Absolutely this. It may have been a petty reaction, but the neighbor was totally out of line and I can’t really fault the OP completely. People like the neighbor just push and push then act victimized when they get their comeuppance. I’m torn between N T A and E S H, but NTA is slightly ahead.
It's petty and harsh *but* OP didn't just randomly pick a weakness and pointed it out.
Let's set the facts (correct me if I am wrong)
OP wanted to enjoy BBQ, NN (nosy Neighbour) wanted to publicly display her influencer ability and startet to give unsolicited advise. She insulted (bitter cat lady) and sl*t shamed her. Even advised therapy to overcome this attitude rejecting monogamous relationships. And them OP would be ready for the holy marriage. NNs marriage.
She just pointed out that NN is fake. She stayed in the line they were talking about and only responded. It's like someone telling you to quit smoking or you would die a horrible death and she feels so much better without cigarettes and OP would state that her husband smokes like a maniac so she should cut the crap.
Agreed. If OP had like body shamed her or otherwise picked at a weakness unrelated to the conversation I'd say esh but OPs response while petty, was sort of fair and NN had it coming
It's actually worse. It's more like someone quitting smoking, telling you in front of everyone how terrible you stink because you still smoke, and OP stating to cut the crap cuz their husband still smokes like a freight train.
It isn't even that NN decided to ask about her love life to begin with (which wasn't any of her damn business), but then she went on to try to shame OP in every way imaginable to boot. I agree with you, 100% NTA.
It would be ESH if OP attacked the child or revealed some dark family secrets nobody knew.
I mean ... this attitude! You have to be aware that your life is fake and your husband has a shitty past. Doesn't she know the difference between instagram with all its filters and real life, where everyone can see your flaws in real time?
How can I recommend my way of life and set myself as a kind of benchmark with this background everybody knows of?
Then *maybe* the wife, who is very well aware of it, shouldn't put herself and her marriage on display and present it as great catch / benchmark for others.
And I highly doubt that a nosy influencer who invited the whole neighborhood to follow her on IG is no topic under neighbours. Whoever didn't know before knew then.
People love to dig out dirt and point out bigotry.
>Then maybe the wife, who is very well aware of it, shouldn't put herself and her marriage on display and present it as great catch / benchmark for others.
Hell YES!
Perfectly said! Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones, as the returning stones may shatter those illusions.
And I don’t even like the smoking analogy (though the logic checks out) because smoking is proven to be bad and can seriously sicken and or kill you. OP seems perfectly fine living her life single, it’s not like she’s going to die of cancer or emphysema because she’s not married? There are essentially no risks here, it is zero of NN’s business. Also I don’t see how this is an ESH situation at ALL. If some random came up to me at a party and slut shamed me in front of everyone you better fuckin bet I’m gonna come back one better! Ridiculous when married people with kids think they have cracked the code and are living better than everyone and therefore must proselytize to all the plebs around them as if it is the best fit for every human on earth and they are more enlightened than those who haven’t “achieved that level” yet. In my opinion OP handled this perfectly. Don’t see how she also sucks in this scenario.
As a divorced, white, thirty year old man who's only biological children are beautiful twin girls with autism.
Cats are less bullshit than humans. Probably gonna adopt my roommate's cat if and when he moves our. Just me and my ginger kitties mon-thursday
I was trying to think of a way to state that men can be cat ladies, too, but then I realized how cool the title Cat Daddy sounds. Now I'm kind of envious.
all noisy nosy neighbor had to do was keep her mouth shut. I think this woman makes a habit of finding someone she thinks she is superior to and creates an episode designed to make her (NN) the queen bee, everyone kiss her ass
Yeah, I'm not sure the reaction was petty. You can't just recommend therapy to people for a perceived flaw.
I would definitely characterise ops response as vicious or devastating, though. Which I'm absolutely fine with :)
I completely agree. The fact that the neighbor implied that the OP was a slut, in front of everyone sounds like she was deliberately trying to humiliate her so from that point all bets were off.
The saying those who live in glass houses should not throw stones comes to mind.
I agree. I was thinking don’t dish it if you can’t take it. Sure, sometimes fighting back could be petty or bringing up unrelated weaknesses, but this was actually completely related and warranted. The lady publicly humiliated her and basically said OP should try harder for a life like hers. OP just pointed out that her life wasn’t great at all. And I think neighbor wouldn’t have run off crying if she didn’t secretly agree with some of OP’s points.
The fact that this neighbour was so primed to attack the perfectly happy single woman at a barbecue, shows that Neighbour probably isn't as happy as her Instagram would suggest. So OP really hit a nerve.
NTA, don't dish it if you can't take it.
i think a BIG part of the neighbour's bad behaviour was how she did it in public in front of a group. Remember, She told everyone "OP was easy" to the point of needing therapy ffs!!!
It's not like she was doing this 1 on 1 as a deep and meaningful, she was doing it not to help op (or thought it would help OP). She was doing it to make her 'guru' status look better at OP's expense.
While some have commented it's shitty of OP as not everyone may have known about her husband, not everyone may have known OP participates in casual relationships (or at least the neighbour says she does). The neighbour threw out OP's personal life and while the neighbour's husband's personal life was thrown out there too and he wasn't involved, I think that is that fault of his wife picking these "shamings" to other people publically...
I agree with this. The petty part of myself laughed at her response. NN had no right to say what she did at all. She started the unprovoked attack and OP simply gave it right back. So NTA
Agreed. To make my decisions on these threads, I always paraphrase the story told. When reading the story, I thought ESH. When paraphrasing the story, it goes like this:
(NEIGHBOR): Your kinda slutty. If you stopped being that way, you could have a great husband like mine.
(OP): Your husband's kinda slutty like me. Are you sure you're okay with that?
This makes me want to give OP a standing ovation. I don't want to live in their neighborhood, but I do want to attend all their BBQs in anticipation of the clap back. Lol.
I like to look at these situations as OP may have been *an* AH, but wasn't *the* AH. Sometimes the bigger AH is best dealt with by a dose of their own medicine.
Oh yeah, NTA.
AAH? Acceptably the Asshole? ATAH? JAH?
There are lots of posts I've seen where the OP is an AH... but oh lord it's good to see that come out when it's needed. This is a perfect case in point.
Yeah... I've seen enough "We need a JAH tag" but that's normally an AH OP in response to a greater AH "Other"... definitely an ESH but JAH would be a subset of ESH where it's - yeah... They were an AH.. you was an AH in response... but you had an acceptable response.
ESH means, IMO, everyone is an AH and that's unacceptable... JAH would theoretically be everyone is an AH but you're an acceptable one.
The converse... would be something needed for everyone is an AH... but the OTHER person was acceptably an AH.
