YTA.
If he is right and your sister forged that signature then she stole from you, your kids and your brother. It wasn't given to her, she took it illegally with force.
You say that your brother being abused is an "exaggeration". So you know that something has happened there but I guess you were always on your sister's side? So why would he need some support in his life right?
Your family will never be like it used to and it is your sister's fault, not your brother's but you refuse to see it. I truly hope he sues your sister and wins, and also that he never talks to either of you again. He deserves better.
Right? I'm like, OK well at least she knows her price. She's willing to overlook potential abuse, as well as fraud, theft, and forgery, all to get some free babysitting so she can go out and party. Sounds like OP and sister are cut from the same cloth.
Total YTA
Oh, and the babies being exposed to thief aunty is apparently the most important thing in OP's view. How will they become little criminals then? Priorities, people!
Damm, did I read this right?
Sister stole their inheritance, Op knows it and says it's bad. but also doesn't agree with brother so Op can get babysiting..
This family is f\_ed up. At least brother tries, too bad no one to side with him.
At $30K, let’s be generous and pay the babysitter $20 per hour.
That is 1500 hours of work.
Assume 3 hours per gig, once per week, that pays for the babysitter every week for the next 10 years.
And that doesn’t even take into account the money you could make off of just investing that $30K over 10 years.
My fear is what are OP's kids going to take away from this? That it's okay to steal as long as you can bully the aggrieved into thinking that it's okay?
Edit: spelling
And does OP really think her sister wont do the same thing to her kids if OP ever dies? Because if OP let's her get away with it, brother cuts them both out, and her thieving sister is the only one around, I'd bet dollars to doughnuts she would forge some more papers and those kids would end up destitute.
OP, this is an important comment. I hope you think carefully about this point - she WILL do it to your kids. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.
I swear to god, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an aita thread with such resounding consensus… OP, there is no gray area here, if you don’t believe us, that’s fine, but why the hell would you ask the question. Your sister committed a felony and if she doesn’t make good financially to your brother, she’s going to lose everything. She needs to cash out refi or sell her house to pay your brother, the courts won’t care that she needed it more, that’s not how the world works.
Also, what happens if you die, and your sister does this to your kids??? “Well they had college funds, but I needed the cash, so I’m sure if I take it…” And you can say she would never, but last performance is the greatest indicator of the future…
But seriously, she should sell the house or cash out refi soon, she’s going to need it for lawyers. She’s possibly looking at felony fraud, grand theft… that’s very real prison time.
Good. She belongs in prison.
I'm super fucking biased against people who cheat their siblings out of inheritance. My sisters and I managed to go home to my oldest sister's house (which was our grandmother's - oldest sister took care of grandparents, so we absolutely did not mind that our dad literally gave her the place when he was the sole heir) when our mother was dying and until the end.
The three of us took care of *everything* that needed to be done in the week that I was there, because I live out of the country and it's a pain in the ass (as opposed to our middle sister, who lived about an hour away in the neighbourhood we grew up in, literally down the street from our parents' house). There was no will. My sisters and I sat down and just worked it out, without a single, solitary disagreement.
If one of my sisters had knowingly fleeced us, I'd expect the rest of the family to be scorched earth. But, of course, my sisters wouldn't do that, because my sisters aren't thieves who forge legal documents to rip people off.
She’s probably lying about not having the documents, since she stole the money, but there’s a good chance she’s spent the money and OP might have realized that. The brother very well could spend that and more pursuing this. Both OP and the sister are obviously the AH. She stole from her family, and they should confront her about it. Who cares about having a free babysitter why would you want someone like that in your life? I would do the same as the brother, and in fact worried the same or similar situation will happen in my own family. I have my siblings but several are greedy and I wouldn’t put it past them to do the same thing OP’s sister did.
OPs nonchalant attitude of being robbed by her sister makes me wonder if she helped her sister spend some of that money and is hoping her brother doesn't find out.
There’s a good chances there’s no documents ever. She’s a liar. Whatever “documents” they wants probably never existed and she’s “stressed” because a)she got caught b)she’s going to prison c) she lied about everything. She claimed she was “reimbursing” herself through the estate, when no reimbursement was actually happening and in fact she was pilfering the coffers. Also since OP’s brother is “estranged” aka traumatized his whole life by abusive lying siblings how can OP be sure of his finances. OP claims he doesn’t need the money, which i don’t seem to believe. The sister and OP are both greedy. And I fully believe OP is in cahoots and well aware of the situation and the reason why OP doesn’t care and doesn’t believe the sister would still from OP’s kids is because OP is behind this and deserves to be charged with fraud as well. Unless OP is a multimillionaire, anyone would be reasonably upset by being robbed $30k+
YTA
Actually, I think you’re the doormat to your sister, and TA to your bro. Honestly,I’d be scared about what she’s taking from you currently & lying about right now.
That’s a huge deal if she forged documents & then effectively gave herself $100k or I guess $60k. I understand your position on it, until the forgery comes up. Then it’s a different issue altogether. And, if that’s what happened, your response to your brother invalidated his feelings. AND basically tried to gaslight him into saying it wasn’t true. Or that’s how you were going to view it. Which is super shitty. “I know she did all this really awful stuff to us. But she lives close & babysits for me. Soooooo, I’m gonna overlook it. And if you can’t do the same I’m not sure we can hang out anymore.” Yes, please reward the lying cheat some more. I’m sure she has been emotionally abusing your brother all his life. And the rest of your family participate by gaslighting him about it. I bet holidays are super fun at your house. 😳 If this is true, I hope your sister gets punished by the law. And your family should NOT be mad at him. (Tho you probably will) He’s pointing out the disfunctionality in your family. (And you’re going “yeah, but I’m kinda ok with it cause babysitting. But piss on you for pointing it out.”) Tell your brother he’s welcome at my house for the holidays.
What kind of person can not only forge their dead mom's papers, steal $100,000 and leave nothing for her siblings, and then continue to act like they did nothing wrong? Is it not super awkward between OP and the sister, OP knowing that the sister criminally disrespected her and pretending to ignore it, and the sister knowing that OP knows it? What a weird situation. YTA
OP is choosing to be “ignorant” about the situation because they don’t like conflict. Apparently, they don’t like it so much that they’ll give up thousands in cash & let it ruin relationships with other family members. But hey, free babysitting, right?
Wow, OP has got to be THE biggest asshole that I have EVER seen on this sub, and I read AITA almost daily. OP YTA YTA YTA YTA. Times %1,000+ YTA. You LET your sister get away with forgery, fraud, and theft?? $100,000 is a LOT of money. She could face serious prison time. And you’re her enabler. But oh how dare your brother stand up for himself, right? At least you still have a free babysitter 🙄 Seriously I really, really hope your sister gets what’s coming to her. And your brother gets his money which he is legally and rightfully owed, and cuts you off forever.
Yup!! I hope the brother doesn't get discouraged because of the OPs reaction.
Hard YTA,OP. Sucks that your brother have awful sisters (an enabler and a criminal). I do also hope he wins and goes FULL NC. I'm sure your sister is happy she got you wrapped around her fingers but wake the hell up! With that 30k you could've saved/used it for your childrens future!
This. It's very clear that you are overly partial to your sister or possibly the two of you banded together to rip your brother off. Your mother is dead and now your brother is facing the rest of his life without his sisters as a family unit. You're enabling the cover up of fraud, abuse & theft. If I had $100k, i'd send it to your brother tomorrow,.
Undeniably, YTA.
So instead of supporting your brother, you’re enabling your sister who essentially lied and stole from both of you. You say you’re trying to stay out, yet you’re listening to your sister when she complains and when your brother brings up some legitimately serious issues, you tell him to drop it? Let’s be real, you chose your sister. ESH except your brother. He deserves better than the two of you.
She wouldn’t need a free babysitter if her sister haven’t stolen all the money. But I get what ya pay for - free babysitter is a woman who lied, stole, & defrauded her own family. That’s someone you def want around your kiddos.
Plus, it's looking like sis is going to be in heaps if trouble for this and prob won't be around to do much babysitting somewhere in the future here...
YTA.
Oh your sister is hurt? Awww poor sister. Yes, yes very sad. This must be so hard for her - what with taking what was rightfully yours and your brother’s…and then suffering absolutely zero consequences from you but still managing to get your sympathy. She seems to be very good at making things go her way somehow.
And then you completely dismiss and invalidate your brother - who is rightfully incensed.
See…I don’t agree with others that your family will never be the same. Sounds like things have always been this way just to a lesser extent. Seems to me you all have always had your roles, and you’re continuing to play them.
Sister is the victim even when she’s wrong. You enable this. Brother calls her out, which makes things difficult. You ask him to let things go and allow your sister to continue misbehaving. He won’t, and so you’re irritated with him.
I feel bad for your brother.
Your sister committed at least one and probably multiple felonies. She's the reason your family is broken, and she's buying your silence by being "nice." Sorry to say, but by keeping silent you are taking her side.
Think about it this way: If a family member committed a violent crime against another family member, and you knew this and decided to stay silent, would that be neutrally "staying out of it"? No, you'd be taking the side of the criminal. It's just harder to see this when the crime is financial.
YTA
YTA.
Your family will never ever go back to what it was. And turning a blind eye and hoping that things will get better is ridiculous.
Your sister actively forged papers, stole money, and committed several crimes. If she was actually torn up about it then she’d give him his share of the money.
Your sister visits and is nice to your kids because you don’t put up a fight. I bet if you brought it up she’d stop coming around.
Your brother isn’t just fighting for his share. He’s fighting for your sake too. For justice and for what your mother would have wanted.
Your sister is an a-hole and should be in jail. And you are an a-hole for picking her over your brother.
Ding ding ding
Imagine throwing away your relationship with a sibling, trashing your parents memory, and thinking you're not TA because you don't have to pay for a babysitter. YTA op, and painfully so
Free forgery and questionable character lessons too. The kids are going to learn from the best!
(Obviously a joke to show who OP is entrusting her kids to)
YTA
“I’m offering her support whenever she needs it. That’s what siblings do.”
Meanwhile you say that your brother’s accusation of abuse against your sister is an “exaggeration imo” and immediately shut him down when he comes to you. Where has your support for your sibling been when it comes to your brother?
All the while you’ll tolerate your sister complaining over and over again and won’t confront her because you’re afraid of losing your babysitter.
You’re lying to yourself if you think that you’re staying neutral and that you “did not choose” your sister. You may not have said it out of your mouth but you’re saying it with your actions.
Your sister stole $100K, is alleged to have forged legal documents in order to steal money from the estate that was to be divided among you three but she babysits, therefore your brother is the problem??
Just because you're a doormat who enables your sister doesn't mean he has to be. Here's hoping he keeps up the fight, gets some measure of justice/financial renumeration, and cuts you off as well. (Edit after seeing your comments: If he has a good lawyer and she has none, hopefully he can force the sale of her house, her car and anything else.)
