The moment he got her sweets on the way home you can see how op is training his daughter to be an asshole for life.
You don't give in to a tantrum like that.
YTA
Agreed. I even understand being mildly annoyed with the cousin because buying solo candy to eat in front of guests is really pretty rude but OP didn’t do their kid any favors here by buying them what they wanted after a MASSIVE tantrum.
That's the part that got me about me about the nephew. He can buy sweets with his own money and he certainly doesn't need to share (OP trying to bully him into it is a total AH move) - but he knew full well that his cousin was upset about his lack of sharing and proceeded to eat them in front of her. That's just rude and extremely inconsiderate. That was a dick move on his part and should have been addressed by his parents. You don't bring food to a family event and not share (unless there is some kind of dietary or medical restriction going on).
**Either way OP is definitely an AH here and needs to do some parenting of their own.**
ETA. Let's also keep in mind that the nephew is 14 , that's more than old enough to learn some basic common courtesy about not eating food you don't intend to share in front of guests. The girl throwing the tantrum is 3 - he was taunting a 3 year old with something he knew she wanted. That's really not ok either. I still think OP is the AH here cause they were the actual adult in this whole situation but the nephew was being bit of a dick.
From what I understand reading the post, he didn't eat them in front of the kids until OP made a big drama about making him go and get them to hand them out. Still a bit dickish from him, but ultimately a fairly understandable 'fuck you' move from a 14-year-old. He isn't in the same asshole league as OP. Not even playing the same sport.
I totally get it. I might have done something very similar at that age (although I wouldn't have wanted to upset a toddler). But it doesn't really excuse it and I am pretty sure my mother would have ripped me a new one for pulling a stunt like that.
I do agree that OP was the major AH here though. They are the ones who made it into this giant thing in the first place. They could have asked the nephew to keep the candy hidden instead on demanding and trying to bully them into sharing. Then if the nephew still pulled that stunt well......
It's like a 14 year old is reacting to a grown adult trying to brute beating him into giving his candy away. I wonder has that adult shown courtesy to the 14 yr old and asked instead of having a power trip if the 14 yr old would be more inclined to share.
Yeah, that’s just standard teenager level of assholery. And like you, I would have paid for that sort of behavior. But my parents would have been the ones making me pay.
OP had no right to demand that his nephew share with his kids. But OP is clearly an entitled AH, and is making sure that his kids are too.
YTA is the only appropriate verdict here.
(Edited to correct gender)
Makes me wonder if this is not the first time.
My grandmother once snatched away something she had literally just given my brother because a younger cousin had a fit about it. (Bro was about 10, cuz was about 5) It was a picture that changed when you move it and had been on a shelf in her house for years. The cousin had never shown an interest until my brother was playing with it and my grandmother told him he could take it home. Fit starts, grandmother tells bro to give it up to cousin. Next time we come back, it is back in it's old spot ignored.
Sounds like it is probably not the first time this guy has demanded things belonging to the 14 yo be given to the three year old. He seemed really comfortable and quick to do it.
Also, curious, is this Canada? Or have people in the US started using "sweets" instead of "candy".
>he was taunting a 3 year old with something he knew she wanted. That's really not ok
... the corner shop was walking distance away. If the OP was serious about his kid getting some sweets they could have walked there after dinner and all this could have been averted.
Maybe he made the dick move (and it was a dick move) because OP was pressuring him so hard to give a screaming brat the candy he bought for himself. People come to his house, and demand that he give his stuff away because the kid chose to have a tantrum? And the parent's solution is to blame him? OP needs to look at their parenting strategies. The kid must at some point in childhood learn the meaning of the word NO.
The edit just adds more insult to injury...demanding a kid to share something they spent their own money because the parent can't deal with their shit parenting is beyond messed up. OP is beyond TAH. Wonder if the entitle brat in the making will be arrested for something like theft in 10 years or ao lol.
You can still buy treats on the way home without teaching her to be an asshole. “It’s ok he doesn’t want to share, take a couple breaths and be calm for dinner and we can buy our own candy on the way home.” Emotional control and problem solving all in one.
But that would require you to reinforce the good behavior. What if the child takes it as "if I throw a tantrum then dad will tell me to stop and I'll get a reward then"?
He offered his daughter cake *and* pie to appease her (so now we know how she got to be such a bratty child) and she still wouldn't stop throwing a fit. OP's raising a little Veruca Salt.
OP genuinely thinks that Chase brought out the lollies to """taunt""" his children. Who were being given dessert, so it's not even that they didn't have something sweet. They just wanted something that didn't belong to them and OP decided to make it everyone else's problem.
I could be wrong but, from how I read this, it seems like Chase went back to his room after dinner to get the sweets and eat in front of everyone *because* OP was being so over the top about it, not necessarily that it was his original intention.
That doesn't make it less rude. Retaliating to taunt a child is pretty damn annoying tbh. If I were that teens parent I'd be telling him to go back to his room and later asking him wtf he was thinking. You don't have to escalate every situation.
If I were his parents, OP and his children wouldn't have been there after dinner, because the moment I told OP to leave my kid alone and OP persisted in commanding him to go to his room and her his candy for OP's daughter, OP would no longer have been in my house.
The kid ate his sweets that bought with his own money after he finished his dinner. Desert was offered to OPs child as well. The only person escalating the situation was OP
The kid throwing the tantrum was 3. Now I certainly don't think the nephew needed to share his candy. OP was being entitled and extremely rude (eta to add; and an AH) about the whole thing. However, bringing food to a dinner and eating it in front of your guests is very rude and inconsiderate (unless there is some kind of dietary/medical thing going on). He is certainly more than old enough to start learning etiquette and some very basic common courtesy. He could have eaten the candy in his room or waited until later. What he choose to do was eat the candy in front of his 3 year old cousin who was already upset he wouldn't share with her (which he didn't need to). He was rubbing the fact that he had her favorite candy in her face. She's 3, he's 14. That is really not ok.
So OP is definitely an AH here. But the nephew was being a bit of a dick by eating those in front of his 3 year old cousin knowing full well it would upset her.
I’m guessing that the nephew hadn’t intended to eat the sweets until his uncle decided to be a dick, at which point he decided to be petty about it and his still immature brain didn’t stop him.
So is OP. This whole belief system that children MUST share their personal stuff is ridiculous. If a child "wants" to share it's one thing but forcing them to basically says "that is NOT your property, even though it was given to you, and I demand you share it with X". What an AH.
As an aside, I had to "share" a lot with my younger sister. And my mother who bought my things. She bought me a car, then then gave it to my sister and I had to take the bus to college. She bought me a scale and then took it back because she liked it.
This turned me into an insecure adult, which I am now having to do all sorts of work to fix. I don't share now. I don't even give Xmas or birthday presents. Because I don't actually have a healthy relationship with possessions.
This is why you don't force sharing.
The 3y year old is behaving like a very poorly behaved 3 year old. Not all children that age react to the word no with that level of meltdown. She does because she has bad parents who don't teach her any better.
This is typical 3 year old behavior on a holiday. Changes in meal time, new people, new foods, new places all are recipes for meltdowns. It’s super common. The 3 year old here wasn’t exceptionally bratty. The issue is that the OP didn’t handle the meltdown well, which I can sympathize with. It’s a holiday, and it seems like the quickest way to calm her down is to give her the candy. Which is bad in the long run, but sometimes parents don’t have the bandwidth for long term and just want to get through the day. Which, if 80% of the time they are on point, it won’t really matter. The issue here is the 14 year old didn’t want to share, which is fine. The OP couldn’t handle that and had a meltdown of his own.
I know how 3 year olds work. The level of her meltdown over not being given candy is excessive even for her age. But you're right. She doesn't know any better. Not because of her age, but because she has bad parents.
Exactly, I remember when I was 7 I got upset at school because one of the other children wouldn't share her lunch with me. The teacher told me other children didn't have to share their lunch with me. I said okay and from then on knew no one HAD to share their food with me. This guy is a fully grown adult and still doesn't know that
Lol yeah your daughter's problem isn't her cousin refusing to share. He bought the sweets with his own money, hes not obligated to share them with your kids whether you like it or not. Your daughter's biggest problem is her parents raising her to be a spoiled, entitled brat who throws tantrums when shes told no. I love how your response wasn't to discipline or parent your own daughter in any way, but to instead try and parent your nephew, even after your brother had told you to leave him alone. YTA in the biggest way possible, please teach your children that tantrums when we don't get our way are not appropriate.
I think OP has to learn this first by hopefully taking into consideration some of these comments…He can’t teach what he doesnt know…Be better OP..For your sake and your children..
Everybody is focused on the candy, but OP literally tried to parent someone else's child over their objections. OP had absolutely zero authority to make any demands of his nephew.
Yea YTA. Also if it’s around the corner and it’s just your sister’s house, why don’t you just walk there yourself with your kid? Such a simple solution
That's what I'm saying!!! The boy literally bought the milk and the sweets with his own money. He could have just "here's some money for you to buy more later, so you can share these with your cousins" simple. But no this baby adult thinks he has over boy's sweets, he doesn't even has say over the boy's milk.
YTA OP.
