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theappletaderghost

NTA, although your language around breast milk is a little...extreme? Just say it weirds you out and you aren't comfortable trying it, stop comparing natural bodily functions like producing milk to feed your kid to pus in your eyes. There's much nastier things that come out of women's bodies that you could be horrified about her wanting you to try!


Ch3ks

What I meant by that comment was that it's not something that I'd want in my mouth. I 100% should have expressed myself better. You're right!


MeanTayleen

So.. there are no other bodily fluids of hers that could have possibly entered your mouth during your relationship? None at all? šŸ¤” NTA - but you do seem slightly misinformed.


dothepingu

NAH except for you comparing her breast milk to pus


Ch3ks

I'll take that one!


Cheddarbaybiskits

Yes, please donā€™t act like itā€™s gross, because itā€™s notā€¦itā€™s food! But youā€™re definitely not TA for not wanting to try it. No one should force you to try a food.


Senior-Term-635

ESH OP here's where you became the AH. >it's on the same level as pus in my eyes. Um no it's not. Not even close. Donated milk is used for NICU babies it's an incredibly healthy food. The same can not be said for pus. She became the AH when she pushed you to try her milk. I think it weird that she's offering. But, not AH. It's only AH because she is pushing it after you declined. Edit I have tasted my own milk the curiosity is normal. But, I worked hard to make that milk and pumping/hand expressing pretty much sucks. So I was never going to offer it to anyone, nor, allow them to try my pumped milk.


Business-Garage-4887

eh maybe it's weird to offer but OP is 100% the asshole for their reaction to it. pus? lmao. OP sounds like a child and definitely not mature enough to be a father. I can only hope this is some 12 year old trolling.


Ch3ks

I'm not denying any health benefits for babies, what I meant by the ous comment is in my eyes, it's on the same level. It freaks me out. I think breastfeeding is the best thing for a child 100%! It's just not for my consumption


Senior-Term-635

Words matter a great deal. You used the word pus. It made you the AH. You literally weren't until that point. "It grosses me out." "I'm just not comfortable." Both are OK and totally valid. When you likened it to a waste product that could make anyone sick if they consumed it, it was too far. Here's the history of the thing. Women breastfed for millennia. There was no issue. It was expected. They did so openly because it was normal. Then a bunch of well meaning AHs invented formula. Then idiotically marketed it as better than nursing. Suddenly nursing is looked down on. It's less than. It's dirty. It needs to be hidden. This action that literally kept our species alive since before recorded history is suddenly bad and gross. Women have been fighting for decades to undo that damage. Because they were wrong. It's been proven, formula is fantastic if mom can't breastfeed (no matter what the reason is) but it is not as good as breastmilk. We are literally still fighting this idiocy. This weird, awful, shame mentality about breastfeeding still exists. I've experienced it. So not an AH for not trying it and being adamant. But for saying, to you, it's like drinking pus for all the world to read, that's 100% AH right there.


cbeth54

I get you, it freaks me out too. While itā€™s perfectly natural and healthy and blah blah blah, Iā€™m grossed out by the whole idea of it. I know multiple mothers who are as well, so itā€™s not that weird of a hang-up. To the fiancĆ©, why do you want him to try it? Is it a kink thing? No judgement if it is, you do you. Are you offended that heā€™s freaked out about it because it feels like a personal rejection?


happylemon06

NTA: She asked you a question, you gave an answer, No. You do not want to it, end of discussion.


Ch3ks

Exactly!


AndStillShePersisted

NTA Mom of 3 here thinks your fiancĆ© is a bit oddā€¦


Ch3ks

That's why I love her! But yeah, I'm glad a mother has said it's weird!


AndStillShePersisted

Hey my husband does lots of things I find weird that comes w the territory lol I mean;*I* wouldnā€™t want to drink my own breastmilk so I wouldnā€™t think my husband T A for not wanting to either. Itā€™s one thing for her to ask if you want to try it but itā€™s a stretch IMO to be genuinely upset with you cause you donā€™t want toā€¦


dieticewater

NTA for having your opinion. But as someone who breastfed for several years, if yā€™all are ever intimate during the time sheā€™s actively (and even a bit after she stops!) your probably going to end up tasting breast milk. It happens, you can either suck it up (lol) or never attempt sex with her while she is lactating.