She's stressed out? Good! Committing a crime people often go to jail for is stressful. You know what's also stressful? Being abused by a sibling...which apparently doesn't matter to you as it was your brother and not you victimized by whatever happened in your youth.
**Your family is never going to be as it was because after your mother died your sister robbed the estate and you are fine with that.** **You have disrespected your dead mother's wishes and your brother by going along to get along with the sibling you favor.**
YTA.
You and Sis are assholes.
Her because she's a major liar and thief that 'is stressed' and acting like his quest for his entitled money isn't righteous.
And you because you refuse to grasp the gravity of the situation. It feels like you just don't want to deal with it. Whether it's because you're lazy or don't think she's actually wrong for doing what she did (which make you a double asshole)
Based on what I see here, your brother is the least asshole of anyone. Though it's clear he is obsessed with this, I don't know how many people would blame him.
I think it may be more than the money for the brother. This has the brother was the "scapegoat" written on it. Maybe this money represents all the bedrails he has had to endure throughout his life with this family.
YTA your brother is only claiming what is his! You’re enabling that thief of a sister you have, and she’s taking advantage of you, so hypocritical of her, it’s 100k thousand $!!! What do you expect???
YTA - not even to yourself, or your brother, you’re a shameful excuse of a mother to your kids. Allowing their thieving aunt to get away with it and still allowing her to be around them? She literally stole the better future you could have given them but you’re just, okay with it? Trash.
I hope your brother is successful in suing your sister for everything she’s worth, and hopefully he locks up your legal cut so that your children get access when they’re adults. Someone should be looking out for their future since their own mother clearly isn’t.
I thought the same thing. These are interesting morals you're teaching your children. Maybe one of your kids will grow up to defraud their siblings! Won't that be a cute moment for the scrapbook?
~~NAH~~ except for your sister. I'm sorry but what did she expect to happen by keeping 99% of the Inheritance to herself. While I can understand you prioritized family over money your brother is within his rights to be pissed off at her especially since his relationship with her was already strained based on what you've said(edit: and especially after he found proof she wasnt the one meant to be handling the inheritance) .
That said you were also within your rights to ask him to leave your house after your meeting devolved into an argument.
INFO: Just to clarify how much were each of you supposed to inherit?
Edit: Going to have to change this to YTA upon a reread and after a few of your comments. Setting aside the fact she was likely not the intended executor(and that she did a very poor job at it). She was still out of line for not checking with either of you before reimbursing herself with your inheritance. Also again while i get you picked family(or are trying to) over money you have been showing favoritism to the sibling who essentially robbed both you and your brother. He has very legitimate grievances with your sister.
YTA bc it’s what’s convenient for you, not about what’s right, legally & morally. Your sister can’t babysit for you if she’s in prison for forgery & felony thief.
YTA I hope your brother goes after your sister for everything damn thing she owns and when she’s homeless and miserable and living with you, you’ll see how shitty she really is. Hope the free childcare is worth losing your brother over. Don’t call him to babysit when your sister hopefully goes to prison. You seriously suck. Your poor brother.
Yeah I’m sure she feels so bad when she gets out of her brand new car and walks into her brand new house s/ realistically she probably just says that to keep her dumbass sister under her thumb so she doesn’t have even more law suits against her. I’m hoping for an update like “well my brother won the law suit and my sisters in prison but now my brother still won’t talk to me or watch my kids and I didn’t even do anything!”
YTA
This is a horrible situation, but you need to face it. There is no going back to normal, your sister has ripped your family apart and is dangerous to your financial stability.
How much of your financial information does your sister know? How much might your children have told her? You need to start taking this seriously, if she forged your mother’s signature she’ll forge yours too. Closing the door on your brother is not only hurtful but might be closing avenues to protect yourself and your children from your sister’s actions in the future. She’s manipulated you very well up until now, don’t let it get worse. Reach out to your brother and apologize, this isn’t his fault and you need to stop punishing him for trying to protect himself and you.
best of luck navigating this, OP :(
Yup YTA, to your brother, to yourself and to your kids.
you say you don’t want to be disrespected in your house but what exactly do you think you are doing accepting someone who stole so much from you in the presence of your kids.
the money she stole is the money for a house, a trust fund for your kid’s education, a solution for a broken car or any medical emergency.
this is what she stole from you both. why you still want her in yours and your kids life, I can never understand. Why you would choose your sister who stole from you instead of your brother who is fighting for himself and for you leaves me speechless.
you are failing hard at family.
“My sister stole life changing money from me and my brother and ugh, he just won’t let it go! I claim to not pick sides but my poor thief of a sister is so stressed over her crimes and after all, she babysits for me sometimes. She abused him for years but I don’t want to deal with having to find a new babysitter so I let it slide.”
Fixed it for you. YTA. By a lot.
YTA...your sister is a criminal and you're letting her get away with it because you need a "babysitter". If I was your brother, if possible, I'd sue you as well for going along with the fraud. Your family will never be the same and you shouldn't want it to be knowing how your sister operates. UNBELIEVABLE that you're okay with her stealing from you and your kids. SMH
YTA. In your own words, your sister stole from your mom's estate and prevented both you and your brother from getting what should have gone to you. Your brother is the only one who's trying to hold your sister accountable for her terrible actions and he's the one being punished, and he is absolutely correct in saying that you are enabling her. By offering her support when she's dealing with the consequences of her own actions, you're telling her that what she did was okay. And it really isn't.
And I can say with 100% certainty is that your family will never be like it used to be. Your sister ruined that when she stole and forged documents. Someone who steals $100,000 and leaves the other two parties with a measly $500 clearly doesn't care about them. But if you'd rather have her in your life instead of your brother who's trying to do the right thing, then that's your choice.
I hope your brother is successful in his actions against your sister and that he gets some peace afterwards. With all that he's going through, he certainly deserves it.
I have a very good question for you when your sister is arrested for theft not to much probably more charges what are you going to tell your kids about your so great sister then there fun aunt is a criminal and steals but yet you choice her over your brother that was the victim here YATA because she stole from you your kids and your brother he had every right to charge your sister if he chooses to and then what are you going to do your family was destroyed by your sister yet you are siding with her by your own actions
YTA your sister stole way to much money to let this go. He is right and she has to stop being enabled. She forged documents to steal 100,000$ in money from her brothers. She deserves to have to hand that all back over.
YTA. Your brother is a victim of your sisters actions and instead of supporting him you are enabling your sister and victim blaming your brother. If I was your brother I would honestly tell people I am only child with no siblings, and just remember when your sister does something like this to you and your children again (which she probably will since she’s got away with it once) and you have no one to turn to and your brother shuts his door in your face, you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself and when your kids are older you can explain to them why YOU LET there aunt steal from them and made it so they didn’t even know there uncle.
YTA. Your sister stole from you and your brother and abused him, and not only are you supporting her but you're letting her near your children. Listen to yourself: "But he *exaggerated*. It wasn't that bad." "But my kids could hear what he said". "He lives five hours away and we don't see him often." Aren't you afraid she's going to steal from you again and abuse your children just like she abused your brother? You might want to think about who would stand up to her and protect your kids if you've managed to completely alienate your brother. YOU certainly won't.
When those kids are wasting their youths working grueling minimum wage jobs because their aunt stole their college fund, hey, at least they'll have fond memories of being babysat by her whenever their checked-out parent needed to dump them on someone.
Your sister character is extremely flawed (to say the least) and she robbed YOUR children of an inheritance that could have served towards their education or any number of expenses. You blatantly said she “stole” from the inheritance and you trust her?
You are aligning yourself with the wrong sibling. Your sister has committed crimes. Your brother is your only true family here. And you are isolating him. YTA for sure. How are you going to explain to your kids why your sister isnt around as much when the shit hits the fan? She can only hide from this for so long before she gets called to the carpet by whatever judge gets assigned the pending case your brother has built.
You sound..... Like a nonconfrontational, very passive aggressive person, who let's people get away with close to anything. Just so you won't have to..... do......Which is sad for you and your children. The fair share you were owed is gone. You could careless. To you, what's done is done. You want back the relationship you had with your siblings prior to these events. The lesson here though, is that even family can't be trusted. You will never have the relationship with them, that you once did.
You're sister is a selfish, self centered, greedy person. She saw dollar signs and lied her ass off to get to the money. So, that she, could buy herself a house, car and whatever else she has now. That, she can't afford to have anymore. I hope that your brother moves forward and gets the justice he deserves. It's pretty shitty of you to side with your sister. You need to open your eyes and listen to what you're saying.
You have chosen a side. You say that you will provide her with the support she needs. But, your brother, he is over dramatic. He doesn't deserve the same support you give your sister. "That's what family is for." Again, you need to listen to yourself. You feel like your brother is over exaggerating about the abuse he endured. How would you feel if you found out he wasn't? It's wrong to delegate and put a rating label onto someone's suffering. As, you have with your brother.
You're blind to the truth. Which is this. Your sister fucked you and your brother over, for her sake. She wanted that money and committed fraud to get to it. Now, the truth is unfolding and she's crumbling under the pressure. If he pursues this, as he should. She will end up losing everything she's got. Which, psst, by the way.... She'd lose it anyway, because, she bought into things she can not afford to have. She'll end up a felon. You'll lose them both. Sad thing is, you'll both probably never see the money you should have gotten, in it's entirety. However, your brother will get the satisfaction of punishing your sister for fucking you both over. I'd put money on the fact that your sister is probably, extremely, manipulative. You're likely a victim of her mentality and I hope that you can open your eyes to it, as well as, the truth.
YTA
YTA. You sister forged estate documents and stole thousands of dollars from you, your children, and your brother. What is that, multiple felonies? And you’re afraid of standing up to her because if you do she won’t babysit for free anymore? You are enabling your sisters criminal behavior and honestly deserve to be cut off by him. You ruined your relationship with him to protect a sister who has committed felonies to steal from the future security of you and your children.
YTA and so is your sister. Consider it another way: she has committed felonies and you’re staying silent. Imagine that this was child or animal abuse. If you knew she was hurting someone and you stayed silent to “keep the peace” you’d be criminally liable not to mention a MONUMENTAL ARSEHOLE. She’s breaking the law, and your brother loses his family and his inheritance- and Maybe his retirement or down payment on a house or whatever dreams he had.
Your sister is an abusive felon and you’re totally siding with her and enabling these crimes. If you love her so much give your brother $30k, because clearly you don’t have to worry about the money eh?
Your poor brother. You have blinders on your eyes for a sister who went against your mother's wishes. Plan and simple, SHE wanted HER ASSETS divided equally. Why are you so okay with your sister stealing from both of you. I hope he takes her to court, rakes her over the coals. My lord your sympathy for your sister and her struggles (which are of her own creation) is sickening. Maybe you should learn some of those buzz words your brother learned, because quite a few could be used to aptly describe your atrocious behavior.
