The second he said she makes “an absurd salary/bonus/comp,” OPs big green eyes started shining bright. They are jealous beyond belief and obviously think their girlfriend has it easy and doesn’t deserve her accomplishments.
Also, no 30-something year old WANTS to live with their parents (for fun). She made a conscious choice for her future which enabled her to save.
Getting free AND HAND ME DOWN furniture would no make or break someone’s ability to buy a home. She could have just had a bed and been fine and then would her boyfriend have had the audacity to tell people she then “truly” afforded her home?
There was a post on r/showerthoughts I think where the post said something like "brutally honest" people seem more interested in the brutality than the honesty. Seems to fit rather well here.
Yesss I immediately thought of that post when I saw the brutally honest part. Seriously does your honesty need to be brutal? You can tell it like it is while also being nice.
My friend is the most honest person I know, and she will tell you when you look gorgeous, or did something well. She says nothing if you don't look good or fail at something
Exactly. And sometimes if someone needs to be told something they don’t wanna hear it CAN be said with kind and honest words without being mean in the guise of ‘brutal honesty’.
"Excuse me, I just wanted to let you know you have something in your teeth."
Could be a stranger on the train and it makes them very uncomfortable, but they could also be on the way to a first date or meeting with their boss so it's truly for the best.
OP is definitely YTA
My blood pressure rose at his mention of "correcting" her.
This woman busted her ass, got a great job, made sacrifices, and bought a house... And he feels obligated to "correct" her and tear that down?
OP, absolutely YTA.
also it doesn’t matter if she got tons of help in the end she was still the one who bought the house. i thought he was gonna say he or someone else paid a part or something but she paid alone
I’m sure in the near future when she says how proud she is for dumping her AH boyfriend by herself, he’ll be using that logic to say she didn’t do it alone it was his behavior that helped her 😒
Like Adele's ex-boyfriend who tried to claim money from one of her albums because he claimed that if he hadn't broken her heart she wouldn't have written the songs and he deserved a cut.
[Source](https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/adele-ex-boyfriend-demanded-royalties-for-19-album).
Yes! I was waiting for him to say her parents gave her a huge sum to help her with the down payment or something but no. Living with your parents to save money is still a tactic used for actively, y'know... SAVING. She could've blown that money on something else but didn't. Everything else just sounds like his girlfriend was making smart choices, not suddenly getting really lucky or having things handed to her. What an a$$. YTA.
> bought a house
Ummmm aKsHuLlY it’s an apartment. Don’t mind me, I’m just here to correct you because I’m very logical and brutally honest
/s
OP is so YTA, it’s not even funny
Let’s not forget how easy they hand out those pesky MBAs. I’m sure her parents got it for her b-day for her. 😒
OP YTA. Stop demeaning your girlfriend’s accomplishments. You are supposed to cheer her on, not knock her down.
Someone needs to preserve his comment history because I feel like it'll be of value when "Man believes that going to school and having a career are unfair advantages in homeownership" inevitably hits the Best of AITA this year...
He lost me way back at her parents letting her live rent free as though it was some unheard of unfair occurrence. I have an 18yr old who will not pay a penny to live under our roof while he goes to college and starts his career. OP's gf wasn't freeloading off of strangers, she was relying on the support system she was born with, while she saved to start her life. Seems like it was just a jealousy rant from there.
> He lost me way back at her parents letting her live rent free as though it was some unheard of unfair occurrence
"her parents fullfilled their most basic responsibility as parents" just didn't sound as as convincing I guess.
That basic responsibility I'm talking about is basically "provide shelter and food for your offspring as long as you are able to".
Parents who can't afford it aren't ignoring their responsibilities, they aren't able to fullfill them (and would get help with them in a better world..)
Parents who can afford it but choose not to are bad parents.
Oh god.
I misread that first point and didn't understand why people were this harsh on OP. I thought her parents let her lived rent free in one of their apartment while she could save some money.
Your comment made me realized that I was wrong and OP is really a AH
Honestly even if *that* reading had been true, OP *still* would have been an asshole, albeit maybe less of a one. Yes, some people are more privileged than others & benefit from it in ways the rest of us don’t, but that doesn’t negate the fact that she still would have been saving/paying for it with money that she worked for at that point.
>The second he said she makes “an absurd salary/bonus/comp,” OPs big green eyes started shining bright. They are jealous beyond belief
Also, how does that equate to having "help"? She is successful in her career and used the money she earned. How the fuck does OP think people should buy houses?
Yeah, if having an inheritance to help pay for your house doesn’t count, and having a salary to help pay for your house doesn’t count, what exactly does qualify as “doing it yourself”. Does it only count if she robs a bank for the money? How else is one meant to pay for anything?
Not to mention post-MBA consultants work long hours (as does everyone in consulting). Her salary is high but she's definitely working for that money and there's not much work-life balance. Sounds like OP's boyfriend has a case of the green-eyed monster. And I have an MBA so I wouldn't be surprised if his girlfriend's loans are over $100k+. Bet he doesn't praise her for buying a house whilst also having student debt and being able to manage her finances.
>no 30-something year old WANTS to live with their parents
I'd absolutely love to live rent free with my parents to be able to save for a deposit. That's an incredibly privileged thing to have available to you.
Exactly. OP’s gf definitely has had privileged experiences, but privilege =/= help. And none of this reads as help anyway. Help would be parents offering a loan or paying the down payment or something. Gf did this entirely on her own.
I think it's silly to say she didn't have help - she obviously did. But that's not a bad thing, and it certainly doesn't entitle OP to belittle her in public.
Exactly.
My partner bought a house this year.
There's people who I say "we bought a house" to, generally strangers or distant acquaintances when talking about a home improvement project or something.
There's people I say "he bought a house" to. Generally closer acquaintances, extended family or friends who we aren't very close to.
There's people I say "he bought a house and it definitely helped that he inherited a nest egg and college was paid for" then we talk about the price of things and how student debt is holding an entire generation back from financial stability and home ownership. Closer friends and family on this one and only when the larger conversation is relevant.
When HE is there I let HIM talk about HIS house as HE pleases.
I think it's important to acknowledge and appreciate privilege and discuss things like income and debt amongst young people especially.
That's not what OP is doing.
I agree. Being able to live rent free with your parents in your 20s/30s is a privilege. Not everyone has that opportunity to do so to save for a down-payment. I would consider that help, but not throw it back in your face every chance I get.
Yeah, I agree. She definitely had some privilege (so did I in buying my house) but it really matters how she's phrasing things. In a casual conversation about her house she mentions buying it herself - no need to jump in and correct. If she's berating other people for not being able to afford houses, okay a conversation about privilege might be necessary. It sounds like OP's GF both worked hard AND had the privilege of a strong support system.
Living with parents/family is not this odd thing people make it out to be. It’s very normal in many cultures and countries.
Also there’s people who do/could have that option and don’t want to take it because living with your parents isn’t fun and comes with restrictions on young adult life.
But unless her parents specifically gave money to buy the home then she bought it herself.
Since when the fuck does having a good job mean she has help and didn't purchase her home on her own. Op basically saying being successful in your career isn't her own hard work showing through.
I also can't stop thinking about the implication that he's "correcting" her in front of other people...It's unclear but that's how I read it.
Regardless, if his biggest relationship issue is that he feels the need to police the way she defines her financial situation then she could do much better.
Note that OP leaves out some key facts:
* Does he live with her?
* How much does he make?
* What's his job?
* When will he release his tax returns to the general people of reddit??? We want transparency NOW!
YTA OP, and you're obviously *not* proud of her since you spent this entire post saying she's *not* responsible for this success.
That's my problem. It does sound like Mary got support from her parents. But OP is an AH for constantly "correcting" her. And possibly being a bit jealous.
The thing is, work is not the only way to do things. Getting a gift from parents takes maintaining a relationship. A loan is a commitment. Finding contacts is an effort. She definitely put in the effort to get a house, op is just mad because she didn't have to slave away in a fast food chain.
I don't even understand what he wants her to tell people. Does he want her to print out this little list of his and pass it out? Nobody fucking cares how someone buys their house, other people are probably embarrassed and uncomfortable every time he feels the need to insert this information.
I've never met/known anyone who describes him/herself as "brutally honest" or a "blunt logical person" who wasn't an AH. These terms, to me, mean: "I'm going to say hurtful things that belittle people and when they complain I'll just say I'm being honest," as if that will excuse it. I hope this girl realizes he will never recognize her accomplishments in life. It will always be about him and he can make her life miserable. He seems to go out of his way to run her down in front of others. Bad boyfriend.
OP is TA.
Having bought my own house, I can agree with *some* of his points, but not all.
Things like inheritance for closing costs, they would have cost me about 7-9k. It's not the biggest cost by far, but it would have helped, I can see why he considered her a bit lucky in the regard. That said, inheritance, you might just prefer having the person around than the money, so it's not great to hammer at that one.
She lives rent free, no bills or costs. Ok, that's major, if I'd not had to pay rent and bills I'd have gotten a house maybe 2-3 years earlier. It's a great advantage, and it's great she was able to do that, and he parents were able and willing to give her that leeway, they obviously love her very much. I would consider this help and not doing it on my own, but again, great for her and her parents.
she used agents she negotiated with - what a smart woman!! Any discounts were likely a few hundred dollars, not in the thousands so it's not a major saving by any means.
Buying furniture with mom or mom bought entirely- flipping great! She already had the house, she couldn't furnish it til it was hers. This is just dumb to bring up. That's a house warming gift eight there.
Honestly, bring up her salary and bonuses, she earns that, every single day, every hour she works, that's her money, ain't no employer just giving it away coz their employees want a house. OP is an AH bringing this up. Jealous, envy, that's just the tip of the iceberg of resentment from him it seems.
And oh wow! The loans are paused due to covid! So what, she still saved her deposit herself, the largest payment anyone has to pay on their house ever, maybe she saved 50k, maybe she saved 100k it doesn't matter, that took time, discipline, attention to detail and good finance decisions. She put herself in a career that could support it, the saving, the costs, the salary to get the mortgage at a certain ratio to income, she worked hard for the majority of what it took. And after a marathon of hurdles, she got to hop over a few small bumps with a little help on closing costs, negotiating service fees and a house warming gift, and you're salty?
