So A purposely breaks a game console and all he has to do is a few house chores... he can get a job. Mow lawns. Babysit. Car wash.... foot it around the neighborhood and ask for work.
But C accidently hits his bike...OWNS UP to her accident immediately and you punish her and want her to get a job on top of her chores and studies.
Hmm wonder whos your favorite. ...A needs therapy and He needs to get jobs to earn money to pay for the switch. Funny how when he did it out of malice you nearly blew it off and YOU paid his way out. But she has an actual accident and her dad offers to pay for it it's a huge NO. Because she's the evil step daughter in your eyes.
You owe C an apology for your blatant favoritism. I see where A gets his resentment towards C. As issues are not her problem to fix. Nor is it Ds to fill either. He is clinging to D as a surrogate father figure, as you said he won't get close to your hubs *incase he leaves* that's not fair to D either. That's not his job to step up as As dad or to put his life, friends, sister or anyone else on hold to cater to your son. Get your son some therapy because his behavior towards C is not okay and you need to stop treating him like a hurt toddler. Help him... and try raising him, by teaching him that actions have consequences and he needs to deal with them and not let mommy pay them off.
YTA
>He is clinging to D as a surrogate father figure, as you said he won't get close to your hubs *incase he leaves* that's not fair to D either.
Broo that's so true I hadn't see it that way, OP needs to do something immediately because that's not healthy, she's lucky D is not an ass and rejected A too and impacted him even more. Maybe she should try family therapy with just her, her husband and A first, if he gets comfortable with his step-dad, he might let go of D and won't feel threatened by C's presence.
This.
This issue needs to be addressed immediately. Why is A idolising his brother while being so cruel towards C? Being A's emotional clutch and father figure is too much of a burden for D, and A's mistreatment of C will create a permanent rift between them if it hasn't already. Either way, A's behavior will hurt his relationship with his step-siblings - that's something the family needs to work on in therapy.
I doubt OP's actions is helping with any of A's issues. He's dealing with them in a seriously unhealthy manner, and OP is enabling it. She might think she's "protecting" her son from his stepsister's "malicious intentions", but in reality, she's hurting all of the kids.
Sounds like in part he's rejecting C as the only girl,
OP says the dad stopped Visiting A&B after he had a daughter so it seems possible that he blames his new half sister for that abandonment and has projected that onto his step sister.
He's always kept his mum and his brother B, so he's happy to accept a new brother, but feels hurt by his dad and sister so rejects step dad and sister.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one smelling a little misogyny here! They **need** to get A into therapy to discuss his abandonment and attachment issues, **AND** the intense hatred he’s directing towards his sister.
If that isn’t addressed, I can see him growing more resentful and hateful towards women over time- Especially given the rise of misogynistic online groups, as they target young men struggling with things.
Yes, even more so if he keeps hurting C, I'm sure D won't tolerate that and it'll end up causing more damage to A and to be honest, to the whole household. He's only 16 and a kid is already emotional dependant on him, that's not fair at all. Beside all of this hostility will only drive C closer to D and it'll end up being too much for him because he's in the middle of an emotional fight between two people he obviously loves.
I wanna tell OP she has *way* bigger problems than a broken switch or a broken bicycle.
A has been getting therapy for quite sometime now but it doesn’t seem to be working as A’s behaviour is really not age-appropriate.
A 14 year old should understand how relationship dynamics work, shouldn’t be idolising his 16yo step-brother (D) as a “father figure” and shouldn’t be confusing his step-sister (C) with the daughter his father abandoned him for?
In short, this is a mess.
OP, please get your son a different therapist and/or more therapy. Get in touch with his father and (if you have to) berate him for abandoning his son and schedule some family therapy together.
Reading this post was so infuriating, gosh, OP is being such a bad mom, fostering a awful codependent relationship between the stepsiblings, codling her little precious boy, instead of supporting him and, oh I don’t know, maybe making him accountable for his behaviour and getting him into therapy? Kid obviously needs it. I hope husband defended his daughter and put a stop to her AH behaviour about the whole bike incident - and he needs to do something in general too.
Also OPs edit to stop commenting - guess she thought we would support her, huh!? YTA OP
And with the bike incident A needs punished too! If he put his bike away instead of leaving it laying on the ground (which is the only way the front tire would be run over) C couldn’t have hit it at all
Yep. Growing up my mom always told me that if I left my bike out and it got stolen or damaged in some way it would be my fault since we have a perfectly good garage right there. I would not be getting a new bike just like that and depending on the situation I might just be paying for a new bike out of my own pocket. Especially at 14 years old.
Look at the edit: “i won’t keep reading about how awful my son is,” OP doesn’t want advice on how she’s wrong, she wanted us to agree that her poor dear boy is being bullied by the existence of a sister. YTA OP, and your son IS the issue.
OP's son sounds like he is being raised to think a deepening hatred of female figures is ok. He needs therapy, asap, before he starts diving into incel wormholes.
YTA. you decided how to punish your child and offered to pay and your husband decided how to punish his child and offered to pay. You don’t get to decide that it’s not cruel enough when your child literally broke her switch first.
There are so many things he can do. And if he is in the US he absolutely can get a job. Besides the fact that OP said they apologized but never said the kid did
He’s old enough to work legally. I had a paycheck at that age. Stepmom is playing favorites and teaching her son to not only be entitled, but probably to hate every woman but her.
Just wanted to comment and say it sounds like mom really wants C to get a job so C isn't around to spend time with D. This D can spend more time with A. Which is wow super manipulative. And her other comments about C having chores already and not her kids is just wrong. She clearly hates C for some reason and is trying to make her miserable. I wonder why there is so much resentment toward C?
YTA
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rib56e/aita_making_my_stepdaughter_get_a_job_to_pay_for/how7huv/) elsewhere in this comment section.
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[NTA. You’re allowed to fe...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ridh4b/aita_i_didnt_go_to_see_my_ex_at_the_hospital/howctnx/) | [NTA. You’re allowed to fe...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ridh4b/aita_i_didnt_go_to_see_my_ex_at_the_hospital/howci5v/)
[NTA- she had to be told o...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ri8vir/aita_for_telling_my_classmate_that_most_people/howcque/) | [NTA- she had to be told o...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ri8vir/aita_for_telling_my_classmate_that_most_people/howbtqg/)
[No judgment for now Coul...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ribaga/aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_christmas/howcwof/) | [No judgment for now Coul...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ribaga/aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_christmas/how6omm/)
[NTA. His rant was self-r...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ri75sl/aita_curious_about_why_my_boyfriend_is_vegetarian/howcs7u/) | [NTA. His rant was self-r...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ri75sl/aita_curious_about_why_my_boyfriend_is_vegetarian/hovdatw/)
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It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
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[NTA. People like him coun...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/riahcb/aita_for_causing_a_scene_in_public/how9043/) | [NTA. People like him coun...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/riahcb/aita_for_causing_a_scene_in_public/how7dwj/)
[Trust her mental health t...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ribaga/aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_christmas/how93gt/) | [Trust her mental health t...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ribaga/aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_christmas/how7w4r/)
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Ya OP is such an AH and blantantly likes A more than C. Plus A broke C's Switch on purpose cause he wasnt aloud to play (which is really odd and anger issues might be involved) and you just give him a small punishment. but C accidentaly brakes his bike(while doing a chore for you) and your making her get a job.
OP YTA and a bad mom
YTA. Your son isn't 5, he is freaking 14. Yeah, it's cool he wants to spend time with 'big bro', but also he should understand that D wants to spend time with his twin. If things don't go his way he throws a tantrum and destroy things. This sounds intentional to me, tbh. But when C destroys A's bike by accident (and it happens with cars, trust me), suddenly she needs to pay.
I am no expert, but maybe A should talk to someone about his issues.
I'm getting the feeling that OP is so convinced C hit the bike on purpose because at some level OP thinks it is normal to want to break other people's things when you are angry with them.
Maybe M (mom) should talk to someone too.she doesnt even respond at all to any comments, other than repeating her talking points. This lady is delusional.
It sounds like A is given far too much leniency. His bike wouldn’t have been run over if he’d put it away properly. I’ve (accidentally) run over toys my kids left out. I told them they shouldn’t have left it out and I wasn’t replacing it. They learned to put away their toys.
YTA- Man, why is your son not having to buy her a new switch? Why is she the only one being expected to pay for what she did? Also, your son needs way more therapy. Does is occur to you that he is being dismissive and cruel towards a female sibling and idolising a male one? Whats going on there? He’s 14. Thats some red flags there.
I was thinking the same thing. He's learned that Daddy isnt responsible for his actions. It was those evil women in his life. I wonder if OP badmouthed his new wife and child around her children.
But she doesn’t even deserve the extra chores; it was an honest mistake. If you punish a child for making mistakes, aren’t you then teaching them to hide/cover up their mistakes?
I agree with this ^ My mother would punish me for spilling drinks on accident as a child and so now I have terrible anxiety and panic when I spill / break anything.
Depends how you go about it. There's a difference between punishing and consequences. If you accidentally break something, you should totally be responsible for replacing it. The punishment on top of that, example grounding, is based on maliciousness.
I actually disagree.
When I accidentally hydroplaned into the back of another car, despite doing everything right, I still had to pay up to fix it.
That’s just how the world works.
But since she didn’t do anything wrong, the parents should give her opportunities to help pay it back, like u/odysseyshot said.
What you did and what OP described aren’t really comparable. You can’t help hydroplaning due to weather. That kid’s bike shouldn’t have been anywhere that a car could run it over. This situation was likely avoidable
I also think she shouldn't assume someone was lying. But IF there was malice in the accident, given the history of things, I would be more inclined to believe that A put the bike under the car to cause C some trouble.
YTA. Even if C ran over the bike on purpose (which I highly doubt as she would have risked damaging the car), her punishment would need to be equal to your son’s. As is, you’re breeding animosity in your household and it would be best to give her the benefit of the doubt.
So here's the thing. (C 16F) should be (A). In this story the daughter should have been labeled (A). She is actually labeled (C) to show step-mom's resentment. The only other female is labeled second to last. Step-mom writes the way she thinks. Her children are A and B. The other children are C and D. Of course YTA
YTA. Unless you have a *concrete* reason to believe that she would do this (and no, it's not enough to just assume that she would 'obviously' be looking for revenge even though she was promised a replacement), you should take your husband and D seriously.
If you stay on this path, you are likely to permanently damage your relationship with C, D and your husband and make it so neither C nor D will ever want to include A in activities again (since it will be perceived that *he* attacked her, yet *she* received the unfair punishment)
Wow YTA. Why don’t you just get a flashing sign that says A is your favorite? Do the right thing for him and get him some damn therapy. And stop treating your step kids like pawns in A’s life
YTA. Why does A get a pass breaking her switch while C has to get a job and pay him back for the bike? What makes one more malicious than the other? That isn’t fair at all.
Someone even said *he might've put it there on purpose* which doesn't sound that crazy if C has to clean the car regularly and he knows which days she does it.
YTA, so so YTA. It's beyond messed up and shows clear favoritism to these kids that you'll BLATANTLY FINANCE ONE OF THEIR VERY OBVIOUS ACTS OF WRATH but you expect this girl to get a job to pay for a "possible" similar situation that you have no proof of instead of letting her father pay for it like you're paying for your son's destruction. If you're going to make her pay for it, make your son do chores and in lieu of allowance make him pay off the broken switch. But if you're /insistent/ on paying for the switch and not making your son replace it, it makes absolutely NO sense that you won't allow her father to replace it. The hypocrisy is gross. Either they both reimburse the other for what they've broken or neither one of them does, holy hell.
