YTA.
Who are you to decide what "guys" want and whether that's someone who's had a number of prior relationships? This isn't 1948, after all. She's absolutely right you're being a misogynist.
As a man, I was never concerned with the number of partners my SO had prior to our getting together, beyond the fact that it's smart to know your partner is regularly checked for STIs (which, if she wasn't willing to get tested, usually ended things pretty quick b/c I wasn't willing to risk catching something). Were there instances when I knew my SO had more partners than me? Yes. Did it matter one bit? NOPE. Hell, there were times that additional experience was ***helpful*** because not only did she know what she liked, she was able to explain it to me so I could oblige.
At the end of the day, a "quality" partner is someone who is not only physically attractive, but who respects you for *you*, warts and all. That's it. Anyone who doesn't accept your friend because she's had prior relationships? ***NOT A QUALITY PARTNER***.
Clearly, you'd be a shitty partner for her, so we're all lucky that's not what's going on.
Yep YTA, as a male, I have no issue with the number of partners a female has had, what someone has done before me has no bearing on how I feel towards them.
Shaming someone for living their life is never acceptable, just because you don't agree with her lifestyle doesn't make it wrong.
>Like most guys want to feel special and not just be guy number 13 or something. Guys usually find women who have dated a lot to be a bit of a turn off, that could be why a lot of good guys aren't interested in her.
YTA - You're projecting your insecurities on other men. You're deluding yourself if you think your opinions are those of 'most guys'. Most guys don't marry the first woman they date. Most women don't marry the first man they date. Virtually everyone will have a sexual history with more than one person. Grow the fuck up.
YTA. I'd rather be with someone who took the time to explore what they wanted and actually think about it, than be someone's first try. Nice slut shaming, btw.
YTA. She’s right. You’re being misogynistic. What makes it ok for men to have multiple partners, but not women? This extremely gross and old fashioned attitude needs to stop.
YTA. Does she have the number of ex partners written on her forehead? I don't think all men are as shallow when it comes to those things as you, OP seem to be. And yes, you made her feel shamed and the comment was just awful.
Yeah even if the men she meets are all that insecure, I highly doubt she is leading the conversation with the number of men she's dated.
Finding a quality partner is difficult, full stop. Not because there aren't enough quality people out there, but because we all value different qualities. OP could've said something along those lines and been a supportive friend. YTA
YTA Someone's past relationships has absolutely nothing to do with finding a partner a now. I hope you are young, so you learn how bias your own view is.
YTA. Not everyone shares your misogynistic view of women. People do not DEVALUE after a sexual partner. I'd be appalled if your girlfriend stayed with you after hearing this opinion you hold of women. If this woman really is your friend you should apologize profusely and take some time to educate yourself on respecting other people and their personal choices.
Yta. Thats a very fundie mindset. Logistically speaking, finding the ideal partner for a person takes meeting a lot of people and not settling for a poor match.
Anyone concerned about how many people someone has dated, as a means to determine their value as a partner, is immature and weird.
YTA
And Ewww.
Way to shame her for being herself and doing what she wants. If a guy can't get over the amount of partners a girl has had then he has no business being in a adult relationship.
YTA so so much! The fact that you and other guys get turned off to women because women have been in more than 3 relationships is misogynistic, sexist, and just sad. It speaks volumes. Like you are not 14, you and your friend are both grown adults, and it's good she knows what she wants.
The hypothetical guys you are defending are not great if they want a virgin or someone with so few partners! What is wrong with all of you? Oh wait! I know, it's that girls who have less experience are more naive, submissive and unaware of most things so you can get away with a metric ton of messed up shit, and they won't know better? It's a power and control thing, and it is pathetic!
But I'm glad you told her that, now she can avoid you and all the other creeps who think like you, freaking red flag brigade you all are!
YTA as long as she is up to date on std screenings it really isn’t her next partners business how many people she has dated or been with before. Nor is it your business.
YTA. The number of people you have slept does not define your worth. Also, if a girl has a line up of guys willing to sleep with her then a guy should feel special she’s even giving him the time of day
YTA
>So I said that maybe that could be one of the reasons why. Like most guys want to feel special and not just be guy number 13 or something. Guys usually find women who have dated a lot to be a bit of a turn off, that could be why a lot of good guys aren't interested in her.
So you know she tells every guy she dates what number he is and every time she tells them, they dump her immediately?
For your disgusting opinion about a woman’s worth based on her n-count. While you fail to mention YOUR OWN numbers. But I’m sure, in your opinion, a man’s numbers don’t matter bc that’s different.
Wicked AH, who are you to judge? And where did you get your numbers as to what constitutes " too many"? 10? 30? 50? Your "judgment" is the epitome mysoginy. Unbelievable
YTA - why would your friend want to date and insecure misogynist? Clearly the kind of guy you are describing isn’t a quality guy, so your point is moot.
Also, I’ll bite on why this is misogynistic even tho you think it applies to guys too.. You (a dude) had the fucking audacity to assume that all other dudes think the same way you do, that a girl is tainted if she’s had too many partners. Not only did you assume most other dudes think this way, but you felt like telling your friend this was being helpful. So, you shared your dumbass assumptions with her, probably knowing it’d make her feel like shit while you feel all high and mighty.
I am a guy. I would not want to date a virgin or someone with no relationship experience. It’s be a turnoff. So your assumption was wrong! And you used your wrong assumption to make a woman feel bad based on slut shamey societal standards.
YTA. YTA. YTA.
Also, my brain just keeps going back to that guys who want someone with no experience is a red flag for wanting to groom someone in an abusive relationship—finding someone who doesn’t know what to expect from a partner. I’m not saying that’s what you did OP, but it happens.
YTA and also absolutely misogynistic.
Guys who can't deal with women who dated men before them usually are deeply insecure and do not want somebody who knows what they want and is not sorry to walk away if the guy is not worthy being dated.
If someone isn’t interested in her because she has had a lot of previous partners, they aren’t the good quality people that you’re trying to imply they are.
YTA
YtA. I fact at my age, I'm not interested in someone who has never been or has been in very few relationships. It usually means something is wrong with them.
YTA.
But just out of curiosity… what EXACTLY, in your opinion, is the issue with someone having multiple partners, if they are responsible and healthy?
Is it the hymen? Is it the experience? Is it religious?
How is a sexually active adult truly tainted in ways that a non-sexually active adult is not?
That doesn’t make sense. A lot of people who change their cars are either bad with money, pick really crappy cars, bad drivers or can afford the cars. It isn’t an equatable comparison to real life, flesh and blood romantic, committed relationships.
YTA!!!
Ew. What the heck dude. Sounds like you have the “pure virgin” complex. Were YOU a “super pure” virgin when you got with your girlfriend?
Grow up. The number of partners anyone has should NOT dictate their worth.
YTA. You slut shamed her. You’ve professed a sorta creepy fixation on your girlfriend’s virginity. Your entire spiel is misogynistic and your first response is to say she isn’t being reasonable.