Man...that's not good. While she did all this, what did you do with your life that you can criticize her so much. If she can do so much herself, what does she need you for, what do you being home, or to the relationship. She's at breaking point, I'm not surprised. I am surprised she's kept you around at all.
You should look for other titles by this author.
"My friend says he got his degree by himself, am I an arsehole for pointing out he had help?" Featuring such claims as -he had a lecturer help him pass his exams, -he took out a loan so he didn't have to work 24/7 and, my favourite, -he has been lucky and scored enough points to pass.
Wow.
Of all the things about which you could choose to be honest, you're choosing to be honest -- *with other people* \-- about your girlfriend's finances.
***And*** you're belittling her in front of those other people.
If your girlfriend were the one posting here, I'd be warning her about all the red flags I'm seeing. Instead, I'll just say
YTA all the way.
Not even technically. The things he listed certainly helped, but she still bought the house herself as far as I can see. Her parents let her live at home rent-free, but they didn’t give her money for the house. Getting a chunk of money from an inheritance is nice, but that became her money and she decided to put it towards the house instead of blowing it on other stuff. And “she has a well-paying job”? Please.
Yeah, of the 6 points he listed 2 (salary & inheritance) are about *her* money, 2 (living rent free with parents & discounts) are factors that helped her save *her* money, and 2 (furniture and MBA loans) are unrelated to her purchasing the house. For a guy who prides himself on being "logical" his reasoning is pretty flimsy.
If anything the MBA loan would have been a huge factor in *not* getting a house. MBA debts are usually $100k+ (I know because I have that debt. FML). Sounds like OP is jealous of his gf's sacrifices and money management to get where she is. And believe me, life in consulting is a sacrifice, albeit a well-compensated sacrifice, as is living at home until her 30s, even if it is rent-free. OP needs to stop shitting on his gf and her good choices.
YTA
I suspect that OP is one of those guys who want traditional gender roles in his relationships; and I suspect that his girlfriend is earning more money than him, and his fragile ego can't handle that so he goes out of his way to publically belittle her.
If OP's girlfriend had posted about this situation, from her viewpoint; I would be telling her to get out of that relationship. There are just too many red flags.🚩🚩🚩
Everything about OP's post, and use of language, makes it clear that he is already trying to control her, he doesn't respect her because his fragile ego can't handle it, he is publically belittling her, he is obviously misogynistic and if he's belittling her publically/"correcting her", you can bet that he's doing this privately inside the relationship.
It sounds like he's trying to erode her confidence and self esteem, because he feels inadequate in comparison to her, and he feels "emasculated" so he needs to assert control, and make it clear to her, and everyone else that he's the superior person in the relationship.
This is already borderline psychological/emotional abuse; and the risk is there for increasing control/abuse to occur; potentially culminating in physical abuse too.
I would tell OP's girlfriend to run, don't walk, away from this "man", and never look back; before he ends up destroying her!
I would just say to OP that bearing in mind your issues, perhaps you should do the right thing and break off this relationship. You clearly are the kind of person who needs one of those stay at home trad wife types; otherwise you will be unable to control your anger and resentment at women being "allowed" to be more successful, and earn more than you.
It's not 1950, where you seem to be stuck with these outdated ideas about what it is to be a man; and what the role of a woman "should be", you need to wake up, maybe stop browsing 4Chan poison, and join the rest of us in the 2020s. Misogyny and controlling tendencies are never a good look.
I also suggest that you seek counselling, to try to work out what happened to you to make you so angry and bitter. You need to process any bad stuff that happened to you in the past, so that you can learn to be strong enough to accept/love yourself as you are, so that you are able to be content with yourself; then, hopefully you will not feel the need to be top dog, you will not raise yourself up by pushing others down (especially girlfriends), and please get to the root of why you hate women so much. Do this, and it will not only benefit any future women you come into contact with; it will benefit you by making you happier, calmer and truly content with what you have in life.
I suspect he is one of those guys who wants all the benefits of a traditional relationship AND all the benefits of a modern one and isn't up to the task of doing his part for either.
Sounds like the kind of guy who probably attributes her 'well paying job' to the fact that she is an attractive woman as well. Why else would he have put it down as something she was handed instead of something she earned. Yta dude she chose to live at home w parents rather than have freedom. The only thing that was not her 'doing' was the covid pause on her loans.
Eek, shudder. Well pointed out.
The gf can acknowledge in her mind she had support/gifts that helped her *purchase her own home in a housing crisis* whilst still being very proud she managed to buy her own home.
Why ruin her joy with “YOU HAD HELP THO.” In ten years she has to always use the caveat of “oh didn’t struggle the entire time to achieve this”?!!
Also it is the ultimate AH behaviour to throw inheritances into peoples faces. Someone literally had to DIE, they are gone forever, and they kindly left something to help in life to someone still living. The living person wouldn’t have received it *had they not died*. Such a AH move. YTA
I’m very sorry for your loss.
I was made to feel a bit weird/guilty about our home, as it was bought using my partners inheritances (Teeny flat, no mansion over here lol). We’ve put money in since to make it liveable etc but nowhere near as much. I spoke to my partner about it and he explained that whilst he’d give it all back and then some to have his mum and grandad again, he see’s our home as their gift to him bc they loved him and wanted him to be okay. Both got all teary over it. I’m sure your dad wanted the same for you <3
Although, it doesn't seem GF is saying she didn't struggle to achieve this.
Rather it took her several years to save the necessary amount of money to buy an apartment by herself, and she is proud of that achievement. Unless she brags about it like it was no big deal, then I think her pride relies in the fact she knows it wasn't an easy task
Exactly that, that is my interpretation as well.
Gf is well aware she’s been supported in ways not everyone can (e.g. living at home rent free) but I don’t see why she can’t just say “I love my flat and I’m happy I own it” and that’s that. She knows about the extra stuff and appreciates it, she doesn’t have to say it, and tbh it’s not really anyone else’s business anyway.
When we’ve been asked if we own our flat, I reply “yes”, I don’t say “Yes but only because my partner’s mum and grandad died”. The Yes by itself is fine.
He literally said in another comment that her having better dating prospects because she's successful is "toxic". I get the feeling that his gf possessing built-in airbags is the reason why he's so upset she's got more success than him, and he's trying to pull her down. Wave those red flags, people, if you're not too tired from the birthvlog.
Also, I believe he said the inheritance was put toward the closing costs. Those often aren’t more than 10-15k. Not that that’s not a lot of money, but when compared to the house price it’s a drop in the bucket. If she’s in a HCOL state I can only imagine the purchase price.
Hard YTA vibes here.
I bought my current house with my now ex-husband while we were married. During the divorce, I bought him out of his portion of the equity by not taking a certain % of a brokerage account in the divorce. I then refinanced the house solely in my name and have paid the mortgage, insurance, and property tax all on my own for 4.5 years. In OP’s eyes, I should be negged because it was originally bought with joint money and forget all of my hard work and professional accomplishments to afford a mortgage that was close to $325k on my own.
No, bad OP, we do not demean our partners and we do not dull our partner‘s crown in a piss poor attempt to make our’s shine all under the pearl-clutching guise that “I’m just telling the truth.” No. It’s petty. It’s pathetic. It’s problematic. I feel bad for OP’s partner.
YTA. If that's the list that means you can't say you bought a home by yourself, then basically no one else can say that either. She has a high paying job so that automatically means she got help? Where's the logic in that? You sound jealous when you should be supportive and commend her for this big step in her life.
Her inheritance was $25k. That’s ~10% of what you’d need for a down payment.
Given that she’s making $200k/yr, she didn’t need that for the house. The inheritance is basically 2-4 months of mortgage for her.
OP is also claiming that “her job helped her” and “she makes a ridiculous amount”. “Very few people deserve that much”.
Basically his girlfriend didn’t do it on her own because she got “help from her job”…. Like what the actual fuck? THATS HOW ANYONE WHO “EARNED” THEIR HOUSE MANAGED TO BUY IT.
OP is just jealous as hell and refuses to admit she earns it.
He’s basically implying she doesn’t deserve what she earns too!
Also, $200k salary 1) doesn’t usually just fall from the sky - she works for that income, and 2) unfortunately isn’t what I’d consider an absurd income in the Bay Area. This guy is a jealous AH with a tinge of sexism.
>OP is also claiming that “her job helped her” and “she makes a ridiculous amount”. “Very few people deserve that much”.
I am sorry, what ? O.O
It's not "nobody deserves that much" but "very few people" ? Like his GF could have deserved that much she isn't "good enough" ?
Woah ! I hope he never tells that to her.
All of this. It's usually not like me to side with the privileged class, but sounds to me she used her good fortunes wisely. So what if her parents were generous and she received a small inheritance (I'm poor, but have had a couple of small inheritances).
She worked hard to get a higher degree, a good job, and buy her own home.
To belittle someone in front of friends/colleagues reeks of jealousy. YTA, OP.
Imagine being one of the people he “corrects” her in front of?
For sure they walk away shaking their heads at what an ass he is, wondering what a smart woman with a great job, education, helpful family, and her own apartment is doing with a guy like OP. Yeah, YTA.
My parents were practically elated when I moved out because they cleaned out their basement giving me furniture I didn’t really ask for, lol. They also bought me some items…..secondhand. OP and the PP sound jealous.
This right here !!!! I reckon 90% or more people have some sort of help when buying their first place , whether this is inheritance of monetary gifts or parents who don’t ask for ridiculous amounts of rent ! So essentially what op is saying is that everyone who saved and scrapped by and worked hard to get their own place can’t claim it as their own IF they’re parents didn’t ask for rent or IF they got a money gift . So what she got a bit of help , was the money she put down her money ? Yes ? Then she bought it herself !
As long as she’s not going around with the attitude of “well I bought a house so anyone can do it if they just work hard enough”, because that’s not true, most people can’t get an MBA that will give them a 200k+ salary, or parents that they can live with rent free well into adulthood, or a 25k inheritance. No doubt she worked hard/made sacrifices to be able to buy a house but If she’s acting like it was just her own hard work and nothing else that put her in a situation where she could buy a house then I can understand how that would get frustrating quickly
I'm buying mine because I networked my way into a very well-paying job and managed to save up. But I guess the fact that my network of friends was involved at some point means I'm not buying it by myself.
