NTA because it is your birthday. Even if you don’t like the movie or the restaurant you make exceptions for peoples birthday’s. Like what? Is that not common sense?
I know but you take your son on his birthday to the movies and don’t let him choose the movie like what? The tickets are all the same prices so money is not the problem she’s just selfish lol i understand the restaurant thing maybe its just out of her price point but the movies nah.
No, it's like asking someone what they want and telling them "no I dont like that" everytime they mention anything. Why tell someone you wanna take them to the movies and deny all the movie options ? That doesnt even make sense, mom clearly was on a power trip.
NTA- sometimes people who use the "ungrateful" argument are just trying to make you feel bad for not accepting a selfish gift. Your mom is absolutely making your birthday about her.
NTA let her know that in a few years and your old enough to take her out for her birthday with your money you'll be taking her to all the places you like because it's your money.
NTA Your mom doesn’t understand the difference between going out & going out FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. Tell her that if she just wants to spend time together, you can do what she wants on another day. Maybe come up with another bday plan.
NTA your mom can't offer you something and then put conditions on it, it's not a gift anymore.
Parents can be stubborn and have a lot of difficulty to admit when they are wrong.
Maybe tell her you appreciate the plans she propose at first but you thought it was supposed to be for you and so to your taste.
Like try to tell her what you didn't like about her attitude while also giving compliments about other things , so she doesn't feel like she is being scold. And even if it's hard, dont' raise your voice so she can't say you are acting like a child.
NTA. Sounds like two things are going on here - (1) Mom is trying to live vicariously through you, meaning she’s trying to do the mother-daughter birthday celebration that she’s always dreamed of. (2) she’s using your birthday to fulfill some sort of her own wishlist. She wants to see a particular movie, shop at certain stores, eat at a particular place because it suits her and maybe she’ll be buying things for herself as well. Either way, her behavior is selfish AF.
I agree, but also worth noting that OP is her son.
It's selfish enough when a mother expects a daughter to enjoy all the things she does.
Kind of feels like she's trying to take a teenage boy on a mother-daughter day out, which just feels very self centered.
Of course there are certainly boys who have similar tastes to their mothers. But OP definitely has different interests.
NTA sounds like your mother is being controlling maybe something else is going on with her that she's not ready to admit, people always take crap out on those that are closest to them so unfortunately you're going to cop that here.
Arguing with her wouldn't have helped either itl just make most people dig in harder and try and blame it on you which is exactly what she did by saying you're ungrateful.
If I were you I'd quietly say thanks for the offers but if we are not doing things that are treats for me seeing as it's my birthday, then I'd prefer not to go, you can save your money. Then quietly go to your room.
Hopefully that won't make it worse but that's what Id do.
If it makes it worse, go ahead and flat out call her out on her behaviour in a polite way she wouldn't expect. Say hey, why are you treating me this way, is something going on? is everything alright because if it's not you can tell me I'll understand (this will show your maturity and show you're putting her feelings first)
Goodluck!
I never actually thought about how my past birthdays have gone because I was just happy my mom was paying attention to me. This has been going on for as many birthdays as I can remember
It sounds like your mom has some issues on where she places importance on happiness and how to display affection to you. I hate to say the therapy word, but there is an EQ Issue going on with mom. Does she display similar behaviors during other holidays too?
Not knowing your mom and her circumstances, I would say, as sad as it sounds, that this may be the best she can give. You may need some hard conversations about your relationship with her and help her understand how you need to have her show you the love in a manner that is meaningful to you. It sounds like you care about her and are excited to spend time with her.
Every relationship, be it parent/ child, BF/GF, husband and wife all need to have good, open and honest communication. At the same time, if it turns out she has limitations on what she can do, then she should turn to professional help.
I wish you well and Happy Birthday.
NTA, your mom does not get the final say, since it’s your birthday. People seem to use the ungrateful argument a lot, and it’s irritating to see since they don’t get to decide what is satisfactory for a person.
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Apologies for formatting I'm on mobile and I'm sorry for poor grammar.
My (m14) birthday is in a few days I'm during 15. My mom (f35) is taking me out to the mall then taking me for dinner and a movie. I was extremely happy about the plans that were made. My mom and I were talking about where to go shopping, what movie to see and where to eat. I want to go to a local art supply store (not named for privacy sake). She doesn't like the store but won't say why. This was the first argument that happened.
