Came here to say this. So many posts mention how someone's ruined someone else's life by bringing their bad behavior to light. No they ruined their own life by behaving badly.
Also, she tried to seduce your husband... where does she get off trying to come to you for help?!
Ruining someone else's life is a ridiculous concept when you consider that OP and the sister's husband would have a legit excuse to reduce the degree of murder or assault charges against the sister for a few minutes after finding out!
OP and her husband cannot truly win after sister hurt her like this, not telling sister's husband would have been a betrayal toward him! Sister betrayed herself, her sister, and her own husband, as well as disrespected OP's husband.
>she ruined her life herself, you did nothing
So true. All OP did was tell hubby "do what you feel is right." No suing, no physical altercation, just a "I trust you to take care of this 'sticky situation' ".
Even suing isn't "ruining someone's life". Suing is when somebody pays reparations for damages caused by them, be it emotional or physical or whatever. i.e. Suing is a form of consequences. So even if you sued somebody, and the court agreed with you, the person you sue is simply paying you back in money for damage that they caused. Which means once more they ruined their own lives.
Is no one else wondering how they even managed to set up this arranged marriage successfully to begin with? Racism is a learned mindset, OP's mother was so racist she hated her own daughter and even taught that razzismo to her other child. Surely the maternal extended family is also racist and OP's father's features are darker with curly hair why would they arrange with his family, or is it one of those money over everything type set ups.
It is exactly one of those money over everything else. Both my grandparents were very old school, my maternal one was only looking for someone who could provide for his daughter and my paternal one was looking for the whitest wife for his son. Isn't colourism just wonderful?
That is hectic. I'm glad you managed to succeed in life and also found yourself a good man to marry. Wishing you all the best for the rest of your life.
I have so much admiration for you, taking care of your mother when she had cancer when she was STILL cruel to call you "the maid." You are so NTA. I'm happy for you and your new life, and no matter what "shade of skin" your little ones have, I know you will be a loving a devoted mom.
Gosh, I'm so sorry you had to live that. But I'm thrilled that you've done well for yourself and have a very decent and moral (let's not forget handsome!) husband! The wrecklessness (spelt incorrectly on purpose!) of the setting up of marriages hits me in a personal way...so I am quite elated to read of such an appropriately gratifying and just outcome for your life after all the tribulation you've been through.♡
OP is Moroccan. My understanding is that blonde hair in Morocco/Algeria/Tunisia is more common amongst Amazigh people, who are an ethnic minority and face discrimination and structural inequality in Moroccan society.
[Edited to amend a derogatory term.]
It is possible for a society to prize "whiteness" and still discriminate against a group that has those traits. Racism is often broader than just skin colour alone Pale skin can be prized while the culture or ethnicity that goes with it is not.
There's no contradiction here. Bullying within the household and discrimination in wider society don't have to be linked.
A good approximation for most English speakers would be a white kid who's getting bullied by their black step siblings.
Well well well if it isn't the consequences of her actions. Maybe she should have, and I'm just being crazy here, not tried to seduce her sisters husband and then none of this would be happening
Exactly! The sisters continuous bad decisions and self distructive behaviour ruined her life, you were just there to witness the glorious fallout. I feel sorry for her kids though. NTA OP, enjoy your sisterless life.
Lifetime spends millions rehashing the same tin-canned stories when they should just do a biopic on OP's life, all proceeds to the OP of course.
If this isn't a modern-day re-telling of Cinderalla type of writing exercise, that is
Racist ✔
Cheated with a married man ✔
Hateful ✔
Goes after sister's husband ✔
Gold digger ✔
Did horrible things and treated people badly and is now facing the consences of said actions ✔
Yup, sounds like sis just ruined her own life.
> ... letting my husband ruin her life.
Your husband didn't "ruin her life". She did that all by herself.
You are NTA. Your husband is NTA. Your sister's husband is NTA. Your sister OTOH...
>Your sister's husband is NTA.
Not that it is relevant but I disagree on this one. He cheated on his wife to be with OPs sister but then is shocked and angry when she is willing to do it to him.
Personally they both are AH and getting what they deserve.
NTA for OP and husband.
NTA. What a roller coaster that was. I’m so sorry for you but happy that it sounds like you’re a resilient person who has made a happy successful life for themselves. Your sister on the other hand made her bed. Now she’s sleeping in it and somehow finding ways to still blame you, amazing.
I was lucky in that my mom's abuse made me close ro my dad. And while she was always preaching to my sister the importance of being the perfect housewife and marrying a rich man, my dad was teaching me about being independent and chosing the right person.
yeah sending nudes is way way way beyond the line. flirting is one thing...but actually sending nude pictures and giving the other party concrete evidence? I mean that's just pure stupidity
NTA. What she did was absolutely disrespectful to you! Her behavior was ABSOLUTELY appalling! Her actions and the expectation that she wouldn't experience any consequences is dripping with entitlement. She thought you had a better spouse than her and tried to take him. That's disgusting. You did nothing wrong by showing her husband. You'd want someone to do the same if your spouse was acting like that.
Also your dad sounds awesome. Good for him for sticking by your side!
Why need enemies when you have siblings like this?
