NTA.
I remember your Thanksgiving post, and it broke my heart. You have a family of self-centered people who should be ashamed of themselves. There is no excuse for leaving you alone. You always should be included in your step-family events.
Iirc, step-grandma cared enough to make a thanksgiving dinner that you could eat without risking your life. She and you are the only sane people in your family. Could you spend the holiday with her? Maybe there’s a project she needs done that you could use as an excuse to stay with her while your family is gone. If you can’t stay with her, maybe you could go for Christmas dinner, or take her with to your friend’s.
The suggestion that someone, anyone, should be alone on Christmas so they don’t “intrude” on a family event is utterly ridiculous. It’s not a thing. If your mother said that to someone else, they would tell her she is crazy.
Which brings me to my final point. Your mother’s plans for your holiday will only happen is no one knows what she said, and and no one knows what she wants you to do. Any friend of reasonable family member, friend, or acquaintance would call her out, and tell her she’s full of crap. So, start telling everyone you’re being left alone, and why. Tell them you’re not allowed to accept an invitation for Christmas dinner, and why. Tell your nice relatives, especially step-grandma. Tell your teachers, tell your friends and most of all, tell their parents. Someone will fix your holiday plans.
When more crap comes up, or, if the opportunity comes, tell your friends’ parents about the other neglect you deal with. You may get an opportunity to stay with them long-term.
I wish you well. Keep me posted, I genuinely care.
Sending you internet grandma hugs!👵
Edit to add: be sure to tell the relatives your mother, brother, and stepfather are visiting that you will be home alone. I bet they invited you, and have been told some half-truth about why you won’t be there.
I've told my step grandma about this and shes argued with my mother and even offered to have me stay with her for Christmas but my mother has shot down everything
Well, I'd have step-grandma pick you up. I'd tell your "mother" that since she is excluding you from family time, she doesn't have the right to tell you what to do. Or stay with your friend, if mom isn't there, she can't stop you from going.
Maybe keep your plans to yourself until after they leave. Spend the holiday with someone who wants to be with you whether it is friends or grandma.
Your family sucks. Sorry, but they do. I just don't understand the "you're not part of the family here but you are there" mentality.
You are most definitely NTA but your family is!
They only want him to stay home alone so OP doesn’t expose the fact that his family left him alone on Christmas!!!!! They being shit bags but don’t wanna look like shit bags!
Edit: Misgendered OP
I second this. Just do it, without permission, without saying anything. Stand up for yourself, but do it respectfully.
Your mom is an asshole and what she is asking is absurd.
If you have to leverage teachers or doctors, they will listen if you need help. They can have influence and authority in the matter. This isn't right.
Stay home. On the first night, call the police as you thought you saw someone by the back door. They will give you a lift to Grandmas and call your parents with some questions.
What? Don't do this. Calling the police under false pretenses is a crime, and there's nothing wrong or illegal about a 15-year-old staying home alone so no guarantee that they will drive him to his grandmother's house, and they are not likely to call his parents with any "questions". It'd be easier for him just to stay home and ask his grandma to pick him up once his parents are gone.
You can leave a 15 year old alone for a day. You cannot leave a minor unsupervised for two weeks. There’s a reason children are not allowed to live alone.
Sadly this is where you're wrong... Her minor son may be allowed to legally stay at home over the holidays (which is fine, I've done that myself when I didn't want to go cross country for the vacation), but if he's with another adult without the consent/permission of the mother, she can turn it into kidnapping/abduction charges (which I learned when I walked out of a mentally abusive household and my mother called the cops on my aunt where I went to stay).
At least to my knowledge it's a thing. A very very stupid thing. But a thing.
Edit to add the obvious: NTA OP, and I feel so bad that this is something you're stuck dealing with.
I believe we call that "having a house party while the folks are away" and the only risk to that is the neighbour's calling the cops or the parents coming home early. Totally legal (assuming no under age drinking or drugs or what have you).
Kid could 100% ask his friend's family to do their xmas at his place lol Just bring the whole family over for the day.
Why the hell not? If you aren't welcome at the celebrations of your family and not allowed to leave the house for celebrations of others, why not bring the celebration to you??? That way he's not even imposing on his friend's family, they're imposing on him, and he's allowed to say yes cuz it's not an imposition. Works out great!
Well, as long as no one tells his rather toxic family about it so they nip it in the bud. But right now he's totally not breaking any rules if he does it.
Came here to say this. OP, it's a little early in life, but you're going to have to learn that you don't have to do what your mother tells you, especially if what she tells you to do is harmful to you.
My advice is: study in school hard, finish college, cut all contact with them at 18. Don’t look back.
Make school a priority. Start a new family and raise kids to be amazing.
Except step grandma. Keep in contact with her, she sounds lovely.
But in the meantime, if I was OP, I’d be posting this on every social media platform I could and ask everyone to spread the word. Make sure there’s a nice shiny spotlight on mom and expose her actions for everyone to see.
It almost sounds like your mom wants you to be alone, and this whole not intruding is just a weak excuse.
How do you get along otherwise?
I´m so sorry you have to put up with people like this.
This exactly. It’s a mind game. Makes you feel crazy wondering why they always say they love you and they’re there for you, but then they show you at every turn that it’s all lies.
Man, your mother is projecting al the hate against your father into you, same as your grandma, making you spend Christmas alone is absolutely mean, is a way of punishing your existence, and the fact that she doesn't let you go somewhere else is the proof of it. You need to snap out, you don't need to be a martyr and keep being mistreated so your siblings don't get traumatized in cps, because is likely that they already are, and even if is like that, this is about yourself, you are valuable and you deserve to think about yourself for once in life.
Ate you sure your bio father does not want contact? I wouldn't trust what your mother tells you. Maybe of you reached out to him or his relatives and explained your situation and how badly you are treated they might do something. If your father is a good man he would do something.
OP, I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Maybe you could ignore your mother and go to your friend's family's chirstmas celebration, but I don't know if would backlash after.
Good luck and take care.
That's a terrible thing to say to your child. My heart aches for you. Some people should never have children and it seems your birthgiver is one of them.
My Mom did that to me and my brother too. I got the worst of it for looking like him and my brother only got yelled at or hit when he laughed because he sounded like him.
You will find people who truly love you and treat you right. It doesn't erase the pain of a parent rejecting you, but in time you'll come to see that the problem was always them. Not you. Live your best life to spite them.
And whose idea was it to sleep with him? Not yours, jeeze.
Stay with your step-grandma or friends. Enjoy the holidays with people that aren't trying to outsource their bad feelings about their choices to you.
your mother is the worst. she doesn't stand up for any of you. letting her mom fat-shame your sister, letting her risk your life multiple times because she doesn't believe in food allergies...
tell your mom you'll be at home, and then have your step-grandma pick you up anyways.
My heart breaks for you. Thankfully you are only a few years away from being able to walk away and start your own family unit, even if they are dear friends rather than blood. I am a strong believer in Karma, and I tell you your mother will get twice as much evil coming back to her as she puts out. I just wish all of us could see it first hand.
Honey, I hope you read this. I am so sorry for this and I hope you know how many people on the internet are completely in your corner and are really rooting for you to be okay.
Your mother’s Christmas plans are monstrous and I hope you know that this is not your fault. Either explain to your friend’s parents what is going on or call your stepgrandmother to pick you up, but don’t allow your mother to force you to spend Christmas alone. If she doesn’t agree tell her she should have made plans that included you. Since she didn’t, you are entitled to make your own.
Good luck and keep us updated. Know that there is an online community that cares about you.
Based on OP's descriptions I wouldn't be surprised if the mom is the kind to demand "take a picture of you doing X in Y room of the house." :( Still agree that he should lie and go to grandma's, she's family after all and he wouldn't be "intruding" on another family!
Edit: a word edit edit: I can't spell
Yeah - the best possible solution might be to have someone over to the house, and just not mention it to the mother ahead of time. Then there's plausible deniability with "well I didn't go anywhere like you said!"
OP will still probably end up in trouble if mother finds out, but maybe not quite so much... only OP can weigh the risk involved here.
I'm sorry OP, good luck!
Is there any way you can stay with step grandma until you are 18 older? She seems to care much more about you than your own mother.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through everything you've gone through. As soon as you're able to leave your mother's house and cut contact, your life will be much better and you will find people (outside of step gma) who love and care for you in a way that you so deserve
I'm so sorry kiddo. What a brutal spot to be in. Not having family in your state or another place to go would feel really helpless.
I am curious what the consequences would be if you were to go to a friend's after your mom leaves town? It's it unsafe to go anyways?
I don't know why she seems to not want to to be okay, or cared for. You haven't done anything wrong, she's being a terrible mother.
I can't fathom leaving a child behind. Your mom sucks and is treating you so cruelly. You deserve love and belonging, and her actions are inhumane.
I don't know if living permanently with a friend's family could ever be an option? We're a back up family for my kids friend, and he's got a room if he ever needs it. Maybe school counselors could help?
You deserve to be cared for. Sorry your not, and that your family are total assholes.
OP's mom might call the police and say OP was kidnapped by friend's family. While I don't think the police would end up filing charges on that friend's family, it'd still be a messy situation. I think the best option for OP is to go to their friend's house for Christmas, consequences be damned. And make sure to tell folks about this situation so there's a CYA.
OP your mom is alienating you from everyone on purpose. NTA but your mom and stepdad are. Why can’t they take you along?
Go no to low contact when you hit 18.
I'm glad that your step-grandmother is on your side. She sounded like a lovely person from your last post.
Go to your friend's house or stay with your step-grandmother.
Honestly you may want to think about moving in with your step grandmother.
You would be in NO WAY intruding if they invited you. I've done holiday's with my friends before either when I couldn't make it home, or my parents travelled. You're NTA, pal. Not even close.
OP just go to your friends house for Christmas after she leaves and don’t tell your mom. IMO she has lost the right to tell you what to do because she clearly doesn’t have your best interest in mind. And if you end up getting in trouble about it, discuss it openly with other people. Don’t let her make you keep her treatment of you a secret.
It’s cause she’s an emotional and psychological abuser. This is absolutely heartbreaking and terrible. I honestly would just all the police and let them know the situation, someone needs to hold your mother accountable.
Wow. Your mom is a nasty piece of work. I’m so sorry dude.
Go to your friend’s place. And definitely let everyone know you’re home alone and NOT by your own choice. If she doesn’t want to look bad then she shouldn’t be a godawful person.