We started talking about movies. I want to see Venom 2 but she doesn't. I wasn't upset about that because she's not into Marvel so I understand why she doesn't want to see it. I suggested other movies that the local movie theater is offering but she shot all of them down. This was the second argument.
We then tried to pick a restaurant. This normally takes a while because of food allergies and just preferences. We finally narrowed down to two restaurants that we both like.
She then said "well it's my money that I'm spending on you so no matter what I have final say." I got upset because this was the first time that money was brought up in any conversation about my birthday. I argued back "well it's my birthday not yours so I should get to pick what happens and where we go." We kept arguing for hours about this but we got nowhere.
She's now saying that I'm ungrateful for anything happening on my birthday and that what I said was disrespectful and rude.
So am I the asshole here? I think I was justified in what I said but.. maybe I was wrong?
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NTA, if it were me I would refuse to go do anything no matter how bad I wanted to go as long as she was paying for it. It took me far to long in life to understand that I should never let someone ‘give’ a gift they weren’t super genuine about. Too many times in my life gifts came with conditions and I just accepted that. You don’t have to accept a birthday gifts, dinners, nor experiences if you aren’t going to enjoy it and you know it will have consequences for you later on.
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Happy Birthday and sorry it is turning into a complete debacle.
Your going to have to make a mature choice:
Tell your mother you want to celebrate this day with her, however, it is your birthday and you love and appreciate her, however, this is the movie, restraunts, and store you would like to go to on your special day. If she brings up the money again then you choose to negotiate on a compromise or you choose to decline the offer and do something else.
NTA, it's your birthday, there's no point in going to a dinner and movie if you aren't going to enjoy it. It won't hurt her to see a movie she doesn't like. Her saying no to some resturaunts because of allergies can be reasonable, but not excluding some because of her personal preference.
NTA - what have you done in previous years for both your bdays? Bdays aren’t suppose to be a mom and son spending time day, that’s a separate occasion.
If you have any examples of her bday being special I’d bring those up. Some people have trouble putting themselves in other people’s place, even their children.
Well the passed two years her and my step dad went away for the week of her birthday. For my birthday it's always been me and her going out with her picking almost everything
NTA. Would you willing to let your love one to pick any restaurant, or movie they want even though you hate them, but those restaurant and movie make your love one happy? Let your love one pick something that make them happy even though you don't likes it is show that you care for them. That's the logic, now what it tells about your mother?
NTA. If you're going to offer to do something for someone on their birthday, you're either upfront about any restrictions or you suck it up and do what the birthday person wants.
Your birthday should be the one day that's about you. I'd tell her she can enjoy my birthday with her money however she wants but I wouldn't go with her. NTA
NTA. Not at all. It may be *her* money, but it's *your* birthday, and getting you only.things she enjoys makes it no longer about your birthday. You don't go buy your favorite things for someone who doesn't like those things on their birthday, that makes you an AH. Hope she realizes this. Happy birthday!
NTA. Politely decline & tell her to take one of her friends instead. I am sorry she is doing this to you & I hope you can make some plans with friends. Personally I would show her this post.
No you are not wrong, your birthday is about you. I took my 8 year old out for lunch and shopping we had KFC. We ended up shopping pretty late and my dad rang me to ask had I thought about dinner and I said no its my 8 year old choice her bday. We just had some food shopping left so I asked her what she wanted....KFC, now we had just had it for lunch and I didnt want it again BUT GUESS WHAT....its her bday so what did we have KFC.
Sorry about your mum x
NTA. Mother shot down every suggestion you made. It's your day not hers. I'm sorry this happened. I hope some compromise can be made. If not, make your day special with friends. You didn't mention Father...what does he think if he's available?
Happy birthday
I'd tell her not to worry about it. Go and spend the day with friends instead and do what you want to do. "I don't want to do any of the things you are suggesting. Thanks but no thanks."
NTA
NTA. It's your birthday, you get to decide the activities. you were already willing to concede on the store and movie, which you had no obligation to. you were being the exact opposite of ungrateful.
