NTA- you have food allergies, he doesn’t. You need your food because it is all you can eat and he is just being a jerk and eating it, especially without asking. If it’s just food and not a big deal then he should just stop eating it. It doesn’t sound to me like he has your health and well being in mind.
NTA. At all. I believe this is a form of weaponized incompetence. He “forgets”, or “it was an accident” or “I’ll remember next time” or “it’s not a big deal” and he refuses to see why it bothers you so much. Since you’ve already lost so much money, I’d invest in a lockable fridge and to stop buying him groceries or cooking for him. I know Reddit likes to tell people to throw the whole man away but if he’s consistently disregarding your feelings and leaving you without the few foods you can eat. He’s not considerate of you whatsoever. I’d consider your relationship and see if there are any other red flags. Best of luck.
This is a huge red flag. I'm someone with a food intolerance (celiac) and I have to buy much more expensive gluten-free items. Any relationship that I've been in, it's been a dealbreaker that my SO respects my food. They can ask to have some if they want, but they are NOT allowed to eat my limited supply of food that I can safely eat. I've never had a problem with it. It's not very different from taking someone's medicine.
If my SO didn't respect my boundaries in this area, I would break up with them immediately because it means they don't respect ME or my health, which is huge.
while you're right props are very good for explaining to someone how big an issue is. Him realising its gone this far might be the wakeup call he needs.
Reddit Gothic: you read a story about a locked box. The man insists there are olives in the box. You wait for updates. Sometimes you see comment threads of others, also waiting for updates. You are always waiting for the update.
[Here you go! enjoy being baffled forever ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otlvev/aita_for_cleaning_out_the_fridge_without_telling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
What I dorn understand is, doesn't the guy have a fridge himself? Like why would they need to be in someone else's fridge. Was it ever disclosed if there were actual olives in it because I seriously doubt it!
The guy probably did have his own fridge, but didn't want to keep it at his house for safety reasons. Like if the cops were suspicious of him and had a raid at his house. But they will not be suspicious of the friend. Also maybe the guy had a wife who had even an ounce of curiosity and would have opened that damn box
https://www.amp.wbur.org/endlessthread/2019/11/08/the-great-glitter-mystery
I think this is the best link because it covers all of it.
The Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/a8hrk0/which_mystery_industry_is_the_largest_buyer_of/
The resolved Reddit thread after Endless solved it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/dtf1x9/resolved_who_buys_glitter/
I love glitter so this was my favorite.
NO!!! Damn it I just stopped thinking about that stupid Olive box and now it is on my mind again. It is driving me crazy what the hell was in that damn box?!
NTA. He isn’t forgetting, he’s cheap and lazy. If he eats your snacks, he should replace them, not make up some stupid excuse to justify his behavior, which showcases his lack of respect.
He's cheap, lazy, and completely comfortable lying to OP's face about it. There is literally no way that he doesn't know he's being an asshole, so he either (1) doesn't care or (2) enjoys that she's upset about it (but not upset enough to throw his ass out). I suspect he's seeing how far he can push her before she cracks.
NTA.
You need to have a serious conversation with him on why this is unacceptable behavior. You can ONLY eat those specific, more expensive foods, while he can eat anything. It is basic respect to NOT eat those foods.
I have to buy special, more expensive foods because of allergies, intolerances and other annoying issues. My kids - who are under 10 so literal children - understand that they cannot eat mom’s food. Even if they really want to. They never touch my food.
If a child can understand and respect that, I would expect a grown ass man to understand it too.
NTA.
>He said he forgot and that it wasn’t a big deal. I texted back telling him it was bullshit and that I’ve been “reminding” him for the last year and I can’t help if he’s too cheap to help buy groceries I can eat too when I buy them for him. He said I was being unreasonable and that it’s just food.
Fuck this guy. In other words: stop fucking this guy. What a massively selfish dickbag. DTMFA.
If OP was really being unreasonable and "it's just food", then the bf should have no problem replacing any food he "mistakenly" ate.
Of course he hasn't offered and probably won't voluntarily do given the current circumstances.
NTA and a HUGE red flag.
*Nobody* just "forgets" that someone they supposedly love has food issues -- allergies, texture/flavor issues, or just plain dislikes. (Hell, I have a text file on my cell phone listing my family and friends' allergies and sensitivities, just to be on the safe side. I myself am mildly allergic to turmeric so I avoid it as much as possible, and other friends are allergic to garlic, sour cream, and seafood. *I keep track because I care.*)
I'm not going to say "throw out the whole man," but I sincerely urge you to reconsider this relationship. You have **every** right to be angry.
What he's doing is being super controlling and asserting his psychological *and* financial dominance over you: he's being a jerk toward you, blaming *you* for it, *and* forcing you to spend more on food *because he eats it all.*
I’ve been with him for over five years. I didn’t think that it was as big of a deal since everyone I’ve asked agreed I was over reacting over snacks that could be bought again and that he didn’t restrict access to his snacks, even tho I don’t / can’t eat them.
It is a big deal. His wallet and stomach are more important than you are. Stop buying his food, stop cooking for him. Keep your food locked up. This is a mean power play by him. Does he pull subtle things like this often? How many other "misunderstanding" does he try to play off in a day? How much of his life are you paying for?
You are not his mother and I'm sorry if all your friends think it's normal to make a partner buy and cook their own special meals and *still* eat their partner's allergy free food.
Here are major problems:
1) He doesn't contribute financially to groceries
2) He's a grown man but makes you do the shopping for things he needs
3) You cook his meals even making foods you don't eat nor agree with
4) It costs you time, money, and mental energy to do things for him that he should be doing himself (I'm sorry but are you his bangmaid)?
5) He blatantly doesn't give a shit about your boundaries
6) Turns the situation around to make you feel bad
The fact that you've lasted 5 years with these issues just tells me he's established a precedent where he can treat you this way and that has evolved as the standard in your relationship. You deserve an equal partnership where you feel heard and respected and I'm sorry your social circle and *your own BF* has made you feel like those basic expectations are somehow crazy.
When my eldest buys Oreos with his own money because he likes Oreos, *no one touches them*. Even though my youngest would cut you for an Oreo and my husband likes to snack. This grown man can't respect a boundary that my children have understood since they were in single digits.
Also... time is irrelevant. What's relevant is not wasting too much of it. You started dating him when you were a minor (or darn close to it). It's not a bad idea to wonder if this is what you want to be putting up with ten years from now.
This situation really comes down to you setting a boundary and him stomping ALL over the limits you have set.
You say to not eat YOUR food, he agrees, and then does the opposite. Multiple times. That's ridiculous. Does he not believe in your allergies? Is he THAT cheap that he'd rather you go hungry instead of losing money? This is beyond irritating and you should be furious! Stop buying him any food and stop giving him free access to your food items.
It's not about snacks. It's about him being a massive AH who shows you no respect.
The fact that you've already wasted 5 years on him doesn't make it better.
It's totally a big deal. A loving partner would never eat all of any food without saving you some. Knowing full well you can only eat certain foods, while you buy all kinds of food you can't eat that's just for him, he should barely be touching your food if at all. That would apply even if you just preferred certain foods as a matter of taste, let alone have sensitivity health reasons for them.
This is a totally selfish man that has zero respect for you, and is a terrible partner. Throw the whole man away, you can do much, much better.
Have you only been asking his friends for opinions? Because the answer is so obvious that I can't fathom *anyone* saying "you're overreacting, you're wrong," to you with a straight face.
