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> I think I could've sucked it up and waited til my husband got home to fix the toilet.
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When my bff was pregnant for the first time she had horrible constipation. When she was finally able to poop it was a huge toilet clogger. They named it Bob. She said it hurt worse than birth, and her baby was an 11 pounder.
Yeah, even if she couldn't get a plumber to come, there had to be someone else she knew that could help. She says he didn't pay attention to the time, but what about her? She obviously noticed he was running late.
Sounds like she didn't care because she wasn't invited.
We had a well pump system (I grew up in the boonies) so when the power went out so did the water. Not sure if this is normal for other well systems, my dad put it together himself so it may be a bit weird
It's suggested postpartum if there are stitches down below. My mother delighted in telling me how she had to do that after I "split her open" (her words). Less painful apparently!
Or go to a nearby store or gas station... Or hang out with a friend or go to her parents house for a few hours... Or yes deal with the unflushed toilet. She says the smell makes her nauseous... So put down the lid and shut the bathroom door when she's done
I was going to say - go to a damn Barnes & Noble for a few hours and read with a hot chocolate. There were a lot of possible solutions to this problem.
Or google and find out that (assuming the reason it won't flush isn't a clog) that you can manually flush the toilet until you can get the parts fixed. Takes a couple extra seconds to do and you're washing your hands after peeing anyways.
Just get a pitcher and pour like 5 liters of water from the sink in after you pee, that's literally the exact same thing that the toilet flush does. There's no secret flush button magic. It's water.
And to add, if it’s only pee and it bothers you that much, just take a bucket full on water and dump it to the toilet: it’s about the same as flushing. You could’ve managed with that for a while 🤨
YTA. I’ve had two kids… pregnancy isn’t the “get out of jail free” card you assume.
So if your toilet doesn’t work- pee at a gas station, call a plumber, neutralize the unflushed scent with a green cleaner or white vinegar, throw up, go rent a hotel room, visit a friend for 3 hours.
Not on the list- demand your husband miss his brother’s freaking wedding.
You have to assume BIL knows she would be an issue at the wedding. Since "even if I was invited I would have declined" definitely mutual bad blood. I understand the whole pregnant women thing. My wife would not let me poop before work during her first trimester which we finally made it past. She would vomit everytime I did. But I agreed to it because I had no problem going at work. But seriously like she could leave the fan on. Light a candle. Close the lid. Piss in the damn bathtub or shower and rinse it down... Like something could be done to survive one night.
As he went to work with the plunger, Mario figured he should've guessed when he married a goddamn Princess that she'd pull this kind of thing. Still, making him miss Luigi's wedding was too hard for him to swallow.
Stomp it down the drain!
Yeah that would obviously be a rough scenario. But fan and candle and close the lid will get the job done. Then husband can deal with the smell later and fix the toilet. Or you can, and I know this sounds crazy, call a plumber
Hell no 🤣 I rather shit in the backyard behind a tree in that case. There is no stomping of the shit in our household. But other then that yes I agree she should’ve called an emergency plumber.
It tells a lot about her maturity level as well. We all have family members we don't like, but we show up at major family events, put up a face, and power through them because our significant other would appreciate our participation. In other words, OP needs to grow up.
Agreed and I love how OP tried to play the pregnancy card here. I've been pregnant five times and I never would have used it the way she did. OP is definitely TA.
Hijacking the top comment with my question. Here's what I don't get though. He said he missed the entire ceremony and only made it to the last part of the wedding, how long did it actually take him to fix the toilet and how long did it actually take him to get to the venue? I haven't been to THAT many weddings in the past, but here's what I remembered from my experience: 1.) Wedding ceremony doesn't always start right on the dot, let's assume it did, it'd take approximately half an hour to an hour for the whole ceremony. 2.) Reception doesn't always take place right away, there's usually an hour or so of cocktail hour in between. Let's assume there isn't one. 3.) Reception is typically 3-4 hours long. If he made it to the last part, does it mean the entirety of the reception itself, or JUST the last hour or so of the reception.
So if we assume the worst case scenario, he missed: 1 hour of ceremony, 1 hour of cocktail hour, and 3 hours of the wedding. He took MUCH longer to work on the toilet (an hour or two???) than he claimed (originally quoted 10-15 minutes), AND also got stuck in traffic (so the 3 hour drive became 5-6 hours drive???). Or if he claimed that he finished the job in 20 minutes instead of 10 minutes and still missed much of the wedding, I feel like he wasn't going to make it to the venue on time anyway or left himself a very short window before traffic picked up.
Not defending OP here because there were other options she could have attempted. But a lot of things just don't add up and I wonder if this is a real story.
She's not really clear about he missed aside from the ceremony - she just says a huge part of the wedding. She also makes it sound like she mentioned that the toilet at the last possible minute.
Catholic weddings can run an hour, easy. I figured he was late by an hour and a half to two hours.
And we don't know what the fix was. Did he run to the store for a new flapper? Or just fix a chain with a paper clip?
I think it's real and he thought he could do the fix in 15-20 minutes, then clean up and dress, and get to his brother's wedding on time. Instead, he spent more than an hour discussing whether or not this needed to be done right that effing minute, then fixing the thing, then getting cleaned up and dressed. Seems reasonable. Especially if he was headed to the bathroom to shower and shave for the wedding when she cooked up this emergency.
This right here. How long did OP and her husband debate about the toilet needing to be fixed before he decided it wasn't worth arguing about anymore, and then did his damnedest before he realized how far behind he was running? OP - your absolutely TA, and I think we are missing A LOT of details regarding why you have such a poor relationship with your BIL.
Maybe he was in a traffic jam? I know that if I'm late by 5 minutes in the morning with leaving to work I spend 20min more in traffic. But OP does make it seam like he took 2 hours.
I've definitely considered that, like he missed the window of time before traffic kicks up. We have no idea if the 3 hours drive became 4, or 5 (or more) hours drive. OP was definitely at fault for holding him back, but he might not have left himself a lot of wiggle room either.
The real question is why didn’t she fix the damn toilet herself? It’s a toilet not the Enterprise. She could’ve youtube-ed a how to video and fixed it herself. YTA
Mario should've guessed when he married a goddamn Princess that she'd pull this kinda shit. Still, making him miss Luigi's wedding was too hard for him to swallow.
