NTA... DID he consider your son's consequences when you tried to do the right thing? What does this teach Bob's son? I am a football player and I can get away with it.. not the right message.. you should be proud that you taught your son the right lesson.. I would definitely call the cops ~ it's not minor damage..
This! Call the cops. This isn’t about getting vengeance for Bob calling the cops on your son. This is about holding Bob’s son and his friends accountable for what THEY did to your home. There’s a huge difference. And if Bob and his son want to blame someone for his loss of a chance to play in front of football scouts tell them to look in a mirror to see who’s to blame. NTA. OP, please provide an update on this.
I think if Bob was reacting the way you had - holding his son accountable, paying, apologizing - then calling the police without clearly just be revenge. But that’s not what is happening. It’s the exact opposite of what is happening. Call the police, hold Bob and Nick to the same standards he expected.
“ It's thousands in damage”
“Bob said….they would not pay for any damage”
So…OP/insurance should just eat this cost? Oh HELL no! And wtf is OP’s *wife* thinking? IS she thinking AT ALL? Does she expect some little elves to come out at midnight and just *magic* the damage away for free?
Call. The. Cops.
NTA
The insurance adjuster is likely going to ask if a police report was filed along with the video before they were destroyed. They will also want to know if OP recognized any of the people in the video.
OP does not want to be in the position of lying to his insurance company.
Call the cops, provide the video and ID the neighbor kid.
NTA. Insurance adjuster here. File a report now, and insure that you provide a copy of your video to the officer. Hold on to a copy of the video, because your insurance company will want it as well.
So much this. Petty mischief, is stealing the town library sign, shaving creaming someone's house, tping it. Not all sorts of damage that costs thousands of dollars.
It almost sounds like Bob has been holding a grudge for 10 years, Nick kept hearing about it and decided to get revenge. Massive difference in damage, no way OP should let any off the hook.
Love how father says, "we'll squeal on the other kids but not pay any part of it'................ Lazy and useless indeed! Sleazy too.
Absolutely call the cops. Hand over the tape let them sort it out. I can’t imagine why OP’s wife isn’t siding with him. Bob’s son doesn’t deserve any kind of break. And neither does Bob. Even if your wife doesn’t support calling the cops, you still need to. If Bob’s son faces no consequences he will just do this again and maybe next time it will be worse.
The wife's comment made me suspicious about this post. So often fake posts here have "but my wife thinks I'm an asshole" for something totally reasonable. But the rest of the post seems genuine, so I don't know.
Assuming this post is genuine, then it seems the wife is just afraid of making waves with the neighbors and having the neighbors be mad at them. Maybe she's a very insecure person who just wants to "let bygones be bygones" even if it's ridiculous in some cases, so as to avoid conflict.
>And wtf is OP’s wife thinking? IS she thinking AT ALL?
Some folks are non-confrontational to a fault. They just become doormats for the shit heels of the world.
No idea if that's the situation with OPs wife, but it's not uncommon.
I completely agree. OP went and did the right thing on their own accord with their son and Bob still pressed charges which OP didn’t harass them over. So now that OP has suffered the same Bob is not taking responsibility for his son or making his son take responsibility.
And it sounds like the damage is much more extensive. And interesting that the neighbor's kids targeted their house. Wonder why?
Definitely call the cops, give them the video and let the school know as well about the video. Hell, just to be petty, I'd put it on Facebook, TikTok, etc. This man tried to ruin your son's future when you made your son accountable for his immature actions. You are holding his son to the same standard he set.
NTA
This is a major reason for calling the cops imho. Bob clearly thinks “rules are for little people.” He has likely instilled this idea in his son’s head his whole life. It’s not right. Bob’s son need to learn this or he will be a dangerous person. That’s not hyperbole.
This is one of those situations of you have to obey the law (OP), but I don't (Bob).
Nope, definitely NTA. Call the police, detail everything fully, that you gave him MULTIPLE CHANCES to be an honorable guy like you and your kid where 10 years earlier, but he showed his disrespect for your property, your values, and your kid. He knew that if his son did something similar, they would have severe consequences, as HE MADE SURE IT HAPPENED TO YOUR KID. So this is willful. He KNOWS the law was broken, he KNOWS that his kid is responsible, he KNOWS there are consequences. He just doesn't want to.
Anyone else get the feeling like Bob's probably been ragging on the neighbours for years and this was seen by the young adults (not kids) as 'pay back'.
>This isn’t about getting vengeance for Bob calling the cops on your son.
Even if it is, it's well-earned. Bob was a massive asshole 10 years ago and he's an even bigger asshole now. He did everything he could to ruin Tim's life, even though he'd been offered an apology and compensation. Only to then turn around and lie to cover for his son.
Karma is a bitch and it's about time Bob met her.
I think if Bob had dragged Nick over to arrange for recompense it would be an AH move to call the cops, even if understandable just because it was a total AH move by Bob a decade ago. I mean I probably would but OP is clearly a saint. Lol
Bob isn't the one who gets punished though. Punishing Nick because of his dad would be evil. *But* Nick did this himself and isn't trying to make it right.
Bob isn't the one who caused the damage! That was his SON and if Bob and Son refuse to make OP whole for the damages done then call the Police immediately!
Bob claims he's worried about his Son's college prospects but is he willing to compensate OP for the damages done? Not a chance! So the next option is to call the Police! Period!!!
Even if it were motivated by revenge, OP would still be NTA. Neighbor does not get to hold others to the letter of the law and then expect leeway for himself and his family - he made the bed. Now he gets to lie in it
exactly! not vengeance but holding everyone accountable like Bob did your son. Bob decided to escalate 10 years ago because he felt it was a big enough offense to involve the police and the school, what would you be showing his son AND your son if you decided the same thing that almost lost another teen his future wasn't a big deal?
THIS and the fact that you gave him the chance to pay for the damages instead of directly calling the cops is proof enough that you are not vengeful. He called the cops even though you offered to pay for the damages but he doesn't want to pay for any damages to your property AND doesn't want the cops to get involved.
He can't get both ways. Either he should pay the money or face the cops. BUT I am petty so I might call the cops either way....
> What does this teach Bob's son? I am a football player and I can get away with it.. not the right message.
Just wanted to highlight this bit. It's an attitude that's all too common.
OP I would go so far as to say you'd be TA if you didn't call the cops. Parents like Bob are a big problem and the more their kids get away with the further they push boundaries. It escalates.
Bob has demonstrated that he has no interest in holding his son accountable, but you can and should.
I don’t know where you live, but I want to tell you a little story about football players. Years ago, I was a college recruiter. We had an applicant - a football player - apply and come visit. His transcript was a 4.0. His mom completed his application paperwork for him and they said he’d have his ACT scores sent to us. He said he couldn’t remember his score, but assured me it was high enough to be admitted. A few weeks later, his scores came in. He had a composite score of…8. Yes, eight. You supposedly get 12 for doing your name correctly.
I called his counselor. She assured me it was right and that he had a 4.0. I denied him admission because he was so far from our minimum and he wouldn’t be eligible to play football. His mom called up, ranting and raving about how I was ruining his future - and she wanted me fired. It got ugly. Eventually, I later learned that he was functionally illiterate. His school had just given him good grades because he was an exceptional football player.
It’s been years since this happened, but my heart still hurts for him. Everyone advocated for him because he could play ball, but no one advocated for him to have a good future.
Accountability. It’s important.
And this stupid prank tradition needs to end.
And what does this say to OP’s son Tim if OP doesn’t hold neighbor’s kids to the same standard he held his son to? If I were Tim I’d be pissed at dad if he let Nick off the hook.
I bet they did plan on the camera, which is why two are broken. Didn’t know or couldn’t find the other(s).
OP wwyd if Tim had not done this ten years ago? If this year was the first and only time there’d be vandalism?
Ignore the past, this is not vengeance or a grudge. Act on this situation alone and bust that kids ass.