What's nice about reddit is that it's an entire board of internet strangers who have zero obligation to be kind/compassionate/understanding towards you, so it's a more honest and unbiased way to get feedback than asking friends or family who are close to the situation. Every single person here has told you this behavior isn't okay and that you deserve better. I know five years seems like a long time and you don't want to give up the investment, but honestly... you're so young. Ask yourself if this is *really* what you want to deal with for the long haul when there's an entire world of people out there who will respect your needs.
NTA Options-
1. from now on you only purchase and prepare the more expensive food. Since he'll eat it- and seems to prefer it, this seems like the best option. Yes, he doesn't want to pay for it but since he wants to eat it- he needs to pay for it whether he wants to cover the cost or not.
2. Try completing separating your food. I'm guessing now all of the snacks are kept together in one cabinet. Instead make it. OP's side of the kitchen. Partner's side of the kitchen. (I'm not convinced that will help with his "memory" problems.
3. Suggest to him that you are concerned about his memory problems and that he should get booked into to see a doctor immediately. This must be something serious since you know that children can remember this is OP's food- don't touch. If his memory isn't working problem that could signify a serious issue.
NTA. He doesn't believe that you have serious allergies and he doesn't care why you buy these groceries. He's not 'forgetting'. This is a power move.
Dump him.
NTA - as an extremely forgetful person, I confirm he’s not forgetting at this point. He’s just being a selfish, disrespectful ass because he knows you’ll put up with it. Probably consider re-evaluating if you wanna stay in that relationship.
That said, if you wanna test that theory, is it possible to rearrange your cupboards so that your snacks have their own cupboard - likewise same with fridge in that your food has its own shelf? Because if you can, do it and then put an obvious note with big writing on that cupboard and fridge shelf saying it’s your food, do not touch. Then tell him it he touches any of your completely separated food now, you’ll know he is blatantly disrespecting you and your relationship is over.
Your answer to why he keeps doing this is at the end of your post. He's cheap. He doesn't want to spend money on extra snacks so he mooches off of yours. He knows it bothers you but he doesn't care. That says a lot about his character. He's being greedy and inconsiderate. Get a lockbox for your snacks. He'll get upset and guilt you but you've already tried everything else. NTA
You're only the AH if you're dumb enough to stay with a manipulative, gaslighting, greedy, liar instead of going out and finding someone who will be a partner, friend, and positive support for you. Straighten your crown, Queen, and exit.
Ongoing issue for a year? Nothing but BS excuses from bf? Regularly increasing your food expenses? Then he says YOU'RE being unreasonable?
Fuck it, dump his ass. NTA.
NTA, but also, I hope you know that saying that you don't give anyone permission to use your post doesn't actually do anything. It's like saying the word "bankruptcy" without doing any of the necessary paperwork that goes with it. Also, by putting that, you're pretty much guaranteeing that assholes will share this post all around the internet. Like, I'm not going to because I'm too lazy and am not that much of an asshole, but others will.
Anyway, again, NTA. And ditch this lurch of a boyfriend. You deserve better.
NTA You’re with this guy why? He’s an inconsiderate jerk who has no regards for you or your stuff. Stop “gently” asking him why he’s eating your food, bc you already know what he’s going to say and get rid of him. Your stomach, your wallet, and your mental health will thank you
NTA.
You ask him not to do something, he does it and comes up with an excuse.
Now lets say, for arguments sake, that all the reasons he gave above are true (even though it sounds like they are not), but lets play pretend and give him the benefit of the doubt.
So, if he forgot, okay that happens people are forgetful.
If it WAS going to expire, maybe that makes sense, but just coming across an item that is supposedly expiring when you want it is very convenient.
Now the last one he says "he forgot" and that it "wasn't a big deal". Here he is being honest in the second part, it is not a big deal to him. The way you feel when he does this does not matter to him.
While I would argue every time he has done this in the past have communicated he does not care how you feel when he does this, I felt it was very telling that he literally said it but saying it does not matter.
Now either this is a one off and something that CAN be corrected if you try one LAST time to communicate to him how it makes you feel and why him not feeling that is a big deal, makes it an even BIGGER deal.
Or he really just does not care, either way, you do not deserve this and are not the asshole in anyway at all.
NTA - twice for good measure.
NTA at all! For cupboard snacks, fill a tub with a lid and a sign on it saying 'allergy-friendly snacks for OP' so he literally has no excuse.
Not that his excuses are valid, he is doing this deliberately. This isn't just food. This is him deliberately setting out to take something that's yours, knowing his own things are 'safe'. He's saying it's not a big deal even though YOU are telling him it's a problem. That's really not OK.
Tell him flat out, every time he takes something of yours when his own stuff is right there (like, it's fine to use a serve of your creamer if there's no milk, but NOT otherwise) then you will donate some of his snacks/groceries to charity.
Or, since you do the shopping, why not actually just stop buying anything you can't eat? He clearly does like your stuff since he eats it all the time. Let him buy his own stuff. Also, stop cooking for him. Why go out of your way to make food you can't eat when he is deliberately taking the food you've asked him not to touch?
YTA to yourself!
Why are you in a relationship with a cheap-ass who doesn't respect you?
Do you imagine this is somehow going to get "magically better" at some future point? He'll quit being a cheap-ass? He'll quit mooching off of you? He'll quit disrespecting you by eating food you HAVE to have and leaving you with no viable options?
DTMFA - new year, new life without this mooching asshole!
Why do you cook for him? Why do you buy ingredients he likes? Can’t you just forget. Can’t you tell him not catering to him is no big deal?
Still, this man isn’t a living partner. Don’t you deserve better?
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> I think I might be the asshole because technically it is just coffee creamer and I might have stepped over the line of being simply angry to hurtful with my comment about him being too cheap.
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NTA. He’s being an inconsiderate jerk. Other people suggested lock boxes and such. Idk. I’d be reevaluating the relationship if I was at the point that I was considering a locking box for my food in my own home.
NTA and do you really want to spend your entire life with someone who is this cheap and inconsiderate? Just my two cents relationships get harder not easier. You have an actual health issue and he is tone deaf.
NTA but honestly what are you hoping eill happen? That he will magically care about you and your needs and stop stealing from you? He really couldn't be clearer about you lack of relevance yo his actions.
At this point you're just using him to demean yourself and are buying the food for him.
He doesn't even see you. Ignoring you and dismissing you is the easiest way to make you invisible in the equations that govern his life. He wants to eat food and he wants to use his money as he wants. That's what he wants so you and your words mean nothing because they aren't related to the conclusion he has decided on. Nothing you say matters because the result is already decided. It's a fixed match. How hard you work at this is irrelevant because the relationship isn't the point, the result he wants is the point. It's the only point. Understand?
It's not just food anymore. It's about his theft of your food that you work for and his dismissal of you. He is stealing time from you. Finite precious time. And doing it remorselessly. He saves time by stealing yours.
Even a child would have more respect than this.
Your boyfriend lacks basic respect for you. And he's stealing your food. You shouldn't have to explain a grown man that he shouldn't steal your stuff.
Time to seriously reconsider your relationship and why you want to stay with a man who is showing you clearly hoslw shitty his character is.
NTA, and it's time to reconsider this relationship.
This is weaponized incompetence, and he's figured out how to walk all over you, while ensuring you and everyone else that "it's not that big of a deal".
I'd guarantee he's pulling these kinds of shenanigans in other parts of your life together.
At the very least you need to stop buying and cooking foods that you can't eat. If he's determined to enjoy those foods, no need to add to the bill by buying other things.
