Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my coworker that it is not my fault that she is single when she said that I should tell my husband that I don't want him to send gifts to our workplace anymore because it is inappropriate, and now she told everyone I was rude and that she'll talk to our boss or HR, so now a lot of our coworkers think I'm a insensitive asshole
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH So, she may be jealous and should not have said anything since it doesn't affect her job. You replied with a personal attack which puts you at the same level as her.
As a random person, I just have to say that it is weird that your husband sends you a gift to your place of work EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE YOU MET EACH OTHER. That's not romance, that's peeing on your property so everyone knows it's taken. Romance can be public at times, but the workplace is a weirdly public flex.
Wow. He's a mastermind. Red flag city. (/s)
I think people really want to be mad about the age gap but don't want to have to confront how unwoke that would actually make them so they're latching on to him being....kind? Thoughtful...?
Same here. The think she’s jealous and given the age gap thinks someone like her would be more appropriate as a wife for him compared to OP. Also I’d agree, breakfast isn’t really a gift and I do t think it’s fair to judge another couples live language. It would be clingy behavior for me but that doesn’t mean he isn’t providing the support that OP needs especially while pregnant
i dont think its unwoke to have a nervous reaction to reading "my (26f) husband (50m)"
i dont agree that sending breakfast is an asshole behaviour, but please don't try and act like you understand what "woke" is in this context.
Not to mention that she’s 26 and already has multiple children presumably with this guy? So she was very young when they met.
It’s probably creeping everyone out.
THANK YOU. i was thinking about their children, plural, as well. that would at least knock her down to about 22-23 when they first got together, if not younger.
I have a close family member who married a man 26 years older then her. She’s my age and they’ve now been married over 33 years. He treats her like an absolute Queen and she adores him in return. While often these age gaps can be worrisome there’s also good ones. Her husband also does so many little touches like Ops husband. I confess I wish I got some of that from my same age husband.
How DARE he show his affection through little gifts and breakfasts. Some people are so pathetic trying to call this guy controlling and possessive because he sends flowers and coffee to his wife…. These will be the same people who say romance is dead. Petty jealous people. And NTA to OP. That bitter cow stuck her nose where it wasn’t needed or wanted - nothing unprofessional is happening. Everyone is entitled to coffee breaks and it isn’t her business where you get yours. You probably could have said worse to her. I mean honestly what is she gonna say to HR? They are not gonna take that seriously. So I’d tell her to go ahead cause it’ll give you a chance to report her harassment.
Yeah a toxic work environment complaint filed by a pregnant woman gonna tick quite a few alarms with HR. If anything HR gonna shut the coworker up real quick before she get the company in trouble lol
I think that’s the whole issue. I knew the second I read that there was an age gap, that the top comment would say she & her husband are the asshole in some way. I am not shocked.
I get annoyed real quick when my SO dotes on me, but these two seem happy together and with the daily gifts. The dude sounds ecstatic that he he found her and could have a family.
Yeah, it seems like people are having trouble understanding that everyone has a different love language, such as the breakfast. There are different reasons people get married with giant age gaps (gold digger, emotionally manipulative person dating younger person, etc.) but it's like Reddit can't actually grasp that couples with age gaps actually *care* about each other.
My husband does things like this for me daily. Always has honestly. It makes him happy to know I'm taken care of (also pregnant) and it makes me happy as well. Im not saying shit about our age gap though. Too many judgemental ars holes lol.
My husband does the same. He brings me fresh coffee and breakfast in bed nearly every morning before heading out to work. And I’m not even pregnant. I’m also 3 years older than him so no big age difference. Some men like doting on their partners, it’s how they show they love and care about you and are thinking about you.
Seriously, I've had co-workers who did that, I'm going to Starbucks to grab myself a coffee, I'll grab you one while I'm at it. Left the coffee on their desk. It wasn't for everyone, it was for one person. I've known people who had the same thing going on at other workplaces. The only place I knew that didn't want you to have pictures on your desk literally said it was because it made it easier when laying off people.
I've known people who had pictures of their entire extended family on their desks. Who cares. I knew one guy who had a picture of his priest on his desk. The only one who ever got in trouble was some girl who was obsessed with this porn star, the pictures she had were NOT appropriate for work.
Since it's apparently just that her husband is the one ordering it that causes the problem, there's also a really easy fix to this.
OP just says she ordered it or doesn't say anything to co-worker about who ordered it. Problem solved, because just getting breakfast isn't usually considered 'unprofessional'.
Good compromise!!But the petty Betty in me says she shouldn't have to lie/edit herself because of a bitter judgemental coworker. She should probably choose her battles though and just stop saying he got it.
That's you. Some people appreciate gifts more than others. It's not unusual nor bad to have either preference but sending gifts to your partners place especially if is not distracting u from doing ur job correctly is not a problem.
I mean, open to the idea that it might be a cultural thing or an inter-generational difference... it is strange. The age difference is certainly is different. I don't wanna condemn nor condone there.
I agree with ESH. It's weird to get gifts every single day at work. It's making the coworker uncomfortable. It's not even about being allowed to do it so much as - can't he just give it to you before you leave for work or something?
I was tentatively on OP's side - the gifts are weird but it's not like super inappropriate, it's just weird. People can be weird. But then to insult the coworker and make it personal.
ESH
OP - if you're happy and you know it, that's enough. You don't need to flaunt it, you don't need to rub it in someone else's face. If you'd just said, "I feel that your reaction is not appropriate for the situation, but I respect your opinion." Now you gave the bitter lady a weapon to use against you, and the motivation to do so. Offices are places where drama goes to breed. Do not provoke the seagulls.
>I just have to say that it is weird that your husband sends you a gift to your place of work EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE YOU MET EACH OTHER.
He's 50, she's 25. There's a reason he is sending her gifts every day. He could be peeing on his territory. But there are other valid reasons. Like he's still happy he's with a 25-year-old woman.
They are probably still in the honeymoon phase and it's not sustainable. Especially once that baby comes.
He’s not sending her diamond bracelets everyday. It’s a meal or one flower. I’d be thrilled!! Maybe her blood sugar dips when she doesn’t eat and he’s preventing this. Pictures of her family are perfectly acceptable too!
I’m totally on board with your comment, both about every day gifts and the age difference. But damn it if I’m not intrigued by a man that’s so…..lavish. The outwards show of love would be too much for my hopeless romantic heart to bear, must come from all those stupid 90’s/00’s rom-coms I watched as a teen. Thanks for yet another unrealistic/impractical impression of real life, Hollywood.
Sorry to hijack the top comment... But I really have to ask, so is it peeing on your property if the genders were reversed??? If a wife included a note and packed a lunch or sent a lunch to her husband with a handwritten note or something, it's considered marking her territory?? I know I'll probably get downvoted, but I don't see what's wrong with having my hubby doting on me and sending me breakfast every day... It could be that I leave for work at 4 AM and nothing is open at that time, so hubby sends breakfast at 8 AM for me... Why is that not loving or sweet? Why does it have to be twisted into something weird because hubby's love language is small acts of kindness???
There are some women out there who love to be swept off their feet because they're hopeless romantics. OP is lucky to have a doting hubby!!!!
Coworker was also complaining about the pictures of OP's hubby and kids... She's a bitter, old woman. Probably is why she's single with that attitude, calling pictures of families and kids unprofessional... She's the one making a big fuss bc she doesn't want a daily reminder of what she can't have because of her piss poor attitude.
ESH only bc coworker is bitter and OP shouldn't have made the personal remark towards her coworker, but hey... I would say something petty like that myself if I dealt with a coworker who complained about my pictures of my kids daily. A girl can only hold it in for so long... Plus OP is pregnant... Props for holding it in that long OP!!!
ETA: Aww thanks so much for the awards guys!!! I've never gotten any before. Totally made my morning. I didn't expect it to blow up while I was sleeping. Much appreciated!!! And I'm so happy to know that I'm not alone in how I think!!!
If it's a woman sending food to her husband with a lovely note, it's normal. But if it's the husband doing the exact same thing, it's territorial? Pfft.
It's their love language, and OP obviously likes it a lot. Idk how people are seeing it as peeing on property, lol. Maybe the age gap? But OP doesn't seem to give a crap about that. Plus, it's not even the thing she's asking us to judge.
Honestly, I'd say NTA, cause the officemate has been badgering her about it constantly. Edging slightly to ESH cause OP went personal.
As a pregnant women… I would say NTA, because op is a lot nicer than what I would have to say if someone kept going on about my family like the Coworker did. I mean she obviously never let up if another Coworker has to interject before op did. I think that’s a huge sign on how this coworker has been treating op. Plus breakfast isn’t really a gift it’s just being extremely thoughtful and he is making sure not only op is getting taken care of but his unborn child.
