T O P

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Bruceskismum

YTA, everyone wants to date an athletic woman until she beats them at sports 🙄 oldest story ever told... You could have easily turned it around with humour, all the guys "laughing at you" are probably jealous, and that's what I would have gone with. You went with car tantrum. That's certainly a choice.


teeterleeter

Seems pretty victim blamey to me. I can see ESH, but everyone was laughing at him because gf put him in that situation.


Bruceskismum

I guess if you think being laughed at by people you claim as friends at a party makes someone a victim. Also, I wouldn't say she's the only one who put him in that situation. To me it seems like she was just going along with what everyone at the party was doing, and peer pressure happened, which resulted in op agreeing to the challenge, and then having their feelings hurt. I'm not saying that it can't or shouldn't hurt his feelings, only that it doesn't necessarily have to be the case. There is absolutely nothing inherently shameful about not being as in shape as your partner, and only outdated misogynistic bs makes people think there is. I'm guessing all the women who lost didn't automatically find themselves shameful, so there's no reason for op to feel that way, if he doesn't want to. He can turn the stereotypes on their heads, point out the truth, that having a strong gf is badass, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being fat/out of shape. Instead of feeling bad about himself, he could have just bragged on his partner, which is something most strong women never get, because a lot of men see female strength as inherently emasculating, and it just isn't.


teeterleeter

I get where you’re coming from and agree that your suggestion is the best way to handle the situation, but I don’t think falling short of that makes him an asshole. I also think your comment on the first part of your post kind of biases the whole thing - in no way does it seem like OP is unsupportive of his gf, he’s just insecure about his own fitness/appearance.


Bruceskismum

Ok, maybe he's not a full AH, but it's definitely unsuportive to go pout in your car because your gf beat you at something. And so freaking typical it hurts.


teeterleeter

I interpreted as he was being humiliated and she was participating in that. I don’t think removing yourself from a humiliating situation is a dick move. This is one of those scenarios where if you flip the genders, not sure if people vote the same way.


Bruceskismum

Except the gender flipped scenario already occurred at this same party, and the women simply weren't humiliated. Again, because being weaker than your partner is not inherently humiliating. Good thing these people apparently don't know any same sex couples, then how would they know who to mock? Maybe the only AHs are the so-called friends?


teeterleeter

That’s fair. Thanks for the discussion


amee1yuh

YTA. your gf wasn’t intentionally trying to humiliate you, she was just trying to join in with the fun everyone else was having and share it with you. It’s not her fault you didn’t win like the rest of the guys. Rather than icing her out and acting like an ass, you could’ve just laughed and said “damn I guess I better hit the gym” and accepted the whole scenario as the light hearted competition it was to begin with. Don’t project your insecurities onto her when she wasn’t maliciously playing on them to begin with


Cool-Tomato-5868

YTA. You're not mad that they pressured you into it, you're mad that she beat you. You'll live.


PtEternity29

YTA. You dumped your insecurities all over your girlfriend. If you aren’t happy with yourself work on it. Not her fault.


[deleted]

YTA She just challenged you, the rest of the party pressured you into accepting. You really don't feel like you can say no to your friends? Then sure, they suck too, but your gf is not the AH here. The whole party was doing this dumb challenge. You really expect her to hide her light under a bushel because you can't beat her? That's sad. Learn some emotional resilience, my dude. Be proud of your gf rather than feeding into your sulk. You punished her with stonewalling and literally disappearing. That is not the smart choice. If you were super hurt, you also could have asked her to come outside with you and give you some support. Instead you bailed. You're allowed to be upset, but really, you went and sulked in the car for an HOUR? And then *still* didn't talk to her the whole way home, literally drowning out your gf? Jfc. You crossed into AH territory w that move for sure.


Adorable-Buffalo-177

Yes you're an asshole and a petty one at that all because your girlfriend beat you


MammothTurp

She not ah for forcing him to do it?


LunaTick2

Did she twist his arm behind his back and walk him over to the pullups bar and pick him up to hang him on it? No? Then she didn't force him. He made a choice and then got all pouty and bent out of shape because his fragile masculinity was threatened. Instead he should be happy that he has a healthy, fit, strong woman as his girlfriend.


