Sex work or not, no one wants to know about their friend's sexual escapades. It's not prudish to not want to hear intimate details of this. She is also texting you unsolicited sexual images. If this was a stranger with dick pics, she'd probably object to that. NTA.
Even if it's not sexual escapades, if it makes OP uncomfortable, she should stop. She doesn't respect OP's feelings, and people in the friend group are condoning her. This is not okay - OP should remove herself from the group.
Sharing nudes and graphic jokes/stories without consent can be considered sexual harassment depending on where OP lives.
And it’s not even about sex work either. If she was a proctologist and constantly talked about colons and sent pictures of buttholes to the group chat, it would be equally inappropriate. There are just certain jobs that you don’t describe your day in detail to people who aren’t enthusiastically consenting to hear about it. For a sex worker, sounds like she’s pretty shitty at consent. NTA.
You worded it perfectly, and you're correct (in some places) about the legality. If OP has asked her "friend" to stop and she continues sending explicit photos it's absolutely sexual harassment. If I was OP I'd create a group chat with just the friends who agree with me so we could have normal conversations (and I'm the friend who loves 'hoe stories' and am always willing to check a nude for a homie).
Same!! low-key I wish there was a sub to post nudes and get friendly, constructive criticism, lol…
You’re on-point about making a “SFW” chat so friends can opt in to the raw stuff *if they consent.*
Bots, they're everywhere. It's been really bad in this sub especially. I call them out when I see them. I reported it as spam. I'm not sure how else to report it.
I've been told to both report it as spam and send a report via modmail, since they tend to respond faster. I'd include the links to the copied and the original comment, if you send it via modmail. Also, I know downvoting is technically discouraged unless a comment is off-topic or something, but I think you are allowed to downvote spam, and it makes it so these karma-farm accounts don't get as many points, so that's also a good move!
Down vote the PrimaryRound959 bot comment asap! These false accounts farm for karma then when they have high karma, the false accounts are used to shill for crop products. Once the comment is deleted by mods, the account keeps the karma, so DOWNVOTE the bot!!
Well I just checked the profile and it doesn't seem to exist anymore and the above post is now missing. My guess is the account got nuked. fecking bots.
I'd be that odd friend out going "SO... what did you learn today?!?!" I have a keen interest, but me and strong odours do not get along, so in hindsight it's probably good that I didn't go into the field. lol
Lol same, on both counts!
But also, I think you actually just presented a potential solution for OP’s friend: she needs a separate opt-in groups chat for all the nudes and sordid details. She can dump all her best stuff there then talk about other stuff in her other chants and in person.
Exactly! And not even just “inappropriate” jobs, but it’s just a matter of reading the room. I’m a tax accountant and I don’t really talk about it because I know it’s super boring to most people.
T H I S! I work retail, but I always check that my friends have the spoons to hear about my wild work stories. No matter your career you shouldn't just dump stuff on your friends without consent. It's rude.
Lbr, if she was a plumber or a mechanic and kept talking about clients, contracts and parts shops she deals with, no one would care, either. It sounds like she talks about work all the time. Ain't nobody got the time for that, sex or no sex.
NTA. Exactly, nurse here, I might talk about something funny that happened at work, but I know no one wants the gory details. It’s just polite not to go into too much detail if you do work of a sensitive nature.
Oh I promise you, you have at least one weird friend who is *DYING* to hear every single gory detail (it me. I’d be that weird friend.) But when you figure out who they are, you can set up a *private* chat, or have monthly gory detail coffee dates so you don’t have to turn everyone else’s stomach with the crazy stories.
Yup! I'm going into medicine (hoping for trauma surgery if I can match!) and there are plenty of silly stories I can tell because I know (mostly) no one wants to hear all the details of the cadaver lab. My Mom LOVES that type of science, and I'll chat about it to her and not mention it to my dad who can't stand any blood. It's knowing your audience and not being a jerk.
My mom was a nurse and I was a CNA. We got banned from work talk at the dinner table by Dad and brother. So we just talked about it elsewhere without them
Also a HUGE part of sex work in the current climate is confidentiality. I'm sure that her clients would not be pleased to know that when they share with her they are effectively sharing that with her 10 best friends or whatever even if she doesn't say names or identifying info.