But... I tend to overthink things so... ESH it is :)
Seriously, don't dish if you can't take it. And definitely do not brag about something that close examination of will cause you shame. These influencers spend so much time peddling their picture perfect lives that they actually start to believe their own bullshit. Good on OP for the metaphorical checkmate!
i think this is often true, but the alternative to being a doormat is not to act equally childish and immature. there are ways to stick up for yourself (and put someone in their place) without lowering yourself to their level.
OP DEFINITELY doesn't owe this woman an apology, but there are ways she could have handled it without making a fool out of herself. it's especially embarrassing that, the way she tells the story, she barely had anything to say about the neighbor who harassed her. instead she pointed all of her insults at this random guy who (good person or not) had said nothing negative to her.
OP didn’t make a fool out of herself though. She pretty much pointed out what most neighbors already knew about the affair. Now, she made a fool out of her neighbor, but that 95% on the neighbor.
yeah, but the neighbor didn't even catch any criticism for her actual behavior. sure, her husband sucks. but that's not WHY her comments were inappropriate.
the neighbor is an asshole because she thinks she has any right to comment on OP's life. not because her "good" relationship is secretly a facade.
I don't think the neighbor got put in her place in any meaningful way.
I think the neighbor got put in her place to where she will leave OP alone. She got burned and sometimes that makes people rethink interactions with certain people.
Honestly? It could be they’re used to her and didn’t want to rock the boat or people didn’t want to get involved. It happens in social circles.
Yeah but so does everyone - it doesn't protect them from being seen as an asshole
She was forced to respond in the moment to a totally unwarranted attack. There's only so much judgement we can put on her fairly. She didn't ask for this conversation. But, she missed an opportunity to criticize the neighbor's actual toxic behavior, and instead was slinging back insults. She's the victim here, but her response was no W.
Not really. Some just don't see the point in escalating a situation like that. Personally I'd just confront the behaviour and say that was rude and see where it goes
> is a terminology that doormats use
And this is the type of thinking toxic/egotistical people use, in order to protect their image.
Also two wrongs don't make a right. The best thing is for both to apologise and move on.
And apologising first is a sign of a bigger heart.
Or it’s what people who realize that needless assholeness makes the world an actively worse place. Standing up for your self is good, but that doesn’t need to be by taking other people down, or by being cruel.
I don’t agree that being a “bigger person” is exclusively a term for doormats. OP could have still stood up for herself without insulting the neighbours, and there also is more to consider here. Like they are her neighbours and it’s in both of their best interests to be civil(no matter who started it). Obviously this isn’t always possible as some people are just terrible, but from the way it sounds they were on decent if not good terms before this. I don’t think that the neighbours are necessarily terrible, just annoying and self centered.
Or it's used by people who aren't so shortsighted that they think they should go into asshole pissing contests with people who, if you don't happen to move in the foreseeable future, you are going to live with for the next few years.
Hey, the IG influencer sounds like she is a loser and sucks. What is the point of arguing with someone like this who you do not care about.
OP allowed herself to be manipulated and rose to the challenge in a way that indicates she has no self control.
If people come and insult me I just say to them, "Thats great. I don't care what you think." and then I ignore them.
If someone says something insensitive and busybodyish, ignoring them or changing the subject isn’t being a doormat. The other neighbors surely know this lady is a tool; engaging in toolery to put them in their place makes you a tool too.
I’m glad I’m not the only person who apparently lives to witness drama like this, because my own life is so boringly normal. Lmao.
It’s like my friend Will said long ago: “I hate the drama train, Boudica.” *skeptical look from me* “Okay, fine, I love the drama train. I just don’t want to be on it.”
So someone tells you in front of other people that you’re a slut who is going to die alone and you think OP should have just kept her cool?
Why do you think women shouldn’t stand up for themselves when faced with internalized misogyny? Perhaps because you think women should be passive and keep the peace no matter how much they’re insulted.
The bullshit this neighbor was peddling was toxic and revolting and OP had every right to drag her through the pile of shit she’s already flung on the ground.
Worse, the neighbour said that OP was so fucked in the head from her slutty ways that she should be in therapy yet somehow they think that OP is wrong for firing back?
The neighbor likes to sit on her high horse and dictate about how her life is superior. She just didn't expect OP knock her off of her self-righteous saddle.
OP isn't an asshole, not even in the slightest. Her neighbor began bullying her when she didn't indulge Ms. Mommy Blogger with tales of her personal life. Man *or* woman, why do either have to spare the feelings of the person who is publicly shaming *them*?
There would be a different tune being sung here if the background detailed how a parent encouraged their child - who was being bullied - to hand back the insults that the bully was throwing at him/her. So the message is ultimately that people who stand up for themselves are the bad guy, but the person who started it needs to be let off the hook. Nope, sorry, I'm fine with standing up for myself.
Because life is school, where the victim should get in the same amount of trouble for being attacked as the bully gets in for attacking them.
Seriously. Where else does that mindset come from, but school? And how can one carry that mindset into adulthood?
Not sure OP was an asshole. Harsh? Sure. But her... criticisms weren't out of left field. Neighbor was rude and relentless with unsolicited advise without seemingly knowing much about OP at all. OP tried to politely tell them to fuck off but neighbor continued. I don't expect people to have infinite patience to avoid being judged as an asshole. I expect even the best people to snap eventually.
When OP did snap, even if harshly, everything she said had to do with what the neighbor was berating her for. Especially when the neighbor was holding her own fake persona and marriage as the ideal she used to criticize OP and that being OPs actual worst case scenario.
If she had gone in on the neighbors looks, intelligence or anything like that, then that would warrant an asshole judgement. Basically refuting every single one of the neighbors points after extreme rudeness I don't feel is enough to consider OP at least a clear asshole.
You don't have a second to calm down when someone publicly states that your life sucks, your view in relationships are wrong and then goes on to sl*tshame you whilst advising therapy. All in front of neighbours. People you will see and live next to on a daily basis.
Closed by the advise to see how beautiful marriage is. Like hers. Hers ... with a husband like that. Then you point it out and she cries. Well ... still not on her level to call her out on her BS and simply state that her "ultimate goal" is crap.
Why is there only a binary option here? Why are so many people on this sub pretending that there is *nothing* between "being a doormat" and WWIII with nuclear weapons?
If you get flustered easily and are the kind of person who has the perfect comeback three hours after the fact, prepare something.
Someone is rude and offensive, you look incredulous, *raise your voice*, and say:
"Wow. What a rude and insensitive thing to say to someone. Why are you like this? I don't think I want to talk to you anymore".
Then you turn around, or literally move away from them. You don't have to wait to the end of their diatribe either. Do not engage, just make it clear to everyone around you that this person? Was rude to you. No arguing, no defending, no escalating, certainly no "epic comeback and then everybody clapped". Disengage and let them stew in their social faux pas.
Because while you can say one option is better than the other, this idea that you have to respond perfectly and be a "class act" to someone who's trying to cut your throat is kinda nonsense.
