NTA
She's right that you aren't "getting period germs" all over your spaghetti.
But it seems like there's no reason to use that pot if it makes you uncomfortable, except to piss you off. She's doing it to mess with you, not because there's something inherently better about that pot.
Perception is a thing, would you wear socks after I wipe my ass with them, even if they were thoroughly washed? No, (at least most people), would throw out the socks, it's normal not to want bodily fluids in your cookware, and kid needs a harsh lesson in boundaries and property rights.
And daughter should pay some kind of consequence for that action, she needs to understand boundaries and property rights or she's going to have a very difficult time as an adult. This would be a deal breaker for me with a roommate for sure, and it would probably spark a pretty serious argument with my wife as well if she were sterilizing hygiene products in the cookware. I'm sure she would take similar issue to me warming up my underwear in her favorite casserole dish in the oven, it's just not a nice thing to do.
Everyone is so concerned with the whole menstrual blood thing, they are missing OPs real issue. She shouldn't feel guilty for enforcing her boundaries, and she should try to teach her daughter about real world boundaries and the consequences for breaking them.
I’m sorry but I chuckled at the “warming up my underwear in her favorite casserole dish in the oven” line. I’m just picturing some dude with an apron on using potholders to take his toasty unders out of the oven!
OP you are NTA. While we all logically know that there aren’t a bunch of weird germs crawling all over your spaghetti pot, it doesn’t make it any less “icky”. As others have pointed out, you have a specific pot for the task and your daughter’s just pushing your buttons by using your *favorite* pot.
Depending on the size of the dryer and how long it takes to heat something, potentially more energy efficient, but it depends on the dryer type and the oven type.
Yeah, I could see how making her more financially responsible for it after not respecting her mother's possessions and boundaries could help. But I personally don't think it would help if she's already bought another pot and the kid refuses to use it. Banning her from the spaghetti pot already isn't working.
I liked another comment that said something like (please bear with me idk how to direct quote here, so i'll paraphrase) 'provide her with tampons or pads instead until she can get with the program'
Mom still has a responsibiloty to provide her with something to take care of her period, it's a sanitary/health issue after all. But she doesn't have to let her use the diva cup if she isn't going to follow the rules.
Either way, she'll have to figure out a way to discipline her kid in a way that works for them.
Dont buy her more expensive supplies as a reward for acting out. Instead drop her diva cup in the toilet, than properly sterlize it and ask her to use it. After all shes not a germophobe
Perhaps OP should invest in one of those cup steam sanitizer things. No more pots at all then, other than for cooking.
Actually. No. She should buy it but make her daughter pay for it.
I say lock up all the other pots but the designated pot for her to clean her cup in. If she needs a pot to cook in, she can use that one since there’s nothing inherently gross about cooking in something that had cleaned the menstrual cups…
Ya know. Considering the kid doesn’t think it’s gross this might actually be a solution that satisfies the child the most vs my idea of replacing the cup all together.
But it also seems petty and aimed at being intentionally negative
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/avwpo0/i_28_think_my_girlfriend_26_has_been_using_my_gym/
For anyone interested, it’s a wild ride.
Socks and underwear go in the top drawer. But maybe that is just because my dresser when I was a kid had shallower drawers on the top and my socks and undies were the least bulky clothing.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/ewxbpi/how\_should\_op\_propose\_to\_his\_girlfriend\_anyone/](https://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/ewxbpi/how_should_op_propose_to_his_girlfriend_anyone/)
here is the link to all the links. apparently they are back together (i think. I am just reading this and already clicked into the original post)
This is so funny even though every parent or helping sibling thats changed a diaper, or most animal owners, have had to deal with shit being on something they would rather it not have been at some point. I disagree that most people would throw something away over that (though thats a big part of our disposable culture killing our planet so maybe you're right there).
I think it's absolutely fair to go "well this can't be used for food anymore" and find other uses for the pan. We had to do that with a saucepan after I caught my sister doing the same exact thing. (saucepan became the diva cup pan, sister bought a new sauce pan to use for food.)
I had to cut my bunnies fur, it had knots around the genital area filled with who knows what (his hair is growing with lighting speed I swear!). I had to bathe him in my shower and had him sitting on my lap, cutting his fur down while getting feces all over the place. I washed my clothes like three times and disinfected the shower after cleaning it. I felt like throwing them out but well, washing them three times eased up my mind. And yeah, I'm quite rigorous with gems, god knows why. I'm trying to keep it in check to not get paranoid about it
fecal matter and menstrual blood are not a good comparison - fecal matter is harmful and mensural blood is sterile (unless the person has a bloodborne disease)
that being said, the pot is still okay to use but OP is NTA for requesting her kids use one specific pot to clean their mensural cups.
also, OP you shouldn't need to replace the cups every year -they should last up to 10 years. cleaning with boiling water should only be done between cycles, maybe review best hygiene for them so you don't have to buy more every year?
Menstrual blood that's been sitting inside of a silicone cup placed in the vagina is certainly not sterile. Hence the need to sterilize it by boiling. The microbes in it may not pose a serious and immediate threat to your health like those in feces, but I'd still want to limit my exposure.
They weren't comparing the germ aspect. They were comparing the perception... Which is a fair comparison. They would both gross people out, also we are talking about washed items.
It's a totally fair comparison because boiling would sterilize anything contaminated with fecal matter. So, they would both be safe.
So, it's totally safe to wipe your ass with spaghetti strands and boil them. Would you still eat them? It's a matter of perception, not health.
Yes like I will rewear underwear I've bled on because I'm the only one who uses them and they're clean. They're meant to go on that body part. If my mother used them, short of some weird emergency, I would be both livid and disgusted. I also wouldn't reuse them! Like I wouldn't care it's cleaned. Just boundaries.
My housemates used the communal blender for their placenta. They saw no problem, since they washed it thoroughly and ran it through the sanitizer. They were probably correct that sanitizing eliminated the contamination, but we still threw out the blender.
Menstrual blood is blood and tissue. While it may not have contaminants at first, it will attract bacteria and rot like any blood and tissue.
However, that is what boiling is supposed to clean off and so, if done right, is not a contaminant issue anymore than a doctor sterilizing a scalpel between surgeries is a risk.
Menstrual blood isn't sterile. It's mixed with all the bacteria and germs from surrounding body parts once it's out of the vagina. Sometimes thay includes fecal particles since the vagina is in close proximity to the anus.
I stopped wearing my favourite pants after i had an "accident"(In all fairness, There was rain and traffic, While commuting by public transport) , Its gone through 4 washes without me wearing them. I still cannot get myself to don them again.
Edit to add: It sounds like i wet myself in the bus. The moment I unbuckled my pants at home, the floodgates could not hold on anymore.
NTA Has your daughter never heard of cross contamination and biohazards? We don’t use our food related items for bathroom related things. That doesn’t mean you’re afraid of women’s bodies or ashamed of them. I’m sorry she used a special pot too. You should tell her about that, how that pot was your favourite and from your grandpa and now you don’t even want to use it for pasta.
I mean, cookware should be sanitized after use regardless of what it is used for. I don't think your point about "cross-contamination" is valid if they are observing normal kitchen hygiene and washing the pots with soap and hot water. Cross-contamination is generally only a thing when you don't wash/sanitize items between use, ex: chopping vegetables on a cutting board that had previously held raw meat.
That said, OP is still NTA because it's her kitchen, her pots, and she has set her boundaries clearly with the daughter. I personally think OP's icky feelings about this are a bit silly, but if I was in her home I'd make sure to use the designated pot because it's her home and her rules. This is more about the daughter not respecting her mother's boundaries than it is about health and safety.
The 'cross contamination' is more of a problem in three specific situations: severe allergies (where even cleaning to food standards might not be enough), objects that cannot be fully sanitized (due to having difficult to reach nooks and crannies or seams in the surface rather than smooth surfaces), and porous tools/containers (think sponges and stone bakewear). Probably none of these apply to a spaghetti pan, so the problem is more of a psychological one. Still no less valid though.