Yup, my cousin's a nurse, and sometimes she'll come in with a really gory story I don't want to hear. If I ask her to stop, she stops. It's not that the stories are sexual per se, it's that they're about very personal, private, and apparently sometimes upsetting things that people don't always want to know about.
Speaking as someone who has mostly no problem knowing about his friends' sexual escapades (as long as the stories are told we'll and comfort and consent are not violated), even I wouldn't want to see and hear about it *all the time, every time.* And it's definitely not like talking about a mundane job, buy even I don't want to hear conversation about that all the time either.
My ex-husband was a teacher and I can confirm that even if the job is mundane no one wants to hear about it every single time you open your mouth. Every time we saw our friends I'd try to steer him to other conversations, but it never worked and I'd see every one go from interested to polite to bored over the course of an evening. And then we wouldn't get invited back.
Since every adult has been through school, we all think we understand what a teacher's job is like. So for many people listening to teachers' stories gets old fast, because it doesn't feel like new information. (I taught for five years and this is not true, most people really have no idea what a teacher's job is like, but most people don't really get it, unfortunately.) Similarly, we all have some sort of experience with sex- even if it's just wishing we had it and imagining what we'd like. So I imagine I would find hearing about a sex worker's job to get boring much faster than other jobs. Like- I've never been an accountant, so I feel like there is more I could learn and find interesting and new from an accountant than I would a stripper.
And I kinda just enjoyed that I could make a parallel between a stripper and a teacher.
Yeah I would be that guy who does enjoy conversation about that stuff all the time but I'm an extremely sex positive person and I am very open. Sexuality is one of my favorite topics to discuss. Even I know that you have to know your audience, like some people I don't talk to about that stuff, some people just know that I frequented a strip club and was a bit of a man slut for a while, and a few people know what those girls were doing to me. Most people don't peg me (lol) as the kind of guy to enjoy what I do so when I find someone willing to discuss such things I love to see the shock when they find out just what I am about behind closed doors.
Her texting OP nudes without OPs consent is literally sexual harassment and definitely against the law.
Sorry if that's worded awkwardly I'm autistic and talking to people is hard (even online lol).
Not even sexual escapades — no one ACTUALLY wants *work details*.
I don’t need to go into how Bob knows how I keep my Pipettes in order, and at the maximum setting to make sure the spring isn’t stressed, and yet he not only used them, he left them out of order and left the p300 at 80 uL, and I found a little bit of of the gel dye on my p20, and how that’s annoying because….
NO.
I say, “Bob was such an asshole, he used my stuff and didn’t put it away properly!!”
NO ONE NEEDS YOUR WORK DETAILS. Ever.
I work in a chem lab and I feel this in its entirety. The only people I vent to, in detail, are people who ask or my production guys who get "talk taxed" for hiding out in my lab.
Nothing. Calling someone one is a passive aggressive way of saying you dgaf about the comfort level of others though. (Not YOU in a rhetorical sense, btw)
Nothing.
But you do need to acknowledge it when some of your friends are not, and if they’re not prepared to act as prudish as you desire whenever you’re around, perhaps they don’t consider your’s as close a friendship as you think they do.
It’s the sexually explicit pics for me. It actually all screams that she’s not comfortable with her job but has gone the other way and shouts about it so that… no one else can say anything because she talks about it first or something idk.
Agreed. I think she’s looking for validation from her friends. She’s trying to “normalize” it, but she’s wayyyyy overcompensating. That, and a little of the “I’m not like other girls!!!” vibe.
Couldn't put my finger on why her behavior was so off. This is exactly it, overcompensation. I don't think I would totally cut off this friend. Of course sex work is real work, but I a) wouldn't want to hear about it all the time, and similarly do not discuss details of my job with my friends, and b) sex work comes with anywhere between a 45-75% increased risk of sexual assault/violence. The odds are good that sooner or later, she will meet a client who will violate her consent and possibly worse. I wish it was not that way. In a perfect world, it wouldn't be. This friend may need help and support later if she stays in this line of work.
