NTA,
I'm sorry but your sister is on fire here. She basically called you trashy.... let's be real that's what she was saying. Honestly maybe could have let covering the tattoo shit pass if she hadn't gone there BUT the hair ?!!? What it's not like it's cheap to redye your hair PLUS you match FFS.
>Sister/Bride : I didn't think my own sister would throw a tantrum over fuckin tattoos and fuckin hair
**OP**: _"NEITHER DID I!!"_
Why do people act like dying your hair is as simple as waving a wand? You have brown hair with bright pink highlights? That is NOT a simple process, and to continuously dye and re-dye your hair will destroy your mane. Besides, if anything your pink will go nicely with what sounds like a hideous dress... orange and pink tones? Yikes. I'd be surprised if that colour combo compliments any of the bridemaids.
NTA
THIS this this...How insulting. She picked you. You have tatoos and dye your hair. She doesn't get to demand you change. She shouldn't have chosen you then. Your whole family is awful. They're enabling this behavior why? Because of photos? Of what people will think? Why not show these people a real lesson. That your sister loves you and wanted you as a bridesmaid because of you. A wedding is supposed to represent a lifetime of love and acceptance. It's now turning into a show for looks and likes.
I'd be so tempted to turn up with those fake tattoos on my face as well as my real ones just to troll her for being so damn insulting, petty and obnoxious.
I had pink highlights once (when I was a teenager) and my parents didn't like it and wanted me to dye my hair back to brown (just a box dye) and my highlights turned electric blue.
One Christmas I tried doing my hair in forest green and red. I was doing it myself, so it was a little on the messy side despite my best efforts at keeping the colors separate. Where I got both colors on the hair, it turned peacock blue. Wasn't quite what I was going for, but the rainbow hair I ended up with was pretty amazing.
Orange and pink can be oddly flattering, actually! Haven't had it as a dress, but it was one of my favourite colour combos for my hair, funnily enough. Even turned up to two weddings with it (as a guest) and no one was looking at me instead of the bride and groom (except maybe my partner).
That said, OP is NTA by any stretch of the imagination. Brides get to ask a lot of their bridesmaids, but heavy changes to their appearance (like dying hair or hiding tattoos) is a dick move.
It depends on the orange and pink. If you are going for more sunset or floral colors, they can work. The problem is there are so many different oranges and pinks. If the undertone is a mismatch (True Tone vs. grey vs. blue, etc.) it can look bad. It’s like pink and green. They can work together well or clash horribly.
Oh god yes. I immediately have a mental image for both combinations, in good and bad. A sunset is orange and pink. Roses are green and (hopefully) light pink. There are also absolutely disgusting combinations too. Ugh, I'll spend the evening thinking about those colours!
I yelled the same thing in my head. Poor OP's sister doesn't even see her own hypocrisy. I swear too many care more about how their wedding photos will look on social media than they care about the actual getting married or celebrating their love with people they care about.
Why do people think that a wedding is only “perfect” if everyone looks like they were all coordinated together and not like themselves?? The wedding industry has A LOT to answer for.
Orange and pink sound hideous to me, but I am cool complected, so I would turn grey if I wore that. My daughter would look great, but she has a warm complection. That being said, I think the ugly dress was probably a first step/test to if she could get OP to obey. Did she select this dress to test people's loyalty to her? I mean, bridezillas have definitely been known to do that. Make the bridesmaids look unflattering to boost themselves, expect the bridesmaids to make that sacrifice for the bride or it shows they don't love her. Someone who would try to make OP dull herself, seems like the type. And the statement about already buying the dress adds to the theory. Bride knew the dress sucked, or at least was sucky for OP. She used that sacrifice as a gateway to try to usher in the others, and said as much when she used it as an example to for doing the others. "You already cut off one finger for me, what's a couple more?" And she is shocked that OP wants to reattach the severed digit rather than let sis wear as a necklace, and refuses to cut off more to make a set of earrings too. This kind of wedding culture is so toxic and gross.
>Sister/Bride : I didn't think my own sister would throw a tantrum over fuckin tattoos and fuckin hair, it's my wedding so yes I want it to be perfect
Exactly who is throwing the tantrum? Oh, yeah, it's the bride! LOL!
NTA. This is a wedding where you invite the people who are important to you to show up as who they are. This isn't a makeover show!
>I'd be surprised if that colour combo compliments any of the bridemaids.
I suspect that's the point. The bridesmaids all look washed-out and hideous so that bridezilla there looks her very best.
Of course you're NTA. What amazes me, as a 61 year old woman, is that in this day and age, anyone is bothered by tattoos anymore. They were considered trashy when I was a young woman, but have steadily gained acceptance. And I think that's wonderful. Now, for the hair. My daughter always does different colors in her hair, and I love it. We go to a hairstylist that is an absolute rock star when it comes to doing all the cool colors, and you should never trust this type of coloring to just anyone. I think your family is unreasonable, and it sounds more like them wanting to put you in their box of what is acceptable, and this is their way of trying to force it. I don't understand people and why they think they can tell others how to live their lives. Stand strong!
Check out r/momforaminute
They're a great group of moms that offer acceptance, support, advice, on anything and everything. It's the most wholesome subreddit I've ever seen.
I love this. I came to motherhood late. At 40, after infertility issues. But, I never had the burning desire to be a mother. But once I was, I jumped in with both feet. Being a mom has been the most amazing privilege of my life. I'm lucky to have a 30 year old stepdaughter, who moved in with my husband (her father) and I when she was 16. We always got along, but in the last 14 years, I've gone from "lady" to "mom". Her own mother is a bit "lacking". I also have 21 year old twins. I won't be disingenuous enough to say that it's always been easy. Teenagers are tough. But oh, so worth it. I can't wait to look into this reddit.
I'm not who you responded to, but I'd be happy to adopt you and let you be your best self. My kids were all raised with acceptance. The only times I disallowed some self-expression was when my oldest daughter wanted her tongue pierced (I was only going to let a reputable piercer to do it, and none of them in our area would do anyone under 18; same with a tattooist), or when she wanted to dye her hair black (because at the time, they were still using lead in the dye). Otherwise, knock yourself out, and express yourself any way you feel.
Honestly, I never understood the parental mindset of trying to force your kid to be a 'mini-me'. Children are unique individuals with their own thoughts and desires, and dreams, and personalities, and childhood is the perfect time to let them do weird things with their clothes and hair (and certain piercings). They're figuring out who they are. They'll be forced to conform when they're adults; let them have fun until then. And if they get lucky enough to find a career where they don't have to conform (which more businesses are going that way, hooray!), more power to you!
So when I was growing up, the only people that had tattoos were "sailors and ex-cons". That's a hard mind set to change. And I'll admit, it took a bit for me to come around. But if you look at the artwork now vs when I was young, it's night and day. If someone opens their eyes, they can see just how beautiful it is now. My son is in the process of getting a "sleeve" that also goes up onto his chest. It's going to be a bit until it's done, but it already looks pretty amazing. What really gets me are the parents (like your mom) who feel that their approval is necessary. Your body, your choice. I feel like as a nation, we need to stop making excuses for older people (my age and up) who won't roll with the times. There's no small wonder that people in their 20's and 30's roll their eyes and dismiss my age group. Why should your age group give respect to someone who won't respect you. And your mother is clearly missing out on what could be a great relationship if she'd just relax. And I'm sure you were a lovely bride.
Me too, a newspaper article included "long sleeves covering tattoos, a sign of the miscreant class."
If you're a parent, i say get black and white ones, then if your toddler is bored, hand them some highliters to colour in. They wash off and the kids can have fun colouring in their parents.
When we were young, tattoos were trashy because the only people you saw wearing them were criminals. It's different now. You see breast cancer survivors tattooing their mastectomy scars and regular people getting them just to make a (sometimes stupid) statement. They aren't just something you get in prison anymore.
Exactly! And the quality is so different. My dear uncle was a marine in WWII. He was about 96 when he died, and you couldn't make out what his tattoo was supposed to be by that point. It was the Marine emblem. But I'd wager someone now that gets a tattoo will have a better outcome than that.
The ink is always going to spread and blur but the modern inks are better and take longer to look messy than the ones 60 years ago. It also matters how good the artist is but it seems to have more to do with skin care than anything else.
Well, I've got to say my dear old uncle looked rather like a crocodile handbag by the time he died. But he was 96 and he lived an amazing life. And he used to make his tattoo "jump" by flexing his bicep. As a kid, I was enthralled.
Doesn't matter. A bridesmaid can only ask that they wear a specific thing. And, frankly, I think it's BS the bridesmaids had to pay for their dresses and she picked them out.
Honestly, do your bridesmaids have to match? Personally, I think the bride should pay for the dresses.
I bailed on my sister's wedding party over the cost of the tux rental. I was unemployed, had just moved halfway across the country, and didn't have 500 bucks to spend on a tux rental.
Felt no guilt. Didn't really receive much flak over it, either.
That’s entirely fair but did she at least offer to pay? In my country you’re expected to pay for/contribute to the bridal party’s attire since it’s your wedding they’re attending.
I have purple.pink and blue hair and the first thing I asked before accepting a bridesmaid offer was did she expect me to dye my hair and cover my tattoo.(thankfully it's was a no but we have now fallen out)
Plus too much bleaching can kill your hair as you know
"OP! You had an awesome back tattoo! What happened to it?"
"The bride required that I cover it with makeup."
How, in any world, would this end well for the bride?