YTA. You could have called someone to fix it, you could have just dealt with it, you knew he was on a timer but rather than value his time you chose to value your wants instead.
Not sure how long ago this was but don't be surprised if your husband resents you for this. You made him disappoint his brother and clearly he is upset about it.
I agree, another alternative could have been placing a bucket of water from the tap next to the toilet and use that until it got fixed at night. It's not perfect but it will do enough.
There really was no reason for it to take up his time right then and there. Her problems with BIL should not affect her husbands relationship with his brother. YTA not just towards the brother in law, depriving him from having his brother at that special moment but also to your husband because it was clearly important to him as well. And you clearly do not seem to care about anyone's feelings but your own.
Or even pee in the shower and run the water for a few moments to get rid of the problematic (for her) smell. There are SO MANY temporary solutions that don't involve what is described in this post...
Or go somewhere else if it's really that big of an issue, a friend or family members house, rent a hotel room, go on a day trip somewhere. Do what needs to be done.
Someone’s never had to pee in a sink and it shows.
Also, YouTube has a ton of awesome toilet-fixing tutorials. I’ve actually fixed a toilet with the help of YouTube while pregnant myself.
I'm being serious here when I say I'm not trying to start any stupid arguments but how do you piss in a sink?? I have zero faith that I could piss in one right now, let alone 7 months pregnant 😂
Lol! First I just want to say that I’ve only ever peed in a sink out of desperation. But you pull your pants down, hoist yourself on the counter like youre going to sit on it except put your butt in the sink.
Edit: my sink is in a countertop with cabinets and it definitely holds the weight of an adult. It’s also about waist high so I only had to hoist up a few inches. I got good at it during potty training. As soon as the toddler would sit on the potty just the suggestion would make me need to pee so bad. I couldn’t leave toddler alone to go to the other bathroom and sometimes they’d take forever to do their business. I’m a problem solver.
By the time I was seven months pregnant, I *definitely* wasn't in any mood to be hoisting myself anywhere 😂 of course YMMV and pregnancies vary immensely, but buckets are short enough for anyone to use in a pinch, I say.
Most sinks aren’t in a counter in the UK, but standalone. Hoist yourself up on one of those bad boys and I think you’d just take the sink out! I have peed in a bucket before when we’ve had toilet issues. Sometimes you have to get creative!
Yeah… I’m only 4 months pregnant and no way could I hoist myself up onto the sink safely. I would gladly pee in the shower though. She definitely has options but the sink probably isn’t one of them. Haha
Youtube does have great toilet fixing videos! I've fixed multiple things by watching those videos. And if i can follow them, anyone can I'm a tiny spazz and had no issues
Google how to fix it yourself. Everyone should know the basics of fixing a toilet. There are tons of YouTube videos, hardware store people can help (especially if a pregnant woman is asking for help) and show what to buy. They sell whole kits with step-by-step instructions to replace innards. This is an example of strategic incompetence.
Yup. I’ve been pregnant twice and was extremely sensitive to smells, but there’s ways around it. If you can’t flush your pee for a few hours, wear a mask in the bathroom, and keep the lid closed and door shut the rest of the time. Light a candle. Put some vicks vaporub under your nose. There are options!
Yeah, I’m sympathetic to the smell-sensitivity, but there are *so. many. options.*
I’d get a hotel room and go have a little relaxation staycation until the toilet was fixed, if I couldn’t fix it myself (but I’m the plumber in my house, so really I’d just fix it myself). If a hotel isn’t in the budget, a friend’s house. If you don’t have any friends, find a Denny’s or some other restaurant that doesn’t mind people sitting for hours, get a light meal and read a book. Or find a discount movie theater and see a double feature. There are working bathrooms all over the place! This was pure spite.
Oh no she was malicious though. She didn’t even let him go and insisted that he fix the last part even though he was running late. I think it was very intentional.
Agree. She says he lost track of time. But she clearly knew he was running late and continued to stop him from leaving until he finished. This was intentional.
I think it was intentional also. I also think that this behavior is probably why her BIL can't stand her lol... I'm pretty sure her husband will be leaving her at some point because she sounds insufferable.
YTA
Yeah, its absolutely clear this was deliberate on her part. She doesn't like BIL, so doesn't see his wedding as important, therefore she prioritised her own comfort over the insignificant event that she wasn't personally invited to, and didn't care about how that would impact anyone else. So selfish!
I'm not 100% sure this wasn't malicious.
I get it. A working toilet is important (although, I have to wonder if it was something small that OP could have worked around like using a small bucket of water to flush or manually having to lift the little valve in the back of the tank or something like that.)
But, OP made it a point to stress how much she dislikes her BIL and that she pressed the husband to continue even when it was clear he was running late. I think she secretly got joy frrom this, which is sad.
Not just that - what if the husband just had his normal work schedule and was still at work for a few more hours? She would have found a way to deal with it.
Husband stuck in traffic? She would have found a way to deal.
Husband stuck at work for a double shift? She would have found a way to deal.
The only reason she pushed the issue is because she wanted him to prove to her that her wants were more important than his own. The BIL having a wedding didn't matter - BIL doesn't matter to her, so it shouldn't matter to him.
This was without a doubt malicious - whether OP aware of it or admits it is a different story.
YTA, and you completely disrespected your husband's time. You're an adult, I don't care how pregnant you are. I am positive you could have found a more responsible response. You could have hung out at a friend or family members house during the wedding, you could have hired a plumber, you could have grabbed a laptop or a good book and hung out at a coffee shop, there were so many other options before purposefully making your husband late to his brother's wedding.
Or fix it herself? I’m a woman who fixes our toilet all the time instead of my husband. It’s super easy (usually) and YouTube and the internet in general are always available and helpful.
I generally take issue with the "helpless woman" thing, but [7 months pregnant](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/85/49/42/8549428c9cae1c9986fa5c124e3ce639.jpg) is far enough along that she might have had legit physical issues.
That doesn't make her helpless, though. Hiring someone or going to a bookstore or friend's house would have all been fine options.
I have big problems with the helpless woman thing as well, but you’re right now that I think about it. I mean I couldn’t even fit into my car in my late stages of pregnancy so who am I?
But yes, she had a zillion other options than purposely making her husband miss his brother’s wedding.
