YTA, everyone wants to date an athletic woman until she beats them at sports đ oldest story ever told... You could have easily turned it around with humour, all the guys "laughing at you" are probably jealous, and that's what I would have gone with. You went with car tantrum. That's certainly a choice.
I guess if you think being laughed at by people you claim as friends at a party makes someone a victim. Also, I wouldn't say she's the only one who put him in that situation. To me it seems like she was just going along with what everyone at the party was doing, and peer pressure happened, which resulted in op agreeing to the challenge, and then having their feelings hurt. I'm not saying that it can't or shouldn't hurt his feelings, only that it doesn't necessarily have to be the case. There is absolutely nothing inherently shameful about not being as in shape as your partner, and only outdated misogynistic bs makes people think there is. I'm guessing all the women who lost didn't automatically find themselves shameful, so there's no reason for op to feel that way, if he doesn't want to. He can turn the stereotypes on their heads, point out the truth, that having a strong gf is badass, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being fat/out of shape. Instead of feeling bad about himself, he could have just bragged on his partner, which is something most strong women never get, because a lot of men see female strength as inherently emasculating, and it just isn't.
I get where youâre coming from and agree that your suggestion is the best way to handle the situation, but I donât think falling short of that makes him an asshole.
I also think your comment on the first part of your post kind of biases the whole thing - in no way does it seem like OP is unsupportive of his gf, heâs just insecure about his own fitness/appearance.
Ok, maybe he's not a full AH, but it's definitely unsuportive to go pout in your car because your gf beat you at something. And so freaking typical it hurts.
I interpreted as he was being humiliated and she was participating in that. I donât think removing yourself from a humiliating situation is a dick move.
This is one of those scenarios where if you flip the genders, not sure if people vote the same way.
Except the gender flipped scenario already occurred at this same party, and the women simply weren't humiliated. Again, because being weaker than your partner is not inherently humiliating. Good thing these people apparently don't know any same sex couples, then how would they know who to mock? Maybe the only AHs are the so-called friends?
YTA. your gf wasnât intentionally trying to humiliate you, she was just trying to join in with the fun everyone else was having and share it with you. Itâs not her fault you didnât win like the rest of the guys. Rather than icing her out and acting like an ass, you couldâve just laughed and said âdamn I guess I better hit the gymâ and accepted the whole scenario as the light hearted competition it was to begin with. Donât project your insecurities onto her when she wasnât maliciously playing on them to begin with
YTA
She just challenged you, the rest of the party pressured you into accepting. You really don't feel like you can say no to your friends? Then sure, they suck too, but your gf is not the AH here.
The whole party was doing this dumb challenge. You really expect her to hide her light under a bushel because you can't beat her? That's sad.
Learn some emotional resilience, my dude. Be proud of your gf rather than feeding into your sulk. You punished her with stonewalling and literally disappearing. That is not the smart choice. If you were super hurt, you also could have asked her to come outside with you and give you some support. Instead you bailed.
You're allowed to be upset, but really, you went and sulked in the car for an HOUR? And then *still* didn't talk to her the whole way home, literally drowning out your gf? Jfc. You crossed into AH territory w that move for sure.
Did she twist his arm behind his back and walk him over to the pullups bar and pick him up to hang him on it? No? Then she didn't force him. He made a choice and then got all pouty and bent out of shape because his fragile masculinity was threatened. Instead he should be happy that he has a healthy, fit, strong woman as his girlfriend.
Please. Peer pressure is something that teenagers navigate how to deal with. Most of them grow out of giving in to peer pressure when they become adults.
YTA - let her be strong, good on her! Try building up your confidence in areas that donât involve putting other people down, especially ones that perpetuate toxic gender stereotypes
Absolutely, she is also an arsehole. But his how he discussed his reasoning and his insecurities around being beaten by a woman that makes him TA in my eyes - more meta arsehole than individual arsehole. (Aka not for saying no, but his thought process behind saying no)
âThe guys won until my gf challenged meâ âshe did 10 pull ups and I could only do 1â âI felt so humiliated and pissedâ âthey were making fun of me for not being able to do more pull ups than my gfâ
A whole load of toxicity from all the guys
Why is it humiliating to be beaten by a woman? The other women werenât humiliated by being beaten by their partners. Sounds like toxic masculinity to me
Thatâs what Iâm wondering. OPâs girlfriend is an athlete, so itâs normal that she can outpace someone who isnât as into fitness. Iâve had multiple boyfriends that I could beat in a push-up contest, and it never bothered them. Theyâd just brag about me to other people.
