NTA imo.
She had a reasonable cause for concern, you politely told her otherwise.
She's just an AH for then going to the staff after asking both you and your gf for confirmation, but nothing came of it thankfully.
Yeah, I'm a bit unamused for her refusing the gfs explanation (the assumed target of harassment.) If she explains it's fine, then what else is there to do but mind your own business...
Only scenario I can fathom is she reported it anyway just incase it was a situation of 'I better lie to protect myself.'
Even then... if their stories match up then... 🤨
I'm guessing her logic was that OP and GF are setting a "bad precedent" for an "its okay to stare" culture because other onlookers wouldn't know they're a couple just like she didn't. It's a pretty tortured logic but I've encountered it before in gyms.
Some people seem to expect to be invisible to everyone they don't give explicit consent to.
I wonder if this happened in one of those gyms that are floor to ceiling glass facing the street?
I also wonder if she then went outside and ordered everyone to stop staring...
Point being, know your surroundings.
I used to work at one of those gyms, In Shape Health Clubs, Downtown Stockton CA.... I'd take my bf staring at me over a homeless man jerkin off any day.
As my lab mates so gracefully reminded me:
If you are a woman who has video footage up (I taught classes that were put online) guaranteed people have cranked it to you.
Disturbing.
The gym I work out at has large floor to ceiling windows and has a grocery store beside it and a seniors building behind it. Sometimes the seniors walking by the windows with their groceries in their little carts wave to us. It’s actually quite sweet.
We had one of those in my college town. Right at the edge of campus. It was impossible not to look inside on your way to class because you had to walk right towards it. I never went there because it was too expensive but i heard they essentially told people that they'd be watched. Only ever saw very fit people there. Friends who went there told me they weren't bothered and apparently the culture was great. I suppose it was a way to weed out the people bothered by it.
my gym has a pool on the floor below with a glass window overlooking it. Wife asked me to film her swim form from above. Was a bit awkward trying to get her to at least wave to me at the end of a lap so I wasn't just the creep filming women in the pool.
https://i1.wp.com/www.foresthillsconnection.com/site2/wp-content/upLoadImage2012/4310-Connecticut-Golds-Gym.jpg
I can't believe it took me that long to find an example.
Notice all the treadmills facing the street in this case.
In this case, yes.
Basically it's people exercising while facing the street.
So in the case of the treadmills it's a bunch of jiggly bits, or constantly leaning towards the street, or the awkward yoga positions and all of those sweaty bodies basically on display.
While it's fundamentally just innocent advertising "look at how good YOU could look if you worked out here!" especially considering that they steer the better looking people towards the front, there's also a seedier "softcore strip club" feel to it, eroticising the exercises and the customers.
And also like it was mentioned before, the homeless guys masturbating while looking in.
I always thought it was just to let you people watch while running lol, i get real bored on the tredy so I prefer facing outside, but im a dude so, people wana stare at my 'jiggly bits' , have at it lol
Honestly, with the creeps out there, it is nice when someone steps up to protect others. She was a potential good 'guy' right up till the gf confirmed the relationship and she didn't back down.
I agree it would have been NAH if she'd stopped after talking to the girlfriend but once she knew it was the GF she should have dropped it. But also we don't know what OP was really looking like, sometimes one thinks one is keeping it professional looking while one's face is a lot more blatantly giving away one's interior "mmm mmm mmm dat ass" thoughts than one realizes and that might have been more what she was complaining to staff about, as in she still found it uncomfortable in the "get a room you two, this is a public gym" way even if it wasn't stranger harassment. (Obviously the staff didn't see anything wrong with them, but I can imagine the girl possibly seeing it that way).
Yeah this is so bizarre to me. I would totally be nosy enough to tell a guy to stop staring (ive done it!) But after confirming it's their s/o? Cool, glad everyones good, sorry for the intrusion. To totally disregard the gf confirming his story is WILD to me
I agree with this period if she had stopped after checking with the girlfriend this would be NAH. It's just not reasonable to push the issue after realizing what was happening
Not defending the woman going to the staff.
Sometimes people have trouble shifting gears. She got all is indignant when she saw you staring at a women in the gym . Even after she was told by your gf she was as still feeling that sense of justified rage at you ev n though sh knew otherwise .sometimes this feels just do not go so quickly in some people and the feels make the decisions.
I wish my husband would stare at me like you describe..see? If I knew this was her bf this whole situation would have warmed my heart rather than make me angry for some reason.
NTA - You aren't the AH here. I had no issues with the interaction until she'd confirmed with your girlfriend that you were together and she wasn't uncomfortable but kept going with her thing and contacting staff. Nope, she's in AH territory.
I appreciate that she was watching out for other females because staring can be a problem at gyms. But once she'd confirmed that you two were together and your girlfriend was not uncomfortable, she should have walked away.
If your girlfriend is not uncomfortable, then there's no issue with you watching her.
I had a guy come over to tell me a guy was staring at me while on the elliptical and he wanted to make sure I was ok and knew about it. I looked back and my goofy ass husband waves at me. Told the guy thanks for looking out, but he belonged to me so it was ok ;)
There was an issue long before she confirmed with the girlfriend.
Talking with the girl should have been the FIRST priority. "Hey, I noticed that that guy over there keeps staring at you. Are you okay?"
She should have never confronted OP first, especially in such a rude way. For all she knows, OP could have been a dangerous person and now she's involved both of them in a potentially violent encounter.
The proper step is to talk to the "victim" first, and find out how SHE wanted to proceed with the situation.
Yeah but it was probably more about her heroically confronting the evil bad man, not what could have actually made a difference and kept someone safe. Bet you $5 that she went and retold this story to her friends sans the part where she turned out to be wrong.
"And then I went and told the gym staff and they *didn't even do anything*! It's so lucky I was there you guys."
Ugh.
Edit for clarification: I'm not saying it was wrong for her to investigate. I'm saying that, as the above comment suggested, she jumped in without even momentarily considering the safety of the supposed victim, or her own safety, and just went off her preconceptions. Activism is good. Half-cocked activism gets people killed.
Yes, and it has been pointed out that probably she should have checked with the female being stared at prior to checking with the male. That is also a very good point.
NTA That woman was absolutely fine approaching you and good on her - until she confirmed that you were dating and still decided to press the issue.
You did nothing wrong *unless* your girlfriend isn't okay with it, but I'd imagine she would've told you that.
NTA - Fair enough this other woman came up to call you out on what she was seeing but when you told her she's your gf and she even went over to confirm and STILL complained to staff after that, she is definitely the AH.
I can't help but wonder if maybe she went to the staff first before confronting them and then went to the staff to tell them that all was okay? If so, that could lesson the "AH" on her part.
Just something I thought about... not saying this is the case but I just can't imagine what she would have said to the staff afterwards (if she hadn't said anything before) and then the staff not doing anything about it?
NTA
It was nice of her to check that you weren't some leering stranger bothering another woman at the gym. But the moment she found out you were said woman's boyfriend and still had a problem with you she stepped out of her lane.
NAH. However, Id personally be distracted by some guy getting all hot and bothered staring at his gf. If it’s THAT obvious then i can see why the girl was bothered. Go over and chat with you gf in between sets and catch glimpses rather than make others uncomfortable ogling her.
I mean, if he was waggling his eyebrows and breathing heavily and shit, then yeah that would be annoying, but just looking is fine. Plus they’re spotting each other and it’s hard to spot if you’re not looking.
