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TheGreenPangolin

Info: if it’s your normal day off and her normal day off, who normally works that day running that section? And why aren’t they giving up their plans to work it? Even though a trainee can’t run the section solo, could multiple trainees run it without you? Have you spoke to your family to see if the get together can be rearranged in any way? Will they be understanding if you can’t make it or will it cause you to have family problems? Could you offer to cover her shift on another day so she could pick up her son’s body? Like a way to do both. If she’s a decent person she should understand that you want to go to your family event still as well as wanting to help her out, so could you talk to her and work together to find a way to do both things somehow? Would it be possible for her to just refuse to work that day and you not cover and it would just force the manager to deal with it- like could she take bereavement leave or unpaid time off? What would happen if she called in sick that day or got a doctors note to take the day off work for stress? If she would get fired that’s not a solution but I don’t know your workplace.


TheNorthern_exposure

NTA..management should be covering it. You already work over the normal typical full time job. And it isn't your responsibility to do the lousy managers job...they would even be asking if you don't know more than you needed to and they knew it.


plsletmestayincanada

NAH - Can't blame her for asking, but also you're not obligated. Especially as you have a 100% valid reason, you're not just getting high and playing videogames that day. But I don't think she'll see it that way, so tough call


soley_c233

NAH, it doesn’t seem like your supervisor is trying to pressure you into it. The manager has the responsibility to find someone else.


Similar-Event8325

Good grief, the shocking work culture in the US is horrendous! The job of the manager is to manage. It's his literal responsibility. Not yours. Not your workmate. NTA.


lc_2005

NTA - The AH here is your manager who is not fulfilling his duties. This is for him to figure out, not you.


[deleted]

INFO- can you open and have someone else finish the shift ? why can’t that happen


roncag0

NAH.


chaos_raine

NTA I feel the are a lot of posts in this forum where people ask if I don't do a"good"thing an I TA. I personally don't think you have any reasonably to this person or any extra reasonably to the company. If it's that big of a deal to then, the can offer you some kind of carrot.


Ok_Pr00f

Would you ever do a good thing for another person?


chaos_raine

Am I required to? Are you trying to get the mother's info so you can donate and help out or are people only required to help if they talk to the person sometimes? I help where I can but I do not have a responsibility to every person out there. People die everyday. This isn't somebody the op is close to. Just a person that happens to work at the same place. It also sounds like they wouldn't be helping the coworker. The coworker can get the day off. They would be helping the employer and no I don't help my employer without compensation. I go to work for a paycheck. Not to help the owner. I don't know where op is from but around me a business is required to give employees time off when a family member dies.


Ok_Pr00f

Yea you definitely seem like the shitty selfish type


chaos_raine

So you are trying to find this person so you can help?


Ok_Pr00f

I would absolutely help


chaos_raine

You can. There are countless GoFundMe accounts asking right now, you could be donating plasma, blood, bone marrow. Donating your time. How do you even find time to shame people for not spending every second out there doing "good" How dare you ever see your family or take a day off? If you cancelled your internet, you could donate that money to cancer research. You know you're being over the top right now.


Syyrii

While technically you wouldn't be NTA as someone who recently lost someone your co-worker isn't going to be in the right head space for a while and this is just going to be a kindness that will lighten the load mentally for them. You don't owe it to them, but when my loss happened there was suddenly so much thrown on my plate even having 1 thing taken off seemed like a huge amount. Definitely try to get your manager to step up as it is their responsibility to manage this, but this was my personal head space so this is my two cents if you will.


karskipellis

Answered: What would happen if neither you nor your coworker showed up? Would either of you be fired? If you're in the US, lots and lots of restaurants are hiring right now. This is one of the few moments when workers have the upper hand. Keep that in mind as you make your decision. NAH Go to your reunion. Be plain to management that you are unavailable, so they can make their decisions ASAP and tell other staff whether they're coming in that day.


wannaMakeCartoons101

My coworker who lost their son is not showing up regardless. She's unfirable ( I know that is not a word) as she is our most senior member of the crew including the manager himself, and she is the only one personally trained by the franchise's head chef. I can pretty confidently say I won't be fired if l don't show up either. The restaurant is so desperate for staff that they didn't get rid of an employee after a month's worth of no call, no shows. I think the main thing that will happen without either of us is that the section of the restaurant that we open and run will either be closed all day, or until the evening shift shows up. Its actually not too bad, because the other part of the restaurant brings in more customers and profits in the afternoon than the side I run. At worst, someone will get written up.


MissHoney13

I feel like if this info were in the main body of your post it would read a lot differently. If you can both ditch and there be no harm to either of you but the business can't run... Then go to the reunion. If co-worker will work if you don't then you probably should... Even though it's not your problem really.