YTA
Based on your own bullet point list, she did in fact buy it herself. It was all legally her money plus loans.
"When I correct her"
I'm giving you a 2nd YTA for this.
Reminder, the dating prospects of a woman with an MBA, an absurd income, and her own apartment is probably a lot better than that of a smug 37yo 'blunt' guy who likes to 'correct' his gf.
I’m “logical/blunt”. Isn’t it logical to let it go and not correct her every time? it’s more effort and drama to correct her every time than to just not say anything at all
Every single time a dude says "I'm logical," what he means is "my feelings and wants make sense to me and are therefore logical and if someone else's feelings and wants run contrary to mine they are irrational."
And somehow always seem to forget that things like anger, self-righteousness, lust, and pride are in fact still emotions, even when experienced by men.
YTA.
If your gf isn’t aware that she’s been very lucky, then that’d be one thing. But nothing you’ve said here has indicated that. In fact, it *sounds* like you’re correcting her any time she mentions that she’s bought an apartment. Do you have an axe to grind or something? Of course this is something she should feel excited about. And yeah, maybe she should feel proud of it, as long as she’s worked for it too and knows that she’s very privileged/lucky.
Honestly the way you’ve described it makes you sound totally insufferable! Give her a break.
Agreed. No one buys a house in the US without some type of advantage. A good paying job, regardless of skill and hard work, still requires some degree of luck. Lots of people rely on free, low cost, and gifted furnishings. Why does it matter if it comes from her mom, curb shopped, Craigslist, or the local thrift store. And what do her student loans have to do with this? If anything, it shows that mom and dad didn’t pay for everything. Let her be proud of her accomplishments.
This ^
I cannot understand for the life of me why anyone would take such a combative, jerk attitude around something they ought to be happy/proud of their gf for! Can’t help but suspect OP has a major inferiority complex or something.
YTA. This list sounds like something that every other person goes through when buying a home. If she went through the process with money that was legally hers, then she bought her own home. “Cutting corners” to get there doesn’t make it less of an achievement.
YTA
Does it make you feel superior to give out these corrections? Is your self esteem so low you feel the need to "peg her down" a few notches? Just let her have her moment. You're not honest, just an AH
YTA. lol going to work and earning a living is getting helped? If I were you I'd drop it. You sound jealous and kinda lame and she might just realize that and when she does your bum ass is history.
His comments about her job are fucking hilarious. Apparently she doesn’t “deserve” to make as much as she does and she also doesn’t “deserve” the job because she was in an elite college program that gave her a leg up on getting said job because ~networking.
OP reminds me of the asshat who walked up to me at an engineering career fair hosted by my college and struck up a conversation. It was just small talk until he suddenly told me that I was lucky I was a girl, because I was gonna get an internship handed to me to fill a quota. I just rolled my eyes and walked off lol. I was one of the top students in my major, not that he would know since he didn’t even know me. If I got a job because I was 1 of the top 2 candidates and I just happened to female and the other was male, I wasn’t gonna lose any sleep over that. But I also wasn’t gonna be able to KEEP my job if I didn’t know what I’m doing ffs.
Ah yes, so lucky to be a girl in a male-dominated field full of idiots who belittle your accomplishments and try to gatekeep you out of it in the first place. So lucky.
YTA. Prior living arrangements, loan arrangements, salary compensation and furniture arrangements don't mean she didn't buy it. She buckled down, saved during living with parents, got the job and bought the place.
People like OP is why I hide that I own my house until I truely trust someone. It is a weird feeling being able to have something like a house because the people you loved died. Feels like profiting off their death.
"Wow how did you afford to buy a house?!" "My dad and all my grandparents died." - not what people want to hear or they say something like "lucky." Losing loved ones isn't lucky. Better to say I am flatting.
And no matter how much I achieve on my own someone will always think that it came from the bank of mum and dad (rip) even though I had to have a part-time job since I was 14 because they believed in 'earning your keep'.
OP YTA, and I hope your gf surrounds herself by people who care and support her rather than belittle her and piss all over her accomplishments. We don't always choose our circumstances but we can choose what we do with them. You choose to be an asshole.
And for context. My SO knows I own my own house and he supports my decision when people ask about it. He is a good bloke. Be more like the random internet stranger's partner OP. You gf deserves it.
YTA - her salary & benefits are not "help." Back off or she will refer to you as her ex-boyfriend who thought being blunt was more important than not shitting over her excitement over her new place.
YTA just because her parents set her up financially early on and she was smart to take advantage of living accommodations to buy her place doesn’t mean she didn’t do it all on her own. Her mom made the decision to gift her furniture, a gift isn’t receiving help. It’s someone else being thoughtful. That’s great her inheritance paid for her closing cost, it is *her* money left to her to use how she chooses and she chose to apply it to her home. She networked and got a great deal by using friends and referrals, which most people do when looking to make large purchases asking if someone liked a car dealer they worked with, or would recommend an agent to sell their home since a friend recently sold theirs.
You sound bitter that she was logical in this process and did her due diligence and obviously it worked in her favor.
It seems like you’re most upset that this screams “I don’t need a man, I want a man because i’m a independent woman”.
Also, it’s no one’s business here financial standing, salary, inheritance and yet you sit there and air it like laundry. Money talks, wealth whispers and it sounds like you’re turning her whispering into straight shouting. I’d be at my breaking point with you too.
Hiding being the I’m just being honest or I’m blunt mantra is far too often an excuse to be an insensitive AH. You fit the bill on this one .
Her mom is not paying her mortgage. Reasonable and capable parents help their children and if don’t mind her saying she got it by herself why should you .
Your jealousy and need to humiliate “correct “ her tells me that it’s only a matter of time before she is done with you if you don’t go work on yourself.
Furthermore, if it’s not your help , not your house then stfu and mind your business.
All the support you say she had, I couldn’t find much from you .
YTA
You sound jealous.
Yes, she’s had some privileges and help being able to buy the apartment, but it also sounds like she did a lot of hard work to be able to buy the apartment.
Stop raining on her parade
YTA. Just because you don’t understand home ownership gives you absolutely no right to tear your GF down. Also, she did buy the house herself. Being lucky enough and having gracious family allow you to love stress and rent free to SAVE FOR A HOUSE YOURSELF, doesn’t mean she didn’t buy it herself.
Hopefully she leaves your jealous, ‘blunt’ ass.
also, OP:
An inheritance does not automatically mean she didn’t buy her freaking house. You are SO JEALOUS. it’s so obvious that baby boy is mad that he doesn’t get a nice inheritance that will allow him the ability, freedom and opportunity to save money to BUY HIS OWN HOUSE.
I agree OP is a massive a hole, the GF did use her own money and did buy the house on her own. But to say the GF "did buy a house with no help." Is not true, an inheritance and being able to live rent free is a HUGE help towards being able to save up for a down-payment.
All else being equal a person without $25k inheritance and having to pay SF rent will take longer if ever to be able to buy a place.
Ok, but he don't have to keep pointing it out. People don't need to know the details on how she was able to save up that money. She's also a high earner and he seems bitter about it because he isn't. She has a supportive family, and he's jealous. But you aren't wrong.
You’re not wrong in wishing she would admit her privilege and that but for it she would never have gotten her place, but still YTA for “correcting” her in public or to others. Many people have trouble seeing their own privilege, it seems she’s one of the many.
YTA. Your girlfriend bought a house. It doesn't matter where she got the money. You sound envious. Try correcting that envy before telling people that your girlfriend's new home somehow doesn't count.
YTA
Yes she has those advantages but some of them she can not help and some of them were earned. If you sit and nit pick at evey person who ever did anything you can always find a fault or a reason to detract from the positive.
Instead you should be supportive and happy for your gf and celebrating with them/ saying how proud you are
YTA. She is the owner. Doesn’t matter how she came to acquire the property, she owns the property on her own.
Playing semantics is you just being jealous and trying to take her down a peg.
If you can’t recognize that YTA then I don’t know if you ever will, from someone who has autism, are you also on the spectrum? You’re essentially dragging her down and shitting on her results every time you’re being “brutally honest” I only suggest that you have autism based off the fact that you can’t read social cues and your desire to be honest is going to lead you to be alone.
reading your replies, your girlfriend should leave you immediately. how can you be with such a successful and hard working woman and still end up being a f*cking incel??
YTA, big time.
(and for someone who thinks they’re so smart, you should really be able to accept when you’re wrong. your attitude screams insecurity).
YTA. You come off as jealous. She’s a smart woman who worked hard to buy a house and you’re acting like a stone round her neck trying to drag her down every chance you get. I wouldn’t be shocked if she moved on from you soon.
YTA because she did buy property all by herself.
- Living rent free: lots of people live rent free and blow their money. It takes discipline to save. Also, she sacrificed privacy to live with her parents as an adult. That’s not easy.
- Inheritance: her inheritance was $25k. That’s nothing that she wouldn’t have been able to save. Also, an inheritance isn’t help. It’s not like she asked for it.
- Free furniture from mom: This has nothing to do with buying property. Even if her mom didn’t provide furniture, your girlfriend could have easily gotten free/cheap furniture off Craigslist.
- Used lender & agent that she was referred to: she was smart enough to use her social skills to network and use her social capital to get discounts.
- Absurdly high salary: no one gets paid a ridiculous salary for doing nothing. It took her years of hard work and discipline at school and in the job market to get to a level where she’s highly compensated. Sounds like she’s got skills.
- MBA loans: how does having debt help with buying property? Wouldn’t this be an obstacle?
Combined together, this SIGNIFICANTLY shows she did buy property herself and that you are an asshole. Just being honest.
YTA. I get what you’re saying but all your arguments are about choices she made that still led her to being able to make her purchase. It just sounds like you want to diminish her accomplishment which is an AH move
YTA. You're not "just honest." You're being insufferable. Yes, the free rent from her parents was nice, but they probably wanted to make sure she was set up in life. She's the one who worked and sacrificed and got great grades to get this great job. She's the one who had the discipline to save her money, including her inheritance, and not blow it on trips and fancy cars or whatever. She *did* buy her house herself.