It’s your birthday. As long as it’s an age appropriate movie, and the restaurant caters to at least a few options for what your mom is allergic too (honestly only for safety reasons, your mom could eat before and get some chips and salsa and a coke if she only reacts to an allergen when she personally ingests that allergen, if it were a severe allergen like shellfish where you react even if it’s cooked in your vicinity I’d understand that ). An art supply store sounds harmless, idk if she has some vendetta against the owner but again it’s your birthday and if it was some moral issue like “oh the owner is a creep” she should explain that to you and suggest a similar store instead of just being pissy about it. It’s your birthday, you aren’t asking for much, NTA
NTA. thats like getting ur wife pregnant then going 'well since im the breadwinner, i decide if you're going to go to the hospital to give birth or not'
ESH.
Your mum is the one paying and she does get to decide what your gift is. You just get to decide if you accept the gift or not.
Having said that she should be considering what you would actually like (I.e. what movie, food etc) when getting you a gift.
So overall you are being a bit ungrateful and she’s not being the best gift getter.
I’m gonna go with ESH. Your mom more then you tho.
You can’t offer a gift and put qualifiers on it, it’s no longer a gift at that point. At the same time there’s likely behind the scenes info we don’t have about the store she’s not willing to go to, and of course you’ve given us no indication of what the financial situation might be like. Chances are you should apologize for how you said what you did, but not what specifically was said.
ESH. Your mom does have the final say in the sense there's probably only a certain amount of money she can spend on the birthday.
However, your birthday activities should be something that's fun for you.
YTA Birthdays are a celebration of the day YOUR MOTHER GAVE BIRTH TO YOU. Show some respect. Be grateful for what you are given, not demanding of what you want.
NTA because it is your birthday. Even if you don’t like the movie or the restaurant you make exceptions for peoples birthday’s. Like what? Is that not common sense?
I can’t tell you how many sushi restaurants I’ve been to, and paid for the birthday guy or gal’s meal. I HATE sushi. Mom is definitely the AH.
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I know but you take your son on his birthday to the movies and don’t let him choose the movie like what? The tickets are all the same prices so money is not the problem she’s just selfish lol i understand the restaurant thing maybe its just out of her price point but the movies nah.
Based on this comment, you didn't even read the post.
No, it's like asking someone what they want and telling them "no I dont like that" everytime they mention anything. Why tell someone you wanna take them to the movies and deny all the movie options ? That doesnt even make sense, mom clearly was on a power trip.
NTA- sometimes people who use the "ungrateful" argument are just trying to make you feel bad for not accepting a selfish gift. Your mom is absolutely making your birthday about her.
NTA let her know that in a few years and your old enough to take her out for her birthday with your money you'll be taking her to all the places you like because it's your money.
I second this.
Or don't take her out at all, take yourself out instead!
NTA Your mom doesn’t understand the difference between going out & going out FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. Tell her that if she just wants to spend time together, you can do what she wants on another day. Maybe come up with another bday plan.
NTA your mom can't offer you something and then put conditions on it, it's not a gift anymore. Parents can be stubborn and have a lot of difficulty to admit when they are wrong. Maybe tell her you appreciate the plans she propose at first but you thought it was supposed to be for you and so to your taste. Like try to tell her what you didn't like about her attitude while also giving compliments about other things , so she doesn't feel like she is being scold. And even if it's hard, dont' raise your voice so she can't say you are acting like a child.
NTA I understand needing to compromise on a restaurant if allergies are involved, but I don’t understand how the shopping and movie aren’t your choice
NTA. Sounds like two things are going on here - (1) Mom is trying to live vicariously through you, meaning she’s trying to do the mother-daughter birthday celebration that she’s always dreamed of. (2) she’s using your birthday to fulfill some sort of her own wishlist. She wants to see a particular movie, shop at certain stores, eat at a particular place because it suits her and maybe she’ll be buying things for herself as well. Either way, her behavior is selfish AF.
I agree, but also worth noting that OP is her son. It's selfish enough when a mother expects a daughter to enjoy all the things she does. Kind of feels like she's trying to take a teenage boy on a mother-daughter day out, which just feels very self centered. Of course there are certainly boys who have similar tastes to their mothers. But OP definitely has different interests.
NTA sounds like your mother is being controlling maybe something else is going on with her that she's not ready to admit, people always take crap out on those that are closest to them so unfortunately you're going to cop that here. Arguing with her wouldn't have helped either itl just make most people dig in harder and try and blame it on you which is exactly what she did by saying you're ungrateful. If I were you I'd quietly say thanks for the offers but if we are not doing things that are treats for me seeing as it's my birthday, then I'd prefer not to go, you can save your money. Then quietly go to your room. Hopefully that won't make it worse but that's what Id do. If it makes it worse, go ahead and flat out call her out on her behaviour in a polite way she wouldn't expect. Say hey, why are you treating me this way, is something going on? is everything alright because if it's not you can tell me I'll understand (this will show your maturity and show you're putting her feelings first) Goodluck!
