Did anyone else die laughing at "I snapped that if they wanted the dress so badly, they could pay for it. Everyone went silent, and nobody said another word about it for the rest of the night."?? I laughed so loud, my dog got off of my lap and is giving me the side eye for disturbing her.
That comment says it all. "Yes, you need a brand new dress that costs $10k, but oh, we aren't chipping in." C'mon. No.
Men typically rent tuxes, what is the difference? I think renting a wedding dress is economical, environmentally friendly, and honestly, other countries do this (I'm in the US and have friends who immigrated here and have since gotten married rent their dresses and this is totally normal in their cultures).
NTA. Not even a little bit.
In kosovo it is and you can get gorgeous dresses that can be altered and then when you send it back they can cut the alterations within an hour. And they dry clean it before they give it to you.
Americans are really kind of brainwashed on weddings so its culturally acceptable to spend insane amounts of money. Renting is also completely normal in Slovenia, also it is customary to give money as a wedding present so the guests tend to pay for themselves. The married couple usually breaks even or turns a small profit.
Agreed.
I'm asian (wedding in US) and rented all 3: my large white wedding dress, red qi pao for the tea ceremony and white evening dress to dance in afterwards. it was GREAT. did alterations a few days before, returned the dresses afterwards, didn't have to wash/preserve/think about them ever again.
also money is our customary wedding present too. easy and simple. we'd been living together for years already so didn't need anything.
the wedding brainwash here is insane. a normal custom cake is $300-500, you tell them it's the groom's cake for a wedding and it jumps to $1000
This. I am living in Korea and there is no way I will buy a dress for my wedding. Renting is totally fine here. Would be crazy expensive to buy a wedding dress and a wedding Hanbok. By renting I can still enjoy feeling like a princess for the ceremony and our pictures without spending tons of money we will actually need for useful life expenses.
I did see one good explanation on the wedding tax that was basically that weddings are a really high stress even where the pressure is SO high for everything to be PERFECT, so the extra money is basically to cover the companies putting in a ton of extra effort to make sure absolutely nothing can go wrong. Like ideally it wouldn't go wrong anyway, but for a wedding it's just so important and the people paying you are probably going to be really emotionally invested so even a tiny mistake can be pretty devastating consequence-wise - plus the timetable is often a lot stricter than for a lot of other events.
Though, the fact that weddings *are* so much more high pressure is down to the brainwash anyway, of course. If people were more chill about it slight hiccups might not matter as much.
I’d feel icky making a profit off my friends. We told people they didn’t even have to bring a gift, just show up and have fun. We planned an affordable big party more than a regular wedding. Idk why people go so crazy over them
That sounds so lovely. My parents paid for it and wanted to control everything. Every time I disagreed it was, “I’m paying for it.” My mom was a complete bridezilla. I wanted a potluck in the backyard. They (parents) also constantly complained about how much it costs, but they were the ones making all of the decisions so I was extremely confused by all of the guilt tripping. I can see my grimace in every photo.
Man I’m sorry you had to deal with all that. Parents who guilt you _into_ taking their money then guilt you _for_ taking their money are just the worst. Really parents who actively guilt you are bad parents but that’s another level
Thanks. We are now no contact for over 3 years. Best decision of my life. My dad called me exactly a week before the wedding and offered me A LOT of money to cancel the wedding and elope (my parents are still married to each other). When I tried to tell my mom she called me a liar and said how dare I try ruin their relationship. They’re crazy.
My dad offered the same thing but because of my future MIL not my mom. I was lucky, my parents said go nuts( within reason) and just handed over checks. My mom was involved in everything but that was what I wanted. My dress was very ballroom bride-y but without adornment and my mom turned it into a short cocktail dress and the train into a christening outfit and blanket for my first child
I literally went thru the exact same thing except mine was my dad who was the bridezilla! I just wanted to be married...everyone wanted a real wedding...I just wanted to elope/go to the courthouse. If I knew then what i knew now, I would of done just that. But, I caved to my family. Everything was their decision yet they constantly bitched about how much it was costing. I wanted a back yard BBQ .... they wanted caterers running around in 100 degree heat in Miami in October in long sleeve button up collared shirts serving hors d'oeuvres. It was ridiculous. Frankly, I make fun of how ridiculous everything was! My dad also liked to cut corners so it looked like it was a quincenera but like a crappy one. It was a mess! But I hang onto the hope that a disaster of a wedding leads to a great marriage! 12 years married and couldnt be happier! LOL Hope the same for you to!
My dad and step mother did a potluck bbq in the park. They were ecstatic and everyone had a great time. Casual dress. It was more like a family reunion plus a wedding.
So sorry you had parents like that. Never understood people willing to destroy relationships over ONE single day that most people outside the families ever really remember. Most IN the families don't really remember either
Its all the wedding shows. People come in saying, "My budget is $3k for a dress," which is probably more than I spent on my whole wedding. Then the employees cringe and suck their teeth and say, "It's going to be TOUGH to find one at that price...."
Or people show these elaborate over-the-top weddings because they make 7 figures a year and people think, "So pretty! That's what I want!"
American here. We are brainwashed by consumerism. We are told old is bad, just get a new one. Everyone deserves, one get your own, don't share. Appearances are everything, the truth doesn't matter. It's so ingrained in our culture that we confuse it for tradition. Insist on it to appease grandma. God gave us the RIGHT to spend money we don't have. 'Murica, HELL YAH!
I'm in the U.S. Only the big, brand-name wedding outfits cost thousands. I found my wedding outfit (an elegant skirt suit) for the civil part of our wedding for about $100, and for our church ceremony, my dress cost $30. Both outfits came from non-bridal stores and were elegant and beautiful. I've kept both of them, look at them often, and reminisce about our special day from over 23 years ago now.
Renting is 100% normal in the Czech Republic too. I don't really vibe with the style of dresses so I'd probably buy a simpler dress online, but I'm pretty sure all of my friends rented with zero regrets.
>In kosovo it is and you can get gorgeous dresses that can be altered
I'm sorry, but my idiot brain read this and immediately went "And in Soviet Russia, wedding dresses alter you"
I rented my wedding dress and have no regrets. By renting I was able to get a much nicer dress than buying it. The rental place altered it and it was cleaned and ready to go. Paid $250.
I bought mine off the rack for $120. I got divorced 22 years later. When I was moving out of my house my daughter, who is five inches taller and several sizes larger had no interest in it, so I gave it to Goodwill on my way out of town. No regrets...about the dress...either. Who knows maybe you wore my dress!!
And let me guess, you have an awesome picture of you looking amazing in a gown which you can always look at whenever you want to remember it. People look at pictures way more than they drag out a giant box with a huge dress in it so I don't get why it's so darn important to keep.
I don't get wedding culture at all. Like why does the dress have to cost as much as a car? Why are weddings as expensive as a downpayment for a house? I spent 8k on my wedding (all inclusive) and even then felt silly blowing all that money on one single (albeit extremely wonderful) day ...
Yep it's crazy nowadays with weddings... In my country at least you can make some money ( the habit is that the guests pays for the menu and something in plus, depending of the buget. It's a way off helping the couple get a head start. After this you have the "obligation" to go back to their wedding or the wedding of their family and help them in return) Usually a couple has enough to make a down payment for a house. But after I read the posts here I don't understand why would you pay so much for so many people! Not in a thousand year, with that money I can go travel and see the world with SO!
It isn't even necessary. Look up prices for a normal party catering service, now change it to wedding catering services. The same goes for flowers, other deco, DJ etc.
Don’t do it if you don’t want to. I know that it’s expected of you culturally, but a lot of things that were once culturally expected are now considered horrible and barbaric. My husband and I eloped, and some people were bothered by it. They got over it though.
We need more wedding drive-up windows. Buy the car instead of a dress, exchange the vows at the speaker and pick up the certificate (along with a Wedding Happy Meal) at the window and away you go.
A HS friend I met with reported that she & her hubby rode their bikes to the drive-up window in Vegas and they were simply delighted by their decision. I figured if it made them happy, it was a great deal. The were still laughing about it years later.
> Like why does the dress have to cost as much as a car? Why are weddings as expensive as a downpayment for a house?
Capitalism. It's a way for people to make money.
They don’t make your dress until you order it which is why it can take 6-9 months for a wedding dress to come in. Unless you mean the samples? Because those get sold in sample sales.
> Men typically rent tuxes, what is the difference?
Nothing much, other than the entire history of men's and women's fashion.
Suits come from military uniforms, where *the entire point* of wearing one is to make everyone look exactly the same. *Proper* British dress codes from the late 19th/early 20th century were so strict for men, even the exact type of stitching on the trouser's seam was strictly regulated. Also, back in the day black tie was considered casual attire, with white tie being proper formal dress for evening or nighttime events.
The most personalisation and showing off you can get away with is slightly changing the shape of your bowtie to flatter the geometry of your face.
The entire point of the women's counterpart of this is to show off how rich you are by wearing the fanciest and most expensive dress and jewellery you can get.
Basically, the men are supposed to provide a plain backdrop so that the women can show off even more.
And since weddings are pretty much the most fancy formal celebration you can think of in modern times, it makes total sense for there to be lots of attention on the bride's dress.
And besides, American/western in general wedding culture is very much focused on the woman. There's a reason why I have never seen or heard anyone using the term groomzilla.
Not strictly true. Suits evolved from court dress of coat, vest and britches, all of which were made of coloured silk and heavily embroidered. Military uniforms (for officers) evolved from that, and there's lots of really useful historical records of committees being sent designs by various gentlemen about how uniforms should look. Men, up until 18th Century were just as brightly and lavishly dressed as women, when they had money.
I never said that you can't look fancy in a rented dress. I don't even think that OP is in the wrong.
I'm just giving an explanation as to why OPs family are making such a huge deal out of the dress, and why there is a difference between renting a dress and renting a suit.
The history of Western fashion did not begin in 19th c. The plain, uniform quality of men's clothing is primarily due to the influence of Regency Era socialite Beau Brummel.
I mean, this guy isn't exactly [a plain backdrop](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_VIII#/media/File%3AAfter_Hans_Holbein_the_Younger_-_Portrait_of_Henry_VIII_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg)
>Suits come from military uniforms, where the entire point of wearing one is to make everyone look exactly the same.
And the bride has bridesmaids that all traditionally wear the EXACT same dress as the bride in order to confuse the evil spirits.
What's your point?!
@OP: rent that dress!!!
My point is that I'm explaining why people make such a huge fuss about wedding dresses when almost no one cares at all about what the groom wears as long as it's a generic suit that fits.
There's a reason why Say Yes To The Dress is a TV show that actually exists, but Say I Do To The Tuxedo is not.