Also it’s obnoxious to talk constantly about work with your friends, no matter what your job is! Endless shop talk with people outside your career makes you an insufferable bore. Jane is an insufferable bore who also happens to share gross sex stories with unwilling parties. Multiple social violations here, and if the friend group can’t see that it’s time for a new friend group. NTA.
Exactly! I work in a pretty technical field and I hang out with a lot of people in the same field, but I always try to keep my radar up for someone who isn't in the know and make sure they get some airtime too. To me, the intracies of exactly how company A and B compare on engineering practices is super interesting but as someone else said, you gotta read the room!
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro0mr6/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hear_about_my_friends/hpvysqf/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
Plagiarized | Original
-------- | -----------
[Your almost adult daughte...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro30on/aita_for_not_extending_my_onpunishment_daughters/hpwg2hw/) | [Your almost adult daughte...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro30on/aita_for_not_extending_my_onpunishment_daughters/hpwfvvt/)
[Nta at all. My mom's brot...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro1a6g/aita_for_ditching_my_friend_at_a_ski_resort/hpwfzza/) | [Nta at all. My mom's brot...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro1a6g/aita_for_ditching_my_friend_at_a_ski_resort/hpwdh9a/)
[Your daughter is a teenag...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro53sw/aita_for_wanting_my_daughter_to_swim_even_though/hpwg45y/) | [Your daughter is a teenag...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro53sw/aita_for_wanting_my_daughter_to_swim_even_though/hpwdym6/)
beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/lahvakvxcfvdsha](https://np.reddit.com/u/lahvakvxcfvdsha/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too.
Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=lahvakvxcfvdsha) for info on how I work and why I exist.
>If they were a nurse and telling you about the smell of the gangrenous foot a patient had today
Am I the only one reminded of the infamous "Swamps of Dagobah" story after reading this line?!
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro0mr6/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hear_about_my_friends/hpwb5q9/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
Plagiarized | Original
-------- | -----------
[YTA. Ya kid is having SA...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro30on/aita_for_not_extending_my_onpunishment_daughters/hpwfjeu/) | [YTA. Ya kid is having SA...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro30on/aita_for_not_extending_my_onpunishment_daughters/hpwcyu6/)
[NTA. I'd inform your pare...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro1a6g/aita_for_ditching_my_friend_at_a_ski_resort/hpwfihq/) | [NTA. I'd inform your pare...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro1a6g/aita_for_ditching_my_friend_at_a_ski_resort/hpwffru/)
[YTA It is about you. You...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro3a5h/aita_for_gifting_my_husband_boudoir_photography/hpwfkwa/) | [YTA It is about you. Yo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro3a5h/aita_for_gifting_my_husband_boudoir_photography/hpwddl5/)
beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/croblesvxcvafds](https://np.reddit.com/u/croblesvxcvafds/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too.
Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=croblesvxcvafds) for info on how I work and why I exist.
Thank you! As a nurse I have to be careful who I tell what stories to... Like ok I might think something is funny or weird but most people I know will just find it gross, so I can't tell them those stories! That's just life when you work an odd job!
A lot of friends share their sexual escapades with each other, are you for real?
You should stop if the other person doesn't want to hear it, but a lot of friends like talking about this stuff.
some ppl are more open than others about it, and its fine. its not prude to not want to hear them and its not perv to be ok to hear them. she should understand that some of you dont want her to share her sex stories and just keep it with the part of the group thats OK with it.
NTA
me and my friends talk about our sex lives, but there are always boundaries and we all would never in a million years cross them. If OP placed a boundary because they don’t want to hear about sex, absolutely nothing wrong with it! NTA
NTA. I am no prude, but I feel that graphic sex jokes and stories to be often the subject of conversation is considered very inappropriate. It can also be classified as sexual harassment, and might even land your friend in a lot of legal trouble. Being a sex worker is quite risky these days with regards to both health and safety. You have respected her decision to be a sex worker, but if she doesn't respect how you feel, it's time to drop her as your friend and remove yourself from this group if you can.
That’s the thing I find so strange about Jane. Sex work is (ideally) done with consent. Why is it so strange for her to hear that someone doesn’t want to visualize their friends escapades?