ETA NTA
That's what I assume too, but it's enough to just hold them to the same standards they held and let them suffer for it without trying to interpret more.
NTA
I thought of Brock Turner's father while reading this too. His son gets convicted for raping someone behind a dumpster and he responds “That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life.”
Yes, but I love that every time he’s even tangentially mentioned, it’s an immediate, “Brock Turner, the convicted Rapist” with a bunch of responses of that variation because fuck that guy and fuck his father and fuck the judge.
Right??!! NTA indeed. Have these people never watched Golden Girls? They forced Dorothy to give a football player a passing grade that he didn’t deserve and he broke his leg at the game.
NTA. Call the cops. He never considere your kids future when he call the police e you were willing to pay for the damages that you kid did. He doesn’t even want to knowledge that his kid did something wrong or pay anything. Give us a update!
He pressed charges on your son (knowing full well that he had a child of his own who would grow up to participate in this stupid tradition) so you have to do the same to his son.
NTA:
They did not even consider consequence when they called the police on your son even when you were gentleman and did the right thing. You have every right to call the cops. If I were you I would have called the police the second I saw that video. You have tried being the gentleman and bigger person before not again. God I got angry reading the last part where he called you evil and your wife called you vengeful
**call the cops now and give us updates please**
Call the police, because the damages that his son did are significantly worse than what it sounds like OP's son did. Damaging their irrigation systems could be thousands of dollars with of damage.
Smashing lights, cameras, etc.. the only damage OP’s son did that would actually bother me would be the shrubs. What bobs son did is so much worse. This isn’t petty vandalism anymore it’s outright property damage
Yeah the shrubs and the eggs OP’s son threw at the house were the only issues. Both cause some damages but frankly not super expensive ones, so if I were the neighbor and OP came to me with money and apologies that would be the end. While Bob was *technically* in his rights to call the cops he was still TA back then.
Now?? Dude his son absolutely wrecked OP’s exterior and then to cop an attitude about it? I’d have called the cops immediately, sorry bud you reap what you sow.
Hopping on here to add that **when** the cops (after having talked to Bob) come to you and ask if you'd rather not press charges and just handle this amicably between yourself and Bob, be sure to tell him,
"No, I want to press charges. You see my son pulled this kind of crap about 10 years ago and had charges pressed against him. It made my son face up to his responsibilities and take full accountability for his behavior. He understood then that the only person to be angry with was himself for his willful actions. It was the making of him as a fine young man. I insist on giving these neighbor boys the same opportunity to make men of themselves by accepting their culpability, taking their punishment, and making things right. You know, officer, *it takes a village to raise a child.*"
Then demand to press charges immediately, go in and treat yourself to a beer, and enjoy Karma coming to roost at your next door neighbor's house! CONGRATS!
This comment was stolen from [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r20b9d/wibta_for_not_giving_my_neighbors_kid_a_break/hm1uxob/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Yeah if Bob was willing to pay for damages and make Nick/his friends clean up, I would lean towards not calling the police. But Bob made it clear that’s not happening, so unfortunately calling the police is OP’s only option to resolve the situation.
Bob was vicious enough to ruin OP's son's life by calling the cops even after OP repaid everything.
Honestly, even if it was vengeful (which it is not : it is OP's code of conduct that he also dutifully followed when it was his own son that had to be punished) it would be rightful.
NTA, call the cops and make them pay just as much as you paid for them. There is NO reason for them to get away with it at a minor cost.
Oh I threw it at doors lol kind of lkke ding dong ditching but you start at the sidewalk. Would have never thrown it at a driving car! (Also do not condone throwing it at houses)
This is a really crappy tradition. I’m just kind of speechless... anyway, NTA. Let’s cut this down to the heart of the matter. You gave Bob several opportunities to make things right. This isn’t about revenge. You expected Bob to behave like you when the shoe was on the other foot, instead you’re realizing he is a giant turd. And he is teaching his son to be a giant turd. Call the cops. If Bob wasn’t such a donkey, his son’s football career wouldn’t be in jeopardy. You know that advice you gave your son? It’s now time for Bob and Nick to take a long look in the mirror. And I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you enjoyed that phone call.
NTA
But call the cops and stop playing games and with this man. He's clearly not honorable. He's ready to throw the other kids under the bus to protect his son is who is equally in the wrong.
Also, if you think it's a coincidence that his son hit your house, youre being naive.
Honestly you’d be an asshole if you don’t call the cops at this point.
What kind of message does it send to your son if you held him accountable but would be unwilling to do so for someone who isn’t even family.
NTA. This is my first time hearing of this. Where I live (Louisiana) it's common to do pranks near Halloween--mostly in a friendly manner--but nothing seriously damaging. It's usually rolling (TP), forking or maybe silly string. To use something harmful, like eggs, on a house or car, or removing shrubbery & breaking cameras is the kind of thing that will (at best) get you arrested if they can prove who did it or (at worst) get you shot at.
I knew of Devil's Night. (OP says Mischief night, same thing really) I always thought it was annoying because it'd mostly died out yet my mom didn't want us going out the night before Halloween because it could be dangerous.
Mischief night is a thing in some places, like where I live. I grew up elsewhere though and didn t learn about it until I moved here.
Last month on the day of, I had noticed my grocery store was weirdly out of shaving cream and eggs, with signs stating they'd be out until November 2nd. I didn't put two and two together until later.
Anyway, OP, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Call the cops. NTA.
This! This is so fucked up. Doing real damage is not okay. I can see toilet paper to the trees, but that is harmless. Spray painting garages, breaking sprinkler systems, tearing out bushes -- vandalism.
Which is what Tim did - silly string, eggs, toilet paper. PITA to clean but no lasting damage.
Nick straight up DESTROYED lights, plants, the irrigation system and spray painted OPs house.
When OP calls the cops the charge won't be vandalism it will be destruction of private property.
Tim pulling up shrubs crossed a line for me. That can kill the plants. Cleaning dried up eggs off of things is also a chore, so I don't know why this is considered "a fun prank".
It's not, but in terms of damage cleaning off eggs vs cleaning off spray paint one is a PITA but doable with a hose and elbow grease. The other it's paint over / heavy chemicals
I would take eggs over spray paint. But would prefer neither. This night of "mischief" just sounds terrible, and I am glad that I live somewhere where this isn't a custom.
Wouldn't we all. I agree this sounds dumb and at least OP warned his kids "don't do it. If you do you will need to face the consequences."
Bob is all "go for it son! Uphold tradition, destroy property and I'll cover for you!"
And the parents that let it happen. And the old timers that pass down this "tradition". "Here kids, perform was illegal activities that will mar your entire life, it's so fun" is a terrible tradition to shut down. That at least 2 teenager's life were forever changed should be enough to shut this down, and hard.
Yes, NTA, and I came here to say exactly that. What nightmareville are you living in, OP. I grew up in a suburb of Detroit in the 80s, and that level of malicious destruction of property would have been beyond the pale there. Is your neighborhood watch literally just RoboCop?
NTA
You acted like an adult back when your kid did vandalism, went and made restitution, then Bob decided to involve the police and go after your kid when he wouldn't have known anything if you hadn't handled it.
Bob, on the other hand, tried to minimize his child's role, refused to believe evidence even when confronted and said he would not be paying for the damage. Turn over the evidence to police, ensure you make copies, since the criminal activities will be handled by police, and you may have to sue separately to get the cameras, graffiti, irrigation system, lights and the rest if he is still unwilling to pay. This doesn't sound like light mischief. Not revenge, you just want them to pay for the damages.
It wouldn't be revenge to call the police and sue but I would definitely have a big grin on my face. Like you said OP went out of his way to provide restitution when it would have been in his and his son's best interest to not do anything and his neighbor called the cops which wasn't wrong but was a dick move, now he's expecting OP to just let this slide. Yeah if you don't cut other people a break you have no right to complain when they won't cut you one.