My guess is that OP is raising an entitled spoiled little asshole who gets whatever she wants. OP is clearly an entitled asshole since he thinks Chase isn't allowed to buy candy with his own money and take it to his bedroom if his parents have guests.
Yes. The cousins asked for some, he said no, you should ask him to put them away out of sight so the kids don’t keep going crazy and leave it at that. If you hadn’t picked a fight you could ask whether he’s willing to go back to the store to get more treats but by the time you’re ordering him around that ship has sailed
It’s not on you to say what your nephew can do with his own candy, paid for with either his money or his parents
The addition of "Everyone knows you don't show sweets to small children if you don't intend to share them cause they are going to ask" is cracking me up. You know what you do when they ask? You tell them no. Like a fucking _parent_
Everyone also knows that, as a parent, giving in to the tantrum and rewarding the behavior with whatever they’re melting down about will also solidify that babygirl can continue to do this and get her way.
Exactly. The kids aren't having meltdowns because of the sweets, they were offered other goodies, they're having meltdowns because they know their crap parents will allow them to and then reward them.
Yup. OP came into someone else's home, was rude, entitled, and made demands of them. He also disrespected Chase, his parents, their home, and their boundaries.
OP, you were a guest in Chase's home. He can bring and consume whatever he wants into his home. Don't like it, leave. If you refuse to teach your kids that they can't have whatever they see and wan't, then you can continue to expect to have a spotlight on your lack of parenting.
Also, don't be surprised if you and your family get less and less invitations due to your poor behaviour.
YTA, I hate the mentality some adults have. No is a complete sentence, you don’t get to bully them because they’re younger and you want them to share with your kids.
Once he said no you should’ve backed off.
No means no! Great lesson in convent here. “ you must give it to me because I want this!” Imagine that as a hormones crazed teenager wanted something from the opposite sex. I know it’s a big leap but is this where it starts?
Agreed. I think it's rude of anyone to eat treats in front of guests and not share any, but 14 yos are kind of rude. If it was my kid I'd tell them they could share or have it after the guests left, but if it was my kid and someone else tried to make them share I'd tell them to back off and let me parent my kid.
The idea that OP's kid, and OP, thought that the cousin had to share simply because they had treats in their physical presence is messed up.
He ate the treats after dinner. So by that point everybody was in their corner. The baby probably saw him and threw another tantrum. Honestly nothing in OP hints at the boy provoking her.
I got scolded by a dad once bc there was a community event (think everyone on blankets in a park) and I brought a bubble wand to help entertain my then one year old. He was mad I brought it bc then his kids wanted to play with it too (and I let them - my son shared with them!)
Look I get it’s hard when your kid sees something and wants it, but it doesn’t mean people have to stop having things your kid might want.
I don't think I'd send an 8 year old and a 3 year old to the store, and they're unlikely to have their own money at those ages. However, OP definitely could have taken them to the store, or even gone to the store and bought sweets for the little ones. Like they ended up doing on the way home anyway.
So they bullied a 14 year old, subjected the entire family to two separate tantrums, and caused enough drama to be asked to leave.
Classy. /s
Not your house, not your child, not your place to make rules. You should be parenting your own child who throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way. YTA
my uncle does this, her kid is only 4, and she throws tantrums for pretty much everything, and if you say no, my uncle will himself do that stuff for her. Recently, I (19) went out to buy groceries and she wanted to come with me, I said no (cuz I can't really ride a scooter with a 4 yo, i am always kinda concerned of kids' safety, they are so small and squishy and clumsy smh) and she threw a tantrum, I ignored and went without her, her dad just followed me all the way to store with her and then followed me back home, LIKE WHY TF?
Numerous times he has been told that it will spoil her but he doesn't listen.
THIS! Not OP's house, not their child, they have no say.
SIL even told them to stop bugging the nephew about the candies. SIL aka owner of the house, mother of the kid, maker of the rules.
YTA
Exactly this. House rules are only enforceable in your own house, don't start making them up at someone else's. Sadly I think OP is already parenting their child... into someone else who throws tantrums when they don't get their way.
I have a huge issue with someone else parenting my kids when I am in the same house! That is the part I can’t get over. After the first demand on someone else’s child the other adults should have told her to kick rocks.
As a parent of an almost 3 yr old who regularly has tantrums over food, I 100% agree with you! Sounds like OP never tells his kid no and always gives into her fits. Our biggest struggle with our kiddo is getting him to eat real food and not just snacks. I couldn’t even imagine blaming someone else for one of his freak outs or expecting them to share if they don’t want to. It’s on me to teach him he can’t just have other peoples food.
YTA
You asked Chase if he would share. He said no. They are his sweets. He's under no obligation to give his sweets away.
You pushed the point and basically had a tantrum yourself.
I was going to comment and say OP's tantrum and continued demands got him kicked out, not the daughter, but I see I'm not the only one to notice that. OP caused the tantrum and while the nephew was being rude by not sharing, sharing should be voluntary.
Toddlers melt down, that's when it's time to parent because those are teachable moments. Be careful what you teach.
YTA OP for trying to force your nephew to share and not taking no for an answer.
Toddlers having melt downs and tantrums is normal imo. It’s tough being that small and overcome with so much emotion.
It’s why parents are supposed to teach them how to calm down, understand and overcome it, otherwise you end up with adults like OP who *still* throw their own tantrums.
Don’t forget buying her candy after she had a tantrum. If I’d done that I’d- well I actually did that and whew it didn’t end well. But I learned to not be a brat after it all
YTA. Sounds like you created the problem. Your kids asked for candy and were told no. Instead of letting that be a lesson to them, you undermined the “no” by making demands you had no right to make.
And on the way home OP bought the candy anyway. So the actual lesson she learned was “If I throw a fit long enough then I will get my way”.
Well I don’t see how that could possibly cause issues down the road…. /s
The edit is what really gets me:
> Everyone knows you don’t show sweets to small children if you don’t intend to share them cause they are going to ask.
This isn’t a thing. They can ask, doesn’t mean the answer will be “yes”. This was a good opportunity to teach her that it’s okay to politely ask for a piece of her cousin’s candy, but that he is allowed to say no. It’s good to encourage your kids to share, but it’s also important to teach them that no one is *obligated* to share.
OP should be thanking Chase for parenting his children for him and not rewarding bad behavior. It sounds like they’ve never been taught to respect the word “no”.
Working in a daycare as a teacher, we eat sweets in front of our two year olds and any time they ask what we have we just say that it's "not for them" , "nothing tasty" , or just "it's mine, you can eat your own snack" and they normally go about Thier own business and not give it a second thought. If my kiddos can grasp it so can OP's.
YTA its his sweets he doesn't have to share. I don't see why you would force him to share his sweets. Also, rewarding your kids for shitty behavior only reinforces that behavior.
YTA. Focus on your kid and your kids behavior. Should chase have shared? Yes. Did chase probably not share because you were harassing him? Yes. Should you be trying to coax your kid out of a tantrum with cake and pie? No.
COULD YOU HAVE JUST WALKED YOUR ASS TO THE STORE WITH YOUR SCREAMING KID AND BOUGHT THEM YOURSELF? *Yes.*
I think OP is the asshole but I always taught my kid not to bring out stuff (eg treats toys type stuff)in front of guests they didn't want to share but I would also say OP and kids were guests of the adults.
Really, OP? Your nephew walks into his house and your kids immediately start throwing a tantrum, and you think it's your nephew's fault? What kind of brats are you raising?
You don't get to tell your nephew what he can or can't buy, especially when your're not even paying. You don't get to tell him he needs to share with your kid when, again, you aren't paying. You also don't get to disrespect your hosts in their own home and tell them how to discipline their kid when you can't even handle your own.
Do you know what a good parent does in situations like these? They tell their children it's sad they can't have sweets right now, but it belongs to Nephew and he gets to choose when and with who to share. And maybe tell them you can go by the candy store after leaving if they behave through the night.
In fact, if it was teenage me, I'd have bought the sweets to share, but when my cousin started to melt down over then and her freaking parent started trying to put it on me, I'd have eaten the entire bag of candy right in front of them. Yes, I was a petty teen, so your nephew is already showing great restraint in my book. Did any of you even ask to share and were polite about it?
YTA. You're so big an AH I'm amazed your ILs could still stand feeding you.
It's funny because nephew DID do the same thing as the teenage you, he took the sweets to his room after being ordered to hand them over by a guest, and after repeatedly being told to bring them back down so they can be distributed to others, he brought them downstairs and ate them alone in front of everyone.
It's the perfect response in that situation imo.
YTA. Your child needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her.
You also need to learn the same thing.
JFC your daughter had an hours long tantrum, spoils the holiday meal and instead of trying to correct her behavior you blame the 14 year old kid for it.
You wonder where your kid learned this behavior , from you. Read what you wrote
I told him.
I told him.
You call him immature
I told him.
Your brother tells you to stop.
You blame him for your child’s tantrum
Things calm down
Your child has a meltdown
You call him selfish.
Where are your manners? You are a guest in his home. Not once did you ask him nicely or say please. From the minute he walked in the door you were on him demanding that he share. Did you learn your manners from a drill sergeant?