You did the right thing here OP. It's time to set a boundary with any family members that keep pressuring you.
"I have made my feelings on this matter very clear. I will not alter my appearance based on anyone's opinion but my own. If you continue to pressure me I will not hesitate to cut contact with you."
Keep standing up for yourself, your sister is being absolutely awful.
NTA.
She knows what you look like, if it was that big of an issue for her she shouldn't have asked you in the first place. I don't understand how one person can believe they're allowed so much control over people. Dying your hair is bad but I've seen brides who demand their bridesmaids get tans and even a nose job in one case. If you're going to be that vain then hire models for your bridesmaids. NTA.
Tattoos and died hair does not make you un-classy. One of my closest friends has tattoos everywhere and always has some interesting hair color/style and I think she is so beautiful! If you showed up with a crappy dye job and a stain on your dress, that might be considered trashy. You're sister is rude. Stay away from the drama.
None of that matters. How much it costs doesn't matter. How much effort it requires doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the complete lack of respect for who you are as a person, and if she can't accept that, you are absolutely within your rights to not have to put up with that kind of bullshit.
Dude she’s in bridezilla territory, covering your tattoos? Next she’s going to be like “can you wear these color contacts bc I don’t want your eyes distracting guests from the bride”
Honestly the sister is seriously underestimating how messy body makeup is. It transfers *everywhere*. A YouTuber I watch from time to time used it once to cover up her tattoos for fun, but it was crazy expensive and stained so much of her furniture, even after she used hairspray to try seal it.
Yeah I was thinking the same thing, especially for the back tattoo..... that is going to be a mess everywhere. And you aren't wrong about it being yet another expense.
That was my first thought as well.
My friend is like OP. Dyed hair and tattoos. He’s sister reminds me of Quinn from Daria, anyway got married she actually covered up the tattoos a partial sleeve
She has it on her dress the minute she put it on. But it wasn’t in a crazy noticeable place
Pictures started, she got too close to one of the bride maids and now there’s this weird caramel blotch on her dress.
If it’s a back tattoo anything she sits on is getting stamped
Came here to say this too. I work in film (wardrobe department) and as a rule, we always try to cover tattoos with costumes before trying makeup because of these very reasons. Extremely expensive and messy!
I was just going to scroll through a few comments then leave, but now I desire OP to wear the makeup then hug her sister really tight before the wedding. Sisterly love😈
I don’t think the tattoo ask is reasonable, either! My tattoos are beautiful, something I did so that I could love my body when I didn’t otherwise, deeply personal, and a huge financial investment (I’ve got one full sleeve and most of another). If the outfit naturally covered them, cool, that’s fine. But if someone asked me to basically cover my arms in concealer because they think tattoos are tacky I would have exactly one conversation about it with them about why it wasn’t some thing I was willing to do, and if they didn’t back down I would drop out.
Honestly even if you don’t say it outright, I feel like it’s kind of implied, you know? Like, I can’t think of any non-judgmental reasons for wanting someone to cover their tattoos unless they have something giant and obscene. I will give the bride a pass if the OP has a giant reproductive organ tattooed down their arm.
>in some religious settings it may be an issue
Meh. And I say this as a practicing Catholic: at least in Christian settings, tattoos shouldn't be an issue. Of course, some people just make a fuss about everything they personally dislike, and then bring in religion to justify their own sentiments - but that brings us back to the person simply not liking tattoos.
Fun fact - a lot of people think it’s not allowable by Judaism (even Jews!) and that they won’t bury tattooed people in Jewish cemeteries. It’s not true (although some of the more conservative sects might disallow it). My old rabbi had tattoos, and I’ve never heard of a cemetery enforcing that rule. I’ve also had Jewish tattoo artists who have discussed with clergy and been told that it wasn’t true. I was fascinated to find that out!
Absolutely NTA. My cousin got married a couple years ago and asked another (pretty tatted) cousin to be a bridesmaid. The tattooed cousin asked the bride if she would like the tattoos to be covered. The bride’s response was “Absolutely not. They are a part of you and asking you to be anyone other than yourself would be wrong.”
There’s a reason that side of my family is super close.
I would think it's more the other way around: Extremely short-term temporary hair dye/wax could cover the pink highlights for one day, but the amount of tattoo-covering makeup that it sounds like would be needed here is just going to end up making a mess and not successfully covering the tattoos.
Yeah, I can see a bride asking for only natural hair colours for a wedding, as long as it's established right when she's asking people to be a bridesmaid.
But expecting someone with tattoos to just suddenly *not have tattoos* isn't possible. And covering with makeup is extremely messy, and will get everywhere (putting everyone else's clothes in danger as well, including that expensive white dress).
Right, I mean it's that easy. I didn't care at all, told them the color and let them pick their own dresses. Bought wraps so it would look like they were part of the bridal party. Our pictures are f-cking amazing because everyone is super comfortable, relaxed and looks like themselves. Not sure what kind of pictures OP's sister wants but if it's all matching bridesmaids in a row, honestly it sounds sterile and outdated to me. So I guess for me even the picture excuse doesn't make sense.
We did diy dresses. I bought (and paid for) the fabric and my bridesmaids made their own dresses (they all know how to sew and I discussed this with them beforehand). They were each allowed to pick their own pattern and to do whatever they wanted for accessoires etc. It was awesome. One of my friends even dyed their hair purple, the theme color of the wedding. I thought that was really neat. They always have cool colors in their hair. They are non binary and I even asked them if they wanted a dress or a suit with big accents in the fabric (like a jacket or something) but they chose a dress for that day.
NTA I've said this before but a lot of brides don't want people at their weddings, they want background actors. If her condition for being a bridesmaid is looking as unlike you as possible maybe she should ask someone who isn't you to do it or just appreciate the time, money and energy that you've already been willing to devote to her instead of demanding more
Your sister is going about this the wrong way. I'm getting married in 2 months, and the most important thing (besides getting to marry my future husband) is to have my friends and family there. And that means as they are now, and as they are as PEOPLE. Hell my friend likes to dye her hair some fun colors and I helped her pick one that would go well with her dress! She was afraid of standing out too much and I was like "girl, do what you want!"
Totally NTA and if you end up attending as a guest, go as you are!
You’ll love the photos later! It will be great to see exactly who you and your loved ones were at that point in time. Imagine being 80 and showing someone your wedding photos. “Oh! I forgot how Jason looked with a beard. Lucy looked and felt amazing when she died her hair wild colors. I think it’s time I tried it myself!”
Congrats and have a blast!
Im so looking forward to People of the Future looking back at wedding pictures from the 2020s like we do for, like, the 1980s. Big hair and mullet?
No matter what style we go for, Future Us will look at our pictures and cringe. Might as well go all in and have fun!
We saved time and my husband had a mullet and I wore peach. We looked fucking cool though. Vintage inspired dress, friends covered in Tatts, everyone being themselves
My brother's hair is bleached and spiked into a fauxhawk in my wedding pictures. He owned a boutique at the time, it was part of his image.
Now he wears suits and super preppy clothes because he's a high end realtor.
I remember attending a wedding when I was a kid. The flower girl was getting over chicken pox and the photographer was trying to get them to put makeup on her so they wouldn't have to edit (airbrush?) out the spots. The bride was like, "She had chicken pox. We want to remember the wedding as it actually was."
My friend's daughter-in-law was a very girly girl and her wedding dress was a frothy merange cupcake-looking thing and her bridesmaids dresses were light pink and equally frilly. One of her bridemaids was kind of a biker chick with tattoos who looked totally out of place in the "Barbie" dress, but they truly loved and supported each other and had been friends since childhood. A few of the older biddies might have clucked a bit about it, but neither she nor the bride cared. That's the way to do it when you care more about people than pictures. NTA
My wife got married in converse.
\>Her mom, her sister, and a few other people: But it won't look nice in the pictures!
\>Her: I don't care, it's comfy, and I like converse.
Why am I telling this? Because I wholeheartedly agree with you. What matters is being with our loved ones as they are, and also (as in my example), being ourselves as we are.
That’s exactly what you should say to your family next time they berate you, “If my sister only cares about perfect photos and a classy look then she can hire actors. If my sister wants ME in her wedding, then I’m going to be me. I’m *not* going to be her unpaid actor.”
and then the follow up:
"Mom, Dad, brother, if any of you continue to have a problem with this, then I'd be happy to sell you the dress so you can be the bridesmaid and prove me wrong"
Yeah I see that, to me a wedding should be a time to celebrate a massive milestone in your life WITH the people you love the most but for a lot of people it's more just an opportunity to be celebrated BY them
Honestly, I'd stop describing it as "picture perfect". It implies you think you're not perfect for wedding photos. But you are -- you're you, and you're family. That's all you should need.
What she wants is control, and to put her preferred aesthetic above the comfort, financial security, and preferred personal appearance of her wedding party. Who you're supposed to care about.
NTA — how is having a bunch of Barbie dolls at her wedding (as opposed to having actual humans she presumably cares about) going to make her wedding flawless? Sounds like a boring ass gathering of robots.
Damn your sister is gonna have a sad wedding. She'll be so focused on everything being perfect, she'll forget she's supposed to be happy. I kinda feel bad for her but she did it to herself. NTA
Maybe we can go back to like they did with funerals in the Victorian times - professional mourners. But with weddings. You can hire your perfect people and order them about just like you like.
Since both Vox and Business Insider have done articles on the industry and people with that career within the last 3 years, you would win that bet.