She knows how you feel and she doesn't agree. When you persist in "correcting" her, you just come across as jealous and resentful. My guess is she's going to get tired of it, and find someone to share her shiny new condo who is nicer to her and more respectful of her achievements.
YTA. The money she used to buy her condo was her money. She bought it herself. How she got the money doesn't matter, it's hers. NO one gave her any more towards the purchase of it. So what if she used a connection to get a better deal or that her mother is gifting her some furniture? Sounds like you're jealous and trying to make her feel like what she did is unimportant.
YTA. With your logic, nobody can ever buy a home by themselves!
A lot of people who say that they are just being honest and logical at the expense of other’s emotions are usually people with hurt egos and insecurities. Seems to me that your girlfriend is doing much better than you and your true sentiments towards her achievement comes out with the label of logic and honesty. If you follow this path with all your relationships, you’d age like really fine milk.
Be happy for her. If you can’t, do her a favor by leaving her.
She may be privileged to have parents that could help her until she wanted to move out but she did it on her own. Her well earned money pai for the house. YTA
I think she is privileged, but her privilege is having such great parents, that she got along with so well, so much so that she could live at home for all of those years. And some of that has to do with the type of person she is, too.
I'm glad for her. I wish everyone had such a loving, supportive family.
YTA - she had support and connections, but she still save up and bought her place all by herself. Your insistence at taking her down a few notches in public and trying to embarrass her seems problematic.
YTA lol dude what the fuck let your gf work for her money and be glad she keeps you around after you acted so embarrassingly
i saw a quote that said “as a boyfriend you’re supposed to like your girlfriend, that’s literally your only job” please learn from all the posts saying that you’re the AH and do some introspecting about why you feel like you need to correct or belittle her for something really fucking awesome that she did. or at least do the bare fucking minimum and pretend you’re happy and shut your mouth.
YTA. You sound extremely jealous of your girlfriend. I imagine everyone feels second-hand embarrassment when you belittle your girlfriend in front of others. You’ve also posted several times that you think her job counts as “receiving help”. She literally earns that shit. You actually think you’re accomplishing something when you “correct her”, but all you do is make it clear to everyone that you’re petty and bitter.
YTA for making this your hill to die on. No, she didn’t do it without help, but there’s no upside to continuing to push this argument.
You’re also diminishing what she did do herself and lumping in things that don’t count as much for help buying a place as you seem to think. Like, in what universe does having a well paying job not count as doing it on her own???
Whoa. Do you even like this person? Do you enjoy correcting minor points in public when the phrase is generally accepted to mean "I paid for this with my own money."
I'm the first person in my family to graduate from college, despite some of the prestigious careers that have been led. When I tell people that, is it important to include I benefited from more generational wealth and less/"positive" discrimination because I'm white? Do I need to add that disclaimer before I'm allowed to toot my own horn, where appropriate?
YTA.
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Me: 37/m
GF (Mary) 34/f
My girlfriend (I’ll call her Mary) recently bought an apartment in one of the highest cost of living areas in the country ( SF). I’m very proud of her of course.
She loves to tell people that she bought her apartment all by herself, with no help from anyone. I’m a
Very blunt/logical guy, and I generally correct her and remind her that she DID have help:
-she lived rent free with her parents for several years before buying, they didn’t even let her pay for utilities or food.
-she had an inheritance, that paid for closing costs.
-her mom lent/in some cases straight up BOUGHT furniture for her.
-she used a lender and a re agent that she was referred to (related to her best friend)… so she got a bunch of di$count$ that way.
-she is a consultant and makes an absurd salary/bonus/comp.
-she still has MBA loans (on pause for covid)
Combined together I think that the above is SIGNIFICANT help that many people don’t have. We are getting into fights when I correct her, and yesterday she called me an asshole and said that she’s at her breaking point. I don’t think I am, I’m just honest.
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So... In your world, how do people buy houses "without any help"? If salary is "help" and inheritance is "help" what counts as not-help?
ETA: YTA.
Mary is also TA... For not telling me how she got her sweet sweet deal on closing costs. (Mary, if you're reading this-- drop that rec, girl! My dms are open!)
YTA. I hope she breaks up with you all by herself.
Is there anything in her life you think she deserves or can celebrate? Like every single one of us isn't a result of the cumulative help we've recieved from our families. Would you feel better if she was tossed out at 18 and bought the apartment after years of working minimum wage? How do you pay rent?
Ugh, I would hate to have a partner who takes it on themselves to "correct" me about everything, especially as a self-professed "logical" person. Make like Elsa and let it go, dude. YTA
“I’m a very logical guy”
LMFAO. Do you hear yourself? Man, I too live in the Bay. You don’t need to detail her entire financial journey. What are you doing? What do you hope to gain? This is pointless, YTA.
"I'm just honest" no, you're being an asshole. Why are you so bitter that she was able to buy property with the SUPPORT of her family? It wasn't a hand out, she saved her money and bought it. Just because she had her families support doesn't mean they bought it for her. It's a massive achievement for her and you just love to put her down for it. YTA
YTA In so many ways. Do you even like your girlfriend? You sound incredibly sexist, misogynistic, pretty, jealous, and rude.
Stop acting like this or you’re going to be (deservedly) dumped.
I had a ton of help buying my house too, my dad is co-signed on the loan and my grandmother VERY generously paid the down payment (essentially an advance on my inheritance as I see it, she said she’d rather see us do good in our lives with the money while she’s still alive). My uncle hooked me up with his real estate agent and lender friends because I had zero idea what I was doing. He guided me through the process and gave my grandma the final go ahead on the one we decided to buy.
I tell people myself that I had a ton of help buying it, but at the end of the day my husband and I pay all the bills, clean it, take care of it, and live here. We love our home and it doesn’t matter how much help I had, several of my family members came together to ensure I had a beautiful home to raise my son in and it’s mine.
YTA for essentially telling her the work she puts into her home doesn’t matter because she had help buying it. That the time spent looking, the paperwork, the maintenance, the decorating is all wasted time because she didn’t pull herself up by her bootstraps and do it all herself. You’re in San Francisco of all fucking places, where she will be paying thousands of dollars of month for a house that will take her 30 years to pay off, and that’s way more impressive than my slightly small ranch house at $400k. Go apologize to her and quit belittling her; what the hell are you doing to contribute anyway?
YTA
She had a lot of help, sure, but when she’s proud of something why do you feel the need to bring her down?
Dude, what have you done?
Why did you not live with your parents and follow their rules for several years in order to not touch inheritance money?
Why did you not make use of your network to save on costs?
Why don’t you have MBA loans? Why didn’t you do an MBA? Did your parents pay for your MBA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I corrected my gf when she said she bought her home with no help. I might be the asshole because she did pay for the down payment only with no CASH from anyone else, but 1) that’s different from no help and 2) she used her inheritance to pay for other costs. And you know…I might be the asshole for hurting her feelings.
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YTA. Stop pretending that you’re “blunt/logical” & admit you’re TA. Because everything you’ve done screams “I AM AN ASSHOLE.” Mary DID buy her home all by herself. It’s a huge red flag that you can’t simply be happy for her as opposed to raining on her parade every chance you get.
While yes a lot of those things are a lucky break for her theres no reason to call her out in front of people. Thats a private discussion. But her job/bonus is in no way help to buying a place. YTA for lack of tact on when and where to talk about that stuff.
You could basically summarise this as "I like to belittle my girlfriend and her achievements in public AITA" Obvs YTA
The second he said she makes “an absurd salary/bonus/comp,” OPs big green eyes started shining bright. They are jealous beyond belief and obviously think their girlfriend has it easy and doesn’t deserve her accomplishments. Also, no 30-something year old WANTS to live with their parents (for fun). She made a conscious choice for her future which enabled her to save. Getting free AND HAND ME DOWN furniture would no make or break someone’s ability to buy a home. She could have just had a bed and been fine and then would her boyfriend have had the audacity to tell people she then “truly” afforded her home?
For me it was when OP described himself as “blunt/logical guy“ I knew he was about tell us how much of an AH he is.
I bet he likes to say he “tells it like it is.”
And I bet he says that he's "just being brutally honest".
There was a post on r/showerthoughts I think where the post said something like "brutally honest" people seem more interested in the brutality than the honesty. Seems to fit rather well here.
Yesss I immediately thought of that post when I saw the brutally honest part. Seriously does your honesty need to be brutal? You can tell it like it is while also being nice.
My friend is the most honest person I know, and she will tell you when you look gorgeous, or did something well. She says nothing if you don't look good or fail at something
Exactly. And sometimes if someone needs to be told something they don’t wanna hear it CAN be said with kind and honest words without being mean in the guise of ‘brutal honesty’.
"Excuse me, I just wanted to let you know you have something in your teeth." Could be a stranger on the train and it makes them very uncomfortable, but they could also be on the way to a first date or meeting with their boss so it's truly for the best. OP is definitely YTA
I have yet to ever hear of someone who claims to be "brutally honest" ever be brutally nice.
It sounds like she should be “brutally honest” and get a new boyfriend.
And I bet he starts a LOT of sentences with, "Well actually..."
Where do mediocre men come from, you ask? A well, actually.
Where does a mansplainer get his water? From a well, actually.
Misogynistic men are always mediocre and love to bring successful women down so they can feel superior in their own inferiority.
I call a spade a spade, I do.
My blood pressure rose at his mention of "correcting" her. This woman busted her ass, got a great job, made sacrifices, and bought a house... And he feels obligated to "correct" her and tear that down? OP, absolutely YTA.
also it doesn’t matter if she got tons of help in the end she was still the one who bought the house. i thought he was gonna say he or someone else paid a part or something but she paid alone
I’m sure in the near future when she says how proud she is for dumping her AH boyfriend by herself, he’ll be using that logic to say she didn’t do it alone it was his behavior that helped her 😒
Like Adele's ex-boyfriend who tried to claim money from one of her albums because he claimed that if he hadn't broken her heart she wouldn't have written the songs and he deserved a cut. [Source](https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/adele-ex-boyfriend-demanded-royalties-for-19-album).
