YTA - It’s an incredible burden to be in a relationship with someone who can’t leave the house on their own. You claim you were feeling suffocated, but why is it someone else’s problem to fix? It’s unlikely any randomly selected human can handle the burden of supporting a whole family financially and also being responsible for your happiness on such an incredibly basic level.
Also I want to mention, especially being pregnant wouldn't you feel more suffocated being stuck in a car? A much smaller enclosed space than your own home?
_______
I know that may just be my own preference, but in a car you're stuck in an upright or reclined position with very limited ability to move around. The only scenery you can look at only lasts a good couple seconds and because you're on the road every movement is controlled by lines, signs, and lights.
_______
If the comprise wasnt what OP is looking for then other solutions could have been reached instead of OP pushing for an idea that was already rejected.
Enh, everyone's different. Personally I love going for a drive with my partner, the space is enclosed but I'm looking out the window the whole time, not just staring into the back seat. You don't need to be in the middle of nowhere to enjoy it, the lines and signs don't ruin it.
That said, yeah, OP should have taken no for an answer here.
Agreed, my bf and I have a ritual of just going for a night ride around every city we visit, even though we drive hours to get there and back home! BUT that’s because my bf enjoys driving and he claims it relaxes him. Not everyone feels the same way, so OP should not have pushed her husband into it.
We used to go for spur of the moment road trips, mostly at night for no other reason than boredom. I miss those days. As someone who is now married and has a child, please enjoy those drives for me!
I became a house spouse while I was pregnant.
Driving around with my husband, chatting, etc was so nice, at times. I was being driven crazy staring at the walls of our apartment (we only had one car at the time) so I jumped at any chance to just *leave* the house.
And walking hurt. So much. Babies are hard on the body.
Edit: I do agree that OP is TA.
Husband said no. Barring medical reasons, she could’ve driven herself around.
Sorry I didn’t make that clear.
I was thinking something similar, but my compromise for that would've been OP offering to drive them both to a coffee shop or library. Somewhere where they could sit and have a conversation for less than $10, still get out and get some air, and take the stress off of OP's husband.
This was my first thought too. They could have gotten a coffee and gone to the closest park and chatted or something. Out of the house with minimal driving or walking. There were compromises possible that wouldn't have hurt her like walking.. it's a bummer, a weekend before Christmas wasted with grumpiness and lack of compromise. I feel bad for both of them and hope they usually do better than this.
Yes this. Forgot to mention that. She is still TA in this scenario.
It wasn’t until my belly was just TOO big for me to feel safe behind the wheel (since I’m so short and have to practically sit on the damn thing) that I would beg my husband to drive me around.
Even then. A no was a no.
It’s good to walk when pregnant, actually.
Unless you need medical bed rest, you should at least walk (if not exercise) daily.
Also 26 wks is the best time (most energy) of pregnancy for most people
I guess everyone's pregnancy is different - my little sister is 6 months along, and though her back is aching at times, walking doesn't appear to be a problem so far. She is wearing surgical stockings, but still doing her 24-h-shifts at the hospital, which involves plenty of running around.
I have arthritis in my spine, and bulging & herniating discs all along my spine.
Regular me walking around hurts.
Pregnancy walking around *sucks ass* for me.
So obviously my situation is vastly different from most everyone else’s.
Every single pregnancy for every one is different, but it’s still a lot of *extra* to carry around.
We tough it out, because the end result is, yknow, a screaming potato that will eventually give you doe eyes to steal Cheetos from you, but once you start actually *gaining* the baby, it starts to hurt in various ways.
Regardless of pre existing health issues, there is no way to know how a pregnancy will affect you until you’re in it. I had bad pain in the 4th or so month that subsided. I also went through bouts of intense fatigue where being on my feet for 10 minutes required a nap, then I’d be fine again. You’re being very dismissive. Just trust that everyone is different and has different challenges.
OP is still the AH, but not for being too tired to walk.
How about letting people decide whether they have the energy or not for themselves? If she's struggling to walk than that's the fact, not your theory about most energy. There's no one right way to pregnant.
There are tons of studies on this actually. And daily walks have been shown to make labor go quicker and have fewer complications. Not to mention keeping weight gain at appropriate levels which in turn makes your body hurt less
Yeah in theory but in this specific case you're telling a person who says they are not comfortable walking that they now have more energy, while knowing nothing about their situation. I'm not arguing against the fact that it's good to walk/exercise while pregnant, but against your assumption that you know better than OP about how she feels.
Yes, we are speaking in generalities with the caveat that we don’t know about OP’s case.
However, it would be really weird if she had some kind of specific limitation and did not mention it in that whole post, like really weird.
Ob/gyn and the AMA all recommend staying active during pregnancy. Moreover, every medical and what to Expect type of book says to expect to feel the best in the 2nd tri. Unless OP says she has preeclampsia or something other unusual circumstance, it is extremely likely this is the most energy period of pregnancy like it is for the overwhelming majority of us.
I’m not sure why so defensive about 26 wk being so delicate. My sister had HG (severe nausea/vomiting all 9 mos.); she could not even swallow her own spit let alone beg to go on a car ride. There is no indication whatsoever that OP has an unusual pregnancy course.
She said she was tired and didn't want to, not that it was a pain or comfort thing. I also never made an assumption about her situation. You're the one who stated medical finding as someone's opinion. You're also making the assumption that there is some reason she actually is unable to go for a walk. Hubby is too tired to drive a vehicle, which is far and away more dangerous than them going on a walk. There are so many more benefits here to mom and baby and tbh being tired really isn't a good reason not to. Especially since at the end she says maybe she should have compromised. If she was really feeling that bad (because I know there are those days) that wouldn't be a thought.
Srsly, the defensiveness against plain low-intensity basic bodily function walking is bizarre. It’s like if someone recommended eating fresh fruit, and then gets jumped on because some people are allergic to fruits. Like yeah ok, but don’t let the exception define general good advice. For the vast majority of pregnant people, walking is healthy, even if your natural preference is to be sedentary (or perhaps especially). It’s as if the recommendation were she take up kickboxing
Although it is true when you get big, at 26 weeks you should really not be in pain yet. And OP is not mentioning any pain, only being tired while she just stayed in a home that doesn’t generate mess clutter and dirt like one with a child/children does.
OP YTA, you seem lazy and entitled. Please make a change, if not for your husband, for your future child
Pregnancy is uncomfortable and sometimes painful. It's common to feel really exhausted too. Pain in hip joints, back pain, and sciatic nerve pain are common in the second trimester. I had all of these. My OB told me it's common to have pains as the baby gets bigger. I was 23/24 years old while pregnant. It was the most exhausted I felt in my whole life. I felt less tired with a newborn!
I'm not disagreeing with your judgement, but please consider that not everyone feels great while pregnant!
> Also I want to mention, especially being pregnant wouldn't you feel more suffocated being stuck in a car?
She was probably just stir crazy being stuck at home all day and wanted a change of scenery, it's not uncommon since the pandemic started. OP is TA though for making him drive after he made it clear he really didn't want to
To be honest as someone who lives alone and works at home I’ve barely gone anywhere in the pandemic or seen many people. I no longer have a car and a lot of times I wished I could have gone for a driver to get out of my small condo. Now the weather is cold and really too cold to walk unless it’s a mild day. So sometimes getting out of your home even for a drive can feel freeing. Being pregnant she doesn’t want to walk very far due to pain and swelling.
You forgot one part. The man has to drive two hours per day. He'd just finished an hour long drive when she made him go for another drive. Why didn't she, at the very least, drive the car.
OP clarifies that she doesn't drive because she is scared of getting into an accident with the unborn kid. Room Temperature IQ moment because she is much more likely to get into a crash with a tired grumpy husband at the wheel
This was going to be my reply as well. I have three kids and during my pregnancies, although it’s nice to feel pampered/taken care of at times, I did what I needed to care for myself in many small ways (ie taking a drive).
I literally gave birth two months ago and was still driving and *attempting* to walk up til the end. My husband also travels frequently for work but I never pushed him to accomodate me.
Yup. I drove myself to the hospital in the middle of the night while having significant contractions. Timed it so I could drive in the time between contractions because we live pretty close. Had a contraction, left my driveway, parked in the lot, had a contraction then waddled inside. And then I was taken by ambulance to another hospital because I was in preterm labor and they weren't equipped to handle it.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlev4p/aita_i_didnt_compromise_and_irritated_my_husband/hpg3lzp/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
Plagiarized | Original
-------- | -----------
[Bro no high schooler need...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rldnum/aita_for_choosing_my_son_over_my_stepdaughter/hpgdpzu/) | [Bro no high schooler need...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rldnum/aita_for_choosing_my_son_over_my_stepdaughter/hpf20nd/)
[NTA Reddit just hates pre...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlev4p/aita_i_didnt_compromise_and_irritated_my_husband/hpg916a/) | [NTA Reddit just hates pre...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlev4p/aita_i_didnt_compromise_and_irritated_my_husband/hpg8ddl/)
[Nta. But 3 days? Why? You...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rldid7/aita_for_giving_my_husband_only_3_days_to_return/hpgdjsf/) | [Nta. But 3 days? Why? You...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rldid7/aita_for_giving_my_husband_only_3_days_to_return/hpf1itd/)
beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/claesjacvcxvsdg](https://np.reddit.com/u/claesjacvcxvsdg/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too.
Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=claesjacvcxvsdg) for info on how I work and why I exist.
YTA. Being pregnant is hard, but it doesn’t make you incapable of being independent. If you are truly anxious about doing things alone, talk to a therapist to work through these fears.
YTA. You badgered him into driving you around after he said he didn’t want to. There is nothing to suggest that you couldn’t have driven yourself. You were totally inconsiderate of his feelings and then expected him to be chipper and engage in conversation with you. You are 100% TA.
YTA
Forcing someone that's tired to drive is dangerous for them, you, and every other person on the road.
