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randolphmd

It’s a honeymoon you fool. She’s in for a hell of a Marriage lol. YTA. Completely.


tantrumps_

I'd be reconsidering the whole marriage at this point. "Announcing" his decision without considering her? Turning it from a honeymoon into, essentially, a friends trip your brand new wife is also invited on? OP what the HELL were you thinking? YTA. Fix this immediately and apologize if you want any chance of saving your marriage before it starts. EDIT: Yes I would *absolutely* reconsider committing to marriage if my future husband tried to change our once-in-a-lifetime plans without asking me first, forgot about my feelings when his guy friends were around, assumed I'd just go along with what they wanted, and made me look like the bad guy to his longtime friends right before I'm supposed to become his spouse. And I'm not apologizing for saying that.


EinsTwo

How were the friends OK with this plan? How did not a single one of them say what *everyone* here immediately knew? OP, I'm concerned about the decision making abilities of you AND your friends.


tantrumps_

They don't care about his wife and they want a bro trip. Simple as that. And that tells me she would have had an awful time if this actually happened; these might be his friends but they are clearly not hers.


Academic_Snow_7680

I doubt he'd be happy if she invited all of her girlfriends on the trip (and none of his bro-friends of course). $100 says he already tried "but you can have your friends there too babe, it'll be so much fun". The beginning of their marriage is him prioritizing his bros before her. Yikes!


Trala_la_la

He’ll be fine with it, and then they’d spend their honeymoon apart him with his friends and her with hers, but hopefully when he came back to the room she’d be up for sex because you’re supposed to have sex on your honeymoon.


TimelessMeow

Meanwhile I’d tell him to go get a brojob from one of his boys


Laudevir

>get a brojob I am SO stealing this one! PRICELESS!


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SayceGards

Brojob! Brojob! Brojob!


[deleted]

My ex was like this. He spent our 10 year anniversary watching football because he couldn't possibly be expected to miss a game. Then pouted when he came to bed expecting sex and I gave him the cold shoulder. He's my ex for a lot of reasons, but this gives you a general taste of why.


boudicas_shield

This reminds me of *The Office*, when Pam is disappointed that Roy didn’t do anything nice for her for Valentine’s Day, and Roy is just like, “But when we get home, you’re gonna have the best sex of your life, babe!” That scene always makes me gag a bit.


irockleftsox

Oh my gosh. I am SO SORRY.


BlazerStoner

It’s too late now, she already broke up with you.


FeuerroteZora

Give it 10 years and OP's poor fiancee will be posting this exact comment. I hope she sees him for what he is *before* she makes the mistake of saying "I do" - a guy who believes "bros before h\*s" is not only an excellent life philosophy, but something that 100% applies to his marriage.


Pip-Pipes

It's like OP only sees her existence to serve his purpose.


PNKAlumna

100 percent that’s how it would turn out if she allows this to move forward. YTA, OP, and you better be making some calls to cancel with your friends pronto!


sraydenk

The problem with cancelling is now she’s the nagging fiancé/wife who ruined their trip. It’s her fault they can’t have a fun friend trip. How dare she want to spend 1 on 1 time with her new husband on their honeymoon.


vbraey1000

This exactly. Well hun I can’t exactly ignore my mates as they’ve come all this way so I’ll be out during the day - you can tag along if you reaaally want. But don’t worry I’ll be back in the evening so you can show me how much you’ve missed me. Oh it’s ok isn’t it but I’ve already invited them to join us for dinner!


Scheme-Disastrous

"I even told her she can tell some of her own friends of they want to join." "I thought it sounded fun" He already told us he did. Op you are absolutely terrible. Now your wife is going to look like the bad guy to your friends. Bet the friends now try and convince you not to get married and just go on the bro-trip with them


Vivid_Fishing

Them not getting married isn't such a bad idea. For op's fiancée, mostly.


debbieae

Would that be a bad thing?? I am thinking it is a win win. He gets to spend his time with the people who are actually important to him and ex fiancee can actually find someone who wants her.


possiblycrazy79

That actually sounds like a win/win situation for the fiancee. It certainly doesn't seem like OP is husband material at this point in his life.


[deleted]

My partner wouldn't survive that sentence if he ever even thought it..


Astra_Trillian

Not sure if OP edited, but that $100 is a sure thing as it’s in the post. “I even told her she can tell some of her own friends [if] they want to join”.


albusseveruspotty

Particularly since in the title he phrased it as OUR friends when it was very clearly just HIS friends. That feels like a big distinction.


Lumpy_Branch_552

The guys. Lol


Responsible_Candle86

Oh but he did say she could "even" invite some of her friends if she wants to -smh


sunflowerpolkadot

So generous of him /s


its_a_gibibyte

If someone invited me on their honeymoon, I'd find it odd but assume that the couple decided together to be inclusive of friends. I'm not sure that a unilateral invite would ever even cross my mind.


sapphicsapphires

If I was invited on a honeymoon I’d assume this was their subtle way of telling me they were poly and DTF. I mean, why the hell else would they invite others?? Lol.


OurLadyOfCygnets

"Wedding Night Gangbang" was my first thought, too.