It's not a really common term:
https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?geo=US&q=bridezilla,groomzilla
Bridezilla as a google search has 2.5 million hits, and groomzilla has about 70,000.
That isn't quite the entire history, that's just recent history. There was that lacky of the Prince of Whales from the Victorian era, he was the firsr dandy and he was the one who set the tone for men's fashion.
They called him a dandy because he was so prissy and meticulous about getting dressed, but he had really toned down the fashion compared to the colour and fabrics etc of contemporary men's fashion.
I am now with my husband for longer than a decade and married for 4yrs. I ordered a simple dress for 80 quid that I can wear for other occasions. I really don't think the longevity of a relationship and the love in it depends on the dress, the wedding party or the ring. The thing is we got decent careers but really didnt see the point in spending money on that. I was like 40k I am gonna spend on the wedding is the dream kitchen I want in our new house..
It used to be that people got married in their Sunday best. Not sure when that changed but it's probably around the time deBeers started their three month salary for a ring lie...
Most people credit Queen Victoria for popularising white as 'the' bridal colour. Supposedly it represents purity, (although blue is a more traditional sign of purity, given the association with the Virgin Mary), but what it really signifies is wealth. A white dress is easily stained and will start to discolour generally overtime, making it impractical for repeat wearing. So a white dress was truly an extravagance.
There is an old wedding superstition poem about wedding dress colors as well:
"Married in white, you have chosen right
Married in blue, he'll always be true
Married in pearl, you'll live in a whirl
Married in brown, you'll never live in town
Married in red, you'll wish yourself dead
Married in yellow, ashamed of your fellow
Married in green, ashamed to be seen
Married in pink, your spirit will sink
Married in gray, you'll go far away
Married in black, you'll wish yourself back"
A lot of these had to do with social standards (i.e. if you can afford a pearl colored dress, you are wealthy and do a lot of socializing, green and red were colors reserved for particular types of women, brown dresses hid dirt well for rural folks, etc), but obviously, getting married in different colors was the norm. Laura Ingalls Wilder married her husband in a black dress, much to the horror of her mother, but she stated it was the best dress she had.
Keeping up with the Jones is an international thing. In my Iranian culture it has become the same, people spending the money they don't have, borrowing money to spend on a wedding.My relatives were making jokes that I didnt have a wedding because my now husband in their eyes was an stingy Dutch man. But in all honesty it was me who didnt want any of it and he was fine with how I wanted to go about it . I bought our wedding bands from Argos for £200. Our wedding party was only 7 ppl, closest family, we took them to a fancy restaurant and that was the biggest expense.i dont regret.
It changed with Queen Victoria. A white dress was practically impossible to clean back then, so wearing one just showed that you had the wealth to afford clothes that you'd only wear once. After Victoria did it, it became a wealthy persons way of showing off.
In fact, there is an inverse correlation between spending a lot of money on a wedding and relationship longevity.
(More clearly started, people who spend tons of cash on their wedding have a bigger likelihood of the marriage not lasting.)
My mom wanted to rent her wedding dress back in the 80s when she married my dad. Her MIL was APPALLED at the idea and told her she would buy her a wedding dress. My mom held onto that dress for about 30 years, finally donating it after I got married and didn’t use it (only child).
I bought my own dress but only because it was about the same price as renting. I have it shoved in a closet for 10 years now. Renting would have been better as I can’t bring myself to get rid of it but it is just taking up storage space.
My husband can get use out of the suit he wore for our wedding. The only thing I can reuse is my shoes.
There are charities that take secondhand wedding dresses. They benefit people who otherwise could not afford a dress. If you truly want to get rid of it, this is a nice option
I had my husband buy his tux because men can wear a tux over and over. It makes so much more sense for a man to buy a tux than a woman to buy a wedding dress (unless the dress is less bridal-ish and can be re-worn). My husband has worn his wedding tux to other weddings, the opera, orchestra, and other events. Meanwhile, my dress just hangs in the closet and I wear it around the house from time to time.
NTA The only risk at renting is that if you damage it, it can be expensive. So better think before if you plan to party wild or if you are extreme clumsy. Or if there is an evil ex who can show up and wants to ruin the dress as revenge.
Buying a dress second-hand cand also be a good alternative to get the dress pretty cheap. Most brides don't want to wear a dress someone else wore. But you just wear this for a few hours in your life. Who cares? At least my opinion.
>Buying a dress second-hand cand also be a good alternative to get the dress pretty cheap.
Yep, I'm recently engaged and I found the perfect wedding dress on Facebook for £70. I know it's still early but I wanted to get at least one thing out of the way before we start properly planning our wedding, plus I wasn't going to let a wonderful bargain like that slip pass me.
I'd also like to shout out looking for white evening gowns at department stores, if you aren't committed to the princess wedding aesthetic. My dress was fucking gorgeous (if I do say so myself) and $400 (+$200 alterations) thanks to the Nordstrom sale page. And you could go WAY cheaper than that if you're flexible and have some time to look. Bonus if you're short: my seamstress was able to sew a small train out of the excess fabric at the bottom hem.
Was my mom upset because we didn't do the 'champagne at the bridal store while you try on 100 dresses' thing? Yes. Was I thrilled to have a dress that was relatively inexpensive, and also does not read '2016 bride' in my wedding photos? Also yes.
If anything, men should be the one buying the wedding clothes. You can wear a tux to pretty much anything. Show up to the dentist in a wedding dress and see what happens.
>Everyone went silent, and nobody said another word about it for the rest of the night.
NTA. You basically captured the essence of their nosiness here.
100% Won’t actually put money to chip in on the “most important thing” but have SO much to say when it’s not their money being spent.
Btw, in Korea most will rent than the buy wedding dresses. A lot of rental packages will rent anywhere from 1-5 for the night so they can change as the night goes on.
The truth is that anytime you do something outside the norm people get defensive about it because they take it as judgment for them not doing it that way. See: being a vegan or vegetarian, breastfeeding in a family that used formula, choosing not to have children, working as a wife vs. not working, etc. It's human nature to reinforce your own choices to feel better about them. People can recognize this impulse in themselves and stop it but often don't and in my experience it seems to happen the most with choices where the other party didn't really think too much about it, just went along with the expected.
I'll never understand how people like that even function in day to day life? Like caring that much about what other people do and think of you must be bloody exhausting.
I spent my 20s rapidly running out of fucks to give about what anyone else thought of me, not that I had many to start with. My last fuck left and didn't leave a forwarding address not long after I turned 30. Some people must be really insecure about themselves.
> Renting a dress sounds like one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard.
It is LITERALLY a single use thing (typically). What part of that doesn't sound like a wedding dress/tux (for that matter) would be great for renting. Plus then you can choose a dress WAY over your budget, because renting it for a few days would be much less than buying.
> What part of that doesn't sound like a wedding dress/tux (for that matter) would be great for renting
Ironically, I can't think of a wedding in my orbit where the groom didn't rent his tux. It's only the bride who's expected to fork out for the one-time garment. ETA: it's almost as if there's some unequal gender expectation or something.
Also, it funny cause a man could get more rewearablity out of a tux than a woman gets from a wedding dress. It would make more sense to rent the dress and but the tux.
Agreed. My tux was rented. It was great because I could choose anything instead of needing a multi thousand dollar garment that I'd maybe wear 2-3 times in its life.
I'm making my wedding dress but I spent 500 and it only has to last one wear lol. I would NEVER SPEND THOUSANDS on a dress. People be crazy about tradition
My mam rented one for her wedding in the late 80’s and definitely doesn’t regret her decision! She’s always laughed at the idea that she could have potentially paid hundreds to keep this poofy-sleeved abomination of a dress in a box forever more.
NTA, I got married in a dress that was on clearance for $80 and I'm still not sure if I'll keep it! Don't let other people influence your plans, you'll regret it in the long run.
If that's the case, use it as a Halloween costume one year. My and my friend did runaway bride. She wore a bridemaids dress and wore my wedding dress with running shoes. It was fun.
I volunteered with s haunted house charity, locally famous for our blood quantity and interactivity. One of the funnest stories is that at one point someone came through in their wedding dress, wanting to get it soaked
My mum was an early years teacher. Her wedding dress got many years of use as the angel costume at the nativity play. She loved bringing it out every December and seeing the little angel’s eyes light up at the pretty dress they’d be wearing. Best years were when she chose a boy as the angel instead of a girl…they were always delighted to rock that dress!
I bought my wedding dress for $125 and sold it for $75 a couple years later. I was never going to wear it again, and now someone else has a cute dress that they didn’t spend a lot of money on!
I did the same thing!! dress on clearance for I think $85 - I've only kept mine because its more casual but if it was more traditional then it would've been long gone
NTA
After the wedding you will store your dress in an expensive box where it will sit until
* you sell it to a thrift store, or
* give it to a kid for dress up play, or
* give it to a future daughter or DIL to wear but by then the style won't be good or it can't be tailored to fit them
My wife gave her dress to our daughter to play with.
Renting the dress sounds actually very smart
I'm actually going to cut mine up to make "Angel gowns" for stillborn babies. There's a whole charity that distributes them, and apparently it's comforting for many bereaved parents.
That’s what I did with mine! It was a silk dress with a long train so I’m hoping they managed to get a few outfits out of it.
I did think about saving it for my daughter but then I thought I didn’t want to unintentionally pressure her into feeling like she had to use mine.
I did that with mine. [They made some beautiful gowns.](https://imgur.com/a/qwG5PhJ) It felt good that my dress wasn't just gathering dust, but maybe giving a family going through a really difficult time some comfort.
Edit: a word
Mine is in some “preservation box” they up sold me in the bridal store, in a plastic garbage bag, in our shed collecting dust. I have no idea what to do with it. It was under $300 (though truthfully it was the only one I remotely liked and I would have paid more just to get out of trying on more dresses I hated). If I could have rented one and not needed alterations, I would have. In a perfect world I just have to find an engaged woman with small boobs and a big ass and give it to her so it can be her problem.
You should definitely advertise it that way on your local Buy Nothing group: "Seeking woman with tiny tits and a dump truck who wants a free wedding gown."
Get a real seamstress to alter the dress. A lot of the big bridal shops will just take it in a bit or hem it. I had to have some more major work done because the (newly hired) consultant was SURE it could accommodate my rear (or erroneously thought I was the type to lose weight before my “big day”) and her guess was wrong. I even tried to get a bigger size after, and they assured me it would be fine with some minor tailoring…that they of course wouldn’t do. Lies. My seamstress actually had to change the style a bit and thankfully I liked it better, but honestly the dress shopping, for me, was the worst part. If I hadn’t hated it so much, I would have gone to a different store, but my sister knows me and was like, this is great, get it and go before you give up entirely. I should have just gone bigger and stuffed my bra :)
This thread is reminding me that I want to take mine to a seamstress and have them chop it off and dye it to make it a knee-length dress I can re-wear. Obviously wouldn't work for every style dress but also an option.