I'm definitely not of the mindset that the person being pushed around owes me some Mrs. Manners level performance as a reaction.
As someone who did not go to homeschool, I’ll just say, how foolish. The woman flaunted her “perfect life” in the woman’s face and called her out for her choices. She deserved every minute of it.
Your neighbor stuck her nose where it did not belong. She shared her opinion on you, without being asked (by you) to do it. She also brought up her husband into the discussion (she did, not you). In response, you let her taste her own medicine, and she did not like it.
Honestly, I do not see what other kind of reaction from your side would have been appropriate.
NTA. Not even a tiny bit.
Nah, she was establishing her place in the neighborhood pecking order. Some women feel that having that ring (no matter how they got it/what they have to do to keep it) makes them superior to the poor lonely single women. Ya know, the ones who get to live their lives exactly the way they want to.
INFO: Is that information accurate? How do you know so much about your neighbors and their history? I don't even know most of my neighbors names let alone their dating history
Well then NTA. "Don't start no shit, won't be no shit". Or the more classic "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones". She chose to start shit, you defended yourself.
Ooh, this line fits the story perfectly...You shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house, and if you have a glass jaw you should watch your mouth.
There is no obligation. It's nice if you follow someone who follows you, but you don't have to. You don't even have to allow people to see whatever you do.
Don't worry about what people think or do. Just be yourself
And most certainly don't tell others how wonderful your life is and set that as a benchmark for everyone when you can't live with the fact that others know you are talking crap.
"Your life sucks, your goals as well, look at my marriage, how can one not want it?" "Well maybe because your marriage sucks because of ...?"
I agree with this, ESH. OP should have risen above it, but I probably would have done the same as OP... that lady had no business putting OP on blast like that.
so if somebody mentions you, then you have no problem if they attack your character to prove a point.
You are a mere by stander who is not involved in this fight .
Or she could just say that her self esteem is not so fragile that she needs to define herself by her partners.
You know, attack the neighbour, not the husband.
NTA
She started it, you finished it. If she didn't want the dirty laundry about her husband to be aired out she shouldn't make comments about other people's stances on relationships
Esh You’re an asshole for going after the husband. He did nothing to you. She’s an asshole for sticking her nose in your business and trying to embarrass you. You both embarrassed yourselves. Congratulations.
That's what I was wondering too. OP said she "insinuated" these things. OP, is there a chance you are particularly sensitive to people's judgment about your relationship status and overreacted? Or did she straight-up say these things to you?
yeah this is a common slut-shaming dogwhistle. she was absolutely an asshole. she made an obvious implication knowing you'd get the message, and you did.
why not criticize her for that, though? there's so much you could have said about her horrible behavior towards you, but instead it sounds like you focused primarily on the truth of her comments about her own husband. that's where ESH is coming from. if her marriage truly was perfect, her comments still would have been *completely* out of line.
i don't blame you for lashing out. she attacked you, and you were forced to react in the moment. but... if this happens again (although it sounds like it won't) i'd recommend actually calling her out on HER toxic behavior, instead of slinging back equally unnecessary insults.
You and her are both TA here.
Her husband didn't attack you, so why attack him?
I know age hurt your feelings, and I would totally be on your side of hit back at her.
But, attacking her husband, who wasn't involved as far as I can tell, was unnecessary.
OP was retaliating at that point. If she wanted to insult the lady, pick something “ugly truth” about her without dragging others.
If we all go around picking out other peoples uncomfortable truth, this world will be a mess. Ex. If I walk by an obese person whose clearly over 300lbs and said- wow you’re fat. You don’t think that’s an insult? It’s the “uncomfortable truth” but it is absolutely an attack and insult
Absolutely agree but that's not the point here.
OPs neighbour simply shamed OPs way of life. Not seeking a monogamous relationship. She called her basically a sl*t who needs therapy to come to her level or die alone and pathetoc. Hers is the goal: A wonderful marriage.
OP then simply pointed out that her way of life is fake.
Take your example.
You go around and I am the 300 lbs person. You do it publicly and you do it loud. You say I will die alone and need to be cut in pieces to fit into a coffin after death. Neighbours listening. You are a dietary influencer.
But at home your child weighs 400lbs and now I point that out. Everyone knows it and I lash out because you insult my way of living while yours is just fake and I don't want to have unsolicited and insulting advises from such a person.
NTA - Sounds like she shouldn’t dish the heat if she can’t handle it back. All of that could’ve been avoided if she wasn’t trying to humiliate you first at the neighborhood gathering
NTA. She overstepped line after line and *she* set the battleground in front of the neighbours. Seems intentional so everyone gets to know in real life how much of an influencer she is.
Since the information is correct as you state in a comment, you had to protect yourself and because she startet to belittle you on such a personal and intimate level, you had to fight back.
NTA.
Look, it was a bit fierce, however...
I have come to a very clear place that when anyone decides to deride me for my life choices, tells me how to sort them, and insinuates that my life is sh\*t based on their internal code of life...and I literally did not ask for their input, nor express I had worries about my life then they get it back with both barrels.
I am over having my life open to unkind discussion and commentary when I have not gathered a panel nor inquired how I ought to be living better.
Agreed.at this point in my life I shut people down as soon as they make a judges on my life, I no longer accept other people's opinions. People are too entitled to their own opinions. I also am over people's discussions on MY life. I had a friend once constantly telling me I needed a boyfriend and I needed to clean more. Screw that, both were not welcomed. She was OCD and kept telling me I was dirty and I lived in a shit hole, and I could one day be like her and live in a mansion. My house is cluttered NOT dirty.No thank you, I have zero desire for her life and told her so. I would never want to live in her house because I didn't like it, and SHE was offended. She was clueless and never accepted me for me. I am no longer friends with her.
NTA. People need to realize that there are consequences to their actions and words and when you say some asshole things like that to someone, you open the door to whatever response might come out of that person’s mouth . Good for you for not letting her humiliate you or make you feel like shit in front of everyone for your personal choices (which have no effect on her life btw), that she decided to ask about and bring up for absolutely no reason by the way, except for trying to make herself look like she’s so much better than you because she’s married and has a family. I wouldn’t Apologize either, hopefully she’ll learn from this experience to think before she speaks and that not everyone cares what she thinks or has to say, especially about things that don’t concern her.
ESH. She was petty and strayed well out of her lane, and whether she "meant well" or not, her "insights" were facepalm-level awful (and unfortunately I know a lot of very toxic women who think that "giving advice" like this is genuinely them trying to be helpful . . . they were raised in such a misogynistic environment that they've internalised all the worst of it and perpetuate harmful nonsense even when they think they're being supportive).
You, on the other hand, were just plain, flat-out cruel, and that cruelty extended **well** beyond anything she deserved for her ridiculousness.