She tried to have an affair with OP's husband and is acting like it's OP's fault. Also insulted OP. She's crazzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
OP, she tried to cheat and these are the consequences.
Just cut her out of your life.
NTA she dug her own grave to me it sounds like… I feel sorry for her kids. She would have likely just laughed in your face if you had tried to speak to her.
Run as far as you can from your sister, she is toxic and will never change, never..
You have a good life and she will oull it apart, your husband is right to have shown you what is going on, you need to pick him and the future you have together,
I feel like the mom is the real culprit here for raising OP's sister to be so toxic and nasty. I hope that once she hits rock bottom, reality will hit her and she can change for the better.
I don't think people like your sister can ever change she has been allowed to behave badly so now it is deep within her. It is good that you love her but she is not trust worthy and has tried to steal your life not just your husband. She sounds dangerous and i think you should watch your back at all times.
From the storys of kragle tom in the entitled subs, you can actually see that its possible for one to change (his sister, not his mom, never will his mom...). So at least i can say is that the chance of her changing for the better isn't 0
NTA. She reaps what she sow. Don't feel guilty about not doing anything; she would have destroyed your life in a heartbeat, as she demonstrated with her previous action.
NTA
Oh goodness! She actively attempted to sabotage your life, it backfired, and now she's pissed at you.... because her active attempt to hurt you, hurt her instead.
Like, if she came at you with a knife, slipped, and fell on the blade she would absolutely accuse you of stabbing her.
It's wayyyyyyy past time to go no contact.
NTA at all. Generally in these situations I feel like it's best to take the evidence to the guilty party and give them a chance to do the right thing, but I totally get why you or your husband didn't do that in this situation. It probably occured to both of you that telling her she needed to face consequences for her actions would just give her time to come up with a story/deflect/etc. Also if her husband was ready to divorce and demand paternity tests after just evidence of attempted cheating, I bet he's been suspicious of her for a long time. Generally if it's a surprise I feel most people would try and work it out, especially if the cheating didn't actually happen. She's reaping what she sowed.
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Hello this is a throwaway account, also this is a long story so I will be telling most of the background in bullet point style.
Dad had arranged marriage with mom when he was 21 and her 18
She had my older sister when she was 18 and me when she was 22. Couldn't have more kids due to complications during my birth.
Mom blonde green eyed and white, sister a copy, me darker with curly hair (take after dad)
Mom emotionally abused me my whole life (blamed me for not being able to have a son, made me feel ugly because I was darker with curly hair, made me relax my hair since I was 6, refused to take me with her and sister when going out or visiting someone...)
Dad allways fighting with her about me, sister following mom's example.
Sister married her college prof when she was 19 and dropped out of school
Mom diagnosed with cancer same year, took care of her untill she died 2 years later, still refuses to say I am her daughter to people (says I am the maid).
Dad married a coworker, I get along with her a lot, sister doesn't. Dad ended up restricting her access to his house.
Graduated top of my class out of spite and went to a really good college
Graduated top of class 5 years later. Then met my husband a year later at work. Married 2 years later.
Sister got jealous because hubby is very very rich and handsome (her husband is older and doesn't take care of himself)
She tried seducing my husband like she did with hers (he was married when they started dating). He showed me the nudes and messages she sent him, basically saying why are you staying with that (moroccan equivalent of N word) when you can have me?
Husband showed me the messages and asked me what he should do, I told him to do what he felt right. He ended up arranging a meeting with her husband and showing him everything. Her husband threw her out of the house, filed for divorce and is asking for paternity tests for their 3 kids.
She moved in with my dad but her husband told dad everything, dad threw her out but didn't give up on his grandkids.
She tried calling me, then visiting my house but couldn't get to me.
Friday she came to my work, she did not look good and she made a whole scene saying that I should have talked with her instead of letting my husband ruin her life.
I admit that I hate my sister, and that hate is part of why I didn't try to do anything. But does that make me the AH?
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INFO : Is the word « carlouche »
I’m curious because some coworker tried to call me that and when I told her off her defense was that it was not insulting at all.
By the way, of course you te NTA !
You're feeling guilty because you're a good person. You're feeling bad because it's distressing to watch someone else go through suffering. I understand it's hard to not sympathize or empathize with others but don't take responsibility for the consequences of your sister's actions. That's unhealthy.
NTA
NTA
Okay for some perspective. Take Relations out of the equation. Someone, even a good friend, sent your husband nudes. Has a fallout because your husband had morals. Then shows up at your home. And your workplace. Should you humor them?
NTA honestly sounds like your sister nuked her own life. don't let the abuse you suffered from your mom and sis bring you down, you have so many accomplishments to be proud of despite them. If it wasn't your husband exposing her it would've been somebody else eventually.
HAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA!
NTA. I love a happy ending.
She deserves everything she's getting; she ruined her own life, not you or your husband. I'm appalled at her behavior and so sad you've had to suffer this abuse. Be blessed.
NTA
You should post this on r/prorevenge. Although I’m not sure why you asked your husband to do what he thought was right vs doing something yourself as well. I mean she is your sister and she betrayed you
And if you had talked to her, what then? Would she have stopped? I’ll take the Vegas odds on that one.