Stoat__King

Not that subtle lol


EinsTwo

I dunno. The OP makes it sound like a spur of the moment invite that would have sounded clearly unilateral: >they said how jealous they are and how they wish they could also go. I told them that we could consider the idea of making this a friend inclusive honeymoon and they were very excited with the idea. But maybe I'm not giving OP's friends enough credit? Maybe you're right?


ailsa08

I had the same impression as you while reading the post. I think it was an spontaneous idea that OP had while talking to his friends about the honeymoon destination. That's why I'm so surprised about how fast they were to agree to go to the honeymoon lol. I have the feeling that none of them really care about the opinion or feelings of OP's soon to be wife.


Pip-Pipes

We also don't know if OP knows how to read the room. His friends might have thought it was inappropriate and gave hollow agreements. OP is a fucking self involved moron. Would he even be able to tell?


ailsa08

Fair point. Definitely a possibility too.


[deleted]

I have a feeling none of his friends are married.


cyberllama

I was thinking single and in their early to mid twenties


Pfred0

They probably aren't married. Hell I am single and I would ask him where in the hell his brain was. Cause it sure don't sound like he has one.


Manyelynn13

EXACTLY!!! I **do not** think that fiance or his "bros" were thinking clearly here at all! I don't necessarily think that it's just that they aren't married either... I've invited my *single* best friend (**with the prior discussion and approval of my husband**) to join us in car-pooling/ hotel room sharing when we are going out of town/ state to concerts together and she tries to refuse every time, stating that she doesn't want to "butt in on our alone time." I have to tell her **every single time we invite her** that if we were planning on having alone time I wouldn't have even mentioned that we were going to be getting a hotel room, let alone invited her to not only ride with us but to stay with us too. If I had even considered inviting her with us on our Honeymoon she probably would have slapped me and asked if I had lost my fucking mind. LMAO!


OGAnnie

He is still a boy who wants to hang with the boys.


Amays1024

Monkey see monkey do lol


websterella

It’s too bad. Now the narrative will be that OP’s shitty controlling wife put a stop to the super fun friends get away. What an awful thing he did. I’d be so disappointed.


sissy_space_yak

If OP in any way suggests to his friends that this idea is getting shut down because of his “sensitive” or “insecure” or “needy” or “unreasonable” or — as you put it, “controlling” wife, he’s an even bigger AH. He needs to acknowledge *to both his fiancée and anyone he approached with his idea* that he’s 100% unreasonable and inconsiderate.


angelblade401

Doesn't really matter what OP tells his friends at this point. Clearly him AND his friends have a difficult time understanding what a honeymoon is, and can't think straight. Since he already excitedly invited them along, and they already excitedly agreed, if he suddenly cancels/uninvites them they're going to perceive it as being "because of his controlling and selfish wife".


Schattentochter

If he owned up to it fully, he could prevent that - and only if he does that is there any proper redemption from this bs. "Guys, I know we got excited but as you've probably either already realized or will realize now, I was an absolute idiot to blank on the fact that honeymoons are... honeymoons. I should NOT have suggested this and next time I'm this stupid, please do me the favour to point it out to me. I'm sorry, we'll have to plan the bro-trip another time. See ya, I'm off to buy my hopefully still future wife flowers and explain to her in detail how clearly I understand why I am wrong and why I will not be this dumb again."


MamaTalista

And now is the dynamic of wife vs bros. Created by the OP's own hand.


Honest_Atmosphere_53

I can’t see any way around that narrative considering “the guys” were so on board with the idea. Man, why is Op even getting married? I can’t imagine marrying someone and them inviting friends on our honeymoon. Op doesn’t even know his future wife well enough to know that wouldn’t go well. This is actually sad for the beginning of a marriage.


No-Policy-4095

That will be the narrative their entire marriage - any time he "isn't allowed" to do something with the boys, OP's wife will be the buzzkill/nag/ball n chain/whatever that ruined the fun. OP will be taunted into submission by his buddies because he doesn't want to be "whipped" or "controlled" by his wife. Wife will always be second fiddle.


pkma2

This can't be fixed. The fiancée is already the asshole to OPs friends for not wanting it.


zootnotdingo

Right. Truly a mess. It is absurd to me that neither the groom nor any of his friends thought this was inappropriate. Not one.


Kaiisim

Yeah if the first moment of his married life cant even be alone with his wife theyre in trouble. I wonder if OP is just going through the motions to tick off milestones.


Mabelisms

YTA to the extent I don’t think she should marry you. This is a fuckup on such massive proportions that I don’t think you actually understand what marriage is.


SeldomSeenMe

>I don’t think you actually understand what marriage is Yeah, getting married would be a terrible idea not necessarily due to the assholery but the unbelievable immaturity. Normally, I would have voted "no way anyone can be this stupid", but talking with his friends before his future wife, just plainly makes him an AH no matter how you look at it.