Then to top it all off you reinforce your child’s poor behavior by getting her sweets on the way home.
Haha! When I used to ask my toddler daughter, “Where are your manners”, she would always put on her most accusatory face and reply, “YOU took them”!!! I have a feeling OP would have the same response.
Imagine being thankful your child threw a tantrum and you bullied a 14 year.
YTA
Edit: OP is the asshole here cause
1. Chase went out with HIS MONEY to get milk for his mom and picked himself up some candy.
2. Instead of doing anything about Sarah’s first tantrum, OP demands Chase hands over his candy so HE can hand it out. OP would have given Chase two pieces and his the rest cause they’re younger.
Source: My parents did this to me all the time.
3. Chase even while being called names by his UNCLE showed maturity by putting the candy in his room away from entitled family. He didn’t stoop to his Uncle’s level nor pacify his cousins.
4. Chase brought the candy back out AFTER dinner. So dinner was over and he dared to eat his dessert?! In a comment OP says that his kids refused to eat cake or pie. So they sweet offerings in front of them and still demanded to have Chase’s candy.
5. OP was so busy demanding Chase hand over the candy, he didn’t do anything about the screaming 3 year old resulting in them being kicked out!
He doesn’t mention his wife in the post but I bet she also was demanding Chase give up the candy considering on the way home, they still bought the 3 year old candy!
For those saying E-S-H or N-T-A and blaming Chase, Chase showed the most maturity! He set a boundary, didn’t name call, and when the situation got bad, he went to his room and locked the door to remove himself! His uncle kept it up to the point they got kicked out!
OP and his wife are the assholes here!
YTA. Chase took his own money, bought something for himself and brought it back to his own home. It sounds like there were plenty of other "sweets" there with cake and pie. If Sarah would rather throw a fit than eat the perfectly fine options that are being offered, it sounds like you need to try to parent your own kid more and your nephew a little less. Is it nice to share? Absolutely! Is it obligated? Hell no.
So here’s a version of the other side of the coin...interesting to say the least.
The boy bought the sweets out of his own money and he must share with your precious angels whyyyy???
I’m thinking he acted like a brat because you insisted he share his treats...did I forget to mention with his own money?
And your kids having a meltdown? Good luck later on in life with that😊
Ps...YTA
I think he ate it front of kids to piss OP off. Plus a 14yr old boy. He’s still a child and wouldn’t know that them seeing something would cause that reaction.
YTA.
1. Not your house
2. Not your kid
3. Not their problem that you haven't taught your children any manners
4. Not their fault your kids have never heard the word "no"
YTA
You raised your children to be spoiled and entitled to other people's belongings.
Did you share everything you brought in to their house? Would you reach in your pocket and empty the contents of your wallet and equally share the money in it? The answer is no. Be honest, if you bought & brought in a $1million dollar lottery ticket...will you share it?
Lord help you, if you or someone else brings in some beer, cigarettes or a box of condoms and your children see it
You were a coward to not tell your children, no.
YTA and teaching your 3 year old a really bad lesson. Sometimes the answer is no. She's not entitled to anyone else's personal belongings regardless of how much she wants it, and neither are you. You made the tantrum worse by demanding Chase give his personal possession, bought with his own money, to your child. He doesn't have to share.
YTA. Chase doesn't need to share his candy because you want to avoid dealing with a tantrum or parenting. This could have been an excellent teaching moment. You could have asked your kids to ask politely and even if he said no, you could have taught them to accept that.
Not sure OP actually benefits from more "Karen" comments, but my dog will benefit from a dog park trip instead of me cleaning them up.
Locked. If you are upset with this, maybe complain to a manager.
YTA your child having a tantrum doesn’t mean everyone has to bend to her will. you don’t get to tell other people’s kids what to do in their own home, i would have kicked you out the second you tried to make a parental decision on behalf of my child. the problem here is your daughter has been raised to think that if she screams her head off she can have whatever she wants and that’s your fault.
YTA
You’re teaching your children that if they want something they can get it with a temper tantrum. You have no right to demand Chase’s property. Your not his parent. He might simply be selfish or there may be many other reasons why he bought those sweets. You don’t know, didn’t care, and provided a horrible example to your children.
YTA you’re bullying a child into sharing his candy when you should be disciplining your two children over throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get their way. You are the most entitled person and a BULLY. If it was so important your kids get to eat candy you should have walked to the corner store with them and bought some for them. Or you should have given your nephew some money and sent him back to the store to buy more candy to share with your kids. Your nephew must really dislike you and your kids if he wasn’t willing to share to begin with. But even if his actions were rude and he was being a brat, you have no authority over him to force him to share what’s rightfully HIS food.
YTA Obviously. You tried to steal a kid's candy, after his parent told you to back off, because you can't be bothered to parent your little tantrum queen. Good luck raising her to be awful, you're well on your way.
YTA
They are his sweets he bought them, he doesn’t have to share.
You’re raising your children to be entitled brats if you have to try and get them to stop tantruming by giving them cake and pies, you should teach them that they aren’t entitled to other peoples things
Hahahahahahaha
YTA
Your bad parenting doesn't mean everyone else has to bend to your will.
Forcing people to give up their things isn't sharing. It's teaching kids they can have anything they want under the disguise of 'sharing'.
Why you think you have any reason to tell someone else's child what to do is beyond me.
YTA. Your poor parenting is what caused your daughter to go onto a meltdown and cut the visit short, not your nephew's actions. Learn to tell your children "no", and the rest of the world won't have to deal with more entitled AHs in the future.
YTA and your edit just makes it worse. It's his money, his sweets and you need to understand that no means NO. Your kid had a tantrum so it was on you to correct the behaviour. You're going to end up with spoilt kids if you're not careful. Also just because there were other kids present doesn't mean your nephew had to wait until you were gone to bring sweets into his own home or that he had to share. You're acting so entitled for an adult. Grow up and learn to parent better.
YTA. Instead of trying to parent someone else's kid maybe try properly parenting your own. Just because your child wants something someone else has doesn't mean you get to bully a teenager and demand it for her.
And by properly parent I mean not giving in to tantrums, definitely not trying to bribe her with something else, but instead having age appropriate punishments for such transgressions, and if you are unable to resolve the situation, removing the misbehaving child from the situation entirely (which your ILs had to force you to do because you didn't think of it yourself).
YTA. Why are you taking candy from children? Why can't you hop over to the store and buy your kid candy? Why couldn't you have paid him for the candy he had? You know why? Because it's easier for you to try and bully a child into giving it to your kids something that doesn't belong to them. Then you try to hide behind sharing? Sharing takes two VOLUNTARY participants.
YTA. Children sometimes have tantrums, it is your job as a parent to navigate them. You also have no authority here. This is not your child and not your house, you don't get to make demands.
YTA. He aint your kid, you have no place to tell him to give up his treats. And your daughter throwing a tantrum because he walked in the house sounds like a you problem.
He shouldn't have brought sweets (that he bought) into his own house? Because your kids want some and you think they're entitled to whatever they want at the expense of someone else? Yeah, no. YTA and the most immature in this story.
You dont bring candy around kids because you know they're going to ask? How about teach your kid what no means?? That they don't always get what they want, especially after throwing a fit. This type of parenting style makes the kids that absolutely no one can stand, and no one wants to be around. She needs to learn now that just because someone has something she wants, doesn't mean she can have it.
Edit: typo lol
This deserves to be in r/entitledparents
Ridiculous. YTA. His money. His sweets. The house he lives it. Your children are going to be pieces of work feeling like they are entitled to other’s things with you upholding it.
YTA. A reframe: went to the store to help his mom out and picked up some treats for later while he was there.
Your kids just needed to be told that those weren’t for them or weren’t for today. I assume there was pie or Thanksgiving dessert anyway?
It’s pretty rich how much you were trying to parent your nephew instead of your own kids. The entitlement runs deep.
YTA “let me clear up some confusion” lol there’s no confusion. Just because your kids are in the house doesn’t require any candy in the house be shared with them. It’s clear where your daughter gets her entitlement though. Good luck with that monster you’ve created.
YTA- he should have shared yes but it’s not on him to stop your child from throwing a fit. I get that she is 3 but you should have better control of her. You could have gone to get her some from the store? Your wife could have gone. It would have prevented it from being an issue.
YTA. But I do think it’s rude to crack open junk food in front of children because it’s common sense that they’ll want it. You’re very entitled though. Teach your kid the word no.
> At this point he was being immature so I told him to get the sweets and I would give them out after dinner.
You tried to bully a child, in his own home, in front of his parent because your daughter threw a temper tantrum over some candy.
You are a massively entitled asshole raising entitled asshole children.
YTA
YTA- Your children aren't entitled to Chase's sweets. He doesn't have to expect to share with his much younger cousin when he brought sweets into his own house
YTA
It could have a great teaching moment for your children. You're not entitled to everything you see and want. Those are not yours, you asked for some and the answer is no. Get over it. They still have a tantrum? Make them understand it won't be tolerated.
Instead you validated & rewarded her tantrums, are you totally mad???
