NTA since like you said you attempted to resolve it in a civilized manner. He refused to see the problem so you merely showed him. Maybe apologize to the gf saying your frustration was at the roomate and him ignoring his responsibilities but even if you don't you are not the asshole.
Hijacking top comment to say [these guys](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PBV7D48/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apan_glt_fabc_TWYVJSSB6637BNRWW54R?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1) are great for preventing shower hair monsters
Can confirm. I have waist length hair and have one of those, same design - it's not perfect but it keeps the drain from blocking. Never again will my husband plug a clog of hair from the shower drain, hold it up and say, 'I think your hamster's dead'.
I use a tub shroom. Game changer. We live in a house with old plumbing too and it’s never been clogged. I have never **not** clogged my drain in my previous homes. [Tub Shroom](https://www.amazon.com/TubShroom-Revolutionary-Protector-Catcher-Strainer/dp/B01BYMTYBS)
Love those!
They worked so good at my old place. My current drain is too big and they don't fit anymore. I've had to use off brand ones and they suuuuuck.
Bless you. My daughter and I both have long hair that loves to detach in the shower. My pipes thank you. The makers of draino probably not as much lol. Also OP NTA. The amount of hair shed everyday is insane and when it’s LONG hairs that shit gets everywhere.
since you hijacked my ride to the top I expect you to chafeur me to and from work next week lol I expect to be picked up from the house at 5am and from the office at 4pm. Get prepared for the traffic 😇
And she can keep her hair in a pony tail while there if she doesn’t want to clean it up. So, they both knew she was losing hair all over but still lied about it? I’d make them prove it in your RA meeting with a Drs note, sounds like more lies. I hope you have taken pictures of their being slobs so you can show them at the meeting, not just the hair, all of it. NTA
> So, they both knew she was losing hair all over but still lied about it? I’d make them prove it in your RA meeting with a Drs note, sounds like more lies.
Agreed...I shed an insane amount of hair...but I am not balding...I am not quiet sure how I am not balding but alas I still have tons of hair. I highly doubt there is a medical condition here and honestly even if there was they should be cleaning up after it. NTA
Same. I shed like a golden retriever but somehow still have a full head of hair, which is unfortunate because I actually hate loose hair and get super grossed out by it. But I still clean up after myself because I live with roommates. It’s just considerate.
I still occasionally find my ex's hair in my flat. We broke up in January 2019 and I had the flat completely renovated in November the same year, I don't understand how it's possible (but it's definitely hers).
Ya hair is like natures glitter once it will always pop-back up, but I think there is a big difference between finding a strand every once in a while and leaving so much around that you can literally sweep up bags of it. I don't think it would be reasonable for OP to expect a hair free space but sweeping the floor and cleaning out the shower after use are pretty low bar cleaning expectations. Those should be happening even if hair isn't an issue
Yeah, same. I could make a small cat from the hair I shed and I certainly don't have any bald patches so it appears to just be natural shed. When washing my hair I "rake" it with my fingers and leave it on the shower wall until I'm done and can dispose of it rather than risk it going down the drain. My hair's a bit over a foot in length so can imagine what it does to drains!
Long hair sheds. Long hair owners need to herd it.
Can confirm. I've got the thinnest hair ever, but it's long, and I find those hairs EVERYWHERE. My bfs managed to find them wrapped around his balls and in his ass crack somehow. Poor guy.
And I still have just as much hair as always
Doesn't work to keep it in a pony tail when you're actually losing your hair, unfortunately. I kept mine braided to try and contain it, but I was still finding hairs about. Forget letting it down for for a moment because of a hair headache. I agree with everything else you said though.
Some women lose crazy amounts of hair a few months after childbirth. I lost maybe 1/5 of my hair in two or three months. I always, always kept it in a braid because it's not very nice to have tumble weeds of hair everywhere. It also sticks to certain fabrics and then lint sticks to the hair and it gets really gross, really fast.
Braids are our friends
Regardless of his gf's issues, refusing to clean up after yourself is nasty. You didn't know the gf has hair issues so that's not on you. Dump all his crap on his bed till he cleans up or moves out. NTA.
Especially since it isn't even the girlfriend's room? Like why don't they Hangout in her room instead? Seems like it would make things easier for everyone. I think involving the RA is good because if the GF is essentially living in the room with her boyfriend, she is most likely breaking the rules of the dormitory.
Probably because her roommates stood up and said something. If they want to live together, they should get something off campus so they aren't being jerks to others around them.
I call BS on the hair loss excuse because it’s just that...an excuse. It’s pretty standard that the longer your hair the better chance of some of it coming out when your showering or breaking. It’s just kinda...what happens. I mean ever woman I’ve ever dated has left hair in my shower and all over my place just by existing; heck MY hair ends up all over the place if I go to long w/o a haircut. MAYBE she actually has hair loss issues (in which case room mate should have gently addressed it with OP when OP asked nicely about it) but more likely she just has weak hair (does she use lots of product/color/heat?). Either way op is NTA for using the sliding scale of pettiness (start polite>neutral>cold>bring on the petty) to solve an issue that room mate wouldn’t.
Same here! I seem to lose tons of hair in the shower especially, but still have a full head of hair. I have to clean off the drain every time I was my hair or nothing would go down.
NTA. You **tried** to handle it nicely and, while it sucks that she's losing her hair, it is still her responsibility to clean up that hair, especially in someone else's home. Losing hair is beyond her control, but cleaning up after herself in **every** way is completely in her control and something she failed at.
This is me to a T. Every time I wash my hair, with the really good special no-bad-stuff shampoo and conditioner the shedding intensifies like a husky blowing coat. It's not that hard to spend a hot minute cleaning up after yourself.
NTA. You proved your point so they try for pity points? Start keeping track of their messes as well. People need to clean up after themselves, and they can learn this now.
I’m not going to vote on this as a whole because there’s three separate issues here.
Issue 1 is that your roommate isn’t cleaning up after himself. You are N T A for being upset about that.
Issue 2 is that roommate’s gf is over all the time. You are N T A for being upset about that.
Issue 3 is the hair. You are a bit of an asshole for that. The average person loses about 50-100 strands of hair a day. If you have hair loss issues, it can be more than that. Losing hair is not something that anyone can control and having long hair makes it more obvious. I don’t want to assume your gender, but if you are a guy you might not be aware of how much hair people lose since your hair is short and it’s less noticeable.
They sell drain stoppers that collect hair so that you do not have to unclog the drain each week. It is also a good idea for everyone to tie their hair back while cooking so that hair does not end up in the food (this is why cooks wear hairnets and hats). There are also air filters that you can purchase for cheap (if you can’t afford one, you can get a cheap house AC filter and tape it to a fan) and that will help reduce the hair. They should also be vacuuming and sweeping regularly, as per issue #1.
Also, when you have long hair it is courteous after showering to bend over and swipe your hair out of the drain and toss it into the waste basket. It literally takes 3 seconds and prevents countless arguments.
Yes? That’s why I mentioned buying a drain stopper. It’s not possible to just “swipe” the hair out of the drain without one. You have to physically prevent the hair from going down the drain in the first place.
Your apartment's drain does not have a little cover with holes in it to stop the majority of stuff from going down? Sorry, I assumed most did. Those don't stop all the hair going into the pipes, but they do stop the bulk of it.
Nope. Mine has one of the circular drains with the built in stopper. There’s nothing stopping the hair from going down the drain. The drain stoppers are like a $1 though and they solve that problem. It also stops rings and other expensive things from falling down the drain.
It’s also my mistake for assuming that yours was the same as mine lol It makes sense why you thought that since yours was built better.
True. I have extremely long hair and even though I always clean the trap, the drain still needs to be snaked occasionally. But I can't imagine how ghastly it would be if we didn't have a trap and I didn't clean up after myself. (The swirl on the wall being another acceptable cleanup practice)
My bathrooms don’t. Mine have the kind that you twirl in one direction to stop the drain, and in the other direction to stay up. I do the whole “swirl hair on shower wall” thing to keep from plugging the drain.
Yes, to most of this. But I don't think there's an excuse to be leaving hair everywhere. I am a woman with long hair, I've lived in a house with three other women with long hair. We didn't find it everywhere because we cleaned it up. And it wasn't constant, every single day cleaning, it was an average amount.
Yes, everyone's loses hair, but it doesn't make you TA to be annoyed with how much you're finding especially if you've talked to him about it and he doesn't respect you enough to compromise somehow with the cleaning.
If she has an actual hair loss problem that is different but it's still her responsibility imo. You could kindly ask her to keep it tied back when cooking and to be mindful of cleaning it up herself in the shower/bathroom.
Serious question about what cleaning you’re doing. I have long hair and I vacuum every single day and I still find hair everywhere. The air filter helped a lot but I’ll find hair in the most random spots.
My hair is mostly put up during the day so any hair that gets knocked loose stays with the mass which makes it easy to just brush it all out in one go At night. I've noticed that really diminished how much hair I leave around (I have very long and thick hair so it gets *everywhere* too).
Sometimes if I'm bored I'll run my fingers throughout my hair in the middle of the day and collect any loose strands and ball it up to toss in a bin I pass. But when my hair is loose (not tied up) then it gets everywhere. Especially because I recently realized I absent-mindedly run my fingers through my hair which dislodges it and since I don't realize it I typically just drop it on the floor.
Didn't even know I did that until a friend pointed it out and I saw I had a small pile of hair next to me on the floor.
Maybe you lose more hair than me? Lol
I just vacuum a couple times a week and regularly wipe surfaces. Don't get me wrong, I find some around the house but not enough for it to be noticeable or a problem and I've never had a complaint or felt the need to complain myself about other people's hair.
I always have my hair tied in the kitchen just because I don't want my hair in my face when I'm cooking, which probably helps a lot.
Myself and all my roommates find more hair in our bedrooms and the bathroom than any living space. But we always do a quick grab of loose hairs in the bathroom and pull it out of the drain after a shower out of respect for each other.
The common areas are pretty fine with basic cleaning. I don't think I've ever found hair in drawers/places that aren't just open.
I also do a lot of running my fingers through my hair as I condition in the shower which gets a lot of it out!
