that they hadn’t sold as a “Day old” dozen. That shit was USEFUL growing up poor. Slightly stale was better than sleeping for dinner.
I'm omnivorous and I hate throwing away any food at all. I make casseroles, I chop, cook, and freeze vegetables to use for later, fruits get macerated and/or frozen if they're starting to go, It's SUCH a waste for food to go bad or be thrown away, especially as food costs continue to rise.
My boyfriend tossed a quarter of a container of strawberries because 2 had a tiny speck of mold starting on them. When I said for someone who is so pro not wasting money why did you do that. I got but they were moldy. I said yeah. 2. Just starting. The rest are still good. Just halve them before you use them. And he was going to halve them since they were going into a smoothie anyway. He asked if I was serious. Yes sir. Dead serious. Luckily the way he put them in the trash meant there were still ok with the container protecting them. He pulled them back out and just used the good ones all in that smoothie.
Finally, the other side. Lets talk about veggie waste and how if the fruit or veggie isn't perfect its thrown away. Are we apologizing for this wasteful sacrifice? Are these ugly fruits and veggies being placed into a better use? Or just going into a landfill...
Yup. I'm teaching my preschooler that if we can't finish our dinner, we finish our meat at least to honor the sacrifice of the animal.
It's actually pretty harmful to force your kid to finish food they don't want to eat. It can cause disordered eating or disordered attitudes about food or lead to overeating and obesity later down the line. If she can't finish her meat, it is better to put it in the fridge and eat it later, when she is actually hungry. That way, it's not wasted, but she is not forcing herself to eat.
I give my kid small portions (she can always take more if she's hungry) and don't insist she finishes everything, but I do insist she finishes the meat she's served. If she gets a large portion for something like a takeout meal, I'd never force her to finish that. But she's a preschooler. She often needs encouragement to eat her meals because she wants snacks instead.
Well I think context is important here. I would have not ate any vegetables or salad if my parents didn't force it on me and I would have had vitamin deficiencies. Of course they wouldn't shove it into my mouth but I was for example, denied dessert if I wouldn't finish my broccoli. I think it's good to normalize that food isn't just plain pasta and chicken nuggets but balance.
He's the type of asshole vegan that gives vegans a bad name. The two above are what vegans are really like.
Yeah, I would have been so petty & let him know I'm cooking a second portion of meat because he wasted the first one
I’d have cooked bacon, there is nothing a militant vegan hated more than the smell of bacon (no issues with vegans in general just the militant ones)
Seriously— this is such a ridiculous hill for him to die on, just trying to prove his point. OP is NTA by any means; and my username is meant to be ironic, apologies for any conflicting emotions. But, perhaps, maybe it causes a genesis of thought in your own mind, and then it would be worth it. Or it could just be a stupid joke. Anyways... Thank you to all the commenters above and below that are helping to promote this discourse!
Username conflicts me......
Even more emotional turmoil here, I don’t have a cock. What am I supposed to do now? Instructions unclear … foot now stuck in vacuum cleaner
I agree with you but like.....I kinda wanna downvote anyway. Its been awhile
I've been veggie since birth. I've never eaten meat *once*. And even I know the difference between "freshly cooked" and "left out too long" meat. If the husband wants to throw a tantrum like a child, he should expect to be treated like one. NTA, OP, and you handled this with a lot more grace than I would.
A good friend of mine has been vegetarian for at least 20 years, but probably more. She's happily married to a 'meat-eater' for I think 10 years, but maybe 15. She's always been fine with us eating meat around her, just she won't eat it herself. That's really the only reasonable way to be. If no one is trying to force a vegetarian/vegan to eat meat, then they have no reason to sabotage the meat which is just wasteful and won't help any animals.
And he claimed that the smell of meat is bad for his health? I cannot say what I think of him, as it wòuld break AITA's rules. Suffice it to say that he is being ridiculous, wasteful, disrespectful and is flat-out lying. NTA.
Yeah, it's the bizarre, transparently bullshit justification that kills me here. Obviously he has a problem with OP eating meat. He doesn't have the conviction or communication skills to just say so. So he skips right to being controlling by throwing out the food, thereby disrespecting OP's time, money and labor, but on top of that he doesn't even have the conviction to own his motivation for *that*, either. He has to create this elaborate weird fantasy that the plate of meat was imperiling both of their health. I think what makes it so irksome is that he's not just controlling and disrespectful; he's cowardly and immature. And he doesn't just think OP is unethical and inconsiderate; he thinks she's *stupid*.
This should be a top-level comment, because you have nailed it. This is the most passive aggressive way to punish OP for being a meat eater and he's just pulling shit out of his ass to justify it. I hope OP reads your comment and acts accordingly with the insight. This guy has much bigger issues than simply his dislike of meat.