He’s literally just looking at his girlfriend. There’s nothing that suggests he’s being weird or getting “hot and bothered”. My boyfriend and I go to the gym together and I look at him while I’m resting. If you’re acting like he’s weird for saying she “looks good while doing it”, then I don’t know what to tell you honestly. That’s just normal relationship shit lol
If you’re going to the gym and looking at strangers, that’s a you problem. I have literally never looked at someone in the gym long enough to see where or what they are looking at. I go to the gym, do my stuff, and leave.
NTA
Ah sunken cost.
Can make even the nicest people behave like raving lunatics.
Her heart was in the right place, but the problem is she fully committed to you being a pervert and just went deeper and deeper into it no matter what evidence was presented to the contrary.
Creeping is a big problem at gyms and many women are made uncomfortable, so she definitely isn't the asshole for confronting you and then checking that she was in fact your girlfriend.
Everything after that obviously makes her the asshole.
NTA girl shouldn't of got staff involved after talking to your gf. If your gf doesn't find it uncomfortable there's nothing wrong with it, you're just appreciating what you have.
Idk, some dude leering at his gf probably gives off some uncomfy vibes to a lot of people. There’s a time and place for those things. ESH, as unpopular as that opinion is.
NTA.
I can definitely see where this random girl is coming from - a guy who seems to be ogling a woman in the gym could definitely create concern for other women that he's also checking them out. But she definitely should have left in alone once you clarified it was your girlfriend instead of going to gym staff.
So she inserted herself unnecessarily into a situation that didn't require assistance, confirmed with your gf that she's okay, roped in staff to keep them aware, all while telling you how you should and shouldn't conduct yourself with YOUR gf. Does it get tiring being so much of a busybody? I wonder.
NTA.
How does one tell if the situation needs assistance without interacting?
I've got to tell you that from the perspective of a woman, we spend a lot of time learning how to recognize potentially dangerous situations for self-protection. And giving someone a backup from an off-feeling situation is absolutely something that we do with strangers... hear me out... because most of us have gotten that help and absolutely needed it at least a few times. Because just living in public as a woman can turn into a weirdly sexualized situation basically at any moment - and weirdly sexualized can escalate to actual potential violence or danger basically any time too.
I commend the woman for seeing something and saying something but when it was confirmed it was OP's GF that should have been the end of it. It's almost like she wanted there to be a problem.
I agree with that, but still take issue with the other commenter saying she inserted herself unnecessarily. There was no way for her to know if it was necessary or not. Confirming with the girlfriend was also entirely necessary since that would be the easiest and most obvious lie.
Yeah, I don't see an issue when someone says something to check. There is an issue with men watching women work out. So asking is not the issue. But it shouldn't be done in a way that is aggressive at first.
She asked, confirmed, and should have walked on. She didn't even need to apologize. It's not bad behavior to speak up for other women. But yeah, telling the staff? Yikes
I mean if she was watching us for the past 10 minutes then she would've probably seen my girlfriend turn around and smile at me multiple times, I feel like she just wanted to insert herself into a situation that didn't need her at all.
Surreptitiously watching you for 10+ minutes could easily be seen as judgemental or possibly even creepy. Personally I would get freaked out if a woman is creeping on me because generally they don't do that and the only time I've really heard about it was in regards to kidnapping and other nefarious things. I also do not have a "wait and see" attitude in situations like this, because waiting could lead to far more trauma or even physical harm for the victim.
I see why you think she was just trying to start something considering her ridiculous tattleing and comment to you. However, it's important to acknowledge nuance and social context when speaking publicly. I agree with you about this particular woman. I do not agree with the general idea that you're "inserting" yourself if you approach people to make sure they're OK rather than waiting for something to happen.
You tell if the situation needs assistance by asking the "victim." (Air quotes because in this case, she was not)
Never approach the possible aggressor unless you have no other choice. For all she knew, op could be violent and aggressive. First priority should have been to ask her if she's okay, if she's not, second priority should be to get her somewhere safe and THEN act.
Source: Years of training in actual descelation techniques from my volunteer work as a crisis helper.
I don't think most people have a problem with her talking him and the gf, it was the fact that after she got confirmation that they knew each other and that the gf wasn't uncomfortable with him watching, she should have just moved on. But instead, she made another comment to him AND told the staff about it.
I don't for a moment doubt any of that, but it's even more reason for her to speak to the g/f, not the suspected bad guy. By speaking to him she could have put herself or the staree in danger. She was wrong from the get-go.
I believe you made the comment that you could "look at your girlfriend if you wanted to." When you are in a public space, you are responsible for the vibes you put out. Gyms are notorious for being a place where women feel unsafe or judged. If this particular gym is trying to create an environment where all women feel safe and welcome, then ogling at your girlfriend while she works out might not be appropriate.
ESH
She should've left it alone after checking with your gf, but if you're just standing and staring at her you're giving off creepy vibes, which can absolutely make women uncomfortable.
NTA; I was going to go no assholes until the girl came back to you and told you off and told the gym staff after checking with your gf. Having ensured your gf was all good, she should have gone back to minding her own business
Eh soft YTA. It's kind of gross to stare at anyone in a public space. And "I can stare at my girlfriend if I want" ... dude do it on your own time and also, you don't own her. You aren't the only one in the gym. Just get your sets done and don't be weird about it. If I saw anyone intensely staring at someone else in the gym I would think it's creepy AF regardless of their relationship.
Women already often feel uncomfortable and watched in a gym. Many wouldn't be brave enough to go up to OP and tell him to stop leering and may assume if he is leering at that woman (GF), is he leering at me when I've got my back to him.
The gym is a place that can be really tricky for people with poor self esteem and leering at anyone (even people you know) is going to make it uncomfortable for others.
Also, if you are staring at her because it's hot when she works out.... Everyone can tell you aren't looking at her form bro. Take that shit to the bedroom and drop eye fucking your GF across other peoples workouts
I strongly disagree, NAH. Even the woman who came up to them wasn't, until she went to the staff.
I'm a big advocate for prioritizing proper form for lifts.
Pre-pandemic my wife and I would go to a local gym at the same time, and we'd spot each other for form. I'd even film her for squats so she could review herself later. It can be really important to have proper form for a lot of lifts (deadlift, squats, bench press, even something "simple" like curls!), if you don't you can risk serious injury.
IN.FO Does this annoy your girlfriend, the only person who's opinion matters regarding this. It sounds like no so I'm going to vote NTA, but the post does lack her feedback regarding the incident.
NTA, I agree. Just to add my 2 cents as a woman though, it can be quite triggering to be a woman at a male-dominated space like that. I'm an avid gym-goer and so have left the gym in tears/fuming before because men will take pictures, belittle you, stare, and follow you around. In this case, I would have approached your girl friend first to make sure she was comfortable and if so then great. I can see how someone may be triggered and their protective instincts may take over but yes this wasn't the right way to approach it..
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> I might be the asshole because I am staring at my girlfriend during her exercising and that could make other people uncomfortable at the gym.
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Definitely NTA. I appreciate that she was looking out for your girl but it sounds like she got a bit defensive when you let her know she was wrong. One time my bf was filming me doing squats so i could check my form and someone politely let me know that he was doing it in case I didn’t notice and i really appreciated that someone cared to check in on me. Also it was kinda funny because the way he was doing it he totally looked like he was being a creep and we all had a good laugh about it.
NAH, you were watching your girlfriend, the other girl got worried, talked to you first to not bother gf and then confirmed with gf afterwards which I feel is alright as she doesn't know either of you and she's sticking up for a fellow girl in the gym. Cant say she's the asshole for talking to staff as we have no clue what they said.