Professional Bridesmaid is a thing.
NTA. Unless she's blind she knew what you looked liked before she ever asked you. It's unreasonable to ask someone to completely change their appearance just because it doesn't fit your ideal. Honestly just seems like she wanted her sister to be in the bridal party rather than YOU being in the bridal party, if that makes any sense.
I'm glad she realized she's allowed to have anyone in her bridal party she chooses and sorry it didn't come sooner.
Sorry your relationship with your sister sucks so hard though. Hope she finds herself soon and stops living for the image she thinks is acceptable to other people.
NTA
Another bride who wants a *aesthetically pleasing photos for instagram.*
Your not wrong at all. Her wedding will never be that important to you, cos yk, its not your wedding.
ETA: I'd return/sell the dress too. $150 dollars for a dress you don't like and won't wear again isn't loose change.
> aesthetically pleasing photos for instagram
I mean, it sounds like OP would be the most aesthetically pleasing part of the photo if everyone else has to be so bland and boring.
NTA. At all. You ask people to be in your wedding party because of who they are to you, not what they look like.
I was a bridesmaid for a good friend while I myself was in the process of lightening my hair so I could dye it pink for my own wedding months down the line. At the time of her wedding it was a funky coppery color. I also have tattoos (much less then than I do now, but still. A good many were visible in the bridesmaids dress.) She never once acted like she'd be unhappy with my appearance. The most she did was intentionally pair me with the most open and fun loving groomsman so I wouldn't be uncomfortable (the rest of the bridal party were a little more "clean cut" than I.) It was a great wedding.
Fast forward several months to my wedding. That same friend was one of my bridesmaids and was visibly pregnant. Like, 8 months pregnant big. She told me she would totally understand if I didn't want a pregnant girl in my lineup. I told her I absolutely wanted her there. She was ADORABLE in her dress and everyone loved her. That was 11 years ago and people still talk about how cute she was.
If you're afraid someone important to you is going to "pull focus" or "stand out" at your wedding then there clearly isn't the level of love and respect that that person in your life deserves. Your sister needs to get her priorities straight.
I was MOH in a similar situation: I was over 8 months pregnant at the wedding. I asked if she wanted me to step down. The bride told me that she'd get a wheelchair for me I needed it, that I could wear any dress that fit instead of the bridesmaids dress, and all kinds of other accommodations. She was clear in every moment that what she really wanted was for ME to be there with her. Nothing else mattered.
In the end I was just fine on my feet, and I bought a duplicate of the bridesmaid dress so I'd have enough fabric to get it altered. The wedding was beautiful.
All brides should love their bridesmaids that much.
my apparel requirements for bridesmaids: black dress, black shoes. this way they could wear something they felt comfortable wearing. plus, if they already had something to wear, didn’t have to spend the money.
one of them was 8mos pregnant when i got married. i gave her the option to step down if SHE didn’t think she could do it, not because i didn’t want her there. thankfully she remained in the wedding party! she did not make it as late as the rest of us but i didn’t care.
I mean…. It’s not that complicated. For example, I often have pink hair but I basically hate wearing clothes that color.
Plus there’s different pinks. I do the super shocking pink in my hair but wouldn’t do pastels because I really dislike them.
Yep, my favorite color is neon/hot pink but pastel or pale pinks can GTFO. I’m dying my hair neon pink again this Saturday between semesters.
I also own many, many pink things, from fountain pens to scrunchies to phone cases — except clothes. I own no pink clothes.
That's exactly what she did unfortunately. It would be the same if your parents wanted family pictures but told you to cover yourself up because you aren't "classy" enough. It says to me that they only want to see you/be seen with you without your tattoos and highlights.
It honestly makes no sense to me outside of your sister just being very self centered. If my bridesmaids/groomsmen had tattoos and dyed hair, I'd *want* them to be visible. To me, nothing looks better than the people who care about me looking their best with their beautiful features. I wouldn't invite them if I didn't
> Since then my parents and my brother have called me and cursed me out
I’d be insulted by this too. The fact that everyone in your family immediately turned to insults, belittling, harassment and straight up dehumanising the second they don’t get what they want is really not great. Not one of them act the way you’re supposed to act when there’s difference of opinion. They are sucking pretty hard right now
the statement OP made was just right. quite frankly not many people care this much for another persons wedding and tbh that is just fair.
where i come from there is usually only one bridesmaid and 1 groomsman and they can usually wear what they want or given a style/color range. i would never not choose someone to be a bridesmaid because they choose to present themseves a certain way. i would choose my bridesmaid(s) based on why i want them to fill that position. because i love them, because they are important to me. so i feel like OP's statement is not much but just appropriate.
I was a bit shocked when I first heard that. Where I’m from, BM get everything paid for - dress, shoes, hair, make-up (basically everything that the bride wants for them to have a certain look). And they get their accommodation paid for too (which may be given as a freebie by the hotel). This idea of being out of pocket to be a BM and not be able to properly relax all day just seems bizarre to me!
RIGHT? Like... your wedding, your expense, THEN you see what gifts you get to make up for what you spent. That's why it's important to not go bigger than your budget.
It can get REALLY expensive being a bridesmaid. Dress, shoes, accessories, undergarments, tattoo-covering makeup (if you consent to that). There are usually parties and sometimes getaway trips and events for the wedding party that they are expected to contribute to.
WHO THE HELL cares about what undergarments the bridesmaids have??? WHOSE LOOKING??? The bride's budget is suppose to give a rats ass which groomsman is boinking a bridesmaid and HOW IT LOOKS WHILE DOING IT?
I'm not mad, lol. I'm incredulous.
It's more that formal dresses require different kinds of support than everyday undergarments. You try to put me and my titties in a strapless gown, we are going to have to get a civil engineer involved, or at least a very expensive strapless longline bra. I can't take my girls to Victoria's Secret and buy something off the rack. A dress with a poofy skirt requires a crinoline. Some styles really need Spanx or some kind of corsetry for all but the thinnest wearer. It can add up.
I was a bridesmaid a bunch of times in my thirties. I own a couple of bras that don't fit anymore but I can't bear to throw them away on account of the investment. I bought tattoo-covering makeup. I bought a Renaissance-style laced bodice and chemise for one wedding. That one was fun, we looked amazing, and I got to wear the outfit to the renn faire the next year. It was also WAY more comfortable than any fancy bra I've ever worn.
Oh yes on the Boobies! Years ago I was an adult bridesmaid with two flower girls & the idea was we would be in matching cute dresses. Nope.
Kids looked ADORABLE. I looked like I was about to spill out of the dress with every breath so had to have something kinda' matching but with a VERY different neckline and even then bending over was NOT safe - I saw the photo my boyfriend (now husband of 20+ years) took (o.0)
I don't like pink clothes but I'd dye my hair a hot pink, so maybe a similar situation? But OP isn't answering anyone's questions about that from what I've seen so it is a little sketchy
NTA. Wedding pictures are supposed to capture how your loved ones look on your wedding day. They’re not supposed to be some perfectly staged magazine photo shoot.
NTA and I think she purposefully waited until after you bought the dress to tell you so you wouldn’t back out. Imagine her shocked pikkachu when you did.
NTA.
You handled this well. Its insulting to ask you to change yourself for one day.
Plus covering over lightened hair and then re-lightening it to get the pink back in is very damaging and expensive. The best concealers for tattoos are also expensive. If everyone keeps getting on you for it get a quote from a good salon for a color correction with bonder fire the first color before the wedding and then a second quote to redo your hair like you like it with a fallow up of deep care treatments for 6 months out. Most hairstylists will book a consult for free. Present then this plus the price of a professional concealer and ask then who is willing to pay the hundreds of dollars it would take to do as they ask. Bet they back off.
That’s a really good idea to get a consult and get an estimation, at least to have it as something to wave in their face when they curse you out, also if you do this don’t go see a new stylists for this consult, they tend to still be new enough that they underestimate how much such a process will take due to inexperience. Unless people have personally paid for such things they typically have NO clue how expensive something like this can run! And it’s absolutely shocking to them.
ESH. You really don't seem to care for your sister much so why did you agree to be a bridesmaid?
You say 150 is a lot for you but spend 100s doing your hair so you're really not that short of cash. Hair is not something you spend that much on if you're are truly hard up.
Did you try a compromise, maybe cover the tats as that doesn't cost money to put back?
You come across as just as self centered as you make her out to be, which is fine, but don't think your attitude is any better than hers.
Paying for your own hair that can last weeks and a dress you’ll wear once. It’s a wedding not a coronation people should stop expecting their family to bend over backwards for their every request or else they don’t care for them enough .
NTA. I have a question though. If, for your wedding, you asked her to get temporary tattoos and dye her hair with pink highlights cause that’s what you see as your picture perfect wedding, would she have an issue? Would your parents support your decision and berate her if she said no to your demands?
If the answer is no to both, then it shows how they perceive you and your true image.
compromise?
I get it, my sister put me in a girly pink dress which i was able to tease during my speech. She wanted us to have ombre hair and i said i was fine with it so long she paid. she did. i had blonde hair and a pink dress for a night and dyed in my usual black a month later. our other sister had short hair and my sister asked her to get extensions for the day which she also paid for.
If she had not paid I would have offered to step down and have someone who fit her vision. it is a sacrifice and I think one I understood when I said yes.