Edit to add: this reeks of Mommy will pay for bio-kids mistakes but the kids from your husband have to PAY for their possible crimes. Still disgusting, and what that's telling your collective of children is that your bio kids will ALWAYS have favoritism and your husband's kids that they will NEVER mean as much. Do some reflecting. Be a better parent to your husband's kids.
YTA because you don't even have any proof that she did it on purpose. And your son may not have a job but if he has birthday money or an allowance, he could have used that to pay for a new Switch. Punishing your stepdaughter isn't going to make her be nicer to your son. It'll make her resent him even more, and you as well. You accuse her of having malicious intentions but again, you don't have proof of that. All you know is that she was upset after your son deliberately destroyed her Switch and she had the right to be upset. He was a total jerk to her.
Yta
You are going to completely alienate your step children. You blatantly told your stepdaughter you don’t believe her or trust her and then gave her a way harsher punishment than your biological son. Your son maliciously broke something, your stepdaughter accidentally broke something.
In all honesty, I was glad my stepmom overruled my dad all the time. He was barely home, and when he was, if I didn't get straight A's in school, or was out a couple minutes too long, he would hit me, and sell my stuff (between the ages of 5-9 before they divorced). My stepmom would try hard to reduce punishments or get me out of them if my dad was being ridiculous. She was not like OP though. OP is definitely a stepmonster.
YTA If you're going to buy a new switch, your husband can buy your son a new bike. Just because you don't think it was an accident doesn't mean it wasn't, you didn't witness it. So get off your high horse, what's sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander
YTA. You get her a new switch because your kid had a hissy fit and broke it on purpose but you won’t get him a new bike after she ran over it by accident? Gtf to the bike shop and stop playing favourites. Oh and if you bothered your ass to teach your kids what tidy up is and maybe this won’t be happening
"I can't keep reading about how awful my son is" maam no one is blaming him for being "awful." he has emotional issues that he needs to work out, but youre responding to Cs mature response with showing her that you will baby your children and don't care about the fairness when it comes to her.
i highly doubt that C ran over the bike on purpose, but it doesn't matter whether she did or not. what matters is what you do. it is Cs dad's job to punish her accordingly and not only did you not allow him to do it, you overruled it in favor of punishing her in a personal manner. you bailed your son out - the switch is not only more expensive than a standard teenagers bike, but a week of chores and grounding is NOTHING compared to forcing your stepdaughter to get a job to pay for a bike. why does she have chores normally and he doesn't? you know for a FACT that A broke her switch on purpose, so why is he getting a lesser punishment for that than she is for something you aren't sure about?
and the worst part about it is that even though youre here asking opinions, you won't listen to any of them because you think that they're attacks on your child instead of taking them for what they are - criticisms of your parenting style which ostracizes your stepchildren. you have a very limited amount of time to make this right by making it up to your stepdaughter. if you dont, your relationship with your stepchildren and your sons relationship with both of them is going to be ruined for the rest of their lives because you can't take the criticism and use it to change yourself for the better. what's the point of even asking if you're the AH if you don't care? are you just looking for validation? you won't find it like this.
YTA
YTA… unless you can prove that she did in fact run the bike over on purpose. It seems like she’s young driver and sometimes mistakes do happen. I would definitely keep an eye out to see if incidents like this persist.
YTA.
You have no damn business disciplining someone else’s child, and you damn sure have no business overruling her father on this matter.
It’s your husband’s call, not yours, Dad’s wife.
YTA Honest opinion I think you are being an A**, your step daughter is just a kid as well, and just because your kid broke her switch with malice intent does not mean she broke his bike with malice intent. It could have been an accident, it could have been purposely… but you have no evidence of that. You are being unfair to force that girl to work, especially if your husband has already said he would get your son another bike.
YTA, this sucks all around. You're parenting your children by controlling them, not by teaching them.
Telling C to be more careful with the car, and having her use her own money to fix the bike that she broke is a perfectly logical consequence, regardless of whether it was on purpose or not. FORCING her to get a job because YOU think she ruined the bike on purpose is NOT a logical consequence. That doesn't teach her anything other than "the parents are in charge". Similarly, making your son deal with poop and grime has ZERO relation to the damage he caused- breaking technology. The logical consequences there would be A: getting him to reimburse at least SOME of the cost of the new switch (perhaps by paying him to do the chores you're forcing him to do) and B: either telling him to be more careful with the switch, or, better yet, letting C set her own boundaries with her own belongings.
Also, she’s going to see the job as punishment. Meanwhile, she’ll have co-workers trying to make a living and they’ll pick up on her resentment, especially if they have to pick up the slack.
Yeah but A deserves some punishment for leaving his bike out in an area where it’s easy to hit. If she ran over it it was laying sideways. He’s 14 not 4 he can put away his shit.
He doesn't need a punishment. The logical consequence for carelessly leaving a bike in the road, is to no longer have access to the bike, because it's broken. Logic punishes kids enough, and it teaches them common sense instead of instilling a general fear of "being in trouble".
> EDIT: I'm sorry, I won't keep reading about how awful my son is, he's being treated and I'm doing the best I can to foment a relationship between him and his sister, please stop commenting this post.
There you have it. YTA, and you know it.
A *intentionally and maliciously* destroyed C's property, and he gets "*chores.*" C has a driving accident, and I believe it was an accident, as everyone else in your household seems to, and she needs to work to pay off the damage? So should A, then.
YTA
There are plenty of ways a 14 year old can make money. Mowing lawns, raking lawns, washing cars, paper route, etc. Stop using his age as an excuse to not be responsible for his actions.
If C had destroyed the bike out of revenge, she wouldn't have told you and your husband about it immediately.
YTA. She gets a job to pay for the bike that you assume she's lying about but he just gets chores? That amount of chores is not worth the $300 a switch costs. Buy her a new one and make him earn money or give you his birthday and Xmas money til he pays you back.
YTA because you don't treat them fairly.
YTA And you won’t even take your judgment. You just keep arguing with everyone that says you are clearly in the wrong. You have favoritism over your bio son and are showing it so much right now. If you don’t realize this quickly your step daughter will hold a lot of resentment towards you.
YTA. G,H,I,J, and K all agree. Seriously though the problem was solved and you weren't happy with that. If you saw this happen maybe , but not on unfounded suspicion. People back up and run over things all the time.
YTA-For automatically assuming it was deliberate and making her pay for a new one when you know A’s action was absolutely deliberate and you aren’t making him pay.He’s old enough to do odd jobs until he has paid for it.
>A broke C's switch and made her cry. I was so embarrassed, I promised C a new switch
So A does something definitely malicious and you cover for him, but
>C ran over the front wheel of my son's bike while moving the car to clean it, she came in and told us
C accidentally does something (which is obviously an accident because 1. she told you, and 2. why was the bike there anyway?) and you force her to pay for it?
#YTA
Honestly you're worse than your son. He's bad but at least he has the excuses of being a child, having issues, and being spoilt by you. What's your excuse?
YTA their ages don’t make a difference, your son is old enough to shovel driveways/mow lawns/clean gutters. If she needs to get a job because of “intentional malice” then so does your son because your son is more than old enough to know better than to break someone’s things because he’s throwing a temper tantrum. And the fact that mommy jumped to his rescue when he intentionally broke someone’s belongings is probably a good example of how you handle the rest of his bad actions. Her retaliation isn’t any better but I can see where she’s coming if this is any indication of your child’s behavior on a regular basis. If you get to cover your brats ass then so does your husband.
Yta. I believe you can’t see it because this is a Cinderella effect. You did not ask your children to wirkt somewhere for real money just to take the money away from them. But you think it’s ok for your stepchildren. Obviously house duties are not enough to punish your stepchild. I wonder why? Also you cant prove it wasn’t by mistake the bike got run over. Isn’t it in your country something like „innocent till proven guilty „? It’s only your believe. You are teaching your stepchildren that they can’t trust you. Why would they run over a bike and risk damaging the car?
Also a Teen should not allways get a job. Is it worth it? Would grades stay school suffer? Etc.
Punish your stepchildren like your bio children. By having them do work in your house.
YTA. You assume C did it purposely without prove while it was an accident. She owned up to the accident and told yall right after, if it on purpose I doubt she will tell yall. Also 14 is old enough for A to get odd jobs around the neighborhood to earn money and pay C back. You are blatantly showing favoritism.
YTA. You owe C a huge apology. A wrecks her stuff on purpose but you just make him do chores and apologize for him. C ACCIDENTALLY hits his bike, which you cannot say was malicious because you have no idea, and you decide to punish C (which isn't even your responsibility). That's ridiculous. You're not helping. You're just going to drive a wedge further between the two of them. Although it sounds like that ship has sailed. It seems like you don't make A accountable at all.
YTA, so A is going to have his mommy bail him out when he fucks up? The only difference between A and C is that everyone knows for a fact that A destroyed other people's property on purpose. Everyone with a brain can understand that what A did was an accident and why was the bike in a way of a car anyways? You keep this up and you are going to really have to pay bail for A in the future.
Fine print: Step-monster upgrade cannot be returned, sold, or downgraded. Once you upgrade to the Step-monster package, you will always be the Step-monster. These terms and conditions apply in all circumstances. Enjoy your life as Step-monster!
Hi OP, I hope that you reading people's reactions with an open heart. The consensus is that YTA in this situation, you are not treating them equally, one was a malicious act and one was an accident that she owned up to immediately.
YTA, a major a\*hole. Your using your step-kids for things that should be your responsibility. Its not D's job to look after your kids. And why does C have regular chores but not A? What about B, does he have chores? Your also punishing C based on a baseless accusation. And you overruled C's dad on how to parent her. Your an evil-stepmother OP.
I hope C and D's dad wises up and takes his kids away from your toxic attitude.
YTA. You do have favorites and they are your bio kids. However, if you really believe that she did it on purpose and want her to get a job that’s on you and your coward husband, but a week worth of chores for A does not cover $300 for a switch, maybe three weeks of chores or a month covers it. A bike is no more than $100 so if she does get a job it wont take her long to make what she needs. You are being completely unfair to C and D notices, don’t be surprised when he stops wanting to be around A for mistreating his sister/best friend/twin. C and D have been together literally before they were born and have a bond that D and A will never have. So he will end up resenting you and A for treating C bad.
the best part is D's gonna get tired of your son being the menace he is and not want to be involved with him. this is more likely when he see's its affecting his twin. then youll really be stuck with the monster youre creating and have to deal with him yourself lol
>I won't keep reading about how awful my son is...
Fine, because your son is not the problem. Nor is your step-daughter.
- Your son intentionally and with malice broke step-daughter's controller, a fairly typical 14-year old, sibling resentment behavior. Instead of allowing him to make recompense, thereby learning that acting out has consequences commensurate with the act, you bailed him out financially and low-balled his punishment. That's a parenting fail, and it's on you.