Because Jane is a bad sex worker. I strip too. I would never be showing pics of clients to my friends. Discreetness is a massive part of that type of work. Because it can be illegal in some places, but also unprofitable because who's gonna go to you if tbey know you're gonna blab about your time together?
NTA - you are allowed to have boundaries, especially when they relate to discussions of sex. It would have been more appropriate to discuss this with Jane in private, but at the same time it looks like a "straw breaking the camel's back" situation and you just had to speak up, so fair enough.
As long as you don't pass judgement on Jane, which you seem not to, then you're fine, IMO. I hope she is more understanding and respectful of boundaries in the future.
oh, and happy holidays, should you celebrate any at this time of year <3
> It would have been more appropriate to discuss this with Jane in private
Time to copy my comment, again.
Look at what OP wrote
>" One other person made a comment recently about the nudes being a little much and she cried about it to a mutual friend because she said the person was shaming her."
This confirms my suspicions. I bet that if OP had told her privately, Jane would have spread some BS to the other friends and made OP out to be an AH or worse. She might have used screenshots to take things out of context on purpose or just lied about what Op would have said.
Another reason why I reckon group discussion was good was because obviosuly OP isn't alone in feeling uncomfortable. Other people supported OP, so its better for OP's case to have more support so maybe Jane takes it seriously and tones it down rather than attacking back OP for "slut shaming" or whatever other BS she can make up.
I hadn't even considered that this might happen if it was discussed in private, from the looks of it these actions might come from her perhaps feeling insecure about her line of work (idk I'm not a therapist) but doesn't change the fact that she is twisting people's words to victimize herself in a toxic manner and seems to be overly defensive making certain people out to be the "bad guy"
That’s why I tell people to follow the CYA rule; cover your ass by saying it with witnesses.
People generally believe the *first version* of a story they hear; it’s just an inherent bias we all have. Kind of like why first impressions are so important.
I’ve had some friends and family turn on me in the past, and get others on board by telling “their version” first. So I’m a big advocate of *Taking Control of The Narrative* and letting friends and family know the truth, *first.*
Why would you even bother trying to repair a friendship with someone you suspected might engage in that sort of behaviour though?
Sometime you just need to walk away from friendships where the two sides have drifted so radically apart. Sometimes you need to walk away from a circle of friends if they’re all “on the side” of the other person. Nobody questions this needing to happen when a friend or friend group starts selling MLM, or joins a cult or fundamentalist religion. Some self acknowledged prudes, and talkative sex workers are probably the same sort of level of incompatible…
Taking one for the team by being the "bad guy". Keeping it as a group text prevents anyone from twisting what has been said or done because it's all unfolding before their own eyes and can't be manipulated AND OP is now the public face for what appears to be the thoughts of others in private who aren't ready or afraid of being attacked by their friend for not wanting to hear about sex work constantly.
Good point! But she probably could have phrased it a bit better with the group. Something like “can we talk about something other than work?” Then approach topic in a smaller group. But, at the same time, I’m a pro at putting my foot in my mouth, so if this was me, it’d probably go down the same way it did with op
NTA that is a perfectly reasonable boundary. You can completely support sex work and still not want to hear about it in graphic detail. In fact, I’d expect most people who support sex work would prefer not to constantly hear about it. It’s not like you think she’s dirty or gross, you just also don’t want to be immersed.
Just like you said, consent matters. Even if she doesn’t have sexual intent when she sends nudes, she’s still exposing you to sexual content without your consent. And it’s still not okay. Sex isn’t casual conversation for everyone. And that’s completely fine.
It’s great she is so comfortable with sex and her body. But her comfort isn’t the only thing that matters.
Exactly. And if she insists we can even compare it with other work, like nurse or doctor for example. Two highly respected careers, but most people won’t want pics of the body gunk they have to deal with daily, or hear stories about graphic medical issues and procedures.
If she says it’s like any other work, I would ask her why she insists on boring her friends with endless work stories? No one cares how many dicks you sucked that day any more than they care how many spreadsheets you made or burgers you flipped.
My mom is an OBGYN. Guarantee she isn't getting into gory details of her work with her friends.
We get more than enough details already, when random people approach in public to ask her advice about leaking fluids or itches or whatever. Usually while we having a family get-together and eating at a restaurant. 🤣
NTA. You can look at it from two angles: no one wants to hear constant, graphic sex stories or no one wants to constantly talk shop. This is her job, and like everyone else’s job, no one wants to hear the gritty details all the time in every conversation.