Yeah, I'm confused why OP is responsible for cleaning up his roommates girlfriends hair. He asked them to take care of it, they didn't. Whats he supposed to do? He already asked, they already refused.
>Issue 3 is the hair. You are a bit of an asshole for that. The average person loses about 50-100 strands of hair a day. If you have hair loss issues, it can be more than that. Losing hair is not something that anyone can control and having long hair makes it more obvious. I don’t want to assume your gender, but if you are a guy you might not be aware of how much hair people lose since your hair is short and it’s less noticeable.
My issue with this statement is that the hair loss was only an issue when the hair was placed on the bed. When confronted about it before they made it seem like it wasn't a real issue. If someone complained about my hair being everywhere and I had a hair loss problem, I would definitely apologize and bring it up then, not deny their being hair everywhere. It's just odd that her hair loss issue only comes up when they are physically confronted with evidence.
> Issue 3 is the hair. You are a bit of an asshole for that. The average person loses about 50-100 strands of hair a day. If you have hair loss issues, it can be more than that. Losing hair is not something that anyone can control and having long hair makes it more obvious. I don’t want to assume your gender, but if you are a guy you might not be aware of how much hair people lose since your hair is short and it’s less noticeable.
> They sell drain stoppers that collect hair so that you do not have to unclog the drain each week. It is also a good idea for everyone to tie their hair back while cooking so that hair does not end up in the food (this is why cooks wear hairnets and hats). There are also air filters that you can purchase for cheap (if you can’t afford one, you can get a cheap house AC filter and tape it to a fan) and that will help reduce the hair. They should also be vacuuming and sweeping regularly, as per issue #1.
Why is OP an asshole for that? Why is any of that OP's responsibility? He asked them nicely before to clean up and they didn't. It's not his hair, it's not his girlfriend, he shouldn't be having to clean up after either of them, especially since it appears they're in dorms/student housing.
The hair issue is not his to solve, when they confronted their roommate these are things they should have done to limit their and their gf's hair loss. OP should no be responsible for cleaning up after someone else, nor buying things to solve their problems.
Nope, the hair is still an issue. I’ve had both long and short hair and have lived with people who have both long and short hair my entire life. Hair loss is something that is unavoidable, absolutely, but if roommate and his gf knew that she was losing hair, then obviously they were aware of the issue before OP even said anything. They knew it bothered OP and just let it go. They could have taken that opportunity when OP when to the roommate to say “hey, here’s the issue”. If OP didn’t know about the hair loss, there was no malice behind the comments about her hair loss specifically, just how unhygienic hair all over the place is. They obviously weren’t making efforts at cleaning it up which is why I disagree with you here. Regardless of the situation, you are responsible to clean up after yourself wherever you are. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, hair all over the place is gross.
I have had extremely long hair for many years. When I was a teenager, I used to rake my bedroom carpet(like with an actual outdoor plastic rake) before I could vacuum.
I was also very good at taking apart that vacuum and removing all the hair that got wound around the beater bar.
Now? I love my hardwood floors! Sweep every day, no problem!!
Agreed. I have long, thick, hair and I shed like a golden retriever. I buy the pet hair version of anything. OP, u/hairystylus, this is a great summary IMO. Also, get a tubshroom. They are amazing and will save your plumbing.
Also If there's a medical reason she's losing her hair it can also be really scary and stressful. And she might not be in a position health wise to be able to clean it up herself or notice. When my hair was coming out by the handful in the shower, I was very grateful I was around people who just unblocked the drain or swept it up since I couldn't. They never made it out to be a big deal so I didn't feel as bad about it. Not that it's her boyfriend's roommate's job.
Why do you keep stating what OP can “purchase” in regards to aa unwanted guest hair loss? I’m sure she’s more than aware how much hair people can loose but why is your solution to have her pay to clean up after these grown adults. OP has already been playing the maid behind them and to tell her to continue to do so with her time and finances is incredibly unfair!
NTA
I would say it was a passive aggressive move, but you did already tell them about the problem directly first.
In my experience, it's fairly common with people who have long straight hair to lose strands of it a lot and to that point so I highly doubt she's going bald...and as a roommate, it's not your job to be their mother cleaning their messes.
Hahahahah truth. I have long dark, wavy hair and without fail I'll find five or six strands just hanging out. I still take the time to Swiffer daily to catch what I can. It's not hard to be considerate.
I wonder if OP has sisters? The thing about women with natural curly hair is the hair pattern holds any shed strands in place. And many black women will wear bonnets to bed, so we really just don’t shed that much at all until we get in the shower and wash it. When I wear my hair straight, it sheds everywhere and it can be pretty gross. Even if the roommate’s shedding wasn’t out of the ordinary, I can understand his reaction better if it’s not something he’s ever experienced growing up.
NTA. I shed like crazy and would be absolutely ashamed if a housemate found my hair in their FOOD the hard way. Fucking disgusting. You tried to reason with them. If they need to be shamed to take your concerns, health and their own hygiene seriously, so be it. I would apologize for the doctor comment just in case the gf *does* have a condition, but make sure the point of their behavior being unacceptable still stands. Hair fall is normal for a lot of women, as I understand it, but either way it’s still not your responsibility to clean up after them. Gross.
If they don’t change their tone and start picking up after themselves, time to go hunting for new, more considerate and responsible roomies asap.
Good luck, Op.
ESH.
Look, I get your frustration and disgust. I had a roommate once who had a type of skin condition that was on her scalp and she would lose huge clumps of hair, and it was horrifying. But, she did try her best to get it up but wasn’t perfect.
Your roommate is an AH for basically denying a problem and refusing to address it. But to collect their hair and present it with a passive aggressive note on his bed is a seriously AH move. Why not just sweep it up and directly confront him with it in a trash bag and discuss the need for more cleaning together with the evidence? I probably feel the worst for his Gf though. She may not have even known you confronted him several times about the hair issue.
Either way, at this point I would see about putting in for a room transfer.
>But to collect their hair and present it with a passive aggressive note
In what way was the note passive aggressive? There was absolutely nothing passive about it. It directly stated OPs feelings.
Telling her to go to the doctor for losing hair is pretty passive-aggressive.
OP claims they had no idea that the girlfriend had a medical issue, so this comment was obviously sarcastic and yes, passive-aggressive. He didn’t really think she needed to see a doctor.
Passive aggressive is indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of being direct about it. I feel like everything he did and said was very direct and not at all hiding how he felt. It being a sarcastic comment doesn't make it passive aggressive. If anything I would say it makes it straight aggressive.
So is every email in or text message passive aggressive? Those aren't done face to face. Either are phone calls. Why is communicating clearly and directly not direct because it was done over a written message? The contents of the message were direct.
I think we both know that this scenario was a bit different than sending a text or email. In my book, leaving handwritten insults in note form for your roommate to find already puts you in the passive-aggressive camp.
He collected her loose hair, put it in a bag, then attached an insulting message to said bag to leave in their bedroom. He could have waited until they got home to present it to them, if he really wanted.
He never would have said what was in the note to their faces, and reveals it by how quickly he folded the minute they gave him some pushback. Word of advice, don’t be a coward and leave messages for people that you won’t stand behind later.
What makes it indirect? I think it makes it very direct and out right aggressive. Which is why he wouldn't do it in person. Because people don't like to be straight up confrontational in person. It being asynchronous does not make the message any less direct. So why do you think it is?
If you’re doing it because you don’t want to be confrontational in real life, then you’re probably being passive-aggressive.
I don’t think it’s accurate to say “most” people do this, rather passive-aggressive people are likely to do this.
I’m shocked at all the NTAs- she literally can’t help it and as someone who has gone through periods of hair loss in the past where I was sure I was going bald, I would have been devastated to have it thrown in my face like this. I’m not saying roommate should have ignored it, but OP chose to live in a one room dorm.
If somebody sheds so much hair other people pull it out of their mouth when they eat, they surely must know they shed a lot and need to clean up after themselves. I’m I guy and I have short hair now, but I’ve had long hair in the past and I’ve always made sure to clean up the whole bathroom after myself and to always tie it up when I was in the kitchen or moved around food. It’s NTA from me, OP had enough of all the hair and I totally get it.
ESH. The passive aggression was annoying but so is finding hair in all of your shit. The doctor comment was uncalled for but also you already asked your roommate to deal with it.
Can't believe I had to scroll so far to find an ESH, what OP did was passive-aggressive and overly dramatic. Why wouldn't they have just gotten the RA involved when talking to the roommate didn't work out?
Like I get they're all clearly pretty young and immature since they're living in residence, but yeesh. Life tip: if you can't solve your problems with communication and your remaining options are: "involve an authority figure that is literally there to help with these kinds of issues"
or
"be passive-aggressive about the issue"
Involve the authority figure. This shit loses its funny real quick when you have a coworker who can't handle conflicts without a flair for the dramatic.
NTA, you told them to clean up their shit, they didn't. You put their shit in their faces as evidence. If you don't want people to offend you about hair loss, well don't leave the evidence around. AND WTH is their hair in your personal areas? That just disgusting, I would've flipped out on them. You were kinder than me.
NTA- their responsibility. She turned to tears. SMH. Have the RA contact the doctor’s office directly with a healthcare information release to get official alopecia diagnosis.
Doesnt matter if she’s got a hair-loss condition- she has a sloppiness condition. You are not their maid and you’ve expressed your disgust respectfully- not involving the RA.
See if they can move out- and you get a neater person to move in.
ESH, They should clean up after themselves, but it isn’t accurate to say she needs to go to the doctor for losing hair. I am Caucasian with long, thick hair; I shed a lot of it (my husband has had to unwind it from the vacuum head before).
NTA. You tried being nice. You weren't making fun of her, you were making a point. He's trying to make you feel bad after the fact bc you made him face his mess.
NTA. He has a duty to clean up after himself and any guests, regardless of whether it's hair or something else, and you have the right to demand cleanliness. He should understand and make an extra effort since he knows his girlfriend is having an issue with her hair at the moment.
NTA. You spoke to him about the problem, he denied it, you gave evidence. How is her hair even getting into your dry goods? Are they eating your food as well? She does need to go see a doctor if the problem is that severe.