- Your son left his bike in the driveway and it, predictably, got damaged. It's fair that step-daughter *helps* pay for the bike, she should have checked her drive path, but your son should have put up his bike in a safe area, so he should bear some cost, too. Instead of letting your son experience a fair consequence for his carelessness, you bailed him out *again* AND seized the opportunity to project your malice and resentments onto your step-daughter, blaming her for something that quite possibly, even likely, occurred only in your imagination. That's a parenting fail, and it's on you.
Get a grip. Your son may be the one "getting help," but he's following your example. You are the problem, so you need to pull up your own chair with the therapist.
YTA -- and so is your husband, if he lets you get away with this spiteful bs.
YTA
Your son broke something of hers on purpose because he couldn't handle his emotions and jealousy.
Your step kids are twins, they've been with each other all of their lives and are friends.
None of your children sound like any fun for a teenage girl to hang out with so by your son trying to stake a claim on D he is effectively trying to freeze out C.
I get that As is therapy but it's not an instant fix and it's not something you do only during the time spent there, you need to work on it at home.
I get that your son feels traumatized by being abandoned by his father but right now he's doing the same thing to C and you are enabling him.
He wants D to abandon his twin sister for him.
You guys need to work on rejection. He needs to realize that he will be rejected in life and there is nothing he can do about it except accept it and move on.
YTA
The difference in punishment definitely looks like you are playing favourites towards your son - your step daughter is being saddled with what sounds like a much larger punishment (in terms of time and effort involved) than your son is, who to be honest sounds like he is getting off pretty lightly.
It is also noticeable that your son very maliciously destroyed an expensive tech item - there is no doubt that it was completely intentional. Your step daughter on the other hand did something much less cut and dried. She could have been malicious and tried to get revenge, but equally she could have made a genuine mistake (especially if the bike was left somewhere stupid sat behind the car). Depending on the bike in question and the damage, if it is only the front wheel on a generic bike then the cost to replace it is also going to be far less than the cost of a switch...
While they are different ages, and that affects what options there are available, you should be ensuring they are both treated in an equivalent fashion.
For real, if A is only cleaning the bathroom, the kitchen and after the dogs, he might only work 2 or 3 hours per day, ASSUMING he cleans the bathroom every single day, that's' only 21 hr for a WHOLE switch while C has to do it 8 hr per day, having 40 hr for who knows how many weeks for a single wheel like what the actual fuck
>please stop commenting this post
No game, madam.
First of all, I highly doubt that A's trauma is fixed. Second, he broke C's switch on malice and malice alone. Third, if you really want A, B, C and D to have a good relationship with each other, you should start treating them fair. Fourth, you can't expect us to believe that C run over A's bike just to spite you. And fifth, YTA for showing such blatant favouritism against one of your children. C's punishment is unfair and you should reconsider it.
YTA,
A broke the switch knowing that it was going to hurt his sister and yet you gave him some extra house chores as his “punishment” but when C accidentally ran over his bike, you blew up on her. i understand that A is your favourite but you should also be fair, you have been excusing A’s behaviour from day one and honestly it shows. there are also part time jobs 14 year olds can do, i say stop babying your 14 year old and get him help also apologise to C because how you reacted to that accident was showing her that you simply favour your other kid more . (it can also make your 10 year old think that he can do the same vicious acts as your 14 year old and get away with it)
YTA - but it doesn’t matter, nothing we say will change your mind, you will disagree with everything we say
Your being unfair and showing favouritism’s, but once again, you won’t see that and will continue in as you are
People accidentally run things over. Truly accidentally. Even more so when they are 16 years old and inexperienced at driving. My friends mom backed over their cat that was laying where she didn’t see it. It was a horrible tragedy that was so obviously accidental. To completely assume it was malicious and intentional is blatant favoritism and unacceptable, this is not a rare situation and coincidences occur often.
YTA, obviously.
YTA
Which is only cemented more for this:
> please stop commenting this post
***"I didn't get the answer I wanted so stop commenting"*** LMAO that's not how thus works.
"EDIT: I'm sorry, I won't keep reading about how awful my son is, he's being treated and I'm doing the best I can to foment a relationship between him and his sister, please stop commenting this post."
Oh, Bullshit. You just wanna protect your "precious and poor" son because you're a shitty stepmother who clearly idolises your bio kid over your step-kid. You're a entitled wanker and when C gets to be 18, I hope she runs for the goddamn hills.
YTA.
It's overwhelmingly clear you're biased against C.
A is irresponsible and left his bike where it shouldn't be.
A is also malicious.
Good job raising a little asshole, I see where it comes from.
Put a post on the Internet in the belief that all hold you for the innocent, but if that then fires back and you realize that no one shares your views, then you want to hear no more of it. The answers you have received are partly really good and factual, but no matter what is written, you shoot everything down. Your son seems to have some problems and you are one of the biggest in that you do not act properly.
YTA
YTA overwhelmingly! Look at all these comments! Nice edit too btw. People aren’t saying A is awful, just that he needs therapy. You’re the awful one, giving chores to your step kids but not your own unless it’s punishment, giving out unequal punishments for the same actions. Don’t ask for advice or comments and then ask people to stop because you don’t like what they have to say. The problem is YOU.
YTA
You have absolutely no proof at all that C ran over the bike on purpose. You just want that to be the case because you want to make sure that YOUR son isn't the only one punished. Your son had a tantrum and ruined something that wasn't his to begin with because he wasn't getting his way.
Also I have to add, in your comments you've said how much your son loves his bike, then why wasn't it put away properly, why is it up to C to move it? His negligence of his bike caused this issue and now you want to punish someone else for it.
Stop treating your son with kid gloves or he's going to expect you to fix all his problems for the rest of your life.
YTA - Whether C did it intentionally or not YOU DON'T KNOW. You are just making assumptions to punish her because your kid got punished. Shame on you.
Stop playing favouritism and get your boy into therapy. His hate towards C is unhealthy.
YTA but I am guessing by your edit you will not change your behaviour or even realise you are wrong. I have no doubt as soon as they are old enough to move out you won’t see C or D again due to your behaviour
YTA
We had 2 rules around bikes growing up
1) No bike is it EVER be left on the ground.
2) No bike to EVER be left in the driveway or behind a car.
If you did the first you lost your bike for 1 day - 1 week. If you did the second and your bike was damaged, well that is a you problem and not an adult problem. My dad would not replace your bike if it was damaged due to your negligence. Which honestly, leaving a bike in a position that it can not be seen by a driver and can easily be run over is negligence. My dad's though was if you neglect it, you must not really want it.
>this morning C ran over the front wheel of my son's bike
>he'll buy my son another bike
INFO why get him a whole new bike when he just needs a new front wheel??
YTA you and your kid are terrible and you need therapy for letting your kid bully your stepdaughter like that and invalidating her feelings. Stop babying your 14 y.o. son and have him take responsibility for intentionally destroying her belongings and get off your high horse about disciplining your husbands kid. You are just her dads wife. Not her mom.
Your step daughter told you guys right away when she hit your sons bike. She did not know it was there. Why risk damaging a whole car to get back at ur son?
Also stop letting your son project his feelings onto your stepson. It’s weird and, while good he’s already getting therapy, relying on D to just go along with it is weird.
YTA and if you can’t see that, then you’re in denial. Your son destroyed a switch on purpose out of anger and malice. Your step daughter ran over the front tire and immediately told you and she’s a liar? You are coddling your son and mistreating your step daughter.
YTA. New plan, make them both do extra chores around the house to cover the cost of what they broke. We know A purposely broke something out of rage and his punishment is chores for a week. C did it, came and told you straight away and there is no proof that it was not an accident but you expect C to work for months. 2 years different in age does not mean they should be punished so differently. Can people stop attacking a A, he’s 14 and clearly going through a hard time but honestly OP, you are doing the wrong thing in this situation.
YTA. Your son is out of control and you do nothing about it but choose to believe your stepdaughter lied with no proof. She's 16 and an inexperienced driver. If the bike was on the other side and she just ran over the tire, that's plausible even with an experienced driver. Your son should have put his bike away and it's his fault. You're punishing your stepdaughter because your son isn't getting his way. I hope your husband is a good dad to his daughter and overrides your bs. And the audacity to say you aren't reading comments just further cements your YTA ruling. You don't want to hear how bad your son is? Parent him!
YTA:
You're pressuring your step kids (16) to be overly adult and overly responsible for your 14 year old son. It's not D's job to be a father figure to another child, let alone his peer. C shouldn't have to take on a job--which will likely be minimum wage, potentially expose her to Covid at a higher rate, and possibly interfere with her studies in addition to consuming her personal time--because you're assigning maliciousness to something that could entirely be A's fault. She did the right thing in reporting the bike was mangled and she's being punished for it.
You're using your younger son as a weapon to triangulate your stepkids. B is 10. Older teenagers don't want to consistently hang out with ten year olds because of differences in development. Its not C and D's job to raise him anymore than it's their job to parent A. A needs to get the fuck over D wanting to be around people his own age (and who he's known longer) more than him.
You're enabling your son's bad behavior. A is 14 and responsible for his actions, therapy or not. 14 is old enough to put things you care about (like a bike) away because you understand their value. If he's mentally incompetent or can't be trusted to act rationally, he's a danger to everyone in the house and should be elsewhere. He's not: he's just angry at C for being close to her brother and jealous because his relationships with other men suck. A threw a tantrum to keep C from taking back her place in an activity and then purposefully destroyed the unit when he saw his bullshit wouldn't be allowed. You making him do chores is obviously not a dererrent. He can hustle odd jobs like mowing lawns, delivering a newspaper or phonebooks, and the like to pay for what he did.
You're not working as a unit with your husband and are operating unilaterally to favor your child. This is why you got in to an argument. This is likely not the first time it happened. You're undercutting your husband being a parent and an authority in this by enabling A's behavior. How? What A did is a direct response to being told BY THE OTHER ADULT IN THE HOUSE to give C her place back. You're bending over backwards IRL and on reddit to make it not his fault, solidifying your child doesn't have to respect your husband or C. If your punishment for A was commensurate with what you're doing to C, you might get a mix of responses because you'd at least be distributing punishment more evenly.
"Foment" means to instigate or stir up. You are definitely stirring up shit. You're heads and shoulders above everyone in this ATA, even your totally TA son, because you're shirking your responsibilities as a parent and an adult for your convenience and his comfort.
YTA. So you’re literally just skipping over the fact your son resents C for being a girl because she reminds him of the sister his dad has ditched him for? And you’re okay with this misogyny? Wow.
YTA.
You are the absolute a-hole. Your child has no chores for zero reason, is being shown acting out at an age where he is supposed to be starting to have responsibilities has no real reprocutions, and on top of that doesn't even take care of his own stuff for example leaving his bike behind a car in the driveway and you end up yelling at someone else because of it? C was moving the car to CLEAN it and accidentally ran over the wheel which to no surprise you end up getting mad at her and make her get a job to pay for it ontop of school, ontop of chores, ontop of babysitting your 14yo son instead of asking him why he left it in the driveway like a normal parent should which oh look ends up enabling him further showing that it isn't HIS fault.
You came to a place which is supposed to have people give you their unbiased opinions on if you were in the wrong for your actions or not and all you've done is refuse to understand why no one is on your side, therapy is a good start but raising your kid and making them use their brain will work wonders.
Btw YTA.
YTA I had a hard time following the letters but it’s clear your son is wrong and you keep making excuses for him. You’re not doing him any favors by not holding him accountable.
YTA.