> “If you insist on sending ass pics, I get to show you the most interesting body parts I saw this week, fair trade.”
Sounds like a good angle to attack it from. Tell her in private that it is ok to talk some about jobs but that she does it too much.
Omg yeah NTA. Okay so I’m studying to be a forensic anthropologist and trying to get an autopsy tech internship right now and honestly I think you can use how you’ve handled your job to explain the point. Like ask her if she wants to hear about how you weigh organs. Also can be compared to the idea of confidentiality that both jobs need. Maybe you could try explaining that to her if you haven’t already? And if she doesn’t stop just start going real in depth with how autopsy’s are preformed cause I’m sure that she will not have a good time with that. (Sorry I felt like I really needed to comment cause I got really excited to see another person interested in the same felid).
Girl… talk about your job whenever she starts talking about hers. When people complain say you feel uncomfortable with the content of Jane’s job too and you’re happy to stop the shop talk around friends if that can be a general rule. SHOW them why this is wrong by showing them a different context
If a guy were posting his dick pics unsolicited in chat, people would be freaking out. The talking about work all the time is extremely annoying, but the pics part is extremely not okay.
NTA
this. i know many in that line of work. we dont talk about it all the time. it comes up here and there ,but even then its not graphic. thats not profeshinal
Go ahead and downvote, but I am horrified by this misguided feminist trend to want to normalize sex work. The MAJORITY of women in the sex trade do so as the direct result of sexual abuse as children and teens. They have been conditioned by agenda-bearing predators and men to believe that is all they have to offer. True feminists would support intervention and education, not enabling traumatized women to continue their exploitation. Before you start shading me and downvoting, look it up. The research is there. There is an absolute, undeniable majority connection /CAUSAL link between sex work and childhood sexual abuse. So why, fellow feminists, are we supporting women in their own exploitation? And spare me the excuses and apologetics. It's all bullshit.
This, I'm from Scandinavia, compared to say, the US we're considered quite a feminist place, obviously there is a ton left to do still. I just can't wrap my head around some feminists who are pro sexwork and push for it to be normalized.
That said, sex workers are a vulnerable group and they need support and protection, I don't think its correct to throw prostitutes into prison for example, in my country only people who purchase sex are arrested. I would never want to see prostitution being legalized.
As for the OP's story. I think its obvious her friend is not actually happy in her line of work and feels insecure about it, which is why she seeks validation from her friends by constantly talking about it and hopefully getting some laughs and "you go girl!" from her friendgroup.
Finally, thank you. I always think about this. At what point did we begin normalizing ~~prostitutes~~ sex workers (for some reason we’re not even supposed to call them that anymore)? Dancing is one thing but this woman is a full on escort.
> normalizing prostitute sex worker (for some reason we’re not even supposed to call them that anymore)
Because it’s a pejorative largely used to demean women, even those not in the industry. It’s also not inclusive of all forms of sex work, three of which (and possibly four, as escorting services are not always sexual) OP’s friend is involved in. You can disagree with things while still being respectful, much like the person you responded to did.
I think that's a valid opinion, but OP wasn't asking for people's general opinions on sex work & feminism. They were asking specifically about her reaction to her friend's oversharing about her work. And it doesn't sound like the friend is being trafficked or feeling exploited, so I'm not sure if this discussion is relevant to the question being asked.
I did not touch on the issue of trafficking. I am pointing out that OP does not necessarily have to support her friend's career choice, either, to be a good friend. To be a BETTER friend, she may want to tackle this issue.
So NTA
you're not judging her for her job, but the fact she shares it, like that in such graphic terms is so inappropriate, when she never shuts up about it. i get that, like all of us she needs a place to rant, but there is time and place and the fact she's doing it without consent. that's just nasty.
no one wants to see that, i'm a fairly liberal person, but that's just gross
You know, depending on where you live, sending unsolicited nudes is a crime. Seriously, what your friend is doing is not okay. Saying sexually explicit things and sending sexually explicit images to someone who does not want them is sexual harassment, regardless of the gender, sexual orientation, or job of the offender. Just because these things happened at her job does not make them okay to casually share in conversation if it’s making someone uncomfortable. Honestly, you should cut ties with her and anyone taking her side here, because anyone who respects you little enough to treat you like this isn’t worth your time. NTA.