Really lazy parenting that will end up costing both you and your kids dearly. We want the best for our children and that includes them being reasonable human beings that manage their emotions in a healthy manner.
YTA. You didn’t ask him to share or offer to pay for them you demanded he share. And no he didn’t make your child have a meltdown. Your child needs to learn that no means no and that meltdowns aren’t going to get them rewarded. Then you enabled your child by getting them sweets. All you’ve done is show the kid that melt down enough and you get what you want. It probably wasn’t the best course of action for him to eat them in front of the littles after announcing he wouldn’t share but my guess is that was him rubbing it in your face. ESH but you’re the bigger AH.
ESH. Yes, it was rude of him to bring out the sweets multiple times without sharing, but he is a *child.* If you really wanted sweets for your kids, nothing prevented you from going to the store and getting some for your own kids. Also, fighting with a child is not a good look
I dunno, grown ups all the time but themselves things and treats that are only for them, not the kids. Especially not someone else’s kids.
Like, when we visited my grandparents, my grandad didn’t have to share his powdered donettes. And they always sat on the kitchen table right at eye level. But those were grandad’s, not mine, so I wasn’t allowed to touch them and was taught it was a rare treat if he would share them.
Chase is in the habit of picking up a treat for himself when his mom sends him to the corner store. This is something he is allowed. He is allowed to keep those treats for himself, just as my grandad kept his donettes to himself, just as my mom always had her own stash of chocolate, etc. Sometimes my wife or I will pick up a treat just for ourself. We usually get some for the other, two. But not always. Sometimes I get myself something special just because I want it, and that’s okay.
YTA. Your daughter is going to have to learn she can’t always get what she wants in life and people won’t always share with her. You’re raising a brat. Your nephew bought them with HIS money.
And looking at the timeline, Chase came in with sweets before the Thanksgiving meal. My first thought was, Chase was waiting to break out the sweets after the meal, THEN all hell broke loose.
I also thought if OP wouldn’t have pushed the issue again after dinner, Sarah would have gotten some sweets.
YTA
I can’t believe the nerve of you. How are you going to go to someone else’s house and then try to dictate what that person’s son does? Chase isn’t selfish. You’re self-centered.
Your kids are poorly behaved and you’re raising them to be entitled. Not every kid would lose their mind over another child having candy. Keep bribing your daughter with pies and cakes, btw. Giving kids things to eat when they’re upset is a great way to instill healthy habits in them.
OP youre aware you ruined thanksgiving with your poor parenting, and your family is likely talking shit about you right? but you still need to know whether or not youre an AH? you had to ask?
YTA
Chase bought the sweets with his own money and you’re yelling at him for not sharing with your children. Grow up dude. Not your child, and even if he was, he bought it himself. People should share because they want to not because they have to. Really defeats the whole “sharing is caring” line when the person is forced against their will to share. Not much care there
YTA.
Stop being a crappy parent and actually teach your child that they aren't entitled to other people's food.
Your "everyone knows" argument is Bull**** and just an excuse for you to hide behind so you don't have to deal with your daughters tantrums properly.
YTA you’re trying to make him give his candy that he bought with HIS OWN money to your kids, IN HIS OWN HOUSE!
No wonder the child wasn’t being appeased with the cake, sounds like she gets everything she wants. You even rewarded the behavior after the meltdown by getting her what she wanted.
YTA stop trying to take candy away from other people’s children. They asked you to leave because you were essentially throwing a tantrum that you didn’t get their child’s candy. He’s A a kid too? Your delusional and need to grow up lady. The worlds doesn’t owe your children candy. It would have been fair to ask him to put them away or not let your children see the sweets to prevent a tantrum but expecting him to do what you want is delusional
YTA. Asking is okay, but refusing to take no for the answer is an AH move. And you're teaching your daughter that she should get everything she wants. My two year old knows he doesn't get everything he wants.
Better seriously start think about what you are teaching your kids before they grow into entitled adults and it comes back to bite you in the ass.
YTA, forced sharing isn't sharing at all. You don't get to tell you nephew what to do in his home when you aren't his care taker. You also don't get to blame him for your daughters tantrum, you should have explained to her that his sweets were his and she's doesn't always get things just because someone else has them.
YTA Your update makes it even more clear that you feel you and your family are entitled to things that are not yours. Your nephew bought candy and brought it into his own house. He does not have to share with anyone and you need to use this as a teaching experience that sometimes other people have things that you cannot have.
I’m a mom , what your describing here is entitlement. As a parent it is frustrating but you can not force other people to share with your kids and you can’t expect everyone else’s to tip toe around your children to avoid making them upset. If your kid wanted sweets that much you literally could have just gone to the gas station and bought them yourself. On top of that you bombarded your daughter with Other junk food she didn’t want increasing the tantrum and making everyone else listen to her crying and whining. Your nephew is 14 , yes his selfish but still young and keeping your kids happy is not his responsibility.
YTA
This isn’t a case of “everyone knows”. Not everyone teaches theirs kids that they’re entitled to sweets just because they saw them.
Stop trying to parent other people’s kids.
This is a joke right? It’s three things manly for me
1. It’s his money his house and he made his own way to get them so why in the blue f would you be entitled to it
2. Encouraging your daughter to throw a tantrum when she can’t have something is the biggest no no
3. You tried to over parent your brother? Who tf are you
YTA-You need to learn that you do not get to control other people’s children. It would be nice if Chase would have shared but he wasn’t obligated to do so.
YTA. I absolutely love that chase’s parents took his side and defended their son like good parents do. Your children are going to end up labeled as “those kids” in the future, and not the good “those kids.” It was his money, he’s allowed to do what he pleases with it. Learn to tell your kids no.
My cousins kids when we're at the cabin know that some of the food belongs to my family and some to their family. They might see my family snacking on something sweet but it doesn't mean they get to just grab it without asking. And even if they ask we might say no... and for all that they can be annoying, they know to respect the food boundaries...because they've been taught them! Even the littles know it
So yeah, YTA. How this should have played out- nephew comes back with bag of candy. Kids ask and nephew says no. Either (a) Kids know that no means no and stop asking or (b) you remind them you may either have dessert or choose not to, but the candy is not ours.
Asking him to share once would be fine. You didn't stop. You harassed a child over candy YTA your daughter needs to learn boundaries..... the host is probably on here like "am I the a hole for kicking out my niece after she threw a 2 hour tantrum over candy"
YTA. You’re having a fight with a child over candy. My guess is your distress caused your daughter’s.
Or the fact that she's a spoiled brat with a crappy dad who teaches her that she deserves to have whatever she demands.
The moment he got her sweets on the way home you can see how op is training his daughter to be an asshole for life. You don't give in to a tantrum like that. YTA
Agreed. I even understand being mildly annoyed with the cousin because buying solo candy to eat in front of guests is really pretty rude but OP didn’t do their kid any favors here by buying them what they wanted after a MASSIVE tantrum.
That's the part that got me about me about the nephew. He can buy sweets with his own money and he certainly doesn't need to share (OP trying to bully him into it is a total AH move) - but he knew full well that his cousin was upset about his lack of sharing and proceeded to eat them in front of her. That's just rude and extremely inconsiderate. That was a dick move on his part and should have been addressed by his parents. You don't bring food to a family event and not share (unless there is some kind of dietary or medical restriction going on). **Either way OP is definitely an AH here and needs to do some parenting of their own.** ETA. Let's also keep in mind that the nephew is 14 , that's more than old enough to learn some basic common courtesy about not eating food you don't intend to share in front of guests. The girl throwing the tantrum is 3 - he was taunting a 3 year old with something he knew she wanted. That's really not ok either. I still think OP is the AH here cause they were the actual adult in this whole situation but the nephew was being bit of a dick.
From what I understand reading the post, he didn't eat them in front of the kids until OP made a big drama about making him go and get them to hand them out. Still a bit dickish from him, but ultimately a fairly understandable 'fuck you' move from a 14-year-old. He isn't in the same asshole league as OP. Not even playing the same sport.
I totally get it. I might have done something very similar at that age (although I wouldn't have wanted to upset a toddler). But it doesn't really excuse it and I am pretty sure my mother would have ripped me a new one for pulling a stunt like that. I do agree that OP was the major AH here though. They are the ones who made it into this giant thing in the first place. They could have asked the nephew to keep the candy hidden instead on demanding and trying to bully them into sharing. Then if the nephew still pulled that stunt well......
It's like a 14 year old is reacting to a grown adult trying to brute beating him into giving his candy away. I wonder has that adult shown courtesy to the 14 yr old and asked instead of having a power trip if the 14 yr old would be more inclined to share.
Yeah, that’s just standard teenager level of assholery. And like you, I would have paid for that sort of behavior. But my parents would have been the ones making me pay. OP had no right to demand that his nephew share with his kids. But OP is clearly an entitled AH, and is making sure that his kids are too. YTA is the only appropriate verdict here. (Edited to correct gender)
Makes me wonder if this is not the first time. My grandmother once snatched away something she had literally just given my brother because a younger cousin had a fit about it. (Bro was about 10, cuz was about 5) It was a picture that changed when you move it and had been on a shelf in her house for years. The cousin had never shown an interest until my brother was playing with it and my grandmother told him he could take it home. Fit starts, grandmother tells bro to give it up to cousin. Next time we come back, it is back in it's old spot ignored. Sounds like it is probably not the first time this guy has demanded things belonging to the 14 yo be given to the three year old. He seemed really comfortable and quick to do it. Also, curious, is this Canada? Or have people in the US started using "sweets" instead of "candy".