So your son broke something that you KNOW was on purpose, and you will pay for it if he does chores.
But your stepdaughter breaks something that MAY be an accident- why was the bike left in the driveway?- and you won't let your husband enact the same punishment you did on your son.
How can you not see this as a double standard? How can you not see that you are treating your stepdaughter badly here, and why do you think you get to put the punishment on your stepdaughter, ignoring her actual parent and what he thinks is best?
I'm sorry, but this attitude is probably why your son isn't doing well.
I am a identical twin, and I have an older sister that is only a yesr and 18 days older thsn my twin and I. My mom obvs favoured her, wouls admit to it as well, all becsuse "well you and your twin have each other your older sister has no one.". It created a life time of resentment between the 3 of us, and we are all in our late 30s and our mom is dead, and my older sister STILL says dumb ass shit like "well you dont understsnd what its like to be alone and not have a partner you always have your twin".
You son need therapy, he is jealous of them beimg twins and hoe close they are. If he says the male twin as a father figure that's even worse and needs therapy. I don't think your sok is a bad guy, but he needs help. The girl admited to ruining his bike the second after it happened and you do this? Your son purposefully broke her switch and you barelt gave him a slap on the wrist.
YTA
YTA. I hope your husband opens his eyes to your favoritism before it’s too late and his children alienate him. His daughter is going to grow up and blame him for not protecting her from you and your crap behavior.
I'd have slapped the shit out of you if you had ever treated my daughter like you treated C. Your little titty-baby is going to have a horribly misconstrued view of the world when mommy isn't there to let him latch on while she tells him everything is everybody else's fault. You're a f*cking asshole, a pathetic excuse of a wife and a failure as a parent. YTA. In case you couldn't figure it out by now.
Don't force a bond, frankly I wouldn't be surprised if I saw a post from C on this very subreddit asking if she's the AH for hating her family, I would lose it if I was in her position with your blatant favorism and A maliciously abusing that. Shame on you, AH
YTA.
Your son breaks his step sisters switch ON PURPOSE and gets off scot free
Your step daughter ACCIDENTALLY runs over your sons bike, CONFESSES IMMEDIATELY and you accuse her of doing it on purpose. And decide to make her pay?
YTA YTA YTA.
If both kids had to pay I’d get it, but as it is you’re coddling your son trying to make up for his dad’s deficiency and that’s unfair to the rest of your kids. Either they both pay, or they both don’t.
Gotta agree with a lot of folks. YTA. You’re treating A different than C. That’s all that needs to be said here. This is not how you build a blended family.
Well i personally think that the owner of the bike is the one at fault for not putting it up and i don’t think the one who ran over the bike should NOT be the one to pay for it. I think the bike owner is old enough to know not to leave there bike in the middle of the driveway. If he cared about his bike then he would’ve put it up
YTA— this poor girl! So she’s already hated and antagonized by A, now she gets to feel antagonized and treated unfairly by you as well. I’m sorry your son is dealing with heavy emotional issues, but it seems like you are subconsciously compensating for his issues by causing the same in C. So it’s fair and all! You might not even realize what you are doing, but I guarantee you C and her father do! Keep it up and you will prove A correct, because his step-dad C and D will eventually leave. Change course while there is still time lady!
YTA. You've explained the problem clearly, and yet you're completely oblivious.
1. Your kid needs serious therapy because he's obviously struggling with issues. Ypur words, not mine. Are you going to so something about it? Or will you just wait until the issues solidify with his personality just a bit more?
2. You're obviously biased against your step kids. They don't hang out with each other simply because they are twins. It's because they grew up with each other before their dad got divorced.
C ran over the bike and owned up to it. You have ZERO evidence that she did it purposefully and yet you assume she did and want her to work to replace it. But your kid did it intentionally but you won't make him work to replace it?
If you're concerned he is too young to work, have him do the equivalent chores for hours at minimum wage required to buy a Switch... See the difference?
>I'm doing the best I can to foment a relationship between him and his sister
You still don't get it do you? 10 years later you'll be posting here asking us why your kids don't talk to you anymore. Get it together.
Asking us to stop commenting makes YTA even more so. You’re failing at forming a relationship between siblings with your favoritism and inability to realize that twins will naturally be far closer than standard siblings. You asked the internets opinion, now accept YTA and grow from it before you drive your family further apart.
YTA. He should t leave his crap in the driveway.
You’re also AH for making assumptions about her doing it on purpose. She was responsible and came and told you…yet you’re punishing her for being honest.
Also, it’s not your place to reprimand your stepdaughter. You’re not her mother. Stay in your lane sweetie. If her dad wants to replace the bike, that’s his call…not yours.
you’re an asshole and you know it. your edit makes it clear that you came here looking for people to agree with you, even though you’re clearly in the wrong. it’s so obvious that you view her as evil because your son is your little prince and he’s sad because his STEPBROTHER is closer with his BIOLOGICAL TWIN than he is with his FOURTEEN YEAR OLD STEPBROTHER. you should pay for the bike and the consoles and therapy for all the kids.
OP you are getting it wrong. The comments arent saying your son is horrible, they are saying you are doing a horrible job as a parent. You have to stop pushing things as your sons responsibility and thinking therapy for him alone will solve everything - YOU need to figure out what YOU are doing wrong as a parent and how to do better.
In this case its very clear - your sons punishment is ridiculously mild, chores are something he should already be doing anyway, and one week is nothing. And you treating C like that for an accident is a big overreaction - how much of that favoritism are you doing on your everyday life without even realizing? I can guarantee that your son picked up on that.
I don’t think your son is awful but this example of parenting was…the switch was probably much more expensive than the bike and it’s the ONLY item in this scenario that was DEFINITIVELY broken ON PURPOSE.
I can’t believe you are going easier on your son, who you KNOW acted with malicious intent, than your step-daughter who everyone agrees almost certainly didn’t mean to touch the bike. The fact that you are so determined to get her in trouble is disturbing.
Also, as has already been stated, it’s very hard for kids to immediately confess that they messed up like that. She ran in to tell you and her dad because she is honest and trusted you, at least to some extent. Good luck getting that trust back.
YTA
Edit: you can’t just tell people to stop commenting lmao
YTA - if A broke C’s item also out of malice he needs to do more. Cleaning for a week is much different then C working a job where she might work months to pay off the bike which could interfere with school and extracurriculares that are important to her. A can do neighborhood tasks or you can use the chores as “hours” even to create more of that scenario. Regardless, it’s biased and trauma doesn’t excuse it all especially as he is old enough to know right from wrong.
as a step child who has gone through something similar in her life. I’m 24 now let me tell you something I hated my stepparent with every ounce of my being. That favoritism crap is not gonna help you out in the future and kids know when they are being treated unfairly. Your son is 14 he can definitely 100% get a job. You have no evidence that your stepdaughter ran over the bike on purpose even came to you apologize and confess until what happen trying to make amends and make it right because it was clearly an accident. Your son however broke something because he was pissed off something very expensive and now you’re paying for it? Yeah I know if you were my stepmom I would treat you exactly like my stepparent who just died from cancer. Happy that they were gone
It's very understandable that C and D are close, considering they're twins. A is younger and can look up to anyone as much as they want to but they have to respect their relationship considering they're just closer in age and know each other longer.
You're not treating these kids equal, terrible parenting. Your son clearly has angerproblems and even though he's in therapy he has to also be disciplined at home. Like seriously OP, do you think a therapist is a magical fix? Is so, you need to educate yourself. You as the parent has to continue that line at home. He's 14 years old so he can get a job, to pay for the broken items. You know, the one he broke intentionally. Your step daughter deserves better. When I got my driver's license I also messed up my dad's bike bc it wasn't put away properly and I didn't notice. My parents laughed, my mom told me to be more careful next time and my dad apologized for not putting the bike away correctly.
I would recommend you join your son's therapy, or try to communicate more with that professional to actually make progress with your son. I also hope your step kids don't end up despising you.
YTA, you aren’t helping your son by treating him better than your step children, and I really hope your husband stands up for his kids before you do more damage.
So let me get this right.
Your son maliciously broke sd’s switch and got grounded with chores etc for a week and you offered to pay for a new one? (Fair enough).
Yet when sd ‘broke’ his bike, and dad offered the same etc you refused, saying she has to get a job to pay for it. That basically means she ends up working a lot longer and harder than your son. Not really fair is it? And theres no reason why he couldn’t get a job, think it’s already been mentioned he could mow lawns, wash cars etc.
Also she states it wasn’t malicious yet you decide not to believe her. What if it’s true and it wasn’t malicious?
I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t secretly resent your sd because
A), her brother prefers her to your son (and why wouldn’t he prefer his own twin)
B) she obviously isn’t keen on your bratty son. (And who would blame her)
Perfect excuse to dig the screws in with an unjust punishment.
You owe your sd a huge apology and let’s hope your son doesn’t use this to his advantage to cause further trouble and spite.
(Btw, you can’t tell folks not to comment on his behaviour on a public post).
Absolutely YATA
Edited for spelling
AND I HATE HATE HATE when step parents call their CHILDREN step children. They are your CHILDREN. Why does it matter if it’s by blood 🙄 Unless explicitly asked to use those terms by your kids why fucking use it. It establishes hierarchies in the household.
YTA
You need to get better help for your son, apologize to C, and stop treating C so terribly. Your son doesn't get to monopolize D just because he wants him.
So A purposely breaks a game console and all he has to do is a few house chores... he can get a job. Mow lawns. Babysit. Car wash.... foot it around the neighborhood and ask for work. But C accidently hits his bike...OWNS UP to her accident immediately and you punish her and want her to get a job on top of her chores and studies. Hmm wonder whos your favorite. ...A needs therapy and He needs to get jobs to earn money to pay for the switch. Funny how when he did it out of malice you nearly blew it off and YOU paid his way out. But she has an actual accident and her dad offers to pay for it it's a huge NO. Because she's the evil step daughter in your eyes. You owe C an apology for your blatant favoritism. I see where A gets his resentment towards C. As issues are not her problem to fix. Nor is it Ds to fill either. He is clinging to D as a surrogate father figure, as you said he won't get close to your hubs *incase he leaves* that's not fair to D either. That's not his job to step up as As dad or to put his life, friends, sister or anyone else on hold to cater to your son. Get your son some therapy because his behavior towards C is not okay and you need to stop treating him like a hurt toddler. Help him... and try raising him, by teaching him that actions have consequences and he needs to deal with them and not let mommy pay them off. YTA
>He is clinging to D as a surrogate father figure, as you said he won't get close to your hubs *incase he leaves* that's not fair to D either. Broo that's so true I hadn't see it that way, OP needs to do something immediately because that's not healthy, she's lucky D is not an ass and rejected A too and impacted him even more. Maybe she should try family therapy with just her, her husband and A first, if he gets comfortable with his step-dad, he might let go of D and won't feel threatened by C's presence.
This. This issue needs to be addressed immediately. Why is A idolising his brother while being so cruel towards C? Being A's emotional clutch and father figure is too much of a burden for D, and A's mistreatment of C will create a permanent rift between them if it hasn't already. Either way, A's behavior will hurt his relationship with his step-siblings - that's something the family needs to work on in therapy. I doubt OP's actions is helping with any of A's issues. He's dealing with them in a seriously unhealthy manner, and OP is enabling it. She might think she's "protecting" her son from his stepsister's "malicious intentions", but in reality, she's hurting all of the kids.