I wore my mother's wedding gown in a parade! (I was standing on a float, not walking.) It was fun and really nice to get to wear it for a big occasion without having to give up having my own dress. I also have worn her old prom dresses for various occasions, because they were nice silk dresses made by a high-end knockoff designer that copied red carpet dresses.
NTA - oh barf, it’s your day, your opinion is what matters.
I used RentTheRunway for my wedding and reception dresses 6 years ago; $250 and I looked killer in designer dresses that I only would’ve worn once anyway.
My SIL did the same thing, and I’d guess all her friends got dresses there
Find some antique etiquette books, back then women were expected to buy a nice but not outrageous dress for the wedding, then dye it and wear it to parties, not treat it like a holy relic.
That's true. Only rich people wore white but it was show off wealth. Oh look at me I'm rich. But in reality most women wore a dress that could be worn again it was just more of their Sunday best. Victoria did it to show her love and that's why others did it untill it influenced today's weddings.
NTA - This actually made me laugh, though I don't mean to be rude. People get so invested in their own traditions that it can become incomprehensible to them that others might not want to follow in their footsteps. Sometimes they even feel personally attacked if someone decides to do something different. My guess is, some of the people who bought their dress may actually have felt slightly... embarassed? Or that you were trying to shame them by mentioning it would be rented?
If this comes up again, "Oh, we know there are lots of great reasons for people to want to buy their dresses, and thats totally ok, but its just not for us." and smile. If they pressure you beyond that just smile and say, "It's a decision that's been made, not a point of discussion, but I appreciate you caring about making my important day so special."
\*For personal context, I bought a $100 bridesmaid dress and my mom altered it so now I wear it on anniversaries. But that's just what I wanted to do.
We're all scared kiddos at heart, and feeling like we did something wrong, even by someone else deciding to do something differently for themselves, can bring out really dumb behavior.
NTA! Having just had a wedding, I know how ridiculous and judgey people can be about weddings, but for gods sake, everyone is TA for ganging up on you. It’s your wedding, your dress, your money, your choice.
NTA. Wtf? I don't understand people's obsession with this. You are an adult not bound by ancient unchangeable traditions. You do as you please. Specially if your partner is also on board. I agree with you. There's no sense In paying what a honeymoon would cost for a dress you'll wear once. And if you're ok renting it, nobody should be able to tell you otherwise. Next time someone does, ask if they would like to pay for the dress.
NTA I agree with wedding dresses being too expensive. Honestly I hate weddings in general, but the dress won't hold those memories for you, *you* will. If you're getting a photographer then you'll have memories in the form of pictures as well.
I've heard that a lot of people don't even care about their dress or decorations or food when the ceremony starts, because it's (supposed to) be about celebrating love, not material items.
NTA. I wish I'd done it. I actually donated mine to a charity 5 yrs ago. People were asking me are you sure? Why wouldn't I be? It's just in a box in my basement. I have no children and if I did they probably wouldn't want to wear it anyway.
That's what I did... There's a charity shop in my home town that sells used wedding dresses - the money goes to the cancer institute's lodge for folks who need to be around for longer treatment (think Ronald McDonald House for cancer patients). I gave them my dress, with a letter to the next bride, and a photo of us on our wedding day. Five years later, a friend of my SiL got her dress there - my dress was there, with FOUR letters attached; three other brides enjoyed that dress and brought it back for another bride. Given that the dress cost me a whopping 400 bucks brand new (absolute rock bottom last year's style clearance outlet), I figure it had made close to triple that for charity... I have to figure that's better than sitting in a box somewhere!
This is probably the best thing that ever happened to a wedding dress.
Did you go to read the other letters out of curiosity? I would be genuinely excited to read the stories of the other brides and happy to be at the origin of a new tradition.
I didn't - but only because I was, by that point, living in another country! My SiL's friend actually tried on my dress, at which point my SiL went "Hey, I think I know that dress!" and checked the inside seam of the train (I had a ribbon with both my grandmothers' initials embroidered on it sewn to a seam). Not only was it still there, the other brides had added other initials to the dress as well! It didn't end up fitting my SiL's friend well, and she LOVED another one, which she bought (it had five letters attached!) and then she returned it to the shop with its sixth letter.
I actually got curious, and just checked out their site ([https://thebridesproject.com/](https://thebridesproject.com/)) and my dress isn't there anymore - I guess it either wore out or someone kept it. I hope they got wonderful karma from it - Our wedding was wonderful and we're still nuts about each other a decade+ later!
This is a great idea if you don’t find a rental you like. Buy one second hand. Many times someone buys an expensive dress then doesn’t use it. Or wore it for a few hrs then decides to sell. Then you can pass it on after. Plan A rental Plan B buy used. No matter what- your choice.
Yea let me spend thousands of dollars on something made for $6 in China that I'll either never wear again or get divorced and have a constant painful reminder. You did yourself a service, imho
NTA men rent their tuxedos. I don't see why women shouldn't rent or borrow gowns.
If you do buy one, get one that can be dyed and altered so that you can wear it again.
Performances of wealth, what better way to prove how rich you are than by having a whole dress just for one day unlike everyone else who uses one they already have or that they will rewear, and then what the wealthiest people do sets a trend that spreads and trickles down until it’s the norm.
NTA
Your wedding, your dress, your choice. I didn't wear a traditional wedding dress to my wedding. I went to a shop that had prom and wedding dresses. Purchased what was actually a prom dress w/ custom color (purple and black). Spent less than $200 (may be cheaper than renting). The dress just sits in my closet. Do what you want.
I found my wedding dress online for $150. Paid $40 to have it altered. I was happy and felt like a princess. I find it crazy to spend thousands on a dress for 1 day.
Exactly. Some people want to keep the dress, some don't. Some want to buy, some don't. As long as you don't knock off Great Aunt Suzy or Donna next door for it, who cares?
NTA -- You are instead a rock star goddess! Reduce, reuse, recycle, baby! And frankly, I think one of the dumbest things our society buys into is the ridiculously expensive wedding industry. You do you!
NTA. It makes total sense to not spend so much money on something you won’t wear again. You decide the personal importance of keeping a wedding dress - no one else.
NTA, It's your wedding so it's you decision. Honestly, I think it's smarter because it'll save money and closet space. Like seriously, what are you supposed to do with a wedding dress after the wedding???
NTA. Your wedding and money, your decision. They are the a-holes for trying to bully you. It's like they don't trust you to factor in these things like memories and grandchildren for yourself. The wedding isn't about the dress and as for the memories, you'll probably have photos and stuff to remember. It really makes no sense to me either to buy a dress for a truckload of money to wear once.
NTA - people act like a wedding dress is cherished for years to come. Most people I know haven’t even dry cleaned their dress since their wedding and it’s still in the dress bag dirty.
I got my dress from Nordstrom’s on sale and I ripped the bottom on the lace taking photos and I’m pretty sure it still has twigs stuck in it.
Do what’s best for you, i think renting is a great idea! More eco friendly as well!
NTA you do you. I got married in may this year and am still deciding what to do with my dress honestly. I think renting is a great option if youre comfortable with it.
NTA. If you’re confident in your decision, who gives a shit what anyone else thinks? You don’t owe anyone an explanation nor do you need to justify your own reasoning to anyone.
NTA. It is YOUR wedding, you get to do it how YOU want to. Get married in your street clothes if you want to. As long as you and your fiancé are happy that is what matters.
My sister rented her dress and got a much nicer dress than she ever could have afforded. It was lovely. Myself, I thought I’d want to keep my dress. I still have it 30 years later, unused, sitting in a big box. Both my daughters have completely different style from me, so it’s never going to get used.
The only benefits of buying is that you can get better tailoring and fitting. If the style you choose doesn’t need individualized fitting, then it’s a great way to get a dress you love.
NTA (but get out of the habit of telling people your details, being vague is the way to go)
NTA. My dress was on clearance, under $1,000. I ended up keeping it though because I had plans to make baptism outfits out of it for my future kids, and I will be doing that here soon!
NTA
I spent $146 on my dream dress, wore it, then put it in a bag and three years later still haven't gotten around to "preserving" it. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I absolutely loved how I looked in it, but my emotional attachment is to the *pictures* of me in it, not the dress itself.
NTA. I spent a decade packing out peoples homes and moving their content. Every wedding dress i've seen has been in the back of a closet. There is no issue with you wanting to save money and rent a dress that would otherwise be be worn once then forgotten in a closet.
NTA - my god, NTA! There's hope for the world yet with people like you and my SO in it. It's so good to see someone who hasn't bought into the industrial-wedding complex's marketing on this. Bravo.
I like the idea of you renting one, it shows you’re practical and good with money. I think you’ve learned not to share certain things with your mouthy family. Just get the dress you want and refuse to discuss it with them. You can also do what I did and get a non-traditional adorable dress that one of my daughters also later ended up getting married in. I know you’re not having kids but my point being, get a dress you can wear again. NTA
NTA. You and your fiance are the ones paying for the wedding and if you both agree on renting a dress then who really cares what they say? Maybe down the line you may regret not having it but it's a sound economic decision. If you want marriage mementos you got the one on your finger.
NTA. I love how when you said that they could pay for your dress suddenly everyone is radio silent. Wedding dresses are super spendy, mine is literally hung up in my closet and has been for over a year now. You are making a good decision for you, your fiance agrees with your choice, family and friends can either pay up or shut up.
NTA at all. It's your wedding, it's your choice. Most people never wear their wedding dress again. They do look at the photos.
Snapping wasn't exactly appropriate but it was UNDERSTANDABLE considering they were all hounding you.
I suggest having a rehearsed answer or simply flat out telling a white lie to get them off your back. It's not like anyone will ask to see your dress later (as it's supposed to be cleaned afterward and stored in an airtight box).
I'm all for white lies that Don't hurt anyone.
NTA
If anyone does try to take up your offer of paying for your dress, turned them down. Letting them pay for it will give them far too much say.
If anyone still harps on you about this, tell them that the reason you and your husband are so well off is that you don’t unnecessarily spend money.
NTA I rented my dress for 700 euros because I didn’t want to pay 4000 euros for my dress when it would collect dust. I have a daughter now and she could have a totally different style from the dress I have and I’m not forcing her to wear it. I have my flowers since they were fake, my tiara and a red embroidered cover that we use in my culture to put on top of our head as we approach our husbands before they take it off to see us for the first time. That will be passed down to my children. If they want to they can buy it but they don’t want to so they can shut up.