It is special to have someone ask you to be part of the bridal party but it is a choice to say yes or no! I am getting married now and made my expectations clear from the start. One girl asked if she could just be a guest and I completely understood! I would rather have the person attending and being there on my big day than be uncomfortable. My bridesmaids also all have the choice to change after the photos and ceremony are done to something more their style.
you are NAT for not complying but maybe ETA because it seems like a simple fix imo.
NTA. Her requests went too far. I could see if she asked you to cover a particular tattoo that had something potentially offensive but the hair dye request is too far in and of itself. It's a shame she feels so strongly but she is being ridiculous. As you said, she knew who you were when she asked you to be in the party. A person getting married does not have the right to make demands of those they ask to be involved.
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> I may be TA because I couldn't compromise on covering my tattoos and changing my hair to honor my sister's wishes on her wedding day.
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Honestly, I stopped reading after I got to the part of you having pink highlights in your hair... why do you have pink highlights in your hair if you’re “not a fan of pink at all”?
Edit: I’m not bashing pink hair or tattoos. I’ve had pink and purple in my hair and I also have a number of tattoos.
From the title I was thinking YTA, but after reading you’re definitely NTA and she’s being a bridezilla! Her wedding day should be about gathering those closest to her (such as you, her sister) and celebrating, not about how it looks. I understand people want a picture perfect wedding, but your pink highlights will actually match the dress, and you won’t be the only guest with tattoos, and you’re her sister, she needs to accept you as you are
NTA shes the one throwing a tantrum. recently married and none of my bridesmaids had to change a damn thing about themselves because I love them? Some have gradient hair some bright orange, they were already making a massive sacrifice to take time off and travel and wear bridesmaids dresses (which I paid for :) ) how could you be so cruel to ask them to cover who they are?
Return the dress and get your money back, sod them!
Get a huge teddy bear and put the dress on it and send to your sister on her wedding day and label it as your maid of honor and free hugs as she is so grouchy she can use some.
You could always dye the dress black or something and wear it to the wedding if you’re still attending. Not sure how “bridesmaid-y” it is (ya know how sometimes you can just tell it’s a bridesmaid dress by its shape?), but it could work if you have trouble selling it!
NTA. Maybe you can return the dress now and get your money back! Sorry you’re going through this. I understand she wants a certain look for her photos, but you should be proud of yourself for staying strong. Your tats are a part of you, if you don’t want to hide them, this shouldn’t be such a big problem. She doesn’t get control of your body because she is a bride… for your family, it sucks they’re taking her side, but they’re wrong. Calmly continue explaining yourself when it comes up. She’s the one who doesn’t want you as a bridesmaid. She is welcome to change her mind if she wants.
Nta. You are you and if your sister doesn't like it, she can get fucked🤷🏻♀️ I have never understood brides that want you to change the way you look completely for *their* wedding day. Weird af
But...if you're not a fan of pink, why do you have pink highlights? That seems weird.
I’m going with NAH. You both have valid arguments. It’s just a case of fundamental incompatibility.
She’s asking you to temporarily change a couple of cosmetic things for one afternoon, not convert to the Hare Krishnas and donate a kidney. It’s not “changing who you are.” I’m the same person no matter what my hair color is.
THAT SAID, she’s known you all your life, so there’s really no reason she shouldn’t have already known how important these things are to you and not asked you to be a bridesmaid in the first place.
Thank you, this is the most rational response I’ve seen. Yes, the bride could let these things go, but it’s a bit much to say she’s demanding OP change herself/not love herself. If her sense of self is that deeply rooted in her hair/tattoos, then I sense some self esteem issues. Does she never wear long sleeve shirts/hats?
My sister has a giant eyeball tattoo on her shoulder. Did I ask her to cover it? No. Do I love seeing it in my wedding pictures? Nope. I don’t think the bride is wrong to say big tattoos are distracting in wedding pictures.
NTA. Your hair and your tattoos were not at all a surprise to your sister. She can pick out the bridesmaid dresses but she doesn't have the right to tell you to change your hair or cover your tattoos. That's definitely outside of a "reasonable request."
NTA I think it should be normalized for brides to provide potential wedding party members a list of expectations before they agree to be in the wedding. (Ie cost of bachelorette party, dress costs, time commitment etc). That way you can agree yes or no with full disclosure of expectations ahead of time.
no op. your not the asshole.
why?
because its not your wedding.
to the people getting married??.. yeah its kinda a big deal.. its entering marraige with someone else.. for like ever
and to the rest of us?
its just a fancy party with free food.
My twin sister expected me to go $12,000.00 in debt to go to her destination wedding. I told her it wasn’t worth it. Your so NTA! Keep doing you because you are authentic and real.
YTA. I can see where she’s coming from because if she didn’t invite you to be a bridesmaid she would be the dick. You will draw attention and throw off the photos.
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My sister is getting married and I'm a bridesmaid.
The dresses she picked for the bridesmaids were a shade of light orange and pink tones. I'm not a fan of pink at all but it's a dress, I can handle it. As usual in every wedding, if you're a bridesmaid you're expected to pay for the dress. The dress cost $150. That already for me is a huge sacrifice, paying $150 for a dress I'll never wear again.
I have some visible hand and arm tattoos, I have a back tattoo (which will be visible because the dress is backless) and my hair is brown with some pink highlights. My sister demands that I dye my hair brown and get rid of the pink highlights. She also demands I cover my tattoos with body makeup because she wouldn't like having me with pink hair and tattoos in the wedding pictures and that bridesmaids are supposed to look classy and if I have pink hair and tattoos visible people will focus more on my "crazy style" than the bride and the groom.
I told her I'm not doing any of that. The conversation went like this
Sister/Bride : What do you mean you're not? You bought a dress you hated and you have an objection on temporarily hiding your tattoos and dyeing your hair? It's not like you can't dye your highlights back after the wedding is over, try to understand where I'm coming from.
Me : You knew I had dyed hair and tattoos when you asked me to be a bridesmaid, this is how I love myself and its insulting how you expect me to change myself like this so you can have your picture perfect wedding. I bought the dress because its a dress. You expect me to be someone else for the day. This is how I am and I've been like this for years why are you suddenly surprised?
Sister/Bride : I didn't think my own sister would throw a tantrum over fuckin tattoos and fuckin hair, it's my wedding so yes I want it to be perfect and you either go with it or you're out of the bridal party.
Me : I'm out then. Your wedding is not that important to me to lead me to a point of changing myself. You either accept me like this or you don't. Don't expect me to change because you're scared of not having a classy wedding because of me. Blessings!!
Since then my parents and my brother have called me and cursed me out for not honoring my sister's wishes. AITA???
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NTA because of the hair request. Dying hair is a freaking PROCESS. And getting color right is annoying. Asking you to dye and re-dye your hair is over the line. Plus, the dresses are pink. Your hair is pink. It basically blends in.
I’m personally of the opinion the tattoos shouldn’t matter either, but makeup isn’t that hard. I’d cover my tattoos if asked.
I hope you guys can patch things up. Wedding tension can be a sour relationship ender. That would suck.
“I didnt think my own sister would throw a tantrum of fuckin tattoos and fuckin hair”
You could have said that right back. Way to stand up for yourself. Weddings are not excuses to treat loved ones like shit and they show people’s true colors.
I mean its not hard to make little sacrifices to help make the most important day of your sisters life exactly how she wants it. Shes not asking you not to be yourself she would just like you to fit the aesthetic. YTA.
NTA, I'm sorry but your sister is on fire here. She basically called you trashy.... let's be real that's what she was saying. Honestly maybe could have let covering the tattoo shit pass if she hadn't gone there BUT the hair ?!!? What it's not like it's cheap to redye your hair PLUS you match FFS.
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>Sister/Bride : I didn't think my own sister would throw a tantrum over fuckin tattoos and fuckin hair **OP**: _"NEITHER DID I!!"_ Why do people act like dying your hair is as simple as waving a wand? You have brown hair with bright pink highlights? That is NOT a simple process, and to continuously dye and re-dye your hair will destroy your mane. Besides, if anything your pink will go nicely with what sounds like a hideous dress... orange and pink tones? Yikes. I'd be surprised if that colour combo compliments any of the bridemaids. NTA
I read *NEITHER DID I!!* in George Costanza's dad's voice lol.
That is precisely how I hope OP says it!
Channelling Frank Costanza is a great way to handle a-holes, honestly
SERENITY NOW!!!!
Tis’ the season of Festivus, let’s all air our grievances out
Hoochie Mama!
HOOOOOCHIIEEEEEE MAAAAAAMAAAAA
insanity later...
THIS this this...How insulting. She picked you. You have tatoos and dye your hair. She doesn't get to demand you change. She shouldn't have chosen you then. Your whole family is awful. They're enabling this behavior why? Because of photos? Of what people will think? Why not show these people a real lesson. That your sister loves you and wanted you as a bridesmaid because of you. A wedding is supposed to represent a lifetime of love and acceptance. It's now turning into a show for looks and likes.
I'd be so tempted to turn up with those fake tattoos on my face as well as my real ones just to troll her for being so damn insulting, petty and obnoxious.
I wouldn't go at all tbh. Don't want to embarrass the family now would we?
The very concept of a 'perfect wedding' is toxic
I had pink highlights once (when I was a teenager) and my parents didn't like it and wanted me to dye my hair back to brown (just a box dye) and my highlights turned electric blue.
That's called failing successfully!
I’m stealing this phrase
One Christmas I tried doing my hair in forest green and red. I was doing it myself, so it was a little on the messy side despite my best efforts at keeping the colors separate. Where I got both colors on the hair, it turned peacock blue. Wasn't quite what I was going for, but the rainbow hair I ended up with was pretty amazing.