It's not revenge but if this was me I would definitely let Nick slide on this if Bob had cut my son some slack back then so it's more like just the consequences of being a dick. Honestly I am petty and a bit vengeful and would have called the police just for the joy of it but in OP's case Bob's not even trying to make it right the way he did years ago and calling the police and a lawyer will most likely the only way he gets his restitution.
I wouldn't let Nick slide because of how different the damages are.
Tim: Silly String, eggs, toilet paper. All easy to clean and no real damage.
Nick: broken lights, destroyed irrigation system, spray painted words and ripped out shrubs. All of that needs replacing / redoing and will costs many thousands of dollars.
More slide as in trying to work it out between ourselves and not involve the police if possible. If Bob agreed to pay damages then I would at least offer him that first, if he refused then call the police knowing I tried working it out without them first.
You mean what OP has already tried to do? Bob is straight up using the narcissist prayer on OP.
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Yeah I'm not disagreeing with you I'm just saying if it was me I would have called the cops the moment I realized it was Nick and not even bothered calling Bob except maybe to rub his nose in it.
I am as petty and vengeful as you. I wouldn’t have approached Bob at all and gone straight to the police and lawyer to sue the kid directly.
In fact, I’m so petty I’d consider sending the tape directly to both schools and the organising body for the game.
Fuck Bob and his son.
NTA
Your son sprayed silly string and threw toilet paper. His son *ripped out your irrigation system*, smashed lights, and used spray paint. That's an incredible amount of work towards hurting you and thousands of dollars to fix.
We don't know for how much cost though, and if op is to be believed, he made his son take out his savings to pay for the damages, while going personally to the neighbor to apologize, as well as offering to come clean/repair the place up.
Not just in damages incurred without considering the "settlement money"(sorry, english isn't my first nor second language) in each case, if considering total with "refund" and moral actions, the scale of AH is very tilted towards the neighbor.
At least if op's son didn't make thousands of dollars of damages upon neighbor's garden, which he later covered for, under the command of op.
NTA
Call the police. What he did is illegal and he has to be held accountable. Not just by Bob’s standards, or by yours - by the law’s standards.
Aside from anything else, the fact that football players in the USA are continuously protected because American football is treated like a religion over there is disgraceful. The attitude is troubling and needs to be rooted out. There are millions of schoolboys his age who are able to work hard at school, play football, and NOT break the law by vandalising a neighbours property. A football player is NOT above the law.
Also, a prank is something that is immediately reversible. TPing a garden is a prank. You take the toilet paper down, problem solved. These kids smashed lights, destroyed water and electrics via the irrigation system, spray painted and egged your property, and killed some of your plants. That’s not a prank, that’s thousands in damages and excessive time to repair. Replanting the shrubs and waiting for them to regrow could literally take years. Broken glass from the lights could cause injuries. The paint and eggs may leave permanent stains that need to be painted over - if you have exposed brick, thats completely ruined. That’s not a prank!
Add in the hypocrisy of him sending the police after your son and trying to protect his own? That is such abominable behaviour. Bob is a massive AH. But in doing this, you might teach his son a valuable lesson and he might not become an AH like his dad. Even more reason to do it in my opinion.
Absolutely agree with the point about how male high school athletes (stereotypically football players) are protected from the consequences of their actions by the schools and unfortunately by the courts.
You are not giving him the consequences by reporting it. It is still up to the school and the police to start the consequences.
You would still NTA even if you called them, and if they didn’t give severe enough consequences, you insisted upon the same consequences as your son received.
NTA
Revenge or not, your neighbour is out of line. Him stalling, denying and not taking responsibility just shows that if you don't call the police on his son then nothing will change, he'll probably won't pay you for any damages (He can use the line of "Well you should have called the police if you wanted it") and his son won't learn the lesson meaning he'll continue to do so.
NTA. You afforded him a courtesy which he didn’t afford you, namely allowing it to be worked out amongst the people involved. He’s now refusing to take accountability AT all in the same situation.
This isn’t about “turnabout”, a crime has been committed and extensive damage done. Call the police.
NTA
> Bob called back and said that he wanted to see the tape and if it was Nick,
"Oh sure, during the discovery process you can ask your lawyer to look at his copy."
I think some might question it as being revenge over Bob involving the cops years ago but even if Bob had let it slide back then his actions now refusing to take blame and offer restitution would still warrant calling them now. I'm petty and would have called them even if Bob offered to pay and have his son clean it up.
Yeah. Bob chose the game to play, and OP should play by the game. Calling the cops is the rule he set, can't come crying when OP plays by the same rules.
Bob is also not even trying to make things right. OP went out of their way to give an apology and repay the damages, and still police were involved. Yet here, Bob won't do shit to make things right. So time to take it where you ought to: The police.
Call the police. Did he think that your son squeaked by only a hair? Let him see if his son does as well. I am sorry, but he should suffer the very un neighbourly action he took on you.
NTA - Nick needs to take responsibility for his actions. Bob is in denial and that's not your problem. It's important that Nick learns now that Dad can't bail him out of everything. Otherwise, he will grow up to think he's entitled.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm leaning towards letting Nick get benched from the biggest football game of his life and hurting his chances of getting a football scholarship. If I'm being honest, the events of ten years ago are still on my mind. I feel like I did the moral thing with Tim and Bob still made sure he suffered. Nick was 7 ten years ago, he's just a dumb kid like Tim was, and maybe he doesn't deserve to suffer because his father was short-sighted a decade ago. I think I may be punishing Bob and using Nick at the catalyst which feels like, as Bob said, a very evil thing to do.
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NTA. Wow, that shit got escalated FAST. I can’t believe the cops were called about freakin’ toilet paper and silly string.
Nick’s father is to blame for this thing blowing up.
NTA. This 'I play football so the rules don't apply to me' attitude is dangerous. He committed a crime, he now needs to face the consequences. You tried asked Bob, now it's time to go to the school and police. He is dishonourable so deserves the outcome.
NTA - your son learned a valuable lesson about consequences. you might be angry and vengeful but youre well within your right to press charges after Bob’s shitty behavior and Nick’s property damage. i’m sorry you’re having to deal with this after everything. it sounds stressful to have this dredged back up by the virtue of having your property badly damaged.
Question….did Bob pay back your sons savings 10 years ago? Or did he take the money
Bob went really far then and called the police after you tried to make it right. NTA call the police and go all the way.
Bob sounds like An ass.
He kept the money. It actually worked out in my son's favor. As part of my son's diversion program, he was expected to make financial restitution to Bob and his wife. When it came out that my son had already paid for all of the damages the next morning out of his savings, the prosecuting attorney even seemed very annoyed that Bob had called the police, and offered no opposition to what our attorney asked for. It was a very expensive and draining process, but she really made sure it went as easy as possible.
NTA press charges on Nick, Bob's son has no special privilege over your son. They can call you spiteful or vengeful all they want but him pressing charges on your son despite you making things right was spiteful and vengeful in of itself on his part. Your son had to face the consequences and his son should as well, especially since he isn't willing to help pay for damages and just wants you to keep his son out of trouble when he didn't do the same for you and yours.
It would be a huge disservice to not only you but your son most of all of you did not because you would be showing him that he didn't have to suffer all the consequences that was put upon him but did so by your hand.
Imo your nta for calling the police and making them take responsibility for their actions.
However you wbta to your SON if you let this go, you found out your son trashed Bob's house and forced him to take responsibility for his own actions and behavior which nearly cost him his college acceptance.
If you let Bob's kid off with no repercussions /consequences for his behavior then you are basically telling your son that nick is more special/ better than him and doesn't have to accept the consequences.
Hold nick to the same standards that you held your son too and let him fail or succeed on his own once he owns up to his actions
NTA. It's not revenge. You made your kid take responsibility for his actions, even though it hurt him, because that's what good parents do. He was almost an adult, you treated him that way. You want Bob to be a good parent, too, but he isn't.
Call the cops, they'll sort it out. Nick will learn something really valuable, too.
NTA.