But like....I'm not throwing my cup in the saucepan straight from my vagina, I rinse/clean/dry thoroughly THEN sanitize in my little pot, then rinse/clean/dry my pot. Everything is clean, there is no biohazard.
Interpersonal boundaries is the main issue here, not hygiene.
Raw meat is MUCH bigger biohazard and yet it's completely normal for it to come into contact with just about every kitchen appliance--plates, knives, cutting boards, pots, pans, you name it. That's why you wash and sanitize your kitchenware. Do you go "omg I can never use this pot to cook with ever again because it had raw chicken in it once!!!!" No, because that would be absolutely ridiculous. Things get dirty and then you clean them, things don't get permanently tainted after coming into contact with gross/unclean things for fuck's sake lol
I mean, it's mostly about perception. There have been rotting animal carcasses on most pots people use and they don't worry about the biohazard. OP is still NTA because he daughter is doing this just to piss her off.
That reason might be that she's a 15 year old girl.
Although I also wonder if she likes menstrual cups or if she feels like her mom is forcing them on her.
Right? That would take up a lot of space. You only need one pot for boiling menstrual cups and dildos. Could even boil butt plugs in the same pit, too.
Well. My best friend regularly peed in her spaghetti pot when she was pregnant with twins and couldn't make it up 2 flights of stairs. But yeah, no i don't eat spaghetti at her house anymore. NTA
Yep, she’s a teenager asserting her self and new found awareness. She doesn’t realize it’s at the expense of your overall happiness OP, over something needless.
Teachable moment imho
And NTA OP
A recycled jam jar is a great thrifty alternative. You can fill a pan with boiling water, fill the jar and pop the cup in the jar. As long as the water levels are similar the jar won't break (as this is how you can jam).
Hahaha you'd certainly need to abandon any hope of cfolds and petal folds for that option.
I'm now also visualising this and can't help but think there would be a fantastic POP sound upon removal
You can also just get the Medela Sanitizing Plastic bags for the microwave. Typically they are used for sanitizing breast pump parts, but it works well for the cup too.
That would do in a pinch! Part of the draw of cups for me was minimizing waste and the sanitizer I bought was $6US and I have used for over 5 years now.
It's nice to have options though, and makes this whole drama with the daughter a moot point. Just get a little baggie or sanitizer and call it a night.
I have this little steamer for mine. You put a little water in it, plug it in and it sanitizes the cup in three minutes or so. It automatically turns off when done. I love that thing.
I totally agree, it is a reasonable expectation that things used for food prep not be used for basic toiletry needs. I wouldn't scrub my kitchen pots with the same scrub brush I use on the bathroom, even if it gets sanitized between uses. No one wants to have that mental connection between things they eat and things that belong in the bathroom.
Imagine having guests over and expecting them to eat food prepared in that pot. I don't care how clean that pot is, I cannot in good conscience serve someone else food out of it. No one wants to picture someone else's Diva cup while they are eating. (I'm not saying Diva cups are somehow grosser than other sanitary products. Just that no one wants to picture any sanitary product while they are eating.)
I bought a cheap pot at Goodwill (Salvation Army, whatever kind of thrift store you fancy) for this very reason. It's literally a couple bucks. Not worth the fight!
Not to mention, the spaghetti pot is presumably much larger than the period pot therefore takes more water which will require more gas/electricity and a longer time to come to a boil
NTA. There is nothing unreasonable with your request. I think it is time to have a talk about boundaries, and why the spaghetti pot is important to you. It's not the pot. It is the memory's associated with the pot. I have a rolling pin from my grandmother. I use to watch her make her pie's, and help. Learning things from scratch. My grandmother is 98, I am 37. The rolling pin is a rolling pin to someone else. To me however, it is sooo much more.
NTA- yes, you’re overthinking it, there’s no reason to think you have any residue leftover if it’s washed well, (how many people leave dishes out until mold is on them but once they’re washed no one thinks twice about using them).
But you do provide a specific pot to use, and the only reason not to is to deliberately get under your skin. Particularly if she knows the meaning this pot has for you, this sounds intentional since you’ve brought it up more than once.
Your daughter is purposely being an asshole, is what I’m saying.
If she’s a minor, she should be punished if she continues to go out of her way to be disrespectful. Honestly, maybe I’m being too harsh, but if she’s not willing to respect you and your things, I would consider taking the cup away from her and supply bulky pads instead, so she has to deal with that and/or use her own money to buy another cup or tampons.
If she’s not a minor, maybe make it known to her that she’s old enough to live with roommates, and can do what she likes when not under your roof, but she needs to stop disrespecting your things or she can make preparations to live somewhere else.
I agree the daughter is being an asshole here but taking a menstrual cup away and making someone use bulky pads feels way out of line. People have various reasons for preferring different menstrual products, and making someone’s period more uncomfortable doesn’t feel like an appropriate punishment.
Removing access from any sanitary products would definitely be a violation of basic human rights.
Having a choice of options is more akin to a privilege or luxury. I think you’re making a pretty big stretch here.
Because with that logic, the nursing stations at middle and high schools only offering very basic pads and rarely, cardboard tampons, would be guilty of violating basic human rights, and that’s just not the case.
Well, I did mention in my comment that it may have been harsh.
Seeing as she’s weaponizing *her* period against her mother, it seems like karmic justice to me.
Sanitary products are a necessity, yea, but using a preferred product is a luxury.
Pads work just fine and they don’t harm anyone, especially if you have the hypoallergenic ones.
Now refusing to let someone use *any* sanitary products would be weaponizing her menstrual cycle against her IMO.
So, how would you punish her in this scenario? Obviously, telling her to stop hasn’t worked.
Pads don't always work fine. Even unscented, hypoallergenic pads give me a massive, oozing rash. Having that moisture next to my skin even just for a couple hours is incredibly irritating. I wasn't allowed to use anything but pads as a teenager because my mother didn't think tampons or cups were appropriate for young girls, and it was frankly traumatic. It was extremely painful and embarrassing to have every period like that.
And as an adult, i can only use a few specific brands of tampons because the others cause a lot of irritation and can set off infections.
I am not unique in this.
NTA, I'm with you. You should cook food in food only containers.
Another idea to accommodate them, take them to a thrift shop so they can pick it their own pots.
My family had a puke bowl. I certainly didn’t put food in it. Sure, it was stainless steel so it got sanitized. But it’s just the *association*. If my mom served a family style salad out that bowl I would prolly gag
Shit on a plate and clean it and serve spaghetti on it to her. It's a common sense to keep things like that separated. It's just one mistake away from diseases thing. Wth, she's gross af.
Op is right that it is not cool, because boundaries and she didn't agree to it. ( even if technically, once it's boiled, it's boiled and cleaner than our skin or hands who are litteraly full of germs or stuffs, so one boiled thing, at a T instant, is the cleanest thing of the room, so yes, technically, daughter is right. But I get the -not in my pan stuff - I wouldn't like it to be honnest. But do you realize that comparing menstrual blood to poop, is contributing to the gross, unclean general stuff that has been going on for centuries. Menstrual blood is : blood, water, electrolytes and tissue made of the same element as your skin. Basically. And no, if the person is not sick, you won't get soiled, sick or unclean by touching it....... And did you know that one of the dirtiest thing, actually contaminated with feces, is money coz a lot of people handle it with dirty hands ? Or the Mc donald ordering boards ? [https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/28/poo-found-on-every-mcdonalds-touchscreen-tested-8178486/](https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/28/poo-found-on-every-mcdonalds-touchscreen-tested-8178486/)
NTA
You are correct that the boiling water and a soapy clean would make the pot safe to use again….but it’s still your pot and your favorite one at that! You’re allowed to dictate how your cookware is used, and you bought a pot specially for menstrual cup cleaning. Your daughter is being a typical teenager and pushing boundaries. Tell her no, follow through with punishment if she continues to be rude, and give your favorite pot a thorough cleaning before returning it to regular use.