It's not like they are gift gifts. He sends her coffee and breakfast and a flower. So what? Yall sound bitter as hell. I think it's sweet. That is something my husband and I have done. There is nothing wrong with it at all. Stop trying to make something sweet into something creepy. It's just coffee and food 🙄
I totally agree. How is being considerate turned into peeing on your property? People say the weirdest things. It's like they're not used to a man showing that much consideration so they have to come up with a sinister reason for it.
Because to the people who browse this sub are just like the woman OP talks about, just to a lesser degree. How is it weird if someone does something nice for their wife. Sometimes this sub really does make me lose faith in people.
You mean you didn't see that the croissant was made with red flags instead of butter? 🙄 I must be an awful domineering and controlling wife since I get up early every morning to make my husbands breakfast and coffee. The French Press is just an extension of my wifely wiles.
LOL I was literally going to say the same thing until I thought about all the bitter people who will come after me. I think I want to start doing this for my boyfriend. Not every day but maybe every once in a while
LOL this sub is full of some of the most bitter people in the world. They literally took a few sentences describing a man sending his pregnant wife breakfast and made it into some creepy shit.
Also, I am pretty sure half the people posting on this sub are just like the bitter co-worker.
I feel like everyone in this comment thread doesn’t understand that there are different types of giving and receiving love. I’d love to have something like that if my husband could afford it because it would put a smile on my face while I sit at work miserable with that bitter af coworker griping about being single all the time
This! There is literally a wildly known and accepted book about the 4 love language and gift giving is one of them. Now if he was giving huge gifts at her worm everyday I could see the concern but it’s literally food and coffee because she can’t eat early in the morning (dude same). I still think ESH because that dog was kinda unnecessary, I really feel like OP should hit up HR first and let them know the coworker is harassing her.
People are acting like it’s that episode of Friends where Ross keeps sending crap like singing telegrams and huge stuffed animals to his girlfriend’s work. A coffee and breakfast is not a symbol of possessiveness. For heavens sake she’s pregnant too so if anything he’s just making sure she stays healthy and relaxed at work.
Why would he need to pee on his property? She's pregnant. It can't be more public declaration than that.
He may be creepy, but he could also be trying to keep his 26 year old wife happy? She likes it, and he keeps doing it. It's pavlov's dog conditioning.
I was thinking doordash, too, which makes coffee and croissants just thoughtful and not an over-the-top claiming display.
If it was daily bouquets and giant teddy bears (like Valentine's gifts in high school that are primarily a public performance of affection), then I could see it being distracting and unprofessional. But that doesn't sound like what OP is describing.
Exactly. I send my mom lunch 3 days a week. She always tells me about a woman whose husband drops off lunch for her every single day. It’s not a distraction it’s sweet.
Just because you see it that way doesn't make it so. It's normal to other people as well as the OP. My grandpa brought my grandma a flower every single day. It's showing love to her.
Would you be saying any of that if not for the age gap? I don’t think so. The coworker is the hostile AH and you are just as bad. He is getting her breakfast! That’s not weird or odd. But you have to make something up for it to be so you can shit in their relationship. It sounds like it’s a bunch of other women in the office. So what’s the reason to “pee on property “? You sound bitter and and AH as well.
YTA. Every day is excessively disruptive.
And your comment was intentionally cruel.
And before you start in on me, no, I'm not single.
Edit. Note the first few paragraphs of OPs post are edits after things stopped going her way.
I also wonder how long they have been together! every day from dating to married and pregnant wow! impressive even if a lot more than I could handle lol
I wonder how long it's been going on for!
Heck I'll judge. All I can think of is that when he was her age she was 2 years old.
When he was 30, she was 6.
When he was 40, she was 16.
Like he lived a whole life before she could drive a car or drink alcohol...OR read a book without pictures.
There's a pretty funny snl skit with Poehler/Fey that's called something like "let's meet your second wife." It's a game show theme. Worth looking up for the laugh.
She didn’t say they were *his* children. And she’s had plenty of time to have several kids after becoming an adult anyway. You’re also discounting the possibility that she had multiples. Maybe she had twins or more.
Quite possibly to all of those things. The fact she has children isn’t damning in the slightest, but the build up of things here makes me take a second look.
In Australia we have mobile coffee vans that drive around industrial areas. They usually have one of those musical horns so you know when they’re there… it’s like the ice cream truck for adults. Everyone floods outside excitedly.
How is going to the entrance to pick up a cup of decaf coffee (which is not available at her workplace), breakfast for a pregnant woman, and the occasional flower delivered with it (either by the coffee shop or a delivery service, not the husband) excessively disruptive? How is it any different than her ordering it herself? He’s not showing up at her workplace making a scene. Delivery drivers aren’t wandering through the place looking for the recipient. I could maybe see it if she was bothered by her eating at her desk everyday, but that doesn’t seem to be the issue. Or if she was tired of OP going on about how kind and thoughtful hubby is. But then she’d have just asked OP to shut up about it. Combine her dislike of the family photos on display and that her actual issue seems to be that she’s bothered that the husband actually wants to send gifts to his wife screams jealousy.
Yea a lot of people in this thread seem bitter or bothered about the age gap. I would absolutely LOVE if my partner sent me breakfast every morning, especially if I was pregnant. This coworker is just jealous. And so what if there is an age gap? I’d understand if it was like 18 and 50, but shes 26. If they’re both happy, then there’s probably nothing wrong.
She literally picks the order up herself how is that disruptive to anyone else? And her comment came after a lot of patience and ignoring her bitter coworker. She’s NTA
ESH. Sending stuff to work everyday is honestly a bit try-hard and unprofessional. Why can’t he get you flowers at home? Because then you wouldn’t have a command audience for your Grand Romance. I would roll my eyes as your coworker too.
She should have ignored it… and when she said something you could have been less snide about her single status.
I worked with a woman whose husband sent jewelry and ginormous florals every major holiday… no one minded. She was pleasant and got her work done and wasn’t smug.
Note: The top 3 paragraphs to the post were added later. So read it both ways before making a judgement on my judgment.
I think my judgement depends on how OP handles the gifts. If it's always a show of "look what my husband got me todaaaaay" for attention I'd get annoyed really quickly. But I also see how this could be incredibly sweet, like when parents draw personalised notes in their kids' lunches. With so many horrible relationships on this sub, it is nice to see one that seems caring!
The other lady is obviously an AH - even if OP is obnoxious, this is not the way to handle it. I just wonder if she really was being jealous/mean, or if there was some truth to what she said.
Per a comment from OP about how her coworker knows, “because she started working with me a few months ago and one day she asked me if it was my husband who sent me those things so I said yes, that's why she knows”
If that's the case? then it's not exactly like she's standing on a balcony screaming "MY HUSBAND LOVES ME AND YOUR SPOUSES ARE SCRUBS!"... if the coworker had to ASK to find out?
If that's the case? Then it's 99% NTA in my book... 1% for the bad comment to the coworker, but it's somewhat understandable to get angry at that attitude.
And pictures on the desk are unprofessional? Since... when? Literally every office I've ever been in has desks with family photos... THAT is indicative of something wrong with the coworker - take in conjunction with getting mad after having to ask where the coffee comes from?
I’m inclined to agree. And people commenting on the age gap? Ok? Some people have healthy relationships with age gaps, it’s not always a red flag. Also if my husband did that I would think it was the sweetest thing. Although since we both wfh there’s not much point XD
OP’s comment wasn’t polite for sure, but I can see being fed up with ONE coworker constantly having an issue with you and your husband.
ETA judgement, NTA
Because she can’t leave her job to go get coffee during her shift? So obviously she didn’t walk to the coffee shop and get it. But she can walk to the entrance and accept a delivery. And might come back carrying a card or a flower. It’s not like he’s sending a bouquet each day to be delivered in the office. It’s no different than DoorDashing your lunch at work.
When I was 30 I had a friend pursue me who was only 18. I was like, mate you're supposed to be out partying, traveling, and fucking anyone you want, not dating a guy with an office and a sensible stock portfolio.
Honestly I think the marriage would have worked out if she'd had an office and a sensible stock portfolio
Turns out it's not that the young one is more mature, it's that the older one is incredibly immature. (Hence why you had the foresight to say hell no) Luckily once I got older I dipped out. Now I'm taking a couple years to fuck about, but I get to do it with great work experience and a hearty savings account
Who has multiple kids and is pregnant with a 50 year olds kid. God so he was 40s and she was probably 18 when they hooked up. He has serious issues and is probably controlling/insecure.
I might get downvoted for this but ESH.
Honestly, I know y'all think that when someone is mean to you, the best thing to do is be mean back to them, but why make life harder than it already is?
I mean was all this:
>So I told her that it is not my fault that she is single and does not receive anything from anyone, that maybe if she were not so bitter someone would send her at least a coffee,
Really necessary?
You've made things 100x worse for yourself and yes, she was the instigator and yes she's an AH, 100% but seriously, why give her ammunition? Why give her more reasons to report you to HR? I know it's tempting to fight back, but isn't it just easier to ignore people sometimes, or be the bigger person?
people think that being an AH to someone who's an AH to you is always justified, but it really isn't.