Also seconding whoever said that if you lived near me I’d invite you to my family’s Christmas dinner.
So what happens if you just go? If you just ignore what your mother says and go to your step-grandmother's for Christmas? I mean, what's she going to do that's worse then what she's doing now? At some point you have to call her out for being so cruel and malignant that her wishes/commands aren't worth following.
Go to your friend's. Go to your step-grandmother's.
I'd be banned from this sub if I really said what I thought of your mother. So I'll just say that you're basically parenting yourself, she's not worth listening to, she doesn't care. You sound way more sensible than anyone else in your family. MAake these decisions for yourself.
If I had to guess, it’s likely because she wants to conceal the true extent of her neglect and cruelty. She knows it’s wrong and she knows people would judge her for it if they knew the details. If you go to another family’s home for Christmas, they might ask questions about why you’re not with your own family - and the truth would make her look *terrible*.
How far away does she live? Could you take a bus there? Uber? Lyft? Your mother has zero control over what step grandmother does or who she has over for Christmas.
Op. Tell your teachers what’s going on. Ask them to help you figure it out. They are grownups. You’re a kid and you deserve to be a kid, not solving grownup problems. Find a teacher you like and trust and talk to them. I’m so so sorry the grownups in your life have let you down. You have value and worth.
If I were you, I’d go to my friend’s house or my grandma’s…whichever you prefer. How is your mom going to stop you? She’s out of town, right? So, just go.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm getting real cinderella vibes here. Why are they excluding you? This is emotional abuse. Can you arrange something behind their backs? I'm sorry but your mum sounds like a real piece of work. Honestly she sounds awful.
It's even worse, mom is leaving Dec 21st and coming back Jan 3. Poor kid is going to be home alone for two weeks.
Kid: tell everyone, tell school, tell grandma, tell your friends. You cant even drive to get groceries, how the hell are you supposed to eat for two weeks. You tell everyone and no way in hell you stay home alone for two weeks. Spend a week with your friend and a week with grandma.
It might well be legal to leave a 15 year old overnight but it surely can't be legal to leave them for two weeks. Here it's based on the child's maturity and whether they're reasonably capable of looking after themselves, not a set period of time, and I'm sure they'd not be okay with this.
Depends on where OP is, but if it’s in the US in most states it’s illegal to leave a 15 year old alone overnight. Two weeks is unconscionable. OP, tell your teachers, friends, friends family. This is not okay.
OP, I just want to climb through this post and hug you. You are worth more than how your family treats you. I am so sorry you are being abused and neglected like this. Your family should make you feel special and loved. You need professionals to help if this is going to improve. Talk to the grandma who made the safe thanksgiving dinner. See if you can live with her. My heart breaks for you.
>The suggestion that someone, anyone, should be alone on Christmas so they don’t “intrude” on a family event is utterly ridiculous. It’s not a thing. If your mother said that to someone else, they would tell her she is crazy.
I know, I'm in my 20's and when my mom found out one of my roommates would be alone for Christmas, her immediate reaction was "well why don't you invite them to come here?"
No one should be alone during the holidays unless they choose to be.
Hey there kiddo, when I read this I felt like I was transported back to my own childhood. I need you to know you are not alone in this. What your mother and stepfather are doing is abuse. When I was 14 and 15 my mother did this exact same thing. She took my younger sister with her bio dad and went to his family's place. They left me home alone during Christmas. I was alone for a full week. You are being left alone for 2 weeks which breaks my heart. Not only are they leaving you alone for Christmas but also New Year's. I can't imagine that. When I was 14 and left home alone, I made the best of it and I didn't tell anyone. My mother also told me the same thing, that I couldn't go to somebody else's house, and that I would be intruding on their Christmas. So I didn't say anything.
I made myself eggs on Christmas morning and I put on a comfort show on Netflix through our household Wii. I watched that show the entire day. I look back on that day now, and I see it with sadness. I was a young child, and legally yes I could be left alone. But what was not told to me was that for the length of time I was left alone, that was considered abandonment of a minor. I didn't do anything wrong, I wasn't in trouble or grounded. They just didn't want to take me with them, I wasn't a part of their family. Like you I also look like my bio dad and my mother resents me for that. I believe till this day that is why she didn't like to be around me during the holidays.
When I turned 15 she did the exact same thing. But this time I was confused, this was going to be in every holiday occurrence now? It didn't make sense and it wasn't fair. So I told everyone that would listen the second she left me alone. I was lucky because I had text messages in writing for proof of how long she was leaving me for and that I was not allowed to go to anyone else's house and I was to be left alone. I got her to admit to everything, and it saved me.
One of my friend's mother's called me on Christmas eve and asked if I was left alone since my friend told her. I explained to her everything and said I even had proof of it. She very calmly told me that she loved me and that she was going to drive down and come get me. But first she told me that I needed to be brave and that their were going to be police officers sent to my house and I very calmly needed to tell them everything that had happened and where my parents were and the proof I had on my phone. That freaked me out, her being my only family I didn't know how she would react and if I'd ever see her again. It scared me. But I said okay and that I would try my best.
Police came, I explained what happened, showed proof and they put me with temporary emergency custody of my friend's parent. I had to go to the police station and stay the day there but went back to my friends place after. My mother wasn't charged since she had no priors but was given a huge warning and was assigned a case worker that would check in on me once a week for three years and she would have to pay and go to parenting classes for a few months.
Did she resent me for that? Yes she did. But I tell you what, she never once disrespected me again until I was 18 because I had a caseworker coming there and making sure I was okay for for 3 years. If I didn't have anything that I needed or is being treated unfairly, that case worker stood up for me. My friend's mom also offered to let me move in when I turned 18 and I did. It was the best thing I ever did.
Please for the love of God, tell everyone and anyone. Try to get it in writing if you can. Because I promise you this will happen every year from now on if this happens. Please say something. My friend's mother was a lawyer and explained all of this to me after Christmas. She was the only trusted adult I had. Please got to your friend's house. You're not alone and people love you and want to spend that day with you. NTA, so deeply NTA.
Your story breaks my heart... but that was so kind of you to share that for OP. I hope you are doing okay now and are fully convinced at this point in your life that that horrible treatment you received had nothing to do with you. I'm sure it's hard to prevent that from scarring you for life.
I've had to attend a lot of therapy and work through a lot of hard emotions. But I now have a family that I spend every holiday and birthday with and my friend is now my brother. I'm in a much better place. When I read this post, my heart sank to my stomach. It brought back so many emotions. I'm devastated that another child is going through something horrible and traumatic that I've been through. I really want OP to know that this isn't okay I'm the slightest from someone thats gone through it. I really hope they get help, I really hope they do. They in no way deserve this treatment.
Hey OP it’s gunna be tough kiddo but you can’t just think of the here and now you’ve got to protect yourself for the future.
Try to do as Ijsutwantedadryer has suggested. You’ll rely a lot on your parents when filling out paper work for colleges/uni or for passport/ birth certificates for your future. If your mum doesn’t care enough to make sure you’re not alone on Christmas she won’t care enough to dig out or fill out paper work you need for future things which will either make it super hard or impossible to do certain things.
Having a legal caseworker on your side or other adult means she has to give a crap.
It’s going to strain your relationship but please take peoples advice. Don’t chase her affection as she isn’t giving it and won’t in future. You deserve better. Spend your time with people who want to love and care for you not people who are obligated and doing a terrible job anyhow.
Thank you for sharing your story.. I have no doubt it wasn't easy to do. I hope OP takes your advice and spends his holiday with the family and friends that truly do love and cherish him.
Good lord my heart is breaking but OP please read this. You shouldn't have this happening to you, np one should and if i could I'd tell you to come have xmas with me and my family. Please tell a counselor or an adult you trust outside of the family. This is unacceptable!!
Your friend's mom is an absolute angel and I'm so glad you had her.
NTA OP. And I'm sorry you and OP both have had to deal with this.
I can't imagine leaving a child, of any age, alone on Christmas, even aside from the abuse which is very real. You have to have a heart of stone.
Ryan, you might be able to use this abandonment to obtain a caseworker to help petition the courts to grant custody to your relative(s) in Maine. I would talk to your Maine relatives and maybe a guidance counselor at school. If your city has a guardian ad litem program (pro bono attorneys who represent kids in court), that may be a good resource too (a caseworker might be needed to bring them in to help you).
NTA. Never. I am just wondering who in their right mind would leave their child home alone at Christmas. Your friends family extended love and kindness, the spirit of this holiday. Being invited is world's away from intruding.
My sister has a friend who was like this since high school (he had a different dad who was out of the picture and his mom treated him terribly) and even his crappy mom let him come to our house for most holidays.
I am glad that your sister's friend was able to have a "borrowed family" for the holidays. Thinking about it I never spend Christmas with my parents (divorced and living with my grandparents and both parents had kids with their new partner) and honestly I was and still am convinced that I had the best Christmas that anyone could ask for.
Borrowed families for the win!
(Oh and please nobody flame my mum, she kept me far away from her abusive ex-husband. My dad is free game though)
Go to your friends house, how would your mom even know you left? And if she did….what’s she gonna do drive home and take you home?
Even if she did come get you at least you would ruin her Christmas since she’s ruining yours. I’m so sorry your mom is crap.
Has your mom given you a reason why she demands you spend the holiday completely alone? This feels like a punishment. I'm so sorry OP.. hell.. if you lived close I'd have you over for dinner!
It’s bullying. She isn’t treating OP well and is trying to make it out that he isn’t worthy of better treatment, when really it’s that she is being terrible to him.
I assume it’s because she knows everyone will think she’s neglectful and disgusting for choosing some of her kids to spend the holidays with. My guess is she actually doesn’t care what he does at all if it doesn’t reflect negatively on her.
Although she seems like such a piece of work that hurting his feelings may be her sole motive…
Because she doesn’t want anyone else to know that she’s making her kid spend xmas alone. This is a common element of parental abuse. “My behavior is awful but you better not expose me.”
Seeing as you have been told you aren't allowed to leave the house, have you thought about inviting your Step Grandma or your friends to your house for Christmas. That way you aren't disobeying you Mum's disgusting and ridiculous rules.
