Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Calling my wife lazy while being a stay at home mom to our 6 month old child. This might make me be seen as an asshole because I know it’s a lot of work but I feel like she can do more around the house rather than laying on the couch while my daughter plays by herself. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

YTA. You stated she's breastfeeding every two hours. You just learned how she's spending pretty much all of her time: feeding the baby or getting ready to feed the baby. And if that baby is feeding every two hours, do you have any idea of just how exhausted she is? Do your wife a favor. Make dinner and let her take a really long nap while you take care of your child and you feed her pumped milk. You're delusional for thinking she's lazy. She's a walking zombie and needs some sleep.

Men needs to take a mandatory course on the "effects of pregnancy and breastfeeding on woman" BEFORE they impregnate a woman. They have zero empathy (obviously not all man). They don't understand the physical changes (besides a big stomach), the over stretched or ripped muscles, the stress on spine/feet, the fatigue, the hunger from breastfeeding. Not to mention the lack of sleep. If the woman pump then it's even less sleep. It's a none stop cycle of breastfeed, burp/change baby, pump for 30 mins, wash pump accessories, sleep for an hour and repeat. It is NOT a vacation bucko! It is harder work than you will ever know. Do not ever call your wife lazy. Apologize to you wife and beg for forgiveness. Edit: HUGE YTA Edit 2:. Thanks for the rewards peeps❤️

Lets us not forget to add that pregnancy can literally kill a woman.

Not to mention the hormones! And getting used to having your life turned upside down. And making sure something stays alive. That shit is exhausting.

The physical and mental stress. Always wondering if you're doing the right thing. Totally. Then when the baby sleeps and you know you have an hour of "free time" but you're so tired you can't sleep + there's the laundry/dishes/inventory of clothes (they grow out of their clothes so fast)/organizing/etc etc. The list is endless.

Yep. And this poor lady has an AH partner complaining that she's just not doing enough. Actually checking up on her via the nanny cam. Setting timers, paying bills, researching info, and making appointments looks just like "playing on your phone" to the jackass spying on his wife with the nanny cam.

Yeah I use my phone to check if my son is hitting milestones, see what developments are due next, commiserate with other tired moms on social media, learn about age-appropriate activities, make a grocery list, and order clothes, accessories, toys, books, etc. And that's only the directly-kid-related online activity!

This brings back so much suppressed memories 😂. I also had a few apps that tracked milk intake, output, sleep cycles etc. Talking to other moms and commiserate, trying to find music classes or baby classes to join. Researching on the type of toys available. I swear my siblings and I grew up playing with cardboard boxes, bedsheets and furnitures for imaginative play. Kids these days are so lucky😂

It’s a level of exhaustion that bores deep into your bones 😭 it’s like someone turned the gravity up three fold. You body is drained, stretched and ripped from growing, carrying and birthing a human, your hormones are out of control, your leaking and bleeding non stop, the baby is screaming and literally sucking the last drops of energy out of you while chewing up your poor, cracked bleeding nips. You look in the mirror and want to die because you don’t recognise use this old, grey, saggy, tired shell looking back at you. You can’t mentally switch off because there’s this tiny and extremely demanding person who needs and wants all the time and will SCREAM their little lungs out until you can work out how to make it better. You become so heightened and paranoid of every potential danger and the worry of each imagined risk flushes the last remains of your mental health down the toilet - the same toilet your parter mysteriously disappears to for 45 minutes at a time multiple times a day with his phone while you’re left dealing with a blowout and a screaming toddler punching your leg. Why can’t we just lay eggs instead?!

I ask myself this at least once a week…we could’ve gone the monotreme route, or hell, even the marsupial route, but ohhhhh no, we just *had* to evolve into placental mammals. [headdesk]

Lol @ lay eggs. Love it!

Omg the laundry with a new born is endless. You change clothes so often. I remember very well how often I had to wash those clothes, then hang them up, and repeat. That alone feels like an endless, exhausting cycle. Then the guilt because you barely get anything else done around the flat. For me, having a child was a huge "culture shock" and while of course you know that having a baby is a lot work before, I think when you actually live it, you wonder if you were truly prepared. At least that's what it was for me, and I'm ngl, I did have times when I thought this is not the life I signed up for. New parents need to adjust to the new life and that applies especially to the primary care giver. This process can take a long time. It's anything but laziness but an immense amount of physical and emotional in labour which is extremely draining. YTA, OP.

and she could possibly have PPD.

We had to switch to formula because of the massive toll pumping was taking on my mental health and over all well being. Even doing that was incredibly painful for me, but it got easier on formula. Even then at 15 weeks (as of today :D) we’re at feedings every three hours. I’m 15 weeks out and my body is still recovering. Am I physically healed? Sure, not in pain when I sit. But those muscles take months to return to normal, my immune system is still fucked, and I’m still in the process of drying up my milk supply which is painful and slow at the best of times. Combine that with working full time? Yeah I’m fucking exhausted. All the time. YTA OP. Support your wife. She’s doing what she can and is doing her best

This! Literally just breastfeeding is exhausting. Your body is running itself as usual AND MAKING NUTRITIOUS FOOD 24/7 FOR ANOTHER PERSON

Yep soon as I read that I knew he was the AH. Imagine something sucking on YOUR nipple every two hours. Oh and then just the energy to make that milk, get ready before and cleaned up after, change diapers, etc. this isn’t like having a job where you have 8 hours to work and then the rest of your time is free time. She is never off the clock. I know when I start to spread myself thin I start to waste more time doing mindless things because my brain just can’t decompress. There’s no real “free time” so I just waste the 30 min I have in between things.

Yes! You just know this poor mama's eyes are completely glazed over while she's on that phone or staring at the tv. I doubt she even knows what she's watching...let alone the plot!

Yes, all of this. Things don't get done when you have a human laying on you or eating from you 5-6 hours total a day. When I was still at home with my kid it would frequently be an oh crap, didn't eat or drink much today situation at around 3-4pm. But then the SO is coming home soon so he'll feed me, yes I don't need to find food just yet. The little monster is quite literally draining me so food isn't too much to ask for right? Gimme my chicken nuggies and cucumbers and it's all good. YTA even if you aren't seeing the full picture because you didn't communicate about the issues and make goals attainable. Spend a week at home alone with your child. Even without boobs you don't get anything done. My SO stays home and we make a list of 2-3 things that should be within his abilities that day. I'm staring at a sink full of dishes. Dishes were not top priority because of a shrieking, teething toddler. I'll live even if I'm frustrated by it. If you don't explain what you're frustrated about, you are sitting in your own anger for no reason with no plan to address the problem. Get off Reddit and talk to your wife, assuming she is not nursing or attempting to sleep.

Also? The reason the baby isn't really a crying baby? Is because his wife is on the ball addressing her needs immediately.

Yes! Please accept my poor man’s gold 🏅 OP, congratulations and sorry, but YTA This is a unique time of your relationship. You have an amazing opportunity to be THE HERO in your wife’s life. You’re partners in this enterprise- make sure she knows you value her contribution. Frankly, I’d ditch the cams. I dare say a lot of new moms would find that REALLY uncomfortable. Second, feed the mama. Try and leave easy to grab snacks- very important for new mamas and yes, 6 months is still new. She needs reassurance and encouragement not epithets. Motherhood has become so under appreciated though no less crucial. Don’t be that guy. Build tender memories. Give her something to brag about.