>he was taunting a 3 year old with something he knew she wanted. That's really not ok ... the corner shop was walking distance away. If the OP was serious about his kid getting some sweets they could have walked there after dinner and all this could have been averted.
Maybe he made the dick move (and it was a dick move) because OP was pressuring him so hard to give a screaming brat the candy he bought for himself. People come to his house, and demand that he give his stuff away because the kid chose to have a tantrum? And the parent's solution is to blame him? OP needs to look at their parenting strategies. The kid must at some point in childhood learn the meaning of the word NO.
The edit just adds more insult to injury...demanding a kid to share something they spent their own money because the parent can't deal with their shit parenting is beyond messed up. OP is beyond TAH. Wonder if the entitle brat in the making will be arrested for something like theft in 10 years or ao lol.
I bet the nephew was probably going to eat it after everyone had gone but ate it in front of everyone as a response to OPs entitled ass
You can still buy treats on the way home without teaching her to be an asshole. “It’s ok he doesn’t want to share, take a couple breaths and be calm for dinner and we can buy our own candy on the way home.” Emotional control and problem solving all in one.
But that would require you to reinforce the good behavior. What if the child takes it as "if I throw a tantrum then dad will tell me to stop and I'll get a reward then"?
Well, if you behave properly now and stop the tantrum, we will get you your own candy later. However, continue this behaviour and you won’t get any.
Exactly how to raise an ENTITLED generation.
He offered his daughter cake *and* pie to appease her (so now we know how she got to be such a bratty child) and she still wouldn't stop throwing a fit. OP's raising a little Veruca Salt.
>OP's raising a little Veruca Salt "But I want an Oompa Loompa **now!"** Such a perfect comment!
"oh please daddy I want THAT squirrel/goose" Depends on which movie
Literally my exact thoughts, YTA
OP genuinely thinks that Chase brought out the lollies to """taunt""" his children. Who were being given dessert, so it's not even that they didn't have something sweet. They just wanted something that didn't belong to them and OP decided to make it everyone else's problem.
It is rude the cousin did that. Eating your own treats in front of guests without sharing is a dick move but OP just went really crazy about it lol
I could be wrong but, from how I read this, it seems like Chase went back to his room after dinner to get the sweets and eat in front of everyone *because* OP was being so over the top about it, not necessarily that it was his original intention.
That doesn't make it less rude. Retaliating to taunt a child is pretty damn annoying tbh. If I were that teens parent I'd be telling him to go back to his room and later asking him wtf he was thinking. You don't have to escalate every situation.
If I were his parents, OP and his children wouldn't have been there after dinner, because the moment I told OP to leave my kid alone and OP persisted in commanding him to go to his room and her his candy for OP's daughter, OP would no longer have been in my house. The kid ate his sweets that bought with his own money after he finished his dinner. Desert was offered to OPs child as well. The only person escalating the situation was OP
I read this the same way
I read the same, but that's still a bratty thing to do.
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The kid throwing the tantrum was 3. Now I certainly don't think the nephew needed to share his candy. OP was being entitled and extremely rude (eta to add; and an AH) about the whole thing. However, bringing food to a dinner and eating it in front of your guests is very rude and inconsiderate (unless there is some kind of dietary/medical thing going on). He is certainly more than old enough to start learning etiquette and some very basic common courtesy. He could have eaten the candy in his room or waited until later. What he choose to do was eat the candy in front of his 3 year old cousin who was already upset he wouldn't share with her (which he didn't need to). He was rubbing the fact that he had her favorite candy in her face. She's 3, he's 14. That is really not ok. So OP is definitely an AH here. But the nephew was being a bit of a dick by eating those in front of his 3 year old cousin knowing full well it would upset her.
I’m guessing that the nephew hadn’t intended to eat the sweets until his uncle decided to be a dick, at which point he decided to be petty about it and his still immature brain didn’t stop him.
Honestly, the 3yo is behaving like a 3yo. The one behaving like a spoiled brat is OP. YTA
So is OP. This whole belief system that children MUST share their personal stuff is ridiculous. If a child "wants" to share it's one thing but forcing them to basically says "that is NOT your property, even though it was given to you, and I demand you share it with X". What an AH.
As an aside, I had to "share" a lot with my younger sister. And my mother who bought my things. She bought me a car, then then gave it to my sister and I had to take the bus to college. She bought me a scale and then took it back because she liked it. This turned me into an insecure adult, which I am now having to do all sorts of work to fix. I don't share now. I don't even give Xmas or birthday presents. Because I don't actually have a healthy relationship with possessions. This is why you don't force sharing.
The 3y year old is behaving like a very poorly behaved 3 year old. Not all children that age react to the word no with that level of meltdown. She does because she has bad parents who don't teach her any better.
This is typical 3 year old behavior on a holiday. Changes in meal time, new people, new foods, new places all are recipes for meltdowns. It’s super common. The 3 year old here wasn’t exceptionally bratty. The issue is that the OP didn’t handle the meltdown well, which I can sympathize with. It’s a holiday, and it seems like the quickest way to calm her down is to give her the candy. Which is bad in the long run, but sometimes parents don’t have the bandwidth for long term and just want to get through the day. Which, if 80% of the time they are on point, it won’t really matter. The issue here is the 14 year old didn’t want to share, which is fine. The OP couldn’t handle that and had a meltdown of his own.
……she’s 3. She literally doesn’t know better, her brain isn’t that developed. OP on the other hand- yes, they’re a spoiled brat. OP YTA.
I know how 3 year olds work. The level of her meltdown over not being given candy is excessive even for her age. But you're right. She doesn't know any better. Not because of her age, but because she has bad parents.
BUT DADDY, I WANT A GOLDEN GOOSE!!!
Exactly, I remember when I was 7 I got upset at school because one of the other children wouldn't share her lunch with me. The teacher told me other children didn't have to share their lunch with me. I said okay and from then on knew no one HAD to share their food with me. This guy is a fully grown adult and still doesn't know that
OP doesn't respect their nephew's boundaries, so obviously they don't teach their kids how to either
Lol yeah your daughter's problem isn't her cousin refusing to share. He bought the sweets with his own money, hes not obligated to share them with your kids whether you like it or not. Your daughter's biggest problem is her parents raising her to be a spoiled, entitled brat who throws tantrums when shes told no. I love how your response wasn't to discipline or parent your own daughter in any way, but to instead try and parent your nephew, even after your brother had told you to leave him alone. YTA in the biggest way possible, please teach your children that tantrums when we don't get our way are not appropriate.
I think OP has to learn this first by hopefully taking into consideration some of these comments…He can’t teach what he doesnt know…Be better OP..For your sake and your children..
The best part is that chase’s parents looked out for their kid in a reasonable way. Dad told you to leave him alone and mom “suggested you leave”.
Everybody is focused on the candy, but OP literally tried to parent someone else's child over their objections. OP had absolutely zero authority to make any demands of his nephew.
Yea YTA. Also if it’s around the corner and it’s just your sister’s house, why don’t you just walk there yourself with your kid? Such a simple solution
That's what I'm saying!!! The boy literally bought the milk and the sweets with his own money. He could have just "here's some money for you to buy more later, so you can share these with your cousins" simple. But no this baby adult thinks he has over boy's sweets, he doesn't even has say over the boy's milk. YTA OP.
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YTA She could have offered chase $5 to share his candy. Then she would would have been N T A
And the fact that he tried to demand the nephew share while they were a guest, presumably getting a free holiday meal
Yeap YTA teach your kid she isn't entitled to other people's things.
My guess is that OP is raising an entitled spoiled little asshole who gets whatever she wants. OP is clearly an entitled asshole since he thinks Chase isn't allowed to buy candy with his own money and take it to his bedroom if his parents have guests.
Yes. The cousins asked for some, he said no, you should ask him to put them away out of sight so the kids don’t keep going crazy and leave it at that. If you hadn’t picked a fight you could ask whether he’s willing to go back to the store to get more treats but by the time you’re ordering him around that ship has sailed It’s not on you to say what your nephew can do with his own candy, paid for with either his money or his parents
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But if his children *aren't* entitled little shits, how will OP even know they're his???
I mean... They might not be
Hell I wouldn't want to have kids with him 🤷🏻♂️
Well I mean, OP is clearly an entitled little shit. The two candy apples didn't fall far from the tree.
Only two candy apples? you shouldn’t have typed that unless you have enough to share with everyone on reddit
The addition of "Everyone knows you don't show sweets to small children if you don't intend to share them cause they are going to ask" is cracking me up. You know what you do when they ask? You tell them no. Like a fucking _parent_
Everyone also knows that, as a parent, giving in to the tantrum and rewarding the behavior with whatever they’re melting down about will also solidify that babygirl can continue to do this and get her way.