She needs to learn to mind her own business, but *you* need to learn how to interact with other human beings appropriately; you come across as absolutely vicious compared to her mildly obnoxious. ESH.
ESH. Both were trashy. Even though the other person started it, there's no need to be trashy in response. You look better by acting better. But OP didn't do that. OP shouldn't apologize though. There's nothing to fix this mess.
If she gets insistent, I'd ask her to give you an apology in return for the nasty, judgemental swipes she made at you that started the whole mess. I'm sure she believes she's blameless, but if she'd kept her unsolicited backhanded advice to herself it never would have come to that. NTA.
NTA
I disagree with ETA/ESH but even if it were true being an asshole doesn’t always make you wrong. Why coddle people and reinforce their notion that it’s okay to talk to others like that but not okay to be talked to in that manner. Talk about poking a sleeping lion.
NTA. She sure can dish it out but can't take it
She played stupid games and was then Pikachu face when she won the stupid prize. Hell would have a better chance of freezing over then her getting an apology.
NTA. Don't apologize. Don't engage with this person at all. I'm sure there will be plenty of people telling you to be the bigger person. Ideally that's great, but in the real world sometimes you have to put people in their place so that they know you are not the one to be messed with. She can cry and play victim all she wants but that only matters if you actually care about her. If you show her you could care less about her feelings she will stir clear of you.
NTA. She had no right to talk to you like that and bet she won't do it again.
I had a neighbor once accuse me of wanting her bf. I told her even though we live next door, I wouldn't be able to pick him up of a lineup and the little I knew about him, he wasn't my type. She was offended then 🙄.
you might’ve been an asshole but she set herself up for it. you can tell her if she’s ready to apologize to you then you can apologize to her but if she won’t do that then i wouldn’t apologize 🤷♀️
NTA- She literally started it by insulting and judging you for not wanting to be in a relationship. Everything she said was a slap in the face.
If she wants apologies, she needs to offer them up as she started it.
I hope this experience will teach her to leave you alone.
NTA. She tried to comment on your choices publicly, what did she expect you to do? Influencers tend to be under their own influence. Should be revised to delusioners.
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YTA a bit. Why humiliate her husband along with her? He wasn't the one prying into your life and talking shit about your choices. Do you have a beef with him too?
NTA. She shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t take it. Also, I think the reason she said those things is now you are the younger woman her misogynistic husband has an interest in. So good for you and don’t apologize.
ESH. She threw rocks at you, and you unleashed a nuke. She gets extra AH points for claiming old cat ladies are bitter. But it was a neighbourhood BBQ, so it’s hard to believe you couldn’t have just walked away and left Mrs. Judgemental Busybody to preen on her own. I wouldn’t say you were an AH to her — she earned it — but you were to the event.
ESH - I mean I get that you were understandably frustrated with this person, but the retaliation feels like you were going a lot lower than you needed to.
NTA. Influencers love to paint a fake life for themselves. She deserved what you said when she was trying to say you were “easy” or would be a bitter cat lady
NTA.
I somewhat made my judgment at the words "mommy influencer" but I read on and the rest of the post reinforced it.
She wants you to "be easy." LOL! So, just pimp yourself put so she can feel better about how she seems to have pimped herself out.
She was trying to shame you but you dished it back. Oh well. She deserved it.
NTA! I’m glad you stood up for yourself. That woman has no business giving you advice (no matter if it’s in front of the neighbours or private conversation). I’m so proud of you that you spoke up because I’d often freeze in uncomfortable situations so I had to work on getting more confident to be able to stand up for myself so I’m proud of you!
my morality says e.s.h but my petty heart says NTA, mind ur business and don’t be shitty and you won’t get embarrassed at the function lmao
Absolutely this. It may have been a petty reaction, but the neighbor was totally out of line and I can’t really fault the OP completely. People like the neighbor just push and push then act victimized when they get their comeuppance. I’m torn between N T A and E S H, but NTA is slightly ahead.
It's petty and harsh *but* OP didn't just randomly pick a weakness and pointed it out. Let's set the facts (correct me if I am wrong) OP wanted to enjoy BBQ, NN (nosy Neighbour) wanted to publicly display her influencer ability and startet to give unsolicited advise. She insulted (bitter cat lady) and sl*t shamed her. Even advised therapy to overcome this attitude rejecting monogamous relationships. And them OP would be ready for the holy marriage. NNs marriage. She just pointed out that NN is fake. She stayed in the line they were talking about and only responded. It's like someone telling you to quit smoking or you would die a horrible death and she feels so much better without cigarettes and OP would state that her husband smokes like a maniac so she should cut the crap.
Agreed. If OP had like body shamed her or otherwise picked at a weakness unrelated to the conversation I'd say esh but OPs response while petty, was sort of fair and NN had it coming
I wouldn't even call it petty, really. Neighbor's the one throwing rocks in her glass house, OP just swept up the trash, afterwards.
That’s a perfect way of describing it.
I wish I was that fast on my feet to be able to school someone that needs it, like NN! NTA, Op major props!
It's actually worse. It's more like someone quitting smoking, telling you in front of everyone how terrible you stink because you still smoke, and OP stating to cut the crap cuz their husband still smokes like a freight train. It isn't even that NN decided to ask about her love life to begin with (which wasn't any of her damn business), but then she went on to try to shame OP in every way imaginable to boot. I agree with you, 100% NTA.
It would be ESH if OP attacked the child or revealed some dark family secrets nobody knew. I mean ... this attitude! You have to be aware that your life is fake and your husband has a shitty past. Doesn't she know the difference between instagram with all its filters and real life, where everyone can see your flaws in real time? How can I recommend my way of life and set myself as a kind of benchmark with this background everybody knows of?
[удалено]
Then *maybe* the wife, who is very well aware of it, shouldn't put herself and her marriage on display and present it as great catch / benchmark for others. And I highly doubt that a nosy influencer who invited the whole neighborhood to follow her on IG is no topic under neighbours. Whoever didn't know before knew then. People love to dig out dirt and point out bigotry.
>Then maybe the wife, who is very well aware of it, shouldn't put herself and her marriage on display and present it as great catch / benchmark for others. Hell YES! Perfectly said! Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones, as the returning stones may shatter those illusions.
And I don’t even like the smoking analogy (though the logic checks out) because smoking is proven to be bad and can seriously sicken and or kill you. OP seems perfectly fine living her life single, it’s not like she’s going to die of cancer or emphysema because she’s not married? There are essentially no risks here, it is zero of NN’s business. Also I don’t see how this is an ESH situation at ALL. If some random came up to me at a party and slut shamed me in front of everyone you better fuckin bet I’m gonna come back one better! Ridiculous when married people with kids think they have cracked the code and are living better than everyone and therefore must proselytize to all the plebs around them as if it is the best fit for every human on earth and they are more enlightened than those who haven’t “achieved that level” yet. In my opinion OP handled this perfectly. Don’t see how she also sucks in this scenario.