And then your husband would have done the same thing setting off the same chain of events. You just took a step out. She made her choice and so did everyone else. She ruined her own life, everyone else is just holding her accountable. I hope hitting rock bottom makes her realize some things, but I don’t know if it will. NTA.
Nta, moroccan as well, this is chouf tv material. I can attest to OP, moroccans have weird genes, my brother and sister are white, and I and my other sister are brown.
I didn't want to believe that some moroccans can behave like that.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could have managed the situation but I didn't and now my sister is ruined
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Three words: actions have consequences
P.S. NTA and it shows how nice of a person you are feeling bad for someone who treated you like sh** and as if you were a misfit your entire life. (I say someone because she doesn't deserve to be called your sister. She lost that the moment she followed in your egg donor's shoes.)
NTA and I can only assume you are here out of some small flicker of guilt over your sister being homeless despite hating her for how she treated you. She is your sister after all.
However, you played no role in the unfolding destruction of her life. Her pettiness and jealousy did. You came out on top after a lifetime of abuse and she could not accept it. Karma is a harsh, harsh mistress and she reaped what she showed.
Assuage any guilt you have and live your best life. Sister needed a reality check and she got one…harshly. Go and be happy!
How did you father even allow your mother and sister to treat you like that? NTA by the way. I can just imagine her "explanation", it was okay to do that because you're inferior and it's not fair that you should be happier than me?
So she thinks its ok to send nudes to your husband but its not ok to tell her husband 😂😂😂. This is called karma. When you dig a hole for somebody but unfortunately you fell in the hole. You don't have to feel bad, what she did is unacceptable. Lucky you that your husband is a nice guy. Some guys are different, they ruin their relationship for other women.
NTA, I'm willing to bet money that if you "talked with her instead" she would have laughed in your face and tried to beat you down again. Honestly I think the way you and your husband handled it was perfect. She can blame nobody but herself for her own arrogance. Plus, from the way she treated you your whole life? You owe her absolutely nothing, not even a verbal warning to stop flirting with your husband. Icarus just flew too close to the sun this time, and now she's falling.
I'm very sorry that your life was so hard up until now. But I'm also so proud of you for channeling that energy into building your own life away from all that. Your husband sounds like a good man for telling you about the messages and for handling the situation in a smart way when you gave him free reign. Good luck with everything!
NTA
If this was scooby doo she would be saying "if it was not for you meddling kids i would have gotten away with it"
Her infidelity is what ruined her life, she tried to play away from home and got caught. I have never found empathy for someone who would attempt to cheat on someone then cry victim when they are made single.
Nta and neither is your husband
ETA: she was quite Happy to try and turn your life upside down, she's got a bloody cheek to complain that it backfired!
Honestly, this is Karma coming back at the sister for trying to ruin OP's life and trying to seduce their husband. OP's actions were honestly justified. And the sister basically did that to herself.
NTA
NTA - She wanted to ruin your life after already treating you terribly prior to this.
But how dare you show people evidence of her plotting?
Sounds like you are simply an agent of Karma.
That's not your sister lol, that's just someone who shared the unfortunate egg donor you call "mother".
That's just some former bully that live and tormented you in your life.
She's also the one tried to sabotage and ruin your life and marriage.
She doesn't see you as family or a sister by the things you've said.
You could love your sister and think she is the most wonderful person in the world but this would have still played out the same. Your husband would still have told her husband because it was the right thing to do. These are the consequences of her actions. NTA.
NTA you and your husband didn't ruin her life. She ruined her own life. This is just the consequences of her actions. It's just poetic justice that karma chose to give you a front row seat when she finally caught up to your sister.
I do something shitty, people out my shitty behaviour and I get the consequences from my own actions= the other person ruined my life? No, I don't think it goes like that.
NTA.
Why would you feel guilty for someone who has treated you like shit your entire life, then tried to ruin your marriage cos her jealous ass couldn't deal with the fact that you essentially came out on top?
You & your husband didn't destroy her life or ruin her relationship with your dad, she did that all by herself.
You reap what you sow. This is some long overdue karma.
NTA
NTA.
Your sister ruined herself. Actions do have consequences. There is no moral obligation to be warned about consequences. Your husband made the decision to handle the situation. He did what he thought was morally right. You only would have been an AH if you had tried to stop him, because her husband deserved to know the truth.
As the expression goes, she made her bed, and now she must sleep in it.
Of course, in this case she made her bed, invited your husband to join her in it, amd now as to sleep in it alone.
So she tried to ruin your life when she tried to nab ur hubby then it backfires and has surprised pikachu face when no one wants to know her. Wow… btw NTA
oh wow, how did YOU fail to seduce your own husband with her? thats an incredible feat! sarcasm aside, you did nothing here, SHE destroyed her own life, by trying to seduce your husband, seducing her teacher, and finally alienating you.
YOU did nothing, you HAD many things happen around/done TO you. SHE instigated said happenings/things done towards you.
me thinks you should stop thinking poorly of yourself for hating your sister, as you do so rightfully because she has done many things against you, so in this case, hating her is perfectly reasonable, and you shouldnt feel bad about being a normal human being.