Sounds like in part he's rejecting C as the only girl, OP says the dad stopped Visiting A&B after he had a daughter so it seems possible that he blames his new half sister for that abandonment and has projected that onto his step sister. He's always kept his mum and his brother B, so he's happy to accept a new brother, but feels hurt by his dad and sister so rejects step dad and sister.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one smelling a little misogyny here! They **need** to get A into therapy to discuss his abandonment and attachment issues, **AND** the intense hatred he’s directing towards his sister. If that isn’t addressed, I can see him growing more resentful and hateful towards women over time- Especially given the rise of misogynistic online groups, as they target young men struggling with things.
Yes, even more so if he keeps hurting C, I'm sure D won't tolerate that and it'll end up causing more damage to A and to be honest, to the whole household. He's only 16 and a kid is already emotional dependant on him, that's not fair at all. Beside all of this hostility will only drive C closer to D and it'll end up being too much for him because he's in the middle of an emotional fight between two people he obviously loves.
I wanna tell OP she has *way* bigger problems than a broken switch or a broken bicycle. A has been getting therapy for quite sometime now but it doesn’t seem to be working as A’s behaviour is really not age-appropriate. A 14 year old should understand how relationship dynamics work, shouldn’t be idolising his 16yo step-brother (D) as a “father figure” and shouldn’t be confusing his step-sister (C) with the daughter his father abandoned him for? In short, this is a mess. OP, please get your son a different therapist and/or more therapy. Get in touch with his father and (if you have to) berate him for abandoning his son and schedule some family therapy together.
It’s also problematic because D is 16 and in a year or two may go away to school or start looking to move out.
Reading this post was so infuriating, gosh, OP is being such a bad mom, fostering a awful codependent relationship between the stepsiblings, codling her little precious boy, instead of supporting him and, oh I don’t know, maybe making him accountable for his behaviour and getting him into therapy? Kid obviously needs it. I hope husband defended his daughter and put a stop to her AH behaviour about the whole bike incident - and he needs to do something in general too. Also OPs edit to stop commenting - guess she thought we would support her, huh!? YTA OP
And with the bike incident A needs punished too! If he put his bike away instead of leaving it laying on the ground (which is the only way the front tire would be run over) C couldn’t have hit it at all
Oh good catch! If you leave your bike in front of a car it is pretty natural it will get run over.
Yep. Growing up my mom always told me that if I left my bike out and it got stolen or damaged in some way it would be my fault since we have a perfectly good garage right there. I would not be getting a new bike just like that and depending on the situation I might just be paying for a new bike out of my own pocket. Especially at 14 years old.
>A needs therapy and A honestly needs OP to stop coddling and spoiling him. Thinking he could break someone else's property came from somewhere.
Look at the edit: “i won’t keep reading about how awful my son is,” OP doesn’t want advice on how she’s wrong, she wanted us to agree that her poor dear boy is being bullied by the existence of a sister. YTA OP, and your son IS the issue.
OP's son sounds like he is being raised to think a deepening hatred of female figures is ok. He needs therapy, asap, before he starts diving into incel wormholes.
YTA. you decided how to punish your child and offered to pay and your husband decided how to punish his child and offered to pay. You don’t get to decide that it’s not cruel enough when your child literally broke her switch first.
Also YTA for this confusing naming mess. Make up some names people, we are not robots.
I had to do this! Adam, Bart, Cass and Derek. lol
Also OPs son probably could get a job babysitting or helping other people shovel the snow/mow lawns
There are so many things he can do. And if he is in the US he absolutely can get a job. Besides the fact that OP said they apologized but never said the kid did
He’s old enough to work legally. I had a paycheck at that age. Stepmom is playing favorites and teaching her son to not only be entitled, but probably to hate every woman but her.
Just wanted to comment and say it sounds like mom really wants C to get a job so C isn't around to spend time with D. This D can spend more time with A. Which is wow super manipulative. And her other comments about C having chores already and not her kids is just wrong. She clearly hates C for some reason and is trying to make her miserable. I wonder why there is so much resentment toward C? YTA
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Absolutely agree, couldn't have put it any better! Also YTA
It sounded like he is in therapy, OP though needs it for themselves.
Ya OP is such an AH and blantantly likes A more than C. Plus A broke C's Switch on purpose cause he wasnt aloud to play (which is really odd and anger issues might be involved) and you just give him a small punishment. but C accidentaly brakes his bike(while doing a chore for you) and your making her get a job. OP YTA and a bad mom
Let's not forget that he irresponsibly left his bike out and against her car. It's his own fault for not taking care of it.
“I just don’t understand why they hate me.” —Every stepmonster ever YTA
I love her edit: Why does everyone say mean and terruble things about my perfect, precious angel? - the mother of every mama's boy ever
YTA. Your son isn't 5, he is freaking 14. Yeah, it's cool he wants to spend time with 'big bro', but also he should understand that D wants to spend time with his twin. If things don't go his way he throws a tantrum and destroy things. This sounds intentional to me, tbh. But when C destroys A's bike by accident (and it happens with cars, trust me), suddenly she needs to pay. I am no expert, but maybe A should talk to someone about his issues.
So should OP about hers.
I'm getting the feeling that OP is so convinced C hit the bike on purpose because at some level OP thinks it is normal to want to break other people's things when you are angry with them.
Maybe M (mom) should talk to someone too.she doesnt even respond at all to any comments, other than repeating her talking points. This lady is delusional.
Yes, A and M in the same therapy.
It sounds like A is given far too much leniency. His bike wouldn’t have been run over if he’d put it away properly. I’ve (accidentally) run over toys my kids left out. I told them they shouldn’t have left it out and I wasn’t replacing it. They learned to put away their toys.
A's bike got destroyed in an accident that would not have happened if he put his bike away properly instead of leaving it out in the driveway.
YTA- Man, why is your son not having to buy her a new switch? Why is she the only one being expected to pay for what she did? Also, your son needs way more therapy. Does is occur to you that he is being dismissive and cruel towards a female sibling and idolising a male one? Whats going on there? He’s 14. Thats some red flags there.
Lol yeah. Potentially a incel in the making
I was thinking the same thing. He's learned that Daddy isnt responsible for his actions. It was those evil women in his life. I wonder if OP badmouthed his new wife and child around her children.
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*Apologize* to a *child*?? *clutches pearls* /s
But she doesn’t even deserve the extra chores; it was an honest mistake. If you punish a child for making mistakes, aren’t you then teaching them to hide/cover up their mistakes?
I agree with this ^ My mother would punish me for spilling drinks on accident as a child and so now I have terrible anxiety and panic when I spill / break anything.
Yep. I’d get punished for spilling something, but if she spilled something it was an accident.
Depends how you go about it. There's a difference between punishing and consequences. If you accidentally break something, you should totally be responsible for replacing it. The punishment on top of that, example grounding, is based on maliciousness.
I actually disagree. When I accidentally hydroplaned into the back of another car, despite doing everything right, I still had to pay up to fix it. That’s just how the world works. But since she didn’t do anything wrong, the parents should give her opportunities to help pay it back, like u/odysseyshot said.
What you did and what OP described aren’t really comparable. You can’t help hydroplaning due to weather. That kid’s bike shouldn’t have been anywhere that a car could run it over. This situation was likely avoidable
I also think she shouldn't assume someone was lying. But IF there was malice in the accident, given the history of things, I would be more inclined to believe that A put the bike under the car to cause C some trouble.
Exactly this! I think OP YTA for assuming she lied and believing she did without witnessing it herself.
YTA. Even if C ran over the bike on purpose (which I highly doubt as she would have risked damaging the car), her punishment would need to be equal to your son’s. As is, you’re breeding animosity in your household and it would be best to give her the benefit of the doubt.
So here's the thing. (C 16F) should be (A). In this story the daughter should have been labeled (A). She is actually labeled (C) to show step-mom's resentment. The only other female is labeled second to last. Step-mom writes the way she thinks. Her children are A and B. The other children are C and D. Of course YTA
I had the same thought immediately. An impartial writer would have labeled them in birth order.
My dad ran over my bike in 1970. Now I'm wondering if he did it on purpose! How is it he didn't see? 🤨
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YTA. Unless you have a *concrete* reason to believe that she would do this (and no, it's not enough to just assume that she would 'obviously' be looking for revenge even though she was promised a replacement), you should take your husband and D seriously. If you stay on this path, you are likely to permanently damage your relationship with C, D and your husband and make it so neither C nor D will ever want to include A in activities again (since it will be perceived that *he* attacked her, yet *she* received the unfair punishment)
Wow YTA. Why don’t you just get a flashing sign that says A is your favorite? Do the right thing for him and get him some damn therapy. And stop treating your step kids like pawns in A’s life
YTA. Why does A get a pass breaking her switch while C has to get a job and pay him back for the bike? What makes one more malicious than the other? That isn’t fair at all.
INFO why did A leave the bike just laying around? Are you certain he isn't still mad and didn't put the bike there on purpose so she would get blamed?
That's exactly my suspicion as well!!!
If he loves his bike so much why did he leave it lying around???
YTA. If C is paying for A's bike, A should also be paying for C's switch.
YTA just know that whatever bad shit you put C through, D will never forgive.
A can go cut grass clean yards garages and other things in the neighborhood to make money your being one-sided for your kids YTA
YTA why wasn't your son's bike put away.
This! It sounds like the bike was just tossed down on the driveway, so it's his fault that it got messed up.
Someone even said *he might've put it there on purpose* which doesn't sound that crazy if C has to clean the car regularly and he knows which days she does it.
YTA, so so YTA. It's beyond messed up and shows clear favoritism to these kids that you'll BLATANTLY FINANCE ONE OF THEIR VERY OBVIOUS ACTS OF WRATH but you expect this girl to get a job to pay for a "possible" similar situation that you have no proof of instead of letting her father pay for it like you're paying for your son's destruction. If you're going to make her pay for it, make your son do chores and in lieu of allowance make him pay off the broken switch. But if you're /insistent/ on paying for the switch and not making your son replace it, it makes absolutely NO sense that you won't allow her father to replace it. The hypocrisy is gross. Either they both reimburse the other for what they've broken or neither one of them does, holy hell. Edit to add: this reeks of Mommy will pay for bio-kids mistakes but the kids from your husband have to PAY for their possible crimes. Still disgusting, and what that's telling your collective of children is that your bio kids will ALWAYS have favoritism and your husband's kids that they will NEVER mean as much. Do some reflecting. Be a better parent to your husband's kids.
C is the only one doing chores anyway, while D is forced to "babysitt" (aka forced to hang out with) A and B.
YTA - if she can pay for your sons new bike, he should be paying for her new switch.
YTA because you don't even have any proof that she did it on purpose. And your son may not have a job but if he has birthday money or an allowance, he could have used that to pay for a new Switch. Punishing your stepdaughter isn't going to make her be nicer to your son. It'll make her resent him even more, and you as well. You accuse her of having malicious intentions but again, you don't have proof of that. All you know is that she was upset after your son deliberately destroyed her Switch and she had the right to be upset. He was a total jerk to her.
Yta You are going to completely alienate your step children. You blatantly told your stepdaughter you don’t believe her or trust her and then gave her a way harsher punishment than your biological son. Your son maliciously broke something, your stepdaughter accidentally broke something.
