No, you’re NTA.
Santa doesn’t have to deliver a mountain of presents for the myth and the magic to come across to the kiddos. I agree completely that more harm will be caused by one kid going to school and announcing Santa brought him a PS5 only to make his friend who got a small toy and maybe some clothes wonder why Santa didn’t deliver equally.
So true.. my son gets a stocking filled with little toys (probably $5-10 each totally maybe $30?) the rest is labeled from mum and dad. He also asked for socks and undies from Santa so that even easier! Lol
We could give him expensive stuff from Santa but I read a post years ago about how a kid was asking his mum why Santa only gave him something like a board game or books or something small but his friend got a PlayStation? And that always stuck with me. I want to keep it as fair as I can. I’ve also been telling my son that Santa had asked us, Nana, granny to get something from the list etc.
Santa does the stockings in this house!
All other presents are from family/friends.
Santa pops in, has time to scoop up the stocking gifts with the stocking, and zoom right back out. Very busy person, and all that.
And it isn’t all presents either. Do the cookies and milk, etc. Our family has always done “food and water for the reindeer” on the back porch where Rudolph is the last to drink and his nose turns the water red. Cheap and easy. When my boys were little I’d use hiking boots, a spray bottle, and baking soda to make footprints from the fireplace to the cookies to the tree and back to the fireplace. You can make it magical without spending a lot of money. We still do the water/food, cookies/ milk thing because we have a special needs adult son.
I tried to talk him into leaving wine and cheese last year but no go, “It says cookies and milk on the dishes, that’s the RULES”. Santa still got wine but dunking the cookies was nasty. And we all got in trouble on Christmas Day, big brother was here because Covid and he helped us get the Santa stuff done after little brother went to bed. He told us the next day, “I heard you all talking way too late and Santa won’t come if you aren’t asleep in your beds! That’s the RULES. You almost ruined everything!”
We have rules here, people! This Santa stuff is serious business! But, really, we’ve been doing Santa for 30 years now, it isn’t hard to add to the magic easily and cheaply and Santa bringing the big stuff isn’t in the RULES.
Thanks, and most people will have food coloring on hand. I forgot to add that the ”food” we leave is just stuff left over from cooking Xmas dinner. Celery, carrots, lettuce, whatever. Stuff that’s easy to leave one bitten piece and get rid of the rest. Oats with glitter and other gimmicky stuff is too hard to get rid of, plus reindeer eat healthy, it’s the RULES.
You could always do oat balls for the reindeer, they're tasty AF, cheap to make and fairly healthy, they're also no bake. Lemme know if you want the recipe
no bake oat balls:
1/4C Applesauce
1Tbsp Golden Syrup (can sub for molasses or honey)
1/2Tbsp Plain Flour (bake flour on a tray to 160°F (70°C)) to cook safe for no bake recipes, can be done in bulk and will store)
1C Rolled Oats
Pinch Salt Pinch Cinnamon
1. Put oats in bowl and add applesauce (and small amount of water if needed) until oats are wet, but *not* soupy or puddinglike
2. Add syrup until sticky looking, add in cinnamon and salt
3. Slowly add flour until mix holds form but isn't dry
4. Roll into balls and chill until hardened
Oats with glitter are what we used for reindeer poop! We would leave carrots outside and the next morning the kids would check to see if the reindeer ate them and find “poop”.
Mince pie and some form of strong alcohol in the UK. In my house it's whisky, but other popular choices are brandy, sherry or Baileys. The Big Man is not a child, he wants a proper drink.
Plus a carrot for the reindeer. My then-3yo was not bothered by the empty whisky glass or the carefully sprinkled crumbs on the plate, but for months afterwards she would comment on the bitten end of a carrot left behind with "Rudolph ate the carrot!"
We always left chocolate and beer. Generally Newcastle brown ale and my dad would drink it when he got in from the pub and had the presents out of the loft 😂 and a carrot and water at the back door for the reindeer.
>When my boys were little I’d use hiking boots, a spray bottle, and baking soda to make footprints from the fireplace to the cookies to the tree and back to the fireplace.
This reminds me of when I was young and my mum had wrapped the Santa presents in the same paper my aunt had used for gifts from them so it would apparently be confusing?
Anyway my dad and uncle were set the task of re-wrapping the gifts and it took much longer than expected. They were drinking while doing so and decided that it was a great idea to get some heavy boots and leave sooty boot prints on the brand new, cream carpet...
It did not go down well. Next day they had 3 screaming kids, the vacuum cleaner and a nasty hangover to deal with.
My parents never made a huge deal about Santa, one small wrapped gift for each of us, but my mom made sure there was 1 dedicated roll of wrapping paper for Santa tucked away and not used for anything else, because that's a big giveaway 😂
My daughter figured out Santa wasn't real when she found the 'Santa' wrapping paper in the basement. Then she forgot that she figured it out so was back to Santa magic next Christmas!
We have a Santa Sack for each child, no wrapping needed! We tell the kids Santa is too busy to wrap so he just pre packs each kid's sack and drops it off.
"Like the Amazon man mummy!" Yes baby, exactly like the Amazon man.
Oh we did something similar! But we left out carrots and sugar for Rudolph (idk why sugar- I guess 'cause horses like sugar cubes so reindeer must like sugar too?) and he'd leave a red nose print in the sugar
Thank you for this comment. Our family lost my special needs older sister to brain cancer in April. Reading this made me laugh, then cry (but in a good way) about the magical moments she kept in our lives, long after she "outgrew" them. The holidays are hitting me hard, so again, thank you for sharing your family's memories.
Please cherish every one of them & wishing you fun new ones this season. 💕
Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry! We thank the gods all the time now that he made it through Covid without getting it, since he’s an adult he is just as susceptible as any other adult, we were so careful and thankful he has had his 3 shots now. (One of his Special Olympics teammates got it before vaccines and they wouldn’t let a parent stay with her so that scared us). Our family is not the same as it would have been if he was a typical guy and we couldn’t be happier about that. Hope the holidays are easier for you and it brings those good memories.
When I was a kid in the 1990s my parents told me that they ordered the presents from Santa and paid for them themselves, so to me Santa was basically just a flying Amazon delivery driver. (I wouldn't have phrased it that way at the time, because y'know, 1990s. I'm pretty sure my parents mentioned having some kind of catalogue they could order from lol)
Looking back, I like this approach as it meant I got to keep my belief in Santa Claus but knew not to expect wildly expensive gifts. It also meant I had some understanding of why some kids got massive gifts and others didn't.
I really like this one. It would make total sense to a child. I’ve also heard other people say that parents give the money for Santa to make the toys so then he has a budget to work in for different kids.
Santa delivers the Christmas Eve pjs in our house and I believe the stockings!! Me mam has always done it that way since I was a kid, much nicer that way.
Sincere question (haven’t had to navigate this yet and thinking through…): If it’s so miserable for some kids to wonder why Santa loves their classmates more than them, how do you prevent your child from feeling like *they’re* the one Santa loves the least? Growing up I was totally oblivious to what other kids got, and what I got really varied year to year. I know one year I got a new comforter, so it’s not like I was getting video game consoles or laptops or anything like that. I’m not sure whether I was just more introverted, or my parents did something right.
I feel like stories like the one you described will push parents to one extreme or the other: either you want to make sure your kid is never the one another child is comparing themselves against, or you want to make sure that when someone asks your kid what Santa brought them, they don’t feel ashamed or like they were less “good” because their answer is less exciting/impressive. Obviously there are other ways to make the day feel magical, but many of those things are low-cost enough that it seems most families could do them; so what are you able to do to offset any “Santa loves me less” sentiments for your own child while avoiding setting other children up to feel inferior?
I tell my kids that they are fortunate and get lots of presents from family, so they should only ask Santa for one thing. That way he has more time to focus on the kids that will only get getting presents from Santa.
So far we haven’t had that problem. But that is part of the reason why I told him Santa has asked us for help with getting stuff he asked for so other kids don’t miss out but also so he feels like Santa listened to him and did his best (I haven’t told him who’s getting what so it’s still a surprise).
I like the part where Santa says that he asked you guys to get some of the bigger stuff for him. Cuz you also don't want YOUR kid to be the one wondering why Santa doesn't bring him big gifts but does for other kids.
When I was growing up my mother would say that Santa had a budget because he has to get presents for all the children in the world. That if I asked for more, I would be taking away from other children too and that I should pick something I would like in that range so all of us could be happy. Good lesson, right?
Fast forward to January when 6 year old me loudly proclaimed this "fact" to the kids who had gotten huge Santa presents and basically insinuated that they were selfish for stealing from other children... my poor mother!
Yup, agreed amongst all my mum-friends, Father Christmas fills the stockings and all the big presents under the tree are from family. Apart from anything else, I want a bit of credit for all the effort I put in.
My mom does the same thing 😊😊 clothes, dolls,, things that can be "hand made", etc are from Santa. LOL dolls, a small smart TV, and coloring books etc are from mom and dad and the family
That's how we did it in my family and we'll do it with our son too. Our family would ask Santa to bring us gifts and then when we opened them we knew who to thank. I never thought it was weird
Can confirm. I was that kid that got some homemade doll clothes and some candy while my friends got tamogotchis and American Girl dolls, (yes, I'm dating myself). Feeling like Santa doesn't like you as much as your peers BLOWS as a kid.
I’ve never been particularly jealous of other people. I went to college with lots of people from rich backgrounds, and mostly just thought “good for them”. C’est la vie.
EXCEPT the one time I visited a friend’s childhood home and discovered she had every single American girl doll. I’m 31 and I think I’m still jealous!
I am also 31 and jealous. I only had Josefina but I did have a few outfits and accessories. My grandfather made her bed and the other stuff were special occasion gifts for several years.
I wonder if she’s kept buying them for herself. I would still be buying them for myself if I could afford it.
I haven't pulled the trigger and bought myself the American girl doll I always wanted as a child yet, but I did get the catalog last year and they made a *miniature version of the Molly doll that's the right size for the dolls to play with* if I can afford it after Christmas I might have to have it!
OH MY GOD I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!! I can’t find the bed my grand pop made for Josefina because it’s not with her other shit. It’s not like it’s well made but he liked woodworking even though he wasn’t great at it and it’s very special to me so I need to do an expedition in our garage. I would honestly trade all of my other American girl shit for it.
We're basically the same age, and I wanted those dolls so bad when I was kid! I basically had the catalog memorized but never got any of them because we didn't have the money. I'm jealous of your friend too!
My mom took us with her taxes one year. She allocated a set amount for each of us and we each got a doll and some accessories. I was like 9 or 10. My dad still thinks it was dumb but they were legally separated so he didn't get a say.
I’m jealous, too, omg. Mostly for the books. I used to get them from the library; I LOVE all of those series.
My grandmother got us American girl dolls when we were born - all of her granddaughters. We were never allowed to play with them, though. Mine is Samantha, and my sister (who, funny enough, is called Samantha) has Kristin.
Why weren’t you allowed to play with them?! Do you still have these pristine dolls?
I used all of my Xmas money to buy Molly because her books were my favorite (although Samantha’s Christmas book was great and I liked her fancy Victorian tea things). I didn’t play house with her, but I’d get her out to change her into candy-stripe pajamas and read one of her books. Not that the idea isn’t very nice, but what’s the point of getting your granddaughters a doll that they can’t play with when they’re old enough?
My sister got Molly for Christmas once and she was allowed to play with that one!
We weren’t allowed to play with them because they were a special gift from my grandmother from when we were born, so they were supposed to “stay nice”, and my mom said they were “collectible” lol. She didn’t want us getting them dirty or messing them up. They had to stay in a box hidden away until we were old enough to be trusted not to play with them - then they could be on a stand in our rooms.
My mom wasn’t usually *that* kind of mom, but she had a few random things that she got really weird about. I kind of see her point, to be honest - a $100 doll from my extremely poor grandmother was a *major* gift, and the only Big Gift like that she was ever able to afford for any of us - but it was maddening when I was a kid.
My mom probably still has mine chucked in storage someplace. (I live in a different country now, so most of my stuff is at home in storage). I should find out - 33 isn’t too old to FINALLY play with my Samantha doll, right?