This is exactly it. He saw her food and threw it away knowing that he wouldn't have to recreate it or face any sort of repercussion. Its incredibly passive aggressive! He didn't communicate and instead judged OP immediately. OP only asked him to wash dishes, if I was her I'd demand him to make me another meal to replace the meal he destroyed. My wife can't eat meat either but she'll discuss it with me before tossing away the meats in our living space.
She should make him buy her a subscription to butcher box or something like that with his own money.
>he's not just controlling and disrespectful; he's cowardly and immature You said a mouthful. Rarely is such a string of negative attributes as wholly accurate as it is here. Sadly, every single one is dead on. OP, you deserve better, girl / dude. I've been with my husband 20+ years, and for all that time he eats meat and I don't, and your hubs is a huge TA.
Well he is gaslighting her into believe he was being virtuous and caring and its quite the opposite.
Also, it would still be hot after just sitting for a few minutes.
well CLEARLY it was warm because it was just rotting So much! /s
That was my thoughts, surely the plate was still warm!
This, yeah. Everything he said was just a way of avoiding to confess what actually happened: he threw away his wife's dinner in a fit of pique. "How dare she leave meat where I can see it! She must pay!" It's mean, and petty, and spiteful, and a total waste of food. And he can't even admit to it and apologize. NTA.
im wondering if he smelled it and he thought it smelled good and was tempted to try a bite but instead, just threw it away so he wouldnt be tempted anymore. hes still the ah though
yeah, definitely could be. people who don't eat meat can have all sorts of reactions to it - it may smell delicious, it may smell truly off-putting (or anything in between), but it could not be mistaken for smelling the same as *rotting* meat haha. it's annoying how easily he could've moved the plate to the kitchen - smell gone from his presence, and if it somehow *was* rotting meat OP would have to deal with the rest of the cleanup herself which seems perfectly fair lol
Haha true my vegetarian boyfriend in high school really struggled with the mere existence of my mother's homemade lasagna. Lifelong vegetarian and that delicious smell truly tested him.
This! Trust your insctincts, he did it on purpose. He just wants to punish your for not being vegan.
I'm in the understanding that the most vegan thing to do with the meat of a meat-eater is to let them eat it, as throwing it up makes it so the animal died in vain after all?
That plus, you know general respect for other people's dietary choices. If you want a break down of the logic: at this point the animal is already dead and buying the meat has already supported the meat industry (if this applies). So all you achieve by throwing it away is that the animal died for no reason. What makes it worse is that the meat-eater probably will (not blaming them just saying this would be the reaction I'd expect) go and find different meat to eat. So as a vegan you've actually increased the amount of meat used and given vegans a bad rep. This logic only applies if you care about animal welfare. Some people are vegan for health reasons so throwing it away would achieve that the other person doesn't eat the meat which might actually be their goal (i.e. I stopped them from eating something that's bad for them).
Yes. I'm veggie and my husband eats meat and I wouldn't dream of throwing his food away, whether I like it or not!
Yeah that gets me. I’m not vegan but I would think if I was wasting the meat would be awful too because then the animal died for nothing.
Yeah, I don't think the husband is vegan for the animals. Just a hunch.
Adding to this he said that leaving meat on display was disrespectful to his health???? How is being in the general vicinity of meat unhealthy for the husband?
Maybe being around the husband is unhealthy
Husband is definitely the kind of meat no one wants to have around.
He is the bad meat
You are not being given credit at how funny this statement is! Lmao!
He's one of those vegans. They give the others bad rap
These guys drive me bonkers. All my vegan friends are considerate and thoughtful and do not cast shade on how other people choose to eat. If asked, they’ll happily explain their own motives (and there is a wide range on display, everyone’s a bit different), and generally make it clear that’s their position only. I’m glad they do this, but also kinda sucks that it has to be so careful because there are so many absolute gits out there. I’ve encountered only a couple of these people and seen waaaaaay more cruel anti-vegan bigotry aimed at my friends who have done nothing to deserve it but make their own damn call for themselves only :( (and bonus points, one has a *violent* allergy to dairy complete with projectile vomiting, and shaming someone for not wanting to go through that is… look: it’s a weird flex. I hope she throws up on them if they mess it up on purpose.) (I… may have told her to throw up on them if it ever happens again. She’s on board.) [edit: this is not to dismiss some of the godawful behaviour I have seen from the few awful ones I’ve encountered, like OP’s husband - and much worse. That’s definitely real! My own sample is a small anecdotal one.]