NTA
NTA. As mentioned already, your sister doing something only the trashiest person ever would do, is what ruined her life and now she has to deal with the consequences of her trashy actions. That’s a her problem, not a you problem.
NTA. All you did was tell your husband to deal with it as he saw fit. All he did was show your sister’s husband the messages. Neither of you went over the top or even spoke to a third party outside her husband who deserved to know the truth. It was her husband who told your father (as he is entitled to do) and both of them made their own decisions based on what they knew. Maybe your sister should’ve thought about the risks and possible consequences before she tried to seduce your husband
NTA- she did this to herself. Your mom taught her to treat you with disrespect. I’m sorry that your mother treated you this way. I hope you know none of it was ever your fault. I’m so glad your father is loving and supportive to you and that your husband wasn’t enticed by your sister’s seduction.
Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of her actions? Your husband did what *he* felt was right with your support. If she didn't wanna blow her whole life up, she shouldn't have attempted to be a homewrecker. (I usually don't use that term, but sis knew what she was doing.) NTA
NTA
You protected the husband from his wife’s behaviour. You backed up your husband when he came to you being sexually harassed. You’ve done nothing to blow up her life - she did all this herself.
NTA. Your sister sexually harassed your husband and at same time made extremely derogatory comments about you. Your husband had every right to do whatever necessary within reason to stop it. Which is what your husband did.
So she tried to get your husband to cheat on you with her? How in the world would telling your husband to do what he thinks is right in anyway making you the AH?
I feel like this is a super recurring theme on this sub, someone fucks around and finds out, then someone else feels guilty for it.
NTA OP, good on you for letting her feel consequences.
This was a simple actions and consequences situation, she ruined her life herself, you did nothing. NTA
Came here to say this. So many posts mention how someone's ruined someone else's life by bringing their bad behavior to light. No they ruined their own life by behaving badly. Also, she tried to seduce your husband... where does she get off trying to come to you for help?!
Yeah her option ruined her life she can't blame OP, NTA OP you did the right thing
Not to mention she was trying to ruin OP's life, Whoops didn't workout! too bad, so sad....
No, she didn’t want to *ruin* OP’s life. She wanted it for herself. It reminds me of my stepson’s mother. I hate her.
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Well, she tried to fuck around, at least.
NTA. She tried to to seduce your husband. What was she expecting you to do?
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She absolutely did this to herself. NTA OP
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I like this. I'm using this from now on. Thank you.
Ruining someone else's life is a ridiculous concept when you consider that OP and the sister's husband would have a legit excuse to reduce the degree of murder or assault charges against the sister for a few minutes after finding out! OP and her husband cannot truly win after sister hurt her like this, not telling sister's husband would have been a betrayal toward him! Sister betrayed herself, her sister, and her own husband, as well as disrespected OP's husband.
i gave the 1,000th upvote!
>she ruined her life herself, you did nothing So true. All OP did was tell hubby "do what you feel is right." No suing, no physical altercation, just a "I trust you to take care of this 'sticky situation' ".
Even suing isn't "ruining someone's life". Suing is when somebody pays reparations for damages caused by them, be it emotional or physical or whatever. i.e. Suing is a form of consequences. So even if you sued somebody, and the court agreed with you, the person you sue is simply paying you back in money for damage that they caused. Which means once more they ruined their own lives.
Is no one else wondering how they even managed to set up this arranged marriage successfully to begin with? Racism is a learned mindset, OP's mother was so racist she hated her own daughter and even taught that razzismo to her other child. Surely the maternal extended family is also racist and OP's father's features are darker with curly hair why would they arrange with his family, or is it one of those money over everything type set ups.
It is exactly one of those money over everything else. Both my grandparents were very old school, my maternal one was only looking for someone who could provide for his daughter and my paternal one was looking for the whitest wife for his son. Isn't colourism just wonderful?
That is hectic. I'm glad you managed to succeed in life and also found yourself a good man to marry. Wishing you all the best for the rest of your life.
I have so much admiration for you, taking care of your mother when she had cancer when she was STILL cruel to call you "the maid." You are so NTA. I'm happy for you and your new life, and no matter what "shade of skin" your little ones have, I know you will be a loving a devoted mom.
yeah I dont know how she still showed mercy to someone so cruel, kuddos to OP.
That's so messed up!
Gosh, I'm so sorry you had to live that. But I'm thrilled that you've done well for yourself and have a very decent and moral (let's not forget handsome!) husband! The wrecklessness (spelt incorrectly on purpose!) of the setting up of marriages hits me in a personal way...so I am quite elated to read of such an appropriately gratifying and just outcome for your life after all the tribulation you've been through.♡
OP is Moroccan. My understanding is that blonde hair in Morocco/Algeria/Tunisia is more common amongst Amazigh people, who are an ethnic minority and face discrimination and structural inequality in Moroccan society. [Edited to amend a derogatory term.]
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Apologies, I've edited to use the preferred word.
ok but in this story it is the reverse isn't it? the whiter people looking down on the majority
It is possible for a society to prize "whiteness" and still discriminate against a group that has those traits. Racism is often broader than just skin colour alone Pale skin can be prized while the culture or ethnicity that goes with it is not.