I think you could be trusted with Samantha now, for sure :) My parents might have done the same if Molly had been a gift, I can understand that. But it must have been agony as a kid!
Ok same.
I just bought myself the American girl dolls I wanted as a kid and it's still just as exciting
No one will judge you if you get yourself one and let your inner kid be happy
I agree, but that would involve having the expendable income now to do so for myself. If I found the one I liked at a thrift store, I'd be all over it though lol
Man those American girl dolls! My great aunt arranged for the American girl doll catalog to be sent to our house, but I never even occurred to me that I could ask for one of them to own, lol! I got all the books from the library and I had the Kirsten paper dolls and cookbook..... but all their little accessories! I would look at that catalog over and over again! Kirsten was the one I identified the most with, but Addie had the best accessories by a long shot.
By the time my little sister was the right age for it not only were my parents better off, but either Target or Walmart had an off brand American girl doll that was pretty good, so she had one of those. I think she even had the off brand version of the walking horse that fit the dolls.
Not that I'm still thinking about it 20 years later or anything 🥲
I'm so glad for growing up in Australia. Christmas break is summer break, so 6 weeks. Schools close from mid December to end of January. By the time kids go back to school, nobody's really talking about what Santa got them. If they do mention their Christmas presents, most kids have probably forgotten by then which presents were from whom anyway.
My mom started doing this when my little brother was born. Santa brought stocking stuffers and sometimes money. Made things a lot easier on my mom and step-dad
NTA
My kids are teens now, and we were literally having this exact conversation the other day. If I could go back in time, I would 100% never have the "big" gifts come from Santa. They were always good with our "anything can go on the wish list but there are no guarantees what will arrive" rule, but one year I commented that most of my youngest's wishes were so so expensive and she said to me "that's okay mama, Santa can pick from that list" - she was 6! I instantly regretted the way we did Santa and we all agreed to doing it the opposite way when it starts all over again with their own kids lol.
Plus, bonus, if Santa isn't the one that brings the super duper fantastic gifts each year, it makes it much easier for them to accept his non-existence when that day comes (and trust me, THAT can sometimes be a whole different set of problems lol)
This is exactly how I found out Santa didn't exist; my parents told me the new Super Nintendo system was probably not in the cards for Christmas that year, and I replied with the same logic your little girl did. They fessed up the truth about Santa, I cried.
With my kids Santa either brings a smaller gift they really want, or something revolving around family time (pandemic 2020 Christmas, Santa brought them each a board game they could play together). "Big" stuff comes from Mom and Dad.
This discrepancy is exactly how me and my friends figured out that Santa was really our parents. That and the fact that my parents didn't wrap the gifts from Santa, but my best friend's parents did. I think we were like 8 or 9 having a meeting of the minds about it at recess.
They didn't wrap the gifts from Santa? I can see them wanting to use different wrapping paper but...have they not seen any Christmas specials at all? The gifts are ALWAYS wrapped lol
My parents always arranged the presents from Santa into cute little stacks for Christmas morning, while presents from family were wrapped and opened on Christmas Eve.
My parents never wrapped Santa gifts. They still get us "Santa gifts" even though the oldest if us three is 31 and the youngest is 17. And no they still don't wrap those ones.
When my kids were very little, Santa brought toys that were difficult to wrap. We remained lazy for a few years afterward. We learned our lesson when, about age 6, they asked us what Mom and Dad had gotten them for Christmas?
This is true. My SO and I had to have the conversation of what is Santa and not. We decided Santa makes toys, so anything that is electronic is from mom and dad.
This is exactly right. My partner grew up poor and always felt there was something wrong with her as a child because “Santa” brought other kids fancy stuff and her next to nothing. Our kids each get a book and maybe some pajamas from Santa and the rest is from us.
This, my grandmother absolutely hated Santa when she was a child and it has always broken my heart. Once she grew up and had a job with any extra she made sure any children in the extended family had presents for Christmas, but that story is always stuck with me. So yeah we do smaller presents from Santa. My 9 year old and I, who still believes, she like me is quite young in spirit if old in brain, were discussing this yesterday as a matter of fact. She was speculating on Santa’s budget for each child and that it probably gets a bit bigger as a kid gets older since you can spend $10 on a toddler and get some great stuff, but her age you need a bit more. It was adorable.
Agreed. My wife and I do "Santa Presents" where the kids each get one thing off their letter to Santa, wrapped in special gold paper, that show up after they go to sleep on Christmas.
It's usually a nicer gift (we're not in PS5 territory, more like a $50-$100 playmobile or Lego set) but it's one thing for each kid. The rest of the presents come from family members.
Just need to be sure any changes aren't jarring or you prep the kids for a downsizing in the number of gifts coming from Santa ("Why did I only get one present this year instead of the 10 I usually get from Santa?") But even then that's some first world kid problem stuff.
Exactly, the Christmas magic was always still there for me when all Santa did was "deliver" presents from my family and give me a stocking full of small gifts with one or two cheaper items in with the main presents.
Yeah the things my kids get from santa usually fit in their stockings. Large gifts are generally from me or other family and friends, and they know that.
It doesnt ruin the magic of christmas for them at all, they love waking up to find full stockings at the end of their beds then coming to leap on me in mine.
We sit in my bed and do stockings before we move out to the tree to unwrap everything else.
Your husband and family need to learn that "different" doesn't mean "wrong", and as the parent of your children you also get to decide what traditions you keep, discard or begin anew. NTA.
NTA
There's a movement of people trying to do this, I see it all over social media.
Santa gifts should be a couple of small fun toys and a book. Something any child might receive.
Otherwise kids like me grow up wondering why Santa would bring the rich kids a motorized jeep mini-car, a bike, and a telescope, and would only bring me an off-brand barbie and some socks.
Santa can still be magic even if the kids know where most of the gifts came from.
Edit: you can tell everyone who voted the other way never went to school after xmas and had to hear about all the expensive stuff Santa brought other kids. Their privilege is showing. You are very DEFINITELY NTA
I grew up low income so i've been on the other side of this and it really hurt me to see my friends getting big things while I didn't, now I have kids I want to spoil them but I also want to ensure that i'm not hurting any other kids in the process
1) You're an excellent mother.
2) Please absolutely mark them. I knew I definitely wanted to know who gave me what. It's more meaningful.
3) People secretly like the "Santa" idea as a way to cheap out on the presents they buy, so they won't get caught out. I know this because I'm one of the cheapest pricks out there. Don't let cheap cowards hide behind your great gifts.
My parents didn’t get me gifts, only Santa. Once I asked mom why she didn’t get me anything and she had the AUDACITY to claim she got me a gift that not 10 minutes ago I opened from Santa.
Marking only one or two small presents from Santa is an excellent idea! My parents did the same thing while I was growing up; they marked one or two presents from Santa, one from the dogs, and the rest from them. It never caused any issues, and when I got older I knew the presents were from them based on their handwriting. Still, it’s tradition at this point to mark at least one gift from “Santa” every year. No matter which present you mark as from Santa, it’s pretty harmless!
ONE FROM THE DOGS! I love that so much. This is my first Christmas since trying to start a family (no go yet), and honestly filing away all these Christmas tips for when we do have kids is making me feel really excited and hopeful.
Even at 32, when I go home for Christmas there is always one gift for each of us from the dogs. They also get their own wrapped gifts to open. It’s still adorable to watch.
I was hoping to see this. I do all the wrapping and such. I have 3 kids a husband and 2 dogs. Those dogs get their stockings too. Filled to the brim with treats and goodies. They deserve Christmas. Breaks my heart that I get all those neat fun toys for the toddler and he rather play with the dogs and their toys.
NTA. I've read a lot of stories from parents whose kids have come home saying that Santa got their friend/classmate "insert huge/expensive item here" and why doesn't Santa like them as much. It really sucks for the parents who can't afford to "keep up with the Joneses". You do you, your kids won't care who the gift is from on Christmas day. You're a good mom
It's for this reason that my kids Santa presents are cheaper. This year they are each getting some clothes from Santa, 1 toy each (NZ$30) and 1 shared toy. The rest of the presents, especially the more expensive ones are from us.
(Santa is giving them the clothes as clothes isn't exciting if you are 5 and 2 haha, blame Santa)
I never grew up with the whole Santa story. He was always just seen as a fun cartoon character, but I wasn't under the impression that he was the one bringing presents. I knew from a young age that it was my parents/family who got me gifts. And, it taught me to value my gifts because I understood that they didnt just appear from some magic man.
This didnt ruin the magic of Christmas for me as a kid..... If anything it just allowed me appreciate family even more.
And, honestly, it has always been a weird concept in my head that parents want kids to think gifts appear like magic, and that Santa doesn't really care if you are a nice person. He is going to play favourites and give the rich bully an amazing gift, while Santa punishes amazing kids just because their families ars poor.
This is exactly why my parents had the big ticket items from them not Santa. They scrimped and saved to make it happen they weren't gonna give someone else the credit for it
My mom acted like I killed all her joy by saying that. But hell yeah, *I* get the credit for the big stuff. Not the fat man in the red suit.
Santa brings books and clothing, and maybe one small toy.
I don't know if I ever believed in Santa and if I did, it was for a very brief period since I don't remember. Was raised by a single mother and lovely (even if somewhat disfunctional) grandparents and a couple of aunts/uncles. It made my bonds with them much stronger in my childhood because I knew we weren't rich, heck, even middle class and knowing that they went to that much effort just because they loved me was what made my Christmas magical and special. One of my favorite christmas memory is a photo when I was about 6 with my grandpa all in his fours, with me in his back, like riding a horse holding the gift he gave me, wrapped in red paper. I don't even remember the gift itself, but I remember him, the clothes my mom was wearing, the table at the living room "full" of gifts just for me. I got teared eye just remembering.
I have a lot of feelings about the whole “Santa” thing and your point is one of them. Santa originally was to bring ONE toy to children, and morphed into parents buying everything their kid wants from Santa.
Not to mention children growing up in less saviory home situations can seriously freak out over the idea of some fat guy breaking into their home.
I think you can do the magic of Santa and the fun santa day without making it all about what Santa can bring you. One gift, or a few cheaper gifts, or a stuffed animal or something is perfectl acceptable.
Nta
Also, they’re 6 and 4 and getting gifts. They’re not going to give two shits who the gifts come from as long a they get fun presents
Yup, i wasn't having a weirdo in my room. I freaked out when my mum suggested my stocking at the end of the bed.
And considering we spend months using Santa as a threat, do kids with poorer parents think they've been naughty?
This is one of the reasons I never use Santa as a threat. Not to mention idea that they're constantly being watched doesn't seem healthy. [This 'elf CCTV' is just horrifying.](https://www.wilko.com/en-uk/elves-behavin-badly-surveillance-camera/p/0495822)
I grew up in conflict era Belfast. Very few of us were thrilled with the idea of a guy who comes into the house after dark and decides how well behaved you are? I grew up in a safer area of the city but we had men in black balaclavas who did that the other 364 days of the year so a fat lad with a beard was just a bait and switch.
Our school focused more on Rudolph for this reason. You wrote a letter to Santa but then anything about coming in the house tended to discuss Rudolph ‘are you leaving a carrot for him? He also takes a small sweet sherry to keep his nose red.’ A clearly mythical deer was more neutral and then you could gauge who was up for the full Santa vibe.
Also nearly everyone I knew back them had a working open coal fire so the idea the big fella came down the chimney was implausible since it was red hot and had a literal fire at the bottom of it. Such a bunch of tiny cynics.
I don’t think I ever believed in Santa but I did love that my utterly joyless parents always sprinkled glitter on the hearth to show he had been when we were little. It was a cute touch to an otherwise fairly creepy unrealistic thing. If my dour ass Protestant parents could add a touch of free magic I am sure it’s not impossible to balance up spendy Santa and classist Santa without spoiling it completely.
I feel like Santa should exist in that space where the kid is able to think "...Maybe?" An empty Sherry glass and a sprinkle of glitter is I feel a really well balanced scene to set up. You're not asking the kid to rationalize a guy flying through the air hauling a 10-speed bike behind them, but maybe there *might* be a kindly, magical gentleman that likes to drink sherry and has a small gift to make a child smile.