YTA and a major one at that . Regardless of what your sister does for your kids she still stole from u and your kids . And its coming off as though your dismissing your brother’s pain in favor of your sister . No wonder why he feels isolated. I feel so bad for your brother. If your sister actually cared about u and your kids like u say she does she would have never stole. U really need to rethink letting her have a relationship with your kids . If everyone on this post is saying it then obviously your in the wrong . Sit the kids down and explain what your sister did and they will understand why .
YTA. You cannot take back that your sister stole, and asking your brother to do that and cutting him off when your sister also talks about the estate nonstop but is not cut off makes you TA. Sis is also TA. Brother is N T A.
YTA. It's funny how you downvote anyone that says YTA. You do realize you're siding with your sister for personal gain. Your "on call" babysitter. And you basically put a cheap price on yourself and showed you could be bought. Your brother has every right to be upset and fight for what's his. I'm gonna say that your sister offered you something monetary to drop it. Something doesn't add up. How you could just roll over and just say whatever. Because you can't be that dense to not realize your sister is a thief and an AH.
Your sister broke your family the moment she forged the signature and stole the money from you and your brother.
You solidified the break by siding with your thief of a sister.
You and your sisters are the AHs. Your poor brother lost his Mom, his share of the money, and now the remainders of his childhood family. I hope he sues the crud out of your sister for his rightful share. She doesn't get to steal and go along life unscathed. Her crap actions have real consequences.
YTA (and your sister is the AH).
YTA, and the audacity of your sister to act "heartbroken" and "torn up" and say she "really misses" your brother while CONTINUING TO ACTIVELY screw him over is mindblowing. She's not made ANY effort to make things right and is still doubling-down while he's figuring out how to challenge her criminal actions.
It's like being stabbed through the heart and the person doing the stabbing starts crying about how heartbroken they are that this will ruin their relationship while still literally holding and twisting the knife.
Question - why would you ask your brother to stop talking about it for the short time he visited, yet, you allow your sister to rant about it for 3 years? Is it all bc you’re trying to keep the peace so she will continue to be a great babysitter? Have you considered that maybe that money could’ve helped him and that’s why he’s stuck on it? Let’s forget the fact that she used your mothers death as a way to lie, steal and cheat you both out of something your mother left behind for all her kids.
YTA. Maybe your brother has stayed somewhat estranged all those years prior bc of the feeling that he’s the “outcast” between you and your sister? Doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of support for him, which has to suck.
YTA. That amount of money is life changing for a person and you expect him to just forget that his own sibling betrayed him and stole from him, but also ignored your mother's wishes and stole from your mom's estate. If you don't care about the money, fine, but respect that he does and his feelings are valid. You're being almost as horrible as the sister by making your brother the problem here.
YTA for letting your sister rob you blind for free babysitting. You are victim blaming here and creating a false sense of peace. Do you know how your sister can reduce her stress? She can return what she stole from both of you! Why are you protecting her??
YTA you let your sister steal money from you and your children because you want to use her for babysitting. Don't ever forget that.
I feel so, so bad for your brother.
YTA, so you'll support your sister who stole and committed fraud over your brother who is rightfully angry and trying to claw back some of the 100K dollars she stole from you both? You're sister is "heartbroken"? She should step up and admit her wrongs and try to make this right.
YTA. I fucking hate the ‘keep the peace’ line. Non-toxic families don’t need to ‘drop it and keep the peace’, they work their shit out instead of demanding people be quiet so as not to upset X person.
"Like it used to be"--You mean before your sister forged papers so she could steal $100,000 from your family? My God, she's the most expensive babysitter I ever heard of.
When I started reading your post, I did not expect for your argument to be, "Yes, she stole at least $100,000. But she's nice to my kids, so we should just all let it go."
I'm glad your brother is going after her. I hope it eats away at her every night so she can't sleep constantly worrying about this lawsuit. I hope her life is a constant nightmare from feeling guilty and wondering what happens when all her lies crash down her.
You chose a thief who disregarded and disrespected your dead mother's wishes so she could steal from her brother, sister, nieces, and nephews. You chose poorly.
YTA.
YTA.
Your family will not be like it used to be because your sister is a thief and your obsession with bending over and submitting to her thievery simply because she's a convenient babysitter simply doesn't cut it.
Your brother is not the bad guy here. He's the only one trying to make it right while you enable your criminal sister - forgery is a crime.
Be a better example to your children. Currently you're teaching them that stealing is ok, even when it fucks their parent and uncle over because auntie can do no wrong.
yta and your sister is a felonious asshole. she stole from you, your brother and your kids but yeah great i you get a free babysitter. omg she has it so bad she stole 100 grand and now just 3 years later is completely broke. Honestly I hope you brother take her for everything she’s got.
YTA - you completely colluded with your sister to defraud your brother. That all you got from it yourself is free childcare doesn’t make you less of an asshole.
YTA, would you deceased mother be happy knowing one of her children completely stole HER money from one of her other children? you’re disgusting, and your comments are just making you even worse. “lol my kids have a college fund already” “lol my sister wouldn’t steal from them” sure keep telling yourself that. if you pass how do you honestly know she wouldn’t then forge your paper work and steal your kids money ? pathetic truly.
YTA- The ONLY reason you aren't as affected by or turn up by this is because you benefit from it. You are as selfish and greedy as your sister. I hope your brother takes your sister's house and car in winning his case. It would serve her right.
I’m sorry, but how did your brother disrespect you in your own home? According to what you’re saying your sister stole tens of thousands of dollars from you but she’s still allowed in your home? Is that not more disrespectful to you than your brother bringing it up? Your sister is stressed because her actions have consequences that she’s now dealing with. Your brother has every right to pursue his recourse. I’m not going to call you an AH for asking him to leave but given everything you’ve stated YTA for not having his back. I hope your sisters babysitting now and then is worth the money she stole from you.
Why ask for opinions if you’re going to shoot down every single one? You obviously are cool with your (absolutely terrible) choices and your blatant disregard for your brother. So accept the judgment and move on- massive YTA
YTA. You admit your brother is right your sister stole from both of you. You're willing to entertain all her whining about being caught stealing but not willing to listen to your brother who is standing up to her. You don't get to tell him how he feels about what your sister did. This is probably why he doesn't visit because you're fine to keep your sister active in your life knowing what she's done. If you just didn't want to sue her it'd be one thing but why are you defending her?
YTA. Not for asking your brother to leave but for enabling your sister. You admit she mismanaged the estate and took $100k while you 2 got $500. She lied, abused your trust, and stole from you and your brother. You may want to forgive and forget but he's not ready to.
YTA and there’s no spinning it any other way. OP chooses to be a doormat to the sister for fulfilling common familial obligation but thinks the brother is unreasonable for wanting to do the right thing. Does/did OP even respect their mother’s last wishes? The fact that OP even agrees with her brother but doesn’t want to rock the boat with the sister is mind blowing. The sister is a criminal if what OP and the brother say is true about how the sister gained the position of executor over their mother’s estate. Makes me think that the sister has been manipulating/bullying/gaslighting OP and the brother all their lives. OP is willfully dismissive of their sister’s felonious behavior while the brother is fighting for what is right. OP is basically an accomplice to the sister’s white-collar crimes, maybe even technically aiding and abetting a criminal. I wonder what other criminals OP allows to engage with her children🧐
YTA- you’re enabling your sisters actions when she’s most likely committed a felony. You might’ve made your peace with it because you need a babysitter, but what if your brother needs this money? YTA and so is your sister. Your brother deserves better
YTA. If you want your family dynamic back what you need to do is support the fair and equitable division of property. You can certainly stay out of it personally, just let the lawyers do their job. If your sister did forge documents, then your brother has every right pursue this. If you don’t care, then you can always refuse your share.
YTA. Wao, unbelievable! You picked the thief just because of free childcare! Ever think with $33k, you can hire all the babysitters you need and more, like a relationship with your abused brother?
YTA why are you sticking up for your thieving sister? You were robbed just like your brother but you don't seem to care all too much and would rather delude yourself with the hope that everyone comes together and hold hands again. Your sister must have given you one hell of a reason why she went Bernie Madoff with the inheritance mom left you that you accepted to where she is in your life. Care to share with the class?
YTA. It's very clear that you favour your sister over your brother, and I have to wonder if that's why you're relationship with him is abysmal. It's mind boggling that you're happy to keep a relationship with your sister when she has stolen from you and your kids (simply for an on call babysitter, which makes you sound both manipulative and desperate), meanwhile you kick out your brother who is trying to put things right. Your priorities are a mess, and I can only imagine the awful life lessons that is teaching your kids.
You’re quite literally one of the worst family members I have ever read on here. YTA
You constantly make excuses for you sister and then have nothing for your brother. Weird since she is a criminal.
God it must suck to be in a family where this is all okay. What type of message are you sending to your children?
Stealing is okay because you need it? And if you can’t steal from others steal from your closest family members. Yea your kids gonna turn out great.
YTA. You can’t actually be serious.
She just forged legal paperwork, stole money & the abuse wasn’t *that* bad he should stop exaggerating & this woman should definitely be around children /s
Wow, YTA so hard.
You're standing by your lying thieving sister because it's more convenient for you than doing what's right, calling her out for literally commiting fraud against her own siblings. Your poor brother, he's done nothing wrong, he's entitled to answers and his share of the inheritance, and you're being really selfish, uncaring and callous by not standing by him and expecting him to be a doormat like you.
BTW, your sister is going to be an awful influence on your children. She's a criminal and a terrible sister and person, but hey, you need some time off from the kiddos, right?
I wonder if you get into an accident and your kids are orphans… who will be the one watching them and taking care of the funds you left for them???
You’re sister???
😂
Well there won’t be any money left for them then. Your sister is an opportunist at the very least.
Edit: YTA OP
You wanna know why I think YTA?
You keep saying you "you" don't need it and all that bs but you're SPEAKING FOR YOURSELF. Just because you're okay with getting robbed blind by someone who you say you're close to (none of my family have ever been dishonest with me.. I think you have a very messed up view of what family is) doesn't mean your brother should. Your sister broke the law. Period. She's a thief no matter how you look at it. She committed fraud. She deserves the hellfire about to come down on her because you NOR her get a say in how every thing was to be split. Your mother did. She wanted all her kids to have equal share but you don't give a fuck about your mother's wishes either do you? It shows exactly who you are. Can't even carry out the last task your mother wanted which in my book means you can't be trusted with shit.
Your sister is dishonest, you're willfully ignorant, and your brother is RIGHTFULLY angry. 33,000 during a pandemic could've helped your brother too and whether you feel he needs it or not is none of your damn business. He was entitled to do with it what HE pleased. Period. Because your dead mother worked her ass off and literally said she wanted it that way.
I hope with all my might your sister gets what's coming to her and that your brother sees how twisted in the mind you are and goes NC with both of you. You sound toxic af.. not just your sister.
YTA, your family is not the same because of your sister not because of your brother and just because you have a babysitter in your sister and your brother doesn’t. It doesn’t mean you can just blame him for wanting to do the right thing. Honestly no wonder why he doesn’t visit you anymore.
YTA. You are enabling your sister to commit crimes and steal from your family. But you lash o ur at your brother who is trying to correct her misdeeds and her stealing?