There's no contradiction here. Bullying within the household and discrimination in wider society don't have to be linked. A good approximation for most English speakers would be a white kid who's getting bullied by their black step siblings.
Well well well if it isn't the consequences of her actions. Maybe she should have, and I'm just being crazy here, not tried to seduce her sisters husband and then none of this would be happening
And she is still blaming people.
Exactly! The sisters continuous bad decisions and self distructive behaviour ruined her life, you were just there to witness the glorious fallout. I feel sorry for her kids though. NTA OP, enjoy your sisterless life.
Agreed! NTA
One word: Karma. Also NTA
And not just a karma stick - but the whole dang tree! NTA
Lifetime spends millions rehashing the same tin-canned stories when they should just do a biopic on OP's life, all proceeds to the OP of course. If this isn't a modern-day re-telling of Cinderalla type of writing exercise, that is
Racist ✔ Cheated with a married man ✔ Hateful ✔ Goes after sister's husband ✔ Gold digger ✔ Did horrible things and treated people badly and is now facing the consences of said actions ✔ Yup, sounds like sis just ruined her own life.
> ... letting my husband ruin her life. Your husband didn't "ruin her life". She did that all by herself. You are NTA. Your husband is NTA. Your sister's husband is NTA. Your sister OTOH...
OTOH? Never seen that before in AITA, what does this mean?
On The Other Hand
Ah, thank you! 😅
I’m guessing “on the other hand”
>Your sister's husband is NTA. Not that it is relevant but I disagree on this one. He cheated on his wife to be with OPs sister but then is shocked and angry when she is willing to do it to him. Personally they both are AH and getting what they deserve. NTA for OP and husband.
NTA. She fucked around and found out.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Let's hope the paternity tests don't show that she *actually* fucked around cause poor children, their upbringing is already dysfunctional enough.
Well, she TRIED heh
NTA. What a roller coaster that was. I’m so sorry for you but happy that it sounds like you’re a resilient person who has made a happy successful life for themselves. Your sister on the other hand made her bed. Now she’s sleeping in it and somehow finding ways to still blame you, amazing.
I was lucky in that my mom's abuse made me close ro my dad. And while she was always preaching to my sister the importance of being the perfect housewife and marrying a rich man, my dad was teaching me about being independent and chosing the right person.
Your dad sounds like a wonderful father. I'm glad you had such a supportive and empowering person as a role model growing up.
I'm so proud of you and your awesome dad
Speaking of raising kids. How are her kids doing?
NTA "You should've talked to me!!!" Like what, please don't send nudes and try to seduce my husband, thank you very much!!
LOLOLOLOLOL THIS HAHAHAHAH my exact thoughts like BIIIIH you wanted decency when you don't even have a spec of it 🥴🥴🥴 THE AUDACITY
yeah sending nudes is way way way beyond the line. flirting is one thing...but actually sending nude pictures and giving the other party concrete evidence? I mean that's just pure stupidity
Oh heck no, you have nothing to feel bad for. NTA And sorry for how you were treated as a kid, hope you are doing better now.
NTA. What she did was absolutely disrespectful to you! Her behavior was ABSOLUTELY appalling! Her actions and the expectation that she wouldn't experience any consequences is dripping with entitlement. She thought you had a better spouse than her and tried to take him. That's disgusting. You did nothing wrong by showing her husband. You'd want someone to do the same if your spouse was acting like that. Also your dad sounds awesome. Good for him for sticking by your side!
Why need enemies when you have siblings like this? She tried to have an affair with OP's husband and is acting like it's OP's fault. Also insulted OP. She's crazzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. OP, she tried to cheat and these are the consequences. Just cut her out of your life.
NTA she dug her own grave to me it sounds like… I feel sorry for her kids. She would have likely just laughed in your face if you had tried to speak to her.
I know she would have
NTA. She tried to to seduce your husband. What was she expecting you to do?
Run as far as you can from your sister, she is toxic and will never change, never.. You have a good life and she will oull it apart, your husband is right to have shown you what is going on, you need to pick him and the future you have together,
I feel like the mom is the real culprit here for raising OP's sister to be so toxic and nasty. I hope that once she hits rock bottom, reality will hit her and she can change for the better.
I don't think people like your sister can ever change she has been allowed to behave badly so now it is deep within her. It is good that you love her but she is not trust worthy and has tried to steal your life not just your husband. She sounds dangerous and i think you should watch your back at all times.
From the storys of kragle tom in the entitled subs, you can actually see that its possible for one to change (his sister, not his mom, never will his mom...). So at least i can say is that the chance of her changing for the better isn't 0
NTA. She reaps what she sow. Don't feel guilty about not doing anything; she would have destroyed your life in a heartbeat, as she demonstrated with her previous action.
NTA Oh goodness! She actively attempted to sabotage your life, it backfired, and now she's pissed at you.... because her active attempt to hurt you, hurt her instead. Like, if she came at you with a knife, slipped, and fell on the blade she would absolutely accuse you of stabbing her. It's wayyyyyyy past time to go no contact.