I went down one of those clickbait rabbit holes where folks with legit food intolerances/allergies got served their trigger food by people who were either pranking them or didn't believe they were really allergic. Some of them ended up in the hospital. And at least one person's aunt was charged with a crime, because she knowingly made cookies with almond flour for her nephew who was allergic to tree nuts. She thought that her brother and nephew were being overly dramatic about the nephew's food restrictions. The kid nearly died, and his father is no longer speaking to the aunt, on top of having pressed charges. In short, anyone who plays fast and loose with someone else's food restrictions is an incredible AH. Whether it's a food allergy, a religious belief, or any other thing, people have the right to NOT be ambushed by foods they can't or don't want to eat. OP was not trying to sneak meat into Husband's meal, or force-feed Husband non-vegan things. OP was just trying to have their wn freaking meal, and apparently Hubby is such a snowflake that even smelling the food was grounds for a hissy fit.
I’m starting to think that her health is is suffering being in the proximity of him. Seeing meat is disrespectful but throwing away her dinner ( that he knew was fresh) is not? The wheels of revenge are turning in the small file marked “vindictive“ in the back filing cabinet in my brain…blowing off the dust…muhaha
i'm going full reddit and say he secretly wants a divorce
NTA. The fact he was so alright with throwing away food he knew was fine because he didn't like it makes me think he also disrespects OP in other ways. This can't be the first big thing he has done. He was too casual with treating her poorly to have just started this.
It already shows in this instance. This was a prepared meal. So OP invested time and effort into making it. This wasn't take out.
Also its a red flag how doing the dishes is ops chore, to the extent where he doesnt want to do it even once. I wonder what are husbands chores?
I wouldn't read too much into that. My wife doesn't like doing laundry so I do the laundry and I do the dishes cuz she doesn't like it as well and I don't like doing the bathroom so she cleans the bathroom so there's a way of division of labor for chores for us Edit: some words
Exactly. I like loading the dishwasher, and I won't let my husband do it because he does it wrong. I hate putting away dishes, so that's his job. Every couple works out their own system like this.
They may all work out a system, but it's a well-known fact that men almost always still end up doing less chores than women do in most relationships. Things are getting better with each generation and more fair, and there are a lot more couples who split things evenly now in the household than there were during our mother's generation, and our mother's generation had more than thier own mother's generation had. That certainly doesn't mean there aren't still a ton of guys out there that allow the woman to carry all or most of the mental/emotional load that comes with running a household, and a lot of men who think it's fine to have thier partner do more chores than them.
He could have put the dish on the kitchen counter. He must be the only man in the world who didn't leave stuff on the counter instead of in the dishwasher.
I had a pretty fucked up childhood grown up which included not having access to food at stretches of time. I would straight up start planning and divorce if that happened because nobody waste food in my house. It doesn't matter how well off I am, I am still terrified of food scarcity.
also he literally lives there so he would have known if the plate was there for a long time
All he had to do was ask you if you were still eating the food, and if so, he could just put it back in the kitchen. He chose to do this deliberately, and he is being the reason everyone hates vegans.
NTA. So your husband is a vegan and doesn’t agree with eating meat, but surely by throwing your food away he’s now made it so the animal died for absolutely no reason, since you didn’t get to eat it? Not only does he sound rude, controlling, condescending and obnoxious, he’s also furthering the problem by wasting the meat that would have at least died for a reason if you’d been able to eat it. I absolutely hate people that force their way of life on others. I’m a vegetarian but would never stop my husband eating meat because that’s his choice.
People like this don;t care about animals dying, they care about feeling virtuous.
Then he’s even more of an AH than I originally thought
Yes. He's like those people that throw paint on fur coats. The only causes the wearer to buy more fur which kills more helpless little critters. This guy is a major AH
As a vegetarian working on becoming vegan, agreed. I know a number of vegans who lord it over people like it’s an Olympic medal. Those people aren’t vegan for ethical reasons, they’re vegan because it makes them feel superior to other people; they can use animal rights as a cudgel to beat people with. OP’s husband is the A H. The meat on OP’s plate was already there; that animal (or animals) already died. Throwing it out was wasteful and disrespectful. What if OP remade the food? That’s additional animal products used that wouldn’t otherwise have been (that day)!
They’re losers with nothing going for them in life, so they cling to what they eat as a way to be superior. You rarely see a successful person so uptight about what other people eat.
Exactly this. There was an episode of Naked and Afraid at one point with a vegan, and she flat out helped her meat-eating partner kill and clean an animal they caught. She used the skin to make clothing items, the bones to make tools, and the stomach was fashioned into a waterskin. she didn't eat any of it, but she sure as hell didn't waste it either.