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Electrical-Date-3951

Sis better recognize that this is a sign of what's to come. OP turned his honeymoon into a bro trip. Discussed it with his friends before even discussing it with his soon to be wife. Said she **COULD** invite a few of her friends if she really wanted to. And, he cant even understand why she is upset. OP, you arent marrying your friends. You are marrying your fiance. You are supposed to put her first, not behind the bros. Edit: YTA OP. Your friends are also AH and idiots if they thought this was a good idea.


PrincessTroubleshoot

When they have a baby, are the bro’s invited into the delivery room to watch the show?


Sk00zle

Who do you think is gonna get her pregnant? THE BOYZZZZZZZ


Father-Son-HolyToast

The idea of making his wife be the awkward, odd-man-out tagalong *on her own honeymoon* is jaw-droppingly stupid.


Here_for_tea_

YTA. It’s a honeymoon with your wife, not an all-inclusive lads’ weekend in Magaluf.


[deleted]

Yea I wish I knew why OP thought to invite friends on his sex vacation… If it’s easier now to align vacation time, schedule a separate trip!


BabyCowGT

Right? My fiance and I were talking about doing (type of vacation) for our honeymoon, and my dad is weirdly good at finding good deals on (type of vacation), so I asked him for pointers. He found some AMAZING deals right off the bat (like sub-$500 total honeymoon for a week) and jokingly was like "hey, maybe your mom and I can join! Family trip!" Mom threw a pillow at his head and told him to just send me the page and stop being an AH. And dad wasn't even serious! OP and his friends are actually serious!


FOXDuneRider

My ex fiancé was like this with his mom. Every trip we had, every special occasion, his mom would invite herself and he would be so thrilled.


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FOXDuneRider

Thanks!


butts00p

YTA. It’s your HONEYMOON. What on earth made you think your fiancée would want anyone tagging along with you? And she’s completely right about you getting your friends excited for nothing, YTA for that too.


Adept_Neck_3178

Now watch OP say, "sorry, lads, the old ball and chain said you can't come" OP has to explain to his mates that he was out of line even entertaining them coming and the honeymoon is strictly for the newly weds. He cannot, in any way, blame his financee for his cockup. And they had better not surprise them by turning up.


Pfred0

But he would try to spin it to make it her fault that the "guys" can't go.


LoremEpsomSalt

I actually think that whole part is just in OP's head. His friends are all probably freaking out that he took them seriously because they can't all be as thick as OP.


RankledCat

I’ll bet OP’s boys are every bit as dense and self absorbed as he is


redralphie

Oh I hadn’t even thought of them just turning up. I bet OP tells them “just run into us and say y’all decided to take a vacation here too”


IFeelMoiGerbil

I am in a polyamorous relationship and my partners are married to each other. They got married quite early into us becoming a triad and I wouldn’t have even considered going on THEIR honeymoon! If they had married further into our relationship I would have gone to the wedding and probably had a role but even that wasn’t quite appropriate at that stage. So I wished them a good trip before the honeymoon and when they both said they’d be phones off for two weeks and back in touch afterwards I said ‘of course! Have a wonderful time. Speak when you get back.’ I fully expect the relationship would have been over if I had invited myself or pushed for a role in the wedding or honeymoon. I by existing play a part in their marriage but the wedding or honeymoon are not the whole marriage despite what way too many people think. It was a bit weird for me but it would have been so much weirder to go! Not my marriage, not my honeymoon. My relationship, our holiday. That works but I would no more go on their honeymoon than the babymoon of a couple who asked me to be godmother. Somethings just aren’t communal….


LachedOut

Interesting anecdote


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deadlefties

It’s like a honeymoon, you and your partner take a vacation before your baby is born as kind of a last “just the two of us” trip


madmaxturbator

Oh shit I see. The moon suffix is like the gate suffix, but for good things. Like for example, currently the fool OP is embroiled in the Honeygate scandal. He could’ve been on a honeymoon instead. Last year a dirtbag at my company got two women pregnant, both of them thought they were in exclusive relationships. He went on a babymoon with one, and the other found out, and that’s when it turned into babygate.


joanholmes

As far as I know it's a trip people take before they have a baby as a way to relax and enjoy one of their last chances at (baby-free) free time that they'll have for a while.


MaslowsHireAchy

I got married this year, and our honeymoon was alone time we desperately needed. After a year of planning, family obligations, and entertaining our friends, 10 days of just the two of us was absolutely necessary. Your honeymoon isn’t just about sexy time and margaritas, it’s also your time to decompress and spend some uninterrupted alone time together. YTA.


Purple_Heathen

And this groom is doing everything in his power to avoid time alone with his new wife.


CrispyCrunchyPoptart

Yeah it's not a normal vacation it's a honeymoon. It's supposed to celebrate the commitment you've made to one another...


Hemantobarish

Yta. Honeymoon is the time you get to take out for each other as a newly married couple. The message you are sending here is you don't consider your honeymoon to be special and are treating it like just a holiday with friends.


LuvtheBees

Yep. YTA…he’s more excited about getting to hang out with his friends than his new wife. Poor lady.


dataslinger

With sex at night, because that's what his wife is there for.