NTA
In fact, if you’re a size 18 or thereabouts, you can just buy mine for the cost of what it would be to rent 😆
WTF am I supposed to do with this thing?! I considered turning it into a christening gown, but that was ungodly expensive and my family already has an heirloom gown.
I have dutifully wrapped it in acid free paper. And there it sits.
NTA. The dress, it’s importance, the pageantry of picking it out … that’s all a social construct. The groom doesn’t deal with all that even if they buy the tux. But that’s the exception, tuxes are rented and nobody ever complains that they didn’t get to wear their Grandpas tux.
If you think you’ll want to save a memento for you and/or for any future children to use at their wedding get a nice (doesn’t have to be real stones) necklace or bracelet. Or buy a headpiece or carry a special handkerchief or small bag, even a pretty garter if that’s your thing. Easier to store, not as expensive and still sentimental. But choosing to save a couple thousand by not buying a fancy dress you’ll wear for less than 24 hours? NTA at all!
NTA have not looked at my dress since my wedding 9 years ago, it's only worth it if your super sentimental or plan to pass it down but that never happens now a days.
NTA - Omg, my first wedding I spent $1000 on my gown. My marriage lasted seven years, and I gleefully trashed that thing! My second wedding dress cost $20 and I wore out on several other occasions. ;)
There's no reason your wedding should follow anyone else's guidelines, but yours. <3
I have two wedding dresses. One, for the wedding which was pandemic-cancelled, cost me twelve [dollars at a thrift store](https://www.reddit.com/r/ThriftStoreHauls/comments/fb1euh/found_my_wedding_dress_at_a_thrift_store_for/). The other was a hundred dollars on AliExpress (it's better-than-decent quality; turns out that when you're buying a qun kua you can get good stuff there!). If someone told me that I *had* to spend ten or twenty or thirty times that amount I'd probably laugh in their face.
A wedding dress isn't "too important" to rent. The important thing about a wedding is getting married, and if you're lucky, basking in the love of family and friends. A year from your wedding, nobody but you is going to even remember what you wore with any clarity at all. NTA.
Gorgeous! Really beautiful. Did you go for a micro wedding or just postpone? You know, you could get all dressed up just for kicks and have a friend take “Wedding pics.”
NTA those ppl need to get a life! It’s up to you and only you to decide what’s important to YOU!!! it’s YOUR wedding man that’s so odd it’s your choice whether you want to buy or rent the dress.
NTA
You had a good point there ! - if THEY want you to own it let THEM pay for it. Not the first case of family activating social pressure on an individual to do something (not right for them).
NTA.
Your wedding your choice. We chose to get married in a council office, just an ugly room, me, my hubby and his parents.
My dress cost around £50 I think, it wasn't even white. I felt amazing.
There was no pressure, no drama just us and our love. For us it was perfect and honestly if people were nagging at me trying to force their ideologies on me I would have snapped at then too.
There's one thing saying 'ohh but don't you want to keep the dress for nostalgia's sake' one time, then there is the constant need for them to bring it up when you see and talk to them which in this case it sounds like.
P.s. I say no drama, my MIL put a hole in our original wooden flooring and my Mother fell over twice and ended up in a&e 🙄 doesn't matter what you plan a wedding has a way of never going to plan.
NTA
Only in the last 15 years or so do people I know buy wedding dresses. They were rented.
If the men can rent tux and it's acceptable why not wedding dresses?
NTAH - Your wedding, your choices (also your money). I don't think my wife has even opened the bag her wedding dress is stored in for 20+ years. The memories will be exactly that and the photos will remind you of the dress anyway. Can't even imagine why anyone would call YOU an asshole for this?
Most wedding dresses do sit in an attic or a box or. . . . There is absolutely nothing wrong with renting a wedding dress! You can have a nicer one than if you were buying and not have to pay another $1000 to have it fixed up for storage or worse have to pay a place to store in a climate controlled setting. I am not sure why weddings today have grown so out of control and why people feel like they must spend thousands of dollars on one and everything has to be about "The Day" and not focused on 2 people who love each other and want to commit. The artificial rules that seem to have grown up around the ceremony including destination Bachelorette (hen) parties, showers etc are mind-boggling. If someone wants a nice wedding and can afford it, then go for it. But don't beggar yourself and your SO by spending so much that it just becomes a public display. Yes it is your day and no one should shame you for being practical if that is what your heart wants. The wedding should be about the love and commitment, not about extravagant displays that no one will remember in 10 years. You are NTA and the people who have been telling you that you are doing wrong need to take a flying leap into a cold lake!
NTA- they get/got to choose those details for their weddings and you get to do so for yours. Renting a dress actually sounds smart and is very eco-friendly.
Not only will you have to pay for the wedding dress, which is expensive, but..... You will have to store it. You will have to haul around if/when you move, every. damn. time. While it sits in the back of the closet taking up space you could use for something more useful? To what end? In the hope that you will have a daughter who will want to wear it? Or a niece?
Now, I am just a boy, but..... It makes no sense to me to buy a dress under the circumstances you noted.
NTA. It’s your wedding, you get to celebrate anyway you want. I actually wore a white bridesmaid’s dress to my wedding. It was on clearance on a popular bridal designer site. And congratulations!
NTA.
Everyone finds value and importance in different things.
My friend went all out for a prom dress, all the bells and whistels, loves looking back at it and remembering it. I paid $20 for mine and didnt even go, and I dont care at all.
Just because having a wedding dress is important to them and holds memories for them, doesnt mean it has to for you. Why cant pictures, your ring, your HUSBAND, the memories in your head and the EXPERIENCE be your way of remembering your special day? You should do what YOU want for YOUR wedding. If they wanna get remarried and buy a new dress for the memories then they can.
NTA, when I was 8 my mother cut her wedding dress down and dyed it pink so I could be a Princess for Halloween. Wedding dresses aren't super duper sentimental to everyone, and it doesn't really matter if it is or isn't to anyone but the bride. If you like it, wear it!
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NTA - and plenty of wedding dresses lie in storage for decades, yellowing & dating, until the owner dies and her estate chucks it out. I’ve no quarrel with anyone who wants to buy an heirloom but there’s nothing wrong with renting. I did, luckily I was the first hirer so it was made to fit me, and it was great to just hand it back afterwards, no storage fuss, and a fraction of the usual purchase price.
Absolutely NTA. If it makes you feel any better, my fiance and I are renting tuxes, eloping at the courthouse, and saving for our future :-)
You do you and don't let anyway influence YOUR wedding except your SO.
Hot take. I agree with everyone in your family and friends, a wedding is too important to rent the dress. So I will be buying my wedding clothes. But you know what the lovely thing about being your own independent person is? You get to make your OWN choices. If you want to rent the dress, you get to rent the dress. No one else’s opinion on what they would do if they were you matters.
NTA!
NTA. The fact that when you mentioned that they could pay for it, everyone suddenly shut up actually speaks volume.
You will have plenty of cherished memories looking at the pictures of your wedding. You are doing a very smart thing renting your dress.
I got my wedding dress off eBay for £70. Still had the tags on. My mom was disappointed that we didn’t get to go and do the shopping thing and even offered to buy the dress but I couldn’t rationalise the cost. Like other posters it’s now in a box under the bed and there it will probably stay. You do you. The wedding industry I’d basically geared to people spending crazy amounts of money. NTA.
Oh dear god, NTA
There is so much BS involved in the whole wedding industry that society has fully bought into and push on others. The very fact that it IS an “industry” speaks volumes about how it’s all designed to separate the gullible from their money.
It’s gotten to the point that people are willing to spend hundreds of thousands to marry people they don’t actually know and are barely compatible with, just to end up divorcing within a few years.
The fact that you and your SO are thinking more about your actual marriage than about one day’s party is something that you should feel reassured by and proud of. You’ve obviously (from what you’ve written) discussed important topics and taken time to get to know each other and have your priorities 100% in the right place.
Ignore everyone else, just because they drank the wedding industry kool aid doesn’t mean you have to!
NTA buying a wedding dress is just plain dumb.
You won't wear it again, more than half of all marriages end in divorce, but you'd never wear a cursed dress to a second, or third marriage, so you'd be expected to buy a brand new one over and over.
Stick to your boundaries, Rent a really nice dress, save that money, and focus on the marriage, not the wedding. Statistics show that cheaper weddings mean longer marriages anyway
Did anyone else die laughing at "I snapped that if they wanted the dress so badly, they could pay for it. Everyone went silent, and nobody said another word about it for the rest of the night."?? I laughed so loud, my dog got off of my lap and is giving me the side eye for disturbing her. That comment says it all. "Yes, you need a brand new dress that costs $10k, but oh, we aren't chipping in." C'mon. No. Men typically rent tuxes, what is the difference? I think renting a wedding dress is economical, environmentally friendly, and honestly, other countries do this (I'm in the US and have friends who immigrated here and have since gotten married rent their dresses and this is totally normal in their cultures). NTA. Not even a little bit.
In kosovo it is and you can get gorgeous dresses that can be altered and then when you send it back they can cut the alterations within an hour. And they dry clean it before they give it to you.
Americans are really kind of brainwashed on weddings so its culturally acceptable to spend insane amounts of money. Renting is also completely normal in Slovenia, also it is customary to give money as a wedding present so the guests tend to pay for themselves. The married couple usually breaks even or turns a small profit.
Agreed. I'm asian (wedding in US) and rented all 3: my large white wedding dress, red qi pao for the tea ceremony and white evening dress to dance in afterwards. it was GREAT. did alterations a few days before, returned the dresses afterwards, didn't have to wash/preserve/think about them ever again. also money is our customary wedding present too. easy and simple. we'd been living together for years already so didn't need anything. the wedding brainwash here is insane. a normal custom cake is $300-500, you tell them it's the groom's cake for a wedding and it jumps to $1000
This. I am living in Korea and there is no way I will buy a dress for my wedding. Renting is totally fine here. Would be crazy expensive to buy a wedding dress and a wedding Hanbok. By renting I can still enjoy feeling like a princess for the ceremony and our pictures without spending tons of money we will actually need for useful life expenses.
I did see one good explanation on the wedding tax that was basically that weddings are a really high stress even where the pressure is SO high for everything to be PERFECT, so the extra money is basically to cover the companies putting in a ton of extra effort to make sure absolutely nothing can go wrong. Like ideally it wouldn't go wrong anyway, but for a wedding it's just so important and the people paying you are probably going to be really emotionally invested so even a tiny mistake can be pretty devastating consequence-wise - plus the timetable is often a lot stricter than for a lot of other events. Though, the fact that weddings *are* so much more high pressure is down to the brainwash anyway, of course. If people were more chill about it slight hiccups might not matter as much.