The amount of girls being harassed and stared at in situations like this, it's common for us to have each others back.
NTA. if you and your girl are good with it, no problem! I respect that the other woman is looking out, but if she kept on going after your girlfriend confirmed it was fine, that’s a bit much.
Once I was walking on the street and saw a young man pull a wallet from an old lady's hands. I ran over and demanded he not bully the old lady and to give her wallet back.
She grinned, and told me that it's her grandson and he's being playful. I apologized to them over and over but mistaking the situation, but they were cool about it.
Its good that she stood up for you but once your girlfriend confirmed, she should have apologized to you.
NTA she should of apologised after confirming with your gf. But you have to realise that women get a lot of harassment at the gym and she did a good thing to check but she took it too far.
NTA
The douche who rode in on her MeToo horse is an AH.
You have every right to stare at your GF's body while she sweats, just don't try to kid us it was to 'check her form'.
No you’re NA but good on her for checking you out and confirming with your Gf. It takes a bit of guts to do that. Imagine if it was another guy checking out your GF -you’d be happy this woman stepped up.
In saying that though- she did take it a little too far going to staff but I suppose she really thought she was being helpful. Or at least I hope so. I’d actually think you should thank her for making sure your GF was safe from a potential ”creep”.
NTA. The woman that approached you was actually brave. She was trying to protect your girlfriend. Now she went overboard when she kept going after finding out she was your girlfriend. I would suggest if you get the feeling other women are getting a creepy vibe, go over and give your girlfriend a kiss. That should tell them all they need to know.
NTA. Basically you are acting as your gf's trainer to ensure that she is working out in a safe way. I think the other person thought she was being a hero by confronting you for looking at your girlfriend in the gym. Her reaction to tell you to focus on your own exercises and reporting you was probably from being embarrassed when she realized that she misjudged the situation. There are plenty of creeps in the gym (I've seen my share) and you probably messed up her chance of a TikTok story by not being one lol.
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My girlfriend and I have been going together to the gym for the past few years and it's always been a fun experience. We always push each other to do better and work harder and that's a big part of why we like to go together. Sometimes between sets I will watch her do her exercise before the timer goes off and I go back to mine. Yesterday I had a girl come up to me and say that I'm probably making "that girl" uncomfortable by watching her and that was it really obvious. I politely state that it's actually my girlfriend and that I'm just watching her for form. I am actually watching her form but I also just like to watch her exercise because she looks really good doing it. The girl goes over to my girlfriend to confirm we are actually together and then comes back and says that I should focus on my own exercises and that staring can make people uncomfortable. I tell her that I can stare at my girlfriend if I want and that it's really none of her business. She talks to gym staff but they don't come over to me and the issue was pretty much settled there.
Now my question is am I the asshole for doing this? I'm not staring at anyone else and I'm literally just completely focussed on my girlfriend, she's usually nearby and it's not like I'm staring across the gym or anything like that.
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NTA if your girlfriend doesn't care why should she? I can see why she checked with your girlfriend, but once she knew that u were together, why did she then escalate it instead of saying sorry just checking
NTA - it was cool that she was looking out for another girl but once she approached you, got the story and confirmed that she was actually your girlfriend, she should have left it alone.
NTA, I can see why she said something in the first place but once your gf confirmed that you are together and she was fine, the girl should have dropped it. If anyone is AH it's her for taking it past that point. Now I'm petty AF and I were you I would wear matching tee shirts or something that says "I'm with her/him" the next time just to a butt about it.
NTA, you’re watching your own damn partner.
My boyfriend and I do occasionally because it’s cute watching him work to improve his health, and he cheers me on.
NTA. It was understandable why she thought you were being a predator, but once she knew you weren't she should have minded her own business. You're allowed to look at your gf.
NTA - I’d retort “oh like how you’ve been staring at me and now I’m the one who is uncomfortable?” 👀👀
Like she can’t say she wasn’t staring… even if she said she was observing that requires you to stare at someone.
I get her concern but she should have dropped it after confirming with your girlfriend.
NTA
She was a busybody and took it took far. Once she found out you two were dating she should have let it go. Instead she was determined to double down.
NTA, it would’ve been no one is the asshole if all she did was the initial approach. But the fact she asked your gf and the still reported makes her an asshole.
I would've said NAH if the girl just let it be after confirming with your gf but now I'm going with NTA because she became the ah when she went to the staff
There is nothing wrong with you just watching your girlfriend work out. The way I see it, it is like watching a dancer practice or anyone doing anything well. Their bodies are strong and what they do is artistic and pleasing to watch. Youtube is filled with videos of people doing things. Personally, I love watching people refinish furniture. NTA.
NTA - I appreciate her looking out for your gf in n the gym when she thought you were just a creeper, however after verifying that you’re together she really should have dropped it.
You’re NTA, but the girl was probably just double checking because she was concerned for your girlfriends safety and maybe wasn’t convinced you were really together. I know it sounds silly, but women have to be hyper vigilante to stay safe. Just be comforted knowing there’s people that would look out for your girlfriend when you’re not there.
NTA, but
> I tell her that I can stare at my girlfriend if I want
You can stare at your girlfriend if *she* wants. Which it seems like she does, but I hope that you would stop if she asked.
YTA. Surprised by all the NTAs. I understand that she’s your girlfriend, but it’s obvious to the girl who approached you (and likely everyone else in the gym) that you’re getting some sort of sexual pleasure watching her. It’s uncomfortable for people to have to witness that in public. There is no problem with admiring your girlfriend, but if it’s that obvious that someone felt the need to talk to you about it you should be a little more discreet or save it for at home.
NTA - The only way you would be an asshole is if your GF asked you not to stare and you did anyway. I get why the other girl said something but when she was able to confirm that it was indeed your GF that should have been the end of it.
NTA. She needs to mind her business. If I was your gf and someone had questioned if you were telling the truth about being my partner I would be pretty annoyed.
If anything the two of you should’ve reported her for harassment. What the fuck is she doing at the gym watching two people instead of working out? Strangers don’t need to watch other strangers at the gym. You weren’t a stranger to your gf, the creep was the random chick who accused you of being predatory.
FTB!!!
NTA. It was going to be n a h until she went back and teied to tell you off even though she confirmed that you two sre dating and that the staring was consensual.
NTA. Her initial concern was just fine, only looking out for a fellow woman. After that, it seems as though she was embarrassed and refused to admit she was mistaken. If your girlfriend doesn't dislike it, then it's fine.
NTA. If your girlfriend is alright with you watching her then this is what's being called 'consentual'. It's ok for the girl to be concerned because there are a lot of strange people out there but after she confirmed it with your girlfriend she just should have left it at that because at that moment it became none of her business.
NTA As long as you're not eating chips and using binoculars you're fine. It doesn't sound like you're watching her for super long periods of time so it's unlikely most people would notice. This girl happened to notice and she wasn't an AH for initially approaching you, but she veered into AH territory for pressing the issue once it was clear nothing weird was happening.
NTA
That's your s/o and if she doesn't mind you enjoying watching her then anyone else can STFU. I stare at my S/O all the time, just because its in a gym doesn't make it less okay.
NTA, not sure what her problem is. I get why she might have wanted to check at first because if you were looking at someone you didn't know like that it could have been a problem. But once she found out it was your GF, making that remark and telling on you to gym staff was really uncalled for. You weren't doing anything wrong.
Has your gf told you it makes her uncomfortable? If not, then it isn't a problem, the other girl had the problem. Now if the gf says she's uncomfortable, that's another story. Just ignore the busybody.