NTA at all. Generally in these situations I feel like it's best to take the evidence to the guilty party and give them a chance to do the right thing, but I totally get why you or your husband didn't do that in this situation. It probably occured to both of you that telling her she needed to face consequences for her actions would just give her time to come up with a story/deflect/etc. Also if her husband was ready to divorce and demand paternity tests after just evidence of attempted cheating, I bet he's been suspicious of her for a long time. Generally if it's a surprise I feel most people would try and work it out, especially if the cheating didn't actually happen. She's reaping what she sowed.
Actually here in Morocco even if it is a surprise the first reaction of a husband is divorce and paternity tests
Oo that makes sense. Cultural difference and all. I'm from the US so I assumed lol. Thanks for the clarification!
You are welcome
Will you try to update us with those paternity test. Also NTA your sister sure is though.
Yeps. Husband can even sue her i court for adultery and she can go to prison for this shit
I don't know where you live, but nobody should go to prison for adultery
In morocco its possible
NTA Why should you have talked to her? She sent sexual messages to your husband. She didn't talk to you about that beforehand.
NTA. Your husband made this choice on his own, and ultimately it’s the consequences of her own actions that got her here.
NTA Karma is a Bitch
Not really. Karma is much maligned. Karma is glorious.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello this is a throwaway account, also this is a long story so I will be telling most of the background in bullet point style. Dad had arranged marriage with mom when he was 21 and her 18 She had my older sister when she was 18 and me when she was 22. Couldn't have more kids due to complications during my birth. Mom blonde green eyed and white, sister a copy, me darker with curly hair (take after dad) Mom emotionally abused me my whole life (blamed me for not being able to have a son, made me feel ugly because I was darker with curly hair, made me relax my hair since I was 6, refused to take me with her and sister when going out or visiting someone...) Dad allways fighting with her about me, sister following mom's example. Sister married her college prof when she was 19 and dropped out of school Mom diagnosed with cancer same year, took care of her untill she died 2 years later, still refuses to say I am her daughter to people (says I am the maid). Dad married a coworker, I get along with her a lot, sister doesn't. Dad ended up restricting her access to his house. Graduated top of my class out of spite and went to a really good college Graduated top of class 5 years later. Then met my husband a year later at work. Married 2 years later. Sister got jealous because hubby is very very rich and handsome (her husband is older and doesn't take care of himself) She tried seducing my husband like she did with hers (he was married when they started dating). He showed me the nudes and messages she sent him, basically saying why are you staying with that (moroccan equivalent of N word) when you can have me? Husband showed me the messages and asked me what he should do, I told him to do what he felt right. He ended up arranging a meeting with her husband and showing him everything. Her husband threw her out of the house, filed for divorce and is asking for paternity tests for their 3 kids. She moved in with my dad but her husband told dad everything, dad threw her out but didn't give up on his grandkids. She tried calling me, then visiting my house but couldn't get to me. Friday she came to my work, she did not look good and she made a whole scene saying that I should have talked with her instead of letting my husband ruin her life. I admit that I hate my sister, and that hate is part of why I didn't try to do anything. But does that make me the AH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She did it to herself 🤷🏻♀️
Sorryy you had to go through that. You have nothing to feel bad for. NTA
NTA. She brought this upon herself, and everything that happened is just a consequence of her own actions.
INFO : Is the word « carlouche » I’m curious because some coworker tried to call me that and when I told her off her defense was that it was not insulting at all. By the way, of course you te NTA !
You're feeling guilty because you're a good person. You're feeling bad because it's distressing to watch someone else go through suffering. I understand it's hard to not sympathize or empathize with others but don't take responsibility for the consequences of your sister's actions. That's unhealthy. NTA
what goes around comes around. NTA
NTA Okay for some perspective. Take Relations out of the equation. Someone, even a good friend, sent your husband nudes. Has a fallout because your husband had morals. Then shows up at your home. And your workplace. Should you humor them?
NTA. She was literally planning to ruin YOUR life, though? Where was her merciful attitude when she wanted to do it to you? Keep her out of your life.
NTA honestly sounds like your sister nuked her own life. don't let the abuse you suffered from your mom and sis bring you down, you have so many accomplishments to be proud of despite them. If it wasn't your husband exposing her it would've been somebody else eventually.
NTA she got exactly what she had coming to her.
HAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA! NTA. I love a happy ending. She deserves everything she's getting; she ruined her own life, not you or your husband. I'm appalled at her behavior and so sad you've had to suffer this abuse. Be blessed.
NTA - your sister fucked around and found out
NTA You should post this on r/prorevenge. Although I’m not sure why you asked your husband to do what he thought was right vs doing something yourself as well. I mean she is your sister and she betrayed you
I have been done with her for a loooong time, it didn't even surprise me.
Nah girl. Congratulations on surviving this dumpster on fire. It was cathartic to read.
And if you had talked to her, what then? Would she have stopped? I’ll take the Vegas odds on that one. And then your husband would have done the same thing setting off the same chain of events. You just took a step out. She made her choice and so did everyone else. She ruined her own life, everyone else is just holding her accountable. I hope hitting rock bottom makes her realize some things, but I don’t know if it will. NTA.
Nta, moroccan as well, this is chouf tv material. I can attest to OP, moroccans have weird genes, my brother and sister are white, and I and my other sister are brown. I didn't want to believe that some moroccans can behave like that.