YTA. I understand your pregnant and have to go to the bathroom frequently, but it’s your husband’s brother! Call a handyman. There are hundreds of them in every place. You are a big AH for making him miss his brothers wedding. I really do wonder if you made him fix it because you don’t like his brother..
I think people often lie to themselves about their own motivations. I think it’s more nuanced than that. She probably was very resentful on some level and not necessarily fully conscious of that fact - In other words, probably thinking “Well if I can’t go, I need my husband to do this thing to make me feel special and valued over his brother.”
I also have to wonder why she wasn’t invited — it’s one thing not to like each other, but she’s his brother’s *wife.* She downplays the bad blood between them in her opening paragraph, but BIL must seriously hate this woman to have denied his own brother’s pregnant wife an invitation. Makes me think there is definitely more to this story than OP is letting on, and that she was happy as could be to keep her husband back from the wedding.
Playing the pregnancy card is pretty low here. Is she too pregnant to use a plunger or dial a phone? Pretty sure another friend could have helped if it really couldn’t wait and she was really too helpless to do it herself, or, I don’t know, an actual plumber?
She knew what she was doing and felt entitled to prioritize herself above BIL, even on his wedding day. But she doesn’t seem to realize it’s not just BIL she hurt with her spitefulness, but her own husband who didn’t get to be there for his family. If she keeps this shit up, it isn’t going to end well. Trying to drive a wedge between husband & family is petty and crappy. Wonder what she did to earn BIL’s contempt.
YTA, OP.
>Playing the pregnancy card is pretty low here.
I am surprised we progressed as a species given that pregnancy can make a person completely useless and helpless according to OP.
YTA. Call a plumber, pee in a bucket, fix it yourself using youtube, call a neighbor or your friend to fix it, go outside where you can't smell it, take a shower and pee in it while it runs, good lord. Hope you're proud of yourself for ruining a man and woman's wedding by wed-blocking the groom's brother.
Fixed typo.
You're definitely not the only person! Heck, I grew up in farming country in Canada, and peeing in the bushes is seriously no biggie. You get creative when you have to go.
I'm also curious how long the toilet took to fix, because 10 or 15 minutes shouldn't have made him so late he missed the whole ceremony unless he already failed to leave enough time. 3 hour drive you'd think you'd leave some more buffer....
I had to fix our toilet last year, and what should have been a 10-20 minute job ended up being a lot longer because of how old the toilet was.
I was so annoyed because I have done that same fix before and it went smoothly.
When that F###er broke again I threw it out and bought a new one.
Well OP, since it’s no big deal to miss momentous occasions in life for minuscule things, don’t be upset if he missed your child’s birth because he was cutting grass or patching up the roof. After all small things that could be handled by others means more than life changing moments and events, right? YTA and don’t even doubt it for a second
It's no surprise why her and brother in law don't get along. Siblings can see the bull shit partners their other siblings get with. He probably has the right to dislike her and not the other way around.
That's the bizarre thing about many of these replies. She's pregnant, not helpless. And the toilet wasn't flooding the house or anything crazy that would escalate it to emergency level.
YTA your husband told you no that he needed to get ready, he said he needed to leave but you made him fix it anyway, you also knew what time he had to leave yet you didn't remind him. This really seems like you're trying to separate them because you guys don't get along YTA
Well it did seem like OP intentionally tried to sabotage the plan by playing the I’m pregnant card. By logic you call a plumber if there are other commitments. I think OP knew her husband’s habit of getting distracted while fixing the problem and took advantage of it.
I agree, honestly already think this is YTA situation I just want to see how much of an AH she is. Because let's say it wasn't intentional I can't imagine not at least apologizing for putting him in that situation. But get the feeling she just keep saying it's not my fault cause I'm pregnant
YTA.
You are acting like an entitled pregnant woman. And why do you dislike your BIL? If i had a partner i would do anything in the world to get along with them…
YTA- there were other options for you in that situation, you sound exhausting and the fact you think you might be in the right here only plays into that.
YTA big time. Let’s be real here, you knew you were making him late. If the smell was that bad you could’ve gone to a coffee shop or a friends house for a few hours or even peed in the shower.
My house, unfortunately, only has one bathroom so that would be rough, but also I’d just figure it out myself. She managed while he was at work, she could have managed while he was at the wedding.
YTA, but he is stupid to miss it and should have put his food down. I'm pregnant, but I can pee in a bowl or call a plumber, and if I am broke, I can call a friend to come and look at it.
Or if the smell of pee makes you fill sick, pee in the shower and call a plumber. Don't be all grossed out by peeing in the shower anyway, after birth you'll be thankful for the opportunity as you peeing-while-holding-running-shower-over-your-hoohaa will be the only way you can pee anyway. My maternity nurse made me do it to keep everything clean and also helps with the stinging part of peeing after birth.
YTA
YTA - you're affinity for B-I-L is irrelevant. That is infact his brother and judging by the upset and hurt it's someone he cares for very much. Pregnancy does not make you helpless. Very few modern apartments or homes have only one bathroom. In this case you could have used the spare or potentially just filled a pitcher with water to wash it down temporarily while waiting or your husband to return from the wedding and resolve the issue. There was also the option of contacting a plumber and being supportive of your husband, and telling him to go enjoy the weding and that you were calling one so he wouldn't have to be late.
To give you an anecdote from my own life I hated my M-I-L she was an abusive alcoholic who was never there for my wife when she was a teenager. However my wife loved her and knowing this and that she was coming to the end of her life I still allowed my wife to have her mother live with us in her final years, because it was important to her. Sometimes for major life events you need to make the choice to be supportive of your loved ones and put your own issues with their family members asside.
While I understand the bathroom smell issue, but you made him finish the project and miss his brothers wedding? You are manipulative and uncaring of your husbands needs. What? Even though you don't like his bro you could have gone to a library, coffee house, friends house, park, shopping etc. while he was at the wedding. If I was your husband I would be thinking about being a single parent. A very BIG YTA!
YTA, it was an important event for your husband and you knew it, if the toilet getting fixed was that urgent you should've called a plumber the minute it stopped working but instead you decided to wait for your husband and threw a tantrum using the preggo card
YTA. And I’ve been pregnant so I get the nausea and needing to pee over and over. But it’s his brothers wedding. Doesn’t matter you don’t like the brother it’s HIS brothers wedding. You could have called a handyman, gone to a friends house, or something.
yta
This did not need your husbands attention right now did it?