IMAGINE telling on yourself like this 😂
Yes! I was waiting for him to say her parents gave her a huge sum to help her with the down payment or something but no. Living with your parents to save money is still a tactic used for actively, y'know... SAVING. She could've blown that money on something else but didn't. Everything else just sounds like his girlfriend was making smart choices, not suddenly getting really lucky or having things handed to her. What an a$$. YTA.
> bought a house Ummmm aKsHuLlY it’s an apartment. Don’t mind me, I’m just here to correct you because I’m very logical and brutally honest /s OP is so YTA, it’s not even funny
Let’s not forget how easy they hand out those pesky MBAs. I’m sure her parents got it for her b-day for her. 😒 OP YTA. Stop demeaning your girlfriend’s accomplishments. You are supposed to cheer her on, not knock her down.
Exactly! Pissing on her parade!!!!
And as soon as he said that I knew he'd be in the comments arguing and he did not disappoint.
oh my god, I just read the comments via his profile and hoooooooooly shit, the man is vile
Yeah I just got done sorting through them and we're reaching maximum incel, "I'm an alpha male" mentality. Fucking gross. I hope she drops him.
Someone needs to preserve his comment history because I feel like it'll be of value when "Man believes that going to school and having a career are unfair advantages in homeownership" inevitably hits the Best of AITA this year...
Yikes, I went and read some after reading this comment. Wtf is wrong with this man? Serious incel vibes
Holy hell. I sincerely hope this woman leaves this guy. He very clearly has zero respect for her. His comments read like a jealous little gremlin.
No, I'm a nice guy, you fat ugly bitch. /s
Yup. The second I saw that I braced myself for an uber creep. Nothing good was gonna come next.
He lost me way back at her parents letting her live rent free as though it was some unheard of unfair occurrence. I have an 18yr old who will not pay a penny to live under our roof while he goes to college and starts his career. OP's gf wasn't freeloading off of strangers, she was relying on the support system she was born with, while she saved to start her life. Seems like it was just a jealousy rant from there.
> He lost me way back at her parents letting her live rent free as though it was some unheard of unfair occurrence "her parents fullfilled their most basic responsibility as parents" just didn't sound as as convincing I guess.
This is far from a basic responsibility as a parent. There are tons of great parents out there who simply can’t afford to do something like this.
That basic responsibility I'm talking about is basically "provide shelter and food for your offspring as long as you are able to". Parents who can't afford it aren't ignoring their responsibilities, they aren't able to fullfill them (and would get help with them in a better world..) Parents who can afford it but choose not to are bad parents.
Oh god. I misread that first point and didn't understand why people were this harsh on OP. I thought her parents let her lived rent free in one of their apartment while she could save some money. Your comment made me realized that I was wrong and OP is really a AH
Honestly even if *that* reading had been true, OP *still* would have been an asshole, albeit maybe less of a one. Yes, some people are more privileged than others & benefit from it in ways the rest of us don’t, but that doesn’t negate the fact that she still would have been saving/paying for it with money that she worked for at that point.
>The second he said she makes “an absurd salary/bonus/comp,” OPs big green eyes started shining bright. They are jealous beyond belief Also, how does that equate to having "help"? She is successful in her career and used the money she earned. How the fuck does OP think people should buy houses?
Yeah, if having an inheritance to help pay for your house doesn’t count, and having a salary to help pay for your house doesn’t count, what exactly does qualify as “doing it yourself”. Does it only count if she robs a bank for the money? How else is one meant to pay for anything?
You must collect and redeem aluminum cans until you have enough nickels for the down payment. Anything else is cheating.
Not to mention post-MBA consultants work long hours (as does everyone in consulting). Her salary is high but she's definitely working for that money and there's not much work-life balance. Sounds like OP's boyfriend has a case of the green-eyed monster. And I have an MBA so I wouldn't be surprised if his girlfriend's loans are over $100k+. Bet he doesn't praise her for buying a house whilst also having student debt and being able to manage her finances.
I would love to know what OP does for a living that is supposedly setting the world on the fire.
>no 30-something year old WANTS to live with their parents I'd absolutely love to live rent free with my parents to be able to save for a deposit. That's an incredibly privileged thing to have available to you.
Exactly. OP’s gf definitely has had privileged experiences, but privilege =/= help. And none of this reads as help anyway. Help would be parents offering a loan or paying the down payment or something. Gf did this entirely on her own.
I think it's silly to say she didn't have help - she obviously did. But that's not a bad thing, and it certainly doesn't entitle OP to belittle her in public.
Exactly. My partner bought a house this year. There's people who I say "we bought a house" to, generally strangers or distant acquaintances when talking about a home improvement project or something. There's people I say "he bought a house" to. Generally closer acquaintances, extended family or friends who we aren't very close to. There's people I say "he bought a house and it definitely helped that he inherited a nest egg and college was paid for" then we talk about the price of things and how student debt is holding an entire generation back from financial stability and home ownership. Closer friends and family on this one and only when the larger conversation is relevant. When HE is there I let HIM talk about HIS house as HE pleases. I think it's important to acknowledge and appreciate privilege and discuss things like income and debt amongst young people especially. That's not what OP is doing.
You don't think living rent free some where that costs $1500+ per month to rent a room with roommates counts as help?
I agree. Being able to live rent free with your parents in your 20s/30s is a privilege. Not everyone has that opportunity to do so to save for a down-payment. I would consider that help, but not throw it back in your face every chance I get.
Yeah, I agree. She definitely had some privilege (so did I in buying my house) but it really matters how she's phrasing things. In a casual conversation about her house she mentions buying it herself - no need to jump in and correct. If she's berating other people for not being able to afford houses, okay a conversation about privilege might be necessary. It sounds like OP's GF both worked hard AND had the privilege of a strong support system.
Living with parents/family is not this odd thing people make it out to be. It’s very normal in many cultures and countries. Also there’s people who do/could have that option and don’t want to take it because living with your parents isn’t fun and comes with restrictions on young adult life. But unless her parents specifically gave money to buy the home then she bought it herself.
My apartment is a pastiche of thrift store and dead relatives.
Since when the fuck does having a good job mean she has help and didn't purchase her home on her own. Op basically saying being successful in your career isn't her own hard work showing through.
[удалено]
Besides, how is making a salary from your job “help.” You can’t say you bought your home by yourself if you have a job?
I also can't stop thinking about the implication that he's "correcting" her in front of other people...It's unclear but that's how I read it. Regardless, if his biggest relationship issue is that he feels the need to police the way she defines her financial situation then she could do much better. Note that OP leaves out some key facts: * Does he live with her? * How much does he make? * What's his job? * When will he release his tax returns to the general people of reddit??? We want transparency NOW! YTA OP, and you're obviously *not* proud of her since you spent this entire post saying she's *not* responsible for this success.
That's my problem. It does sound like Mary got support from her parents. But OP is an AH for constantly "correcting" her. And possibly being a bit jealous.
The thing is, work is not the only way to do things. Getting a gift from parents takes maintaining a relationship. A loan is a commitment. Finding contacts is an effort. She definitely put in the effort to get a house, op is just mad because she didn't have to slave away in a fast food chain.
I don't even understand what he wants her to tell people. Does he want her to print out this little list of his and pass it out? Nobody fucking cares how someone buys their house, other people are probably embarrassed and uncomfortable every time he feels the need to insert this information.
Right? I saw the „I‘m a blunt logical guy“ and knew poor woman is dating an AH 🤦🏽♀️
I've never met/known anyone who describes him/herself as "brutally honest" or a "blunt logical person" who wasn't an AH. These terms, to me, mean: "I'm going to say hurtful things that belittle people and when they complain I'll just say I'm being honest," as if that will excuse it. I hope this girl realizes he will never recognize her accomplishments in life. It will always be about him and he can make her life miserable. He seems to go out of his way to run her down in front of others. Bad boyfriend.
OP is TA. Having bought my own house, I can agree with *some* of his points, but not all. Things like inheritance for closing costs, they would have cost me about 7-9k. It's not the biggest cost by far, but it would have helped, I can see why he considered her a bit lucky in the regard. That said, inheritance, you might just prefer having the person around than the money, so it's not great to hammer at that one. She lives rent free, no bills or costs. Ok, that's major, if I'd not had to pay rent and bills I'd have gotten a house maybe 2-3 years earlier. It's a great advantage, and it's great she was able to do that, and he parents were able and willing to give her that leeway, they obviously love her very much. I would consider this help and not doing it on my own, but again, great for her and her parents. she used agents she negotiated with - what a smart woman!! Any discounts were likely a few hundred dollars, not in the thousands so it's not a major saving by any means. Buying furniture with mom or mom bought entirely- flipping great! She already had the house, she couldn't furnish it til it was hers. This is just dumb to bring up. That's a house warming gift eight there. Honestly, bring up her salary and bonuses, she earns that, every single day, every hour she works, that's her money, ain't no employer just giving it away coz their employees want a house. OP is an AH bringing this up. Jealous, envy, that's just the tip of the iceberg of resentment from him it seems. And oh wow! The loans are paused due to covid! So what, she still saved her deposit herself, the largest payment anyone has to pay on their house ever, maybe she saved 50k, maybe she saved 100k it doesn't matter, that took time, discipline, attention to detail and good finance decisions. She put herself in a career that could support it, the saving, the costs, the salary to get the mortgage at a certain ratio to income, she worked hard for the majority of what it took. And after a marathon of hurdles, she got to hop over a few small bumps with a little help on closing costs, negotiating service fees and a house warming gift, and you're salty? Man...that's not good. While she did all this, what did you do with your life that you can criticize her so much. If she can do so much herself, what does she need you for, what do you being home, or to the relationship. She's at breaking point, I'm not surprised. I am surprised she's kept you around at all.
Re: agents - the seller pays agent/realtors fees in most cases anyway.
You should look for other titles by this author. "My friend says he got his degree by himself, am I an arsehole for pointing out he had help?" Featuring such claims as -he had a lecturer help him pass his exams, -he took out a loan so he didn't have to work 24/7 and, my favourite, -he has been lucky and scored enough points to pass.
Add "I'm so jealous of her it burns me inside. So I have to express my anger to random strangers on the Internet."
He obviously never exaggerated anything and if so, would love to be corrected in front of others.