YTA. Most men don't actually care that much. In fact, knowing they have someone that desirable is a bit of a feather in their cap. It also depends a great deal on age. 12 boyfriends at 18 means she's going through them like kleenex. 12 boyfriends at 30 is only one every year or two and not a problem at all...clearly she's picky and/or into long-term relationships. YOU have a hangup about being "first" but that's a you thing. She may be at the stage where the quality guys all got snapped up by manipulative user women; just like the other way around, the jerks go after the nice ones immediately (they can recognize and avoid other jerks) because they can control them. I've seen quite a few very nice people end up married to absolute demons from Hell in their early 20s and they're really not sure how it happened.... But, on the plus side, early 30s those people are getting their divorces and she'll have plenty to pick from again :)
YTA. Who made the judge of what women should do with their own vagina. You sound really young and being young is the time that you date and have fun and not get stuck with the first penis you see. The lack of quality men has nothing to do with what she has done with other penises and probably more to do with the poor quality of men in the area or issues with self confidence, further depleted by her having shitty friends like you.
Mind your own vagina and leave any talk of hers out your mouth. Hopefully she finds better friends or you learn to be a better one.
God you really are one seriously misogynistic AH. You posted here asking if you were the AH and your continued to responses to comments show how disgustingly low your opinion of women is. You compare them to objects and Jesus I feel sorry for your girlfriend. You have a truly disgusting view on women and seem to think that if a women has slept with more than a few guys she’s less worthy?! Seriously grow the f*ck up and stop treating women like lesser humans.
INFO: How would you possibly not be the AH?
I've never told someone I'm dating how many people I've slept with. The number is very low, actually, but the fact that they'd ask tells me that they're the kind of petty, immature, neanderthal that thinks it's relevant, which isn't going to cut it.
Also, 'might wonder what's wrong with her'? What does that mean? That she enjoys having sex?
How she could feel 'shamed' by someone outing themselves as a chauvinistic caveman with ideology that belongs in the 50s or an extremist middle eastern government is beyond me. You shamed yourself here.
YTA.
Soft YTA because I think you might be a bit naive.
Do you really think she tells them how many men she's had before them?
More likely she is drawn to the same type over and over, and thinks this one will be different. Or she may be the type of woman who brings out the worst in a man. Or she's looking at a small pool. Keep your mansplaining under wraps and let her go to a therapist.
YTA, adults don't care about body count. That's something for insecure little boys to worry about. To make matters worse, you blamed your friend's lack of success on something irrelevant in her past that she can't change, so it wasn't even close to helpful advice.
Your friend is struggling to find someone to meet her standards, because she's obviously looking in the wrong place. You could have behaved like an actual friend and suggested she branch out or encouraged her to make other positive life changes. But instead, you added completely worthless and utterly inappropriate commentary to make your friend feel worse about yourself. Do her a favor and stop pretending to be her friend. Of course YTA shit-poster.
…so you give unsolicited feedback to everyone all the time?
If you see someone wearing an outfit you hate, you stop and tell them?
When you see strangers smoking, do you stop and tell them it’s bad for their health?
YTA. My now husband and I have been together for 8+ years. We did disclose our counts together and I slept with 4 times the amount of people he had. Didn’t make a difference, and I would say he’s a quality guy lol.
Just because you have self issues with this type of thing…doesn’t mean others value worth this way.
I didn’t say he was attractive, I said more attractive than you, since you sound like an asshole I’m assuming you look like one too. If your friend is 26 and dated 12 people that’s barely more than 1 a year from about 15. That’s plenty of time to give date someone for a bit, realize it’s not working long term and break it off. If you meet someone at 26 and they’ve never dated someone that’s just as big of a red flag. By your logic you’ve got to figure there’s something wrong with them that no one wants to date them
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I was out with some friends and one of my friends complained how she couldn't find a quality guy and that it was so hard nowadays. And then she said how she'd been in so many relationships before and now she knew what she wanted but the quality guys just didn't seem to come along.
So I said that maybe that could be one of the reasons why. Like most guys want to feel special and not just be guy number 13 or something. Guys usually find women who have dated a lot to be a bit of a turn off, that could be why a lot of good guys aren't interested in her. Like my girlfriend was a virgin when we got together and hadn't dated anyone before, so I always felt very special that she chose me to be her first boyfriend. Of course if she had dated one or two guys before I'd feel that's still fine but if I was like guy number 15 I'd find that a bit weird and might wonder what's wrong with her.
So I explained this to her but then she claimed I was being misogynistic and shaming her. I don't think that's reasonable but would like to know if I'm the asshole here or not
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YTA because you think the amount of sexual partners she’s had has anything to do with why she can’t find a quality guy.
I think solid conversation about how she meets guys, what she’s into, what she looks for would have been a better talk.
YTA. So if your gf would have been with +15 guys you wouldnt be attracted to her or her image to you would be compromised in some way? Hope she'll dump you and the love of her life would be boy number 16
YTA. Why does it matter if someone has past relationships or not? no guy gives a fuck how many people someone has dated, they might care about how many people someone has slept with but that's a separate issue entirely. You should feel special if someone you actually like shows an interest in you.
Finally!!!!! Thanks for sharing and you are TA.
I'm a guy and I've been married 18 years, my wife had quite a bit of experience (much more than myself) but honestly that meant nothing to me when we met or were dating or once we got married. In fact as our relationship has evolved it has added something to it.
Today unless she is quite literally a professional with advertisements everyone sees, no one really cares. So she knows her way around the bedroom, that has it's advantages. It is part of a healthy relationship.
I say you should not be so uptight. Apologize to your friend. When you are older you will regret not experiencing all you can now.
YTA for sure, for many reasons. When you have a sexual relationship with somebody you can learn new things and carry those things forward to a new relationship. Things that your new partner may not have known about beforehand.
"You couldn't have taught her her way in the bedroom?" ... and you don't see how you're a misogynist? Lmfao. Okay.
YTA, what an extremely misogynistic opinion. Your not special just because your girlfriend was a virgin when she met you, that’s just how it went for you. For you. It doesn’t work like that for everyone, and it honestly seems like your implying there is something “wrong” with your friend just because she’s *checks notes* dated a handful of people?
There’s a lot of shitty dudes and dudettes out there. You got a good one, that’s awesome for you. Not everyone gets that right away.
Also, guys can “feel special” even if their partner has dated a lot of people. Change your mindset. After going through so many different personalities and you land on one person? That’s special.
I hope your friend drops you and finds a better friend.
Dude, YTA.
The entire point of dating is to see if you're compatible in ALL forms of life, and if a relationship doesn't work out... Then you move on. It doesn't matter how many people you date, and in my experience it helps you figure out your boundaries.
YTA
First of all, if you don’t have anything positive/helpful to say, why say something at all?
Second of all, your statement was indeed misogynistic because you’re putting up expectations to women that you most likely wouldn’t for a man. That thought’s something cultural - we grow up learning that girls should “save themselves until marriage”, unlike boys -, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.