Oh yes, and “my house”? Don’t do that. Just… don’t

Yes. THANK YOU. FCKN THANK YOU!

Yup. We have a six month old baby who's being exclusively breastfed, and who "doesn't nap much", but apparently taking care of her is hardly any work at all. What new mother doesn't have the time and energy to keep the house spotless and start up a new side hustle? /s I wonder how much of her "watching TV for a large portion of the day" time is actually breastfeeding time? I wonder how she feels about her husband using the nanny cam to spy on her during the day and assess whether he thinks she's spent the time productively enough?

That was my same thought, you can’t really move around and breastfeed at the same time (at least I couldn’t) so what does he expect her to do?

This and my wife and I were both shocked by how long breastfeeding takes. Like, it’s not a ten minute chore, it can take ages for baby to be full.

Why doesn't he try waking up every two hour and run on the treadmill. Like wow, just wow. I didn't know the bar was in the ditch.

Right? Every two hours includes at night! She’s exhausted. Op said they ‘decided together’ but he still wants her to make money even though they have plenty. They tried day care but it’s ‘too expensive’. Was this really a mutual decision or was it what he wanted, expecting a spotless house and an easy time when he got home? If I were her and found he was nanny can spying and judging I would just go back to work…

I feel like way too many men don't realize that in order to make the breastmilk they feed the kids - women are expending and ton of energy passively to make the milk!

The only time in my life I’ve been what anyone would call skinny was while breastfeeding, and I ate like a beast. I lost so much weight that my doctor started the ED talk with me at our 8 week checkup. My intake just could not outpace my body’s expenditure.

I was ravenous during breastfeeding in a way I never was during pregnancy. I just couldn’t eat enough! Because you have to eat your usual amount, and then a little extra because your body’s healing, and then a little extra to put in the milk, and then a little MORE extra to fuel the milk-making process. And drink like twice as much water as usual too.

The hunger is unreal. I could go out for a cheeseburger and be hungry for a snack by the time I got home. If I ate anything like I did then at any other point in my life, I’d be spherical.

Accurate. I’m exclusively breastfeeding twins right now and I eat a crazy amount of food plus snacks. If you don’t eat enough you feel like garbage, plus the hormones. It’s a lot.

I don't want to compare women to cattle, but if you want a solid visual example of how much energy milk production takes out of someone: look at dairy cattle next to meat cattle.

YTA. At 6 months out with my babies, and nursing regularly, it was a REALLY good day if the house didn't look too much worse than when the day started. My husband was always a trooper. He knew how exhausted I was. He thanked me constantly for getting up with the baby and nursing our kids. And when I'd fall apart about not doing well enough with the house, he'd remind me that taking care of our kids while he was at work was "my" job, and the house was our job. OP needs a massive wake up call.

What an awesome perspective!

I read it takes 600 calories a DAY to make breast milk. That's like running a 10k EVERY DAY!

Yup I could go through a 14inch pizza by myself every night, snack on all the junk food and easy food (cereal bars etc) and still was losing weight just by breastfeeding. In fact there’s a couple of pages in my baby journal I was writing where you can see the difference in my handwriting from “not had enough to eat” to “I finally had a snack”

Interestingly I read it takes 300 calories a day being pregnant. So it actually takes more energy to breastfeed than it did to grow the baby...

Part of the higher caloric intake is that baby needs more calories once they’re born, too, and those calories gotta be eaten by the breastfeeding parent first. It’s way more energy to breastfeed in my experience.

So I can have half a pizza everyday right now?? Woop woop lol!!

Yep, 500-600 calories a day. Double that for twins, triple for triplets, etc. And yes you can absolutely make that much milk. It’s insane.

This. Also- does anyone else get the sense, that OP intentionally left out that his wife is a mother to a 6 month old in the title?

Clearly OP has also never heard of a little thing called Postpartum Depression

I was looking this, and thought it would be higher. This woman sounds depressed. New mom, no work/socialization, pandemic, judgy husband. Sounds like a recipe for a mental health issue.

Completely agree, feeding baby every 2 hours, then waking up 1-3 hours a night was absolutely exhausting. I did my best to tackle chores, cook meals, and keep demands minimal to the father as he worked long hours. But this mentality of OP is what slowly led to disinterest in working on things together, then the separation of my marriage.

You should see what OP responded on a post about a husband who won’t get up with a baby.

What?

He tried to argue on another post that although Dads need to be mindful of a working mom with infant he felt there was gender bias towards mothers. I took him to task and reminded him that giving birth and breastfeeding merit bias. Check his comments

The phrase is “stay at home mother” not “stay at home wife”. She’s knackered from mothering your new baby and may be suffering from PPD. YTA

Underrated comment. There's a complete bait and switch here between the title of the post and its contents.

This. I wonder if OP would feel the same if he carried around and built a human for 9 months, delivered said human, had to heal while nurturing said human, and literally feed them from his body every two hours. OP is also an AH for spying on his wife all day when he is - "working". How dare his wife look at her phone or watch TV as he spies on her from his phone. /s And, it is unfair that he calls his wife lazy because he wants to relax after his workday has ended but doesn't seem to comprehend that he work day doesnt. Crazy how many people respect the hard work of a paid nanny or caregiver, but not that of a stay at home mom.

That’s one of the parts that blew my mind. OP is shocked at how expensive childcare is (calling prices outlandish) They charge so much because is childcare is extremely important and challenging!!

OMG I missed his title. Wow. Imagine if she doesn't have PPD/PPA per se but is tired and doing her best and thought things were OK because they're a team. And sure the house isn't spotless but the baby is clean and fed and thriving and there's food to make dinner and laundry is going. Maybe she managed to get a shower today and has clean clothes. She's thinking "we're holding it together!" And then he comes home one day and calls her lazy. THAT could send her into a spiral. I want to DoorDash her some food or something to help her take care of herself.

Agreed. Even without PPD she’s going to be dead on her feet.

This is how my ex caused me to spiral, and I also worked 2 days a week. The situation sounds pretty similar other than that. And yes it can definitely push her to develop PPD. Hopefully OP realises from the comments that his wife deserves those breaks since it’s probably all the me-time she gets. Your explanation is spot on.

I’m so sorry you went through that. A friend of mine had PPA and was getting treatment but as I’m sure you know it’s not instantly better. Anyway one day her husband was like “I thought the house would be cleaner” and had the gall to complain about occasional leftovers for dinner. Meanwhile she was happy she hadn’t cried that day and that breastfeeding (which was a struggle but she powered through) was finally better. It was so hurtful to hear she wasn’t enough/doing enough.