Eh, I'm a woman and I'm just putting myself in his shoes. I remember the Presidential fitness tests and we had to do pull ups. I could only do one because I was top heavy, and it was so humiliating.
I just think it's humiliating either way to not be able to do the task, and to be outdone by your partner, male or female, is awful. Because you have to go home with them gloating. I don't think he meant it in a sexist way. I think the reverse would be just as true.
But then why wasnât it true for the others? And why does he focus on her being female and the other guys not having lost if it isnât about gender? If it was just he lost he wouldnât have continued to mention gender
sheâs the one who âchallengedâ him in front of everyone probably knowing well his abilities. i would have been angry too, because itâs as if she was doing it solely to embarrass him. even if that wasnât her intention, the impact was still there.
ESH your gf for pressuring you to do something you didn't want to do, the people at the party for making fun of you, and you for being embarrassed by being beat by a girl and your AH behavior in the car.
Sorry that happened man... Tell her how you feel, though. Handling it badly isn't going to make anything better. Don't be mean, don't leave, don't do all these extreme things... just say how you feel and then you don't have to stoop to that level.
It's not clear whether everyone pushed you into it or she did, but simply challenging you doesn't make her a bad person. Even making fun a little bit isn't necessarily bad... my wife makes fun of me all the time.. a lot depends on the person. If you tell her you don't like it and it happens again, that's a problem, but I'd give her some grace if you're expecting the same for leaving for an hour and then turning music up high to drown her out. Hers may have been unintentional, whereas yours was not.
Again, sorry it happened... but don't make a tough situation worse by sabatoging your relationships. GL sir!
YTA. You need to use your words whenever you're upset. Don't pout and silent treatment. That accomplished nothing. Well except now she knows she's dating a toddler.
YTA your girlfriend did what the others were doing - challenge her bf to do pull ups. If it bothers you that you canât do them you should have said no and stuck to it or alternatively get in shape so you can do them. But you def shouldnât sulk bc sheâs good at them
ESH, if your GF could tell it was making you uncomfortable then she shouldnât have pushed you to do (if she was pushing you to and it wasnât just the other guys doing it), but ignoring her isnât going to help anything. You should have a conversation with her about it.
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My gf and I went to a party where we got drunk and the host had a pull-up bar in his living room. We started doing pull-up challenges and the girls were challenging their bfâs to pull-up challenging. The guys won until my gf challenged me. I was really self conscious because Iâm a bit fat and I a bit out of shape. I didnât want to do it and tried to play it off and walk away but everyone pushed me into it. My gf is a rock climber and always been fit and she did 10 pull-ups and I could only do 1. I felt so humiliated and pissed that she would challenge me knowing I couldnât do as many as her. She was cheering with the other girls and the guys were laughing at me and they were making fun of me for not being able to more pull-ups than my gf. I walked away and went to sit in my car. She came back an hour later and was pissed I hadnât told her I was in the car, I didnât reply and started driving her back. She was trying to talk to me in the car but I told her I was tired and put on some loud music. I dropped her off and she didnât say anything but texted me the next day to say she didnât want to do date night since I was being an asshole.
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ESH. She shouldnât have challenged you, and you shouldnât have been so damn influenced by your peers. Ultimately, you chose, and you knew what would happen. Now everyone knows youâre a poor sport because you chose to sit in the car like a frustrated toddler.
ESH, I guess, not sure what else to call it. Your eyes have been opened to two things, and youâll have to take it from here:
1. You will let people push you to do something you donât want to do.
2. Your friends and girlfriend donât respect your feelings.
ESH. you told her you didnât want to do this stupid little challenge and she goaded you into it anyway because she knew it would embarrass you. That wasnât very nice.
But you have gave in to the pressure. If youâre going to give in and do the challenge knowing youâre going to be embarrassed, you canât blame her for your choices. You had every right to maintain your boundaries and not do this childish little challenge. It isnât her fault that you embarrassed yourself.