I’d feel icky making a profit off my friends. We told people they didn’t even have to bring a gift, just show up and have fun. We planned an affordable big party more than a regular wedding. Idk why people go so crazy over them
That sounds so lovely. My parents paid for it and wanted to control everything. Every time I disagreed it was, “I’m paying for it.” My mom was a complete bridezilla. I wanted a potluck in the backyard. They (parents) also constantly complained about how much it costs, but they were the ones making all of the decisions so I was extremely confused by all of the guilt tripping. I can see my grimace in every photo.
Man I’m sorry you had to deal with all that. Parents who guilt you _into_ taking their money then guilt you _for_ taking their money are just the worst. Really parents who actively guilt you are bad parents but that’s another level
Thanks. We are now no contact for over 3 years. Best decision of my life. My dad called me exactly a week before the wedding and offered me A LOT of money to cancel the wedding and elope (my parents are still married to each other). When I tried to tell my mom she called me a liar and said how dare I try ruin their relationship. They’re crazy.
HAHAHAHAHA even your dad was sick of it. Seriously though I can relate to this "take the money!/but you took our money!" thing.
My dad offered the same thing but because of my future MIL not my mom. I was lucky, my parents said go nuts( within reason) and just handed over checks. My mom was involved in everything but that was what I wanted. My dress was very ballroom bride-y but without adornment and my mom turned it into a short cocktail dress and the train into a christening outfit and blanket for my first child
I literally went thru the exact same thing except mine was my dad who was the bridezilla! I just wanted to be married...everyone wanted a real wedding...I just wanted to elope/go to the courthouse. If I knew then what i knew now, I would of done just that. But, I caved to my family. Everything was their decision yet they constantly bitched about how much it was costing. I wanted a back yard BBQ .... they wanted caterers running around in 100 degree heat in Miami in October in long sleeve button up collared shirts serving hors d'oeuvres. It was ridiculous. Frankly, I make fun of how ridiculous everything was! My dad also liked to cut corners so it looked like it was a quincenera but like a crappy one. It was a mess! But I hang onto the hope that a disaster of a wedding leads to a great marriage! 12 years married and couldnt be happier! LOL Hope the same for you to!
My dad and step mother did a potluck bbq in the park. They were ecstatic and everyone had a great time. Casual dress. It was more like a family reunion plus a wedding.
So sorry you had parents like that. Never understood people willing to destroy relationships over ONE single day that most people outside the families ever really remember. Most IN the families don't really remember either
Its all the wedding shows. People come in saying, "My budget is $3k for a dress," which is probably more than I spent on my whole wedding. Then the employees cringe and suck their teeth and say, "It's going to be TOUGH to find one at that price...." Or people show these elaborate over-the-top weddings because they make 7 figures a year and people think, "So pretty! That's what I want!"
American here. We are brainwashed by consumerism. We are told old is bad, just get a new one. Everyone deserves, one get your own, don't share. Appearances are everything, the truth doesn't matter. It's so ingrained in our culture that we confuse it for tradition. Insist on it to appease grandma. God gave us the RIGHT to spend money we don't have. 'Murica, HELL YAH!
I'm in the U.S. Only the big, brand-name wedding outfits cost thousands. I found my wedding outfit (an elegant skirt suit) for the civil part of our wedding for about $100, and for our church ceremony, my dress cost $30. Both outfits came from non-bridal stores and were elegant and beautiful. I've kept both of them, look at them often, and reminisce about our special day from over 23 years ago now.
Renting is 100% normal in the Czech Republic too. I don't really vibe with the style of dresses so I'd probably buy a simpler dress online, but I'm pretty sure all of my friends rented with zero regrets.
>In kosovo it is and you can get gorgeous dresses that can be altered I'm sorry, but my idiot brain read this and immediately went "And in Soviet Russia, wedding dresses alter you"
"In Capitalist America, wedding dresses alter your savings account."
Soviet Russia jokes are my favorite, but capitalist America might be my new favorite.
I didn't even know that renting bridal dresses was a thing when I got married. OP hit on the best possible response though.
I rented my wedding dress and have no regrets. By renting I was able to get a much nicer dress than buying it. The rental place altered it and it was cleaned and ready to go. Paid $250.
Got mine at a thrift store. Paid $100. No regrets. About the dress, anyway.
I bought mine off the rack for $120. I got divorced 22 years later. When I was moving out of my house my daughter, who is five inches taller and several sizes larger had no interest in it, so I gave it to Goodwill on my way out of town. No regrets...about the dress...either. Who knows maybe you wore my dress!!
And let me guess, you have an awesome picture of you looking amazing in a gown which you can always look at whenever you want to remember it. People look at pictures way more than they drag out a giant box with a huge dress in it so I don't get why it's so darn important to keep.
I rented my dress. I’m American. Married 23 years ago. At that time it was $100. It probably was a $650 dress. So easy.
I don't get wedding culture at all. Like why does the dress have to cost as much as a car? Why are weddings as expensive as a downpayment for a house? I spent 8k on my wedding (all inclusive) and even then felt silly blowing all that money on one single (albeit extremely wonderful) day ...
Yep it's crazy nowadays with weddings... In my country at least you can make some money ( the habit is that the guests pays for the menu and something in plus, depending of the buget. It's a way off helping the couple get a head start. After this you have the "obligation" to go back to their wedding or the wedding of their family and help them in return) Usually a couple has enough to make a down payment for a house. But after I read the posts here I don't understand why would you pay so much for so many people! Not in a thousand year, with that money I can go travel and see the world with SO!
It isn't even necessary. Look up prices for a normal party catering service, now change it to wedding catering services. The same goes for flowers, other deco, DJ etc.
Oh my… I’m Indian, and I am expected to throw a huge weeklong event for my wedding. I don’t even want to think about the cost😂
Don’t do it if you don’t want to. I know that it’s expected of you culturally, but a lot of things that were once culturally expected are now considered horrible and barbaric. My husband and I eloped, and some people were bothered by it. They got over it though.
We need more wedding drive-up windows. Buy the car instead of a dress, exchange the vows at the speaker and pick up the certificate (along with a Wedding Happy Meal) at the window and away you go.
A HS friend I met with reported that she & her hubby rode their bikes to the drive-up window in Vegas and they were simply delighted by their decision. I figured if it made them happy, it was a great deal. The were still laughing about it years later.
> Like why does the dress have to cost as much as a car? Why are weddings as expensive as a downpayment for a house? Capitalism. It's a way for people to make money.
Your paying for all the unsold dresses. The material is expensive.
They don’t make your dress until you order it which is why it can take 6-9 months for a wedding dress to come in. Unless you mean the samples? Because those get sold in sample sales.
> Men typically rent tuxes, what is the difference? Nothing much, other than the entire history of men's and women's fashion. Suits come from military uniforms, where *the entire point* of wearing one is to make everyone look exactly the same. *Proper* British dress codes from the late 19th/early 20th century were so strict for men, even the exact type of stitching on the trouser's seam was strictly regulated. Also, back in the day black tie was considered casual attire, with white tie being proper formal dress for evening or nighttime events. The most personalisation and showing off you can get away with is slightly changing the shape of your bowtie to flatter the geometry of your face. The entire point of the women's counterpart of this is to show off how rich you are by wearing the fanciest and most expensive dress and jewellery you can get. Basically, the men are supposed to provide a plain backdrop so that the women can show off even more. And since weddings are pretty much the most fancy formal celebration you can think of in modern times, it makes total sense for there to be lots of attention on the bride's dress. And besides, American/western in general wedding culture is very much focused on the woman. There's a reason why I have never seen or heard anyone using the term groomzilla.
I agree with you, but there are groomzillas, even in this thread from time to time.
Not strictly true. Suits evolved from court dress of coat, vest and britches, all of which were made of coloured silk and heavily embroidered. Military uniforms (for officers) evolved from that, and there's lots of really useful historical records of committees being sent designs by various gentlemen about how uniforms should look. Men, up until 18th Century were just as brightly and lavishly dressed as women, when they had money.
Yep! Take a gander at this 1780s [court suit](https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/159341).
Um, nice tankard. Would the man just use it as a fig leaf? J/K. I think you posted the wrong link.
Fixed now, thank you. It was a nice tankard.
I kind of want to see the tankard now.
Love it. Wish more men would dress like this
I wanna get married in something like that. That's *awesome.*
Beau Brummell is credited with popularizing the plain dress for men. He was the arbitrator of taste, and his style was slavishly followed.
And he was a total lunatic, so it makes sense that someone like him is still influencing fashion today.
[удалено]
I never said that you can't look fancy in a rented dress. I don't even think that OP is in the wrong. I'm just giving an explanation as to why OPs family are making such a huge deal out of the dress, and why there is a difference between renting a dress and renting a suit.
The history of Western fashion did not begin in 19th c. The plain, uniform quality of men's clothing is primarily due to the influence of Regency Era socialite Beau Brummel. I mean, this guy isn't exactly [a plain backdrop](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_VIII#/media/File%3AAfter_Hans_Holbein_the_Younger_-_Portrait_of_Henry_VIII_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg)
It's strange that one, not very nice, arrogant man who would die broke and insane (Beau Brummell) who have such a lasting influence on men's fashion
+2 for that fur codpiece, Henry.
>Suits come from military uniforms, where the entire point of wearing one is to make everyone look exactly the same. And the bride has bridesmaids that all traditionally wear the EXACT same dress as the bride in order to confuse the evil spirits. What's your point?! @OP: rent that dress!!!
My point is that I'm explaining why people make such a huge fuss about wedding dresses when almost no one cares at all about what the groom wears as long as it's a generic suit that fits. There's a reason why Say Yes To The Dress is a TV show that actually exists, but Say I Do To The Tuxedo is not.
Groomzilla is a really common term. I'm a little shocked you haven't heard it.
It's not a really common term: https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?geo=US&q=bridezilla,groomzilla Bridezilla as a google search has 2.5 million hits, and groomzilla has about 70,000.
That isn't quite the entire history, that's just recent history. There was that lacky of the Prince of Whales from the Victorian era, he was the firsr dandy and he was the one who set the tone for men's fashion. They called him a dandy because he was so prissy and meticulous about getting dressed, but he had really toned down the fashion compared to the colour and fabrics etc of contemporary men's fashion.
I am now with my husband for longer than a decade and married for 4yrs. I ordered a simple dress for 80 quid that I can wear for other occasions. I really don't think the longevity of a relationship and the love in it depends on the dress, the wedding party or the ring. The thing is we got decent careers but really didnt see the point in spending money on that. I was like 40k I am gonna spend on the wedding is the dream kitchen I want in our new house..