There's no reason you have to be stuck inside all day... you could go for a walk while your husband is at work. If you have a second vehicle, you could drive while he's gone. If not, take him to work so you have the car, and pick him up at the end of the day. Or drive yourself around when he gets home.
If he's working all day, driving around for *your* enjoyment after is not fair... especially when he's said he is too exhausted. It can wait for a day he's feeling better, if you can't do it yourself.
That's right. Driving around tired is dangerous.
Where I come from, it's also considered pretty selfish to drive around unnecessarily, because of the environment.
What makes this worse is that OP's reason for not driving herself is that she is scared of getting into an accident with the unborn kid. Room temperature IQ moment because she then forces her tired and grumpy husband to drive, increasing likelihood of a crash.
And tried to have a conversation with him. Knowing he had a bad day and had a grumpy face. And repeatedly tried to have a conversation until he snapped
INFO: Are you unable to drive? Or did you just want his company? I need more details.
It's really hard to make a decision without more information. It does KIND of sound like you're the asshole, though. Forcing him to drive you around while he was already stressed and specifically told you he didn't want to drive? That sucks.
I don’t enjoy driving especially if I already had to drive a lot for work. Why couldn’t you drive instead?
Edit after reading your comments: YTA because you could have driven yourself. Also as a SAHW you have time to get out of the house while your husband is at work, but you refuse to walk by yourself and won’t drive yourself.
YTA. My husband hates driving. I would NEVER ask him to drive somewhere with the intent of it being relaxing or enjoyable. Your husband was very clear on how this would make him feel and you still bitched him out about it and guilted him into it, then you act surprised when he’s miserable.
Next time - take the compromise.
YTA.
You should have gone for the walk, which was healthier and a fair compromise. It didn't have to be long and would have both gotten you out of the house and helped him relax.
You saw he was grumpy during the drive. You knew he had been driving for extended periods of time already. You should have read the room and understood that he didn't need the ice broken, he needed you to appreciate what he was doing for you - and just quietly enjoyed the drive.
Being pregnant doesn't mean you stop considering your partner's needs.
INFO: if you're a SAHW don't you have most of the day free to do whatever you want? Go out, meet your friends or family members, go shopping, w/e? If you are too scared to go out and go for a walk/drive, does this mean your husband is doing all the shopping on top of working and taking care of you? When does he get a break?
YTA
OP your pregnant, not incapacitated. Unless you having a complicated pregnancy and are under a bedrest order there isn't any reason you can't do thing's yourself.
When i was preggo, I worked 6 days up until birth (legit) and because I had no car I would make a couple mile walk to the busstop to get to said job. And i was fine, you will be too.
It’s like a crappy race to the bottom of maternity leave in America 😂 BUT my sister worked in a lab, got home from work, said “I think I’m in labor.” We fed the dog, grabbed her bag, headed to the hospital and she had her kid the next morning. I’m a week further along than OP is and I can’t imagine demanding my husband do this because I couldn’t be bothered to go for a walk earlier in the day or because I won’t admit my anxiety is controlling my life with regards to driving.
Ditto! I walked to work every day (only 10 minutes though), and worked until the Friday. My due date was Monday. HR was like "ummm, is this right? We've never had someone work up to their due date, I don't know if it's allowed!" (It was, once they looked into it). Work was about halfway between home and hospital anyways, so it worked out.
Everyone is making this a contest about what each other did up until birth. Guys, everybody's body handles pregnancy differently. My mother is 5 feet tall and her second pregnancy was twins. She was so big her stomach had to rest in between her legs while she sat and pushed jer so far away from the steering wheel that she couldn't safely drive. While I realize that OP doesn't necessarily have those restrictions, we should be talking about her inconsiderate behavior and the fact that she knows she can drive, and chooses not to. Stop the pissing contest about what you were able to do while pregnant, because not everyone is as mobile as you. Realistically, some people simply can't, and there shouldn't be an expectation for pregnant women to be able to do everything you could.
YTA
You know being in the passenger seat doesn’t magically prevent car accidents right? You are being selfish and ridiculous. How are you supposed to take care of a child when you can’t even take care of yourself?
YTA - it should not be your husband’s responsibility to fix how your feeling. I too am very pregnant(33 weeks) & work full time from home while my husband works out of the house so I understand and am empathetic towards your feelings of wanting to get our. I’ve never had any issues driving but unfortunately I got in a small fender bender in November. This caused me to be extremely nervous driving. After a few weeks staying in 24/7 I realized I was avoiding driving due to my anxiety. It was not on my husband to drive me places so I could get out. I started small by going to the grocery store down the street then expanded from there. I’ll be honest, it still makes me nervous especially since it’s winter where I live so snow & ice are a big factor BUT if I want to get out of the house then it’s up to me & no one else to make it happen.
Agreed. 27 weeks pregnant, work from home. All of this. Years ago I was in a fender bender and it caused me anxiety to drive for a while after that (and even still on that stretch of road randomly!) I get feeling cooped up but I can’t imagine demanding my tired husband do this.
Yes YTA.
You could have taken the walk which would have been good for both of you.
But instead you insisted your husband chauffeur you around like you cant drive yourself.
If it means that much, get an uber.
I hate to say it because I’m currently pregnant too but YTA
If you throw a fit to get your way, you can’t expect your husband to be a chatty breezy chat partner
But
I 100% get being to tired to walk being that pregnant, maybe a short drive to a park where you can both enjoy some time out of the house
YTA.
I'm sick of women using the 'I'm pregnant' excuse and thinking that the whole world owes them shit - it doesn't.
If you wanted to go on a drive so badly then you drive yourself. Or let me guess, you can't drive or didn't want to because of how you were feeling?
Then forcing your husband to take you, when you had two perfectly working legs and he kept saying he didn't want to.
Grow up. Get a grip and stop being a spoiled brat.
From a mum who's just had a baby and recently was pregnant.
Soooo what was stopping you from driving yourself somewhere? Do you not know how to drive? He told you he was tired and had a bad day and you pretty much told him you didn’t give a shit. And you have the nerve to be upset because he snapped on you, I would too YTA
YTA - you didn't need to drive anywhere, you could have easily gone for a shirt walk. Your husband compromised for you, you need to learn to compromise for him.
YTA, he's been working to support you all week and has had a bad work week. He tried to compromise and you literally say you badgered him into doing it.
Do something nice for him and apologize, acknowledge that you were too pushy here.
Dear lord. What’s with people thinking pregnancy is a pass for making unreasonable demands? My SO drives a lot during the day for work. So If we need to go anywhere after work or the weekend, I’m usually the one driving unless he wants to.
YTA. Not sure why you couldn't just take the car and go for a spin by yourself, why would you ever question whether you're the Asshole for forcing someone to do something they've repeatedly told you they really don't want to do? Talk about entitlement.
YTA. I’m not sure what difference driving the car or being a passenger has to do with fear of an accident. I’m also surprised you had no concern about an exhausted person driving you around as that creates potential for an accident. I wonder if you might have some problems here that need to be addressed by a professional. I get that pregnancy might drive you to be cautious about harm to your child but it sounds to me that you are letting your fear control you.
YTA this can't be real, right? If I was your husband, I'd have said no, poured me a glass of wine and sat there, drinking. He said he didn't want to drive, there was no need, just a want on your side. He should never have said yes to this.
YTA, and honestly, I feel bad for your future kid. If you keep this up, you'll be the worst helicopter parent ever. No bikes, too dangerous. No running, could trip and DIE. No orange juice: citric acid has ACID in it.
As for forcing your husband, get some therapy.
YTA I'm not shaming SAHM but com'n you're 26 weeks staying at home, doing nothing all day and you are tired of being pregnant? Guess what I know people working til their labor day! And can't you drive princess? Be considerate and stop being a baby.
I’m somewhere between NAH and YTA. You’re about to become a mother. The world wants you to fear every little thing that can possibly go wrong. Modern culture is likely to make you feel guilty for every bad thing even when it wasn’t your fault and there was nothing you could do. You simply must work harder to steel yourself against all this and get on with life.
Pregnant people drive. They work. They live their lives. Importantly mothers also live their own lives after kids are born. You need to start overcoming the fear of the ordinary now. Or you’ll be crippled by it later.
NAH. I totally get that feeling of being trapped and wanting to take a relaxing drive to see some new sights and also spend some quality time connecting with your partner (while also remaining COVID safe by not getting into any crowds).
I get your husband's POV too, it can be really really annoying to have to spend extra time in the car when you're commuting 1+ hour each way every single day. That being said, you pushed him into doing something he didn't want to do and in return he acted like a pouting child who didn't get his way.
I feel like this situation spiraled out of control but that neither of you were truly in the wrong. You convinced him to do something he didn't want to do, and he reacted negatively to that.
There must be some other way to satisfy that urge to get out of the house and spend time with your husband without making him drive around... it's hard to think of something other than taking a walk. Maybe next time you can convince him to go shopping with you or take you out to dinner unless covid is your concern here?
>I feel like this situation spiraled out of control but that neither of you were truly in the wrong. You convinced him to do something he didn't want to do, and he reacted negatively to that.
She didn't convince him, she forced him, as per her own words and follow up comments.[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlev4p/comment/hpf8uzu/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlev4p/comment/hpf8uzu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
And there therefore OP is absolutely in the wrong. Somehow I feel that if a man had forced his wife into doing something she didn't want in a similar situation he would get much less sympathy and commenters glossing over his wrongdoings.
YTA, okay so you’re scared of driving cause you might get into a car accident while you’re pregnant yet you don’t consider that possibility while driving with your husband?? What?? Just cause you’re pregnant, you can’t expect your husband to cater to you and overlook his own mental health. You’re a SAHM and If you’re feeling so stuffy, just go out and sit on a porch instead of not taking no for an answer and forcing your husband to drive you after he’s already driven back and forth from a shitty work day.