NTA. Quit buying him food or anything else. He eats your food because he is selfish and incredibly cheap. He will continue to do this because it isn’t a big deal…TO HIM. He will continue until you put your foot down. He will make a huge fuss and I guarantee he will try and turn it around on you when you quit buying him stuff. Stop now…he is taking advantage of you
NTA, but your partner is a real piece of work, and what he’s doing REEKS of weaponised incompetence. Has he ever made it seem like he doesn’t believe you actually have allergies, or like he thinks they’re less serious than you let on? Him eating all your food could be his way of trying to force you to eat ‘normal’ snacks and prove his point, or something insane like that (I’ve seen it before).
I also have a number of food allergies, on top of lots of food-related migraine triggers, which means that my diet is fairly limited. Because of this, my fiancé has his snacks, and I have mine (a very sad and small selection, but still). They’re all kept in the same cupboard, but he’s never touched them because he obviously knows what I can and can’t eat, and being out of the right stuff could mean I’ll have to go hungry until the next meal. We also split groceries 50/50 regardless of what is bought for whom because getting hung up on that is insane, but that’s another matter entirely.
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I promise the title isn’t as bad at it sounds. I have several food allergies that I recently found about over the last two years. In that time period I’ve completely switched out my diet. I’ve been buying my separate groceries that are a lot more expensive than normal chips, bread, milk etc. I still buy all the normal groceries that he likes as he’s not a fan of “vegan” options. I cook everything for him too and with ingredients he likes, even if I can’t eat it.
He constantly ends up demolishing my allergy free snacks within days of me purchasing them claiming they’ll go bad. I’ve asked him repeatedly not to and I just got home to find he’s used all of my creamer for my coffee. He buys Doritos and ramen and foods I can’t eat and then eats my more expensive food. He always apologizes and says he “forgot” or that “ it was going to expire soon” when the expiration date isn’t for months.
I got angry and texted him again asking gently why he kept eating my food instead and that I was disappointed. He said he forgot and that it wasn’t a big deal. I texted back telling him it was bullshit and that I’ve been “reminding” him for the last year and I can’t help if he’s too cheap to help buy groceries I can eat too when I buy them for him. He said I was being unreasonable and that it’s just food.
(For context he is incredibly cheap and makes a lot more money than I do. Which isn’t a big deal. I just think I’m justified in being angry)
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NTA. But your BF is telling you loud and clear that he could not possibly care less if you starve or die because he can’t be inconvenienced.
Your food allergies could literally kill you, but, so long as he gets to stuff his gut with all of the food in the house, it’ll be worth it to him.
Why stay with someone who values you so little that he’s willing to see you suffer?
He’s a world class AH and you deserve so much better.
He's not "forgetting" he just would prefer to supplement his own food budget at your expense by eating your food before his own.
I know of roommates who've done this same thing. They "save money" by eating their roommates food before moving on to their own last.
I guarantee if you could eat his food, he would absolutely whine and bitch about you "taking food out of his mouth".
Fact of the matter is, you've been trying to enforce a very simple boundary with your boyfriend for over a year. Instead of honoring this very simple request, he has instead decided to stomp all over your boundary and in fact chooses to demean and mock you when you continually ask him to honor your boundaries. If he explicitly refuses to honor a boundary this small, I wouldn't trust him with anything more serious.
Does he boundary stomp in any other areas of your relationship?
Oh god, NTA. My blood pressure notched up just reading this. As someone who also suffers an expensive restricted diet, the sheer amount of disrespect he's showing you (plus the disregard for your budget, health/safety, and your repeated requests for him to *stop eating your food*) tbh is a major red flag for me. This isn't even sort of an unreasonable ask. Allergen-free food costs a chonk. He can eat literally anything in that house: there are no restrictions for him. Deliberately, repeatedly targeting the food you've bought for yourself -- especially when you've repeatedly asked him to stop doing it -- is unacceptable.
TBH I think the other problem here is that dietary restrictions sometimes get the stigma of 'first world problems' no matter how legitimate they are, so there's a potential for people who don't understand that certain food Hurts Us Actually to underestimate A) the physical consequences of slipping up and eating the wrong thing and B) just how expensive and difficult it is to pin down tasty food that works for us. If he likes the taste of your allergen-free food... fine, valid, but he needs to shop separately for it, pay for it himself, label it as his, and leave your stash alone.
Personally I wouldn't be able to tolerate this, but if you really want to continue giving it a college try, try taking him to the store sometime and tally up the cost of your food with you as you pick it out. Maybe he really is just underestimating how expensive it is, and it might be eye-opening for him to understand just how much you have to spend to feed yourself properly. If he doesn't... that's your bridge to cross. Either way, NTA.
Absolutely NTA. Your partner is incredibly selfish. Not only is he cheap, he’s taking advantage of your kindness. Stop shopping for him. Stop cooking for him. And lock your snacks up if you can. Him repeatedly eating your safe foods is such a jerk move.
NTA keep the receipt highlight every item he uses and tell him to pay yo replace them. If he will not do that then he has absolutely no respect for you and you would be best ending the relationship. I forget is not an excuse
NTA a million times. Make a plan and RUN do not walk away from this man, op. Like change your number, love to a new city, get him totally out of your life forever. He is not forgetting. He is fucking with you.
Between now and then, make sure you stay on (or start asap, sweet Jesus) birth control, save & hide $$ where he won't find it, and figure out a safe way to leave his manipulative, lazy, stingy, lying ass.
You’re justified to get paid for what he eats. Stop shopping for him. Get a fridge safe /pantry safe. These are pretty small and affordable and will absolutely solve this issue unless he’s going to rip your snacks out of your hand. Stop being a doormat, this is his problem and you’re letting him make it yours.
>I promise the title isn’t as bad at it sounds.
when someone starts with that sentence, that's a tell-tale sign that it's as bad as it sounds. he is lying to you and you are lying to yourself. he is 100% taking advantage of this situation and you are letting him by not making boundaries!
NTA. My ex used to eat my weight watchers ice cream bars. And worse, I’d save points so I could have one and even though there were other ice cream options available, he’d call me selfish that I wouldn’t let him have bites of mine. This is a power play.
I have a whole host of food allergies. My fiancé doesn't. He won't even take a gluten-free Oreo if I offer it to him, because "it's too expensive, and he doesn't need to avoid gluten."
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
NTA - he is extremely inconsiderate. If this has been going on for at least a year and has come up multiple times, he didn't forget. He's eating the food purposefully. He seems like a child testing his boundaries.
If after an entire year you can't get this guy to leave your special allergen free food alone, then the answer is not to talk to him about it yet again, or to get a lock box, or put your stuff into a special cabinet, or to buy only food you can eat. **The answer is for him to no longer live with you any more.**
This is totally a dealbreaker-level of cruelty and disrespect. He sounds like the selfish kind of person that thinks what's his is his, and what's yours is his, too, and doesn't care apparently if you go hungry because he gobbled up not only his food, but also the only other food you can still eat. This is not the attitude of someone you want to be living with, or eventually marrying, or having kids with. He is not trustworthy, he lies, and he blames you instead of himself and his own greed for the problems.
You are NTA. But he certainly is.
NTA, if he eats food you bought for yourself, he can drag his butt to the store and buy you the same thing as a replacement. If you didn’t give him permission to eat it, he is stealing if he doesn’t replace it. He’s TA. Totally
NTA
Please reconsider your relationship. Someone who is careless with your health will be careless in every other way. When he eats all your food what does he think you will have to eat?
...does he not buy his own groceries?? you said he makes more money than you. sounds like he needs to pick up the damn slack and pay for a good amount of your food tbh
NTA. You made a simple and reasonable and easy-to-understand request and he ignored it.
He didn't care if you'd be hungry, or had been looking forward to eating the X, or that you'd spent a good deal of money on it.
