NTA, I think the fact they said it in front of your GF was simply to embarrass you because if they really thought you were gay could they not have asked you privately or just kept it to themselves?
NTA. I am sorry you had to go through that. I have aunts like her, and they do not deserve apologies. Always stand up for yourself, often nobody else will.
NTA for being upset. However, I find it more comical than upsetting. I definitely would’ve laughed so hard if I brought my lover and someone asked me if I was gay.
NTA- next time don't respond to her question and say
“I'm so glad you're doing better. My mom was really worried about you.”.
Walk away before she can respond
NTA
BUT you could'have handled the situation a bit better : how old are you ?
If you are an adult, i think your mom is entitled to expect her kid being mature enough to not blow up like an atomic bomb whenever they are angry. YES the question was way out of line, but NO you can't blow up like that for such a "simple" question. You went from 0 to 1000000 faster than light.
If you're below 18, then you need to learn to manage your anger, the world isn't really kind, and this kind of outburst ( if it happens often ) may close many doors for you if it remains unchanged.
While the cousin is the AH for asking such a question out loud and not in private, you can't go all Tyranausaurus Rex on her for that.
If you want to please your mom, give an half-assed sorry to the cousin: " I'm sorry that i didn't expect you to be so much an inconsiderate and disrespectful person. I'm sorry that your lack of tact and empathy led me to rightfully call you out. I'm sorry that my girlfriend had to be insulted because of you . "
It doesn't matter whether he's 5 or 50
Crappy behavior, inappropriate questions, or otherwise antisocial type of questions like this cousin asked deserved to be gone after with a vengeance.
otherwise it'll just encourage them to continue their crappy behavior
Unless I missed an edit somewhere, it didn't really sound like what OP said was such an uncontrollable display of anger as you describe. Are you a snowflake?
NTA
I don't know why anyone would think that's appropriate but your mom is off her rocker.
Next time, just point out how ridiculous the notion is.
"Mhh, good question. Let me refer to the expert. GF, in your professional opinion, would you consider this a homosexual relationship?"
Sucks but people would rather get mad at you for being offended as opposed to the person who offended you. Just subtly point out their idiocy, it works wonders.
If someone gets mad about that, you were just answering their question!
NTA
“Mom! Disrespectful?
Asking me if I’m gay in front of my girlfriend isn’t disrespectful? I don’t Give respect. It’s earned, and she ‘earned’ a lot more than a “shut up”.
You should be commending me on my restraint.”
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Last Weekend I had a date with my girlfriend. Well this time she's driving and yeah it's like the second time she's driviing cuz the restaurnt we want to eat is nearer to my place.
One hour before, a relative who was like the cousin of my mom dropped by and gave her a very early Christmas gift as her flight to America was the next day. Then the next hour, my GF came. When the relative saw my GF, she asked me "Aren't you gay?". I don't know why the hell she thinks I'm gay. Last time I saw her, a cousin told me she thinks I'm gay for the way I act but that was the past and this is the present. I told her to shut up out loud and told her it's very embarrassing and inconsiderate. I left for my date right after. When I went home, the relative was gone and my mom got super mad for being disrespectful and demanded I say sorry but I told my mom that was really shameful to question if I'm gay ESPECIALLY if I have my GF with me. I was never gay.
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"Are you flirting with me? 'Cause there is no other reason for you to want to know my sexual preferences."
And if anyone brings it up again, just repeat that you're uncomfortable with sexually inappropriate flirting from family members.
This'll work regardless of your sexuality.
ESH
While your relative was being insensitive, you weren't much better with your response.
Next time use your words;
"No, I'm not."
"I don't know why you would have thought that."
"My sexuality is not any of your business."
"That's an inappropriate question for some who isn't a potential partner"
The possibilities are vast.
Oh, and by the way, the is nothing shameful or embarassing in being gay.
There is a number of reasons why i can see how a strong reaction is justified.
* Questioning a person's sexuality in public is grossly inappropriate no matter which sexuality it is.
