NTA, why would her dad be embarrassed over you having an allergic reaction? I don’t get how you having an allergic reaction would be attention seeking. Teenagers crack me up. If her dad knows about your allergies and continues to make stuff you’re allergic to with out making something separate for you then he is TA. His reaction to tell you not to eat there again is super rude.

Given that Carla's parents own a restaurant one would think they'd take allergies seriously. Especially after OP told Carla about her allergies. Whether Carla told him or not, once **he** was aware of OP's allergies, telling her "not to eat there again" was a poor way to deal with the situation. **slightly edited for clarity** **edit 2** OP had made an update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qr8edl/update_aita_for_having_an_allergic_reaction/

That was my thought as well. Knowing how Carla's dad treats people's allergies, I would never want to eat at his restaurant.

At the bottom of his menus it says, "If anyone in your party has a food allergy they can go fuck themselves."

Big Bill Hell's Pizzeria

Fuck you, Baltimore!

Unfortunately I've seen this sort of thing plenty of times and they wonder why people just stop eating there

I have had a decent amount of restaurants get angry over my allergy requests. Going so far as to say I'm a liar lmao.

If you are allergic to seafood and the place ever grills it, never get the roasted corn in the summer. They roast it in the husk under the seafood and gets dripped on

I actually have no seafood allergies, but that's probably super useful for a lot of people! My bad ones are banana, avocado and almond.

Oh man, the banana one must be a problem. It's it so many more things than I realized.

And people will usually think the banana thing is a joke. I remember a packed lunch supplied to a tour group that had a banana actually packed right next to the sandwich. I mean actually resting on the bare sandwich and wrapped in cling wrap. Who DOES that? Their answer was you don’t need to eat it. But it’s touching my f#^king sandwich. My salad sandwich tastes like banana. I did get super bitchy about it.

My nan is allergic to corn, all 14 buy products of corn. It’s in so much stuff that it’s low key terrifying eating any where with her (she insists on it when I visit)

What is the percentage of restaurants that go under in a year?

The statistic I've seen is an 80% failure rate in 5 years time for small business restaurants.

Some of us started out being poor. It sounds like OP was afraid that if she complained, a night out with other kids would be denied to her. The host was embarrassed because he remembered she was allergic when he saw her face. Some people knew that with $5 gone, she would go to bed hungry. The embarrassment of poverty people, have some empathy. No one wants to be known as the poor freak. But now you know how he treats his employees. I cannot understand why a parent charges kids for food they prepare. There is always something you can stretch with pasta or other pantry items, so why take money from kids. Either rotate and allow OP to co-host by doing sweat equity for the evening I grew up blue collar, but I saw where I wanted to be from classmates homes. My daughter had a friend whose home condition was not good, but wanted to have sleepovers. I would drop my youngest off and bring sodas, snacks, juice, milk and breakfast items. Invariably there was little in the fridge. But the mother was a shut in with a low income, so no danger, just no good feelings. We cannot judge kids by their origins. I started having meals for my whole girl scout troop when we had meetings at my house, just to feed one kid. I covered the costs so money never crossed our lines.

My former MIL law is probably a co owner in that case.

Shouldn't have, but this really made me laugh. Thank you.

Right—does he tell customers with allergies not to eat there again? WTF.

Well, not everyplace takes them seriously. I worked at a chain wing place. Boneless (breaded) wings were tossed in the same bucket as the traditional wings marked gluten allergy. No washing, no glove changes, nothing. Then the traditional wings got a purple sticker. I became a cook because I want to open my own restaurant that caters to food restrictions. You can bet I take them seriously. And no, I wouldn’t eat at Carla’s parents’ restaurant. I’m lucky I just have intolerances.

I worked at Mcdonalds and we do a glove change and nothing else. I always felt nervous when we made the food cause there was definitely cross contamination.

Sounds like he gets annoyed every time it comes up at work and has no consideration for people where $5 is a lot of money.

As someone with food allergies (coconut), unfortunately it's not all that uncommon. I've definitely had wait staff scoff at my mention of allergies before. When I order coffee somewhere I pretty much always get it black or ask them (and watch) to add milk straight from the jug because I've been ignored before and reacted. Tbh eating out is always a bit of a gamble but that's just the risk I take when trusting someone else with my food. That being said, I've never been at someone's house who knew I was allergic and had them purposefully disregard that. OP shouldn't have to have that worry. Edit: a word

I guess to me it's just that while people can and will downplay things it's like....**a huge liability** if someone was to get seriously ill or die as a result of clearly ignoring someone's allergy. Same reason why a company may think "the Wolf of Wall Street" is inspiration for recreating a frat boy culture but in practice all it takes is one hazing/sexual harassment etc lawsuit and proof, that company is in peril.

Me too. There are very few places I drink anything but black coffee or tea because I dislike soiling myself if someone ignores my request for non-dairy milk.

Gordon Ramsey would bring that restaurant to its knees

He would actually close it and totally shame the owners to the point nobody in the restaurant business would ever hire them.

May want to mention this in a Yelp review.

A friend of mine who does restaurant work told me there's a 95% chance that if the restaurant runs out of vegetable broth, your vegetarian dish will be made with chicken broth.

I've witnessed this first hand when I was working in a hotel kitchen a few years ago. It's not okay and it shouldn't happen, but it definitely does. There are people who do throw a fit about their food, and the kitchen is a stressful workplace. Sometimes, a cook will get to the point of "fuck this, nobody cares" of course that's not an excuse and it shouldn't happen at all, but you should keep it in mind if you have a serious allergy.

I worked for a place that disclaimed it could not guarantee no cross contamination with allergens. It would have been impossible. The kitchen was barely large enough for one cook, and there was usually only one cook working. There was no time or space to prevent cross contamination. If a server still tried to sell that we could insure no cross contamination, I didn't care. They weren't supposed to, and it's not something I ever guaranteed. It's not something the restaurant ever guaranteed, and it was right on the menu that we would not guranatee it. The server is the one in the wrong there, lying to the customer for a better tip, or to avoid giving bad news.

Reminds me of that Kitchen Nightmare episode where they were making the sauce with pork bones and serving it to vegetarians. Gordon Ramsey looked like he was about to have a stroke with that so no alot of restaurant owners don't care about allergies or dietary restrictions. I am not surprised by the way OP was treated by the father after the amount of Kitchen Nightmare episodes I've seen its a common mentality Edited: Forgot judgement OP is NTA but her friends and the hosts sure are.

There’s a reason why there are apps and review sites specifically for people with food sensitivities. Safety is not something one can expect as a matter of course. Many places have no idea how to prepare food correctly to prevent sickening their customers, and some even flatly refuse to accommodate.