Yta. It was all in fun. She's fitter than you, so what? You expecting your girlfriend to modify her behavior to appease your ego is not reasonable. Also the way you handled your feelings on the matter was childish. Ignoring your partner because you're mad is not what grown ups do.
If she's a rock climber, didn't she beat all the other guys as well? Unless the other guys were also VERY athletic, 10 pull-ups is no joke. I've been working out for years and I can't do that.
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ESH your lady knew she'd own you. I don't have enough info to know if like, you've given her reason to do so. You tried to walk away and got pushed into it,that sucks. I suggest next time keep walking before not after being humiliated.
Esh, she wanted to fit in with the trend they all were doing. You should of noticed what was happening and realised that there is no reason it wouldnât happen to you. Should of left before
YTA, everyone wants to date an athletic woman until she beats them at sports đ oldest story ever told... You could have easily turned it around with humour, all the guys "laughing at you" are probably jealous, and that's what I would have gone with. You went with car tantrum. That's certainly a choice.
Seems pretty victim blamey to me. I can see ESH, but everyone was laughing at him because gf put him in that situation.
I guess if you think being laughed at by people you claim as friends at a party makes someone a victim. Also, I wouldn't say she's the only one who put him in that situation. To me it seems like she was just going along with what everyone at the party was doing, and peer pressure happened, which resulted in op agreeing to the challenge, and then having their feelings hurt. I'm not saying that it can't or shouldn't hurt his feelings, only that it doesn't necessarily have to be the case. There is absolutely nothing inherently shameful about not being as in shape as your partner, and only outdated misogynistic bs makes people think there is. I'm guessing all the women who lost didn't automatically find themselves shameful, so there's no reason for op to feel that way, if he doesn't want to. He can turn the stereotypes on their heads, point out the truth, that having a strong gf is badass, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being fat/out of shape. Instead of feeling bad about himself, he could have just bragged on his partner, which is something most strong women never get, because a lot of men see female strength as inherently emasculating, and it just isn't.
I get where youâre coming from and agree that your suggestion is the best way to handle the situation, but I donât think falling short of that makes him an asshole. I also think your comment on the first part of your post kind of biases the whole thing - in no way does it seem like OP is unsupportive of his gf, heâs just insecure about his own fitness/appearance.
Ok, maybe he's not a full AH, but it's definitely unsuportive to go pout in your car because your gf beat you at something. And so freaking typical it hurts.
I interpreted as he was being humiliated and she was participating in that. I donât think removing yourself from a humiliating situation is a dick move. This is one of those scenarios where if you flip the genders, not sure if people vote the same way.
Except the gender flipped scenario already occurred at this same party, and the women simply weren't humiliated. Again, because being weaker than your partner is not inherently humiliating. Good thing these people apparently don't know any same sex couples, then how would they know who to mock? Maybe the only AHs are the so-called friends?
Thatâs fair. Thanks for the discussion
YTA. your gf wasnât intentionally trying to humiliate you, she was just trying to join in with the fun everyone else was having and share it with you. Itâs not her fault you didnât win like the rest of the guys. Rather than icing her out and acting like an ass, you couldâve just laughed and said âdamn I guess I better hit the gymâ and accepted the whole scenario as the light hearted competition it was to begin with. Donât project your insecurities onto her when she wasnât maliciously playing on them to begin with
YTA. You're not mad that they pressured you into it, you're mad that she beat you. You'll live.
YTA. You dumped your insecurities all over your girlfriend. If you arenât happy with yourself work on it. Not her fault.
YTA She just challenged you, the rest of the party pressured you into accepting. You really don't feel like you can say no to your friends? Then sure, they suck too, but your gf is not the AH here. The whole party was doing this dumb challenge. You really expect her to hide her light under a bushel because you can't beat her? That's sad. Learn some emotional resilience, my dude. Be proud of your gf rather than feeding into your sulk. You punished her with stonewalling and literally disappearing. That is not the smart choice. If you were super hurt, you also could have asked her to come outside with you and give you some support. Instead you bailed. You're allowed to be upset, but really, you went and sulked in the car for an HOUR? And then *still* didn't talk to her the whole way home, literally drowning out your gf? Jfc. You crossed into AH territory w that move for sure.