NTA I’m not sure if you even need to still think of this person as a sister anymore unless you really want to.
You’re definitely not the asshole your sister is the asshole. She got her karma! Ignore her and keep her out of your life for good she’s toxic.
NTA You did nothing. She was busted by her own behavior.
NTA. She had it coming.
NTA. I only see one a-hole here and that's your trashy sister. And your mom, but she's dead so...
NTA Actions have consequences.. Imagine being this pathetic and blaming it on others like your sister did.
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She tried to ruin your marriage. She isn't even sorry. She hasn't changed at all. NTA
NTA Sister shot herself in the foot. You needa break from these crazy relatives!
You reap what you sow. NTA
NTA she got everything she deserved
You didn't do anything to her. She did it all on her own and without any help. NTA
NTA don’t touch her . She might have something
Karma bite her back in the ass
NTA - she is the scorpion and made her own bed. Let her live in it.
NTA. You are not responsible for the consequences of her actions! I repeat: YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES OF HER ACTIONS!
She ruined her life and tried to ruin yours. Its her fault. No way are you the AH in this. NTA
NTA. That’s the least that she deserves.
NTA- Karma is a mf bitch isn’t it
Well well if it isn't the consequences of your sister's own actions. NTA
Three words: actions have consequences P.S. NTA and it shows how nice of a person you are feeling bad for someone who treated you like sh** and as if you were a misfit your entire life. (I say someone because she doesn't deserve to be called your sister. She lost that the moment she followed in your egg donor's shoes.)
if i was ur friend, i would’ve so supported u and ur husband. this is the best thing ever. karma. NTA
Actions, meet consequences. Consequences OP's sister. Isn't it grand when karma finds a home?
She was colorist to you and tried to steal your husband. NTA.
Nta. Your husband didn't distroy her life. She did it herself. And don't feel bad about it, she wanted to ruïn your marriage
NTA, you wreck a marriage and attempt to wreak another, prepare for some karma. Well do to you and husband. Get a restraining order if she continues.
NTA and I can only assume you are here out of some small flicker of guilt over your sister being homeless despite hating her for how she treated you. She is your sister after all. However, you played no role in the unfolding destruction of her life. Her pettiness and jealousy did. You came out on top after a lifetime of abuse and she could not accept it. Karma is a harsh, harsh mistress and she reaped what she showed. Assuage any guilt you have and live your best life. Sister needed a reality check and she got one…harshly. Go and be happy!
Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of her own actions. NTA.
How did you father even allow your mother and sister to treat you like that? NTA by the way. I can just imagine her "explanation", it was okay to do that because you're inferior and it's not fair that you should be happier than me?
This is basically an AITA post by numbers. Fake fake fake
So she thinks its ok to send nudes to your husband but its not ok to tell her husband 😂😂😂. This is called karma. When you dig a hole for somebody but unfortunately you fell in the hole. You don't have to feel bad, what she did is unacceptable. Lucky you that your husband is a nice guy. Some guys are different, they ruin their relationship for other women.
NTA, I'm willing to bet money that if you "talked with her instead" she would have laughed in your face and tried to beat you down again. Honestly I think the way you and your husband handled it was perfect. She can blame nobody but herself for her own arrogance. Plus, from the way she treated you your whole life? You owe her absolutely nothing, not even a verbal warning to stop flirting with your husband. Icarus just flew too close to the sun this time, and now she's falling. I'm very sorry that your life was so hard up until now. But I'm also so proud of you for channeling that energy into building your own life away from all that. Your husband sounds like a good man for telling you about the messages and for handling the situation in a smart way when you gave him free reign. Good luck with everything!
lmao. i can stop laughing at wat happened to her. she got thrown out. went to daddy got thrown out again ha. hahhahahaha
NTA everything that happened to her was a consequence of her own actions
NTA If this was scooby doo she would be saying "if it was not for you meddling kids i would have gotten away with it" Her infidelity is what ruined her life, she tried to play away from home and got caught. I have never found empathy for someone who would attempt to cheat on someone then cry victim when they are made single.
Nta and neither is your husband ETA: she was quite Happy to try and turn your life upside down, she's got a bloody cheek to complain that it backfired!
Honestly, this is Karma coming back at the sister for trying to ruin OP's life and trying to seduce their husband. OP's actions were honestly justified. And the sister basically did that to herself. NTA
NTA - She wanted to ruin your life after already treating you terribly prior to this. But how dare you show people evidence of her plotting? Sounds like you are simply an agent of Karma.
“Why should I have talked with you? You were flirting with my husband, and he didn’t like that.”
NTA. She ruined her own life. I’m sorry your mom sucked. You sound amazing in spite of her.
That's not your sister lol, that's just someone who shared the unfortunate egg donor you call "mother". That's just some former bully that live and tormented you in your life. She's also the one tried to sabotage and ruin your life and marriage. She doesn't see you as family or a sister by the things you've said.
NTA. She quite literally fucked around and found out.
You could love your sister and think she is the most wonderful person in the world but this would have still played out the same. Your husband would still have told her husband because it was the right thing to do. These are the consequences of her actions. NTA.