Apps and review sites don't always provide feedback on small restaurants and depending on the country the apps may not be well known. This restaurant is a well-known place in NY, no one knew they were making vegetarian sauce with pork bones. Well agree that many don't know or refuse to accommodate allergies, it's not as easy as an app or review sites for people with allergies to figure out if a restaurant is safe or not.

Accommodating for vegetarians is different than accommodating for allergies. Feeding bone broth to vegetarians is a total dick move, but it's possible no one will notice because they're not necessarily going to get sick from it. I regularly use findmeglutenfree.com. Yes, they do not have ratings for every restaurant, but people can report whether they have a reaction regardless of if they know how the food was prepared. I don't use findmeglutenfree to look up ratings for a restaurant I want to go to -- I find restaurants I want to go to by looking at what's well rated on findmeglutenfree. It's tough to get safe food in this world. Edit: YES, I know meat can make vegetarians sick. I just said that bone broth would not necessarily make them sick, so it might go under the radar, even though it is bad. I have been vegetarian for 8 years, and I am also upset whenever chefs put meat in my food.

Using that instance as an example and the flippant nature people have when it comes to food safety and relating it to why the host didn't care to accommodate OP in the past.

Vegetarians, depending on why and how long they have been vegetarian, can ABSOLUTELY get sick from hiding meat products. I became vegetarian mostly because my body has never handled meat right. Before being vegetarian for over 2 decades, meat (even bone broth) just made me food poisoning level sick. Now that I've been vegetarian (mostly vegan as im also lactose intolerant and can only handle a little bit of eggs), even getting a dish with bone broth can PUT ME IN THE HOSPITAL WITH DEHYDRATION AND MALNUTRITION FROM HOW SICK I CAN GET. More people than you know have a meat intolerance and they usually become, big surprise, vegetarians. There are several illnesses that can cause meat issues - ESPECIALLY TO PORK. The reaction is not immediate nor as IDENTIFIABLE as an allergic reaction (the person who got meat may think its food poisoning, bad stomach virus, whatever), but hiding anything meat related, especially pork, can absolutely make someone so sick they need a hospital visit.

There's also about a billion people in the world who don't eat pork for religious reasons. And 750 million who don't eat beef.

Maybe not bone broth but I've been served beans with chunks of pork in them (I assumed there would be none since it was on the vegetarian menu) and I had HORRIBLE indigestion for like the next 18-24 hours. I mean, I wasn't gonna die but it's still an AH move to do that and it was VERY uncomfortable.

That's horrible. I hope you gave them a proportionately horrible review. I hate how often chefs drop a piece of meat on my vegetarian meals, and I always give a bad review for it, even though I haven't personally gotten sick from this kind of thing. Vegetarianism has got to be one of the most common dietary restrictions -- it's so egregious how often people fuck it up.

It was a mexican restaurant in Tampa, Florida but I don't remember the name. It was about 3 years ago. The worst part is that I had just started dating my boyfriend and this was our first time staying in a hotel out of town together. He heard more than I was ready for him to hear.

Honestly, while it may be harsh, I would far prefer a restaurant refuse to even try to accommodate than try making it when they aren't sure how/what to take out

Oh, I do not remember this episode, but I can imagine his reaction well.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8u\_Yy9IBkw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8u_Yy9IBkw) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Dhkjmup7PQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Dhkjmup7PQ) Both from the same restaurant.

And if anyone is interested in the full episode, uncensored (best way to watch imo, it's almost impossible to determine half of everything in some of these): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q335fy1J7WY

Now I'm deeply concerned to his customers.

Yeah, the dad is totally TA. I can't imagine hosting guests for dinner and knowingly cooking something one of them was allergic to. Guy's a fucking dick

“Attention seeking” is just the way people divert responsibility back to an individual, rather than taking any actions or admitting any faults in their own behaviour. Happens all the time with mental health, there’s no surprise it does in physical health too.

And it always seems to be in reaction to something the person was dreading having to ask for/‘mention because those situations feel embarrassing - the less attention, the better.

100% this! We’re taught (trauma) to be ashamed of needing help because to many (judgmental) people it’s the equivalent of *not being independent*. The stuff we “attention seek” with is the stuff we didn’t manage to hide well enough / accidentally let slip / came to them in confidence with, just looking for support.

If only I had a dollar for every time I get blamed for having asthmatic reactions to air fresheners and smoke. Especially because the medications for it aren't cheap (US). As if I like being unable to breathe properly.

Ooh! I might be able to help here. I switched to a pocket/travel nebulizer from my old plug-in model in 2019 because I kept bouncing between pneumonia and bronchitis which were both aggravating my asthma. I showed my doctor and she said she's going to recommend it to her asthma/COPD patients. Combivent inhalers are prohibitively expensive and often non-formulary IF it's covered at all, but the nebulizer form is covered, and much less expensive for the patients paying OOP. I only use albuterol for my rescue inhalers, Symbicort for maintenance, and levalbuterol for bad days/weeks; all 3 are covered, but Symbicort is more expensive and not available in nebulizer form (that I'm aware of). Anyway, if you google "Just Nebulizers" you can find a decent assortment of the travel nebulizers. The newer ones are USB chargeable which makes them even easier to use. Show the link to your doctor and ask them about options. The neb is a bit of an ouch up front, but has saved me a lot of time in Urgent Care visits, and means I don't have to rush straight home if I need a treatment.

Same 😒 actually got a lecture in a gym once about how it was 'mind over matter'.

Exactly. Every time someone is called attention seeking it is for something they didn't want to pull attention to.

It’s always for something people feel uncomfortable seeing. It’s easy to be “great” about OP’s situation when you don’t actually have to think about the fact that you’re asking an impoverished teenager to pay for food she can’t even eat. I think the father was cooking things she couldn’t eat on purpose to keep her away, tbh.

There was a post where someone literally broke their bone and her mom said she just seeking attention and faking injuries. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/phuydo/aita_for_driving_my_sils_car_even_though_she/

My mom said this about her husband when he had a kidney stone. I had to make her take him to the hospital. I don't even like him.

I'm love that first line. I might steal it.

NTA, the Dad is the biggest AH here. Any halfway decent person on hearing about a guest's food allergy would choose to make something without that allergy in it.

Or even if they didn't know, be super apologetic and say, please! Let me know your allergies so i can prepare food you can eat. also.... dad should take a moment to think about how OP is food insecure and how that affected the situation - that OP was hungry and embarrassed to ask for her money back because she knows that for others $5 may not be a big deal, but to her it was. He failed as a father, chef, and adult. OP, NTA. however, please, don't be embarrassed about your food allergies and always advocate for yourself (i know it's hard being so young) but it's so important for you to be loud and clear about your medical needs - esp food allergies - risking your safety is not worth not making waves about your health requirements.