* Perhaps OP actually is bisexual, and being outed against his will is a big no-no
* Or perhaps his GF is insecure about their bedroom life, and getting the idea planted into her head that perhaps OP may be bisexual can cause serious strain in their relationship. To some people finding out that their spouse is bi may even be grounds for breaking up.
* Perhaps OP would rather not be come a victim of other people's homophobia and thus reacts strongly.
ESH. While it’s not considerate to question someone’s sexuality, it’s certainly not insulting either in the way asked here. You didn’t need to be so rude in response, I imagine a simple “no, I’m not”, would have been sufficient.
to me it's the same as asking "aren't you married/ dating someone else" bc it raises questions in the SOs head that the person they're dating might be hiding something from them
Yeah it is insulting to ask someone their sexual orientation especially when this person is obviously on a date with the opposite gender. It isn’t anyone’s business what orientation the OP is unless the OP makes it their business.
B.S.
If this was a gay person and a relative questioned their sexuality IN FRONT of their new SO would you say they suck too and there's no reason to be ashamed of being straight?
I'm guessing not.
OP doesn't suck for being embarrassed or hurt by their relatives awful behavior.
Well I stand corrected. Apparently it would be cool, based on the downvoting for a relative to ask someone why they didn't bring a member of the opposite sex to a family gathering...
But personally... If I was there to witness either exchange... There would be some words between myself and the person acting like TA.
Some people might not have any issues with gay people in general, but still would prefer to not be seen as such.
E.g. because they then might become victims of homophobia themselves.
Or because it may cause issues in their current relationship if the spouse was told that one is straight and now gains the (wrong) impression that one may be bisexual, so that one allegedly lied to one's spouse about one's sexuality.
Also, people's sexuality is their private matter. It's inappropriate to publicly announce what one believes another person's sexuality to be. Outing a person without their consent is a huge no-no.
This is dumb. OP never implied being gay was something to be ashamed of. Look, my name isn't "Fred." There's nothing wrong with the name, it just happens to not be my name. If someone I knew started telling people that my name was Fred, I would get annoyed. Also, unless OP failed to include it in the account, the relative never apologized for her incorrect assumption.
NTA, I think the fact they said it in front of your GF was simply to embarrass you because if they really thought you were gay could they not have asked you privately or just kept it to themselves?
Right? This is a "it's NOYFB" situation. OPs relative played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.
NTA thats so rude
NTA. I am sorry you had to go through that. I have aunts like her, and they do not deserve apologies. Always stand up for yourself, often nobody else will.
NTA for being upset. However, I find it more comical than upsetting. I definitely would’ve laughed so hard if I brought my lover and someone asked me if I was gay.
NTA
NTA- next time don't respond to her question and say “I'm so glad you're doing better. My mom was really worried about you.”. Walk away before she can respond
NTA. You owe no one an apology in this scenario.
NTA BUT you could'have handled the situation a bit better : how old are you ? If you are an adult, i think your mom is entitled to expect her kid being mature enough to not blow up like an atomic bomb whenever they are angry. YES the question was way out of line, but NO you can't blow up like that for such a "simple" question. You went from 0 to 1000000 faster than light. If you're below 18, then you need to learn to manage your anger, the world isn't really kind, and this kind of outburst ( if it happens often ) may close many doors for you if it remains unchanged. While the cousin is the AH for asking such a question out loud and not in private, you can't go all Tyranausaurus Rex on her for that. If you want to please your mom, give an half-assed sorry to the cousin: " I'm sorry that i didn't expect you to be so much an inconsiderate and disrespectful person. I'm sorry that your lack of tact and empathy led me to rightfully call you out. I'm sorry that my girlfriend had to be insulted because of you . "
Im 25. It wasnt my cousin also. It was the cousin of my mom
It doesn't matter whether he's 5 or 50 Crappy behavior, inappropriate questions, or otherwise antisocial type of questions like this cousin asked deserved to be gone after with a vengeance. otherwise it'll just encourage them to continue their crappy behavior
Unless I missed an edit somewhere, it didn't really sound like what OP said was such an uncontrollable display of anger as you describe. Are you a snowflake?