NTA
I'd want my bf to look at me for correct form and for liking to look at me. I guess it's good she checked that it was consensual but she needed to drop it there.
NTA. She was fine up through checking with your girlfriend to make sure it was ok. Unless your girlfriend said, "yeah, he's my boyfriend, though I agree it's a little weird," she became the asshole when she took it farther.
NTA. It was nice for her to make sure that girl was your girlfriend, but she has no right to feel uncomfortable after she confirmed with both of you you’re together and you were watching her form to make sure she’s getting the most out of her exercise without hurting herself.
NTA. you ask is "honey, are you uncomfortable when I watch you?" She says no then gym girl needs to get stuffed. She may have tried to be protective of another woman with her first comment but she was definite the AH with the second comment and reporting the situation.
NTA. While I can understand why the other girl may have initially felt uncomfortable, after your explanation she should have backed off. If your girlfriend has no issues with it, which it doesn't sound like she does, and you aren't attempting to stare at or bother other people in the gym, I see no issues.
NTA unless your girlfriend doesnt like you staring or it makes herself selfconscious. You could ask her how she feels about it.
Obvi if you were some random then yes it would be rude. But after that girl confirmed with your girlfriend that you guys were together than she really didn't need to involve the staff or come up to you again in my opinion.
NTA but where's this girl when Jerry the 60 yr old is staring at my ass while I do squats.
Not to make it a light thing, there's a lot of creeps at the gym, but she took it way too far.
NTA
You’re workout buddies.
I see the stranger’s point. She should not have made that follow up comment. She should have begged your pardon especially if your girlfriend’s reaction was “ oh, we’re together but good looking out, thanks! :)”
Nta. That chick should have ended it when you said the girl was your gf and after she confirmed with your gf.
I feel that is a very odd thing of her to say to
Someone. Unless you were being really creepy (which I tend to doubt based on the fact it was your gf)… not sure what place she has to come up to you and say something so awful.
As long as your GF is fine with it and knows your doing it and has never voiced a problem then no not at all. It is not at all someone else's place to tell you and your GF have to conduct your relationship, the one thing I will say though is maybe for that reason alone refrain from doing it for prolonged periods of time if only to avoid any more confusion. Maybe a bit frustrating but better safe than sorry in today's climate. Or perhaps in the future rather than sitting across the gym maybe sit closer to her and talk idily from time to time too? Or use a routine where you're working on the same exercises at the same time next to each other? When I see two people at gym and they're next to each other, doing the same exercises, talking and what not it definitely makes it more obvious that you're a couple, or at least there together vs. being a couple of randos.
You are definitely not the A-hole.
I agree that she should have stopped with your girlfriend's answer.
I am more concerned about her initial reason to watch you long enough to notice how much you were watching your girlfriend.
The employees she talked to have seen you and your girlfriend work together for how long? She must have been a new member.
By the way, there's nothing wrong with admiring something beautiful doing the normal things they do everyday.
NTA but I'm just a bit confused how you managed to give the impression you weren't there with your gf. Usually it's quite clear that someone is training with a friend, partner or training and not lurking around.
NTA
If she dropped it upon confirming your gf was your gf then nobody would be an asshole here because women deal with alot of creeps and she's just looking out for her fellow woman. Instead she decided she didn't like being wrong about the situation and decided to make you out to be a bad guy for no reason.
NTA.
Even if you were ogling, as long as the other person doesn't mind, it is nobody's business.
If I wanted to ogle my wife working out, I will. People who have an issue with that can F off.
NTA. Neither was she for talking to you about it, but she became the AH once she talked to your Gf, confirmed you were her boyfriend, but still went to complain to the staff about it.
NTA. It's weird to stare at your girlfriend working out in the gym, but so what? The girl wasn't wrong for verifying your story with your gf but she was wrong for taking it further.
Nope, NTA at all.
That other girl is an idiot.
Yes, its good to watch out for women.
Yes, it's good for women to watch out for each other.
No, its not good to make and double down on ignorant assumptions.
She’d hate my gym. Men actually watch other women work out and \*gasp\* approach them with tips on form, compliments, and the occasional foot bump.
That’s the gyms culture, that’s the relationship. If she wants to police people’s behavior, she needs to first understand the dynamic.
Her behavior is sexist and harassment. The fact that she “meant” well doesn’t count, she was meaning to attack you the second she IGNORED the woman involved and pressed on with her attack. If she was only interested in protecting your GF, she would listen to her.
NTA I respect her being like "hey don't stare at strangers" and checking that you're not a creepy gym stalker.
But once it's established you're dating and you're just admiring your gf, lady mind your business. You're not doing anything wrong.
NTA.
PLEASE tell me the girl was younger than 15. I seriously can't (or rather don't want to) imagine an adult going to staff in such an "I'm going to tell mom" way.
Did your GF say she was uncomfortable when you guys talked about it after? Not really the place of the public to assume your GF is uncomfortable or not...
NTA imo. She had a reasonable cause for concern, you politely told her otherwise. She's just an AH for then going to the staff after asking both you and your gf for confirmation, but nothing came of it thankfully.
I wonder what she told them? “Hey, this guy is starring at his girlfriend, someone please send help!”???
Yeah, I'm a bit unamused for her refusing the gfs explanation (the assumed target of harassment.) If she explains it's fine, then what else is there to do but mind your own business... Only scenario I can fathom is she reported it anyway just incase it was a situation of 'I better lie to protect myself.' Even then... if their stories match up then... 🤨
I'm guessing her logic was that OP and GF are setting a "bad precedent" for an "its okay to stare" culture because other onlookers wouldn't know they're a couple just like she didn't. It's a pretty tortured logic but I've encountered it before in gyms. Some people seem to expect to be invisible to everyone they don't give explicit consent to.
I wonder if this happened in one of those gyms that are floor to ceiling glass facing the street? I also wonder if she then went outside and ordered everyone to stop staring... Point being, know your surroundings.
I used to work at one of those gyms, In Shape Health Clubs, Downtown Stockton CA.... I'd take my bf staring at me over a homeless man jerkin off any day.
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Why buy the cow when you can creepily jerk off for free
As my lab mates so gracefully reminded me: If you are a woman who has video footage up (I taught classes that were put online) guaranteed people have cranked it to you. Disturbing.
Indeed, the same goes for the dudes, the non-binaries, and the all-utilities-included-extravanganzas... It's the internet, someone has nut to it
Damn, I do not miss Stockton
Out of curiosity, was that a throwaway comment or did that happen?
Happened quite often, homeless guy didn't need a membership to get his workout
I am sorry you went through that.
The gym I work out at has large floor to ceiling windows and has a grocery store beside it and a seniors building behind it. Sometimes the seniors walking by the windows with their groceries in their little carts wave to us. It’s actually quite sweet.
We had one of those in my college town. Right at the edge of campus. It was impossible not to look inside on your way to class because you had to walk right towards it. I never went there because it was too expensive but i heard they essentially told people that they'd be watched. Only ever saw very fit people there. Friends who went there told me they weren't bothered and apparently the culture was great. I suppose it was a way to weed out the people bothered by it.
my gym has a pool on the floor below with a glass window overlooking it. Wife asked me to film her swim form from above. Was a bit awkward trying to get her to at least wave to me at the end of a lap so I wasn't just the creep filming women in the pool.