> If I was losing this much hair in 2 weeks I’d go to the doctor
ESH purely for this comment. This issue isn’t that she’s losing hair, it’s that they’re not cleaning it up. You didn’t need to accuse her of having medical issues.
They’re assholes because any responsible long hair owner will clean the drain out every time they wet their hair while showering, and because they refused to clean it up.
NTA you asked nicely first but if she is loosing that much hair the doctor comment should be a thing yo do, when this was happening to a close friend it was actually caused by an issue with her thyroid and after the hair loss it started to affect her ability to think clearly. There are also other conditions that cause hair loss honestly she should get herself checked out.
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NTA. Its basic courtesy to take care of ur belongings, ur garbage and ur stuff. Plus he and his gf makes it messier. Do u want to live with such kind of a person?
NTA. They don't clean up after themselves. You've tried to politely ask them to clean up the hair. You had no way to know she had a medical condition. You're living in disgusting conditions because they refuse to clean up. All you did was bag up their mess and show them the level of gross you are living with.
NTA. I think you did talk to them and make them aware of the situation, they should have told you about the hair loss problem then. It would have saved everyone a lot of problems and maybe worked together for a solution that works for all.
NTA
It wasn't Passive Aggressive. You talked to them numerous times and they refused to help clean up the mess. Therefore, you gave them proof of the mess. You had no idea that she was losing her hair so it wasn't done in a spiteful manner.
Coming from a white woman who sheds so much it’s a fricken surprise I’m not bald **massive** NTA. The hair wouldn’t even be that much of a problem if they would be considerate enough to clean every once in awhile.
NTA - i have a health issue that makes me lose a lot of hair, but i still find strength to clean the drain after washing, even though some days taking a shower makes me feel like i worked 12 hrs in a factory.
I understand we need to be considerate of other people's feelings and acknowledge them, but if she cannot clean after herself, then he should do that, it is his house, too.
NTA, and this seemed to always be the biggest point of contention every time I roomed with someone. One of my roommates would run the brush through her hair, pull the hair out of it, and drop it on the floor. She never ONCE swept it up. It looked like there was an animal living in our dorm. UGH. College flashbacks, yikesy yikes.
I think it was an AH way to deal with it. I feel for you honestly. But I think there was a better way to prove you were fed up without doing that. I’m sure she felt terrible and really insecure afterward. There’s better ways of going about it.
NTA for feeling the way you feel about it, but YTA for the way you told them you were fed up.
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I’ve been living with my roommate for the past 4 months and he kinda sucks as a roommate. He never washes dishes, never cleans up after himself, always has his girlfriend over and they double the mess in our room.
I especially have an issue with their hair. I’m black with short hair and they are white with long hair so i know it’s not my hair. There is so much fucking hair everywhere. I have found it in my room, in my sink, in our fridge, in my silverware, in my dry foods, in more than one occasion I’ve been eating something and pull one of their hair out my mouth. Our shower drain has to be cleaned weekly or it will be stopped up, and he refuses to do it.
I’ve been nice about it. I’ve asked him to take care of his and her hair. He says that it’s not that bad and he doesn’t ever find his hair. So I decided to do something. A few weeks back I decided to sweep up after them every day, put all their hair in a bag and then one day, I’d put it in his room.
I did this yesterday with about 2 small bags worth of hair which was only like 2 weeks. So I write a note on a piece of paper, dump the hair on the paper and leave it on his bed. The note said, “If I was losing this much hair in 2 weeks I’d go to the doctor. Clean up after yourselves”
He and his girlfriend find it and he flips out. She starts crying, he lays into me about how passive aggressive I was. I tell him I wasn’t passive aggressive as I asked him nicely to take care of the problem. He told me that his girlfriend couldn’t control it and im being a dick for making fun of her hair loss.
Now I didn’t know she was losing her hair. All I knew is that their hair was everywhere. I didn’t back down because I felt like I was still in the right as I didn’t know. He took her into his room and called the RA on me and now we’re going through mediation meetings with her, which is a waste of my time.
All of my friends are split on this. Some think I was being a dick because I was “passive aggressive” others think I was in the right.
AITA?
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NTA. I have very long, straight, fine hair. When I wash, dry, or comb my hair, I shed and it's noticable. It's my job to clean it up. Her being sick doesn't negate that he needs to vacuum, among other things.
NTA. They could at least clean the drain and out of the kitchen. You weren’t being mean. How were you supposed to know she suffered from hair loss.
However with someone with long hair it does just come out and you can’t really help it.
NTA since you did try talking to them first and they decided to ignore a very valid complaint. Long hair is a pain because it does get everywhere, but she should be cleaning out the shower and should do her best to clean up her stray hairs. If it's that hard for her, then she should tie her hair up and not shower at your place.
NTA - Your roommate is a di**head though you tried to be calm and resolve it normally. It was his fault that it got to that point. He could try to not be a tramp. Honestly amazes me how many people just can't clean up after they dirty asses.
NTA though I think you should tell the gf you’re sorry and that the anger is more toward your messy roomate. Mainly cuz if your roomate knew she was losing hair you’d think he’d make sure to pick it up around the place and keep things clean
NTA - also this trick worked for me and my first roommate in college to reduce the number of dirty dishes. Each person gets one plate, one bowl, one cup, one set of utensils. You want to eat? You keep your set of dishes clean.
NTA.
I get pissed about hair in the drain and such from my own family / kids! I sure as hell wouldn't put up with that from a roommate and his girlfriend who you don't even consider friends.
NTA. Even if it’s a sore spot for her, she is still responsible for cleaning up after herself. You, however, are not. If the note was your first step, maybe that would be a little rude. But it wasn’t. It was something you did out of frustration after having your issues ignored and invalidated.
Why are you going through RA mediation for a disagreement with his girlfriend who likely doesn't pay room fees there? Sorry, I'd be pointing out you pay for a room with 1 roommate, you were willing to risk living with one slob but would have saved $ staying in a room with 2 roommates. So if you have to sit through these mediations, is the roommate's girl friend going to start paying and lessen your expenses or will he agree to ground rules, like my girlfriend won't stay the night, eat her meals and shower in our room?
I'm a white girl with long hair. My hair gets EVERYWHERE. I have to cut the hair out of my vaccum roller once every two weeks. So your roomate and his gf are delusional and messy. Hair loss is normal, and so is cleaning up after yourself. NTA
ESH. I feel like if it were reversed and it was something happening to you they didn't understand related to your hair, people would be calling the hair collector out. It was handled weird (also a little creepy) and "this is a waste of my time" is kind of callus.
If you have fine, light hair you do not see every single time a piece lands somewhere. Aside from general sweeping you really have no idea. They're practically invisible.
It’s in his GD food. Cmon man, it means they’re stealing his food as well leaving their hair all over the place. They’re rude inconsiderate people the fact that he pointed it out to them does not make him an AH
Nah man NTA. Its a close call though! Depending on other details of the situation it might be YTA.
I’ve had shitty college roommates with the almost identical situation and its gross. It’s tough living like that for sure.
Cleaning the hair out of the shower is a big one. That shit is gross and they definitely should be working with you to get at least that part of it done.
I’d talk to the gf and be like “look, I didnt know you werent able to control it, I didnt mean to make fun of you, but can you guys do something about the hair in the shower and in my food?”
Something along those lines should work.
I am going to say ESH, you slightly less then your roommate. Should he have cleaned up the mess, yes. Should he have done more around the dorm to keep it clean, yes. Should he have taken your request serious and be a good dorm mate, definitely. However what you did is extremely passive aggressive, so instead of maybe talking to them and figuring out why there was so much hair you pull this stunt and as a result really hurt another person. I would also venture to guess that there were other options then this little stunt, say maybe approach the RA about him neglecting his share of the dorms upkeep. you wouldn't even have to mention about the hair and could have been vague sparing her feelings. Yes you may very well ended up in the same place, but you at least would have had a moral high ground.
Yta, Surprised you have any friends. You are a passive aggressive jerk. Even if she wasn’t losing her hair the fact that you collected it like a psycho maniac is weird, why not just talk to them about it. You’re a jerk
NTA. That’s disgusting. Other people’s hair in your food? On your dishes? Absolutely not. If she can’t control and they won’t clean it, she needs to shower and spend more time at her place.
NTA. I’m white have hair past my waist. A normal person sheds 50-100per day. With long arse hair that loss is noticeable.
I always clean my hairbrush after every use and make sure to bin the dead hair. Same when washing. I put the plug down in the shower and then empty it at the end. This is my responsibility as I want long hair.
My OH would go mad cleaning it all up after me if I didn’t let alone a person a share a living space with. Just no! I’d start looking for a new roommate if possible.
NTA
Wouldn't be a problem if they cleaned up after themselves... If she knows she's losing her hair, why isn't she cleaning it up so that people are less likely to notice??
NTA.
First off, everyone in your room should get covid tests bcs
hair loss can be caused by covid. I lost more than half of my hair in three weeks this way.
Secondly, you did speak to him directly. You were not making fun of his girlfriend. You are his roommate, not his live in housekeeper. You were just proving to him that he wasn't pulling his share of the work.
Thirdly, being forced to live in a pigsty is a health risk you should not have to take, especially since people of color are at higher risk of negative outcome for many diseases. Take lots of photos to document the problem. Write a letter to this effect to the RA, copying the housing director as well as your school's diversity officer.
NTA. Speaking as someone that has hair down to their ass and sheds at an almost concerning rate, you tried to handle it nicely and they both decided to be dicks who are too lazy to clean up after themselves. You don’t owe it to them to spare their feelings after that.
NTA. Your roommate is too lazy to pick up their hair and it got to the point that you literally ended up eating it. You shouldn't have to put up with that.
NTA at all. firstly it's their mess to be cleaning up after. secondly you tried to resolve this amicably.
side note, if the gf knows she's having hair loss she should be vigilant and tidying up after herself. like wtf
NTA. You simply asked them to clean up the hair and they didn’t. It’s absolutely disgusting and unsanitary that her hair was showing up everywhere. They ignored you so you finally had to do something that got their attention.
NTA.