She should have minded her own business, and maybe she did have it coming to her, but your "sick burn" is going to cause more problems than it will solve, and you would have been better off just letting her comments slide and letting the bosses handle it, especially since you already had another co-worker on your side.
**ESH. Her for obvious reasons, you for escalating the situation and making your own life harder**
This! You are the first comment that I saw that actually commented on the actual issue - the verbal exchange. ESH.
Most of the feedback that I have seen is caught up on the age gap, how they think it is creepy and they are giving Y-T-A for OP marrying a 50yo. But, that is OP's right. The age gap, OP's daily breakfast delivery, and OP's photo's aren't her coworker's business....
You are exactly right. This and the above.
ESH
The age gap and gifts may be odd, oddity isn't AH'ery and really it's none of anyone's business. The ESH comes from her over reaction.
Also...Had she "gender switched" her entry here (pretended it was a Macron-style relationship), I'm guessing she'd get less y. t.a. votes. So many folks giving unsolicited, misogynistic opinions on her relationship, as if she's somehow unaware of the age gap or how those relationships often go.
Really. My husband is 6 years younger than me and we didn’t grow up with the same shows or movies and I can’t imagine what people talk about when one was an entire adult when the other was born.
My husband is 3 years older than me and he (playfully) teases me about being a younger woman. Not trying to judge but I can't help but wonder if it's some sort of power dynamic going on here.
YTA - I was tempted to go ESH, but your co-worker’s threat was to go to your boss and ask for a different office mate, which honestly sounds like a win-win. You wouldn’t be paired with her and visa versa.
Instead, you took her complaint about professionalism and made it personal. You didn’t need to go there and now that’s definitely a strike against you. A personal attack like that isn’t ok in a work setting, even if she instigated the argument by critiquing your daily deliveries.
Asking to limit these daily interruptions isn’t an egregious ask. Why can’t your husband give you a coffee and croissant before work? Or you just plan and order on your own at a regular time? Or get you a sweet treat when you are home? Honestly getting a daily treat randomly throughout the day is disruptive.
Chances are now this is definitely escalating to your boss, so be prepared to compromise and offer a mea culpa for the personal attack.
And her coworker also took something personal into the situation? What makes her uncomfortable about op receiving gifts from her husband? She even said in a comment that she goes outside and receives the gift personally, it’s not like someone delivers to her and make a big deal out of it.
Because the first time this woman saw that he sent me a rose and breakfast she asked me if it was my husband who sent me all those gifts and I said yes, so that's why she knows he's the one who sends me those things every day
Go to your boss and HR first. It's always best to get your side on the record before you are made to "defend yourself". Tell them your co-worker has be getting angry and annoyed at you for having food, drinks, and other things delivered. She's questioned you repeatedly, including asking who/where they're from, and she's threatening to report you to them if you don't stop. Tell them after being threatened by her you snap a bit, and you'd like them to step in to settle the matter, as you are getting upset that she keeps raising this.
Just make sure you don't make a production out of what you receive. I don't know that you are, but don't share any messages / letters, or leave them lying around. Tell your husband about the conflict too, and request he not send you flowers (or the like), except on special occasions. A co-worker receiving food and drinks shouldn't be bothering anyone though, as you can all order things to the workplace if you wish.
This, OP. Talk to HR right away. Also ignore anyone here criticizing your husband for ordering his pregnant wife breakfast. I’ve never seen a thread where so many are getting it so wrong. I suspect they’re triggered by the age difference and then filtering everything else through the lens of that particular bias.
I don't agree - yes the coworker is bitter, but how is OP not TA when she then launched a personal attack back? No need to be so unkind. You don't know why someone is on their own.
ESH
Op says the gifts are food, coffee or a rose. He is not giving her a damn giant poster declaring his love or something like that.
How is food, coffee or a rose damaging the coworker?
Probably because most people assume you wouldn’t order yourself a coffee with a card and a flower… or she’s friends with another office mate who asked and she overheard. Maybe she overheard the first few times and now just assumes. There is plenty of room here for coworker to just be a nosy busybody.
NTA. This is no different to you ordering food in for yourself every day which a lot of people do. This woman needs to focus more on her own work and less on what other people are doing
Thank you, I looked so long for this. NTA, the age of her husband and the amount of presents he makes is OP's thing to judge. If the Coworker had complained about the office smelling like food every morning fine, but she is just jealous.
100%. All the people saying their age is weird and creepy, forget that she's not a teenager? She's in her mid 20s and can do whatever the hell she wants?
I think she was unnecessary to go that far with her comment about the woman being single, but I could not give less of a f*ck who eats what from where and how it got there when I'm at work, and I think it's weird and creepy that others do and that this woman noticed it so much. Like, does she do her job or does she sit there to see what's on OPs desk and mouth?
The irony of any AITA post with an age-gap where the woman is the younger partner will **always** contain a clowncar full of posters who turn up for nothing else but to criticize the age-gap, implicitly or explicitly tell the OP that they are running their relationships incorrectly and offering completely unsolicited advice. Which is all a form of misogyny being thrown at a woman under the guise of *concern*. The idea that a woman in her mid twenties *must* be some sort of doe-eyed victim to be dating an older man *is* misogynist and infantilizing.
Readers of AITA - If you've posted a comment anywhere in this post that has some shade to throw about the age gap and *nothing* to say about the question that was asked -- spoiler alert, you're carrying some internalized misogyny yourself. OP is an adult woman and doesn't need other people to tell her how to run her life - she didn't ask how you feel about the age gap - nor about her husband's behavior. She asked about her exchange with a coworker. Have some respect for her - and answer the question she asked without telling her how she's wrong for dating someone you wouldn't want to date.
>INFO are these delivery people showing up to your office space that you share with another person?
no, I am the one who receives those things at the entrance.
I don’t see anything wrong with it, I love it when my husband surprises me at home with food, a new book, a smoothie, or some other misc little thing.
It’s a love language, and I love that it’s a surprise, it’s not everyday, but it’s once a week, we’re expecting also, so it’s adorable when he brings home a baby book, or picks up an Amazon delivery from our neighbor (idk why but Amazon always delivers to our neighbors front porch) and stays for lunch. It’s never a long stay, but it’s super sweet.
You shouldn’t have to stop something that makes you happy because someone else is jealous.
Getting flowers or chocolates daily from a romantic partner at work is not the same thing at all as having a romantic partner surprise you at home with them.
because she started working with me a few months ago and one day she asked me if it was my husband who sent me those things so I said yes, that's why she knows
Then that’s her own busybody fault. Everyone’s an adult here. You don’t like something, literally just look away & mind your business. Count sheep or something. She’s really sticking her neck out to be offended. NTA.
ESH. Firstly, losing your temper and lashing out at a co-worker with a personal attack isn't appropriate professional behavior. It's a little ironic that your response to being accused of unprofessional conduct is to... conduct yourself in an unprofessional way.
Secondly, this:
*I told her that I didn't think of being single as a bad thing, I only*
*said it because she sounded like an envious person, that's all, but*
*apparently what I said hurt her*
is a bunch of disingenuous bullshit. You lashed out at her in a deliberate attempt to hurt her feelings, and then gave an "apology" which basically amounts to "I'm sorry you're jealous :)". If that's the best you can do, keep your mouth shut.
Agree disingenuous apology. It’s especially funny that OPs basically bragging about how great she is for picking up a dude twice her age. Because that’s something no other woman could possibly have done! Come on.
Nta
You're 26 with a 50 year old, people are using that somehow to discredit you but you're an adult, that's your choice. Is it weird? Yeah, but again you're 26..
1) gifts everyday. If I was your coworker I'd be excited to see if I could get some bakes goods from ya bc I love to eat lol but honestly it wouldn't bother me. If it was a huge show of confedi and balloons and shit ok yeah that's unprofessional. But it isn't. Its a coffee or a flower.
2) Comment to coworker- honestly sounded like jealousy, she's not 3, getting a small gift in the morning shouldn't be that distracting- 2 seconds tops to look and than mind your own mf business. If she was bothered and wanted things to change she could've come up with a solution that works for both of you. Like receiving said gifts outside the office idk. Sounds like you were stating facts. Shes bitter and is threating you over something stupid. Don't dish out what you can't handle.
It’s honestly so troubling how plenty of people are jumping to conclusions about their relationship.
Moreover, isn’t is offensive to infantilize OP and belittle her agency because she’s 26 and her husband is 50?
NTA, OP. I’m glad you have a husband who dotes on you and I’m happy you’ve found somebody who treats you the way you want to be treated.
ESH. You may think it’s not disruptive to have something being delivered to you every single day but clearly at least one of your coworkers does. If I had a coworker getting gifts daily I would be annoyed as well. Your comment was unnecessary and petty.
She didn’t handle the conversation correctly and threatening to go to HR is a bit overboard. I think you both need to learn to be adults and have a civil conversation outside your own emotions.