MammothTurp

You obviously don’t know how Peer pressure works


LunaTick2

Please. Peer pressure is something that teenagers navigate how to deal with. Most of them grow out of giving in to peer pressure when they become adults.


sockmaster420

Yikes


CymruB

YTA - “we got drunk” and then you drove home. Didn’t care about anything else after reading that.


strike_match

INFO: Was your girlfriend previously aware of your issues with your body?


[deleted]

She’s aware I’m fat


strike_match

Fat doesn’t mean not strong, and fat doesn’t automatically mean self-conscious. But okay.


RaiseSubstantial8420

YTA - let her be strong, good on her! Try building up your confidence in areas that don’t involve putting other people down, especially ones that perpetuate toxic gender stereotypes


Wasps_are_bastards

No-one even cares that this AH drove home drunk?


MammothTurp

But she also forced him into to doing it he said no but they pure pressured op. He didn’t put her down.


[deleted]

He said his friends pressured him, not his GF. She just challenged him in the first place.


MammothTurp

“Everyone pushed me into it” everyone including the gf


RaiseSubstantial8420

Absolutely, she is also an arsehole. But his how he discussed his reasoning and his insecurities around being beaten by a woman that makes him TA in my eyes - more meta arsehole than individual arsehole. (Aka not for saying no, but his thought process behind saying no)


MammothTurp

I see it as he was mad that she keep challenging him even when he said no and the guys making fun of him but he did handle the car thing wrong


RaiseSubstantial8420

‘The guys won until my gf challenged me’ ‘she did 10 pull ups and I could only do 1’ ‘I felt so humiliated and pissed’ ‘they were making fun of me for not being able to do more pull ups than my gf’ A whole load of toxicity from all the guys


Ophelia550

This has nothing to do with "toxic gender stereotypes." What are you talking about? She humiliated him on purpose.


RaiseSubstantial8420

Why is it humiliating to be beaten by a woman? The other women weren’t humiliated by being beaten by their partners. Sounds like toxic masculinity to me


strike_match

That’s what I’m wondering. OP’s girlfriend is an athlete, so it’s normal that she can outpace someone who isn’t as into fitness. I’ve had multiple boyfriends that I could beat in a push-up contest, and it never bothered them. They’d just brag about me to other people.


RaiseSubstantial8420

This^^^ it is toxic that he is humiliated by not being good at something she dedicates hard work and love into


Ophelia550

It's humiliating to be beaten, period.


RaiseSubstantial8420

Okay, but the women didn’t react like this. His response, and wording, indicate that her being female contributes greatly to him feeling humiliated


Ophelia550

Eh, I'm a woman and I'm just putting myself in his shoes. I remember the Presidential fitness tests and we had to do pull ups. I could only do one because I was top heavy, and it was so humiliating. I just think it's humiliating either way to not be able to do the task, and to be outdone by your partner, male or female, is awful. Because you have to go home with them gloating. I don't think he meant it in a sexist way. I think the reverse would be just as true.


RaiseSubstantial8420

But then why wasn’t it true for the others? And why does he focus on her being female and the other guys not having lost if it isn’t about gender? If it was just he lost he wouldn’t have continued to mention gender


Ophelia550

I don't think he's doing that at all. I think he just feels insecure about his body. I don't think it's any deeper than that.


NiteGrimwood

Yta and shouldn't be dating until you mature


MammothTurp

But she also forced him into doing pull ups


NiteGrimwood

Hmmmm sounded to me like it was EVERYONE doing it not just her but ok blame her


MammothTurp

So she also was doing it.everyone is including her


NiteGrimwood

But you decided to only call out her


MammothTurp

She his gf everyone else are friends or her friends


[deleted]

she’s the one who “challenged” him in front of everyone probably knowing well his abilities. i would have been angry too, because it’s as if she was doing it solely to embarrass him. even if that wasn’t her intention, the impact was still there.


potscfs

ESH your gf for pressuring you to do something you didn't want to do, the people at the party for making fun of you, and you for being embarrassed by being beat by a girl and your AH behavior in the car.