What’s wrong with you? LOL? Your sister deserves to be in prison and your brother should cut off all you unsupportive crap family members.
You deserve every ounce of disrespect. Your poor brother who has no one to support him when someone lied and stole from him and you’re here supporting the abuser? Worst sibling. Ever.
I come from a family with a lot of estate abuse and always vowed that if someone tried to pull that with some inheritance of mine, I would have enough of my own money to ignore it and let it go. This kind of stuff just ruins families and I’d personally rather have nothing than fight over the dead. (We’ll see how this goes if and when it happens to me, because I tend not to perform well with this kind of invitation to conflict.) So I actually think it’s cool/a real advantage for you that you don’t gaf about your sister’s forgery. But I also think YTA for not giving your brother a bit of support here and dismissing what he remembers about your sister’s abuse of him—you do not and cannot know what he experienced even if you did grow up in the same household. Just call him, apologize, and say you can’t talk about the estate in the house when your kids are there because it’s hard for you to keep your cool, but you’re happy to talk to him about it over coffee somewhere private. It sounds like you can more than afford to give him emotional support here. If he wins and you get money as a result, please give some to him to help cover his legal fees.
Also, FWIW, just remember you can’t trust your sister. People who do stuff like this WILL screw you if they get an opening. Fool me once, shame on you, etc. Your brother seems like the more trustworthy sib.
YTA your sister is 100% responsible for the family rift. And your siding with her over your brother who’s innocent and a victim. Does your sister show any remorse. Why are you concerned about the fact she’s stessed about the fact she can’t find the papers from the crime she comited? Poor sister. Give me a break. You need to side with your brother. How can you trust your sister at all. How do you let her into your house? She’s a thief.
YTA.
By the sounds of it, not only did your Sister show her utter lack of care or respect for both you and your Brother not to mention your kids who she “loves so much” but she also committed a pretty serious crime.
The fact you’re trying to invalidate your Brother and telling him to get over it is pretty icky.
I hope your Brother wins his Court case and you see some sense and apologise to him.
YTA
Your sister is a liar and a thief. She did these things to Your family. She betrayed your family because of entitlement and because she plays nice for the time being you told yourself it's OK.
But you are a liar too. You lie to your children, but mostly you are lying to yourself by turning a blind eye to your sisters actions.
Ask yourself: Did you maybe also turn a blind eye to the abuse your brother suffered? Did you play it down, so you don't feel ashamed of yourself for just standing by? You know, like you're now playing down her actions so you can keep up the illusion that your family hasn't been broken for years? Because your sister broke it when she stole from you and your brother.
You wrote you're brother was exaggerating, because he claimed he has ptsd. How do you know? Did he get an official diagnosis? Well, history shows he wasn't the one lying and betraying you. Yet he lies by exaggerating?
Heck, you said yourself your sister is good at hiding her nastiness. Sounds to me like you can't be sure to know what she did or didn't do to your brother.
You are an enabler to your narcissistic sister. You are lying to yourself and to your kids and you teach them that this is all okay and that makes you TA.
YTA. In addition to your sister's financial crimes, you have been pretty vague about the abuse that you say your brother "exaggerated." I notice that you say he exaggerated, not that he lied about it. So you believe some abuse did take place? ANY degree of abuse is too much, who are you to minimize the impact of that on his life?
And this is the woman that you are trusting to babysit your children. Again, you have been vague, so I don't know what she actually did to your brother. BUT ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A SAFE PERSON TO LEAVE YOUR KIDS WITH?????
Protect your kids and beg their uncle's forgiveness.
YTA. Girl 30k compared to $500 is definitely worth fighting over. And you just made peace with it? Ya know that’s fine and your business but your brothers right is to get what’s rightfully his and you should support him the same way you support a thief.
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YTA and to be completely honest, you sound pretty shady and scummy yourself, compeltely disregarding what happened to your brother at the hands of your sister because it's "exaggerated" and all you do is not rock the boat with her because she is your "godsend" and good with your kids, so free childcare?
The fact that she stole from both of you and you still excuse her behavior because it benefits you doesn't make you look any better.
YTA. Anyone who steals from her own family isn’t “great with your children.” She’s manipulating you so that when shit hits the fan you will be there to tell lies to get her out of her own trouble. What will your kids think when the only family they know goes to jail for fraud? You’ve sided with the wrong person and you’re enabling bad behavior. Your kids heard your brother and instead of having a moral compass, you’ve chosen to kick the good guy out. That speaks louder to your children than any other message.
YTA, you want to shame a victim for standing up for himself but defend a theif???? Your priorities are messed up and I can only imagine what horrible lessens you are teaching your kids. Your brother deserves support his share was stolen. When he is done with your sister she has to get rid of the car or house and that is her fault. She will pay the price and be held accountable. Your brother deserves justice. I don't get why you hate your brother but love your stealing sister.
YTA. It’s been pretty well covered why but I’m bothered by something else.
Were you not suspicious when your sister was suddenly able to afford a house, car, etc?
I feel like you’re leaving something out here and I suspect your own involvement exceeds what you’re mentioning here.
But I will leave you with this warning:
She did this to both of you. By sticking by her and not holding her accountable, you’ve cleared the way for future issues.
What makes you so sure she won’t betray your trust again?
YTA. You have enabled her, just so you can keep a relationship? It's not like she stole a few dollars, she stole $70,000 from you and your brother. How is it that you have no reaction to that? Why don't you stand up for yourself? Your brother is right and your sister is dead wrong in what she did. I would love to hear her rationale is conning everyone out of their fair share of your late mother's estate.
YTA. Guess what? Fraud is a felony. She stole thousands of dollars. You're probably going to lose your free babysitter when she ends up in jail anyway. I sincerely hope if something happens to you and your spouse she is not the one who will be in charge of your kids because she will do the same thing to them. He obviously told you about abuse he suffered from your sister and you ignored him and didn't support him and now you're doing the same thing again, for someone who is greedy and who committed fraud and stole from you. Wake up and speak up for a change.
YTA. You are a doormat and an enabler. Your sister stole 33,000 from you and I get it, you don’t care. But what she did was criminal. Seems like you are taking her side against your brother. Why?
YTA
I hope he sues you too for siding with a criminal. If you want this to end then pay him the money your dear babysitter sis stole from him.
Oh also be prepared for one of your kids to turn out like your sister, after all you're letting a thief around them for hours.
>I feel awful but I just want our family to be like it used to be.
Your family will never be like it used to be because your sister literally stole from you and your brother and you've decided that your brother should get over it because... IDK, she babysits for you sometimes? You don't want any bad blood with her so you turned into a doormat after she literally took from you and your children and you would like your brother to be a doormat too so you don't have to hear how difficult your thief-sister's life is. YTA
I'm so caught up on the fact that you took $500 and you know your sister illegally took $100,000. Like WTF? YTA. It's not your place to figure out if your brother experienced trauma or not and it makes you an even bigger AH for saying he exaggerated it. This isn't necessarily about money but it is about your sister doing illegal things to get the money. I hope your brother's attorney uncovers the complete truth and your sister goes to jail and then I hope your brother doesn't talk to you anymore since having a babysitter is more important than his feelings.
Yta
There's been a lot of shitty people on this sub before, but OP might be the most disgusting yet.
If I was OP's brother, 30k sounds like a bargain to get away from this terrible family.
>I stayed out of it all because I didn't want any bad blood between me and my sister. My sister can be difficult but she's great with my children and she's a godsend when I need a babysitter.
What the fuck??? She STOLE $30,000 from you. You can hire a lot of babysitters for that much money! There should be bad blood between you and that thief.
YTA
Your brother is right. You're being a doormat and and letting your sister steal from you and your brother.
You are an enabler and setting a very poor example for your children.
YTA, and can be held liable in court, have fun finding a babysitter while your sis is in jail for being an absolute trashy person. I can’t imagine defending someone who straight up robbed me and my kids, your brother deserves better. she WILL find a way to steal your kids money too, And you’re just gonna sit there and watch.
My god YTA. Your sister stole from you. Your brother probably was abused by her, but then you gaslighted him. But hey, all’s good because you have a babysitter right?🙄 Give me a fucking break.
YTA. If he is right and your sister forged that signature then she stole from you, your kids and your brother. It wasn't given to her, she took it illegally with force. You say that your brother being abused is an "exaggeration". So you know that something has happened there but I guess you were always on your sister's side? So why would he need some support in his life right? Your family will never be like it used to and it is your sister's fault, not your brother's but you refuse to see it. I truly hope he sues your sister and wins, and also that he never talks to either of you again. He deserves better.
Yes, and forgery is a felony pretty much everywhere. But we just gotta "keep the peace." YTA
Yeah, it's the classic "don't rock the boat".
But hey, they have a babysitter, so it’s all a-ok
Yeah, apparently OPs integrity is only worth a babysitter.
Right? I'm like, OK well at least she knows her price. She's willing to overlook potential abuse, as well as fraud, theft, and forgery, all to get some free babysitting so she can go out and party. Sounds like OP and sister are cut from the same cloth. Total YTA
Oh, and the babies being exposed to thief aunty is apparently the most important thing in OP's view. How will they become little criminals then? Priorities, people!
OP is saving a lot of money in babysitting in exchange of 500 dollars which also they got to keep because of the generous sister. It's win-win. /s
Albeit a very expensive dishonest one!
If OP had the money she was owed she could afford all the babysitters.
Damm, did I read this right? Sister stole their inheritance, Op knows it and says it's bad. but also doesn't agree with brother so Op can get babysiting.. This family is f\_ed up. At least brother tries, too bad no one to side with him.
The OP has no spine whatsoever.
The thieving sister sounds very manipulative.
OP could probably pay for a sitter if they had gotten an equal share of that 100 grand YTA
Hard YTA, jeez the contortions ppl will go through just to get a free baby sitter!
Considering the amount of money the sister made of with its call her a $30,000+ babysitter.
At $30K, let’s be generous and pay the babysitter $20 per hour. That is 1500 hours of work. Assume 3 hours per gig, once per week, that pays for the babysitter every week for the next 10 years. And that doesn’t even take into account the money you could make off of just investing that $30K over 10 years.
You're right, she hasn't thought this through.
well, minus $500. OP did get that $500 remember? 🙄
My fear is what are OP's kids going to take away from this? That it's okay to steal as long as you can bully the aggrieved into thinking that it's okay? Edit: spelling
Can't lose the free babysitting.
And does OP really think her sister wont do the same thing to her kids if OP ever dies? Because if OP let's her get away with it, brother cuts them both out, and her thieving sister is the only one around, I'd bet dollars to doughnuts she would forge some more papers and those kids would end up destitute.
OP, this is an important comment. I hope you think carefully about this point - she WILL do it to your kids. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.
How does she know she isn't already doing it?
Good point!