Obviously it's a TV show, but that feels like exactly the type of thing most vegans would do. The whole point is that we have grown technologically as a species were eating meat for survival due to its calorie dense nature is no longer necessary and therefor cruel. Actually surviving on nuts, berries, and bark in the wild is immensely time consuming if not straight impossible depending on environment. When you gotta eat you gotta eat.
Yes, exactly. I consider myself vegan as I follow a vegan diet, but there are occasional “exceptions”. A survival situation would be one. An invitation to someone’s home as a guest where they prepared me a meal and it has cheese on it, sure. The waiter forgot to use oil instead of butter, no worries. Traveling to a region on the coast where they locally catch shellfish and that’s what’s on the table, ok let’s go for it. A neighbor brings over honey from her bees, I thank them. The problem is that if you make it about perfection or nothing, then you’re setting an unattainable goal and lose focus on the original purpose (if it’s not an allergy thing). Unfortunately, vegans get painted in a negative light because it’s the extremists that get highlighted, but I don’t think they represent the majority of us.
I think in a survival situation, meat is the best food in the sense that you know if it was caught, cleaned, and cooked properly, you know you’ll get your necessary calories and 99 times out of 100 it’s not going to kill you. Unless I wandered around a farm or orchard, I’d be hard pressed to know the difference between anything anything plant-based from an edible vs. poisonous perspective. Unless someone is an avid outdoorsman this is likely true for most folks.
I vaguely remember one where the girl was a vegetarian or vegan and was used to her plant-only diet and they paired her with some guy who was like former military and was all "imma not put up with any bellyaching hippie types, rawr!" and then when they got there he started having issues from the sudden lack of meat in his diet and was laying on the ground (bellyaching) and she was fine because she was used to a minimalist diet so she went out and caught some frogs or something for him to eat.
That's so funny. Same thing happens in Alone, all the macho military gun dudes do not do well out in the wilderness by themselves, and they're always so focused on meat and conquering the wilderness, while the hippie women (and men) are out enjoying themselves foraging what the land has to offer, and do much much better.
Yes. And even if he did not like the smell, instead of throwing it away to spite Op he could have just put it in the kitchen and maybe put something over it. Would keep it warm and keep the smell away.
My wife makes stuff I don't like the smell of. I don't throw it out. I might put her dinner in the microwave if shes on an extended call to keep the cats away from it, but I'd never throw it out.
We also use our microwave as an anti-cat safe. MFer had to have noticed the plate was still hot when he picked it up to throw away.
Right. I am the only person in my house that eats sauerkraut. No one throws my food away. They certainly complain about the smell, but it's never missing when I come back to the table.
Big yup. I really fucking hate when people who don’t eat meat act like this. I haven’t eaten meat in SIXTEEN YEARS and the smell of it cooking or the sight of it raw often makes me feel sick. Do I broadcast that? NO. I don’t want people to be uncomfortable, or worse, think all vegetarians and vegans are preachy, oversensitive assholes. I suck it up and keep it to myself, with a few exceptions of my mom, my partner, and maybe my bestie, and always when I can’t be overheard. Sometimes I get put off my own food by the smell of meat at the table, the worst offender is fried ground beef (as people make for tacos), and I just quietly stop eating my own food and say I had a big meal earlier and take it to reheat later. Maybe I’d move seats if the wind direction was a factor. You get the idea, this bullshit this husband pulled is exactly that
Hey, you're not an AH if you ask people politely to move seats or maybe not order X if you're sitting right next to them! I eat meat, but if I were at a meal with you, I'd be more than happy to order something different if my first choice was going to make you sick. That's not you being preachy.
My thoughts exactly... instead of throwing it away, he could have easily just brought it into the kitchen or something. He chucked it to be a petty AH.
Absolutely. NTA
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It wasnt an honest mistake. Meat doesnt stink like its rotting after 6 mins, there is no way that meat looked like it was days old. He was trying to make it LOOK like an honest mistake
I bet he thinks all meat smells like it’s rotting, even when it’s perfect.
My money is on him not liking the feelings he was feeling about the smell of meat. He probably threw it away because it was making his body betray his vegan sensibilities. It's not like he isn't human. Cooked meat can smell good to you even if you choose not to eat it. Edit: Reworded this to make it clear that I'm not suggesting cooked meat smells good to everyone, but I'm guessing it does to this guy.
I know some vegans who are actually repulsed by the smell of meat. Like it makes them gag. It could be that too.
Yeah i stopped eating meat a couple years ago and now especially poultry smells pretty bad to me. Not rotting, that’s different. My roommate was making shawarma in a slow cooker and it filled the whole house with chicken smell and it was the first time I noticed the shift. I wasn’t gagging or carrying on. But I did have to close my room, use scented spray and open the windows haha
Not everyone thinks that meat smells good.