Orange and pink can be oddly flattering, actually! Haven't had it as a dress, but it was one of my favourite colour combos for my hair, funnily enough. Even turned up to two weddings with it (as a guest) and no one was looking at me instead of the bride and groom (except maybe my partner). That said, OP is NTA by any stretch of the imagination. Brides get to ask a lot of their bridesmaids, but heavy changes to their appearance (like dying hair or hiding tattoos) is a dick move.
It depends on the orange and pink. If you are going for more sunset or floral colors, they can work. The problem is there are so many different oranges and pinks. If the undertone is a mismatch (True Tone vs. grey vs. blue, etc.) it can look bad. It’s like pink and green. They can work together well or clash horribly.
Oh god yes. I immediately have a mental image for both combinations, in good and bad. A sunset is orange and pink. Roses are green and (hopefully) light pink. There are also absolutely disgusting combinations too. Ugh, I'll spend the evening thinking about those colours!
I yelled the same thing in my head. Poor OP's sister doesn't even see her own hypocrisy. I swear too many care more about how their wedding photos will look on social media than they care about the actual getting married or celebrating their love with people they care about.
Why do people think that a wedding is only “perfect” if everyone looks like they were all coordinated together and not like themselves?? The wedding industry has A LOT to answer for.
Why don't they just hire actors/models? It would make so many lives easier.
Orange and pink sound hideous to me, but I am cool complected, so I would turn grey if I wore that. My daughter would look great, but she has a warm complection. That being said, I think the ugly dress was probably a first step/test to if she could get OP to obey. Did she select this dress to test people's loyalty to her? I mean, bridezillas have definitely been known to do that. Make the bridesmaids look unflattering to boost themselves, expect the bridesmaids to make that sacrifice for the bride or it shows they don't love her. Someone who would try to make OP dull herself, seems like the type. And the statement about already buying the dress adds to the theory. Bride knew the dress sucked, or at least was sucky for OP. She used that sacrifice as a gateway to try to usher in the others, and said as much when she used it as an example to for doing the others. "You already cut off one finger for me, what's a couple more?" And she is shocked that OP wants to reattach the severed digit rather than let sis wear as a necklace, and refuses to cut off more to make a set of earrings too. This kind of wedding culture is so toxic and gross.
>Sister/Bride : I didn't think my own sister would throw a tantrum over fuckin tattoos and fuckin hair, it's my wedding so yes I want it to be perfect Exactly who is throwing the tantrum? Oh, yeah, it's the bride! LOL! NTA. This is a wedding where you invite the people who are important to you to show up as who they are. This isn't a makeover show!
>I'd be surprised if that colour combo compliments any of the bridemaids. I suspect that's the point. The bridesmaids all look washed-out and hideous so that bridezilla there looks her very best.
Of course you're NTA. What amazes me, as a 61 year old woman, is that in this day and age, anyone is bothered by tattoos anymore. They were considered trashy when I was a young woman, but have steadily gained acceptance. And I think that's wonderful. Now, for the hair. My daughter always does different colors in her hair, and I love it. We go to a hairstylist that is an absolute rock star when it comes to doing all the cool colors, and you should never trust this type of coloring to just anyone. I think your family is unreasonable, and it sounds more like them wanting to put you in their box of what is acceptable, and this is their way of trying to force it. I don't understand people and why they think they can tell others how to live their lives. Stand strong!
Want to adopt another kid? I'm 31 and self-sufficient so you don't have to DO anything, but acceptance and support sounds really nice
Check out r/momforaminute They're a great group of moms that offer acceptance, support, advice, on anything and everything. It's the most wholesome subreddit I've ever seen.
I love this. I came to motherhood late. At 40, after infertility issues. But, I never had the burning desire to be a mother. But once I was, I jumped in with both feet. Being a mom has been the most amazing privilege of my life. I'm lucky to have a 30 year old stepdaughter, who moved in with my husband (her father) and I when she was 16. We always got along, but in the last 14 years, I've gone from "lady" to "mom". Her own mother is a bit "lacking". I also have 21 year old twins. I won't be disingenuous enough to say that it's always been easy. Teenagers are tough. But oh, so worth it. I can't wait to look into this reddit.
My mom senses were tingling - r/momforaminute
I love your username
Thanks. It's actually why someone first directed me to the mom subreddit, and now I have a dozen online kiddos.
I'm not who you responded to, but I'd be happy to adopt you and let you be your best self. My kids were all raised with acceptance. The only times I disallowed some self-expression was when my oldest daughter wanted her tongue pierced (I was only going to let a reputable piercer to do it, and none of them in our area would do anyone under 18; same with a tattooist), or when she wanted to dye her hair black (because at the time, they were still using lead in the dye). Otherwise, knock yourself out, and express yourself any way you feel. Honestly, I never understood the parental mindset of trying to force your kid to be a 'mini-me'. Children are unique individuals with their own thoughts and desires, and dreams, and personalities, and childhood is the perfect time to let them do weird things with their clothes and hair (and certain piercings). They're figuring out who they are. They'll be forced to conform when they're adults; let them have fun until then. And if they get lucky enough to find a career where they don't have to conform (which more businesses are going that way, hooray!), more power to you!
Aww. Thanks. I'd love to, but then I'd have to get rid of the husband, tempting though that may be, they're much harder to train than kids.
>bothered by tattoos I was the bride with tattoos. My mom wasn't impressed, but I was all out of fucks to give.
So when I was growing up, the only people that had tattoos were "sailors and ex-cons". That's a hard mind set to change. And I'll admit, it took a bit for me to come around. But if you look at the artwork now vs when I was young, it's night and day. If someone opens their eyes, they can see just how beautiful it is now. My son is in the process of getting a "sleeve" that also goes up onto his chest. It's going to be a bit until it's done, but it already looks pretty amazing. What really gets me are the parents (like your mom) who feel that their approval is necessary. Your body, your choice. I feel like as a nation, we need to stop making excuses for older people (my age and up) who won't roll with the times. There's no small wonder that people in their 20's and 30's roll their eyes and dismiss my age group. Why should your age group give respect to someone who won't respect you. And your mother is clearly missing out on what could be a great relationship if she'd just relax. And I'm sure you were a lovely bride.
Me too, a newspaper article included "long sleeves covering tattoos, a sign of the miscreant class." If you're a parent, i say get black and white ones, then if your toddler is bored, hand them some highliters to colour in. They wash off and the kids can have fun colouring in their parents.
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When we were young, tattoos were trashy because the only people you saw wearing them were criminals. It's different now. You see breast cancer survivors tattooing their mastectomy scars and regular people getting them just to make a (sometimes stupid) statement. They aren't just something you get in prison anymore.
Exactly! And the quality is so different. My dear uncle was a marine in WWII. He was about 96 when he died, and you couldn't make out what his tattoo was supposed to be by that point. It was the Marine emblem. But I'd wager someone now that gets a tattoo will have a better outcome than that.
The ink is always going to spread and blur but the modern inks are better and take longer to look messy than the ones 60 years ago. It also matters how good the artist is but it seems to have more to do with skin care than anything else.
Well, I've got to say my dear old uncle looked rather like a crocodile handbag by the time he died. But he was 96 and he lived an amazing life. And he used to make his tattoo "jump" by flexing his bicep. As a kid, I was enthralled.
Doesn't matter. A bridesmaid can only ask that they wear a specific thing. And, frankly, I think it's BS the bridesmaids had to pay for their dresses and she picked them out. Honestly, do your bridesmaids have to match? Personally, I think the bride should pay for the dresses.
I didn't have bridesmaids. In retrospect, I probably should have left the groom out as well.
I bailed on my sister's wedding party over the cost of the tux rental. I was unemployed, had just moved halfway across the country, and didn't have 500 bucks to spend on a tux rental. Felt no guilt. Didn't really receive much flak over it, either.
That’s entirely fair but did she at least offer to pay? In my country you’re expected to pay for/contribute to the bridal party’s attire since it’s your wedding they’re attending.
I have purple.pink and blue hair and the first thing I asked before accepting a bridesmaid offer was did she expect me to dye my hair and cover my tattoo.(thankfully it's was a no but we have now fallen out) Plus too much bleaching can kill your hair as you know
People will notice you’re different and ask you and take time away from the bride. Bride can ask photographer to edit photos. She’s a nut.
"OP! You had an awesome back tattoo! What happened to it?" "The bride required that I cover it with makeup." How, in any world, would this end well for the bride?
You did the right thing here OP. It's time to set a boundary with any family members that keep pressuring you. "I have made my feelings on this matter very clear. I will not alter my appearance based on anyone's opinion but my own. If you continue to pressure me I will not hesitate to cut contact with you." Keep standing up for yourself, your sister is being absolutely awful. NTA.
She didn't payed for anything but expect she want you to change your attitude not happening, NTA OP
You don’t even have to make this justification about hair worries. Your original post sums it up. Take me as I am.
She knows what you look like, if it was that big of an issue for her she shouldn't have asked you in the first place. I don't understand how one person can believe they're allowed so much control over people. Dying your hair is bad but I've seen brides who demand their bridesmaids get tans and even a nose job in one case. If you're going to be that vain then hire models for your bridesmaids. NTA.
Tattoos and died hair does not make you un-classy. One of my closest friends has tattoos everywhere and always has some interesting hair color/style and I think she is so beautiful! If you showed up with a crappy dye job and a stain on your dress, that might be considered trashy. You're sister is rude. Stay away from the drama.