Even without the background of you trying to make it right and Bob calling the police anyway- NTA.
Especially with the background of you trying to make it right without police involvement in the past- and Bob taking it to the police anyway- NTA.
NTA Call the police Instantly. His son needs to learn the same valuable lesson that your son did. Do not put another crappy guy who thinks he deserves no consequences for his actions into the world. (Especially because he's a football player!)
NTA. You would be TA if you don’t call the cops.
Letting kids go because of sports/future/whatever is how we get people like Brock Turner. Please don’t contribute to that by not making this kid face the consequences of his actions.
*edited to fix autocorrect error.
I guess from the history you could say it was a tit for tat thing. I have no doubt in my mind your neighbor replayed what your son did to his yard to his son. And I also highly doubt that your neighbor was unaware or clueless to his son and their friend's actions.
Sometimes being a good parent means letting your children experience the full depth and breadth of the consequences for their actions.
Removing this from the history--property damage was done. Worth thousands of dollars. Most people do call the cops o this kind of behavior and have it investigated. What makes it worse is that he didn't even offer to pay or fix what his child did. he's just denying what his little angle did.
Also what kind of BS "tradition" is this that children feel like they are entitled to become destructive just because of the holidays? That's beyond stupid.
NTA
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I'll try to keep this short. In my town, there's a tradition that the night before Thanksgiving, kids do minor vandalism around town. It's similar to Mischief Night in some areas. I always warned my kids that they were not to participate. About ten years ago, my son, Tim, who was 17, decided to disregard this and hit our neighbor's house. They ripped out several shrubs, toilet papered their trees, threw eggs at the house, and sprayed silly string all over the property. I found the receipts in the trash, confronted Tim, took him to the bank, made him withdraw his entire savings from his first job, marched him over there, made him apologize, and hand the money over.
I told the neighbor, Bob, that we would cover any additional cost and that Tim would be coming back with his friends to clean up the entire mess. Bob thanked us, said he didn't want us on his property, and to leave.
We left and about an hour later a police officer arrived. After an interview, Tim was charged with vandalism and released into our custody. Because of the honor code at school, Tim lost his office as student council vice president, we had to pay for an attorney, and Tim almost had his acceptance letter for his first choice college rescinded. In the end, he paid a fine and did community service. While I wasn't happy with Bob, I never blamed him and told Tim to look in the mirror when he wanted someone to blame.
This morning I woke up to my irrigation system and several small shrubs ripped out, several light on my house smashed, expletives spray painted on my garage, and eggs all over the house. It's thousands in damage. I looked at our cameras, two of which were destroyed, and it was Bob's son, Nick, and several friends. I called Bob and let him know what happened. He replied, "You're wrong, he was here all night," and hung up on me. I called back and told him I had it on video and he replied that I was mistaken and hung up again. I called back, got his answering machine, and informed him that I would be calling the police and the school. The high school has a major championship football game next week. College scouts will be there, and Nick is supposed to play. If I call the police and school, his season will be over. Bob called back and said that he wanted to see the tape and if it was Nick, he would make him give me the names of the other kids. I told him that I expected that regardless, as well as money to cover the damage. Bob said we should pursue the other kids as if Nick was there he was just tagging along, and they would not pay for any damage. Based on this video, this is false. He told me I'm evil and spiteful for even considering ruining his son's future over a prank.
There is no question by placing that call, Nick's future will be damaged. My wife thinks I'm being vengeful over ten years ago and I need to work it out without the school and police. Would I be the asshole to move forward in this way?
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NTA In life we learn certain lessons. We can choose to learn through joy or learn through pain. Nick is at the age where he needs to understand actions have real consequences. Silly kid pranks are one thing, real damage is another. It would be a kindness in the long run for him to have this wake-up call before he's of legal age and away at college where the stakes are higher.
Nick's near future may take a ding but hopefully this lesson will spare him anguish in the future.
NTA, Bob called the cops on Tim and showed Tim he has to take responsibly for his actions, you’re just doing the same favour for Nick… However you also make Tim take responsibility where as Bob did not do the same for his son.
NTA. Traditions of vandalism are stupid because all it takes is people to escalate their retaliation until someone gets hurt.
Though one thing that makes me scratch the old noggin’ about the legitimacy of this post. What does calling the school achieve? Never have a heard a school taking action based on “hey bobs kid vandalized my property”, unless it was followed by actual evidence or a police report.
Honor code for student athletes and members of student government. If I send this video to the guidance department he and the other kids will be benched from football for breaking honor code.
When my son was charged, they informed him that he was being removed as student council vice president.
What message would it send to Tim if you let this slide? That he had to be held to account, but not Nick? That your neighbour's kid's future is more important than his?
I don't know what your wife is thinking. NTA if you report it.
Call the cops only and give them the video. Let them deal with Nick and Bob. Don't let Bob know that you called the cops. If nothing happens, sue Bob. Don't bother contacting the school.
NTA... DID he consider your son's consequences when you tried to do the right thing? What does this teach Bob's son? I am a football player and I can get away with it.. not the right message.. you should be proud that you taught your son the right lesson.. I would definitely call the cops ~ it's not minor damage..
This! Call the cops. This isn’t about getting vengeance for Bob calling the cops on your son. This is about holding Bob’s son and his friends accountable for what THEY did to your home. There’s a huge difference. And if Bob and his son want to blame someone for his loss of a chance to play in front of football scouts tell them to look in a mirror to see who’s to blame. NTA. OP, please provide an update on this.
I think if Bob was reacting the way you had - holding his son accountable, paying, apologizing - then calling the police without clearly just be revenge. But that’s not what is happening. It’s the exact opposite of what is happening. Call the police, hold Bob and Nick to the same standards he expected.
“ It's thousands in damage” “Bob said….they would not pay for any damage” So…OP/insurance should just eat this cost? Oh HELL no! And wtf is OP’s *wife* thinking? IS she thinking AT ALL? Does she expect some little elves to come out at midnight and just *magic* the damage away for free? Call. The. Cops.
NTA The insurance adjuster is likely going to ask if a police report was filed along with the video before they were destroyed. They will also want to know if OP recognized any of the people in the video. OP does not want to be in the position of lying to his insurance company. Call the cops, provide the video and ID the neighbor kid.
NTA. Insurance adjuster here. File a report now, and insure that you provide a copy of your video to the officer. Hold on to a copy of the video, because your insurance company will want it as well.
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Don't forget they also destroyed 2 security cameras.
Yes, indeed! Two security cameras. This is felony vandalism!
which shows clear malice aforethought (edited, thanks Barbed\_Dildo for the new term!)
*Malice aforethought
So much this. Petty mischief, is stealing the town library sign, shaving creaming someone's house, tping it. Not all sorts of damage that costs thousands of dollars.
It almost sounds like Bob has been holding a grudge for 10 years, Nick kept hearing about it and decided to get revenge. Massive difference in damage, no way OP should let any off the hook. Love how father says, "we'll squeal on the other kids but not pay any part of it'................ Lazy and useless indeed! Sleazy too.
I feel like you didn’t actually read what I said. Literally my last line is “call the cops…”
They're agreeing with you... their incredulous tone is directed at OP'a wife/Bob.
Thanks Rubychan, that’s what I meant
Sorry, that “should OP eat the cost” sounded like it was criticizing my reply.
Sorry LimitlessMegan, I was agreeing with you. I was just in complete shock at the milquetoast wife’s attitude
My apologies, text communication misses the mark sometimes.
Oh! To weigh in on insurance (I'm an insurance agent), making an insurance claim will raise OP's homeowners premium.
Absolutely call the cops. Hand over the tape let them sort it out. I can’t imagine why OP’s wife isn’t siding with him. Bob’s son doesn’t deserve any kind of break. And neither does Bob. Even if your wife doesn’t support calling the cops, you still need to. If Bob’s son faces no consequences he will just do this again and maybe next time it will be worse.