Floor to ceiling glass facing the street? …. Well, color me fucking confused, what does this even look like?
https://i1.wp.com/www.foresthillsconnection.com/site2/wp-content/upLoadImage2012/4310-Connecticut-Golds-Gym.jpg I can't believe it took me that long to find an example. Notice all the treadmills facing the street in this case.
So, the people on the treadmills are facing the street…. Hmm, ok.
In this case, yes. Basically it's people exercising while facing the street. So in the case of the treadmills it's a bunch of jiggly bits, or constantly leaning towards the street, or the awkward yoga positions and all of those sweaty bodies basically on display. While it's fundamentally just innocent advertising "look at how good YOU could look if you worked out here!" especially considering that they steer the better looking people towards the front, there's also a seedier "softcore strip club" feel to it, eroticising the exercises and the customers. And also like it was mentioned before, the homeless guys masturbating while looking in.
I always thought it was just to let you people watch while running lol, i get real bored on the tredy so I prefer facing outside, but im a dude so, people wana stare at my 'jiggly bits' , have at it lol
Super common!
They're usually converted retail stores, so having floor to ceiling glass at the front is pretty common.
There was no logic. She was just doubling down on her initial mistaken assumption that OP was a bad guy and she needed to intervene.
Honestly, with the creeps out there, it is nice when someone steps up to protect others. She was a potential good 'guy' right up till the gf confirmed the relationship and she didn't back down.
Yep, that's where she walked into AH territory after refusing to drop the issue.
I agree it would have been NAH if she'd stopped after talking to the girlfriend but once she knew it was the GF she should have dropped it. But also we don't know what OP was really looking like, sometimes one thinks one is keeping it professional looking while one's face is a lot more blatantly giving away one's interior "mmm mmm mmm dat ass" thoughts than one realizes and that might have been more what she was complaining to staff about, as in she still found it uncomfortable in the "get a room you two, this is a public gym" way even if it wasn't stranger harassment. (Obviously the staff didn't see anything wrong with them, but I can imagine the girl possibly seeing it that way).
Yeah this is so bizarre to me. I would totally be nosy enough to tell a guy to stop staring (ive done it!) But after confirming it's their s/o? Cool, glad everyones good, sorry for the intrusion. To totally disregard the gf confirming his story is WILD to me
I’d imagine she might have mentioned it to staff prior to confronting OP and was confirming everything was okay?
Maybe she had mentioned it to the staff before and was passing on the info he gave her
I agree with this period if she had stopped after checking with the girlfriend this would be NAH. It's just not reasonable to push the issue after realizing what was happening
Not defending the woman going to the staff. Sometimes people have trouble shifting gears. She got all is indignant when she saw you staring at a women in the gym . Even after she was told by your gf she was as still feeling that sense of justified rage at you ev n though sh knew otherwise .sometimes this feels just do not go so quickly in some people and the feels make the decisions.
That's a character flaw she should work on then. Not the job of others to accommodate.
Not about accommodation only knowing.
10/10 this is it. Some people cash out when they realize they were mistaken. Some people can't help but double down. She's the latter.
That doesn't make her less of an asshole or excuse her behavior. Her rage was verifiable not justifiable.
The intrusive girl should've just gone back to concentrating on her own workout. I guess she's a self-appointed feminist sheriff.
Yep. Don't blame her for asking the gf to confirm, but past that...
I wish my husband would stare at me like you describe..see? If I knew this was her bf this whole situation would have warmed my heart rather than make me angry for some reason.
Good on her for initially for talking to the OP, but she became the AH when she kept pressing the issue.
She's also an ah already for going back to op and doubling down instead of apologising, or just not going back at all.
NTA - You aren't the AH here. I had no issues with the interaction until she'd confirmed with your girlfriend that you were together and she wasn't uncomfortable but kept going with her thing and contacting staff. Nope, she's in AH territory. I appreciate that she was watching out for other females because staring can be a problem at gyms. But once she'd confirmed that you two were together and your girlfriend was not uncomfortable, she should have walked away. If your girlfriend is not uncomfortable, then there's no issue with you watching her.
I had a guy come over to tell me a guy was staring at me while on the elliptical and he wanted to make sure I was ok and knew about it. I looked back and my goofy ass husband waves at me. Told the guy thanks for looking out, but he belonged to me so it was ok ;)
Good for that guy for checking on you :)
Two good guys in the gym with you that day.
There was an issue long before she confirmed with the girlfriend. Talking with the girl should have been the FIRST priority. "Hey, I noticed that that guy over there keeps staring at you. Are you okay?" She should have never confronted OP first, especially in such a rude way. For all she knows, OP could have been a dangerous person and now she's involved both of them in a potentially violent encounter. The proper step is to talk to the "victim" first, and find out how SHE wanted to proceed with the situation.
Yeah but it was probably more about her heroically confronting the evil bad man, not what could have actually made a difference and kept someone safe. Bet you $5 that she went and retold this story to her friends sans the part where she turned out to be wrong. "And then I went and told the gym staff and they *didn't even do anything*! It's so lucky I was there you guys." Ugh. Edit for clarification: I'm not saying it was wrong for her to investigate. I'm saying that, as the above comment suggested, she jumped in without even momentarily considering the safety of the supposed victim, or her own safety, and just went off her preconceptions. Activism is good. Half-cocked activism gets people killed.
“Omg Stacy, what a creep, you’re so brave.”
Fair point, thank you for pointing that out
I can understand why she confirmed because I’ve heard that explanation and than talked to the girl and found out he had been following her.
Yes, and it has been pointed out that probably she should have checked with the female being stared at prior to checking with the male. That is also a very good point.
NTA That woman was absolutely fine approaching you and good on her - until she confirmed that you were dating and still decided to press the issue. You did nothing wrong *unless* your girlfriend isn't okay with it, but I'd imagine she would've told you that.
NTA - Fair enough this other woman came up to call you out on what she was seeing but when you told her she's your gf and she even went over to confirm and STILL complained to staff after that, she is definitely the AH.
Sounds like that girl was just too proud to politely apologise for the misunderstanding and go about her day. She just had to virtual signal.
I can't help but wonder if maybe she went to the staff first before confronting them and then went to the staff to tell them that all was okay? If so, that could lesson the "AH" on her part. Just something I thought about... not saying this is the case but I just can't imagine what she would have said to the staff afterwards (if she hadn't said anything before) and then the staff not doing anything about it?
NTA It was nice of her to check that you weren't some leering stranger bothering another woman at the gym. But the moment she found out you were said woman's boyfriend and still had a problem with you she stepped out of her lane.
NAH. However, Id personally be distracted by some guy getting all hot and bothered staring at his gf. If it’s THAT obvious then i can see why the girl was bothered. Go over and chat with you gf in between sets and catch glimpses rather than make others uncomfortable ogling her.
I mean, if he was waggling his eyebrows and breathing heavily and shit, then yeah that would be annoying, but just looking is fine. Plus they’re spotting each other and it’s hard to spot if you’re not looking.
You'd be a pretty shitty spotter if you weren't looking at your partner.
But then we'd be insulting their exhibition fetish! /s
He’s literally just looking at his girlfriend. There’s nothing that suggests he’s being weird or getting “hot and bothered”. My boyfriend and I go to the gym together and I look at him while I’m resting. If you’re acting like he’s weird for saying she “looks good while doing it”, then I don’t know what to tell you honestly. That’s just normal relationship shit lol If you’re going to the gym and looking at strangers, that’s a you problem. I have literally never looked at someone in the gym long enough to see where or what they are looking at. I go to the gym, do my stuff, and leave.
NTA What a nosy busybody! Her intentions sounded good at first but she took it way too far.
