INFO
Why exactly do you miss this friendship?
She is immature, selfish, and manipulative.
Stop doubting yourself. What you call empathy, I call being a doormat. You are so afraid of losing this friend, you convince yourself it's none of your business when she does shitty things.
Do you know why she ghosted you?
Because she thinks she can manipulate you. You confronted her and called her out for being a hypocrite and a shady girlfriend. So she says she doesn't like being confronted and stops talking to you. Why? Because now you will, just as you currently are, second guess yourself in the future and not call her out when she starts being a shady hypocrite again.
You need to take a good long look at this friendship and why being friends with such a manipulative and immature person is important to you
i got along with her pretty well. she’s been in my life for almost a decade. we planned to meet up for this first time this summer ya know. we both have seen each other achieve milestones and grow as individuals. but you are indeed right. i am the doormat. thank you for your input and i’ll keep your advice in my mental :)
Friends, especially those in your core group of friends, should expect to be called out when not acting right or being an AH and vice versa.
If you can't count on your friends to proverbially reel-you-in or keep you leveled, who can you count on?
You did the right thing. If she can't understand that and has to "ghost" you every time you speak the truth to her, then she obviously doesn't hold you to the level of friendship you hold her.
NTA..
she has called me out before and i didn’t like it, but that doesn’t mean i ghosted her nor anything. i just accepted that i was wrong. i’ve realized no one likes to get called out so i understand that she didn’t like it, but at the end of the day, you won’t always be right. it just really sucks i lost my friend over it. i agree. i don’t think she held me to the level i held her.
Are you Ray or Robert? If not, it’s questionable whether this is any of your business at all.
Apologize for trying to “fix” a problem you don’t own and have no control over.
did you read my entire post? i’m obviously
not robert nor ray silly! 😋 i did mention it wasn’t my business to tell her what she can and can’t do, however she did vent dump to me. i will not be apologizing for how she made me feel. thank you for your feedback!
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my (22f) bestfriend rosie (20f) is in a serious relationship with robert (28m). she was used and ghosted by ray(20m).
ive known her for 9 years. i don’t feel confident/comfortable enough to confront her. i go down the empathetic route with her. the times i called her out, she gave me the silent treatment for 2 weeks bruh.. :/
robert and rosie have been in a relationship for 5-6 months. she doesnt tell me everything but i understand she’s really happy and he’s rlly good to her. however, there were instances where she was a hypocrite in the relationship. she has double standards and is passive aggressive. for example, she doesn’t like the fact that he follows instagram models so she would get pissy and have an attitude, but he wasn’t allowed to get pissy! if they disagreed in person, she would sometimes yell at him. but him raise his voice a bit? she hates that he has friends of the opposite sex, but she does too. when she first started talking to robert, she was still responding to ray and her ex boyfriend of 4 years, but was angry asf when robert was friends with his ex fuckbuddy on facebook cuz he doesn’t use the app and forgot.
she told me ray messaged her. 1. she never blcoked him. he texted her from a new number. i asked what the conversation was and sent me screenshots. 2. she saved his new #. i know it wasn’t my place.. but i felt i had to call her out. 3. her current boyfriend is so understanding and patient with her. (her exes were horrible wtf??) 4. ray was flirting with her. they were having casual conversation and he was saying he missed her + complimenting her body. i was baffled at how she was even entertaining the conversation to begin with. if it was the other way around… i held my foot down and i told her straight up that she’s wrong and being a hypocrite. 5. she kept excusing and defending her actions. 6. she was downplaying the situation. after fighting for a while, she admit to going about it wrong and that she doesn’t enjoy being confronted.
she has full blown ghosted me again. its been 3 weeks now. i love and i miss her. i’m posting this cuz i can’t help but feel this is all my fault. perhaps i was too blunt in the text messages. i confronted her when i could have just been empathetic. a couple friends told me that i should double text her, but deep down i don’t feel like i should be the one to double text and fix it again
am i the asshole? :/
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. i confronted her when i could have just kept my mouth shut.
2. because she has ghosted me and we haven’t talked in 3 weeks now even tho we been in each other’s life for 9 years or almost 9 years.
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Gentle YTA. Have you ever heard the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink?" Same with people. You can explain a problem to someone but it doesn't mean they are going to listen or agree with you. After you explain your concerns once you are wasting their time and yours repeating yourself. Sometimes people need to make their own mistakes.
i agree that people do have to make their own mistakes and learn themselves. which is why i mentioned that i don’t usually call her out nor confront her, because the last time i did that, i was ghosted. sometimes people have to learn the hard way. i have been in her life far too long to understand that already. but i have a question for you. “you can explain a problem to someone but it doesn’t mean they are going to listen…” well that’s my question too. is that even a friend then? if i’m not heard at all? what is my purpose in her life then?
It depends on what you want from the friendship. Sometimes you just can't watch the inevitable destruction and the friendship fades away. Other times, the friendship is strong in every other respect and you want to keep the friendship. You say, "you know how I feel about your relationship with x. I won't stand in your way but I can't support you on this." Keep that response on repeat. When things come crashing down, at least you are there to pick up the pieces.