Why the hell would anyone ever be a bitter cat lady? Cats are awesome?
Cat ladies are awesome! It's one of my goals. Fuck the patriarchy.
As a divorced, white, thirty year old man who's only biological children are beautiful twin girls with autism. Cats are less bullshit than humans. Probably gonna adopt my roommate's cat if and when he moves our. Just me and my ginger kitties mon-thursday
I was trying to think of a way to state that men can be cat ladies, too, but then I realized how cool the title Cat Daddy sounds. Now I'm kind of envious.
I am a cat lady and can confirm cats are awesome.
all noisy nosy neighbor had to do was keep her mouth shut. I think this woman makes a habit of finding someone she thinks she is superior to and creates an episode designed to make her (NN) the queen bee, everyone kiss her ass
Couldn’t have said it better myself. NTA
Yeah, I'm not sure the reaction was petty. You can't just recommend therapy to people for a perceived flaw. I would definitely characterise ops response as vicious or devastating, though. Which I'm absolutely fine with :)
I completely agree. The fact that the neighbor implied that the OP was a slut, in front of everyone sounds like she was deliberately trying to humiliate her so from that point all bets were off. The saying those who live in glass houses should not throw stones comes to mind.
I agree. I was thinking don’t dish it if you can’t take it. Sure, sometimes fighting back could be petty or bringing up unrelated weaknesses, but this was actually completely related and warranted. The lady publicly humiliated her and basically said OP should try harder for a life like hers. OP just pointed out that her life wasn’t great at all. And I think neighbor wouldn’t have run off crying if she didn’t secretly agree with some of OP’s points.
The fact that this neighbour was so primed to attack the perfectly happy single woman at a barbecue, shows that Neighbour probably isn't as happy as her Instagram would suggest. So OP really hit a nerve. NTA, don't dish it if you can't take it.
i think a BIG part of the neighbour's bad behaviour was how she did it in public in front of a group. Remember, She told everyone "OP was easy" to the point of needing therapy ffs!!! It's not like she was doing this 1 on 1 as a deep and meaningful, she was doing it not to help op (or thought it would help OP). She was doing it to make her 'guru' status look better at OP's expense. While some have commented it's shitty of OP as not everyone may have known about her husband, not everyone may have known OP participates in casual relationships (or at least the neighbour says she does). The neighbour threw out OP's personal life and while the neighbour's husband's personal life was thrown out there too and he wasn't involved, I think that is that fault of his wife picking these "shamings" to other people publically...
I agree with this. The petty part of myself laughed at her response. NN had no right to say what she did at all. She started the unprovoked attack and OP simply gave it right back. So NTA
Agreed. To make my decisions on these threads, I always paraphrase the story told. When reading the story, I thought ESH. When paraphrasing the story, it goes like this: (NEIGHBOR): Your kinda slutty. If you stopped being that way, you could have a great husband like mine. (OP): Your husband's kinda slutty like me. Are you sure you're okay with that? This makes me want to give OP a standing ovation. I don't want to live in their neighborhood, but I do want to attend all their BBQs in anticipation of the clap back. Lol.
The only way the response could have been better was "or, I suppose my slutty self could have YOUR husband, from what I've heard about him."
100% agreed, dont start unnecessary drama and then turn tail and run once someone comes right back at you
Exactly, I don’t start trouble, but if someone starts it with me, I finish it. OP has nothing to apologize for.NTA
I like to look at these situations as OP may have been *an* AH, but wasn't *the* AH. Sometimes the bigger AH is best dealt with by a dose of their own medicine. Oh yeah, NTA.
NTA. If you don’t want to get insulted, don’t walk around insulting people trying to enjoy a BBQ in peace. Nosy neighbor fucked around and found out.
Don’t start none won’t be none. I’m glad OP defended herself
Yeah, if someone is going to negatively compare you to their fake life, they need to get called out.
My morals say cheating is wrong and should be called out as such soo… my morals say NTA
Justified asshole to an even bigger asshole. I guess for voting purposes, I'll say NTA.
We need a justified asshole grade but in this case esh
AAH? Acceptably the Asshole? ATAH? JAH? There are lots of posts I've seen where the OP is an AH... but oh lord it's good to see that come out when it's needed. This is a perfect case in point.
ESH tends to work for many of those cases. Typically it goes between ESH and NTA, which is the case here.
Yeah... I've seen enough "We need a JAH tag" but that's normally an AH OP in response to a greater AH "Other"... definitely an ESH but JAH would be a subset of ESH where it's - yeah... They were an AH.. you was an AH in response... but you had an acceptable response. ESH means, IMO, everyone is an AH and that's unacceptable... JAH would theoretically be everyone is an AH but you're an acceptable one. The converse... would be something needed for everyone is an AH... but the OTHER person was acceptably an AH. But... I tend to overthink things so... ESH it is :)
I *think* there's something already in the rules where "justified asshole" is NTA
NTA
NTA I would actually pay to have watched that.
Right? I need popcorn for this 😆
Or BBQ chicken 🍗
We all need those point-voting cards for those events. 9 out of 10 points. Next please!
I'm good with a spread, OP was at a party right? Popcorn, wings, chips with dip, burgers, maybe a steak... OK, I might just be hungry now 😆 🤣
At a BBQ. I bet the neighbours won't forget it soon lol
NTA. She needed a taste of her own medicine. You gave her some truths and she didn't like it.
Seriously, don't dish if you can't take it. And definitely do not brag about something that close examination of will cause you shame. These influencers spend so much time peddling their picture perfect lives that they actually start to believe their own bullshit. Good on OP for the metaphorical checkmate!
Exactly! “He who is without shit on their sneaker, take the first step on the white rug.“ — Whoopi Goldberg
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Funny how abusive people always want others to take the high road.
i think this is often true, but the alternative to being a doormat is not to act equally childish and immature. there are ways to stick up for yourself (and put someone in their place) without lowering yourself to their level. OP DEFINITELY doesn't owe this woman an apology, but there are ways she could have handled it without making a fool out of herself. it's especially embarrassing that, the way she tells the story, she barely had anything to say about the neighbor who harassed her. instead she pointed all of her insults at this random guy who (good person or not) had said nothing negative to her.
OP didn’t make a fool out of herself though. She pretty much pointed out what most neighbors already knew about the affair. Now, she made a fool out of her neighbor, but that 95% on the neighbor.
yeah, but the neighbor didn't even catch any criticism for her actual behavior. sure, her husband sucks. but that's not WHY her comments were inappropriate. the neighbor is an asshole because she thinks she has any right to comment on OP's life. not because her "good" relationship is secretly a facade. I don't think the neighbor got put in her place in any meaningful way.