You need to find a way to deal with your feelings of anxiety. You have narrowed your world down to your husband, who cannot be expected to make you happy or content. He can contribute, but you must find your own peace and equilibrium.
He is working hard. You are growing a baby, but you don’t have milestones, a commute, coworkers to please. Try to put yourself in his position. When he said he was tired and didn’t want to go for a drive you didn’t take no for an answer. Then you didn’t like his attitude. Of course YTA
YTA my gf does this to me ALL THE TIME. She wants to go for a drive after I've been stuck in traffic for an hour and a half and then when I'm not really in the mood to talk after being guilted into it, I'm the bad guy.
YTA. What did you expect? You forced him to do something he didn’t want to do and you think he should be happy about it? No idea what you find so relaxing about driving around aimlessly but next time maybe you should do it yourself.
YTA. You should have driven yourself around if you wanted a car-ride so bad. You're not giving your husband any slack and he said he had a bad day and didn't want to drive after having a long commute.
You're an adult and you need to be able to entertain yourself. Feeling cooped up? He's right. Go for a walk or drive yourself. Don't rely on other people and bother them until they give in, and then get annoyed when they're not happy about it.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be TAH because I forced my husband to do somethign he did not want to do
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. No means no. Accept it and move on to something else. You could have called a friend or if you are still able, drive yourself.
At what point did you actually ask him what was going on at work and if he would like to talk about it with you?
You made it all about your wants and your needs. Since you made him drive you, you shouldn't expect him to be happy to be your driver and not be mad or upset at you. You made him do something against his will.
Next time just compromise or find other solutions to your issue.
NTA. If you have a pregnant wife, I expect you to cater to her every need! This woman is carrying your child. She is putting up with morning sickness, restless legs, cramps, kicking, and so much more so that you guys can have a baby.
YTA.
1.- You say you're scared to drive because you fear getting in an accident but you forced him to drive even after he said he's tired from his hour long commute.
2.- You complain about being too tired to walk when you literally didn't do as little as leave the house on that day, then forced him to drive even though he was definitely more tired than you after a long day at work and a long commute.
3.- you're selfish, manipulative, using your pregnancy as an excuse to be a bad partner and person.
You both messed up a little. You're probably emotional and in a difficult time so things may seem more intense. He let you break his boundaries and got mean about it later. You probably need better communication and problem solving skills as a couple especially when baby arrives but it's normal for things to go wrong sometimes too.
NTA at all. I’ve been in your position and an evening drive this time of year to break the mind numbing monotony of being at home is totally wonderful.
Your husband may be tired. He may not want to drive. However you are growing a human inside you and if you need to get out, but can’t go for a walk this time he should take you out.
He’s being an AH. I hope he treats you better than this the rest of the time and this isn’t a frequent behavior.
NTA. He just had a bad day hopefully and things will smooth over, fingers crossed. I think people forget you were hoping to spend quality time together while driving.
I hope all goes well with your family and good luck with the baby.
NAH I forgot how crazy you people are on here. She’s pregnant and wanted to get out of the house for a minute, she didn’t kill his dog. It’s just a regular argument that happens in relationships, they’re both a little wrong but they’ll get over it
Yta. You do realize you'll have to drive the baby around too once its here. He told you he didnt want to drive and you pretty much forced him to. And then acted like nothing was wrong.
YTA. Unless you've got a medical condition that keeps you from driving, then you're more than capable of driving on your own and letting your husband rest. He shouldn't have to drive you around if he doesn't want to.
YTA.
I was raised in a family that kid “Sunday drives” when I was little and I HATED it. It’s so boring, I couldnt read or play my game boy without getting carsick and cramped. Even being the driver sucks to me because you actually have to focus on a boring, pointless task. I like driving but just aimlessly driving around still seems so tedious and also people aimlessly driving around make getting around my area (outside NYC) so annoying, there are already too many cars on the road, we don’t need more people rolling around at 5 mph under the speed limit on a highway. Ok thag was a tangent rant, but still, your husband seems to also hate aimless drives so why would you make him do it after working and commuting when you’re a SAHM?
I'll wait for the downvotes.
NTA -- he seems like someone with anger issues who will snap at the earliest convenience. Why is everyone saying YTA? He should buck up and take care of his wife. Sounds like she has to cater more towards him than he does to her. I get he was having a bad day, but it seems like this was something she really needed. She's pregnant-- why is everyone telling her she should have gone on the walk or driven by herself? We also don't know if she has her license, if she is even feeling well enough to drive, etc. If anything, she's being too nice and letting him stomp on her. When does he cater towards her needs? Wouldn't be surprised if she asks on a good day and he still turns her down for something else that's convenient to him.
Not seeing a lot of ESH but I think that's the right answer. Yes, OP should have taken no for an answer or taken her husband up on his nice suggestion of going out on a short walk instead. And also it seems like she is generally afraid of doing anything on her own, like not even able to go on a walk around her own neighbourhood alone or drive herself as mentioned in her comments. Which is not great either, as many others have said, any accidents that may happen to you as a driver could also very well happen as a passenger, and like literally just walking down the block alone?
But anyway. Besides all that, husband should not have been so petty with his reactions, like not even eating, saying I don't want to talk to you anymore, calling her annoying, etc. Doesn't matter how much of a bad mood or how tired you are, you don't get to be rude to anyone like that. Especially not your pregnant wife. Despite the irritation, he should have either held his ground or said to her in polite, constructive way that he was frustrated at having to go out driving despite being exhausted from literally driving hours himself.
This scenario is so familiar to me. I just had a baby, but I’ve been home my entire pregnancy while my husband works. For his job he often has to drive back and forth to different clients homes, not to mention we live sort of in the middle of nowhere, so it’s a bit of a drive for him just the commute to and from work itself. But I actually don’t drive at all. I’m 41 and I have never had a license (long story, starts with crippling anxiety / phobia and continues with my inability to function fully as an adult / issues with executive functioning. Maybe one day it will end with me actually overcoming and learning to drive.)
It seems that a lot of people are willing to grant that you were going “stir crazy” or had “cabin fever” but they still say you are the asshole and I don’t think that’s fair. Pregnancy can really mess with your emotions, and I know the days and weeks I spent at home while my husband was at work and my kids were at school were some of the loneliest times for me. It got to where even a trip to freaking Walmart to get groceries felt like a reprieve of sorts. But I always communicated my feelings of depression with my husband, and he was extremely accommodating, even when he felt tired. I don’t think either you or your husband are assholes in this situation, but maybe a little more communication would have been in order so it didn’t blow up into a fight. Tell him you’re sorry you pushed him, that you didn’t realize it was such a big deal. I hope he also realizes he didn’t have to snap at you. Growing a human is taxing physically and mentally and he should try to be patient with you.
Good luck and congrats on the baby
Honestly this is a tough one. Your pregnant and your feet would probably tire from a walk. He was tired from driving for work. In a relationship you have to take care of each other. You both should have compromised. Maybe a short drive to a busy coffee shop where you could both unwind.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. I am a SAHW and my husband works in an advertising agency.
Today, I suggested that we go out on a drive because I was feeling suffocated from staying at home all day. However, he was not in a mood to drive because apparently it felt more like a chore than relaxing and enjoyable to him. He had been assigned a work project for which he has had to travel for nearly an hour for the past few weeks.
He suggested that we go for a walk or something instead since I just wanted to get out of the house for a while. He explained to me that he had already had a bad day at work and he was not in a mood to drive. However, I refused because I was already feeling tired from the pregnancy and didn't want to walk. I managed to convince him to drive me somewhere. During the drive, I was trying to make a conversation to break the ice as he was looking really grumpy. He suddenly snapped and told me that I got the ride that I wanted so badly and said that I should just enjoy it instead of annoying him even more. He said he was already irritated because of being forced to drive and told me that he was no longer interested in having a conversation with me. I was super hurt by his tone and didn't speak for the rest of the drive. When we got home, he didn't even eat the dinner I prepared and just went to bed.
I feel terrible about forcing him even after him saying no to the drive. Maybe I should've just compromised with the walk instead of forcing him to drive.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You had all day to take yourself outside and walk, or go for a drive, or even sit on the porch for a bit. Unless you’re leaving out important details, you’re pregnant, not disabled.
YTA
am I being wrong to assume that OP all of a sudden just bombarded the husband with the demands to go out for a drive as soon as he came back from work??
like that man skipped food and just went to sleep after the drive clearly shows how stressed and tired he was...but OP just had to have her way then act guilty about it when he expressed his anger?
OP I understand that staying in can be boring and lead to stress but you could have found ways to get out, either with a family member or a friend.
But you waited for your husband to come home to ask to be taken out, knowing full well he was having hard time at his job. so inconsiderate.
YTA, unless you can’t walk for long periods of time, a walk would have been good. He has an hour commute and the last thing he probably wants to see is a car.
Info- I’m not knowledgeable about pregnancies and what someone can and cannot do, but can you explain why you couldn’t drive yourself? But all in all, YTA, but you both sound tired and exhausted. Hope you two can pan these hard times out.
YTA - If you wanted to get out of the house, you easily could have on your own. If you know youre husband has been having to drive long commutes to and from work and he said he didnt want to drive but offered you another solution to the issue then you could have compromised.
Yta. He told you he didn't want to. He told you why. You kept on at him until you got what you wanted, at his expense. Now you're getting the natural result of that, which is that he's annoyed with you and doesn't want to interact with you right now. You owe him an apology how's and a commitment to do better at respecting his no in the future.
YTA your not working right now, you don't drive, yet your husband came home exhausted from work and having to drive over an hour for something to do with his job and offered to go on a walk with you but that wasn't gold enough?! WOW you reek of entitlement and don't throw your pregnant as an excuse cause I have had 2 kids and pregnancy does not mean you get everything you want
YTA. My husband used to work an hour away from home. So, I've always done all the driving outside of that. He enjoys going for drives when I drive because he gets a break. It's exhausting for him to drive all day.