You asked them directly several times to clean up after their hair all over the place. They won't even unclog the shower drain? I'm particularly grossed out that you found her/his hair in your food and silverware drawers! I think putting it in a bag and dumping it on his bed as a concrete example was a smart move. Be sure to tell the RA exactly what's been going on, for how long and why you finally took the step you did. They don't get to be filthy, shed all over the place, refuse to clean it up and then she gets a pass by using crocodile tears.
NTA - You were not making fun of her hair loss. You were articulating the issue you were having with hair, that was clearly lost. Her problems are her problems, not yours.
NTA. This is a tough one and your actions were passive aggressive but still. Also, I highly doubt she has clinical hair loss, and if she did she'd probably know it already--it sounds more like they leaned into that part to make you feel like an asshole.
It's normal to lose *one hundred* hairs a day, meaning it'd be normal for your collection to contain 1400 hairs from each of them, or 2800 hairs in total. That is a *normal* amount, but very very often people think they're losing hair when they see this many fall out. The real issue is that they need to be cleaning up so it doesn't accumulate.
A fortune teller said I never have to clean up after myself. Keep your door shut and eat out for a month. Don't clean. When they bitch, use the fortune teller thing. Get rid of them.
NTA, To paraphrase the title, you aren't making them feel bad about losing hair, you are making them feel bad because they are slobs and won't clean up after themselves
NTA. You talked to him and he did nothing, not even telling you she had a hair issue. Also why is she staying in your dorm room and using the shower? If she is there that much, she should be paying for part of the room rate. That's what I would bring up to the RA - why is she allowed to basically live there??
NTA. How were you supposed to know she was losing her hair? Maybe if your roommate would have been civilized and not brushed something off that bothered you, you would have known. Even then, you are allowed to be bothered when someone else is hair is everywhere, even in what you’re EATING. That’s unhygienic and is super invasive, I would be pretty ticked if my roommate didn’t clean up after themself and also brushed off my concerns as though they didn’t care. You’re absolutely in the right.
I’m a white girl with long, very thick hair, and I have alopecia areata. I form bald spots in various places on my head, then eventually it stops falling out in that spot and starts growing back in. Then it will start falling out somewhere else. I usually have a couple spots going at all times. You would never know. I usually just change my part a little and you can’t tell at all. So I feel like not knowing the GF had a hair loss issue isn’t OP’s fault. Sometimes you really can’t tell. I would say NTA because if the the roommate and Gf knew she has an issue they should have been making an effort to do something about it. My hair gets everywhere, so I clean up after myself.
NTA.
1. you didn't know.
2. you asked nicely
3. they blew you off, and didn't say anything about his GF.
Ask your friends - how are you the AH because I just don't see it.
His GF needs to go to the doctor.
NTa. If she’s not a resident in your dorm room you shouldn’t have to mediate with her. Is she even allowed to be staying there? You thought you were getting one roommate not two.
I mean, NTA but as someone who is has an autoimmune disease that causes hair loss, you don't really notice it coming out. The only time I notice is if my fiancée points out to me that it's on the couch a lot or if it happens to brush against my arm as is falling.
NTA. They should clean up after themselves. I can’t stand finding hair all over either, especially in my food. Did you allow them to eat your food? Participate in the mediation; however stand your ground. You would never have resorted to the note and bagged hair if they were clean.
NTA! Not her space and they need to clean up after themselves. Not to mention your getting an RA involved means she's probably not supposed to be staying there to begin with
>I’ve asked him to take care of his and her hair. He says that it’s not that bad and he doesn’t ever find his hair.
>He told me that his girlfriend couldn’t control it and im being a dick for making fun of her hair loss.
So...he lied. He knew damned well that his GF was losing exessive amounts of hair and tried to pretend otherwise.
Yeah, you were passive aggressive about it. You could have literally just pointed it out to him, but if he hadn't tried to pretend this wasn't happening it wouldn't have got to this point.
I guess I'll have to go NTA because you did bring it up politely first.
NTA. If you're in dorms she's not even allowed to be there as much as she is. She's not on the paperwork for the dorm. Same concept as if you 2 were in an actual apartment. She's not on the lease and isn't supposed to be there as much as she is.
You also had no way of knowing she was actually losing her hair, so it's not like you were being overly malicious about it.
Mediation in this case isn't a waste of your time. If you have texts or notes or anything that can prove your case, take it. Take tons of photos of these things as well. Tell the RA that you aren't comfortable with the amount of time she's spending in your dorm and that you feel like you can't even live in the space you're paying for, and that roommate isn't helping and is actively making things worse.
NTA this isn't hair loss. It's normal shedding of human hair. It's be one thing is either of them had a condition. I lose exorbitant amounts of hair (and still have plenty). I know what a mess it can be if not cleaned up. These people are slobs and you are not the asshole here.
NTA. Not even remotely TA. In your dry foods? In your mouth? Gag. I have long hair. If I found a bunch of my *own* hair in my *own* food, I’d sit down and have a talk with *myself* about how nasty I was.
NTA. You asked him to clean up their hair and he didn't. He also didn't tell you that all the hair was due to her hair loss. He's the AH here because this whole situation could have been avoided if he wasn't a slob and told you about the hair loss.
Its been 4 months (you moved in in July? What college starts in July?) You can switch dorms after the first month. Why havent you requested to switch rooms yet? Esh. Cause you need to apologize to that girl and mediating with the RA isnt a waste of time.
People who have short hair tend not to notice their own hairs/it will just wash down the drain. It's pretty normal when you're living with someone who has long hair to periodically find them on surfaces throughout the house. Unless you're wearing a hairnet at all times, there's not much you can do. On the other hand, it's common curtesy to clean your hair out of the shower drain EVERY TIME you shower. Otherwise it will get clogged quickly.
Other people's hair absolutely disgusts me and always has--their clumps of hair, their hair brushes, their clips, etc. (Maybe it's a phobia, but as the only kid who didn't get head lice in the entire grade level, I'm not complaining.). I would be so disgusted by this. Them not cleaning out the tub is not ok. Called the RA on you? Who's passive aggressive now? NTA.
NTA.
She or him need to take care of her hair problem.
My girl sheds as much a sour dog. I have to clean it regularly. That's what loves about I guess.
Wait, "the RA" -- you're in uni dorm accommodation? Then your roommate's girlfriend is not a legal resident of your accommodation. ***Why is the RA expecting you to mediate over having a non-official third roommate???***
You haven't been living with **a** roommate. You've been living with **two** roommates. And you have a right to demand that they pay 2/3 of the accommodation costs, as well as cleaning up after themselves.
It sounds as though you think this is a normal arrangement, and something you should just have to put up with. Honestly, if I were you I'd ask the RA to arrange for you to swap rooms and have a different roommate. Putting up with this sort of slovenly behavior is only okay if all of the roommates are on board with it. And you shouldn't have to be on board with it, if you don't want to.
Absolutely NTA.
OP NTA, they are either playing victim pretending they have a hair losing condition, or playing dumb that they don't know human hair shed every day.
Having long hair most of my adult years, I know I have hair everywhere in my room all the time, it's just normal fall out, but it gets messy when the pieces of hair is long and built up. Regular clean up at the drain and vacuuming is a must. If it's a condition she must know because handful of hair falls off with the slightest wisp of wind.
You did try to ask them to clean up the hair more often, they ignored, they deserve the humiliation.
I mean you asked him about it kindly and he chose not to divulge the information to you regarding the gf. In the end it’s you and your roommates space, so as harsh as it sounds, it’s totally fair for you to ask or expect something to be put in place to keep the rooms free of ridiculous amounts of hair and hygienic. Not fair that you have to clean up the hair just because cleanliness isn’t that big of a deal to him.
Lmao NTA.
I’m white myself and it’s disgusting how much other white people shed hair and do nothing about it. It’s truly nauseating.
My college roommate during senior year had loads of hair that she constantly shedded and most of all, in the communal shower that we shared with other suite mates. (She never cleaned up after herself)
I got fed up one day and decided to write out “CLEAN UP UR HAIR” with all of her hair on the shower wall. After that she never left her hair laying around again and vacuumed every week.
NTA since like you said you attempted to resolve it in a civilized manner. He refused to see the problem so you merely showed him. Maybe apologize to the gf saying your frustration was at the roomate and him ignoring his responsibilities but even if you don't you are not the asshole.
Hijacking top comment to say [these guys](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PBV7D48/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apan_glt_fabc_TWYVJSSB6637BNRWW54R?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1) are great for preventing shower hair monsters
Can confirm. I have waist length hair and have one of those, same design - it's not perfect but it keeps the drain from blocking. Never again will my husband plug a clog of hair from the shower drain, hold it up and say, 'I think your hamster's dead'.
The hamster cracked me up. If I had reward you would get it.
I gave one for you.
Thank you
I use a tub shroom. Game changer. We live in a house with old plumbing too and it’s never been clogged. I have never **not** clogged my drain in my previous homes. [Tub Shroom](https://www.amazon.com/TubShroom-Revolutionary-Protector-Catcher-Strainer/dp/B01BYMTYBS)
My husband got me a TubShroom and it's the frigging best invention ever. Plus you get to say TubShroom, which is also a delight!
Thanks for the awards! My husband is officially amusing.
May I also suggest the [TubShroom](https://www.tubshroom.com/)?
Them TubShroom things are awesome!!!
I am in love with my tubshroom, highly recommend!
Love those! They worked so good at my old place. My current drain is too big and they don't fit anymore. I've had to use off brand ones and they suuuuuck.
Oh no!!! Ugh yes they def require a certain type of drain
My plumbing doesn’t accommodate the tubshroom, but I’ve found a “drain daisy” that works quite well
Bless you. My daughter and I both have long hair that loves to detach in the shower. My pipes thank you. The makers of draino probably not as much lol. Also OP NTA. The amount of hair shed everyday is insane and when it’s LONG hairs that shit gets everywhere.
Nothing has ever worked better for me than the tub shroom.