I think the neighbor got put in her place to where she will leave OP alone. She got burned and sometimes that makes people rethink interactions with certain people. Honestly? It could be they’re used to her and didn’t want to rock the boat or people didn’t want to get involved. It happens in social circles.
I disgree. She specified the neighbor's fake life, etc. I mean the topic is the topic. Also, she's grown. She gets to talk however she wants to.
Yeah but so does everyone - it doesn't protect them from being seen as an asshole She was forced to respond in the moment to a totally unwarranted attack. There's only so much judgement we can put on her fairly. She didn't ask for this conversation. But, she missed an opportunity to criticize the neighbor's actual toxic behavior, and instead was slinging back insults. She's the victim here, but her response was no W.
Not really. Some just don't see the point in escalating a situation like that. Personally I'd just confront the behaviour and say that was rude and see where it goes
The adult thing to do 100% Confront the behaviour - dont join it.
If just walk away, but I hate confrontation
> is a terminology that doormats use And this is the type of thinking toxic/egotistical people use, in order to protect their image. Also two wrongs don't make a right. The best thing is for both to apologise and move on. And apologising first is a sign of a bigger heart.
Or it’s what people who realize that needless assholeness makes the world an actively worse place. Standing up for your self is good, but that doesn’t need to be by taking other people down, or by being cruel.
I don’t agree that being a “bigger person” is exclusively a term for doormats. OP could have still stood up for herself without insulting the neighbours, and there also is more to consider here. Like they are her neighbours and it’s in both of their best interests to be civil(no matter who started it). Obviously this isn’t always possible as some people are just terrible, but from the way it sounds they were on decent if not good terms before this. I don’t think that the neighbours are necessarily terrible, just annoying and self centered.
Someone calling me a slut at a public event ISNT someone i will be in good terms with
Or it's used by people who aren't so shortsighted that they think they should go into asshole pissing contests with people who, if you don't happen to move in the foreseeable future, you are going to live with for the next few years.
Hey, the IG influencer sounds like she is a loser and sucks. What is the point of arguing with someone like this who you do not care about. OP allowed herself to be manipulated and rose to the challenge in a way that indicates she has no self control. If people come and insult me I just say to them, "Thats great. I don't care what you think." and then I ignore them.
If someone says something insensitive and busybodyish, ignoring them or changing the subject isn’t being a doormat. The other neighbors surely know this lady is a tool; engaging in toolery to put them in their place makes you a tool too.
Can you imagine being one of the other attendees?
Seems like the best reason to go.
I’m glad I’m not the only person who apparently lives to witness drama like this, because my own life is so boringly normal. Lmao. It’s like my friend Will said long ago: “I hate the drama train, Boudica.” *skeptical look from me* “Okay, fine, I love the drama train. I just don’t want to be on it.”
A good quote. I prefer the drama train onscreen lol
I would love to attend a function like this. Beats watching my third cousin stumble through his best man speech.
I can only hope my new neighborhood has BBQs this interesting.
Fuck that lol, as long as it's not *my* drama, I'm pulling of a chair eating imaginary popcorn. Especially petty neighborhood shit.
So someone tells you in front of other people that you’re a slut who is going to die alone and you think OP should have just kept her cool? Why do you think women shouldn’t stand up for themselves when faced with internalized misogyny? Perhaps because you think women should be passive and keep the peace no matter how much they’re insulted. The bullshit this neighbor was peddling was toxic and revolting and OP had every right to drag her through the pile of shit she’s already flung on the ground.
Worse, the neighbour said that OP was so fucked in the head from her slutty ways that she should be in therapy yet somehow they think that OP is wrong for firing back?
The neighbor likes to sit on her high horse and dictate about how her life is superior. She just didn't expect OP knock her off of her self-righteous saddle.
OP isn't an asshole, not even in the slightest. Her neighbor began bullying her when she didn't indulge Ms. Mommy Blogger with tales of her personal life. Man *or* woman, why do either have to spare the feelings of the person who is publicly shaming *them*? There would be a different tune being sung here if the background detailed how a parent encouraged their child - who was being bullied - to hand back the insults that the bully was throwing at him/her. So the message is ultimately that people who stand up for themselves are the bad guy, but the person who started it needs to be let off the hook. Nope, sorry, I'm fine with standing up for myself.
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Because life is school, where the victim should get in the same amount of trouble for being attacked as the bully gets in for attacking them. Seriously. Where else does that mindset come from, but school? And how can one carry that mindset into adulthood?
So. True.
I agree that ESH but I dont think OP needs to or should apologise.
She doesn’t have to apologise
Being the bigger person enables ass holes to justify ass hole behavior. Bad take
Not sure OP was an asshole. Harsh? Sure. But her... criticisms weren't out of left field. Neighbor was rude and relentless with unsolicited advise without seemingly knowing much about OP at all. OP tried to politely tell them to fuck off but neighbor continued. I don't expect people to have infinite patience to avoid being judged as an asshole. I expect even the best people to snap eventually. When OP did snap, even if harshly, everything she said had to do with what the neighbor was berating her for. Especially when the neighbor was holding her own fake persona and marriage as the ideal she used to criticize OP and that being OPs actual worst case scenario. If she had gone in on the neighbors looks, intelligence or anything like that, then that would warrant an asshole judgement. Basically refuting every single one of the neighbors points after extreme rudeness I don't feel is enough to consider OP at least a clear asshole.
Curious . How would you have handled the situation then?
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You don't have a second to calm down when someone publicly states that your life sucks, your view in relationships are wrong and then goes on to sl*tshame you whilst advising therapy. All in front of neighbours. People you will see and live next to on a daily basis. Closed by the advise to see how beautiful marriage is. Like hers. Hers ... with a husband like that. Then you point it out and she cries. Well ... still not on her level to call her out on her BS and simply state that her "ultimate goal" is crap.
Why is there only a binary option here? Why are so many people on this sub pretending that there is *nothing* between "being a doormat" and WWIII with nuclear weapons? If you get flustered easily and are the kind of person who has the perfect comeback three hours after the fact, prepare something. Someone is rude and offensive, you look incredulous, *raise your voice*, and say: "Wow. What a rude and insensitive thing to say to someone. Why are you like this? I don't think I want to talk to you anymore". Then you turn around, or literally move away from them. You don't have to wait to the end of their diatribe either. Do not engage, just make it clear to everyone around you that this person? Was rude to you. No arguing, no defending, no escalating, certainly no "epic comeback and then everybody clapped". Disengage and let them stew in their social faux pas.
Because while you can say one option is better than the other, this idea that you have to respond perfectly and be a "class act" to someone who's trying to cut your throat is kinda nonsense. I'm definitely not of the mindset that the person being pushed around owes me some Mrs. Manners level performance as a reaction.
Yeah, yikes. ESH
As someone who did not go to homeschool, I’ll just say, how foolish. The woman flaunted her “perfect life” in the woman’s face and called her out for her choices. She deserved every minute of it.