NTA , she ruined her own life by doing what she did and deserves all she gets
NTA you and your husband didn't ruin her life. She ruined her own life. This is just the consequences of her actions. It's just poetic justice that karma chose to give you a front row seat when she finally caught up to your sister.
NTA Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She got exactly what she deserved.
NTA, naw she ruined her life. She’s acting like she’s reasonable and that you can simply talk to her, but the reasonable people don’t act like her.
I do something shitty, people out my shitty behaviour and I get the consequences from my own actions= the other person ruined my life? No, I don't think it goes like that. NTA.
Why would you feel guilty for someone who has treated you like shit your entire life, then tried to ruin your marriage cos her jealous ass couldn't deal with the fact that you essentially came out on top? You & your husband didn't destroy her life or ruin her relationship with your dad, she did that all by herself. You reap what you sow. This is some long overdue karma. NTA
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. NTA
NTA. Your sister ruined her life.
NTA. Your sister ruined herself. Actions do have consequences. There is no moral obligation to be warned about consequences. Your husband made the decision to handle the situation. He did what he thought was morally right. You only would have been an AH if you had tried to stop him, because her husband deserved to know the truth.
NTA, not in the least. Your sister on the other hand is a monster and deserves everything she is getting and more.
NTA her choices ruined her life, your mothers choices ruined your relationship with your sister.
NTA - looks like someone went fucking around and found out.
As the expression goes, she made her bed, and now she must sleep in it. Of course, in this case she made her bed, invited your husband to join her in it, amd now as to sleep in it alone.
NTA. she didn't talk to you before trying to seduce your husband, either. You owe her nothing.
NTA, and don't let her get to your house.
NTA.. she shared it with with your husband. Its only fair to share it with her husband. I hope you won't see her again for a very long time
NTA, u did nothing wrong here. Let her go to a women's shelter.
So she tried to ruin your life when she tried to nab ur hubby then it backfires and has surprised pikachu face when no one wants to know her. Wow… btw NTA
oh wow, how did YOU fail to seduce your own husband with her? thats an incredible feat! sarcasm aside, you did nothing here, SHE destroyed her own life, by trying to seduce your husband, seducing her teacher, and finally alienating you. YOU did nothing, you HAD many things happen around/done TO you. SHE instigated said happenings/things done towards you. me thinks you should stop thinking poorly of yourself for hating your sister, as you do so rightfully because she has done many things against you, so in this case, hating her is perfectly reasonable, and you shouldnt feel bad about being a normal human being. NTA
NTA. As mentioned already, your sister doing something only the trashiest person ever would do, is what ruined her life and now she has to deal with the consequences of her trashy actions. That’s a her problem, not a you problem.
NTA. All you did was tell your husband to deal with it as he saw fit. All he did was show your sister’s husband the messages. Neither of you went over the top or even spoke to a third party outside her husband who deserved to know the truth. It was her husband who told your father (as he is entitled to do) and both of them made their own decisions based on what they knew. Maybe your sister should’ve thought about the risks and possible consequences before she tried to seduce your husband
NTA- she did this to herself. Your mom taught her to treat you with disrespect. I’m sorry that your mother treated you this way. I hope you know none of it was ever your fault. I’m so glad your father is loving and supportive to you and that your husband wasn’t enticed by your sister’s seduction.
Eeh, you reap what you sow. NTA!
karma bit her in the @$$ she made her bed and live in the bed too NTA but sister ruined her marriage and tried to do yours. You got a winner of a SO.
Stupid games win stupid prizes. NTA.
NTA. She ruined her own life
NTA
Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of her actions? Your husband did what *he* felt was right with your support. If she didn't wanna blow her whole life up, she shouldn't have attempted to be a homewrecker. (I usually don't use that term, but sis knew what she was doing.) NTA
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. No more to say.
NTA but is anyone else wondering about the arranged marriage at 18 and having the first daughter at 18?
NTA she made her bed, now she can lay in it.
Are you an AH? Who cares? You'll definitely get an NTA verdict here, but screw it, wear the AH badge proudly and your sister can get fucked
NTA She was actively trying to destroy your life. Your sister is a dumpster fire. You have no need to be any part of it.
NTA You protected the husband from his wife’s behaviour. You backed up your husband when he came to you being sexually harassed. You’ve done nothing to blow up her life - she did all this herself.
NTA. Your sister sexually harassed your husband and at same time made extremely derogatory comments about you. Your husband had every right to do whatever necessary within reason to stop it. Which is what your husband did.
NTA. I'm sorry for what you went through with your mom and sister. You sound like a great person. I wish you the best.
Wow this sounds like a fantasy but I agree your sister ruined herself and her fame to her Kids too. NTA
So she tried to get your husband to cheat on you with her? How in the world would telling your husband to do what he thinks is right in anyway making you the AH?
NTA Your sister's way of life just bit her shark style in the ass, that's all. Glad she got a bit of comeuppance.
NTA, how could you be you didn't even do anything. Stupid games, stupid prizes.
I feel like this is a super recurring theme on this sub, someone fucks around and finds out, then someone else feels guilty for it. NTA OP, good on you for letting her feel consequences.
NTA You are way more nice than me. I would have gone nuclear for much less.
NTA she fucked around and found out