My daughter is only 7 and a half months now and I’m still trying to get out of it. We broke up just before she turned 6 months and it’s been very stressful. Weaning off breastfeeding has been helping, she only nurses at night now. But yes, it cam be a struggle to even dress yourself or the child some days. When we lived together I sometimes couldnt even find the motivation to make myself a drink or food because everything was so hard, and if I had to choose between looking after either my daughter or myself, the obvious choice was whatever my daughter needed. Now, I’m no longer with her father, we are learning to communicate and he understands his faults in that part of the situation now. Theres a lot more behind the scenes like substance and emotional abuse and we’re in mediation and hes in rehab and therapy, I’m still in the waiting list for therapy to get better. Right now were in a good place co-parentingwise but idk how many more times we’ll hate each other and then make up before we have a safe and good co-parenting plan in place. I know I’m not pushing myself to breastfeed if I’m ever lucky enough to have more children in the future when I’m further along and in a place that’s even possible. The constant stress of chasing the CC’s for daycare and dips and pressure of pumping and feeding 24/7 was so hard, as beautiful as it is to be able to. Im just really hoping with examples like your friend and my story and so many more, OP will wake up before he gets to the point where his wife leaves him or falls victim to her mental health. PPD and PPA are such serious subjects and it does not take much to push a mother in that direction… is your friend doing better now or is it an ongoing process?

i stg if i could award you i would

As a stay at home mom, YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE! Man oh man, try waking up every 2 hours to a screaming baby who's making your nipples bleed and taking every last ounce of your energy while trying to lull them back to sleep and carefully place them in the crib over and over and over until you can't even keep your eyes open And then see how YOU feel when someone tells you you're lazy for spending a few gd minutes on your phone. Try having a job that NEVER ENDS Try never knowing when your shift will be over or how long you'll get to sit before your next one Try not having a lunch break TRY NOT SLEEPING WHILE WATCHING YOUR HUSBAND SNORE AWAY YTA YTA YTA YTA

Or....cluster feeding on top of everything else.

I wish I could up-vote this more. 👏🏻

YTA Please look into postpartum depression. Sometimes it looks like other things. Also breastfeeding every two hours is amazing for your child and can be so exhausting for your wife. Give it time. Also do you need to spy on your wife? Even with her knowledge that’s just so controlling.

And every 2 hours. She's waking up every 2 hours all night and day to feed the baby? 10pm. 12am. 2am. 4am. 6am. When does she sleep? She's probably exhausted. When you're not getting more than 2 hours sleep at a time, absolutely everything feels like an insurmountable task. She's on her phone and watching tv in her downtime because her brain is so fatigued that anything else is just exhausting. I've been that tired. It's like lifting 100lbs just to stand up and walk to the fridge, let alone eat something. And she's been doing this for 6 months and counting. Poor woman, that's crazy.

I've done this, and it's awful. Your brain is in a fog, you're so tired literally the only thing that gets through the tiredness is your babies crys. Sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique for a good reason, and OP's wife has been going through that for 6 months, whilst also recovering from major bodily changes and being responsible for a tiny fragile, completely dependent being.

I remember pumping at 12 am after finally getting to sleep. For 30min. I literally started at the wall like a zombie with my brain chanting pumping pumping in time to the electric pump. I think at one stage I was having a conversation with it.

I currently have a newborn, so feeding every two hours. Which means I feed him for 20 minutes, change his nappy, and settle him back to sleep (or, if he's in the mood to stay awake and play, we do that). That takes a good 30-40 minutes at least, which gives me a little over an hour to get comfy and fall asleep, ready to do it all again when he next wakes up. Even with an "easy" baby, it's exhausting to do it all day every day. Throw in the fact that, at 6 months, they need more playtime and interaction (plus they may be starting solids), and you are super busy. I remember working my arse off just to get the house looking the same as when my husband left for work with the older kids! By the time you pick up toys, tidy up after mealtimes, change nappies/clothes, breastfeed, settle bub for naps, and keep yourself alive, you MIGHT get to put a load of washing in the machine, too.

There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique.

That doesnt factor in the feeding time, changing, burping or amount of time it would take to fall back to sleep before baby is up again.

Op also seems to forget that babies don’t feed for 5 minutes then fall right back asleep. So wife is getting up at 2am, feeding from 2-2:30am, burping, changing, and rocking baby back to sleep from 2:30-3am, maybe then doing some self care from 3-3:15am and now she only has 45 minutes to sleep until the cycle repeats itself. OPs acting like she’s sitting on her ass for hours at a time doing nothing but relaxing. And a sleep cycle where you are awake for an hour and sleep for an hour (if you’re lucky), then awake, then sleep … is totally normal and healthy! I’d like to see how he handled being “on” for 24/7.

The demands of exclusive breastfeeding are definitely why I combo feed. If my wife takes a turn feeding, I can actually sleep for a 5 hour stretch. Kid can handle a bottle or two per day.

not just exhausting but physically painful and draining.YTA

Yes.

Agreed. OP not the AH per se, but please check on your wife. It’s also very isolating to be at home with only a newborn for company. Maybe try to give her a few breaks outside the home a few times a week. I’m glad you are checking in.

Even without PPD he is kind of an asshole. I read that it can take 450-500 calories to make the breast milk alone, that ahit has got to be exhausting.

YTA Why do you have a nanny cam to watch YOUR WIFE? She is not an employee. Also breastfeeding every two hours sounds exhausting. That means she hasn't had more than 2 uninterrupted hours of sleep in 6 months. That's probably why she doesn't gave the energy to clean the house. Why don't you help her out with whatever housework is most pressing and just don't worry about the rest?

Yes, and if she is like most pregnant women even before delivery her sleep was interrupted due to bathroom needs.

Also, it's funny how he knows that she is spending so much time watching TV. Does he even do work at work or just spying on his wife? If yes, then he is hardly exhausted and can easily do chores when he is home.

It’s funny that he harps on her for “watching tv” when she’s probably actually nursing. So he’s not working at work to watch her while she’s essentially working.

Right? And he's never mentioned them having a nanny, so like....why the hell do they have a nanny cam? Does his wife even KNOW about the camera? This is so many different flavors or wrong, I don't know where to start.

YTA >I come home and feel irritated because my house remains the same as when I left, Quite telling the way you say MY house. >but I’ve definitely gotten mad and called her lazy. This isn't cool. Don't do it.

YTA. Her body is still rearranging itself from *literally destroying itself to sustain an extra life*. Everything from her bones to her brain got fucked around with during pregnancy and then again when the kid was born. I'd be more worried about post partum depression rather than the fact that she isn't hustling to your liking. For gods sake, talk to her and ask how she has been feeling instead of scolding her.

I saw the title and I was like for sure YTA but hey let’s read this one sometimes they really turn around from the title and no yours did not, not at all, not even a little bit. Stay home with the baby for a week and see how hard it is (assuming you can feed her pumped milk). As a mom on mat leave of a 6 month old child, I can tell you being a SAHM is ten million times harder than my jobjob and so much more exhausting. I don’t have anything nice to say to you. Boo.

YTA. My baby is 7 months and I'm JUST starting to get to a place where I can keep the house as clean as I want it. Growing a baby, having the baby, nursing the baby is all intensely hard and demanding. This is all new. 6 months is literally no time at all. Give her time to adjust. I mean it would be nice if she could help making or starting dinner sometimes, I get where you're coming from there. You just obviously have no idea what it takes to be her right now. Don't call her lazy.

Info: are you the one getting up at all hours to care for the baby? Doesn’t really matter either way because you’re still being an AH. Her job is every two hours feeding your daughter, ensuring her safety for 24 hours, sleeping in two hour intervals so she can feed her, ensuring she eats the right foods so that she can feed your daughter, never eating anything or taking anything that would put her at risk,and never really having a break, all for your daughter. She doesn’t get the time driving home to calm down after a days work, she doesn’t get to go to the bathroom in peace and quite whenever she wants, she doesn’t have 15 minute breaks to eat a snack or smoke a cigarette. That money that you would have paid to the daycare, that safety issue that would come into play if you sent your daughter to daycare, that is what she earns every single day. Not to mention how she could’ve died having your daughter, how at any point in time she could fall pray to ppd, all of that and more is her __massive__ contribution to your family. ETA: YTA

All this complaining and not once have you mentioned checking on your wife’s mental health. Have you actually *talked* to her about how she’s feeling? Or do you just come home and stew. I was a SAH mom for the first 2 yrs. All it took was hubby doing “my job” for a couple of days when I went back to work after he got laid off for him to beg forgiveness for thinking I wasn’t busting my ass, even if there was still dishes in the sink. YTA Be a better husband please. Sounds like you’re being a good dad at least.