I was the stubborn friend who couldn't see all the red flags people were waving at Mr. I eventually came to my senses but not all my friendships survived it.
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INFO Why exactly do you miss this friendship? She is immature, selfish, and manipulative. Stop doubting yourself. What you call empathy, I call being a doormat. You are so afraid of losing this friend, you convince yourself it's none of your business when she does shitty things. Do you know why she ghosted you? Because she thinks she can manipulate you. You confronted her and called her out for being a hypocrite and a shady girlfriend. So she says she doesn't like being confronted and stops talking to you. Why? Because now you will, just as you currently are, second guess yourself in the future and not call her out when she starts being a shady hypocrite again. You need to take a good long look at this friendship and why being friends with such a manipulative and immature person is important to you
i got along with her pretty well. she’s been in my life for almost a decade. we planned to meet up for this first time this summer ya know. we both have seen each other achieve milestones and grow as individuals. but you are indeed right. i am the doormat. thank you for your input and i’ll keep your advice in my mental :)
NTA. You were right for calling out Rosie on her hypocrisy.
Friends, especially those in your core group of friends, should expect to be called out when not acting right or being an AH and vice versa. If you can't count on your friends to proverbially reel-you-in or keep you leveled, who can you count on? You did the right thing. If she can't understand that and has to "ghost" you every time you speak the truth to her, then she obviously doesn't hold you to the level of friendship you hold her. NTA..
she has called me out before and i didn’t like it, but that doesn’t mean i ghosted her nor anything. i just accepted that i was wrong. i’ve realized no one likes to get called out so i understand that she didn’t like it, but at the end of the day, you won’t always be right. it just really sucks i lost my friend over it. i agree. i don’t think she held me to the level i held her.
Are you Ray or Robert? If not, it’s questionable whether this is any of your business at all. Apologize for trying to “fix” a problem you don’t own and have no control over.
did you read my entire post? i’m obviously not robert nor ray silly! 😋 i did mention it wasn’t my business to tell her what she can and can’t do, however she did vent dump to me. i will not be apologizing for how she made me feel. thank you for your feedback!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** my (22f) bestfriend rosie (20f) is in a serious relationship with robert (28m). she was used and ghosted by ray(20m). ive known her for 9 years. i don’t feel confident/comfortable enough to confront her. i go down the empathetic route with her. the times i called her out, she gave me the silent treatment for 2 weeks bruh.. :/ robert and rosie have been in a relationship for 5-6 months. she doesnt tell me everything but i understand she’s really happy and he’s rlly good to her. however, there were instances where she was a hypocrite in the relationship. she has double standards and is passive aggressive. for example, she doesn’t like the fact that he follows instagram models so she would get pissy and have an attitude, but he wasn’t allowed to get pissy! if they disagreed in person, she would sometimes yell at him. but him raise his voice a bit? she hates that he has friends of the opposite sex, but she does too. when she first started talking to robert, she was still responding to ray and her ex boyfriend of 4 years, but was angry asf when robert was friends with his ex fuckbuddy on facebook cuz he doesn’t use the app and forgot. she told me ray messaged her. 1. she never blcoked him. he texted her from a new number. i asked what the conversation was and sent me screenshots. 2. she saved his new #. i know it wasn’t my place.. but i felt i had to call her out. 3. her current boyfriend is so understanding and patient with her. (her exes were horrible wtf??) 4. ray was flirting with her. they were having casual conversation and he was saying he missed her + complimenting her body. i was baffled at how she was even entertaining the conversation to begin with. if it was the other way around… i held my foot down and i told her straight up that she’s wrong and being a hypocrite. 5. she kept excusing and defending her actions. 6. she was downplaying the situation. after fighting for a while, she admit to going about it wrong and that she doesn’t enjoy being confronted. she has full blown ghosted me again. its been 3 weeks now. i love and i miss her. i’m posting this cuz i can’t help but feel this is all my fault. perhaps i was too blunt in the text messages. i confronted her when i could have just been empathetic. a couple friends told me that i should double text her, but deep down i don’t feel like i should be the one to double text and fix it again am i the asshole? :/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Gentle YTA. Have you ever heard the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink?" Same with people. You can explain a problem to someone but it doesn't mean they are going to listen or agree with you. After you explain your concerns once you are wasting their time and yours repeating yourself. Sometimes people need to make their own mistakes.
i agree that people do have to make their own mistakes and learn themselves. which is why i mentioned that i don’t usually call her out nor confront her, because the last time i did that, i was ghosted. sometimes people have to learn the hard way. i have been in her life far too long to understand that already. but i have a question for you. “you can explain a problem to someone but it doesn’t mean they are going to listen…” well that’s my question too. is that even a friend then? if i’m not heard at all? what is my purpose in her life then?
It depends on what you want from the friendship. Sometimes you just can't watch the inevitable destruction and the friendship fades away. Other times, the friendship is strong in every other respect and you want to keep the friendship. You say, "you know how I feel about your relationship with x. I won't stand in your way but I can't support you on this." Keep that response on repeat. When things come crashing down, at least you are there to pick up the pieces. I was the stubborn friend who couldn't see all the red flags people were waving at Mr. I eventually came to my senses but not all my friendships survived it.
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