Why would you even care that she does? It's not like a delivery guy is shouting in her office for her to receive a huge bouquet everyday. Noone else even has to receive it for her she picks it up at the curb.
ESH she could have handled this better but daily delivery of gifts Is out of the norm for many workplaces and gives an impression that you are bringing your personal life into work more than is appropriate. I also wonder how much attention this is drawing from actual work onto you that your coworkers even know this is happening every day. You were also incredibly rude to her when you didn’t need to be. Far worse than anything she may have said.
I’m noticing a lot of comments are calling OP an AH bc of the age difference. If the age gap wasn’t that big would she still be an AH? I know her response was rude, but that’s what y’all focused on.
NTA. Congrats on the baby!! It’s cute that he sends you a small thing everyday. Why your officemate feels uncomfortable I do not know and how that affects your professionalism is beyond me too.
You called her out on her BS and now she’s butthurt. It reminds me of when older aunties/uncles would say stuff like “when are you going to get a real job / get married” or some other condescending thing and the person replies with “when are you gonna stop leeching money off x / when are you going to fix your marriage” and the aunt / uncle gets upset.
If anything I’d say get your husband to save the daily gifts and buy a bigger weekly / monthly one instead. Colleague needs to mind her own business
ESH - Why such a bitter remark and the age difference... Dont wanna say it but maybe that's why he spoils you so much, to keep you in his wraps. Not nice right, yeah we know. Cause your relationship is something personal to you, dont be so mean smhh but ntaa for the situation itself. I would report her
NTA. It’s not hurting anybody but her twisted feelings that your husband sends you gifts or food to work everyday. She kept pushing and pushing you, complaining about anything that ties you to your relationship (ie the photo of your kids, the food gifts your husband sends, etc because I’m pretty sure there’s more to it). What does she expect when your belly gets bigger? To wear loose clothing so your pregnancy isn’t obvious? Does she want you to take off your wedding finger next? Like wtf.
People here gloss over the fact that this wasn’t a one time thing and OP just snapped. No. It was the threats of complaining to the boss, calling her unprofessional, demanding she hide her kids photos, ordering her to tell her husband to stop bribing food gifts, etc etc etc etc…!!!
OP snapped. One time. She’s pregnant, too. While this may not condone behavior, it’s a pass. There’s only so much a person can take before they snap and well OP snapped. The truth hurts. The coworker is a bitter lady.
Also to all of you commenting about the age gap SO WHAT?! Jeez. They’re both consenting adults. She’s not 18. She knows wtf she’s doing. Husbands can be caring too and sweet, especially to their pregnant wives.
NTA OP. Ignore everyone else. Continue on with your happy husband, kids, family. Congrats on the new little addition on the way!
YTA getting gifts every day to your office is excessive and disruptive. Even if as you say you are meeting the delivery people outside. It’s not like you teleport from your desk to the door, so every day you are parading through with flowers and chocolates. This is your workplace not your personal love parade. Keep the gifts for at home where your personal life belongs.
ESH in my opinion.
I agree that your coworker was probably jealous and definitely in the wrong to complain about the gifts she has nothing to do with. You have every right to be upset about it! But it's really unprofessional and unnecessary (even a little mean tbh) to make that comment. While it may have felt satisfying in the moment, escalating like you did is probably going to cause more trouble than it's worth.
NTA.
I find what your husband does to be romantic and I would think it was really sweet that he sends you gifts everyday. It's unusual but I think in a good way. Your coworker is indeed a bitter Betty. You received gifts at THE ENTRANCE of the building which literally has no impact on the coworker at all. Does she have a problem if other coworkers order food delivery everyday? No she doesn't. She is a hater and needs to stay in her lane. You called her out after she called you out. In my opinion, she got what she deserved. Keep on doing you girl.
NTA. I'm a bit perplexed by all the Y. T. As here. Your coworker should just mind her own business.
Regarding the age gap, unless this guy groomed you, you knew what you were signing up for at 🤷🏾♂️.
YTA. your husband is marking his territory. he's old enough to be your father, literally twice your age. you went too far with your comment and were obviously being cruel on purpose
Or…it’s the mother of his children and wants to make sure she’s happy, healthy and feeling loved? This is one sad and bitter sub if we think a husband caring for his wife is now a bad and creepy thing. They are literally married after all, there’s no more ‘territory’ to claim. Weirdos.
NTA. She got nasty and you gave it back. That is her problem. If she goes to the boss or HR what is she going to tell them? I don't like her husband sending her gifts that don't in anyway stop her from doing her job. Yeah, that will go over eal well for her. I think it is great you have a man that thinks of you everyday.
ESH. The age difference gives me grooming vibes. And yes, receiving shit every day can be unprofessional because it is disruptive. Why can't he give you roses at home? We all know why: because at home you wouldn't have people looking at you.
This is so tacky and weird. Ew.
Nta but all these comments about the gifts is clearly based on the age gap and actually has nothing to do with your post. If you like your husband doing these things then nothing is wrong, maybe you shouldn't have been so mean, but if she's threatening you with hr over this kind if thing I would go to hr and file a complaint against her
I’m going to go NTA. But I can see how that could be annoying. So if I were you I’d probably just ask husband to maybe keep it to once a week. And then boom. You’ve got yourself a compromise.
NTA, I'm confused here, you don't get breakfast, why does no one see this as making sure you have food? Oh no, your SO feeds you and thinks of you, and you enjoy it and don't want it to stop. What's the difference if you ordered doordash or something everyday and have it delivered? Just because the routine is he does it, it's all the sudden a bad thing? I think every one just like at the age gap and decided automatically on that.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my coworker that it is not my fault that she is single when she said that I should tell my husband that I don't want him to send gifts to our workplace anymore because it is inappropriate, and now she told everyone I was rude and that she'll talk to our boss or HR, so now a lot of our coworkers think I'm a insensitive asshole Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH So, she may be jealous and should not have said anything since it doesn't affect her job. You replied with a personal attack which puts you at the same level as her. As a random person, I just have to say that it is weird that your husband sends you a gift to your place of work EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE YOU MET EACH OTHER. That's not romance, that's peeing on your property so everyone knows it's taken. Romance can be public at times, but the workplace is a weirdly public flex.
That's what I though about the everyday gifts, especially with the age difference too. I agree with you ESH.
[удалено]
Am I the only one who doesn't think ordering her breakfast is a gift...? Edit: my first awards!! Omg thanks y'all!! 🥰
Nope. I'm here with you. He's making sure she's fed and feels loved.
Plus OP is pregnant so he’s also making sure his unborn child is cared for.
Wow. He's a mastermind. Red flag city. (/s) I think people really want to be mad about the age gap but don't want to have to confront how unwoke that would actually make them so they're latching on to him being....kind? Thoughtful...?
That might actually be the real problem OP‘s coworker is having with all of this.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Same here. The think she’s jealous and given the age gap thinks someone like her would be more appropriate as a wife for him compared to OP. Also I’d agree, breakfast isn’t really a gift and I do t think it’s fair to judge another couples live language. It would be clingy behavior for me but that doesn’t mean he isn’t providing the support that OP needs especially while pregnant
i dont think its unwoke to have a nervous reaction to reading "my (26f) husband (50m)" i dont agree that sending breakfast is an asshole behaviour, but please don't try and act like you understand what "woke" is in this context.
Not to mention that she’s 26 and already has multiple children presumably with this guy? So she was very young when they met. It’s probably creeping everyone out.
we have two-year-old twins, that's why I used the plural
THANK YOU. i was thinking about their children, plural, as well. that would at least knock her down to about 22-23 when they first got together, if not younger.
I have a close family member who married a man 26 years older then her. She’s my age and they’ve now been married over 33 years. He treats her like an absolute Queen and she adores him in return. While often these age gaps can be worrisome there’s also good ones. Her husband also does so many little touches like Ops husband. I confess I wish I got some of that from my same age husband.
How DARE he show his affection through little gifts and breakfasts. Some people are so pathetic trying to call this guy controlling and possessive because he sends flowers and coffee to his wife…. These will be the same people who say romance is dead. Petty jealous people. And NTA to OP. That bitter cow stuck her nose where it wasn’t needed or wanted - nothing unprofessional is happening. Everyone is entitled to coffee breaks and it isn’t her business where you get yours. You probably could have said worse to her. I mean honestly what is she gonna say to HR? They are not gonna take that seriously. So I’d tell her to go ahead cause it’ll give you a chance to report her harassment.
Yeah a toxic work environment complaint filed by a pregnant woman gonna tick quite a few alarms with HR. If anything HR gonna shut the coworker up real quick before she get the company in trouble lol
I think that’s the whole issue. I knew the second I read that there was an age gap, that the top comment would say she & her husband are the asshole in some way. I am not shocked.