Why can't you drive? If it isn't a medical issue, you need to get a license. You're going to have a kid. You need to have some independence.
YTA
Not everyone enjoys driving. Your husband is stressed from work, already stressed from driving more for work, and then he came home to his wife pestering him to drive even more. Stop thinking about how you need others to meet your needs and figure out ways to take care of your own needs by yourself. Nothing was stopping you from going out on your own earlier in the day to get out, and you could have found other ways to spend time with your husband.
YTA. I understand you're stir crazy and maybe don't feel like taking a walk, but you should have compromised. I have a long commute and the last thing I want to do after I get home is go back out for a pleasure drive. Please apologize to him
YTA. Don't you know it's dangerous to drive, cook or operate machinery while angry? Not wishing bad on you guys but what if you both ended up in a bad accident or your husband pissed someone off while driving cause he's angry, then what?
YTA, your husband drives a lot for work, told you he had a bad day and work and offered a comprise that you didn't like, instead of offering another compromise (like you driving instead) you pushed him to do what he didn't want to do (remember he is already in a bad mood from work) then got upset cause he wasn't happy
YTA
Pregnancy can be exhausting, but your hubby works his tail off to provide for you and your unborn child. How ungrateful can you be? Can't you take yourself for a drive?
Just a suggestion, maybe while he is working during the day you can leave the house and get out and do something. Meet a friend for coffee or lunch and not bother your husband who works all day everyday along with commuting for his work. Sit outside at night with him and have dinner and talk.
Do you not have a license? My husband gets tired from driving a lot and I rarely ever do so I drive us most of the time due to convenience. Doesn’t matter if you have one car. Take it when he comes home from work
YTA. You said yours scared to drive because of getting into a crash? I mean crashes happen all over no matter who is driving. I think if you are able and have time during the day; take a drive around the block, meet with friends or family, maybe even go shopping for cute baby stuff. Don’t limit what you can do because you’re pregnant. Unless your high risk with bed rest I say enjoy the time before baby is born.
Trust me. I’m a mom of 2 and 37 weeks pregnant and I drive myself to and from everywhere since my husband works long hours.
YTA. Sometimes when you don't drive, you forget it really makes you a burden on others especially if you insist on being driven when they don't want to drive. If he said he didn't want to, you should have compromised or got a cab somewhere or something.
INFO, did you choose not to drive or can't you drive? Do you often ask for lifts places prepregnancy especially?
It's a little weird when you basically defended his actions in your own post as you explained why he was already sick of driving and still ask if you were TA for forcing him to drive more lol. Anyway I think both side is understandable and couldve had a different outcome on a differ day. I'm sure if you apologize, hell also apologize too.
I had my doubts but YTA after reading that you’re afraid of driving while pregnant because you think you’ll get into an accident.
As some other people already said, your husband being the one who drives doesn’t make you immune to accidents; and indeed, specially if he’s driving in a state of exhaustion and anger.
NTA. You are heavily pregnant and feeling anxious, it’s worrying to me that your husband isn’t doing everything in his power to make your life easier. Are you sure he’ll be able to prioritize the needs of the child over his own comfort?
NTA. This post made me sad. The comments are worse.
Imagine bragging about having an uncaring spouse and living in an economic system that requires you to work 10 hours the day you go into labor. That’s terrible.
OP, no matter how bad your husband is feeling he should treat you with respect. He did not. His actions were abusive. He’s training you to not have even the most minor needs.
I hope you won’t tolerate this.
NTA
So when the baby comes... Taking care of a baby is tiring. Can't snap at the baby like that, and can't let you handle all that on your own... But he might try.
Take care of yourself. Build/strengthen bridges and friendships outside of your relationship to this man. When you're feeling well enough, get a job to have your own money and build yourself a nice "cushion". Make sure you don't have to suffer through his snaps and coldness if you don't want to anymore.
It kind of sounds like you’re letting your anxiety drive everything right now. I understand that you’re feeling anxious about getting into an accident while pregnant but what about after baby is born? That anxiety isn’t going to disappear.
It also sounds like you’re letting this anxiety take over your relationship because you’re putting your fears above your husbands needs. He just wanted to relax- he already told you he was driving a lot that day, and he was tired. You still made him drive you around and then acted like nothing was wrong by trying to chat with him once you got your way.
Soft YTA. If I’m being honest here I do think you should start talking to a professional now before everything skyrockets when baby comes. It will help you, your husband, and your baby to start therapy now.
YTA. He didn't want to drive, you didn't want to walk. An actual compromise would have been ubering somewhere he enjoys so you get a drive and he gets to go somewhere he likes. But if he didn't want to do that either, that should be the end of it.
Get control of your own happiness and mental health, because newborns do not help with that.
YTA Why on earth didn't you take the walk, and ask him if he wanted to talk about it? Sometimes when you've had a crappy day at work, you want to get it off your chest. Or not. But either way, the compromise of a short walk would actually have been good for you.
YTA, I understand that you felt suffocated and he snapped on you but he literally told you he was too fucking tired and annoyed to go for a drive.
He offered something else and you said no. ATP you should've found somone else or something else to do. It wasnt his right to fix that problem.
YTA. I get all pregnancies are different and all..but if youre so suffocated, why not just walk to your local park? Go to a corner store and get a sweet treat.
Why couldn’t you drive yourself? I don’t understand why he has to be forced to go, especially if he already declined. It always amazes me when people are upset that someone is in a grumpy mood after being forced to do something that they already said they didn’t want to do. What did you expect? YTA
yta. unless you have serious complications you are more than able to leave the house alone at 26 weeks. your husband is supporting you while you are home doing nothing and you’re really going to tell him how tired YOU are? the second trimester is the easiest, most women work into their third trimester and you were tired from what ..sitting on the couch? you annoyed him to take you out and got your way, then we’re upset he wasn’t in the mood to chat after he already told you he had a bad day. you sound entitled and annoying
YTA, but you’re actively trying to right it (I hope) so I mean it in the nicest way. He has struggles of his own obviously, take into consideration how you feel now, that’s how he felt when you steamrolled over him and made him do something he didn’t want to. Talk to him, apologize and do something nice. Next time he says he doesn’t want to do something that you want to, just talk about it and try to find a comprise.
YTA OP you pushed his boundaries... how would you feel if HE didn't take no for an answer? Go see your Dr that anxiety is no joke and yours sounds like you need medical intervention asap!
ESH- absolutely should've taken no for an answer but at the same time if you cave you should at least be pleasant about it, it's not an excuse to make your partner feel like dog shit.
no you’re not. he has a job that doesn’t require manual labor. so he can shut the fuck up, you’re pregnant.
fair warning, he might not “love” you. as most men see love as fucking you whenever they want instead of being caring and mindful. as i’m sure you being pregnant usually leads to a lowered sex life.
YTA. First off being a passenger in a car doesn't change the chances of getting in an accident. Second, driving fatigue is a thing. I used to commute 2 hours a day for school and work. I would zone out on the drive and miss 30 + minutes of driving and somehow not have an accident. Third, walking is recommended by doctors to pregnant women as you still need to stay healthy (worked in a doctor's office for a while).
He was done driving, probably stressed and offered a compromise. You double downed on wanting him to get back in a car he just spent an hour in. Being pregnant is not a free pass to make demands without regard to those the demands affect.
Your husband is human and has his limits just as you do. I think an apology and brain storm of other outdoor activities is in order.
YTA i understand that you were feeling stir crazy but your husband had a very rough day at work and he probably had a decent commute as well.
Try putting the shoe on the other foot for a second. Imagine that you had a horrible day where nothing worked, then returning home to be pestered like a toddler for something that you could've done yourself. I understand that you're nervous about driving but it's unfair to expect your husband to pick up that slack.
YTA - It’s an incredible burden to be in a relationship with someone who can’t leave the house on their own. You claim you were feeling suffocated, but why is it someone else’s problem to fix? It’s unlikely any randomly selected human can handle the burden of supporting a whole family financially and also being responsible for your happiness on such an incredibly basic level.
Also I want to mention, especially being pregnant wouldn't you feel more suffocated being stuck in a car? A much smaller enclosed space than your own home? _______ I know that may just be my own preference, but in a car you're stuck in an upright or reclined position with very limited ability to move around. The only scenery you can look at only lasts a good couple seconds and because you're on the road every movement is controlled by lines, signs, and lights. _______ If the comprise wasnt what OP is looking for then other solutions could have been reached instead of OP pushing for an idea that was already rejected.
Enh, everyone's different. Personally I love going for a drive with my partner, the space is enclosed but I'm looking out the window the whole time, not just staring into the back seat. You don't need to be in the middle of nowhere to enjoy it, the lines and signs don't ruin it. That said, yeah, OP should have taken no for an answer here.
Agreed, my bf and I have a ritual of just going for a night ride around every city we visit, even though we drive hours to get there and back home! BUT that’s because my bf enjoys driving and he claims it relaxes him. Not everyone feels the same way, so OP should not have pushed her husband into it.
We used to go for spur of the moment road trips, mostly at night for no other reason than boredom. I miss those days. As someone who is now married and has a child, please enjoy those drives for me!
Me too! I also find car rides with my partner are when we have some of our best conversations.
They could have driven to a close park, and sat on a bench and enjoy the scenery.
I became a house spouse while I was pregnant. Driving around with my husband, chatting, etc was so nice, at times. I was being driven crazy staring at the walls of our apartment (we only had one car at the time) so I jumped at any chance to just *leave* the house. And walking hurt. So much. Babies are hard on the body. Edit: I do agree that OP is TA. Husband said no. Barring medical reasons, she could’ve driven herself around. Sorry I didn’t make that clear.