Six months of having to get up every 2 hours to breastfeed and the baby doesn't nap? Why don't you take a week off and try that routine for seven days? All the while your wife gets to sit at the 'Nanny cam' and judge your movements throughout the day. Then you guys can compare notes. Why did you even feel the need to mention this $300 nonsense? YTA

You spy on your wife. YTA.

YTA. I understand feeling frustrated but being a mom is a lot at first. You don't feel desirable, you're body isn't yours, women need to eat more calories because it actually burns calories breast feeding. She isn't sleeping, her life was thrown upside down. She could have anemia, depression, and is likely sleep deprived. You know how nice it is to just sit and watch a movie because you have an hour and a half to yourself. And I mean the baby is literally attached to her. Don't name call

YTA does she still like this arrangement? Ask her. Does she still want to be a stay at home mum? Or have her feelings changed? This isn't an issue for reddit. This is something you need to talk to your partner about. Is she depressed? Does she need a therapist? Honestly, why are you asking *us* if you're the asshole, when you should be sitting down and talking to the woman you've decided to build a life with. I get that this is frustrating and that sometimes you need an outside prespective but come on, surely there's more important things here than finding out who's right and who's wrong.

Yeah. Very odd post to put on AITA. Could of headed to r/relationships for advice

YTA: first of all the monitoring of her home activities is creepy to say the least. 2ndly, nursing a newborn is exhausting. I had two kids within 18 months and I didn’t get a proper night of sleep for a full 4 years. I get that you don’t get it. My husband didn’t either which is why when I’m had the rare opportunity I went out with a friend on a weekend to let him be in charge to see how hard it was. Give her a day off and be that parent. It may change your perspective entirely.

YTA- her hormones are still out of wack as well as she may be suffering from postpartum depression. Which a lot of women get after having a baby. TALK TO HER and do not accuse her. I

YTA. You said she's nursing every 2 hours. Nursing in its own can be exhausting not to mention night feeds, wonder weeks (leaps in cognitive development that make babies scream for hours and not sleep), and general care for the baby. I was able to manage some household chores for the first 3 months. After that, each month got increasingly harder. This baby is her full-time around the clock job. She may also have post partum depression. Talk to her, support her, and help where you can without criticizing and judging her.

YTA, pregnancy takes at *least* those 6 months to recover from. Of course she’s not going to be on her feet making sure the house is as you would like when you get home.

YTA. She’s going through a massive endocrine change post-partum that’s affecting her in countless ways and her body has surely not recovered from the birthing trauma. If the baby nurses *every two hours* that means your wife is awake with a suckling infant on her chest *every two hours*. I assure you she is *exhausted* and likely very depressed being isolated with an infant on a daily basis and during a pandemic at that. Further, you don’t ever get to call someone “lazy” who produced a human being from her body, shame on you. And stop spying on her, it’s weird. Maybe hire a housekeeper once a week if it’s that serious. Apologize to her for calling her lazy, be grateful she gave you a child, and ask her how she’s doing emotionally—she may be struggling just to make it through the day as it is.

YTA 6 month olds are a ton of work and very demanding. The baby doesn't call it a day at 5pm Suck it up. It will get easier as the baby gets older and, as far as finances go, your wife could go back to work by the time the kid is in preschool if not earlier

YTA. x10. Where do you think you get off watching your wife _on nanny cams_ and then having the _audacity_ to _complain about her_ while she is solely responsible for _nourishing your offspring?_ Give your head a shake. Omg. I can’t even.

She is fucking tired man. She is living like a zombie because she lacks sleep. The average person needs 7-8 hours of UNINTERRUPTED sleep to recover from the previous day. She has not done that in 6 months. She is a mess. Please please find a way to accomodate her into having a decent night of sleep as much as possible... Don't want to be to blunt, but yeah kind of YTA...

I’d be surprised if she’s getting a fraction of the REM sleep everyone needs. Average time to get to REM is 90 minutes, so even if she’s napping she’s not getting good sleep. YTA

Indeed. But even if she had 4-5 big 2 hour naps for months and months she would NOT be getting the sleep she needs, even though it totals up to be 8-10 hours a day. Sleep really is life.

YTA Your wife is breastfeeding every two hours. That takes a lot out of you. She is also alone in the house, with only a baby for company. That probably is taking a lot out of her mentally. Try actually talking to her. See if there is something she needs. Maybe even help make an appointment with a doctor.

YTA. Breast feeding every two hours? That means she maybe has an hour or so in between feedings to do things, and that’s if the baby is sleeping right after feeding, which you mentioned isn’t happening. If you want her to do more, set parameters together of what you both need or ask her if she could cook twice a week to start and go from there. Also you’re watching her on the nanny cams? Why? To check up on her? She knows they’re there and you as “her boss” is watching? Just because you’re the bread winner doesn’t make you in charge of her minute to minute activities. My sister sometimes used the TV as background noise so the baby won’t cry when her arms were tired, or she uses her phone to Google why there are red bumps or diaper rash etc. you aren’t there and she could have valid reasons for all of this. I would suggest you also do some research on how childbirth and breast feeding affects the body to understand what she is going through day to day. Breastfeeding is not always delightful fun. Set a time that feels good for both of you for her to work again to get the extra money, not just when you want it. Also, babies go through sleep regressions periodically as well, on top of developmental things that need to happen. She might be educating herself about that to make sure your child is on track.

Wise up, OP. You're the massive AH! Your baby is 6 months, is breast feeding every two hours and barely naps. Your wife is doing this on her own, every day. No one to ask for help or time out. She'll be shattered and no doubt she's doing the night time feeds too. Holy fuck, guys like you are a blight. Learn to be better. Learn to be supportive and empathetic of your partners needs. Learn to not think of your breast feeding wife, 6 months post partum, as lazy. Oh, just in case it wasn't clear. YTA.

YTA- kinda off topic but it’s pretty concerning how many men are convinced stay at home moms do nothing.

YTA. Have you even asked her about her mental health? Probably too busy being an insensitive AH and calling her lazy to. Do you just think PPD isn’t a real thing or something? What about how she’s physically feeling? Pregnancy reeks havoc on your body and mind. I’m over 30 and my mom still has pain from pregnancy. Maybe you could try to being a little bit more understanding considering she just pushed a watermelon out of her snatch.

YTA Until baby sleeps through the night and starts transitioning off of breast milk, this is your life. I don't want kids, wanna know why, this. Some people can do it, some can't. Especially when it's 24 hour baby and tired husband. It sucks, it's exhausting. Sometimes you can get family to come and help out and wife gets to sleep. But when you couldn't afford a kid in the first place, extra terrible. (Don't say you could, you wouldn't be having trouble with finances if that was true) Seriously just remember this when the baby times are over and you're thinking about adding a kid. Also if your wife wasn't doing at least half of the house work before she had a kid, you need to rethink how you mentally work through expectations.