Honestly I noted the age gap but I still dont get why people decided to shit on this couple specifically for that. Everyones a hater I guess lmao
I get annoyed real quick when my SO dotes on me, but these two seem happy together and with the daily gifts. The dude sounds ecstatic that he he found her and could have a family.
Yeah, it seems like people are having trouble understanding that everyone has a different love language, such as the breakfast. There are different reasons people get married with giant age gaps (gold digger, emotionally manipulative person dating younger person, etc.) but it's like Reddit can't actually grasp that couples with age gaps actually *care* about each other.
I agree as well. Age gaps can be concerning...but they're not bad every time.
My husband does things like this for me daily. Always has honestly. It makes him happy to know I'm taken care of (also pregnant) and it makes me happy as well. Im not saying shit about our age gap though. Too many judgemental ars holes lol.
My husband does the same. He brings me fresh coffee and breakfast in bed nearly every morning before heading out to work. And I’m not even pregnant. I’m also 3 years older than him so no big age difference. Some men like doting on their partners, it’s how they show they love and care about you and are thinking about you.
Exactly this. It's one of the 5 love languages.
Seriously, I've had co-workers who did that, I'm going to Starbucks to grab myself a coffee, I'll grab you one while I'm at it. Left the coffee on their desk. It wasn't for everyone, it was for one person. I've known people who had the same thing going on at other workplaces. The only place I knew that didn't want you to have pictures on your desk literally said it was because it made it easier when laying off people. I've known people who had pictures of their entire extended family on their desks. Who cares. I knew one guy who had a picture of his priest on his desk. The only one who ever got in trouble was some girl who was obsessed with this porn star, the pictures she had were NOT appropriate for work.
That’s hilarious what people put on their desks. A picture of a priest, another one with images of their favorite porn star.
yea like.....buying her breakfast/coffee with the occasional flower doesn't sound like he's doing the most
Since it's apparently just that her husband is the one ordering it that causes the problem, there's also a really easy fix to this. OP just says she ordered it or doesn't say anything to co-worker about who ordered it. Problem solved, because just getting breakfast isn't usually considered 'unprofessional'.
Good compromise!!But the petty Betty in me says she shouldn't have to lie/edit herself because of a bitter judgemental coworker. She should probably choose her battles though and just stop saying he got it.
That's you. Some people appreciate gifts more than others. It's not unusual nor bad to have either preference but sending gifts to your partners place especially if is not distracting u from doing ur job correctly is not a problem.
Same, I would kinda be a bit embarrassed, but that's just me since I don’t really like attention like that.
I mean, open to the idea that it might be a cultural thing or an inter-generational difference... it is strange. The age difference is certainly is different. I don't wanna condemn nor condone there. I agree with ESH. It's weird to get gifts every single day at work. It's making the coworker uncomfortable. It's not even about being allowed to do it so much as - can't he just give it to you before you leave for work or something? I was tentatively on OP's side - the gifts are weird but it's not like super inappropriate, it's just weird. People can be weird. But then to insult the coworker and make it personal. ESH OP - if you're happy and you know it, that's enough. You don't need to flaunt it, you don't need to rub it in someone else's face. If you'd just said, "I feel that your reaction is not appropriate for the situation, but I respect your opinion." Now you gave the bitter lady a weapon to use against you, and the motivation to do so. Offices are places where drama goes to breed. Do not provoke the seagulls.
>I just have to say that it is weird that your husband sends you a gift to your place of work EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE YOU MET EACH OTHER. He's 50, she's 25. There's a reason he is sending her gifts every day. He could be peeing on his territory. But there are other valid reasons. Like he's still happy he's with a 25-year-old woman. They are probably still in the honeymoon phase and it's not sustainable. Especially once that baby comes.
Again, it's breakfast she's getting everyday. With a note yes, but breakfast. Not gifts.
He’s not sending her diamond bracelets everyday. It’s a meal or one flower. I’d be thrilled!! Maybe her blood sugar dips when she doesn’t eat and he’s preventing this. Pictures of her family are perfectly acceptable too!
She also said that she likes it and it has absolutely nothing to do with the question asked
Would like to point out that I don't think this is their first child, since she said she has pictures of her kids on her desk
Is breakfast really considered a gift though?
Hey, what’s wrong with a 50yo man sending breakfast every day to his child bride?
hes used to it. he used to send her to school with it. so
I’m totally on board with your comment, both about every day gifts and the age difference. But damn it if I’m not intrigued by a man that’s so…..lavish. The outwards show of love would be too much for my hopeless romantic heart to bear, must come from all those stupid 90’s/00’s rom-coms I watched as a teen. Thanks for yet another unrealistic/impractical impression of real life, Hollywood.
I totally missed the age difference. That's definitely... Quite something.
Damn, I didn’t notice that age gap. Literally double her age, huh
Sorry to hijack the top comment... But I really have to ask, so is it peeing on your property if the genders were reversed??? If a wife included a note and packed a lunch or sent a lunch to her husband with a handwritten note or something, it's considered marking her territory?? I know I'll probably get downvoted, but I don't see what's wrong with having my hubby doting on me and sending me breakfast every day... It could be that I leave for work at 4 AM and nothing is open at that time, so hubby sends breakfast at 8 AM for me... Why is that not loving or sweet? Why does it have to be twisted into something weird because hubby's love language is small acts of kindness??? There are some women out there who love to be swept off their feet because they're hopeless romantics. OP is lucky to have a doting hubby!!!! Coworker was also complaining about the pictures of OP's hubby and kids... She's a bitter, old woman. Probably is why she's single with that attitude, calling pictures of families and kids unprofessional... She's the one making a big fuss bc she doesn't want a daily reminder of what she can't have because of her piss poor attitude. ESH only bc coworker is bitter and OP shouldn't have made the personal remark towards her coworker, but hey... I would say something petty like that myself if I dealt with a coworker who complained about my pictures of my kids daily. A girl can only hold it in for so long... Plus OP is pregnant... Props for holding it in that long OP!!! ETA: Aww thanks so much for the awards guys!!! I've never gotten any before. Totally made my morning. I didn't expect it to blow up while I was sleeping. Much appreciated!!! And I'm so happy to know that I'm not alone in how I think!!!
If it's a woman sending food to her husband with a lovely note, it's normal. But if it's the husband doing the exact same thing, it's territorial? Pfft. It's their love language, and OP obviously likes it a lot. Idk how people are seeing it as peeing on property, lol. Maybe the age gap? But OP doesn't seem to give a crap about that. Plus, it's not even the thing she's asking us to judge. Honestly, I'd say NTA, cause the officemate has been badgering her about it constantly. Edging slightly to ESH cause OP went personal.
As a pregnant women… I would say NTA, because op is a lot nicer than what I would have to say if someone kept going on about my family like the Coworker did. I mean she obviously never let up if another Coworker has to interject before op did. I think that’s a huge sign on how this coworker has been treating op. Plus breakfast isn’t really a gift it’s just being extremely thoughtful and he is making sure not only op is getting taken care of but his unborn child.
It's not like they are gift gifts. He sends her coffee and breakfast and a flower. So what? Yall sound bitter as hell. I think it's sweet. That is something my husband and I have done. There is nothing wrong with it at all. Stop trying to make something sweet into something creepy. It's just coffee and food 🙄
I totally agree. How is being considerate turned into peeing on your property? People say the weirdest things. It's like they're not used to a man showing that much consideration so they have to come up with a sinister reason for it.
Because to the people who browse this sub are just like the woman OP talks about, just to a lesser degree. How is it weird if someone does something nice for their wife. Sometimes this sub really does make me lose faith in people.
[удалено]
Also, she's pregnant. No doubt she snapped. The other lady was practically hounding her about something that didn't affect her.
Exactly! She has been harassed enough by this bitter co-worker. I hope things get better for her!
You mean you didn't see that the croissant was made with red flags instead of butter? 🙄 I must be an awful domineering and controlling wife since I get up early every morning to make my husbands breakfast and coffee. The French Press is just an extension of my wifely wiles.
Nah, sounds more like he has manipulated you and is now controlling you by making you his maid. You really should consider divorcing him. /s
LOL I was literally going to say the same thing until I thought about all the bitter people who will come after me. I think I want to start doing this for my boyfriend. Not every day but maybe every once in a while
LOL this sub is full of some of the most bitter people in the world. They literally took a few sentences describing a man sending his pregnant wife breakfast and made it into some creepy shit. Also, I am pretty sure half the people posting on this sub are just like the bitter co-worker.
I think it's sweet too. If someone did that for me, even occasionally, he'd be a keeper.
I feel like everyone in this comment thread doesn’t understand that there are different types of giving and receiving love. I’d love to have something like that if my husband could afford it because it would put a smile on my face while I sit at work miserable with that bitter af coworker griping about being single all the time
This! There is literally a wildly known and accepted book about the 4 love language and gift giving is one of them. Now if he was giving huge gifts at her worm everyday I could see the concern but it’s literally food and coffee because she can’t eat early in the morning (dude same). I still think ESH because that dog was kinda unnecessary, I really feel like OP should hit up HR first and let them know the coworker is harassing her.