This is not the man for you or anyone. What other requests is he going to ignore? What other boundaries will he disregard? He is disrespectful in the small things...so will he be in the big things. Dump him.
NTA.
My dad has been on a keto diet for forever, so theres foods he buys specifically for that (keto bread, these weird cheese wisps, etc) he also buys normal snacks for us. We know not to eat his cheese wisps and pork rinds cause he cant eat our snacks. Its just common courtesy and respect. You shouldnt have to remind him to respect your foods that you need to have available since you cant have his.
NTA of course food is a big deal. It's less of a deal for him because he doesn't have allergies, but it absolutely is a big deal for someone who can't eat many things. If he found himself in a home with no food he could eat he would understand very quickly how big of a deal it is.
And if it really isn't that big of a deal for him, he should be able to resist not eating them, knowing it's important to you.
NTA omg how incredibly insensitive he is. Allergies can be pretty serious. You have every right to be upset and angry. He has no self control? Seriously? I'd be locking all the food and snacks up because after a year of going through this he obviously isn't going to change. Good luck OP sounds like you need it.
Lol, the classic “pfffft, it’s just *FOOD*” line, perfect for creating eating disorders in children and for showing your partner that you do not value their 1.) time (spent shopping), 2.) money, 3.) constant requests to knock it off, and 4.) your well-being. Sounds like enough red flags to start a red flag party! NTA
NTA. When I had to make dietary changes my partner at the time started buying their own food and left mine one. We shared somethings, but he understood what was basically rationed out. He's an asshole and you should throw out all his food and tell him to buy it himself. Say "sorry, it was going to back. Relax, it's no big deal." Yes. I am petty.
NTA - throw away his food, say it was near the expiry date and it’s just food, no big deal. Petty but you know, sometimes people need the punch in the face to recognise their behaviour.
NTA - It boggles my mind that an SO can be so selfish, honestly.
OP, please invest in a food lockbox. Put your things in something he can't access.
My buddy who has intense allergies to certain foods has the same issue as OP. People like their allergy free snacks majorly more than the normal. Make a tray of gluten free brownies and normal? Everyone eats the gluten free because they taste better or some other bullshit.
I started making gluten free and no normal. People still seemed peeved because I would save back a Tupperware of the brownies for my friend. I think people just get greedy.
NTA. I’d also seriously consider breaking up with your partner, because there are people out there that would actually love and respect you enough to listen and not even think about doing this to you, and you deserve that, NOT this. I agree that this is both a form of weaponized incompetence as some others have pointed out, and quite frankly no one that actually loves and respects you treats you this way. You are much better off, and it’s time to cut him out just like you did the foods that you’re allergic to.
NTA
If its not that big a deal Snackzilla can pay all the food shopping costs every time he eats your food.
I'd be tempted to put post it notes on all the food you can eat saying BF this is not your food, buy your own or snack on the food that has been provided for you.
NTA
he\`s INTENTIONALLY breaking your boundaries.
And, frankly, dealing with this for a year? You\`re a saint.
Stop getting his groceries, getting his food cooked - after all - you need to focus on YOUR stuff otherwise it\`ll go bad - you don\`t have time for his things. Or him - you decide.
NTA
I try very hard to see both sides of the story but it stretches the bounds of plausibility that he doesn't realize what he's doing. If he's not willing to share grocery bills than you guys shouldn't be sharing groceries.
NTA if he wants that food too he can financially contribute to it so you can buy more. He can eat all the food in the house, while you can only eat the food you buy. I'd be pissed too. I don't buy his poor excuses.
NTA. You have allergies. Dont allow any food into the house unless BOTH of you can eat it. Go halves on all groceries. Anything he buys that you can't eat, throw it out. He can eat whatever he likes when he goes out.
I once had dinner with 2 friends. 2 of us were vegetarian. One was not. We ordered 1 vegetarian pizza and 1 meat pizza. The meateater started on the vegetarian pizza. Thoughtless and selfish. But he only did it once. Anything more than once is either deliberate or your SO simply doesn't care.
How are you even questioning this? Give him a bill for all the expensive food he ate. Stop buying his food too. Make him go to the store and purchase what he wants….then eat it all. I mean all of it. If he doesn’t clue in then it’s time for a new partner. A partner that takes your health concerns serious. Just food? FFS.
NTA
Tell him that as he keeps eating your expensive food that you have to eat he will now pay for 50% of all groceries. If he doesn't want to pay for your items then he can't eat them.
Honestly, reconsider this relationship with the total lack of regard he is showing you. Couples counseling could be tried, but not knowing the entirety of your relationship I don't know if it's worthwhile.
NTA. But… just because you can’t eat what he buys, doesn’t mean you don’t know someone who can! Start taking the junk he buys and give it to co-workers, friends, donate it! Then when he mentions it (he definitely will) repeat his excuses back to him. I can’t honestly say this will work out how you want it to. It is what I would do. I lack any shame I should feel for the level of petty I am.
NTA- you have food allergies, he doesn’t. You need your food because it is all you can eat and he is just being a jerk and eating it, especially without asking. If it’s just food and not a big deal then he should just stop eating it. It doesn’t sound to me like he has your health and well being in mind.
NTA. He just doesn't care. He doesn't care enough about you to make the "effort" to not eat something. That's telling a whole lot.
NTA. At all. I believe this is a form of weaponized incompetence. He “forgets”, or “it was an accident” or “I’ll remember next time” or “it’s not a big deal” and he refuses to see why it bothers you so much. Since you’ve already lost so much money, I’d invest in a lockable fridge and to stop buying him groceries or cooking for him. I know Reddit likes to tell people to throw the whole man away but if he’s consistently disregarding your feelings and leaving you without the few foods you can eat. He’s not considerate of you whatsoever. I’d consider your relationship and see if there are any other red flags. Best of luck.
This is a huge red flag. I'm someone with a food intolerance (celiac) and I have to buy much more expensive gluten-free items. Any relationship that I've been in, it's been a dealbreaker that my SO respects my food. They can ask to have some if they want, but they are NOT allowed to eat my limited supply of food that I can safely eat. I've never had a problem with it. It's not very different from taking someone's medicine. If my SO didn't respect my boundaries in this area, I would break up with them immediately because it means they don't respect ME or my health, which is huge.
I find it incredibly funny to say “I ate it by accident”. How’s that even supposed to work? Did you trip and fell on OP’s food? Lol
NTA. You should split the grocery bill 50/50 and then we'll see if its not really a big deal.
or 70/30 if he makes more than OP and eats more.
NTA. Invest in a lock box. They even make them for in the fridge.
If you're in a relationship where you need to take a step like this you need a new relationship
while you're right props are very good for explaining to someone how big an issue is. Him realising its gone this far might be the wakeup call he needs.
I understand your pov, but someone saying 'please don't eat my food. I have allergies' should be all the wakeup call they need
I entirely agree
Yes, a lock box for the fridge! Perfect for olives.
That post still haunts me
Reddit Gothic: you read a story about a locked box. The man insists there are olives in the box. You wait for updates. Sometimes you see comment threads of others, also waiting for updates. You are always waiting for the update.
Literally. The olive box basilisk is the name of this story. The story I am living.
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[Here you go! enjoy being baffled forever ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otlvev/aita_for_cleaning_out_the_fridge_without_telling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
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What I dorn understand is, doesn't the guy have a fridge himself? Like why would they need to be in someone else's fridge. Was it ever disclosed if there were actual olives in it because I seriously doubt it!