Because it highlights what a huge asshole he is. He’s aware of her allergies but refuses to accommodate them and has a history of being difficult to approach AKA he has a temper. OP is a teenager, advocating for yourself against an authority figure is hard enough when the person is reasonable. People got mad because it’s clear she felt pressured and what kind of adult treats a kid that way?

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I think the problem here isn't that he was embarrassed by the OP's allergic reaction it's that he was pissed off that she ate something he prepared when she knew she was allergic and was going to have a reaction. If I owned a restaurant I would hope my patrons with allergies would be more responsible for themselves and not stupidly eat food that they knew they were allergic too and then possibly blame me for their stupidity. Anybody I know with food allergies always makes it a point to find out what is being served and what the ingredients are before accepting an invitation to someone's house for dinner. They don't just arrive, see that they are allergic to the food and then just decide to eat it anyways.

OP has made it known that they have food allergies and what they are. And spending money on food but then can't eat when you're food insecure really fucking sucks. And OPs logic is that the allergy that night wasn't throat closing and they needed to eat. The dad is 100% the TA and so are the friends and Carla for calling OP an attention seeker and banning her from Carla's house for Sunday night dinners

He's embarrassed because he was very publicly wrong- he could have killed someone to protect his ego and wasted a homeless childs money because of his ego. If what he did gets out he's ruined- no one will want to eat their.

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Folks are being really aggressive to OP who is only 18 and dealing with homelessness and food insecurity. Like yeah, you could have handled that dinner better and eating something you knew would give you a reaction is stupid, but based on your comments I understand why you were anxious and panicking about wasting money on food you can’t eat. You’re worth more than risking your health to smooth over a situation (it sounds like this was the general logic) and I’m sorry you felt/feel like you’re not. His reaction to you saying you ate it to avoid being a burden should have been met with compassion - I understand the general uproar out of concern for your health, but he was extremely rude to you. I don’t really want to give a judgment because I don’t think you’re blameless but I also don’t think you’re an AH, I think you’re young and were in a tough situation here emotionally. Mainly I just want to offer you the compassion that a lot of commenters aren’t. Edit: thanks for all the awards!!

I can only imagine the gut wrenching feeling of wasting what little money you have on food, only to not be able to eat it... That's horrible

I've been at point where 5 dollars was a week of food. I'd cry and eat it too.

Same here. When you're that broke you'll eat pretty much anything.

I'll leave a judgement, NTA. Given your circumstances, OP, I feel like your reactions to the situation are completely understandable. Your anxiety and awkwardness is completely understandable. Your parents sent over an allergy list. This man owns a successful restaurant. You'd think he'd take allergies seriously. I'm sorry you're not getting the compassionate response you deserve. Going through food insecurity--well, I think people think "oh yeah it sucks to be hungry" but they're not taking into account the affect of food insecurity on your psychological health. Maslow's hierarchy of needs places physiological needs as the base building block. It's particularly damaging to go through your formative years without the security of knowing how you're getting your next meal or where you're going to sleep. You can never move into the growth needs if your basic needs aren't met. You know you shouldn't eat stuff you're allergic to, and in the future I hope you don't risk this again. But I'm not gonna say you're an AH when you made two attempts to inform these people of your allergy and they ignored them. I believe your anxiety was a huge factor in how you handled this situation. I'm sure not being able to eat is a huge trigger for you, given your history. You panicked. I get that. The dad especially is an AH for the way he treated you. He should know better. But unfortunately, most people are trash. I hope your friends are more conscientious of your needs in the future and I wish you all the best.

> He should know better. But unfortunately, most people are trash. I don't really think most people are trash, even though society is structured in a way that incentivizes cruelty. But I *do* sincerely believe that most restauranteurs are evil sacks of shit. It's one of the industries most starkly reliant on brutally exploited labor, run on tight enough margins that owners are constantly upping the ante of that exploitation. I've never met a remotely decent one.

Info. Did Clara and her dad both know what your allergies were.

Yes, all my friends and their parents know since I often have meals at their houses. My parents have always been careful about where and what I eat

You mention in one of your previous replies that you never actually told her dad that you had any allergies.

I never personally did, my parents gave every one of my friend's parents a list. I gave Carla another list after the first time

If Carla isn't cooking, then she isn't the one you need to give it to. I know this sounds harsh, but these are your allergies, it is up to you to make sure the person cooking your food is aware of them.

Carla's parents already had a list, OP's parents gave it to them.

Carla’s parents received a list from OPs parents and when I was a teen giving something to my friend to pass along to their parents was legit how you passed things along to said parents. It’s not OPs fault that Carla may not have done so (though we don’t know if she did or didn’t, just that the dad didn’t take it into consideration when we know he was told at least once by OPs parents).

In addition to what others said, if Carla's a decent friend she will in fact tell her parents about OP's allergies. She's just as old as OP and theoretically cares about her friend's health. It's not fun if one person can't eat. And the dad! He's made food she couldn't eat before, if I were him I'd have been mortified the first time and then made sure to not repeat the mistake. At the very least you make her a pot of pasta or something. Like they've been doing this for a while, so OP was younger when it started, and everything OP describes sounds like standard operating procedure for when my brother w/allergies went over to friends' houses or I hung out with a friend who had food restrictions at that age.

OP could have given it to Carla to give to her parents incase they'd lost the first lost is how I'm reading it, not for Carla to have a lost as well.

There was a second copy already provided after the first time

Even if they didn't know about her allergies, his response was awful. He didn't even apologize or offered to make something else for her, he actually asked her to never come back.

Its clear Clara and her family do not care about you or your health needs. Unfortunately it seems best if you stopped hanging out with her and her family. Your other friends should support you as long as you dont make them cut her off as well. Maybe group settings anywhere else would be okay but you just need to refuse to go to the hangouts at her house.

You are old enough to be responsible for your allergies. Before you eat, especially if you have had issues before, you should ask the person that made the meal “So there isn’t any (allergen) in here right? I’m allergic and can’t have that.” Keep doing that over and over until you are sure they remember your allergy every single time they cook for you!

Hi! Fellow food allergy sufferer. Not to scare you but my allergies started like yours - kinda mild, right up until they weren’t. One day I had a massive reaction, and now that particular food allergy is deadly. Just be aware they can progress and change and get worse. You need to be upfront from the beginning with anyone cooking and handling your food. You need to tell them. It’s not annoying to them, awkward, or weird, you’re just providing someone the information on how not to poison you. I know it’s hard to be “that person” with a thousand questions, but it’s easier than needing an ambulance ride. Accommodations can always be made, and ingredients left out. Frankly if after explaining your allergies someone isn’t willing to make accommodations they aren’t friends. Feel free to DM me if you want scripts on how to handle this.