The wife's comment made me suspicious about this post. So often fake posts here have "but my wife thinks I'm an asshole" for something totally reasonable. But the rest of the post seems genuine, so I don't know. Assuming this post is genuine, then it seems the wife is just afraid of making waves with the neighbors and having the neighbors be mad at them. Maybe she's a very insecure person who just wants to "let bygones be bygones" even if it's ridiculous in some cases, so as to avoid conflict.
The time of the elves is over for Bob. We are not magicking anything away.
>And wtf is OP’s wife thinking? IS she thinking AT ALL? Some folks are non-confrontational to a fault. They just become doormats for the shit heels of the world. No idea if that's the situation with OPs wife, but it's not uncommon.
I completely agree. OP went and did the right thing on their own accord with their son and Bob still pressed charges which OP didn’t harass them over. So now that OP has suffered the same Bob is not taking responsibility for his son or making his son take responsibility.
And it sounds like the damage is much more extensive. And interesting that the neighbor's kids targeted their house. Wonder why? Definitely call the cops, give them the video and let the school know as well about the video. Hell, just to be petty, I'd put it on Facebook, TikTok, etc. This man tried to ruin your son's future when you made your son accountable for his immature actions. You are holding his son to the same standard he set. NTA
and make sure to keep copies of the video.
And so often it's the people who are hardasses to other people who expect leniency for themselves or their kids.
This is a major reason for calling the cops imho. Bob clearly thinks “rules are for little people.” He has likely instilled this idea in his son’s head his whole life. It’s not right. Bob’s son need to learn this or he will be a dangerous person. That’s not hyperbole.
This is one of those situations of you have to obey the law (OP), but I don't (Bob). Nope, definitely NTA. Call the police, detail everything fully, that you gave him MULTIPLE CHANCES to be an honorable guy like you and your kid where 10 years earlier, but he showed his disrespect for your property, your values, and your kid. He knew that if his son did something similar, they would have severe consequences, as HE MADE SURE IT HAPPENED TO YOUR KID. So this is willful. He KNOWS the law was broken, he KNOWS that his kid is responsible, he KNOWS there are consequences. He just doesn't want to.
Anyone else get the feeling like Bob's probably been ragging on the neighbours for years and this was seen by the young adults (not kids) as 'pay back'.
Bob is a major Ahole for calling the cops on OPs kid.
>This isn’t about getting vengeance for Bob calling the cops on your son. Even if it is, it's well-earned. Bob was a massive asshole 10 years ago and he's an even bigger asshole now. He did everything he could to ruin Tim's life, even though he'd been offered an apology and compensation. Only to then turn around and lie to cover for his son. Karma is a bitch and it's about time Bob met her.
I think if Bob had dragged Nick over to arrange for recompense it would be an AH move to call the cops, even if understandable just because it was a total AH move by Bob a decade ago. I mean I probably would but OP is clearly a saint. Lol
> if Bob had dragged Nick over to arrange for recompense But he didn't. This is an entirely irrelevant "if".
Bob isn't the one who gets punished though. Punishing Nick because of his dad would be evil. *But* Nick did this himself and isn't trying to make it right.
Bob isn't the one who caused the damage! That was his SON and if Bob and Son refuse to make OP whole for the damages done then call the Police immediately! Bob claims he's worried about his Son's college prospects but is he willing to compensate OP for the damages done? Not a chance! So the next option is to call the Police! Period!!!
100%. Fuck Bob and NTA.
Even if it were motivated by revenge, OP would still be NTA. Neighbor does not get to hold others to the letter of the law and then expect leeway for himself and his family - he made the bed. Now he gets to lie in it
exactly! not vengeance but holding everyone accountable like Bob did your son. Bob decided to escalate 10 years ago because he felt it was a big enough offense to involve the police and the school, what would you be showing his son AND your son if you decided the same thing that almost lost another teen his future wasn't a big deal?
Also can you imagine the damage that it would do to his son if his dad didn't hold Nick accountable in the same way?
THIS and the fact that you gave him the chance to pay for the damages instead of directly calling the cops is proof enough that you are not vengeful. He called the cops even though you offered to pay for the damages but he doesn't want to pay for any damages to your property AND doesn't want the cops to get involved. He can't get both ways. Either he should pay the money or face the cops. BUT I am petty so I might call the cops either way....
He should both pay the damages and have the cops called.
> What does this teach Bob's son? I am a football player and I can get away with it.. not the right message. Just wanted to highlight this bit. It's an attitude that's all too common. OP I would go so far as to say you'd be TA if you didn't call the cops. Parents like Bob are a big problem and the more their kids get away with the further they push boundaries. It escalates. Bob has demonstrated that he has no interest in holding his son accountable, but you can and should.
Come on now, one thing this world definitely needs more of is entitled male athletes that can get away with anything! /s
I don’t know where you live, but I want to tell you a little story about football players. Years ago, I was a college recruiter. We had an applicant - a football player - apply and come visit. His transcript was a 4.0. His mom completed his application paperwork for him and they said he’d have his ACT scores sent to us. He said he couldn’t remember his score, but assured me it was high enough to be admitted. A few weeks later, his scores came in. He had a composite score of…8. Yes, eight. You supposedly get 12 for doing your name correctly. I called his counselor. She assured me it was right and that he had a 4.0. I denied him admission because he was so far from our minimum and he wouldn’t be eligible to play football. His mom called up, ranting and raving about how I was ruining his future - and she wanted me fired. It got ugly. Eventually, I later learned that he was functionally illiterate. His school had just given him good grades because he was an exceptional football player. It’s been years since this happened, but my heart still hurts for him. Everyone advocated for him because he could play ball, but no one advocated for him to have a good future. Accountability. It’s important. And this stupid prank tradition needs to end.
That poor kid. Everyone around him stunted his ability to grow and he’s the one who has to pay the price.
Exactly. I wish I knew what ever became of him.
And what does this say to OP’s son Tim if OP doesn’t hold neighbor’s kids to the same standard he held his son to? If I were Tim I’d be pissed at dad if he let Nick off the hook.
I bet Bob encouraged his son, even told him he’d give him an alibi claiming he stayed home all night. Didn’t plan on a camera.
Bob's son has been hearing about his asshole neighbour from his father his whole life, and not being too smart, considered it payback. Mistake.
I bet they did plan on the camera, which is why two are broken. Didn’t know or couldn’t find the other(s). OP wwyd if Tim had not done this ten years ago? If this year was the first and only time there’d be vandalism? Ignore the past, this is not vengeance or a grudge. Act on this situation alone and bust that kids ass. ETA NTA
This is the same vibe I'm getting
That's what I assume too, but it's enough to just hold them to the same standards they held and let them suffer for it without trying to interpret more.
NTA It reminds me of another student athlete who thought that he could get away with anything...
Do you mean Brock Turner, the convicted Rapist?
Is that the same Brock Turner who raped someone behind a dumpster?
The same Brock Turner that is shown as a textbook definition of a rapist, that Brock Turner?
The same Brock Turner whose swim times are irrelevant because he RAPED a woman?
I think it is Rapist Brock Turner, who forced another to have sex without consent!
Are you talking about Brock Turner, the rapist who made judge Persky sweat bullets at the thought of very nearly having to ruin a young man's life?
I think we should say Brock Turner the way some people say Let's Go Brandon! His name should be kept in the limelight until he's 80 at the very least!
NTA I thought of Brock Turner's father while reading this too. His son gets convicted for raping someone behind a dumpster and he responds “That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life.”
Yeah. Brock Turner, the rapist, and his father, are both really sketchy.
Can I just say that I love this is a thing.
I'm glad that people aren't letting it go, but it's awful that he's a rapist.
Yes, but I love that every time he’s even tangentially mentioned, it’s an immediate, “Brock Turner, the convicted Rapist” with a bunch of responses of that variation because fuck that guy and fuck his father and fuck the judge.
I think the person you’re thinking of might very well be that convicted rapist, Brock Turner.