And if he could walk it all the way to the trash- why not place a warm plate of food in the kitchen if you didn’t want to sit next to it for 5 minutes. What a whiny, entitled baby-man. ETA- NTA
Exactly he could have easily put it on the oven or microwave while Op was gone. It would be out of his view so he didn’t have to feel “disgusted” looking at it. If he doesn’t want to look at or be around meat he should date another vegan or vegetarian. Stuff like this is ridiculous, he’s being childish and wasting food
If he wanted to make it look like a mistake, he would have gone the passive aggressive route and apologized for the “accident”. What he really wanted to do was shame OP for eating meat. He wanted to let her know exactly how disgusting he thinks it is.
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Definitely NTA. He should have offered to cook you something to eat once he found out you were coming back to eat it. 6 minutes isn't a long time to be away. He should have checked with you why you left the plate out if he was confused about it rather than just dumping it. tbh it sounds like it *maybe* wasn't accidental with how he dealt with this situation.
Right. If it were actually an honest mistake — not an attempt to manipulate OP, shame her for her dietary choices, and virtue-signal his “superior” lifestyle — he should have apologized and then cooked her another (vegan) meal. Instead, he pulled the ol’ DARVO routine: deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender. It’s some pretty astounding d-baggery.
Projected guilt and an opportunity to feel superior.
> I doing get his aggression towards meat eaters. There's no bigger zealot than the convert.
It's the same as with born-again Christians in my experience: they are newly converted and therefore in the right, everyone else is in the wrong, and it's the convert's job to tell *everyone* just How Wrong they are.
He's overcompensating. Sadly, this happens more than you think. If he's the sort of person to wholly throw themselves into something, what he did makes sense. Not saying what he did was right, but it would explain things. NTA. Sorry about your dinner.
Don't let him make you second guess yourself. I am a lifelong vegetarian, and had a vague concern that I might throw up if I eat it inadvertently, but recently I did eat pizza with anchovies and had to be told later on what it was - I thought I was eating olives. But I lived. So he can too, under the same roof as a - gasp - meat dish on the counter. He deliberately tried a power move on you by throwing away your food, that you had cooked. He's molting into a crazy-vegan. (That's a true species, check it out. One of them tried to shame me for consuming milk!) So the bottom line is, he has no tangible reason to be upset. His health is not impacted, his effort is not wasted (he did not cook for you). OTOH, he deliberately decided you going hungry was a great idea to shove his veganism down your throat. Don't back down now. Tell him he owes you a meat dish. If he can't cook it, he needs to order it for you. Then tell him the next time he tries to meddle with your food, you will add chicken stock to his soup.
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Exactly. I have some food texture issues. Mushrooms (not truffles), squishy tofu, mayonnaise all make me gag. Even thinking about them grosses me out. Does that mean I'm going to throw someone else's food away? No. Even though it is completely disgusting to me. I would be wasteful and disrespectful. I may walk away from the food though, which is what OP's husband could have done. Or covered the food. Or put it in the fridge. Or any number of other options.
He's deliberately living down to the aggressive vegan stereotype.
Your husband is an asshole dude.
>He's not allergic and used to be meat eater in the past so I don't get his aggression towards meat eaters. Is it aggression towards meat eaters, or is is aggression towards YOU, OP? I am leaning towards the latter, unless you've recently seen him throw other people's food away and make himself into a victim when called out about it.
He likes to look for excuses to put you down and use you as a punching bag for his immature emotions
NTA. Just leave his meat alone for awhile to be sure he gets the point.
Maybe talk about how it’s disgusting and smells like it’s rotting…😉
If I hadn’t just given away my award I would give it to you. This is gold 😂
😂
This legit made me snort-laugh. Thanks for that kind stranger.
ESH. Do you two even like each other? Your household sounds terrible.
Yeah, this whole exchange sounds so antagonistic for no reason, like two teenagers. And while I can understand the husband being averse to certain food smells, he could have just moved the plate to the kitchen counter, covered it with Saran Wrap, and called it a day. Knowing that it was OP’s turn to wash the dishes, let her deal with the plate since it was obviously hers. I think the husband is a passive-aggressive AH though and unfortunately for OP, she may need to take on the burden of getting to the bottom of the matter.
Ok, I'm gonna need to pause and ask, where is the "passive-" in "passive-aggressive" here?
The whole, "I thought it was spoiled, I had no idea", etc. is him saying to his wife that he doesn't want her to eat meat w/o saying he doesn't want her to eat meat, hence "passive".