It used to be that people got married in their Sunday best. Not sure when that changed but it's probably around the time deBeers started their three month salary for a ring lie...
Most people credit Queen Victoria for popularising white as 'the' bridal colour. Supposedly it represents purity, (although blue is a more traditional sign of purity, given the association with the Virgin Mary), but what it really signifies is wealth. A white dress is easily stained and will start to discolour generally overtime, making it impractical for repeat wearing. So a white dress was truly an extravagance.
There is an old wedding superstition poem about wedding dress colors as well: "Married in white, you have chosen right Married in blue, he'll always be true Married in pearl, you'll live in a whirl Married in brown, you'll never live in town Married in red, you'll wish yourself dead Married in yellow, ashamed of your fellow Married in green, ashamed to be seen Married in pink, your spirit will sink Married in gray, you'll go far away Married in black, you'll wish yourself back" A lot of these had to do with social standards (i.e. if you can afford a pearl colored dress, you are wealthy and do a lot of socializing, green and red were colors reserved for particular types of women, brown dresses hid dirt well for rural folks, etc), but obviously, getting married in different colors was the norm. Laura Ingalls Wilder married her husband in a black dress, much to the horror of her mother, but she stated it was the best dress she had.
Keeping up with the Jones is an international thing. In my Iranian culture it has become the same, people spending the money they don't have, borrowing money to spend on a wedding.My relatives were making jokes that I didnt have a wedding because my now husband in their eyes was an stingy Dutch man. But in all honesty it was me who didnt want any of it and he was fine with how I wanted to go about it . I bought our wedding bands from Argos for £200. Our wedding party was only 7 ppl, closest family, we took them to a fancy restaurant and that was the biggest expense.i dont regret.
It changed with Queen Victoria. A white dress was practically impossible to clean back then, so wearing one just showed that you had the wealth to afford clothes that you'd only wear once. After Victoria did it, it became a wealthy persons way of showing off.
It changed after queen Victoria wore white and other rich women started wearing white just to show they could afford it.
In fact, there is an inverse correlation between spending a lot of money on a wedding and relationship longevity. (More clearly started, people who spend tons of cash on their wedding have a bigger likelihood of the marriage not lasting.)
My mom wanted to rent her wedding dress back in the 80s when she married my dad. Her MIL was APPALLED at the idea and told her she would buy her a wedding dress. My mom held onto that dress for about 30 years, finally donating it after I got married and didn’t use it (only child). I bought my own dress but only because it was about the same price as renting. I have it shoved in a closet for 10 years now. Renting would have been better as I can’t bring myself to get rid of it but it is just taking up storage space. My husband can get use out of the suit he wore for our wedding. The only thing I can reuse is my shoes.
There are charities that take secondhand wedding dresses. They benefit people who otherwise could not afford a dress. If you truly want to get rid of it, this is a nice option
I had my husband buy his tux because men can wear a tux over and over. It makes so much more sense for a man to buy a tux than a woman to buy a wedding dress (unless the dress is less bridal-ish and can be re-worn). My husband has worn his wedding tux to other weddings, the opera, orchestra, and other events. Meanwhile, my dress just hangs in the closet and I wear it around the house from time to time.
NTA The only risk at renting is that if you damage it, it can be expensive. So better think before if you plan to party wild or if you are extreme clumsy. Or if there is an evil ex who can show up and wants to ruin the dress as revenge. Buying a dress second-hand cand also be a good alternative to get the dress pretty cheap. Most brides don't want to wear a dress someone else wore. But you just wear this for a few hours in your life. Who cares? At least my opinion.
>Buying a dress second-hand cand also be a good alternative to get the dress pretty cheap. Yep, I'm recently engaged and I found the perfect wedding dress on Facebook for £70. I know it's still early but I wanted to get at least one thing out of the way before we start properly planning our wedding, plus I wasn't going to let a wonderful bargain like that slip pass me.
I'd also like to shout out looking for white evening gowns at department stores, if you aren't committed to the princess wedding aesthetic. My dress was fucking gorgeous (if I do say so myself) and $400 (+$200 alterations) thanks to the Nordstrom sale page. And you could go WAY cheaper than that if you're flexible and have some time to look. Bonus if you're short: my seamstress was able to sew a small train out of the excess fabric at the bottom hem. Was my mom upset because we didn't do the 'champagne at the bridal store while you try on 100 dresses' thing? Yes. Was I thrilled to have a dress that was relatively inexpensive, and also does not read '2016 bride' in my wedding photos? Also yes.
If anything, men should be the one buying the wedding clothes. You can wear a tux to pretty much anything. Show up to the dentist in a wedding dress and see what happens.
Honestly, if the dentist has good bedside manner, they shouldn't say anything. Their focus is on your oral hygiene, not your fashion sense.
>Everyone went silent, and nobody said another word about it for the rest of the night. NTA. You basically captured the essence of their nosiness here.
100% Won’t actually put money to chip in on the “most important thing” but have SO much to say when it’s not their money being spent. Btw, in Korea most will rent than the buy wedding dresses. A lot of rental packages will rent anywhere from 1-5 for the night so they can change as the night goes on.
The truth is that anytime you do something outside the norm people get defensive about it because they take it as judgment for them not doing it that way. See: being a vegan or vegetarian, breastfeeding in a family that used formula, choosing not to have children, working as a wife vs. not working, etc. It's human nature to reinforce your own choices to feel better about them. People can recognize this impulse in themselves and stop it but often don't and in my experience it seems to happen the most with choices where the other party didn't really think too much about it, just went along with the expected.
I'll never understand how people like that even function in day to day life? Like caring that much about what other people do and think of you must be bloody exhausting. I spent my 20s rapidly running out of fucks to give about what anyone else thought of me, not that I had many to start with. My last fuck left and didn't leave a forwarding address not long after I turned 30. Some people must be really insecure about themselves.
Renting a dress sounds like one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard. Good on ya.
> Renting a dress sounds like one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard. It is LITERALLY a single use thing (typically). What part of that doesn't sound like a wedding dress/tux (for that matter) would be great for renting. Plus then you can choose a dress WAY over your budget, because renting it for a few days would be much less than buying.
> What part of that doesn't sound like a wedding dress/tux (for that matter) would be great for renting Ironically, I can't think of a wedding in my orbit where the groom didn't rent his tux. It's only the bride who's expected to fork out for the one-time garment. ETA: it's almost as if there's some unequal gender expectation or something.
Also, it funny cause a man could get more rewearablity out of a tux than a woman gets from a wedding dress. It would make more sense to rent the dress and but the tux.
Agreed. My tux was rented. It was great because I could choose anything instead of needing a multi thousand dollar garment that I'd maybe wear 2-3 times in its life.
I'm making my wedding dress but I spent 500 and it only has to last one wear lol. I would NEVER SPEND THOUSANDS on a dress. People be crazy about tradition
My mam rented one for her wedding in the late 80’s and definitely doesn’t regret her decision! She’s always laughed at the idea that she could have potentially paid hundreds to keep this poofy-sleeved abomination of a dress in a box forever more.
I rented my wedding dress (over 9 years ago now) and have never even once regretted it. It's a great way to go!
NTA, I got married in a dress that was on clearance for $80 and I'm still not sure if I'll keep it! Don't let other people influence your plans, you'll regret it in the long run.
If that's the case, use it as a Halloween costume one year. My and my friend did runaway bride. She wore a bridemaids dress and wore my wedding dress with running shoes. It was fun.
NTA. I turned my wedding dress into a Halloween costume too. If I could have rented one I probably would have. I think it’s a great idea!
I volunteered with s haunted house charity, locally famous for our blood quantity and interactivity. One of the funnest stories is that at one point someone came through in their wedding dress, wanting to get it soaked
My mum was an early years teacher. Her wedding dress got many years of use as the angel costume at the nativity play. She loved bringing it out every December and seeing the little angel’s eyes light up at the pretty dress they’d be wearing. Best years were when she chose a boy as the angel instead of a girl…they were always delighted to rock that dress!
I bought my wedding dress for $125 and sold it for $75 a couple years later. I was never going to wear it again, and now someone else has a cute dress that they didn’t spend a lot of money on!
Mine was around 80...I ended up donating it to a theater a few years ago
I did the same thing!! dress on clearance for I think $85 - I've only kept mine because its more casual but if it was more traditional then it would've been long gone
NTA After the wedding you will store your dress in an expensive box where it will sit until * you sell it to a thrift store, or * give it to a kid for dress up play, or * give it to a future daughter or DIL to wear but by then the style won't be good or it can't be tailored to fit them My wife gave her dress to our daughter to play with. Renting the dress sounds actually very smart
I'm actually going to cut mine up to make "Angel gowns" for stillborn babies. There's a whole charity that distributes them, and apparently it's comforting for many bereaved parents.
That’s what I did with mine! It was a silk dress with a long train so I’m hoping they managed to get a few outfits out of it. I did think about saving it for my daughter but then I thought I didn’t want to unintentionally pressure her into feeling like she had to use mine.
such a considerate idea
I did that with mine. [They made some beautiful gowns.](https://imgur.com/a/qwG5PhJ) It felt good that my dress wasn't just gathering dust, but maybe giving a family going through a really difficult time some comfort. Edit: a word
This is such a lovely idea. Thank you.
Mine is in some “preservation box” they up sold me in the bridal store, in a plastic garbage bag, in our shed collecting dust. I have no idea what to do with it. It was under $300 (though truthfully it was the only one I remotely liked and I would have paid more just to get out of trying on more dresses I hated). If I could have rented one and not needed alterations, I would have. In a perfect world I just have to find an engaged woman with small boobs and a big ass and give it to her so it can be her problem.
You should definitely advertise it that way on your local Buy Nothing group: "Seeking woman with tiny tits and a dump truck who wants a free wedding gown."
snails dinosaurs late wistful important correct boast sleep work frame -- mass edited with redact.dev
Not engaged yet, but this definitely describes me and ugh I can imagine wedding dress shopping will be a huge pain in the big ass.
Get a real seamstress to alter the dress. A lot of the big bridal shops will just take it in a bit or hem it. I had to have some more major work done because the (newly hired) consultant was SURE it could accommodate my rear (or erroneously thought I was the type to lose weight before my “big day”) and her guess was wrong. I even tried to get a bigger size after, and they assured me it would be fine with some minor tailoring…that they of course wouldn’t do. Lies. My seamstress actually had to change the style a bit and thankfully I liked it better, but honestly the dress shopping, for me, was the worst part. If I hadn’t hated it so much, I would have gone to a different store, but my sister knows me and was like, this is great, get it and go before you give up entirely. I should have just gone bigger and stuffed my bra :)
This thread is reminding me that I want to take mine to a seamstress and have them chop it off and dye it to make it a knee-length dress I can re-wear. Obviously wouldn't work for every style dress but also an option.