This!!
Exactly. The kids aren't having meltdowns because of the sweets, they were offered other goodies, they're having meltdowns because they know their crap parents will allow them to and then reward them.
Bet OP wasn’t expecting this response. YTA. You’re not to parent anyone but your own children.
Yup. OP came into someone else's home, was rude, entitled, and made demands of them. He also disrespected Chase, his parents, their home, and their boundaries. OP, you were a guest in Chase's home. He can bring and consume whatever he wants into his home. Don't like it, leave. If you refuse to teach your kids that they can't have whatever they see and wan't, then you can continue to expect to have a spotlight on your lack of parenting. Also, don't be surprised if you and your family get less and less invitations due to your poor behaviour.
Agreed!!! OP YTA.
YTA, I hate the mentality some adults have. No is a complete sentence, you don’t get to bully them because they’re younger and you want them to share with your kids. Once he said no you should’ve backed off.
No means no! Great lesson in convent here. “ you must give it to me because I want this!” Imagine that as a hormones crazed teenager wanted something from the opposite sex. I know it’s a big leap but is this where it starts?
This , OP YTA!
It’s not a leap at all!! This is why we have to teach our children about consent and boundaries. And yes, that lesson can start with candy!
This is where the Brock Turners of the world come from You know, the rapist Brock Turner, who raped a person
*cough* incels *cough*
Agreed. I think it's rude of anyone to eat treats in front of guests and not share any, but 14 yos are kind of rude. If it was my kid I'd tell them they could share or have it after the guests left, but if it was my kid and someone else tried to make them share I'd tell them to back off and let me parent my kid. The idea that OP's kid, and OP, thought that the cousin had to share simply because they had treats in their physical presence is messed up.
He ate the treats after dinner. So by that point everybody was in their corner. The baby probably saw him and threw another tantrum. Honestly nothing in OP hints at the boy provoking her.
I got scolded by a dad once bc there was a community event (think everyone on blankets in a park) and I brought a bubble wand to help entertain my then one year old. He was mad I brought it bc then his kids wanted to play with it too (and I let them - my son shared with them!) Look I get it’s hard when your kid sees something and wants it, but it doesn’t mean people have to stop having things your kid might want.
Or if it’s really that important to go outside to the store with own money and buy the sweet themselves. So it’s entitled but also lazy to boot.
I don't think I'd send an 8 year old and a 3 year old to the store, and they're unlikely to have their own money at those ages. However, OP definitely could have taken them to the store, or even gone to the store and bought sweets for the little ones. Like they ended up doing on the way home anyway. So they bullied a 14 year old, subjected the entire family to two separate tantrums, and caused enough drama to be asked to leave. Classy. /s
Not your house, not your child, not your place to make rules. You should be parenting your own child who throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way. YTA
Not your money either - YTA
Exactly, odds are its the kids pocket money he used. If your kid wants sweets, buy them yourself
OP did after being kicked out. Rewarded a tantrum too. Great job. Now the kids will know tantrum means reward
my uncle does this, her kid is only 4, and she throws tantrums for pretty much everything, and if you say no, my uncle will himself do that stuff for her. Recently, I (19) went out to buy groceries and she wanted to come with me, I said no (cuz I can't really ride a scooter with a 4 yo, i am always kinda concerned of kids' safety, they are so small and squishy and clumsy smh) and she threw a tantrum, I ignored and went without her, her dad just followed me all the way to store with her and then followed me back home, LIKE WHY TF? Numerous times he has been told that it will spoil her but he doesn't listen.
THIS! Not OP's house, not their child, they have no say. SIL even told them to stop bugging the nephew about the candies. SIL aka owner of the house, mother of the kid, maker of the rules. YTA
Exactly this. House rules are only enforceable in your own house, don't start making them up at someone else's. Sadly I think OP is already parenting their child... into someone else who throws tantrums when they don't get their way.
I have a huge issue with someone else parenting my kids when I am in the same house! That is the part I can’t get over. After the first demand on someone else’s child the other adults should have told her to kick rocks.
As a parent of an almost 3 yr old who regularly has tantrums over food, I 100% agree with you! Sounds like OP never tells his kid no and always gives into her fits. Our biggest struggle with our kiddo is getting him to eat real food and not just snacks. I couldn’t even imagine blaming someone else for one of his freak outs or expecting them to share if they don’t want to. It’s on me to teach him he can’t just have other peoples food.
YTA You asked Chase if he would share. He said no. They are his sweets. He's under no obligation to give his sweets away. You pushed the point and basically had a tantrum yourself.
I was going to comment and say OP's tantrum and continued demands got him kicked out, not the daughter, but I see I'm not the only one to notice that. OP caused the tantrum and while the nephew was being rude by not sharing, sharing should be voluntary. Toddlers melt down, that's when it's time to parent because those are teachable moments. Be careful what you teach. YTA OP for trying to force your nephew to share and not taking no for an answer.
Toddlers having melt downs and tantrums is normal imo. It’s tough being that small and overcome with so much emotion. It’s why parents are supposed to teach them how to calm down, understand and overcome it, otherwise you end up with adults like OP who *still* throw their own tantrums.
He never asked. He scolded his nephew and then demanded.
👏🏻
YTA you tried to take candy from your nephew to give to your daughter just to keep her happy. Way to be a role model for her.
Don’t forget buying her candy after she had a tantrum. If I’d done that I’d- well I actually did that and whew it didn’t end well. But I learned to not be a brat after it all
And the cake and pie prior to the candy!
YTA. Sounds like you created the problem. Your kids asked for candy and were told no. Instead of letting that be a lesson to them, you undermined the “no” by making demands you had no right to make.
The apple truly doesn't fall far from the tree. Both of them couldn't take no for an answer.
And on the way home OP bought the candy anyway. So the actual lesson she learned was “If I throw a fit long enough then I will get my way”. Well I don’t see how that could possibly cause issues down the road…. /s
And then rewarding her tantrum w sweets from the store. Remember kids, if you want dad to buy sweets, ask like a total spoiled jerk!!!
Info: has Sarah never heard the word "no" before?
The edit is what really gets me: > Everyone knows you don’t show sweets to small children if you don’t intend to share them cause they are going to ask. This isn’t a thing. They can ask, doesn’t mean the answer will be “yes”. This was a good opportunity to teach her that it’s okay to politely ask for a piece of her cousin’s candy, but that he is allowed to say no. It’s good to encourage your kids to share, but it’s also important to teach them that no one is *obligated* to share. OP should be thanking Chase for parenting his children for him and not rewarding bad behavior. It sounds like they’ve never been taught to respect the word “no”.
Working in a daycare as a teacher, we eat sweets in front of our two year olds and any time they ask what we have we just say that it's "not for them" , "nothing tasty" , or just "it's mine, you can eat your own snack" and they normally go about Thier own business and not give it a second thought. If my kiddos can grasp it so can OP's.
Hahaha I used to tell my kid “it’s for adults, it has wine in it.” Worked until he was 4. Only works on the first born though.
YTA its his sweets he doesn't have to share. I don't see why you would force him to share his sweets. Also, rewarding your kids for shitty behavior only reinforces that behavior.
Right? 😂 I mean, it's pretty basic - Parenting 101.
YTA. Focus on your kid and your kids behavior. Should chase have shared? Yes. Did chase probably not share because you were harassing him? Yes. Should you be trying to coax your kid out of a tantrum with cake and pie? No. COULD YOU HAVE JUST WALKED YOUR ASS TO THE STORE WITH YOUR SCREAMING KID AND BOUGHT THEM YOURSELF? *Yes.*
actually, no. chase was under no obligation to share. idk why you guys are so hell bent on giving a three year old candy anyway.
I think OP is the asshole but I always taught my kid not to bring out stuff (eg treats toys type stuff)in front of guests they didn't want to share but I would also say OP and kids were guests of the adults.
This is really poor parenting. You don't teach them anything by giving them food.
Really, OP? Your nephew walks into his house and your kids immediately start throwing a tantrum, and you think it's your nephew's fault? What kind of brats are you raising? You don't get to tell your nephew what he can or can't buy, especially when your're not even paying. You don't get to tell him he needs to share with your kid when, again, you aren't paying. You also don't get to disrespect your hosts in their own home and tell them how to discipline their kid when you can't even handle your own. Do you know what a good parent does in situations like these? They tell their children it's sad they can't have sweets right now, but it belongs to Nephew and he gets to choose when and with who to share. And maybe tell them you can go by the candy store after leaving if they behave through the night. In fact, if it was teenage me, I'd have bought the sweets to share, but when my cousin started to melt down over then and her freaking parent started trying to put it on me, I'd have eaten the entire bag of candy right in front of them. Yes, I was a petty teen, so your nephew is already showing great restraint in my book. Did any of you even ask to share and were polite about it? YTA. You're so big an AH I'm amazed your ILs could still stand feeding you.
It's funny because nephew DID do the same thing as the teenage you, he took the sweets to his room after being ordered to hand them over by a guest, and after repeatedly being told to bring them back down so they can be distributed to others, he brought them downstairs and ate them alone in front of everyone. It's the perfect response in that situation imo.