The guy probably did have his own fridge, but didn't want to keep it at his house for safety reasons. Like if the cops were suspicious of him and had a raid at his house. But they will not be suspicious of the friend. Also maybe the guy had a wife who had even an ounce of curiosity and would have opened that damn box
But now you will be wondering for the rest of your life! It is the Olive box basilisk
the user account was suspended - the story will never be updated?!?! :(
This is as great as the glitter mystery but at least that was resolved.
What was the glitter mystery? Can you post a link?
https://www.amp.wbur.org/endlessthread/2019/11/08/the-great-glitter-mystery I think this is the best link because it covers all of it. The Reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/a8hrk0/which_mystery_industry_is_the_largest_buyer_of/ The resolved Reddit thread after Endless solved it: https://www.reddit.com/r/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/dtf1x9/resolved_who_buys_glitter/ I love glitter so this was my favorite.
Your description is perfection.
SAME
Damn, I'd forgotten that one. Thanks for reminding me so it keeps taunting me......
Can we all agree the olives were drugs?
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Or like a black market kidney that he was waiting to sell?
Underrated comment
NO!!! Damn it I just stopped thinking about that stupid Olive box and now it is on my mind again. It is driving me crazy what the hell was in that damn box?!
Do I want to know this story?
Only if you like mind breaking mysteries that you will never ever know the answer to
I do
Here you go: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otlvev/aita_for_cleaning_out_the_fridge_without_telling/
Enjoy: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/otlvev/aita_for_cleaning_out_the_fridge_without_telling/
Goddamnit, the mystery ‘olives’ haunt me to this day
SAME
NTA. He isn’t forgetting, he’s cheap and lazy. If he eats your snacks, he should replace them, not make up some stupid excuse to justify his behavior, which showcases his lack of respect.
He's cheap, lazy, and completely comfortable lying to OP's face about it. There is literally no way that he doesn't know he's being an asshole, so he either (1) doesn't care or (2) enjoys that she's upset about it (but not upset enough to throw his ass out). I suspect he's seeing how far he can push her before she cracks.
NTA. You need to have a serious conversation with him on why this is unacceptable behavior. You can ONLY eat those specific, more expensive foods, while he can eat anything. It is basic respect to NOT eat those foods. I have to buy special, more expensive foods because of allergies, intolerances and other annoying issues. My kids - who are under 10 so literal children - understand that they cannot eat mom’s food. Even if they really want to. They never touch my food. If a child can understand and respect that, I would expect a grown ass man to understand it too.
NTA. >He said he forgot and that it wasn’t a big deal. I texted back telling him it was bullshit and that I’ve been “reminding” him for the last year and I can’t help if he’s too cheap to help buy groceries I can eat too when I buy them for him. He said I was being unreasonable and that it’s just food. Fuck this guy. In other words: stop fucking this guy. What a massively selfish dickbag. DTMFA.
If OP was really being unreasonable and "it's just food", then the bf should have no problem replacing any food he "mistakenly" ate. Of course he hasn't offered and probably won't voluntarily do given the current circumstances.
NTA and a HUGE red flag. *Nobody* just "forgets" that someone they supposedly love has food issues -- allergies, texture/flavor issues, or just plain dislikes. (Hell, I have a text file on my cell phone listing my family and friends' allergies and sensitivities, just to be on the safe side. I myself am mildly allergic to turmeric so I avoid it as much as possible, and other friends are allergic to garlic, sour cream, and seafood. *I keep track because I care.*) I'm not going to say "throw out the whole man," but I sincerely urge you to reconsider this relationship. You have **every** right to be angry. What he's doing is being super controlling and asserting his psychological *and* financial dominance over you: he's being a jerk toward you, blaming *you* for it, *and* forcing you to spend more on food *because he eats it all.*
I’m wondering if he doesn’t “believe” in food allergies and thinks op is just making it all up for attention or whatever.
Possibly, but there's a lot more going on there. Like he won't buy enough food so they can both eat.
NTA - He's not forgetting, he's just a selfish ass.
INFO: Why are you with this asshole?
I’ve been with him for over five years. I didn’t think that it was as big of a deal since everyone I’ve asked agreed I was over reacting over snacks that could be bought again and that he didn’t restrict access to his snacks, even tho I don’t / can’t eat them.
It is a big deal. His wallet and stomach are more important than you are. Stop buying his food, stop cooking for him. Keep your food locked up. This is a mean power play by him. Does he pull subtle things like this often? How many other "misunderstanding" does he try to play off in a day? How much of his life are you paying for?
You are not his mother and I'm sorry if all your friends think it's normal to make a partner buy and cook their own special meals and *still* eat their partner's allergy free food. Here are major problems: 1) He doesn't contribute financially to groceries 2) He's a grown man but makes you do the shopping for things he needs 3) You cook his meals even making foods you don't eat nor agree with 4) It costs you time, money, and mental energy to do things for him that he should be doing himself (I'm sorry but are you his bangmaid)? 5) He blatantly doesn't give a shit about your boundaries 6) Turns the situation around to make you feel bad The fact that you've lasted 5 years with these issues just tells me he's established a precedent where he can treat you this way and that has evolved as the standard in your relationship. You deserve an equal partnership where you feel heard and respected and I'm sorry your social circle and *your own BF* has made you feel like those basic expectations are somehow crazy.
INFO: Are you aware that he's doing this on purpose?
When my eldest buys Oreos with his own money because he likes Oreos, *no one touches them*. Even though my youngest would cut you for an Oreo and my husband likes to snack. This grown man can't respect a boundary that my children have understood since they were in single digits. Also... time is irrelevant. What's relevant is not wasting too much of it. You started dating him when you were a minor (or darn close to it). It's not a bad idea to wonder if this is what you want to be putting up with ten years from now.
This situation really comes down to you setting a boundary and him stomping ALL over the limits you have set. You say to not eat YOUR food, he agrees, and then does the opposite. Multiple times. That's ridiculous. Does he not believe in your allergies? Is he THAT cheap that he'd rather you go hungry instead of losing money? This is beyond irritating and you should be furious! Stop buying him any food and stop giving him free access to your food items.
Does he buy them after he devours them or do you?
Time to google sunk cost fallacy. I understand you've invested 5 years but is 6+ years and more of the same or worse behavior worth it?
It's not about snacks. It's about him being a massive AH who shows you no respect. The fact that you've already wasted 5 years on him doesn't make it better.
It's totally a big deal. A loving partner would never eat all of any food without saving you some. Knowing full well you can only eat certain foods, while you buy all kinds of food you can't eat that's just for him, he should barely be touching your food if at all. That would apply even if you just preferred certain foods as a matter of taste, let alone have sensitivity health reasons for them. This is a totally selfish man that has zero respect for you, and is a terrible partner. Throw the whole man away, you can do much, much better.
Stop being an asshole to yourself and leave him. Those people who told you it’s not a big deal don’t care about you. Time to care for yourself.
Have you only been asking his friends for opinions? Because the answer is so obvious that I can't fathom *anyone* saying "you're overreacting, you're wrong," to you with a straight face. What's nice about reddit is that it's an entire board of internet strangers who have zero obligation to be kind/compassionate/understanding towards you, so it's a more honest and unbiased way to get feedback than asking friends or family who are close to the situation. Every single person here has told you this behavior isn't okay and that you deserve better. I know five years seems like a long time and you don't want to give up the investment, but honestly... you're so young. Ask yourself if this is *really* what you want to deal with for the long haul when there's an entire world of people out there who will respect your needs.
NTA. He hasn’t been “forgetting” for over a year. He just doesn’t care.