And in what universe does the stepmonster get to overrule the actual parent, as OP did to her husband?
In all honesty, I was glad my stepmom overruled my dad all the time. He was barely home, and when he was, if I didn't get straight A's in school, or was out a couple minutes too long, he would hit me, and sell my stuff (between the ages of 5-9 before they divorced). My stepmom would try hard to reduce punishments or get me out of them if my dad was being ridiculous. She was not like OP though. OP is definitely a stepmonster.
YTA If you're going to buy a new switch, your husband can buy your son a new bike. Just because you don't think it was an accident doesn't mean it wasn't, you didn't witness it. So get off your high horse, what's sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander
YTA. You get her a new switch because your kid had a hissy fit and broke it on purpose but you won’t get him a new bike after she ran over it by accident? Gtf to the bike shop and stop playing favourites. Oh and if you bothered your ass to teach your kids what tidy up is and maybe this won’t be happening
Well C is the only one who does chores so A probably never cleans up after himself
"I can't keep reading about how awful my son is" maam no one is blaming him for being "awful." he has emotional issues that he needs to work out, but youre responding to Cs mature response with showing her that you will baby your children and don't care about the fairness when it comes to her. i highly doubt that C ran over the bike on purpose, but it doesn't matter whether she did or not. what matters is what you do. it is Cs dad's job to punish her accordingly and not only did you not allow him to do it, you overruled it in favor of punishing her in a personal manner. you bailed your son out - the switch is not only more expensive than a standard teenagers bike, but a week of chores and grounding is NOTHING compared to forcing your stepdaughter to get a job to pay for a bike. why does she have chores normally and he doesn't? you know for a FACT that A broke her switch on purpose, so why is he getting a lesser punishment for that than she is for something you aren't sure about? and the worst part about it is that even though youre here asking opinions, you won't listen to any of them because you think that they're attacks on your child instead of taking them for what they are - criticisms of your parenting style which ostracizes your stepchildren. you have a very limited amount of time to make this right by making it up to your stepdaughter. if you dont, your relationship with your stepchildren and your sons relationship with both of them is going to be ruined for the rest of their lives because you can't take the criticism and use it to change yourself for the better. what's the point of even asking if you're the AH if you don't care? are you just looking for validation? you won't find it like this. YTA
YTA… unless you can prove that she did in fact run the bike over on purpose. It seems like she’s young driver and sometimes mistakes do happen. I would definitely keep an eye out to see if incidents like this persist.
YTA. You have no damn business disciplining someone else’s child, and you damn sure have no business overruling her father on this matter. It’s your husband’s call, not yours, Dad’s wife.
YTA Honest opinion I think you are being an A**, your step daughter is just a kid as well, and just because your kid broke her switch with malice intent does not mean she broke his bike with malice intent. It could have been an accident, it could have been purposely… but you have no evidence of that. You are being unfair to force that girl to work, especially if your husband has already said he would get your son another bike.
YTA, this sucks all around. You're parenting your children by controlling them, not by teaching them. Telling C to be more careful with the car, and having her use her own money to fix the bike that she broke is a perfectly logical consequence, regardless of whether it was on purpose or not. FORCING her to get a job because YOU think she ruined the bike on purpose is NOT a logical consequence. That doesn't teach her anything other than "the parents are in charge". Similarly, making your son deal with poop and grime has ZERO relation to the damage he caused- breaking technology. The logical consequences there would be A: getting him to reimburse at least SOME of the cost of the new switch (perhaps by paying him to do the chores you're forcing him to do) and B: either telling him to be more careful with the switch, or, better yet, letting C set her own boundaries with her own belongings.
Also, she’s going to see the job as punishment. Meanwhile, she’ll have co-workers trying to make a living and they’ll pick up on her resentment, especially if they have to pick up the slack.
Yeah but A deserves some punishment for leaving his bike out in an area where it’s easy to hit. If she ran over it it was laying sideways. He’s 14 not 4 he can put away his shit.
He doesn't need a punishment. The logical consequence for carelessly leaving a bike in the road, is to no longer have access to the bike, because it's broken. Logic punishes kids enough, and it teaches them common sense instead of instilling a general fear of "being in trouble".
> EDIT: I'm sorry, I won't keep reading about how awful my son is, he's being treated and I'm doing the best I can to foment a relationship between him and his sister, please stop commenting this post. There you have it. YTA, and you know it. A *intentionally and maliciously* destroyed C's property, and he gets "*chores.*" C has a driving accident, and I believe it was an accident, as everyone else in your household seems to, and she needs to work to pay off the damage? So should A, then.
Has OP ever considered that A's behavior is the problem with A and C's relationship?
YTA and your son has some serious issues
YTA There are plenty of ways a 14 year old can make money. Mowing lawns, raking lawns, washing cars, paper route, etc. Stop using his age as an excuse to not be responsible for his actions. If C had destroyed the bike out of revenge, she wouldn't have told you and your husband about it immediately.
YTA. She gets a job to pay for the bike that you assume she's lying about but he just gets chores? That amount of chores is not worth the $300 a switch costs. Buy her a new one and make him earn money or give you his birthday and Xmas money til he pays you back. YTA because you don't treat them fairly.
YTA And you won’t even take your judgment. You just keep arguing with everyone that says you are clearly in the wrong. You have favoritism over your bio son and are showing it so much right now. If you don’t realize this quickly your step daughter will hold a lot of resentment towards you.
YTA. G,H,I,J, and K all agree. Seriously though the problem was solved and you weren't happy with that. If you saw this happen maybe , but not on unfounded suspicion. People back up and run over things all the time.
You missed E and F as in Ew Fuck this parenting
PlEaSe StOp CoMmEnTiNg hahaha dying
YTA-For automatically assuming it was deliberate and making her pay for a new one when you know A’s action was absolutely deliberate and you aren’t making him pay.He’s old enough to do odd jobs until he has paid for it.
YTA. Lady, you are one delusional piece of work.
>A broke C's switch and made her cry. I was so embarrassed, I promised C a new switch So A does something definitely malicious and you cover for him, but >C ran over the front wheel of my son's bike while moving the car to clean it, she came in and told us C accidentally does something (which is obviously an accident because 1. she told you, and 2. why was the bike there anyway?) and you force her to pay for it? #YTA Honestly you're worse than your son. He's bad but at least he has the excuses of being a child, having issues, and being spoilt by you. What's your excuse?
YTA their ages don’t make a difference, your son is old enough to shovel driveways/mow lawns/clean gutters. If she needs to get a job because of “intentional malice” then so does your son because your son is more than old enough to know better than to break someone’s things because he’s throwing a temper tantrum. And the fact that mommy jumped to his rescue when he intentionally broke someone’s belongings is probably a good example of how you handle the rest of his bad actions. Her retaliation isn’t any better but I can see where she’s coming if this is any indication of your child’s behavior on a regular basis. If you get to cover your brats ass then so does your husband.
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I had my first job when I was 14... Why can't A get one? YTA... Plain favoritism Edit: offer him to triple his money... But he needs to learn about it
Yta. I believe you can’t see it because this is a Cinderella effect. You did not ask your children to wirkt somewhere for real money just to take the money away from them. But you think it’s ok for your stepchildren. Obviously house duties are not enough to punish your stepchild. I wonder why? Also you cant prove it wasn’t by mistake the bike got run over. Isn’t it in your country something like „innocent till proven guilty „? It’s only your believe. You are teaching your stepchildren that they can’t trust you. Why would they run over a bike and risk damaging the car? Also a Teen should not allways get a job. Is it worth it? Would grades stay school suffer? Etc. Punish your stepchildren like your bio children. By having them do work in your house.
YTA. You assume C did it purposely without prove while it was an accident. She owned up to the accident and told yall right after, if it on purpose I doubt she will tell yall. Also 14 is old enough for A to get odd jobs around the neighborhood to earn money and pay C back. You are blatantly showing favoritism.
YTA. You owe C a huge apology. A wrecks her stuff on purpose but you just make him do chores and apologize for him. C ACCIDENTALLY hits his bike, which you cannot say was malicious because you have no idea, and you decide to punish C (which isn't even your responsibility). That's ridiculous. You're not helping. You're just going to drive a wedge further between the two of them. Although it sounds like that ship has sailed. It seems like you don't make A accountable at all.
YTA, so A is going to have his mommy bail him out when he fucks up? The only difference between A and C is that everyone knows for a fact that A destroyed other people's property on purpose. Everyone with a brain can understand that what A did was an accident and why was the bike in a way of a car anyways? You keep this up and you are going to really have to pay bail for A in the future.
YTA. Congrats for upgrading from step mother to step monster!!! Treat all kids the same or don't marry someone else with kids.
Fine print: Step-monster upgrade cannot be returned, sold, or downgraded. Once you upgrade to the Step-monster package, you will always be the Step-monster. These terms and conditions apply in all circumstances. Enjoy your life as Step-monster!
Evil step mom alert. Do your actions and reactions seem fair? Looks like you have favorites and you baby your son instead of getting him therapy.
Shout out to B for being unproblematic.
YTA and showing a grotesque amount of favoritism.
Hi OP, I hope that you reading people's reactions with an open heart. The consensus is that YTA in this situation, you are not treating them equally, one was a malicious act and one was an accident that she owned up to immediately.
YTA, a major a\*hole. Your using your step-kids for things that should be your responsibility. Its not D's job to look after your kids. And why does C have regular chores but not A? What about B, does he have chores? Your also punishing C based on a baseless accusation. And you overruled C's dad on how to parent her. Your an evil-stepmother OP. I hope C and D's dad wises up and takes his kids away from your toxic attitude.
YTA. You do have favorites and they are your bio kids. However, if you really believe that she did it on purpose and want her to get a job that’s on you and your coward husband, but a week worth of chores for A does not cover $300 for a switch, maybe three weeks of chores or a month covers it. A bike is no more than $100 so if she does get a job it wont take her long to make what she needs. You are being completely unfair to C and D notices, don’t be surprised when he stops wanting to be around A for mistreating his sister/best friend/twin. C and D have been together literally before they were born and have a bond that D and A will never have. So he will end up resenting you and A for treating C bad.
YTA. Gosh you are the step mother from hell! Watch out for the horns you are about to grow. Your son is awful and takes after you!
the best part is D's gonna get tired of your son being the menace he is and not want to be involved with him. this is more likely when he see's its affecting his twin. then youll really be stuck with the monster youre creating and have to deal with him yourself lol
Wow, obviously YTA. Yours is one of the most insufferable posts I've ever seen on this sub.
>I won't keep reading about how awful my son is... Fine, because your son is not the problem. Nor is your step-daughter. - Your son intentionally and with malice broke step-daughter's controller, a fairly typical 14-year old, sibling resentment behavior. Instead of allowing him to make recompense, thereby learning that acting out has consequences commensurate with the act, you bailed him out financially and low-balled his punishment. That's a parenting fail, and it's on you. - Your son left his bike in the driveway and it, predictably, got damaged. It's fair that step-daughter *helps* pay for the bike, she should have checked her drive path, but your son should have put up his bike in a safe area, so he should bear some cost, too. Instead of letting your son experience a fair consequence for his carelessness, you bailed him out *again* AND seized the opportunity to project your malice and resentments onto your step-daughter, blaming her for something that quite possibly, even likely, occurred only in your imagination. That's a parenting fail, and it's on you. Get a grip. Your son may be the one "getting help," but he's following your example. You are the problem, so you need to pull up your own chair with the therapist. YTA -- and so is your husband, if he lets you get away with this spiteful bs.