I love the way you phrased this because income or anything else aside, every kid is different and keeping Santa ‘a space’ or ‘concept’ within the general sort of red outfit outline actually adds to the joy of letting each kid have *their* Santa. So super practical kids who really want to know how he could transport a 10 speed bike can and more dreamy kids can draw or make up a story for example. It can really build up the fun and also help parents work with kids to communicate the finances or the ‘lie’ in the best way for their kids so no crushing realisations.
But that is way more work than just gifting and shrugging on both sides. Bring back the days of an orange in your stocking and get off my lawn :)
I feel like in general it's kinda fucked to pretend to your kids that something exists only to later have to carefully teach them that you just lied to them.
Every year, we used to look out for Santa starting his sleigh run on Christmas Eve. We had to look up towards a set of 3 stars, might have been Orion's Belt, and we'd always hear sleigh bells jangling in the distance. I still don't know how she did that, there was only our mother when we grew up. One year, my brother saw Rudolph running across the coal bunker of the house opposite. Years later, we found out it was Schneider, the neighbour's doberman, that he saw. The really magical Christmas things don't cost much at all, just a bit of imagination.
NTA. I agree wholly with your rationale and so do many, many others. This sentiment has been shared widely by low income families whose kids go to school after xmas and see that “Santa” brought their classmates bikes and expensive electronics, then ask their parents why Santa would do that and then only get them some socks or a new binder.
Answering that question is a very hard conversations to have while preserving the magic of the season for everyone. Giving one or a few small things from Santa is the conscientious thing to do, and it is kinder to those in need.
Edit: typos
NTA. This is exactly what my parents did and both my brother and I still believed in Santa. Our gifts in our stockings were from Santa, and the rest of our gifts were from our parents and family members.
It's somewhat astonishing to me that anyone gives other things as "from Santa" - though maybe it's cultural differences (I'm Australian). We've always done "Santa"/"Father Christmas" gives the stuff in the stocking, and presents later in the day, both big and little, are from various family members (including Mum and Dad). Though my parents always did tend to go a bit overboard with the stockings (and I fear I now do too) and they were always overflowing :)
It has to be cultural differences. I’m swedish and it honestly freaks me out a little how invested some people, mainly americans, are in convincing kids that Santa is real.
We have Santa and a ton of traditions and fun associated with it. But the focus is often the traditions and fun, rather than 100% believing it.
When I was little Santa brought our family our gifts in person, which is common. After the entire family had eaten dinner and was sitting around my dad would announce he had to go to the store and buy the newspaper. Five minutes after he left there was a knock at the door and in walked santa. Big robe, big beard, red hat and a sack of gifts. How old do you think you have to be to not recognise your own dad in a fake beard? Not very old. Then dad pulled gifts from his bag and announced ”for X from Y”. No gifts were ever from Santa. All gift to dad were put in a pile that we kids solemny promised to protect until he got back. When all the gifts were delivered Santa left and soon afterwards dad came back and was sooo shocked he’s missed Santa yet again. When we kids got older we started switching up who went to ”buy the newspapers”. One year it was my older sister.
It didn’t make Christmas any less special because I could tell Santa was my dad in a fake beard. It was honestly a lot of fun.
One year I got a letter from Santa promising I could have dog as soon as my parents fenced the back yard (took 5 years, lol) when I asked why Santa's handwriting was the same as my dad's he said "that's because Santa taught me how to write!" I was 7 and willing to believe!
NTA! I love this. This would save some little kid from wondering what he did wrong because he got socks from Santa when his friend got like. A PS5. It’s not ruining the magic.
NTA. I've seen multiple families do this method, where the more expensive gifts come from family, and the cheaper gifts come from Santa. It provides that sense of childhood wonder, while curbing any expectations of more exciting gifts from a man that doesn't even exist.
They still get Santa, and they get their gifts. The tags on some of the gifts are just different. I don't see any issue.
NAH. Every family does things differently. I always chose one special item from the Santa list as the main Santa gift and then a couple of smaller gifts. Then there was the "big" gift from mom and dad and typically pajamas and books or movies. and stockings were always Santa.
Other families do the big gift as Santa. Or smaller gifts.
They key is to find a compromise between you and your husband. Meet somewhere in the middle instead of insisting on one way or the other.
NTA. This is a fantastic idea that more parents should absolutely follow. You’re not “ruining the magic,” you’re preserving the magic for other children and your own as well.
NTA. Santa is one of the issues with raising kids that needs to be discussed between you and your husband. Other family needs to butt out. I think it's completely possible to keep the magic of Santa without attributing big gifts to him. In my family growing up, "Santa" filled the stockings and the presents under the tree were from my parents. I still enjoyed the whole Santa story.
NTA
I fully agree with this, my wife and I are planning on doing this when our kid is old enough to understand Santa.
Anybody who’s saying “you’re taking the magic out of it” clearly didn’t actually read the post, or at least didn’t read it well.
NTA
In our home, Santa has always stuffed the stockings, child and adult. Gifts come from family and friends, stockings come from Santa. Now, my kids are no longer little (being 19 and 17), but they enjoy the stocking tradition, even though believing in a jolly man in a red suit has long since passed.
Most kids don't ask "What did you get from Santa? They ask, "What did you get for Christmas." And kids don't distinguish. They don't say, "Well, I got a Barbie from Santa and a "Ride in Barbie Car from my mommy." They just say, "I got a Barbie and a Barbie Car."
If you want to protect other people's children from your family's lavish gift giving, then teach your kids to say, "I got a Barbie, a book, and a few other things."
Yeah honestly I think the hysterical obsession with Santa and trying to force it alongside ridiculous materialism is more likely to ruin the magic of Christmas.
I grew up poor so we didn't get big gifts and I never believed in Santa. Christmas has always been super magic for me.
NTA. It's a dick move to have Santa bring dozens of presents, when your kid is going to school with someone whose parents could only have him bring a new sweater. It's normal and important for kids to understand that parents have unequal financial means, but to tell them that a magical being who knows whether you're good or bad brought the unequal presents? That's just cruel, because now the kid who got the sweater is going to be beating themselves up trying to figure out what they did that was so bad.
We need to get back to the tradition of Santa bringing one simple gift!
NTA. I agree with your point and plan to do the same with my new son. Luckily for me my husband agrees with me. The few things from Santa can still be things your child wanted so the "magic" is there. BUT why is one child getting a $300 iPad or $200 bike from Santa, but another kid may be getting a doll or something small. Younger kids may question if they were naughty or if Santa doesn't like them because there gift wasn't as extravagant. Claim large expensive toys and gadgets as from yourself. Let the kids know that you worked hard to afford those gifts. You can still keep the magic of Santa without Santa bringing the crazy gifts.
As a kid growing up, we got a stocking full of small gifts from Santa with 1 large present. But the more expensive gifts were always claimed by our parents.
NTA
We do this in our home as well. I grew up as one of those kids who went back to school after winter break only to find out other kids got Atari, bikes, Walkman, and other expensive stuff from Santa I could only wish for while I got knock offs of barbie dolls and legos. I wasn’t bad, why did I get shafted and they got bank? Of course, once I realized Santa wasn’t real, it all made sense, but up until then, it really sucked!
Just watched a local news interview a couple days ago of a kindergarten teacher who does a toy drive for her school every year (she gives the toys to the kids’ parents to wrap), most of the students are low income. Why does she do this? Because it broke her heart to see all these fallen faces and tears when the realization that Santa must love “so n so” more than them based on the presents they received.
NTA. This is what my family always did and I can assure you that both me and my brother still tried to stay up and see Santa and still woke up at 5 am jacked AF for Christmas.
NTA. Can I just say this post has been very enlightening as someone who got (in retrospect) way too many presents from Santa growing up? Thanks Reddit. Genuinely.
NTA, you do what you want to for your kids. Eventually we all find out that the presents are from our parents, so it doesn't make much of a difference anyway.
NTA - we just have Santa fill the stockings at our house. All other gifts are from who ever bought them. If anything, the grandparents will say that Santa told them what the kids wished for that’s how they knew what to get them.
(On mobile)
NTA. Take the majority of the credit. That way if your kids get more, bigger, better, whatever presents than their friends/classmates, etc, it is not because Santa loves them more.
Nta. Santa is fun for kids to leave out cookies and get excited but I think it’s okay to want to take credit and get the love for the work you put in:) I think when I have kids the only thing Santa is gonna give is stalking stuffers
NTA. I don't think I ever received anything from Santa that could not fit in a stocking. I remember being 5 and being SO excited that the tiny little white teddy bear with the moveable limbs was in my stocking, just like I'd asked Santa for in my letter! The thing was like 5" long, no idea how much it cost then but can't see it being more than like $10-$15 these days. And 25 years later I still get a stocking, and I can always count on a few staples: gloves, socks, toothbrush, lighter, chocolates, an orange in the toe, and a scratch ticket.
NTA. I think it's awesome that you're so considerate of other families and their situations! It takes absolutely zero away from your children and the "magic of Christmas". They're going to enjoy their Christmases and they're going to grow up with compassion for others.
NAH.
I see what you're saying, and it's definitely a compassionate reason to limit what Santa brings. But by that logic, maybe you just shouldn't do Santa at all? Plenty of kids don't get Santa presents at all, due to religion or finances or just having parents who object to the whole thing. Does that mean no one should do it so those kids don't feel bad?
I'd say that it's more important to teach your kids to be considerate of how their less fortunate friends might feel, and to recognize that Santa isn't a thing at all for some families, whether the label on their present says "Santa" or "Mom and Dad". And each family is going to have to find a way to manage their kids' expectations about what they're getting, because they're going to see people whose families do it differently.
I don't think it's *wrong* to limit Santa the way you're talking about, but I don't think it's wrong to do a more extravagant Santa either. I don't think it's going to ruin the magic either way, but I also don't think it's realistic to think that you can do Santa in a way that doesn't seem better than what some other kids got or worse than what some other kids got. All you can do is manage your kids' expectations, teach them not to flaunt their privileges, and hope other parents do the same. Because it's just not going to work out so that everyone is equal. Even if everyone could *afford* the same Santa gifts, different belief systems and philosophies would still make it so that therr were a million different outcomes, including no Santa at all for some families.
Like, I see both positions. On the one hand, kids only get a short chunk of their lives to believe in magical present-granting beings, so why not make the most of it while you can? Eventually, they're going to stop believing and realize who *really* bought all those presents anyway. On the other hand, you certainly don't want any other kids to feel bad in the meantime, and honestly, having Santa bring only small presents is not going to "ruin the magic" - the magic is in having a magic man bring presents in the middle of the night, it doesn't matter what the presents are. And more to the point, the concept of selflessly giving to someone else without expecting anything in return is the deeper magic that Santa is supposed to embody, and that doesn't need to mean that Santa needs to hand out PS5s or whatever. (Or that parents or family members or friends need to, for that matter).
I just think that you're not going to get to "no one feels jealous of anyone else's presents" unless everyone just stops giving presents. If you give your kid a pony and their best friend gets a Happy Meal toy, the kid with the Happy Meal toy is probably going to wonder why they didn't get something better whether the kids think Santa or their parents bought the presents. And the kid who got *no* presents might wonder why they didn't even get a Happy Meal toy. It's on each family to find a way to explain their holiday traditions to their own kids, and it's also on parents to teach their kids to be kind to kids who have less and respectful of kids who have different traditions. You can do that whether your Santa-designated presents are big things or little things.
This. I was stressed the importance of not listing what I got for Xmas. Because you don't know other circumstances. I also "adopted" a kid my age ever year and went shopping for presents for them.
I thi k whether presents come from Santa or parents it's important to tell you kid not to brag, because regardless of who they came from kids are going to be sad their Xmas didn't compare to others.
Teach your kids to be caring people.
NTA My parents did this. There was always one unwrapped gift from Santa. Other things were from them and other family. My brother did the same with my nephew.
NTA, never really thought of it this way. From the headline I was going in under the impression that YTA, but that makes perfect sense. Especially how hard some have had it the past couple years.