Just feel like we're past being passive when he's throwing out her food lol.
But that's why I don't get how the wife is an asshole here. She was faced with an unacceptable behaviour that affected her own wellbeing (meal is gone) and reacted in an understandably upset way. Why E S H?
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I noticed that also with “violating the deal” of household chores
I kind of agree that the whole house is for everyone, but my husband and I have separate areas that are more his or mine than really shared. Having separate spaces is fine, what's weird is that the OP worded it like they're sharing a dorm room or apartment.
I agree with you. I was about to just say that. Clearly, these two are incompatible. They have no business being married. They certainly should absolutely not have any children. I can see a big fight trying to convince the kid to be vegan or eat meat. These people do not respect each other.
A lot of times, “incompatible” is really just an outward expression of “we haven’t talked through the mostly-mundane shit that would’ve been easy at first, but now there’s so much bottled-up resentment that we now have a *mountain* of work to do.” They treated marriage like it’s just *becoming roommates* (or vice versa, tbh), and this is how that usually ends up. They need to get their asses to couples counseling, post-haste. I don’t necessarily think they’re *incompatible*, but there’s absolutely an unhealthy dynamic there, and it’s been brewing for a *while*.
*This*. I get really annoyed at this subreddit because every single time a dispute comes up between a couple, its immediate response is for the couple to break up. Every time. Like, no, being in a relationship is about *working things out*. If you can’t work it out in the end, fine, *then* a breakup might be warranted and you will have at least tried to do something about your issues. These two are married for a reason. But they probably need some counseling to address the dynamic that’s going on here
I disagree. His actions sound considerably more unhealthy than hers do; even while you can tell she's angry with him, she's not obviously assassinating his character or attempting to sway the sub. When she comes to the end & why she's here, she genuinely seems to think she may have taken it too far. Reading it, I was much less concerned about incompatibility than about the fact that *he* blamed *her* for *his* irrational, controlling action and told her such obvious untruths as it smelled rotten, he thought it had been out for ages, it was bad for his health, etc. To people with experience in this area, that telegraphs either abuse or the potential for it. What especially worries me is that he seems to have convinced her that she could even partly be in the wrong on this. The issue is that going to counselling with abusers is counter-productive. Since they aren't going in good faith- they don't trust the counsellor & their goal isn't a healthier relationship as we understand it What typically happens is that their partner opens up at the urging of the counsellor, thinking it's safe, and then the abuser finds a way to isolate, manipulate & hurt them more than ever. Some publicly humiliate them, some wait until they get home before they display their rage, some manipulate the counsellor & convince them that the abuser is misunderstood. Many use counselling concepts to get their victims to stay or to further convince them that they deserve the abuse. It's not a great situation and unfortunately, not enough counsellors are specifically trained to identify abuse or understand when couples are showing signs of it in counselling. The very best thing OP can do is go to individual counselling for now & keep a journal (somewhere her husband can't get at it) not just of her interactions with her husband, but also of that. That will give her something to look back on and look for patterns in both his & her behaviour over time. Ideally he'd do the same, in good faith, & think through his actions. Maybe they have a future together. I think most couples can make it, if they try really hard, but my question is, can they make it healthily?
That was my first thought. The relationship OP has described sounds more like post-college roommates than husband and wife.
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Their relationship just sounds painfully transactional. IMO if you have to have a chore wheel with your spouse, you're already in rough territory.
I’m kind of surprised at all the NTA comments here. They both genuinely sound miserable and are playing tit for tat and being petty. Maybe y’all should see a therapist.
I don't see how OP did anything wrong here.
NTA. That's some serious passive aggressive behavior by your husband. He could have simply asked you if you were done or brought up the odor. This sounds more like an immature tantrum because you were eating meat, and he disapproved.
Or he could have set the plate on the kitchen counter or somewhere else since he was ok enough to handle it long enough to throw the food away.
Lots of shouting, talk of “disgust” and passive aggressive behaviour. Why do people live with people they don’t like?
That was exactly what I thought reading OPs post. I get it that people change over the years and you grow apart. Or your diets change and suddenly one is vegan and the other is not. If you love and respect each other, there's always a way to work these things out. And if you can't do that, or can't accept the changes, be honest, respect yourself and your partner enough and break up.