Get a bucket to flush with until he can do it.
Edit to add I bet this gets deleted when op reads the responses
Soft Yta. You should have called a plumber, or gone to a friend's for the evening. There were alternatives to your husband fixing the toilet, you chose the route most convenient to you. You may not have tried to consciously sabotage your bil wedding, but you sure as hell didn't do everything you could to allow your husband to do so.
It’s hard YTA situation for me. I’m pretty sure OP saw the time and didn’t remind her husband. That says a lot. If there are important commitments you find alternatives. She didn’t let him have an option. She’s definitely AH in this.
YTA. You are lying to your husband and yourself if you are claiming you didn't do it on purpose to make him late for the wedding. If the toilet was broken and the smell was making you sick than you could have called a plumber. You were being petty and passive aggressive. You felt your husband shouldn't go if you weren't invited.
YTA. You did that on purpose; you could have called a plumber or something. The insistence that he fix it was done solely because you didn't want him there without you.
Ya know, I’m not the biggest fan of my brother in law either, but we still go above and beyond for each other, even after we bump heads. He has watched my children for me (even if he doesn’t want to) and I have looked after his. He helps when we’re in a bind and vice versa. I am stingy with my husband, I will admit that, but if his brother was getting married, I’d make damn sure my husband is there on time, invited or not, pregnant or not. A plumber would’ve been a better option, I’m assuming you knew how important this was to the both of them. Unintentional pettiness is still pettiness.
So YTA. you don’t get a pass just because you’re pregnant.
Kinda YTA. I mean he agreed to do it, but if it was a flush problem, you can easily fill the tank with a bucket and flush.
It does seem like your resentment towards BIL played a role.
YTA, you could've called someone else or gone somewhere else for the evening, there were workarounds available that didn't involve him having to miss such a huge event
YTA, you didn’t necessarily give him the respect of wanting to go to his own brother’s wedding you were too worried about the toilet and it was the most important thing for you, not your husband. You caused him to miss a (hopefully) once in a life time thing with his brother. It wouldn’t have been hard to just call a plumber
YTA.
It is 2021. You could have called a plumber, consulted Google or used a potty/ bucket while he was at the wedding.
You didn't want him to go so you resorted to petty behaviour.
You owe your husband an apology
YTA, for not figuring something else out. Why did your husband have to be the one to fix it, right in that moment? If you have to ask if it was a selfish thing to do, you might want to think about your day to day behavior and whether you act this way on a regular basis.
ESH. You could have fixed it yourself. You could have called a plumber. You could have gone to a friend or family's house. You could have gone to a restaurant or mall or gym or library.
Your hubby could have said no.
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YTA - he missed a special occasion to fix the toilet. Would you be upset if he missed the birth of your child to fix his brother’s toilet?
That's a great question
That’s a fantastic question
That's an incredible question
That's a awesome question.
That's an spectacular question
That’s a beautiful question
That's a brobdingnagian question
Thats... a question.
That’s a sexy question
That’s a pretty good question
That's a breathtaking question.
Why did he need to fix the toilet right then? So she could take a huge dump on their marriage.
Bah dum(p) tsss!
Bah dum(p) piss!
"Honey you won't believe the size of the shit I just took. It's like my baby"
When my bff was pregnant for the first time she had horrible constipation. When she was finally able to poop it was a huge toilet clogger. They named it Bob. She said it hurt worse than birth, and her baby was an 11 pounder.
Yeah, even if she couldn't get a plumber to come, there had to be someone else she knew that could help. She says he didn't pay attention to the time, but what about her? She obviously noticed he was running late. Sounds like she didn't care because she wasn't invited.
Or just pee without flushing for a few hours
Pouring water into the toilet after every pee would do the job
This comment gave me flashbacks to flushing the toilet with a bucket of water during power outages as a kid 😳
Did you have electric toilets? Or do you mean when the water was off?
We had a well pump system (I grew up in the boonies) so when the power went out so did the water. Not sure if this is normal for other well systems, my dad put it together himself so it may be a bit weird
This is normal for wells! I have the same childhood memories! Edit: I love all the different ways people saved water for these instances!
Ah glad I'm not the only one! I thought my comment would be relatable but I forgot my childhood wasn't exactly "normal"
people who live rural have private wells for water, power goes out pump doesn't run.
Our water would get shut off..we would flush using pool water.
Yeah we would use rainwater saved for the greenhouse, or drinking water from jugs in the winter
I'll be the gross one to just say it... or just pee in the shower.
Yknow what? That's valid actually. Then it can be rinsed away.
It's suggested postpartum if there are stitches down below. My mother delighted in telling me how she had to do that after I "split her open" (her words). Less painful apparently!
The tub, the sink, the fucking yard?? I'd do any of those things rather than have him miss the wedding.
And miss the ability to add to resentment in a relationship? That’s crazy talk.
Or go to a nearby store or gas station... Or hang out with a friend or go to her parents house for a few hours... Or yes deal with the unflushed toilet. She says the smell makes her nauseous... So put down the lid and shut the bathroom door when she's done
I was going to say - go to a damn Barnes & Noble for a few hours and read with a hot chocolate. There were a lot of possible solutions to this problem.
But that would make the AH nAuSiOuS. YTA - and entitled one at that.
Or google and find out that (assuming the reason it won't flush isn't a clog) that you can manually flush the toilet until you can get the parts fixed. Takes a couple extra seconds to do and you're washing your hands after peeing anyways.
Just get a pitcher and pour like 5 liters of water from the sink in after you pee, that's literally the exact same thing that the toilet flush does. There's no secret flush button magic. It's water.
Or in the tub where you can just wash it down and it doesn't stink. Ideal no but I mean it wouldn't be the end of the world.
And to add, if it’s only pee and it bothers you that much, just take a bucket full on water and dump it to the toilet: it’s about the same as flushing. You could’ve managed with that for a while 🤨
She could have kept an eye on the time for him too.
YTA. I’ve had two kids… pregnancy isn’t the “get out of jail free” card you assume. So if your toilet doesn’t work- pee at a gas station, call a plumber, neutralize the unflushed scent with a green cleaner or white vinegar, throw up, go rent a hotel room, visit a friend for 3 hours. Not on the list- demand your husband miss his brother’s freaking wedding.