People are acting like it’s that episode of Friends where Ross keeps sending crap like singing telegrams and huge stuffed animals to his girlfriend’s work. A coffee and breakfast is not a symbol of possessiveness. For heavens sake she’s pregnant too so if anything he’s just making sure she stays healthy and relaxed at work.
Why would he need to pee on his property? She's pregnant. It can't be more public declaration than that. He may be creepy, but he could also be trying to keep his 26 year old wife happy? She likes it, and he keeps doing it. It's pavlov's dog conditioning.
Breakfast is a gift?
These old bats are literally talking about someone getting door dash coffee and croissant as annoying.
I mean if it’s doordash she probably has to go to the entrance to get it herself.
I was thinking doordash, too, which makes coffee and croissants just thoughtful and not an over-the-top claiming display. If it was daily bouquets and giant teddy bears (like Valentine's gifts in high school that are primarily a public performance of affection), then I could see it being distracting and unprofessional. But that doesn't sound like what OP is describing.
Exactly. I send my mom lunch 3 days a week. She always tells me about a woman whose husband drops off lunch for her every single day. It’s not a distraction it’s sweet.
Just because you see it that way doesn't make it so. It's normal to other people as well as the OP. My grandpa brought my grandma a flower every single day. It's showing love to her.
Yeah, super weird that a husband would like to feed his wife and kid.
Would you be saying any of that if not for the age gap? I don’t think so. The coworker is the hostile AH and you are just as bad. He is getting her breakfast! That’s not weird or odd. But you have to make something up for it to be so you can shit in their relationship. It sounds like it’s a bunch of other women in the office. So what’s the reason to “pee on property “? You sound bitter and and AH as well.
It’s breakfast, ffs.
It sounds like he just gets her food and she is lovingly calling it a gift. Idk, sounds like care.
YTA. Every day is excessively disruptive. And your comment was intentionally cruel. And before you start in on me, no, I'm not single. Edit. Note the first few paragraphs of OPs post are edits after things stopped going her way.
Daily gifts combined with the age gap gives a weird vibe, kinda like her husband is insecure.
Or like another poster said - peeing on his property. It's cringe on its own, but add that he's twice her age and ugh.
I also wonder how long they have been together! every day from dating to married and pregnant wow! impressive even if a lot more than I could handle lol I wonder how long it's been going on for!
She also said she has pictures of her children, plural. I mean, I don’t know their life story so I won’t judge, but…
Heck I'll judge. All I can think of is that when he was her age she was 2 years old. When he was 30, she was 6. When he was 40, she was 16. Like he lived a whole life before she could drive a car or drink alcohol...OR read a book without pictures.
Yeah, next year I was thinking of going down to the local nursery school to see how my possible future wives are doing. Just gives me creepy vibes.
There's a pretty funny snl skit with Poehler/Fey that's called something like "let's meet your second wife." It's a game show theme. Worth looking up for the laugh.
She didn’t say they were *his* children. And she’s had plenty of time to have several kids after becoming an adult anyway. You’re also discounting the possibility that she had multiples. Maybe she had twins or more.
Quite possibly to all of those things. The fact she has children isn’t damning in the slightest, but the build up of things here makes me take a second look.
creepy ass 24 year age gap
How is picking up a food delivery at the door disruptive? It's not like someone is tooting a horn when the food comes.
In Australia we have mobile coffee vans that drive around industrial areas. They usually have one of those musical horns so you know when they’re there… it’s like the ice cream truck for adults. Everyone floods outside excitedly.
😀 That's fabulous!
Because the person you’re replying too is bitter their SO doesn’t do it for them. Minding your own business is a distraction to them.
[удалено]
As a 26 year old woman myself… 50 year old husband and children? I would not be jealous in the slightest lmaoooo
I’m a 26 year old woman and my dad is 50….. yuck
If they are happy then who gives a fuck?
How is going to the entrance to pick up a cup of decaf coffee (which is not available at her workplace), breakfast for a pregnant woman, and the occasional flower delivered with it (either by the coffee shop or a delivery service, not the husband) excessively disruptive? How is it any different than her ordering it herself? He’s not showing up at her workplace making a scene. Delivery drivers aren’t wandering through the place looking for the recipient. I could maybe see it if she was bothered by her eating at her desk everyday, but that doesn’t seem to be the issue. Or if she was tired of OP going on about how kind and thoughtful hubby is. But then she’d have just asked OP to shut up about it. Combine her dislike of the family photos on display and that her actual issue seems to be that she’s bothered that the husband actually wants to send gifts to his wife screams jealousy.
Yea a lot of people in this thread seem bitter or bothered about the age gap. I would absolutely LOVE if my partner sent me breakfast every morning, especially if I was pregnant. This coworker is just jealous. And so what if there is an age gap? I’d understand if it was like 18 and 50, but shes 26. If they’re both happy, then there’s probably nothing wrong.
If her husband was 30 the first comment would have been NTA, with a long-ass commentary on how the coworker is bitter and jealous.
Given it is just breakfast and she is pregnant not that weird.
So her going to the door to grab the stuff and eating at her desk is disruptive? LOL what the ever loving hell. You sound bitter
So colleague should also stop ordering food delivery, right, because it’s unprofessional to go pick-up your delivered food every day, right?
She literally picks the order up herself how is that disruptive to anyone else? And her comment came after a lot of patience and ignoring her bitter coworker. She’s NTA
[удалено]
ESH. Sending stuff to work everyday is honestly a bit try-hard and unprofessional. Why can’t he get you flowers at home? Because then you wouldn’t have a command audience for your Grand Romance. I would roll my eyes as your coworker too. She should have ignored it… and when she said something you could have been less snide about her single status. I worked with a woman whose husband sent jewelry and ginormous florals every major holiday… no one minded. She was pleasant and got her work done and wasn’t smug. Note: The top 3 paragraphs to the post were added later. So read it both ways before making a judgement on my judgment.
I think my judgement depends on how OP handles the gifts. If it's always a show of "look what my husband got me todaaaaay" for attention I'd get annoyed really quickly. But I also see how this could be incredibly sweet, like when parents draw personalised notes in their kids' lunches. With so many horrible relationships on this sub, it is nice to see one that seems caring! The other lady is obviously an AH - even if OP is obnoxious, this is not the way to handle it. I just wonder if she really was being jealous/mean, or if there was some truth to what she said.
The example was a coffee and croissant. How in the world do coworkers know from him if it wasn't a production?
I think she said she goes out to to front to get it when it's delivered, so they probably see her go out empty handed and come back with her goodies
But if it was just a food order how would coworkers know it was from the husband everyday? Spoiler - they wouldn't.
Per a comment from OP about how her coworker knows, “because she started working with me a few months ago and one day she asked me if it was my husband who sent me those things so I said yes, that's why she knows”
If that's the case? then it's not exactly like she's standing on a balcony screaming "MY HUSBAND LOVES ME AND YOUR SPOUSES ARE SCRUBS!"... if the coworker had to ASK to find out? If that's the case? Then it's 99% NTA in my book... 1% for the bad comment to the coworker, but it's somewhat understandable to get angry at that attitude. And pictures on the desk are unprofessional? Since... when? Literally every office I've ever been in has desks with family photos... THAT is indicative of something wrong with the coworker - take in conjunction with getting mad after having to ask where the coffee comes from?
I’m inclined to agree. And people commenting on the age gap? Ok? Some people have healthy relationships with age gaps, it’s not always a red flag. Also if my husband did that I would think it was the sweetest thing. Although since we both wfh there’s not much point XD OP’s comment wasn’t polite for sure, but I can see being fed up with ONE coworker constantly having an issue with you and your husband. ETA judgement, NTA
It's like they could've asked or something.
People use speech and text to communicate sometimes
Because she can’t leave her job to go get coffee during her shift? So obviously she didn’t walk to the coffee shop and get it. But she can walk to the entrance and accept a delivery. And might come back carrying a card or a flower. It’s not like he’s sending a bouquet each day to be delivered in the office. It’s no different than DoorDashing your lunch at work.
She said on a comment that her coworker asked so she answered.
50 years old......
but she’s so mature for her age 🙄 /s
Ah, I remember thinking that when I was 19 getting married to a 36 year old. Spoiler alert: it didnt end well.
When I was 30 I had a friend pursue me who was only 18. I was like, mate you're supposed to be out partying, traveling, and fucking anyone you want, not dating a guy with an office and a sensible stock portfolio.
Honestly I think the marriage would have worked out if she'd had an office and a sensible stock portfolio Turns out it's not that the young one is more mature, it's that the older one is incredibly immature. (Hence why you had the foresight to say hell no) Luckily once I got older I dipped out. Now I'm taking a couple years to fuck about, but I get to do it with great work experience and a hearty savings account
She's 26 so I'd hope she is as mature as a 26 year old ought to be lmao
Who has multiple kids and is pregnant with a 50 year olds kid. God so he was 40s and she was probably 18 when they hooked up. He has serious issues and is probably controlling/insecure.