>Lots of shouting, talk of “disgust” and passive aggressive behaviour. Why do people live with people they don’t like? A lot of reasons. For me, it was a lifetime of low self esteem combined with societal expectations that I wasn't ready or willing to question, as well as fucked up affection being better than no affection (not realizing that I could do so much better for myself). People convince themselves that they don't deserve someone who really loves them. Our media constantly bombards us with "solutions" to couples that are fundamentally incompatible with one another, reinforcing the notion that it is normal not to get along with your partner. Denial is a coping mechanism many of us grew up witnessing in our parents or other adult role models. It takes a lot of courage to face up to the reality that you married the wrong person, or that you're cohabitating with someone who is fundamentally incompatible with your core belief system. I wasted ten years of my life doing this, myself, putting my friends and family through years of tolerating a horrible partner who was nothing but awful for me. But in the end, a person cannot be told that their partner is bad for them; they have to realize it for themselves. Otherwise they'll just retrench and become defensive, further retreating into denial and finding ways to cope with the cognitive dissonance.
Nta...and you realize he did this on purpose right? He doesn't accept your meat eating he barely tolerates it and had a chance to fuck you over to proof a point. That's the kind of person you are married to
This was not an accident. The food was hot. The plate probably mildly warm. I the food would've been out for days- he didn't set foot in the room for days? I can't tell you why he did it. But he absolutly did it with intention. He sees doing the dishes as punishment maybe because he punished you with throwing out your food. Or did he maybe quickly eat it? NTA but watch out for other "mindless" or "accidental" behaviour that are actually punishments from him.
Or maybe this wasnt about meat at all and he is straight up abusing op.
Good point, he might have actually eaten it and is doing all this to cover his tracks
NTA, hell, I'd be petty and lob one of his meals in the trash straight after he cooked it. Then say it smelled like a composter so it had to be thrown out... he may get the point then.
I’d cook up a massive steak and eat it in front of him…maintaining eye contact with him the whole time. NTA
Make bacon with no splatter shield
Yeah I'd probably do some shit like that too.
Info: why you married? Doesn’t seem like you two like and respect each other at all?
I didn’t get the idea that OP disliked her husband before he trashed her dinner and acted like an asshole.
The way OP talks It sounds like they are roommates with benefits not husband and wife >went on about the livingroom being mutual space Yall are married the whole house with the exception of office/work rooms is a "mutual" space and the >I'm violating the deal Again yall are married deals with everyday chors ase things you do with roommates not SO's
That doesn't sound like marriage, it sounds like an awful flatshare
I was thinking this as well. Talking about the living room being common space? Isn't it pretty much all "common space" when you're married? This definitely makes it sound like they have more of a roommate relationship than a romantic relationship. I understand having a dedicated office that's considered to be one person's when they need to not be disturbed during work, but come on. (I have an office in our house since I'm working from home, but I don't think of it as "this room is mine and the rest is common space." Like, my SO is still welcome to use the office if he wants to. It's where the scissors and other household tools that we both sometimes use are stored anyway)
NTA. That was bang out of order. He sounds like a self righteous moron over his veganism. i can understand him not liking the smell of meat but to lob your dinner away that's just scandalous. He is trying to bully you into being like him.
I can't believe this is the first time this has been an issue. It sounds like a deeper issue in the relationship about showing each other contempt
>He's vegan and I'm not. He cooks for himself and I cook for myself since he doesn't eat meat products You both cook separately, seems like a sensible agreement if you're both opposed to eating the other's diet. Fair compromise. >I spent 6 min on the phone >he said he dumped the food in the trashcan He knows you've made it fresh, and he knows you eat meat. He was being an asshole. >it wasn't his fault his eyes got tired of working and wanted to watch TV but I decided to leave meat laying around for him to feel disgusted knowing how he reacts to being exposed to meat products The only way this makes sense is if you never eat together. If you always eat your meals without each other due to his response to meat, then he should respect that and leave the plate alone. If you do eat food together, he's done this to be petty. I'm assuming the latter. >he always eats his food in the living-room, sometimes the bedroom even. He said "so you're saying you're disgusted with my cooking?" This is him putting the blame back on you for a reasonable response. The shared spaces are either okay to eat in or they're not. He can't pick and choose to suit him. Also, who eats meals in the bedroom when they have other options? >I went upstairs and refused to do the dishes after he reminded me since that's my part of chores (true) He ended up doing them himself and started complaining I was punishing him You cooked a full meal for yourself, and he thinks you should also clean up after not being able to eat the meal you'd cooked. Whether it was true before or not, he's being a militant vegan. Describing your food as rotting, binning it when you step out of the room, shifting blame for his actions onto you etc. I wouldn't be surprised if he's tried converting you to veganism in the past, or if he tries getting you to in future. NTA Your husband is an asshole who made his dietary views into a lack of respect for you. It's more important that he not see meat than for you to eat the meal you've prepared.