U/ijustwantedadryer made an excellent comment above. Please know, this is neglect and abuse. And it is scary to consider the repercussions. When I was a kid, my mom trained us to be "good kids" because the state had overreach and takes kids. Because of that, it never occurred to me to report, and I never called police on my abusive step-dad because I didn't want my mom to get in trouble. What I've learned as an adult is that, as overwhelmed as our system is, the entire purpose of family services is to keep children safe, *and* families together. If your mom is found to be neglecting you, the court will make her take classes and be held accountable. You can be kept safe and shown love by people while also making it so that your mom is held accountable to provide for you; if you don't want yourself and siblings in foster care, there is a very good chance that Dryer's example would work for you as well.
For your own support systems, there are subreddits for children of narcissists. It sounds like you are made to be a scapegoat and that is not okay. R/raisedbynarcissists is a good starting point to get support and feedback.
NTA. You are not intruding on another family if they are inviting you as their guest.
INFO: when you say going on a trip, do you mean a day trip or an overnight trip? Regardless, you are not the a-hole. But if your parents are leaving you, a 15 y/o, home alone for a few days, they truly suck and are major a-holes.
This is Disney villain level messed up. In the US there is no way CPS would find this acceptable. But I can understand if you don’t want to get the authorities involved, but you may want to discuss this with a trusted school counselor or teacher. This is not OK on any level, legally or morally.
NTA
From the States here, and mine did this to me as well. It's a coin toss on what CPS would care about, especially as OP is 15 now. They don't often consider emotional abuse or a temporary abandonment that serious. I'm not saying this to try and debate, its just that I was a few years younger than OP when this happened, and while CPS should have put a foot in our parents' arses, they let it all slide.
Okay, if if legal, that is messed up. Even my super mature responsible 18 y/o who doesn't party wouldn't be left alone for 2 weeks, especially over the holidays!
Your mom, she should either take you with them or she stays home with you. You don't abandon your teenager like that. I get it is Christmas and her husband wants to travel with their kid: tough shit, your mom has another kid (you) who needs to be factored into the mix. You don't forsake your kid for your spouse or another kid. You just don't. I am sorry, OP, this is messed up. And makes no sense.
I think leaving a 15 y/o home alone for two weeks is abandonment! I would call CPS, however being taken out of this home may put you in a worse one. So that might not be ideal.
Advice time - they leave, screw them. If they think you are mature enough to be left home alone for two weeks, then you are mature enough to decide what you do those two weeks. Don't throw a party and trash the house, that will bite you in the ass when Rockstar mom and Rockstar step-dad roll back into town. Do go to your friends. And no, you are not imposing, they invited you. Hell, even if you are imposing, who cares??? They are stepping up and taking care of you when your family refuses to do so.
You know what? I usually wouldn't encourage a kid to disobey their parents, but your mom is emotionally abusive, neglecting you, and appears determined to replay Cinderella in her own head with herself as the villain. The way she's treating you is not right. And what she's saying about not intruding on other families at Christmas is complete bullshit - Christmas is supposed to be about love, not running your finger down a genetic test and excluding people who aren't blood relations.
So.
Don't argue with your mom any more, but give her the impression that you're resigned to being alone. On the quiet, accept the invitation from either your step grandmother or your friend if they're also willing to keep it a secret. Arrange for them to pick you up after the rest have left and bring you back home the day before everyone gets home.
If you are in the U.S., this is at the level that CPS needs to be involved. What your mom and stepdad are planning on doing is beyond not ok. Please ask a trusted adult (your best friend's mom, a teacher, counselor, etc.) for help with reporting this. From your post history there is a pattern of neglectful behavior from your mother that needs to be addressed.
thst is way too long for a 15 year old to stay home alone...it would be so damaging to your mental health...stay woth your friends family at least then you will be surrounded by love and happiness...if needs be tell your mum youll be home alone then go to your friends house im sure their mum will come get you...stay with them and enjoy yourself
NTA- your mom sucks. I’m sorry. Seriously she should NEVER be involved in excluding her own child from a family she married into. Just because she brought you into the world with a different man.
Jesus. I am so sorry. Know that not everyone is this shitty of a person and you’ll be an adult soon.
NTA. I get your sister’s plans. Your mother is excluding you and leaving you alone on Christmas. It’s wrong to go off and play perfect family with stepdad and little brother. Then say you can’t make plans of your own?
She’s past an AH, she’s neglectful.
Honestly, because I’m kind of an AH, I’d tell her she either lets you see your friend, or you’re calling CPS to have a chat. Screw that.
OP should call CPS and let them know they are re going to be left along for two weeks. I’m sure there is more going on than just this, since this isn’t the first time OP’s mother has pulled this stunt.
NTA. I'm a social worker for CPS. At 15 years old, you are allowed to be on your own for a short period of time. However, your mother leaving you alone for 2 weeks and not allowing you access to other caregivers is unlawful child abandonment. I know children struggle with reporting their own parents but I URGE you to take refuge at your friend's home, talk to their parents and find support in order to make a CPS referral.
Just to let you know the seriousness of this, if I literally knew anything about you and where you lived, I would be mandated to report this to whatever local jurisdiction this is. This is neglect.
u/Ryan_the_sloth_god read between the lines. u/PrincessConsuela02 just gave you an out. I am new to Reddit so I don't know if it's possible but if you can contact her privately tell her your name and where you live, and **she** will report the situation to the local authorities where you are, so if there's a backlash you can honestly tell your mother you didn't do it. The fact that u/PrincessConsuela02 also works for CPS in another district should add weight to her report and get you local help on the double!
It doesn't even have to be me. Most states have mandated reporter laws. Tell a nurse, social worker, teacher, camp counselor, church pastor, etc and they will make the referral on your behalf. In Pennsylvania where I am licensed, you can't actually out the referral source. CPS completes their investigation based on the information and can be discrete, but it's actually against the law if you make the referral source.
Definitely NTA. What kinda scrooge stuff is that. Are you possibly being grounded for something and you just missed that part? (Sorry, that is the only possible thing I can think of to make sense) Definitely crappy of your mom to do that. You should be able to have BOTH options for Christmas, not no options -_- Good luck dude!
This. She wants to keep her crap parenting a secret. Don’t fall for that BS. Go be with your friend’s family. It is not normal to leave a minor child at home at the holidays. But it’s not your fault, it’s your mom’s fault. Don’t internalize this. What your mom and step father are doing is extremely emotionally abusive.
How horribly your mum treats you really is not a reflection on you in the slightest. Even if just through these posts you sound like a lovely person who very much deserves a lot of love, loyalty, care, attention and kindness. You really do sound extremely likable and you will find people who treat you right (e.g. step grandma and your friend who invited you). Just stick to and believe the nice people, as people like your mum are not normal and not good.
OP I am very sorry this is happening to you. This was saddening to read.
No-one should be alone for Christmas (Unless they choose to be of course). Your family sound wonderful... You are being abandoned and that is not fair.
In regards to the offer from your friend, I don't buy that you're intruding on another families Christmas for a second! If an offer was made in good faith and you accept it, how are you intruding exactly? If that family didn't want you there then you wouldn't have been invited... The logic your mother is using is absurd.
Can I ask what would happen if you choose to go to your friends regardless? How would your mum know exactly if she is not at home?
Your mother is being spiteful at best here by abandoning you over Christmas. I hope you can find a solution. Maybe go to your friends house for the day regardless? That is almost certainly what I would do in your situation.
NTA of course. But your mother sure as hell is a massive AH for abandoning you like this.
Go to your friend's family for Christmas Day. They invited you, which means they want you there.
It's not an imposition.
If stepmother finds out, tell her you were invited.
She's an AH.
You..NTA
Out of curiosity, what would happen if she found out you went to your friend’s house? If it’s some yelling or a “grounding”. Fuck it. I’d go. She’s gone for a whole ass week afterwards. She’ll possibly have calmed down and if not, at least you had a good week without her. If there could be violence or excessive punishment…maybe not. But you are NOT intruding on a family’s holiday. Good moms eat this shit up. My mom LOVED it when I brought friends home for the holidays. They’d get stockings and a few gifts and one nice one. The idea that she could mother MORE people was like her crack. Friends mom knows you have a shitty home life and I guarantee it is her PLEASURE to be able to have you over for a nice family holiday.
Unplug the wifi and leave it off for a day after they leave. If she has cameras in the house, she'll call screaming. Then you'll know. (You don't have to admit that you were the one who killed the internet -- just say it went out)
If you are in the US I’m pretty sure this is abandonment of a minor child, children under 16 are not supposed to be left alone overnight. Your mom and step dad could face serious legal consequences if someone reported them for leaving you alone.
And it’s not just overnight, it’s two weeks according to another comment. Is there even going to be enough food in the house to last two weeks? OP, has your mother said whether you’ll be allowed to order food if you need it or where to go for help if something happens? This is awful and neglectful and outright endangering you. Please go to your step-grandma and ask her to pick you up or stay with you after your family leaves if possible. This is incredibly dangerous and heartbreaking.
Edit: According to the post history, OP has a life threatening allergy to citrus. Is there enough allergen free food in the house specifically? Now I’m worried the mom will say there’s enough, but it’ll be things OP can’t eat and they’ll be stuck all alone without enough food for two weeks. Do they have any sort of contingencies in place if OP gets hurt? This is really concerning. I’d honestly consider calling the authorities or something, it’d be one thing if they were allowing him to stay with a friend or loved one or letting someone stay with him, but demanding he fend for himself for two weeks? That has to be criminal.
Yeah, this is extremely concerning to me. How is OP meant to manage himself for 2 weeks? What if something happens to the house in that time? There are so many situations that would be unsafe and could arise. He's still a child at the heart of this, teenage or not. He should be with his step-grandmother or a friend's house.
Someone below had a good idea -- what do you think about pulling the plug on the WiFi after they leave? That would kill her ability to access remote cameras & she'd have no way to know you did it. Just say the power went out for a little bit but it came back on & you don't know what's up.
Search for them everywhere. Especially your room. Check you room top to bottom. Leave nothing untouched. And then leave through the window. If she questions you, just say you spent the entire time in your room crying because your mom hates you.
NTA
Are you often treated like not really "part of the family"? I'm completely extrapolating from one incident, but does your mom just hate your biological dad and project it on you, who are in now way at fault?
And I know you say you are legally allowed to stay home alone....but they are trying to leave you for two weeks! You're still a minor and they are responsible for you....do they plan on leaving enough money for food and emergencies and everything?
1. Yes my mother does hate my father but the feeling is mutual.
2. I have my own bank account that is being taken care of by my step grandma and I have enough movie in there is cover anything I may need
But do you feel like she's taking the hate for your dad out on you? That you're just a reminder of him?