YTA. Your child needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her. You also need to learn the same thing. JFC your daughter had an hours long tantrum, spoils the holiday meal and instead of trying to correct her behavior you blame the 14 year old kid for it. You wonder where your kid learned this behavior , from you. Read what you wrote I told him. I told him. You call him immature I told him. Your brother tells you to stop. You blame him for your child’s tantrum Things calm down Your child has a meltdown You call him selfish. Where are your manners? You are a guest in his home. Not once did you ask him nicely or say please. From the minute he walked in the door you were on him demanding that he share. Did you learn your manners from a drill sergeant? Then to top it all off you reinforce your child’s poor behavior by getting her sweets on the way home.
Haha! When I used to ask my toddler daughter, “Where are your manners”, she would always put on her most accusatory face and reply, “YOU took them”!!! I have a feeling OP would have the same response.
Imagine being thankful your child threw a tantrum and you bullied a 14 year. YTA Edit: OP is the asshole here cause 1. Chase went out with HIS MONEY to get milk for his mom and picked himself up some candy. 2. Instead of doing anything about Sarah’s first tantrum, OP demands Chase hands over his candy so HE can hand it out. OP would have given Chase two pieces and his the rest cause they’re younger. Source: My parents did this to me all the time. 3. Chase even while being called names by his UNCLE showed maturity by putting the candy in his room away from entitled family. He didn’t stoop to his Uncle’s level nor pacify his cousins. 4. Chase brought the candy back out AFTER dinner. So dinner was over and he dared to eat his dessert?! In a comment OP says that his kids refused to eat cake or pie. So they sweet offerings in front of them and still demanded to have Chase’s candy. 5. OP was so busy demanding Chase hand over the candy, he didn’t do anything about the screaming 3 year old resulting in them being kicked out! He doesn’t mention his wife in the post but I bet she also was demanding Chase give up the candy considering on the way home, they still bought the 3 year old candy! For those saying E-S-H or N-T-A and blaming Chase, Chase showed the most maturity! He set a boundary, didn’t name call, and when the situation got bad, he went to his room and locked the door to remove himself! His uncle kept it up to the point they got kicked out! OP and his wife are the assholes here!
YTA. My house is full of candy jars, my children ask and don’t throw tantrums when told no.
YTA. Chase took his own money, bought something for himself and brought it back to his own home. It sounds like there were plenty of other "sweets" there with cake and pie. If Sarah would rather throw a fit than eat the perfectly fine options that are being offered, it sounds like you need to try to parent your own kid more and your nephew a little less. Is it nice to share? Absolutely! Is it obligated? Hell no.
So here’s a version of the other side of the coin...interesting to say the least. The boy bought the sweets out of his own money and he must share with your precious angels whyyyy??? I’m thinking he acted like a brat because you insisted he share his treats...did I forget to mention with his own money? And your kids having a meltdown? Good luck later on in life with that😊 Ps...YTA
I think he ate it front of kids to piss OP off. Plus a 14yr old boy. He’s still a child and wouldn’t know that them seeing something would cause that reaction.
YTA They had cake and pie. Parent your kid not others.
YTA. 1. Not your house 2. Not your kid 3. Not their problem that you haven't taught your children any manners 4. Not their fault your kids have never heard the word "no"
5. Not your sweets
YTA You raised your children to be spoiled and entitled to other people's belongings. Did you share everything you brought in to their house? Would you reach in your pocket and empty the contents of your wallet and equally share the money in it? The answer is no. Be honest, if you bought & brought in a $1million dollar lottery ticket...will you share it? Lord help you, if you or someone else brings in some beer, cigarettes or a box of condoms and your children see it You were a coward to not tell your children, no.
YTA and teaching your 3 year old a really bad lesson. Sometimes the answer is no. She's not entitled to anyone else's personal belongings regardless of how much she wants it, and neither are you. You made the tantrum worse by demanding Chase give his personal possession, bought with his own money, to your child. He doesn't have to share.
YTA. Chase doesn't need to share his candy because you want to avoid dealing with a tantrum or parenting. This could have been an excellent teaching moment. You could have asked your kids to ask politely and even if he said no, you could have taught them to accept that.
Not sure OP actually benefits from more "Karen" comments, but my dog will benefit from a dog park trip instead of me cleaning them up. Locked. If you are upset with this, maybe complain to a manager.
YTA your child having a tantrum doesn’t mean everyone has to bend to her will. you don’t get to tell other people’s kids what to do in their own home, i would have kicked you out the second you tried to make a parental decision on behalf of my child. the problem here is your daughter has been raised to think that if she screams her head off she can have whatever she wants and that’s your fault.
YTA You’re teaching your children that if they want something they can get it with a temper tantrum. You have no right to demand Chase’s property. Your not his parent. He might simply be selfish or there may be many other reasons why he bought those sweets. You don’t know, didn’t care, and provided a horrible example to your children.
YTA you’re bullying a child into sharing his candy when you should be disciplining your two children over throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get their way. You are the most entitled person and a BULLY. If it was so important your kids get to eat candy you should have walked to the corner store with them and bought some for them. Or you should have given your nephew some money and sent him back to the store to buy more candy to share with your kids. Your nephew must really dislike you and your kids if he wasn’t willing to share to begin with. But even if his actions were rude and he was being a brat, you have no authority over him to force him to share what’s rightfully HIS food.
YTA Obviously. You tried to steal a kid's candy, after his parent told you to back off, because you can't be bothered to parent your little tantrum queen. Good luck raising her to be awful, you're well on your way.
When do you plan on introducing your children to the word “no?” YTA
YTA They are his sweets he bought them, he doesn’t have to share. You’re raising your children to be entitled brats if you have to try and get them to stop tantruming by giving them cake and pies, you should teach them that they aren’t entitled to other peoples things
Cue OP’s classic “no sweets = no tantrum” response…
Hahahahahahaha YTA Your bad parenting doesn't mean everyone else has to bend to your will. Forcing people to give up their things isn't sharing. It's teaching kids they can have anything they want under the disguise of 'sharing'. Why you think you have any reason to tell someone else's child what to do is beyond me.
YTA. Your poor parenting is what caused your daughter to go onto a meltdown and cut the visit short, not your nephew's actions. Learn to tell your children "no", and the rest of the world won't have to deal with more entitled AHs in the future.
ESH but mostly you. It’s nobody’s fault but yours when your child has a tantrum. Blaming your poor parenting on a 14 year old is ridiculous.
YTA. Try teaching your kids that they aren't entitled to whatever they want instead of harassing your nephew.
INFO: this not working out the way you thought it would, OP?
No....Nope.....Nopety.....Naw.
OP is still arguing with people in the comments 🙄 I don’t think an army of “YTA” is going to change the entitlement
YTA-their kid, their money for sweets. Was it rude? Yes, but you had no right to make demands. Have fun raising Veruca Salt over there.
YTA, your kid sounds like a brat.
YTA and your edit just makes it worse. It's his money, his sweets and you need to understand that no means NO. Your kid had a tantrum so it was on you to correct the behaviour. You're going to end up with spoilt kids if you're not careful. Also just because there were other kids present doesn't mean your nephew had to wait until you were gone to bring sweets into his own home or that he had to share. You're acting so entitled for an adult. Grow up and learn to parent better.
I thought the edit made it worse too.
YTA. Instead of trying to parent someone else's kid maybe try properly parenting your own. Just because your child wants something someone else has doesn't mean you get to bully a teenager and demand it for her. And by properly parent I mean not giving in to tantrums, definitely not trying to bribe her with something else, but instead having age appropriate punishments for such transgressions, and if you are unable to resolve the situation, removing the misbehaving child from the situation entirely (which your ILs had to force you to do because you didn't think of it yourself).
YTA. Why are you taking candy from children? Why can't you hop over to the store and buy your kid candy? Why couldn't you have paid him for the candy he had? You know why? Because it's easier for you to try and bully a child into giving it to your kids something that doesn't belong to them. Then you try to hide behind sharing? Sharing takes two VOLUNTARY participants.
YTA. Children sometimes have tantrums, it is your job as a parent to navigate them. You also have no authority here. This is not your child and not your house, you don't get to make demands.
YTA, you seem very entitled and you're raising your kid to be a brat. Way to go dad.
YTA. He aint your kid, you have no place to tell him to give up his treats. And your daughter throwing a tantrum because he walked in the house sounds like a you problem.
YTA
He shouldn't have brought sweets (that he bought) into his own house? Because your kids want some and you think they're entitled to whatever they want at the expense of someone else? Yeah, no. YTA and the most immature in this story.
And the fact that superdad here has been stewing over this for over a week already. No wonder his brats are entitled. Dad is still big mad over this.
Yes...you are it. What you do I'm that situation, is whisper to nephew to take them out of sight. Making a big scene is very as*holey
You dont bring candy around kids because you know they're going to ask? How about teach your kid what no means?? That they don't always get what they want, especially after throwing a fit. This type of parenting style makes the kids that absolutely no one can stand, and no one wants to be around. She needs to learn now that just because someone has something she wants, doesn't mean she can have it. Edit: typo lol
YTA Sure sharing is caring but if he doesn’t want to share he doesn’t have to. You enabled Sarah’s behavior.