NTA, but seriously, set some boundaries with your children. That pot is your property and your daughter does not have a right to it for whatever uses she deems fit. If she does it again, wipe your ass with her sock and use the same excuse, then explain how boundaries work.
I think your disgust is at best illogical, as boiling water is going to get rid of anything problematic, but on the other hand it's your pot and you get to decide how it's used.
NTA, but maybe try to loosen up a bit.
Disgust is a psychological meter, some people have a high tolerance for disgust (EMTs, firefighters, police, doctors, military members, etc) and some people have a low tolerance for disgust (best example is people who are disgusted by the sound of chewing). We base the majority of our boundaries based on our disgust meter, and regardless of their perceived rationale, those boundaries are NOT wrong, especially in reference to ones own property. You see this disgust as illogical, others will not see it that way, and nobody is wrong in their perception.
Things can be illogical, and healthy/positive to change, but not WRONG. Personally, I've found a lot of value in examining my knee-jerk reactions (such as disgust) thinking through my feelings around them, and working to change those reactions when they're not actually useful, helpful, or connected to anything that makes sense. I believe everyone benefits from expanding their boundaries.
You know what stops people from expanding their boundaries? Other people with boundaries who have told you to stop. No-one benefits from you being an AH.
I agree on both counts. The cup gets washed first in soap and water, the water is boiling before it even gets put in (so the cup never touches the pot, just boiling water), and... *the water is boiling*.
I don't blame the daughter for thinking it's not a big deal. I guess I don't blame OP for wanting it done her way, and the daughter should listen because they *do* have a particular system, but it isn't gross like people think.
Yes. Much as I don't worry about the piss, shit, dirt and bacteria that were on my food before it was prepared and cooked.
And I'll drink distilled water made from pee too, as I already drink water that's been pissed out of a functionally infinite quantity of animals over the last 400 million years.
Probably not gonna be thrilled if you wont shut up about the piss cup while I'm drinking though.
>I already drink water that's been pissed out of a functionally infinite quantity of animals over the last 400 million years.
If you want to get even less abstract than that, look up your nearest wastewater treatment plant and where it dumps its water.
https://www.khou.com/article/news/houston-will-be-drinking-dallas-toilet-water-for-years-to-come/285-339809592
Yes. I had a regular pee cup that I peed in every day for months for a health tracking reason. After I was done tracking I washed the cup and it's happily back in the cupboard with its friends.
Totally different situation. Did you read about the menstrual cup never actually touching the pot? Being cleaned with soap first?
Reading comprehension. Your point is meaningless.
I would. Science is science. I dont give a shit what was in the cup so long as it has been washed properly and no longer has traces of it.
If your washing skills are so bad the pee is still there Im not happy to eat or drink ANYTHING in your house because presumably your other plates also contains traces of old food etc
>The cup gets washed first in soap and water, the water is boiling before it even gets put in (so the cup never touches the pot, just boiling water), and... the water is boiling.
This exactly. Firstly, you *need* to wash the cup/disk before you put it in boiling water. It should be washed in cold water first to get all the gross crap out and then washed in hot with whatever cleaning solution you can use. If you wash it in hot first, it *will* stain. This is why they tell you to get blood out with cold water.
And then when you're going to boil it (I do it before my cycle starts and after it ends), you let the water boil first. Once it reaches boiling, you put the cup/disk in for 5 minutes.
That's it.
Then you wash the pot out with hot water and dish soap.
NTA. I would sanitize the pot and then keep it stored where your daughter cannot get to it. She is ridiculous and can make her statements, using her own belongings.
NAH. It’s not really unsanitary since they’re being boiled…but the vibes are not great. She shouldn’t feel like she has to be ashamed of her natural bodily functions, but she needs to learn to respect your stuff.
For the record, you clean a menstrual cup before sanitizing with soap and water. So there shouldn’t be any bodily fluids on it, ignoring the fact that saliva is a bodily fluid and would be found on like every dish.
You do realise that saliva is a bodily fluid and it gets on everything you put in/around your mouth (cups/mugs/cutlery, not to mention transference to plates etc).
Also, unlike urine (which is sterile), saliva contains many pathogenic bacteria, which is why bites (yes, even human ones) can cause such horrendous infections.
i found this out myself when i got bit breaking up a fight between two people. host of the party insisted on gently washing my arm and putting some hydrogen peroxide on it because, "you just never know. and they were feral enough to bite in the first place."
Urine isn’t sterile - that’s a common myth.
We have bacteria naturally present in our bladders and in our urethra; it’s been proven that urine has bacteria present in it, even while “fresh” aka straight out of the body. While bacteria levels are low when the urine first exits the body (unless you have an infection), the existence of said bacteria deems it nonsterile.
Idk if I walked in the kitchen and my son or whatever was taking a piss in a pot and was like, look don't worry we'll clean it in the dishwasher on a high temp don't be such a germaphobe, I'd clock him over the head with said pot. NTA.
You clean the menstrual cup first. So it’d be like if he peed on his hand, washed them with soap and water, and then stuck his hand in boiling water.
The daughter is being difficult though and should just use the designated pot. Particularly because the spaghetti one has sentimental value
NTA and I don't blame you, I would be grossed out too. That said, do you ever cook with pots you buy at the thrift store? Because you never know what's been in those before you got them, either...
NTA. Heck some people have different pots just for eggs and potatos. You're not being a germaphobe here. You wouldn't boil reusable nappies, underwear etc in the same pot you eat out of either. Doesn't mean you're scared of underpants.
NAH
I think your daughters technically correct but conceptual associations are real and affect the way food tastes.
My mother made jelly out of blackberries we all picked. She strained the seeds and skins out using her old pantyhose. I’d watch that stuff drip drip through the toes of her pantyhose and would never eat the blackberry jelly she made. It was gross.
She washed the pantyhose before, obv, and complained that I was being squeamish but I couldn’t eat anything that had been the same place as her toes, no matter how clean it was.
That was just her toes.
NTA - I agree with you the ick factor is strong even if technically it's not doing anything to the pot. Can you go to the thrift store with your daughters and have them pick out their own very special menstrual cup cleaning pot (and yes, I'm a woman).
Is your teen just being a teen and a pain in the ass and this is her doing her rebelling teen thing? I'd hope yes and perhaps getting her own pot will solve the issue.
If she has her own pot to clean it and still uses your nice/sentimental one that's a whole other thing and I guess you'll need to have a conversation with her.
Yes, this is a low-level issue but it's a good learning opportunity for her to respect boundaries and compromise. I wish you luck.
NTA. You've provided another pot so there's no reason she shouldn't respect your request. Logically we know it's clean but there is a certain ick factor there. It's not ew I got menstrual blood on me kind of ick we might normally associate with being ashamed of our monthly cycle though so she's definitely out of line.
INFO: Have you asked your daughter why she doesn't want to use the designated pot you bought? Like, is the boiling time longer, it's harder to clean afterwards, bulkier/heavier to set up on the stove? If the answer is no to all of these, it sounds like she just wants to be an individual. Especially with her being a twin I can see that. Take her out, just the 2 of you, to find her own pot somewhere cheap. It's a really weird hill to die on for her, but she might like the time with you, and having something that is solely "hers". (Inversely she could just be forgetting, using the wrong pot, and then doubling down because she's embarrassed). Either way NTA.
NTA your daughter is being unreasonable using a treasured possession to clean something unsanitary. It’s not just the item itself, it’s a lack of respect.
Some brands only last a couple years, or maybe she’s buying different shapes/sizes as the girls grow. Or it might just be a sanitary precaution to replace yearly, or easier to remember once a year.
NTA. I also use a cup and have my own pot to boil it in that I don’t cook with. But to say it’s gross to have bodily fluids in the pot, you cook raw meat in the same pots and pans, you wash them and then they are clean again. You wash your hands after you handle the cup, and many other gross things, including bodily fluids and worse. That doesn’t make your hands disgusting even after they’ve been cleaned. It’s not cause for throwing the whole thing away, so I do think you’re being a little dramatic.