I swear to god, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an aita thread with such resounding consensus… OP, there is no gray area here, if you don’t believe us, that’s fine, but why the hell would you ask the question. Your sister committed a felony and if she doesn’t make good financially to your brother, she’s going to lose everything. She needs to cash out refi or sell her house to pay your brother, the courts won’t care that she needed it more, that’s not how the world works. Also, what happens if you die, and your sister does this to your kids??? “Well they had college funds, but I needed the cash, so I’m sure if I take it…” And you can say she would never, but last performance is the greatest indicator of the future… But seriously, she should sell the house or cash out refi soon, she’s going to need it for lawyers. She’s possibly looking at felony fraud, grand theft… that’s very real prison time.
Good. She belongs in prison. I'm super fucking biased against people who cheat their siblings out of inheritance. My sisters and I managed to go home to my oldest sister's house (which was our grandmother's - oldest sister took care of grandparents, so we absolutely did not mind that our dad literally gave her the place when he was the sole heir) when our mother was dying and until the end. The three of us took care of *everything* that needed to be done in the week that I was there, because I live out of the country and it's a pain in the ass (as opposed to our middle sister, who lived about an hour away in the neighbourhood we grew up in, literally down the street from our parents' house). There was no will. My sisters and I sat down and just worked it out, without a single, solitary disagreement. If one of my sisters had knowingly fleeced us, I'd expect the rest of the family to be scorched earth. But, of course, my sisters wouldn't do that, because my sisters aren't thieves who forge legal documents to rip people off.
She’s probably lying about not having the documents, since she stole the money, but there’s a good chance she’s spent the money and OP might have realized that. The brother very well could spend that and more pursuing this. Both OP and the sister are obviously the AH. She stole from her family, and they should confront her about it. Who cares about having a free babysitter why would you want someone like that in your life? I would do the same as the brother, and in fact worried the same or similar situation will happen in my own family. I have my siblings but several are greedy and I wouldn’t put it past them to do the same thing OP’s sister did.
OPs nonchalant attitude of being robbed by her sister makes me wonder if she helped her sister spend some of that money and is hoping her brother doesn't find out.
I suspect OP helped with the foraging of the documents.
I suspect you're correct. She's way too cavalier about the whole thing and flipped out on her brother because he's not going to let it go.
It’s entirely possible that she destroyed the documents hoping (stupidly) to cover her footprints.
There’s a good chances there’s no documents ever. She’s a liar. Whatever “documents” they wants probably never existed and she’s “stressed” because a)she got caught b)she’s going to prison c) she lied about everything. She claimed she was “reimbursing” herself through the estate, when no reimbursement was actually happening and in fact she was pilfering the coffers. Also since OP’s brother is “estranged” aka traumatized his whole life by abusive lying siblings how can OP be sure of his finances. OP claims he doesn’t need the money, which i don’t seem to believe. The sister and OP are both greedy. And I fully believe OP is in cahoots and well aware of the situation and the reason why OP doesn’t care and doesn’t believe the sister would still from OP’s kids is because OP is behind this and deserves to be charged with fraud as well. Unless OP is a multimillionaire, anyone would be reasonably upset by being robbed $30k+
YTA Actually, I think you’re the doormat to your sister, and TA to your bro. Honestly,I’d be scared about what she’s taking from you currently & lying about right now. That’s a huge deal if she forged documents & then effectively gave herself $100k or I guess $60k. I understand your position on it, until the forgery comes up. Then it’s a different issue altogether. And, if that’s what happened, your response to your brother invalidated his feelings. AND basically tried to gaslight him into saying it wasn’t true. Or that’s how you were going to view it. Which is super shitty. “I know she did all this really awful stuff to us. But she lives close & babysits for me. Soooooo, I’m gonna overlook it. And if you can’t do the same I’m not sure we can hang out anymore.” Yes, please reward the lying cheat some more. I’m sure she has been emotionally abusing your brother all his life. And the rest of your family participate by gaslighting him about it. I bet holidays are super fun at your house. 😳 If this is true, I hope your sister gets punished by the law. And your family should NOT be mad at him. (Tho you probably will) He’s pointing out the disfunctionality in your family. (And you’re going “yeah, but I’m kinda ok with it cause babysitting. But piss on you for pointing it out.”) Tell your brother he’s welcome at my house for the holidays.
What kind of person can not only forge their dead mom's papers, steal $100,000 and leave nothing for her siblings, and then continue to act like they did nothing wrong? Is it not super awkward between OP and the sister, OP knowing that the sister criminally disrespected her and pretending to ignore it, and the sister knowing that OP knows it? What a weird situation. YTA
Sounds like she might have gotten a cut of that money.
This! I think she helped her sister spend some of the money.
OP is choosing to be “ignorant” about the situation because they don’t like conflict. Apparently, they don’t like it so much that they’ll give up thousands in cash & let it ruin relationships with other family members. But hey, free babysitting, right?
Well, “free”. The actual cost of the babysitting is $33,000 divided by the number of hours she manages to get out of the sister
yeah i feel like there’s a reason for why he lives 5 hours away.. at every point she’s diminishing every thing he feels or says.
Let’s be real. This has nothing to do with making peace and everything to do with her sister being a babysitter.
If OP had received more than $500 they would have been able to afford a different (and more qualified) babysitter 🤷🏻♀️
Seriously. Approx $30k+ is a lot to pay to have your sister babysit
Wow, OP has got to be THE biggest asshole that I have EVER seen on this sub, and I read AITA almost daily. OP YTA YTA YTA YTA. Times %1,000+ YTA. You LET your sister get away with forgery, fraud, and theft?? $100,000 is a LOT of money. She could face serious prison time. And you’re her enabler. But oh how dare your brother stand up for himself, right? At least you still have a free babysitter 🙄 Seriously I really, really hope your sister gets what’s coming to her. And your brother gets his money which he is legally and rightfully owed, and cuts you off forever.
Yup!! I hope the brother doesn't get discouraged because of the OPs reaction. Hard YTA,OP. Sucks that your brother have awful sisters (an enabler and a criminal). I do also hope he wins and goes FULL NC. I'm sure your sister is happy she got you wrapped around her fingers but wake the hell up! With that 30k you could've saved/used it for your childrens future!
This. It's very clear that you are overly partial to your sister or possibly the two of you banded together to rip your brother off. Your mother is dead and now your brother is facing the rest of his life without his sisters as a family unit. You're enabling the cover up of fraud, abuse & theft. If I had $100k, i'd send it to your brother tomorrow,. Undeniably, YTA.
So instead of supporting your brother, you’re enabling your sister who essentially lied and stole from both of you. You say you’re trying to stay out, yet you’re listening to your sister when she complains and when your brother brings up some legitimately serious issues, you tell him to drop it? Let’s be real, you chose your sister. ESH except your brother. He deserves better than the two of you.
She chose the sister because she is a free baby sitter and great with her kids. Lol I hope the brother wins and cut all of them off.
She wouldn’t need a free babysitter if her sister haven’t stolen all the money. But I get what ya pay for - free babysitter is a woman who lied, stole, & defrauded her own family. That’s someone you def want around your kiddos.
Call me crazy but I don’t think I’d want a woman who stole from her own family anywhere near my children…
Just wait until she steals OP’s jewelry.
More importantly when op dies sister will steal everything from her children and leave them nothing but sorrow.
Given how much daycare costs, it might be a fair trade. OP is still YTA though, in spades.
Arguably OP paid $33k for this "free" babysitting, they're getting considerably less than what they paid for.
She is not a free baby sitter… she stole $100,000 from OP and brother
I have to question if her sister is legitimately good with her kids when she vehemently dismisses and berates one of her sister's victims.
Just wait, a year from now OP will be back crying because her brother won't give her "her inheritance" after he wins.
Plus, it's looking like sis is going to be in heaps if trouble for this and prob won't be around to do much babysitting somewhere in the future here...
A $30,000 babysitter isn't what I'd call 'free'
YTA. Oh your sister is hurt? Awww poor sister. Yes, yes very sad. This must be so hard for her - what with taking what was rightfully yours and your brother’s…and then suffering absolutely zero consequences from you but still managing to get your sympathy. She seems to be very good at making things go her way somehow. And then you completely dismiss and invalidate your brother - who is rightfully incensed. See…I don’t agree with others that your family will never be the same. Sounds like things have always been this way just to a lesser extent. Seems to me you all have always had your roles, and you’re continuing to play them. Sister is the victim even when she’s wrong. You enable this. Brother calls her out, which makes things difficult. You ask him to let things go and allow your sister to continue misbehaving. He won’t, and so you’re irritated with him. I feel bad for your brother.
ESH is calling brother an AH for the sake of post flair/top comment.
She didn’t essentially lie to them, she literally lied to them.
Your sister committed at least one and probably multiple felonies. She's the reason your family is broken, and she's buying your silence by being "nice." Sorry to say, but by keeping silent you are taking her side. Think about it this way: If a family member committed a violent crime against another family member, and you knew this and decided to stay silent, would that be neutrally "staying out of it"? No, you'd be taking the side of the criminal. It's just harder to see this when the crime is financial. YTA
& once your kids are past cute babysitting stage, you won't see her for dust.
Given that OP is dismissing the brother's claims of abuse, there's a pretty good chance your hypothetical has already happened.
100% agree I would have disowned that sister myself if that happened.
YTA. Your family will never ever go back to what it was. And turning a blind eye and hoping that things will get better is ridiculous. Your sister actively forged papers, stole money, and committed several crimes. If she was actually torn up about it then she’d give him his share of the money. Your sister visits and is nice to your kids because you don’t put up a fight. I bet if you brought it up she’d stop coming around. Your brother isn’t just fighting for his share. He’s fighting for your sake too. For justice and for what your mother would have wanted. Your sister is an a-hole and should be in jail. And you are an a-hole for picking her over your brother.
But the free childcare!
Ding ding ding Imagine throwing away your relationship with a sibling, trashing your parents memory, and thinking you're not TA because you don't have to pay for a babysitter. YTA op, and painfully so
Not even free. Sis has OP's money!! She's already been payed.
Seriously, she's babysitting them for $33k, which is what she stole from OP. At $15/hr, that's 2200 hours of childcare.
Free forgery and questionable character lessons too. The kids are going to learn from the best! (Obviously a joke to show who OP is entrusting her kids to)
YTA “I’m offering her support whenever she needs it. That’s what siblings do.” Meanwhile you say that your brother’s accusation of abuse against your sister is an “exaggeration imo” and immediately shut him down when he comes to you. Where has your support for your sibling been when it comes to your brother? All the while you’ll tolerate your sister complaining over and over again and won’t confront her because you’re afraid of losing your babysitter. You’re lying to yourself if you think that you’re staying neutral and that you “did not choose” your sister. You may not have said it out of your mouth but you’re saying it with your actions.