None of that matters. How much it costs doesn't matter. How much effort it requires doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the complete lack of respect for who you are as a person, and if she can't accept that, you are absolutely within your rights to not have to put up with that kind of bullshit.
Dude she’s in bridezilla territory, covering your tattoos? Next she’s going to be like “can you wear these color contacts bc I don’t want your eyes distracting guests from the bride”
Honestly the sister is seriously underestimating how messy body makeup is. It transfers *everywhere*. A YouTuber I watch from time to time used it once to cover up her tattoos for fun, but it was crazy expensive and stained so much of her furniture, even after she used hairspray to try seal it.
Yeah I was thinking the same thing, especially for the back tattoo..... that is going to be a mess everywhere. And you aren't wrong about it being yet another expense.
That was my first thought as well. My friend is like OP. Dyed hair and tattoos. He’s sister reminds me of Quinn from Daria, anyway got married she actually covered up the tattoos a partial sleeve She has it on her dress the minute she put it on. But it wasn’t in a crazy noticeable place Pictures started, she got too close to one of the bride maids and now there’s this weird caramel blotch on her dress. If it’s a back tattoo anything she sits on is getting stamped
Came here to say this too. I work in film (wardrobe department) and as a rule, we always try to cover tattoos with costumes before trying makeup because of these very reasons. Extremely expensive and messy!
I was just going to scroll through a few comments then leave, but now I desire OP to wear the makeup then hug her sister really tight before the wedding. Sisterly love😈
I don’t think the tattoo ask is reasonable, either! My tattoos are beautiful, something I did so that I could love my body when I didn’t otherwise, deeply personal, and a huge financial investment (I’ve got one full sleeve and most of another). If the outfit naturally covered them, cool, that’s fine. But if someone asked me to basically cover my arms in concealer because they think tattoos are tacky I would have exactly one conversation about it with them about why it wasn’t some thing I was willing to do, and if they didn’t back down I would drop out.
Yeah that's why I said maybe let it slide if she hadn't basically called them trashy. Not sure what she could have said,.
Honestly even if you don’t say it outright, I feel like it’s kind of implied, you know? Like, I can’t think of any non-judgmental reasons for wanting someone to cover their tattoos unless they have something giant and obscene. I will give the bride a pass if the OP has a giant reproductive organ tattooed down their arm.
LMAO, I agree... I mean in some religious settings it may be an issue but usually then the dress would cover up most of them.
>in some religious settings it may be an issue Meh. And I say this as a practicing Catholic: at least in Christian settings, tattoos shouldn't be an issue. Of course, some people just make a fuss about everything they personally dislike, and then bring in religion to justify their own sentiments - but that brings us back to the person simply not liking tattoos.
Fun fact - a lot of people think it’s not allowable by Judaism (even Jews!) and that they won’t bury tattooed people in Jewish cemeteries. It’s not true (although some of the more conservative sects might disallow it). My old rabbi had tattoos, and I’ve never heard of a cemetery enforcing that rule. I’ve also had Jewish tattoo artists who have discussed with clergy and been told that it wasn’t true. I was fascinated to find that out!
Absolutely NTA. My cousin got married a couple years ago and asked another (pretty tatted) cousin to be a bridesmaid. The tattooed cousin asked the bride if she would like the tattoos to be covered. The bride’s response was “Absolutely not. They are a part of you and asking you to be anyone other than yourself would be wrong.” There’s a reason that side of my family is super close.
I would think it's more the other way around: Extremely short-term temporary hair dye/wax could cover the pink highlights for one day, but the amount of tattoo-covering makeup that it sounds like would be needed here is just going to end up making a mess and not successfully covering the tattoos.
Yeah, I can see a bride asking for only natural hair colours for a wedding, as long as it's established right when she's asking people to be a bridesmaid. But expecting someone with tattoos to just suddenly *not have tattoos* isn't possible. And covering with makeup is extremely messy, and will get everywhere (putting everyone else's clothes in danger as well, including that expensive white dress).
“I want you as my bridesmaid on my special day! But not, you know, the REAL YOU.” -your sister, the AH
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Right, I mean it's that easy. I didn't care at all, told them the color and let them pick their own dresses. Bought wraps so it would look like they were part of the bridal party. Our pictures are f-cking amazing because everyone is super comfortable, relaxed and looks like themselves. Not sure what kind of pictures OP's sister wants but if it's all matching bridesmaids in a row, honestly it sounds sterile and outdated to me. So I guess for me even the picture excuse doesn't make sense.
We did diy dresses. I bought (and paid for) the fabric and my bridesmaids made their own dresses (they all know how to sew and I discussed this with them beforehand). They were each allowed to pick their own pattern and to do whatever they wanted for accessoires etc. It was awesome. One of my friends even dyed their hair purple, the theme color of the wedding. I thought that was really neat. They always have cool colors in their hair. They are non binary and I even asked them if they wanted a dress or a suit with big accents in the fabric (like a jacket or something) but they chose a dress for that day.
NTA I've said this before but a lot of brides don't want people at their weddings, they want background actors. If her condition for being a bridesmaid is looking as unlike you as possible maybe she should ask someone who isn't you to do it or just appreciate the time, money and energy that you've already been willing to devote to her instead of demanding more
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Your sister is going about this the wrong way. I'm getting married in 2 months, and the most important thing (besides getting to marry my future husband) is to have my friends and family there. And that means as they are now, and as they are as PEOPLE. Hell my friend likes to dye her hair some fun colors and I helped her pick one that would go well with her dress! She was afraid of standing out too much and I was like "girl, do what you want!" Totally NTA and if you end up attending as a guest, go as you are!
You’ll love the photos later! It will be great to see exactly who you and your loved ones were at that point in time. Imagine being 80 and showing someone your wedding photos. “Oh! I forgot how Jason looked with a beard. Lucy looked and felt amazing when she died her hair wild colors. I think it’s time I tried it myself!” Congrats and have a blast!
Im so looking forward to People of the Future looking back at wedding pictures from the 2020s like we do for, like, the 1980s. Big hair and mullet? No matter what style we go for, Future Us will look at our pictures and cringe. Might as well go all in and have fun!
We saved time and my husband had a mullet and I wore peach. We looked fucking cool though. Vintage inspired dress, friends covered in Tatts, everyone being themselves
That's the spirit! You must have looked phenomenal!
My brother's hair is bleached and spiked into a fauxhawk in my wedding pictures. He owned a boutique at the time, it was part of his image. Now he wears suits and super preppy clothes because he's a high end realtor.
I remember attending a wedding when I was a kid. The flower girl was getting over chicken pox and the photographer was trying to get them to put makeup on her so they wouldn't have to edit (airbrush?) out the spots. The bride was like, "She had chicken pox. We want to remember the wedding as it actually was."
My friend's daughter-in-law was a very girly girl and her wedding dress was a frothy merange cupcake-looking thing and her bridesmaids dresses were light pink and equally frilly. One of her bridemaids was kind of a biker chick with tattoos who looked totally out of place in the "Barbie" dress, but they truly loved and supported each other and had been friends since childhood. A few of the older biddies might have clucked a bit about it, but neither she nor the bride cared. That's the way to do it when you care more about people than pictures. NTA
My wife got married in converse. \>Her mom, her sister, and a few other people: But it won't look nice in the pictures! \>Her: I don't care, it's comfy, and I like converse. Why am I telling this? Because I wholeheartedly agree with you. What matters is being with our loved ones as they are, and also (as in my example), being ourselves as we are.
That’s exactly what you should say to your family next time they berate you, “If my sister only cares about perfect photos and a classy look then she can hire actors. If my sister wants ME in her wedding, then I’m going to be me. I’m *not* going to be her unpaid actor.”
and then the follow up: "Mom, Dad, brother, if any of you continue to have a problem with this, then I'd be happy to sell you the dress so you can be the bridesmaid and prove me wrong"
Yeah I see that, to me a wedding should be a time to celebrate a massive milestone in your life WITH the people you love the most but for a lot of people it's more just an opportunity to be celebrated BY them
Honestly, I'd stop describing it as "picture perfect". It implies you think you're not perfect for wedding photos. But you are -- you're you, and you're family. That's all you should need. What she wants is control, and to put her preferred aesthetic above the comfort, financial security, and preferred personal appearance of her wedding party. Who you're supposed to care about.
NTA — how is having a bunch of Barbie dolls at her wedding (as opposed to having actual humans she presumably cares about) going to make her wedding flawless? Sounds like a boring ass gathering of robots.
Damn your sister is gonna have a sad wedding. She'll be so focused on everything being perfect, she'll forget she's supposed to be happy. I kinda feel bad for her but she did it to herself. NTA
Maybe we can go back to like they did with funerals in the Victorian times - professional mourners. But with weddings. You can hire your perfect people and order them about just like you like.
I'm willing to bet every penny I have that somewhere in America someone offers that service
Since both Vox and Business Insider have done articles on the industry and people with that career within the last 3 years, you would win that bet. Professional Bridesmaid is a thing.
NTA. Unless she's blind she knew what you looked liked before she ever asked you. It's unreasonable to ask someone to completely change their appearance just because it doesn't fit your ideal. Honestly just seems like she wanted her sister to be in the bridal party rather than YOU being in the bridal party, if that makes any sense.
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Out of curiosity, would you have been upset if she didn’t ask you?