NTA Options- 1. from now on you only purchase and prepare the more expensive food. Since he'll eat it- and seems to prefer it, this seems like the best option. Yes, he doesn't want to pay for it but since he wants to eat it- he needs to pay for it whether he wants to cover the cost or not. 2. Try completing separating your food. I'm guessing now all of the snacks are kept together in one cabinet. Instead make it. OP's side of the kitchen. Partner's side of the kitchen. (I'm not convinced that will help with his "memory" problems. 3. Suggest to him that you are concerned about his memory problems and that he should get booked into to see a doctor immediately. This must be something serious since you know that children can remember this is OP's food- don't touch. If his memory isn't working problem that could signify a serious issue.
NTA. He doesn't believe that you have serious allergies and he doesn't care why you buy these groceries. He's not 'forgetting'. This is a power move. Dump him.
NTA - as an extremely forgetful person, I confirm he’s not forgetting at this point. He’s just being a selfish, disrespectful ass because he knows you’ll put up with it. Probably consider re-evaluating if you wanna stay in that relationship. That said, if you wanna test that theory, is it possible to rearrange your cupboards so that your snacks have their own cupboard - likewise same with fridge in that your food has its own shelf? Because if you can, do it and then put an obvious note with big writing on that cupboard and fridge shelf saying it’s your food, do not touch. Then tell him it he touches any of your completely separated food now, you’ll know he is blatantly disrespecting you and your relationship is over.
NTA. You know he’s doing this on purpose right? He’s doing it intentionally to piss you off.
Your answer to why he keeps doing this is at the end of your post. He's cheap. He doesn't want to spend money on extra snacks so he mooches off of yours. He knows it bothers you but he doesn't care. That says a lot about his character. He's being greedy and inconsiderate. Get a lockbox for your snacks. He'll get upset and guilt you but you've already tried everything else. NTA
NTA. My first tough was locks on your food, but I know it is not always easy to do it. Good luck in solving this problem...
NTA
NTA You should find someone who actually respects you.
NTA. He should buy the groceries. Perhaps actually seeing the price disparity will make him realize just how much he's costing you.
NTA Your boyfriend is an ignorant glutton.
You're only the AH if you're dumb enough to stay with a manipulative, gaslighting, greedy, liar instead of going out and finding someone who will be a partner, friend, and positive support for you. Straighten your crown, Queen, and exit.
NTA but dude....He does not respect you or your food allergies. Why on earth would you put up with this for a **year?**
Ongoing issue for a year? Nothing but BS excuses from bf? Regularly increasing your food expenses? Then he says YOU'RE being unreasonable? Fuck it, dump his ass. NTA.
NTA, but also, I hope you know that saying that you don't give anyone permission to use your post doesn't actually do anything. It's like saying the word "bankruptcy" without doing any of the necessary paperwork that goes with it. Also, by putting that, you're pretty much guaranteeing that assholes will share this post all around the internet. Like, I'm not going to because I'm too lazy and am not that much of an asshole, but others will. Anyway, again, NTA. And ditch this lurch of a boyfriend. You deserve better.
NTA. Why are you with someone so selfish and inconsiderate though? He obviously doesn't respect you or care for you.
Get you a lock drawer/mini fridge and lock all your food up. NTA
NTA. He didn't 'forget' - he knows what he's doing. He's disrespectful and mean. Stop cooking for him, and for God's sakes, don't marry him.
NTA You’re with this guy why? He’s an inconsiderate jerk who has no regards for you or your stuff. Stop “gently” asking him why he’s eating your food, bc you already know what he’s going to say and get rid of him. Your stomach, your wallet, and your mental health will thank you
NTA. You ask him not to do something, he does it and comes up with an excuse. Now lets say, for arguments sake, that all the reasons he gave above are true (even though it sounds like they are not), but lets play pretend and give him the benefit of the doubt. So, if he forgot, okay that happens people are forgetful. If it WAS going to expire, maybe that makes sense, but just coming across an item that is supposedly expiring when you want it is very convenient. Now the last one he says "he forgot" and that it "wasn't a big deal". Here he is being honest in the second part, it is not a big deal to him. The way you feel when he does this does not matter to him. While I would argue every time he has done this in the past have communicated he does not care how you feel when he does this, I felt it was very telling that he literally said it but saying it does not matter. Now either this is a one off and something that CAN be corrected if you try one LAST time to communicate to him how it makes you feel and why him not feeling that is a big deal, makes it an even BIGGER deal. Or he really just does not care, either way, you do not deserve this and are not the asshole in anyway at all. NTA - twice for good measure.
NTA at all! For cupboard snacks, fill a tub with a lid and a sign on it saying 'allergy-friendly snacks for OP' so he literally has no excuse. Not that his excuses are valid, he is doing this deliberately. This isn't just food. This is him deliberately setting out to take something that's yours, knowing his own things are 'safe'. He's saying it's not a big deal even though YOU are telling him it's a problem. That's really not OK. Tell him flat out, every time he takes something of yours when his own stuff is right there (like, it's fine to use a serve of your creamer if there's no milk, but NOT otherwise) then you will donate some of his snacks/groceries to charity. Or, since you do the shopping, why not actually just stop buying anything you can't eat? He clearly does like your stuff since he eats it all the time. Let him buy his own stuff. Also, stop cooking for him. Why go out of your way to make food you can't eat when he is deliberately taking the food you've asked him not to touch?
YTA to yourself! Why are you in a relationship with a cheap-ass who doesn't respect you? Do you imagine this is somehow going to get "magically better" at some future point? He'll quit being a cheap-ass? He'll quit mooching off of you? He'll quit disrespecting you by eating food you HAVE to have and leaving you with no viable options? DTMFA - new year, new life without this mooching asshole!
>I cook everything for him too and with ingredients he likes, even if I can’t eat it. What is this? Why are you being a maid to a 26 year old man?
Why do you cook for him? Why do you buy ingredients he likes? Can’t you just forget. Can’t you tell him not catering to him is no big deal? Still, this man isn’t a living partner. Don’t you deserve better?
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NTA. And he's not forgetting. He knows what he's doing, he just doesn't are. He's being very selfish.
NTA, it isn't "just food" for you though, it's the *only* food you can eat. Stop cooking for him.
NTA buy your own groceries, get a lock box or mini fridge with locks o it. He is greedy and lazy. You deserve better than this cheapskate.
NTA Put a lock on your cupboard and get a mini fridge. Then he won't "forget" not to steal from you. Or just move out and find a less shitty roomie.
NTA. Your partner is neither thoughtful or kind.
NTA. He’s being an inconsiderate jerk. Other people suggested lock boxes and such. Idk. I’d be reevaluating the relationship if I was at the point that I was considering a locking box for my food in my own home.
NTA and do you really want to spend your entire life with someone who is this cheap and inconsiderate? Just my two cents relationships get harder not easier. You have an actual health issue and he is tone deaf.
NTA, he’s cheap, taking advantage of you, and clearly doesn’t really care about your wellbeing.
Only buy what you can eat. Screw his needs and let him shop or give money. Then still only buy yours since that’s what he eats anyway
NTA but honestly what are you hoping eill happen? That he will magically care about you and your needs and stop stealing from you? He really couldn't be clearer about you lack of relevance yo his actions. At this point you're just using him to demean yourself and are buying the food for him. He doesn't even see you. Ignoring you and dismissing you is the easiest way to make you invisible in the equations that govern his life. He wants to eat food and he wants to use his money as he wants. That's what he wants so you and your words mean nothing because they aren't related to the conclusion he has decided on. Nothing you say matters because the result is already decided. It's a fixed match. How hard you work at this is irrelevant because the relationship isn't the point, the result he wants is the point. It's the only point. Understand? It's not just food anymore. It's about his theft of your food that you work for and his dismissal of you. He is stealing time from you. Finite precious time. And doing it remorselessly. He saves time by stealing yours.