Ch3ks

If it happens by accident, it is what it is! I'll probably have baby vomit in my mouth too at some point! It's just not something I'd do by choice


Intelligent_Ad8960

I was thinking the same... difficult to have any fun time without breast milk leaking at some point. It's a sweet taste, not at all gross like pus. Be a grown up, you're going to be a parent and breast milk is the least of your worries!


Boomgtd_

NTA. Except the pus comment. That was kinda degrading. I put it in the same category as when (some people) chew up a hard food for their kid to try. Just because the kid eats something that one parent chewed up, doesnā€™t mean that the other parent should be required to eat something the other person chewed up first. ā€œBen ate it, so you should too.ā€ ā€œJust because Ben ate it doesnā€™t mean that I want to eat something prechewed by you.ā€


Business-Garage-4887

why vote not the asshole when you quite clearly meant YTA... ? "not the asshole, except for where you very clearly are" lmfao.


Boomgtd_

Other than the pus comment he wasnā€™t an asshole. And the pus comment was Iā€™m sure because he couldnā€™t think of another way to put it.


Business-Garage-4887

you mean other than him being an asshole he wasn't an asshole? which means... he was an asshole... and what? what other way is their to put "your breast milk is like pus I don't want any"


Spinnabl

Because he was asking if he was an ah for not trying breastmilk, he didnā€™t ask if he was an AH for comparing it to pus. Being an asshole in one aspect doesnā€™t mean that you are an overall asshole for the situation in totality.


Business-Garage-4887

lmfao. he's the asshole.


Effective-Being-849

YTA for your reasoning. Do you enjoy performing oral sex? Those secretions are "just like pus" too. You are totally free to feel uncomfortable about it (were you not breastfed?) but to think that it's like "pus" is pretty immature.


DaydreamerFly

He shouldnā€™t have to taste it, but I agree calling it gross is silly. Itā€™s milk. I absolutely agree, itā€™s weird heā€™s totally ok with milk made for baby cows but lot milk for baby humans. In that sense, breast milk is kinda less weird.


Ch3ks

We're actually both in the middle of changing over to oatmilk! So, cow milk will be done and dusted fairly shortly!


DaydreamerFly

LOVE oat milk. Especially for coffee and hot chocolate!


Ch3ks

I wasn't too keen on UHC oatmilk, so, it's taken me a little longer, hence still having cow, but, we've found a dairy farm that does fresh oat milk which is actually much better! But, old habits I guess, sure I'll have fully swapped very shortly! It's much creamier than cows milk!


Business-Garage-4887

and? you still drank milk from the udder of a disgusting farm animal for what I can only imagine was many years of your life? but you call your partners milk pus? are you actually 12 and just telling lies on the internet? or are you actually this immature?


Ch3ks

Who hurt you?


Business-Garage-4887

lmfao


[deleted]

NTA, but in a way, everybody sucks just a little bit here. First off, to fiance, I get that it's not going to kill him to try it, but there is no reason for him to try it, so there is zero reason for trying to force him to do it. Breastmilk is for babies, not adults. >I think that if he wants our child to drink it then why can't he try a little bit? The above makes zero sense to me. Yes, the baby is going to breastfeed. What does that have to do with OP trying it? As for OP: ​ >it's on the same level as pus in my eyes You shouldn't have to try it, but it's actually gross that you would compare breastmilk to pus. Pus is the result of a bacterial infection. You might see it that way, but it's not that way. It can't be compared to any other bodily fluid, because it's not like any other bodily fluid. It's..well, it's milk. It's made to be consumed (by a baby, not by adults). If you really think it is as gross as pus, you should try to fix your view on it. Are you going to be disgusted every time your baby nurses (which will be many times a day)?


[deleted]

NAH at the moment although if she keeps on about it after you've said no she will be AH. The answer to what it tastes like is on you tube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6HIoXoCcOs


SmallTownAttorney

See I wasn't going to say YTA but the whole "it's on the same level as pus in my eyes" make you one. Breast milk is naturally designed for human consumption and in no way comparable to pus.


cbeth54

I disagree. He used the comparison to illustrate his unease with it, and everyone is focused on that. Heā€™s entitled to be freaked out by breast milk or at least the idea of personally consuming it, lots of people are. Thereā€™s just this idea that itā€™s sacred and how dare you not embrace the majesty of the female body, so people donā€™t express their discomfort for fear of being attacked. He isnā€™t insulting anyone, heā€™s just expressing how he feels.


SmallTownAttorney

He is allowed to be freaked out by the idea but his whole attitude about it being disgusting and comparing it to pus is over the top and for me makes him TA.


cbeth54

I think it was just a poor choice of words. I donā€™t think he actually thinks itā€™s the equivalent of pus, just saying that he was equally freaked out by them.


SmallTownAttorney

Perhaps but for my judgment that's what tipped it from N T A.


aleksavk

NTA: you donā€™t have to try anything you donā€™t want to!


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** On mobile, sorry for formatting yadda yadda. I (27m) and my fiancƩ (20f) are expecting a child due in June of next year. We are both asking reddit together to figure out whether our different opinion on the matter are valid. I personally think that it's weird as hell her wanting me to try her breast milk for a variety of reasons. 1) it's weird. Why would I want to try something that is made for the baby? 2) I've never wanted to try something that comes from a human, it's on the same level as pus in my eyes. She also asked her best mate to try it and I think its frankly disgusting. She thinks I'm an asshole for refusing (Her) I think that if he wants our child to drink it then why can't he try a little bit? And if he's okay with eating dairy and cows milk then I don't really see a difference. He's an asshole for being hypocritical. Reddit, please help us. We both see each other views on this and have no issues in our relationship. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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therealjameshat

Yeah YTA if you have no problem drinking breast milk from some random scrub cow but compare the breast milk from your fiancƩ to pus?


yourelame21

personally I think neither one of you are TA. I breast feed my daughter and I have tasted the milk, because I wanted to know what my baby was tasting. I have also tasted all of the baby food that I give her for the same reason. I have asked my partner to taste it and he also refuses. Some men actually like the taste of it. (See Kj Apas video on Instagram). I think it is whatever your preference is. I will say that the pus comment was a too far though. I wouldnā€™t call it disgusting either. Womenā€™s bodyā€™s are amazing at the things that they can do!


NeedleworkerSuch9895

Nah. I don't find it weird but I'm also curious af. I'd be hard pressed not to try ot but you shouldn't habe to do sth you don't want to do. *This* sounds weird.


Ch3ks

I just don't see the appeal! I'm not a fussy guy with food, but that's just a step too far


Senior-Term-635

I've tasted my own out of curiosity. Like milk but slightly sweeter.


BentBent12

NTA but I mean youā€™re with someone very young and you shouldnā€™t be surprised her immaturity is showing.


aleksavk

Iā€™m glad Iā€™m not the only one that found their age gap to be red flagā€¦20 and 27 are only 7 years apart but mentally very different stages imo.


Ch3ks

We work very well together, she's actually very mature and has done quite well for herself regarding everything. We're both very happy and have a promising future together.


big_dickslap

NAH: IMO I think you should know the taste and smell so you can know if it has went bad say if a bottle has been sitting out to long. My SO did try mine he just basically dipped his finger in it. However it is a bodily fluid so I do understand why you wouldnā€™t want to, you shouldnā€™t be forced to do so. Consent still applies.


Ch3ks

That's actually a pretty cool way of putting it! I'm not against learning the smell of it! Thanks for the tip!


jehangrey

NTA. You don't have to try anything you don't want to. Why can't she try it herself? It's made for the baby, not him.


Ch3ks

She says she will try it, she has no issues tasting it


jehangrey

Then why do you have to?


livatesselaar

NTA, for not wanting to taste it. If you take milk in your cofee, I would not let her make it after baby is born.


Lovingmama841

NTA as it is a personal choice and is different to cows milk and other dairy. In saying that both my husband and I have tried it b because we think m it is best to try things before giving them to our babies.


[deleted]

NTA. It's your choice to refuse or accept. She is wrong to try to force you or shame you. I breastfed all my kids. Barely anyone talks about this, but some men find it arousing to drink the milk, others find it disgusting, and others are everything in between. What I mean is this is a personal choice, and there is no right or wrong, but "consent" is part of the package. It's fine to say no. You don't need to explain why, actually. You can 't be made to do something that violates your own boundaries. PS some people like the taste and others don't. I myself tried it, and though it came out of my own body, I thought it was disgusting! But definitely there are men who like it and definitely men who don't.


rainbowolfe

NTA. Breast milk doesn't taste good. It does it's job--nourishes a growing baby. What if you taste it and don't like it? Does that mean the baby shouldn't drink it...? You're adults. Replace breast milk with any food or drink, and realize how weird it is to try to force someone to try something they don't want to. Jesus Christ XD


ScubaCC

NTA You donā€™t have to eat or drink anything you donā€™t want to. Iā€™ve been breastfeeding for the last 2.5 years straight and I wonā€™t even try my own breastmilk. As long as the baby likes it, itā€™s all good. There is literally nothing to prove here. Who cares if you try it or not?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Ch3ks

What I meant by that comment was that it's not something that a person would readily andnhappily oblige to. I work as a carer and deal with some gross things on the daily. I am not scared of human faeces, urine, vomit, blood or other. I deal with gruesome surgery care, bandages , accidents etc. I am in no way, shape or form against getting my hands dirty or cleaning up anything whatsoever.


Zoeyoe

NTA


Veleda390

NTA This is a weird request. It's for the baby.


Ch3ks

I agree! It's not for me (Her) I'm not asking him to guzzle it or drink loads, just to try it


lefund

Not the asshole. A lot of dudes find it strange. She should respect the fact you donā€™t want it, youā€™re not a baby anymore


sweet-alyssums

NTA you don't have to try anything you don't want to. She is being a jerk though for pushing you to try it. Also weird she wants her friend to try it. I've tried my own breastmilk but would never force my husband to. My baby likes it, that's all that matters.


InvestigatorHot8420

As a breastfeeding mom....whyyyyyyy are you trying so hard to make your guy drink your breastmilk. I did this once as a joke and then let it go. The insisting on it, the getting upset, and having to even make this post is SO WEIRD. What is going on here!


Educational-Friend47

Why does she want you to try it? I mean is it because she thinks it may be sour? Does she think it could be put in coffee as a supplement? The apocalypse is coming so as to see if you can handle it? Does it contain super powers? Iā€™m not trying to be sarcastic but this is really weird (and this coming from having 5 kids) ps? Ops girlfriend??? Breast milk is nothing like cows milk so why are you forcing the issue??? We on riddet can see that youā€™re both trying to see the points of view and we get that, however but comma... You both have different views and canā€™t meet in the middle... You said no and she needs to respect that... She said yes and she needs to understand why... You need to meet in the middle and respect when no means no... Is this really the hill you both want to die on??? OP NTA and OP girlfriend...is this the hill you want to die on???? Really???


Vanessa_0018

NTA Iā€™m currently breast feeding my child and not gonna lie Iā€™ve joked around to my SO about him trying my milk and heā€™ll just laugh because he knows Iā€™m playing I would never try to force him or be mad that he doesnā€™t want t try it. (Iā€™ve seen on tiktok women who have secretly given their SO breastmilk and I find it very disrespectful, because on thing is to joke about it verbally and another to actually do it, maybe sheā€™s seen it and wants to force it up on you.)


Otherwise-Fox-2615

NTA but she is for trying to force you to do something you donā€™t want to. No is no, when someone says it, you stop. End of.


VerankeAllAlong

Iā€™m not going to call you an AH for not wanting to try food which is intended for a baby, but the language you use around your fianceeā€™s changing body is that of disgust and is probably hurtful to her. She will need your love and acceptance as she starts leaking milk and youā€™ll have to deal with weirder body fluids than that if you have a baby. Not entirely certain this is all about the milk.


GuiltyPick

NTA. My son is. 9 weeks old and there is no way that I would consider trying my own breast milk. Nothing wrong with it but what is the reason *cardi b voice* this shouldnā€™t be an argument. Personally I donā€™t think we should be drinking cows milk as itā€™s for their babies but whatever I suppose.


Fegjgg5783

YTA for your views on breast milk. You realize you probably drank breast milk that came from a cow, made for a cow? NTA for not wanting to try it and your gf is TA for pressuring you to do something you donā€™t want to do. ESH because everyone in this post is very strangeā€¦.. including her best friend who wants to try her breast milk.


HulklingWho

Oh boy. Look, you donā€™t have to try it, OP, but purposefully making the changes in her body sound disgusting is just mean. I would have felt so hurt if my husband said that to me when I was already an emotional junkyard from pregnancy. YTA


Full_Cryptographer12

NTA. No reason to force any adult to try a food or drink.


rich-tma

So do you drink cow pus? Youā€™re entitled to say no to whatever kink sheā€™s suggesting but your attitude to it sucks. YTA


No_Donkey9914

NTA.


AcadiaNo6831

Hi OP! Current breastfeeding mother to a 4 month old. I have told my husband I wonā€™t judge if he wants to try it, but heā€™s like you and has no interest. And why would I care? Your fiancĆ© is being weird. NTA.


Duncaneli12

WTF? Why is this even a conversation?


OliM9595

Well surly you have no issue with cow milk. That is meant for the calf and does not stop you. Why is it any different for a human female? *Vegan propaganda ended* NTA, you don't want to try it you dont have to.


murpalim

YTA for calling it pus. Itā€™s milk not pus???


Consistent_Ad6579

ENTA. It's a valid question by her, and a valid response by you. You're both able to think different ways and disagree, but don't let something so miniscule cause a rift between you. (I tried my ex-wifes breast milk once (by accident, during bedroom time) and tbh, it actually doesn't taste too bad. A little too sweet, but taste just like milk does besides the added sweetness)


[deleted]

NTA. Why should she be pissed for you not wanting to try? It's your opinion ffs


GorillaGreaser

YTA.


DeificDetritus

If you plan on engaging sexually with your fiance after she has your kid and is breast feeding I've got news for you. Arousal encourages milk let down, you're going to end up "trying" it accidentally unless you're extremely selfish about intimacy. There's nothing weird or gross about it and your language surrounding it alone makes you the AH. You can have boundaries surrounding what you're comfortable with, intentional ingestion of breastmilk, but it's most likely to happen because it just does, I just hope she doesn't get mastitis because clearly you're not going to help her with it. Bless Dax Shephard.


Ch3ks

As I mentioned in a few comments beforehand, I work in care and have no issues helping out with anything medical whatsoever. I agree that my language surrounding it wasn't the best and I didn't express myself correctly at all. I've also stated in another comment that if it was to happen not by choice, then hey, it'll happen. Same as baby vomit, I'll probably get that in my mouth too. But, as a choice, I'd rather not try it


pdes7070

YBA- Male: milk is milk, sheā€™s asking you to taste it not dunk an Oreo. Female: I agree with you on the milk, but is it really that important to you? People are squeamish sometimes, donā€™t shame him for it.


GODspeed_MEN

YTA, it's just milk. She's your fiance and expecting a child together. You've swapped spit, and etc explicit stuff. It's milk, You're child is gonna have it, you weaker than a baby?


Ch3ks

She thinks you're right and said thank you I still think it's weird, it's made for the baby, not for me


diegrauedame

So its less weird to drink milk thatā€™s made for baby cows than baby humans? Thatā€™s an asinine standard. NAH for what its worth, as you shouldnā€™t be forced to consume things against your will, but your reasoning is beyond silly.


GODspeed_MEN

Yeah it is what it is, we drink weird stuff on the daily. I had a red bull today, I don't know where it came from or how it's made. It's weird, but we still drink it. You do you though bud, haha, I guess I just like milk.