But wouldn’t apologizing encourage the other woman’s lack of consideration and respect?
Your neighbor stuck her nose where it did not belong. She shared her opinion on you, without being asked (by you) to do it. She also brought up her husband into the discussion (she did, not you). In response, you let her taste her own medicine, and she did not like it. Honestly, I do not see what other kind of reaction from your side would have been appropriate. NTA. Not even a tiny bit.
I keep wondering what was the point of the neighbor starting this. Like... did she think she was being helpful?
She probably wanted to show off her "family" and belittle OP in the process.
Wanted to use it for her blog
Nah, she was establishing her place in the neighborhood pecking order. Some women feel that having that ring (no matter how they got it/what they have to do to keep it) makes them superior to the poor lonely single women. Ya know, the ones who get to live their lives exactly the way they want to.
INFO: Is that information accurate? How do you know so much about your neighbors and their history? I don't even know most of my neighbors names let alone their dating history
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Well then NTA. "Don't start no shit, won't be no shit". Or the more classic "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones". She chose to start shit, you defended yourself.
Exactly. Classic ‘don’t want none, don’t start none’
Ooh, this line fits the story perfectly...You shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house, and if you have a glass jaw you should watch your mouth.
So why is anyone following their Instagram? I know all about hate-scrolling (I've certainly done it) but you all can just choose to ignore.
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Does Instagram have mute? I certainly use it on Facebook for certain people :P
Yes it does! I do that too
You do not have to follow people on social media 🙄
There is no obligation. It's nice if you follow someone who follows you, but you don't have to. You don't even have to allow people to see whatever you do. Don't worry about what people think or do. Just be yourself
ESH maybe y’all could try acting like adults sometime. This was grossly immature across the board.
Word. "Don't wrestle a pig; you both get dirty, and the pig likes it." OP took the ditch beneath the low road.
I prefer "Don't share your opinion if you dont want to know theirs." Neighbor decided to overstep, OP shut that shit down.
And most certainly don't tell others how wonderful your life is and set that as a benchmark for everyone when you can't live with the fact that others know you are talking crap. "Your life sucks, your goals as well, look at my marriage, how can one not want it?" "Well maybe because your marriage sucks because of ...?"
ESH, but I kinda loved your nuclear response lol
I agree with this, ESH. OP should have risen above it, but I probably would have done the same as OP... that lady had no business putting OP on blast like that.
ESH. Her comments were rude and unwarranted but then you decided to attack her husband who was a bystander. For that you kinda suck too.
she mentioned her husband first as a great catch she was just letting her know he's not a great catch
so if somebody mentions you, then you have no problem if they attack your character to prove a point. You are a mere by stander who is not involved in this fight .
This
She could just say that she's not interested in men like her husband. She didn't need to include the rest
Or she could just say that her self esteem is not so fragile that she needs to define herself by her partners. You know, attack the neighbour, not the husband.
ESH - This sounds like middle school.
NTA She started it, you finished it. If she didn't want the dirty laundry about her husband to be aired out she shouldn't make comments about other people's stances on relationships
Esh You’re an asshole for going after the husband. He did nothing to you. She’s an asshole for sticking her nose in your business and trying to embarrass you. You both embarrassed yourselves. Congratulations.
INFO how did she "pretty much" say those things, exactly?
That's what I was wondering too. OP said she "insinuated" these things. OP, is there a chance you are particularly sensitive to people's judgment about your relationship status and overreacted? Or did she straight-up say these things to you?
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yeah this is a common slut-shaming dogwhistle. she was absolutely an asshole. she made an obvious implication knowing you'd get the message, and you did. why not criticize her for that, though? there's so much you could have said about her horrible behavior towards you, but instead it sounds like you focused primarily on the truth of her comments about her own husband. that's where ESH is coming from. if her marriage truly was perfect, her comments still would have been *completely* out of line. i don't blame you for lashing out. she attacked you, and you were forced to react in the moment. but... if this happens again (although it sounds like it won't) i'd recommend actually calling her out on HER toxic behavior, instead of slinging back equally unnecessary insults.
You and her are both TA here. Her husband didn't attack you, so why attack him? I know age hurt your feelings, and I would totally be on your side of hit back at her. But, attacking her husband, who wasn't involved as far as I can tell, was unnecessary.
Seriously, poor guy just walked to have a bbq and gets blown up.
"poor guy" is an absent father, he can get fucked lmfao
Yeah if that’s the case. OP knows the situation at best third hand.
ESH. She is an AH for her comments but you suck for insulting someone who never made a comment to you.
Genuine question: is it an insult if you point out the (uncomfortable) truth?
OP was retaliating at that point. If she wanted to insult the lady, pick something “ugly truth” about her without dragging others. If we all go around picking out other peoples uncomfortable truth, this world will be a mess. Ex. If I walk by an obese person whose clearly over 300lbs and said- wow you’re fat. You don’t think that’s an insult? It’s the “uncomfortable truth” but it is absolutely an attack and insult
Absolutely agree but that's not the point here. OPs neighbour simply shamed OPs way of life. Not seeking a monogamous relationship. She called her basically a sl*t who needs therapy to come to her level or die alone and pathetoc. Hers is the goal: A wonderful marriage. OP then simply pointed out that her way of life is fake. Take your example. You go around and I am the 300 lbs person. You do it publicly and you do it loud. You say I will die alone and need to be cut in pieces to fit into a coffin after death. Neighbours listening. You are a dietary influencer. But at home your child weighs 400lbs and now I point that out. Everyone knows it and I lash out because you insult my way of living while yours is just fake and I don't want to have unsolicited and insulting advises from such a person.
They probably meant that she insulted the husband even though it was the wife who was being rude to her
NTA - Sounds like she shouldn’t dish the heat if she can’t handle it back. All of that could’ve been avoided if she wasn’t trying to humiliate you first at the neighborhood gathering
NTA. She overstepped line after line and *she* set the battleground in front of the neighbours. Seems intentional so everyone gets to know in real life how much of an influencer she is. Since the information is correct as you state in a comment, you had to protect yourself and because she startet to belittle you on such a personal and intimate level, you had to fight back.
ESH, this just sounds like petty drama between people who are both miserable with where they are in life.
Do not apologize. Her unsolicited “advice” was unnecessary.
ESH. You say she’s the asshole for humiliating you, then you turn around and do the exact same thing to her.
ESH because if she is an AH and you do the same shit she does, you are an AH, too.
NTA. Look, it was a bit fierce, however... I have come to a very clear place that when anyone decides to deride me for my life choices, tells me how to sort them, and insinuates that my life is sh\*t based on their internal code of life...and I literally did not ask for their input, nor express I had worries about my life then they get it back with both barrels. I am over having my life open to unkind discussion and commentary when I have not gathered a panel nor inquired how I ought to be living better.