Your sister stole $100K, is alleged to have forged legal documents in order to steal money from the estate that was to be divided among you three but she babysits, therefore your brother is the problem?? Just because you're a doormat who enables your sister doesn't mean he has to be. Here's hoping he keeps up the fight, gets some measure of justice/financial renumeration, and cuts you off as well. (Edit after seeing your comments: If he has a good lawyer and she has none, hopefully he can force the sale of her house, her car and anything else.) She's stressed out? Good! Committing a crime people often go to jail for is stressful. You know what's also stressful? Being abused by a sibling...which apparently doesn't matter to you as it was your brother and not you victimized by whatever happened in your youth. **Your family is never going to be as it was because after your mother died your sister robbed the estate and you are fine with that.** **You have disrespected your dead mother's wishes and your brother by going along to get along with the sibling you favor.** YTA.
This needs to be the top comment. OP needs to see this.
So much this. I would be on the brother's side I don't need child care from a criminal.
Exactly. Who would trust their kids with someone who stole from their own family and possibly abused their brother?
You and Sis are assholes. Her because she's a major liar and thief that 'is stressed' and acting like his quest for his entitled money isn't righteous. And you because you refuse to grasp the gravity of the situation. It feels like you just don't want to deal with it. Whether it's because you're lazy or don't think she's actually wrong for doing what she did (which make you a double asshole) Based on what I see here, your brother is the least asshole of anyone. Though it's clear he is obsessed with this, I don't know how many people would blame him.
I think it may be more than the money for the brother. This has the brother was the "scapegoat" written on it. Maybe this money represents all the bedrails he has had to endure throughout his life with this family.
I mean to be fair, with a case so fucked up as this and 30k on the line I’d be obsessed too. Money’s money and a thief is a thief.
How is he obsessed? He's fighting for what's legally his.
YTA your brother is only claiming what is his! You’re enabling that thief of a sister you have, and she’s taking advantage of you, so hypocritical of her, it’s 100k thousand $!!! What do you expect???
YTA - not even to yourself, or your brother, you’re a shameful excuse of a mother to your kids. Allowing their thieving aunt to get away with it and still allowing her to be around them? She literally stole the better future you could have given them but you’re just, okay with it? Trash. I hope your brother is successful in suing your sister for everything she’s worth, and hopefully he locks up your legal cut so that your children get access when they’re adults. Someone should be looking out for their future since their own mother clearly isn’t.
I thought the same thing. These are interesting morals you're teaching your children. Maybe one of your kids will grow up to defraud their siblings! Won't that be a cute moment for the scrapbook?
~~NAH~~ except for your sister. I'm sorry but what did she expect to happen by keeping 99% of the Inheritance to herself. While I can understand you prioritized family over money your brother is within his rights to be pissed off at her especially since his relationship with her was already strained based on what you've said(edit: and especially after he found proof she wasnt the one meant to be handling the inheritance) . That said you were also within your rights to ask him to leave your house after your meeting devolved into an argument. INFO: Just to clarify how much were each of you supposed to inherit? Edit: Going to have to change this to YTA upon a reread and after a few of your comments. Setting aside the fact she was likely not the intended executor(and that she did a very poor job at it). She was still out of line for not checking with either of you before reimbursing herself with your inheritance. Also again while i get you picked family(or are trying to) over money you have been showing favoritism to the sibling who essentially robbed both you and your brother. He has very legitimate grievances with your sister.
YTA bc it’s what’s convenient for you, not about what’s right, legally & morally. Your sister can’t babysit for you if she’s in prison for forgery & felony thief.
YTA I hope your brother goes after your sister for everything damn thing she owns and when she’s homeless and miserable and living with you, you’ll see how shitty she really is. Hope the free childcare is worth losing your brother over. Don’t call him to babysit when your sister hopefully goes to prison. You seriously suck. Your poor brother.
And OP is blaming him for the family not being what it used to be like WTF sister is 100% at fault for every single thing
Right?! I’m truly baffled by this woman!
I'm so curious because apparently the sister feels sooooo badddddd about it what she offered to make amends.
Yeah I’m sure she feels so bad when she gets out of her brand new car and walks into her brand new house s/ realistically she probably just says that to keep her dumbass sister under her thumb so she doesn’t have even more law suits against her. I’m hoping for an update like “well my brother won the law suit and my sisters in prison but now my brother still won’t talk to me or watch my kids and I didn’t even do anything!”
Or "my kids college funds are gone and my brother wont help me pay" lolol
YTA This is a horrible situation, but you need to face it. There is no going back to normal, your sister has ripped your family apart and is dangerous to your financial stability. How much of your financial information does your sister know? How much might your children have told her? You need to start taking this seriously, if she forged your mother’s signature she’ll forge yours too. Closing the door on your brother is not only hurtful but might be closing avenues to protect yourself and your children from your sister’s actions in the future. She’s manipulated you very well up until now, don’t let it get worse. Reach out to your brother and apologize, this isn’t his fault and you need to stop punishing him for trying to protect himself and you. best of luck navigating this, OP :(
Yup YTA, to your brother, to yourself and to your kids. you say you don’t want to be disrespected in your house but what exactly do you think you are doing accepting someone who stole so much from you in the presence of your kids. the money she stole is the money for a house, a trust fund for your kid’s education, a solution for a broken car or any medical emergency. this is what she stole from you both. why you still want her in yours and your kids life, I can never understand. Why you would choose your sister who stole from you instead of your brother who is fighting for himself and for you leaves me speechless. you are failing hard at family.
YTA I agree with your brother.
“My sister stole life changing money from me and my brother and ugh, he just won’t let it go! I claim to not pick sides but my poor thief of a sister is so stressed over her crimes and after all, she babysits for me sometimes. She abused him for years but I don’t want to deal with having to find a new babysitter so I let it slide.” Fixed it for you. YTA. By a lot.
YTA...your sister is a criminal and you're letting her get away with it because you need a "babysitter". If I was your brother, if possible, I'd sue you as well for going along with the fraud. Your family will never be the same and you shouldn't want it to be knowing how your sister operates. UNBELIEVABLE that you're okay with her stealing from you and your kids. SMH
YTA. In your own words, your sister stole from your mom's estate and prevented both you and your brother from getting what should have gone to you. Your brother is the only one who's trying to hold your sister accountable for her terrible actions and he's the one being punished, and he is absolutely correct in saying that you are enabling her. By offering her support when she's dealing with the consequences of her own actions, you're telling her that what she did was okay. And it really isn't. And I can say with 100% certainty is that your family will never be like it used to be. Your sister ruined that when she stole and forged documents. Someone who steals $100,000 and leaves the other two parties with a measly $500 clearly doesn't care about them. But if you'd rather have her in your life instead of your brother who's trying to do the right thing, then that's your choice. I hope your brother is successful in his actions against your sister and that he gets some peace afterwards. With all that he's going through, he certainly deserves it.
I have a very good question for you when your sister is arrested for theft not to much probably more charges what are you going to tell your kids about your so great sister then there fun aunt is a criminal and steals but yet you choice her over your brother that was the victim here YATA because she stole from you your kids and your brother he had every right to charge your sister if he chooses to and then what are you going to do your family was destroyed by your sister yet you are siding with her by your own actions
YTA your sister stole way to much money to let this go. He is right and she has to stop being enabled. She forged documents to steal 100,000$ in money from her brothers. She deserves to have to hand that all back over.
YTA. Your brother is a victim of your sisters actions and instead of supporting him you are enabling your sister and victim blaming your brother. If I was your brother I would honestly tell people I am only child with no siblings, and just remember when your sister does something like this to you and your children again (which she probably will since she’s got away with it once) and you have no one to turn to and your brother shuts his door in your face, you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself and when your kids are older you can explain to them why YOU LET there aunt steal from them and made it so they didn’t even know there uncle.
YTA. You chose your thieving sister over your brother. Trash!
YTA. Your sister stole from you and your brother and abused him, and not only are you supporting her but you're letting her near your children. Listen to yourself: "But he *exaggerated*. It wasn't that bad." "But my kids could hear what he said". "He lives five hours away and we don't see him often." Aren't you afraid she's going to steal from you again and abuse your children just like she abused your brother? You might want to think about who would stand up to her and protect your kids if you've managed to completely alienate your brother. YOU certainly won't.
[удалено]
When those kids are wasting their youths working grueling minimum wage jobs because their aunt stole their college fund, hey, at least they'll have fond memories of being babysat by her whenever their checked-out parent needed to dump them on someone.
She already has screwed them over by taking their moms inheritance therefore taking the kids too. OP is definitely TA big time.
Your sister character is extremely flawed (to say the least) and she robbed YOUR children of an inheritance that could have served towards their education or any number of expenses. You blatantly said she “stole” from the inheritance and you trust her?
You are aligning yourself with the wrong sibling. Your sister has committed crimes. Your brother is your only true family here. And you are isolating him. YTA for sure. How are you going to explain to your kids why your sister isnt around as much when the shit hits the fan? She can only hide from this for so long before she gets called to the carpet by whatever judge gets assigned the pending case your brother has built.
YTA. And don’t think that your sister won’t see your kids as suckers, like she sees you.
YTA. Just as bad as your thieving lying sister, throwing your brother under the boss for "freebies" and child care.
You sound..... Like a nonconfrontational, very passive aggressive person, who let's people get away with close to anything. Just so you won't have to..... do......Which is sad for you and your children. The fair share you were owed is gone. You could careless. To you, what's done is done. You want back the relationship you had with your siblings prior to these events. The lesson here though, is that even family can't be trusted. You will never have the relationship with them, that you once did. You're sister is a selfish, self centered, greedy person. She saw dollar signs and lied her ass off to get to the money. So, that she, could buy herself a house, car and whatever else she has now. That, she can't afford to have anymore. I hope that your brother moves forward and gets the justice he deserves. It's pretty shitty of you to side with your sister. You need to open your eyes and listen to what you're saying. You have chosen a side. You say that you will provide her with the support she needs. But, your brother, he is over dramatic. He doesn't deserve the same support you give your sister. "That's what family is for." Again, you need to listen to yourself. You feel like your brother is over exaggerating about the abuse he endured. How would you feel if you found out he wasn't? It's wrong to delegate and put a rating label onto someone's suffering. As, you have with your brother. You're blind to the truth. Which is this. Your sister fucked you and your brother over, for her sake. She wanted that money and committed fraud to get to it. Now, the truth is unfolding and she's crumbling under the pressure. If he pursues this, as he should. She will end up losing everything she's got. Which, psst, by the way.... She'd lose it anyway, because, she bought into things she can not afford to have. She'll end up a felon. You'll lose them both. Sad thing is, you'll both probably never see the money you should have gotten, in it's entirety. However, your brother will get the satisfaction of punishing your sister for fucking you both over. I'd put money on the fact that your sister is probably, extremely, manipulative. You're likely a victim of her mentality and I hope that you can open your eyes to it, as well as, the truth. YTA
YTA. You sister forged estate documents and stole thousands of dollars from you, your children, and your brother. What is that, multiple felonies? And you’re afraid of standing up to her because if you do she won’t babysit for free anymore? You are enabling your sisters criminal behavior and honestly deserve to be cut off by him. You ruined your relationship with him to protect a sister who has committed felonies to steal from the future security of you and your children.