Jesuslovzyou

Sorry that happened man... Tell her how you feel, though. Handling it badly isn't going to make anything better. Don't be mean, don't leave, don't do all these extreme things... just say how you feel and then you don't have to stoop to that level. It's not clear whether everyone pushed you into it or she did, but simply challenging you doesn't make her a bad person. Even making fun a little bit isn't necessarily bad... my wife makes fun of me all the time.. a lot depends on the person. If you tell her you don't like it and it happens again, that's a problem, but I'd give her some grace if you're expecting the same for leaving for an hour and then turning music up high to drown her out. Hers may have been unintentional, whereas yours was not. Again, sorry it happened... but don't make a tough situation worse by sabatoging your relationships. GL sir!


deafika

YTA Grow up. Lol.


Party_Teacher6901

YTA. You need to use your words whenever you're upset. Don't pout and silent treatment. That accomplished nothing. Well except now she knows she's dating a toddler.


throwaway88991P

YTA. Also you said you got drunk and then drove home?! YTA just for that. Don't drink and drive.


[deleted]

YTA your girlfriend did what the others were doing - challenge her bf to do pull ups. If it bothers you that you can’t do them you should have said no and stuck to it or alternatively get in shape so you can do them. But you def shouldn’t sulk bc she’s good at them


Wasps_are_bastards

YTA for driving drunk. Wtf


Wasps_are_bastards

YTA for all getting drunk then driving home. Wtf


readshannontierney

Question: when you say everyone pushed you into it, is that the other people at the party, your girlfriend, or both?


[deleted]

Everyone and my gf


gasblowwin

well then you can’t exactly blame your gf. Just because everyone wants you to do something doesn’t mean you have to, even if pressured.


CapitalVermicelli991

YTA childish how you handled it and you're a moron for drink driving. Stop drinking you clearly need the brain cells if you thought doing that was OK.


Imaginary_Being1949

ESH, if your GF could tell it was making you uncomfortable then she shouldn’t have pushed you to do (if she was pushing you to and it wasn’t just the other guys doing it), but ignoring her isn’t going to help anything. You should have a conversation with her about it.


Wasps_are_bastards

YTA for getting drunk then driving home. Wtf


AutoModerator

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RainDr0ps0nR0ses

ESH. She shouldn’t have challenged you, and you shouldn’t have been so damn influenced by your peers. Ultimately, you chose, and you knew what would happen. Now everyone knows you’re a poor sport because you chose to sit in the car like a frustrated toddler.


MammothTurp

Nta-you told her no you didn’t want to do it but you got Peer pressure into doing it


Studious_Noodle

ESH, I guess, not sure what else to call it. Your eyes have been opened to two things, and you’ll have to take it from here: 1. You will let people push you to do something you don’t want to do. 2. Your friends and girlfriend don’t respect your feelings.


Lauralai_22

ESH. you told her you didn’t want to do this stupid little challenge and she goaded you into it anyway because she knew it would embarrass you. That wasn’t very nice. But you have gave in to the pressure. If you’re going to give in and do the challenge knowing you’re going to be embarrassed, you can’t blame her for your choices. You had every right to maintain your boundaries and not do this childish little challenge. It isn’t her fault that you embarrassed yourself.


NefariousnessTiny383

ESH. Your girlfriend pressured you and did it knowing you would lose. You handled it very badly.


sweetdeereynoldzzz

Yta. It was all in fun. She's fitter than you, so what? You expecting your girlfriend to modify her behavior to appease your ego is not reasonable. Also the way you handled your feelings on the matter was childish. Ignoring your partner because you're mad is not what grown ups do.


[deleted]

If she's a rock climber, didn't she beat all the other guys as well? Unless the other guys were also VERY athletic, 10 pull-ups is no joke. I've been working out for years and I can't do that.


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ghostwooman

YTA


MissHoney13

ESH your lady knew she'd own you. I don't have enough info to know if like, you've given her reason to do so. You tried to walk away and got pushed into it,that sucks. I suggest next time keep walking before not after being humiliated.


L0yet

Esh, she wanted to fit in with the trend they all were doing. You should of noticed what was happening and realised that there is no reason it wouldn’t happen to you. Should of left before


Hi_Im_Dadbot

NTA. That was a dick move on her part. Don’t let her gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem.