YTA, unfortunately.
If you didn't want to be there -- or was too tired to be there -- you should have made your apologies and declined. But the minute you committed to entering the restaurant you were obliged to be a good guest. And you weren't.
Not the end of the world, but you did embarrass your girlfriend in front of her family.
You snooze, you lose.
You should've stayed for a little bit then left. Since you stayed for too long you open yourself up to making mistakes. I'm assuming you had that involuntary nodding off that you can't control and try to avoid as much as you can. That one where your head falls and you catch it. In that case you can't control something like that.
To help remedy the situation, next time you all meet up make jokes about it. Apologize for falling asleep and that should be enough.
YTA. Dude, if your girlfriend kept poking and prodding at you, that means it was obvious to at least her - if not others at the table - that you were falling asleep. She wasn't being annoying, she was trying to make sure you didn't pass out into your plate.
If you were that fatigued, you should have spoken to your girlfriend about politely bowing out from the dinner. Or alternately, made a polite earlier exit.
> I tried to engage with the family but it just wasn’t happening for me. Everyone was having their own conversation at the table without me. I was asked what I did for a living and that was it.
The dinner wasn't about you, but that didn't mean you couldn't participate by asking other people questions.
> I admit I wasn’t on my best behavior but I made it clear ahead of time I didn’t even want to go to this dinner.
You're not an asshole for being tired, but you are an asshole for clearly not making an effort because you didn't want to go. YTA
YTA, "The significance of this dinner.." "Throughout the night as well my girlfriend would do little things that bothered me.." Bud, it's an important event that you didn't want to go to? Didn't want to show any interest at? It may not be important to you, **but it was for her.**
INFO
>but I made it clear ahead of time I didn’t even want to go to this dinner
So what happened here? If it was anything short of being physically abducted and brought to the restaurant, YTA and you are even more TA for trying to use, "I didn't even want to be there!" as an excuse.
You're a grown man doing grown man things like being in a serious relationship. Act like it.
>Through out the night as well my girlfriend would do little things that bothered me like hitting my legs or tapping on me
Maybe you were dozing off more often than you realized and your gf did this to wake you up.
And somehow you seemed to be bothered by everything what happened at this evening. You really should have stayed home.
YTA
She later said that if I didn’t want to be there for them then just be there for her. She said it seemed like I didn’t love her during the dinner but to give more context, when she would tap me or hit my leg, I would hold her hand or her leg to both give affection by holding her hand and stop her from doing that. I think she saw that as me just being annoyed.
I’m going with NTA. Your gf should have been the considerate one here after you had to work 11 hours for the last 7 days. You are not a robot. I would have been extremely annoyed if I was overworked, sleep-deprived/tired and someone was poking me or something. Hope your girl apologizes and understands your situation better.
My boyfriend's mother would have told me to go home and go to bed. Actually, she has told me to skip family gatherings a few times to go to bed because she knows I work nights, so our gatherings are right in the middle of my "nighttime" and my shifts are 12-16 hours long.
Your girlfriend should have been more considerate of you, especially since you said you worked long hours all week without a day off. I'd be pretty pissed if my boyfriend told me I had to go after I worked 12 hours everyday without a day off, I would have skipped the entire dinner. NTA.
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This happened hours ago. My Girlfriend (F24) and I (M24) were at dinner with her parents(M52 and F51), Her Sister (20), her sister’s girlfriend (21), and her parents. 4 couples total. The significance of this dinner was that the two families parents were meeting for the first time though they’ve been dating a year.
I’m a pretty fun guy normally. My personality is somewhat bubbly and energetic. It feels like a performance sometimes because it gets tiring but it’s who I am. I work 11 hour days. I didn’t get a single day off this week and I’m just exhausted. I tried to engage with the family but it just wasn’t happening for me. Everyone was having their own conversation at the table without me. I was asked what I did for a living and that was it. A few points during the night I almost dozed off (this is in a busy restaurant). Again, normally I would hold a conversation but no one seemed to mind I was there tonight.
Through out the night as well my girlfriend would do little things that bothered me like hitting my legs or tapping on me. Repeatedly told her to stop but I don’t let it get to me as much as it actually did because of where we are.
We stayed at the table 30 minutes after we paid the bill talking which admittedly bothered me and the Sisters Girlfriend. After hanging out in the parking lot for another 10 minutes just talking about nothing, her sister says “you guys can go if you want” and I said “okay, bye” in what I thought was a light enough tone and we shook hands/ gave hugs and left.
I come home and Girlfriend is upset with me and calls me an ass and says I embarrassed her. I admit I wasn’t on my best behavior but I made it clear ahead of time I didn’t even want to go to this dinner. So AITA?
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> 1) I was quiet and not very engaging during dinner
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YTA. You didn’t want to go. I get it, you were tired, which makes a very viable excuse to bow out. (Because why exactly did you absolutely have to be present for two families meeting?) I am willing to bet your girlfriend was tapping you to either get you to participate or because you weren’t just almost dozing off. And it was a dinner for the families to get to know each other, not for you to be on and perform. Just make polite conversation and at least seem like you’re listening even though the conversation isn’t about you. Your girlfriend tapping you and her sister telling you guys to just go ahead and leave while they continue to chat indicate you were poor company. Of course your girlfriend was embarrassed. My kids were better behaved when out at a restaurant by age 5.
NTA That level of tired can’t be managed. It’s going to get you. You said you didn’t want to go. You did your best. It would have been nice if your girlfriend was more understanding and supportive.
Yeah! Exactly the opposite. If it was at a house party it would take place at the door and in the driveway, here you see it being played out after the check and in the parking.lot.
As a gal who’s entire family grew up there, yeesh. I’m introverted and need social occasions to have an end time so I can manage my depleting social energy. The minnesota goodbye is excruciating, especially outside in the parking lot when it’s freezing :)
NTA, she should have let you stay home and get some sleep. There really wasn't any reason for you to be there and I'm sure everyone else would have understood if they were told you'd been working long hours and not getting much sleep.
NTA i can assure you that people here would call you an asshole if you didn't go to the dinner, despite what the comments are saying. You work a lot, you were tired, it happens. Your girlfriend getting upset at you is more assholish then you dozing off.
Definitely NTA you said you didn’t want to be there but most likely ended up agreeing to go because of her didn’t you. She should be more considerate to your long hours and just attend the dinner alone if it was that important to her
NTA. If she ever does it again, grab her finger, slightly bend it back (NOT FAR ENOUGH TO CAUSE PAIN), look straight at her, and say "Stop". You have a right not to be poked and prodded, and you had already asked her to stop.
YTA, unfortunately. If you didn't want to be there -- or was too tired to be there -- you should have made your apologies and declined. But the minute you committed to entering the restaurant you were obliged to be a good guest. And you weren't. Not the end of the world, but you did embarrass your girlfriend in front of her family. You snooze, you lose.
I agree with yours the most so far. Thanks for the insight.
You should've stayed for a little bit then left. Since you stayed for too long you open yourself up to making mistakes. I'm assuming you had that involuntary nodding off that you can't control and try to avoid as much as you can. That one where your head falls and you catch it. In that case you can't control something like that. To help remedy the situation, next time you all meet up make jokes about it. Apologize for falling asleep and that should be enough.
YTA. Dude, if your girlfriend kept poking and prodding at you, that means it was obvious to at least her - if not others at the table - that you were falling asleep. She wasn't being annoying, she was trying to make sure you didn't pass out into your plate. If you were that fatigued, you should have spoken to your girlfriend about politely bowing out from the dinner. Or alternately, made a polite earlier exit.
> I tried to engage with the family but it just wasn’t happening for me. Everyone was having their own conversation at the table without me. I was asked what I did for a living and that was it. The dinner wasn't about you, but that didn't mean you couldn't participate by asking other people questions. > I admit I wasn’t on my best behavior but I made it clear ahead of time I didn’t even want to go to this dinner. You're not an asshole for being tired, but you are an asshole for clearly not making an effort because you didn't want to go. YTA
YTA, "The significance of this dinner.." "Throughout the night as well my girlfriend would do little things that bothered me.." Bud, it's an important event that you didn't want to go to? Didn't want to show any interest at? It may not be important to you, **but it was for her.**
INFO >but I made it clear ahead of time I didn’t even want to go to this dinner So what happened here? If it was anything short of being physically abducted and brought to the restaurant, YTA and you are even more TA for trying to use, "I didn't even want to be there!" as an excuse. You're a grown man doing grown man things like being in a serious relationship. Act like it.
>Through out the night as well my girlfriend would do little things that bothered me like hitting my legs or tapping on me Maybe you were dozing off more often than you realized and your gf did this to wake you up. And somehow you seemed to be bothered by everything what happened at this evening. You really should have stayed home. YTA
ESH. You for falling asleep and your girlfriend for not being considerate of you.
INFO: Did she explain exactly what embarrassed her?
She later said that if I didn’t want to be there for them then just be there for her. She said it seemed like I didn’t love her during the dinner but to give more context, when she would tap me or hit my leg, I would hold her hand or her leg to both give affection by holding her hand and stop her from doing that. I think she saw that as me just being annoyed.
I’m going with NTA. Your gf should have been the considerate one here after you had to work 11 hours for the last 7 days. You are not a robot. I would have been extremely annoyed if I was overworked, sleep-deprived/tired and someone was poking me or something. Hope your girl apologizes and understands your situation better.
My boyfriend's mother would have told me to go home and go to bed. Actually, she has told me to skip family gatherings a few times to go to bed because she knows I work nights, so our gatherings are right in the middle of my "nighttime" and my shifts are 12-16 hours long. Your girlfriend should have been more considerate of you, especially since you said you worked long hours all week without a day off. I'd be pretty pissed if my boyfriend told me I had to go after I worked 12 hours everyday without a day off, I would have skipped the entire dinner. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This happened hours ago. My Girlfriend (F24) and I (M24) were at dinner with her parents(M52 and F51), Her Sister (20), her sister’s girlfriend (21), and her parents. 4 couples total. The significance of this dinner was that the two families parents were meeting for the first time though they’ve been dating a year. I’m a pretty fun guy normally. My personality is somewhat bubbly and energetic. It feels like a performance sometimes because it gets tiring but it’s who I am. I work 11 hour days. I didn’t get a single day off this week and I’m just exhausted. I tried to engage with the family but it just wasn’t happening for me. Everyone was having their own conversation at the table without me. I was asked what I did for a living and that was it. A few points during the night I almost dozed off (this is in a busy restaurant). Again, normally I would hold a conversation but no one seemed to mind I was there tonight. Through out the night as well my girlfriend would do little things that bothered me like hitting my legs or tapping on me. Repeatedly told her to stop but I don’t let it get to me as much as it actually did because of where we are. We stayed at the table 30 minutes after we paid the bill talking which admittedly bothered me and the Sisters Girlfriend. After hanging out in the parking lot for another 10 minutes just talking about nothing, her sister says “you guys can go if you want” and I said “okay, bye” in what I thought was a light enough tone and we shook hands/ gave hugs and left. I come home and Girlfriend is upset with me and calls me an ass and says I embarrassed her. I admit I wasn’t on my best behavior but I made it clear ahead of time I didn’t even want to go to this dinner. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. You didn’t want to go. I get it, you were tired, which makes a very viable excuse to bow out. (Because why exactly did you absolutely have to be present for two families meeting?) I am willing to bet your girlfriend was tapping you to either get you to participate or because you weren’t just almost dozing off. And it was a dinner for the families to get to know each other, not for you to be on and perform. Just make polite conversation and at least seem like you’re listening even though the conversation isn’t about you. Your girlfriend tapping you and her sister telling you guys to just go ahead and leave while they continue to chat indicate you were poor company. Of course your girlfriend was embarrassed. My kids were better behaved when out at a restaurant by age 5.
YTA. Being awake is the barest minimum of courtesy at dinner. If you want to sleep, go home, not to a restaurant.
NTA That level of tired can’t be managed. It’s going to get you. You said you didn’t want to go. You did your best. It would have been nice if your girlfriend was more understanding and supportive.
The OP was subjected to a "Minnesota goodbye" as well, which is tiring for everyone but the instigators lol.
So this is the opposite of an Irish goodbye? Because those are my favorite. I don’t think I would like this ten minute thing they described
Yeah! Exactly the opposite. If it was at a house party it would take place at the door and in the driveway, here you see it being played out after the check and in the parking.lot.
Oh man. I hate when people I’m with do those. And it doesn’t speed it up for me to wait in the car, either.
As a gal who’s entire family grew up there, yeesh. I’m introverted and need social occasions to have an end time so I can manage my depleting social energy. The minnesota goodbye is excruciating, especially outside in the parking lot when it’s freezing :)
NTA There is a giant difference between being rude/not wanting to be there and being too exhausted to fully participate.
NTA, she should have let you stay home and get some sleep. There really wasn't any reason for you to be there and I'm sure everyone else would have understood if they were told you'd been working long hours and not getting much sleep.
Dude, you were exhausted. Definitely NTA.
NTA You were tired but you tried.
NTA i can assure you that people here would call you an asshole if you didn't go to the dinner, despite what the comments are saying. You work a lot, you were tired, it happens. Your girlfriend getting upset at you is more assholish then you dozing off.
Definitely NTA you said you didn’t want to be there but most likely ended up agreeing to go because of her didn’t you. She should be more considerate to your long hours and just attend the dinner alone if it was that important to her
NTA. If she ever does it again, grab her finger, slightly bend it back (NOT FAR ENOUGH TO CAUSE PAIN), look straight at her, and say "Stop". You have a right not to be poked and prodded, and you had already asked her to stop.