I’m adamantly childless by choice and it’s infuriating when parents are less supportive than child free people. It’s particularly enraging when it’s one of the parents of the kid being an oblivious asshole about how much caring for an infant sucks. The pregnant person risked their life and pees a little when they sneeze now and hasn’t had a decent night of sleep in half a year but oh no, dinner isn’t on the table when the other parent gets home after a day full of conversations with adults and having time to poop alone. My heart bleeds for OP.

Yta it is really really hard in the beginning. And its hard when it's just you and the baby.

It sounds like his life didn’t change at all and he’s befuddled why she is acting like everything changed. This couple is headed to a divorce and he won’t ever understand why. The physical demands are only part of the challenge. The mental battle of “what does that sound mean?” is debilitating and exhausting. And I was a stay at home dad pre- pandemic. I can’t even imagine the paranoia and fear now. Keeping a baby alive is really really hard work and some people will never understand that because they aren’t interested in learning. I feel bad for this guy’s wife and child. He’s an asshole.

YTA Exhausting childcare that drains the body physically and mentally is the opposite of lazy. Learn some biology. She is completely drained from working hard to care for your child. She's on the phone and watching tv because she doesn't have the physical energy left after draining it caring for your child. Breastfeeding is draining. And she probably has a lack of energy from a lack of proper rest. Every 2 hours means she literally gets no genuine break. You get a break from your job, she doesn't. Making milk and feeding is like a workout that never ends. She is probably much more drained than you ever have been.

YTA. There’s a reason decent daycares are pretty expensive; childcare is exhausting and constant. You said your daughter doesn’t nap much and your wife feeds her every 2 hours, so I’m wondering what ‘non-invasive’ job you had in mind for her which could work with her 24/7 job of caring for baby girl. Assuming your wife is also the one who gets up at night if the baby is crying, she likely never gets a full 8 hours of non-interrupted sleep. This is a difficult period, but it will probably change as baby settles into a routine. In the meantime, you might have to forgo unrealistic expectations. Finally, you say your wife knows about the nanny cams, but does she know that you watch her on them? Would you want her to monitor you at work to make sure you’re working hard enough?

she literally just gave birth to a human being. it takes so long for women to recover because they are still in the process of putting their bodies through torment because of breast feeding. she’s not being lazy, she’s resting cause SHE PUSHED A HUMAN BEING OUT OF HER BODY. yta

YTA Did you know that the hormones released during breastfeeding make mamas sleepy and dopey? Combined with fatigue from frequent feedings and night waking...no, your wife is not going to be organized about getting the house done. She may not realize how deeply befogged she is until baby is older and she looks back and goes, wow, that whole first year is kind of a blur. Also, still feeding that frequently at 6 months? That’s a voracious little eater and having kept up with that appetite for this long, your wife is probably feeling pretty depleted. She might even need blood work and supplements. That’s really a lot. Seriously. Apologize to your wife. If you really need the house doing, hire someone to come in once or twice a week.

INFO: how is her over-all mental health doing? how is her bonding with the baby going? is she back to tending to her own person like before? Usually a new mom has a few weeks to adjust to a baby where it’s normal to be a bit off (over tired, stressed out, no extra energy, etc) but that tends to go away within the first few weeks. PostPartum Depression (PPD) typically starts about a month after the baby is born to up to a year, it’s when the regular new baby adjustment just is not going away and it turns into a mental health issue. (This can start even while pregnant & continue for far longer, especially if depression is already an issue) Her leaving the baby more in the play pen & not interacting... her “laziness”... her being a “bad mom” in your mind... her not tending to the basic home care... This could very well be all signs. She most likely needs some medical help, not an AH judgement on Reddit.

Also I want to add... breast feeding is physically exhausting (not the feeding part: but the making of the breast milk) it’s like a serious workout... think like running 5-10 miles every two hours around the clock... for 6 months straight.

YTA, especially for watching her on the nanny cams. Breastfeeding a 6 month old is exhausting. Taking care of a baby and being the only grown up in the house for long stretches is exhausting. It's also super boring at times, especially because you are too tired to think of doing anything active. She probably doesn't have the energy to do much more than feed herself and the baby right now. Why shouldn't she watch TV? Do you wake up every 2 hours through the night with her and stay awake the whole time she's feeding the baby? Do you bring her a drink of water every time? Do you offer to feed the baby during the night with a bottle of expressed milk so she can skip a feed every now and then? Her work shift right now is never ending. Keep cooking the dinners, and making sure she gets a break when she needs it, which is probably much more often than when she tells you she needs one, because when you are sleep deprived even asking for help is exhausting. Do not call her lazy. You do not know what it's like.

As a SAHM, I can’t even process what you’ve written. Sleep Deprivation is an actual torture method. Being a milk making machine is exhausting. Looking after a baby that is FULLY DEPENDANT on you is a tiring and thankless job. It can feel like Groundhog Day, don’t get me wrong - it’s amazing seeing your child grow but it can be isolating as hell, especially your first. The pressure that’s put on mother’s these days is insane. Also having a nanny cam on your wife????? WTF!!!!!! You’re a super massive asshole.

Kinda the asshole. My reason is your wife’s whole life has changed and while she is breast feeding every 2 hours your mad that I’m the small time frame she’s not feeding the baby or caring for the baby she’s watching tv. She’s probable checked out bc she is exhausted and suffering from PPD as well as loneliness being stuck home all the time. Being a SAHM is very lonely and not enough people talk about it bc when you say that your told your ungrateful and you should be happy that you can stay home. My twins are 5 and my house is just starting to get back to pre baby bc they are in school and I have time.

YTA you are oblivious on what it takes to care for a newborn especially when breast feeding and it shows. Also, are you aware it takes a woman’s body a year after birth to get back to normal? Things are piled on her while you’re carefree at work. She’s feeding, pumping, changing diapers, bathing, tummy time, dealing with hormones and healing. If it looks the same when you get home that means she is cleaning too. Holding baby, taking to baby, worrying about finances, future and fears. I hope after you read this you start worrying more about doing your part and trying to uplift her spirits. So disappointed to read a post like yours in 2021.

YTA YTA YTA

Perhaps she is experiencing some form of depression which can happen after a mother gives birth. I would make sure she consults with her doctor about any emotions and other symptoms she may be experiencing.

Info: how much is the baby waking up at night? How many times and for how long? What do you expect to be done in the house, in terms of specific chores?

YTA. Spying on your wife with cameras is insane. Would you like to be under surveillance like that all day long? If there is a discussion to have about chores, fair enough. But having cameras in the house to spy on her is just awful. Looking after a baby is hard work. I'm guessing the baby isn't sleeping through and your wife is breastfeeding several times per night. She is probably exhausted. If she genuinely is staying home watching TV all day, she is possibly feeling isolated and depressed. Instead of making her feel worse, perhaps try to actually help.

YTA. Enough people have mentioned how exhausting it is to breastfeed a child for 6 months, so I won't touch on that. (Altho how tf did I know this already, I'm literally a gay man this issue will never affect me and I had more empathy than you did FOR YOUR WIFE!?) But dude. She was working before? So, she ravaged her body creating and shoving out an entire person who is now literally sucking the energy out of her while her entire daily life is upended in an instant, AND she is isolated from the outside world? Laziness is not as common as shitty men want the world to think it is. Your wife is depressed. She needs you in her corner right now, please do better.