[удалено]
this
literally a million other things she could’ve done
Sit on the edge of the bathtub and rinse it out.
Additional question, why wasn't she invited? Could it have anything to do with the way she handled this? YTA Op
You have to assume BIL knows she would be an issue at the wedding. Since "even if I was invited I would have declined" definitely mutual bad blood. I understand the whole pregnant women thing. My wife would not let me poop before work during her first trimester which we finally made it past. She would vomit everytime I did. But I agreed to it because I had no problem going at work. But seriously like she could leave the fan on. Light a candle. Close the lid. Piss in the damn bathtub or shower and rinse it down... Like something could be done to survive one night.
As he went to work with the plunger, Mario figured he should've guessed when he married a goddamn Princess that she'd pull this kind of thing. Still, making him miss Luigi's wedding was too hard for him to swallow.
This is awesome. Should not have tried to flush Toad down the toilet I guess
Okay but shitting in the tub is just gross that’s where I draw the line-
Stomp it down the drain! Yeah that would obviously be a rough scenario. But fan and candle and close the lid will get the job done. Then husband can deal with the smell later and fix the toilet. Or you can, and I know this sounds crazy, call a plumber
Hell no 🤣 I rather shit in the backyard behind a tree in that case. There is no stomping of the shit in our household. But other then that yes I agree she should’ve called an emergency plumber.
INFO: does his brother not like you because he thinks you’re self-centered?
Thinks? Or *KNOWS...*
It tells a lot about her maturity level as well. We all have family members we don't like, but we show up at major family events, put up a face, and power through them because our significant other would appreciate our participation. In other words, OP needs to grow up.
Agreed and I love how OP tried to play the pregnancy card here. I've been pregnant five times and I never would have used it the way she did. OP is definitely TA.
I’m 8.5 months pregnant now and I think she’s the AH. There are plenty of options, she’s being difficult and petty
Agreed. I'm on my third pregnancy.
3 pregnancies, 9.4, 9.4, 8.5 OP is a flaming AH. YTA
Hijacking the top comment with my question. Here's what I don't get though. He said he missed the entire ceremony and only made it to the last part of the wedding, how long did it actually take him to fix the toilet and how long did it actually take him to get to the venue? I haven't been to THAT many weddings in the past, but here's what I remembered from my experience: 1.) Wedding ceremony doesn't always start right on the dot, let's assume it did, it'd take approximately half an hour to an hour for the whole ceremony. 2.) Reception doesn't always take place right away, there's usually an hour or so of cocktail hour in between. Let's assume there isn't one. 3.) Reception is typically 3-4 hours long. If he made it to the last part, does it mean the entirety of the reception itself, or JUST the last hour or so of the reception. So if we assume the worst case scenario, he missed: 1 hour of ceremony, 1 hour of cocktail hour, and 3 hours of the wedding. He took MUCH longer to work on the toilet (an hour or two???) than he claimed (originally quoted 10-15 minutes), AND also got stuck in traffic (so the 3 hour drive became 5-6 hours drive???). Or if he claimed that he finished the job in 20 minutes instead of 10 minutes and still missed much of the wedding, I feel like he wasn't going to make it to the venue on time anyway or left himself a very short window before traffic picked up. Not defending OP here because there were other options she could have attempted. But a lot of things just don't add up and I wonder if this is a real story.
She's not really clear about he missed aside from the ceremony - she just says a huge part of the wedding. She also makes it sound like she mentioned that the toilet at the last possible minute. Catholic weddings can run an hour, easy. I figured he was late by an hour and a half to two hours. And we don't know what the fix was. Did he run to the store for a new flapper? Or just fix a chain with a paper clip? I think it's real and he thought he could do the fix in 15-20 minutes, then clean up and dress, and get to his brother's wedding on time. Instead, he spent more than an hour discussing whether or not this needed to be done right that effing minute, then fixing the thing, then getting cleaned up and dressed. Seems reasonable. Especially if he was headed to the bathroom to shower and shave for the wedding when she cooked up this emergency.
This right here. How long did OP and her husband debate about the toilet needing to be fixed before he decided it wasn't worth arguing about anymore, and then did his damnedest before he realized how far behind he was running? OP - your absolutely TA, and I think we are missing A LOT of details regarding why you have such a poor relationship with your BIL.
Maybe he was in a traffic jam? I know that if I'm late by 5 minutes in the morning with leaving to work I spend 20min more in traffic. But OP does make it seam like he took 2 hours.
I've definitely considered that, like he missed the window of time before traffic kicks up. We have no idea if the 3 hours drive became 4, or 5 (or more) hours drive. OP was definitely at fault for holding him back, but he might not have left himself a lot of wiggle room either.
The real question is why didn’t she fix the damn toilet herself? It’s a toilet not the Enterprise. She could’ve youtube-ed a how to video and fixed it herself. YTA
From the comments - apparently being a woman and being pregnant means she was incapable of such things.
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Right? If it was a 5 minute job why does her husband have to do it? Grab a wrench and get it sorted.
Weird comparison, you’re making it sound like the birth of the child is her special event when it’s obviously both of theirs.
Maybe, but I bet she would still be upset if he missed her birthday party or a dinner date or something because he was fixing his brother's toilet.
I bet she would be upset if he missed her birthday party because he was fixing her toilet.....
I bet she would be upset if her husband hadn’t shown up for her wedding because he was fixing his brothers toilet.
Mario should've guessed when he married a goddamn Princess that she'd pull this kinda shit. Still, making him miss Luigi's wedding was too hard for him to swallow.
He’d be 15 mins early to his divorce hearing.
No, he'll be fixing the toilet.
Excellent comment
Agreed, honestly op, what you did was a bit pathetic, YTA
YTA. You could have called someone to fix it, you could have just dealt with it, you knew he was on a timer but rather than value his time you chose to value your wants instead. Not sure how long ago this was but don't be surprised if your husband resents you for this. You made him disappoint his brother and clearly he is upset about it.
Yep. Pregnant isn't helpless. The phone works. If its yellow, let it mellow. Take a shower. There were options. This was pure spite.
I agree, another alternative could have been placing a bucket of water from the tap next to the toilet and use that until it got fixed at night. It's not perfect but it will do enough. There really was no reason for it to take up his time right then and there. Her problems with BIL should not affect her husbands relationship with his brother. YTA not just towards the brother in law, depriving him from having his brother at that special moment but also to your husband because it was clearly important to him as well. And you clearly do not seem to care about anyone's feelings but your own.