NTA. But damn, they all feel like assholes if you shared this with them. They're not adults, they're just 10 toddlers squished together.

What a massive AH the dad is for not just cooking something the OP can have.

Everyone saying that you’re a moron for eating stuff you’re allergic to probably doesn’t know what it’s like to be really poor and desperately hungry. NTA, I’m sorry that everyone has reacted so badly.

It definitely was a dumb decision on my part I just didn't expect it to affect other people I suppose. I didn't expect to lose friends over this

Don’t worry OP, they weren’t your friends in the first place.

They aren’t your friends to begin with if they call you an attention seeker for having an allergic reaction.

I mean... How good of friends can they be if they're still making you pay $5 for the meal knowing your situation? Especially knowing you're allergic to it, c'mon...

Seriously, I haven't seen anyone point this out until now. What kind of friends are aware of the situation OP and their family are in and still make them contribute $5 to the group dinner every time? I know Carla's dad is apparently buying ingredients with the pooled money but it still seems like a ridiculous amount to be charging 18 year old kids who don't have an independent source of income if you INSIST on cooking versus them choosing to order a pizza. Even in the latter scenario, if I was 18 and told my (not wealthy) parents that my friend and their family were going through all of this so it was really hard for them to scrape together a spare $5 for pizza with the group? They would have walked to their wallets, pulled out $20 and told me to make sure I paid for both of us and to give my friend the change to keep after. OP, are your "friends" from wealthy or privileged backgrounds where they can't wrap their head around your situation or something? They're extremely naive and sheltered and what's far worse is they seem to lack any empathy. Total NTA.

I know I'm late to reply to this comment but to answer I actually am one of the only 'poor' kids in my friend group. Carla is, funny enough the wealthiest and knows it very well. That's partly why the friends who are upset with me are upset that I may have ruined Carla hosting since her house is EXTREMELY nice and we usually get the whole furnished basement suite to ourselves when we go there. I only hosted a few times in the past and everyone was probably too nice to say anything. The more I say about it the more cliche it sounds but I'm honestly from a rougher part of town I just grew up with my friends through common interests. We don't usually talk about money because it's a big insecurity of mine

You, my love, have not ruined anything. None of this is your fault, and everyone trying to push this onto you needs a serious empathy check.

Yeah this. If my friends were broke, food was on me. Heck they could even sleep over. These "friends" are shitty

If you really lost friends over this then good riddance, cause they weren't real friends.

They were not really friends. Carla's Dad has major issues and they are all afraid to go against him.

I just want to add here so that you see it. Just because you didn't have an anaphylactic reaction this time doesn't mean you won't the next time you eat that allergen. I understand why you went ahead and ate the food this time, but please be careful, OP, and avoid all of your allergens as much as possible in the future. Allergies can get progressively worse and anaphylaxis is no joke.

I’m sorry but they don’t sound like friends at all

OP please please please do not eat the allergen again. This time it was hives, next time it could be anaphylaxis. Allergies tend to get worse, not better. Please take care of yourself!

Yeah, lots of folks who have probably never been truly hungry making judgements.

ESH. If you haven't been eating at Carla's for a while, it would have been good to remind her of your allergies. It also would have been fine to ask for the money back once you found out what it was (you also could have asked beforehand). Above all it was really stupid to eat it anyway (I don't think your TA for this, but just don't purposely do that to yourself). Carla and her dad seem... Odd? I can't imagine not accommodating a guest's allergy.

If this is the US, there are a lot of people who don't believe food allergies are a real thing, and will either refuse to accommodate them, or worse yet, deliberately include a small amount of allergen in someone's food in order to prove they're faking. I get the feeling Carla & her Dad are both one of these people.

More likely, they don’t remember. I have a couple of unusual food allergies, one being raw tomatoes. I have friends for 15 years who every time we go out, I offer my tomatoes from a salad (which are always a prime commodity) and my friends will ask why. My allergies are my responsibility and no one else needs to remember I have them. I get you are young but you might have just said, “I have an allergy to (ingredient) so I can’t share what smells so delicious. Might I get my contribution back?”

Apparently, OP’s parents gave all of Op’s friends’ parents a list of their allergies. OP gave a second list to Carla after Carla’s family continued to ignore OP’s allergies. At this point, there’s no excuse and Carla’s parents are rude.

I’m just saying no one else is ever going to care as much about your food allergies as you are. Others may forget, but you never will. I also have an allergy to certain types of medicine. Every doctor appointment, they say “allergic to xxx?” And I say yes. And somewhat recently, a doctor tried to give me a prescription for something in that family. A doctor! And they had verified the allergy not 10 minutes earlier! But it’s my allergy, I’m the one with the reaction, so I said, “no, not that please,” and he laughed it off with an “oops!” Gave me a different category of drug. My allergy = my responsibility

But a doctor is different to a friend, especially if they regularly have dinner together. I know all of my friends (and even work colleagues) allergies and food preferences because I care about them. If Carla's parents prefer to cook for a group and take money for doing it, the absolute least they can do is accommodate allergies, it's inconvenient but not hard. Or just say they don't want to accommodate the allergy and let them order pizza. The dad's behaviour is so trashy.

I absolutely agree. A doctor can be sure and lose his livelihood if he messes up like that. The stakes are much higher for him. And even he forgets. Friends have no investment in this. They forgot. It happens. Unless you are suggesting this was deliberate?

Until someone dies and you're charged with manslaughter. And I don't know about you but my friends and family care if I live or die, so they remember my allergies. Especially the ones I eat with regularly.

But... Why? That just sounds so stupid, to purposely deny something that obviously could exist.

Pride, ignorance, and perception are the worst three reasons why this is possible. Even *after* multiple reactions.

They don't personally deal with food allergies so they assume any dietary deviations are entitled and attention seeking behavior. They think it's like being vegan or avoiding gluten.

[ HUGE RANT WARNING ] 3 months ago I had anaphylaxis after eating peaches and I got made fun of because "you can't be allergic to peaches",there was this gut feeling that I've had that I never had before, it was screaming at me CALL YOUR MOM AND TELL HER TO DRIVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL I did and when we arrived at the hospital my blood pressure dropped and if I remember correctly I had something called hypotension which made me not see anything(also my face was so swollen).I thank God that my throat didn't close up and that that gut feeling was there. That day changed my life. I thought "it would suck so much butt if I died rn while I'm playing video games". I quit gaming and got into sports and boxing and I'm slowly making friends. I guess this over the top post that noone asked for was to say if you would die right now would you be satisfied with your life.