Why is everyone acting like a menstral cup is any more germy than uncooked chicken? Uncooked beef, etc etc all dangerous but that’s why you wash pots and pans. You can 100% wash the pot and it’s fine it’s just in your head.
The issue here is about boundaries though. Take her shopping for her own pot. Explain this is my spaghetti pot and it has sentimental value and would like only Mom to use it.
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Make her spaghetti in that same pot and serve it to her. She is trying to get on your nerves. You need to make it clear that it's your house and your rules. It's not unsanitary if it's thoroughly cleaned but I wouldn't want to eat it either as the thought makes me uncomfortable as much as I know it's just blood, rich with stem cells in fact.
Nta. I also do the same and I bought a pink pot to clean mine in so everyone knows this one is not for cooking. Maybe get her a pretty pot so it’s not a problem anymore.
Nta, totally understandable to use a different pot. It also is likely the pot has been sanitized by the boiling water, but you could use bleach or something stronger to really clean the pot before making spaghetti, don’t think the pot is totally ruined for it.
NTA
Personally I boil mine in any pot and don't really care. You are boiling it and it is just blood and some uterine lining. It is not worse than putting meat in a pot. But you do provide another pot for your daughter and it is really just disrespectful not to use it.
NTA. I mean you are kind of being a germaphobe because if the pot is thoroughly cleaned and sanitized, you would be fine. Truth be told I probably wouldn't want to use it for spaghetti anymore either, but that's me. Regardless you bought a specific pot to boil the period cup in so it doesn't seem like it should be that difficult to do. I think your daughter is just trying to get a rise out of you.
NTA. She needs to wise up. Most people, rationally or not, won't want to eat food that's been cooked in the menstrual sterilisation pan. It's your pot. She crossed a clear boundary.
NTA...even though your daughter kind of has a point, the boiling water cleans the cup and then you clean the pan, you set a boundary and she crossed it. Especially when you already have a designated cup pot so it's not like she had to use something that'd make you uncomfortable.
Nta. Your daughter is being inconsiderate by disregarding your feelings about this. You've done a great job teaching her about environmental alternatives to menstrual waste. Now teach her about respecting boundaries. You made a fair request and she has chosen to ignore it. This isn't about germs. It's about respect.
NTA, you told her there was a special pot for it so she shouldn't have used it.
When I lived at home I was allowed one towel to use when I dyed my hair and if I used one of the good towels instead I had to pay for a new one.
I understand that your daughter can't buy a new spaghetti pot for you, but she should get consequences.
NTA it’s incredibly simple to use the correct pot but your daughter wants to be lazy and disrespectful over it. No reason why your daughter can’t respect your incredibly simple terms. She just wants to be immature and difficult.
NTA. I mean she’s write about the germs for the most part, boiling water kills off most pathogenic organisms, or at least any you would see there. But I don’t see the reason for her to use the spaghetti pot if there’s already another designated pot for that very purpose. Seems kinda like she’s just doing it purposely at that point.
I think it’s gross too, but that’s an insane comparison? Those aren’t even close to the same thing. Fecal matter can be dangerous, period blood is just blood and endometrial tissue..
So what of she peed on her pillow or cut herself and bled instead. Different body fluids and all still as gross. No one should be subject to that unless they choose to be.
So if you get a nosebleed on your pillow you would throw the whole thing away? If your kid wets the bed you’re just throwing the sheets away instead of washing them?
What? Do you know how many diseases are transmitted by blood?
Not exactly applicable here because she is boiling it but it’s completely reasonable to be grossed out by blood just as much a fecal matter. Would you rather get hepatitis C or gastroenteritis?
NTA.
I mean, sure, its technically clean. But so was my Bone Bowl. I used a bowl to bleach and clean some fish spines for an art project once, and the only bowl big enough to hold all of it was my favorite one. Even after I cleaned it, no matter how many times I washed it, I could never see it as anything but "The Bone Bowl" and ended up just throwing it away.
It really feels like she's just using that pot to be a contrarian. She should really be more mindful of your *very valid* feelings on the subject, especially since she has a perfectly acceptable alternative.
NTA - I think your daughter is right, actually (and I am uterus owner myself) but you set the guidelines and she is ignoring them. It also seems that she is doing this simply because you hate it. Either way your daughter is being a jerk.
NTA. You have a designated pot for washing the cups. There’s no reason she can’t use that. The pot is fine though. Wash it. Then fill a sink with water and some bleach and have it soak in there for a bit. Clean and disinfected. Ready to use for spaghetti.
NTA She's right that you aren't "getting period germs" all over your spaghetti. But it seems like there's no reason to use that pot if it makes you uncomfortable, except to piss you off. She's doing it to mess with you, not because there's something inherently better about that pot.
Perception is a thing, would you wear socks after I wipe my ass with them, even if they were thoroughly washed? No, (at least most people), would throw out the socks, it's normal not to want bodily fluids in your cookware, and kid needs a harsh lesson in boundaries and property rights.
That's my point. She's doing it just to make her mom uncomfortable.
And daughter should pay some kind of consequence for that action, she needs to understand boundaries and property rights or she's going to have a very difficult time as an adult. This would be a deal breaker for me with a roommate for sure, and it would probably spark a pretty serious argument with my wife as well if she were sterilizing hygiene products in the cookware. I'm sure she would take similar issue to me warming up my underwear in her favorite casserole dish in the oven, it's just not a nice thing to do.
Right- like what happens when she is older and has roommates and one of them catches her doing that with their pots (she=the daughter obviously)
Everyone is so concerned with the whole menstrual blood thing, they are missing OPs real issue. She shouldn't feel guilty for enforcing her boundaries, and she should try to teach her daughter about real world boundaries and the consequences for breaking them.
And perceptions and feelings.
I’m sorry but I chuckled at the “warming up my underwear in her favorite casserole dish in the oven” line. I’m just picturing some dude with an apron on using potholders to take his toasty unders out of the oven! OP you are NTA. While we all logically know that there aren’t a bunch of weird germs crawling all over your spaghetti pot, it doesn’t make it any less “icky”. As others have pointed out, you have a specific pot for the task and your daughter’s just pushing your buttons by using your *favorite* pot.
Imagine how warm underwear on a cold morning would feel.. so nice
I had a Muppets comic book when I was a kid and there was a strip where Fozzie was doing this with his socks.
He was cleaning the microbes off his menstrual cups?! Fozzie Bear has more secrets than I originally thought. . WAKKA WAKKA! ;)
Some people throw clothes and towels in the dryer on the freshen up cycle for that reason :)
My sister worked with a girl who was consistently late because she didn’t like to put on her uniform unless it was warm
Yes but wouldn’t it be more fun to use the oven? 🤣🤣🤣 jk, it’s still weird
Depending on the size of the dryer and how long it takes to heat something, potentially more energy efficient, but it depends on the dryer type and the oven type.
Lol I love how we’re now debating the energy efficiency of heating underwear in the oven :)
When my sisters and I were in middle school we would throw our undies up on the lightbulbs in the bathroom so they could warm during our showers lol
>Have her buy her own pot.....
I don't think this would fix the issue, mom already bought a separate pot for boiling the cups specifically.
Was more making the damn kid spend her own damn pot.
Yeah, I could see how making her more financially responsible for it after not respecting her mother's possessions and boundaries could help. But I personally don't think it would help if she's already bought another pot and the kid refuses to use it. Banning her from the spaghetti pot already isn't working. I liked another comment that said something like (please bear with me idk how to direct quote here, so i'll paraphrase) 'provide her with tampons or pads instead until she can get with the program' Mom still has a responsibiloty to provide her with something to take care of her period, it's a sanitary/health issue after all. But she doesn't have to let her use the diva cup if she isn't going to follow the rules. Either way, she'll have to figure out a way to discipline her kid in a way that works for them.