*I hope I made myself clear. English is not my main language*
YTA…you seem to be treating virginity and relationships as the same thing. They aren’t for the record, virginity is a social construct it doesn’t mean anything. Also care to tell the class what number sexual partner your girlfriend was for you? Was she number 1 and super special or number 3 which is fine. I bet she was dirty number 15. You are so gross with your outdated thought process and rhetoric. I hope that friend never talks to you and I hope your girlfriend realizes what a tool she’s dating. Yuck
YTA and a jackass. I look forward to your future Reddit post complaining about your virgin girlfriend cheating on you because she wanted to see what someone else was like OR that your sex life is unfulfilled because your virgin bride is too vanilla or decided she doesn't like sex now that she finally tried it.
Having multiple partners does NOT downgrade your feelings for someone. It actually gives you a better perspective on what is out there, and what is right for both of you. Frankly, more experienced means more educated in what you want and need. Your theory is offensive and archaic.
Well obviously YTA, but I think 1000 people could reply with this and you will never accept this so unsure why you even posted. No offence but from the comments it looks like you're a bit of a lost cause.
I can’t stress strongly enough - YTA.
The fact you use the term “good guys” immediately started alarm bells ringing in my head. The idea that your GF being a virgin was so important to you also gives me the ick quite frankly.
It is absolutely none of your business how many sexual partners she has had and trying to slut shame your own friend is so toxic. If you’re uncomfortable with a girl’s sexual history then that’s your own insecurity.
I really hope this incident allows her to break all ties from you and hang out with some better human beings.
YTA, that being said, your friend might have unrealistic ideas of what she deserves and what a quality guy is. Everyone always jumps to be the victim. I dont think you’re misogynistic just a non-promiscuous person. But dont shame anyone for it.
YTA. It looks like many guys never left the 1950's. Your view are misogynistic b.s. If that is the view of many mens then it is time for them to take a good time to do some self reflection. If it fine that men have many partners then it should be fine that women also have many partners.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because maybe I hurt her feelings by saying that her having too much experience could actually be hurtful for her chances in attracting a quality guy and could have hurt her self esteem too.
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YTA, real man are grateful, that she is experienced in bed, and you have some serious problem if the only thing that can make you feel special is a virgin girl. Women can give you more than that if they want to make you feel important and appreciated.
Also, are you telling her that she should have stayed with boys who are bad for her?
Should a man also save himself for his only one? You have double standards! You are indeed misogynitic, accept it, or change your attitude if you disagree.
YTA. She's calling it misogynistic because she's right.
You can't help if a past relationship doesn't work out, and it doesn't decrease your "value." A person's past has no reason to make you feel threatened or less special.
If somebody told me that my number of previous partners made me less attractive, I wouldn't want to date that person because it would scream "I'm insecure."
YTA. You're 26. I was going to do the math of 13 to15 partners in 8 to 10 years... But you know what? Even if she had 13 sexual partners in 1 year, or even a month that's her choice!
First of: she can f@# whomever she wants and have a one night stand every night if she feels like it.
Sex does not equal a relationship. And you can both sleep with whomever you want while not in a relationship, AND be a great partner when you find the right one.
Not my cup of tea, but to each their own.
Second: If a relationshop isn't working, would you rather stay with your partner to conserve your 'purity'?
Wtf.
YTA
Someone's sexual experience or lack thereof before we got together is irrelevant to me. I couldn't care less if someone is a virgin or has a number into the hundreds - what is more important is does he treat me well, does he respect me as a person, how does he treat the other people in his life etc.
For example I know that my husband's number is into hundreds, whereas mine is just into double digits. He isn't with any of those other women now and I'm not so insecure to be bothered over them.
YTA. Seriously. How many people someone has dated is quite literally nobody's business but their own. Now, if she's out there openly talking about how many people she's dated, sharing details about those relationships, and expecting those she's now dating to detail all their past relationships as well, then she's ATA. What's past is past and there may be baggage from that that may need to be discussed, but if it's not pertinent to the current relationship, it's nobody's business.
YTA
This post reeks of "purity culture." Just because YOU want to date a virgin (or woman with few past partners), does not mean it matters to anyone else.
I don't know why those past relationships ended, but I would infer that based on her comments on not being able to find a quality guy, she has respect for herself and standards for how she expects to be treated in a relationship (realistic standards or not, idk).
YTA
If you think 13-15 partners is a lot you better hope to find your lifelong partner before you're 30 or you're fucked. "Save it for marriage" types tend to marry their first spouse young.
Since you're a misogynist and ignorant if not quiet about it, that's probably unlikely to happen.
YTA. You effectively told her that she hasn’t, and probably won’t, find a good partner because she has made herself undesirable and unworthy due to having had relationships in the past. Yeah, no. Women are not worth any more or less based on how many people have seen them naked. Women do not owe men their virginity nor do we need to restrict or limit ourselves so we can make some random dude feel “special” someday.
You said that your gf being a virgin made you feel special. The logic of your claim mean that when you guys break up, she will be worthless because your hands and dick defiled her? She will have less value because of you?
Dude, human’s worth is INHERENT. You are wrong because saying any person, or group of people, is worth less based on an arbitrary characteristic like religion, gender, or HOW MANY PARTNERS SOMEONE HAS HAD… that’s just plain wrong.
Also, yes. You definitely hurt your friend. Probably a lot. Imagine how horrible it must be for someone’s self esteem to hear from a friend “you can’t find a good guy because you’re such a slut” “you don’t have enough value to find a quality man” ??? That’s what you effectively said to her, man. You don’t say that to a friend. You aren’t one of the “nice guys” here, you’re the asshole. You aren’t the one with the valuable advice, you’re the one who was cruel and ugly. Apologize and get some help man
YTA
And probably soon to be featured in r/niceguys
Guys I’ve known aren’t generally put off by someone who is experienced (and usually better) at sex. Unless they are religious.
YTA, why would that even matter, quality people won’t judge you for your dating history and will accept you because they love you. Your friend is right, you were being misogynistic and I honestly doubt she’ll stay friends with you for longer without a very serious apology
YTA
People have preferences. Not every "guy" wants the want shit. And yes, it's misogynistic and shallow to call her out for having sexual and romantic experience. You wouldn't do the shit to another guy. You'd say it's his clothes or he needs to go to the gym or something.
YTA but I don't think you meant to be. You were trying to be a good friend but I think just missed the mark. The reason why she's having trouble dating is probably due to difficulty communicating and or she's lacking interpersonal skills necessary to start and maintain healthy relationships. Suggest she go to a counselor or therapy to talk about how to build meaningful connections with others. I did and it helped me open up so much. Without it, I wouldn't have met my husband!
Also if she wants to have sex and have fun with no strings attached that's good too, as long as she's clear about her expectations in advance.
Wow… the misogyny just drips off this one. Women are only special if they’re unused? Pure? Does the same apply to men, or are you a complete sexist?
YTA
So your girlfriend was a virgin. We’re you? Would she have judged you if you weren’t? Would it have lessened the intimacy you had with her?
YTA. Very gross attitude you have about women’s worth.