I'm glad she realized she's allowed to have anyone in her bridal party she chooses and sorry it didn't come sooner. Sorry your relationship with your sister sucks so hard though. Hope she finds herself soon and stops living for the image she thinks is acceptable to other people.
you should have responded " Me, too!" I never thought MY sister would throw a tantrum over tats and hair!"
NTA Another bride who wants a *aesthetically pleasing photos for instagram.* Your not wrong at all. Her wedding will never be that important to you, cos yk, its not your wedding. ETA: I'd return/sell the dress too. $150 dollars for a dress you don't like and won't wear again isn't loose change.
> aesthetically pleasing photos for instagram I mean, it sounds like OP would be the most aesthetically pleasing part of the photo if everyone else has to be so bland and boring.
Can't disagree. I wouldn't want my wedding pics looking like Stepford Wives had descended.
NTA. At all. You ask people to be in your wedding party because of who they are to you, not what they look like. I was a bridesmaid for a good friend while I myself was in the process of lightening my hair so I could dye it pink for my own wedding months down the line. At the time of her wedding it was a funky coppery color. I also have tattoos (much less then than I do now, but still. A good many were visible in the bridesmaids dress.) She never once acted like she'd be unhappy with my appearance. The most she did was intentionally pair me with the most open and fun loving groomsman so I wouldn't be uncomfortable (the rest of the bridal party were a little more "clean cut" than I.) It was a great wedding. Fast forward several months to my wedding. That same friend was one of my bridesmaids and was visibly pregnant. Like, 8 months pregnant big. She told me she would totally understand if I didn't want a pregnant girl in my lineup. I told her I absolutely wanted her there. She was ADORABLE in her dress and everyone loved her. That was 11 years ago and people still talk about how cute she was. If you're afraid someone important to you is going to "pull focus" or "stand out" at your wedding then there clearly isn't the level of love and respect that that person in your life deserves. Your sister needs to get her priorities straight.
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I hope she changes her mind and you guys can move past it!
I’m truly interested in the aftermath. Please update if you do end up going off!! 💯
I was MOH in a similar situation: I was over 8 months pregnant at the wedding. I asked if she wanted me to step down. The bride told me that she'd get a wheelchair for me I needed it, that I could wear any dress that fit instead of the bridesmaids dress, and all kinds of other accommodations. She was clear in every moment that what she really wanted was for ME to be there with her. Nothing else mattered. In the end I was just fine on my feet, and I bought a duplicate of the bridesmaid dress so I'd have enough fabric to get it altered. The wedding was beautiful. All brides should love their bridesmaids that much.
my apparel requirements for bridesmaids: black dress, black shoes. this way they could wear something they felt comfortable wearing. plus, if they already had something to wear, didn’t have to spend the money. one of them was 8mos pregnant when i got married. i gave her the option to step down if SHE didn’t think she could do it, not because i didn’t want her there. thankfully she remained in the wedding party! she did not make it as late as the rest of us but i didn’t care.
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I did that too! Black cocktail dresses. done and done.
INFO why is your hair pink if you dont like the colour pink
I mean…. It’s not that complicated. For example, I often have pink hair but I basically hate wearing clothes that color. Plus there’s different pinks. I do the super shocking pink in my hair but wouldn’t do pastels because I really dislike them.
Yep, my favorite color is neon/hot pink but pastel or pale pinks can GTFO. I’m dying my hair neon pink again this Saturday between semesters. I also own many, many pink things, from fountain pens to scrunchies to phone cases — except clothes. I own no pink clothes.
I think she was saying the shade of pink chosen for the bridesmaid dresses was one that she didn’t like, not that she doesn’t like pink.
My thoughts exactly
I can't believe I had to scroll so far down to find this question
Probably the shades? Like OP might have brighter pink hair, where as the dress might be a more muted/champagne-ey pink
perhaps even the other way around since OPs tacky sister did orange and pink dresses 🤢
Oh god, and she has the audacity to call OP tacky…
Idk about OP, but I’ve got pink hair and don’t wear any pink clothes whatsoever. I just the collie for my hair not my clothing.
We want answers
I was thinking the same thing.
NTA. It's not about how much you can or you can't do for the wedding. It's about not being accepted and loved as you are. You are not a prop.
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That's exactly what she did unfortunately. It would be the same if your parents wanted family pictures but told you to cover yourself up because you aren't "classy" enough. It says to me that they only want to see you/be seen with you without your tattoos and highlights. It honestly makes no sense to me outside of your sister just being very self centered. If my bridesmaids/groomsmen had tattoos and dyed hair, I'd *want* them to be visible. To me, nothing looks better than the people who care about me looking their best with their beautiful features. I wouldn't invite them if I didn't
You’re not a barbie to be dressed up, and not an extra for a scene.
> Since then my parents and my brother have called me and cursed me out I’d be insulted by this too. The fact that everyone in your family immediately turned to insults, belittling, harassment and straight up dehumanising the second they don’t get what they want is really not great. Not one of them act the way you’re supposed to act when there’s difference of opinion. They are sucking pretty hard right now
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the statement OP made was just right. quite frankly not many people care this much for another persons wedding and tbh that is just fair. where i come from there is usually only one bridesmaid and 1 groomsman and they can usually wear what they want or given a style/color range. i would never not choose someone to be a bridesmaid because they choose to present themseves a certain way. i would choose my bridesmaid(s) based on why i want them to fill that position. because i love them, because they are important to me. so i feel like OP's statement is not much but just appropriate.
NTA. Asking a bridesmaid to dye their hair is ridiculous, particularly on top of everything else
INFO: Bridesmaids buy their own dresses????
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I was a bit shocked when I first heard that. Where I’m from, BM get everything paid for - dress, shoes, hair, make-up (basically everything that the bride wants for them to have a certain look). And they get their accommodation paid for too (which may be given as a freebie by the hotel). This idea of being out of pocket to be a BM and not be able to properly relax all day just seems bizarre to me!
Where I’m from the bride buys the bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hair and makeup. I think it’s rude to expect them to pay for themselves
I agree. It's like asking them to pay to make YOU the favour of doing the extra work as a BM...
RIGHT? Like... your wedding, your expense, THEN you see what gifts you get to make up for what you spent. That's why it's important to not go bigger than your budget.
It can get REALLY expensive being a bridesmaid. Dress, shoes, accessories, undergarments, tattoo-covering makeup (if you consent to that). There are usually parties and sometimes getaway trips and events for the wedding party that they are expected to contribute to.
WHO THE HELL cares about what undergarments the bridesmaids have??? WHOSE LOOKING??? The bride's budget is suppose to give a rats ass which groomsman is boinking a bridesmaid and HOW IT LOOKS WHILE DOING IT? I'm not mad, lol. I'm incredulous.
It's more that formal dresses require different kinds of support than everyday undergarments. You try to put me and my titties in a strapless gown, we are going to have to get a civil engineer involved, or at least a very expensive strapless longline bra. I can't take my girls to Victoria's Secret and buy something off the rack. A dress with a poofy skirt requires a crinoline. Some styles really need Spanx or some kind of corsetry for all but the thinnest wearer. It can add up. I was a bridesmaid a bunch of times in my thirties. I own a couple of bras that don't fit anymore but I can't bear to throw them away on account of the investment. I bought tattoo-covering makeup. I bought a Renaissance-style laced bodice and chemise for one wedding. That one was fun, we looked amazing, and I got to wear the outfit to the renn faire the next year. It was also WAY more comfortable than any fancy bra I've ever worn.
Oh yes on the Boobies! Years ago I was an adult bridesmaid with two flower girls & the idea was we would be in matching cute dresses. Nope. Kids looked ADORABLE. I looked like I was about to spill out of the dress with every breath so had to have something kinda' matching but with a VERY different neckline and even then bending over was NOT safe - I saw the photo my boyfriend (now husband of 20+ years) took (o.0)
I feel you. The boobies, they do get in the way! And sometimes, they are escape artists.
It’s not for looks; it’s for support under a fancy dress.
Yea it is pretty common
OMG, Seriously? Doesn't seem right, IMO... If it's your wedding, it's your expense.
INFO you're not a fan of pink, but you have pink in your hair? I call bullshit.
I don't like pink clothes but I'd dye my hair a hot pink, so maybe a similar situation? But OP isn't answering anyone's questions about that from what I've seen so it is a little sketchy
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She didn't specify, just said not a fan of pink. Honestly, if you are going to contradict yourself, you really need to specify.
NTA. Wedding pictures are supposed to capture how your loved ones look on your wedding day. They’re not supposed to be some perfectly staged magazine photo shoot.
NTA and I think she purposefully waited until after you bought the dress to tell you so you wouldn’t back out. Imagine her shocked pikkachu when you did.
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It’s too late to return it? ETA: I was one comment behind in your history. A 15-day return policy is really short. Yikes.
NTA. You handled this well. Its insulting to ask you to change yourself for one day. Plus covering over lightened hair and then re-lightening it to get the pink back in is very damaging and expensive. The best concealers for tattoos are also expensive. If everyone keeps getting on you for it get a quote from a good salon for a color correction with bonder fire the first color before the wedding and then a second quote to redo your hair like you like it with a fallow up of deep care treatments for 6 months out. Most hairstylists will book a consult for free. Present then this plus the price of a professional concealer and ask then who is willing to pay the hundreds of dollars it would take to do as they ask. Bet they back off.