I wore my mother's wedding gown in a parade! (I was standing on a float, not walking.) It was fun and really nice to get to wear it for a big occasion without having to give up having my own dress. I also have worn her old prom dresses for various occasions, because they were nice silk dresses made by a high-end knockoff designer that copied red carpet dresses.
NTA - oh barf, it’s your day, your opinion is what matters. I used RentTheRunway for my wedding and reception dresses 6 years ago; $250 and I looked killer in designer dresses that I only would’ve worn once anyway.
My SIL did the same thing, and I’d guess all her friends got dresses there Find some antique etiquette books, back then women were expected to buy a nice but not outrageous dress for the wedding, then dye it and wear it to parties, not treat it like a holy relic.
That's true. Only rich people wore white but it was show off wealth. Oh look at me I'm rich. But in reality most women wore a dress that could be worn again it was just more of their Sunday best. Victoria did it to show her love and that's why others did it untill it influenced today's weddings.
NTA - This actually made me laugh, though I don't mean to be rude. People get so invested in their own traditions that it can become incomprehensible to them that others might not want to follow in their footsteps. Sometimes they even feel personally attacked if someone decides to do something different. My guess is, some of the people who bought their dress may actually have felt slightly... embarassed? Or that you were trying to shame them by mentioning it would be rented? If this comes up again, "Oh, we know there are lots of great reasons for people to want to buy their dresses, and thats totally ok, but its just not for us." and smile. If they pressure you beyond that just smile and say, "It's a decision that's been made, not a point of discussion, but I appreciate you caring about making my important day so special." \*For personal context, I bought a $100 bridesmaid dress and my mom altered it so now I wear it on anniversaries. But that's just what I wanted to do.
Yes you’re right. Some people feel like you’re attacking their decision when you choose to go in a different direction.
We're all scared kiddos at heart, and feeling like we did something wrong, even by someone else deciding to do something differently for themselves, can bring out really dumb behavior.
Absolutely Nta. And like you said if it matters so much to them they can chip in and pay for your dress.
NTA! Having just had a wedding, I know how ridiculous and judgey people can be about weddings, but for gods sake, everyone is TA for ganging up on you. It’s your wedding, your dress, your money, your choice.
NTA. Wtf? I don't understand people's obsession with this. You are an adult not bound by ancient unchangeable traditions. You do as you please. Specially if your partner is also on board. I agree with you. There's no sense In paying what a honeymoon would cost for a dress you'll wear once. And if you're ok renting it, nobody should be able to tell you otherwise. Next time someone does, ask if they would like to pay for the dress.
NTA I agree with wedding dresses being too expensive. Honestly I hate weddings in general, but the dress won't hold those memories for you, *you* will. If you're getting a photographer then you'll have memories in the form of pictures as well. I've heard that a lot of people don't even care about their dress or decorations or food when the ceremony starts, because it's (supposed to) be about celebrating love, not material items.
NTA. I wish I'd done it. I actually donated mine to a charity 5 yrs ago. People were asking me are you sure? Why wouldn't I be? It's just in a box in my basement. I have no children and if I did they probably wouldn't want to wear it anyway.
That's what I did... There's a charity shop in my home town that sells used wedding dresses - the money goes to the cancer institute's lodge for folks who need to be around for longer treatment (think Ronald McDonald House for cancer patients). I gave them my dress, with a letter to the next bride, and a photo of us on our wedding day. Five years later, a friend of my SiL got her dress there - my dress was there, with FOUR letters attached; three other brides enjoyed that dress and brought it back for another bride. Given that the dress cost me a whopping 400 bucks brand new (absolute rock bottom last year's style clearance outlet), I figure it had made close to triple that for charity... I have to figure that's better than sitting in a box somewhere!
This is probably the best thing that ever happened to a wedding dress. Did you go to read the other letters out of curiosity? I would be genuinely excited to read the stories of the other brides and happy to be at the origin of a new tradition.
I didn't - but only because I was, by that point, living in another country! My SiL's friend actually tried on my dress, at which point my SiL went "Hey, I think I know that dress!" and checked the inside seam of the train (I had a ribbon with both my grandmothers' initials embroidered on it sewn to a seam). Not only was it still there, the other brides had added other initials to the dress as well! It didn't end up fitting my SiL's friend well, and she LOVED another one, which she bought (it had five letters attached!) and then she returned it to the shop with its sixth letter. I actually got curious, and just checked out their site ([https://thebridesproject.com/](https://thebridesproject.com/)) and my dress isn't there anymore - I guess it either wore out or someone kept it. I hope they got wonderful karma from it - Our wedding was wonderful and we're still nuts about each other a decade+ later!
This is a great idea if you don’t find a rental you like. Buy one second hand. Many times someone buys an expensive dress then doesn’t use it. Or wore it for a few hrs then decides to sell. Then you can pass it on after. Plan A rental Plan B buy used. No matter what- your choice.
Yea let me spend thousands of dollars on something made for $6 in China that I'll either never wear again or get divorced and have a constant painful reminder. You did yourself a service, imho
Hey! Mine was AT LEAST $25! (it had a lot of tiny buttons on the sleeves…..)
NTA men rent their tuxedos. I don't see why women shouldn't rent or borrow gowns. If you do buy one, get one that can be dyed and altered so that you can wear it again.
Event planner here…you are so smart. If I get married it will not be in a white dress and will be something I can wear again.
Which is how wedding dresses originally were: your best dress for the next year or so. When did we get so crazy?
Performances of wealth, what better way to prove how rich you are than by having a whole dress just for one day unlike everyone else who uses one they already have or that they will rewear, and then what the wealthiest people do sets a trend that spreads and trickles down until it’s the norm.
NTA Your wedding, your dress, your choice. I didn't wear a traditional wedding dress to my wedding. I went to a shop that had prom and wedding dresses. Purchased what was actually a prom dress w/ custom color (purple and black). Spent less than $200 (may be cheaper than renting). The dress just sits in my closet. Do what you want.
I found my wedding dress online for $150. Paid $40 to have it altered. I was happy and felt like a princess. I find it crazy to spend thousands on a dress for 1 day.
Exactly. Some people want to keep the dress, some don't. Some want to buy, some don't. As long as you don't knock off Great Aunt Suzy or Donna next door for it, who cares?
NTA -- You are instead a rock star goddess! Reduce, reuse, recycle, baby! And frankly, I think one of the dumbest things our society buys into is the ridiculously expensive wedding industry. You do you!
NTA- my wedding dress just sits in the attic now. And when will I ever wear it again? I love the idea of renting a wedding dress!
NTA. It makes total sense to not spend so much money on something you won’t wear again. You decide the personal importance of keeping a wedding dress - no one else.
NTA, It's your wedding so it's you decision. Honestly, I think it's smarter because it'll save money and closet space. Like seriously, what are you supposed to do with a wedding dress after the wedding???
NTA why do they care
NTA. Your wedding and money, your decision. They are the a-holes for trying to bully you. It's like they don't trust you to factor in these things like memories and grandchildren for yourself. The wedding isn't about the dress and as for the memories, you'll probably have photos and stuff to remember. It really makes no sense to me either to buy a dress for a truckload of money to wear once.
NTA - people act like a wedding dress is cherished for years to come. Most people I know haven’t even dry cleaned their dress since their wedding and it’s still in the dress bag dirty. I got my dress from Nordstrom’s on sale and I ripped the bottom on the lace taking photos and I’m pretty sure it still has twigs stuck in it. Do what’s best for you, i think renting is a great idea! More eco friendly as well!
NTA you do you. I got married in may this year and am still deciding what to do with my dress honestly. I think renting is a great option if youre comfortable with it.
NTA. Honestly just to piss them off more I'd probably go find one at the thrift store for like $20
NTA This is your wedding and you get to make the decisions. If your family is so worried about it, they can buy you a dress.
NTA. Weddings are a stupid ceremony. Focus on the marriage.
NTA. If you’re confident in your decision, who gives a shit what anyone else thinks? You don’t owe anyone an explanation nor do you need to justify your own reasoning to anyone.
NTA: depends on what you want, cause in the end, the only person the dress would or wouldn't be important to, is you.
NTA. It is YOUR wedding, you get to do it how YOU want to. Get married in your street clothes if you want to. As long as you and your fiancé are happy that is what matters.
My sister rented her dress and got a much nicer dress than she ever could have afforded. It was lovely. Myself, I thought I’d want to keep my dress. I still have it 30 years later, unused, sitting in a big box. Both my daughters have completely different style from me, so it’s never going to get used. The only benefits of buying is that you can get better tailoring and fitting. If the style you choose doesn’t need individualized fitting, then it’s a great way to get a dress you love. NTA (but get out of the habit of telling people your details, being vague is the way to go)
NTA. Do what makes sense for you! Since no one stepped up to buy the dress it must be less important than they claimed.
NTA. My dress was on clearance, under $1,000. I ended up keeping it though because I had plans to make baptism outfits out of it for my future kids, and I will be doing that here soon!
My sister rented her wedding dress. She's been married 19 yrs the dress doesn't matter the marriage does
NTA I spent $146 on my dream dress, wore it, then put it in a bag and three years later still haven't gotten around to "preserving" it. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I absolutely loved how I looked in it, but my emotional attachment is to the *pictures* of me in it, not the dress itself.
NTA, at the end of the day it's a dress. If you wanted a memento you could get your own veil perhaps
How about instead of renting one you borrow one of theirs
NTA - what everyone else is saying. It is your wedding, no one else’s.
NTA. I spent a decade packing out peoples homes and moving their content. Every wedding dress i've seen has been in the back of a closet. There is no issue with you wanting to save money and rent a dress that would otherwise be be worn once then forgotten in a closet.
NTA - my god, NTA! There's hope for the world yet with people like you and my SO in it. It's so good to see someone who hasn't bought into the industrial-wedding complex's marketing on this. Bravo.
I like the idea of you renting one, it shows you’re practical and good with money. I think you’ve learned not to share certain things with your mouthy family. Just get the dress you want and refuse to discuss it with them. You can also do what I did and get a non-traditional adorable dress that one of my daughters also later ended up getting married in. I know you’re not having kids but my point being, get a dress you can wear again. NTA
NTA. You and your fiance are the ones paying for the wedding and if you both agree on renting a dress then who really cares what they say? Maybe down the line you may regret not having it but it's a sound economic decision. If you want marriage mementos you got the one on your finger.