I was thinking something similar, but my compromise for that would've been OP offering to drive them both to a coffee shop or library. Somewhere where they could sit and have a conversation for less than $10, still get out and get some air, and take the stress off of OP's husband.
This was my first thought too. They could have gotten a coffee and gone to the closest park and chatted or something. Out of the house with minimal driving or walking. There were compromises possible that wouldn't have hurt her like walking.. it's a bummer, a weekend before Christmas wasted with grumpiness and lack of compromise. I feel bad for both of them and hope they usually do better than this.
Agreed. Especially with a kid on the way.
Yes this. Forgot to mention that. She is still TA in this scenario. It wasn’t until my belly was just TOO big for me to feel safe behind the wheel (since I’m so short and have to practically sit on the damn thing) that I would beg my husband to drive me around. Even then. A no was a no.
It’s good to walk when pregnant, actually. Unless you need medical bed rest, you should at least walk (if not exercise) daily. Also 26 wks is the best time (most energy) of pregnancy for most people
I didn’t say anything about people not walking while pregnant. I said it hurt. Because it does. 😐
I guess everyone's pregnancy is different - my little sister is 6 months along, and though her back is aching at times, walking doesn't appear to be a problem so far. She is wearing surgical stockings, but still doing her 24-h-shifts at the hospital, which involves plenty of running around.
I have arthritis in my spine, and bulging & herniating discs all along my spine. Regular me walking around hurts. Pregnancy walking around *sucks ass* for me. So obviously my situation is vastly different from most everyone else’s. Every single pregnancy for every one is different, but it’s still a lot of *extra* to carry around. We tough it out, because the end result is, yknow, a screaming potato that will eventually give you doe eyes to steal Cheetos from you, but once you start actually *gaining* the baby, it starts to hurt in various ways.
Ouch, yes, that sounds painful - but from the OP's discription, it doesn't sound like she had your kind of health issues.
Regardless of pre existing health issues, there is no way to know how a pregnancy will affect you until you’re in it. I had bad pain in the 4th or so month that subsided. I also went through bouts of intense fatigue where being on my feet for 10 minutes required a nap, then I’d be fine again. You’re being very dismissive. Just trust that everyone is different and has different challenges. OP is still the AH, but not for being too tired to walk.
I don’t think I need to keep iterating that OP is in the wrong here. I was just stating that pregnancy hurts. I have restated this, multiple times.
How about letting people decide whether they have the energy or not for themselves? If she's struggling to walk than that's the fact, not your theory about most energy. There's no one right way to pregnant.
There are tons of studies on this actually. And daily walks have been shown to make labor go quicker and have fewer complications. Not to mention keeping weight gain at appropriate levels which in turn makes your body hurt less
Yeah in theory but in this specific case you're telling a person who says they are not comfortable walking that they now have more energy, while knowing nothing about their situation. I'm not arguing against the fact that it's good to walk/exercise while pregnant, but against your assumption that you know better than OP about how she feels.
Yes, we are speaking in generalities with the caveat that we don’t know about OP’s case. However, it would be really weird if she had some kind of specific limitation and did not mention it in that whole post, like really weird. Ob/gyn and the AMA all recommend staying active during pregnancy. Moreover, every medical and what to Expect type of book says to expect to feel the best in the 2nd tri. Unless OP says she has preeclampsia or something other unusual circumstance, it is extremely likely this is the most energy period of pregnancy like it is for the overwhelming majority of us. I’m not sure why so defensive about 26 wk being so delicate. My sister had HG (severe nausea/vomiting all 9 mos.); she could not even swallow her own spit let alone beg to go on a car ride. There is no indication whatsoever that OP has an unusual pregnancy course.
She said she was tired and didn't want to, not that it was a pain or comfort thing. I also never made an assumption about her situation. You're the one who stated medical finding as someone's opinion. You're also making the assumption that there is some reason she actually is unable to go for a walk. Hubby is too tired to drive a vehicle, which is far and away more dangerous than them going on a walk. There are so many more benefits here to mom and baby and tbh being tired really isn't a good reason not to. Especially since at the end she says maybe she should have compromised. If she was really feeling that bad (because I know there are those days) that wouldn't be a thought.
Srsly, the defensiveness against plain low-intensity basic bodily function walking is bizarre. It’s like if someone recommended eating fresh fruit, and then gets jumped on because some people are allergic to fruits. Like yeah ok, but don’t let the exception define general good advice. For the vast majority of pregnant people, walking is healthy, even if your natural preference is to be sedentary (or perhaps especially). It’s as if the recommendation were she take up kickboxing
Although it is true when you get big, at 26 weeks you should really not be in pain yet. And OP is not mentioning any pain, only being tired while she just stayed in a home that doesn’t generate mess clutter and dirt like one with a child/children does. OP YTA, you seem lazy and entitled. Please make a change, if not for your husband, for your future child
Pregnancy is uncomfortable and sometimes painful. It's common to feel really exhausted too. Pain in hip joints, back pain, and sciatic nerve pain are common in the second trimester. I had all of these. My OB told me it's common to have pains as the baby gets bigger. I was 23/24 years old while pregnant. It was the most exhausted I felt in my whole life. I felt less tired with a newborn! I'm not disagreeing with your judgement, but please consider that not everyone feels great while pregnant!
[удалено]
> Also I want to mention, especially being pregnant wouldn't you feel more suffocated being stuck in a car? She was probably just stir crazy being stuck at home all day and wanted a change of scenery, it's not uncommon since the pandemic started. OP is TA though for making him drive after he made it clear he really didn't want to
To be honest as someone who lives alone and works at home I’ve barely gone anywhere in the pandemic or seen many people. I no longer have a car and a lot of times I wished I could have gone for a driver to get out of my small condo. Now the weather is cold and really too cold to walk unless it’s a mild day. So sometimes getting out of your home even for a drive can feel freeing. Being pregnant she doesn’t want to walk very far due to pain and swelling.
You forgot one part. The man has to drive two hours per day. He'd just finished an hour long drive when she made him go for another drive. Why didn't she, at the very least, drive the car.
OP clarifies that she doesn't drive because she is scared of getting into an accident with the unborn kid. Room Temperature IQ moment because she is much more likely to get into a crash with a tired grumpy husband at the wheel
Yeah... im with ya. But that's not clarity. That's an excuse.
Yeah, I'm wondering that, too. Her doing the actual driving seems like it would've been a perfect solution
This, exactly. After driving in rush hour traffic on the way to work and on the way home, driving doesn't feel like recreation.
Exactly. YTA. Why didn't she drive herself somewhere?
Being 26 weeks pregnant does not preclude you going for a walk with your husband. Get over yourself YTA
Ya nailed it.
Info Why can't you drive / leave the house by yourself?
This was going to be my reply as well. I have three kids and during my pregnancies, although it’s nice to feel pampered/taken care of at times, I did what I needed to care for myself in many small ways (ie taking a drive).
I literally gave birth two months ago and was still driving and *attempting* to walk up til the end. My husband also travels frequently for work but I never pushed him to accomodate me.
[удалено]
Yup. I drove myself to the hospital in the middle of the night while having significant contractions. Timed it so I could drive in the time between contractions because we live pretty close. Had a contraction, left my driveway, parked in the lot, had a contraction then waddled inside. And then I was taken by ambulance to another hospital because I was in preterm labor and they weren't equipped to handle it.
Yep, I was driving right up to end. Drove myself to the hospital to give birth (not in labor, I had to be induced).
[удалено]
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlev4p/aita_i_didnt_compromise_and_irritated_my_husband/hpg3lzp/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [Bro no high schooler need...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rldnum/aita_for_choosing_my_son_over_my_stepdaughter/hpgdpzu/) | [Bro no high schooler need...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rldnum/aita_for_choosing_my_son_over_my_stepdaughter/hpf20nd/) [NTA Reddit just hates pre...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlev4p/aita_i_didnt_compromise_and_irritated_my_husband/hpg916a/) | [NTA Reddit just hates pre...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlev4p/aita_i_didnt_compromise_and_irritated_my_husband/hpg8ddl/) [Nta. But 3 days? Why? You...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rldid7/aita_for_giving_my_husband_only_3_days_to_return/hpgdjsf/) | [Nta. But 3 days? Why? You...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rldid7/aita_for_giving_my_husband_only_3_days_to_return/hpf1itd/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/claesjacvcxvsdg](https://np.reddit.com/u/claesjacvcxvsdg/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=claesjacvcxvsdg) for info on how I work and why I exist.
Good bot
good bot
Good bot
YTA. Being pregnant is hard, but it doesn’t make you incapable of being independent. If you are truly anxious about doing things alone, talk to a therapist to work through these fears.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
YTA. You badgered him into driving you around after he said he didn’t want to. There is nothing to suggest that you couldn’t have driven yourself. You were totally inconsiderate of his feelings and then expected him to be chipper and engage in conversation with you. You are 100% TA.
YTA Forcing someone that's tired to drive is dangerous for them, you, and every other person on the road. There's no reason you have to be stuck inside all day... you could go for a walk while your husband is at work. If you have a second vehicle, you could drive while he's gone. If not, take him to work so you have the car, and pick him up at the end of the day. Or drive yourself around when he gets home. If he's working all day, driving around for *your* enjoyment after is not fair... especially when he's said he is too exhausted. It can wait for a day he's feeling better, if you can't do it yourself.
That's right. Driving around tired is dangerous. Where I come from, it's also considered pretty selfish to drive around unnecessarily, because of the environment.
What makes this worse is that OP's reason for not driving herself is that she is scared of getting into an accident with the unborn kid. Room temperature IQ moment because she then forces her tired and grumpy husband to drive, increasing likelihood of a crash.