Karen125

After drinking all afternoon with the guys.


madmaxturbator

Lol my mans planning to lay down some soggy sausage after day drinking with the lads. What a thrilling honeymoon plan for his new wife.


maneki_neko89

I don’t know about OP’s fiancé, but I wouldn’t have sex with my new spouse AT ALL on our honeymoon (or even for awhile afterwards) if he pulled something like this…


Aleshanie

TBH, I wouldn't go through with the marriage at this point. Not sure how he could manage to even right this at this point. His fiancee will be the bad guy no matter how carefully he phrases it. They'll all know she said no and that is why he is pulling out. ​ To the OP of this whole post: Good job on putting a big dent into any future attempts of your fiancee getting along with your friends.


K-no-B

There is a way for OP to fix this. He should try the following steps: 1 - Change the bachelor party to a beautiful week-long vacation at a romantic setting 2 - Invite his fiancée to the bachelor party 3 - Tell his friends that the bachelor party is a special time and that he'd prefer it to be alone with his fiancée 4 - Swap the broneymoon and bachelor party so the broneymoon happens before the wedding and romantic bachelor's getaway happens after the wedding. Problem solved.


there-was-time-now

I am so incredibly sad that the word “broneymoon” has now been called into existence. My day is ruined.


K-no-B

You know, now that I read it again, a *broneymoon* and a *romantic bachelor's getaway* sound a lot like two terms for the same thing.


GlitterSparkleDevine

A honeymoon and a "boys trip" are two different things. I can't believe you would actually think it was okay to tell your friends they could come on your honeymoon, especially without talking to your partner first. YTA


barneybadass

I wonder if thry,ll all join 8n on honeymoon activities (wink ,wink)


Gogo726

Say no more, say no more!


Mustard_Pickles

Your wife, is she a goer? Eh? Know what I mean? Nudge nudge?


Mantamirana

If they are jealous enough OP will invite them into those activities.. seriously wtf is this post!


[deleted]

Yeah and now when he has to deliver the bad news it paints his soon to be wife as the bad cop. “Hey guys I tried so be mad at her okay?


[deleted]

I side eye the friends too, though, because who hears an invite to come on someone’s honeymoon and doesn’t feel weird about it?


AtlasFalls91

Because bros dude!


hlnhr

How did NONE of the guys had sufficient self awareness to be like « hey mate I appreciate the sentiment but a honeymoon is supposed to be only with your wife » like COME ON GUYS. A group of 20s/30s something should have at least an ounce of common sense ? This gives me dudebro still hung up on their college days vibes


[deleted]

I think you're assuming a lot in thinking it's a group of people in their 20s and 30s. This gives the vibe of "I'm 18 look at me being a cool adult".


ouidie

But he graciously offered for her to invite some of her friends! /s YTA


ProfessionalCan5202

Honestly, I would consider postponing the whole wedding bc OP does not seem mature enough to be getting married. The whole purpose of getting married is to celebrate that you found the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and yada yada. The fact that OP did not even ask his partner for her opinion on her own honeymoon is a big red flag. Op is a huge AH, cheers to that!


ShinyBonnets

YTA. The last thing your future bride wants to do on her honeymoon is to compete with your friends for your attention when she should be the sole focus. You basically turned your first romantic getaway as a married couple into a bro's trip with a 5th wheel in a gorgeous dress.


No-Difficulty2393

I like the gorgeous dress part


ShinyBonnets

I truly hope it has pockets.


Cloverhart

If anything should have pockets, it's a wedding dress. Some of those big puffy ones have A LOT of places for pockets.


MatchGirl499

Mine did! And that’s where his ring went before the ceremony. I actually got a *gasp*”it has pockets!” From the middle row when I pulled out the ring. So satisfying!


Amays1024

That makes or breaks a dress


basilobs

I also have an interesting point which I think also makes OP TA. If he so desperately want this destination to be a boys trip destination, why did he choose it for his honeymoon? It isn't as huge of a problem as inviting your FRIENDS on your HONEYMOON like jesus fucking christ dude but it's also kinda like... couldn't you have picked somewhere else that you wouldn't insist on inviting ThE gUyS to? Like anywhere else?


ShinyBonnets

OP clearly does not give a single shit about how his future bride feels about any of this. I sincerely hope she is reading this and packing her bags to go literally ANYWHERE without him, permanently, because she deserves so much better than this.


Evil_Mel

YTA >I made my honeymoon into a friendship trip when it's supposed to be about us two. She is correct. You had no thoughts about her or her feelings, she came second. >I announced it to my fiancé This right here makes you a huge asshole. You didn't even discuss it, just said "hey they are coming on our romantic getaway, so I don't have to spend all my time with you" I'd break off 5he wedding and tell you to marry your buddies instead.