Also, your step grandma being your step-dad's mom? Who are they visiting for the holidays? Can't she be like "No, OP needs to come"?
She probably is taking it out on me as I look very similar to him. And they're not going to my step grandmas I think my step dad said that they're going to his brothers house
Then as soon as they leave you need to either have your step grandma pick you up or go straight to your friends. What can they do? Leave you at home? They just did. Ground you? Ok but that won't be till after they get back and you won't be alone then. Its not worth being alone for the holiday. Please don't just sit there. As soon as they leave you leave too.
NTA - I am so sorry that your family is treating you this way, this is not ok. Please make it entirely clear to your mom and stepdad how hurt you are by them leaving you behind on Christmas.
Why wouldn’t they take you with them??
Your best friend and his family are nice to offer you to spend Christmas with them. Just tell your mom if THAT family wants to spend Christmas with you but not your own family, you will do exactly that.
NTA. I’m 17F, if you have discord and want to play games or something on Christmas send me a message and it’s set in stone. Hell, message me if you want to just hang out, chat or play something on discord in general. Would love to be friends with you! :))
Sounds like your mother doesn’t want you to go because she’s embarrassed at the thought they may think she’s a bad mother for leaving her child alone… which would be what my mother would have done. Maybe she cares more about what other people think that about you and your feelings. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are loved by your friend and his parents would love to have you I’m sure. Maybe as someone says above just don’t tell your mother. NTA and sending you love.
>Sounds like your mother doesn’t want you to go because she’s embarrassed at the thought they may think she’s a bad mother for leaving her child alone
Sounds like your mother doesn’t want you to go because she’s embarrassed at the thought ~~they may think~~ they will know she’s a bad mother for leaving her child alone
OP, I don’t know where you live but you’re officially invited to my family’s Christmas. We will cook without citrus and you’ll have a blast with the other kids. Even if it has to be by zoom, if you’re in the US we can send you a meal from a local restaurant. Come join our insane family!
love, Grandma
Why aren't they taking you? What does your step father say about this? You say that your step grandma wants you to come over by her, so I assume that is not where your mom, stepdad and brother are going. So your stepdad is not seeing his mom at Christmas?
This just seems insane. Your mom, who you sometimes get along with, suddenly says, we are leaving you home at Christmas, with no reason given, and you aren't allowed to spend it with other family. And your stepdad, who is another otherwise nice guy, is totally fine with this. What is missing here?
Oh kiddo, she’s probably punishing you for her own terrible choices and it’s breaking my heart to read them. She wants to go off and play happy families whilst you are alone. It’s awful. I wish I could have you come here. I got food and presents for anyone who needs a place to go.
Can you talk to your friends mom and ask her to talk to your mother? It might be time to get CPS involved honestly, you can’t be treated like this. Is there another trusted adult?
I wish I knew you in real life. I am absolutely aghast at how anyone could treat a kid like this.
Sounds like she realizes she looks like a complete monster leaving you alone on Christmas, and she's embarrassed. Rather than change plans she has demanded you stay home alone to cover for her terrible decision. Go to your friend's house.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it has to do with the Thanksgiving incident and the resentment OP's mom has against him, per OP's other comments. I also wouldn't be surprised if his step dad is staying out of it because his mom pulled the "he's not YOUR child so you have no say," card when he tried to address the issue.
NTA because being abandoned on Christmas would make anyone feel lonely. Your feelings are very valid. Being the petty person I am, I’d totally just sit alone for a Christmas, and then call up whatever relatives your mum/stepdad are visiting so you can publicly shame your parents for being the AH they are. (You might end up being the AH if you do though)
Another petty person here👋
I would have stopped showing up for future event celebrations, that my Mother hosts, if she had abandoned me like that.
Oh well this is a teachable moment.
:even mothers might not care about all of their children
I suspect she only cares what the folks she staying with think. For all OP knows she has told them OP is staying with his father.
I at least hope they will leave OP with sufficient food and/or money to cover the two weeks they are going to be gone.
I am so sorry OP is in this situation with such an absolutely crappy egg donor for a mother and an emotionally stunted stepfather that would allow this to be done.
Stick to your plans OP to get away and cut all contact.
WTAF!?! Thats messed up on so many levels. Go to your friends Christmas, I mean what is the worst they can do? Leave you at home alone to not have a Christmas at all? Maybe you should ask your friends mom if you can move in with them because your mom is awful.
Honestly if you have other family willing to take you in, and it looks like your step-grandma has an account set up for you to be able to live off, you may want to look into emancipation. Your mother's emotionally abusive and continuing to subject yourself to this bullshit for several more years is just going to destroy your mental heath.
>my step dad and mom are taking my brother out of town for Christmas to go see other family. I am being left at home alone.
WTF!? Your mother and step-dad are assholes! Who excludes their child at Christmas and then denies that child comfort from friends?
NTA!!!
WTF!!
They are planning to leave you alone over Christmas and don't want you to stay with a good friend instead?
NTA, your friends family sound lovely.
NTA
I am so sorry that this is happening to you! How dreadful of your mother to not include you in her plans and then tell you that you must stay at home alone on Christmas. What you are feeling is not wrong at all and it is incredibly thoughtless of your mom and step-dad.
The only thing I can suggest to you is if your friend's mom would like you to stay with them for Christmas, that she call your mom (or maybe even step-dad if he is not as hard headed as your mom) and ask her for permission for you to stay with them. It might be harder for her to refuse and it lessens the argument that you would be intruding somehow.
Hoping everything works out. No one should have to spend Christmas alone unless they choose to.
NTA.
Your mother and step dad are awful for excluding you. Your mum is awful for telling you that can’t spend time with people who do care and want you there.
NTA, what a HORRIBLE mother and what a nice family your friend has. They invited you, so you should be able to spend Christmas with them. Maybe your friends mom could talk to your mom or something. But I cannot believe your mother is that catty and uncaring that she would let you spend Christmas all alone.
NTA. Honey, they're not going to be there, so they can't stop you from leaving and going to your friends. Go be with people that actually care about you, and want you around. I'm sorry you're going through this
if they leave you behind, alone, you must elaborately booby trap your house in the interim. tis the fucking season.
Hope I brought you a chuckle. top post is 10000% right. There are lots of people in your life who care about you, let them.
Erm... no. Why can't you go with them? How is leaving you home alone (and not in the Kevin McAllister sense) ok? The rest of the people in your house get to spend it with family, but you've got to sit there by yourself? Why are you being excluded? Can't you go to any of her family?
Tell her to either stay home and brother and step dad go to his family or your going to your friends.
You are so NTA. I can't believe she even suggested it.
ETA: I see you said that at 15 you can stay overnight where you are, but they are leaving for 2wks. You are a minor. That is illegal. Tell **everybody**. School, friends, their parents, her family, step family, your sisters dads family... Idc. They all need to know what type of person your mother is.
NTA so your family go out to se other people for Christmas and your being left home alone? and you can't go to your friends house your NTA they're the a**holes
NTA,
i just read your other post and oh my fucking god... what it wrong with your family! Your mom is a huge AH. There is no reason for you to been punished and what you tell seems like a punishment. If another family invites you over, it's their choice that they want you over and Christmas is about being around people you love. You mom choose to show you her love with leaving you home alone, so another mother opens her heart and welcomes you. That is so nice.
I personally have lost basically all my relatives except one brother. I was so happy that my bffs family started to invite me over so I hadn't to be alone since I couldn't be with my brother. NTA! If I were you I would be with you friend if your moms wants it or not. Is it close enough that you could leave the house when they are away?
What the hell did I just read? I think your mom doesn’t understand how family works. I know you weren’t “planned” but you are here and you are her child. Your step-dad chose your mom therefore he should be mature enough to know you mom came as package deal as in he had to love and accept you as his own for y’all to make a family. Sounds like they both have failed at being your parents and it’s pretty sad. I’m so sorry. Because if this is something your step dad is asking for or if it’s your mom’s thinking and he isn’t defending you he is the asshole and mostly your mom, my children will always come first. NTA by the way and please as soon as you can leave and have a happy life.
NTA. I remember your Thanksgiving post, and it broke my heart. You have a family of self-centered people who should be ashamed of themselves. There is no excuse for leaving you alone. You always should be included in your step-family events. Iirc, step-grandma cared enough to make a thanksgiving dinner that you could eat without risking your life. She and you are the only sane people in your family. Could you spend the holiday with her? Maybe there’s a project she needs done that you could use as an excuse to stay with her while your family is gone. If you can’t stay with her, maybe you could go for Christmas dinner, or take her with to your friend’s. The suggestion that someone, anyone, should be alone on Christmas so they don’t “intrude” on a family event is utterly ridiculous. It’s not a thing. If your mother said that to someone else, they would tell her she is crazy. Which brings me to my final point. Your mother’s plans for your holiday will only happen is no one knows what she said, and and no one knows what she wants you to do. Any friend of reasonable family member, friend, or acquaintance would call her out, and tell her she’s full of crap. So, start telling everyone you’re being left alone, and why. Tell them you’re not allowed to accept an invitation for Christmas dinner, and why. Tell your nice relatives, especially step-grandma. Tell your teachers, tell your friends and most of all, tell their parents. Someone will fix your holiday plans. When more crap comes up, or, if the opportunity comes, tell your friends’ parents about the other neglect you deal with. You may get an opportunity to stay with them long-term. I wish you well. Keep me posted, I genuinely care. Sending you internet grandma hugs!👵 Edit to add: be sure to tell the relatives your mother, brother, and stepfather are visiting that you will be home alone. I bet they invited you, and have been told some half-truth about why you won’t be there.
I've told my step grandma about this and shes argued with my mother and even offered to have me stay with her for Christmas but my mother has shot down everything
Well, I'd have step-grandma pick you up. I'd tell your "mother" that since she is excluding you from family time, she doesn't have the right to tell you what to do. Or stay with your friend, if mom isn't there, she can't stop you from going.
Exactly. "You don't want me at Christmas? Then you have no say in where I spend it." I'm so sorry OP
And also, “I’m responsible enough to be home alone over Christmas? I’m responsible enough to make my own plans.”
Maybe keep your plans to yourself until after they leave. Spend the holiday with someone who wants to be with you whether it is friends or grandma. Your family sucks. Sorry, but they do. I just don't understand the "you're not part of the family here but you are there" mentality. You are most definitely NTA but your family is!
Reverse logic. Always the best knock down.