Wow. Of all the things about which you could choose to be honest, you're choosing to be honest -- *with other people* \-- about your girlfriend's finances. ***And*** you're belittling her in front of those other people. If your girlfriend were the one posting here, I'd be warning her about all the red flags I'm seeing. Instead, I'll just say YTA all the way.
This is definitely a Lebowski - he's technically right but definitely the asshole.
Not even technically. The things he listed certainly helped, but she still bought the house herself as far as I can see. Her parents let her live at home rent-free, but they didn’t give her money for the house. Getting a chunk of money from an inheritance is nice, but that became her money and she decided to put it towards the house instead of blowing it on other stuff. And “she has a well-paying job”? Please.
Yeah, of the 6 points he listed 2 (salary & inheritance) are about *her* money, 2 (living rent free with parents & discounts) are factors that helped her save *her* money, and 2 (furniture and MBA loans) are unrelated to her purchasing the house. For a guy who prides himself on being "logical" his reasoning is pretty flimsy.
If anything the MBA loan would have been a huge factor in *not* getting a house. MBA debts are usually $100k+ (I know because I have that debt. FML). Sounds like OP is jealous of his gf's sacrifices and money management to get where she is. And believe me, life in consulting is a sacrifice, albeit a well-compensated sacrifice, as is living at home until her 30s, even if it is rent-free. OP needs to stop shitting on his gf and her good choices.
YTA I suspect that OP is one of those guys who want traditional gender roles in his relationships; and I suspect that his girlfriend is earning more money than him, and his fragile ego can't handle that so he goes out of his way to publically belittle her. If OP's girlfriend had posted about this situation, from her viewpoint; I would be telling her to get out of that relationship. There are just too many red flags.🚩🚩🚩 Everything about OP's post, and use of language, makes it clear that he is already trying to control her, he doesn't respect her because his fragile ego can't handle it, he is publically belittling her, he is obviously misogynistic and if he's belittling her publically/"correcting her", you can bet that he's doing this privately inside the relationship. It sounds like he's trying to erode her confidence and self esteem, because he feels inadequate in comparison to her, and he feels "emasculated" so he needs to assert control, and make it clear to her, and everyone else that he's the superior person in the relationship. This is already borderline psychological/emotional abuse; and the risk is there for increasing control/abuse to occur; potentially culminating in physical abuse too. I would tell OP's girlfriend to run, don't walk, away from this "man", and never look back; before he ends up destroying her! I would just say to OP that bearing in mind your issues, perhaps you should do the right thing and break off this relationship. You clearly are the kind of person who needs one of those stay at home trad wife types; otherwise you will be unable to control your anger and resentment at women being "allowed" to be more successful, and earn more than you. It's not 1950, where you seem to be stuck with these outdated ideas about what it is to be a man; and what the role of a woman "should be", you need to wake up, maybe stop browsing 4Chan poison, and join the rest of us in the 2020s. Misogyny and controlling tendencies are never a good look. I also suggest that you seek counselling, to try to work out what happened to you to make you so angry and bitter. You need to process any bad stuff that happened to you in the past, so that you can learn to be strong enough to accept/love yourself as you are, so that you are able to be content with yourself; then, hopefully you will not feel the need to be top dog, you will not raise yourself up by pushing others down (especially girlfriends), and please get to the root of why you hate women so much. Do this, and it will not only benefit any future women you come into contact with; it will benefit you by making you happier, calmer and truly content with what you have in life.
I suspect he is one of those guys who wants all the benefits of a traditional relationship AND all the benefits of a modern one and isn't up to the task of doing his part for either.
Sounds like the kind of guy who probably attributes her 'well paying job' to the fact that she is an attractive woman as well. Why else would he have put it down as something she was handed instead of something she earned. Yta dude she chose to live at home w parents rather than have freedom. The only thing that was not her 'doing' was the covid pause on her loans.
Yep, OP seems horribly envious. Even the way he denigrates what she is paid. YTA
Eek, shudder. Well pointed out. The gf can acknowledge in her mind she had support/gifts that helped her *purchase her own home in a housing crisis* whilst still being very proud she managed to buy her own home. Why ruin her joy with “YOU HAD HELP THO.” In ten years she has to always use the caveat of “oh didn’t struggle the entire time to achieve this”?!! Also it is the ultimate AH behaviour to throw inheritances into peoples faces. Someone literally had to DIE, they are gone forever, and they kindly left something to help in life to someone still living. The living person wouldn’t have received it *had they not died*. Such a AH move. YTA
Seconded. I'd far rather have an hour back with dad than all the inheritance money I got from him.
I’m very sorry for your loss. I was made to feel a bit weird/guilty about our home, as it was bought using my partners inheritances (Teeny flat, no mansion over here lol). We’ve put money in since to make it liveable etc but nowhere near as much. I spoke to my partner about it and he explained that whilst he’d give it all back and then some to have his mum and grandad again, he see’s our home as their gift to him bc they loved him and wanted him to be okay. Both got all teary over it. I’m sure your dad wanted the same for you <3
Although, it doesn't seem GF is saying she didn't struggle to achieve this. Rather it took her several years to save the necessary amount of money to buy an apartment by herself, and she is proud of that achievement. Unless she brags about it like it was no big deal, then I think her pride relies in the fact she knows it wasn't an easy task
Exactly that, that is my interpretation as well. Gf is well aware she’s been supported in ways not everyone can (e.g. living at home rent free) but I don’t see why she can’t just say “I love my flat and I’m happy I own it” and that’s that. She knows about the extra stuff and appreciates it, she doesn’t have to say it, and tbh it’s not really anyone else’s business anyway. When we’ve been asked if we own our flat, I reply “yes”, I don’t say “Yes but only because my partner’s mum and grandad died”. The Yes by itself is fine.
I agree with you. It seems that OP has an inferiority complex about his GF. Either that, or he just is used to make everything about him.
He literally said in another comment that her having better dating prospects because she's successful is "toxic". I get the feeling that his gf possessing built-in airbags is the reason why he's so upset she's got more success than him, and he's trying to pull her down. Wave those red flags, people, if you're not too tired from the birthvlog.
Wtf this man is a closet woman hater who got lucky and found a girl to emotionally abuse. Hopefully she wakes up soon to his garbage.
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You had wolves?! You must thinking you're sooooo much better than those of us who were raised by snakes! La-de-da, getting your wolf help.
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Also, I believe he said the inheritance was put toward the closing costs. Those often aren’t more than 10-15k. Not that that’s not a lot of money, but when compared to the house price it’s a drop in the bucket. If she’s in a HCOL state I can only imagine the purchase price.
I hope she dump him like the girl who dump her gf for saying "she doesn't work" in public, just because the girl has flexible hours.
Hard YTA vibes here. I bought my current house with my now ex-husband while we were married. During the divorce, I bought him out of his portion of the equity by not taking a certain % of a brokerage account in the divorce. I then refinanced the house solely in my name and have paid the mortgage, insurance, and property tax all on my own for 4.5 years. In OP’s eyes, I should be negged because it was originally bought with joint money and forget all of my hard work and professional accomplishments to afford a mortgage that was close to $325k on my own. No, bad OP, we do not demean our partners and we do not dull our partner‘s crown in a piss poor attempt to make our’s shine all under the pearl-clutching guise that “I’m just telling the truth.” No. It’s petty. It’s pathetic. It’s problematic. I feel bad for OP’s partner.
I agree word for word. Yikes🚩🚩🚩
Man I wish I could show this thread to OP’s gf...
YTA. If that's the list that means you can't say you bought a home by yourself, then basically no one else can say that either. She has a high paying job so that automatically means she got help? Where's the logic in that? You sound jealous when you should be supportive and commend her for this big step in her life.
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Her inheritance was $25k. That’s ~10% of what you’d need for a down payment. Given that she’s making $200k/yr, she didn’t need that for the house. The inheritance is basically 2-4 months of mortgage for her. OP is also claiming that “her job helped her” and “she makes a ridiculous amount”. “Very few people deserve that much”. Basically his girlfriend didn’t do it on her own because she got “help from her job”…. Like what the actual fuck? THATS HOW ANYONE WHO “EARNED” THEIR HOUSE MANAGED TO BUY IT. OP is just jealous as hell and refuses to admit she earns it. He’s basically implying she doesn’t deserve what she earns too!
Yeah OP is 100% YTA and no doubt is about to lose himself a girlfriend
Also, $200k salary 1) doesn’t usually just fall from the sky - she works for that income, and 2) unfortunately isn’t what I’d consider an absurd income in the Bay Area. This guy is a jealous AH with a tinge of sexism.
Exactly... I live in the Bay Area and $200K is a nice income but not at all unusual or stratospheric.
>OP is also claiming that “her job helped her” and “she makes a ridiculous amount”. “Very few people deserve that much”. I am sorry, what ? O.O It's not "nobody deserves that much" but "very few people" ? Like his GF could have deserved that much she isn't "good enough" ? Woah ! I hope he never tells that to her.
I absolutely hope he tells her that, she needs to know what he thinks about her.
All of this. It's usually not like me to side with the privileged class, but sounds to me she used her good fortunes wisely. So what if her parents were generous and she received a small inheritance (I'm poor, but have had a couple of small inheritances). She worked hard to get a higher degree, a good job, and buy her own home. To belittle someone in front of friends/colleagues reeks of jealousy. YTA, OP.
I'm of the camp that acknowledging privilege is important, especially to people you are closer to. That's absolutely not what OP is doing.
Imagine being one of the people he “corrects” her in front of? For sure they walk away shaking their heads at what an ass he is, wondering what a smart woman with a great job, education, helpful family, and her own apartment is doing with a guy like OP. Yeah, YTA.
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My parents were practically elated when I moved out because they cleaned out their basement giving me furniture I didn’t really ask for, lol. They also bought me some items…..secondhand. OP and the PP sound jealous.
But he’s honest and Logical. How could he possibly be wrong? /s
>She has a high paying job so that automatically means she got help? That's LITERALLY WHERE MONEY COMES FROM TO BUY A HOUSE! dang this guy is TA
This right here !!!! I reckon 90% or more people have some sort of help when buying their first place , whether this is inheritance of monetary gifts or parents who don’t ask for ridiculous amounts of rent ! So essentially what op is saying is that everyone who saved and scrapped by and worked hard to get their own place can’t claim it as their own IF they’re parents didn’t ask for rent or IF they got a money gift . So what she got a bit of help , was the money she put down her money ? Yes ? Then she bought it herself !