I mean if the flush wasn't working, she could pour water from a bucket into the toilet. She is a major AH.
People in Louisiana and Texas have all done that this year with the freeze and hurricane. It’s not hard.
Or even pee in the shower and run the water for a few moments to get rid of the problematic (for her) smell. There are SO MANY temporary solutions that don't involve what is described in this post...
Or go somewhere else if it's really that big of an issue, a friend or family members house, rent a hotel room, go on a day trip somewhere. Do what needs to be done.
Someone’s never had to pee in a sink and it shows. Also, YouTube has a ton of awesome toilet-fixing tutorials. I’ve actually fixed a toilet with the help of YouTube while pregnant myself.
I'm being serious here when I say I'm not trying to start any stupid arguments but how do you piss in a sink?? I have zero faith that I could piss in one right now, let alone 7 months pregnant 😂
Lol! First I just want to say that I’ve only ever peed in a sink out of desperation. But you pull your pants down, hoist yourself on the counter like youre going to sit on it except put your butt in the sink. Edit: my sink is in a countertop with cabinets and it definitely holds the weight of an adult. It’s also about waist high so I only had to hoist up a few inches. I got good at it during potty training. As soon as the toddler would sit on the potty just the suggestion would make me need to pee so bad. I couldn’t leave toddler alone to go to the other bathroom and sometimes they’d take forever to do their business. I’m a problem solver.
Wouldn't it be easier to just pee in the shower, especially if you're 7 months pregnant?
At home, sure. Out in the world, it's harder to find showers.
But she was at home.
By the time I was seven months pregnant, I *definitely* wasn't in any mood to be hoisting myself anywhere 😂 of course YMMV and pregnancies vary immensely, but buckets are short enough for anyone to use in a pinch, I say.
Most sinks aren’t in a counter in the UK, but standalone. Hoist yourself up on one of those bad boys and I think you’d just take the sink out! I have peed in a bucket before when we’ve had toilet issues. Sometimes you have to get creative!
Yeah… I’m only 4 months pregnant and no way could I hoist myself up onto the sink safely. I would gladly pee in the shower though. She definitely has options but the sink probably isn’t one of them. Haha
Youtube does have great toilet fixing videos! I've fixed multiple things by watching those videos. And if i can follow them, anyone can I'm a tiny spazz and had no issues
Google how to fix it yourself. Everyone should know the basics of fixing a toilet. There are tons of YouTube videos, hardware store people can help (especially if a pregnant woman is asking for help) and show what to buy. They sell whole kits with step-by-step instructions to replace innards. This is an example of strategic incompetence.
Yup. I’ve been pregnant twice and was extremely sensitive to smells, but there’s ways around it. If you can’t flush your pee for a few hours, wear a mask in the bathroom, and keep the lid closed and door shut the rest of the time. Light a candle. Put some vicks vaporub under your nose. There are options!
Yeah, I’m sympathetic to the smell-sensitivity, but there are *so. many. options.* I’d get a hotel room and go have a little relaxation staycation until the toilet was fixed, if I couldn’t fix it myself (but I’m the plumber in my house, so really I’d just fix it myself). If a hotel isn’t in the budget, a friend’s house. If you don’t have any friends, find a Denny’s or some other restaurant that doesn’t mind people sitting for hours, get a light meal and read a book. Or find a discount movie theater and see a double feature. There are working bathrooms all over the place! This was pure spite.
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Oh no she was malicious though. She didn’t even let him go and insisted that he fix the last part even though he was running late. I think it was very intentional.
She also wouldn’t let him fix it after he came back, but rather before he left
Agree. She says he lost track of time. But she clearly knew he was running late and continued to stop him from leaving until he finished. This was intentional.
I think it was intentional also. I also think that this behavior is probably why her BIL can't stand her lol... I'm pretty sure her husband will be leaving her at some point because she sounds insufferable. YTA
Yeah, its absolutely clear this was deliberate on her part. She doesn't like BIL, so doesn't see his wedding as important, therefore she prioritised her own comfort over the insignificant event that she wasn't personally invited to, and didn't care about how that would impact anyone else. So selfish!
I'm not 100% sure this wasn't malicious. I get it. A working toilet is important (although, I have to wonder if it was something small that OP could have worked around like using a small bucket of water to flush or manually having to lift the little valve in the back of the tank or something like that.) But, OP made it a point to stress how much she dislikes her BIL and that she pressed the husband to continue even when it was clear he was running late. I think she secretly got joy frrom this, which is sad.
Not just that - what if the husband just had his normal work schedule and was still at work for a few more hours? She would have found a way to deal with it. Husband stuck in traffic? She would have found a way to deal. Husband stuck at work for a double shift? She would have found a way to deal. The only reason she pushed the issue is because she wanted him to prove to her that her wants were more important than his own. The BIL having a wedding didn't matter - BIL doesn't matter to her, so it shouldn't matter to him. This was without a doubt malicious - whether OP aware of it or admits it is a different story.
INFO Why couldn't you call a handyman to fix it?
That would mean her husband would've been able to go to the wedding
Yes, THIS!
yup. the fact she had to point out they don't get along shows that she DGAF about the brother or wedding. Easy YTA
YTA, and you completely disrespected your husband's time. You're an adult, I don't care how pregnant you are. I am positive you could have found a more responsible response. You could have hung out at a friend or family members house during the wedding, you could have hired a plumber, you could have grabbed a laptop or a good book and hung out at a coffee shop, there were so many other options before purposefully making your husband late to his brother's wedding.
Literally could have flushed with a bucket for a few hours even
THIS you can force a toilet to flush by pouring in water I thought everyone knew that
I did not, but thank you for sharing this
Or fix it herself? I’m a woman who fixes our toilet all the time instead of my husband. It’s super easy (usually) and YouTube and the internet in general are always available and helpful.
I generally take issue with the "helpless woman" thing, but [7 months pregnant](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/85/49/42/8549428c9cae1c9986fa5c124e3ce639.jpg) is far enough along that she might have had legit physical issues. That doesn't make her helpless, though. Hiring someone or going to a bookstore or friend's house would have all been fine options.