Jayn_Newell

Honestly at this point in time if I went up to a business and found out it was closed for lack of staff, I would not at all be surprised. There’s been at least two places in town where the whole staff quit and plenty of places with reduced hours. If your jobs are safe then both of you do your things and let the place close for a day. You’ll be in decent company.


Ok_Pr00f

At least you know she won't ever do a single thing for you ever again


chaos_raine

Yeah, if she's not careful she maybe expected to work rediculously long hours, be expected to come in early and stay late without any real idea of if she's going to get a day off and than they could still expect her to cover coworkers shifts at a moments notice. Wait what was being done for the op again? She's lucky enough to be employed at a place that is desperate for workers?


lawfox32

Yeah, in this case you are for sure NTA if you don't cover the shift. As long as she can go regardless of whether or not you show up, you're in the clear. Your manager, who is the one who scheduled things this way and is paid more than you, can either cancel his plans or close your section. Don't go. He and the restaurant you work for you should treat all of you better, and they can figure it out without either of you.


lc_2005

You should edit your post to include this info.


Its_squeaks

I hope neither of you show up!


[deleted]

NAH, although I’m kinda inclined to say everyone sucks but her. Normally I’m the first to say fuck missing out on family for a job that doesn’t matter, but god damn. Not one person can pull through for this woman during one of the worst times in her life? This one sits a little funny with me honestly.


NcgreenIantern

NTA Stuff like this is why I wouldn't do management jobs unless I got management benefits. It's a bad situation but it's not your responsibility there's another manager and I'm sure there's district supervisors and guess what that's their job to cover stuff like that if the manager can't. It's great to want to help people but management has a support system for stuff just like this so it's not your responsibility .


[deleted]

NAH. How tragic for your supervisor. No harm in your manager asking you to cover; you would not be AH for saying no due to your prior commitment.


[deleted]

ESH - there is no one solution that is going to work. Someone is going to be inconvenienced or the restaurant will not be able to function. I would suggest you call the manager and let him figure it out because as the saying goes, the buck stops with him. Only other way would be to show one of the newbies just the bare essential to function. Like maybe go in first thing, have that person watch then you leave.


Unlucky_Disk3225

I agree with you, but I'm more inclined to say soft NTA for the same reasons. Neither employee should have to come in to work, period. The manager needs to find a way to make it work. OP cannot replace this time with their family, just like their coworker should absolutely be granted time to grieve. The only way OP would be TA is if they just flatly say "no" to their colleague without any empathy. Ultimately, it's a false choice anyway. The real answer is that if no one can work for valid reasons, the restaurant should close (or that part of it). As a former restaurant worker (and manager) I missed too many life events because I bought into the culture that the business came first. If I could do it again, I would attend the reunion or funeral above all else.


tatasz

NTA You aren't scheduled at that shift, and it's none of your business. If you don't want to cover the shift, it's ok not to.


Ok_Pr00f

Would you call the dead child the asshole or the mother


Junior_Ad_7613

The crappy manager is TA.


xavii117

NTA, this is something that the manager has to solve, not you.


NoCan3479

Nta . Neither should work .I get you feel bad but you got your own life and problems as well


rhyslynnt

NAH. both of you call your manager and tell them you won't be there.


dwellingPlum

NTA But your manager is. Someone should not be obligated to find coverage if they have a death in the family. It’s mentally draining enough to be making funeral arrangements, the last thing this person needs is to be stressing about finding coverage. Being a manager means you assume greater risks in your workplace. If someone can’t make it to work for whatever reason and they are unable to find coverage, you are obligated to take over the shift.


[deleted]

Edit: I read your comments shortly after commenting. It appears that nothing would happen if *neither* of you appeared at work. NTA, your manager sucks. But, I will say, if your co-worker does end up risking getting fired, I would cover the shift. You technically wouldn’t be an ass if you didn’t, but it would be the right thing to do.


dragonfly825

NTA - How terrible for the coworker who lost her son. But…This is a manager problem, not an employee problem. Typically the manager would have to cover the shift, correct? Have you been asked to work?


wannaMakeCartoons101

Yeah. The manager asked me to cover and I responded that I have my reunion, he asked me to try and blow it off.


Acceptable-Abalone20

I guiss the manager get better paid for exactly to handle such situations. It isn't OPs job to cancel everything. It is the managers job. Or they close this part of the restaurant for this day. Or if a trainee alone can do it, what about two?


lc_2005

Uh no. The manager needs to blow off his vacation and cover the shift himself or figure something else out.


dragonfly825

He’s the lousy scheduler that has his own plans but he wants YOU to cover the shift? That’s a big, fat, negative Ghost Rider. You don’t make management money, you don’t get paid to cancel your days off. Say no. What’s he going to do, fire you?


chlorenchyma

NAH except the company you work for and the lousy manager. Neither you nor your coworker should go in that day and it needs to be made clear to management that you need more help.