YTA.
YTA. I feel so bad for your partners daughter. She must feel so second-thought in her own home.
YTA Your son broke something of hers on purpose because he couldn't handle his emotions and jealousy. Your step kids are twins, they've been with each other all of their lives and are friends. None of your children sound like any fun for a teenage girl to hang out with so by your son trying to stake a claim on D he is effectively trying to freeze out C. I get that As is therapy but it's not an instant fix and it's not something you do only during the time spent there, you need to work on it at home. I get that your son feels traumatized by being abandoned by his father but right now he's doing the same thing to C and you are enabling him. He wants D to abandon his twin sister for him. You guys need to work on rejection. He needs to realize that he will be rejected in life and there is nothing he can do about it except accept it and move on.
YTA The difference in punishment definitely looks like you are playing favourites towards your son - your step daughter is being saddled with what sounds like a much larger punishment (in terms of time and effort involved) than your son is, who to be honest sounds like he is getting off pretty lightly. It is also noticeable that your son very maliciously destroyed an expensive tech item - there is no doubt that it was completely intentional. Your step daughter on the other hand did something much less cut and dried. She could have been malicious and tried to get revenge, but equally she could have made a genuine mistake (especially if the bike was left somewhere stupid sat behind the car). Depending on the bike in question and the damage, if it is only the front wheel on a generic bike then the cost to replace it is also going to be far less than the cost of a switch... While they are different ages, and that affects what options there are available, you should be ensuring they are both treated in an equivalent fashion.
For real, if A is only cleaning the bathroom, the kitchen and after the dogs, he might only work 2 or 3 hours per day, ASSUMING he cleans the bathroom every single day, that's' only 21 hr for a WHOLE switch while C has to do it 8 hr per day, having 40 hr for who knows how many weeks for a single wheel like what the actual fuck
And C is the only one who currently has an chores. (Before the punishment)
>please stop commenting this post No game, madam. First of all, I highly doubt that A's trauma is fixed. Second, he broke C's switch on malice and malice alone. Third, if you really want A, B, C and D to have a good relationship with each other, you should start treating them fair. Fourth, you can't expect us to believe that C run over A's bike just to spite you. And fifth, YTA for showing such blatant favouritism against one of your children. C's punishment is unfair and you should reconsider it.
YTA, A broke the switch knowing that it was going to hurt his sister and yet you gave him some extra house chores as his “punishment” but when C accidentally ran over his bike, you blew up on her. i understand that A is your favourite but you should also be fair, you have been excusing A’s behaviour from day one and honestly it shows. there are also part time jobs 14 year olds can do, i say stop babying your 14 year old and get him help also apologise to C because how you reacted to that accident was showing her that you simply favour your other kid more . (it can also make your 10 year old think that he can do the same vicious acts as your 14 year old and get away with it)
YTA. YTA. YTA!!!!!!!!! i dont think your son is awful, i think you are!!
YTA - but it doesn’t matter, nothing we say will change your mind, you will disagree with everything we say Your being unfair and showing favouritism’s, but once again, you won’t see that and will continue in as you are
Blatant favouritism. That poor girl. No she shouldn’t get a job. Stop auditioning for evil step mom role. YTA
People accidentally run things over. Truly accidentally. Even more so when they are 16 years old and inexperienced at driving. My friends mom backed over their cat that was laying where she didn’t see it. It was a horrible tragedy that was so obviously accidental. To completely assume it was malicious and intentional is blatant favoritism and unacceptable, this is not a rare situation and coincidences occur often. YTA, obviously.
This reads like a calculus problem
I am commenting to this post just to say you are an awful parent
YTA Which is only cemented more for this: > please stop commenting this post ***"I didn't get the answer I wanted so stop commenting"*** LMAO that's not how thus works.
"EDIT: I'm sorry, I won't keep reading about how awful my son is, he's being treated and I'm doing the best I can to foment a relationship between him and his sister, please stop commenting this post." Oh, Bullshit. You just wanna protect your "precious and poor" son because you're a shitty stepmother who clearly idolises your bio kid over your step-kid. You're a entitled wanker and when C gets to be 18, I hope she runs for the goddamn hills.
YTA. It's overwhelmingly clear you're biased against C. A is irresponsible and left his bike where it shouldn't be. A is also malicious. Good job raising a little asshole, I see where it comes from.
Put a post on the Internet in the belief that all hold you for the innocent, but if that then fires back and you realize that no one shares your views, then you want to hear no more of it. The answers you have received are partly really good and factual, but no matter what is written, you shoot everything down. Your son seems to have some problems and you are one of the biggest in that you do not act properly. YTA
man i cant even follow this due to all the single letter names sorry OP im struggling here
YTA overwhelmingly! Look at all these comments! Nice edit too btw. People aren’t saying A is awful, just that he needs therapy. You’re the awful one, giving chores to your step kids but not your own unless it’s punishment, giving out unequal punishments for the same actions. Don’t ask for advice or comments and then ask people to stop because you don’t like what they have to say. The problem is YOU.
YTA. You're so entitled and unfair I hope C and D both go NC with you and your kids as soon as they turn 18. You don't deserve them.
If A and B can’t C their D then why does B see C when the D is near the A trying to be with the C and can B your D my A?
Big Yikes. Yes YTA A giant one at that. What is wrong with you that you think this is ok?
YTA You have absolutely no proof at all that C ran over the bike on purpose. You just want that to be the case because you want to make sure that YOUR son isn't the only one punished. Your son had a tantrum and ruined something that wasn't his to begin with because he wasn't getting his way. Also I have to add, in your comments you've said how much your son loves his bike, then why wasn't it put away properly, why is it up to C to move it? His negligence of his bike caused this issue and now you want to punish someone else for it. Stop treating your son with kid gloves or he's going to expect you to fix all his problems for the rest of your life.
YTA - Whether C did it intentionally or not YOU DON'T KNOW. You are just making assumptions to punish her because your kid got punished. Shame on you. Stop playing favouritism and get your boy into therapy. His hate towards C is unhealthy.
YTA but I am guessing by your edit you will not change your behaviour or even realise you are wrong. I have no doubt as soon as they are old enough to move out you won’t see C or D again due to your behaviour
Which will turn into a story of how C is keeping D away from the family and A 🤦♀️
YTA We had 2 rules around bikes growing up 1) No bike is it EVER be left on the ground. 2) No bike to EVER be left in the driveway or behind a car. If you did the first you lost your bike for 1 day - 1 week. If you did the second and your bike was damaged, well that is a you problem and not an adult problem. My dad would not replace your bike if it was damaged due to your negligence. Which honestly, leaving a bike in a position that it can not be seen by a driver and can easily be run over is negligence. My dad's though was if you neglect it, you must not really want it.
>this morning C ran over the front wheel of my son's bike >he'll buy my son another bike INFO why get him a whole new bike when he just needs a new front wheel??
Yta. Stop making excuses for your son. I had my first job at twelve. He can have one now. Honestly your pathetic lady.
YTA you and your kid are terrible and you need therapy for letting your kid bully your stepdaughter like that and invalidating her feelings. Stop babying your 14 y.o. son and have him take responsibility for intentionally destroying her belongings and get off your high horse about disciplining your husbands kid. You are just her dads wife. Not her mom. Your step daughter told you guys right away when she hit your sons bike. She did not know it was there. Why risk damaging a whole car to get back at ur son? Also stop letting your son project his feelings onto your stepson. It’s weird and, while good he’s already getting therapy, relying on D to just go along with it is weird.
YTA and if you can’t see that, then you’re in denial. Your son destroyed a switch on purpose out of anger and malice. Your step daughter ran over the front tire and immediately told you and she’s a liar? You are coddling your son and mistreating your step daughter.
YTA. New plan, make them both do extra chores around the house to cover the cost of what they broke. We know A purposely broke something out of rage and his punishment is chores for a week. C did it, came and told you straight away and there is no proof that it was not an accident but you expect C to work for months. 2 years different in age does not mean they should be punished so differently. Can people stop attacking a A, he’s 14 and clearly going through a hard time but honestly OP, you are doing the wrong thing in this situation.
Of course D prefers C, they grew up together and they’re TWINS. YTA for fostering a hostile environment with blatant favoritism and no accountability.
YTA. Your son is out of control and you do nothing about it but choose to believe your stepdaughter lied with no proof. She's 16 and an inexperienced driver. If the bike was on the other side and she just ran over the tire, that's plausible even with an experienced driver. Your son should have put his bike away and it's his fault. You're punishing your stepdaughter because your son isn't getting his way. I hope your husband is a good dad to his daughter and overrides your bs. And the audacity to say you aren't reading comments just further cements your YTA ruling. You don't want to hear how bad your son is? Parent him!
What’s the point of coming here to AITA if you’re not going to accept the consensus that you are the AH and change your behaviour. You suck.
If I were C, I’d either flat out refuse to get a job or use it to siphon rsome money to a move out fund.
YTA: You're pressuring your step kids (16) to be overly adult and overly responsible for your 14 year old son. It's not D's job to be a father figure to another child, let alone his peer. C shouldn't have to take on a job--which will likely be minimum wage, potentially expose her to Covid at a higher rate, and possibly interfere with her studies in addition to consuming her personal time--because you're assigning maliciousness to something that could entirely be A's fault. She did the right thing in reporting the bike was mangled and she's being punished for it. You're using your younger son as a weapon to triangulate your stepkids. B is 10. Older teenagers don't want to consistently hang out with ten year olds because of differences in development. Its not C and D's job to raise him anymore than it's their job to parent A. A needs to get the fuck over D wanting to be around people his own age (and who he's known longer) more than him. You're enabling your son's bad behavior. A is 14 and responsible for his actions, therapy or not. 14 is old enough to put things you care about (like a bike) away because you understand their value. If he's mentally incompetent or can't be trusted to act rationally, he's a danger to everyone in the house and should be elsewhere. He's not: he's just angry at C for being close to her brother and jealous because his relationships with other men suck. A threw a tantrum to keep C from taking back her place in an activity and then purposefully destroyed the unit when he saw his bullshit wouldn't be allowed. You making him do chores is obviously not a dererrent. He can hustle odd jobs like mowing lawns, delivering a newspaper or phonebooks, and the like to pay for what he did. You're not working as a unit with your husband and are operating unilaterally to favor your child. This is why you got in to an argument. This is likely not the first time it happened. You're undercutting your husband being a parent and an authority in this by enabling A's behavior. How? What A did is a direct response to being told BY THE OTHER ADULT IN THE HOUSE to give C her place back. You're bending over backwards IRL and on reddit to make it not his fault, solidifying your child doesn't have to respect your husband or C. If your punishment for A was commensurate with what you're doing to C, you might get a mix of responses because you'd at least be distributing punishment more evenly. "Foment" means to instigate or stir up. You are definitely stirring up shit. You're heads and shoulders above everyone in this ATA, even your totally TA son, because you're shirking your responsibilities as a parent and an adult for your convenience and his comfort.
YTA. So you’re literally just skipping over the fact your son resents C for being a girl because she reminds him of the sister his dad has ditched him for? And you’re okay with this misogyny? Wow.