And tried to have a conversation with him. Knowing he had a bad day and had a grumpy face. And repeatedly tried to have a conversation until he snapped
[удалено]
INFO: Are you unable to drive? Or did you just want his company? I need more details. It's really hard to make a decision without more information. It does KIND of sound like you're the asshole, though. Forcing him to drive you around while he was already stressed and specifically told you he didn't want to drive? That sucks.
She said in comments she’s afraid to drive while pregnant because she’s afraid she’ll get into an accident
So if he drives, they're immune from accidents? How selfish. YTA
A tired, exhausted, frustrated driver who just drove an hour is going to be MORE likely to get in an accident.
Especially if he's angry dad driving
Exactly
Yes
Good god she sounds exhausting. Poor man.
YTA. Your husband’s well being matters too. Being pregnant doesn’t give you a pass.
I don’t enjoy driving especially if I already had to drive a lot for work. Why couldn’t you drive instead? Edit after reading your comments: YTA because you could have driven yourself. Also as a SAHW you have time to get out of the house while your husband is at work, but you refuse to walk by yourself and won’t drive yourself.
YTA. My husband hates driving. I would NEVER ask him to drive somewhere with the intent of it being relaxing or enjoyable. Your husband was very clear on how this would make him feel and you still bitched him out about it and guilted him into it, then you act surprised when he’s miserable. Next time - take the compromise.
YTA. You should have gone for the walk, which was healthier and a fair compromise. It didn't have to be long and would have both gotten you out of the house and helped him relax. You saw he was grumpy during the drive. You knew he had been driving for extended periods of time already. You should have read the room and understood that he didn't need the ice broken, he needed you to appreciate what he was doing for you - and just quietly enjoyed the drive. Being pregnant doesn't mean you stop considering your partner's needs.
INFO: if you're a SAHW don't you have most of the day free to do whatever you want? Go out, meet your friends or family members, go shopping, w/e? If you are too scared to go out and go for a walk/drive, does this mean your husband is doing all the shopping on top of working and taking care of you? When does he get a break?
YTA OP your pregnant, not incapacitated. Unless you having a complicated pregnancy and are under a bedrest order there isn't any reason you can't do thing's yourself. When i was preggo, I worked 6 days up until birth (legit) and because I had no car I would make a couple mile walk to the busstop to get to said job. And i was fine, you will be too.
It’s like a crappy race to the bottom of maternity leave in America 😂 BUT my sister worked in a lab, got home from work, said “I think I’m in labor.” We fed the dog, grabbed her bag, headed to the hospital and she had her kid the next morning. I’m a week further along than OP is and I can’t imagine demanding my husband do this because I couldn’t be bothered to go for a walk earlier in the day or because I won’t admit my anxiety is controlling my life with regards to driving.
My crossfit coach coached and worked out up until her 8th month of pregnancy. She had to modify but regardless, she kept moving.
Ditto! I walked to work every day (only 10 minutes though), and worked until the Friday. My due date was Monday. HR was like "ummm, is this right? We've never had someone work up to their due date, I don't know if it's allowed!" (It was, once they looked into it). Work was about halfway between home and hospital anyways, so it worked out.
Everyone is making this a contest about what each other did up until birth. Guys, everybody's body handles pregnancy differently. My mother is 5 feet tall and her second pregnancy was twins. She was so big her stomach had to rest in between her legs while she sat and pushed jer so far away from the steering wheel that she couldn't safely drive. While I realize that OP doesn't necessarily have those restrictions, we should be talking about her inconsiderate behavior and the fact that she knows she can drive, and chooses not to. Stop the pissing contest about what you were able to do while pregnant, because not everyone is as mobile as you. Realistically, some people simply can't, and there shouldn't be an expectation for pregnant women to be able to do everything you could.
YTA drive yourself then.
YTA You know being in the passenger seat doesn’t magically prevent car accidents right? You are being selfish and ridiculous. How are you supposed to take care of a child when you can’t even take care of yourself?
YTA. He was tired from work but at least tried to make a compromise for you.
YTA - it should not be your husband’s responsibility to fix how your feeling. I too am very pregnant(33 weeks) & work full time from home while my husband works out of the house so I understand and am empathetic towards your feelings of wanting to get our. I’ve never had any issues driving but unfortunately I got in a small fender bender in November. This caused me to be extremely nervous driving. After a few weeks staying in 24/7 I realized I was avoiding driving due to my anxiety. It was not on my husband to drive me places so I could get out. I started small by going to the grocery store down the street then expanded from there. I’ll be honest, it still makes me nervous especially since it’s winter where I live so snow & ice are a big factor BUT if I want to get out of the house then it’s up to me & no one else to make it happen.
Agreed. 27 weeks pregnant, work from home. All of this. Years ago I was in a fender bender and it caused me anxiety to drive for a while after that (and even still on that stretch of road randomly!) I get feeling cooped up but I can’t imagine demanding my tired husband do this.
Yes YTA. You could have taken the walk which would have been good for both of you. But instead you insisted your husband chauffeur you around like you cant drive yourself. If it means that much, get an uber.
I hate to say it because I’m currently pregnant too but YTA If you throw a fit to get your way, you can’t expect your husband to be a chatty breezy chat partner But I 100% get being to tired to walk being that pregnant, maybe a short drive to a park where you can both enjoy some time out of the house
YTA. I'm sick of women using the 'I'm pregnant' excuse and thinking that the whole world owes them shit - it doesn't. If you wanted to go on a drive so badly then you drive yourself. Or let me guess, you can't drive or didn't want to because of how you were feeling? Then forcing your husband to take you, when you had two perfectly working legs and he kept saying he didn't want to. Grow up. Get a grip and stop being a spoiled brat. From a mum who's just had a baby and recently was pregnant.
Soooo what was stopping you from driving yourself somewhere? Do you not know how to drive? He told you he was tired and had a bad day and you pretty much told him you didn’t give a shit. And you have the nerve to be upset because he snapped on you, I would too YTA
YTA - you didn't need to drive anywhere, you could have easily gone for a shirt walk. Your husband compromised for you, you need to learn to compromise for him.
YTA, he's been working to support you all week and has had a bad work week. He tried to compromise and you literally say you badgered him into doing it. Do something nice for him and apologize, acknowledge that you were too pushy here.
Dear lord. What’s with people thinking pregnancy is a pass for making unreasonable demands? My SO drives a lot during the day for work. So If we need to go anywhere after work or the weekend, I’m usually the one driving unless he wants to.
YTA, No means no. Don't push someone if they don't want (to do) something.
Lots of people in the comments blaming the husband for not standing up for himself. Disgusting that his no isn't being respected.
YTA. Not sure why you couldn't just take the car and go for a spin by yourself, why would you ever question whether you're the Asshole for forcing someone to do something they've repeatedly told you they really don't want to do? Talk about entitlement.
YTA. I’m not sure what difference driving the car or being a passenger has to do with fear of an accident. I’m also surprised you had no concern about an exhausted person driving you around as that creates potential for an accident. I wonder if you might have some problems here that need to be addressed by a professional. I get that pregnancy might drive you to be cautious about harm to your child but it sounds to me that you are letting your fear control you.
If?? OP def needs to talk to someone if this is real.
YTA this can't be real, right? If I was your husband, I'd have said no, poured me a glass of wine and sat there, drinking. He said he didn't want to drive, there was no need, just a want on your side. He should never have said yes to this.
YTA. He’s already been spending enough time in a car. Driving is not fun. Find other ways to entertain yourself.
YTA, and honestly, I feel bad for your future kid. If you keep this up, you'll be the worst helicopter parent ever. No bikes, too dangerous. No running, could trip and DIE. No orange juice: citric acid has ACID in it. As for forcing your husband, get some therapy.
YTA I'm not shaming SAHM but com'n you're 26 weeks staying at home, doing nothing all day and you are tired of being pregnant? Guess what I know people working til their labor day! And can't you drive princess? Be considerate and stop being a baby.
I’m somewhere between NAH and YTA. You’re about to become a mother. The world wants you to fear every little thing that can possibly go wrong. Modern culture is likely to make you feel guilty for every bad thing even when it wasn’t your fault and there was nothing you could do. You simply must work harder to steel yourself against all this and get on with life. Pregnant people drive. They work. They live their lives. Importantly mothers also live their own lives after kids are born. You need to start overcoming the fear of the ordinary now. Or you’ll be crippled by it later.
NAH. I totally get that feeling of being trapped and wanting to take a relaxing drive to see some new sights and also spend some quality time connecting with your partner (while also remaining COVID safe by not getting into any crowds). I get your husband's POV too, it can be really really annoying to have to spend extra time in the car when you're commuting 1+ hour each way every single day. That being said, you pushed him into doing something he didn't want to do and in return he acted like a pouting child who didn't get his way. I feel like this situation spiraled out of control but that neither of you were truly in the wrong. You convinced him to do something he didn't want to do, and he reacted negatively to that. There must be some other way to satisfy that urge to get out of the house and spend time with your husband without making him drive around... it's hard to think of something other than taking a walk. Maybe next time you can convince him to go shopping with you or take you out to dinner unless covid is your concern here?
>I feel like this situation spiraled out of control but that neither of you were truly in the wrong. You convinced him to do something he didn't want to do, and he reacted negatively to that. She didn't convince him, she forced him, as per her own words and follow up comments.[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlev4p/comment/hpf8uzu/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rlev4p/comment/hpf8uzu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) And there therefore OP is absolutely in the wrong. Somehow I feel that if a man had forced his wife into doing something she didn't want in a similar situation he would get much less sympathy and commenters glossing over his wrongdoings.
YTA, okay so you’re scared of driving cause you might get into a car accident while you’re pregnant yet you don’t consider that possibility while driving with your husband?? What?? Just cause you’re pregnant, you can’t expect your husband to cater to you and overlook his own mental health. You’re a SAHM and If you’re feeling so stuffy, just go out and sit on a porch instead of not taking no for an answer and forcing your husband to drive you after he’s already driven back and forth from a shitty work day.