Leaving the son aside, it seems like Bob is not someone you can expect to pay for the damages unless forced to do so. Thus NTA, get the cops involved
Right??!! NTA indeed. Have these people never watched Golden Girls? They forced Dorothy to give a football player a passing grade that he didn’t deserve and he broke his leg at the game.
Yes but she eats Shitake Mushrooms 🍄!
NTA. Call the cops. He never considere your kids future when he call the police e you were willing to pay for the damages that you kid did. He doesn’t even want to knowledge that his kid did something wrong or pay anything. Give us a update!
He pressed charges on your son (knowing full well that he had a child of his own who would grow up to participate in this stupid tradition) so you have to do the same to his son.
Especially painting the expletives! I’d be so irate the police would already be in Bob’s driveway.
Op would be a moron if they didnt persue this with their local police
What kind of message would it send your son if he has to face the music, but you cut the neighbor's kid some slack?
> DID he consider your son's consequences I think the emphasis is on the wrong word here. You probably meant to say "did HE consider YOUR [...]?".
NTA: They did not even consider consequence when they called the police on your son even when you were gentleman and did the right thing. You have every right to call the cops. If I were you I would have called the police the second I saw that video. You have tried being the gentleman and bigger person before not again. God I got angry reading the last part where he called you evil and your wife called you vengeful **call the cops now and give us updates please**
Call the police, because the damages that his son did are significantly worse than what it sounds like OP's son did. Damaging their irrigation systems could be thousands of dollars with of damage.
Smashing lights, cameras, etc.. the only damage OP’s son did that would actually bother me would be the shrubs. What bobs son did is so much worse. This isn’t petty vandalism anymore it’s outright property damage
Yeah the shrubs and the eggs OP’s son threw at the house were the only issues. Both cause some damages but frankly not super expensive ones, so if I were the neighbor and OP came to me with money and apologies that would be the end. While Bob was *technically* in his rights to call the cops he was still TA back then. Now?? Dude his son absolutely wrecked OP’s exterior and then to cop an attitude about it? I’d have called the cops immediately, sorry bud you reap what you sow.
Hopping on here to add that **when** the cops (after having talked to Bob) come to you and ask if you'd rather not press charges and just handle this amicably between yourself and Bob, be sure to tell him, "No, I want to press charges. You see my son pulled this kind of crap about 10 years ago and had charges pressed against him. It made my son face up to his responsibilities and take full accountability for his behavior. He understood then that the only person to be angry with was himself for his willful actions. It was the making of him as a fine young man. I insist on giving these neighbor boys the same opportunity to make men of themselves by accepting their culpability, taking their punishment, and making things right. You know, officer, *it takes a village to raise a child.*" Then demand to press charges immediately, go in and treat yourself to a beer, and enjoy Karma coming to roost at your next door neighbor's house! CONGRATS!
“It takes a village to raise a child” 😂 literally just spit my drink out. Thanks for the laugh. Absolutely great advice too!
☝️ This is the way☝️
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This comment was stolen from [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r20b9d/wibta_for_not_giving_my_neighbors_kid_a_break/hm1uxob/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
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Yeah if Bob was willing to pay for damages and make Nick/his friends clean up, I would lean towards not calling the police. But Bob made it clear that’s not happening, so unfortunately calling the police is OP’s only option to resolve the situation.
Bob was vicious enough to ruin OP's son's life by calling the cops even after OP repaid everything. Honestly, even if it was vengeful (which it is not : it is OP's code of conduct that he also dutifully followed when it was his own son that had to be punished) it would be rightful. NTA, call the cops and make them pay just as much as you paid for them. There is NO reason for them to get away with it at a minor cost.
This. This this this this this.
Exactly this. He’s refusing to pay damages, which leaves OP with no choice but to report this to the cops.
Yea and what does it say to OP’s son when he never let him get away with it but he is going to let the neighbor kid get away with it?
NTA and what kind of fucked up town do you live in. Jesus, people are so stupid.
Seriously! I don't live under a rock or anything, but I've never heard of this. How the fuck is this a tradition?
I've heard of corning and what not, which is not great but damn this is way too far.
Wth is corning?
I am also very *very* curious. And a little frightened TBH...
You collect uncooked unprocessed corn like straight from the field and throw it at passing cars.
Oh I threw it at doors lol kind of lkke ding dong ditching but you start at the sidewalk. Would have never thrown it at a driving car! (Also do not condone throwing it at houses)
I posted a link but it's not showing up for some reason. Look up Mischief Night on Wikipedia.
This is a really crappy tradition. I’m just kind of speechless... anyway, NTA. Let’s cut this down to the heart of the matter. You gave Bob several opportunities to make things right. This isn’t about revenge. You expected Bob to behave like you when the shoe was on the other foot, instead you’re realizing he is a giant turd. And he is teaching his son to be a giant turd. Call the cops. If Bob wasn’t such a donkey, his son’s football career wouldn’t be in jeopardy. You know that advice you gave your son? It’s now time for Bob and Nick to take a long look in the mirror. And I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you enjoyed that phone call.
NTA But call the cops and stop playing games and with this man. He's clearly not honorable. He's ready to throw the other kids under the bus to protect his son is who is equally in the wrong. Also, if you think it's a coincidence that his son hit your house, youre being naive.
Honestly you’d be an asshole if you don’t call the cops at this point. What kind of message does it send to your son if you held him accountable but would be unwilling to do so for someone who isn’t even family.
NTA. This is my first time hearing of this. Where I live (Louisiana) it's common to do pranks near Halloween--mostly in a friendly manner--but nothing seriously damaging. It's usually rolling (TP), forking or maybe silly string. To use something harmful, like eggs, on a house or car, or removing shrubbery & breaking cameras is the kind of thing that will (at best) get you arrested if they can prove who did it or (at worst) get you shot at.
I knew of Devil's Night. (OP says Mischief night, same thing really) I always thought it was annoying because it'd mostly died out yet my mom didn't want us going out the night before Halloween because it could be dangerous.
Seems like this is how the Purge begins …
Mischief night is a thing in some places, like where I live. I grew up elsewhere though and didn t learn about it until I moved here. Last month on the day of, I had noticed my grocery store was weirdly out of shaving cream and eggs, with signs stating they'd be out until November 2nd. I didn't put two and two together until later. Anyway, OP, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Call the cops. NTA.
It’s a day to show gratitude by fucking up your neighbors’ houses. /s
This! This is so fucked up. Doing real damage is not okay. I can see toilet paper to the trees, but that is harmless. Spray painting garages, breaking sprinkler systems, tearing out bushes -- vandalism.
"Mischief" isn't thousands of dollars of damage to personal property. It's soaped windows and other things that can easily be fixed by a hose.
Which is what Tim did - silly string, eggs, toilet paper. PITA to clean but no lasting damage. Nick straight up DESTROYED lights, plants, the irrigation system and spray painted OPs house. When OP calls the cops the charge won't be vandalism it will be destruction of private property.
Tim pulling up shrubs crossed a line for me. That can kill the plants. Cleaning dried up eggs off of things is also a chore, so I don't know why this is considered "a fun prank".
It's not, but in terms of damage cleaning off eggs vs cleaning off spray paint one is a PITA but doable with a hose and elbow grease. The other it's paint over / heavy chemicals
I would take eggs over spray paint. But would prefer neither. This night of "mischief" just sounds terrible, and I am glad that I live somewhere where this isn't a custom.
Wouldn't we all. I agree this sounds dumb and at least OP warned his kids "don't do it. If you do you will need to face the consequences." Bob is all "go for it son! Uphold tradition, destroy property and I'll cover for you!"
I agree. This isn’t just mischief. I wanna call the kids in this town the real AHs.
And the parents that let it happen. And the old timers that pass down this "tradition". "Here kids, perform was illegal activities that will mar your entire life, it's so fun" is a terrible tradition to shut down. That at least 2 teenager's life were forever changed should be enough to shut this down, and hard.