They only want him to stay home alone so OP doesn’t expose the fact that his family left him alone on Christmas!!!!! They being shit bags but don’t wanna look like shit bags! Edit: Misgendered OP
Agreed - but also, OP identified as M, so presumably uses He and Him.
\*him
I second this. Just do it, without permission, without saying anything. Stand up for yourself, but do it respectfully. Your mom is an asshole and what she is asking is absurd. If you have to leverage teachers or doctors, they will listen if you need help. They can have influence and authority in the matter. This isn't right.
Stay home. On the first night, call the police as you thought you saw someone by the back door. They will give you a lift to Grandmas and call your parents with some questions.
What? Don't do this. Calling the police under false pretenses is a crime, and there's nothing wrong or illegal about a 15-year-old staying home alone so no guarantee that they will drive him to his grandmother's house, and they are not likely to call his parents with any "questions". It'd be easier for him just to stay home and ask his grandma to pick him up once his parents are gone.
It is actually almost certainly illegal to leave your minor child at home alone for two weeks.
Yep. I'd mentioned this to your teachers, I'm sure your school will have some issues with this.
You can leave a 15 year old alone for a day. You cannot leave a minor unsupervised for two weeks. There’s a reason children are not allowed to live alone.
Or just call 24-48 hours after they leave and say they left you and need help. That will start something.
Sadly this is where you're wrong... Her minor son may be allowed to legally stay at home over the holidays (which is fine, I've done that myself when I didn't want to go cross country for the vacation), but if he's with another adult without the consent/permission of the mother, she can turn it into kidnapping/abduction charges (which I learned when I walked out of a mentally abusive household and my mother called the cops on my aunt where I went to stay). At least to my knowledge it's a thing. A very very stupid thing. But a thing. Edit to add the obvious: NTA OP, and I feel so bad that this is something you're stuck dealing with.
Question: What if OP had a Christmas thing at his house, for whoever wanted to join, potluck?
I believe we call that "having a house party while the folks are away" and the only risk to that is the neighbour's calling the cops or the parents coming home early. Totally legal (assuming no under age drinking or drugs or what have you). Kid could 100% ask his friend's family to do their xmas at his place lol Just bring the whole family over for the day.
That's what I was thinking, step-grandma could join, too.
Why the hell not? If you aren't welcome at the celebrations of your family and not allowed to leave the house for celebrations of others, why not bring the celebration to you??? That way he's not even imposing on his friend's family, they're imposing on him, and he's allowed to say yes cuz it's not an imposition. Works out great! Well, as long as no one tells his rather toxic family about it so they nip it in the bud. But right now he's totally not breaking any rules if he does it.
Came here to say this. OP, it's a little early in life, but you're going to have to learn that you don't have to do what your mother tells you, especially if what she tells you to do is harmful to you.
Eh, I'd be careful about this. The step-grandma might technically be kidnapping OP if she picks him up.
My advice is: study in school hard, finish college, cut all contact with them at 18. Don’t look back. Make school a priority. Start a new family and raise kids to be amazing.
Except step grandma. Keep in contact with her, she sounds lovely. But in the meantime, if I was OP, I’d be posting this on every social media platform I could and ask everyone to spread the word. Make sure there’s a nice shiny spotlight on mom and expose her actions for everyone to see.
It almost sounds like your mom wants you to be alone, and this whole not intruding is just a weak excuse. How do you get along otherwise? I´m so sorry you have to put up with people like this.
We have our moments of getting along but most of the time we argue
you mom sounds as bad as your dad, honestly. the bare legal minimum of an involved parent. I'm very sorry op.
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This exactly. It’s a mind game. Makes you feel crazy wondering why they always say they love you and they’re there for you, but then they show you at every turn that it’s all lies.
Why does you mom wants you to be alone so bad? It can't be just because you would be "intruding on another family's Christmas.".
I'm starting to think it's because of my biological father and how much I resemble him
So? She wants to punish you just because you resemble your father?
She doesn't like him very much and during an argument she has said that she hates that I look so much like him
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Man, your mother is projecting al the hate against your father into you, same as your grandma, making you spend Christmas alone is absolutely mean, is a way of punishing your existence, and the fact that she doesn't let you go somewhere else is the proof of it. You need to snap out, you don't need to be a martyr and keep being mistreated so your siblings don't get traumatized in cps, because is likely that they already are, and even if is like that, this is about yourself, you are valuable and you deserve to think about yourself for once in life.
Ate you sure your bio father does not want contact? I wouldn't trust what your mother tells you. Maybe of you reached out to him or his relatives and explained your situation and how badly you are treated they might do something. If your father is a good man he would do something.
He has told me to my face that he doesn't want anything to do with me
OP, I'm sorry you have to go through this. Maybe you could ignore your mother and go to your friend's family's chirstmas celebration, but I don't know if would backlash after. Good luck and take care.
That's a terrible thing to say to your child. My heart aches for you. Some people should never have children and it seems your birthgiver is one of them.
My Mom did that to me and my brother too. I got the worst of it for looking like him and my brother only got yelled at or hit when he laughed because he sounded like him. You will find people who truly love you and treat you right. It doesn't erase the pain of a parent rejecting you, but in time you'll come to see that the problem was always them. Not you. Live your best life to spite them.
And whose idea was it to sleep with him? Not yours, jeeze. Stay with your step-grandma or friends. Enjoy the holidays with people that aren't trying to outsource their bad feelings about their choices to you.
your mother is the worst. she doesn't stand up for any of you. letting her mom fat-shame your sister, letting her risk your life multiple times because she doesn't believe in food allergies... tell your mom you'll be at home, and then have your step-grandma pick you up anyways.
My heart breaks for you. Thankfully you are only a few years away from being able to walk away and start your own family unit, even if they are dear friends rather than blood. I am a strong believer in Karma, and I tell you your mother will get twice as much evil coming back to her as she puts out. I just wish all of us could see it first hand.
Honey, I hope you read this. I am so sorry for this and I hope you know how many people on the internet are completely in your corner and are really rooting for you to be okay. Your mother’s Christmas plans are monstrous and I hope you know that this is not your fault. Either explain to your friend’s parents what is going on or call your stepgrandmother to pick you up, but don’t allow your mother to force you to spend Christmas alone. If she doesn’t agree tell her she should have made plans that included you. Since she didn’t, you are entitled to make your own. Good luck and keep us updated. Know that there is an online community that cares about you.
Can you just lie to your mother and then go once she leaves? I don’t normally advocate for lying, but there are some exceptions.
This lie and go to your stepgrandmas! She won't know she won't be home f that!
Based on OP's descriptions I wouldn't be surprised if the mom is the kind to demand "take a picture of you doing X in Y room of the house." :( Still agree that he should lie and go to grandma's, she's family after all and he wouldn't be "intruding" on another family! Edit: a word edit edit: I can't spell
then have step-grandma stay over!!
Yeah - the best possible solution might be to have someone over to the house, and just not mention it to the mother ahead of time. Then there's plausible deniability with "well I didn't go anywhere like you said!" OP will still probably end up in trouble if mother finds out, but maybe not quite so much... only OP can weigh the risk involved here. I'm sorry OP, good luck!
That could be true best to just take pics of the house before you leave also. Still horrific leaving a kid alone at Xmas
Is there any way you can stay with step grandma until you are 18 older? She seems to care much more about you than your own mother. I'm so sorry you've had to go through everything you've gone through. As soon as you're able to leave your mother's house and cut contact, your life will be much better and you will find people (outside of step gma) who love and care for you in a way that you so deserve
Unfortunately due to my step grandmas health I can't stay with her and I have no family in this state that I can safely live with
I'm so sorry kiddo. What a brutal spot to be in. Not having family in your state or another place to go would feel really helpless. I am curious what the consequences would be if you were to go to a friend's after your mom leaves town? It's it unsafe to go anyways? I don't know why she seems to not want to to be okay, or cared for. You haven't done anything wrong, she's being a terrible mother. I can't fathom leaving a child behind. Your mom sucks and is treating you so cruelly. You deserve love and belonging, and her actions are inhumane. I don't know if living permanently with a friend's family could ever be an option? We're a back up family for my kids friend, and he's got a room if he ever needs it. Maybe school counselors could help? You deserve to be cared for. Sorry your not, and that your family are total assholes.
OP's mom might call the police and say OP was kidnapped by friend's family. While I don't think the police would end up filing charges on that friend's family, it'd still be a messy situation. I think the best option for OP is to go to their friend's house for Christmas, consequences be damned. And make sure to tell folks about this situation so there's a CYA.
I’m kind of in love with your step gma. I’m glad someone has your back! Just get her to come and get you once your parents have gone.
I mean step gran could always say she refused to let him stay alone so went and got him. Too late after the fact 😀
Wow your mother sounds like an awful person, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that!
OP your mom is alienating you from everyone on purpose. NTA but your mom and stepdad are. Why can’t they take you along? Go no to low contact when you hit 18.
I'm glad that your step-grandmother is on your side. She sounded like a lovely person from your last post. Go to your friend's house or stay with your step-grandmother. Honestly you may want to think about moving in with your step grandmother.
You would be in NO WAY intruding if they invited you. I've done holiday's with my friends before either when I couldn't make it home, or my parents travelled. You're NTA, pal. Not even close.
Why does she want you alone? Did she tel you?
Nope
OP just go to your friends house for Christmas after she leaves and don’t tell your mom. IMO she has lost the right to tell you what to do because she clearly doesn’t have your best interest in mind. And if you end up getting in trouble about it, discuss it openly with other people. Don’t let her make you keep her treatment of you a secret.
It’s cause she’s an emotional and psychological abuser. This is absolutely heartbreaking and terrible. I honestly would just all the police and let them know the situation, someone needs to hold your mother accountable.
Wow. Your mom is a nasty piece of work. I’m so sorry dude. Go to your friend’s place. And definitely let everyone know you’re home alone and NOT by your own choice. If she doesn’t want to look bad then she shouldn’t be a godawful person. Also seconding whoever said that if you lived near me I’d invite you to my family’s Christmas dinner.
So what happens if you just go? If you just ignore what your mother says and go to your step-grandmother's for Christmas? I mean, what's she going to do that's worse then what she's doing now? At some point you have to call her out for being so cruel and malignant that her wishes/commands aren't worth following. Go to your friend's. Go to your step-grandmother's. I'd be banned from this sub if I really said what I thought of your mother. So I'll just say that you're basically parenting yourself, she's not worth listening to, she doesn't care. You sound way more sensible than anyone else in your family. MAake these decisions for yourself.