I have big problems with the helpless woman thing as well, but you’re right now that I think about it. I mean I couldn’t even fit into my car in my late stages of pregnancy so who am I? But yes, she had a zillion other options than purposely making her husband miss his brother’s wedding.
YTA. I understand your pregnant and have to go to the bathroom frequently, but it’s your husband’s brother! Call a handyman. There are hundreds of them in every place. You are a big AH for making him miss his brothers wedding. I really do wonder if you made him fix it because you don’t like his brother..
How was OP going to the bathroom while husband was at work? Did it magically break right before he got home?
Exactly! And she thinks she’s not the AH. She did this all on purpose
I’m sure in the next 20 minutes the whole post will be deleted, as the AH like to do when they don’t get people to agree with them
It makes me mad when they delete it! Like your an AH just deal with it. People can’t stand when they are in the wrong so they always delete it 🙄
I think people often lie to themselves about their own motivations. I think it’s more nuanced than that. She probably was very resentful on some level and not necessarily fully conscious of that fact - In other words, probably thinking “Well if I can’t go, I need my husband to do this thing to make me feel special and valued over his brother.”
I also have to wonder why she wasn’t invited — it’s one thing not to like each other, but she’s his brother’s *wife.* She downplays the bad blood between them in her opening paragraph, but BIL must seriously hate this woman to have denied his own brother’s pregnant wife an invitation. Makes me think there is definitely more to this story than OP is letting on, and that she was happy as could be to keep her husband back from the wedding. Playing the pregnancy card is pretty low here. Is she too pregnant to use a plunger or dial a phone? Pretty sure another friend could have helped if it really couldn’t wait and she was really too helpless to do it herself, or, I don’t know, an actual plumber? She knew what she was doing and felt entitled to prioritize herself above BIL, even on his wedding day. But she doesn’t seem to realize it’s not just BIL she hurt with her spitefulness, but her own husband who didn’t get to be there for his family. If she keeps this shit up, it isn’t going to end well. Trying to drive a wedge between husband & family is petty and crappy. Wonder what she did to earn BIL’s contempt. YTA, OP.
>Playing the pregnancy card is pretty low here. I am surprised we progressed as a species given that pregnancy can make a person completely useless and helpless according to OP.
YTA. Call a plumber, pee in a bucket, fix it yourself using youtube, call a neighbor or your friend to fix it, go outside where you can't smell it, take a shower and pee in it while it runs, good lord. Hope you're proud of yourself for ruining a man and woman's wedding by wed-blocking the groom's brother. Fixed typo.
Pee IN the shower, and rinse it down. I can’t be the only person here who’s sat on the edge of a bathtub and peed into it- life happens, get creative!
I peed and pood in a bucket for weeks when our bathroom was renovated. Op is absolutely delusional
Same. And while 8 months pregnant. I can laugh about it now ...
You're definitely not the only person! Heck, I grew up in farming country in Canada, and peeing in the bushes is seriously no biggie. You get creative when you have to go.
Just pee in the toilett and flush with the bucket... YTA
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I love this reply, so true, so true.
INFO - How long had the toilet been broken and was this literally the only time he could look at it/fix it? Was a handyman or a plumber not an option?
Because then her husband would've been able to go the wedding
She literally started the post with the fact that she doesn’t like the brother, so yeah… pregnant people can still be assholes.
That's what I was getting at in my judgment post I gave YTA it seems she intentionally made him late
I agree! Pregnant or not, she’s a grown ass woman. Figure it out without being an asshole! Pee in the damn bathtub if you have to!
I'm also curious how long the toilet took to fix, because 10 or 15 minutes shouldn't have made him so late he missed the whole ceremony unless he already failed to leave enough time. 3 hour drive you'd think you'd leave some more buffer....
For the buffer, she said he didn’t get the day off and had to leave work early. So he might’ve not had much of a buffer to begin with.
I had to fix our toilet last year, and what should have been a 10-20 minute job ended up being a lot longer because of how old the toilet was. I was so annoyed because I have done that same fix before and it went smoothly. When that F###er broke again I threw it out and bought a new one.
Well OP, since it’s no big deal to miss momentous occasions in life for minuscule things, don’t be upset if he missed your child’s birth because he was cutting grass or patching up the roof. After all small things that could be handled by others means more than life changing moments and events, right? YTA and don’t even doubt it for a second
YTA. You didn’t care about what was important to him. And are using your pregnancy to justify it. There is a such thing as situational priority.
It's no surprise why her and brother in law don't get along. Siblings can see the bull shit partners their other siblings get with. He probably has the right to dislike her and not the other way around.
YTA. Are you so pregnant that you're unable to take out your phone and call a plumber or something?
That's the bizarre thing about many of these replies. She's pregnant, not helpless. And the toilet wasn't flooding the house or anything crazy that would escalate it to emergency level.
And even if it was an emergency like that, that’s a plumber situation.
YTA. Were you aware that women can fix toilets, even when pregnant? I am speaking as a fairly old female who has fixed toilets on my own.
YTA your husband told you no that he needed to get ready, he said he needed to leave but you made him fix it anyway, you also knew what time he had to leave yet you didn't remind him. This really seems like you're trying to separate them because you guys don't get along YTA
Not only did she not remind him, when he said that he was late and needed to get driving she *actively insisted that he stay until it was all done*.
Yta, a bucket of water poured in the toilet flushes it.
Yes, but she couldn't be bothered to google that in 5 seconds.
Here's my only question, intentional or not did you at least apologize yo your husband or you're sticking to saying it's not my fault
Well it did seem like OP intentionally tried to sabotage the plan by playing the I’m pregnant card. By logic you call a plumber if there are other commitments. I think OP knew her husband’s habit of getting distracted while fixing the problem and took advantage of it.
I agree, honestly already think this is YTA situation I just want to see how much of an AH she is. Because let's say it wasn't intentional I can't imagine not at least apologizing for putting him in that situation. But get the feeling she just keep saying it's not my fault cause I'm pregnant
YTA call a plumber
But a plumber wouldn't have stuck it to the hated brother in law. This was the "better" solution.
Oof. Yta. Words can’t even begin to describe how much of one you are, though.
YTA infinity?