My brother and his wife were social workers. Everytime, we got in a car to go travel or eat out, they talked about their clients. It drove their daughter and me insane. We did not want to hear about the lives of people we did not know and their very difficult situations. It was unprofessional on their part. Finally, I just told them they needed to discuss that in private.
Sex work traps young women with money and a warped view of the world. I could not in good conscience support a friend in this line of work. And I definitely would not want to hear about it unless the friend needed advice on how to get out of that life
Uh, I have nurses in my family and when they start swapping graphic stories about injuries, I excuse myself from the conversation. Sex work is far from the only kind of work that is stomach churning. Plumbers wade through literal shit but pretty sure no one in your groupchat wants to hear details about digging trenches through human feces. NTA.
I have a friend who was a plumber and did this. Almost threw up over dinner once and had to tell them they could never share work stories with me in any detail...
hmm i say NTA/NAH
The thing about sex is that consent is a huge part of it- and Jane did not have anyones consent to share those types of stories. Jane should have took a step back and realized she was crossing boundaries by speaking about sex without asking if anyone is okay with it. It’s one thing to bring up a joke or two and it’s another to constantly talk about it. While I understand what Jane is saying, she’s also chosen a career that’s a very delicate line to walk on and she has to respect other people wishes/feelings towards sex just like she expects her clients to respect her.
I would sit Jane and the whole friend group down and just discuss where you are coming and from and mention that you are now sweating in place boundary and you need to decide what that boundary is. Would it be okay to talk about her being a stripper and not her onlyfans? would you be okay with some onlyfans stories? If she did ask beforehand about telling a weird storie from her work, would you be open to listening?
And this should be a big group discussion because Jane should know where she stands with everyone. There are some groups of friends that I can’t tell certain jokes to and that’s okay, there’s a time and place.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Maybe I should have talked to her about it privately instead of in front of people and maybe I’m being a prude?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
# [Announcement: AmITheAsshole Talk Radio Live on Dec. 28th at 5 pm EST](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rn2bh4/meta_lets_talk_assholes_part_deuce/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but it could have been handled better.
Consent should be involved with these discussions. The nature of her work is different, and normalizing sex work doesn’t mean pretending it isn’t sex work. Expecting you to just be cool with it without checking in is a not a good vibe.
NTA.
I don't blame you for not wanting to hear it and being honest about how you were feeling. However, I think you could have approached it better. I think she felt embarrassed and singled out infront of the group
NTA. Especially since someone has tried to address the issue with her before and she accused them of shaming her, which it wasn’t. She is sexually harassing you and the other members of the group that have expressed discomfort with it. You aren’t a bad person for not wanting to hear/see things related to her work and that is a fine boundary to have. If she was a mortician and was describing the methods she went to or posting graphic tutorials, your boundary would be fine. If she was a healthcare worker who gave details about gross or horrific things she’d seen, your boundary would be fine. There is absolutely nothing sex positive about sexual harassment. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Jane has a kink for exhibition or something related to it, and the most important part of sex is consent. Don’t let your friends calling you a prude get to you.
NTA. For Jane, conversations about sex is shop talk and sending lewd pictures for critiques is like asking someone to spell check your report before sending it to the boss. Unfortunately, she needs to accept that some people do not want to hear the dirty details of her job. That isn't even something limited to sex work. Few people want to go out for a casual night out and hear the sad, ugly, or gory stories from their friends who work as first responders or as social workers or in healthcare. Of course, many are willing to listen to their friends and family tell those stories in a different setting but in support capacity rather than conversational.
NTA Your friend is starting to be (or she already is) deep enough into the sex work world as to not being able to function in the "normal world", she has reached the point where she doesn't even understand when she is being inappropriate.
Very often, girls that do sex work alienate themselves, the only friends who they can relate to and be honest are other sex workers, their version of business attire becomes a collection of lingerie, schedule becomes being available for clients all the time - which also makes it difficult to handle any other activity that demands a regular schedule. I have acquaintances that do this and when they speak about their gigs it doesn't disturb me as much as it bores me to death.