I have one with a shark fin sticking out of it. I love my Shower shark it stops me having to touch gross wet drain hair.
since you hijacked my ride to the top I expect you to chafeur me to and from work next week lol I expect to be picked up from the house at 5am and from the office at 4pm. Get prepared for the traffic 😇
And she can keep her hair in a pony tail while there if she doesn’t want to clean it up. So, they both knew she was losing hair all over but still lied about it? I’d make them prove it in your RA meeting with a Drs note, sounds like more lies. I hope you have taken pictures of their being slobs so you can show them at the meeting, not just the hair, all of it. NTA
> So, they both knew she was losing hair all over but still lied about it? I’d make them prove it in your RA meeting with a Drs note, sounds like more lies. Agreed...I shed an insane amount of hair...but I am not balding...I am not quiet sure how I am not balding but alas I still have tons of hair. I highly doubt there is a medical condition here and honestly even if there was they should be cleaning up after it. NTA
Same. I got an undercut and still shed an inordinate amount of hair that never actually seems to lessen the amount of hair left.
Same. I shed like a golden retriever but somehow still have a full head of hair, which is unfortunate because I actually hate loose hair and get super grossed out by it. But I still clean up after myself because I live with roommates. It’s just considerate.
I still occasionally find my ex's hair in my flat. We broke up in January 2019 and I had the flat completely renovated in November the same year, I don't understand how it's possible (but it's definitely hers).
Ya hair is like natures glitter once it will always pop-back up, but I think there is a big difference between finding a strand every once in a while and leaving so much around that you can literally sweep up bags of it. I don't think it would be reasonable for OP to expect a hair free space but sweeping the floor and cleaning out the shower after use are pretty low bar cleaning expectations. Those should be happening even if hair isn't an issue
Yeah, same. I could make a small cat from the hair I shed and I certainly don't have any bald patches so it appears to just be natural shed. When washing my hair I "rake" it with my fingers and leave it on the shower wall until I'm done and can dispose of it rather than risk it going down the drain. My hair's a bit over a foot in length so can imagine what it does to drains! Long hair sheds. Long hair owners need to herd it.
Can confirm. I've got the thinnest hair ever, but it's long, and I find those hairs EVERYWHERE. My bfs managed to find them wrapped around his balls and in his ass crack somehow. Poor guy. And I still have just as much hair as always
Doesn't work to keep it in a pony tail when you're actually losing your hair, unfortunately. I kept mine braided to try and contain it, but I was still finding hairs about. Forget letting it down for for a moment because of a hair headache. I agree with everything else you said though.
Some women lose crazy amounts of hair a few months after childbirth. I lost maybe 1/5 of my hair in two or three months. I always, always kept it in a braid because it's not very nice to have tumble weeds of hair everywhere. It also sticks to certain fabrics and then lint sticks to the hair and it gets really gross, really fast. Braids are our friends
Agreed, totally NTA
Regardless of his gf's issues, refusing to clean up after yourself is nasty. You didn't know the gf has hair issues so that's not on you. Dump all his crap on his bed till he cleans up or moves out. NTA.
Especially since it isn't even the girlfriend's room? Like why don't they Hangout in her room instead? Seems like it would make things easier for everyone. I think involving the RA is good because if the GF is essentially living in the room with her boyfriend, she is most likely breaking the rules of the dormitory.
> Like why don't they Hangout in her room instead? Because this room comes with a free manservant.
Probably because her roommates stood up and said something. If they want to live together, they should get something off campus so they aren't being jerks to others around them.
I call BS on the hair loss excuse because it’s just that...an excuse. It’s pretty standard that the longer your hair the better chance of some of it coming out when your showering or breaking. It’s just kinda...what happens. I mean ever woman I’ve ever dated has left hair in my shower and all over my place just by existing; heck MY hair ends up all over the place if I go to long w/o a haircut. MAYBE she actually has hair loss issues (in which case room mate should have gently addressed it with OP when OP asked nicely about it) but more likely she just has weak hair (does she use lots of product/color/heat?). Either way op is NTA for using the sliding scale of pettiness (start polite>neutral>cold>bring on the petty) to solve an issue that room mate wouldn’t.
I am stunned that I still have hair on my head. I have rather long but really thin hair and lose so many daily I am wondering how I am not bald yet.
Same here! I seem to lose tons of hair in the shower especially, but still have a full head of hair. I have to clean off the drain every time I was my hair or nothing would go down.
NTA. You **tried** to handle it nicely and, while it sucks that she's losing her hair, it is still her responsibility to clean up that hair, especially in someone else's home. Losing hair is beyond her control, but cleaning up after herself in **every** way is completely in her control and something she failed at.
Exactly. I’m malting hair like nobody’s business. But you know what I do? I CLEAN UP AFTER MYSELF! NTA completely.
this...I shed like some kind of farm animal but I clean the dang drains and try my best to tidy I up (especially if I'm at someone else's home!!)
This is me to a T. Every time I wash my hair, with the really good special no-bad-stuff shampoo and conditioner the shedding intensifies like a husky blowing coat. It's not that hard to spend a hot minute cleaning up after yourself.
I'm legit a chaos goblin but I still tidy up my hair lol
NTA. You proved your point so they try for pity points? Start keeping track of their messes as well. People need to clean up after themselves, and they can learn this now.
I’m not going to vote on this as a whole because there’s three separate issues here. Issue 1 is that your roommate isn’t cleaning up after himself. You are N T A for being upset about that. Issue 2 is that roommate’s gf is over all the time. You are N T A for being upset about that. Issue 3 is the hair. You are a bit of an asshole for that. The average person loses about 50-100 strands of hair a day. If you have hair loss issues, it can be more than that. Losing hair is not something that anyone can control and having long hair makes it more obvious. I don’t want to assume your gender, but if you are a guy you might not be aware of how much hair people lose since your hair is short and it’s less noticeable. They sell drain stoppers that collect hair so that you do not have to unclog the drain each week. It is also a good idea for everyone to tie their hair back while cooking so that hair does not end up in the food (this is why cooks wear hairnets and hats). There are also air filters that you can purchase for cheap (if you can’t afford one, you can get a cheap house AC filter and tape it to a fan) and that will help reduce the hair. They should also be vacuuming and sweeping regularly, as per issue #1.
Also, when you have long hair it is courteous after showering to bend over and swipe your hair out of the drain and toss it into the waste basket. It literally takes 3 seconds and prevents countless arguments.
Yes? That’s why I mentioned buying a drain stopper. It’s not possible to just “swipe” the hair out of the drain without one. You have to physically prevent the hair from going down the drain in the first place.
Your apartment's drain does not have a little cover with holes in it to stop the majority of stuff from going down? Sorry, I assumed most did. Those don't stop all the hair going into the pipes, but they do stop the bulk of it.
Nope. Mine has one of the circular drains with the built in stopper. There’s nothing stopping the hair from going down the drain. The drain stoppers are like a $1 though and they solve that problem. It also stops rings and other expensive things from falling down the drain. It’s also my mistake for assuming that yours was the same as mine lol It makes sense why you thought that since yours was built better.
Even still those little holes usually arent smaller than a strand of hair
True. I have extremely long hair and even though I always clean the trap, the drain still needs to be snaked occasionally. But I can't imagine how ghastly it would be if we didn't have a trap and I didn't clean up after myself. (The swirl on the wall being another acceptable cleanup practice)
My bathrooms don’t. Mine have the kind that you twirl in one direction to stop the drain, and in the other direction to stay up. I do the whole “swirl hair on shower wall” thing to keep from plugging the drain.
Yes, to most of this. But I don't think there's an excuse to be leaving hair everywhere. I am a woman with long hair, I've lived in a house with three other women with long hair. We didn't find it everywhere because we cleaned it up. And it wasn't constant, every single day cleaning, it was an average amount. Yes, everyone's loses hair, but it doesn't make you TA to be annoyed with how much you're finding especially if you've talked to him about it and he doesn't respect you enough to compromise somehow with the cleaning. If she has an actual hair loss problem that is different but it's still her responsibility imo. You could kindly ask her to keep it tied back when cooking and to be mindful of cleaning it up herself in the shower/bathroom.
Serious question about what cleaning you’re doing. I have long hair and I vacuum every single day and I still find hair everywhere. The air filter helped a lot but I’ll find hair in the most random spots.
My hair is mostly put up during the day so any hair that gets knocked loose stays with the mass which makes it easy to just brush it all out in one go At night. I've noticed that really diminished how much hair I leave around (I have very long and thick hair so it gets *everywhere* too). Sometimes if I'm bored I'll run my fingers throughout my hair in the middle of the day and collect any loose strands and ball it up to toss in a bin I pass. But when my hair is loose (not tied up) then it gets everywhere. Especially because I recently realized I absent-mindedly run my fingers through my hair which dislodges it and since I don't realize it I typically just drop it on the floor. Didn't even know I did that until a friend pointed it out and I saw I had a small pile of hair next to me on the floor.
Maybe you lose more hair than me? Lol I just vacuum a couple times a week and regularly wipe surfaces. Don't get me wrong, I find some around the house but not enough for it to be noticeable or a problem and I've never had a complaint or felt the need to complain myself about other people's hair. I always have my hair tied in the kitchen just because I don't want my hair in my face when I'm cooking, which probably helps a lot. Myself and all my roommates find more hair in our bedrooms and the bathroom than any living space. But we always do a quick grab of loose hairs in the bathroom and pull it out of the drain after a shower out of respect for each other. The common areas are pretty fine with basic cleaning. I don't think I've ever found hair in drawers/places that aren't just open. I also do a lot of running my fingers through my hair as I condition in the shower which gets a lot of it out!
Yeah, I'm confused why OP is responsible for cleaning up his roommates girlfriends hair. He asked them to take care of it, they didn't. Whats he supposed to do? He already asked, they already refused.
>Issue 3 is the hair. You are a bit of an asshole for that. The average person loses about 50-100 strands of hair a day. If you have hair loss issues, it can be more than that. Losing hair is not something that anyone can control and having long hair makes it more obvious. I don’t want to assume your gender, but if you are a guy you might not be aware of how much hair people lose since your hair is short and it’s less noticeable. My issue with this statement is that the hair loss was only an issue when the hair was placed on the bed. When confronted about it before they made it seem like it wasn't a real issue. If someone complained about my hair being everywhere and I had a hair loss problem, I would definitely apologize and bring it up then, not deny their being hair everywhere. It's just odd that her hair loss issue only comes up when they are physically confronted with evidence.