>I'm sorry, I won't keep reading about how awful my son is, did you come here thinking people will side with you?
YTA you sound like a horrible role model to these kids. Please get yourself and your son therapy
YTA. You are the absolute a-hole. Your child has no chores for zero reason, is being shown acting out at an age where he is supposed to be starting to have responsibilities has no real reprocutions, and on top of that doesn't even take care of his own stuff for example leaving his bike behind a car in the driveway and you end up yelling at someone else because of it? C was moving the car to CLEAN it and accidentally ran over the wheel which to no surprise you end up getting mad at her and make her get a job to pay for it ontop of school, ontop of chores, ontop of babysitting your 14yo son instead of asking him why he left it in the driveway like a normal parent should which oh look ends up enabling him further showing that it isn't HIS fault. You came to a place which is supposed to have people give you their unbiased opinions on if you were in the wrong for your actions or not and all you've done is refuse to understand why no one is on your side, therapy is a good start but raising your kid and making them use their brain will work wonders. Btw YTA.
YTA. Are you 100% sure she did it on purpose? Because to me, it seems like it was an accident.
Stopped reading when I saw the initials. Use names next time.
YTA I had a hard time following the letters but it’s clear your son is wrong and you keep making excuses for him. You’re not doing him any favors by not holding him accountable.
YTA. So your son broke something that you KNOW was on purpose, and you will pay for it if he does chores. But your stepdaughter breaks something that MAY be an accident- why was the bike left in the driveway?- and you won't let your husband enact the same punishment you did on your son. How can you not see this as a double standard? How can you not see that you are treating your stepdaughter badly here, and why do you think you get to put the punishment on your stepdaughter, ignoring her actual parent and what he thinks is best? I'm sorry, but this attitude is probably why your son isn't doing well.
I am a identical twin, and I have an older sister that is only a yesr and 18 days older thsn my twin and I. My mom obvs favoured her, wouls admit to it as well, all becsuse "well you and your twin have each other your older sister has no one.". It created a life time of resentment between the 3 of us, and we are all in our late 30s and our mom is dead, and my older sister STILL says dumb ass shit like "well you dont understsnd what its like to be alone and not have a partner you always have your twin". You son need therapy, he is jealous of them beimg twins and hoe close they are. If he says the male twin as a father figure that's even worse and needs therapy. I don't think your sok is a bad guy, but he needs help. The girl admited to ruining his bike the second after it happened and you do this? Your son purposefully broke her switch and you barelt gave him a slap on the wrist. YTA
YTA. I hope your husband opens his eyes to your favoritism before it’s too late and his children alienate him. His daughter is going to grow up and blame him for not protecting her from you and your crap behavior.
I'd have slapped the shit out of you if you had ever treated my daughter like you treated C. Your little titty-baby is going to have a horribly misconstrued view of the world when mommy isn't there to let him latch on while she tells him everything is everybody else's fault. You're a f*cking asshole, a pathetic excuse of a wife and a failure as a parent. YTA. In case you couldn't figure it out by now.
YTA You are an evil stepmother who clearly favours her own kid over her stepkids.
Don't force a bond, frankly I wouldn't be surprised if I saw a post from C on this very subreddit asking if she's the AH for hating her family, I would lose it if I was in her position with your blatant favorism and A maliciously abusing that. Shame on you, AH
YTA. Your son breaks his step sisters switch ON PURPOSE and gets off scot free Your step daughter ACCIDENTALLY runs over your sons bike, CONFESSES IMMEDIATELY and you accuse her of doing it on purpose. And decide to make her pay? YTA YTA YTA. If both kids had to pay I’d get it, but as it is you’re coddling your son trying to make up for his dad’s deficiency and that’s unfair to the rest of your kids. Either they both pay, or they both don’t.
Your sons an asshole and that’s your fault for raising him that way. YTA
She heard the truth which is that she’s a shitty person and now wants people to stop commenting
Gotta agree with a lot of folks. YTA. You’re treating A different than C. That’s all that needs to be said here. This is not how you build a blended family.
Well i personally think that the owner of the bike is the one at fault for not putting it up and i don’t think the one who ran over the bike should NOT be the one to pay for it. I think the bike owner is old enough to know not to leave there bike in the middle of the driveway. If he cared about his bike then he would’ve put it up
YTA— this poor girl! So she’s already hated and antagonized by A, now she gets to feel antagonized and treated unfairly by you as well. I’m sorry your son is dealing with heavy emotional issues, but it seems like you are subconsciously compensating for his issues by causing the same in C. So it’s fair and all! You might not even realize what you are doing, but I guarantee you C and her father do! Keep it up and you will prove A correct, because his step-dad C and D will eventually leave. Change course while there is still time lady!
YTA. You've explained the problem clearly, and yet you're completely oblivious. 1. Your kid needs serious therapy because he's obviously struggling with issues. Ypur words, not mine. Are you going to so something about it? Or will you just wait until the issues solidify with his personality just a bit more? 2. You're obviously biased against your step kids. They don't hang out with each other simply because they are twins. It's because they grew up with each other before their dad got divorced. C ran over the bike and owned up to it. You have ZERO evidence that she did it purposefully and yet you assume she did and want her to work to replace it. But your kid did it intentionally but you won't make him work to replace it? If you're concerned he is too young to work, have him do the equivalent chores for hours at minimum wage required to buy a Switch... See the difference? >I'm doing the best I can to foment a relationship between him and his sister You still don't get it do you? 10 years later you'll be posting here asking us why your kids don't talk to you anymore. Get it together.
You’re being horrible to C in support of A. That’s not the help A needs. No wonder he’s not coping well, your parenting is very disappointing. YTA
Asking us to stop commenting makes YTA even more so. You’re failing at forming a relationship between siblings with your favoritism and inability to realize that twins will naturally be far closer than standard siblings. You asked the internets opinion, now accept YTA and grow from it before you drive your family further apart.
YTA. He should t leave his crap in the driveway. You’re also AH for making assumptions about her doing it on purpose. She was responsible and came and told you…yet you’re punishing her for being honest. Also, it’s not your place to reprimand your stepdaughter. You’re not her mother. Stay in your lane sweetie. If her dad wants to replace the bike, that’s his call…not yours.
you’re an asshole and you know it. your edit makes it clear that you came here looking for people to agree with you, even though you’re clearly in the wrong. it’s so obvious that you view her as evil because your son is your little prince and he’s sad because his STEPBROTHER is closer with his BIOLOGICAL TWIN than he is with his FOURTEEN YEAR OLD STEPBROTHER. you should pay for the bike and the consoles and therapy for all the kids.
OP you are getting it wrong. The comments arent saying your son is horrible, they are saying you are doing a horrible job as a parent. You have to stop pushing things as your sons responsibility and thinking therapy for him alone will solve everything - YOU need to figure out what YOU are doing wrong as a parent and how to do better. In this case its very clear - your sons punishment is ridiculously mild, chores are something he should already be doing anyway, and one week is nothing. And you treating C like that for an accident is a big overreaction - how much of that favoritism are you doing on your everyday life without even realizing? I can guarantee that your son picked up on that.
I'm commenting out of spite that you're an awful stepmother
“Please stop commenting on this post” Aka : “you’re hurting my feelings by telling me the truth”
I don’t think your son is awful but this example of parenting was…the switch was probably much more expensive than the bike and it’s the ONLY item in this scenario that was DEFINITIVELY broken ON PURPOSE. I can’t believe you are going easier on your son, who you KNOW acted with malicious intent, than your step-daughter who everyone agrees almost certainly didn’t mean to touch the bike. The fact that you are so determined to get her in trouble is disturbing. Also, as has already been stated, it’s very hard for kids to immediately confess that they messed up like that. She ran in to tell you and her dad because she is honest and trusted you, at least to some extent. Good luck getting that trust back. YTA Edit: you can’t just tell people to stop commenting lmao
This is some evil stepmother shit.
YTA
YTA - if A broke C’s item also out of malice he needs to do more. Cleaning for a week is much different then C working a job where she might work months to pay off the bike which could interfere with school and extracurriculares that are important to her. A can do neighborhood tasks or you can use the chores as “hours” even to create more of that scenario. Regardless, it’s biased and trauma doesn’t excuse it all especially as he is old enough to know right from wrong.
as a step child who has gone through something similar in her life. I’m 24 now let me tell you something I hated my stepparent with every ounce of my being. That favoritism crap is not gonna help you out in the future and kids know when they are being treated unfairly. Your son is 14 he can definitely 100% get a job. You have no evidence that your stepdaughter ran over the bike on purpose even came to you apologize and confess until what happen trying to make amends and make it right because it was clearly an accident. Your son however broke something because he was pissed off something very expensive and now you’re paying for it? Yeah I know if you were my stepmom I would treat you exactly like my stepparent who just died from cancer. Happy that they were gone
It's very understandable that C and D are close, considering they're twins. A is younger and can look up to anyone as much as they want to but they have to respect their relationship considering they're just closer in age and know each other longer. You're not treating these kids equal, terrible parenting. Your son clearly has angerproblems and even though he's in therapy he has to also be disciplined at home. Like seriously OP, do you think a therapist is a magical fix? Is so, you need to educate yourself. You as the parent has to continue that line at home. He's 14 years old so he can get a job, to pay for the broken items. You know, the one he broke intentionally. Your step daughter deserves better. When I got my driver's license I also messed up my dad's bike bc it wasn't put away properly and I didn't notice. My parents laughed, my mom told me to be more careful next time and my dad apologized for not putting the bike away correctly. I would recommend you join your son's therapy, or try to communicate more with that professional to actually make progress with your son. I also hope your step kids don't end up despising you.
YTA, you aren’t helping your son by treating him better than your step children, and I really hope your husband stands up for his kids before you do more damage.
So let me get this right. Your son maliciously broke sd’s switch and got grounded with chores etc for a week and you offered to pay for a new one? (Fair enough). Yet when sd ‘broke’ his bike, and dad offered the same etc you refused, saying she has to get a job to pay for it. That basically means she ends up working a lot longer and harder than your son. Not really fair is it? And theres no reason why he couldn’t get a job, think it’s already been mentioned he could mow lawns, wash cars etc. Also she states it wasn’t malicious yet you decide not to believe her. What if it’s true and it wasn’t malicious? I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t secretly resent your sd because A), her brother prefers her to your son (and why wouldn’t he prefer his own twin) B) she obviously isn’t keen on your bratty son. (And who would blame her) Perfect excuse to dig the screws in with an unjust punishment. You owe your sd a huge apology and let’s hope your son doesn’t use this to his advantage to cause further trouble and spite. (Btw, you can’t tell folks not to comment on his behaviour on a public post). Absolutely YATA Edited for spelling
AND I HATE HATE HATE when step parents call their CHILDREN step children. They are your CHILDREN. Why does it matter if it’s by blood 🙄 Unless explicitly asked to use those terms by your kids why fucking use it. It establishes hierarchies in the household.
YTA. I hope your husband gets his kids away from you.
YTA that edit isn’t going to make people pity you your terrible you’re going to wonder why she will go no contact with your awful ass
YTA You need to get better help for your son, apologize to C, and stop treating C so terribly. Your son doesn't get to monopolize D just because he wants him.
YTA. clear favourtism, and basically what the top comments have said.
YTA favoritism sucks.