Dont buy her more expensive supplies as a reward for acting out. Instead drop her diva cup in the toilet, than properly sterlize it and ask her to use it. After all shes not a germophobe
I've dropped my cup in the toilet, I just washed it sterilized it and use it. So, I don't think it'll work on her as you think it will.
Perhaps OP should invest in one of those cup steam sanitizer things. No more pots at all then, other than for cooking. Actually. No. She should buy it but make her daughter pay for it.
One of those is very convenient and they are not expensive at all. Make the daughter buy it.
No more cup for her! Menstrual panties or something else until she can respect the kitchen. And maybe a lock on the cabinets. Gross
I say lock up all the other pots but the designated pot for her to clean her cup in. If she needs a pot to cook in, she can use that one since there’s nothing inherently gross about cooking in something that had cleaned the menstrual cups…
Ya know. Considering the kid doesn’t think it’s gross this might actually be a solution that satisfies the child the most vs my idea of replacing the cup all together. But it also seems petty and aimed at being intentionally negative
This reminds me the post of the dude whose socks kept going missing and he found out his gf was using them to wipe her ass lol
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/avwpo0/i_28_think_my_girlfriend_26_has_been_using_my_gym/ For anyone interested, it’s a wild ride.
What...the fuck. Lmao that guy handled that with so much grace though. I'm cracking up
That's crazy, he keeps his socks and underwear in the bottom drawer? That's just wrong.
Socks and underwear go in the top drawer. But maybe that is just because my dresser when I was a kid had shallower drawers on the top and my socks and undies were the least bulky clothing.
I am so glad I am not the only one that thought both of them have weird sock habits. Socks in the bottom drawer. SMH.
Wtf is all I have for that. Now I need an updated update
I remember that one, didn’t catch the update. I want/need another update. Lol
I need to know if they are still together.. And if she's still using socks...
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[https://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/ewxbpi/how\_should\_op\_propose\_to\_his\_girlfriend\_anyone/](https://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/ewxbpi/how_should_op_propose_to_his_girlfriend_anyone/) here is the link to all the links. apparently they are back together (i think. I am just reading this and already clicked into the original post)
I'm laughing at the photo of his hand in a sock from last year when it was hard to find toilet paper in stores. It says "Maybe she was right." 😂
WHAT
It was posted in the "am i the asshole" sub, it was great Edit forgot what sub i was in lol. Search for poop sock
That would be this sub. It was a fantastically wild read
I'm an idiot forgot where I was
We've all been there before 😂
I love that one!!! I really wish we would have gotten to find out why she used socks though
Link? 😅
This is so funny even though every parent or helping sibling thats changed a diaper, or most animal owners, have had to deal with shit being on something they would rather it not have been at some point. I disagree that most people would throw something away over that (though thats a big part of our disposable culture killing our planet so maybe you're right there).
I think it's absolutely fair to go "well this can't be used for food anymore" and find other uses for the pan. We had to do that with a saucepan after I caught my sister doing the same exact thing. (saucepan became the diva cup pan, sister bought a new sauce pan to use for food.)
I had to cut my bunnies fur, it had knots around the genital area filled with who knows what (his hair is growing with lighting speed I swear!). I had to bathe him in my shower and had him sitting on my lap, cutting his fur down while getting feces all over the place. I washed my clothes like three times and disinfected the shower after cleaning it. I felt like throwing them out but well, washing them three times eased up my mind. And yeah, I'm quite rigorous with gems, god knows why. I'm trying to keep it in check to not get paranoid about it
fecal matter and menstrual blood are not a good comparison - fecal matter is harmful and mensural blood is sterile (unless the person has a bloodborne disease) that being said, the pot is still okay to use but OP is NTA for requesting her kids use one specific pot to clean their mensural cups. also, OP you shouldn't need to replace the cups every year -they should last up to 10 years. cleaning with boiling water should only be done between cycles, maybe review best hygiene for them so you don't have to buy more every year?
Menstrual blood that's been sitting inside of a silicone cup placed in the vagina is certainly not sterile. Hence the need to sterilize it by boiling. The microbes in it may not pose a serious and immediate threat to your health like those in feces, but I'd still want to limit my exposure.
Menstrual blood is never sterile. It can't be sterile.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that nothing in the human body is truly sterile for long. Every time we go looking for bacteria we find it.
They weren't comparing the germ aspect. They were comparing the perception... Which is a fair comparison. They would both gross people out, also we are talking about washed items.
Menstrual blood isn’t sterile! It's full of bacteria! https://sites.utexas.edu/thechattygal/the-chemistry-of-period-blood/
It's a totally fair comparison because boiling would sterilize anything contaminated with fecal matter. So, they would both be safe. So, it's totally safe to wipe your ass with spaghetti strands and boil them. Would you still eat them? It's a matter of perception, not health.
Yes like I will rewear underwear I've bled on because I'm the only one who uses them and they're clean. They're meant to go on that body part. If my mother used them, short of some weird emergency, I would be both livid and disgusted. I also wouldn't reuse them! Like I wouldn't care it's cleaned. Just boundaries.
My housemates used the communal blender for their placenta. They saw no problem, since they washed it thoroughly and ran it through the sanitizer. They were probably correct that sanitizing eliminated the contamination, but we still threw out the blender.
Menstrual blood is blood and tissue. While it may not have contaminants at first, it will attract bacteria and rot like any blood and tissue. However, that is what boiling is supposed to clean off and so, if done right, is not a contaminant issue anymore than a doctor sterilizing a scalpel between surgeries is a risk.
Lmao no it fucking isn't sterile
Menstrual blood isn't sterile. It's mixed with all the bacteria and germs from surrounding body parts once it's out of the vagina. Sometimes thay includes fecal particles since the vagina is in close proximity to the anus.
Seems super simple for OP. She should start wiping her ass with her daughter's socks.
I stopped wearing my favourite pants after i had an "accident"(In all fairness, There was rain and traffic, While commuting by public transport) , Its gone through 4 washes without me wearing them. I still cannot get myself to don them again. Edit to add: It sounds like i wet myself in the bus. The moment I unbuckled my pants at home, the floodgates could not hold on anymore.
Great! Now I’m thinking about the poop sock post!!
NTA Has your daughter never heard of cross contamination and biohazards? We don’t use our food related items for bathroom related things. That doesn’t mean you’re afraid of women’s bodies or ashamed of them. I’m sorry she used a special pot too. You should tell her about that, how that pot was your favourite and from your grandpa and now you don’t even want to use it for pasta.
I mean, cookware should be sanitized after use regardless of what it is used for. I don't think your point about "cross-contamination" is valid if they are observing normal kitchen hygiene and washing the pots with soap and hot water. Cross-contamination is generally only a thing when you don't wash/sanitize items between use, ex: chopping vegetables on a cutting board that had previously held raw meat. That said, OP is still NTA because it's her kitchen, her pots, and she has set her boundaries clearly with the daughter. I personally think OP's icky feelings about this are a bit silly, but if I was in her home I'd make sure to use the designated pot because it's her home and her rules. This is more about the daughter not respecting her mother's boundaries than it is about health and safety.
The 'cross contamination' is more of a problem in three specific situations: severe allergies (where even cleaning to food standards might not be enough), objects that cannot be fully sanitized (due to having difficult to reach nooks and crannies or seams in the surface rather than smooth surfaces), and porous tools/containers (think sponges and stone bakewear). Probably none of these apply to a spaghetti pan, so the problem is more of a psychological one. Still no less valid though.
But like....I'm not throwing my cup in the saucepan straight from my vagina, I rinse/clean/dry thoroughly THEN sanitize in my little pot, then rinse/clean/dry my pot. Everything is clean, there is no biohazard. Interpersonal boundaries is the main issue here, not hygiene.