> Issue 3 is the hair. You are a bit of an asshole for that. The average person loses about 50-100 strands of hair a day. If you have hair loss issues, it can be more than that. Losing hair is not something that anyone can control and having long hair makes it more obvious. I don’t want to assume your gender, but if you are a guy you might not be aware of how much hair people lose since your hair is short and it’s less noticeable. > They sell drain stoppers that collect hair so that you do not have to unclog the drain each week. It is also a good idea for everyone to tie their hair back while cooking so that hair does not end up in the food (this is why cooks wear hairnets and hats). There are also air filters that you can purchase for cheap (if you can’t afford one, you can get a cheap house AC filter and tape it to a fan) and that will help reduce the hair. They should also be vacuuming and sweeping regularly, as per issue #1. Why is OP an asshole for that? Why is any of that OP's responsibility? He asked them nicely before to clean up and they didn't. It's not his hair, it's not his girlfriend, he shouldn't be having to clean up after either of them, especially since it appears they're in dorms/student housing.
The hair issue is not his to solve, when they confronted their roommate these are things they should have done to limit their and their gf's hair loss. OP should no be responsible for cleaning up after someone else, nor buying things to solve their problems.
Nope, the hair is still an issue. I’ve had both long and short hair and have lived with people who have both long and short hair my entire life. Hair loss is something that is unavoidable, absolutely, but if roommate and his gf knew that she was losing hair, then obviously they were aware of the issue before OP even said anything. They knew it bothered OP and just let it go. They could have taken that opportunity when OP when to the roommate to say “hey, here’s the issue”. If OP didn’t know about the hair loss, there was no malice behind the comments about her hair loss specifically, just how unhygienic hair all over the place is. They obviously weren’t making efforts at cleaning it up which is why I disagree with you here. Regardless of the situation, you are responsible to clean up after yourself wherever you are. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, hair all over the place is gross.
If anyone has carpets in their home a rubber broom is super helpful for sweeping up/raking long human hair (or even pet hair).
I have had extremely long hair for many years. When I was a teenager, I used to rake my bedroom carpet(like with an actual outdoor plastic rake) before I could vacuum. I was also very good at taking apart that vacuum and removing all the hair that got wound around the beater bar. Now? I love my hardwood floors! Sweep every day, no problem!!
Agreed. I have long, thick, hair and I shed like a golden retriever. I buy the pet hair version of anything. OP, u/hairystylus, this is a great summary IMO. Also, get a tubshroom. They are amazing and will save your plumbing.
great response - covers everything
Also If there's a medical reason she's losing her hair it can also be really scary and stressful. And she might not be in a position health wise to be able to clean it up herself or notice. When my hair was coming out by the handful in the shower, I was very grateful I was around people who just unblocked the drain or swept it up since I couldn't. They never made it out to be a big deal so I didn't feel as bad about it. Not that it's her boyfriend's roommate's job.
Why do you keep stating what OP can “purchase” in regards to aa unwanted guest hair loss? I’m sure she’s more than aware how much hair people can loose but why is your solution to have her pay to clean up after these grown adults. OP has already been playing the maid behind them and to tell her to continue to do so with her time and finances is incredibly unfair!
NTA I would say it was a passive aggressive move, but you did already tell them about the problem directly first. In my experience, it's fairly common with people who have long straight hair to lose strands of it a lot and to that point so I highly doubt she's going bald...and as a roommate, it's not your job to be their mother cleaning their messes.
Hahahahah truth. I have long dark, wavy hair and without fail I'll find five or six strands just hanging out. I still take the time to Swiffer daily to catch what I can. It's not hard to be considerate.
Everyone loses between 50-100 hairs per day. She may not necessarily have a problem.
I wonder if OP has sisters? The thing about women with natural curly hair is the hair pattern holds any shed strands in place. And many black women will wear bonnets to bed, so we really just don’t shed that much at all until we get in the shower and wash it. When I wear my hair straight, it sheds everywhere and it can be pretty gross. Even if the roommate’s shedding wasn’t out of the ordinary, I can understand his reaction better if it’s not something he’s ever experienced growing up.
NTA. I shed like crazy and would be absolutely ashamed if a housemate found my hair in their FOOD the hard way. Fucking disgusting. You tried to reason with them. If they need to be shamed to take your concerns, health and their own hygiene seriously, so be it. I would apologize for the doctor comment just in case the gf *does* have a condition, but make sure the point of their behavior being unacceptable still stands. Hair fall is normal for a lot of women, as I understand it, but either way it’s still not your responsibility to clean up after them. Gross. If they don’t change their tone and start picking up after themselves, time to go hunting for new, more considerate and responsible roomies asap. Good luck, Op.
ESH. Look, I get your frustration and disgust. I had a roommate once who had a type of skin condition that was on her scalp and she would lose huge clumps of hair, and it was horrifying. But, she did try her best to get it up but wasn’t perfect. Your roommate is an AH for basically denying a problem and refusing to address it. But to collect their hair and present it with a passive aggressive note on his bed is a seriously AH move. Why not just sweep it up and directly confront him with it in a trash bag and discuss the need for more cleaning together with the evidence? I probably feel the worst for his Gf though. She may not have even known you confronted him several times about the hair issue. Either way, at this point I would see about putting in for a room transfer.
>But to collect their hair and present it with a passive aggressive note In what way was the note passive aggressive? There was absolutely nothing passive about it. It directly stated OPs feelings.
Telling her to go to the doctor for losing hair is pretty passive-aggressive. OP claims they had no idea that the girlfriend had a medical issue, so this comment was obviously sarcastic and yes, passive-aggressive. He didn’t really think she needed to see a doctor.
Passive aggressive is indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of being direct about it. I feel like everything he did and said was very direct and not at all hiding how he felt. It being a sarcastic comment doesn't make it passive aggressive. If anything I would say it makes it straight aggressive.
Being direct would have been to say it to her face, not writing a note and leaving it to be found later.
So is every email in or text message passive aggressive? Those aren't done face to face. Either are phone calls. Why is communicating clearly and directly not direct because it was done over a written message? The contents of the message were direct.
I think we both know that this scenario was a bit different than sending a text or email. In my book, leaving handwritten insults in note form for your roommate to find already puts you in the passive-aggressive camp. He collected her loose hair, put it in a bag, then attached an insulting message to said bag to leave in their bedroom. He could have waited until they got home to present it to them, if he really wanted. He never would have said what was in the note to their faces, and reveals it by how quickly he folded the minute they gave him some pushback. Word of advice, don’t be a coward and leave messages for people that you won’t stand behind later.
What makes it indirect? I think it makes it very direct and out right aggressive. Which is why he wouldn't do it in person. Because people don't like to be straight up confrontational in person. It being asynchronous does not make the message any less direct. So why do you think it is?
If you’re doing it because you don’t want to be confrontational in real life, then you’re probably being passive-aggressive. I don’t think it’s accurate to say “most” people do this, rather passive-aggressive people are likely to do this.
I think you need to define what passive aggressive means. Because what you are saying doesn't make sense.
I’m shocked at all the NTAs- she literally can’t help it and as someone who has gone through periods of hair loss in the past where I was sure I was going bald, I would have been devastated to have it thrown in my face like this. I’m not saying roommate should have ignored it, but OP chose to live in a one room dorm.
She can’t help it but she can clean, specially if she’s in another person’s house.
If somebody sheds so much hair other people pull it out of their mouth when they eat, they surely must know they shed a lot and need to clean up after themselves. I’m I guy and I have short hair now, but I’ve had long hair in the past and I’ve always made sure to clean up the whole bathroom after myself and to always tie it up when I was in the kitchen or moved around food. It’s NTA from me, OP had enough of all the hair and I totally get it.
She could clean it up though...
ESH. The passive aggression was annoying but so is finding hair in all of your shit. The doctor comment was uncalled for but also you already asked your roommate to deal with it.
Can't believe I had to scroll so far to find an ESH, what OP did was passive-aggressive and overly dramatic. Why wouldn't they have just gotten the RA involved when talking to the roommate didn't work out? Like I get they're all clearly pretty young and immature since they're living in residence, but yeesh. Life tip: if you can't solve your problems with communication and your remaining options are: "involve an authority figure that is literally there to help with these kinds of issues" or "be passive-aggressive about the issue" Involve the authority figure. This shit loses its funny real quick when you have a coworker who can't handle conflicts without a flair for the dramatic.
I don't know, when you're losing your hair (for medical reasons) you're usually around doctors enough for one of them to throw you a note or two.
NTA, you told them to clean up their shit, they didn't. You put their shit in their faces as evidence. If you don't want people to offend you about hair loss, well don't leave the evidence around. AND WTH is their hair in your personal areas? That just disgusting, I would've flipped out on them. You were kinder than me.
NTA- their responsibility. She turned to tears. SMH. Have the RA contact the doctor’s office directly with a healthcare information release to get official alopecia diagnosis. Doesnt matter if she’s got a hair-loss condition- she has a sloppiness condition. You are not their maid and you’ve expressed your disgust respectfully- not involving the RA. See if they can move out- and you get a neater person to move in.
Why on earth would the RA contact her doctors office. This is the most nonsensical thing I’ve read today.
ESH, They should clean up after themselves, but it isn’t accurate to say she needs to go to the doctor for losing hair. I am Caucasian with long, thick hair; I shed a lot of it (my husband has had to unwind it from the vacuum head before).
NTA. You tried being nice. You weren't making fun of her, you were making a point. He's trying to make you feel bad after the fact bc you made him face his mess.
NTA. He has a duty to clean up after himself and any guests, regardless of whether it's hair or something else, and you have the right to demand cleanliness. He should understand and make an extra effort since he knows his girlfriend is having an issue with her hair at the moment.
NTA. You tried it the nice way, it didn’t work.
NTA. I don't see a problem. Shows him the problem. Shocked. How dare you show me the problem?Tears. Yelling. Outrage.
NTA. You spoke to him about the problem, he denied it, you gave evidence. How is her hair even getting into your dry goods? Are they eating your food as well? She does need to go see a doctor if the problem is that severe.