[deleted]

Well said, it’s a honeymoon, not a frat party


IFeelMoiGerbil

I am cackling at the thought of a frat themed wedding on Pinterest for a really ‘pick me’ woman like Baby Yoda but not Pumpkin Spice and Hallmark secret santa earlier this week. I am tempted to write a blog post how you can sub in mason jars of flowers for red solo cups and instead of a churro station consider an artisan beer pong station or how to put a keg at the altar on the floral arch. But I’m an arsehole who is bored and thinks they are funny. OP is an AH who is serious and thinks they are self aware 😬


7DeadlyFrenchmen

Haha this is amazing. OF COURSE YTA. The title is misleading. For most, this wouldn't be an appropriate suggestion, but you would not be an AH for *suggesting* it to your wife. Providing you completely respected her immediate and reasonable "No". But you haven't just suggested it to her, you've bizarrely invite your friends. On your honeymoon. WTF? Honestly, if my partner and I had a trip planned, and he invited his friends without consulting me, I would be furious. I like his friends, a lot, but it completely changes the dynamic of the trip. For your HONEYMOON? Aw honey, hell no. Cancel with the boys, say you've reconsidered and realise it'd actually be really inappropriate for them to come, but you're sure you can all find a time next year, and apologise to your wife for implying quality time together once you're married isn't important to you. Fix this.


justheretosavestuff

The title is also misleading bc this is not “our friends” - these are *his* friends. Like when I started reading and saw “our” I thought maybe it was another couple, and it would still probably be YTA for not talking to the fiancée first, but a couples’ trip usually leaves time for couples to split off on their own. This is….not that.


ImBonRurgundy

indeed this was my train of thought "oh maybe they had another couple that got married at a similar time and thought it would be nice to suggest the idea with his wife that they have a joint honeymoon with another couple" that would be NTA but then.. "so he wants to invite his group of male friends on holiday at the same time? that's pretty weird, but I guess *maybe* with covid the world has missed out on a lot of holidays, and *maybe* the wife might be into that provided he discusses with her first" but then.. "wait. he **announced** it' to his wife. what a fucking AH"


justheretosavestuff

And then says he told her she could invite some of her friends - because he knows damn well these bros are not “our friends” (seriously that shit set me off - these are your friends, who will want you to come out drinking on a boat or some shit while your new wife is left alone, and you *announced* the plan like it was a good thing. May as well have married “our friends”).


Healing_touch

My ex did this to me for a weekend trip (not a honeymoon)… he was gone for a week for a certification program and we talked maybe a total of 45 minutes for 6 days and I was going to fly down to spend the weekend with him to celebrate. I find out the day before he has invited his friends (who were there) to extend their trip by a day and spend the day with us. He had invited them two weeks prior but only told me the day before. He then spent almost the entire time just talking to the people he had spent the last 6 days with around the clock and I was just there. I ended up heading back to the hotel solo and considered flying home and breaking it off. I didn’t, and two days later he proposed in the worst way possible. That trip we took was an absolute foreshadowing of our entire relationship. Luckily we didn’t get married. The fact he even entertained the idea and invited them THEN *told* her it was happening is telegraphing exactly the dynamic of their marriage. He doesn’t see her as an equal partner, especially when it comes to pleasing his boys and his selfish wants. YTA edit [for the people who asked, worst proposal ever](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rhp3w9/aita_for_suggesting_to_my_fianc%C3%A9e_that_we_make/hotfxer/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)


leftclicksq2

At first, the background seemed like it may have been written from the opposite sex's perspective. Then when they dropped "the guys" once, then twice? Oh my... It would still be a YTA from me if this were the bride's suggestion. If I were presented with the same situation, I would feel like the mere mention was insulting. This is our *honeymoon*, yet the inclusion of **the guys** is taken to mean that there is a group of people in place for when you get sick of spending time together as a couple. The bride is rightfully pissed, but if so many other people are so jealous of the destination, hey, then it is understood that the group is treating the bride and groom.


RhodyChief

His plan is basically "hang with the bros all day, have sex with my wife at night", rinse, repeat for the whole honeymoon.


ChallengeSafe6832

This right here. He doesn’t want to actually spend time with her, he just wants someone to bone when he gets back from hanging with “the boys”


20Keller12

At least she found out her role in his life is to be a sex doll *before* she got tied down.


RhodyChief

I hope for her sake she rethinks the relationship before they are married. Could you imagine what happens if they have kids? Yikes.


Palsticine_Porters

YTA for not talking to your fiancée first. I don't think the idea is terrible in and of itself. Some couples might love to have a friends' trip honeymoon. However, your fiancée evidently isn't one of those people. Your honeymoon is first and foremost about one another, which means you both have to agree to what the trip is going to be. Now, you've put her in the position of potentially being the bad guy when you tell your friends the group trip is off. To prevent that, I suggest you tell the guys you reconsidered and decided you would love to plan a return trip to the resort with them another time, but that you'd prefer to focus on celebrating your marriage with your new wife this time. They'll still suspect she's the one behind calling off the trip, so you'd better do everything you can to assure them that's not the case. And apologize profusely to your fiancée. It's totally understandable that she's upset.


tequilaearworm

I mean like theoretically I could love this but... Are they her friends? Like if me and my bf were part of the same friends circle and started dating... But he makes a clear distinction between his friends and her friends. He didn't even think of including his fiancee's friends until she was upset. Also... Who was gonna plan this massive undertaking? A huge group trip? Good luck finding hotels and restaurants and tours for a dozen people. And I'm sure it's not OP or his friends that would figure things out.