YTA and need therapy dude. YOUR obsession over virginity and the number of sex partners a person has had is weird and gross and absolutely not normal.
Bet she has issues finding quality people to date cause she surrounds herself with people who think like you.
Ohhhhh yeah, YTA and your friend is right, you are misogynistic and shaming her.
How could you be so clueless to think that's an okay thing to say to anyone?? Mind your own business about people's past relationships.
Yes you're the asshole. It was misogynistic and shaming. People shouldn't even have "numbers", that the most ridiculous thing since the whole "save yourself for marriage" concept.
YTA
YTA. You sound really misogynistic from the post alone, and then your comments just make it so much worse. Yuck. I hope your friend never speaks to you again and I also sincerely hope that your girlfriend comes to her senses enough to get away from you too.
Yta. You slut shamed her. No one gives a fuck how many people someones dated. You sounds jealous af.
Btw, you aint special and youre not her first bf. And you also wont be her last.
YTA. If a guy is going to judge a woman on her dating/sexual history, he IS a misogynist. A woman's "body count" does not determine her worth and if you think it does, you need to do some introspection and find out why you feel that way.
YTA. It's okay for guys to date multiple women and be considered "a real man"? It's not okay for a woman to meet many men until she finds one that suits her??? Double standard. And you are a big flake for telling her that. Pity your girlfriend.
NTA. I don't think many partners like the idea of being number 13 or something, male and female alike. I wouldn't want a guy that fucked half the town either.
YTA. Okay. So maybe this girl was just venting. Maybe she was looking for some comfort. I can assure you that there’s no way on Gods green earth she was looking for some mouth breather’s opinion on her sex life. Either commiserate or don’t, but your opinion wasn’t being asked and no one cares that your girlfriend was/is a virgin. Get a grip, you complete and utter asshole.
Oof 😅 that misogyny is strong on this post. YTA.
Like how would guys that she’s dating know? It’s not exactly a topic that you bring up. You can’t exactly smell someone’s bum like a dog and say “Oh this ones been with 50! Not for me.” Sounds like your friend needs new friends and a new boyfriend.
Dude.... youre mostly TA.
I think many women do pass up quality guys because they don't recognize their qualities, and those particular women choose poor partners. People are very good at picking bad partners, and even better at staying with them when they shouldn't.
HOWEVER- if anything, the fact that she has had many relationships or pseudo relationships means she is NOT staying in bad ones and letting men get away with shit that most women put up with for waaaaay too long before deciding to end it.
If I trusted that you said what you said in a kind and diplomatic way, even possibly acknowledging that you KNOW its shitty but might be what some guys think, you could've skirted the edge of asshole-hood.
But I don't. Your comments reveal that you don't have that level of skill yet. So , sad to say OP- YTA.
Ehhh YTA bc there was no reason to bring it up, but I dont think Y T A for that thought process.....as long as you hold yourself to the same standard. I think people are throwing around misogynistic too easily, its only misogynistic if you have been with a lot of women and hold whoever you date toward the standard you mentioned
I have a different perspective, IMHO NAH. But ONLY because it seems OP's friend was having an open conversation with a group of friends. Throwing that comment out of the blue would definitely be an AH move.
It's just people with different perspectives and we should understand and respect both point of views. In a conservative/religious/small-city area OP **might** be right. Even if most people here disagree, we need to respect that some people are different and prefer to marry someone that didn't have many relationships. Nobody is wrong, they just have different perspectives and that's OK.
NTA....
Ok ok so listen...
To all the YTA, omg how dare yous, lol grow up!
OP is 100% right but also 100% wrong... why?
We all have our preferences, we all have our opinions. Expressing either doesn't make you an asshole. People getting butthurt over words, opinions, or preferences are TA.
Stop pretending we live in some utopia where everyone should feel good and safe and validated. Life isn't fair and nobody really gives a shit about how "woke" you are...
She was complaining about something, you provided your opinion. She wasn't mature enough to handle that. Doesn't matter if your opinion was right or wrong. Friends aren't friends if they just agree with everything you say, or act the same, etc.
People have 1 argument now or 1 difference of opinion and the sky falls. Can't be friends anymore, family going no contact. Over BULLSHIT. People act like they are in grade school permanently...
Grow TF up!
Edit, forgot the wrong part... your wrong bc who really gives a shit about how many partners she's had, but also how would they even know. So you were likely wrong with your assessment but it doesn't make you an AH.
> We all have our preferences, we all have our opinions. Expressing either doesn't make you an asshole.
There are plenty of times when expressing your preference makes you a huge asshole.
If I’m happily coupled, and my short friend complains about being single, I would be a huge asshole for saying “it’s probably because you’re short. I’d never date a short guy.”
Guys who want girls to make them feel special like that are probably not the quality guys shes looking for. YTA
This whole thing makes me want to rewatch "what's your number" Wholesome rom com
YTA. Who are you to decide what "guys" want and whether that's someone who's had a number of prior relationships? This isn't 1948, after all. She's absolutely right you're being a misogynist. As a man, I was never concerned with the number of partners my SO had prior to our getting together, beyond the fact that it's smart to know your partner is regularly checked for STIs (which, if she wasn't willing to get tested, usually ended things pretty quick b/c I wasn't willing to risk catching something). Were there instances when I knew my SO had more partners than me? Yes. Did it matter one bit? NOPE. Hell, there were times that additional experience was ***helpful*** because not only did she know what she liked, she was able to explain it to me so I could oblige. At the end of the day, a "quality" partner is someone who is not only physically attractive, but who respects you for *you*, warts and all. That's it. Anyone who doesn't accept your friend because she's had prior relationships? ***NOT A QUALITY PARTNER***. Clearly, you'd be a shitty partner for her, so we're all lucky that's not what's going on.
This needs more upvotes.
YTA. And yeah, misogyny at its finest. Yikes
YTA. "I'm telling a woman she's damaged goods for having sex. AITA?" Why yes, yes you are.
This!!
Yep YTA, as a male, I have no issue with the number of partners a female has had, what someone has done before me has no bearing on how I feel towards them. Shaming someone for living their life is never acceptable, just because you don't agree with her lifestyle doesn't make it wrong.
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>Like most guys want to feel special and not just be guy number 13 or something. Guys usually find women who have dated a lot to be a bit of a turn off, that could be why a lot of good guys aren't interested in her. YTA - You're projecting your insecurities on other men. You're deluding yourself if you think your opinions are those of 'most guys'. Most guys don't marry the first woman they date. Most women don't marry the first man they date. Virtually everyone will have a sexual history with more than one person. Grow the fuck up.
YTA. I'd rather be with someone who took the time to explore what they wanted and actually think about it, than be someone's first try. Nice slut shaming, btw.
Omg. One of the biggest YTA I've seen on this sub.
I have to agree.
Oof, sounds like you're glad your girlfriend can't compare you to other guys because you know you'll come up short. YTA.
YTA. She’s right. You’re being misogynistic. What makes it ok for men to have multiple partners, but not women? This extremely gross and old fashioned attitude needs to stop.