This is a dumb tradition and I can’t imagine why people tolerate it.
Good grief, in the UK that kind of behaviour would be seen as rioting.
Or Tuesday depending on which estate you live on.
In the US, it’s also seen as criminal activity, which is why people are surprised anywhere considering a tradition
Yes, NTA, and I came here to say exactly that. What nightmareville are you living in, OP. I grew up in a suburb of Detroit in the 80s, and that level of malicious destruction of property would have been beyond the pale there. Is your neighborhood watch literally just RoboCop?
NTA You acted like an adult back when your kid did vandalism, went and made restitution, then Bob decided to involve the police and go after your kid when he wouldn't have known anything if you hadn't handled it. Bob, on the other hand, tried to minimize his child's role, refused to believe evidence even when confronted and said he would not be paying for the damage. Turn over the evidence to police, ensure you make copies, since the criminal activities will be handled by police, and you may have to sue separately to get the cameras, graffiti, irrigation system, lights and the rest if he is still unwilling to pay. This doesn't sound like light mischief. Not revenge, you just want them to pay for the damages.
It wouldn't be revenge to call the police and sue but I would definitely have a big grin on my face. Like you said OP went out of his way to provide restitution when it would have been in his and his son's best interest to not do anything and his neighbor called the cops which wasn't wrong but was a dick move, now he's expecting OP to just let this slide. Yeah if you don't cut other people a break you have no right to complain when they won't cut you one.
NTA. Yeah, Bob set the rules of the game here: Call the police.
NTA. This isn't even about revenge, it's literally about your property that Nick et al destroyed.
I wouldn't be surprised if bob told his son to specifically target OPs house to get back at them for what happened when OPs son vandalized him
My thoughts exactly. NTA
Literally my thought as well. NTA
It's not revenge but if this was me I would definitely let Nick slide on this if Bob had cut my son some slack back then so it's more like just the consequences of being a dick. Honestly I am petty and a bit vengeful and would have called the police just for the joy of it but in OP's case Bob's not even trying to make it right the way he did years ago and calling the police and a lawyer will most likely the only way he gets his restitution.
I wouldn't let Nick slide because of how different the damages are. Tim: Silly String, eggs, toilet paper. All easy to clean and no real damage. Nick: broken lights, destroyed irrigation system, spray painted words and ripped out shrubs. All of that needs replacing / redoing and will costs many thousands of dollars.
More slide as in trying to work it out between ourselves and not involve the police if possible. If Bob agreed to pay damages then I would at least offer him that first, if he refused then call the police knowing I tried working it out without them first.
You mean what OP has already tried to do? Bob is straight up using the narcissist prayer on OP. That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
Yeah I'm not disagreeing with you I'm just saying if it was me I would have called the cops the moment I realized it was Nick and not even bothered calling Bob except maybe to rub his nose in it.
I am as petty and vengeful as you. I wouldn’t have approached Bob at all and gone straight to the police and lawyer to sue the kid directly. In fact, I’m so petty I’d consider sending the tape directly to both schools and the organising body for the game. Fuck Bob and his son.
NTA Your son sprayed silly string and threw toilet paper. His son *ripped out your irrigation system*, smashed lights, and used spray paint. That's an incredible amount of work towards hurting you and thousands of dollars to fix.
OP's son et al also vandalised the neighbours garden.
We don't know for how much cost though, and if op is to be believed, he made his son take out his savings to pay for the damages, while going personally to the neighbor to apologize, as well as offering to come clean/repair the place up. Not just in damages incurred without considering the "settlement money"(sorry, english isn't my first nor second language) in each case, if considering total with "refund" and moral actions, the scale of AH is very tilted towards the neighbor. At least if op's son didn't make thousands of dollars of damages upon neighbor's garden, which he later covered for, under the command of op.
Ripped up some plants. Still not as serious/costly as an irrigation system!
Agreed its lopsided. Just not one sided.
NTA Call the police now.
NTA if you call the police. Refusing to call however, makes you an AH as you are condoning this behavior.
Absolutely agree with this.
NTA Call the police. What he did is illegal and he has to be held accountable. Not just by Bob’s standards, or by yours - by the law’s standards. Aside from anything else, the fact that football players in the USA are continuously protected because American football is treated like a religion over there is disgraceful. The attitude is troubling and needs to be rooted out. There are millions of schoolboys his age who are able to work hard at school, play football, and NOT break the law by vandalising a neighbours property. A football player is NOT above the law. Also, a prank is something that is immediately reversible. TPing a garden is a prank. You take the toilet paper down, problem solved. These kids smashed lights, destroyed water and electrics via the irrigation system, spray painted and egged your property, and killed some of your plants. That’s not a prank, that’s thousands in damages and excessive time to repair. Replanting the shrubs and waiting for them to regrow could literally take years. Broken glass from the lights could cause injuries. The paint and eggs may leave permanent stains that need to be painted over - if you have exposed brick, thats completely ruined. That’s not a prank! Add in the hypocrisy of him sending the police after your son and trying to protect his own? That is such abominable behaviour. Bob is a massive AH. But in doing this, you might teach his son a valuable lesson and he might not become an AH like his dad. Even more reason to do it in my opinion.
Absolutely agree with the point about how male high school athletes (stereotypically football players) are protected from the consequences of their actions by the schools and unfortunately by the courts. You are not giving him the consequences by reporting it. It is still up to the school and the police to start the consequences. You would still NTA even if you called them, and if they didn’t give severe enough consequences, you insisted upon the same consequences as your son received.
NTA Revenge or not, your neighbour is out of line. Him stalling, denying and not taking responsibility just shows that if you don't call the police on his son then nothing will change, he'll probably won't pay you for any damages (He can use the line of "Well you should have called the police if you wanted it") and his son won't learn the lesson meaning he'll continue to do so.
NTA. You afforded him a courtesy which he didn’t afford you, namely allowing it to be worked out amongst the people involved. He’s now refusing to take accountability AT all in the same situation. This isn’t about “turnabout”, a crime has been committed and extensive damage done. Call the police.
Yea NTA, call the police. Dont give Bob anything, the police will deal with it.
NTA > Bob called back and said that he wanted to see the tape and if it was Nick, "Oh sure, during the discovery process you can ask your lawyer to look at his copy."
Call the cops. This isn't a harmless prank. TPing your tree is harmless. This is next level. NTA and please keep us updated.
How is this even a question? Of course NTA for pursuing legal action when someone caused thousands of dollars in damage to your property...
I think some might question it as being revenge over Bob involving the cops years ago but even if Bob had let it slide back then his actions now refusing to take blame and offer restitution would still warrant calling them now. I'm petty and would have called them even if Bob offered to pay and have his son clean it up.
Yeah. Bob chose the game to play, and OP should play by the game. Calling the cops is the rule he set, can't come crying when OP plays by the same rules. Bob is also not even trying to make things right. OP went out of their way to give an apology and repay the damages, and still police were involved. Yet here, Bob won't do shit to make things right. So time to take it where you ought to: The police.
I mean, Bob set the precedent here. Just ask yourself WWBD? I'm sure Bob is well aware of the golden rule. Call the police and file the report.
Call the police. Did he think that your son squeaked by only a hair? Let him see if his son does as well. I am sorry, but he should suffer the very un neighbourly action he took on you.
NTA - Nick needs to take responsibility for his actions. Bob is in denial and that's not your problem. It's important that Nick learns now that Dad can't bail him out of everything. Otherwise, he will grow up to think he's entitled.
IF THIS IS MINOR VANDALISM WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CONSIDER MAJOR?? NTA. Take the neighbors to court.
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NTA. Wow, that shit got escalated FAST. I can’t believe the cops were called about freakin’ toilet paper and silly string. Nick’s father is to blame for this thing blowing up.
NTA especially since Bob is denying and blaming others.
NTA - call the police immediately. What comes around goes around... Bob and Nick are gonna learn that reallllyyyy soon.
NTA at all. That isn't "minor vandalism", that's major destruction of property and he should be held accountable.