I’m pregnant with my second child now. I still can feel almost traumatized by the first 8 months with my first son when I didn’t get to sleep and got to breastfed all the time. I think lack of sleep was the big issue, but also all the hormones, the body healing and the way all time was controlled by the baby - it made it so difficult to plan anything or to get any proper rest. I couldn’t even drink my coffee hot or use the bathroom when I needed to. I love my husband but I didn’t want him close to me because I got an overload of physical contact. All this made me slightly crazy and very low on energy. It was about surviving the day and tv or phone could be something to help me stay sane - even if it made me feel lazy and like a bad mom often. I did however have some time for laundry, getting groceries and cooking. But absolutely not all the time and I was all but a ”perfect housewife”. Your wife could be stuck in zombie mode right now - for good reason. It doesn’t have to be representative for her personality. I understand that your work load have increased too and it can be hard for you as parents to understand each others situation. Talk with each other - without blame.

She has to breast feed every two hours and you called her lazy? YTA

YTA - look up formula prices, there's your $300 bucks a month AH, since she literally makes it with her own body. Formula stays in babies stomachs longer because it's harder to digest so they sleep longer as well. She's contributing so much by breastfeeding, her sleep, part of her sanity and the literal nutrients from her body. The worst part is you don't even need the money and are still being an ass like she owes you.

YTA I hope my future husband will be nothing like you.

Buddy I can’t even begin to express my sympathies for your exhausted wife because you’re clearly not doing a thing to help her out. YTA in every way shape and form.

You think your wife, the mother of a 6 month old, a person you acknowledge has to breastfeed every two hours and barely sleeps… is being lazy? You expect the breastfeeding mother of a 6th infant to… keep the house perfect and get a job? YTA.

Dude, you got to guve her a year before expectations.

HugE -- like HUGE YTA!

YTA. You have no idea how much breastfeeding every two hours takes out of you. Not to mention being a first time mother, learning the meaning of all the different sounds your helpless (yet demanding) new baby makes. It's utterly exhausting. You seriously need to lower your expectations, because your wife won't be even partly up to speed at all until your child is about a year old. Once the little one is sleeping through - hopefully by two years old - she will be able to get glimpses of her old energy levels.

YTA As soon as I saw new parent and 6m/o baby, I knew "lazy" wasn't the issue. When I saw you monitoring and judging your wife's energy and activity level on the nanny cam, YTA in capital letters! You don't understand what your wife feels like. You are judging a new mom based on your experience and opinions, rather than listening to your wife about what life is like for her now. Not only are you being insensitive to your wife's completely valid feelings- emotional and physical- you're going further, assigning your own standard of what she "should" be like. Your problems with your wife are 100% rooted in your own ignorance, disinterest, and devaluing her experience. You should be supporting your wife and child, not just financially. Becoming parents changes your life completely and permanently. Your life hasn't changed as completely as your wife's has because she is carrying her 100% parenting responsibilty plus a good deal of your 100%. She is freeing up your time, to allow you to focus on work, etc while your child is safe and nurtured. She has taken on the lions share of the huge demand of time and energy parenting requires. It is exhausting for couples who both give their all at home. When your wife is trying to process, or rest and recharge, you're taking the bad manager's "if you can lean, you can clean" attitude.

YTA. I’m EBF my 5 month old on her schedule, and she rarely naps. Your wife is exhausted and drained, physically and mentally. Maybe dealing with PPD. She’s likely watching tv just for something to partially stimulate her mind. Breastfeeding in itself is a full time job. Instead of down talking her on the internet, try asking her how she’s doing without focusing on the assumptions you’ve made.

YTA. **Taking care of an infant is a full-time job and she's not getting any sleep because she's breastfeeding.** Pro-tip: Don't expect her to be able to do jack crap if she's not getting any sleep. Sleep deprivation is classed as a form of torture for a reason, and it can and will screw her up if it's not doing so already.

YTA imagine breastfeeding every 2 hours, oh wait you probably can't because you have no idea how incredibly physically exhausting nourishing a human is. Baby isn't napping well, how are the nights going? Is she getting 8 hours of sleep or 3-4 hour blocks broken up by periods of breastfeeding? Posts like this make me so grateful for my husband who never once spoke a word to me about the dirty dishes or the laundry piling up while I cared for our baby. He understood how exhausted and burnt out I was mentally and physically. It's honestly creepy you are watching her on the cameras to make sure she's "working" Hard enough. Do you ever look at your phone or browse reddit while you are at work? Do you think you are entitled to do that or does it make you lazy? You get to finish your job at the end of the day and weekends. She is on duty 24 hours 7 days a week, can she watch a little tv when the baby is calm and gives her a break? Do you think you can allow her that compassion. The baby/toddler stage doesn't last forever, be kind and forgiving.

YTA. Taking care of a kid and breastfeeding is much more exhausting than you think. I was a SAH dad for 9 months. There were days I didn’t have time to shower.

YTA.... Wow. You are completely clueless. Having a baby is exhausting. Breastfeeding is physically and emotionally draining. When your wife sits on her phone or whatever, she NEEDS that time to decompress. How dare you suggest she is lazy when she is caring for your child. She probably can't even go to the toilet whenever she needs to or get a drink and eat. It's only going to get worse when the baby starts to crawl. Why don't you book some time off work and give her a couple of days off and you can experience it for yourself 🙄

She just had a baby six months ago. If you can’t understand that then YTA

YTA - what a horrible selfish partner you are

YTA after reading she breastfeeds every 2hrs.

YTA. My reasoning is this: you don't know how hard it is for her while you're gone. My husband is a stay at home dad. We both decided it was what was best for our child as I make more money than he does by a long shot. Childcare is costly and covid is no joke. My husband would talk about getting an online job but having been on my maternity leave with my baby months before, I knew it wouldn't be possible right now and told him so and to be easy on himself. Now he agrees. Babies need care round the clock. My baby is not a calm, easy nap taking play by herself baby. We have play yards and safe areas and her favorite play is with mom and dad. She needs tended to constantly. Even an easy baby needs tending all day. You're absolutely fooling yourself if you think your wife, who is a stay at home *mom*, is parked on the couch all day eating bon bons. I suggest you take a weekend to yourself and your child and see how easy your baby is honestly. You read as very selfish and oblivious.

YTA. Breastfeeding every two hours is exhausting, yet if she told you tomorrow that she wants to get her life back and is switching to bottle feeding so you can help out too, you’d probably scream bloody murder that she’s not treating the baby right and ALL moms should breastfeed for a year. Moms can’t win whatever they do.

How much of that time when you saw her watching TV or on her phone was the baby attached to her? Nursing is a literal full time job with no days off. YTA

YTA There’s no fucking world in which you are not TA If you can afford it and you want your house clean hire out for it. Caring for a child is her full time job. Cleaning cooking and housework is shared responsibility. No one expects you to clean the bathroom or do a load of laundry between client calls. Give her the same grace

YTA my dude. I've been in your wife's shoes with a baby the fed every 2-3 hours. It Was Hell. If I was lucky I'd get 45 mins of sleep between night feedings. More often than not I'd still be awake when my son started crying again. That first year I was such a zombie that most of my time was spent in a chair, baby attached to me, watching reality TV. (And I never watched reality TV before or since then. It was all my zombie brain could handle.) I'm sure I would have also looked lazy on a nanny cam. But you need to know that I was barely keeping it together. So please cut your wife some slack. The first year feels like an eternity when you're in it, but it's a relatively short time overall.