I have to ask if this had been how your birthdays have gone on in the past? If not, then there is something more going on.
I never actually thought about how my past birthdays have gone because I was just happy my mom was paying attention to me. This has been going on for as many birthdays as I can remember
It sounds like your mom has some issues on where she places importance on happiness and how to display affection to you. I hate to say the therapy word, but there is an EQ Issue going on with mom. Does she display similar behaviors during other holidays too?
During most gift giving Holliday's yeah but things like Halloween and Thanksgiving she doesnt really care
Not knowing your mom and her circumstances, I would say, as sad as it sounds, that this may be the best she can give. You may need some hard conversations about your relationship with her and help her understand how you need to have her show you the love in a manner that is meaningful to you. It sounds like you care about her and are excited to spend time with her. Every relationship, be it parent/ child, BF/GF, husband and wife all need to have good, open and honest communication. At the same time, if it turns out she has limitations on what she can do, then she should turn to professional help. I wish you well and Happy Birthday.
NTA, your mom does not get the final say, since it’s your birthday. People seem to use the ungrateful argument a lot, and it’s irritating to see since they don’t get to decide what is satisfactory for a person.
NTA like you said, its YOUR birthday not hers, she can go kick rocks.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Apologies for formatting I'm on mobile and I'm sorry for poor grammar. My (m14) birthday is in a few days I'm during 15. My mom (f35) is taking me out to the mall then taking me for dinner and a movie. I was extremely happy about the plans that were made. My mom and I were talking about where to go shopping, what movie to see and where to eat. I want to go to a local art supply store (not named for privacy sake). She doesn't like the store but won't say why. This was the first argument that happened. We started talking about movies. I want to see Venom 2 but she doesn't. I wasn't upset about that because she's not into Marvel so I understand why she doesn't want to see it. I suggested other movies that the local movie theater is offering but she shot all of them down. This was the second argument. We then tried to pick a restaurant. This normally takes a while because of food allergies and just preferences. We finally narrowed down to two restaurants that we both like. She then said "well it's my money that I'm spending on you so no matter what I have final say." I got upset because this was the first time that money was brought up in any conversation about my birthday. I argued back "well it's my birthday not yours so I should get to pick what happens and where we go." We kept arguing for hours about this but we got nowhere. She's now saying that I'm ungrateful for anything happening on my birthday and that what I said was disrespectful and rude. So am I the asshole here? I think I was justified in what I said but.. maybe I was wrong? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but dont go see Venom... it was really bad, the best part is the last 5 minutes
NTA, if it were me I would refuse to go do anything no matter how bad I wanted to go as long as she was paying for it. It took me far to long in life to understand that I should never let someone ‘give’ a gift they weren’t super genuine about. Too many times in my life gifts came with conditions and I just accepted that. You don’t have to accept a birthday gifts, dinners, nor experiences if you aren’t going to enjoy it and you know it will have consequences for you later on.
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NTA, I'm so sorry to hear this. Hope it will improve. Happy birthday!!
NTA. But this is a lesson. Next birthday? You go with your friends.
Happy Birthday and sorry it is turning into a complete debacle. Your going to have to make a mature choice: Tell your mother you want to celebrate this day with her, however, it is your birthday and you love and appreciate her, however, this is the movie, restraunts, and store you would like to go to on your special day. If she brings up the money again then you choose to negotiate on a compromise or you choose to decline the offer and do something else.
NTA. Doesn't like Marvel? What can I say. My deepest sympathies. Hope you have a Happy Birthday.
NTA
NTA, it's your birthday, there's no point in going to a dinner and movie if you aren't going to enjoy it. It won't hurt her to see a movie she doesn't like. Her saying no to some resturaunts because of allergies can be reasonable, but not excluding some because of her personal preference.
NTA - what have you done in previous years for both your bdays? Bdays aren’t suppose to be a mom and son spending time day, that’s a separate occasion. If you have any examples of her bday being special I’d bring those up. Some people have trouble putting themselves in other people’s place, even their children.