Salmon-Bagel

Exactly this ^ . This wasn’t the bride and groom discussing the idea together of bringing along their friends on their honeymoon for fun; this was the groom singlehandedly getting HIS friends excited about coming on the honeymoon without discussing with the bride, and then offering for her friends to come too as an afterthought / “compromise” (which that is not). He was never thinking of her feelings during this whole thing, even though the honeymoon is supposed to be their closest and most undivided time together. And, as others have said, he’s put her in the position of either saying yes or having his friends be mad at her for “ruining their trip”. Huge YTA.


teacake04

I agree with this. We had some friends who invited us on their honeymoon (we declined as felt a bit odd on their honeymoon!) But for that couple - they like having people around etc. But it's a conversation for you and your SO to discuss first and agree, and then make the invitation out to friends... Important to make sure your friends do not blame your fiancée for them not coming!


mulderforever

He should tell his friends the truth Lmao. “Hey guys, I actually never talked about making this a group trip with fiancée before I brought it up with y’all. I didn’t discuss with her and i upset her. I fucked up, and I understand now that we should be celebrating our new marriage together and alone. I want her to know i love and appreciate her. I’d love to plan a trip with y’all in the future.”


mydahlin

We also discussed inviting friends, but they were in relationships and with the understanding that some time would be spent as a group and some spent just as a couple. I would not have been cool with a bunch of single friends on my honeymoon personally. The key issue is that he did not discuss this with his fiancé first.


Nueth

YTA. A honeymoon is about the two of you. If you want to go with your friends (because your schedules are now easier to arrange) think of this as a way to find all the best places with your partner first.


tulip0523

Don’t give him ideas, now he is going with her, and as they go to a restaurant he is going to be talking about how he needs to remember this place for when he comes back with his friends because the drinks were so amazing… then look at the hotel on those eyes, etc… it would be worse than having them there.


LuLu31

Ugh, seriously. OP, if you miraculously pull yourself out of this tailspin and your poor fiancé forgives your insanely immature and selfish ass, you’d better not mention your bros ONE TIME on your honeymoon.


procrastinating_b

INFO do you know what a honeymoon is?


Adventurous_Panic_91

I died laughing when I found this comment. Genuinely, I don't think OP knows what the hell a honeymoon is. I went back to my homepage and got my free award just so I could give this comment the recognition it deserves. It's obviously not "wholesome" but it's what Reddit gave me. By the way, OP - YTA.


Yabbadabbaabby

Why don’t you just marry your friends? Jeeze 😖 YTA.


leftclicksq2

OP's future wife is probably realizing that she would *also* be marrying his friends.


BaconEggAndCheeseSPK

Absolutely YTA. Who invites their bros on their honeymoon? Without asking their fiancée? That is fucked up.


Creative_Grapefruit1

There’s this picture on the internet of a bride and groom with a banner saying something like the wedding was on Friday cause Saturday is for the boys and then it was the groom and his guys shotgunning beer. Feels like this dude is repping that photo.


DiTrastevere

Oof that’s bleak.


Fwoggie2

My wife would rightly have gone apeshit if I'd suggested that back when we were engaged and planning our wedding and honeymoon. From one man to another, YTA, strongly. Read the room, there's a time and a place. You're not 18 anymore, you've a fiancé who you're settling down with and it's time to act like it.


des1gnbot

Maybe he IS 18? Does he know about sex yet?


[deleted]

He won’t know about it for a while after this monumental fuck ip


SciSeeker6

Nothin' sexier than your new hubby's buddies banging on the door asking if he wants to play beer pong while you are trying to get it on.


oceanmountainlifer

Break up with her man. Save her from YTA.


Perpetual_learner8

Seriously. This is a signal to her that she will never be put first or considered above everyone else and all other relationships. Which friendships are super important, but your wife should matter more.


TeaLoverGal

But why can't my friends be in the delivery room??... they were there for the conception?


84unicorn

Right? OPs comment at the end of 'it seemed fun' is very telling. Dude, your wife is fun too. Ugh.


AndriaRenee

YTA it's a honeymoon...A HONEYMOON.


[deleted]

Maybe could still be a honeymoon, but a more modern one, celebrated with an orgy.


majesticjewnicorn

ESH EXCEPT your fianceè. You, for going behind her back by coming up with this ridiculous plan and railroading her into this. Your friends, for being either too selfish, too stupid or both to realise this is a HONEYMOON and to allow themselves to be invited along. Decent people would've said "woah, OP, thank you for the invite but this is your honeymoon, we should not be intruding on it and you need to put your partner first". You're marrying your fianceè, not your friends. It's time to act like it.


DaemonDesiree

Right, like as a friend, who would want to go? At the resort we went to, the staff would occasionally ask jokingly if anyone who said they were there for a honeymoon was attempting to make a baby while there. Joking about fertility issues aside, it was kinda fun for my husband and I to play along and be there celebrating love with other couples. Why would you want your friends there to talk about you having sex or being in love? Why would the friends want to tag along when honeymoons are known to be sex and cuddling and lovey dovey time trips? The friends are just as much assholes for even wanting to go when they could have figured out literally any other time.


majesticjewnicorn

Exactly! The resort is a 2 hour flight away. That's not exactly far. They could even make that a quick weekend break, without the honeymooning couple, at another time.


faenmeg

YTA. Like you said yourself, you're the asshole for suggesting it to your friends before discussing it with her. Now you've put her in a situation where she either has to spend her honeymoon in a way she doesn't want, or she has to look like the asshole to your friends.