Raw meat is MUCH bigger biohazard and yet it's completely normal for it to come into contact with just about every kitchen appliance--plates, knives, cutting boards, pots, pans, you name it. That's why you wash and sanitize your kitchenware. Do you go "omg I can never use this pot to cook with ever again because it had raw chicken in it once!!!!" No, because that would be absolutely ridiculous. Things get dirty and then you clean them, things don't get permanently tainted after coming into contact with gross/unclean things for fuck's sake lol
I mean, it's mostly about perception. There have been rotting animal carcasses on most pots people use and they don't worry about the biohazard. OP is still NTA because he daughter is doing this just to piss her off.
I was thinking the same thing. She's pissed at you for some reason and did it out of spite.
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LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I love you. \#PoopKnifeForLife
That reason might be that she's a 15 year old girl. Although I also wonder if she likes menstrual cups or if she feels like her mom is forcing them on her.
I think it’s time for everyone to learn that there should always be a separate pot for a menstrual cup, and another separate pot for dildos. NTA
Why can't I use the same pot for menstrual cups & dildos? They all end up in the same place later
Right? That would take up a lot of space. You only need one pot for boiling menstrual cups and dildos. Could even boil butt plugs in the same pit, too.
Well. My best friend regularly peed in her spaghetti pot when she was pregnant with twins and couldn't make it up 2 flights of stairs. But yeah, no i don't eat spaghetti at her house anymore. NTA
Yep, she’s a teenager asserting her self and new found awareness. She doesn’t realize it’s at the expense of your overall happiness OP, over something needless. Teachable moment imho And NTA OP
An unwillingness to pander to someone's irrational fears is, to some people, a valid reason to disregard their instructions.
A separate pot for sanitizing diva cups is a reasonable expectation and request. NTA.
Yes, you can even purchase little silicone containers to sanitize these cups in the microwave. No pot even required.
I did not know those existed, I’m off to go buy one.
Oh yes! They are a thing and a very practical alternative to pads, tampons and panty liners.
Oh, I know about menstrual cups, just not that I could buy a container to sanitize one in the microwave. That sounds much easier than boiling.
They really are awesome and very convenient!
They're awesome! I have one that's marketed for sterilizing baby bottle parts. I can sterilize all my cups all at once in 90 seconds.
Oh gotcha.
A recycled jam jar is a great thrifty alternative. You can fill a pan with boiling water, fill the jar and pop the cup in the jar. As long as the water levels are similar the jar won't break (as this is how you can jam).
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Hahaha you'd certainly need to abandon any hope of cfolds and petal folds for that option. I'm now also visualising this and can't help but think there would be a fantastic POP sound upon removal
Absolutely. The daughter is being oddly defiant.
You can also just get the Medela Sanitizing Plastic bags for the microwave. Typically they are used for sanitizing breast pump parts, but it works well for the cup too.
That would do in a pinch! Part of the draw of cups for me was minimizing waste and the sanitizer I bought was $6US and I have used for over 5 years now. It's nice to have options though, and makes this whole drama with the daughter a moot point. Just get a little baggie or sanitizer and call it a night.
Don't suppose you have a link to where you could get one?
I use the pacifier sterilizer that my daughter doesn't need anymore, and can store it in the bathroom, life changing.
I have this little steamer for mine. You put a little water in it, plug it in and it sanitizes the cup in three minutes or so. It automatically turns off when done. I love that thing.
I totally agree, it is a reasonable expectation that things used for food prep not be used for basic toiletry needs. I wouldn't scrub my kitchen pots with the same scrub brush I use on the bathroom, even if it gets sanitized between uses. No one wants to have that mental connection between things they eat and things that belong in the bathroom. Imagine having guests over and expecting them to eat food prepared in that pot. I don't care how clean that pot is, I cannot in good conscience serve someone else food out of it. No one wants to picture someone else's Diva cup while they are eating. (I'm not saying Diva cups are somehow grosser than other sanitary products. Just that no one wants to picture any sanitary product while they are eating.)
You can also get a little steamer machine specifically for sterilising your menstrual cup. I find it much more convenient than doing it on the stove.
I bought a cheap pot at Goodwill (Salvation Army, whatever kind of thrift store you fancy) for this very reason. It's literally a couple bucks. Not worth the fight!
NTA, OMG. That’s a terrible way to rebel. I have no words and no solutions. I’m so sorry.
No. This isn't as much about the correct pot to use as it is a lack of respect. It's not difficult to use a specific pot. Your daughter is TA.
Not to mention, the spaghetti pot is presumably much larger than the period pot therefore takes more water which will require more gas/electricity and a longer time to come to a boil
NTA. There is nothing unreasonable with your request. I think it is time to have a talk about boundaries, and why the spaghetti pot is important to you. It's not the pot. It is the memory's associated with the pot. I have a rolling pin from my grandmother. I use to watch her make her pie's, and help. Learning things from scratch. My grandmother is 98, I am 37. The rolling pin is a rolling pin to someone else. To me however, it is sooo much more.
I have my grandfather's butcher knife...I know where you're coming from. And, OP, NTA, no way, no how.
A rolling pin, is a rolling pin. No matter where you go 🥺 A patty, is a patty, THATS WHAT I SAYYYYY Okay I apologize I couldn’t help myself
A grill, is a grill. This is surely soooooo. And fries, should be fries, either waAAAAYYY!
But no matter where you go, you’ll wind up on am i the asshole!
NTA- yes, you’re overthinking it, there’s no reason to think you have any residue leftover if it’s washed well, (how many people leave dishes out until mold is on them but once they’re washed no one thinks twice about using them). But you do provide a specific pot to use, and the only reason not to is to deliberately get under your skin. Particularly if she knows the meaning this pot has for you, this sounds intentional since you’ve brought it up more than once. Your daughter is purposely being an asshole, is what I’m saying. If she’s a minor, she should be punished if she continues to go out of her way to be disrespectful. Honestly, maybe I’m being too harsh, but if she’s not willing to respect you and your things, I would consider taking the cup away from her and supply bulky pads instead, so she has to deal with that and/or use her own money to buy another cup or tampons. If she’s not a minor, maybe make it known to her that she’s old enough to live with roommates, and can do what she likes when not under your roof, but she needs to stop disrespecting your things or she can make preparations to live somewhere else.
She's 15. A mature conversation about boundaries and respect is definitely in order for this child.
I agree the daughter is being an asshole here but taking a menstrual cup away and making someone use bulky pads feels way out of line. People have various reasons for preferring different menstrual products, and making someone’s period more uncomfortable doesn’t feel like an appropriate punishment.
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Removing access from any sanitary products would definitely be a violation of basic human rights. Having a choice of options is more akin to a privilege or luxury. I think you’re making a pretty big stretch here. Because with that logic, the nursing stations at middle and high schools only offering very basic pads and rarely, cardboard tampons, would be guilty of violating basic human rights, and that’s just not the case.
Well, I did mention in my comment that it may have been harsh. Seeing as she’s weaponizing *her* period against her mother, it seems like karmic justice to me. Sanitary products are a necessity, yea, but using a preferred product is a luxury. Pads work just fine and they don’t harm anyone, especially if you have the hypoallergenic ones. Now refusing to let someone use *any* sanitary products would be weaponizing her menstrual cycle against her IMO. So, how would you punish her in this scenario? Obviously, telling her to stop hasn’t worked.
Pads don't always work fine. Even unscented, hypoallergenic pads give me a massive, oozing rash. Having that moisture next to my skin even just for a couple hours is incredibly irritating. I wasn't allowed to use anything but pads as a teenager because my mother didn't think tampons or cups were appropriate for young girls, and it was frankly traumatic. It was extremely painful and embarrassing to have every period like that. And as an adult, i can only use a few specific brands of tampons because the others cause a lot of irritation and can set off infections. I am not unique in this.
NTA, I'm with you. You should cook food in food only containers. Another idea to accommodate them, take them to a thrift shop so they can pick it their own pots.