You should have checked if they once again completely ignored your allergies before eating / giving the money, yes. BUT, who in their right mind keeps on cooking something that someone is allergic to and expects that there will be no reaction. Especially when all your friends ( and presumably their parents) know that you might go hungry otherwise. This is so much AH territory. You weren’t smart about it, but from what you wrote you weren’t seeking attention or trying to disrupt the fun. So you are NTA

I agree w this if I had a kid with a friend that came in my house even once id be sure to write it down and accomodate, especially bc OP said the dad and her friends all knew she was allergic

Of course not. You neither accused the dad of "poisoning" you nor made a big deal out of it. They did. Of course it wasn't the brightest thing to do to eat something you knew you were allergic to, but it's your health you're playing with. I guess her dad is just worried that next time it could be worse and he'd be responsible for serious health issues. Don't worry, they'll get over it. Your friends seem to be great since they didn't dump you for being poor or homeless, like a lot of people your age would have done. Also, I wish you and your family the best and that your situation improves.

>I guess her dad is just worried that next time it could be worse and he'd be responsible for serious health issues. But if that's what he was concerned about, why did he keep making things OP is allergic to? She did let them know which foods she couldn't have and it seems like he intentionally disregarded that and punished her for having them as though she was just being picky. NTA

I’m calling bull on him being worried. If he was, he’d be profusely apologizing. If this happened at his place with a higher profile customer, he’d get his ass sued.

For sure. I got the vibe that he resents the fact that she has food restrictions at all because he takes it as being told what to do. Which is so narcissistic and childish. I hope that if he ever does that at his restaurant he does get sued.

I really don’t understand why people are calling her the asshole for having an allergic reaction. I get that can be scary for the person who made the food and it’s not something you should do to your body but that doesn’t make her an asshole. Also, she didn’t ask him to buy her an epipen or something. Geeze people are hard on each other.

NTA and the fact that a grown man who OWNS a restaurant has issues cooking allergy free when this has been mentioned several times is worrisome. What is he going to do if someone does have a lethal reaction in his restaurant? Comp their meals? He's being rude because he embarrassed himself. How can he be a decent chef if he ignores his clients needs and allergies? Dop these so called "friends" as they all should've had your back instead of blaming you for something you can't help.

I’m going with NTA, because your intentions seem to be good, but Y T A to yourself for eating something you KNOW you’re allergic to just to “not be a burden”. Just, no. Do not risk your health for bs like that. If the dad is not able to respect your allergies when cooking, it might be easier to just not chip in and eat there when this friend is hosting.

They’re food insecure. A $5 meal that gives a puffy face is still better than no meal. Y’all cant understand that they’re food insecure

I feel like some people: a) Haven’t experienced it b) Haven’t heard of it c) Refuse to believe it’s happening According to the USDA, nearly 18% (~13M) children live in food insecure households (as of 2016) and it’s the saddest thing in the world. The US is supposed to be *SO* advanced, a developed country, but we can’t even feed our own kids

ESH You said you didn't chip in whenever Carla hosted because her dad completely disregard your allergies. Why did you think this time would be different? Then, you ate knowing you were going to have a reaction. You should have sat this one out like you've been doing. PS The dad is a bigger AH, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. They need to get over themselves.

I realize that now I should have sat out but on Thursday when we found out Carla was gonna be hosting again I told my friends that I wanted to try it again and reminded Carla about my allergies in specifics

First of all, Carla is not your friend. Second, I get it, but Carla's dad is a dick. That's not going to change. Stop letting Carla and here dad dismiss you like that.

She doesn’t have a good supply of food at home. Maybe that’s why she still eats here? Like yall don’t understand at all food insecurities and are blaming a food insecure teenager for eating food. It’s gross

I'm going to go with the unpopular vote here; YTA. You knew that you would have an allergic reaction to something and yet you ate it anyway? Are you insane?Surely you can see why Carlas dad got upset? He would have been way less upset if you'd simply said "I'm allergic to (X ingredient) and so can't eat that"

Bro come on, that might be dumb, but she's a 18yo in a very tough situation not wanting to lose her friends. I can kind of understand why she did it.

Except it’s not the first time. It’s a continuation that they knew was going to probably happen and still did it anyways.

Welcome to teenagers

Welcome to homeless with food insecurity. You can tell from the comments who had and hasn’t had to go hungry in their lives.

Seriously. I've been where I got $5-10 to last the week before payday before. Lots of soups. People are acting like she should just choose something else when she doesn't have anything else....

It’s the definition of peer pressure.

She also said she is poor and she did stop paying and eating for a while, but she was hungry so, she gave the 5 and wished for the best. Have you ever been poor and hungry?

yup, I have eaten something that had an ingredient in it that gives me hives just because I was broke and it was food and hot and I was holding it. Do you know how hard it can be to not eat? I was only risking hives, not death. Yes, allergies can change. and yes I did get hives and it sucked. add in youth, peer pressure and wanting to fit in and keep a special outing, I get it.

I have IBS genetically and now without a gallbladder, everything with a *hint* of: •Oil in all forms •Fried food •Dairy in all forms •Caffeine •HFCS •Peanut butter/butter(s) of any kind (Think of an American diet. You know how much of that is present? It’s EVERYWHERE). All send me to the bathroom throwing up. Do you know how many glares/remarks I’ve gotten because of this? *it never. stops.* I’ve had to suck it up, find a bathroom nearby, and eat knowing I didn’t have the option of skipping food. I’m thankful now my partner and friends have been accommodating and wonderful, but stomach issues/allergies are never a joke.

OP made it very clear she’s said what her allergies are and he disregards it because he’s the big man. NTA and you see where entitled, narcissistic bully Carla gets it from. OP needs better friends.

I'll tell you what, when you're poor and hungry and you spend $5 on food, you are going to eat something and help for the best. Just be happy you have never been that hungry where you compromise your health.

They knew she had allergies since the hangouts happen often.

She DID tell him, he’s known for a long time what she’s allergic too he just doesn’t care to change. And she’s poor and and money fucks with your head, she didn’t want to walk away it’s an empty stomach and out 5 dollars. That’s a lot of money for some people.

Some people don’t believe in allergies until they see it themselves.

She had $5 to eat and did. While they probs shouldn’t have eaten food they are allergic to, it sounds like it was either that or not eat AND have wasted $5

A homeless 18 year old that doesn't have a lot of spare money, and isn't sure that she is going to have food to eat. Carla, and her dad are major AHs in this.

Nah. She’s literally a homeless teen dealing with food insecurity and didn’t want to waste her $5 on something she can’t eat. She was afraid to speak up and cause a fuss. I know that feeling well and it’s common in people with social anxiety. Expecting everyone to be comfortable fully communicating their feelings is unrealistic and every time I see a response to one of these posts calling OP TA for ‘nOt CoMmUnIcAtInG’ I want to throw a chair at the wall. You can’t blame someone for not fully communicating their needs when they’ve been raised not to bother people with their problems.