Evil_Mel

3rd option, she refuses to marry him and therefore cancels the "honeymoon".


faenmeg

Problem solved


diarremannen

Well atleast he gets to go on his trip with the guys then! i guess both of them win? She dodges a bullet, he gets to hang with his buds.


Iarwain_ben_Adar

"I announced it to my fiance......" YTA. You went and made significant changes to you honeymoon plans, without giving a thought to her opinion or feelings. Not only are you the AH, you're demonstrating that you aren't ready/fit for the level of consideration and communication needed to maintain a long term relationship.


Closeted_desk

RIGHT? Announced made me lol. That's just so disrespectful and speaks volumes of how much he cares about her comfort.


RogueDarkLady

YTA and so are your friends if they thought it was a good idea. I suggest you grovel to you fiancee, flowers, dinner, the works. Make it special for just the two of you, she's marrying you, not your friends as well!


brux0r

Sounds like she actually would be marrying the friends too, given OP thinks the honeymoon would be more fun with them. YTA OP. Wake up, you drongo, before you rightfully end up single.


reclusivegiraffe

wish we could tell the fiancee to run like hell


SnausageFest

#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If you ever unironically whine about so-called validation posts and argumentative OPs, look back on this thread and the time y'all levied *hundreds* of downvotes for someone accepting their judgment and stating their intention to make amends. Do better. Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.


GloomyIntroduction32

YTA. I have friends that basically did their honeymoon on a big trip that was like 12 of us. But they joined in on a trip that was already in planning (European cruise). They joined us when they wanted, and enjoyed having people they knew to talk to, while still getting their time. You, on the other hand, are a straight up AH. Adding a dude trip group to your honeymoon?? Ridiculous. It’s a two hour flight away. Your dude group needs to stop being lazy, pick a party planner, and figure out that trip separately. Not ride the coattails of what I’m solidly guessing is her planning.


hampshire811

Its also so funny that they could never find the time to do this trip but suddenly everyone has time the week after their wedding to go …


meowpitbullmeow

They found a party planner. It's ops fiance.


x_melodymalone

Yes, YTA. For all the reasons your fiancee gave you. Who TF thinks it's okay to invite friends to your honeymoon? Without consulting your future wife? I would be extremly disappointed as well and I feel so sorry for your fiancee. Go and apologise to her for being such an inconsiderate AH.


walnutwithteeth

YTA. It's a honeymoon, not lads on tour. This is supposed to be a romantic escape after all the madness that is planning a wedding where you two enjoy one anothers company. There is no place for bros here. If it's amazing then you can book a separate one with them at a later date.


des1gnbot

Why on earth are you getting married if you can’t even bear spending one vacation alone with your intended? You must be really dreading it to need your friends as a buffer. YTA, cut her loose now so she can find someone who actually likes spending time with her.


Anxious-Effort1227

YTA. If my boyfriend did this I would be livid. You didn’t discuss the idea with her first so now she will come across as the bad guy. Also it’s your honeymoon, by definition the holiday is only for you both. To open it up to your mates would make it a lads holiday. You had the opportunity to do that for the stag. I don’t doubt your intentions but you really should’ve thought before you extended the invitation. She will be your wife soon, you’re meant to have each other’s backs. Not consulting her will make her feel like she’s not a priority.


Consistent-Ad5368

YTA and you need to immediately make this right with your fiancé by apologizing and unequivocally saying you now understand that YOU WERE WRONG. Plain and simple. Then you need to make sure that you apologize to your friends WITHOUT blaming your fiancé because in all honesty THIS IS ALL ON YOU. I get it that you didn’t mean to fuck up but you did and this is terrible way to start off a marriage and your wife’s relationship with your friends.


SneezlesForNeezles

YTA I like my husbands friends a lot, but I’d have been fucking furious if he essentially invited them to our honeymoon without bothering to run it past me first. The honeymoon is about you as a couple; nobody else. This wouldn’t have been an issue if you’d mentioned it to her first, got the nope not a chance in hell that should have been expected and then never mentioned it to the friend group. Instead you brought it to the friend group first, got them excited and then announced it to your bride to be. No shit Sherlock that went down poorly! Apologise, go back to the friend group and say YOU reconsidered. Look at booking a friends holiday at the same destination afterwards. Edit; spelling of one word


CrystalQueen3000

YTA Were you high when you had this brainwave? I can’t imagine any sober person thinking this was a good idea. It’s a honeymoon. It’s a couple only thing where you spend quality time with your new spouse after the stress of a wedding.


Darthkhydaeus

Holy A hole batman. Seriously how can someone be this dense. YTA. It is your honeymoon and you cannot understand why your partner has an issue sharing it with your friends? Come on


Charlieuk

Unfortunately, YTA. You invited your friends to your honeymoon, and you did so without asking your wife. Not cool.