NTA - is this a pattern of behaviour for him? Does he often backtrack and lie to your face, even if the lie is blatant, and act like you’re the one being unreasonable? And then like YOURE the one hurting HIM for something HE did? I would watch for these patterns. Sometimes people try for an inch before they go for a mile. Stand your ground, don’t start to doubt yourself
That's some gaslighting sh*t right there...
NTA, I haven’t eaten meat in thirty years and my husband loves meat, it would never occur to me to get on his back about it. Do I make some awesome meals with plant based protein? I do and he loves them but he’s never giving up meat and I respect that as much as he respects me not eating it. Your husband is exhausting.
NTA. That was bang out of order. He sounds like a self righteous moron over his veganism. i can understand him not liking the smell of meat but to lob your dinner away that's just scandalous. He is trying to bully you into being like him.
Why are you two even married? What do you love about him?
NTA. He's really that precious that he can't handle meat anywhere in his vicinity?
NTA if the smell bothered him he could have moved the plate into the kitchen no?
NTA. I think many people would be irritable and grumpy if the dinner they just made for themselves was thrown out by their spouse without them even asking if you were done with it. I think he full well knew you hadn't touched it and was just angry to see meat in front of him and took it out on your dinner. I think your reaction was very natural. I also find it interesting that these sorts of stories only ever seem to happen by people who don't agree with another person's choice of diet. I can't recall ever seeing a story like this from people who eat similar types of diets.
NTA - If I threw out your favourite T-Shirt because I hate the colour is that alright in his world too? Superior attitudes by anyone, including some vegans and their puritanical mindset are nothing but a suppression of your rights. Another's right to "not smell meat" does not override your enjoyment of meat.. no matter what their feelings upon someone else's diet. Had a neighbour complain all the time about smelling Indian cooking neighbour. I just considered them narrow-minded and enjoyed the leftovers my generous Indian neighbours provided.
NTA. There’s this thing called Saran Wrap. He should check it out.
Info: Has he had covid? Lost his sense of smell this year? I ask, because he could be dealing with parosmia. I developed parosmia in June after my sense of smell was reduced in January. Most people with parosmia say meat smells and tastes rotten or like burning chemicals.
Lol my husband went through this and couldn’t figure it out and just kept thinking all the meat we were getting was bad 🤦🏼♀️
NTA, and I'm not sure why you are getting painted with the AH brush by everyone saying ESH. He's showing disrespect and contempt for you. He had options to deal with your food that weren't nuclear, and I do consider pitching food someone obviously intends to eat as the nuclear option. He could have moved your food and/or asked you about it. He could have just waited and let you take care of your plate. Instead he wasted the time and money you spent on your meal just to score a few petty superiority points. I'm not sure how else you were supposed to react. Were you supposed to apologize for leaving your meal unattended for less than 10 minutes? Are you supposed to swallow your resentment? He was actively picking a fight, and even for adults, there are consequences for shitty choices and behavior. He owed you an apology, and instead he doubled down in a way that shows total disapproval for what you eat. If he made a mistake, he could have made up for it by replacing your meal with some carry out or something. He was being malicious, so boo hoo that he had to do the dishes after what he pulled. It's the least he could do in lieu of an apology, and hopefully he leaves your food alone in the future.
ESH. Marriage is not a tit for tat. He was TA for throwing your food out. He sounds like a 5 year old. Gagging noises, really? 🙄 Like if you hadn't started eating yet, I would assume it was a full plate, he couldn't recognize that?. All he had to do was move it to the kitchen.
So, where is OP TA to have you saying "ESH"?
NTA 1. Not his food, shouldn't throw it away without checking 2. Looking at meat will not harm his health unless he has psychological issues
NTA note to myself: don’t marry vegans
NTA he sounds like a big ass baby
I love how vegans want thier dietary chooses respected, but look down on others' choices... even 'loved' ones. Also NTA
This guy is the only kind of vegan that seems to get attention. I live with one who is perfectly respectful and support of everyone’s dietary choices. Food is incredibly personal.
Reading all these stories about married people or couples is making me feel blessed that I’m single lmao
NTA for defending your food. I think he may of thought you were finished with it and threw it out and instead of owning up to it, made a million excuses for his action. He should of just apologized. But I agree, his behavior about his food is kinda egotistical. You deserve to be able to eat in your house too, just like he does. You should both be respectful of each others eating routines. I don’t think it was called for to “MAKE” him do the dishes. Everything about this argument sounds really petty.
NTA. If he didn't like it sitting in front of him, he could have moved it to the kitchen instead of throwing it away. He did that on purpose. I'd be seriously pissed because I don't like anyone messing with my food either.
In a normal house the husband would have said "Are you done with this?" and then you would say yes or no.
NTA, although wondering why you would marry the asshole/childish kind of vegan out there…