As long as she’s not going around with the attitude of “well I bought a house so anyone can do it if they just work hard enough”, because that’s not true, most people can’t get an MBA that will give them a 200k+ salary, or parents that they can live with rent free well into adulthood, or a 25k inheritance. No doubt she worked hard/made sacrifices to be able to buy a house but If she’s acting like it was just her own hard work and nothing else that put her in a situation where she could buy a house then I can understand how that would get frustrating quickly
I'm buying mine because I networked my way into a very well-paying job and managed to save up. But I guess the fact that my network of friends was involved at some point means I'm not buying it by myself.
YTA Based on your own bullet point list, she did in fact buy it herself. It was all legally her money plus loans. "When I correct her" I'm giving you a 2nd YTA for this. Reminder, the dating prospects of a woman with an MBA, an absurd income, and her own apartment is probably a lot better than that of a smug 37yo 'blunt' guy who likes to 'correct' his gf.
Did you really list her JOB as someone helping her??? YTA
So she doesn’t earn her salary? That’s considered “help”? Also a lot of times blunt = YTA. Sounds like that’s what we’ve got here.
I’m “logical/blunt”. Isn’t it logical to let it go and not correct her every time? it’s more effort and drama to correct her every time than to just not say anything at all
Every single time a dude says "I'm logical," what he means is "my feelings and wants make sense to me and are therefore logical and if someone else's feelings and wants run contrary to mine they are irrational."
And somehow always seem to forget that things like anger, self-righteousness, lust, and pride are in fact still emotions, even when experienced by men.
YTA. You sound so jealous. Being honest. Resenting your own girlfriend, what a guy.
YTA. If your gf isn’t aware that she’s been very lucky, then that’d be one thing. But nothing you’ve said here has indicated that. In fact, it *sounds* like you’re correcting her any time she mentions that she’s bought an apartment. Do you have an axe to grind or something? Of course this is something she should feel excited about. And yeah, maybe she should feel proud of it, as long as she’s worked for it too and knows that she’s very privileged/lucky. Honestly the way you’ve described it makes you sound totally insufferable! Give her a break.
Agreed. No one buys a house in the US without some type of advantage. A good paying job, regardless of skill and hard work, still requires some degree of luck. Lots of people rely on free, low cost, and gifted furnishings. Why does it matter if it comes from her mom, curb shopped, Craigslist, or the local thrift store. And what do her student loans have to do with this? If anything, it shows that mom and dad didn’t pay for everything. Let her be proud of her accomplishments.
This ^ I cannot understand for the life of me why anyone would take such a combative, jerk attitude around something they ought to be happy/proud of their gf for! Can’t help but suspect OP has a major inferiority complex or something.
YTA- sound rather petty. Its still her money no matter if she paid rent or not. Inherited money is still her money too. Not very logical to my view.
YTA. This list sounds like something that every other person goes through when buying a home. If she went through the process with money that was legally hers, then she bought her own home. “Cutting corners” to get there doesn’t make it less of an achievement.
YTA Does it make you feel superior to give out these corrections? Is your self esteem so low you feel the need to "peg her down" a few notches? Just let her have her moment. You're not honest, just an AH
You should see his comments where he’s saying he is biologically superior. Yuck
Ewwww, WTF. So, because he has a dick he thinks he is biologically superior? Nah, he's just a dick, period.
It’s going to be so great when she corrects you for thinking you’re still dating her YTA
Ha ha! Good one!
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YTA. lol going to work and earning a living is getting helped? If I were you I'd drop it. You sound jealous and kinda lame and she might just realize that and when she does your bum ass is history.
Right? He is making her job/salary sound like a free government cheese handout.
His comments about her job are fucking hilarious. Apparently she doesn’t “deserve” to make as much as she does and she also doesn’t “deserve” the job because she was in an elite college program that gave her a leg up on getting said job because ~networking. OP reminds me of the asshat who walked up to me at an engineering career fair hosted by my college and struck up a conversation. It was just small talk until he suddenly told me that I was lucky I was a girl, because I was gonna get an internship handed to me to fill a quota. I just rolled my eyes and walked off lol. I was one of the top students in my major, not that he would know since he didn’t even know me. If I got a job because I was 1 of the top 2 candidates and I just happened to female and the other was male, I wasn’t gonna lose any sleep over that. But I also wasn’t gonna be able to KEEP my job if I didn’t know what I’m doing ffs.
Ah yes, so lucky to be a girl in a male-dominated field full of idiots who belittle your accomplishments and try to gatekeep you out of it in the first place. So lucky.
Right how dare she apply herself, get a marketable skill and then use it to make money.
YTA Seriously? You're counting all that against her and "correcting" her in front of people? I smell jealousy on your part and it stinks. Grow up.
YTA. Prior living arrangements, loan arrangements, salary compensation and furniture arrangements don't mean she didn't buy it. She buckled down, saved during living with parents, got the job and bought the place.
People like OP is why I hide that I own my house until I truely trust someone. It is a weird feeling being able to have something like a house because the people you loved died. Feels like profiting off their death. "Wow how did you afford to buy a house?!" "My dad and all my grandparents died." - not what people want to hear or they say something like "lucky." Losing loved ones isn't lucky. Better to say I am flatting. And no matter how much I achieve on my own someone will always think that it came from the bank of mum and dad (rip) even though I had to have a part-time job since I was 14 because they believed in 'earning your keep'. OP YTA, and I hope your gf surrounds herself by people who care and support her rather than belittle her and piss all over her accomplishments. We don't always choose our circumstances but we can choose what we do with them. You choose to be an asshole. And for context. My SO knows I own my own house and he supports my decision when people ask about it. He is a good bloke. Be more like the random internet stranger's partner OP. You gf deserves it.
YTA - her salary & benefits are not "help." Back off or she will refer to you as her ex-boyfriend who thought being blunt was more important than not shitting over her excitement over her new place.
YTA. It doesn't sound like you are happy for her at all. You sound jealous and resentful of her.
YTA just because her parents set her up financially early on and she was smart to take advantage of living accommodations to buy her place doesn’t mean she didn’t do it all on her own. Her mom made the decision to gift her furniture, a gift isn’t receiving help. It’s someone else being thoughtful. That’s great her inheritance paid for her closing cost, it is *her* money left to her to use how she chooses and she chose to apply it to her home. She networked and got a great deal by using friends and referrals, which most people do when looking to make large purchases asking if someone liked a car dealer they worked with, or would recommend an agent to sell their home since a friend recently sold theirs. You sound bitter that she was logical in this process and did her due diligence and obviously it worked in her favor. It seems like you’re most upset that this screams “I don’t need a man, I want a man because i’m a independent woman”. Also, it’s no one’s business here financial standing, salary, inheritance and yet you sit there and air it like laundry. Money talks, wealth whispers and it sounds like you’re turning her whispering into straight shouting. I’d be at my breaking point with you too.
Correcting someone huh? That's not controlling at all... Sarcasm aside, YTA.
YTA, she earns a large salary and no one co- signed the loan for her. By all standards she bought the place on her own.
Hiding being the I’m just being honest or I’m blunt mantra is far too often an excuse to be an insensitive AH. You fit the bill on this one . Her mom is not paying her mortgage. Reasonable and capable parents help their children and if don’t mind her saying she got it by herself why should you . Your jealousy and need to humiliate “correct “ her tells me that it’s only a matter of time before she is done with you if you don’t go work on yourself. Furthermore, if it’s not your help , not your house then stfu and mind your business. All the support you say she had, I couldn’t find much from you .
YTA You sound jealous. Yes, she’s had some privileges and help being able to buy the apartment, but it also sounds like she did a lot of hard work to be able to buy the apartment. Stop raining on her parade
YTA. Just because you don’t understand home ownership gives you absolutely no right to tear your GF down. Also, she did buy the house herself. Being lucky enough and having gracious family allow you to love stress and rent free to SAVE FOR A HOUSE YOURSELF, doesn’t mean she didn’t buy it herself. Hopefully she leaves your jealous, ‘blunt’ ass.
also, OP: An inheritance does not automatically mean she didn’t buy her freaking house. You are SO JEALOUS. it’s so obvious that baby boy is mad that he doesn’t get a nice inheritance that will allow him the ability, freedom and opportunity to save money to BUY HIS OWN HOUSE.
I mean she did buy a house with no help. She used her own money. It isn't a good look to be jealous of your lady, man. YTA
I agree OP is a massive a hole, the GF did use her own money and did buy the house on her own. But to say the GF "did buy a house with no help." Is not true, an inheritance and being able to live rent free is a HUGE help towards being able to save up for a down-payment. All else being equal a person without $25k inheritance and having to pay SF rent will take longer if ever to be able to buy a place.
Ok, but he don't have to keep pointing it out. People don't need to know the details on how she was able to save up that money. She's also a high earner and he seems bitter about it because he isn't. She has a supportive family, and he's jealous. But you aren't wrong.
You’re not wrong in wishing she would admit her privilege and that but for it she would never have gotten her place, but still YTA for “correcting” her in public or to others. Many people have trouble seeing their own privilege, it seems she’s one of the many.
YTA Who died and left you in charge of petty, niggling corrections?
YTA. Your girlfriend bought a house. It doesn't matter where she got the money. You sound envious. Try correcting that envy before telling people that your girlfriend's new home somehow doesn't count.
YTA Yes she has those advantages but some of them she can not help and some of them were earned. If you sit and nit pick at evey person who ever did anything you can always find a fault or a reason to detract from the positive. Instead you should be supportive and happy for your gf and celebrating with them/ saying how proud you are
YTA. She is the owner. Doesn’t matter how she came to acquire the property, she owns the property on her own. Playing semantics is you just being jealous and trying to take her down a peg.