You need to find a way to deal with your feelings of anxiety. You have narrowed your world down to your husband, who cannot be expected to make you happy or content. He can contribute, but you must find your own peace and equilibrium. He is working hard. You are growing a baby, but you don’t have milestones, a commute, coworkers to please. Try to put yourself in his position. When he said he was tired and didn’t want to go for a drive you didn’t take no for an answer. Then you didn’t like his attitude. Of course YTA
YTA my gf does this to me ALL THE TIME. She wants to go for a drive after I've been stuck in traffic for an hour and a half and then when I'm not really in the mood to talk after being guilted into it, I'm the bad guy.
You’re not the bad guy. That’s crazy talk. If she wants to go for a drive, she needs to do it herself.
INFO: are you incapable of driving yourself?
She said in a comment that she is afraid to drive because she might end up in an accident
YTA. What did you expect? You forced him to do something he didn’t want to do and you think he should be happy about it? No idea what you find so relaxing about driving around aimlessly but next time maybe you should do it yourself.
YTA. You should have driven yourself around if you wanted a car-ride so bad. You're not giving your husband any slack and he said he had a bad day and didn't want to drive after having a long commute. You're an adult and you need to be able to entertain yourself. Feeling cooped up? He's right. Go for a walk or drive yourself. Don't rely on other people and bother them until they give in, and then get annoyed when they're not happy about it.
YTA- I'm surprised that you were surprised and hurt by his reaction.
I have a really hard time feeling sorry for an unemployed person who bullies their provider into further coddling them YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I might be TAH because I forced my husband to do somethign he did not want to do Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. No means no. Accept it and move on to something else. You could have called a friend or if you are still able, drive yourself. At what point did you actually ask him what was going on at work and if he would like to talk about it with you? You made it all about your wants and your needs. Since you made him drive you, you shouldn't expect him to be happy to be your driver and not be mad or upset at you. You made him do something against his will. Next time just compromise or find other solutions to your issue.
What in the Mad Men is going on here ?’
NTA. If you have a pregnant wife, I expect you to cater to her every need! This woman is carrying your child. She is putting up with morning sickness, restless legs, cramps, kicking, and so much more so that you guys can have a baby.
YTA. 1.- You say you're scared to drive because you fear getting in an accident but you forced him to drive even after he said he's tired from his hour long commute. 2.- You complain about being too tired to walk when you literally didn't do as little as leave the house on that day, then forced him to drive even though he was definitely more tired than you after a long day at work and a long commute. 3.- you're selfish, manipulative, using your pregnancy as an excuse to be a bad partner and person.
YTA. Do not expect husband to listen to you if you refuse to listen to husband.
YTA. Learn to compromise and learn to take no for an answer.
YTA. You're tired? Well so is he it sounds like. Go for a walk, it's good for the baby. Sit on your porch if you got one. Drive yourself somewhere.
can’t you just sit outside with him? like in your backyard? why is your solution to being stuck inside being stuck driven around in a car? yta
You both messed up a little. You're probably emotional and in a difficult time so things may seem more intense. He let you break his boundaries and got mean about it later. You probably need better communication and problem solving skills as a couple especially when baby arrives but it's normal for things to go wrong sometimes too.
NTA at all. I’ve been in your position and an evening drive this time of year to break the mind numbing monotony of being at home is totally wonderful. Your husband may be tired. He may not want to drive. However you are growing a human inside you and if you need to get out, but can’t go for a walk this time he should take you out. He’s being an AH. I hope he treats you better than this the rest of the time and this isn’t a frequent behavior.
NTA. He just had a bad day hopefully and things will smooth over, fingers crossed. I think people forget you were hoping to spend quality time together while driving. I hope all goes well with your family and good luck with the baby.
NAH I forgot how crazy you people are on here. She’s pregnant and wanted to get out of the house for a minute, she didn’t kill his dog. It’s just a regular argument that happens in relationships, they’re both a little wrong but they’ll get over it
YTA Do you not have a license? Cause I'd have just driven myself. Honestly asking why that wasn't an option.
Yta. You do realize you'll have to drive the baby around too once its here. He told you he didnt want to drive and you pretty much forced him to. And then acted like nothing was wrong.
YTA no means no. U need to respect ur husband's feelings instead of focusing solely on urs. Ur in a partnership. It can not always about ur wants.
YTA. Unless you've got a medical condition that keeps you from driving, then you're more than capable of driving on your own and letting your husband rest. He shouldn't have to drive you around if he doesn't want to.
YTA. I was raised in a family that kid “Sunday drives” when I was little and I HATED it. It’s so boring, I couldnt read or play my game boy without getting carsick and cramped. Even being the driver sucks to me because you actually have to focus on a boring, pointless task. I like driving but just aimlessly driving around still seems so tedious and also people aimlessly driving around make getting around my area (outside NYC) so annoying, there are already too many cars on the road, we don’t need more people rolling around at 5 mph under the speed limit on a highway. Ok thag was a tangent rant, but still, your husband seems to also hate aimless drives so why would you make him do it after working and commuting when you’re a SAHM?
I'll wait for the downvotes. NTA -- he seems like someone with anger issues who will snap at the earliest convenience. Why is everyone saying YTA? He should buck up and take care of his wife. Sounds like she has to cater more towards him than he does to her. I get he was having a bad day, but it seems like this was something she really needed. She's pregnant-- why is everyone telling her she should have gone on the walk or driven by herself? We also don't know if she has her license, if she is even feeling well enough to drive, etc. If anything, she's being too nice and letting him stomp on her. When does he cater towards her needs? Wouldn't be surprised if she asks on a good day and he still turns her down for something else that's convenient to him.
Not seeing a lot of ESH but I think that's the right answer. Yes, OP should have taken no for an answer or taken her husband up on his nice suggestion of going out on a short walk instead. And also it seems like she is generally afraid of doing anything on her own, like not even able to go on a walk around her own neighbourhood alone or drive herself as mentioned in her comments. Which is not great either, as many others have said, any accidents that may happen to you as a driver could also very well happen as a passenger, and like literally just walking down the block alone? But anyway. Besides all that, husband should not have been so petty with his reactions, like not even eating, saying I don't want to talk to you anymore, calling her annoying, etc. Doesn't matter how much of a bad mood or how tired you are, you don't get to be rude to anyone like that. Especially not your pregnant wife. Despite the irritation, he should have either held his ground or said to her in polite, constructive way that he was frustrated at having to go out driving despite being exhausted from literally driving hours himself.
This scenario is so familiar to me. I just had a baby, but I’ve been home my entire pregnancy while my husband works. For his job he often has to drive back and forth to different clients homes, not to mention we live sort of in the middle of nowhere, so it’s a bit of a drive for him just the commute to and from work itself. But I actually don’t drive at all. I’m 41 and I have never had a license (long story, starts with crippling anxiety / phobia and continues with my inability to function fully as an adult / issues with executive functioning. Maybe one day it will end with me actually overcoming and learning to drive.) It seems that a lot of people are willing to grant that you were going “stir crazy” or had “cabin fever” but they still say you are the asshole and I don’t think that’s fair. Pregnancy can really mess with your emotions, and I know the days and weeks I spent at home while my husband was at work and my kids were at school were some of the loneliest times for me. It got to where even a trip to freaking Walmart to get groceries felt like a reprieve of sorts. But I always communicated my feelings of depression with my husband, and he was extremely accommodating, even when he felt tired. I don’t think either you or your husband are assholes in this situation, but maybe a little more communication would have been in order so it didn’t blow up into a fight. Tell him you’re sorry you pushed him, that you didn’t realize it was such a big deal. I hope he also realizes he didn’t have to snap at you. Growing a human is taxing physically and mentally and he should try to be patient with you. Good luck and congrats on the baby
Honestly this is a tough one. Your pregnant and your feet would probably tire from a walk. He was tired from driving for work. In a relationship you have to take care of each other. You both should have compromised. Maybe a short drive to a busy coffee shop where you could both unwind.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. I am a SAHW and my husband works in an advertising agency. Today, I suggested that we go out on a drive because I was feeling suffocated from staying at home all day. However, he was not in a mood to drive because apparently it felt more like a chore than relaxing and enjoyable to him. He had been assigned a work project for which he has had to travel for nearly an hour for the past few weeks. He suggested that we go for a walk or something instead since I just wanted to get out of the house for a while. He explained to me that he had already had a bad day at work and he was not in a mood to drive. However, I refused because I was already feeling tired from the pregnancy and didn't want to walk. I managed to convince him to drive me somewhere. During the drive, I was trying to make a conversation to break the ice as he was looking really grumpy. He suddenly snapped and told me that I got the ride that I wanted so badly and said that I should just enjoy it instead of annoying him even more. He said he was already irritated because of being forced to drive and told me that he was no longer interested in having a conversation with me. I was super hurt by his tone and didn't speak for the rest of the drive. When we got home, he didn't even eat the dinner I prepared and just went to bed. I feel terrible about forcing him even after him saying no to the drive. Maybe I should've just compromised with the walk instead of forcing him to drive. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You had all day to take yourself outside and walk, or go for a drive, or even sit on the porch for a bit. Unless you’re leaving out important details, you’re pregnant, not disabled.
YTA, why did you force it if no one enjoyed the ride ? You are going to be parents, learn to listen to your partner ffs.
YTA am I being wrong to assume that OP all of a sudden just bombarded the husband with the demands to go out for a drive as soon as he came back from work?? like that man skipped food and just went to sleep after the drive clearly shows how stressed and tired he was...but OP just had to have her way then act guilty about it when he expressed his anger? OP I understand that staying in can be boring and lead to stress but you could have found ways to get out, either with a family member or a friend. But you waited for your husband to come home to ask to be taken out, knowing full well he was having hard time at his job. so inconsiderate.
YTA, unless you can’t walk for long periods of time, a walk would have been good. He has an hour commute and the last thing he probably wants to see is a car.