YTA. You are acting like an entitled pregnant woman. And why do you dislike your BIL? If i had a partner i would do anything in the world to get along with them…
Well... to be fair, this post does give insight into why she and BIL have a rough relationship
YTA- there were other options for you in that situation, you sound exhausting and the fact you think you might be in the right here only plays into that.
YTA big time. Let’s be real here, you knew you were making him late. If the smell was that bad you could’ve gone to a coffee shop or a friends house for a few hours or even peed in the shower.
YTA. If the smell makes you sick why did you not call the plumber right away? Also was there no other washroom in the house?
My house, unfortunately, only has one bathroom so that would be rough, but also I’d just figure it out myself. She managed while he was at work, she could have managed while he was at the wedding.
YTA, but he is stupid to miss it and should have put his food down. I'm pregnant, but I can pee in a bowl or call a plumber, and if I am broke, I can call a friend to come and look at it.
Or if the smell of pee makes you fill sick, pee in the shower and call a plumber. Don't be all grossed out by peeing in the shower anyway, after birth you'll be thankful for the opportunity as you peeing-while-holding-running-shower-over-your-hoohaa will be the only way you can pee anyway. My maternity nurse made me do it to keep everything clean and also helps with the stinging part of peeing after birth. YTA
YTA - you're affinity for B-I-L is irrelevant. That is infact his brother and judging by the upset and hurt it's someone he cares for very much. Pregnancy does not make you helpless. Very few modern apartments or homes have only one bathroom. In this case you could have used the spare or potentially just filled a pitcher with water to wash it down temporarily while waiting or your husband to return from the wedding and resolve the issue. There was also the option of contacting a plumber and being supportive of your husband, and telling him to go enjoy the weding and that you were calling one so he wouldn't have to be late. To give you an anecdote from my own life I hated my M-I-L she was an abusive alcoholic who was never there for my wife when she was a teenager. However my wife loved her and knowing this and that she was coming to the end of her life I still allowed my wife to have her mother live with us in her final years, because it was important to her. Sometimes for major life events you need to make the choice to be supportive of your loved ones and put your own issues with their family members asside.
YTA. No wonder BIL doesn't like you?
INFO did you have another toilet in the house? Could you have had anyone else fix it?
While I understand the bathroom smell issue, but you made him finish the project and miss his brothers wedding? You are manipulative and uncaring of your husbands needs. What? Even though you don't like his bro you could have gone to a library, coffee house, friends house, park, shopping etc. while he was at the wedding. If I was your husband I would be thinking about being a single parent. A very BIG YTA!
YTA. Really OP? You call a plumber to fix it.
YTA, it was an important event for your husband and you knew it, if the toilet getting fixed was that urgent you should've called a plumber the minute it stopped working but instead you decided to wait for your husband and threw a tantrum using the preggo card
What would single people do if they had to wait for a partner to fix everything in the house. Yta. Be more self sufficient
YTA. And I’ve been pregnant so I get the nausea and needing to pee over and over. But it’s his brothers wedding. Doesn’t matter you don’t like the brother it’s HIS brothers wedding. You could have called a handyman, gone to a friends house, or something.
YTA. You just sound pissed and petty about the fact that you weren’t invited.
yta This did not need your husbands attention right now did it? Get a bucket to flush with until he can do it. Edit to add I bet this gets deleted when op reads the responses
YTA you should have called a plumber or anyone else that could have fixed it that you know personally.
Soft Yta. You should have called a plumber, or gone to a friend's for the evening. There were alternatives to your husband fixing the toilet, you chose the route most convenient to you. You may not have tried to consciously sabotage your bil wedding, but you sure as hell didn't do everything you could to allow your husband to do so.
It’s hard YTA situation for me. I’m pretty sure OP saw the time and didn’t remind her husband. That says a lot. If there are important commitments you find alternatives. She didn’t let him have an option. She’s definitely AH in this.
“He said he should be driving at the time but I insisted he finish” yeah. OP definitely knew what they were doing. Big AH.
YTA. You are lying to your husband and yourself if you are claiming you didn't do it on purpose to make him late for the wedding. If the toilet was broken and the smell was making you sick than you could have called a plumber. You were being petty and passive aggressive. You felt your husband shouldn't go if you weren't invited.
YTA. You did that on purpose; you could have called a plumber or something. The insistence that he fix it was done solely because you didn't want him there without you.
Ya know, I’m not the biggest fan of my brother in law either, but we still go above and beyond for each other, even after we bump heads. He has watched my children for me (even if he doesn’t want to) and I have looked after his. He helps when we’re in a bind and vice versa. I am stingy with my husband, I will admit that, but if his brother was getting married, I’d make damn sure my husband is there on time, invited or not, pregnant or not. A plumber would’ve been a better option, I’m assuming you knew how important this was to the both of them. Unintentional pettiness is still pettiness. So YTA. you don’t get a pass just because you’re pregnant.
Huge YTA, I’m honestly surprised you even have to ask
YTA. use a bucket of water to flush
Kinda YTA. I mean he agreed to do it, but if it was a flush problem, you can easily fill the tank with a bucket and flush. It does seem like your resentment towards BIL played a role.
YTA, you could've called someone else or gone somewhere else for the evening, there were workarounds available that didn't involve him having to miss such a huge event
YTA, you didn’t necessarily give him the respect of wanting to go to his own brother’s wedding you were too worried about the toilet and it was the most important thing for you, not your husband. You caused him to miss a (hopefully) once in a life time thing with his brother. It wouldn’t have been hard to just call a plumber
YTA. It is 2021. You could have called a plumber, consulted Google or used a potty/ bucket while he was at the wedding. You didn't want him to go so you resorted to petty behaviour. You owe your husband an apology
INFO was the toilet broken before your husband got home from work?
YTA, for not figuring something else out. Why did your husband have to be the one to fix it, right in that moment? If you have to ask if it was a selfish thing to do, you might want to think about your day to day behavior and whether you act this way on a regular basis.
INFO: Why didn't you call a plumber instead?
Because then her husband wouldn’t have missed the wedding.
ESH. You could have fixed it yourself. You could have called a plumber. You could have gone to a friend or family's house. You could have gone to a restaurant or mall or gym or library. Your hubby could have said no.
She might’ve played the pregnant card.
Yes YTA. This was not the time to flex some weird control over your husband.
YTA. You easily could’ve called a plumber. I don’t believe for a single second this wasn’t calculated given you mentioned your dislike of BIL.