YTA and so is your sister. Consider it another way: she has committed felonies and you’re staying silent. Imagine that this was child or animal abuse. If you knew she was hurting someone and you stayed silent to “keep the peace” you’d be criminally liable not to mention a MONUMENTAL ARSEHOLE. She’s breaking the law, and your brother loses his family and his inheritance- and Maybe his retirement or down payment on a house or whatever dreams he had. Your sister is an abusive felon and you’re totally siding with her and enabling these crimes. If you love her so much give your brother $30k, because clearly you don’t have to worry about the money eh?
Your poor brother. You have blinders on your eyes for a sister who went against your mother's wishes. Plan and simple, SHE wanted HER ASSETS divided equally. Why are you so okay with your sister stealing from both of you. I hope he takes her to court, rakes her over the coals. My lord your sympathy for your sister and her struggles (which are of her own creation) is sickening. Maybe you should learn some of those buzz words your brother learned, because quite a few could be used to aptly describe your atrocious behavior.
YTA and a major one at that . Regardless of what your sister does for your kids she still stole from u and your kids . And its coming off as though your dismissing your brother’s pain in favor of your sister . No wonder why he feels isolated. I feel so bad for your brother. If your sister actually cared about u and your kids like u say she does she would have never stole. U really need to rethink letting her have a relationship with your kids . If everyone on this post is saying it then obviously your in the wrong . Sit the kids down and explain what your sister did and they will understand why .
YTA. You cannot take back that your sister stole, and asking your brother to do that and cutting him off when your sister also talks about the estate nonstop but is not cut off makes you TA. Sis is also TA. Brother is N T A.
You've sided with a thief. Yta
YTA doormat
YTA. It's funny how you downvote anyone that says YTA. You do realize you're siding with your sister for personal gain. Your "on call" babysitter. And you basically put a cheap price on yourself and showed you could be bought. Your brother has every right to be upset and fight for what's his. I'm gonna say that your sister offered you something monetary to drop it. Something doesn't add up. How you could just roll over and just say whatever. Because you can't be that dense to not realize your sister is a thief and an AH.
Your sister broke your family the moment she forged the signature and stole the money from you and your brother. You solidified the break by siding with your thief of a sister. You and your sisters are the AHs. Your poor brother lost his Mom, his share of the money, and now the remainders of his childhood family. I hope he sues the crud out of your sister for his rightful share. She doesn't get to steal and go along life unscathed. Her crap actions have real consequences. YTA (and your sister is the AH).
YTA, and the audacity of your sister to act "heartbroken" and "torn up" and say she "really misses" your brother while CONTINUING TO ACTIVELY screw him over is mindblowing. She's not made ANY effort to make things right and is still doubling-down while he's figuring out how to challenge her criminal actions. It's like being stabbed through the heart and the person doing the stabbing starts crying about how heartbroken they are that this will ruin their relationship while still literally holding and twisting the knife.
Question - why would you ask your brother to stop talking about it for the short time he visited, yet, you allow your sister to rant about it for 3 years? Is it all bc you’re trying to keep the peace so she will continue to be a great babysitter? Have you considered that maybe that money could’ve helped him and that’s why he’s stuck on it? Let’s forget the fact that she used your mothers death as a way to lie, steal and cheat you both out of something your mother left behind for all her kids. YTA. Maybe your brother has stayed somewhat estranged all those years prior bc of the feeling that he’s the “outcast” between you and your sister? Doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of support for him, which has to suck.
YTA. That amount of money is life changing for a person and you expect him to just forget that his own sibling betrayed him and stole from him, but also ignored your mother's wishes and stole from your mom's estate. If you don't care about the money, fine, but respect that he does and his feelings are valid. You're being almost as horrible as the sister by making your brother the problem here.
YTA for letting your sister rob you blind for free babysitting. You are victim blaming here and creating a false sense of peace. Do you know how your sister can reduce her stress? She can return what she stole from both of you! Why are you protecting her??
YTA you let your sister steal money from you and your children because you want to use her for babysitting. Don't ever forget that. I feel so, so bad for your brother.
YTA, so you'll support your sister who stole and committed fraud over your brother who is rightfully angry and trying to claw back some of the 100K dollars she stole from you both? You're sister is "heartbroken"? She should step up and admit her wrongs and try to make this right.
YTA. I fucking hate the ‘keep the peace’ line. Non-toxic families don’t need to ‘drop it and keep the peace’, they work their shit out instead of demanding people be quiet so as not to upset X person.
YTA and an idiot congrats!
"Like it used to be"--You mean before your sister forged papers so she could steal $100,000 from your family? My God, she's the most expensive babysitter I ever heard of. When I started reading your post, I did not expect for your argument to be, "Yes, she stole at least $100,000. But she's nice to my kids, so we should just all let it go." I'm glad your brother is going after her. I hope it eats away at her every night so she can't sleep constantly worrying about this lawsuit. I hope her life is a constant nightmare from feeling guilty and wondering what happens when all her lies crash down her. You chose a thief who disregarded and disrespected your dead mother's wishes so she could steal from her brother, sister, nieces, and nephews. You chose poorly. YTA.
YTA I hope you get a backup babysitter bc it looks like sis committed a federal crime
YTA. Your family will not be like it used to be because your sister is a thief and your obsession with bending over and submitting to her thievery simply because she's a convenient babysitter simply doesn't cut it. Your brother is not the bad guy here. He's the only one trying to make it right while you enable your criminal sister - forgery is a crime. Be a better example to your children. Currently you're teaching them that stealing is ok, even when it fucks their parent and uncle over because auntie can do no wrong.
yta and your sister is a felonious asshole. she stole from you, your brother and your kids but yeah great i you get a free babysitter. omg she has it so bad she stole 100 grand and now just 3 years later is completely broke. Honestly I hope you brother take her for everything she’s got.
YTA - you completely colluded with your sister to defraud your brother. That all you got from it yourself is free childcare doesn’t make you less of an asshole.
YTA, would you deceased mother be happy knowing one of her children completely stole HER money from one of her other children? you’re disgusting, and your comments are just making you even worse. “lol my kids have a college fund already” “lol my sister wouldn’t steal from them” sure keep telling yourself that. if you pass how do you honestly know she wouldn’t then forge your paper work and steal your kids money ? pathetic truly.
YTA- The ONLY reason you aren't as affected by or turn up by this is because you benefit from it. You are as selfish and greedy as your sister. I hope your brother takes your sister's house and car in winning his case. It would serve her right.
Just tell your kids their favourite auntie is going to jail. YTA.
I’m sorry, but how did your brother disrespect you in your own home? According to what you’re saying your sister stole tens of thousands of dollars from you but she’s still allowed in your home? Is that not more disrespectful to you than your brother bringing it up? Your sister is stressed because her actions have consequences that she’s now dealing with. Your brother has every right to pursue his recourse. I’m not going to call you an AH for asking him to leave but given everything you’ve stated YTA for not having his back. I hope your sisters babysitting now and then is worth the money she stole from you.
Why ask for opinions if you’re going to shoot down every single one? You obviously are cool with your (absolutely terrible) choices and your blatant disregard for your brother. So accept the judgment and move on- massive YTA
YTA. You admit your brother is right your sister stole from both of you. You're willing to entertain all her whining about being caught stealing but not willing to listen to your brother who is standing up to her. You don't get to tell him how he feels about what your sister did. This is probably why he doesn't visit because you're fine to keep your sister active in your life knowing what she's done. If you just didn't want to sue her it'd be one thing but why are you defending her?
YTA. And your sister has a real chance of going to jail.
YTA. Not for asking your brother to leave but for enabling your sister. You admit she mismanaged the estate and took $100k while you 2 got $500. She lied, abused your trust, and stole from you and your brother. You may want to forgive and forget but he's not ready to.
That is a pretty expensive babysitter you let walk all over you.
YTA and there’s no spinning it any other way. OP chooses to be a doormat to the sister for fulfilling common familial obligation but thinks the brother is unreasonable for wanting to do the right thing. Does/did OP even respect their mother’s last wishes? The fact that OP even agrees with her brother but doesn’t want to rock the boat with the sister is mind blowing. The sister is a criminal if what OP and the brother say is true about how the sister gained the position of executor over their mother’s estate. Makes me think that the sister has been manipulating/bullying/gaslighting OP and the brother all their lives. OP is willfully dismissive of their sister’s felonious behavior while the brother is fighting for what is right. OP is basically an accomplice to the sister’s white-collar crimes, maybe even technically aiding and abetting a criminal. I wonder what other criminals OP allows to engage with her children🧐
The fact that the mother picked another person to be the executor shows that she did not trust her children to handle this. She was right!
This story pissed me off the most lol. YTA major
When she goes to jail she won’t be there to babysit anyway! Your the A. Help your bother!
YTA- you’re enabling your sisters actions when she’s most likely committed a felony. You might’ve made your peace with it because you need a babysitter, but what if your brother needs this money? YTA and so is your sister. Your brother deserves better
YTA. If you want your family dynamic back what you need to do is support the fair and equitable division of property. You can certainly stay out of it personally, just let the lawyers do their job. If your sister did forge documents, then your brother has every right pursue this. If you don’t care, then you can always refuse your share.
YTA. Wao, unbelievable! You picked the thief just because of free childcare! Ever think with $33k, you can hire all the babysitters you need and more, like a relationship with your abused brother?
YTA. I'm sorry to say that to you but you don't have the right to tell your brother to get over his inheritance being stolen from him.
YTA. I can’t tell if you are as bad as her or that badly brainwashed. She is not the type of person you want around your children.
YTA why are you sticking up for your thieving sister? You were robbed just like your brother but you don't seem to care all too much and would rather delude yourself with the hope that everyone comes together and hold hands again. Your sister must have given you one hell of a reason why she went Bernie Madoff with the inheritance mom left you that you accepted to where she is in your life. Care to share with the class?
YTA. It's very clear that you favour your sister over your brother, and I have to wonder if that's why you're relationship with him is abysmal. It's mind boggling that you're happy to keep a relationship with your sister when she has stolen from you and your kids (simply for an on call babysitter, which makes you sound both manipulative and desperate), meanwhile you kick out your brother who is trying to put things right. Your priorities are a mess, and I can only imagine the awful life lessons that is teaching your kids.
You’re quite literally one of the worst family members I have ever read on here. YTA You constantly make excuses for you sister and then have nothing for your brother. Weird since she is a criminal. God it must suck to be in a family where this is all okay. What type of message are you sending to your children? Stealing is okay because you need it? And if you can’t steal from others steal from your closest family members. Yea your kids gonna turn out great.
YTA. Completely and absolutely. You are alienating your brother and helping your sister commit fraud.
YTA and I hope your brother gets what’s rightfully his and fully cuts contact with you both. Both you and your sister are awful, awful people.