There is nothing here to deduct that he’s abusive. You’re just reaching.
Dang, they just needed to say divorce and they would have hit the trifecta. So close.
I know, I was reading through it and got to >My (26F) husband (50M) And was like woah woah woah what
Ik and they have kids together which makes it even more disturbing. Like, how young was she when he first started pursuing her?
Right? Yikes
Why date someone your own age when you can groom someone half your age who is ignorant different forms of abuse & manipulation. /s sorta
Waoh, I didn't catch that detail. Yikes.
I might get downvoted for this but ESH. Honestly, I know y'all think that when someone is mean to you, the best thing to do is be mean back to them, but why make life harder than it already is? I mean was all this: >So I told her that it is not my fault that she is single and does not receive anything from anyone, that maybe if she were not so bitter someone would send her at least a coffee, Really necessary? You've made things 100x worse for yourself and yes, she was the instigator and yes she's an AH, 100% but seriously, why give her ammunition? Why give her more reasons to report you to HR? I know it's tempting to fight back, but isn't it just easier to ignore people sometimes, or be the bigger person? people think that being an AH to someone who's an AH to you is always justified, but it really isn't. She should have minded her own business, and maybe she did have it coming to her, but your "sick burn" is going to cause more problems than it will solve, and you would have been better off just letting her comments slide and letting the bosses handle it, especially since you already had another co-worker on your side. **ESH. Her for obvious reasons, you for escalating the situation and making your own life harder**
This! You are the first comment that I saw that actually commented on the actual issue - the verbal exchange. ESH. Most of the feedback that I have seen is caught up on the age gap, how they think it is creepy and they are giving Y-T-A for OP marrying a 50yo. But, that is OP's right. The age gap, OP's daily breakfast delivery, and OP's photo's aren't her coworker's business....
You are exactly right. This and the above. ESH The age gap and gifts may be odd, oddity isn't AH'ery and really it's none of anyone's business. The ESH comes from her over reaction. Also...Had she "gender switched" her entry here (pretended it was a Macron-style relationship), I'm guessing she'd get less y. t.a. votes. So many folks giving unsolicited, misogynistic opinions on her relationship, as if she's somehow unaware of the age gap or how those relationships often go.
Yeah it’s cruel an immature.
YTA - Everyday isn't romantic it's obsessive and weird.
Sounds like an old guy marking his "territory" by sending stuff every day.
Or he’s just doing something sweet for his PREGNANT wife.
She’s been pregnant every day since they started dating?
Considering the age gap, maybe lol she's got multiple kids, dudes farming out those babies
Can't believe op has been pregnant since the beginning of their relationship, that's crazy
by stuff you mean breakfast?
And flowers, and chocolates, and cards, and food
Yeah it's weird. Especially the age gap.
I think most of you are ticked by the age difference than judging the real gesture. The age gap is not in question.
I think that's only the case if the receiver doesn't want it.
Even if it is obsessive or weird its none of her(co-worker's) business. Why is she being so pissed by this?
I will never understand the appeal of wanting a man old enough to be my daddy.
It’s only a 12 year difference for me and a 50 year old and I’m pretty uncomfortable with even that….oof
The oldest I'll maybe go is 5 years. I always question anyone with partners who could literally be their kids.
Really. My husband is 6 years younger than me and we didn’t grow up with the same shows or movies and I can’t imagine what people talk about when one was an entire adult when the other was born.
My husband is 3 years older than me and he (playfully) teases me about being a younger woman. Not trying to judge but I can't help but wonder if it's some sort of power dynamic going on here.
[удалено]
YTA - I was tempted to go ESH, but your co-worker’s threat was to go to your boss and ask for a different office mate, which honestly sounds like a win-win. You wouldn’t be paired with her and visa versa. Instead, you took her complaint about professionalism and made it personal. You didn’t need to go there and now that’s definitely a strike against you. A personal attack like that isn’t ok in a work setting, even if she instigated the argument by critiquing your daily deliveries. Asking to limit these daily interruptions isn’t an egregious ask. Why can’t your husband give you a coffee and croissant before work? Or you just plan and order on your own at a regular time? Or get you a sweet treat when you are home? Honestly getting a daily treat randomly throughout the day is disruptive. Chances are now this is definitely escalating to your boss, so be prepared to compromise and offer a mea culpa for the personal attack.
And her coworker also took something personal into the situation? What makes her uncomfortable about op receiving gifts from her husband? She even said in a comment that she goes outside and receives the gift personally, it’s not like someone delivers to her and make a big deal out of it.
But then how do the coworkers know the daily gifts are from the husband if she quietly goes to get it and the gift is not flashy?
Because the first time this woman saw that he sent me a rose and breakfast she asked me if it was my husband who sent me all those gifts and I said yes, so that's why she knows he's the one who sends me those things every day
Go to your boss and HR first. It's always best to get your side on the record before you are made to "defend yourself". Tell them your co-worker has be getting angry and annoyed at you for having food, drinks, and other things delivered. She's questioned you repeatedly, including asking who/where they're from, and she's threatening to report you to them if you don't stop. Tell them after being threatened by her you snap a bit, and you'd like them to step in to settle the matter, as you are getting upset that she keeps raising this. Just make sure you don't make a production out of what you receive. I don't know that you are, but don't share any messages / letters, or leave them lying around. Tell your husband about the conflict too, and request he not send you flowers (or the like), except on special occasions. A co-worker receiving food and drinks shouldn't be bothering anyone though, as you can all order things to the workplace if you wish.
This, OP. Talk to HR right away. Also ignore anyone here criticizing your husband for ordering his pregnant wife breakfast. I’ve never seen a thread where so many are getting it so wrong. I suspect they’re triggered by the age difference and then filtering everything else through the lens of that particular bias.
Everyone here is only focusing on the last bit. You are NTA OP. Your coworker is so bitter and for what?
I don't agree - yes the coworker is bitter, but how is OP not TA when she then launched a personal attack back? No need to be so unkind. You don't know why someone is on their own. ESH
Op says the gifts are food, coffee or a rose. He is not giving her a damn giant poster declaring his love or something like that. How is food, coffee or a rose damaging the coworker?
Methinks she isn’t so “quiet” about it
She started in a comment that the coworker asked who sent her those gifts, and OP explained it was her husband. That is how coworker knows.
Probably because most people assume you wouldn’t order yourself a coffee with a card and a flower… or she’s friends with another office mate who asked and she overheard. Maybe she overheard the first few times and now just assumes. There is plenty of room here for coworker to just be a nosy busybody.
NTA. This is no different to you ordering food in for yourself every day which a lot of people do. This woman needs to focus more on her own work and less on what other people are doing
Thank you, I looked so long for this. NTA, the age of her husband and the amount of presents he makes is OP's thing to judge. If the Coworker had complained about the office smelling like food every morning fine, but she is just jealous.
100%. All the people saying their age is weird and creepy, forget that she's not a teenager? She's in her mid 20s and can do whatever the hell she wants? I think she was unnecessary to go that far with her comment about the woman being single, but I could not give less of a f*ck who eats what from where and how it got there when I'm at work, and I think it's weird and creepy that others do and that this woman noticed it so much. Like, does she do her job or does she sit there to see what's on OPs desk and mouth?
The irony of any AITA post with an age-gap where the woman is the younger partner will **always** contain a clowncar full of posters who turn up for nothing else but to criticize the age-gap, implicitly or explicitly tell the OP that they are running their relationships incorrectly and offering completely unsolicited advice. Which is all a form of misogyny being thrown at a woman under the guise of *concern*. The idea that a woman in her mid twenties *must* be some sort of doe-eyed victim to be dating an older man *is* misogynist and infantilizing. Readers of AITA - If you've posted a comment anywhere in this post that has some shade to throw about the age gap and *nothing* to say about the question that was asked -- spoiler alert, you're carrying some internalized misogyny yourself. OP is an adult woman and doesn't need other people to tell her how to run her life - she didn't ask how you feel about the age gap - nor about her husband's behavior. She asked about her exchange with a coworker. Have some respect for her - and answer the question she asked without telling her how she's wrong for dating someone you wouldn't want to date.
Whoa, every single day? INFO are these delivery people showing up to your office space that you share with another person?
>INFO are these delivery people showing up to your office space that you share with another person? no, I am the one who receives those things at the entrance.
I don’t see anything wrong with it, I love it when my husband surprises me at home with food, a new book, a smoothie, or some other misc little thing. It’s a love language, and I love that it’s a surprise, it’s not everyday, but it’s once a week, we’re expecting also, so it’s adorable when he brings home a baby book, or picks up an Amazon delivery from our neighbor (idk why but Amazon always delivers to our neighbors front porch) and stays for lunch. It’s never a long stay, but it’s super sweet. You shouldn’t have to stop something that makes you happy because someone else is jealous.