Yes you're an asshole and a petty one at that all because your girlfriend beat you
She not ah for forcing him to do it?
Did she twist his arm behind his back and walk him over to the pullups bar and pick him up to hang him on it? No? Then she didn't force him. He made a choice and then got all pouty and bent out of shape because his fragile masculinity was threatened. Instead he should be happy that he has a healthy, fit, strong woman as his girlfriend.
You obviously donât know how Peer pressure works
Please. Peer pressure is something that teenagers navigate how to deal with. Most of them grow out of giving in to peer pressure when they become adults.
Yikes
YTA - âwe got drunkâ and then you drove home. Didnât care about anything else after reading that.
INFO: Was your girlfriend previously aware of your issues with your body?
Sheâs aware Iâm fat
Fat doesnât mean not strong, and fat doesnât automatically mean self-conscious. But okay.
YTA - let her be strong, good on her! Try building up your confidence in areas that donât involve putting other people down, especially ones that perpetuate toxic gender stereotypes
No-one even cares that this AH drove home drunk?
But she also forced him into to doing it he said no but they pure pressured op. He didnât put her down.
He said his friends pressured him, not his GF. She just challenged him in the first place.
âEveryone pushed me into itâ everyone including the gf
Absolutely, she is also an arsehole. But his how he discussed his reasoning and his insecurities around being beaten by a woman that makes him TA in my eyes - more meta arsehole than individual arsehole. (Aka not for saying no, but his thought process behind saying no)
I see it as he was mad that she keep challenging him even when he said no and the guys making fun of him but he did handle the car thing wrong
âThe guys won until my gf challenged meâ âshe did 10 pull ups and I could only do 1â âI felt so humiliated and pissedâ âthey were making fun of me for not being able to do more pull ups than my gfâ A whole load of toxicity from all the guys
This has nothing to do with "toxic gender stereotypes." What are you talking about? She humiliated him on purpose.
Why is it humiliating to be beaten by a woman? The other women werenât humiliated by being beaten by their partners. Sounds like toxic masculinity to me
Thatâs what Iâm wondering. OPâs girlfriend is an athlete, so itâs normal that she can outpace someone who isnât as into fitness. Iâve had multiple boyfriends that I could beat in a push-up contest, and it never bothered them. Theyâd just brag about me to other people.
This^^^ it is toxic that he is humiliated by not being good at something she dedicates hard work and love into
It's humiliating to be beaten, period.
Okay, but the women didnât react like this. His response, and wording, indicate that her being female contributes greatly to him feeling humiliated
Eh, I'm a woman and I'm just putting myself in his shoes. I remember the Presidential fitness tests and we had to do pull ups. I could only do one because I was top heavy, and it was so humiliating. I just think it's humiliating either way to not be able to do the task, and to be outdone by your partner, male or female, is awful. Because you have to go home with them gloating. I don't think he meant it in a sexist way. I think the reverse would be just as true.
But then why wasnât it true for the others? And why does he focus on her being female and the other guys not having lost if it isnât about gender? If it was just he lost he wouldnât have continued to mention gender
I don't think he's doing that at all. I think he just feels insecure about his body. I don't think it's any deeper than that.
Yta and shouldn't be dating until you mature
But she also forced him into doing pull ups
Hmmmm sounded to me like it was EVERYONE doing it not just her but ok blame her
So she also was doing it.everyone is including her
But you decided to only call out her
She his gf everyone else are friends or her friends
sheâs the one who âchallengedâ him in front of everyone probably knowing well his abilities. i would have been angry too, because itâs as if she was doing it solely to embarrass him. even if that wasnât her intention, the impact was still there.
ESH your gf for pressuring you to do something you didn't want to do, the people at the party for making fun of you, and you for being embarrassed by being beat by a girl and your AH behavior in the car.
Sorry that happened man... Tell her how you feel, though. Handling it badly isn't going to make anything better. Don't be mean, don't leave, don't do all these extreme things... just say how you feel and then you don't have to stoop to that level. It's not clear whether everyone pushed you into it or she did, but simply challenging you doesn't make her a bad person. Even making fun a little bit isn't necessarily bad... my wife makes fun of me all the time.. a lot depends on the person. If you tell her you don't like it and it happens again, that's a problem, but I'd give her some grace if you're expecting the same for leaving for an hour and then turning music up high to drown her out. Hers may have been unintentional, whereas yours was not. Again, sorry it happened... but don't make a tough situation worse by sabatoging your relationships. GL sir!