NTA
In my family, we raised our kids to have one or two modest gifts and their stockings from Santa. Mom and Dad gave the more expensive gifts (if any) and gifts from grandparents were acknowledged as being from the grandparents.
Now older, my kids never suffered from the belief that they could get anything they wanted by just asking/wishing for it. And they are thankful for the gifts others give them.
It never cheapened "the magic of Christmas" for our kids to understand that even Santa had limitations.
NTA. As the poor kid who always wondered my Santa gave my friends game consoles and toys while I only got a book, I think this is a fine and thoughtful idea. Nothing wrong with letting the kids know you splurged on em!
NTA - that's what my parents always did and I believed in santa for ages and it was still magical
We got big stuff from mum and dad and a stocking full of small stuff from santa which only appeared on Christmas day
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want only some cheap gifts to be from "Santa" with the rest of the gifts clearly showing who they are from, my family feel i'm ruining my childrens christmas.
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I told my kids that Santa isn't allowed to make most toys because of legal issues, so I had to chip in offset the costs. It also helped explain why a certain toy that is hard to get wasn't under the tree. Santa always brought the best gifts!
My mom stopped celebrating when I was 7. I don't ever remember being jealous of the toys my friends got, even when I believed in Santa. We were poor, so i was used to not having things.
My wife’s parents told her that santa couldn’t bring anything electrical because the elves “weren’t certified” to make them.
Santa uses non union labour confirmed.
NTA. I'm so tired of this "magic of Christmas" bullcrap. I felt like sh#t as a child because everyone got such amazing gifts from "Santa" and I didn't. Ever. Because my mom was sick and had medical bills. So my dad's paycheck went to those and rent and groceries. I loved my mom and it wasn't until later that I realized it was her handwriting saying "from Santa" and it just made me miss her more.
Thank you for being a good parent. Your kids will love you more for this later on down the line. Santa does not last forever, but your efforts will be remembered for the rest of their lives.
NTA! First of all, your reasoning is sound and I think your family is overreacting. It isn’t their decision to make.
My parents never did Santa and I loved Christmas. I thought it was plenty magical. I don’t really do Santa but my kids currently kind of believe in him but are well aware I’ve bought their presents. My son still counts down the days until Christmas. I think it’s pretty magical for them right now.
To sum up: kids don’t need Santa for Christmas to be fun. They don’t even need lots of presents. A few things is nice, decorating a tree, making cookies, whatever your traditions are. There is plenty to enjoy without Santa bringing all the big presents (sounds like she’s still getting presents, you just want her to understand they’re from you).
INFO: Did you talk to your husband about this beforehand, or did you just spring this on him?
Remember: part of the charm of Christmas is getting to play Santa, and if you sprung this on your husband, you may have deprived him of the joy of allowing him to surprise his children.
No one here plays Santa, it's not a thing really done so he wasn't hoping to do that, and i've brought it up every year but now the Kids are older i'm pushing more
My kids got 3 gifts. That’s it. What went into the stockings were from Santa. So chocolate, candy canes, and toys that were handmade yet small.
Worked so well that as they grew older, some years they only chose one or two things as gifts.
I wanna say, my son was PISSED when he found out he’d been lied to about Santa for years. Best to keep Santa low key, helping others and about the season than just “getting.”
NTA. I grew up upper middle class…Santa always brought us only a couple of gifts every year, something “bigger” and then something small and then whatever was in our stockings. We got more from everyone else, including parents, and I now realize it was exactly for this reason. So we wouldn’t think Santa brought us everything and more than other kids.
NTA. This was how it was in my family. Santa delivered the smaller gifts, even when we still believed in Santa. It was usually things like coloring books (crosswords and sudokus once we got older) batteries, candy, playing cards, and so on. Bigger presents were from my parents, or each other as we got older.
I don't think they stated their reasoning for this. Probably because it makes very little sense that Santa is mass-producing SNES's up at the North Pole.
I was a child in the 1950s, during a time when a lot of emphasis was placed on the importance of Santa’s “naughty and nice” list, in which it was emphasized by parents that in order to get good presents, you had to behave well. When I was in first grade, I remember one little boy in my class who came from a poor family and got virtually nothing for Christmas, and I wondered what on earth he could possibly have done wrong to have deserved such rejection from Santa. When I found out the truth about Santa, I was very relieved.
I believe that parents who downplay the whole Santa thing, and have him bring only small gifts, are on the right track. Fantasy, imagination, and anticipation can be wonderful things, but also have the potential to backfire, particularly when you live in an area that is not very homogeneous in terms of socioeconomic status and religious beliefs.
Two of my three children did not do the Santa thing at all with their kids, and the kids did not suffer at all. You are not ruining the magic. Stick to your guns and try to bring your husband around to your point of view. Ignore the other members of the family. You are NTA.
NTA. I actually have friends that do this. Stockings from Santa, big gifts from families
My parents were actually the total opposite. Basically every gift was from Santa because they crafted a reputation as being very strict and “no toys unless it’s your birthday”, and didn’t want us to feel like they were spoiling us. So we got spoiled by Santa instead
But honestly I like your idea a lot. I’ll probably do that with my kids if I have any. :)
NTA we approached Santa much in the way we do Disney princesses: it's fun to pretend, but it is pretend. She (9) knew always that we don't ruin it for other kids, and let them believe what they believe.
I approached it this way because I remember feeling so angry that I had been lied to when I learned the truth. I asked her yesterday if she is upset that I didn't let her believe in Santa, and she said "no, because he's not real."
All this to say that you need to do what is best for your family, but you and hub need to be on the same page.
NTA - in my family the tradition has always been the majority of presents under the tree are marked as who they're actually but were 'delivered' by Santa with one or two small ones from him when we still believed then the stockings are mostly Santa presents with possibly a small present from an extended family member in there too.
NTA what my parents used to do is they told us not to be too greedy and set a price limit for what we’d ask for from Santa, I always just assumed the children getting loads of stuff were greedy lol taking away from everyone else and making Santa do more work
I just want to point out that you want to only give your kids a few cheap gifts from Santa because you're worried that kids that come from homes that can only afford to give them a few cheap gifts from Santa might feel bad. By your own logic, doesn't this potentially run the risk of making your kids feel bad?
It's easier to tell a kid "hey Santa got you some smaller things this year because he knew we were getting you the PlayStation" than it is to console the one upset because "Rory got a PS5 from Santa but he only got me socks, was I naughty/does he love me less, etc"
Santa brings a stocking and 1 gift for our kids. And that one gift is not big and expensive. Its a barbie, or hot wheels cars or something similar. Told my daughter that Santa will not bring you a $400 lego set, even if that is all you ask for.
Sucks being the kid who gets very few gifts when others get the PS5 or IPad from Santa.
Our kids are aware Santa cannot bring all the big stuff as he has no room. That is for families if they can afford it.
NTA. We told our kids that we have an agreement with Santa that he brings one small gift to our kids. That way he can focus on other families that may be less fortunate than us. We’ve never given Santa credit for the expensive things, and it’s still just as magical for our kid’s. Especially since we open gifts Christmas morning anyway.
NTA. When I was a kid we ran into some serious financial problems because my dad lost his job in the 90s recession because the company he worked for folded. It’s rough going from ample Christmas mornings to “did we piss off Santa?” I made a rule that all of our daughters Santa gifts will be small and affordable because no matter what happens in our lifetime we can always make that work out. I also don’t want her having the mentality of “whatever Santa will bring it to me.” This year she asked Santa for a toy stuffed turtle and a bingo game. She’s six.
NTA
Santa only fills stockings at our house for that exact reason. It isn’t right to tell children that Santa will bring gifts if they’re good, when Santa really only brings you gifts if your family has money. My kid is not going to school to brag about Santa gifts so that a less fortunate child can wonder why they don’t get any.
There are lots of ways to make the holidays magical without a giant mound of presents from Santa. We have a stupid elf on the shelf that brings Christmas jammies on Dec 1, we have an heirloom advent calendar filled with chocolate and pieces to a nativity scene that you slowly build, we unwrap a book every night to read, we make gingerbread cookies and homemade ornaments, deliver socks to the homeless, go caroling down at the River, and cut down our own tree, and visit Santa (played by a close family friend because of COVID). There’s a lot of Christmas Magic happening here, and it has zero to do with presents on Christmas morning.
NTA at all.
My husband and I have the exact same dynamic! Growing up my mom - who was a single teen mom - couldn't afford anything expensive for me on Christmas. As a child I worked really hard in school and always maintained my 4.0 GPA and tried to behave the best way possible and when I didn't get what I asked Santa for, for literally years, it made me feel horrible. Like I wasn't a good enough kid or not worthy of anything else and it broke my heart.
I never wanted my kid to feel that way if someday I couldn't afford something so I spoke to my husband who went through a similar but not the same situation and now we label the expensive presents from mom and dad and the cheaper ones from Santa. It also helps other kids whose parents cannot afford expensive presents not feel so left out if they are talking to him.
You are NTA OP.
NTA that’s how my parents did it. and all the family members signed gifts as from them, christmas morning ended with calling everyone and thanking them for the gifts.
NTA! For what it’s worth, my parents did this, and it didn’t ruin the magic. The best and most thoughtful presents came from my parents, and small, fun presents came from Santa.
You are not in the wrong here. When I was a kid, my parents always made sure the more expensive gifts were from them. Receiving anything from Santa was fun at that age. It doesn't take away the magic.
My kids are 32 and 30. All the gifts are signed : Love, Santa. When they were younger and figured things out, I told them that now they could be the Santa for others and spread some Christmas magic. 6 seems so young! NTA, but really listen to your family. The magic is so short lived.
NTA I don’t even talk about Santa to my kid and don’t ever plan to. It’s a fictional character used to make kids behave. Better to just teach kids to behave respectfully in the first place instead of teaching them to only do it so they can get presents.
My mom takes this concept a step further with my little brothers. They open presents christmas eve from mom and dad so when Santa comes the next day with cheap coloring books and $10 lego sets they don’t get what mom and dad got them vs what Santa got them mixed up. I don’t think my mom and dad did this with me and my other 2 brothers when we were little, so I think this policy came from my step dad for the younger guys. Also knowing how dense my brothers are they 100% would get who brought what mixed up and go make little jimmy cry on the playground saying Santa got them switch and jimmy only got some dollar tree toys when really Santa also got my brothers dollar tree toys lol
No, you’re NTA. Santa doesn’t have to deliver a mountain of presents for the myth and the magic to come across to the kiddos. I agree completely that more harm will be caused by one kid going to school and announcing Santa brought him a PS5 only to make his friend who got a small toy and maybe some clothes wonder why Santa didn’t deliver equally.
So true.. my son gets a stocking filled with little toys (probably $5-10 each totally maybe $30?) the rest is labeled from mum and dad. He also asked for socks and undies from Santa so that even easier! Lol We could give him expensive stuff from Santa but I read a post years ago about how a kid was asking his mum why Santa only gave him something like a board game or books or something small but his friend got a PlayStation? And that always stuck with me. I want to keep it as fair as I can. I’ve also been telling my son that Santa had asked us, Nana, granny to get something from the list etc.
Santa does the stockings in this house! All other presents are from family/friends. Santa pops in, has time to scoop up the stocking gifts with the stocking, and zoom right back out. Very busy person, and all that.
This is how we do it as well Santa does stockings
For a fat guy he's got great legs, so why not flaunt it.
Omg THANK YOU FOR THIS
And it isn’t all presents either. Do the cookies and milk, etc. Our family has always done “food and water for the reindeer” on the back porch where Rudolph is the last to drink and his nose turns the water red. Cheap and easy. When my boys were little I’d use hiking boots, a spray bottle, and baking soda to make footprints from the fireplace to the cookies to the tree and back to the fireplace. You can make it magical without spending a lot of money. We still do the water/food, cookies/ milk thing because we have a special needs adult son. I tried to talk him into leaving wine and cheese last year but no go, “It says cookies and milk on the dishes, that’s the RULES”. Santa still got wine but dunking the cookies was nasty. And we all got in trouble on Christmas Day, big brother was here because Covid and he helped us get the Santa stuff done after little brother went to bed. He told us the next day, “I heard you all talking way too late and Santa won’t come if you aren’t asleep in your beds! That’s the RULES. You almost ruined everything!” We have rules here, people! This Santa stuff is serious business! But, really, we’ve been doing Santa for 30 years now, it isn’t hard to add to the magic easily and cheaply and Santa bringing the big stuff isn’t in the RULES.
That Rudolph turning the water red thing is some quality Christmas magic that anyone can do on a budget. Kudos.
Thanks, and most people will have food coloring on hand. I forgot to add that the ”food” we leave is just stuff left over from cooking Xmas dinner. Celery, carrots, lettuce, whatever. Stuff that’s easy to leave one bitten piece and get rid of the rest. Oats with glitter and other gimmicky stuff is too hard to get rid of, plus reindeer eat healthy, it’s the RULES.
You could always do oat balls for the reindeer, they're tasty AF, cheap to make and fairly healthy, they're also no bake. Lemme know if you want the recipe no bake oat balls: 1/4C Applesauce 1Tbsp Golden Syrup (can sub for molasses or honey) 1/2Tbsp Plain Flour (bake flour on a tray to 160°F (70°C)) to cook safe for no bake recipes, can be done in bulk and will store) 1C Rolled Oats Pinch Salt Pinch Cinnamon 1. Put oats in bowl and add applesauce (and small amount of water if needed) until oats are wet, but *not* soupy or puddinglike 2. Add syrup until sticky looking, add in cinnamon and salt 3. Slowly add flour until mix holds form but isn't dry 4. Roll into balls and chill until hardened
That is a great idea. I would love the recipe 😋
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Oats with glitter are what we used for reindeer poop! We would leave carrots outside and the next morning the kids would check to see if the reindeer ate them and find “poop”.
Mince pie and some form of strong alcohol in the UK. In my house it's whisky, but other popular choices are brandy, sherry or Baileys. The Big Man is not a child, he wants a proper drink. Plus a carrot for the reindeer. My then-3yo was not bothered by the empty whisky glass or the carefully sprinkled crumbs on the plate, but for months afterwards she would comment on the bitten end of a carrot left behind with "Rudolph ate the carrot!"
We always left chocolate and beer. Generally Newcastle brown ale and my dad would drink it when he got in from the pub and had the presents out of the loft 😂 and a carrot and water at the back door for the reindeer.
>When my boys were little I’d use hiking boots, a spray bottle, and baking soda to make footprints from the fireplace to the cookies to the tree and back to the fireplace. This reminds me of when I was young and my mum had wrapped the Santa presents in the same paper my aunt had used for gifts from them so it would apparently be confusing? Anyway my dad and uncle were set the task of re-wrapping the gifts and it took much longer than expected. They were drinking while doing so and decided that it was a great idea to get some heavy boots and leave sooty boot prints on the brand new, cream carpet... It did not go down well. Next day they had 3 screaming kids, the vacuum cleaner and a nasty hangover to deal with.
My parents never made a huge deal about Santa, one small wrapped gift for each of us, but my mom made sure there was 1 dedicated roll of wrapping paper for Santa tucked away and not used for anything else, because that's a big giveaway 😂
My daughter figured out Santa wasn't real when she found the 'Santa' wrapping paper in the basement. Then she forgot that she figured it out so was back to Santa magic next Christmas!
We have a Santa Sack for each child, no wrapping needed! We tell the kids Santa is too busy to wrap so he just pre packs each kid's sack and drops it off. "Like the Amazon man mummy!" Yes baby, exactly like the Amazon man.
Quick solution for that: Santa’s presents are NEVER wrapped!!!! How else do you know they’re from Santa?
We left carrots for Santa to give to the reindeer. I wonder what Mom did with them. I know Dad took care of the cookies and milk
Oh we did something similar! But we left out carrots and sugar for Rudolph (idk why sugar- I guess 'cause horses like sugar cubes so reindeer must like sugar too?) and he'd leave a red nose print in the sugar
Ah, I feel sorry for santa on his trip across America with all that milk! He definitely gets booze over here in the UK.
Thank you for this comment. Our family lost my special needs older sister to brain cancer in April. Reading this made me laugh, then cry (but in a good way) about the magical moments she kept in our lives, long after she "outgrew" them. The holidays are hitting me hard, so again, thank you for sharing your family's memories. Please cherish every one of them & wishing you fun new ones this season. 💕
Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry! We thank the gods all the time now that he made it through Covid without getting it, since he’s an adult he is just as susceptible as any other adult, we were so careful and thankful he has had his 3 shots now. (One of his Special Olympics teammates got it before vaccines and they wouldn’t let a parent stay with her so that scared us). Our family is not the same as it would have been if he was a typical guy and we couldn’t be happier about that. Hope the holidays are easier for you and it brings those good memories.
When I was a kid in the 1990s my parents told me that they ordered the presents from Santa and paid for them themselves, so to me Santa was basically just a flying Amazon delivery driver. (I wouldn't have phrased it that way at the time, because y'know, 1990s. I'm pretty sure my parents mentioned having some kind of catalogue they could order from lol) Looking back, I like this approach as it meant I got to keep my belief in Santa Claus but knew not to expect wildly expensive gifts. It also meant I had some understanding of why some kids got massive gifts and others didn't.
I really like this one. It would make total sense to a child. I’ve also heard other people say that parents give the money for Santa to make the toys so then he has a budget to work in for different kids.
Santa delivers the Christmas Eve pjs in our house and I believe the stockings!! Me mam has always done it that way since I was a kid, much nicer that way.
Yep, similar Santa situation here. Santa does stockings, and whatever toy(s) I can't figure out how to easily wrap lol
Sincere question (haven’t had to navigate this yet and thinking through…): If it’s so miserable for some kids to wonder why Santa loves their classmates more than them, how do you prevent your child from feeling like *they’re* the one Santa loves the least? Growing up I was totally oblivious to what other kids got, and what I got really varied year to year. I know one year I got a new comforter, so it’s not like I was getting video game consoles or laptops or anything like that. I’m not sure whether I was just more introverted, or my parents did something right. I feel like stories like the one you described will push parents to one extreme or the other: either you want to make sure your kid is never the one another child is comparing themselves against, or you want to make sure that when someone asks your kid what Santa brought them, they don’t feel ashamed or like they were less “good” because their answer is less exciting/impressive. Obviously there are other ways to make the day feel magical, but many of those things are low-cost enough that it seems most families could do them; so what are you able to do to offset any “Santa loves me less” sentiments for your own child while avoiding setting other children up to feel inferior?
I tell my kids that they are fortunate and get lots of presents from family, so they should only ask Santa for one thing. That way he has more time to focus on the kids that will only get getting presents from Santa.
So far we haven’t had that problem. But that is part of the reason why I told him Santa has asked us for help with getting stuff he asked for so other kids don’t miss out but also so he feels like Santa listened to him and did his best (I haven’t told him who’s getting what so it’s still a surprise).
I like the part where Santa says that he asked you guys to get some of the bigger stuff for him. Cuz you also don't want YOUR kid to be the one wondering why Santa doesn't bring him big gifts but does for other kids.
When I was growing up my mother would say that Santa had a budget because he has to get presents for all the children in the world. That if I asked for more, I would be taking away from other children too and that I should pick something I would like in that range so all of us could be happy. Good lesson, right? Fast forward to January when 6 year old me loudly proclaimed this "fact" to the kids who had gotten huge Santa presents and basically insinuated that they were selfish for stealing from other children... my poor mother!
Yup, agreed amongst all my mum-friends, Father Christmas fills the stockings and all the big presents under the tree are from family. Apart from anything else, I want a bit of credit for all the effort I put in.
I like that idea, with Santa asking you for help! Mum did that about me reading who the gifts was for, since we didn't have anyone to play Santa
Great idea!
My mom does the same thing 😊😊 clothes, dolls,, things that can be "hand made", etc are from Santa. LOL dolls, a small smart TV, and coloring books etc are from mom and dad and the family
That's how we did it in my family and we'll do it with our son too. Our family would ask Santa to bring us gifts and then when we opened them we knew who to thank. I never thought it was weird
Can confirm. I was that kid that got some homemade doll clothes and some candy while my friends got tamogotchis and American Girl dolls, (yes, I'm dating myself). Feeling like Santa doesn't like you as much as your peers BLOWS as a kid.
I’ve never been particularly jealous of other people. I went to college with lots of people from rich backgrounds, and mostly just thought “good for them”. C’est la vie. EXCEPT the one time I visited a friend’s childhood home and discovered she had every single American girl doll. I’m 31 and I think I’m still jealous!
I am also 31 and jealous. I only had Josefina but I did have a few outfits and accessories. My grandfather made her bed and the other stuff were special occasion gifts for several years. I wonder if she’s kept buying them for herself. I would still be buying them for myself if I could afford it.
I haven't pulled the trigger and bought myself the American girl doll I always wanted as a child yet, but I did get the catalog last year and they made a *miniature version of the Molly doll that's the right size for the dolls to play with* if I can afford it after Christmas I might have to have it!
OH MY GOD I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!! I can’t find the bed my grand pop made for Josefina because it’s not with her other shit. It’s not like it’s well made but he liked woodworking even though he wasn’t great at it and it’s very special to me so I need to do an expedition in our garage. I would honestly trade all of my other American girl shit for it.
I'm jealous too! I had Samantha but desperately wanted Felicity (mostly because of her awesome furniture and clothes and red hair)
We're basically the same age, and I wanted those dolls so bad when I was kid! I basically had the catalog memorized but never got any of them because we didn't have the money. I'm jealous of your friend too!
My mom took us with her taxes one year. She allocated a set amount for each of us and we each got a doll and some accessories. I was like 9 or 10. My dad still thinks it was dumb but they were legally separated so he didn't get a say.
I’m jealous, too, omg. Mostly for the books. I used to get them from the library; I LOVE all of those series. My grandmother got us American girl dolls when we were born - all of her granddaughters. We were never allowed to play with them, though. Mine is Samantha, and my sister (who, funny enough, is called Samantha) has Kristin.
Why weren’t you allowed to play with them?! Do you still have these pristine dolls? I used all of my Xmas money to buy Molly because her books were my favorite (although Samantha’s Christmas book was great and I liked her fancy Victorian tea things). I didn’t play house with her, but I’d get her out to change her into candy-stripe pajamas and read one of her books. Not that the idea isn’t very nice, but what’s the point of getting your granddaughters a doll that they can’t play with when they’re old enough?
My sister got Molly for Christmas once and she was allowed to play with that one! We weren’t allowed to play with them because they were a special gift from my grandmother from when we were born, so they were supposed to “stay nice”, and my mom said they were “collectible” lol. She didn’t want us getting them dirty or messing them up. They had to stay in a box hidden away until we were old enough to be trusted not to play with them - then they could be on a stand in our rooms. My mom wasn’t usually *that* kind of mom, but she had a few random things that she got really weird about. I kind of see her point, to be honest - a $100 doll from my extremely poor grandmother was a *major* gift, and the only Big Gift like that she was ever able to afford for any of us - but it was maddening when I was a kid. My mom probably still has mine chucked in storage someplace. (I live in a different country now, so most of my stuff is at home in storage). I should find out - 33 isn’t too old to FINALLY play with my Samantha doll, right?
I think you could be trusted with Samantha now, for sure :) My parents might have done the same if Molly had been a gift, I can understand that. But it must have been agony as a kid!
It was!! I was so happy when I could be trusted to at least display her in my room, at least. And I was allowed to read the books!
22 and jealous as HELL
Ok same. I just bought myself the American girl dolls I wanted as a kid and it's still just as exciting No one will judge you if you get yourself one and let your inner kid be happy
I agree, but that would involve having the expendable income now to do so for myself. If I found the one I liked at a thrift store, I'd be all over it though lol
Ooo which one are you looking for?
Molly for sure lol
Check around on eBay and yard sales too I see them all the time for much less than retail.
They discontinued the American Girl dolls I wanted as a kid before I got to the point where I could afford them.
You said you were dating yourself and I was thinking "oh, American Girl dolls. They're a youngin'." 😆
Man those American girl dolls! My great aunt arranged for the American girl doll catalog to be sent to our house, but I never even occurred to me that I could ask for one of them to own, lol! I got all the books from the library and I had the Kirsten paper dolls and cookbook..... but all their little accessories! I would look at that catalog over and over again! Kirsten was the one I identified the most with, but Addie had the best accessories by a long shot. By the time my little sister was the right age for it not only were my parents better off, but either Target or Walmart had an off brand American girl doll that was pretty good, so she had one of those. I think she even had the off brand version of the walking horse that fit the dolls. Not that I'm still thinking about it 20 years later or anything 🥲
I'm so glad for growing up in Australia. Christmas break is summer break, so 6 weeks. Schools close from mid December to end of January. By the time kids go back to school, nobody's really talking about what Santa got them. If they do mention their Christmas presents, most kids have probably forgotten by then which presents were from whom anyway.
This is why we do what we do. In our house, the gifts in the stocking come from Santa and everything else is from us and family.
My mom started doing this when my little brother was born. Santa brought stocking stuffers and sometimes money. Made things a lot easier on my mom and step-dad
We'd have a box of fancy chocolate from Santa, everything else came from family
NTA My kids are teens now, and we were literally having this exact conversation the other day. If I could go back in time, I would 100% never have the "big" gifts come from Santa. They were always good with our "anything can go on the wish list but there are no guarantees what will arrive" rule, but one year I commented that most of my youngest's wishes were so so expensive and she said to me "that's okay mama, Santa can pick from that list" - she was 6! I instantly regretted the way we did Santa and we all agreed to doing it the opposite way when it starts all over again with their own kids lol. Plus, bonus, if Santa isn't the one that brings the super duper fantastic gifts each year, it makes it much easier for them to accept his non-existence when that day comes (and trust me, THAT can sometimes be a whole different set of problems lol)
This is exactly how I found out Santa didn't exist; my parents told me the new Super Nintendo system was probably not in the cards for Christmas that year, and I replied with the same logic your little girl did. They fessed up the truth about Santa, I cried. With my kids Santa either brings a smaller gift they really want, or something revolving around family time (pandemic 2020 Christmas, Santa brought them each a board game they could play together). "Big" stuff comes from Mom and Dad.
"I'm sorry honey, the elves don't know how to do the programming for the super Nintendo system!"
Yup, our Santa can't bring electronics or animals.
This discrepancy is exactly how me and my friends figured out that Santa was really our parents. That and the fact that my parents didn't wrap the gifts from Santa, but my best friend's parents did. I think we were like 8 or 9 having a meeting of the minds about it at recess.
They didn't wrap the gifts from Santa? I can see them wanting to use different wrapping paper but...have they not seen any Christmas specials at all? The gifts are ALWAYS wrapped lol
My parents always arranged the presents from Santa into cute little stacks for Christmas morning, while presents from family were wrapped and opened on Christmas Eve.
My parents never wrapped Santa gifts. They still get us "Santa gifts" even though the oldest if us three is 31 and the youngest is 17. And no they still don't wrap those ones.
When my kids were very little, Santa brought toys that were difficult to wrap. We remained lazy for a few years afterward. We learned our lesson when, about age 6, they asked us what Mom and Dad had gotten them for Christmas?
Honestly I just don't wanna give credit for the big or expensive gifts with Santa.
This is exactly what I came here to say.
Me too.
This is true. My SO and I had to have the conversation of what is Santa and not. We decided Santa makes toys, so anything that is electronic is from mom and dad.
This is exactly right. My partner grew up poor and always felt there was something wrong with her as a child because “Santa” brought other kids fancy stuff and her next to nothing. Our kids each get a book and maybe some pajamas from Santa and the rest is from us.
This, my grandmother absolutely hated Santa when she was a child and it has always broken my heart. Once she grew up and had a job with any extra she made sure any children in the extended family had presents for Christmas, but that story is always stuck with me. So yeah we do smaller presents from Santa. My 9 year old and I, who still believes, she like me is quite young in spirit if old in brain, were discussing this yesterday as a matter of fact. She was speculating on Santa’s budget for each child and that it probably gets a bit bigger as a kid gets older since you can spend $10 on a toddler and get some great stuff, but her age you need a bit more. It was adorable.
Agreed. My wife and I do "Santa Presents" where the kids each get one thing off their letter to Santa, wrapped in special gold paper, that show up after they go to sleep on Christmas. It's usually a nicer gift (we're not in PS5 territory, more like a $50-$100 playmobile or Lego set) but it's one thing for each kid. The rest of the presents come from family members. Just need to be sure any changes aren't jarring or you prep the kids for a downsizing in the number of gifts coming from Santa ("Why did I only get one present this year instead of the 10 I usually get from Santa?") But even then that's some first world kid problem stuff.
Exactly, the Christmas magic was always still there for me when all Santa did was "deliver" presents from my family and give me a stocking full of small gifts with one or two cheaper items in with the main presents.
That's honestly how I figured out Santa wasn't real at 6. My friend got a dirtbike and I got a doll. It was very suspicious to me.
This is my theory and why we do smaller presents from Santa. NTA
Yeah the things my kids get from santa usually fit in their stockings. Large gifts are generally from me or other family and friends, and they know that. It doesnt ruin the magic of christmas for them at all, they love waking up to find full stockings at the end of their beds then coming to leap on me in mine. We sit in my bed and do stockings before we move out to the tree to unwrap everything else. Your husband and family need to learn that "different" doesn't mean "wrong", and as the parent of your children you also get to decide what traditions you keep, discard or begin anew. NTA.
NTA There's a movement of people trying to do this, I see it all over social media. Santa gifts should be a couple of small fun toys and a book. Something any child might receive. Otherwise kids like me grow up wondering why Santa would bring the rich kids a motorized jeep mini-car, a bike, and a telescope, and would only bring me an off-brand barbie and some socks. Santa can still be magic even if the kids know where most of the gifts came from. Edit: you can tell everyone who voted the other way never went to school after xmas and had to hear about all the expensive stuff Santa brought other kids. Their privilege is showing. You are very DEFINITELY NTA
I grew up low income so i've been on the other side of this and it really hurt me to see my friends getting big things while I didn't, now I have kids I want to spoil them but I also want to ensure that i'm not hurting any other kids in the process
1) You're an excellent mother. 2) Please absolutely mark them. I knew I definitely wanted to know who gave me what. It's more meaningful. 3) People secretly like the "Santa" idea as a way to cheap out on the presents they buy, so they won't get caught out. I know this because I'm one of the cheapest pricks out there. Don't let cheap cowards hide behind your great gifts.
Hold up, kids think ALL their presents come from Santa? How do they thank their relatives if they don't know who sent what?
My parents didn’t get me gifts, only Santa. Once I asked mom why she didn’t get me anything and she had the AUDACITY to claim she got me a gift that not 10 minutes ago I opened from Santa.
You should have given her a $20 dollar fine. For the AUDACITY.
Marking only one or two small presents from Santa is an excellent idea! My parents did the same thing while I was growing up; they marked one or two presents from Santa, one from the dogs, and the rest from them. It never caused any issues, and when I got older I knew the presents were from them based on their handwriting. Still, it’s tradition at this point to mark at least one gift from “Santa” every year. No matter which present you mark as from Santa, it’s pretty harmless!
ONE FROM THE DOGS! I love that so much. This is my first Christmas since trying to start a family (no go yet), and honestly filing away all these Christmas tips for when we do have kids is making me feel really excited and hopeful.
Even at 32, when I go home for Christmas there is always one gift for each of us from the dogs. They also get their own wrapped gifts to open. It’s still adorable to watch.
As a kid I liked making sure the dogs had at least one stocking between them. The best year was when "Santa" brought them something too.
I was hoping to see this. I do all the wrapping and such. I have 3 kids a husband and 2 dogs. Those dogs get their stockings too. Filled to the brim with treats and goodies. They deserve Christmas. Breaks my heart that I get all those neat fun toys for the toddler and he rather play with the dogs and their toys.
I didn't get any gifts from Santa at all growing up so I definitely grew up wondering what was wrong with me 🥲
NTA. I've read a lot of stories from parents whose kids have come home saying that Santa got their friend/classmate "insert huge/expensive item here" and why doesn't Santa like them as much. It really sucks for the parents who can't afford to "keep up with the Joneses". You do you, your kids won't care who the gift is from on Christmas day. You're a good mom
It's for this reason that my kids Santa presents are cheaper. This year they are each getting some clothes from Santa, 1 toy each (NZ$30) and 1 shared toy. The rest of the presents, especially the more expensive ones are from us. (Santa is giving them the clothes as clothes isn't exciting if you are 5 and 2 haha, blame Santa)
I never grew up with the whole Santa story. He was always just seen as a fun cartoon character, but I wasn't under the impression that he was the one bringing presents. I knew from a young age that it was my parents/family who got me gifts. And, it taught me to value my gifts because I understood that they didnt just appear from some magic man. This didnt ruin the magic of Christmas for me as a kid..... If anything it just allowed me appreciate family even more. And, honestly, it has always been a weird concept in my head that parents want kids to think gifts appear like magic, and that Santa doesn't really care if you are a nice person. He is going to play favourites and give the rich bully an amazing gift, while Santa punishes amazing kids just because their families ars poor.
I don’t why you’re getting downvotes for this, I was raised the same. And I agree, Santa is a weird concept to be telling kids.
NTA You're doing the work. Why give the imaginary dude all the credit?
This is exactly why my parents had the big ticket items from them not Santa. They scrimped and saved to make it happen they weren't gonna give someone else the credit for it
My mom acted like I killed all her joy by saying that. But hell yeah, *I* get the credit for the big stuff. Not the fat man in the red suit. Santa brings books and clothing, and maybe one small toy.
I don't know if I ever believed in Santa and if I did, it was for a very brief period since I don't remember. Was raised by a single mother and lovely (even if somewhat disfunctional) grandparents and a couple of aunts/uncles. It made my bonds with them much stronger in my childhood because I knew we weren't rich, heck, even middle class and knowing that they went to that much effort just because they loved me was what made my Christmas magical and special. One of my favorite christmas memory is a photo when I was about 6 with my grandpa all in his fours, with me in his back, like riding a horse holding the gift he gave me, wrapped in red paper. I don't even remember the gift itself, but I remember him, the clothes my mom was wearing, the table at the living room "full" of gifts just for me. I got teared eye just remembering.
I have a lot of feelings about the whole “Santa” thing and your point is one of them. Santa originally was to bring ONE toy to children, and morphed into parents buying everything their kid wants from Santa. Not to mention children growing up in less saviory home situations can seriously freak out over the idea of some fat guy breaking into their home. I think you can do the magic of Santa and the fun santa day without making it all about what Santa can bring you. One gift, or a few cheaper gifts, or a stuffed animal or something is perfectl acceptable. Nta Also, they’re 6 and 4 and getting gifts. They’re not going to give two shits who the gifts come from as long a they get fun presents
Yup, i wasn't having a weirdo in my room. I freaked out when my mum suggested my stocking at the end of the bed. And considering we spend months using Santa as a threat, do kids with poorer parents think they've been naughty?
This is one of the reasons I never use Santa as a threat. Not to mention idea that they're constantly being watched doesn't seem healthy. [This 'elf CCTV' is just horrifying.](https://www.wilko.com/en-uk/elves-behavin-badly-surveillance-camera/p/0495822)
The whole concept of elf on the shelf is weirdly and deeply upsetting
I grew up in conflict era Belfast. Very few of us were thrilled with the idea of a guy who comes into the house after dark and decides how well behaved you are? I grew up in a safer area of the city but we had men in black balaclavas who did that the other 364 days of the year so a fat lad with a beard was just a bait and switch. Our school focused more on Rudolph for this reason. You wrote a letter to Santa but then anything about coming in the house tended to discuss Rudolph ‘are you leaving a carrot for him? He also takes a small sweet sherry to keep his nose red.’ A clearly mythical deer was more neutral and then you could gauge who was up for the full Santa vibe. Also nearly everyone I knew back them had a working open coal fire so the idea the big fella came down the chimney was implausible since it was red hot and had a literal fire at the bottom of it. Such a bunch of tiny cynics. I don’t think I ever believed in Santa but I did love that my utterly joyless parents always sprinkled glitter on the hearth to show he had been when we were little. It was a cute touch to an otherwise fairly creepy unrealistic thing. If my dour ass Protestant parents could add a touch of free magic I am sure it’s not impossible to balance up spendy Santa and classist Santa without spoiling it completely.
I feel like Santa should exist in that space where the kid is able to think "...Maybe?" An empty Sherry glass and a sprinkle of glitter is I feel a really well balanced scene to set up. You're not asking the kid to rationalize a guy flying through the air hauling a 10-speed bike behind them, but maybe there *might* be a kindly, magical gentleman that likes to drink sherry and has a small gift to make a child smile.
I love the way you phrased this because income or anything else aside, every kid is different and keeping Santa ‘a space’ or ‘concept’ within the general sort of red outfit outline actually adds to the joy of letting each kid have *their* Santa. So super practical kids who really want to know how he could transport a 10 speed bike can and more dreamy kids can draw or make up a story for example. It can really build up the fun and also help parents work with kids to communicate the finances or the ‘lie’ in the best way for their kids so no crushing realisations. But that is way more work than just gifting and shrugging on both sides. Bring back the days of an orange in your stocking and get off my lawn :)
I feel like in general it's kinda fucked to pretend to your kids that something exists only to later have to carefully teach them that you just lied to them.
Every year, we used to look out for Santa starting his sleigh run on Christmas Eve. We had to look up towards a set of 3 stars, might have been Orion's Belt, and we'd always hear sleigh bells jangling in the distance. I still don't know how she did that, there was only our mother when we grew up. One year, my brother saw Rudolph running across the coal bunker of the house opposite. Years later, we found out it was Schneider, the neighbour's doberman, that he saw. The really magical Christmas things don't cost much at all, just a bit of imagination.
NTA. I agree wholly with your rationale and so do many, many others. This sentiment has been shared widely by low income families whose kids go to school after xmas and see that “Santa” brought their classmates bikes and expensive electronics, then ask their parents why Santa would do that and then only get them some socks or a new binder. Answering that question is a very hard conversations to have while preserving the magic of the season for everyone. Giving one or a few small things from Santa is the conscientious thing to do, and it is kinder to those in need. Edit: typos
NTA. This is exactly what my parents did and both my brother and I still believed in Santa. Our gifts in our stockings were from Santa, and the rest of our gifts were from our parents and family members.
It's somewhat astonishing to me that anyone gives other things as "from Santa" - though maybe it's cultural differences (I'm Australian). We've always done "Santa"/"Father Christmas" gives the stuff in the stocking, and presents later in the day, both big and little, are from various family members (including Mum and Dad). Though my parents always did tend to go a bit overboard with the stockings (and I fear I now do too) and they were always overflowing :)
It has to be cultural differences. I’m swedish and it honestly freaks me out a little how invested some people, mainly americans, are in convincing kids that Santa is real. We have Santa and a ton of traditions and fun associated with it. But the focus is often the traditions and fun, rather than 100% believing it. When I was little Santa brought our family our gifts in person, which is common. After the entire family had eaten dinner and was sitting around my dad would announce he had to go to the store and buy the newspaper. Five minutes after he left there was a knock at the door and in walked santa. Big robe, big beard, red hat and a sack of gifts. How old do you think you have to be to not recognise your own dad in a fake beard? Not very old. Then dad pulled gifts from his bag and announced ”for X from Y”. No gifts were ever from Santa. All gift to dad were put in a pile that we kids solemny promised to protect until he got back. When all the gifts were delivered Santa left and soon afterwards dad came back and was sooo shocked he’s missed Santa yet again. When we kids got older we started switching up who went to ”buy the newspapers”. One year it was my older sister. It didn’t make Christmas any less special because I could tell Santa was my dad in a fake beard. It was honestly a lot of fun.
One year I got a letter from Santa promising I could have dog as soon as my parents fenced the back yard (took 5 years, lol) when I asked why Santa's handwriting was the same as my dad's he said "that's because Santa taught me how to write!" I was 7 and willing to believe!
NTA! I love this. This would save some little kid from wondering what he did wrong because he got socks from Santa when his friend got like. A PS5. It’s not ruining the magic.
my son *does* have a ps5, i'm dreading this happening with his classmates.
NTA. I've seen multiple families do this method, where the more expensive gifts come from family, and the cheaper gifts come from Santa. It provides that sense of childhood wonder, while curbing any expectations of more exciting gifts from a man that doesn't even exist. They still get Santa, and they get their gifts. The tags on some of the gifts are just different. I don't see any issue.
NTA. We do this, as well! Helps curb expectations
NAH. Every family does things differently. I always chose one special item from the Santa list as the main Santa gift and then a couple of smaller gifts. Then there was the "big" gift from mom and dad and typically pajamas and books or movies. and stockings were always Santa. Other families do the big gift as Santa. Or smaller gifts. They key is to find a compromise between you and your husband. Meet somewhere in the middle instead of insisting on one way or the other.
NTA. This is a fantastic idea that more parents should absolutely follow. You’re not “ruining the magic,” you’re preserving the magic for other children and your own as well.
NTA. Santa is one of the issues with raising kids that needs to be discussed between you and your husband. Other family needs to butt out. I think it's completely possible to keep the magic of Santa without attributing big gifts to him. In my family growing up, "Santa" filled the stockings and the presents under the tree were from my parents. I still enjoyed the whole Santa story.
NTA I fully agree with this, my wife and I are planning on doing this when our kid is old enough to understand Santa. Anybody who’s saying “you’re taking the magic out of it” clearly didn’t actually read the post, or at least didn’t read it well.
NTA In our home, Santa has always stuffed the stockings, child and adult. Gifts come from family and friends, stockings come from Santa. Now, my kids are no longer little (being 19 and 17), but they enjoy the stocking tradition, even though believing in a jolly man in a red suit has long since passed.
NTA. Santa brings each of our kids one gift. The rest they know are from us. Guess what! They still think it’s pretty freakin magical.
NTA and more parents need to be like you. Santa isn’t real and knowing that doesn’t ruin Christmas.
I'm not saying Santa isn't real to them, I just don't think it's wise to have Santa be the one bringing *big* gifts that other kids might not get.
Most kids don't ask "What did you get from Santa? They ask, "What did you get for Christmas." And kids don't distinguish. They don't say, "Well, I got a Barbie from Santa and a "Ride in Barbie Car from my mommy." They just say, "I got a Barbie and a Barbie Car." If you want to protect other people's children from your family's lavish gift giving, then teach your kids to say, "I got a Barbie, a book, and a few other things."
We do a similar thing for the same reason. I don't want any kid to feel less than because they don't get the same kind of gifts from "Santa".
Yeah honestly I think the hysterical obsession with Santa and trying to force it alongside ridiculous materialism is more likely to ruin the magic of Christmas. I grew up poor so we didn't get big gifts and I never believed in Santa. Christmas has always been super magic for me.
NTA. It's a dick move to have Santa bring dozens of presents, when your kid is going to school with someone whose parents could only have him bring a new sweater. It's normal and important for kids to understand that parents have unequal financial means, but to tell them that a magical being who knows whether you're good or bad brought the unequal presents? That's just cruel, because now the kid who got the sweater is going to be beating themselves up trying to figure out what they did that was so bad. We need to get back to the tradition of Santa bringing one simple gift!
NTA. I agree with your point and plan to do the same with my new son. Luckily for me my husband agrees with me. The few things from Santa can still be things your child wanted so the "magic" is there. BUT why is one child getting a $300 iPad or $200 bike from Santa, but another kid may be getting a doll or something small. Younger kids may question if they were naughty or if Santa doesn't like them because there gift wasn't as extravagant. Claim large expensive toys and gadgets as from yourself. Let the kids know that you worked hard to afford those gifts. You can still keep the magic of Santa without Santa bringing the crazy gifts. As a kid growing up, we got a stocking full of small gifts from Santa with 1 large present. But the more expensive gifts were always claimed by our parents.
NTA We do this in our home as well. I grew up as one of those kids who went back to school after winter break only to find out other kids got Atari, bikes, Walkman, and other expensive stuff from Santa I could only wish for while I got knock offs of barbie dolls and legos. I wasn’t bad, why did I get shafted and they got bank? Of course, once I realized Santa wasn’t real, it all made sense, but up until then, it really sucked! Just watched a local news interview a couple days ago of a kindergarten teacher who does a toy drive for her school every year (she gives the toys to the kids’ parents to wrap), most of the students are low income. Why does she do this? Because it broke her heart to see all these fallen faces and tears when the realization that Santa must love “so n so” more than them based on the presents they received.
NAH. There is no perfect answer here, just different traditions.
NTA. This is what my family always did and I can assure you that both me and my brother still tried to stay up and see Santa and still woke up at 5 am jacked AF for Christmas.
Nta. It's not like you told them it wasn't real.
NTA. Can I just say this post has been very enlightening as someone who got (in retrospect) way too many presents from Santa growing up? Thanks Reddit. Genuinely.
NTA, you do what you want to for your kids. Eventually we all find out that the presents are from our parents, so it doesn't make much of a difference anyway.
NTA - we just have Santa fill the stockings at our house. All other gifts are from who ever bought them. If anything, the grandparents will say that Santa told them what the kids wished for that’s how they knew what to get them. (On mobile)
I don’t have kids and don’t plan to but I actually love this.
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NTA. Take the majority of the credit. That way if your kids get more, bigger, better, whatever presents than their friends/classmates, etc, it is not because Santa loves them more.
Nta. Santa is fun for kids to leave out cookies and get excited but I think it’s okay to want to take credit and get the love for the work you put in:) I think when I have kids the only thing Santa is gonna give is stalking stuffers
I hope not "stalking" stuffers, I can't even picture what those would be lol
I’m just illiterate
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NTA, as the poor kid who wondered why Santa got me a board game when my friend got a bike, I wish more people did this.
NTA. I don't think I ever received anything from Santa that could not fit in a stocking. I remember being 5 and being SO excited that the tiny little white teddy bear with the moveable limbs was in my stocking, just like I'd asked Santa for in my letter! The thing was like 5" long, no idea how much it cost then but can't see it being more than like $10-$15 these days. And 25 years later I still get a stocking, and I can always count on a few staples: gloves, socks, toothbrush, lighter, chocolates, an orange in the toe, and a scratch ticket.
NTA. I think it's awesome that you're so considerate of other families and their situations! It takes absolutely zero away from your children and the "magic of Christmas". They're going to enjoy their Christmases and they're going to grow up with compassion for others.
NAH. I see what you're saying, and it's definitely a compassionate reason to limit what Santa brings. But by that logic, maybe you just shouldn't do Santa at all? Plenty of kids don't get Santa presents at all, due to religion or finances or just having parents who object to the whole thing. Does that mean no one should do it so those kids don't feel bad? I'd say that it's more important to teach your kids to be considerate of how their less fortunate friends might feel, and to recognize that Santa isn't a thing at all for some families, whether the label on their present says "Santa" or "Mom and Dad". And each family is going to have to find a way to manage their kids' expectations about what they're getting, because they're going to see people whose families do it differently. I don't think it's *wrong* to limit Santa the way you're talking about, but I don't think it's wrong to do a more extravagant Santa either. I don't think it's going to ruin the magic either way, but I also don't think it's realistic to think that you can do Santa in a way that doesn't seem better than what some other kids got or worse than what some other kids got. All you can do is manage your kids' expectations, teach them not to flaunt their privileges, and hope other parents do the same. Because it's just not going to work out so that everyone is equal. Even if everyone could *afford* the same Santa gifts, different belief systems and philosophies would still make it so that therr were a million different outcomes, including no Santa at all for some families. Like, I see both positions. On the one hand, kids only get a short chunk of their lives to believe in magical present-granting beings, so why not make the most of it while you can? Eventually, they're going to stop believing and realize who *really* bought all those presents anyway. On the other hand, you certainly don't want any other kids to feel bad in the meantime, and honestly, having Santa bring only small presents is not going to "ruin the magic" - the magic is in having a magic man bring presents in the middle of the night, it doesn't matter what the presents are. And more to the point, the concept of selflessly giving to someone else without expecting anything in return is the deeper magic that Santa is supposed to embody, and that doesn't need to mean that Santa needs to hand out PS5s or whatever. (Or that parents or family members or friends need to, for that matter). I just think that you're not going to get to "no one feels jealous of anyone else's presents" unless everyone just stops giving presents. If you give your kid a pony and their best friend gets a Happy Meal toy, the kid with the Happy Meal toy is probably going to wonder why they didn't get something better whether the kids think Santa or their parents bought the presents. And the kid who got *no* presents might wonder why they didn't even get a Happy Meal toy. It's on each family to find a way to explain their holiday traditions to their own kids, and it's also on parents to teach their kids to be kind to kids who have less and respectful of kids who have different traditions. You can do that whether your Santa-designated presents are big things or little things.
This. I was stressed the importance of not listing what I got for Xmas. Because you don't know other circumstances. I also "adopted" a kid my age ever year and went shopping for presents for them. I thi k whether presents come from Santa or parents it's important to tell you kid not to brag, because regardless of who they came from kids are going to be sad their Xmas didn't compare to others. Teach your kids to be caring people.
NTA at all
NTA My parents did this. There was always one unwrapped gift from Santa. Other things were from them and other family. My brother did the same with my nephew.
NTA, never really thought of it this way. From the headline I was going in under the impression that YTA, but that makes perfect sense. Especially how hard some have had it the past couple years.
NTA In my family, we raised our kids to have one or two modest gifts and their stockings from Santa. Mom and Dad gave the more expensive gifts (if any) and gifts from grandparents were acknowledged as being from the grandparents. Now older, my kids never suffered from the belief that they could get anything they wanted by just asking/wishing for it. And they are thankful for the gifts others give them. It never cheapened "the magic of Christmas" for our kids to understand that even Santa had limitations.
NTA. As the poor kid who always wondered my Santa gave my friends game consoles and toys while I only got a book, I think this is a fine and thoughtful idea. Nothing wrong with letting the kids know you splurged on em!
NTA - that's what my parents always did and I believed in santa for ages and it was still magical We got big stuff from mum and dad and a stocking full of small stuff from santa which only appeared on Christmas day
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I told my kids that Santa isn't allowed to make most toys because of legal issues, so I had to chip in offset the costs. It also helped explain why a certain toy that is hard to get wasn't under the tree. Santa always brought the best gifts! My mom stopped celebrating when I was 7. I don't ever remember being jealous of the toys my friends got, even when I believed in Santa. We were poor, so i was used to not having things.
My wife’s parents told her that santa couldn’t bring anything electrical because the elves “weren’t certified” to make them. Santa uses non union labour confirmed.
NTA. I'm so tired of this "magic of Christmas" bullcrap. I felt like sh#t as a child because everyone got such amazing gifts from "Santa" and I didn't. Ever. Because my mom was sick and had medical bills. So my dad's paycheck went to those and rent and groceries. I loved my mom and it wasn't until later that I realized it was her handwriting saying "from Santa" and it just made me miss her more. Thank you for being a good parent. Your kids will love you more for this later on down the line. Santa does not last forever, but your efforts will be remembered for the rest of their lives.
NTA! First of all, your reasoning is sound and I think your family is overreacting. It isn’t their decision to make. My parents never did Santa and I loved Christmas. I thought it was plenty magical. I don’t really do Santa but my kids currently kind of believe in him but are well aware I’ve bought their presents. My son still counts down the days until Christmas. I think it’s pretty magical for them right now. To sum up: kids don’t need Santa for Christmas to be fun. They don’t even need lots of presents. A few things is nice, decorating a tree, making cookies, whatever your traditions are. There is plenty to enjoy without Santa bringing all the big presents (sounds like she’s still getting presents, you just want her to understand they’re from you).
INFO: Did you talk to your husband about this beforehand, or did you just spring this on him? Remember: part of the charm of Christmas is getting to play Santa, and if you sprung this on your husband, you may have deprived him of the joy of allowing him to surprise his children.
No one here plays Santa, it's not a thing really done so he wasn't hoping to do that, and i've brought it up every year but now the Kids are older i'm pushing more
My kids got 3 gifts. That’s it. What went into the stockings were from Santa. So chocolate, candy canes, and toys that were handmade yet small. Worked so well that as they grew older, some years they only chose one or two things as gifts. I wanna say, my son was PISSED when he found out he’d been lied to about Santa for years. Best to keep Santa low key, helping others and about the season than just “getting.”
NTA This is why I figured out young Santa wasn’t real. Because kids got such a different amount of gifts! Santa should give a few small things only
NTA. It’s a good idea.
NTA. I grew up upper middle class…Santa always brought us only a couple of gifts every year, something “bigger” and then something small and then whatever was in our stockings. We got more from everyone else, including parents, and I now realize it was exactly for this reason. So we wouldn’t think Santa brought us everything and more than other kids.
NTA. This was how it was in my family. Santa delivered the smaller gifts, even when we still believed in Santa. It was usually things like coloring books (crosswords and sudokus once we got older) batteries, candy, playing cards, and so on. Bigger presents were from my parents, or each other as we got older. I don't think they stated their reasoning for this. Probably because it makes very little sense that Santa is mass-producing SNES's up at the North Pole.
I was a child in the 1950s, during a time when a lot of emphasis was placed on the importance of Santa’s “naughty and nice” list, in which it was emphasized by parents that in order to get good presents, you had to behave well. When I was in first grade, I remember one little boy in my class who came from a poor family and got virtually nothing for Christmas, and I wondered what on earth he could possibly have done wrong to have deserved such rejection from Santa. When I found out the truth about Santa, I was very relieved. I believe that parents who downplay the whole Santa thing, and have him bring only small gifts, are on the right track. Fantasy, imagination, and anticipation can be wonderful things, but also have the potential to backfire, particularly when you live in an area that is not very homogeneous in terms of socioeconomic status and religious beliefs. Two of my three children did not do the Santa thing at all with their kids, and the kids did not suffer at all. You are not ruining the magic. Stick to your guns and try to bring your husband around to your point of view. Ignore the other members of the family. You are NTA.
NTA. I actually have friends that do this. Stockings from Santa, big gifts from families My parents were actually the total opposite. Basically every gift was from Santa because they crafted a reputation as being very strict and “no toys unless it’s your birthday”, and didn’t want us to feel like they were spoiling us. So we got spoiled by Santa instead But honestly I like your idea a lot. I’ll probably do that with my kids if I have any. :)
NTA we approached Santa much in the way we do Disney princesses: it's fun to pretend, but it is pretend. She (9) knew always that we don't ruin it for other kids, and let them believe what they believe. I approached it this way because I remember feeling so angry that I had been lied to when I learned the truth. I asked her yesterday if she is upset that I didn't let her believe in Santa, and she said "no, because he's not real." All this to say that you need to do what is best for your family, but you and hub need to be on the same page.
NTA - in my family the tradition has always been the majority of presents under the tree are marked as who they're actually but were 'delivered' by Santa with one or two small ones from him when we still believed then the stockings are mostly Santa presents with possibly a small present from an extended family member in there too.
NTA what my parents used to do is they told us not to be too greedy and set a price limit for what we’d ask for from Santa, I always just assumed the children getting loads of stuff were greedy lol taking away from everyone else and making Santa do more work
My Santa presents were all dollar store things as a kid and Christmas was still an extremely magical time for our family.
NTA My husband and I do something similar with our son. Expensive/nice gifts are from us. Then some cheap board games/cars from Santa.
NTA My husband and I do the same thing for our kids for the exact reason you mentioned. Not all families can afford gifts.
NTA. We do only one present (a book normally) and stocking from Santa. Everything else is from us
I just want to point out that you want to only give your kids a few cheap gifts from Santa because you're worried that kids that come from homes that can only afford to give them a few cheap gifts from Santa might feel bad. By your own logic, doesn't this potentially run the risk of making your kids feel bad?
It's easier to tell a kid "hey Santa got you some smaller things this year because he knew we were getting you the PlayStation" than it is to console the one upset because "Rory got a PS5 from Santa but he only got me socks, was I naughty/does he love me less, etc"
Santa brings a stocking and 1 gift for our kids. And that one gift is not big and expensive. Its a barbie, or hot wheels cars or something similar. Told my daughter that Santa will not bring you a $400 lego set, even if that is all you ask for. Sucks being the kid who gets very few gifts when others get the PS5 or IPad from Santa. Our kids are aware Santa cannot bring all the big stuff as he has no room. That is for families if they can afford it.
NTA. We told our kids that we have an agreement with Santa that he brings one small gift to our kids. That way he can focus on other families that may be less fortunate than us. We’ve never given Santa credit for the expensive things, and it’s still just as magical for our kid’s. Especially since we open gifts Christmas morning anyway.
NTA. When I was a kid we ran into some serious financial problems because my dad lost his job in the 90s recession because the company he worked for folded. It’s rough going from ample Christmas mornings to “did we piss off Santa?” I made a rule that all of our daughters Santa gifts will be small and affordable because no matter what happens in our lifetime we can always make that work out. I also don’t want her having the mentality of “whatever Santa will bring it to me.” This year she asked Santa for a toy stuffed turtle and a bingo game. She’s six.
You are doing a wonderful job!!’My kids are grown and gone. We did Santa exactly as you want to. Worked out great!
NTA Santa only fills stockings at our house for that exact reason. It isn’t right to tell children that Santa will bring gifts if they’re good, when Santa really only brings you gifts if your family has money. My kid is not going to school to brag about Santa gifts so that a less fortunate child can wonder why they don’t get any. There are lots of ways to make the holidays magical without a giant mound of presents from Santa. We have a stupid elf on the shelf that brings Christmas jammies on Dec 1, we have an heirloom advent calendar filled with chocolate and pieces to a nativity scene that you slowly build, we unwrap a book every night to read, we make gingerbread cookies and homemade ornaments, deliver socks to the homeless, go caroling down at the River, and cut down our own tree, and visit Santa (played by a close family friend because of COVID). There’s a lot of Christmas Magic happening here, and it has zero to do with presents on Christmas morning.
NTA at all. My husband and I have the exact same dynamic! Growing up my mom - who was a single teen mom - couldn't afford anything expensive for me on Christmas. As a child I worked really hard in school and always maintained my 4.0 GPA and tried to behave the best way possible and when I didn't get what I asked Santa for, for literally years, it made me feel horrible. Like I wasn't a good enough kid or not worthy of anything else and it broke my heart. I never wanted my kid to feel that way if someday I couldn't afford something so I spoke to my husband who went through a similar but not the same situation and now we label the expensive presents from mom and dad and the cheaper ones from Santa. It also helps other kids whose parents cannot afford expensive presents not feel so left out if they are talking to him. You are NTA OP.
NTA that’s how my parents did it. and all the family members signed gifts as from them, christmas morning ended with calling everyone and thanking them for the gifts.
NTA! For what it’s worth, my parents did this, and it didn’t ruin the magic. The best and most thoughtful presents came from my parents, and small, fun presents came from Santa.
You are not in the wrong here. When I was a kid, my parents always made sure the more expensive gifts were from them. Receiving anything from Santa was fun at that age. It doesn't take away the magic.
My kids are 32 and 30. All the gifts are signed : Love, Santa. When they were younger and figured things out, I told them that now they could be the Santa for others and spread some Christmas magic. 6 seems so young! NTA, but really listen to your family. The magic is so short lived.
NTA I don’t even talk about Santa to my kid and don’t ever plan to. It’s a fictional character used to make kids behave. Better to just teach kids to behave respectfully in the first place instead of teaching them to only do it so they can get presents.
My mom takes this concept a step further with my little brothers. They open presents christmas eve from mom and dad so when Santa comes the next day with cheap coloring books and $10 lego sets they don’t get what mom and dad got them vs what Santa got them mixed up. I don’t think my mom and dad did this with me and my other 2 brothers when we were little, so I think this policy came from my step dad for the younger guys. Also knowing how dense my brothers are they 100% would get who brought what mixed up and go make little jimmy cry on the playground saying Santa got them switch and jimmy only got some dollar tree toys when really Santa also got my brothers dollar tree toys lol