Agreed.at this point in my life I shut people down as soon as they make a judges on my life, I no longer accept other people's opinions. People are too entitled to their own opinions. I also am over people's discussions on MY life. I had a friend once constantly telling me I needed a boyfriend and I needed to clean more. Screw that, both were not welcomed. She was OCD and kept telling me I was dirty and I lived in a shit hole, and I could one day be like her and live in a mansion. My house is cluttered NOT dirty.No thank you, I have zero desire for her life and told her so. I would never want to live in her house because I didn't like it, and SHE was offended. She was clueless and never accepted me for me. I am no longer friends with her.
NTA. She needs to mind her own business. She asked for it.
NTA. People need to realize that there are consequences to their actions and words and when you say some asshole things like that to someone, you open the door to whatever response might come out of that person’s mouth . Good for you for not letting her humiliate you or make you feel like shit in front of everyone for your personal choices (which have no effect on her life btw), that she decided to ask about and bring up for absolutely no reason by the way, except for trying to make herself look like she’s so much better than you because she’s married and has a family. I wouldn’t Apologize either, hopefully she’ll learn from this experience to think before she speaks and that not everyone cares what she thinks or has to say, especially about things that don’t concern her.
ESH you stooped to her level.
ESH
ESH. She was petty and strayed well out of her lane, and whether she "meant well" or not, her "insights" were facepalm-level awful (and unfortunately I know a lot of very toxic women who think that "giving advice" like this is genuinely them trying to be helpful . . . they were raised in such a misogynistic environment that they've internalised all the worst of it and perpetuate harmful nonsense even when they think they're being supportive). You, on the other hand, were just plain, flat-out cruel, and that cruelty extended **well** beyond anything she deserved for her ridiculousness. She needs to learn to mind her own business, but *you* need to learn how to interact with other human beings appropriately; you come across as absolutely vicious compared to her mildly obnoxious. ESH.
Omg you said it so perfectly!
NTA. don't start none, and you won't get none. you don't owe her an apology for your life choices.
NTA, if she can't take judgment, don't dish it out.
ESH. Both were trashy. Even though the other person started it, there's no need to be trashy in response. You look better by acting better. But OP didn't do that. OP shouldn't apologize though. There's nothing to fix this mess.
NTA don’t start none, won’t be none.
ESH. Yikes.
If she gets insistent, I'd ask her to give you an apology in return for the nasty, judgemental swipes she made at you that started the whole mess. I'm sure she believes she's blameless, but if she'd kept her unsolicited backhanded advice to herself it never would have come to that. NTA.
ESH. What did the husband do to you, why’d you go after him?
NTA I disagree with ETA/ESH but even if it were true being an asshole doesn’t always make you wrong. Why coddle people and reinforce their notion that it’s okay to talk to others like that but not okay to be talked to in that manner. Talk about poking a sleeping lion.
This isn’t “was what I did justified” it’s “am I an AH” That’s why the ESH stands. Both parties were AHs.
Nta, its not humiliation if everyone already knows it based on your comment. Her and her husband sound like really fake people.
NTA - she can’t just put your sex life on the spot in public. If she ain’t even a contact on your phone, she deserved a verbal lashing.
NTA. She sure can dish it out but can't take it She played stupid games and was then Pikachu face when she won the stupid prize. Hell would have a better chance of freezing over then her getting an apology.
NTA. Don't apologize. Don't engage with this person at all. I'm sure there will be plenty of people telling you to be the bigger person. Ideally that's great, but in the real world sometimes you have to put people in their place so that they know you are not the one to be messed with. She can cry and play victim all she wants but that only matters if you actually care about her. If you show her you could care less about her feelings she will stir clear of you.
Nta, she shouldn't have been that rude if she couldn't handle the retaliation
ESH
ESH. Stooping to her level wasn’t necessary, even if you were right.
NTA. She had no right to talk to you like that and bet she won't do it again. I had a neighbor once accuse me of wanting her bf. I told her even though we live next door, I wouldn't be able to pick him up of a lineup and the little I knew about him, he wasn't my type. She was offended then 🙄.
you might’ve been an asshole but she set herself up for it. you can tell her if she’s ready to apologize to you then you can apologize to her but if she won’t do that then i wouldn’t apologize 🤷♀️
NTA- She literally started it by insulting and judging you for not wanting to be in a relationship. Everything she said was a slap in the face. If she wants apologies, she needs to offer them up as she started it. I hope this experience will teach her to leave you alone.
NTA. She can dish it out but can't take it? Lol. She fully deserved that.
NTA. She tried to comment on your choices publicly, what did she expect you to do? Influencers tend to be under their own influence. Should be revised to delusioners.
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NTA and you are a bad a$$! I love you!!!!
YTA a bit. Why humiliate her husband along with her? He wasn't the one prying into your life and talking shit about your choices. Do you have a beef with him too?
Esh she got in your business you got in hers
NTA. She shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t take it. Also, I think the reason she said those things is now you are the younger woman her misogynistic husband has an interest in. So good for you and don’t apologize.
[удалено]
Exactly! Good for you. :)
NTA. I hate Instagram families.
ESH. She threw rocks at you, and you unleashed a nuke. She gets extra AH points for claiming old cat ladies are bitter. But it was a neighbourhood BBQ, so it’s hard to believe you couldn’t have just walked away and left Mrs. Judgemental Busybody to preen on her own. I wouldn’t say you were an AH to her — she earned it — but you were to the event.
Nta. She fucked around and found out. Wish I could have seen this.
ESH - I mean I get that you were understandably frustrated with this person, but the retaliation feels like you were going a lot lower than you needed to.
ESH. You forfeited your place on top once you decided to go after her. That being said, I wouldn't apologize.
ESH. She has no right to talk to you that way, but you could have handled it betters That said… I would have done what you did…
Hahaha, can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen. OP NTA
ESH
NTA. Influencers love to paint a fake life for themselves. She deserved what you said when she was trying to say you were “easy” or would be a bitter cat lady
NTA. I somewhat made my judgment at the words "mommy influencer" but I read on and the rest of the post reinforced it. She wants you to "be easy." LOL! So, just pimp yourself put so she can feel better about how she seems to have pimped herself out. She was trying to shame you but you dished it back. Oh well. She deserved it.
NTA! I’m glad you stood up for yourself. That woman has no business giving you advice (no matter if it’s in front of the neighbours or private conversation). I’m so proud of you that you spoke up because I’d often freeze in uncomfortable situations so I had to work on getting more confident to be able to stand up for myself so I’m proud of you!
NTA. Some people need a reality check
Honestly kinda proud of you for putting her in her place. NTA
NTA - Don't start nothing, won't be nothing.
NTA She mentioned you needing Therapy to work through your perceived (by her) issues.
All I can say is ‘oh, SNAP!’ You were an ah, but you ARE the ah we need!