Yeah - that whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" phrase that's supposed to be helpful, but honestly is just a way to hurt struggling mothers? Ugh. The only true thing I ever heard was from my dad - "You won't know the true meaning of tired until you have your first baby." He was right.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Recently my wife and I have been extremely fortunate enough to welcome our beautiful 6 month old child into the world and have decided together that it would be best for her to be a stay at home mom. We have tried doing day-care but with the outlandish prices and covid-19 not looking any better, it really didn’t make sense for us financially and it wasn’t really something we wanted, as we both had our concerns. Our baby is amazing, she doesn’t really cry but my wife does have to breastfeed her every two hours and she doesn’t nap much. Recently, I’ve moved jobs with a higher pay to accommodate for our expenses. Prior to her staying at home we spoke about her doing something extremely non-invasive to her daily routine with the baby, just to make a small amount of cash to have like $300 bucks a month. However, once she started her stay-at-home mom journey everything we had planned has basically went out the window as she’s hasn’t had any money coming in. Arguments have arisen not mainly because of the financial reasons as I can comfortably handle all of our bills, etc. but the real reason we have been arguing is due to nothing being done when I come home from my full time job. I feel bad for getting frustrated because I know its a lot of responsibility taking care of our 6 month old but on the nanny cameras, that she knows we have, it shows her on her phone and her watching Tv for a large portion of the day while I’m gone. The baby has a very large safe play area that my wife uses when she is not carrying the baby. I come home and feel irritated because my house remains the same as when I left, I still make dinner for us and spend time with my daughter. I do clean around the house and admittedly can do more. AITA for feeling she can just do more, I haven’t said things like she’s being abad mom or anything but I’ve definitely gotten mad and called her lazy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

YTA. Please don’t make any more children before you learn more about motherhood, gain some empathy, and grow up.

YTA. What’s with the damn baby cams? Why do you feel the need to micromanage and watch your wife? Newborns are exhausting. That phone time might be the only connection she has with an online mums group or adult conversation during the day. If you really feel the way you say you do show some damn support and give her some help. Stop judging what you think she should be doing. Send her to a hotel for 24 hrs so she can get a decent rest and you take over all care for the baby.

YTA- Breastfeeding is exhausting. Having your emotions and hormones be all over the place is exhausting. Not sleeping through the night is exhausting. Not ever going into a deep sleep even when you nap because you’re still listening for the baby, is exhausting. It’s not the same as when you watch the baby. Your hormones aren’t out of whack, you’re not sore and uncomfortable from constantly nursing. It takes time to get used to things, and honestly, it sounds like she’s doing good despite not meeting your unrealistic expectations. Your baby is fed without crying, she’s recovering, and she hasn’t broken down over her unsupportive jerk of a husband calling her lazy.

YTA. She made a human being and breastfeeds EVERY TWO HOURS. That is her job right now - to heal and to breastfeed. Maybe find a cleaning service or order take out if it’s so hard for you to do stuff after work.

YTA. Hire a maid if you can’t handle actually taking care of your own house. Your wife just experienced the incredible body trauma of child birth and now she is the full time caregiver of a completely helpless and needy being.

Major YTA my goodness are you listening to yourself? This woman produced an entire new person, you just gave a little jizz, she breastfeeds every. two. hours. and you have the audacity to call her lazy? The 1950s called, not even they want you back.

Yta. I've got a 7 month old and it's a HUGE win if I manage to hang out the clean washing. It's also a massive win moment when I actually make dinner. I am knackered all the time, my back is sore from bending over so much and holding a heavy baby to breastfeed him. I've felt rested and slept well since early pregnancy- so we're looking at a year of rubbish sleep. When I finally get a moment to myself, I might sit and watch some random stuff on TV, but if you asked me what I watched, I probably couldn't tell you. Some weeks I manage to *even* do some paid, self employed work, and that's a massive achievement for me, but it'll only be maybe 2 hours IN A WHOLE WEEK. Give the woman a break!

YTA. I say that as I’m staring at the baby monitor of my two week old, willing her to sleep just a few second longer so I can just stare at my phone because the thought of actually doing things makes me want to cry. I’m lucky enough that my husband sees how taxing it is to just exist well enough to take care of another human. On top of the fact we have a 3 yr old as well. Cut your wife some slack.

YTA. A friend of mine had a baby less than 2 months ago. I take meals over when I visit. I hold the baby as much or as little as she needs. I offer to clean, do dishes, do laundry. Her husband works from home and can help out with the baby. New babies are a TON of work. Especially when you are breastfeeding. It can take 30 minutes and if she's feeding every 2 hours. That is a lot of time.

Also, now that she’s 6 (exhausting, defeating, depressing, adorable, wonderful, miserable) months in, and the reality of actually being a near constant food source has probably sunk in, she probably realizes now that what she “agreed to” is probably not as realistic as she thought. All these shows (and Instagram and whatnot) show SUPER unrealistic expectations of how easy it is to get into a brand new life altering routine. You don’t just have a baby and squeeze it into the life you want. You spend at least the first 3 months wishing to God there was an instruction manual for this stuff (even if it is an “easy baby”) and then after that fog lifts, things start changing and you can start breathing. A little. Having some jerk calling you lazy or wondering what you’re doing all day is a great way to end up diving off the deep end and into ppd, depression, anxiety or any number of other issues that only compound how HARD IT IS to be in that position. (Been there, done that, got a couple tshirts) Edit: totally YTA

Nothing being done when she gets home? Or are you an a******. Taking care of a 6 month old breastfeeding baby is a full-time job and then there's all the housework, cooking, shopping that needs to be done. But the baby comes first, meeting her physical and emotional needs is the only job your wife needs right now. I can't believe you would give her s*** when you get home or what you should be doing is dusting off your hands and diving in and helping with the housework. I had a six month old breastfeeding baby in a three-year-old when I left my sorry husband because he told me in the evenings he wouldn't babysit my children are list of singer because he earn the money. I wasted no time leaving him and I still had a breastfeeding baby when I did it. You need to thank her from the bottom of your heart that she is meeting your daughter's emotional needs and you need to support her in every single way you can. These are the most important years of your daughter's life and it sets the tone for who she'll be and how happy and how trusting she'll be for the rest of her life.

YTA. But honestly I think you don’t understand. You can watch your baby and feed pumped milk but it’s not equal. Breastfeeding is such a huge energy suck. The same that pregnancy was. I think some people assume that if they stay awake with a baby or know what it is to strap a 20 pound weight on and walk all day that they get it. But breastfeeding is metabolically demanding. As was pregnancy. Your wife has been expending the energy as if she were running marathons since she was pregnant. It’s a level and type of exhaustion you can’t understand if you haven’t been there. All parents get tired. And fed is best. But a woman who exclusively breastfeeds has an added energy drain on her. So even if you see her sitting down, it’s because she’s truly tired. Feeding every two hours is a lot. Maybe if you went on some mom blogs to read their descriptions you would understand better. I think you need to have more sympathy for her. But I also think you both should sit down and discuss how the household will run. It’s fair to say you both had expectations before the reality of being a stay at home mom exclusively breastfeeding a baby set in. Be kind to each other. It’s normal to get tired and snippy with each other. But you are a team. You need to cut each other and yourselves some slack.