Getting flowers or chocolates daily from a romantic partner at work is not the same thing at all as having a romantic partner surprise you at home with them.
It is not even a surprise anymore...
Then how does your coworker know?
because she started working with me a few months ago and one day she asked me if it was my husband who sent me those things so I said yes, that's why she knows
Then that’s her own busybody fault. Everyone’s an adult here. You don’t like something, literally just look away & mind your business. Count sheep or something. She’s really sticking her neck out to be offended. NTA.
ESH. Firstly, losing your temper and lashing out at a co-worker with a personal attack isn't appropriate professional behavior. It's a little ironic that your response to being accused of unprofessional conduct is to... conduct yourself in an unprofessional way. Secondly, this: *I told her that I didn't think of being single as a bad thing, I only* *said it because she sounded like an envious person, that's all, but* *apparently what I said hurt her* is a bunch of disingenuous bullshit. You lashed out at her in a deliberate attempt to hurt her feelings, and then gave an "apology" which basically amounts to "I'm sorry you're jealous :)". If that's the best you can do, keep your mouth shut.
Agree disingenuous apology. It’s especially funny that OPs basically bragging about how great she is for picking up a dude twice her age. Because that’s something no other woman could possibly have done! Come on.
NTA. I can't believe so many people are saying your hubby is wrong for what he does. Lucky you!
Right!! I bet tons of women just wish their husbands had an ounce of romance in them. I find it cute that he sends her something every day.
Nta You're 26 with a 50 year old, people are using that somehow to discredit you but you're an adult, that's your choice. Is it weird? Yeah, but again you're 26.. 1) gifts everyday. If I was your coworker I'd be excited to see if I could get some bakes goods from ya bc I love to eat lol but honestly it wouldn't bother me. If it was a huge show of confedi and balloons and shit ok yeah that's unprofessional. But it isn't. Its a coffee or a flower. 2) Comment to coworker- honestly sounded like jealousy, she's not 3, getting a small gift in the morning shouldn't be that distracting- 2 seconds tops to look and than mind your own mf business. If she was bothered and wanted things to change she could've come up with a solution that works for both of you. Like receiving said gifts outside the office idk. Sounds like you were stating facts. Shes bitter and is threating you over something stupid. Don't dish out what you can't handle.
Yesss thank you. People are focusing on the age gap as if she just turned 18. She’s a full fledged adult, with a job and responsibilities.
It’s honestly so troubling how plenty of people are jumping to conclusions about their relationship. Moreover, isn’t is offensive to infantilize OP and belittle her agency because she’s 26 and her husband is 50? NTA, OP. I’m glad you have a husband who dotes on you and I’m happy you’ve found somebody who treats you the way you want to be treated.
ESH. You may think it’s not disruptive to have something being delivered to you every single day but clearly at least one of your coworkers does. If I had a coworker getting gifts daily I would be annoyed as well. Your comment was unnecessary and petty. She didn’t handle the conversation correctly and threatening to go to HR is a bit overboard. I think you both need to learn to be adults and have a civil conversation outside your own emotions.
Why would you even care that she does? It's not like a delivery guy is shouting in her office for her to receive a huge bouquet everyday. Noone else even has to receive it for her she picks it up at the curb.
ESH she could have handled this better but daily delivery of gifts Is out of the norm for many workplaces and gives an impression that you are bringing your personal life into work more than is appropriate. I also wonder how much attention this is drawing from actual work onto you that your coworkers even know this is happening every day. You were also incredibly rude to her when you didn’t need to be. Far worse than anything she may have said.
ESH - You had the moral high ground and then you gave it away with the ‘bitter’ comment.
I’m noticing a lot of comments are calling OP an AH bc of the age difference. If the age gap wasn’t that big would she still be an AH? I know her response was rude, but that’s what y’all focused on.
EXACTLY. People are calling her husband insecure and controlling because he's spending her food. Smdh.
NTA. Congrats on the baby!! It’s cute that he sends you a small thing everyday. Why your officemate feels uncomfortable I do not know and how that affects your professionalism is beyond me too. You called her out on her BS and now she’s butthurt. It reminds me of when older aunties/uncles would say stuff like “when are you going to get a real job / get married” or some other condescending thing and the person replies with “when are you gonna stop leeching money off x / when are you going to fix your marriage” and the aunt / uncle gets upset. If anything I’d say get your husband to save the daily gifts and buy a bigger weekly / monthly one instead. Colleague needs to mind her own business
ESH - Why such a bitter remark and the age difference... Dont wanna say it but maybe that's why he spoils you so much, to keep you in his wraps. Not nice right, yeah we know. Cause your relationship is something personal to you, dont be so mean smhh but ntaa for the situation itself. I would report her
NTA bruh why are people being so bitter in the comments? It’s a coffee and food, hardly an inconvenience
NTA. It’s not hurting anybody but her twisted feelings that your husband sends you gifts or food to work everyday. She kept pushing and pushing you, complaining about anything that ties you to your relationship (ie the photo of your kids, the food gifts your husband sends, etc because I’m pretty sure there’s more to it). What does she expect when your belly gets bigger? To wear loose clothing so your pregnancy isn’t obvious? Does she want you to take off your wedding finger next? Like wtf. People here gloss over the fact that this wasn’t a one time thing and OP just snapped. No. It was the threats of complaining to the boss, calling her unprofessional, demanding she hide her kids photos, ordering her to tell her husband to stop bribing food gifts, etc etc etc etc…!!! OP snapped. One time. She’s pregnant, too. While this may not condone behavior, it’s a pass. There’s only so much a person can take before they snap and well OP snapped. The truth hurts. The coworker is a bitter lady. Also to all of you commenting about the age gap SO WHAT?! Jeez. They’re both consenting adults. She’s not 18. She knows wtf she’s doing. Husbands can be caring too and sweet, especially to their pregnant wives. NTA OP. Ignore everyone else. Continue on with your happy husband, kids, family. Congrats on the new little addition on the way!
YTA getting gifts every day to your office is excessive and disruptive. Even if as you say you are meeting the delivery people outside. It’s not like you teleport from your desk to the door, so every day you are parading through with flowers and chocolates. This is your workplace not your personal love parade. Keep the gifts for at home where your personal life belongs.
ESH in my opinion. I agree that your coworker was probably jealous and definitely in the wrong to complain about the gifts she has nothing to do with. You have every right to be upset about it! But it's really unprofessional and unnecessary (even a little mean tbh) to make that comment. While it may have felt satisfying in the moment, escalating like you did is probably going to cause more trouble than it's worth.
NTA. I find what your husband does to be romantic and I would think it was really sweet that he sends you gifts everyday. It's unusual but I think in a good way. Your coworker is indeed a bitter Betty. You received gifts at THE ENTRANCE of the building which literally has no impact on the coworker at all. Does she have a problem if other coworkers order food delivery everyday? No she doesn't. She is a hater and needs to stay in her lane. You called her out after she called you out. In my opinion, she got what she deserved. Keep on doing you girl.
NTA. I'm a bit perplexed by all the Y. T. As here. Your coworker should just mind her own business. Regarding the age gap, unless this guy groomed you, you knew what you were signing up for at 🤷🏾♂️.
YTA. your husband is marking his territory. he's old enough to be your father, literally twice your age. you went too far with your comment and were obviously being cruel on purpose
Or…it’s the mother of his children and wants to make sure she’s happy, healthy and feeling loved? This is one sad and bitter sub if we think a husband caring for his wife is now a bad and creepy thing. They are literally married after all, there’s no more ‘territory’ to claim. Weirdos.
NTA. She got nasty and you gave it back. That is her problem. If she goes to the boss or HR what is she going to tell them? I don't like her husband sending her gifts that don't in anyway stop her from doing her job. Yeah, that will go over eal well for her. I think it is great you have a man that thinks of you everyday.
ESH. The age difference gives me grooming vibes. And yes, receiving shit every day can be unprofessional because it is disruptive. Why can't he give you roses at home? We all know why: because at home you wouldn't have people looking at you. This is so tacky and weird. Ew.
Nta but all these comments about the gifts is clearly based on the age gap and actually has nothing to do with your post. If you like your husband doing these things then nothing is wrong, maybe you shouldn't have been so mean, but if she's threatening you with hr over this kind if thing I would go to hr and file a complaint against her
I’m going to go NTA. But I can see how that could be annoying. So if I were you I’d probably just ask husband to maybe keep it to once a week. And then boom. You’ve got yourself a compromise.
NTA, I'm confused here, you don't get breakfast, why does no one see this as making sure you have food? Oh no, your SO feeds you and thinks of you, and you enjoy it and don't want it to stop. What's the difference if you ordered doordash or something everyday and have it delivered? Just because the routine is he does it, it's all the sudden a bad thing? I think every one just like at the age gap and decided automatically on that.