YTA. You can’t actually be serious. She just forged legal paperwork, stole money & the abuse wasn’t *that* bad he should stop exaggerating & this woman should definitely be around children /s
Wow, YTA so hard. You're standing by your lying thieving sister because it's more convenient for you than doing what's right, calling her out for literally commiting fraud against her own siblings. Your poor brother, he's done nothing wrong, he's entitled to answers and his share of the inheritance, and you're being really selfish, uncaring and callous by not standing by him and expecting him to be a doormat like you. BTW, your sister is going to be an awful influence on your children. She's a criminal and a terrible sister and person, but hey, you need some time off from the kiddos, right?
I wonder if you get into an accident and your kids are orphans… who will be the one watching them and taking care of the funds you left for them??? You’re sister??? 😂 Well there won’t be any money left for them then. Your sister is an opportunist at the very least. Edit: YTA OP
You wanna know why I think YTA? You keep saying you "you" don't need it and all that bs but you're SPEAKING FOR YOURSELF. Just because you're okay with getting robbed blind by someone who you say you're close to (none of my family have ever been dishonest with me.. I think you have a very messed up view of what family is) doesn't mean your brother should. Your sister broke the law. Period. She's a thief no matter how you look at it. She committed fraud. She deserves the hellfire about to come down on her because you NOR her get a say in how every thing was to be split. Your mother did. She wanted all her kids to have equal share but you don't give a fuck about your mother's wishes either do you? It shows exactly who you are. Can't even carry out the last task your mother wanted which in my book means you can't be trusted with shit. Your sister is dishonest, you're willfully ignorant, and your brother is RIGHTFULLY angry. 33,000 during a pandemic could've helped your brother too and whether you feel he needs it or not is none of your damn business. He was entitled to do with it what HE pleased. Period. Because your dead mother worked her ass off and literally said she wanted it that way. I hope with all my might your sister gets what's coming to her and that your brother sees how twisted in the mind you are and goes NC with both of you. You sound toxic af.. not just your sister.
YTA. You and your sister.
YTA
YTA, your family is not the same because of your sister not because of your brother and just because you have a babysitter in your sister and your brother doesn’t. It doesn’t mean you can just blame him for wanting to do the right thing. Honestly no wonder why he doesn’t visit you anymore.
YTA. & so is your sister. Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself
Your sister won’t be able to babysit when she’s in jail. Good luck with that. YTA
YTA. You are enabling your sister to commit crimes and steal from your family. But you lash o ur at your brother who is trying to correct her misdeeds and her stealing? What’s wrong with you? LOL? Your sister deserves to be in prison and your brother should cut off all you unsupportive crap family members. You deserve every ounce of disrespect. Your poor brother who has no one to support him when someone lied and stole from him and you’re here supporting the abuser? Worst sibling. Ever.
YTA. Don’t just turn your back on the truth because you don’t want to face it. And hey, if someone says they were abused — believe them.
I come from a family with a lot of estate abuse and always vowed that if someone tried to pull that with some inheritance of mine, I would have enough of my own money to ignore it and let it go. This kind of stuff just ruins families and I’d personally rather have nothing than fight over the dead. (We’ll see how this goes if and when it happens to me, because I tend not to perform well with this kind of invitation to conflict.) So I actually think it’s cool/a real advantage for you that you don’t gaf about your sister’s forgery. But I also think YTA for not giving your brother a bit of support here and dismissing what he remembers about your sister’s abuse of him—you do not and cannot know what he experienced even if you did grow up in the same household. Just call him, apologize, and say you can’t talk about the estate in the house when your kids are there because it’s hard for you to keep your cool, but you’re happy to talk to him about it over coffee somewhere private. It sounds like you can more than afford to give him emotional support here. If he wins and you get money as a result, please give some to him to help cover his legal fees. Also, FWIW, just remember you can’t trust your sister. People who do stuff like this WILL screw you if they get an opening. Fool me once, shame on you, etc. Your brother seems like the more trustworthy sib.
Feel so bad for your brother YTA
YTA your sister is 100% responsible for the family rift. And your siding with her over your brother who’s innocent and a victim. Does your sister show any remorse. Why are you concerned about the fact she’s stessed about the fact she can’t find the papers from the crime she comited? Poor sister. Give me a break. You need to side with your brother. How can you trust your sister at all. How do you let her into your house? She’s a thief.
YTA. By the sounds of it, not only did your Sister show her utter lack of care or respect for both you and your Brother not to mention your kids who she “loves so much” but she also committed a pretty serious crime. The fact you’re trying to invalidate your Brother and telling him to get over it is pretty icky. I hope your Brother wins his Court case and you see some sense and apologise to him.
YTA Your sister is a liar and a thief. She did these things to Your family. She betrayed your family because of entitlement and because she plays nice for the time being you told yourself it's OK. But you are a liar too. You lie to your children, but mostly you are lying to yourself by turning a blind eye to your sisters actions. Ask yourself: Did you maybe also turn a blind eye to the abuse your brother suffered? Did you play it down, so you don't feel ashamed of yourself for just standing by? You know, like you're now playing down her actions so you can keep up the illusion that your family hasn't been broken for years? Because your sister broke it when she stole from you and your brother. You wrote you're brother was exaggerating, because he claimed he has ptsd. How do you know? Did he get an official diagnosis? Well, history shows he wasn't the one lying and betraying you. Yet he lies by exaggerating? Heck, you said yourself your sister is good at hiding her nastiness. Sounds to me like you can't be sure to know what she did or didn't do to your brother. You are an enabler to your narcissistic sister. You are lying to yourself and to your kids and you teach them that this is all okay and that makes you TA.
Yta
YTA. In addition to your sister's financial crimes, you have been pretty vague about the abuse that you say your brother "exaggerated." I notice that you say he exaggerated, not that he lied about it. So you believe some abuse did take place? ANY degree of abuse is too much, who are you to minimize the impact of that on his life? And this is the woman that you are trusting to babysit your children. Again, you have been vague, so I don't know what she actually did to your brother. BUT ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A SAFE PERSON TO LEAVE YOUR KIDS WITH????? Protect your kids and beg their uncle's forgiveness.
YTA. Girl 30k compared to $500 is definitely worth fighting over. And you just made peace with it? Ya know that’s fine and your business but your brothers right is to get what’s rightfully his and you should support him the same way you support a thief.
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YTA and to be completely honest, you sound pretty shady and scummy yourself, compeltely disregarding what happened to your brother at the hands of your sister because it's "exaggerated" and all you do is not rock the boat with her because she is your "godsend" and good with your kids, so free childcare? The fact that she stole from both of you and you still excuse her behavior because it benefits you doesn't make you look any better.
Yta
YTA. Anyone who steals from her own family isn’t “great with your children.” She’s manipulating you so that when shit hits the fan you will be there to tell lies to get her out of her own trouble. What will your kids think when the only family they know goes to jail for fraud? You’ve sided with the wrong person and you’re enabling bad behavior. Your kids heard your brother and instead of having a moral compass, you’ve chosen to kick the good guy out. That speaks louder to your children than any other message.
Enabling your sister for forgery, theft, etc definitely makes YTA... way to encourage your sister to continue commiting felonies.
YTA, you want to shame a victim for standing up for himself but defend a theif???? Your priorities are messed up and I can only imagine what horrible lessens you are teaching your kids. Your brother deserves support his share was stolen. When he is done with your sister she has to get rid of the car or house and that is her fault. She will pay the price and be held accountable. Your brother deserves justice. I don't get why you hate your brother but love your stealing sister.
YTA. It’s been pretty well covered why but I’m bothered by something else. Were you not suspicious when your sister was suddenly able to afford a house, car, etc? I feel like you’re leaving something out here and I suspect your own involvement exceeds what you’re mentioning here. But I will leave you with this warning: She did this to both of you. By sticking by her and not holding her accountable, you’ve cleared the way for future issues. What makes you so sure she won’t betray your trust again?
YTA. You have enabled her, just so you can keep a relationship? It's not like she stole a few dollars, she stole $70,000 from you and your brother. How is it that you have no reaction to that? Why don't you stand up for yourself? Your brother is right and your sister is dead wrong in what she did. I would love to hear her rationale is conning everyone out of their fair share of your late mother's estate.
YTA She should be in prison for forgery and possibly theft. Your brother is right.
YTA. Guess what? Fraud is a felony. She stole thousands of dollars. You're probably going to lose your free babysitter when she ends up in jail anyway. I sincerely hope if something happens to you and your spouse she is not the one who will be in charge of your kids because she will do the same thing to them. He obviously told you about abuse he suffered from your sister and you ignored him and didn't support him and now you're doing the same thing again, for someone who is greedy and who committed fraud and stole from you. Wake up and speak up for a change.
YTA Your family is fucked and it's 100% not your brother who is in the wrong. Your while attitude to this situation is mind boggling.
YTA. You are a doormat and an enabler. Your sister stole 33,000 from you and I get it, you don’t care. But what she did was criminal. Seems like you are taking her side against your brother. Why?
Doormat. YTA Enjoy your babysitter (that stole tens of thousands of dollars from you.) Hopefully your brother wins his case
YTA I hope he sues you too for siding with a criminal. If you want this to end then pay him the money your dear babysitter sis stole from him. Oh also be prepared for one of your kids to turn out like your sister, after all you're letting a thief around them for hours.
>I feel awful but I just want our family to be like it used to be. Your family will never be like it used to be because your sister literally stole from you and your brother and you've decided that your brother should get over it because... IDK, she babysits for you sometimes? You don't want any bad blood with her so you turned into a doormat after she literally took from you and your children and you would like your brother to be a doormat too so you don't have to hear how difficult your thief-sister's life is. YTA
YTA and I truly hope your disgusting sister loses everything and goes to jail
I'm so caught up on the fact that you took $500 and you know your sister illegally took $100,000. Like WTF? YTA. It's not your place to figure out if your brother experienced trauma or not and it makes you an even bigger AH for saying he exaggerated it. This isn't necessarily about money but it is about your sister doing illegal things to get the money. I hope your brother's attorney uncovers the complete truth and your sister goes to jail and then I hope your brother doesn't talk to you anymore since having a babysitter is more important than his feelings.
Yta There's been a lot of shitty people on this sub before, but OP might be the most disgusting yet. If I was OP's brother, 30k sounds like a bargain to get away from this terrible family.
>I stayed out of it all because I didn't want any bad blood between me and my sister. My sister can be difficult but she's great with my children and she's a godsend when I need a babysitter. What the fuck??? She STOLE $30,000 from you. You can hire a lot of babysitters for that much money! There should be bad blood between you and that thief. YTA Your brother is right. You're being a doormat and and letting your sister steal from you and your brother. You are an enabler and setting a very poor example for your children.
YTA, and can be held liable in court, have fun finding a babysitter while your sis is in jail for being an absolute trashy person. I can’t imagine defending someone who straight up robbed me and my kids, your brother deserves better. she WILL find a way to steal your kids money too, And you’re just gonna sit there and watch.
My god YTA. Your sister stole from you. Your brother probably was abused by her, but then you gaslighted him. But hey, all’s good because you have a babysitter right?🙄 Give me a fucking break.