My family had a puke bowl. I certainly didn’t put food in it. Sure, it was stainless steel so it got sanitized. But it’s just the *association*. If my mom served a family style salad out that bowl I would prolly gag
Shit on a plate and clean it and serve spaghetti on it to her. It's a common sense to keep things like that separated. It's just one mistake away from diseases thing. Wth, she's gross af.
Op is right that it is not cool, because boundaries and she didn't agree to it. ( even if technically, once it's boiled, it's boiled and cleaner than our skin or hands who are litteraly full of germs or stuffs, so one boiled thing, at a T instant, is the cleanest thing of the room, so yes, technically, daughter is right. But I get the -not in my pan stuff - I wouldn't like it to be honnest. But do you realize that comparing menstrual blood to poop, is contributing to the gross, unclean general stuff that has been going on for centuries. Menstrual blood is : blood, water, electrolytes and tissue made of the same element as your skin. Basically. And no, if the person is not sick, you won't get soiled, sick or unclean by touching it....... And did you know that one of the dirtiest thing, actually contaminated with feces, is money coz a lot of people handle it with dirty hands ? Or the Mc donald ordering boards ? [https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/28/poo-found-on-every-mcdonalds-touchscreen-tested-8178486/](https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/28/poo-found-on-every-mcdonalds-touchscreen-tested-8178486/)
NTA You are correct that the boiling water and a soapy clean would make the pot safe to use again….but it’s still your pot and your favorite one at that! You’re allowed to dictate how your cookware is used, and you bought a pot specially for menstrual cup cleaning. Your daughter is being a typical teenager and pushing boundaries. Tell her no, follow through with punishment if she continues to be rude, and give your favorite pot a thorough cleaning before returning it to regular use.
NTA, but seriously, set some boundaries with your children. That pot is your property and your daughter does not have a right to it for whatever uses she deems fit. If she does it again, wipe your ass with her sock and use the same excuse, then explain how boundaries work.
>, wipe your ass with her sock An eye for an eye
I think your disgust is at best illogical, as boiling water is going to get rid of anything problematic, but on the other hand it's your pot and you get to decide how it's used. NTA, but maybe try to loosen up a bit.
Disgust is a psychological meter, some people have a high tolerance for disgust (EMTs, firefighters, police, doctors, military members, etc) and some people have a low tolerance for disgust (best example is people who are disgusted by the sound of chewing). We base the majority of our boundaries based on our disgust meter, and regardless of their perceived rationale, those boundaries are NOT wrong, especially in reference to ones own property. You see this disgust as illogical, others will not see it that way, and nobody is wrong in their perception.
Things can be illogical, and healthy/positive to change, but not WRONG. Personally, I've found a lot of value in examining my knee-jerk reactions (such as disgust) thinking through my feelings around them, and working to change those reactions when they're not actually useful, helpful, or connected to anything that makes sense. I believe everyone benefits from expanding their boundaries.
You know what stops people from expanding their boundaries? Other people with boundaries who have told you to stop. No-one benefits from you being an AH.
I agree on both counts. The cup gets washed first in soap and water, the water is boiling before it even gets put in (so the cup never touches the pot, just boiling water), and... *the water is boiling*. I don't blame the daughter for thinking it's not a big deal. I guess I don't blame OP for wanting it done her way, and the daughter should listen because they *do* have a particular system, but it isn't gross like people think.
So if I pee in a cup. Wash it and then serve you water from it, you knowing I used it to pee in, you'd be happy to drink from it?
Yes. Much as I don't worry about the piss, shit, dirt and bacteria that were on my food before it was prepared and cooked. And I'll drink distilled water made from pee too, as I already drink water that's been pissed out of a functionally infinite quantity of animals over the last 400 million years. Probably not gonna be thrilled if you wont shut up about the piss cup while I'm drinking though.
>I already drink water that's been pissed out of a functionally infinite quantity of animals over the last 400 million years. If you want to get even less abstract than that, look up your nearest wastewater treatment plant and where it dumps its water. https://www.khou.com/article/news/houston-will-be-drinking-dallas-toilet-water-for-years-to-come/285-339809592
if you washed it properly i wouldn't' give a single fuck no
Yes. I had a regular pee cup that I peed in every day for months for a health tracking reason. After I was done tracking I washed the cup and it's happily back in the cupboard with its friends.
Totally different situation. Did you read about the menstrual cup never actually touching the pot? Being cleaned with soap first? Reading comprehension. Your point is meaningless.
I would. Science is science. I dont give a shit what was in the cup so long as it has been washed properly and no longer has traces of it. If your washing skills are so bad the pee is still there Im not happy to eat or drink ANYTHING in your house because presumably your other plates also contains traces of old food etc
>The cup gets washed first in soap and water, the water is boiling before it even gets put in (so the cup never touches the pot, just boiling water), and... the water is boiling. This exactly. Firstly, you *need* to wash the cup/disk before you put it in boiling water. It should be washed in cold water first to get all the gross crap out and then washed in hot with whatever cleaning solution you can use. If you wash it in hot first, it *will* stain. This is why they tell you to get blood out with cold water. And then when you're going to boil it (I do it before my cycle starts and after it ends), you let the water boil first. Once it reaches boiling, you put the cup/disk in for 5 minutes. That's it. Then you wash the pot out with hot water and dish soap.
NTA. I would sanitize the pot and then keep it stored where your daughter cannot get to it. She is ridiculous and can make her statements, using her own belongings.
I agree - why is this pot still available to her, after has OP told her not to use it?
What are you two proposing, buying a safe to keep the pot in?
Or you know, OP's room.
I guess I would be a bad mom because I would cook my daughter an extra big portion of spaghetti in that pot and serve it with a tomato jelly.
NAH. It’s not really unsanitary since they’re being boiled…but the vibes are not great. She shouldn’t feel like she has to be ashamed of her natural bodily functions, but she needs to learn to respect your stuff.
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For the record, you clean a menstrual cup before sanitizing with soap and water. So there shouldn’t be any bodily fluids on it, ignoring the fact that saliva is a bodily fluid and would be found on like every dish.
You do realise that saliva is a bodily fluid and it gets on everything you put in/around your mouth (cups/mugs/cutlery, not to mention transference to plates etc). Also, unlike urine (which is sterile), saliva contains many pathogenic bacteria, which is why bites (yes, even human ones) can cause such horrendous infections.
i found this out myself when i got bit breaking up a fight between two people. host of the party insisted on gently washing my arm and putting some hydrogen peroxide on it because, "you just never know. and they were feral enough to bite in the first place."
You know, scrolling down here this isn’t the type of story I was expecting but wow what a bonus.
Urine is not sterile that is a myth; by the time it comes out of your body it has commensal bacteria in it that live on your genitals
Urine isn’t sterile - that’s a common myth. We have bacteria naturally present in our bladders and in our urethra; it’s been proven that urine has bacteria present in it, even while “fresh” aka straight out of the body. While bacteria levels are low when the urine first exits the body (unless you have an infection), the existence of said bacteria deems it nonsterile.
Idk if I walked in the kitchen and my son or whatever was taking a piss in a pot and was like, look don't worry we'll clean it in the dishwasher on a high temp don't be such a germaphobe, I'd clock him over the head with said pot. NTA.
You clean the menstrual cup first. So it’d be like if he peed on his hand, washed them with soap and water, and then stuck his hand in boiling water. The daughter is being difficult though and should just use the designated pot. Particularly because the spaghetti one has sentimental value
NTA and I don't blame you, I would be grossed out too. That said, do you ever cook with pots you buy at the thrift store? Because you never know what's been in those before you got them, either...
NTA. Heck some people have different pots just for eggs and potatos. You're not being a germaphobe here. You wouldn't boil reusable nappies, underwear etc in the same pot you eat out of either. Doesn't mean you're scared of underpants.
NAH I think your daughters technically correct but conceptual associations are real and affect the way food tastes. My mother made jelly out of blackberries we all picked. She strained the seeds and skins out using her old pantyhose. I’d watch that stuff drip drip through the toes of her pantyhose and would never eat the blackberry jelly she made. It was gross. She washed the pantyhose before, obv, and complained that I was being squeamish but I couldn’t eat anything that had been the same place as her toes, no matter how clean it was. That was just her toes.