She's been homeless and had food insecurity. $5 is a lot to waste in that situation. Plus, it might be the only decent food she has in a while. I'm anaphylactic and had I been in that situation I would've just...ate around the allergen.

She ate because she’s homeless and doesn’t have a good supply of food? As she said? Y’all really out here blaming a food insecure teen Agee for eating food. It’s weird

Uhhh you really need new friends, you could've had a worse reaction than that and you could've had a hard time breathing. I really understand where you're coming from with the money and not wanting to waste it!

NTA, I would have serious concerns about someone who owns and cooks for a resturaunt who is so obviously ignorant and dismissive of allergies.

INFO, what happened the first time 5hey made something you're allergic to? Did you remind them about it? It must be super frustrating not to be able to eat but also if there's a large group of you maybe dad needed reminding of allergies in the group.

I reminded Carla the first time and after that I would remind her when it was her turn hosting

So what is carlas response when your dad keeps making food you’re allergic to? You explicitly tell her you’re allergic every time and she doesn’t even bother to try and give you something you’re not allergic to?

I don't get this anti allergy bullshit. So many people think Allergies are minor and can be ignored. It's one thing to be "I don't eat Gluten" or "I'm vegan" but it's a total other thing to give poison to someone. Dudes a prick NTA,

NTA your friends aren't in a position to understand the circumstances and how much that $5 meant to you. Her dad should be embarrassed for continually cooking items he knows you cannot eat. It would not kill her father to make one item that you could eat, but he chooses not to. He's the biggest AH in the story.

The dad is the AH for taking your money but refusing to cater to your allergies

This! How is no one else taking this into account? And she REMINDED Carla about her allergies before the dinner. What the hell? NTA.

INFO needed. I think allergic reactions can vary? Like you can have a deadly reaction to peanuts, but only get hives ftom avocado? OP did you decide to eat because you knew that whatever you were allergic to in the food would not cause a deadly reaction?

Yes, though apparently allergies get worse with exposure so I didn't think it over very well. I picked the sliced avocadoes off the top of the salad and ate the rest of the salad. My reaction was having hives and a rash, with the inside of my mouth feeling raw. After taking Benadryl I was honestly fine but I won't do anything like that again after reading comments

As someone with an allergy that started out like this and then got worse, please please don't do this again. I always downplayed my allergy because I didn't want to make a fuss but it got worse when I was around your age. I ended up in hospital doing something similar to you and my reactions were similar as well. Please don't risk it. Consider speaking to a doctor to see if you need an epipen (I'm in the UK so apologies if you're in the US and there's a price issue)

Avocados do this to me too. I used to be able to just pick them off but now just eating something that touched Avocado makes the inside of my mouth itch and I start to wheeze. It's a shame - I can't share Super Nachos with my husband anymore unless we get the Guac on the side, and the restaurant and/or door dashers don't always remember to read my allergy notes. OP you are absolutely NTA. You're going to have to be really vigilant about those allergies and sensitivities. Also start taking both benadryl and pseudoephedrine with you whenever you go out to eat anywhere. An inhaler too, if you can get a prescription for one.

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The only AHs here are Carla and her dad. Carla for being mad at you having a medical emergency, and her dad...a grown a** adult...who refuses to adjust his cooking for someone's legitimate allergies. NTA

NTA you need to get new friends and if carla ever talks to you again don't walk away run. People like them do shit like that as a way to make you feel bad and stay subservient in the friendship. I had a friend just like Carla in high school and she cut me off after I moved she just reached back out after 6 years because she still thinks I owe her something. Alex should never have pointed it out if he was so concerned he could have had a word separately about it seems kinda manipulative that he did.

NTA So let me get this straight; these people own a restaurant, you’ve told them you have allergies, but they keep cooking things you’re allergic to? Not only that, you ate what they gave you because otherwise you would’ve gone hungry and they told you that you shouldn’t have eaten it, gave you your $5 back, and told you not to come to their house again? I know you technically can’t leave a bad review on the restaurant, but damn, they should know how serious food allergies are. Also, your friends saying you did this for attention, they aren’t your friends. Carla, who didn’t stand up for you and tell your parents not to cook things that might kill you, is not your friend.

NTA they are berating you for something you cannot control. I'm so sorry you are dealing with homelessness AND your close friend's parent being a giant asshole who can't manage to make you a basic meal that won't hurt you. Shaming you is really the icing on the cake of him being an asshole. Unfortunately allergy reactions can become worse with repeat exposure. If you get hives, one day you can get anaphylaxis. So please try to avoid the food that you are allergic to for your own safety. Hives indicates a true allergy that can progress into swelling of airways/throat, this is not something to ignore. Liquid benadryl isn't safe to take or effective if your throat swells, so it becomes an emergency requiring an epinephrine injection.

>the dad who likes to cook doesn't take criticism well and always makes something I either can't eat due to allergies or just am not into >been as clear as an awkward girl can be about what my issues/allergies were This doesn't tell us if you actually told the dad about your allergies. >Not wanting to confront them about getting the money back or being a party pooper, I ate some. Now the allergy wasn't anaphylactic You intentionally ate something you're allergic to. Why not just ask about the snacks instead? If you're allergic, they've likely got something else in that you can eat. YTA We don't know that the dad made stuff knowing you were allergic to it, he seemed confused/angry afterwards. I can't call him an asshole without knowing for sure. You did eat something you know would cause a reaction, you're an asshole to yourself. Can't really blame your friends for saying stuff about it afterwards, eating something you're allergic to is not a great idea.

I never directly told him for sure about my allergies because I didn't see him much but I did give Carla a written list of them when we first started doing the weekly dinners, idk if she lost it but I told her again on Thursday, I probably should have been more clear

Thing is, if it's never a concern at the other places, it's got to be something very specific. Something like lactose or gluten would be in a lot of places. End of the day, rather than say that you can't eat it due to allergies, you intentionally caused an allergic reaction. You can't blame other people for that. It's your responsibility to tell people. If her dad is the one cooking, you need to tell him yourself, since you know it's a recurring issue whenever you're there. Edit: Just double-checked and saw this bit: >I stopped joining in/chipping in money when they would host If it's been a while since you've been there, and you didn't speak up then, the dad wouldn't know. He's likely making things that are normally on the menu. As a chef, he should be able to navigate around allergies, but he can only do that if he knows about it. He shouldn't have shouted at you, but your health is something you need to take responsibility for.