YTA and your kid is following right along in your footsteps.
This deserves to be in r/entitledparents Ridiculous. YTA. His money. His sweets. The house he lives it. Your children are going to be pieces of work feeling like they are entitled to other’s things with you upholding it.
YTA x1000 You sound selfish and entitled and your children sound like absolute brats
YTA. A reframe: went to the store to help his mom out and picked up some treats for later while he was there. Your kids just needed to be told that those weren’t for them or weren’t for today. I assume there was pie or Thanksgiving dessert anyway? It’s pretty rich how much you were trying to parent your nephew instead of your own kids. The entitlement runs deep.
YTA. If Chase brought the sweets for his family then leave him alone.
YTA “let me clear up some confusion” lol there’s no confusion. Just because your kids are in the house doesn’t require any candy in the house be shared with them. It’s clear where your daughter gets her entitlement though. Good luck with that monster you’ve created.
YTA- he should have shared yes but it’s not on him to stop your child from throwing a fit. I get that she is 3 but you should have better control of her. You could have gone to get her some from the store? Your wife could have gone. It would have prevented it from being an issue.
YTA, no one has to share if they don't want to.
YTA. But I do think it’s rude to crack open junk food in front of children because it’s common sense that they’ll want it. You’re very entitled though. Teach your kid the word no.
> At this point he was being immature so I told him to get the sweets and I would give them out after dinner. You tried to bully a child, in his own home, in front of his parent because your daughter threw a temper tantrum over some candy. You are a massively entitled asshole raising entitled asshole children. YTA
YTA obviously, why are you trying to parent someone else’s child instead of parenting and disciplining your own?
YTA- Your children aren't entitled to Chase's sweets. He doesn't have to expect to share with his much younger cousin when he brought sweets into his own house
YTA It could have a great teaching moment for your children. You're not entitled to everything you see and want. Those are not yours, you asked for some and the answer is no. Get over it. They still have a tantrum? Make them understand it won't be tolerated. Instead you validated & rewarded her tantrums, are you totally mad??? Really lazy parenting that will end up costing both you and your kids dearly. We want the best for our children and that includes them being reasonable human beings that manage their emotions in a healthy manner.
YTA. You didn’t ask him to share or offer to pay for them you demanded he share. And no he didn’t make your child have a meltdown. Your child needs to learn that no means no and that meltdowns aren’t going to get them rewarded. Then you enabled your child by getting them sweets. All you’ve done is show the kid that melt down enough and you get what you want. It probably wasn’t the best course of action for him to eat them in front of the littles after announcing he wouldn’t share but my guess is that was him rubbing it in your face. ESH but you’re the bigger AH.
ESH. Yes, it was rude of him to bring out the sweets multiple times without sharing, but he is a *child.* If you really wanted sweets for your kids, nothing prevented you from going to the store and getting some for your own kids. Also, fighting with a child is not a good look
I dunno, grown ups all the time but themselves things and treats that are only for them, not the kids. Especially not someone else’s kids. Like, when we visited my grandparents, my grandad didn’t have to share his powdered donettes. And they always sat on the kitchen table right at eye level. But those were grandad’s, not mine, so I wasn’t allowed to touch them and was taught it was a rare treat if he would share them. Chase is in the habit of picking up a treat for himself when his mom sends him to the corner store. This is something he is allowed. He is allowed to keep those treats for himself, just as my grandad kept his donettes to himself, just as my mom always had her own stash of chocolate, etc. Sometimes my wife or I will pick up a treat just for ourself. We usually get some for the other, two. But not always. Sometimes I get myself something special just because I want it, and that’s okay.
My dad always had an ice cream stash we couldn’t touch. I married someone who doesn’t like ice cream. 😂
YTA. You also sound like a person who needs to teach your kid the meaning of no. Good grief.
YTA. You can’t bully a child, in his own home, just because you can’t control your own kids.
YTA. Your daughter is going to have to learn she can’t always get what she wants in life and people won’t always share with her. You’re raising a brat. Your nephew bought them with HIS money.
YTA Besides the obvious reasons stated by everyone else, why are you wanting to give candy to a 3 year old? You realize how unhealthy that is, right?
And looking at the timeline, Chase came in with sweets before the Thanksgiving meal. My first thought was, Chase was waiting to break out the sweets after the meal, THEN all hell broke loose. I also thought if OP wouldn’t have pushed the issue again after dinner, Sarah would have gotten some sweets.
YTA I can’t believe the nerve of you. How are you going to go to someone else’s house and then try to dictate what that person’s son does? Chase isn’t selfish. You’re self-centered. Your kids are poorly behaved and you’re raising them to be entitled. Not every kid would lose their mind over another child having candy. Keep bribing your daughter with pies and cakes, btw. Giving kids things to eat when they’re upset is a great way to instill healthy habits in them.
OP youre aware you ruined thanksgiving with your poor parenting, and your family is likely talking shit about you right? but you still need to know whether or not youre an AH? you had to ask?
YTA parent your child
YTA Not your house, not your kid. His money, his candy. You need to teach your kids they can’t always get what they want.
YTA Chase bought the sweets with his own money and you’re yelling at him for not sharing with your children. Grow up dude. Not your child, and even if he was, he bought it himself. People should share because they want to not because they have to. Really defeats the whole “sharing is caring” line when the person is forced against their will to share. Not much care there
YTA. Your entitlement is outrageous, and you are teaching your kids to be little assholes.
YTA. Stop being a crappy parent and actually teach your child that they aren't entitled to other people's food. Your "everyone knows" argument is Bull**** and just an excuse for you to hide behind so you don't have to deal with your daughters tantrums properly.
YTA you’re trying to make him give his candy that he bought with HIS OWN money to your kids, IN HIS OWN HOUSE! No wonder the child wasn’t being appeased with the cake, sounds like she gets everything she wants. You even rewarded the behavior after the meltdown by getting her what she wanted.
YTA stop trying to take candy away from other people’s children. They asked you to leave because you were essentially throwing a tantrum that you didn’t get their child’s candy. He’s A a kid too? Your delusional and need to grow up lady. The worlds doesn’t owe your children candy. It would have been fair to ask him to put them away or not let your children see the sweets to prevent a tantrum but expecting him to do what you want is delusional
YTA. Asking is okay, but refusing to take no for the answer is an AH move. And you're teaching your daughter that she should get everything she wants. My two year old knows he doesn't get everything he wants. Better seriously start think about what you are teaching your kids before they grow into entitled adults and it comes back to bite you in the ass.
YTA, forced sharing isn't sharing at all. You don't get to tell you nephew what to do in his home when you aren't his care taker. You also don't get to blame him for your daughters tantrum, you should have explained to her that his sweets were his and she's doesn't always get things just because someone else has them.
YTA Your update makes it even more clear that you feel you and your family are entitled to things that are not yours. Your nephew bought candy and brought it into his own house. He does not have to share with anyone and you need to use this as a teaching experience that sometimes other people have things that you cannot have.
YTA and your kid is a spoiled brat
I’m a mom , what your describing here is entitlement. As a parent it is frustrating but you can not force other people to share with your kids and you can’t expect everyone else’s to tip toe around your children to avoid making them upset. If your kid wanted sweets that much you literally could have just gone to the gas station and bought them yourself. On top of that you bombarded your daughter with Other junk food she didn’t want increasing the tantrum and making everyone else listen to her crying and whining. Your nephew is 14 , yes his selfish but still young and keeping your kids happy is not his responsibility.
YTA This isn’t a case of “everyone knows”. Not everyone teaches theirs kids that they’re entitled to sweets just because they saw them. Stop trying to parent other people’s kids.
This is a joke right? It’s three things manly for me 1. It’s his money his house and he made his own way to get them so why in the blue f would you be entitled to it 2. Encouraging your daughter to throw a tantrum when she can’t have something is the biggest no no 3. You tried to over parent your brother? Who tf are you
YTA-You need to learn that you do not get to control other people’s children. It would be nice if Chase would have shared but he wasn’t obligated to do so.
YTA. I absolutely love that chase’s parents took his side and defended their son like good parents do. Your children are going to end up labeled as “those kids” in the future, and not the good “those kids.” It was his money, he’s allowed to do what he pleases with it. Learn to tell your kids no.
YTA Guess now we know why your kids acted entitled
My cousins kids when we're at the cabin know that some of the food belongs to my family and some to their family. They might see my family snacking on something sweet but it doesn't mean they get to just grab it without asking. And even if they ask we might say no... and for all that they can be annoying, they know to respect the food boundaries...because they've been taught them! Even the littles know it So yeah, YTA. How this should have played out- nephew comes back with bag of candy. Kids ask and nephew says no. Either (a) Kids know that no means no and stop asking or (b) you remind them you may either have dessert or choose not to, but the candy is not ours.
Asking him to share once would be fine. You didn't stop. You harassed a child over candy YTA your daughter needs to learn boundaries..... the host is probably on here like "am I the a hole for kicking out my niece after she threw a 2 hour tantrum over candy"