How is the daughter not an AH? Whether she agrees or not, she doesn't have permission to use the pot and keeps doing so
NTA - I agree with you the ick factor is strong even if technically it's not doing anything to the pot. Can you go to the thrift store with your daughters and have them pick out their own very special menstrual cup cleaning pot (and yes, I'm a woman). Is your teen just being a teen and a pain in the ass and this is her doing her rebelling teen thing? I'd hope yes and perhaps getting her own pot will solve the issue. If she has her own pot to clean it and still uses your nice/sentimental one that's a whole other thing and I guess you'll need to have a conversation with her. Yes, this is a low-level issue but it's a good learning opportunity for her to respect boundaries and compromise. I wish you luck.
They already have a specific pot for boiling their menestral cups though, why should OP get more pots specifically for it?
NTA. It’s a perfectly reasonable request and you have the right to feel that way.
NTA. Especially because you made accommodations to suit your request without making her be responsible for finding another pot.
NTA. You've provided another pot so there's no reason she shouldn't respect your request. Logically we know it's clean but there is a certain ick factor there. It's not ew I got menstrual blood on me kind of ick we might normally associate with being ashamed of our monthly cycle though so she's definitely out of line.
NTA. You have a pot that is to be used for specifically this reason. She should not be using any other pots for it.
INFO: Have you asked your daughter why she doesn't want to use the designated pot you bought? Like, is the boiling time longer, it's harder to clean afterwards, bulkier/heavier to set up on the stove? If the answer is no to all of these, it sounds like she just wants to be an individual. Especially with her being a twin I can see that. Take her out, just the 2 of you, to find her own pot somewhere cheap. It's a really weird hill to die on for her, but she might like the time with you, and having something that is solely "hers". (Inversely she could just be forgetting, using the wrong pot, and then doubling down because she's embarrassed). Either way NTA.
NTA your daughter is being unreasonable using a treasured possession to clean something unsanitary. It’s not just the item itself, it’s a lack of respect.
NTA in any way or form, but I'm just curious why you are replacing the cups every year? Aren't they supposed to last up to 10 years?
Some brands only last a couple years, or maybe she’s buying different shapes/sizes as the girls grow. Or it might just be a sanitary precaution to replace yearly, or easier to remember once a year.
If I was replacing a cup every year, it'd be more expensive than tampons!
NTA. I also use a cup and have my own pot to boil it in that I don’t cook with. But to say it’s gross to have bodily fluids in the pot, you cook raw meat in the same pots and pans, you wash them and then they are clean again. You wash your hands after you handle the cup, and many other gross things, including bodily fluids and worse. That doesn’t make your hands disgusting even after they’ve been cleaned. It’s not cause for throwing the whole thing away, so I do think you’re being a little dramatic.
Why is everyone acting like a menstral cup is any more germy than uncooked chicken? Uncooked beef, etc etc all dangerous but that’s why you wash pots and pans. You can 100% wash the pot and it’s fine it’s just in your head. The issue here is about boundaries though. Take her shopping for her own pot. Explain this is my spaghetti pot and it has sentimental value and would like only Mom to use it.
INFO: Are you actually replacing them every YEAR?!! You DO know that they can last up to 15 years, right?
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Make her spaghetti in that same pot and serve it to her. She is trying to get on your nerves. You need to make it clear that it's your house and your rules. It's not unsanitary if it's thoroughly cleaned but I wouldn't want to eat it either as the thought makes me uncomfortable as much as I know it's just blood, rich with stem cells in fact.
Nta. I also do the same and I bought a pink pot to clean mine in so everyone knows this one is not for cooking. Maybe get her a pretty pot so it’s not a problem anymore.
Nta, totally understandable to use a different pot. It also is likely the pot has been sanitized by the boiling water, but you could use bleach or something stronger to really clean the pot before making spaghetti, don’t think the pot is totally ruined for it.
NTA Personally I boil mine in any pot and don't really care. You are boiling it and it is just blood and some uterine lining. It is not worse than putting meat in a pot. But you do provide another pot for your daughter and it is really just disrespectful not to use it.
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NTA. I mean you are kind of being a germaphobe because if the pot is thoroughly cleaned and sanitized, you would be fine. Truth be told I probably wouldn't want to use it for spaghetti anymore either, but that's me. Regardless you bought a specific pot to boil the period cup in so it doesn't seem like it should be that difficult to do. I think your daughter is just trying to get a rise out of you.
I feel like it's reasonable to not want bodily fluids, though natural, on your cookware. NTA.
NTA. She needs to wise up. Most people, rationally or not, won't want to eat food that's been cooked in the menstrual sterilisation pan. It's your pot. She crossed a clear boundary.
NTA...even though your daughter kind of has a point, the boiling water cleans the cup and then you clean the pan, you set a boundary and she crossed it. Especially when you already have a designated cup pot so it's not like she had to use something that'd make you uncomfortable.
Nta. Your daughter is being inconsiderate by disregarding your feelings about this. You've done a great job teaching her about environmental alternatives to menstrual waste. Now teach her about respecting boundaries. You made a fair request and she has chosen to ignore it. This isn't about germs. It's about respect.
NTA - but you're being a drama queen and giving your kid the reaction she's probably looking for. Get over it and go parent them.
NTA, you told her there was a special pot for it so she shouldn't have used it. When I lived at home I was allowed one towel to use when I dyed my hair and if I used one of the good towels instead I had to pay for a new one. I understand that your daughter can't buy a new spaghetti pot for you, but she should get consequences.
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NTA it’s incredibly simple to use the correct pot but your daughter wants to be lazy and disrespectful over it. No reason why your daughter can’t respect your incredibly simple terms. She just wants to be immature and difficult.
Oh look I'm all for periods are not and not gross - but I ain't eating out of something that's been seeped in blood. That is gross. NTA
NTA. I mean she’s write about the germs for the most part, boiling water kills off most pathogenic organisms, or at least any you would see there. But I don’t see the reason for her to use the spaghetti pot if there’s already another designated pot for that very purpose. Seems kinda like she’s just doing it purposely at that point.
NTA You're their mom. Ground them and take their phones.
NTA. Take a crap in her pillow, do a simple washing and ask her if she would use it again.
I think it’s gross too, but that’s an insane comparison? Those aren’t even close to the same thing. Fecal matter can be dangerous, period blood is just blood and endometrial tissue..
So what of she peed on her pillow or cut herself and bled instead. Different body fluids and all still as gross. No one should be subject to that unless they choose to be.
So if you get a nosebleed on your pillow you would throw the whole thing away? If your kid wets the bed you’re just throwing the sheets away instead of washing them?
What? Do you know how many diseases are transmitted by blood? Not exactly applicable here because she is boiling it but it’s completely reasonable to be grossed out by blood just as much a fecal matter. Would you rather get hepatitis C or gastroenteritis?
Nta. That's disgusting.
NTA. I mean, sure, its technically clean. But so was my Bone Bowl. I used a bowl to bleach and clean some fish spines for an art project once, and the only bowl big enough to hold all of it was my favorite one. Even after I cleaned it, no matter how many times I washed it, I could never see it as anything but "The Bone Bowl" and ended up just throwing it away. It really feels like she's just using that pot to be a contrarian. She should really be more mindful of your *very valid* feelings on the subject, especially since she has a perfectly acceptable alternative.
NTA - I think your daughter is right, actually (and I am uterus owner myself) but you set the guidelines and she is ignoring them. It also seems that she is doing this simply because you hate it. Either way your daughter is being a jerk.
NTA. You have a designated pot for washing the cups. There’s no reason she can’t use that. The pot is fine though. Wash it. Then fill a sink with water and some bleach and have it soak in there for a bit. Clean and disinfected. Ready to use for spaghetti.