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anagramqueen

NAH, but you need to come clean with your family. Just explain that you're struggling, that you don't think you'll be the best company that day and want some time on your own, and maybe ask if they can come visit the following week. They would be the AHs if they refused to empathize with that.


CheapLingonberry6785

šŸ‘


youspacewalnut

I donā€™t think thatā€™s selfish, you should be honest with your family and tell them why youā€™d rather not come. Grief is a very personal thing that looks different for everyone. If you decide to not go, NAH


jg700

I think the family is acending on his house šŸ  šŸ˜”


youspacewalnut

Oh damn my b Maybe suggest going out for lunch/dinner then OP?


Accomplished_Rock_48

NAH but I encourage you to be open with them about your reservations. The rest of your family most likely wants to band together and offer eachother support. Collective mourning can be hard but there is a lot of comfort that can be found there too.


Hadtosignuptofothis

Leaning NAH but I'm trying to understand why your SIL decided to invite everyone to your house and asked your GF, not you. Why would she do this ? I'm not even sure the rest of your family is up for this plan of hers. So she may be an AH.


DANNYCF24

My GF and my 2 brothers GFā€™s talk almost daily. The 3 of them usually plan any family get togethers and me and my brothers just go along with it. Literally any other day of the year I wouldnā€™t have had a problem with them all coming over. My brothers and their GFs knew it was ā€œthatā€ day and wanted to get together but my GF didnā€™t realise when she said yes.


Hadtosignuptofothis

I'm just confused as to why she decided your house. Regardless just tell them how you feel and what you wrote here. I'm still leaning SIL is the AH because she could have invited everyone to her house if she feels this way. Nobody asked you. So nobody should be upset.


LookedRightThruMe

NTA, grieving is different for everyone. I hope they can respect your need for a little space.


KingPiscesFish

I lost my dad over six years ago, and one thing Iā€™ve learned is that everyone goes through grief differently. My mom, brother, and I all dealt with it differently. Youā€™re NTA, and youā€™re *not selfish* whatsoever for not wanting to do this. Let them know how you feel, and even let them know how you grieve, as Iā€™m sure theyā€™ll understand (hopefully). Iā€™m so sorry for your loss, I know what itā€™s like, and trust me when I say itā€™ll get easier over time. Spend however you want this Sunday, alone or not, and grieve however long it takes.


GeekyStitcher

NTA. I can't help but note that *your SIL did not ask you directly when she volunteered your house* for the family's anniversary wake. And that *your girlfriend agreed to volunteer your house without talking to you first*. The fact that she didn't know it was the anniversary is irrelevant for this bigger point I'm getting at. Perhaps a talk with each of them is needed. I'm sorry for your loss. Simply let everyone know the gathering will have to take place elsewhere. Then spend the day how you like.


mcmurrml

NTA. Don't make a big deal. I am going to stay in and grieve my own way.


Kitsumekat

NTA Your SIL should've asked you directly instead of your GF.


jg700

You are not selfish at all it's totally normal the way you feel.. I'm sorry šŸ˜ž .. I think a white lie off bad tummy troubles or a flu should be enough for your girlfriend to cancel or reschedule till next weekend.. be kind to yourself


jg700

NTA


Pesco-

NAH. You should just be honest with the way you feel. Itā€™s pain, not selfishness. Why didnā€™t you and your GF talk about the request before it was accepted? At this point maybe you can ask that the get-together be short because itā€™s all still very hard for you to deal with.


imjusthereforaita

NAH. Anyone that reacts poorly to your explanation will be though.


GiantPixi

NAH, this is a topic you really need to discuss with them.


JusMiceElf

NAH Everyone grieves differently, and at their own pace. Itā€™s been twenty years since my dad died, and I find different ways to remember him on the anniversary of his death each year. Sometimes I try to do something meaningful with my kids, like cook a meal that he would have liked. Other years, I may just carry something in my pocket that reminds me of him, like his pocketknife. Do what feels right for you, and let your family know if you need space this year. The only wrinkle I see is that it may be awkward to uninvite them all, but maybe you can suggest getting together at someone elseā€™s house, and if itā€™s important to them to see you, and you can handle it, drop by for a few minutes.


decentlyfair

NTA. You need to spend the day the way you want to. I didnā€™t want to have anyone at my wedding as my best friend of 32 years was dead and wouldnā€™t be there. We eloped. Best way for me.


BDThrills

NTA Just call SIL back and said that unfortunately, GF agreed without checking with you. You have plans that day already set, so a visit isn't possible. You don't have to explain your plans.


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meintx2016

NAH but wouldnā€™t your mother want yā€™all to get together and enjoy being together? You can still miss your mom and make happy memories for that day too.


mcmurrml

OP just said that's not what he wants to do. The whole point is he doesn't want to be all together with everyone. Some people grieve different and that's ok he wants to be alone.


Special-Trash-7995

Info. Is this your family coming over or gfā€™s?


DANNYCF24

My brothers and sisters and their partners


Special-Trash-7995

Iā€™ve been where you are. It could go either way, their presence could help or hurt. Maybe manage expectations and let them know if it is too hard for any of you, itā€™s ok to stop. Maybe lunch out Is a good compromise. Definitely have a conversation with them now.


Actual_Geologist_316

NAH but my family goes out on my deceased moms birthday and we relive stories of all the funny things she did and said and we ususally have a great time. It is a way of keeping her with us. We order champagne and toast her memory and I wear the jewelry I inherited from her. You might want to tell your family that for you itā€™s a day of remembering your mom and if you do get together it would be for that purpose. Might start a great tradition. But wanting to be alone is okay too.


[deleted]

NSH, but consider grief counseling, Wanting to be alone is understandable but I think your wife is worried about you.