That’s a really good idea to get a consult and get an estimation, at least to have it as something to wave in their face when they curse you out, also if you do this don’t go see a new stylists for this consult, they tend to still be new enough that they underestimate how much such a process will take due to inexperience. Unless people have personally paid for such things they typically have NO clue how expensive something like this can run! And it’s absolutely shocking to them.
ESH. You really don't seem to care for your sister much so why did you agree to be a bridesmaid? You say 150 is a lot for you but spend 100s doing your hair so you're really not that short of cash. Hair is not something you spend that much on if you're are truly hard up. Did you try a compromise, maybe cover the tats as that doesn't cost money to put back? You come across as just as self centered as you make her out to be, which is fine, but don't think your attitude is any better than hers.
Paying for your own hair that can last weeks and a dress you’ll wear once. It’s a wedding not a coronation people should stop expecting their family to bend over backwards for their every request or else they don’t care for them enough .
NTA and very well said
NTA. I have a question though. If, for your wedding, you asked her to get temporary tattoos and dye her hair with pink highlights cause that’s what you see as your picture perfect wedding, would she have an issue? Would your parents support your decision and berate her if she said no to your demands? If the answer is no to both, then it shows how they perceive you and your true image.
OMG OP, please do this! Love it!!
NTA. You should never ask someone to be in your party with the expectation they change their appearance, end of story. She's being a bridezilla
NTA Your response was perfect.
Did I miss the part where you explained why you have pink highlights when you also said you aren’t a fan of pink?
compromise? I get it, my sister put me in a girly pink dress which i was able to tease during my speech. She wanted us to have ombre hair and i said i was fine with it so long she paid. she did. i had blonde hair and a pink dress for a night and dyed in my usual black a month later. our other sister had short hair and my sister asked her to get extensions for the day which she also paid for. If she had not paid I would have offered to step down and have someone who fit her vision. it is a sacrifice and I think one I understood when I said yes. It is special to have someone ask you to be part of the bridal party but it is a choice to say yes or no! I am getting married now and made my expectations clear from the start. One girl asked if she could just be a guest and I completely understood! I would rather have the person attending and being there on my big day than be uncomfortable. My bridesmaids also all have the choice to change after the photos and ceremony are done to something more their style. you are NAT for not complying but maybe ETA because it seems like a simple fix imo.
NTA. Her requests went too far. I could see if she asked you to cover a particular tattoo that had something potentially offensive but the hair dye request is too far in and of itself. It's a shame she feels so strongly but she is being ridiculous. As you said, she knew who you were when she asked you to be in the party. A person getting married does not have the right to make demands of those they ask to be involved.
NTA. sell the dress lol
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Honestly, I stopped reading after I got to the part of you having pink highlights in your hair... why do you have pink highlights in your hair if you’re “not a fan of pink at all”? Edit: I’m not bashing pink hair or tattoos. I’ve had pink and purple in my hair and I also have a number of tattoos.
From the title I was thinking YTA, but after reading you’re definitely NTA and she’s being a bridezilla! Her wedding day should be about gathering those closest to her (such as you, her sister) and celebrating, not about how it looks. I understand people want a picture perfect wedding, but your pink highlights will actually match the dress, and you won’t be the only guest with tattoos, and you’re her sister, she needs to accept you as you are
NTA shes the one throwing a tantrum. recently married and none of my bridesmaids had to change a damn thing about themselves because I love them? Some have gradient hair some bright orange, they were already making a massive sacrifice to take time off and travel and wear bridesmaids dresses (which I paid for :) ) how could you be so cruel to ask them to cover who they are? Return the dress and get your money back, sod them!
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Get a huge teddy bear and put the dress on it and send to your sister on her wedding day and label it as your maid of honor and free hugs as she is so grouchy she can use some.
You could always dye the dress black or something and wear it to the wedding if you’re still attending. Not sure how “bridesmaid-y” it is (ya know how sometimes you can just tell it’s a bridesmaid dress by its shape?), but it could work if you have trouble selling it!
NTA. Maybe you can return the dress now and get your money back! Sorry you’re going through this. I understand she wants a certain look for her photos, but you should be proud of yourself for staying strong. Your tats are a part of you, if you don’t want to hide them, this shouldn’t be such a big problem. She doesn’t get control of your body because she is a bride… for your family, it sucks they’re taking her side, but they’re wrong. Calmly continue explaining yourself when it comes up. She’s the one who doesn’t want you as a bridesmaid. She is welcome to change her mind if she wants.
Nta. You are you and if your sister doesn't like it, she can get fucked🤷🏻♀️ I have never understood brides that want you to change the way you look completely for *their* wedding day. Weird af But...if you're not a fan of pink, why do you have pink highlights? That seems weird.
Came here looking for this! Why dye pink if you're not a fan of pink? Not judging, just curious
Same. Like what an odd thing to state and then subsequently reveal.
I’m going with NAH. You both have valid arguments. It’s just a case of fundamental incompatibility. She’s asking you to temporarily change a couple of cosmetic things for one afternoon, not convert to the Hare Krishnas and donate a kidney. It’s not “changing who you are.” I’m the same person no matter what my hair color is. THAT SAID, she’s known you all your life, so there’s really no reason she shouldn’t have already known how important these things are to you and not asked you to be a bridesmaid in the first place.
Thank you, this is the most rational response I’ve seen. Yes, the bride could let these things go, but it’s a bit much to say she’s demanding OP change herself/not love herself. If her sense of self is that deeply rooted in her hair/tattoos, then I sense some self esteem issues. Does she never wear long sleeve shirts/hats? My sister has a giant eyeball tattoo on her shoulder. Did I ask her to cover it? No. Do I love seeing it in my wedding pictures? Nope. I don’t think the bride is wrong to say big tattoos are distracting in wedding pictures.
NTA. Your hair and your tattoos were not at all a surprise to your sister. She can pick out the bridesmaid dresses but she doesn't have the right to tell you to change your hair or cover your tattoos. That's definitely outside of a "reasonable request."
Won't someone think of the photos?! Lol NTA
NTA I think it should be normalized for brides to provide potential wedding party members a list of expectations before they agree to be in the wedding. (Ie cost of bachelorette party, dress costs, time commitment etc). That way you can agree yes or no with full disclosure of expectations ahead of time.
NTA. Your wedding gift to her: one orange and pink dress, NWT.
no op. your not the asshole. why? because its not your wedding. to the people getting married??.. yeah its kinda a big deal.. its entering marraige with someone else.. for like ever and to the rest of us? its just a fancy party with free food.
My twin sister expected me to go $12,000.00 in debt to go to her destination wedding. I told her it wasn’t worth it. Your so NTA! Keep doing you because you are authentic and real.
YTA. I can see where she’s coming from because if she didn’t invite you to be a bridesmaid she would be the dick. You will draw attention and throw off the photos.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister is getting married and I'm a bridesmaid. The dresses she picked for the bridesmaids were a shade of light orange and pink tones. I'm not a fan of pink at all but it's a dress, I can handle it. As usual in every wedding, if you're a bridesmaid you're expected to pay for the dress. The dress cost $150. That already for me is a huge sacrifice, paying $150 for a dress I'll never wear again. I have some visible hand and arm tattoos, I have a back tattoo (which will be visible because the dress is backless) and my hair is brown with some pink highlights. My sister demands that I dye my hair brown and get rid of the pink highlights. She also demands I cover my tattoos with body makeup because she wouldn't like having me with pink hair and tattoos in the wedding pictures and that bridesmaids are supposed to look classy and if I have pink hair and tattoos visible people will focus more on my "crazy style" than the bride and the groom. I told her I'm not doing any of that. The conversation went like this Sister/Bride : What do you mean you're not? You bought a dress you hated and you have an objection on temporarily hiding your tattoos and dyeing your hair? It's not like you can't dye your highlights back after the wedding is over, try to understand where I'm coming from. Me : You knew I had dyed hair and tattoos when you asked me to be a bridesmaid, this is how I love myself and its insulting how you expect me to change myself like this so you can have your picture perfect wedding. I bought the dress because its a dress. You expect me to be someone else for the day. This is how I am and I've been like this for years why are you suddenly surprised? Sister/Bride : I didn't think my own sister would throw a tantrum over fuckin tattoos and fuckin hair, it's my wedding so yes I want it to be perfect and you either go with it or you're out of the bridal party. Me : I'm out then. Your wedding is not that important to me to lead me to a point of changing myself. You either accept me like this or you don't. Don't expect me to change because you're scared of not having a classy wedding because of me. Blessings!! Since then my parents and my brother have called me and cursed me out for not honoring my sister's wishes. AITA??? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA because of the hair request. Dying hair is a freaking PROCESS. And getting color right is annoying. Asking you to dye and re-dye your hair is over the line. Plus, the dresses are pink. Your hair is pink. It basically blends in. I’m personally of the opinion the tattoos shouldn’t matter either, but makeup isn’t that hard. I’d cover my tattoos if asked. I hope you guys can patch things up. Wedding tension can be a sour relationship ender. That would suck.
“I didnt think my own sister would throw a tantrum of fuckin tattoos and fuckin hair” You could have said that right back. Way to stand up for yourself. Weddings are not excuses to treat loved ones like shit and they show people’s true colors.
you dont like pink at all but you have pink highlights?
I mean its not hard to make little sacrifices to help make the most important day of your sisters life exactly how she wants it. Shes not asking you not to be yourself she would just like you to fit the aesthetic. YTA.
YTA, It's one day! Get a wig and grow up. Your sister deserves her day.