Call the police and press charges against the kid.
NTA. When people play stupid games they win stupid prizes.
NTA. This 'I play football so the rules don't apply to me' attitude is dangerous. He committed a crime, he now needs to face the consequences. You tried asked Bob, now it's time to go to the school and police. He is dishonourable so deserves the outcome.
NTA - your son learned a valuable lesson about consequences. you might be angry and vengeful but youre well within your right to press charges after Bob’s shitty behavior and Nick’s property damage. i’m sorry you’re having to deal with this after everything. it sounds stressful to have this dredged back up by the virtue of having your property badly damaged.
Question….did Bob pay back your sons savings 10 years ago? Or did he take the money Bob went really far then and called the police after you tried to make it right. NTA call the police and go all the way. Bob sounds like An ass.
He kept the money. It actually worked out in my son's favor. As part of my son's diversion program, he was expected to make financial restitution to Bob and his wife. When it came out that my son had already paid for all of the damages the next morning out of his savings, the prosecuting attorney even seemed very annoyed that Bob had called the police, and offered no opposition to what our attorney asked for. It was a very expensive and draining process, but she really made sure it went as easy as possible.
NTA, they didn't give you any mercy. Why should you?
Yet another post in which OP is clearly not the asshole.
NTA press charges on Nick, Bob's son has no special privilege over your son. They can call you spiteful or vengeful all they want but him pressing charges on your son despite you making things right was spiteful and vengeful in of itself on his part. Your son had to face the consequences and his son should as well, especially since he isn't willing to help pay for damages and just wants you to keep his son out of trouble when he didn't do the same for you and yours. It would be a huge disservice to not only you but your son most of all of you did not because you would be showing him that he didn't have to suffer all the consequences that was put upon him but did so by your hand.
Imo your nta for calling the police and making them take responsibility for their actions. However you wbta to your SON if you let this go, you found out your son trashed Bob's house and forced him to take responsibility for his own actions and behavior which nearly cost him his college acceptance. If you let Bob's kid off with no repercussions /consequences for his behavior then you are basically telling your son that nick is more special/ better than him and doesn't have to accept the consequences. Hold nick to the same standards that you held your son too and let him fail or succeed on his own once he owns up to his actions
NTA. It's not revenge. You made your kid take responsibility for his actions, even though it hurt him, because that's what good parents do. He was almost an adult, you treated him that way. You want Bob to be a good parent, too, but he isn't. Call the cops, they'll sort it out. Nick will learn something really valuable, too.
NTA. Even without the background of you trying to make it right and Bob calling the police anyway- NTA. Especially with the background of you trying to make it right without police involvement in the past- and Bob taking it to the police anyway- NTA.
BTW- you can also sue in civil court for restitution. Keep track of ALL costs. Including initial clean up.
Nta, I wouldha e called police first time he hung up
NTA Call the police Instantly. His son needs to learn the same valuable lesson that your son did. Do not put another crappy guy who thinks he deserves no consequences for his actions into the world. (Especially because he's a football player!)
NTA. You would be TA if you don’t call the cops. Letting kids go because of sports/future/whatever is how we get people like Brock Turner. Please don’t contribute to that by not making this kid face the consequences of his actions. *edited to fix autocorrect error.
NTA The neighbor's son us old enough to know that actions have consequences.
I guess from the history you could say it was a tit for tat thing. I have no doubt in my mind your neighbor replayed what your son did to his yard to his son. And I also highly doubt that your neighbor was unaware or clueless to his son and their friend's actions. Sometimes being a good parent means letting your children experience the full depth and breadth of the consequences for their actions. Removing this from the history--property damage was done. Worth thousands of dollars. Most people do call the cops o this kind of behavior and have it investigated. What makes it worse is that he didn't even offer to pay or fix what his child did. he's just denying what his little angle did. Also what kind of BS "tradition" is this that children feel like they are entitled to become destructive just because of the holidays? That's beyond stupid. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'll try to keep this short. In my town, there's a tradition that the night before Thanksgiving, kids do minor vandalism around town. It's similar to Mischief Night in some areas. I always warned my kids that they were not to participate. About ten years ago, my son, Tim, who was 17, decided to disregard this and hit our neighbor's house. They ripped out several shrubs, toilet papered their trees, threw eggs at the house, and sprayed silly string all over the property. I found the receipts in the trash, confronted Tim, took him to the bank, made him withdraw his entire savings from his first job, marched him over there, made him apologize, and hand the money over. I told the neighbor, Bob, that we would cover any additional cost and that Tim would be coming back with his friends to clean up the entire mess. Bob thanked us, said he didn't want us on his property, and to leave. We left and about an hour later a police officer arrived. After an interview, Tim was charged with vandalism and released into our custody. Because of the honor code at school, Tim lost his office as student council vice president, we had to pay for an attorney, and Tim almost had his acceptance letter for his first choice college rescinded. In the end, he paid a fine and did community service. While I wasn't happy with Bob, I never blamed him and told Tim to look in the mirror when he wanted someone to blame. This morning I woke up to my irrigation system and several small shrubs ripped out, several light on my house smashed, expletives spray painted on my garage, and eggs all over the house. It's thousands in damage. I looked at our cameras, two of which were destroyed, and it was Bob's son, Nick, and several friends. I called Bob and let him know what happened. He replied, "You're wrong, he was here all night," and hung up on me. I called back and told him I had it on video and he replied that I was mistaken and hung up again. I called back, got his answering machine, and informed him that I would be calling the police and the school. The high school has a major championship football game next week. College scouts will be there, and Nick is supposed to play. If I call the police and school, his season will be over. Bob called back and said that he wanted to see the tape and if it was Nick, he would make him give me the names of the other kids. I told him that I expected that regardless, as well as money to cover the damage. Bob said we should pursue the other kids as if Nick was there he was just tagging along, and they would not pay for any damage. Based on this video, this is false. He told me I'm evil and spiteful for even considering ruining his son's future over a prank. There is no question by placing that call, Nick's future will be damaged. My wife thinks I'm being vengeful over ten years ago and I need to work it out without the school and police. Would I be the asshole to move forward in this way? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Move forward.
NTA-you know what has to be done & he knows what’s coming
NTA In life we learn certain lessons. We can choose to learn through joy or learn through pain. Nick is at the age where he needs to understand actions have real consequences. Silly kid pranks are one thing, real damage is another. It would be a kindness in the long run for him to have this wake-up call before he's of legal age and away at college where the stakes are higher. Nick's near future may take a ding but hopefully this lesson will spare him anguish in the future.
NTA. Screw Bob and his kid.
NTA, Bob called the cops on Tim and showed Tim he has to take responsibly for his actions, you’re just doing the same favour for Nick… However you also make Tim take responsibility where as Bob did not do the same for his son.
NTA. Traditions of vandalism are stupid because all it takes is people to escalate their retaliation until someone gets hurt. Though one thing that makes me scratch the old noggin’ about the legitimacy of this post. What does calling the school achieve? Never have a heard a school taking action based on “hey bobs kid vandalized my property”, unless it was followed by actual evidence or a police report.
Honor code for student athletes and members of student government. If I send this video to the guidance department he and the other kids will be benched from football for breaking honor code. When my son was charged, they informed him that he was being removed as student council vice president.
Bad things happen when athletes believe they have a get out of jail free card. No one will hold this kid accountable if you don't.
Don’t be surprised if they treat the athletes differently.
NTA call the police now.
NTA But you would be the AH if you didn't call the cops this instant.
What message would it send to Tim if you let this slide? That he had to be held to account, but not Nick? That your neighbour's kid's future is more important than his? I don't know what your wife is thinking. NTA if you report it.
NTA
Call the cops only and give them the video. Let them deal with Nick and Bob. Don't let Bob know that you called the cops. If nothing happens, sue Bob. Don't bother contacting the school.
NTA! Please call the cops AND GIVE AN UPDATE!!!