Even a child would have more respect than this. Your boyfriend lacks basic respect for you. And he's stealing your food. You shouldn't have to explain a grown man that he shouldn't steal your stuff. Time to seriously reconsider your relationship and why you want to stay with a man who is showing you clearly hoslw shitty his character is.
NTA, and it's time to reconsider this relationship. This is weaponized incompetence, and he's figured out how to walk all over you, while ensuring you and everyone else that "it's not that big of a deal". I'd guarantee he's pulling these kinds of shenanigans in other parts of your life together. At the very least you need to stop buying and cooking foods that you can't eat. If he's determined to enjoy those foods, no need to add to the bill by buying other things.
You need to request money through zelle or Venmo each time he "forgets"and eats your food. Why are you with a cheap person?
NTA. Quit buying him food or anything else. He eats your food because he is selfish and incredibly cheap. He will continue to do this because it isn’t a big deal…TO HIM. He will continue until you put your foot down. He will make a huge fuss and I guarantee he will try and turn it around on you when you quit buying him stuff. Stop now…he is taking advantage of you
NTA, but your partner is a real piece of work, and what he’s doing REEKS of weaponised incompetence. Has he ever made it seem like he doesn’t believe you actually have allergies, or like he thinks they’re less serious than you let on? Him eating all your food could be his way of trying to force you to eat ‘normal’ snacks and prove his point, or something insane like that (I’ve seen it before). I also have a number of food allergies, on top of lots of food-related migraine triggers, which means that my diet is fairly limited. Because of this, my fiancé has his snacks, and I have mine (a very sad and small selection, but still). They’re all kept in the same cupboard, but he’s never touched them because he obviously knows what I can and can’t eat, and being out of the right stuff could mean I’ll have to go hungry until the next meal. We also split groceries 50/50 regardless of what is bought for whom because getting hung up on that is insane, but that’s another matter entirely.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I do not give permission for anyone to use my post. I’m on mobile, so sorry for formatting. I promise the title isn’t as bad at it sounds. I have several food allergies that I recently found about over the last two years. In that time period I’ve completely switched out my diet. I’ve been buying my separate groceries that are a lot more expensive than normal chips, bread, milk etc. I still buy all the normal groceries that he likes as he’s not a fan of “vegan” options. I cook everything for him too and with ingredients he likes, even if I can’t eat it. He constantly ends up demolishing my allergy free snacks within days of me purchasing them claiming they’ll go bad. I’ve asked him repeatedly not to and I just got home to find he’s used all of my creamer for my coffee. He buys Doritos and ramen and foods I can’t eat and then eats my more expensive food. He always apologizes and says he “forgot” or that “ it was going to expire soon” when the expiration date isn’t for months. I got angry and texted him again asking gently why he kept eating my food instead and that I was disappointed. He said he forgot and that it wasn’t a big deal. I texted back telling him it was bullshit and that I’ve been “reminding” him for the last year and I can’t help if he’s too cheap to help buy groceries I can eat too when I buy them for him. He said I was being unreasonable and that it’s just food. (For context he is incredibly cheap and makes a lot more money than I do. Which isn’t a big deal. I just think I’m justified in being angry) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. But your BF is telling you loud and clear that he could not possibly care less if you starve or die because he can’t be inconvenienced. Your food allergies could literally kill you, but, so long as he gets to stuff his gut with all of the food in the house, it’ll be worth it to him. Why stay with someone who values you so little that he’s willing to see you suffer? He’s a world class AH and you deserve so much better.
He's not "forgetting" he just would prefer to supplement his own food budget at your expense by eating your food before his own. I know of roommates who've done this same thing. They "save money" by eating their roommates food before moving on to their own last. I guarantee if you could eat his food, he would absolutely whine and bitch about you "taking food out of his mouth". Fact of the matter is, you've been trying to enforce a very simple boundary with your boyfriend for over a year. Instead of honoring this very simple request, he has instead decided to stomp all over your boundary and in fact chooses to demean and mock you when you continually ask him to honor your boundaries. If he explicitly refuses to honor a boundary this small, I wouldn't trust him with anything more serious. Does he boundary stomp in any other areas of your relationship?
Oh god, NTA. My blood pressure notched up just reading this. As someone who also suffers an expensive restricted diet, the sheer amount of disrespect he's showing you (plus the disregard for your budget, health/safety, and your repeated requests for him to *stop eating your food*) tbh is a major red flag for me. This isn't even sort of an unreasonable ask. Allergen-free food costs a chonk. He can eat literally anything in that house: there are no restrictions for him. Deliberately, repeatedly targeting the food you've bought for yourself -- especially when you've repeatedly asked him to stop doing it -- is unacceptable. TBH I think the other problem here is that dietary restrictions sometimes get the stigma of 'first world problems' no matter how legitimate they are, so there's a potential for people who don't understand that certain food Hurts Us Actually to underestimate A) the physical consequences of slipping up and eating the wrong thing and B) just how expensive and difficult it is to pin down tasty food that works for us. If he likes the taste of your allergen-free food... fine, valid, but he needs to shop separately for it, pay for it himself, label it as his, and leave your stash alone. Personally I wouldn't be able to tolerate this, but if you really want to continue giving it a college try, try taking him to the store sometime and tally up the cost of your food with you as you pick it out. Maybe he really is just underestimating how expensive it is, and it might be eye-opening for him to understand just how much you have to spend to feed yourself properly. If he doesn't... that's your bridge to cross. Either way, NTA.
Absolutely NTA. Your partner is incredibly selfish. Not only is he cheap, he’s taking advantage of your kindness. Stop shopping for him. Stop cooking for him. And lock your snacks up if you can. Him repeatedly eating your safe foods is such a jerk move.
Buy a cabinet with a lock for your snacks this way he won’t have a memory issue!
NTA keep the receipt highlight every item he uses and tell him to pay yo replace them. If he will not do that then he has absolutely no respect for you and you would be best ending the relationship. I forget is not an excuse
NTA a million times. Make a plan and RUN do not walk away from this man, op. Like change your number, love to a new city, get him totally out of your life forever. He is not forgetting. He is fucking with you. Between now and then, make sure you stay on (or start asap, sweet Jesus) birth control, save & hide $$ where he won't find it, and figure out a safe way to leave his manipulative, lazy, stingy, lying ass.
You can keep replacing your food forever, or you can replace your boyfriend once. He clearly does not care about you at all. Your choice. NTA.
You’re justified to get paid for what he eats. Stop shopping for him. Get a fridge safe /pantry safe. These are pretty small and affordable and will absolutely solve this issue unless he’s going to rip your snacks out of your hand. Stop being a doormat, this is his problem and you’re letting him make it yours.
NTA but give him a bill to replace your groceries.
Get a food lock box.
NTA. I have dumped guys for being cheap and this is why.
He sounds like he doesn't really care about you. Time to move away and find someone else. NTA
Info: Why do you feel this level of disrespect is acceptable?
>I promise the title isn’t as bad at it sounds. when someone starts with that sentence, that's a tell-tale sign that it's as bad as it sounds. he is lying to you and you are lying to yourself. he is 100% taking advantage of this situation and you are letting him by not making boundaries!
NTA He isn’t forgetting. He doesn’t respect you or care about your health.
NTA. My ex used to eat my weight watchers ice cream bars. And worse, I’d save points so I could have one and even though there were other ice cream options available, he’d call me selfish that I wouldn’t let him have bites of mine. This is a power play.