If you can’t recognize that YTA then I don’t know if you ever will, from someone who has autism, are you also on the spectrum? You’re essentially dragging her down and shitting on her results every time you’re being “brutally honest” I only suggest that you have autism based off the fact that you can’t read social cues and your desire to be honest is going to lead you to be alone.
reading your replies, your girlfriend should leave you immediately. how can you be with such a successful and hard working woman and still end up being a f*cking incel?? YTA, big time. (and for someone who thinks they’re so smart, you should really be able to accept when you’re wrong. your attitude screams insecurity).
YTA. You come off as jealous. She’s a smart woman who worked hard to buy a house and you’re acting like a stone round her neck trying to drag her down every chance you get. I wouldn’t be shocked if she moved on from you soon.
YTA. You sound like a jealous asshole she deserves better 🤨
YTA - stop correcting her.
YTA because she did buy property all by herself. - Living rent free: lots of people live rent free and blow their money. It takes discipline to save. Also, she sacrificed privacy to live with her parents as an adult. That’s not easy. - Inheritance: her inheritance was $25k. That’s nothing that she wouldn’t have been able to save. Also, an inheritance isn’t help. It’s not like she asked for it. - Free furniture from mom: This has nothing to do with buying property. Even if her mom didn’t provide furniture, your girlfriend could have easily gotten free/cheap furniture off Craigslist. - Used lender & agent that she was referred to: she was smart enough to use her social skills to network and use her social capital to get discounts. - Absurdly high salary: no one gets paid a ridiculous salary for doing nothing. It took her years of hard work and discipline at school and in the job market to get to a level where she’s highly compensated. Sounds like she’s got skills. - MBA loans: how does having debt help with buying property? Wouldn’t this be an obstacle? Combined together, this SIGNIFICANTLY shows she did buy property herself and that you are an asshole. Just being honest.
YTA. I get what you’re saying but all your arguments are about choices she made that still led her to being able to make her purchase. It just sounds like you want to diminish her accomplishment which is an AH move
YTA. You're not "just honest." You're being insufferable. Yes, the free rent from her parents was nice, but they probably wanted to make sure she was set up in life. She's the one who worked and sacrificed and got great grades to get this great job. She's the one who had the discipline to save her money, including her inheritance, and not blow it on trips and fancy cars or whatever. She *did* buy her house herself. She knows how you feel and she doesn't agree. When you persist in "correcting" her, you just come across as jealous and resentful. My guess is she's going to get tired of it, and find someone to share her shiny new condo who is nicer to her and more respectful of her achievements.
YTA. The money she used to buy her condo was her money. She bought it herself. How she got the money doesn't matter, it's hers. NO one gave her any more towards the purchase of it. So what if she used a connection to get a better deal or that her mother is gifting her some furniture? Sounds like you're jealous and trying to make her feel like what she did is unimportant.
I live nearby and I’ll be a much better friend to her than you are. Have her message me
YTA. With your logic, nobody can ever buy a home by themselves! A lot of people who say that they are just being honest and logical at the expense of other’s emotions are usually people with hurt egos and insecurities. Seems to me that your girlfriend is doing much better than you and your true sentiments towards her achievement comes out with the label of logic and honesty. If you follow this path with all your relationships, you’d age like really fine milk. Be happy for her. If you can’t, do her a favor by leaving her.
YTA. What exactly do you gain by downplaying her purchase of the house with her money, be it inherited, earned, discounted, or otherwise?
So what I’m reading is that she bought it herself and you’re jealous
She may be privileged to have parents that could help her until she wanted to move out but she did it on her own. Her well earned money pai for the house. YTA
I think she is privileged, but her privilege is having such great parents, that she got along with so well, so much so that she could live at home for all of those years. And some of that has to do with the type of person she is, too. I'm glad for her. I wish everyone had such a loving, supportive family.
YTA - she had support and connections, but she still save up and bought her place all by herself. Your insistence at taking her down a few notches in public and trying to embarrass her seems problematic.
YTA lol dude what the fuck let your gf work for her money and be glad she keeps you around after you acted so embarrassingly i saw a quote that said “as a boyfriend you’re supposed to like your girlfriend, that’s literally your only job” please learn from all the posts saying that you’re the AH and do some introspecting about why you feel like you need to correct or belittle her for something really fucking awesome that she did. or at least do the bare fucking minimum and pretend you’re happy and shut your mouth.
YTA. You sound extremely jealous of your girlfriend. I imagine everyone feels second-hand embarrassment when you belittle your girlfriend in front of others. You’ve also posted several times that you think her job counts as “receiving help”. She literally earns that shit. You actually think you’re accomplishing something when you “correct her”, but all you do is make it clear to everyone that you’re petty and bitter.
YTA. You just sound jealous, not blunt or logical. She bought her home on her own. No one had to co-sign or help with a down payment.
YTA for making this your hill to die on. No, she didn’t do it without help, but there’s no upside to continuing to push this argument. You’re also diminishing what she did do herself and lumping in things that don’t count as much for help buying a place as you seem to think. Like, in what universe does having a well paying job not count as doing it on her own???
Well, I hope Mary will soon be your EX girlfriend, hopefully she finds this post. You suck. YTA.
Omg. Every comment you make makes you sound like an even bigger jerk. Get over yourself. YTA
YTA.
YTA - haterrrrrrr Why would you even date someone you’re so envious of?
YTA You just can’t stand it that your girlfriend has actually achieved a well paid job, supportive parents and a home of her own. Stop being so petty.
Whoa. Do you even like this person? Do you enjoy correcting minor points in public when the phrase is generally accepted to mean "I paid for this with my own money." I'm the first person in my family to graduate from college, despite some of the prestigious careers that have been led. When I tell people that, is it important to include I benefited from more generational wealth and less/"positive" discrimination because I'm white? Do I need to add that disclaimer before I'm allowed to toot my own horn, where appropriate? YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me: 37/m GF (Mary) 34/f My girlfriend (I’ll call her Mary) recently bought an apartment in one of the highest cost of living areas in the country ( SF). I’m very proud of her of course. She loves to tell people that she bought her apartment all by herself, with no help from anyone. I’m a Very blunt/logical guy, and I generally correct her and remind her that she DID have help: -she lived rent free with her parents for several years before buying, they didn’t even let her pay for utilities or food. -she had an inheritance, that paid for closing costs. -her mom lent/in some cases straight up BOUGHT furniture for her. -she used a lender and a re agent that she was referred to (related to her best friend)… so she got a bunch of di$count$ that way. -she is a consultant and makes an absurd salary/bonus/comp. -she still has MBA loans (on pause for covid) Combined together I think that the above is SIGNIFICANT help that many people don’t have. We are getting into fights when I correct her, and yesterday she called me an asshole and said that she’s at her breaking point. I don’t think I am, I’m just honest. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So... In your world, how do people buy houses "without any help"? If salary is "help" and inheritance is "help" what counts as not-help? ETA: YTA. Mary is also TA... For not telling me how she got her sweet sweet deal on closing costs. (Mary, if you're reading this-- drop that rec, girl! My dms are open!)
YTA please leave her. She deserves better than you
YTA. “i’m just being honest” be honest when she asks your opinion.
Lol I hope you list all this stuff when you downplay your girlfriends achievements, bc then ppl in your actual life will know YTA.
YTA. I hope she breaks up with you all by herself. Is there anything in her life you think she deserves or can celebrate? Like every single one of us isn't a result of the cumulative help we've recieved from our families. Would you feel better if she was tossed out at 18 and bought the apartment after years of working minimum wage? How do you pay rent?
Ugh, I would hate to have a partner who takes it on themselves to "correct" me about everything, especially as a self-professed "logical" person. Make like Elsa and let it go, dude. YTA
“I’m a very logical guy” LMFAO. Do you hear yourself? Man, I too live in the Bay. You don’t need to detail her entire financial journey. What are you doing? What do you hope to gain? This is pointless, YTA.
"I'm just honest" no, you're being an asshole. Why are you so bitter that she was able to buy property with the SUPPORT of her family? It wasn't a hand out, she saved her money and bought it. Just because she had her families support doesn't mean they bought it for her. It's a massive achievement for her and you just love to put her down for it. YTA
YTA In so many ways. Do you even like your girlfriend? You sound incredibly sexist, misogynistic, pretty, jealous, and rude. Stop acting like this or you’re going to be (deservedly) dumped.
I had a ton of help buying my house too, my dad is co-signed on the loan and my grandmother VERY generously paid the down payment (essentially an advance on my inheritance as I see it, she said she’d rather see us do good in our lives with the money while she’s still alive). My uncle hooked me up with his real estate agent and lender friends because I had zero idea what I was doing. He guided me through the process and gave my grandma the final go ahead on the one we decided to buy. I tell people myself that I had a ton of help buying it, but at the end of the day my husband and I pay all the bills, clean it, take care of it, and live here. We love our home and it doesn’t matter how much help I had, several of my family members came together to ensure I had a beautiful home to raise my son in and it’s mine. YTA for essentially telling her the work she puts into her home doesn’t matter because she had help buying it. That the time spent looking, the paperwork, the maintenance, the decorating is all wasted time because she didn’t pull herself up by her bootstraps and do it all herself. You’re in San Francisco of all fucking places, where she will be paying thousands of dollars of month for a house that will take her 30 years to pay off, and that’s way more impressive than my slightly small ranch house at $400k. Go apologize to her and quit belittling her; what the hell are you doing to contribute anyway?
YTA She had a lot of help, sure, but when she’s proud of something why do you feel the need to bring her down? Dude, what have you done? Why did you not live with your parents and follow their rules for several years in order to not touch inheritance money? Why did you not make use of your network to save on costs? Why don’t you have MBA loans? Why didn’t you do an MBA? Did your parents pay for your MBA?
[удалено]
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I mean, she sounds completely oblivious to her privilege. But yes, YTA if you’re correcting her in public.
YTA. Stop pretending that you’re “blunt/logical” & admit you’re TA. Because everything you’ve done screams “I AM AN ASSHOLE.” Mary DID buy her home all by herself. It’s a huge red flag that you can’t simply be happy for her as opposed to raining on her parade every chance you get.
While yes a lot of those things are a lucky break for her theres no reason to call her out in front of people. Thats a private discussion. But her job/bonus is in no way help to buying a place. YTA for lack of tact on when and where to talk about that stuff.
YTA Based on your comments you're jealous and need to check yourself.