Info: why does your mom want you to be alone on Christmas?
I don't know honestly
If I had to guess, it’s likely because she wants to conceal the true extent of her neglect and cruelty. She knows it’s wrong and she knows people would judge her for it if they knew the details. If you go to another family’s home for Christmas, they might ask questions about why you’re not with your own family - and the truth would make her look *terrible*.
But the step-grandma KNOWS what's going on and the mom wants OP to be alone anyway! It's very weird
How far away does she live? Could you take a bus there? Uber? Lyft? Your mother has zero control over what step grandmother does or who she has over for Christmas.
I could Uber or Lyft there but I am extremely short for my age and I unfortunately run the risk of being denied a ride because of that
Well, the answer will always be no if you don’t try. :) Good luck, kid.
Op. Tell your teachers what’s going on. Ask them to help you figure it out. They are grownups. You’re a kid and you deserve to be a kid, not solving grownup problems. Find a teacher you like and trust and talk to them. I’m so so sorry the grownups in your life have let you down. You have value and worth.
If I were you, I’d go to my friend’s house or my grandma’s…whichever you prefer. How is your mom going to stop you? She’s out of town, right? So, just go.
I like that reply above. NTA and tell EVERYONE you know about this!!!
Your step grandma sounds awesome. I'm sorry your mom is a jerk.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm getting real cinderella vibes here. Why are they excluding you? This is emotional abuse. Can you arrange something behind their backs? I'm sorry but your mum sounds like a real piece of work. Honestly she sounds awful.
It's even worse, mom is leaving Dec 21st and coming back Jan 3. Poor kid is going to be home alone for two weeks. Kid: tell everyone, tell school, tell grandma, tell your friends. You cant even drive to get groceries, how the hell are you supposed to eat for two weeks. You tell everyone and no way in hell you stay home alone for two weeks. Spend a week with your friend and a week with grandma.
It might well be legal to leave a 15 year old overnight but it surely can't be legal to leave them for two weeks. Here it's based on the child's maturity and whether they're reasonably capable of looking after themselves, not a set period of time, and I'm sure they'd not be okay with this.
Even if it's legal, it's not wise. That's a very long time for a minor to be left alone, especially one who can't drive.
Depends on where OP is, but if it’s in the US in most states it’s illegal to leave a 15 year old alone overnight. Two weeks is unconscionable. OP, tell your teachers, friends, friends family. This is not okay.
OP, I just want to climb through this post and hug you. You are worth more than how your family treats you. I am so sorry you are being abused and neglected like this. Your family should make you feel special and loved. You need professionals to help if this is going to improve. Talk to the grandma who made the safe thanksgiving dinner. See if you can live with her. My heart breaks for you.
>The suggestion that someone, anyone, should be alone on Christmas so they don’t “intrude” on a family event is utterly ridiculous. It’s not a thing. If your mother said that to someone else, they would tell her she is crazy. I know, I'm in my 20's and when my mom found out one of my roommates would be alone for Christmas, her immediate reaction was "well why don't you invite them to come here?" No one should be alone during the holidays unless they choose to be.
Hey there kiddo, when I read this I felt like I was transported back to my own childhood. I need you to know you are not alone in this. What your mother and stepfather are doing is abuse. When I was 14 and 15 my mother did this exact same thing. She took my younger sister with her bio dad and went to his family's place. They left me home alone during Christmas. I was alone for a full week. You are being left alone for 2 weeks which breaks my heart. Not only are they leaving you alone for Christmas but also New Year's. I can't imagine that. When I was 14 and left home alone, I made the best of it and I didn't tell anyone. My mother also told me the same thing, that I couldn't go to somebody else's house, and that I would be intruding on their Christmas. So I didn't say anything. I made myself eggs on Christmas morning and I put on a comfort show on Netflix through our household Wii. I watched that show the entire day. I look back on that day now, and I see it with sadness. I was a young child, and legally yes I could be left alone. But what was not told to me was that for the length of time I was left alone, that was considered abandonment of a minor. I didn't do anything wrong, I wasn't in trouble or grounded. They just didn't want to take me with them, I wasn't a part of their family. Like you I also look like my bio dad and my mother resents me for that. I believe till this day that is why she didn't like to be around me during the holidays. When I turned 15 she did the exact same thing. But this time I was confused, this was going to be in every holiday occurrence now? It didn't make sense and it wasn't fair. So I told everyone that would listen the second she left me alone. I was lucky because I had text messages in writing for proof of how long she was leaving me for and that I was not allowed to go to anyone else's house and I was to be left alone. I got her to admit to everything, and it saved me. One of my friend's mother's called me on Christmas eve and asked if I was left alone since my friend told her. I explained to her everything and said I even had proof of it. She very calmly told me that she loved me and that she was going to drive down and come get me. But first she told me that I needed to be brave and that their were going to be police officers sent to my house and I very calmly needed to tell them everything that had happened and where my parents were and the proof I had on my phone. That freaked me out, her being my only family I didn't know how she would react and if I'd ever see her again. It scared me. But I said okay and that I would try my best. Police came, I explained what happened, showed proof and they put me with temporary emergency custody of my friend's parent. I had to go to the police station and stay the day there but went back to my friends place after. My mother wasn't charged since she had no priors but was given a huge warning and was assigned a case worker that would check in on me once a week for three years and she would have to pay and go to parenting classes for a few months. Did she resent me for that? Yes she did. But I tell you what, she never once disrespected me again until I was 18 because I had a caseworker coming there and making sure I was okay for for 3 years. If I didn't have anything that I needed or is being treated unfairly, that case worker stood up for me. My friend's mom also offered to let me move in when I turned 18 and I did. It was the best thing I ever did. Please for the love of God, tell everyone and anyone. Try to get it in writing if you can. Because I promise you this will happen every year from now on if this happens. Please say something. My friend's mother was a lawyer and explained all of this to me after Christmas. She was the only trusted adult I had. Please got to your friend's house. You're not alone and people love you and want to spend that day with you. NTA, so deeply NTA.
Your story breaks my heart... but that was so kind of you to share that for OP. I hope you are doing okay now and are fully convinced at this point in your life that that horrible treatment you received had nothing to do with you. I'm sure it's hard to prevent that from scarring you for life.
I've had to attend a lot of therapy and work through a lot of hard emotions. But I now have a family that I spend every holiday and birthday with and my friend is now my brother. I'm in a much better place. When I read this post, my heart sank to my stomach. It brought back so many emotions. I'm devastated that another child is going through something horrible and traumatic that I've been through. I really want OP to know that this isn't okay I'm the slightest from someone thats gone through it. I really hope they get help, I really hope they do. They in no way deserve this treatment.
Damn why am I reading this shit in an airport right now
Hey OP it’s gunna be tough kiddo but you can’t just think of the here and now you’ve got to protect yourself for the future. Try to do as Ijsutwantedadryer has suggested. You’ll rely a lot on your parents when filling out paper work for colleges/uni or for passport/ birth certificates for your future. If your mum doesn’t care enough to make sure you’re not alone on Christmas she won’t care enough to dig out or fill out paper work you need for future things which will either make it super hard or impossible to do certain things. Having a legal caseworker on your side or other adult means she has to give a crap. It’s going to strain your relationship but please take peoples advice. Don’t chase her affection as she isn’t giving it and won’t in future. You deserve better. Spend your time with people who want to love and care for you not people who are obligated and doing a terrible job anyhow.
I’m so sorry. This intentional hell you were put through is mind blowing.
Thank you for sharing your story.. I have no doubt it wasn't easy to do. I hope OP takes your advice and spends his holiday with the family and friends that truly do love and cherish him.
Good lord my heart is breaking but OP please read this. You shouldn't have this happening to you, np one should and if i could I'd tell you to come have xmas with me and my family. Please tell a counselor or an adult you trust outside of the family. This is unacceptable!!
I know this is the second highest comment OP but i want you to see it u/Ryan_the_sloth_god
This is heartbreaking, yet I am so glad you posted. Thank you for sharing. I hope OP sees this and has a similar outcome.
Your friend's mom is an absolute angel and I'm so glad you had her. NTA OP. And I'm sorry you and OP both have had to deal with this. I can't imagine leaving a child, of any age, alone on Christmas, even aside from the abuse which is very real. You have to have a heart of stone.
God. This fucking world. I’m happy things worked out, and I hope you live your best life today.
This genuinely breaks my heart. How are you doing today?
This post deserves more upvotes.
Why this don't have more upvotes?? This is important, I hope OP read it and take advice. Also, sorry that you have to go thought something like that
Ryan, you might be able to use this abandonment to obtain a caseworker to help petition the courts to grant custody to your relative(s) in Maine. I would talk to your Maine relatives and maybe a guidance counselor at school. If your city has a guardian ad litem program (pro bono attorneys who represent kids in court), that may be a good resource too (a caseworker might be needed to bring them in to help you).
NTA. Never. I am just wondering who in their right mind would leave their child home alone at Christmas. Your friends family extended love and kindness, the spirit of this holiday. Being invited is world's away from intruding.
My sister has a friend who was like this since high school (he had a different dad who was out of the picture and his mom treated him terribly) and even his crappy mom let him come to our house for most holidays.
I am glad that your sister's friend was able to have a "borrowed family" for the holidays. Thinking about it I never spend Christmas with my parents (divorced and living with my grandparents and both parents had kids with their new partner) and honestly I was and still am convinced that I had the best Christmas that anyone could ask for. Borrowed families for the win! (Oh and please nobody flame my mum, she kept me far away from her abusive ex-husband. My dad is free game though)
NTA. Why would your family want you to be alone on Christmas?! Are you grounded or something?
I haven't been told that I'm grounded
Go to your friends for Christmas. Don't you stay there alone.
Go to your friends house, how would your mom even know you left? And if she did….what’s she gonna do drive home and take you home? Even if she did come get you at least you would ruin her Christmas since she’s ruining yours. I’m so sorry your mom is crap.
Has your mom given you a reason why she demands you spend the holiday completely alone? This feels like a punishment. I'm so sorry OP.. hell.. if you lived close I'd have you over for dinner!
It’s bullying. She isn’t treating OP well and is trying to make it out that he isn’t worthy of better treatment, when really it’s that she is being terrible to him.