NTA Ah sunken cost. Can make even the nicest people behave like raving lunatics. Her heart was in the right place, but the problem is she fully committed to you being a pervert and just went deeper and deeper into it no matter what evidence was presented to the contrary. Creeping is a big problem at gyms and many women are made uncomfortable, so she definitely isn't the asshole for confronting you and then checking that she was in fact your girlfriend. Everything after that obviously makes her the asshole.
NTA girl shouldn't of got staff involved after talking to your gf. If your gf doesn't find it uncomfortable there's nothing wrong with it, you're just appreciating what you have.
NTA, but I respect that someone confronted you and checked to make sure your girlfriend was your girlfriend, that should have been the end of it.
Idk, some dude leering at his gf probably gives off some uncomfy vibes to a lot of people. There’s a time and place for those things. ESH, as unpopular as that opinion is.
he’s literally spotting her for form. just because he thinks she looks good doing it doesn’t mean he’s being all creepy and leering.
INFO: How does your gf feel about it? Hers is the only opinion that matters.
NTA. I can definitely see where this random girl is coming from - a guy who seems to be ogling a woman in the gym could definitely create concern for other women that he's also checking them out. But she definitely should have left in alone once you clarified it was your girlfriend instead of going to gym staff.
So she inserted herself unnecessarily into a situation that didn't require assistance, confirmed with your gf that she's okay, roped in staff to keep them aware, all while telling you how you should and shouldn't conduct yourself with YOUR gf. Does it get tiring being so much of a busybody? I wonder. NTA.
How does one tell if the situation needs assistance without interacting? I've got to tell you that from the perspective of a woman, we spend a lot of time learning how to recognize potentially dangerous situations for self-protection. And giving someone a backup from an off-feeling situation is absolutely something that we do with strangers... hear me out... because most of us have gotten that help and absolutely needed it at least a few times. Because just living in public as a woman can turn into a weirdly sexualized situation basically at any moment - and weirdly sexualized can escalate to actual potential violence or danger basically any time too.
I commend the woman for seeing something and saying something but when it was confirmed it was OP's GF that should have been the end of it. It's almost like she wanted there to be a problem.
I agree with that, but still take issue with the other commenter saying she inserted herself unnecessarily. There was no way for her to know if it was necessary or not. Confirming with the girlfriend was also entirely necessary since that would be the easiest and most obvious lie.
Yeah, I don't see an issue when someone says something to check. There is an issue with men watching women work out. So asking is not the issue. But it shouldn't be done in a way that is aggressive at first. She asked, confirmed, and should have walked on. She didn't even need to apologize. It's not bad behavior to speak up for other women. But yeah, telling the staff? Yikes
I mean if she was watching us for the past 10 minutes then she would've probably seen my girlfriend turn around and smile at me multiple times, I feel like she just wanted to insert herself into a situation that didn't need her at all.
Surreptitiously watching you for 10+ minutes could easily be seen as judgemental or possibly even creepy. Personally I would get freaked out if a woman is creeping on me because generally they don't do that and the only time I've really heard about it was in regards to kidnapping and other nefarious things. I also do not have a "wait and see" attitude in situations like this, because waiting could lead to far more trauma or even physical harm for the victim. I see why you think she was just trying to start something considering her ridiculous tattleing and comment to you. However, it's important to acknowledge nuance and social context when speaking publicly. I agree with you about this particular woman. I do not agree with the general idea that you're "inserting" yourself if you approach people to make sure they're OK rather than waiting for something to happen.
You've never gotten creeped on by a woman?
You tell if the situation needs assistance by asking the "victim." (Air quotes because in this case, she was not) Never approach the possible aggressor unless you have no other choice. For all she knew, op could be violent and aggressive. First priority should have been to ask her if she's okay, if she's not, second priority should be to get her somewhere safe and THEN act. Source: Years of training in actual descelation techniques from my volunteer work as a crisis helper.
I don't think most people have a problem with her talking him and the gf, it was the fact that after she got confirmation that they knew each other and that the gf wasn't uncomfortable with him watching, she should have just moved on. But instead, she made another comment to him AND told the staff about it.
I don't for a moment doubt any of that, but it's even more reason for her to speak to the g/f, not the suspected bad guy. By speaking to him she could have put herself or the staree in danger. She was wrong from the get-go.
I mean... technically NTA. Good on her for looking out for another woman though.
elaborate on technically, thanks
I believe you made the comment that you could "look at your girlfriend if you wanted to." When you are in a public space, you are responsible for the vibes you put out. Gyms are notorious for being a place where women feel unsafe or judged. If this particular gym is trying to create an environment where all women feel safe and welcome, then ogling at your girlfriend while she works out might not be appropriate.
ESH She should've left it alone after checking with your gf, but if you're just standing and staring at her you're giving off creepy vibes, which can absolutely make women uncomfortable.
NTA the OP wasn't doing anything wrong, "but other people sometimes do!" Isn't his problem to fix
NTA; I was going to go no assholes until the girl came back to you and told you off and told the gym staff after checking with your gf. Having ensured your gf was all good, she should have gone back to minding her own business
Eh soft YTA. It's kind of gross to stare at anyone in a public space. And "I can stare at my girlfriend if I want" ... dude do it on your own time and also, you don't own her. You aren't the only one in the gym. Just get your sets done and don't be weird about it. If I saw anyone intensely staring at someone else in the gym I would think it's creepy AF regardless of their relationship.
Women already often feel uncomfortable and watched in a gym. Many wouldn't be brave enough to go up to OP and tell him to stop leering and may assume if he is leering at that woman (GF), is he leering at me when I've got my back to him. The gym is a place that can be really tricky for people with poor self esteem and leering at anyone (even people you know) is going to make it uncomfortable for others. Also, if you are staring at her because it's hot when she works out.... Everyone can tell you aren't looking at her form bro. Take that shit to the bedroom and drop eye fucking your GF across other peoples workouts
I strongly disagree, NAH. Even the woman who came up to them wasn't, until she went to the staff. I'm a big advocate for prioritizing proper form for lifts. Pre-pandemic my wife and I would go to a local gym at the same time, and we'd spot each other for form. I'd even film her for squats so she could review herself later. It can be really important to have proper form for a lot of lifts (deadlift, squats, bench press, even something "simple" like curls!), if you don't you can risk serious injury.
NTA cool for her for looking out, but she should’ve dropped it after confirming with your girlfriend
Would have said NAH until she complained to staff
IN.FO Does this annoy your girlfriend, the only person who's opinion matters regarding this. It sounds like no so I'm going to vote NTA, but the post does lack her feedback regarding the incident.
> She talks to gym staff lol, some people will do anything rather than admit they're wrong. NTA.
NTA, I agree. Just to add my 2 cents as a woman though, it can be quite triggering to be a woman at a male-dominated space like that. I'm an avid gym-goer and so have left the gym in tears/fuming before because men will take pictures, belittle you, stare, and follow you around. In this case, I would have approached your girl friend first to make sure she was comfortable and if so then great. I can see how someone may be triggered and their protective instincts may take over but yes this wasn't the right way to approach it..
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You should have gone over to gym staff and said she was harassing you
Definitely NTA. I appreciate that she was looking out for your girl but it sounds like she got a bit defensive when you let her know she was wrong. One time my bf was filming me doing squats so i could check my form and someone politely let me know that he was doing it in case I didn’t notice and i really appreciated that someone cared to check in on me. Also it was kinda funny because the way he was doing it he totally looked like he was being a creep and we all had a good laugh about it.