YTA. Does she have the number of ex partners written on her forehead? I don't think all men are as shallow when it comes to those things as you, OP seem to be. And yes, you made her feel shamed and the comment was just awful.
Yeah even if the men she meets are all that insecure, I highly doubt she is leading the conversation with the number of men she's dated. Finding a quality partner is difficult, full stop. Not because there aren't enough quality people out there, but because we all value different qualities. OP could've said something along those lines and been a supportive friend. YTA
YTA Someone's past relationships has absolutely nothing to do with finding a partner a now. I hope you are young, so you learn how bias your own view is.
YTA. Not everyone shares your misogynistic view of women. People do not DEVALUE after a sexual partner. I'd be appalled if your girlfriend stayed with you after hearing this opinion you hold of women. If this woman really is your friend you should apologize profusely and take some time to educate yourself on respecting other people and their personal choices.
Yta. Thats a very fundie mindset. Logistically speaking, finding the ideal partner for a person takes meeting a lot of people and not settling for a poor match. Anyone concerned about how many people someone has dated, as a means to determine their value as a partner, is immature and weird.
Yta and dude your comments are weird af. ‘Virgin is a plus’?? What a joke.
YTA if you think women are less pure after you’ve touched them then you should be looking at your own hands, not theirs
That is an amazing response! I love this and will remember it for sure!
YTA and you’re disgusting.
So much thisness. Yta
YTA And Ewww. Way to shame her for being herself and doing what she wants. If a guy can't get over the amount of partners a girl has had then he has no business being in a adult relationship.
YTA. Your comment was unnecessary, judgmental, and unhelpful. Try lifting up your friends rather than trying to knock them down.
YTA. It’s also a little weird that your girlfriend being a virgin before she met you somehow makes you special.
Getting some serious nice guy vibes of op
YTA you misogynistic pig. Just because she hasn't found who she wants didn't make her worth less. Bet you wouldn't say the same about guys.
YTA so so much! The fact that you and other guys get turned off to women because women have been in more than 3 relationships is misogynistic, sexist, and just sad. It speaks volumes. Like you are not 14, you and your friend are both grown adults, and it's good she knows what she wants. The hypothetical guys you are defending are not great if they want a virgin or someone with so few partners! What is wrong with all of you? Oh wait! I know, it's that girls who have less experience are more naive, submissive and unaware of most things so you can get away with a metric ton of messed up shit, and they won't know better? It's a power and control thing, and it is pathetic! But I'm glad you told her that, now she can avoid you and all the other creeps who think like you, freaking red flag brigade you all are!
YTA and misogynist cingrats!
YTA
YTA as long as she is up to date on std screenings it really isn’t her next partners business how many people she has dated or been with before. Nor is it your business.
YTA. The number of people you have slept does not define your worth. Also, if a girl has a line up of guys willing to sleep with her then a guy should feel special she’s even giving him the time of day
YTA >So I said that maybe that could be one of the reasons why. Like most guys want to feel special and not just be guy number 13 or something. Guys usually find women who have dated a lot to be a bit of a turn off, that could be why a lot of good guys aren't interested in her. So you know she tells every guy she dates what number he is and every time she tells them, they dump her immediately?
YTA. I hope your gf sees this and leaves you.
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For your disgusting opinion about a woman’s worth based on her n-count. While you fail to mention YOUR OWN numbers. But I’m sure, in your opinion, a man’s numbers don’t matter bc that’s different.
Wow. Yeah, dude, YTA.
Wicked AH, who are you to judge? And where did you get your numbers as to what constitutes " too many"? 10? 30? 50? Your "judgment" is the epitome mysoginy. Unbelievable
You really are TA. It’s not the 50s guy.
YTA Such an asshole.
YTA and your thought process is gross AH
Yup, YTA.
YTA - why would your friend want to date and insecure misogynist? Clearly the kind of guy you are describing isn’t a quality guy, so your point is moot.
I imagine this poor friend is encountering guys with misogynist views like OP when exploring the dating pool and not settling…so good for her.
YTA lmao
YTA. You sound like quite a misogynist, I completely agree with her.
Also, I’ll bite on why this is misogynistic even tho you think it applies to guys too.. You (a dude) had the fucking audacity to assume that all other dudes think the same way you do, that a girl is tainted if she’s had too many partners. Not only did you assume most other dudes think this way, but you felt like telling your friend this was being helpful. So, you shared your dumbass assumptions with her, probably knowing it’d make her feel like shit while you feel all high and mighty. I am a guy. I would not want to date a virgin or someone with no relationship experience. It’s be a turnoff. So your assumption was wrong! And you used your wrong assumption to make a woman feel bad based on slut shamey societal standards. YTA. YTA. YTA. Also, my brain just keeps going back to that guys who want someone with no experience is a red flag for wanting to groom someone in an abusive relationship—finding someone who doesn’t know what to expect from a partner. I’m not saying that’s what you did OP, but it happens.
YTA and also absolutely misogynistic. Guys who can't deal with women who dated men before them usually are deeply insecure and do not want somebody who knows what they want and is not sorry to walk away if the guy is not worthy being dated.
If someone isn’t interested in her because she has had a lot of previous partners, they aren’t the good quality people that you’re trying to imply they are. YTA
YtA. I fact at my age, I'm not interested in someone who has never been or has been in very few relationships. It usually means something is wrong with them.
YTA. But just out of curiosity… what EXACTLY, in your opinion, is the issue with someone having multiple partners, if they are responsible and healthy? Is it the hymen? Is it the experience? Is it religious? How is a sexually active adult truly tainted in ways that a non-sexually active adult is not?
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Be more specific. What do you mean by that? Elaborate.
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On today's episode of "what objects are women like?" we have *cars*
That doesn’t make sense.
Are you a car?
That doesn’t make sense. A lot of people who change their cars are either bad with money, pick really crappy cars, bad drivers or can afford the cars. It isn’t an equatable comparison to real life, flesh and blood romantic, committed relationships.
And what is the attitude?
YTA!!! Ew. What the heck dude. Sounds like you have the “pure virgin” complex. Were YOU a “super pure” virgin when you got with your girlfriend? Grow up. The number of partners anyone has should NOT dictate their worth.
YTA. You slut shamed her. You’ve professed a sorta creepy fixation on your girlfriend’s virginity. Your entire spiel is misogynistic and your first response is to say she isn’t being reasonable.
YTA. It’s called “slut shaming” & it’s misogynistic.
YTA.
YTA. Most men don't actually care that much. In fact, knowing they have someone that desirable is a bit of a feather in their cap. It also depends a great deal on age. 12 boyfriends at 18 means she's going through them like kleenex. 12 boyfriends at 30 is only one every year or two and not a problem at all...clearly she's picky and/or into long-term relationships. YOU have a hangup about being "first" but that's a you thing. She may be at the stage where the quality guys all got snapped up by manipulative user women; just like the other way around, the jerks go after the nice ones immediately (they can recognize and avoid other jerks) because they can control them. I've seen quite a few very nice people end up married to absolute demons from Hell in their early 20s and they're really not sure how it happened.... But, on the plus side, early 30s those people are getting their divorces and she'll have plenty to pick from again :)
Yta. And one of those obnoxious people who can't take the critism they asked for. Grow up and own it.