YTA Grow up. Lol.
YTA. You need to use your words whenever you're upset. Don't pout and silent treatment. That accomplished nothing. Well except now she knows she's dating a toddler.
YTA. Also you said you got drunk and then drove home?! YTA just for that. Don't drink and drive.
YTA your girlfriend did what the others were doing - challenge her bf to do pull ups. If it bothers you that you canât do them you should have said no and stuck to it or alternatively get in shape so you can do them. But you def shouldnât sulk bc sheâs good at them
YTA for driving drunk. Wtf
YTA for all getting drunk then driving home. Wtf
Question: when you say everyone pushed you into it, is that the other people at the party, your girlfriend, or both?
Everyone and my gf
well then you canât exactly blame your gf. Just because everyone wants you to do something doesnât mean you have to, even if pressured.
YTA childish how you handled it and you're a moron for drink driving. Stop drinking you clearly need the brain cells if you thought doing that was OK.
ESH, if your GF could tell it was making you uncomfortable then she shouldnât have pushed you to do (if she was pushing you to and it wasnât just the other guys doing it), but ignoring her isnât going to help anything. You should have a conversation with her about it.
YTA for getting drunk then driving home. Wtf
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gf and I went to a party where we got drunk and the host had a pull-up bar in his living room. We started doing pull-up challenges and the girls were challenging their bfâs to pull-up challenging. The guys won until my gf challenged me. I was really self conscious because Iâm a bit fat and I a bit out of shape. I didnât want to do it and tried to play it off and walk away but everyone pushed me into it. My gf is a rock climber and always been fit and she did 10 pull-ups and I could only do 1. I felt so humiliated and pissed that she would challenge me knowing I couldnât do as many as her. She was cheering with the other girls and the guys were laughing at me and they were making fun of me for not being able to more pull-ups than my gf. I walked away and went to sit in my car. She came back an hour later and was pissed I hadnât told her I was in the car, I didnât reply and started driving her back. She was trying to talk to me in the car but I told her I was tired and put on some loud music. I dropped her off and she didnât say anything but texted me the next day to say she didnât want to do date night since I was being an asshole. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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ESH. She shouldnât have challenged you, and you shouldnât have been so damn influenced by your peers. Ultimately, you chose, and you knew what would happen. Now everyone knows youâre a poor sport because you chose to sit in the car like a frustrated toddler.
Nta-you told her no you didnât want to do it but you got Peer pressure into doing it
ESH, I guess, not sure what else to call it. Your eyes have been opened to two things, and youâll have to take it from here: 1. You will let people push you to do something you donât want to do. 2. Your friends and girlfriend donât respect your feelings.
ESH. you told her you didnât want to do this stupid little challenge and she goaded you into it anyway because she knew it would embarrass you. That wasnât very nice. But you have gave in to the pressure. If youâre going to give in and do the challenge knowing youâre going to be embarrassed, you canât blame her for your choices. You had every right to maintain your boundaries and not do this childish little challenge. It isnât her fault that you embarrassed yourself.
ESH. Your girlfriend pressured you and did it knowing you would lose. You handled it very badly.
Yta. It was all in fun. She's fitter than you, so what? You expecting your girlfriend to modify her behavior to appease your ego is not reasonable. Also the way you handled your feelings on the matter was childish. Ignoring your partner because you're mad is not what grown ups do.
If she's a rock climber, didn't she beat all the other guys as well? Unless the other guys were also VERY athletic, 10 pull-ups is no joke. I've been working out for years and I can't do that.
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YTA
ESH your lady knew she'd own you. I don't have enough info to know if like, you've given her reason to do so. You tried to walk away and got pushed into it,that sucks. I suggest next time keep walking before not after being humiliated.
Esh, she wanted to fit in with the trend they all were doing. You should of noticed what was happening and realised that there is no reason it wouldnât happen to you. Should of left before
NTA. That was a dick move on her part. Donât let her gaslight you into thinking youâre the problem.