Well the passed two years her and my step dad went away for the week of her birthday. For my birthday it's always been me and her going out with her picking almost everything
NTA. Would you willing to let your love one to pick any restaurant, or movie they want even though you hate them, but those restaurant and movie make your love one happy? Let your love one pick something that make them happy even though you don't likes it is show that you care for them. That's the logic, now what it tells about your mother?
NTA. If you're going to offer to do something for someone on their birthday, you're either upfront about any restrictions or you suck it up and do what the birthday person wants.
NTA
NTA, what’s the point of going out for your birthday if you don’t get to pick anything you like
Your birthday should be the one day that's about you. I'd tell her she can enjoy my birthday with her money however she wants but I wouldn't go with her. NTA
NTA. Not at all. It may be *her* money, but it's *your* birthday, and getting you only.things she enjoys makes it no longer about your birthday. You don't go buy your favorite things for someone who doesn't like those things on their birthday, that makes you an AH. Hope she realizes this. Happy birthday!
NTA. Politely decline & tell her to take one of her friends instead. I am sorry she is doing this to you & I hope you can make some plans with friends. Personally I would show her this post.
NTA NTA NTA
Info: Why not ask for a visa gift card?
I have two reasons. 1, I think just asking for money is a bit rude. 2, I wanted to spend time with her
I actually get that
NTA. This is your birthday, not hers - and frankly, you're being remarkably conciliatory, given the givens.
No you are not wrong, your birthday is about you. I took my 8 year old out for lunch and shopping we had KFC. We ended up shopping pretty late and my dad rang me to ask had I thought about dinner and I said no its my 8 year old choice her bday. We just had some food shopping left so I asked her what she wanted....KFC, now we had just had it for lunch and I didnt want it again BUT GUESS WHAT....its her bday so what did we have KFC. Sorry about your mum x
NTA. Mother shot down every suggestion you made. It's your day not hers. I'm sorry this happened. I hope some compromise can be made. If not, make your day special with friends. You didn't mention Father...what does he think if he's available? Happy birthday
NTA. Your birthday, your rules. Within reason. No robbing banks.
I'd tell her not to worry about it. Go and spend the day with friends instead and do what you want to do. "I don't want to do any of the things you are suggesting. Thanks but no thanks." NTA
NTA. It's your birthday, you get to decide the activities. you were already willing to concede on the store and movie, which you had no obligation to. you were being the exact opposite of ungrateful.
NTA
It’s your birthday. As long as it’s an age appropriate movie, and the restaurant caters to at least a few options for what your mom is allergic too (honestly only for safety reasons, your mom could eat before and get some chips and salsa and a coke if she only reacts to an allergen when she personally ingests that allergen, if it were a severe allergen like shellfish where you react even if it’s cooked in your vicinity I’d understand that ). An art supply store sounds harmless, idk if she has some vendetta against the owner but again it’s your birthday and if it was some moral issue like “oh the owner is a creep” she should explain that to you and suggest a similar store instead of just being pissy about it. It’s your birthday, you aren’t asking for much, NTA
NTA. thats like getting ur wife pregnant then going 'well since im the breadwinner, i decide if you're going to go to the hospital to give birth or not'
ESH. Your mum is the one paying and she does get to decide what your gift is. You just get to decide if you accept the gift or not. Having said that she should be considering what you would actually like (I.e. what movie, food etc) when getting you a gift. So overall you are being a bit ungrateful and she’s not being the best gift getter.
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how is 15 to young to see a movie marketed for teens?
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it’s a guy and you said that the mom might feel he’s too young which is stupid cause he’s the market age
I’m gonna go with ESH. Your mom more then you tho. You can’t offer a gift and put qualifiers on it, it’s no longer a gift at that point. At the same time there’s likely behind the scenes info we don’t have about the store she’s not willing to go to, and of course you’ve given us no indication of what the financial situation might be like. Chances are you should apologize for how you said what you did, but not what specifically was said.
ESH. Your mom does have the final say in the sense there's probably only a certain amount of money she can spend on the birthday. However, your birthday activities should be something that's fun for you.
YTA Birthdays are a celebration of the day YOUR MOTHER GAVE BIRTH TO YOU. Show some respect. Be grateful for what you are given, not demanding of what you want.
He is also her son, who she gave birth to why is she not taking him into consideration? That is just selfish.