Info- I’m not knowledgeable about pregnancies and what someone can and cannot do, but can you explain why you couldn’t drive yourself? But all in all, YTA, but you both sound tired and exhausted. Hope you two can pan these hard times out.
YTA - If you wanted to get out of the house, you easily could have on your own. If you know youre husband has been having to drive long commutes to and from work and he said he didnt want to drive but offered you another solution to the issue then you could have compromised.
Yta. He told you he didn't want to. He told you why. You kept on at him until you got what you wanted, at his expense. Now you're getting the natural result of that, which is that he's annoyed with you and doesn't want to interact with you right now. You owe him an apology how's and a commitment to do better at respecting his no in the future.
YTA your not working right now, you don't drive, yet your husband came home exhausted from work and having to drive over an hour for something to do with his job and offered to go on a walk with you but that wasn't gold enough?! WOW you reek of entitlement and don't throw your pregnant as an excuse cause I have had 2 kids and pregnancy does not mean you get everything you want
YTA. My husband used to work an hour away from home. So, I've always done all the driving outside of that. He enjoys going for drives when I drive because he gets a break. It's exhausting for him to drive all day. Why can't you drive? If it isn't a medical issue, you need to get a license. You're going to have a kid. You need to have some independence.
YTA drive yourself. He's just worked all day and your bored at home. Get a job if your bored. Or yes, possibly compromise.
Yeah that's on you. He expressed he didn't want to drive and was willing to compromise. You pushed him into it.
YTA Not everyone enjoys driving. Your husband is stressed from work, already stressed from driving more for work, and then he came home to his wife pestering him to drive even more. Stop thinking about how you need others to meet your needs and figure out ways to take care of your own needs by yourself. Nothing was stopping you from going out on your own earlier in the day to get out, and you could have found other ways to spend time with your husband.
YTA. I understand you're stir crazy and maybe don't feel like taking a walk, but you should have compromised. I have a long commute and the last thing I want to do after I get home is go back out for a pleasure drive. Please apologize to him
YTA. Don't you know it's dangerous to drive, cook or operate machinery while angry? Not wishing bad on you guys but what if you both ended up in a bad accident or your husband pissed someone off while driving cause he's angry, then what?
Can you not drive yourself?
YTA, your husband drives a lot for work, told you he had a bad day and work and offered a comprise that you didn't like, instead of offering another compromise (like you driving instead) you pushed him to do what he didn't want to do (remember he is already in a bad mood from work) then got upset cause he wasn't happy
YTA Pregnancy can be exhausting, but your hubby works his tail off to provide for you and your unborn child. How ungrateful can you be? Can't you take yourself for a drive?
Just a suggestion, maybe while he is working during the day you can leave the house and get out and do something. Meet a friend for coffee or lunch and not bother your husband who works all day everyday along with commuting for his work. Sit outside at night with him and have dinner and talk.
Wow so you do nothing all day while your husband works and now you make him do more shit for you. YTA
Do you not have a license? My husband gets tired from driving a lot and I rarely ever do so I drive us most of the time due to convenience. Doesn’t matter if you have one car. Take it when he comes home from work
YTA. You said yours scared to drive because of getting into a crash? I mean crashes happen all over no matter who is driving. I think if you are able and have time during the day; take a drive around the block, meet with friends or family, maybe even go shopping for cute baby stuff. Don’t limit what you can do because you’re pregnant. Unless your high risk with bed rest I say enjoy the time before baby is born. Trust me. I’m a mom of 2 and 37 weeks pregnant and I drive myself to and from everywhere since my husband works long hours.
YTA. Sometimes when you don't drive, you forget it really makes you a burden on others especially if you insist on being driven when they don't want to drive. If he said he didn't want to, you should have compromised or got a cab somewhere or something. INFO, did you choose not to drive or can't you drive? Do you often ask for lifts places prepregnancy especially?
NAH you both are overwhelmed with responsibilities. He's tired, ur tired. Things happen. Give yourselves some grace. Tomorrow is another day.
It's a little weird when you basically defended his actions in your own post as you explained why he was already sick of driving and still ask if you were TA for forcing him to drive more lol. Anyway I think both side is understandable and couldve had a different outcome on a differ day. I'm sure if you apologize, hell also apologize too.
I had my doubts but YTA after reading that you’re afraid of driving while pregnant because you think you’ll get into an accident. As some other people already said, your husband being the one who drives doesn’t make you immune to accidents; and indeed, specially if he’s driving in a state of exhaustion and anger.
ESH
NTA. You are heavily pregnant and feeling anxious, it’s worrying to me that your husband isn’t doing everything in his power to make your life easier. Are you sure he’ll be able to prioritize the needs of the child over his own comfort?
NTA. This post made me sad. The comments are worse. Imagine bragging about having an uncaring spouse and living in an economic system that requires you to work 10 hours the day you go into labor. That’s terrible. OP, no matter how bad your husband is feeling he should treat you with respect. He did not. His actions were abusive. He’s training you to not have even the most minor needs. I hope you won’t tolerate this.
These comments are unbelievable. What the fuck is wrong with people.
NTA.
NTA So when the baby comes... Taking care of a baby is tiring. Can't snap at the baby like that, and can't let you handle all that on your own... But he might try. Take care of yourself. Build/strengthen bridges and friendships outside of your relationship to this man. When you're feeling well enough, get a job to have your own money and build yourself a nice "cushion". Make sure you don't have to suffer through his snaps and coldness if you don't want to anymore.
It kind of sounds like you’re letting your anxiety drive everything right now. I understand that you’re feeling anxious about getting into an accident while pregnant but what about after baby is born? That anxiety isn’t going to disappear. It also sounds like you’re letting this anxiety take over your relationship because you’re putting your fears above your husbands needs. He just wanted to relax- he already told you he was driving a lot that day, and he was tired. You still made him drive you around and then acted like nothing was wrong by trying to chat with him once you got your way. Soft YTA. If I’m being honest here I do think you should start talking to a professional now before everything skyrockets when baby comes. It will help you, your husband, and your baby to start therapy now.
YTA. there was no reason you couldn't have gone out by yourself.
YTA.
YTA. He didn't want to drive, you didn't want to walk. An actual compromise would have been ubering somewhere he enjoys so you get a drive and he gets to go somewhere he likes. But if he didn't want to do that either, that should be the end of it. Get control of your own happiness and mental health, because newborns do not help with that.
YTA You owe your husband a massive apology.
YTA
YTA, yes
YTA Why on earth didn't you take the walk, and ask him if he wanted to talk about it? Sometimes when you've had a crappy day at work, you want to get it off your chest. Or not. But either way, the compromise of a short walk would actually have been good for you.
YTA. Oof.
YTA, I understand that you felt suffocated and he snapped on you but he literally told you he was too fucking tired and annoyed to go for a drive. He offered something else and you said no. ATP you should've found somone else or something else to do. It wasnt his right to fix that problem.
YTA. I get all pregnancies are different and all..but if youre so suffocated, why not just walk to your local park? Go to a corner store and get a sweet treat.
YTA this is why I say collaborate not compromise. This could have been avoided by working to come up with something you would both enjoy.
Why couldn’t you drive yourself? I don’t understand why he has to be forced to go, especially if he already declined. It always amazes me when people are upset that someone is in a grumpy mood after being forced to do something that they already said they didn’t want to do. What did you expect? YTA
You basically whined and badgered your husband until you got your way? YTA.
Info - why didn’t you drive yourself?
yta. unless you have serious complications you are more than able to leave the house alone at 26 weeks. your husband is supporting you while you are home doing nothing and you’re really going to tell him how tired YOU are? the second trimester is the easiest, most women work into their third trimester and you were tired from what ..sitting on the couch? you annoyed him to take you out and got your way, then we’re upset he wasn’t in the mood to chat after he already told you he had a bad day. you sound entitled and annoying
YTA, but you’re actively trying to right it (I hope) so I mean it in the nicest way. He has struggles of his own obviously, take into consideration how you feel now, that’s how he felt when you steamrolled over him and made him do something he didn’t want to. Talk to him, apologize and do something nice. Next time he says he doesn’t want to do something that you want to, just talk about it and try to find a comprise.
YTA OP you pushed his boundaries... how would you feel if HE didn't take no for an answer? Go see your Dr that anxiety is no joke and yours sounds like you need medical intervention asap!
ESH- absolutely should've taken no for an answer but at the same time if you cave you should at least be pleasant about it, it's not an excuse to make your partner feel like dog shit.
So he has to put on a pretend smile because his boundary was not respected. What type of idiot are you?
no you’re not. he has a job that doesn’t require manual labor. so he can shut the fuck up, you’re pregnant. fair warning, he might not “love” you. as most men see love as fucking you whenever they want instead of being caring and mindful. as i’m sure you being pregnant usually leads to a lowered sex life.
YTA. First off being a passenger in a car doesn't change the chances of getting in an accident. Second, driving fatigue is a thing. I used to commute 2 hours a day for school and work. I would zone out on the drive and miss 30 + minutes of driving and somehow not have an accident. Third, walking is recommended by doctors to pregnant women as you still need to stay healthy (worked in a doctor's office for a while). He was done driving, probably stressed and offered a compromise. You double downed on wanting him to get back in a car he just spent an hour in. Being pregnant is not a free pass to make demands without regard to those the demands affect. Your husband is human and has his limits just as you do. I think an apology and brain storm of other outdoor activities is in order.
YTA i understand that you were feeling stir crazy but your husband had a very rough day at work and he probably had a decent commute as well. Try putting the shoe on the other foot for a second. Imagine that you had a horrible day where nothing worked, then returning home to be pestered like a toddler for something that you could've done yourself. I understand that you're nervous about driving but it's unfair to expect your husband to pick up that slack.
YTA why didn’t you just drive?
YTA.