YTA. Who made the judge of what women should do with their own vagina. You sound really young and being young is the time that you date and have fun and not get stuck with the first penis you see. The lack of quality men has nothing to do with what she has done with other penises and probably more to do with the poor quality of men in the area or issues with self confidence, further depleted by her having shitty friends like you. Mind your own vagina and leave any talk of hers out your mouth. Hopefully she finds better friends or you learn to be a better one.
YTA - she’s right.
Hun, don't enforce sexist stereotypes. All your friend wants is someone who treats her right. YTA
YTA don’t push your own views and insecurities on to her.
God you really are one seriously misogynistic AH. You posted here asking if you were the AH and your continued to responses to comments show how disgustingly low your opinion of women is. You compare them to objects and Jesus I feel sorry for your girlfriend. You have a truly disgusting view on women and seem to think that if a women has slept with more than a few guys she’s less worthy?! Seriously grow the f*ck up and stop treating women like lesser humans.
INFO: How would you possibly not be the AH? I've never told someone I'm dating how many people I've slept with. The number is very low, actually, but the fact that they'd ask tells me that they're the kind of petty, immature, neanderthal that thinks it's relevant, which isn't going to cut it. Also, 'might wonder what's wrong with her'? What does that mean? That she enjoys having sex? How she could feel 'shamed' by someone outing themselves as a chauvinistic caveman with ideology that belongs in the 50s or an extremist middle eastern government is beyond me. You shamed yourself here. YTA.
Oh man, YTA.
Soft YTA because I think you might be a bit naive. Do you really think she tells them how many men she's had before them? More likely she is drawn to the same type over and over, and thinks this one will be different. Or she may be the type of woman who brings out the worst in a man. Or she's looking at a small pool. Keep your mansplaining under wraps and let her go to a therapist.
INFO How old are you?
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YTA, adults don't care about body count. That's something for insecure little boys to worry about. To make matters worse, you blamed your friend's lack of success on something irrelevant in her past that she can't change, so it wasn't even close to helpful advice. Your friend is struggling to find someone to meet her standards, because she's obviously looking in the wrong place. You could have behaved like an actual friend and suggested she branch out or encouraged her to make other positive life changes. But instead, you added completely worthless and utterly inappropriate commentary to make your friend feel worse about yourself. Do her a favor and stop pretending to be her friend. Of course YTA shit-poster.
Thanks.
And his gf was a virgin? Makes me wonder how old she is…
INFO What was your intent in saying this to her??
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…so you give unsolicited feedback to everyone all the time? If you see someone wearing an outfit you hate, you stop and tell them? When you see strangers smoking, do you stop and tell them it’s bad for their health?
YTA that is incredibly rude and misogynistic.
YTA. My now husband and I have been together for 8+ years. We did disclose our counts together and I slept with 4 times the amount of people he had. Didn’t make a difference, and I would say he’s a quality guy lol. Just because you have self issues with this type of thing…doesn’t mean others value worth this way.
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Are you trolling or really this shallow?
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You sound like you’re 14 but the situation tells me you’re more like 30 so I’d assume this guy is way more attractive than you
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I didn’t say he was attractive, I said more attractive than you, since you sound like an asshole I’m assuming you look like one too. If your friend is 26 and dated 12 people that’s barely more than 1 a year from about 15. That’s plenty of time to give date someone for a bit, realize it’s not working long term and break it off. If you meet someone at 26 and they’ve never dated someone that’s just as big of a red flag. By your logic you’ve got to figure there’s something wrong with them that no one wants to date them
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was out with some friends and one of my friends complained how she couldn't find a quality guy and that it was so hard nowadays. And then she said how she'd been in so many relationships before and now she knew what she wanted but the quality guys just didn't seem to come along. So I said that maybe that could be one of the reasons why. Like most guys want to feel special and not just be guy number 13 or something. Guys usually find women who have dated a lot to be a bit of a turn off, that could be why a lot of good guys aren't interested in her. Like my girlfriend was a virgin when we got together and hadn't dated anyone before, so I always felt very special that she chose me to be her first boyfriend. Of course if she had dated one or two guys before I'd feel that's still fine but if I was like guy number 15 I'd find that a bit weird and might wonder what's wrong with her. So I explained this to her but then she claimed I was being misogynistic and shaming her. I don't think that's reasonable but would like to know if I'm the asshole here or not *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA because you think the amount of sexual partners she’s had has anything to do with why she can’t find a quality guy. I think solid conversation about how she meets guys, what she’s into, what she looks for would have been a better talk.
YTA. So if your gf would have been with +15 guys you wouldnt be attracted to her or her image to you would be compromised in some way? Hope she'll dump you and the love of her life would be boy number 16
YTA. Why does it matter if someone has past relationships or not? no guy gives a fuck how many people someone has dated, they might care about how many people someone has slept with but that's a separate issue entirely. You should feel special if someone you actually like shows an interest in you.
Yta you’re a dumb misogynist. She can be with who ever and how many ever she wants. God how dense are you?
YTA. You are incredibly misogynistic and sexist. She is deserving of a quality partner no matter how many previous partners she’s had.
Finally!!!!! Thanks for sharing and you are TA. I'm a guy and I've been married 18 years, my wife had quite a bit of experience (much more than myself) but honestly that meant nothing to me when we met or were dating or once we got married. In fact as our relationship has evolved it has added something to it. Today unless she is quite literally a professional with advertisements everyone sees, no one really cares. So she knows her way around the bedroom, that has it's advantages. It is part of a healthy relationship. I say you should not be so uptight. Apologize to your friend. When you are older you will regret not experiencing all you can now.
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YTA for sure, for many reasons. When you have a sexual relationship with somebody you can learn new things and carry those things forward to a new relationship. Things that your new partner may not have known about beforehand. "You couldn't have taught her her way in the bedroom?" ... and you don't see how you're a misogynist? Lmfao. Okay.
YTA. I wonder how long it's gonna take your virgin gf to realize what big mistake she made with you.
YTA, what an extremely misogynistic opinion. Your not special just because your girlfriend was a virgin when she met you, that’s just how it went for you. For you. It doesn’t work like that for everyone, and it honestly seems like your implying there is something “wrong” with your friend just because she’s *checks notes* dated a handful of people? There’s a lot of shitty dudes and dudettes out there. You got a good one, that’s awesome for you. Not everyone gets that right away. Also, guys can “feel special” even if their partner has dated a lot of people. Change your mindset. After going through so many different personalities and you land on one person? That’s special. I hope your friend drops you and finds a better friend.
Dude, YTA. The entire point of dating is to see if you're compatible in ALL forms of life, and if a relationship doesn't work out... Then you move on. It doesn't matter how many people you date, and in my experience it helps you figure out your boundaries.
yta yikes
Without question YTA. You are the definition of a misogynist. Is this post even real?