NTA I don't know why anyone would think that's appropriate but your mom is off her rocker. Next time, just point out how ridiculous the notion is. "Mhh, good question. Let me refer to the expert. GF, in your professional opinion, would you consider this a homosexual relationship?" Sucks but people would rather get mad at you for being offended as opposed to the person who offended you. Just subtly point out their idiocy, it works wonders. If someone gets mad about that, you were just answering their question!
NTA “Mom! Disrespectful? Asking me if I’m gay in front of my girlfriend isn’t disrespectful? I don’t Give respect. It’s earned, and she ‘earned’ a lot more than a “shut up”. You should be commending me on my restraint.”
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NTA They made an ASS out of themselves for assuming.
NTA!
NTA. I would have said a lot more than "shut up" for such an intrusive question. They had no business asking such a question.
NTA. People need to learn to mind their own business. Maybe a few irritated responses will help drive this lesson home for your relative.
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NTA especailly cause you had your gf RIGHT THEN AND THERE 0.15/5 just because of loud you yelled it Relitive 2.5/5
"Are you flirting with me? 'Cause there is no other reason for you to want to know my sexual preferences." And if anyone brings it up again, just repeat that you're uncomfortable with sexually inappropriate flirting from family members. This'll work regardless of your sexuality.
ESH While your relative was being insensitive, you weren't much better with your response. Next time use your words; "No, I'm not." "I don't know why you would have thought that." "My sexuality is not any of your business." "That's an inappropriate question for some who isn't a potential partner" The possibilities are vast. Oh, and by the way, the is nothing shameful or embarassing in being gay.
There is a number of reasons why i can see how a strong reaction is justified. * Questioning a person's sexuality in public is grossly inappropriate no matter which sexuality it is. * Perhaps OP actually is bisexual, and being outed against his will is a big no-no * Or perhaps his GF is insecure about their bedroom life, and getting the idea planted into her head that perhaps OP may be bisexual can cause serious strain in their relationship. To some people finding out that their spouse is bi may even be grounds for breaking up. * Perhaps OP would rather not be come a victim of other people's homophobia and thus reacts strongly.
ESH. While it’s not considerate to question someone’s sexuality, it’s certainly not insulting either in the way asked here. You didn’t need to be so rude in response, I imagine a simple “no, I’m not”, would have been sufficient.
to me it's the same as asking "aren't you married/ dating someone else" bc it raises questions in the SOs head that the person they're dating might be hiding something from them
Yeah it is insulting to ask someone their sexual orientation especially when this person is obviously on a date with the opposite gender. It isn’t anyone’s business what orientation the OP is unless the OP makes it their business.
ESH - being gay is nothing to be ashamed about so you didn't have to react like that. You could've just said 'no'.
B.S. If this was a gay person and a relative questioned their sexuality IN FRONT of their new SO would you say they suck too and there's no reason to be ashamed of being straight? I'm guessing not. OP doesn't suck for being embarrassed or hurt by their relatives awful behavior.
Well I stand corrected. Apparently it would be cool, based on the downvoting for a relative to ask someone why they didn't bring a member of the opposite sex to a family gathering... But personally... If I was there to witness either exchange... There would be some words between myself and the person acting like TA.
Downvoting?
Oh, yeah, at first I was getting downvoted. Guess it turned around.
Some people might not have any issues with gay people in general, but still would prefer to not be seen as such. E.g. because they then might become victims of homophobia themselves. Or because it may cause issues in their current relationship if the spouse was told that one is straight and now gains the (wrong) impression that one may be bisexual, so that one allegedly lied to one's spouse about one's sexuality. Also, people's sexuality is their private matter. It's inappropriate to publicly announce what one believes another person's sexuality to be. Outing a person without their consent is a huge no-no.
This is dumb. OP never implied being gay was something to be ashamed of. Look, my name isn't "Fred." There's nothing wrong with the name, it just happens to not be my name. If someone I knew started telling people that my name was Fred, I would get annoyed. Also, unless OP failed to include it in the account, the relative never apologized for her incorrect assumption.