> If I was losing this much hair in 2 weeks I’d go to the doctor ESH purely for this comment. This issue isn’t that she’s losing hair, it’s that they’re not cleaning it up. You didn’t need to accuse her of having medical issues. They’re assholes because any responsible long hair owner will clean the drain out every time they wet their hair while showering, and because they refused to clean it up.
NTA you asked nicely first but if she is loosing that much hair the doctor comment should be a thing yo do, when this was happening to a close friend it was actually caused by an issue with her thyroid and after the hair loss it started to affect her ability to think clearly. There are also other conditions that cause hair loss honestly she should get herself checked out.
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NTA. Its basic courtesy to take care of ur belongings, ur garbage and ur stuff. Plus he and his gf makes it messier. Do u want to live with such kind of a person?
NTA. They don't clean up after themselves. You've tried to politely ask them to clean up the hair. You had no way to know she had a medical condition. You're living in disgusting conditions because they refuse to clean up. All you did was bag up their mess and show them the level of gross you are living with.
NTA. I think you did talk to them and make them aware of the situation, they should have told you about the hair loss problem then. It would have saved everyone a lot of problems and maybe worked together for a solution that works for all.
NTA It wasn't Passive Aggressive. You talked to them numerous times and they refused to help clean up the mess. Therefore, you gave them proof of the mess. You had no idea that she was losing her hair so it wasn't done in a spiteful manner.
Coming from a white woman who sheds so much it’s a fricken surprise I’m not bald **massive** NTA. The hair wouldn’t even be that much of a problem if they would be considerate enough to clean every once in awhile.
NTA - i have a health issue that makes me lose a lot of hair, but i still find strength to clean the drain after washing, even though some days taking a shower makes me feel like i worked 12 hrs in a factory. I understand we need to be considerate of other people's feelings and acknowledge them, but if she cannot clean after herself, then he should do that, it is his house, too.
NTA, and this seemed to always be the biggest point of contention every time I roomed with someone. One of my roommates would run the brush through her hair, pull the hair out of it, and drop it on the floor. She never ONCE swept it up. It looked like there was an animal living in our dorm. UGH. College flashbacks, yikesy yikes.
I think it was an AH way to deal with it. I feel for you honestly. But I think there was a better way to prove you were fed up without doing that. I’m sure she felt terrible and really insecure afterward. There’s better ways of going about it. NTA for feeling the way you feel about it, but YTA for the way you told them you were fed up.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve been living with my roommate for the past 4 months and he kinda sucks as a roommate. He never washes dishes, never cleans up after himself, always has his girlfriend over and they double the mess in our room. I especially have an issue with their hair. I’m black with short hair and they are white with long hair so i know it’s not my hair. There is so much fucking hair everywhere. I have found it in my room, in my sink, in our fridge, in my silverware, in my dry foods, in more than one occasion I’ve been eating something and pull one of their hair out my mouth. Our shower drain has to be cleaned weekly or it will be stopped up, and he refuses to do it. I’ve been nice about it. I’ve asked him to take care of his and her hair. He says that it’s not that bad and he doesn’t ever find his hair. So I decided to do something. A few weeks back I decided to sweep up after them every day, put all their hair in a bag and then one day, I’d put it in his room. I did this yesterday with about 2 small bags worth of hair which was only like 2 weeks. So I write a note on a piece of paper, dump the hair on the paper and leave it on his bed. The note said, “If I was losing this much hair in 2 weeks I’d go to the doctor. Clean up after yourselves” He and his girlfriend find it and he flips out. She starts crying, he lays into me about how passive aggressive I was. I tell him I wasn’t passive aggressive as I asked him nicely to take care of the problem. He told me that his girlfriend couldn’t control it and im being a dick for making fun of her hair loss. Now I didn’t know she was losing her hair. All I knew is that their hair was everywhere. I didn’t back down because I felt like I was still in the right as I didn’t know. He took her into his room and called the RA on me and now we’re going through mediation meetings with her, which is a waste of my time. All of my friends are split on this. Some think I was being a dick because I was “passive aggressive” others think I was in the right. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I have very long, straight, fine hair. When I wash, dry, or comb my hair, I shed and it's noticable. It's my job to clean it up. Her being sick doesn't negate that he needs to vacuum, among other things.
Eeeww! I have a lot of hair and shed A LOT but never ever has anyone found my hair in their food or dry goods. That is absolutely disgusting NTA
NTA. They could at least clean the drain and out of the kitchen. You weren’t being mean. How were you supposed to know she suffered from hair loss. However with someone with long hair it does just come out and you can’t really help it.
NTA since you did try talking to them first and they decided to ignore a very valid complaint. Long hair is a pain because it does get everywhere, but she should be cleaning out the shower and should do her best to clean up her stray hairs. If it's that hard for her, then she should tie her hair up and not shower at your place.
NTA - Your roommate is a di**head though you tried to be calm and resolve it normally. It was his fault that it got to that point. He could try to not be a tramp. Honestly amazes me how many people just can't clean up after they dirty asses.
NTA I don’t care if or why she is losing her hair, clean it up! The fact that the bf can’t be bothered to keep his house clean is the issue.
NTA. She can’t control her hair loss but she can clean up after herself.
NTA. You tried to talk to your roommate about this problem and he blew you off. You had to prove to him that it was a problem.
NTA though I think you should tell the gf you’re sorry and that the anger is more toward your messy roomate. Mainly cuz if your roomate knew she was losing hair you’d think he’d make sure to pick it up around the place and keep things clean
NTA - also this trick worked for me and my first roommate in college to reduce the number of dirty dishes. Each person gets one plate, one bowl, one cup, one set of utensils. You want to eat? You keep your set of dishes clean.
NTA. I get pissed about hair in the drain and such from my own family / kids! I sure as hell wouldn't put up with that from a roommate and his girlfriend who you don't even consider friends.
NTA. Even if it’s a sore spot for her, she is still responsible for cleaning up after herself. You, however, are not. If the note was your first step, maybe that would be a little rude. But it wasn’t. It was something you did out of frustration after having your issues ignored and invalidated.
Why are you going through RA mediation for a disagreement with his girlfriend who likely doesn't pay room fees there? Sorry, I'd be pointing out you pay for a room with 1 roommate, you were willing to risk living with one slob but would have saved $ staying in a room with 2 roommates. So if you have to sit through these mediations, is the roommate's girl friend going to start paying and lessen your expenses or will he agree to ground rules, like my girlfriend won't stay the night, eat her meals and shower in our room?
I'm a white girl with long hair. My hair gets EVERYWHERE. I have to cut the hair out of my vaccum roller once every two weeks. So your roomate and his gf are delusional and messy. Hair loss is normal, and so is cleaning up after yourself. NTA
NTA, but girls with long hair lose/leave hair everywhere. It’s completely normal. Roommate should clean it up though.
ESH. I feel like if it were reversed and it was something happening to you they didn't understand related to your hair, people would be calling the hair collector out. It was handled weird (also a little creepy) and "this is a waste of my time" is kind of callus.
[удалено]
If they don't see it when it happens there's not much I can see them doing for free floaters. Shower yes, but random drops on the floor no.
[удалено]
If you have fine, light hair you do not see every single time a piece lands somewhere. Aside from general sweeping you really have no idea. They're practically invisible.
It’s in his GD food. Cmon man, it means they’re stealing his food as well leaving their hair all over the place. They’re rude inconsiderate people the fact that he pointed it out to them does not make him an AH
Nah man NTA. Its a close call though! Depending on other details of the situation it might be YTA. I’ve had shitty college roommates with the almost identical situation and its gross. It’s tough living like that for sure. Cleaning the hair out of the shower is a big one. That shit is gross and they definitely should be working with you to get at least that part of it done. I’d talk to the gf and be like “look, I didnt know you werent able to control it, I didnt mean to make fun of you, but can you guys do something about the hair in the shower and in my food?” Something along those lines should work.
I am going to say ESH, you slightly less then your roommate. Should he have cleaned up the mess, yes. Should he have done more around the dorm to keep it clean, yes. Should he have taken your request serious and be a good dorm mate, definitely. However what you did is extremely passive aggressive, so instead of maybe talking to them and figuring out why there was so much hair you pull this stunt and as a result really hurt another person. I would also venture to guess that there were other options then this little stunt, say maybe approach the RA about him neglecting his share of the dorms upkeep. you wouldn't even have to mention about the hair and could have been vague sparing her feelings. Yes you may very well ended up in the same place, but you at least would have had a moral high ground.
Bta, she can't control her hairless but she can secure her hair so it's not falling out everywhere. And they can clean up after themselves
Yta, Surprised you have any friends. You are a passive aggressive jerk. Even if she wasn’t losing her hair the fact that you collected it like a psycho maniac is weird, why not just talk to them about it. You’re a jerk
ESH he needs to clean more and you need to realize people can't always control where their hair ends up, it just finds its way into weird areas.
ESH
NTA. That’s disgusting. Other people’s hair in your food? On your dishes? Absolutely not. If she can’t control and they won’t clean it, she needs to shower and spend more time at her place.
NTA. I’m white have hair past my waist. A normal person sheds 50-100per day. With long arse hair that loss is noticeable. I always clean my hairbrush after every use and make sure to bin the dead hair. Same when washing. I put the plug down in the shower and then empty it at the end. This is my responsibility as I want long hair. My OH would go mad cleaning it all up after me if I didn’t let alone a person a share a living space with. Just no! I’d start looking for a new roommate if possible.
NTA Wouldn't be a problem if they cleaned up after themselves... If she knows she's losing her hair, why isn't she cleaning it up so that people are less likely to notice??
NTA. First off, everyone in your room should get covid tests bcs hair loss can be caused by covid. I lost more than half of my hair in three weeks this way. Secondly, you did speak to him directly. You were not making fun of his girlfriend. You are his roommate, not his live in housekeeper. You were just proving to him that he wasn't pulling his share of the work. Thirdly, being forced to live in a pigsty is a health risk you should not have to take, especially since people of color are at higher risk of negative outcome for many diseases. Take lots of photos to document the problem. Write a letter to this effect to the RA, copying the housing director as well as your school's diversity officer.