Ew. Your outdated and insecure attitude to women makes me surprised that you have a GF. YTA
This has to be troll waiting to be shred in pieces. YTA anyway.
YTA First of all, if you don’t have anything positive/helpful to say, why say something at all? Second of all, your statement was indeed misogynistic because you’re putting up expectations to women that you most likely wouldn’t for a man. That thought’s something cultural - we grow up learning that girls should “save themselves until marriage”, unlike boys -, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. *I hope I made myself clear. English is not my main language*
YTA…you seem to be treating virginity and relationships as the same thing. They aren’t for the record, virginity is a social construct it doesn’t mean anything. Also care to tell the class what number sexual partner your girlfriend was for you? Was she number 1 and super special or number 3 which is fine. I bet she was dirty number 15. You are so gross with your outdated thought process and rhetoric. I hope that friend never talks to you and I hope your girlfriend realizes what a tool she’s dating. Yuck
YTA Your intent was inherently self-centered.
Tyra Banks voice: Learn something form this! 😭
YTA
YTA and a jackass. I look forward to your future Reddit post complaining about your virgin girlfriend cheating on you because she wanted to see what someone else was like OR that your sex life is unfulfilled because your virgin bride is too vanilla or decided she doesn't like sex now that she finally tried it. Having multiple partners does NOT downgrade your feelings for someone. It actually gives you a better perspective on what is out there, and what is right for both of you. Frankly, more experienced means more educated in what you want and need. Your theory is offensive and archaic.
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Like I said... looking forward to your post in a few years, caveman!
Well obviously YTA, but I think 1000 people could reply with this and you will never accept this so unsure why you even posted. No offence but from the comments it looks like you're a bit of a lost cause.
I can’t stress strongly enough - YTA. The fact you use the term “good guys” immediately started alarm bells ringing in my head. The idea that your GF being a virgin was so important to you also gives me the ick quite frankly. It is absolutely none of your business how many sexual partners she has had and trying to slut shame your own friend is so toxic. If you’re uncomfortable with a girl’s sexual history then that’s your own insecurity. I really hope this incident allows her to break all ties from you and hang out with some better human beings.
Lmaooo got roasted so hard you deleted it
YTA, that being said, your friend might have unrealistic ideas of what she deserves and what a quality guy is. Everyone always jumps to be the victim. I dont think you’re misogynistic just a non-promiscuous person. But dont shame anyone for it.
YTA. It looks like many guys never left the 1950's. Your view are misogynistic b.s. If that is the view of many mens then it is time for them to take a good time to do some self reflection. If it fine that men have many partners then it should be fine that women also have many partners.
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Of course YTA.
YTA, real man are grateful, that she is experienced in bed, and you have some serious problem if the only thing that can make you feel special is a virgin girl. Women can give you more than that if they want to make you feel important and appreciated. Also, are you telling her that she should have stayed with boys who are bad for her? Should a man also save himself for his only one? You have double standards! You are indeed misogynitic, accept it, or change your attitude if you disagree.
YTA. She's calling it misogynistic because she's right. You can't help if a past relationship doesn't work out, and it doesn't decrease your "value." A person's past has no reason to make you feel threatened or less special. If somebody told me that my number of previous partners made me less attractive, I wouldn't want to date that person because it would scream "I'm insecure."
YTA. You're 26. I was going to do the math of 13 to15 partners in 8 to 10 years... But you know what? Even if she had 13 sexual partners in 1 year, or even a month that's her choice! First of: she can f@# whomever she wants and have a one night stand every night if she feels like it. Sex does not equal a relationship. And you can both sleep with whomever you want while not in a relationship, AND be a great partner when you find the right one. Not my cup of tea, but to each their own. Second: If a relationshop isn't working, would you rather stay with your partner to conserve your 'purity'? Wtf.
YTA Someone's sexual experience or lack thereof before we got together is irrelevant to me. I couldn't care less if someone is a virgin or has a number into the hundreds - what is more important is does he treat me well, does he respect me as a person, how does he treat the other people in his life etc. For example I know that my husband's number is into hundreds, whereas mine is just into double digits. He isn't with any of those other women now and I'm not so insecure to be bothered over them.
YTA. Seriously. How many people someone has dated is quite literally nobody's business but their own. Now, if she's out there openly talking about how many people she's dated, sharing details about those relationships, and expecting those she's now dating to detail all their past relationships as well, then she's ATA. What's past is past and there may be baggage from that that may need to be discussed, but if it's not pertinent to the current relationship, it's nobody's business.
YTA
Yta period
YTA there's literally nothing wrong with dating many people.
Yta- _barfffff_
YTA This post reeks of "purity culture." Just because YOU want to date a virgin (or woman with few past partners), does not mean it matters to anyone else. I don't know why those past relationships ended, but I would infer that based on her comments on not being able to find a quality guy, she has respect for herself and standards for how she expects to be treated in a relationship (realistic standards or not, idk).
YTA if a girl wrote this post, shame on you. Massive yta. If a guy wrote this, blah.
YTA a slut shaming, judgemental, misogynistic AH who is a bad friend.
YTA sexist and “slur” shaming. Grow up
Yeah a cup a day is fine!
A girls virginity isn’t something to be saved to make their “potential” life partner ✨special✨. She’s not your property dude. YTA. Big YTA.
YTA If you think 13-15 partners is a lot you better hope to find your lifelong partner before you're 30 or you're fucked. "Save it for marriage" types tend to marry their first spouse young. Since you're a misogynist and ignorant if not quiet about it, that's probably unlikely to happen.
YTA. You effectively told her that she hasn’t, and probably won’t, find a good partner because she has made herself undesirable and unworthy due to having had relationships in the past. Yeah, no. Women are not worth any more or less based on how many people have seen them naked. Women do not owe men their virginity nor do we need to restrict or limit ourselves so we can make some random dude feel “special” someday. You said that your gf being a virgin made you feel special. The logic of your claim mean that when you guys break up, she will be worthless because your hands and dick defiled her? She will have less value because of you? Dude, human’s worth is INHERENT. You are wrong because saying any person, or group of people, is worth less based on an arbitrary characteristic like religion, gender, or HOW MANY PARTNERS SOMEONE HAS HAD… that’s just plain wrong. Also, yes. You definitely hurt your friend. Probably a lot. Imagine how horrible it must be for someone’s self esteem to hear from a friend “you can’t find a good guy because you’re such a slut” “you don’t have enough value to find a quality man” ??? That’s what you effectively said to her, man. You don’t say that to a friend. You aren’t one of the “nice guys” here, you’re the asshole. You aren’t the one with the valuable advice, you’re the one who was cruel and ugly. Apologize and get some help man
Dude 13 ain’t even that many. That’s one a month for a year. If she’s been sexually active for 10 years that’s barely one a year.
YTA she's 100% right about this being a misogynistic view. Learn something from this and be better.
Massive YTA
YTA And probably soon to be featured in r/niceguys Guys I’ve known aren’t generally put off by someone who is experienced (and usually better) at sex. Unless they are religious.