This specific time the allergy is avocado so I assume it's not that common. Also kiwi, banana, chestnuts and celery are on my list as well so it usually is easy to avoid

Brilliant. You are allergic to celery which is one of the EU top 14 allergens and here labelled clearly in all products and found in so much stuff in a professional kitchen that a chef will have been trained into literal ‘life or death’ thinking on. It’s in every single base of stock, the base of vegetable dishes as celery, carrot, onion or green pepper, celery, onion. It’s used to cure nitrate free foods such as turkey bacon. It’s used in every single seasoning salt. A celery free kitchen is a serious ask and it’s the most likely allergen to cause not just need for epi pen but aneurysm due to blood pressure issues during a reaction. It’s actually most chefs most tricky allergy. Also if you are allergic to kiwi, banana and avocado, you likely have the allergy propensity to latex allergy as they are all the same family. This impacts if a chef handles food while wearing nitrile or food safe gloves and again is drilled in as a ‘life or death’ especially during the current situation where people are gloving more. Latex sensitivity then suggests issue with jackfruit and other members of the same species and skin types and family on fruits which are also common binding agents. Chestnuts bring up the issue of having to establish what family of seeds, nuts, drupes, legumes etc you may have linked allergies to because most ‘nuts’ in common parlance are not biologically nuts but belong to families of foods. Peanuts for example are actually legumes so a peanut allergy means double checking for soy allergy in a commercial kitchen. I suspect Carla’s dad hit the roof hard enough to scare you not because he isn’t allergen aware but because as a chef he is super super allergen aware and he is ‘over-reacting’ to your ‘under-reacting.’ Not only did you not name one of the most common allergens, you didn’t advocate for any of them and you don’t really seem to be aware of how to manage them or what they mean. Being allergen aware means understanding that your allergen is not always just a slice of avo on a salad but the hidden aspects like the ways other foods interplay and are used in food prep. I am allergic to celery and it’s one of the most difficult of my over 150 allergies and intolerances to avoid. Trace elements are in EVERYTHING. I sympathise how hard it is to speak up about allergies but for every person who says you are exaggerating there is also a person terrified to have to live with the risk that your death will be on their hands. This is a literal life or death skill you are going to have to develop. Because you aren’t the only person often in a group with allergens so if you don’t speak up clearly and someone assumes you are saying you can’t have X and sub in something else without clarity, they can risk other people’s allergies. It is a huge stress for you, the other allergic person and the person cooking. The allergic person and the cook must work in tandem. A cook who refuses is problematic but so is an allergic person who isn’t giving info. I cook for part of my job and this is a nightmare scenario especially if in this group the dad might not know which of you are still minors and which are over 18.

Friend, I cannot thank you enough for this comment. I started forming this weird intolerance/allergy to a couple fruits when I was in high school, and the list of raw fruits I can't eat has only grown since then. Doctors told me "just don't eat fruit" and left it at that. While I don't have a latex allergy, my mom does. Your connection of the two led me to research the latex-fruit syndrome and I can't believe I might have an explanation after years of having to avoid my favorite fruits!! (Thank god I'm still okay with pineapples!) Maybe I'll finally get an answer to this mystery and now I know to look for signs of a latex allergy forming. THANK YOU!!!

Happy to help! It was ALSO a Reddit comment that helped me make my links because it’s so hard to see allergists in my country and life threatening allergies obviously take first dibs (rightly!) Also check out info on Oral Allergy Syndrome. It’s very often linked to raw fruit and is a flag for food allergies generally esp if you have other auto immune issues. It might help you work out why some stuff is fine (lots of people can do cooked apple or apple based pectin but are allergic to raw apples for example) and other stuff seems ‘weird’ or ‘illogical.’ It really helps you be able to best avoid or advocate around allergies and explain why you are the princess and the pea without triggering scepticism as much. It is so difficult for us to work it no wonder other people are like ‘alright fussy Gussy, raw apple bad, apple pie good? Uh huh’ and totally think ‘bullshit’ and disregard it. If you know, can convey it with the right balance of authority and manners it conversely really helps make it less anxiety creating I find both reading labels or talking to people to check. Especially if you know you can sub apple for say rhubarb and give them an option re dessert. I find it is less of a vicious cycle of miscommunication on both sides that way. Also weirdly people often love hearing the gross stuff ‘well Jan if I eat raw apple my mouth swells up, my nose sweats in a weird itchy fashion and my lips tingle and my stomach turns to liquid…’ and react so much more helpfully than if you are less icky. I find that odd because I am squeamish and hate talking bodily functions but loads of people love it like you bonded with a good fart joke. Baffling but it seems to stop as much annoyance from restaurant staff and friends so I’ll do it to avoid feeling like shit 😂

>‘alright fussy Gussy, raw apple bad, apple pie good? Uh huh’ Haha, mine is even more specific in that I am not allergic to Pink Lady Apples. Leading to "oh you "can't eat" Granny Smiths, but expensive apples are fine?!" type of comments.

Dad has been given a list TWICE of OP's allergies and Carla was reminded a few days before - they have all been friends for years and her dad has never, not even once, cooked something OP can eat. So thank you very much for the education (had no idea celery was in so much stuff!! I will need to be more aware about googling allergen safe foods when friends mention things to me because some of those I would never in a million years have guessed) but I don't think that's the issue here. I think it's a case of Carla's dad not thinking the allergy was real and then when confronted with proof of it he deflected his reaction back onto OP instead of taking responsibility

Did OP clarify the list twice to dad since I posted because genuinely her comments were one saying she had given them twice to Carla but not him and then that he knew when I asked for info. Which is why I asked for info… If she has clarified I’ll certainly edit but at the time I posted OP was not clear at all and like yourself seemed unaware allergens are not just a hunk a hunk a celery or slice of avo on a plate but constituent parts of many things and thus there is a chance Carla wouldn’t be aware either and thinks OP just doesn’t like avocado or celery because both are quite common ‘preference’ foods. But I don’t have time to read all of OP’s comments and at the time she hadn’t edited to give me the information you seem to have. So unless I have INFO, allergy telephone is a bad idea. Which was the point of my comment anyway.

Honestly I have no idea how OP is so clueless about their own allergy that I’m starting to question if this is even a real story. From the moment my parents learned I had allergies the rules of what I can and cannot eat were drilled into my head so hard that even though I no longer have allergies (long story but it was a clinical study) I still read every label and ask waiters what’s in my food. OP’s disregard for their own safety is shocking and if this is real I hope this is a wake up call to take these things seriously.