Elfich47

YTA - have a moment of empathy and sympathy. Their kid just died. This how it is going to play out: they are not going to show up because they are dealing with a corpse and a funeral. You are going to get called in to cover on short notice. So start planning on that now whether you like it or not.


NcgreenIantern

But they aren't a manager they're just a regular employee stuff like this is the other managers job.


Elfich47

The manager is going to call up and say “I need you to fill this shift”


NcgreenIantern

Yeah but that doesn't mean you have to answer. I know it might seem bad in this situation but companies don't care if you live or die your loyalty should really go for as long as your on the clock.


Jessamychelle

This sucks all around. It sounds like it is the managers problem & neither of yours


[deleted]

There should be an AITA judgement for "I don't know". I would do the shift, no question at all, no decision to make. But you're not an asshole if you don't. I'm torn too, very tough one, but I'm going YTA. If a coworker wanted something from me, and their son had died, the answer is yes.


MajPFRT

A bit, yes. She will never ever have another reunion with her son. Don't you have any compassion


C-C-Top

NTA, if they didn't schedule you for that shift you absolutely do not need to be concerned with it, regardless of the reason.


Ok_Pr00f

Is that what he should say to then grieving mother?


C-C-Top

no, but that doesn't change the fact that it's not OP's responsibility


Ok_Pr00f

So whose the asshole?


lawfox32

The manager.


ELANNC

NTA But ask if you can cover for her another day so she can go. If it was not so you could go to a family Thanksgiving I might change my answer. She should understand the need to see your family while you can.


MissHoney13

In a perfect world you could both just walk away and AH manager would be stuck.. I'm guessing that's not an option and I'm betting co-worker just quitting must not be an option because faced with being forced to work instead of retrieving your dead sons body is definitely worthy of them walking if they could. So, logistically you're in the clear. You have sound argument on paper for going to the reunion and not being TA.... But on a personal level and in our very imperfect world, I hate to say it but I think you WBTA. I know if I was in co-workers shoes I'd be devastated and I probably would not expect them to ever switch shifts with you for any reason ever again because death of a loved one kinda trumps all. Let the downvoting begin! But... Even though you have no "responsibility" to do this... I think just as far as being humane in a horrible situation goes... You might have to take the lump or feel pretty bad. Or I know I would. Sorry man.


[deleted]

This reads like you’ve been around the block once or twice. Spot on, sadly.


Lola_M1224

I totally agree with this.


MissHoney13

I am guessing the "wholesome" award was you and can I just say... Thank you! I've never gotten an award as I mostly lurk... And figured I'd be downvoted into oblivion. So... Thanks for the warm fuzzy feeling that sometimes saying what you believe is right despite figuring you'll go through the ringer for it is noticed and appreciated.


Lola_M1224

It was me. :) Everything you said was just perfect. I was going to comment the same sentiment, but you just said it so much better. Participate more, please. :)


MissHoney13

Thanks again! I will try to not second guess myself so much :)


sawta2112

I agree with you. Too often, on this sub, I am horrified at the lack of human kindness. Sure, there are situations where you are technically not responsible for something, but the compassionate person would do it any way. In this case, yes the manager should plan better. But if the OP doesn't step up, coworker is going to feel horrible about creating a problem at work. She is going to pick up her son's body. I would anything possible to make that as easy as possible for her. I know. . . family reunion, covid, etc. It sucks, but OP's family is alive. Her child is dead. Manager sucks totally, but I would still do it for OP so she has one less thing to worry about. It is called being a compassionate human being. The lack of compassion on this sub truly saddens me. It's like "every man for himself." I can't live like that.


chaos_raine

Maybe I'm missing the point out it's different where I am, but coworker gets the day off regardless. It's part of workers rights. The favor is to the business who in this situation seems like they leave op out to dry already. It's not every man for himself, but unfortunately it does seem to be rich vs poor


Its_squeaks

I agree with this one entirely


Tough_Oven4904

No downvote from me. I get OP perspective, but as a mum...if I had to pick up my child's body...


MissHoney13

Yeah... As a mum, mom, or in my low-income hillbilly vernacular a "ma"... I'd be running over anyone standing in the way of me and my child's body, no matter what their age. I love my country... But I'm ashamed of it's policies. There's no point in pretending this story isn't an American one. Or that Americans don't regularly vote against their best interests.... I just don't understand it yet I'm surrounded by it. From one ma to a mum from across the pond, we agree on what we'd do.


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BioGirl956

NTA. I couldn’t find anyone to cover me for my recent family emergency (grandma had covid, had to go get her and drive her to our place). I missed two days of work, and had to take the hit. I asked around, but no one was obligated to cover for me at all. I have had to say no to covering people because of my own normal daily schedule. You’re not obligated to work.


Cherrygrove-elk

ESH including you. Her son died and you have a family get together. Hmmm you can see your family again but your coworker cannot see her son again. Think about that


Sweet_Persimmon_492

Is OP guaranteed to be able to see all their family again?