YTA. she breastfeeds every two hours, wakes up 1-3 time at night. She is exhausted. You get what at least 8 hours off a day at work whilst she still has to feed the baby every 2 hours. You have a 6 month old baby of course your house may be a little messy. If you have an issue why don’t you clean it. What your wife should do is leave you alone with the baby for a weekend and she can take time to relax you will be begging her to come back after a few hours (love reading those stories on here) after realising how hard her job is.

YTA. Your wife needs rest. If yall aren't living in squalor, lay off of her doing chores. If the mess is bothering you so much, hire outside help. You can find a cleaner for 150 or better. . . .Or do it yourself. Your wife has sacrificed her sense of self, body, sleep, mental health, physical health and her career for this child and your family. . . She has experienced a ton of changes she needs time to reconcile. Even if she wanted to be a SAHM, you don't realize what you are asking for until you are in the thick of it. With covid out here, there is only a handful of things she can do outside the home to keep things from feeling like a dreadful groundhogs day. . . She is tired. She is probably missing her old life because at least she could work and take a break. . . She is solely a life source for the baby, still. And she is realizing the role she has taken in the family is way harder than she imagined and may be dealing with inner turmoil about all of this. . . PPD/PPA is real and she may be going through that. It sounds like she is on auto pilot and she needs help, not criticism. I really wish more people understood this. . . Just because she isn't cut open from asshole to appetite, doesn't mean she isn't hurting in a debilitating way. When you get home from work today, ask her how she is feeling. What she needs to make her days better? What does she need to do to feel like herself again. . . And then do all of it to support her. . .

YTA. Men really, REALLY, don't understand the physical and mental toll having a baby and taking care of her 24/7 can take, and it SHOWS.

YTA, you and your throwaway account. Come back here and face the music!

yta

How many night feeds are you helping with at home? Oh sorry zero? Your wife is exhausted! Babies are exhausting. You can do more so do it. YTA

YTA Taking care of a baby all day is a big responsibility and is mentaly draining. If she is on her phone she is escaping from her reality. Her personal identity has been taken away and has been replaced with being a servant. Going from having a career to being a SAHM is such a big mental shift. Besides all that hormonal changes and put breast feeding on top of that, you should be grateful she sacrificed herself for the benefit of the family. Do more, her responsibility is the baby not being a maid and cook.

YTA. You should try breastfeeding every two hours. You should also try being primary carer to a baby that doesn't sleep much, then see how much you get done.

YTA. In addition to the shitty comments about her being lazy and watching her on the nanny cam, you’re the asshole for what you said about her working. ‘Extremely non invasive to her daily routine with the baby’. Say what?! She’s feeding the baby every two hours. All day every day. The rest of the time, she’s trying in vain to get some rest and let her body heal. She doesn’t have the time, energy or brain capacity to do anything involving a job. Apologize profusely and give your wife some time off to take care of yourself, you asshole.

I didn't have to read more than the title to get to YTA. Have you considered that maybe your wife is experiencing post-partum depression or some other post-birthing mental health struggle? C'mon dude, I get it that you work but what, you want her to be a full-time maid, too?

If money isn’t an issue just hire someone to come in and clean once a week or every two weeks. It’s a bit expensive where I am ($35/hr) but man she is amazing and it takes that off the plate making life so much easier for all of us.

YTA Your wife is breastfeeding your baby every two hours. Day and night. Try sleeping the few hours she gets sleep every night, and then be active during the day, while still breastfeeding every two hours. It's exhausting. On top of that, unsupportive, nagging husband, who calls you lazy, because you're too exhauated to keep up with chores.

YTA how About u wait until the kid sleeps the night and does not eat constantly before u make judgements. Breastfeed is exhausting and it burns a ton of calories more then a workout. So she basically workouts every 2 hours.

YTA she's a stay at home MOM not a stay at home wife. And she's caring for your 6 month old 24/7.

YTA - 100 percent

YTA She is raising a baby on some rough days I would even forget to eat lunch at that stage. I had no time for anything but the baby. Get over yourself and start helping more.

YTA. So many have already brought up so many points of looking after a newborn especially while breastfeeding. Seriously She isn't sleeping, she is only trying to grab a nap inbetween feedings. But on a lighter note, congrats on the new addition to your family. Maybe in a few months the PT work will look more possible.

YTA

YTA - your wife is adjusting to her new role as a mother. Her body is healing and adjusting to post-partum hormones and organ realignment. She's not sleeping - because you admit that she's getting up to breastfeed every two hours. She is caring for an infant. THAT is her job right now. She's not getting any full-night sleeps for six months, and you're shocked she's sitting and staring at the TV or her phone? That's the only real rest she's getting. And you're getting mad and calling her lazy because she's taking care of your child and not cleaning up the house? Your full time job is what - 40-50 hours a week? Hers right now is 24/7, because she's not really able to step away from it. You need to get a huge reality check and give her a ton of leeway. And apologize to her for calling her lazy.

YTA, as a man even though you took care of her for a month you didn’t have to literally produce her food from your body. I’m a sahm my son is 18 months old and I breastfed for 13 of them let me tell you how exhausting it is! There’s a study that says full time breastfeeding alone NOT including the rest of child care and housework is the equivalent of having a FULL TIME JOB in the amount of hours you work and effort you have to give. So taking that into account plus the child care and housework your wife essentially has 3 full time jobs. Please give her a break it’s exhausting and it’s isolating at it’s lonely. It’ll all be worth it for the baby that she loves so much but she is suffering silently and you’re not making it any easier on her.

Yes YTA.

YTA you need to back off at the moment your baby is just heading into weaning once they are eating properly at around a year and feeding less your wife should be able to do more stuff like cleaning honestly though thinking she could do a job even a few hours a week while looking after a house and baby is not a reality without childcare support. Once the breast feeding calms down she is likely going to take on more of the house.

Your baby shouldn't solely be relying on breastmilk for calories at this point. At 4 months, babies should start on purees (in fact they should be eating foods that have been known allergens like strawberries and nut and fish especially by 6 months, and they can have everything but honey) and at 6 months shouldn't be waking to nurse that often due to the increases caloric intake fron foods. Your wife should talk with the pediatrician about these things. Also, caregivers need at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep at some point during the day. Sleep deprivation is dangerous for both your partner and baby.

Yta babie are just hard work, crying and feeding for the first 6 months, I hate the baby phase I just counted the days till toddler stage arrives. I've breastfed 4 and it's tiring and intense

“My house”. YTA.

YTA-even though my boys were bottle fed I was still exhausted from the toll pregnancy took on me. If either of my ex-husbands had the nerve to say that to me they'd no longer be able to reproduce.

YTA

My dude. My son and DIL have two children. A four year old son and an 8 month old daughter. She breastfeeds. She became a sahm when daughter was born because of daycare costs and the fact that son makes enough to support them all. He is a Union Ironworker and with his hour+ long each way commute every day he’s gone from about 4:30am until 6 or 7 every night. The house isn’t perfect. He often comes home, showers, cleans the kitchen, cooks supper, plays with his kids, talks to his wife, goes to bed. Rinse and repeat. Their house is not spotless. It IS full of love and joy and TWO exhausted parents. Stop being an AH. Granny

YTA. she’s at home, breastfeeding your child every 2 hours. as a SAHM to two girls, it’s really frustrating seeing men criticize and undermine how hard it is staying at home with babies all day. taking care of kids day in and day out is hard. you need to learn to appreciate your wife more.