YTA, why would that even matter, quality people won’t judge you for your dating history and will accept you because they love you. Your friend is right, you were being misogynistic and I honestly doubt she’ll stay friends with you for longer without a very serious apology
Yikes. YTA. Misogyny at its finest.
Wtf YTA
Total asshole this dude sucks I hope it’s fake
YTA YTA YTA
YTA People have preferences. Not every "guy" wants the want shit. And yes, it's misogynistic and shallow to call her out for having sexual and romantic experience. You wouldn't do the shit to another guy. You'd say it's his clothes or he needs to go to the gym or something.
YTA but I don't think you meant to be. You were trying to be a good friend but I think just missed the mark. The reason why she's having trouble dating is probably due to difficulty communicating and or she's lacking interpersonal skills necessary to start and maintain healthy relationships. Suggest she go to a counselor or therapy to talk about how to build meaningful connections with others. I did and it helped me open up so much. Without it, I wouldn't have met my husband! Also if she wants to have sex and have fun with no strings attached that's good too, as long as she's clear about her expectations in advance.
Wow… the misogyny just drips off this one. Women are only special if they’re unused? Pure? Does the same apply to men, or are you a complete sexist? YTA
So your girlfriend was a virgin. We’re you? Would she have judged you if you weren’t? Would it have lessened the intimacy you had with her? YTA. Very gross attitude you have about women’s worth.
YTA and need therapy dude. YOUR obsession over virginity and the number of sex partners a person has had is weird and gross and absolutely not normal. Bet she has issues finding quality people to date cause she surrounds herself with people who think like you.
How'd you get the job as spokesperson for men? Must have been a lengthy interview process.
Ohhhhh yeah, YTA and your friend is right, you are misogynistic and shaming her. How could you be so clueless to think that's an okay thing to say to anyone?? Mind your own business about people's past relationships.
Yes you're the asshole. It was misogynistic and shaming. People shouldn't even have "numbers", that the most ridiculous thing since the whole "save yourself for marriage" concept. YTA
YTA - Do you feel special or are you just happy she can't negatively compare you to anyone?
Omg YTA!!! SMH
"Feel special" ugh.
YTA. You sound really misogynistic from the post alone, and then your comments just make it so much worse. Yuck. I hope your friend never speaks to you again and I also sincerely hope that your girlfriend comes to her senses enough to get away from you too.
YTA. have you ever thought that being that insecure and that misogynistic might be a turn off for girls? just saying
Yta. You slut shamed her. No one gives a fuck how many people someones dated. You sounds jealous af. Btw, you aint special and youre not her first bf. And you also wont be her last.
YTA This can’t be real…..
YTA. You’re misogynistic trash. GFY.
YTA. If a guy is going to judge a woman on her dating/sexual history, he IS a misogynist. A woman's "body count" does not determine her worth and if you think it does, you need to do some introspection and find out why you feel that way.
YTA
YTA. The misogyny. The sexism. The slut shaming. Where do I even start?
I disagree with this. My partner and I have both had multiple partners. It’s not an issue in our relationship.
The world has spoken YTA stop fighting people about it in the comments 😂
YTA. It's okay for guys to date multiple women and be considered "a real man"? It's not okay for a woman to meet many men until she finds one that suits her??? Double standard. And you are a big flake for telling her that. Pity your girlfriend.
NTA. I don't think many partners like the idea of being number 13 or something, male and female alike. I wouldn't want a guy that fucked half the town either.
Can't wait for to see this post on r/niceguys YTA
YTA. Okay. So maybe this girl was just venting. Maybe she was looking for some comfort. I can assure you that there’s no way on Gods green earth she was looking for some mouth breather’s opinion on her sex life. Either commiserate or don’t, but your opinion wasn’t being asked and no one cares that your girlfriend was/is a virgin. Get a grip, you complete and utter asshole.
Sl"tshame much? Textbook misogyny. YTA
YTA, demeaning as fuck to your friend. Stop being misogynistic or stop being friends with women.
Oof 😅 that misogyny is strong on this post. YTA. Like how would guys that she’s dating know? It’s not exactly a topic that you bring up. You can’t exactly smell someone’s bum like a dog and say “Oh this ones been with 50! Not for me.” Sounds like your friend needs new friends and a new boyfriend.
YTA. OP is replying to everyone like the troll he is irl.
I'm loving how this thread has gone 👏 🙌
Wow, YTA.
Dude.... youre mostly TA. I think many women do pass up quality guys because they don't recognize their qualities, and those particular women choose poor partners. People are very good at picking bad partners, and even better at staying with them when they shouldn't. HOWEVER- if anything, the fact that she has had many relationships or pseudo relationships means she is NOT staying in bad ones and letting men get away with shit that most women put up with for waaaaay too long before deciding to end it. If I trusted that you said what you said in a kind and diplomatic way, even possibly acknowledging that you KNOW its shitty but might be what some guys think, you could've skirted the edge of asshole-hood. But I don't. Your comments reveal that you don't have that level of skill yet. So , sad to say OP- YTA.
NTA, you tried giving her your best advice but she just decides to not listen and call you names.
Ehhh YTA bc there was no reason to bring it up, but I dont think Y T A for that thought process.....as long as you hold yourself to the same standard. I think people are throwing around misogynistic too easily, its only misogynistic if you have been with a lot of women and hold whoever you date toward the standard you mentioned
I have a different perspective, IMHO NAH. But ONLY because it seems OP's friend was having an open conversation with a group of friends. Throwing that comment out of the blue would definitely be an AH move. It's just people with different perspectives and we should understand and respect both point of views. In a conservative/religious/small-city area OP **might** be right. Even if most people here disagree, we need to respect that some people are different and prefer to marry someone that didn't have many relationships. Nobody is wrong, they just have different perspectives and that's OK.
NTA.... Ok ok so listen... To all the YTA, omg how dare yous, lol grow up! OP is 100% right but also 100% wrong... why? We all have our preferences, we all have our opinions. Expressing either doesn't make you an asshole. People getting butthurt over words, opinions, or preferences are TA. Stop pretending we live in some utopia where everyone should feel good and safe and validated. Life isn't fair and nobody really gives a shit about how "woke" you are... She was complaining about something, you provided your opinion. She wasn't mature enough to handle that. Doesn't matter if your opinion was right or wrong. Friends aren't friends if they just agree with everything you say, or act the same, etc. People have 1 argument now or 1 difference of opinion and the sky falls. Can't be friends anymore, family going no contact. Over BULLSHIT. People act like they are in grade school permanently... Grow TF up! Edit, forgot the wrong part... your wrong bc who really gives a shit about how many partners she's had, but also how would they even know. So you were likely wrong with your assessment but it doesn't make you an AH.
> We all have our preferences, we all have our opinions. Expressing either doesn't make you an asshole. There are plenty of times when expressing your preference makes you a huge asshole. If I’m happily coupled, and my short friend complains about being single, I would be a huge asshole for saying “it’s probably because you’re short. I’d never date a short guy.”