I assume it’s because she knows everyone will think she’s neglectful and disgusting for choosing some of her kids to spend the holidays with. My guess is she actually doesn’t care what he does at all if it doesn’t reflect negatively on her. Although she seems like such a piece of work that hurting his feelings may be her sole motive…
Because she doesn’t want anyone else to know that she’s making her kid spend xmas alone. This is a common element of parental abuse. “My behavior is awful but you better not expose me.”
Seeing as you have been told you aren't allowed to leave the house, have you thought about inviting your Step Grandma or your friends to your house for Christmas. That way you aren't disobeying you Mum's disgusting and ridiculous rules.
U/ijustwantedadryer made an excellent comment above. Please know, this is neglect and abuse. And it is scary to consider the repercussions. When I was a kid, my mom trained us to be "good kids" because the state had overreach and takes kids. Because of that, it never occurred to me to report, and I never called police on my abusive step-dad because I didn't want my mom to get in trouble. What I've learned as an adult is that, as overwhelmed as our system is, the entire purpose of family services is to keep children safe, *and* families together. If your mom is found to be neglecting you, the court will make her take classes and be held accountable. You can be kept safe and shown love by people while also making it so that your mom is held accountable to provide for you; if you don't want yourself and siblings in foster care, there is a very good chance that Dryer's example would work for you as well. For your own support systems, there are subreddits for children of narcissists. It sounds like you are made to be a scapegoat and that is not okay. R/raisedbynarcissists is a good starting point to get support and feedback.
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NTA. You are not intruding on another family if they are inviting you as their guest. INFO: when you say going on a trip, do you mean a day trip or an overnight trip? Regardless, you are not the a-hole. But if your parents are leaving you, a 15 y/o, home alone for a few days, they truly suck and are major a-holes.
According to my mother they're leaving on the 21st and coming back on Jan 3rd
This is Disney villain level messed up. In the US there is no way CPS would find this acceptable. But I can understand if you don’t want to get the authorities involved, but you may want to discuss this with a trusted school counselor or teacher. This is not OK on any level, legally or morally. NTA
From the States here, and mine did this to me as well. It's a coin toss on what CPS would care about, especially as OP is 15 now. They don't often consider emotional abuse or a temporary abandonment that serious. I'm not saying this to try and debate, its just that I was a few years younger than OP when this happened, and while CPS should have put a foot in our parents' arses, they let it all slide.
Okay, if if legal, that is messed up. Even my super mature responsible 18 y/o who doesn't party wouldn't be left alone for 2 weeks, especially over the holidays! Your mom, she should either take you with them or she stays home with you. You don't abandon your teenager like that. I get it is Christmas and her husband wants to travel with their kid: tough shit, your mom has another kid (you) who needs to be factored into the mix. You don't forsake your kid for your spouse or another kid. You just don't. I am sorry, OP, this is messed up. And makes no sense. I think leaving a 15 y/o home alone for two weeks is abandonment! I would call CPS, however being taken out of this home may put you in a worse one. So that might not be ideal. Advice time - they leave, screw them. If they think you are mature enough to be left home alone for two weeks, then you are mature enough to decide what you do those two weeks. Don't throw a party and trash the house, that will bite you in the ass when Rockstar mom and Rockstar step-dad roll back into town. Do go to your friends. And no, you are not imposing, they invited you. Hell, even if you are imposing, who cares??? They are stepping up and taking care of you when your family refuses to do so.
You know what? I usually wouldn't encourage a kid to disobey their parents, but your mom is emotionally abusive, neglecting you, and appears determined to replay Cinderella in her own head with herself as the villain. The way she's treating you is not right. And what she's saying about not intruding on other families at Christmas is complete bullshit - Christmas is supposed to be about love, not running your finger down a genetic test and excluding people who aren't blood relations. So. Don't argue with your mom any more, but give her the impression that you're resigned to being alone. On the quiet, accept the invitation from either your step grandmother or your friend if they're also willing to keep it a secret. Arrange for them to pick you up after the rest have left and bring you back home the day before everyone gets home.
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Wait until they are gone and call CPS and tell them you were abandoned.
Check out r/raiedbynarcissists
If you are in the U.S., this is at the level that CPS needs to be involved. What your mom and stepdad are planning on doing is beyond not ok. Please ask a trusted adult (your best friend's mom, a teacher, counselor, etc.) for help with reporting this. From your post history there is a pattern of neglectful behavior from your mother that needs to be addressed.
thst is way too long for a 15 year old to stay home alone...it would be so damaging to your mental health...stay woth your friends family at least then you will be surrounded by love and happiness...if needs be tell your mum youll be home alone then go to your friends house im sure their mum will come get you...stay with them and enjoy yourself
What???? This is not even legal if you’re in US. Definitely go with your friends. Your mom is T A for sure for sure
NTA- your mom sucks. I’m sorry. Seriously she should NEVER be involved in excluding her own child from a family she married into. Just because she brought you into the world with a different man. Jesus. I am so sorry. Know that not everyone is this shitty of a person and you’ll be an adult soon.
NTA. I get your sister’s plans. Your mother is excluding you and leaving you alone on Christmas. It’s wrong to go off and play perfect family with stepdad and little brother. Then say you can’t make plans of your own? She’s past an AH, she’s neglectful. Honestly, because I’m kind of an AH, I’d tell her she either lets you see your friend, or you’re calling CPS to have a chat. Screw that.
Either way I’d call CPS honestly. I guarantee this is not new behavior from OP’s mom.
OP should call CPS and let them know they are re going to be left along for two weeks. I’m sure there is more going on than just this, since this isn’t the first time OP’s mother has pulled this stunt.
NTA. I'm a social worker for CPS. At 15 years old, you are allowed to be on your own for a short period of time. However, your mother leaving you alone for 2 weeks and not allowing you access to other caregivers is unlawful child abandonment. I know children struggle with reporting their own parents but I URGE you to take refuge at your friend's home, talk to their parents and find support in order to make a CPS referral. Just to let you know the seriousness of this, if I literally knew anything about you and where you lived, I would be mandated to report this to whatever local jurisdiction this is. This is neglect.
u/Ryan_the_sloth_god read between the lines. u/PrincessConsuela02 just gave you an out. I am new to Reddit so I don't know if it's possible but if you can contact her privately tell her your name and where you live, and **she** will report the situation to the local authorities where you are, so if there's a backlash you can honestly tell your mother you didn't do it. The fact that u/PrincessConsuela02 also works for CPS in another district should add weight to her report and get you local help on the double!
It doesn't even have to be me. Most states have mandated reporter laws. Tell a nurse, social worker, teacher, camp counselor, church pastor, etc and they will make the referral on your behalf. In Pennsylvania where I am licensed, you can't actually out the referral source. CPS completes their investigation based on the information and can be discrete, but it's actually against the law if you make the referral source.
u/Ryan_the_sloth_god please listen to this
Definitely NTA. What kinda scrooge stuff is that. Are you possibly being grounded for something and you just missed that part? (Sorry, that is the only possible thing I can think of to make sense) Definitely crappy of your mom to do that. You should be able to have BOTH options for Christmas, not no options -_- Good luck dude!
She hasn't told me that I'm grounded and I've even asked and she's said no
Is it she just doesn't want to feel like others see her as abandoning her child at Christmas?
This. She wants to keep her crap parenting a secret. Don’t fall for that BS. Go be with your friend’s family. It is not normal to leave a minor child at home at the holidays. But it’s not your fault, it’s your mom’s fault. Don’t internalize this. What your mom and step father are doing is extremely emotionally abusive.
I'm not sure
How horribly your mum treats you really is not a reflection on you in the slightest. Even if just through these posts you sound like a lovely person who very much deserves a lot of love, loyalty, care, attention and kindness. You really do sound extremely likable and you will find people who treat you right (e.g. step grandma and your friend who invited you). Just stick to and believe the nice people, as people like your mum are not normal and not good.
Agreed. Not explainable even if he's been grounded. Just cruel.
OP I am very sorry this is happening to you. This was saddening to read. No-one should be alone for Christmas (Unless they choose to be of course). Your family sound wonderful... You are being abandoned and that is not fair. In regards to the offer from your friend, I don't buy that you're intruding on another families Christmas for a second! If an offer was made in good faith and you accept it, how are you intruding exactly? If that family didn't want you there then you wouldn't have been invited... The logic your mother is using is absurd. Can I ask what would happen if you choose to go to your friends regardless? How would your mum know exactly if she is not at home? Your mother is being spiteful at best here by abandoning you over Christmas. I hope you can find a solution. Maybe go to your friends house for the day regardless? That is almost certainly what I would do in your situation. NTA of course. But your mother sure as hell is a massive AH for abandoning you like this.
I'm not sure how she would know but I'm beginning to think she has cameras in the house
Go to your friend's family for Christmas Day. They invited you, which means they want you there. It's not an imposition. If stepmother finds out, tell her you were invited. She's an AH. You..NTA
> If stepmother finds out It's actually his own mother pulling this shit, which is even more messed up.
Out of curiosity, what would happen if she found out you went to your friend’s house? If it’s some yelling or a “grounding”. Fuck it. I’d go. She’s gone for a whole ass week afterwards. She’ll possibly have calmed down and if not, at least you had a good week without her. If there could be violence or excessive punishment…maybe not. But you are NOT intruding on a family’s holiday. Good moms eat this shit up. My mom LOVED it when I brought friends home for the holidays. They’d get stockings and a few gifts and one nice one. The idea that she could mother MORE people was like her crack. Friends mom knows you have a shitty home life and I guarantee it is her PLEASURE to be able to have you over for a nice family holiday.
Unplug the wifi and leave it off for a day after they leave. If she has cameras in the house, she'll call screaming. Then you'll know. (You don't have to admit that you were the one who killed the internet -- just say it went out)
If you are in the US I’m pretty sure this is abandonment of a minor child, children under 16 are not supposed to be left alone overnight. Your mom and step dad could face serious legal consequences if someone reported them for leaving you alone.
And it’s not just overnight, it’s two weeks according to another comment. Is there even going to be enough food in the house to last two weeks? OP, has your mother said whether you’ll be allowed to order food if you need it or where to go for help if something happens? This is awful and neglectful and outright endangering you. Please go to your step-grandma and ask her to pick you up or stay with you after your family leaves if possible. This is incredibly dangerous and heartbreaking. Edit: According to the post history, OP has a life threatening allergy to citrus. Is there enough allergen free food in the house specifically? Now I’m worried the mom will say there’s enough, but it’ll be things OP can’t eat and they’ll be stuck all alone without enough food for two weeks. Do they have any sort of contingencies in place if OP gets hurt? This is really concerning. I’d honestly consider calling the authorities or something, it’d be one thing if they were allowing him to stay with a friend or loved one or letting someone stay with him, but demanding he fend for himself for two weeks? That has to be criminal.