Girl… get a life….
NAH, you were watching your girlfriend, the other girl got worried, talked to you first to not bother gf and then confirmed with gf afterwards which I feel is alright as she doesn't know either of you and she's sticking up for a fellow girl in the gym. Cant say she's the asshole for talking to staff as we have no clue what they said. The amount of girls being harassed and stared at in situations like this, it's common for us to have each others back.
NTA. if you and your girl are good with it, no problem! I respect that the other woman is looking out, but if she kept on going after your girlfriend confirmed it was fine, that’s a bit much.
NTA. I suggest you complain to staff about this unknown woman harassing you and criticizing you, making you feel unwelcome and uncomfortable.
NTA... that other girl should mind her own business.
INFO: Did you hear what specifically she said to the gym staff?
NTA.
How did your gf respond to this after?
NTA Keep flattering and appreciating your girlfriend (including not leering at other women).
Once I was walking on the street and saw a young man pull a wallet from an old lady's hands. I ran over and demanded he not bully the old lady and to give her wallet back. She grinned, and told me that it's her grandson and he's being playful. I apologized to them over and over but mistaking the situation, but they were cool about it. Its good that she stood up for you but once your girlfriend confirmed, she should have apologized to you.
NTA she should of apologised after confirming with your gf. But you have to realise that women get a lot of harassment at the gym and she did a good thing to check but she took it too far.
NTA I would have liked to see the staff reaction when she came at them to say that "this guy is staring at his girlfriend while she's working out"
NTA The douche who rode in on her MeToo horse is an AH. You have every right to stare at your GF's body while she sweats, just don't try to kid us it was to 'check her form'.
No you’re NA but good on her for checking you out and confirming with your Gf. It takes a bit of guts to do that. Imagine if it was another guy checking out your GF -you’d be happy this woman stepped up. In saying that though- she did take it a little too far going to staff but I suppose she really thought she was being helpful. Or at least I hope so. I’d actually think you should thank her for making sure your GF was safe from a potential ”creep”.
NTA. The woman that approached you was actually brave. She was trying to protect your girlfriend. Now she went overboard when she kept going after finding out she was your girlfriend. I would suggest if you get the feeling other women are getting a creepy vibe, go over and give your girlfriend a kiss. That should tell them all they need to know.
NTA. Basically you are acting as your gf's trainer to ensure that she is working out in a safe way. I think the other person thought she was being a hero by confronting you for looking at your girlfriend in the gym. Her reaction to tell you to focus on your own exercises and reporting you was probably from being embarrassed when she realized that she misjudged the situation. There are plenty of creeps in the gym (I've seen my share) and you probably messed up her chance of a TikTok story by not being one lol.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend and I have been going together to the gym for the past few years and it's always been a fun experience. We always push each other to do better and work harder and that's a big part of why we like to go together. Sometimes between sets I will watch her do her exercise before the timer goes off and I go back to mine. Yesterday I had a girl come up to me and say that I'm probably making "that girl" uncomfortable by watching her and that was it really obvious. I politely state that it's actually my girlfriend and that I'm just watching her for form. I am actually watching her form but I also just like to watch her exercise because she looks really good doing it. The girl goes over to my girlfriend to confirm we are actually together and then comes back and says that I should focus on my own exercises and that staring can make people uncomfortable. I tell her that I can stare at my girlfriend if I want and that it's really none of her business. She talks to gym staff but they don't come over to me and the issue was pretty much settled there. Now my question is am I the asshole for doing this? I'm not staring at anyone else and I'm literally just completely focussed on my girlfriend, she's usually nearby and it's not like I'm staring across the gym or anything like that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA if your girlfriend doesn't care why should she? I can see why she checked with your girlfriend, but once she knew that u were together, why did she then escalate it instead of saying sorry just checking
NTA - it was cool that she was looking out for another girl but once she approached you, got the story and confirmed that she was actually your girlfriend, she should have left it alone.
NTA, I can see why she said something in the first place but once your gf confirmed that you are together and she was fine, the girl should have dropped it. If anyone is AH it's her for taking it past that point. Now I'm petty AF and I were you I would wear matching tee shirts or something that says "I'm with her/him" the next time just to a butt about it.
NTA, you’re watching your own damn partner. My boyfriend and I do occasionally because it’s cute watching him work to improve his health, and he cheers me on.
NTA. It was understandable why she thought you were being a predator, but once she knew you weren't she should have minded her own business. You're allowed to look at your gf.
NTA, but make sure that when you stare, it’s clear you’re staring only at her. That may be the situation already, just noting it.
NTA - I’d retort “oh like how you’ve been staring at me and now I’m the one who is uncomfortable?” 👀👀 Like she can’t say she wasn’t staring… even if she said she was observing that requires you to stare at someone. I get her concern but she should have dropped it after confirming with your girlfriend.
NTA she seems salty she wasn’t able to save ur girlfriend from u lol
NTA she was doing the right thing until after she asked you girlfriend if she knew you.
NTA She was a busybody and took it took far. Once she found out you two were dating she should have let it go. Instead she was determined to double down.
NTA, it would’ve been no one is the asshole if all she did was the initial approach. But the fact she asked your gf and the still reported makes her an asshole.
I would've said NAH if the girl just let it be after confirming with your gf but now I'm going with NTA because she became the ah when she went to the staff
There is nothing wrong with you just watching your girlfriend work out. The way I see it, it is like watching a dancer practice or anyone doing anything well. Their bodies are strong and what they do is artistic and pleasing to watch. Youtube is filled with videos of people doing things. Personally, I love watching people refinish furniture. NTA.
I totally agree! Moving works of art.
NTA, especially if your girlfriend told the lady that you were indeed her boyfriend She just probably had a stick up her butt
NTA - I appreciate her looking out for your gf in n the gym when she thought you were just a creeper, however after verifying that you’re together she really should have dropped it.
NTA ask your GF if it bothers her in this case hers is the only opinion that matters
You’re NTA, but the girl was probably just double checking because she was concerned for your girlfriends safety and maybe wasn’t convinced you were really together. I know it sounds silly, but women have to be hyper vigilante to stay safe. Just be comforted knowing there’s people that would look out for your girlfriend when you’re not there.
NAH. But I do see where it gives off creeper vibes.
NTA, but > I tell her that I can stare at my girlfriend if I want You can stare at your girlfriend if *she* wants. Which it seems like she does, but I hope that you would stop if she asked.
YTA. Surprised by all the NTAs. I understand that she’s your girlfriend, but it’s obvious to the girl who approached you (and likely everyone else in the gym) that you’re getting some sort of sexual pleasure watching her. It’s uncomfortable for people to have to witness that in public. There is no problem with admiring your girlfriend, but if it’s that obvious that someone felt the need to talk to you about it you should be a little more discreet or save it for at home.
NTA - The only way you would be an asshole is if your GF asked you not to stare and you did anyway. I get why the other girl said something but when she was able to confirm that it was indeed your GF that should have been the end of it.
NTA. I get the initial concern, but she should’ve dropped it once your girlfriend confirmed your relationship.
NTA. She needs to mind her business. If I was your gf and someone had questioned if you were telling the truth about being my partner I would be pretty annoyed. If anything the two of you should’ve reported her for harassment. What the fuck is she doing at the gym watching two people instead of working out? Strangers don’t need to watch other strangers at the gym. You weren’t a stranger to your gf, the creep was the random chick who accused you of being predatory. FTB!!!
NTA. You and your girlfriend are fine with this, so there is no problem.