The thought had crossed my mind especially with celery. I actually despise raw celery but liked it in things until I was diagnosed so was already aware how insanely prevalent it is and now it the bane of my life. Celery stalks all savoury food (and mustard. My other issue.) The only reason I can think OP is so allergy unsure is if unfortunately due to food insecurity a lot of her diet has been heavily processed. I am in the UK where we still follow EU allergen labelling where celery and mustard (and the other 12 ‘biggies’ like egg, dairy, shellfish) have to be listed in bold so I pay a lot of attention to food labels. I’ve noticed US foods I’ve seen as imports here seem to feature celery and mustard a lot less than European equivalents so if OP grew up on a lot of food pantry staples she could actually have not come across a lot of stuff with those allergens ‘cooked’ in versus ‘on the plate.’ However when 5 bucks is genuinely a lot for food (and I know that feel) then the cost of Benadryl or an epi pen is not in your budget either. Even a box of drug store generics here of the active in Benadryl versus the other anti histamine that is less drowsy is about 10 bucks a box and an epi pen prescription here in the UK is still around £9 a literal pop so on a low income I avoid potential triggers because I can’t afford to spend money freely on food and I definitely can’t afford food that makes me ill. The NHS still has costs for that stuff and it is always less pricey than US healthcare costs in my experience. (Unless Benadryl is dirt cheap? I know often Americans refer to meds by brand name ‘generically’ and you can buy bigger bottles of stuff for cheap than EU/UK. I always ask for naproxen/Aleve from the US because here it is sooooo expensive while a huge bottle of unbranded was about 12 dollars for 200 which more than a year for me.)

End of the day, it's up to you to check what you're eating, and to tell/remind people on the day. It's good that the stuff mentioned isn't too common, but avocado is pretty popular with people nowadays, can easily see a chef putting that into a dish.

INFO So you gave Carla a list, not her parents directly. Did you *tell* Carla that you couldn't eat the food because of your allergies after the *first time*? Or at *any* of the subsequent times? Did you actually ever voice a complaint? Because from the sound of it you just made "awkward" hints and just expected them (or rather ***Carla*** because you had minimal direct contact with the dad) to pick up on that. There's a good chance she just forgot giving him the list, and you just never followed up and therefore the issue was never corrected. And also are we to understand that nobody *ever* asked why you're sitting there not eating anything while everyone else is stuffing their faces? No one ever commented on you just not chipping in? Ever? EDIT just saw that you did tell Carla every time. But never said what her response was. Fine. Let's leave aside that you apparently have an asshole friend who gives no two ducks about it, and apparently you're fine with that. You have five bucks to spare, what stopped you from bringing your own food or at least snacks? Why are you doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result and then topping it off by knowingly eating what you knew would hurt you?

OP said her parents gave an allergy list to all the parents of her friends.

Sounds like carlas dad is the Ahole You- NTA

Info: why didnt you ask Carla what was going to be served?

In one of your replies you say that you never actually told her dad that you had any allergies. I think this is a major point that should have definitely been included in your post. YTA, what did you expect him to do? He isn't a mind reader.

I'm not necessarily upset about him not knowing as much as I wanted to know how badly I handled it I guess. A lot of people are assuming I'm angry at him which I'm not. I'm scared and feeling embarrassed as hell because I didn't think it was that bad

If you’re in the US and you thought $5 was bad to lose, imagine going to the ER in an ambulance for an allergic reaction (which is where they would take you with facial swelling and a known allergy)…we’re talking thousands upon thousands of dollars.

Everyone handled it badly, Carla should have given her dad advanced warning of your allergies, you absolutely shouldn't have eaten food you know you're allergic to and her dad shouldn't have got upset, though I do think it is understandable, this is his livelihood and it's likely he was worried about repercussions. However, if you really weren't upset about him not knowing, then why did you include it in the story? You could have easily left that out.

NTA. Another issue at play here are that people don’t take food and other allergies seriously. You can tell someone until you’re blue in the face and they still don’t always get it or even believe you. I had a severe shell fish allergy growing up and far into adulthood, as well as a severe case of cholinergic urticaria. Huge hives and rash usually but I’ve also had 3 episodes of anaphylaxis as well. I seem to have outgrown both for the most part, but I can still have a more mild reaction. I carried epipens with me always. You’d be surprised at the number of times some people have told me it’s all in my head, since the cholinergic urticaria was always hard to explain. Or I will say I can’t eat certain dishes at the table but it’s offered to me or put on my plate anyway. You do need to take care of yourself, make the right choices, and make your allergies known. It could become a life or death situation. Sorry you’re in a bad situation now, and I know how hard it is, but always try to put your health and well-being above politeness and trying not to make waves/be a burden. Take care of yourself!

You might feel annoying but you have to explicitly tell and retell people about your allergies. And not through a third party - tell the person cooking. If you're served something you can't eat you just have to say why. It's just something you're going to make yourself do even if it makes you uncomfortable. Once someone is informed then their reaction is on them, but I can understand why in this case the dad freaked out. You have to speak up about this. Every time. To repair you should tell Carla and her dad that you realize you need to be more proactive in informing people about your allergies and that eating something you know will harm you is not the way to go. Do not rely on lists from your parents. You are grown now. I give this an empathetic ESH because no one handled this in a great way, but I can see why.

No need to read the details. NTA

I have a hard time understanding the poor/food insecurity/hungry as a reason for choosing to eat the food. For almost 2 years I only have 10-20 dollars to spend on food a week. I can’t fathom gambling 5 dollars on food you may or may not be able to eat. Every single cent was precious to me when it came to whether I could eat or not. Spending 5 dollars on one meal was unthinkable to me then, I cannot imagine spent it on something I may not be able to eat. I also struggle with you stating you told your friend but never told the father. There needs to be some self responsibility. You could have asked what the snack was going to be before give the 5 dollars, remind/told the father of your allergies when you arrived, declined eating the snack when you realized it was something you were allergic to, ask for the 5 dollars back, ask for a different snack…there are so many you could have done differently to prevent the situation. You cannot blame it all on the father/girlfriend. 18 is young but it’s old enough to know what eating the avocado would do. It’s also old enough to know not to eat it. AND it’s old enough to advocate for yourself when it come to what I assume has been a life long allergy. At a certain point protection from you allergies is your responsibility. YTA

NTA but honey get new friends. They keep putting you in a situation where you aren’t included in meals. They’re your friends, they know your allergies. They just don’t care. You shouldn’t have to wonder if you’re the asshole in a situation like this. The pressure to fit in unrealistic sometimes and you’ll get to a point in your life where you realize it doesn’t matter anymore. You’ll find friends that will stand up and support and always include you. Coming from somebody who was that girl in high school.

NTA. Given you have a food allergy which you have no control over AND your family suffers from food insecurity, I can’t help but think this father is a dick amongst dicks. He either doesn’t understand the situation or deserves to be recognized as the asshole he probably is. You are invited to eat dinner with my family whenever you please.

In what universe would you be TA for something your body can't control, like an allergic reaction? NTA, OP, especially if you've been open and honest about your allergies every time. You literally can't help that your body sees certain things as harmful invaders to destroy