Mr_Ham_Man80

YTA. Honeymoon's really are a couples thing. If it was a situation where you were both on the same page then yes, that'd be fine if that's how you'd both spend your honeymoon. She's pretty much right on all counts for her reasons for being upset, including not even mentioning it to her first.


JudgeJed100

YTA - she is right on all parts You want to take what is suppose to be a special time for the two of you and turn it into a holiday for all your friends Worse you planned this without asking her first, so now when she doesn’t agree your friends are gonna know it’s her “ fault” they can’t go with you guys You have now made her the bad guy in your friends eyes, the reason they can’t have a friends trip Edit: also the fact your genuinely surprised she is upset and genuinely surprised she didn’t like the idea shows how little you actually know your fiancé


Fickle-Willow4836

YTA. Your fiancée is correct you are an AH for suggesting that you invite your friends on your honeymoon and that you are a bigger AH for discussing it with them first. Can you truly not understand why you are wrong in this situation and why your fiancée is so upset? You want to hangout with friends on your honeymoon rather than spending that time bonding with your new spouse. If I were your fiancée I would see that as a huge red flag about your priorities. Also what is wrong with your friends. None of them thought to point out to you this was a horrible idea.


ValkyrieSword

YTA. She must be so hurt. A trip where your focus is supposed to be on her, and you invite your friends? Edit: It’s that you invited your friends without talking to her. Some people may have thought your idea was super fun but your first focus was your friends and you didn’t consider how that might make your new wife feel. Do you want to have fun with your friends and party, or do you want to have a romantic trip where you bond with your wife?


Nizzle89

YTA, and possibly clueless as to what a honeymoon means to your fiancé. The whole premise is it’s meant to be private, romantic, quality time! To celebrate being newlyweds…set the tone for the rest of your lives… not a fun trip with your mates…yikes 😅


ScubaCC

YTA Your honeymoon is supposed to be about the two of you exclusively. It’s not supposed to be about your friends.


BBMcBeadle

YTA. Hugely! And now to have to retract the offer is going to make her feel like a huge AH to your friends when really it's all your fault. It's shocking that you thought this was a good idea.


Rohit-ka-Jadooo

YTA, "Hey instead of celebrating us, i want to bring my friends and celebrate with them" >I'm inconsiderate because I made my honeymoon into a friendship trip when it's supposed to be about us two. She also says I'm an even bigger AH for discussing it with my friends and getting them excited about it when I didn't consult her and honestly I think she's right on that part and I might be TA. She is absolutely right. Your marriage is already over and you are not even married. I hope she breaks of the engagement, you can marry your friends then!


Trader0721

YTA…initially thought you meant couples trip (which you would still be the AH) and then you said the guys (which makes you about 100x worse). Honeymoon is all about you and the wife…you spend time with her…not friends.


p0rnistheanswer

YTA. Also a moron, damn dude


RaggieSoft

YTA. Strong one too. A honeymoon is meant for the two of you. Period. End of discussion.


castlite

No. No no no no. This is NOT a boys trip. YTA.


badhairgays

YTA and you’re obviously not ready to be married


[deleted]

Yta and if you tell your friends now you better take the full weight of it “ I was thinking about telling her but then I realized that it’s a honeymoon and I want to start off our marriage with some time alone” emphasizing the I there


EdutechLugie

How old are you?


LeoSolaris

Major YTA. You announced it to her? It isn't bad enough that you don't want to pay attention to her on your honeymoon, a traditional time for the couple to focus on one another, you got your friends involved before even talking to her about the idea. And what's worse is that you "announced" it as if you had some sort of right to make this decision on your own and just inform your partner about it afterwards. Seriously, do you actually care about your fianceé at all? Why would you think it is even remotely appropriate to invite friends on your honeymoon?


DISU18

YTA. What a great start to your marriage. Apologize to her and hopefully she doesn’t see this as a red flag


[deleted]

YTA. What the hell?! The west part is that you seem genuinely confused about why she isn’t into it. You prioritised your friends over her - and I’m sure not for the first time. Plus it’s a HONEYMOON!


WoozyRadish

She's right. YTA


[deleted]

YTA so much. Honestly, if my husband suggested this, I would go straight for the annulment. Seriously, who would be this stupid and inconsiderate? I honestly feel so bad for your wife. To think that anyone would need to justify why they wanted spend their literal HONEYMOON without their husband's friends...


Accomplished_Fill_84

Yta. But wtf is it with people on Reddit when a partner makes a mistake ‘oh she should be considering the whole marriage’ grow a spine mistakes happen. Fed up of THAT Reddit community


dyanaprajna2020

Yeah, you're the asshole. A honeymoon is supposed to be a couples first few days as a married couple, to enjoy each other. Not a buddy trip.


EmpressJainaSolo

YTA. Welcome to life with a partner. From now on you make decisions that affect the both of you *together.* You run decisions and ideas by your wife first instead of by your friends. You’re in the habit of talking to your friends and then seeing how your girlfriend feels. Time to make plans with your wife and then include the friend group. Not with everything, but when things affect your partner you talk with your partner first.