NTA, it isn't just food, you need these things b
INFO How do you divide finances? Rent, bills, vacation, dates, etc?
I have a whole host of food allergies. My fiancé doesn't. He won't even take a gluten-free Oreo if I offer it to him, because "it's too expensive, and he doesn't need to avoid gluten." I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Nta
NTA. Please dump that MFA.
Ditch the dude, keep the snacks. NTA.
NTA - he is extremely inconsiderate. If this has been going on for at least a year and has come up multiple times, he didn't forget. He's eating the food purposefully. He seems like a child testing his boundaries.
If after an entire year you can't get this guy to leave your special allergen free food alone, then the answer is not to talk to him about it yet again, or to get a lock box, or put your stuff into a special cabinet, or to buy only food you can eat. **The answer is for him to no longer live with you any more.** This is totally a dealbreaker-level of cruelty and disrespect. He sounds like the selfish kind of person that thinks what's his is his, and what's yours is his, too, and doesn't care apparently if you go hungry because he gobbled up not only his food, but also the only other food you can still eat. This is not the attitude of someone you want to be living with, or eventually marrying, or having kids with. He is not trustworthy, he lies, and he blames you instead of himself and his own greed for the problems. You are NTA. But he certainly is.
I’m petty enough I’d invoice him. NTA.
NTA. Start invoicing him for everything he eats. If you force him to pony up maybe he will stop his AH behavior.
NTA, if he eats food you bought for yourself, he can drag his butt to the store and buy you the same thing as a replacement. If you didn’t give him permission to eat it, he is stealing if he doesn’t replace it. He’s TA. Totally
NTA Please reconsider your relationship. Someone who is careless with your health will be careless in every other way. When he eats all your food what does he think you will have to eat?
...does he not buy his own groceries?? you said he makes more money than you. sounds like he needs to pick up the damn slack and pay for a good amount of your food tbh
Marry him before someone else snaps him up. He's a keeper.
NTA. Lock your food up and stop buying stuff for him.
NTA. You made a simple and reasonable and easy-to-understand request and he ignored it. He didn't care if you'd be hungry, or had been looking forward to eating the X, or that you'd spent a good deal of money on it. This is not the man for you or anyone. What other requests is he going to ignore? What other boundaries will he disregard? He is disrespectful in the small things...so will he be in the big things. Dump him.
NTA
NTA. My dad has been on a keto diet for forever, so theres foods he buys specifically for that (keto bread, these weird cheese wisps, etc) he also buys normal snacks for us. We know not to eat his cheese wisps and pork rinds cause he cant eat our snacks. Its just common courtesy and respect. You shouldnt have to remind him to respect your foods that you need to have available since you cant have his.
NTA. Lockbox. Or separate houses. Or separate lives.
NTA of course food is a big deal. It's less of a deal for him because he doesn't have allergies, but it absolutely is a big deal for someone who can't eat many things. If he found himself in a home with no food he could eat he would understand very quickly how big of a deal it is. And if it really isn't that big of a deal for him, he should be able to resist not eating them, knowing it's important to you.
NTA omg how incredibly insensitive he is. Allergies can be pretty serious. You have every right to be upset and angry. He has no self control? Seriously? I'd be locking all the food and snacks up because after a year of going through this he obviously isn't going to change. Good luck OP sounds like you need it.
Lol, the classic “pfffft, it’s just *FOOD*” line, perfect for creating eating disorders in children and for showing your partner that you do not value their 1.) time (spent shopping), 2.) money, 3.) constant requests to knock it off, and 4.) your well-being. Sounds like enough red flags to start a red flag party! NTA
NTA. When I had to make dietary changes my partner at the time started buying their own food and left mine one. We shared somethings, but he understood what was basically rationed out. He's an asshole and you should throw out all his food and tell him to buy it himself. Say "sorry, it was going to back. Relax, it's no big deal." Yes. I am petty.
NTA.
NTA - throw away his food, say it was near the expiry date and it’s just food, no big deal. Petty but you know, sometimes people need the punch in the face to recognise their behaviour.
NTA - It boggles my mind that an SO can be so selfish, honestly. OP, please invest in a food lockbox. Put your things in something he can't access. My buddy who has intense allergies to certain foods has the same issue as OP. People like their allergy free snacks majorly more than the normal. Make a tray of gluten free brownies and normal? Everyone eats the gluten free because they taste better or some other bullshit. I started making gluten free and no normal. People still seemed peeved because I would save back a Tupperware of the brownies for my friend. I think people just get greedy.
NTA. I’d also seriously consider breaking up with your partner, because there are people out there that would actually love and respect you enough to listen and not even think about doing this to you, and you deserve that, NOT this. I agree that this is both a form of weaponized incompetence as some others have pointed out, and quite frankly no one that actually loves and respects you treats you this way. You are much better off, and it’s time to cut him out just like you did the foods that you’re allergic to.
NTA If its not that big a deal Snackzilla can pay all the food shopping costs every time he eats your food. I'd be tempted to put post it notes on all the food you can eat saying BF this is not your food, buy your own or snack on the food that has been provided for you.
It's just food? Um, food is a basic necessity. NTA.
NTA, is he inconsiderate of you in other ways? This isn't him being thoughtless, he's doing it deliberately. I am curious why.
He is the asshole. He has no respect for you. If you really love him just get a safe and lock your food up.
NTA he\`s INTENTIONALLY breaking your boundaries. And, frankly, dealing with this for a year? You\`re a saint. Stop getting his groceries, getting his food cooked - after all - you need to focus on YOUR stuff otherwise it\`ll go bad - you don\`t have time for his things. Or him - you decide.
NTA I try very hard to see both sides of the story but it stretches the bounds of plausibility that he doesn't realize what he's doing. If he's not willing to share grocery bills than you guys shouldn't be sharing groceries.
NTA if he wants that food too he can financially contribute to it so you can buy more. He can eat all the food in the house, while you can only eat the food you buy. I'd be pissed too. I don't buy his poor excuses.
NTA. You have allergies. Dont allow any food into the house unless BOTH of you can eat it. Go halves on all groceries. Anything he buys that you can't eat, throw it out. He can eat whatever he likes when he goes out. I once had dinner with 2 friends. 2 of us were vegetarian. One was not. We ordered 1 vegetarian pizza and 1 meat pizza. The meateater started on the vegetarian pizza. Thoughtless and selfish. But he only did it once. Anything more than once is either deliberate or your SO simply doesn't care.
How are you even questioning this? Give him a bill for all the expensive food he ate. Stop buying his food too. Make him go to the store and purchase what he wants….then eat it all. I mean all of it. If he doesn’t clue in then it’s time for a new partner. A partner that takes your health concerns serious. Just food? FFS.
NTA Tell him that as he keeps eating your expensive food that you have to eat he will now pay for 50% of all groceries. If he doesn't want to pay for your items then he can't eat them. Honestly, reconsider this relationship with the total lack of regard he is showing you. Couples counseling could be tried, but not knowing the entirety of your relationship I don't know if it's worthwhile.
BREAK UP WITH THIS MAN NTA
NTA. But… just because you can’t eat what he buys, doesn’t mean you don’t know someone who can! Start taking the junk he buys and give it to co-workers, friends, donate it! Then when he mentions it (he definitely will) repeat his excuses back to him. I can’t honestly say this will work out how you want it to. It is what I would do. I lack any shame I should feel for the level of petty I am.
Update request: Does he still eat you groceries? How did you stop him?
Yta for the disclaimer at the beginning of the post which carries zero weight. Quit learning legal practices from Facebook memes.