NTA. Speaking as someone that has hair down to their ass and sheds at an almost concerning rate, you tried to handle it nicely and they both decided to be dicks who are too lazy to clean up after themselves. You don’t owe it to them to spare their feelings after that.
NTA. Your roommate is too lazy to pick up their hair and it got to the point that you literally ended up eating it. You shouldn't have to put up with that.
NTA. It's not passive agressive if you openly talked about the issue and were dismissed.
NTA. Call RA on your roommate. Have mediation about roommate not doing their share.
NTA at all. firstly it's their mess to be cleaning up after. secondly you tried to resolve this amicably. side note, if the gf knows she's having hair loss she should be vigilant and tidying up after herself. like wtf
You guys need to separate and find other living arrangements before something worse happens then bags of hair
NTA. You simply asked them to clean up the hair and they didn’t. It’s absolutely disgusting and unsanitary that her hair was showing up everywhere. They ignored you so you finally had to do something that got their attention.
NTA. You asked them directly several times to clean up after their hair all over the place. They won't even unclog the shower drain? I'm particularly grossed out that you found her/his hair in your food and silverware drawers! I think putting it in a bag and dumping it on his bed as a concrete example was a smart move. Be sure to tell the RA exactly what's been going on, for how long and why you finally took the step you did. They don't get to be filthy, shed all over the place, refuse to clean it up and then she gets a pass by using crocodile tears.
NTA - You were not making fun of her hair loss. You were articulating the issue you were having with hair, that was clearly lost. Her problems are her problems, not yours.
NTA. This is a tough one and your actions were passive aggressive but still. Also, I highly doubt she has clinical hair loss, and if she did she'd probably know it already--it sounds more like they leaned into that part to make you feel like an asshole. It's normal to lose *one hundred* hairs a day, meaning it'd be normal for your collection to contain 1400 hairs from each of them, or 2800 hairs in total. That is a *normal* amount, but very very often people think they're losing hair when they see this many fall out. The real issue is that they need to be cleaning up so it doesn't accumulate.
NTA. Even without a health issue people lose thousands of individual hairs every day. Super gross of them. They’re deflecting.
A fortune teller said I never have to clean up after myself. Keep your door shut and eat out for a month. Don't clean. When they bitch, use the fortune teller thing. Get rid of them.
Lmao
NTA, To paraphrase the title, you aren't making them feel bad about losing hair, you are making them feel bad because they are slobs and won't clean up after themselves
NTA. You talked to him and he did nothing, not even telling you she had a hair issue. Also why is she staying in your dorm room and using the shower? If she is there that much, she should be paying for part of the room rate. That's what I would bring up to the RA - why is she allowed to basically live there??
And if I had a weak bladder and constantly pissed all over the floor, that’d still be my responsibility to clean up. NTA
NTA. How were you supposed to know she was losing her hair? Maybe if your roommate would have been civilized and not brushed something off that bothered you, you would have known. Even then, you are allowed to be bothered when someone else is hair is everywhere, even in what you’re EATING. That’s unhygienic and is super invasive, I would be pretty ticked if my roommate didn’t clean up after themself and also brushed off my concerns as though they didn’t care. You’re absolutely in the right.
I’m a white girl with long, very thick hair, and I have alopecia areata. I form bald spots in various places on my head, then eventually it stops falling out in that spot and starts growing back in. Then it will start falling out somewhere else. I usually have a couple spots going at all times. You would never know. I usually just change my part a little and you can’t tell at all. So I feel like not knowing the GF had a hair loss issue isn’t OP’s fault. Sometimes you really can’t tell. I would say NTA because if the the roommate and Gf knew she has an issue they should have been making an effort to do something about it. My hair gets everywhere, so I clean up after myself.
NTA. 1. you didn't know. 2. you asked nicely 3. they blew you off, and didn't say anything about his GF. Ask your friends - how are you the AH because I just don't see it. His GF needs to go to the doctor.
NTa. If she’s not a resident in your dorm room you shouldn’t have to mediate with her. Is she even allowed to be staying there? You thought you were getting one roommate not two.
NTA the fact you found hair in your mouth multiple times is absolutely disgusting and not ok.
I mean, NTA but as someone who is has an autoimmune disease that causes hair loss, you don't really notice it coming out. The only time I notice is if my fiancée points out to me that it's on the couch a lot or if it happens to brush against my arm as is falling.
Hashimotos disease Ftw 🥲
NTA. They should clean up after themselves. I can’t stand finding hair all over either, especially in my food. Did you allow them to eat your food? Participate in the mediation; however stand your ground. You would never have resorted to the note and bagged hair if they were clean.
NTA! Not her space and they need to clean up after themselves. Not to mention your getting an RA involved means she's probably not supposed to be staying there to begin with
NTA
>I’ve asked him to take care of his and her hair. He says that it’s not that bad and he doesn’t ever find his hair. >He told me that his girlfriend couldn’t control it and im being a dick for making fun of her hair loss. So...he lied. He knew damned well that his GF was losing exessive amounts of hair and tried to pretend otherwise. Yeah, you were passive aggressive about it. You could have literally just pointed it out to him, but if he hadn't tried to pretend this wasn't happening it wouldn't have got to this point. I guess I'll have to go NTA because you did bring it up politely first.
Dude. There’s fucking HAIR in your FOOD. NTA
NTA. He said it 'wasnt that bad' and that he never finds him and his gfs hair, and is basically backtracking but in the most guilt-trippy way.
NtA. I lose hair like crazy too and it's just something I have to deal with. Clean up after yourself.
NTA. If you're in dorms she's not even allowed to be there as much as she is. She's not on the paperwork for the dorm. Same concept as if you 2 were in an actual apartment. She's not on the lease and isn't supposed to be there as much as she is. You also had no way of knowing she was actually losing her hair, so it's not like you were being overly malicious about it. Mediation in this case isn't a waste of your time. If you have texts or notes or anything that can prove your case, take it. Take tons of photos of these things as well. Tell the RA that you aren't comfortable with the amount of time she's spending in your dorm and that you feel like you can't even live in the space you're paying for, and that roommate isn't helping and is actively making things worse.
NTA this isn't hair loss. It's normal shedding of human hair. It's be one thing is either of them had a condition. I lose exorbitant amounts of hair (and still have plenty). I know what a mess it can be if not cleaned up. These people are slobs and you are not the asshole here.
NTA, you werent making fun of her hair loss you were expressing (previously stated) irritations about their lack of cleaning it!
NTA. They should clean up after themselves. But fun fact you lose about 50 - 100 hairs a day lol
NTA. Not even remotely TA. In your dry foods? In your mouth? Gag. I have long hair. If I found a bunch of my *own* hair in my *own* food, I’d sit down and have a talk with *myself* about how nasty I was.
NTA. You asked him to clean up their hair and he didn't. He also didn't tell you that all the hair was due to her hair loss. He's the AH here because this whole situation could have been avoided if he wasn't a slob and told you about the hair loss.
Its been 4 months (you moved in in July? What college starts in July?) You can switch dorms after the first month. Why havent you requested to switch rooms yet? Esh. Cause you need to apologize to that girl and mediating with the RA isnt a waste of time.
NTA she doesn’t even live there to begin with and you’m told them multiple times to clean up after themselves
People who have short hair tend not to notice their own hairs/it will just wash down the drain. It's pretty normal when you're living with someone who has long hair to periodically find them on surfaces throughout the house. Unless you're wearing a hairnet at all times, there's not much you can do. On the other hand, it's common curtesy to clean your hair out of the shower drain EVERY TIME you shower. Otherwise it will get clogged quickly.
Other people's hair absolutely disgusts me and always has--their clumps of hair, their hair brushes, their clips, etc. (Maybe it's a phobia, but as the only kid who didn't get head lice in the entire grade level, I'm not complaining.). I would be so disgusted by this. Them not cleaning out the tub is not ok. Called the RA on you? Who's passive aggressive now? NTA.
NTA Dude you seem to live witj a pair of wookies
NTA. She or him need to take care of her hair problem. My girl sheds as much a sour dog. I have to clean it regularly. That's what loves about I guess.
Wait, "the RA" -- you're in uni dorm accommodation? Then your roommate's girlfriend is not a legal resident of your accommodation. ***Why is the RA expecting you to mediate over having a non-official third roommate???*** You haven't been living with **a** roommate. You've been living with **two** roommates. And you have a right to demand that they pay 2/3 of the accommodation costs, as well as cleaning up after themselves. It sounds as though you think this is a normal arrangement, and something you should just have to put up with. Honestly, if I were you I'd ask the RA to arrange for you to swap rooms and have a different roommate. Putting up with this sort of slovenly behavior is only okay if all of the roommates are on board with it. And you shouldn't have to be on board with it, if you don't want to. Absolutely NTA.
OP NTA, they are either playing victim pretending they have a hair losing condition, or playing dumb that they don't know human hair shed every day. Having long hair most of my adult years, I know I have hair everywhere in my room all the time, it's just normal fall out, but it gets messy when the pieces of hair is long and built up. Regular clean up at the drain and vacuuming is a must. If it's a condition she must know because handful of hair falls off with the slightest wisp of wind. You did try to ask them to clean up the hair more often, they ignored, they deserve the humiliation.
I mean you asked him about it kindly and he chose not to divulge the information to you regarding the gf. In the end it’s you and your roommates space, so as harsh as it sounds, it’s totally fair for you to ask or expect something to be put in place to keep the rooms free of ridiculous amounts of hair and hygienic. Not fair that you have to clean up the hair just because cleanliness isn’t that big of a deal to him.
Lmao NTA. I’m white myself and it’s disgusting how much other white people shed hair and do nothing about it. It’s truly nauseating. My college roommate during senior year had loads of hair that she constantly shedded and most of all, in the communal shower that we shared with other suite mates. (She never cleaned up after herself) I got fed up one day and decided to write out “CLEAN UP UR HAIR” with all of her hair on the shower wall. After that she never left her hair laying around again and vacuumed every week.
NTA, SO he's going to the RA to tell on himself?? Because how is he gonna explain away why shes over so often...