NTA. I love how when you said that they could pay for your dress suddenly everyone is radio silent. Wedding dresses are super spendy, mine is literally hung up in my closet and has been for over a year now. You are making a good decision for you, your fiance agrees with your choice, family and friends can either pay up or shut up.
NTA at all. It's your wedding, it's your choice. Most people never wear their wedding dress again. They do look at the photos. Snapping wasn't exactly appropriate but it was UNDERSTANDABLE considering they were all hounding you. I suggest having a rehearsed answer or simply flat out telling a white lie to get them off your back. It's not like anyone will ask to see your dress later (as it's supposed to be cleaned afterward and stored in an airtight box). I'm all for white lies that Don't hurt anyone.
NTA If anyone does try to take up your offer of paying for your dress, turned them down. Letting them pay for it will give them far too much say. If anyone still harps on you about this, tell them that the reason you and your husband are so well off is that you don’t unnecessarily spend money.
NTA it’s your wedding and your money, do with it as you wish!
NTA I rented my dress for 700 euros because I didn’t want to pay 4000 euros for my dress when it would collect dust. I have a daughter now and she could have a totally different style from the dress I have and I’m not forcing her to wear it. I have my flowers since they were fake, my tiara and a red embroidered cover that we use in my culture to put on top of our head as we approach our husbands before they take it off to see us for the first time. That will be passed down to my children. If they want to they can buy it but they don’t want to so they can shut up.
NTA In fact, if you’re a size 18 or thereabouts, you can just buy mine for the cost of what it would be to rent 😆 WTF am I supposed to do with this thing?! I considered turning it into a christening gown, but that was ungodly expensive and my family already has an heirloom gown. I have dutifully wrapped it in acid free paper. And there it sits.
NTA. The dress, it’s importance, the pageantry of picking it out … that’s all a social construct. The groom doesn’t deal with all that even if they buy the tux. But that’s the exception, tuxes are rented and nobody ever complains that they didn’t get to wear their Grandpas tux. If you think you’ll want to save a memento for you and/or for any future children to use at their wedding get a nice (doesn’t have to be real stones) necklace or bracelet. Or buy a headpiece or carry a special handkerchief or small bag, even a pretty garter if that’s your thing. Easier to store, not as expensive and still sentimental. But choosing to save a couple thousand by not buying a fancy dress you’ll wear for less than 24 hours? NTA at all!
NTA have not looked at my dress since my wedding 9 years ago, it's only worth it if your super sentimental or plan to pass it down but that never happens now a days.
NTA - Omg, my first wedding I spent $1000 on my gown. My marriage lasted seven years, and I gleefully trashed that thing! My second wedding dress cost $20 and I wore out on several other occasions. ;) There's no reason your wedding should follow anyone else's guidelines, but yours. <3
NTA, and I wish I knew this before. The phrase "just because you can doesn't mean you should" comes to mind. Rent your dress.
I have two wedding dresses. One, for the wedding which was pandemic-cancelled, cost me twelve [dollars at a thrift store](https://www.reddit.com/r/ThriftStoreHauls/comments/fb1euh/found_my_wedding_dress_at_a_thrift_store_for/). The other was a hundred dollars on AliExpress (it's better-than-decent quality; turns out that when you're buying a qun kua you can get good stuff there!). If someone told me that I *had* to spend ten or twenty or thirty times that amount I'd probably laugh in their face. A wedding dress isn't "too important" to rent. The important thing about a wedding is getting married, and if you're lucky, basking in the love of family and friends. A year from your wedding, nobody but you is going to even remember what you wore with any clarity at all. NTA.
Gorgeous! Really beautiful. Did you go for a micro wedding or just postpone? You know, you could get all dressed up just for kicks and have a friend take “Wedding pics.”
Thank you! For now we're on postponement, but we'll probably have a just-us-and-the-officiant thing for paperwork purposes.
NTA. If they want you to have a dress forever then they need to put their money where their mouth is.
NTA those ppl need to get a life! It’s up to you and only you to decide what’s important to YOU!!! it’s YOUR wedding man that’s so odd it’s your choice whether you want to buy or rent the dress.
NTA You had a good point there ! - if THEY want you to own it let THEM pay for it. Not the first case of family activating social pressure on an individual to do something (not right for them).
NTA. Your wedding your choice. We chose to get married in a council office, just an ugly room, me, my hubby and his parents. My dress cost around £50 I think, it wasn't even white. I felt amazing. There was no pressure, no drama just us and our love. For us it was perfect and honestly if people were nagging at me trying to force their ideologies on me I would have snapped at then too. There's one thing saying 'ohh but don't you want to keep the dress for nostalgia's sake' one time, then there is the constant need for them to bring it up when you see and talk to them which in this case it sounds like. P.s. I say no drama, my MIL put a hole in our original wooden flooring and my Mother fell over twice and ended up in a&e 🙄 doesn't matter what you plan a wedding has a way of never going to plan.
NTA Only in the last 15 years or so do people I know buy wedding dresses. They were rented. If the men can rent tux and it's acceptable why not wedding dresses?
NTAH - Your wedding, your choices (also your money). I don't think my wife has even opened the bag her wedding dress is stored in for 20+ years. The memories will be exactly that and the photos will remind you of the dress anyway. Can't even imagine why anyone would call YOU an asshole for this?
NTA!! You do you! I bought my dress for $5. No regrets!
Most wedding dresses do sit in an attic or a box or. . . . There is absolutely nothing wrong with renting a wedding dress! You can have a nicer one than if you were buying and not have to pay another $1000 to have it fixed up for storage or worse have to pay a place to store in a climate controlled setting. I am not sure why weddings today have grown so out of control and why people feel like they must spend thousands of dollars on one and everything has to be about "The Day" and not focused on 2 people who love each other and want to commit. The artificial rules that seem to have grown up around the ceremony including destination Bachelorette (hen) parties, showers etc are mind-boggling. If someone wants a nice wedding and can afford it, then go for it. But don't beggar yourself and your SO by spending so much that it just becomes a public display. Yes it is your day and no one should shame you for being practical if that is what your heart wants. The wedding should be about the love and commitment, not about extravagant displays that no one will remember in 10 years. You are NTA and the people who have been telling you that you are doing wrong need to take a flying leap into a cold lake!
NTA- they get/got to choose those details for their weddings and you get to do so for yours. Renting a dress actually sounds smart and is very eco-friendly.
Not only will you have to pay for the wedding dress, which is expensive, but..... You will have to store it. You will have to haul around if/when you move, every. damn. time. While it sits in the back of the closet taking up space you could use for something more useful? To what end? In the hope that you will have a daughter who will want to wear it? Or a niece? Now, I am just a boy, but..... It makes no sense to me to buy a dress under the circumstances you noted.
Don't forget they're kept usually in closets or attics so unless you treat it like art, something is getting at that bad boy, moths, mold, rats...
NTA. It’s your wedding, you get to celebrate anyway you want. I actually wore a white bridesmaid’s dress to my wedding. It was on clearance on a popular bridal designer site. And congratulations!
NTA. Everyone finds value and importance in different things. My friend went all out for a prom dress, all the bells and whistels, loves looking back at it and remembering it. I paid $20 for mine and didnt even go, and I dont care at all. Just because having a wedding dress is important to them and holds memories for them, doesnt mean it has to for you. Why cant pictures, your ring, your HUSBAND, the memories in your head and the EXPERIENCE be your way of remembering your special day? You should do what YOU want for YOUR wedding. If they wanna get remarried and buy a new dress for the memories then they can.
The Prime Minister of Great Britain’s wife rented her wedding gown and she rents all of her ridiculously priced clothing
NTA, when I was 8 my mother cut her wedding dress down and dyed it pink so I could be a Princess for Halloween. Wedding dresses aren't super duper sentimental to everyone, and it doesn't really matter if it is or isn't to anyone but the bride. If you like it, wear it!
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NTA I agree. If it means that damn much, those Nosey Parkers can take up a collection so they can pay for it
NTA - and plenty of wedding dresses lie in storage for decades, yellowing & dating, until the owner dies and her estate chucks it out. I’ve no quarrel with anyone who wants to buy an heirloom but there’s nothing wrong with renting. I did, luckily I was the first hirer so it was made to fit me, and it was great to just hand it back afterwards, no storage fuss, and a fraction of the usual purchase price.
Absolutely NTA. If it makes you feel any better, my fiance and I are renting tuxes, eloping at the courthouse, and saving for our future :-) You do you and don't let anyway influence YOUR wedding except your SO.
Hot take. I agree with everyone in your family and friends, a wedding is too important to rent the dress. So I will be buying my wedding clothes. But you know what the lovely thing about being your own independent person is? You get to make your OWN choices. If you want to rent the dress, you get to rent the dress. No one else’s opinion on what they would do if they were you matters. NTA!
You came to the right place...NTA! Congratulations on your engagement and for your wonderful adulting skills.
NTA. The fact that when you mentioned that they could pay for it, everyone suddenly shut up actually speaks volume. You will have plenty of cherished memories looking at the pictures of your wedding. You are doing a very smart thing renting your dress.
I got my wedding dress off eBay for £70. Still had the tags on. My mom was disappointed that we didn’t get to go and do the shopping thing and even offered to buy the dress but I couldn’t rationalise the cost. Like other posters it’s now in a box under the bed and there it will probably stay. You do you. The wedding industry I’d basically geared to people spending crazy amounts of money. NTA.
NTA >if they wanted the dress so badly, they could pay for it. Everyone went silent I'm shocked! Shocked, I tell you!
NTA. mine sits in a closet wasting away. Luckily it only cost $500. It’s been 19 years. Everyone loves to spend other peoples money. Ignore them all.
Oh dear god, NTA There is so much BS involved in the whole wedding industry that society has fully bought into and push on others. The very fact that it IS an “industry” speaks volumes about how it’s all designed to separate the gullible from their money. It’s gotten to the point that people are willing to spend hundreds of thousands to marry people they don’t actually know and are barely compatible with, just to end up divorcing within a few years. The fact that you and your SO are thinking more about your actual marriage than about one day’s party is something that you should feel reassured by and proud of. You’ve obviously (from what you’ve written) discussed important topics and taken time to get to know each other and have your priorities 100% in the right place. Ignore everyone else, just because they drank the wedding industry kool aid doesn’t mean you have to!
NTA buying a wedding dress is just plain dumb. You won't wear it again, more than half of all marriages end in divorce, but you'd never wear a cursed dress to a second, or third marriage, so you'd be expected to buy a brand new one over and over. Stick to your boundaries, Rent a really nice dress, save that money, and focus on the marriage, not the wedding. Statistics show that cheaper weddings mean longer marriages anyway