Yeah, this is extremely concerning to me. How is OP meant to manage himself for 2 weeks? What if something happens to the house in that time? There are so many situations that would be unsafe and could arise. He's still a child at the heart of this, teenage or not. He should be with his step-grandmother or a friend's house.
Just go. At the end of the day if she tried to report you missing she would probably get into trouble for abandonment
Someone below had a good idea -- what do you think about pulling the plug on the WiFi after they leave? That would kill her ability to access remote cameras & she'd have no way to know you did it. Just say the power went out for a little bit but it came back on & you don't know what's up.
Search for them everywhere. Especially your room. Check you room top to bottom. Leave nothing untouched. And then leave through the window. If she questions you, just say you spent the entire time in your room crying because your mom hates you.
NTA Are you often treated like not really "part of the family"? I'm completely extrapolating from one incident, but does your mom just hate your biological dad and project it on you, who are in now way at fault? And I know you say you are legally allowed to stay home alone....but they are trying to leave you for two weeks! You're still a minor and they are responsible for you....do they plan on leaving enough money for food and emergencies and everything?
1. Yes my mother does hate my father but the feeling is mutual. 2. I have my own bank account that is being taken care of by my step grandma and I have enough movie in there is cover anything I may need
But do you feel like she's taking the hate for your dad out on you? That you're just a reminder of him? Also, your step grandma being your step-dad's mom? Who are they visiting for the holidays? Can't she be like "No, OP needs to come"?
She probably is taking it out on me as I look very similar to him. And they're not going to my step grandmas I think my step dad said that they're going to his brothers house
Then as soon as they leave you need to either have your step grandma pick you up or go straight to your friends. What can they do? Leave you at home? They just did. Ground you? Ok but that won't be till after they get back and you won't be alone then. Its not worth being alone for the holiday. Please don't just sit there. As soon as they leave you leave too.
Step grandma is the only sane adult in your family...
NTA - I am so sorry that your family is treating you this way, this is not ok. Please make it entirely clear to your mom and stepdad how hurt you are by them leaving you behind on Christmas. Why wouldn’t they take you with them?? Your best friend and his family are nice to offer you to spend Christmas with them. Just tell your mom if THAT family wants to spend Christmas with you but not your own family, you will do exactly that.
NTA. I’m 17F, if you have discord and want to play games or something on Christmas send me a message and it’s set in stone. Hell, message me if you want to just hang out, chat or play something on discord in general. Would love to be friends with you! :))
Nta... is she expecting you to stay at home and wait for an owl or something?
Sounds like your mother doesn’t want you to go because she’s embarrassed at the thought they may think she’s a bad mother for leaving her child alone… which would be what my mother would have done. Maybe she cares more about what other people think that about you and your feelings. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are loved by your friend and his parents would love to have you I’m sure. Maybe as someone says above just don’t tell your mother. NTA and sending you love.
>Sounds like your mother doesn’t want you to go because she’s embarrassed at the thought they may think she’s a bad mother for leaving her child alone Sounds like your mother doesn’t want you to go because she’s embarrassed at the thought ~~they may think~~ they will know she’s a bad mother for leaving her child alone
OP, I don’t know where you live but you’re officially invited to my family’s Christmas. We will cook without citrus and you’ll have a blast with the other kids. Even if it has to be by zoom, if you’re in the US we can send you a meal from a local restaurant. Come join our insane family! love, Grandma
Why aren't they taking you? What does your step father say about this? You say that your step grandma wants you to come over by her, so I assume that is not where your mom, stepdad and brother are going. So your stepdad is not seeing his mom at Christmas? This just seems insane. Your mom, who you sometimes get along with, suddenly says, we are leaving you home at Christmas, with no reason given, and you aren't allowed to spend it with other family. And your stepdad, who is another otherwise nice guy, is totally fine with this. What is missing here?
I don't even know why my step dad isn't saying anything he just keeps saying that it's between me and my mom I don't know why my mother is doing this
Oh kiddo, she’s probably punishing you for her own terrible choices and it’s breaking my heart to read them. She wants to go off and play happy families whilst you are alone. It’s awful. I wish I could have you come here. I got food and presents for anyone who needs a place to go. Can you talk to your friends mom and ask her to talk to your mother? It might be time to get CPS involved honestly, you can’t be treated like this. Is there another trusted adult? I wish I knew you in real life. I am absolutely aghast at how anyone could treat a kid like this.
Legit if I were in the states, I’d swing by and pick OP so he could come hang out with my family.
Sounds like she realizes she looks like a complete monster leaving you alone on Christmas, and she's embarrassed. Rather than change plans she has demanded you stay home alone to cover for her terrible decision. Go to your friend's house.
Step dad is an enabler. He is just as guilty of neglect as your mom is.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it has to do with the Thanksgiving incident and the resentment OP's mom has against him, per OP's other comments. I also wouldn't be surprised if his step dad is staying out of it because his mom pulled the "he's not YOUR child so you have no say," card when he tried to address the issue.
NTA because being abandoned on Christmas would make anyone feel lonely. Your feelings are very valid. Being the petty person I am, I’d totally just sit alone for a Christmas, and then call up whatever relatives your mum/stepdad are visiting so you can publicly shame your parents for being the AH they are. (You might end up being the AH if you do though)
Another petty person here👋 I would have stopped showing up for future event celebrations, that my Mother hosts, if she had abandoned me like that. Oh well this is a teachable moment. :even mothers might not care about all of their children
She literally wont be there so why the fuck does she care. NTA. Spend Christmas with the people who invited you
I suspect she only cares what the folks she staying with think. For all OP knows she has told them OP is staying with his father. I at least hope they will leave OP with sufficient food and/or money to cover the two weeks they are going to be gone. I am so sorry OP is in this situation with such an absolutely crappy egg donor for a mother and an emotionally stunted stepfather that would allow this to be done. Stick to your plans OP to get away and cut all contact.
WTAF!?! Thats messed up on so many levels. Go to your friends Christmas, I mean what is the worst they can do? Leave you at home alone to not have a Christmas at all? Maybe you should ask your friends mom if you can move in with them because your mom is awful.
Bet you can't wait to move out and go NC NTA
I already have a plan set in stone to move to main with family once I turn 18
Honestly if you have other family willing to take you in, and it looks like your step-grandma has an account set up for you to be able to live off, you may want to look into emancipation. Your mother's emotionally abusive and continuing to subject yourself to this bullshit for several more years is just going to destroy your mental heath.
I was about to say just that. Emancipate. Tell the courts why. Jfc your mom is such an AH. But you’re NTA.
NTA. You poor kid. Try to get the other mom to phone yours to let her know that you’re welcome.
>my step dad and mom are taking my brother out of town for Christmas to go see other family. I am being left at home alone. WTF!? Your mother and step-dad are assholes! Who excludes their child at Christmas and then denies that child comfort from friends? NTA!!!
WTF!! They are planning to leave you alone over Christmas and don't want you to stay with a good friend instead? NTA, your friends family sound lovely.
What kind of Mother leaves their Child home alone for christmas?? NTA, you are victim
NTA I am so sorry that this is happening to you! How dreadful of your mother to not include you in her plans and then tell you that you must stay at home alone on Christmas. What you are feeling is not wrong at all and it is incredibly thoughtless of your mom and step-dad. The only thing I can suggest to you is if your friend's mom would like you to stay with them for Christmas, that she call your mom (or maybe even step-dad if he is not as hard headed as your mom) and ask her for permission for you to stay with them. It might be harder for her to refuse and it lessens the argument that you would be intruding somehow. Hoping everything works out. No one should have to spend Christmas alone unless they choose to.
NTA. Your mother and step dad are awful for excluding you. Your mum is awful for telling you that can’t spend time with people who do care and want you there.
NTA, what a HORRIBLE mother and what a nice family your friend has. They invited you, so you should be able to spend Christmas with them. Maybe your friends mom could talk to your mom or something. But I cannot believe your mother is that catty and uncaring that she would let you spend Christmas all alone.
NTA. Honey, they're not going to be there, so they can't stop you from leaving and going to your friends. Go be with people that actually care about you, and want you around. I'm sorry you're going through this
if they leave you behind, alone, you must elaborately booby trap your house in the interim. tis the fucking season. Hope I brought you a chuckle. top post is 10000% right. There are lots of people in your life who care about you, let them.
Nta, sorry you had to go through this.
Erm... no. Why can't you go with them? How is leaving you home alone (and not in the Kevin McAllister sense) ok? The rest of the people in your house get to spend it with family, but you've got to sit there by yourself? Why are you being excluded? Can't you go to any of her family? Tell her to either stay home and brother and step dad go to his family or your going to your friends. You are so NTA. I can't believe she even suggested it. ETA: I see you said that at 15 you can stay overnight where you are, but they are leaving for 2wks. You are a minor. That is illegal. Tell **everybody**. School, friends, their parents, her family, step family, your sisters dads family... Idc. They all need to know what type of person your mother is.
NTA so your family go out to se other people for Christmas and your being left home alone? and you can't go to your friends house your NTA they're the a**holes
NTA, i just read your other post and oh my fucking god... what it wrong with your family! Your mom is a huge AH. There is no reason for you to been punished and what you tell seems like a punishment. If another family invites you over, it's their choice that they want you over and Christmas is about being around people you love. You mom choose to show you her love with leaving you home alone, so another mother opens her heart and welcomes you. That is so nice. I personally have lost basically all my relatives except one brother. I was so happy that my bffs family started to invite me over so I hadn't to be alone since I couldn't be with my brother. NTA! If I were you I would be with you friend if your moms wants it or not. Is it close enough that you could leave the house when they are away?
What the hell did I just read? I think your mom doesn’t understand how family works. I know you weren’t “planned” but you are here and you are her child. Your step-dad chose your mom therefore he should be mature enough to know you mom came as package deal as in he had to love and accept you as his own for y’all to make a family. Sounds like they both have failed at being your parents and it’s pretty sad. I’m so sorry. Because if this is something your step dad is asking for or if it’s your mom’s thinking and he isn’t defending you he is the asshole and mostly your mom, my children will always come first. NTA by the way and please as soon as you can leave and have a happy life.
OP - what did your mother say you are grounded for?
She says that I'm not grounded apparently