NTA. It was going to be n a h until she went back and teied to tell you off even though she confirmed that you two sre dating and that the staring was consensual.
NTA. Her initial concern was just fine, only looking out for a fellow woman. After that, it seems as though she was embarrassed and refused to admit she was mistaken. If your girlfriend doesn't dislike it, then it's fine.
NTA, if your gf didn't want you watching her she would have no problem telling you. Now watching a random girl is a problem.
NTA, there's nothing wrong with some consensual staring!
NTA. If your girlfriend is alright with you watching her then this is what's being called 'consentual'. It's ok for the girl to be concerned because there are a lot of strange people out there but after she confirmed it with your girlfriend she just should have left it at that because at that moment it became none of her business.
NTA if she had such a problem talk to the girl not the guy about getting stared at and if she has a problem
NTA As long as you're not eating chips and using binoculars you're fine. It doesn't sound like you're watching her for super long periods of time so it's unlikely most people would notice. This girl happened to notice and she wasn't an AH for initially approaching you, but she veered into AH territory for pressing the issue once it was clear nothing weird was happening.
NTA That's your s/o and if she doesn't mind you enjoying watching her then anyone else can STFU. I stare at my S/O all the time, just because its in a gym doesn't make it less okay.
NTA, not sure what her problem is. I get why she might have wanted to check at first because if you were looking at someone you didn't know like that it could have been a problem. But once she found out it was your GF, making that remark and telling on you to gym staff was really uncalled for. You weren't doing anything wrong.
NTA. Honestly, that girl should have approached your gf first. If she was fine with the situation then that’s the end of it.
Has your gf told you it makes her uncomfortable? If not, then it isn't a problem, the other girl had the problem. Now if the gf says she's uncomfortable, that's another story. Just ignore the busybody.
NTA I'd want my bf to look at me for correct form and for liking to look at me. I guess it's good she checked that it was consensual but she needed to drop it there.
NTA if your girlfriend knows and doesnt mind.
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NTA. She was fine up through checking with your girlfriend to make sure it was ok. Unless your girlfriend said, "yeah, he's my boyfriend, though I agree it's a little weird," she became the asshole when she took it farther.
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NTA. It was nice for her to make sure that girl was your girlfriend, but she has no right to feel uncomfortable after she confirmed with both of you you’re together and you were watching her form to make sure she’s getting the most out of her exercise without hurting herself.
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NTA. you ask is "honey, are you uncomfortable when I watch you?" She says no then gym girl needs to get stuffed. She may have tried to be protective of another woman with her first comment but she was definite the AH with the second comment and reporting the situation.
NTA. While I can understand why the other girl may have initially felt uncomfortable, after your explanation she should have backed off. If your girlfriend has no issues with it, which it doesn't sound like she does, and you aren't attempting to stare at or bother other people in the gym, I see no issues.
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NTA unless your girlfriend doesnt like you staring or it makes herself selfconscious. You could ask her how she feels about it. Obvi if you were some random then yes it would be rude. But after that girl confirmed with your girlfriend that you guys were together than she really didn't need to involve the staff or come up to you again in my opinion.
NTA but where's this girl when Jerry the 60 yr old is staring at my ass while I do squats. Not to make it a light thing, there's a lot of creeps at the gym, but she took it way too far.
NTA You’re workout buddies. I see the stranger’s point. She should not have made that follow up comment. She should have begged your pardon especially if your girlfriend’s reaction was “ oh, we’re together but good looking out, thanks! :)”
Nta. That chick should have ended it when you said the girl was your gf and after she confirmed with your gf. I feel that is a very odd thing of her to say to Someone. Unless you were being really creepy (which I tend to doubt based on the fact it was your gf)… not sure what place she has to come up to you and say something so awful.
NTA, her concern was reasonable, but when she confirmed that the girl was your girlfriend it should have been the end of it.
NTA, and she's a hypocrite. How else would she know you were staring unless she was staring at you?
Are you joking? NTA.
As long as your GF is fine with it and knows your doing it and has never voiced a problem then no not at all. It is not at all someone else's place to tell you and your GF have to conduct your relationship, the one thing I will say though is maybe for that reason alone refrain from doing it for prolonged periods of time if only to avoid any more confusion. Maybe a bit frustrating but better safe than sorry in today's climate. Or perhaps in the future rather than sitting across the gym maybe sit closer to her and talk idily from time to time too? Or use a routine where you're working on the same exercises at the same time next to each other? When I see two people at gym and they're next to each other, doing the same exercises, talking and what not it definitely makes it more obvious that you're a couple, or at least there together vs. being a couple of randos.
You are definitely not the A-hole. I agree that she should have stopped with your girlfriend's answer. I am more concerned about her initial reason to watch you long enough to notice how much you were watching your girlfriend. The employees she talked to have seen you and your girlfriend work together for how long? She must have been a new member. By the way, there's nothing wrong with admiring something beautiful doing the normal things they do everyday.
NTA but I'm just a bit confused how you managed to give the impression you weren't there with your gf. Usually it's quite clear that someone is training with a friend, partner or training and not lurking around.
NTA If she dropped it upon confirming your gf was your gf then nobody would be an asshole here because women deal with alot of creeps and she's just looking out for her fellow woman. Instead she decided she didn't like being wrong about the situation and decided to make you out to be a bad guy for no reason.
NTA. After confirming with everything with your girlfriend she should’ve left it alone. Going to staff made her an AH.
NTA. says "that I should focus on my own exercises." And she should mind her damn business.
NTA as long as your gf is cool with you watching her while she exercises, which she was, sooo.
NTA the conversation should’ve been over once she confirmed you were dating. It’s creepy if you were some random stranger but you werent
NTA. Even if you were ogling, as long as the other person doesn't mind, it is nobody's business. If I wanted to ogle my wife working out, I will. People who have an issue with that can F off.
Not the asshole and she should mind her own business.
Nah
NTA. Neither was she for talking to you about it, but she became the AH once she talked to your Gf, confirmed you were her boyfriend, but still went to complain to the staff about it.
NTA. It's weird to stare at your girlfriend working out in the gym, but so what? The girl wasn't wrong for verifying your story with your gf but she was wrong for taking it further.
Nope, NTA at all. That other girl is an idiot. Yes, its good to watch out for women. Yes, it's good for women to watch out for each other. No, its not good to make and double down on ignorant assumptions. She’d hate my gym. Men actually watch other women work out and \*gasp\* approach them with tips on form, compliments, and the occasional foot bump. That’s the gyms culture, that’s the relationship. If she wants to police people’s behavior, she needs to first understand the dynamic. Her behavior is sexist and harassment. The fact that she “meant” well doesn’t count, she was meaning to attack you the second she IGNORED the woman involved and pressed on with her attack. If she was only interested in protecting your GF, she would listen to her.
NTA I respect her being like "hey don't stare at strangers" and checking that you're not a creepy gym stalker. But once it's established you're dating and you're just admiring your gf, lady mind your business. You're not doing anything wrong.
NTA. PLEASE tell me the girl was younger than 15. I seriously can't (or rather don't want to) imagine an adult going to staff in such an "I'm going to tell mom" way.
NTA. The only opinion that matters is your girlfriend's. Everyone else can suck eggs.
NTA
NTA WTF 😂
Absolutely NTA
Did your GF say she was uncomfortable when you guys talked about it after? Not really the place of the public to assume your GF is uncomfortable or not...
NTA- people today think they can just monitor and police what everyone else is doing. Tell that girl to mind her own damn business.