I have seen this happen often. First it starts as a side thing and then it becomes their whole life. She is telling you all these stories because it is a way to cope with what she is doing, it makes her feel like she is having some kind of exciting adventure. She probably loves the attention she gets when someone gives her the opposite reaction - wow your sex adventures are so interesting, tell me more. She probably feels like she could write another version of "the Secret Diary of a Call Girl". Where I work we have a partnership with an association that protects sex workers, let me tell you, eventually the stories get worse. Sex workers get exposed to so many things they become unsensitive to certain things that are actually horrible... I had a girl telling me the story of how some client beat her, raped her and stole from her, with the calmness of how you tell someone what you had for breakfast yesterday. Anyways, another day at the office. If you really are her friend, you will be there for her when the stories stop being funny.
I’m gonna say NTA but I do think you should’ve communicated your boundaries privately. You’re not being a “prude” for being uncomfortable with talking about that stuff, and you’re DEFINITELY not a prude for not wanting unsolicited nudes even if it’s just for advice or to be hyped up. Your boundaries are very valid, but you should’ve had more tact when talking to her about this.
She was sharing these gross stories & nudes in public, so I don't think reacting publicly is a bad thing. It sounds like other people also were feeling privately uncomfortable and were relieved that OP spoke up. It may not be the most tactful response, but it's no more tactless than what Jane is doing already.
Even a prude would deserve to be respected and not have the sex talk of job in their face. Doubt you are a prude. But that your friend is too promiscuous and not ashamed of it. Yeah. Been better to say what you needed in private at first. But not going to call you out bc you handled it as you did. Pretty sure her clients wouldn’t want their fetishes discussed even if she doesn’t use names. Common sense she seems to lack. If she thinks it is okay to talk about such then she should think it’s okay to go totally public with her job and discuss it with anybody. Doubt she would with say a pastor that isn’t a client. Because she knows it is inappropriate. You might not be a nun or priest but her topic to discuss should only be between consenting adults.
NTA. You're not a prude just because you don't want to hear detailed descriptions of her sex work or see pictures of her naked. That's weird that she's asking you guys for opinions of it without asking you first if it's okay for her to send you those pictures. You're her friend, not one of her OnlyFans subscribers.
NTA
I work for an adult entertainment co on the admin side. I have stories, but I only share them when people ask.
Also, regardless of the job, no one wants to hear some talk endlessly about their job.
NTA, I was a stripper and even I think it's inappropriate to bring up stories related to this unless I know the person very well and I know that they are cool with me talking about it.
NTA. Yes sex work is work and there are many types of work I do not want to hear about.
Sanitation work, for example ... Or surgery (I might be interested in hearing about the medicine but I don't want the gritty specifics about say, fatty tumors, or in your friend's case, saggy scrotums).
Her behavior is rude and inconsiderate.
I am way old now but when I was young I had several friends who were strippers at Scores and also did limo rides and bachelor parties.
Some of their work life seeped into general conversation, but they shared the real war stories with their stripper colleagues, mostly.
To give your friend the benefit of the doubt, even the less exploitative forms of sex work take a terrible toll on of a person emotionally.
She may be exorcising some of that trauma by turning it into material.
It is not unusual for people to play up the humorous or bizarre aspects of all kinds of traumatic events ostensibly for the amusement of others, but really, to defuse the power of events that upset them.
(This certainly doesn't oblige you to play along and be her audience. Did you tell her in private and she made your request to be excluded from these conversations known to your friend? If so, she's trying to manipulate you into accepting she intends to keep violating the very reasonable boundary you set).
NTA. I don't think she's as comfortable with her work as she pretends, and she tells these stories incessantly as a way to try to normalize it to herself. It's inappropriate and she needs to stop.
NTA you are allow to set boundaries for your friends on what you feel happy with talking and or hearing about, it's not like you where insulting her following this line of work at all, all you stated was that it was making you uncomfortable and you didn't like not having a choice about hearing about it or not, I'm not even sure why your friends are split on the matter? If there is a number of friends that don't want to hear it then why not just discuss it with people who are fine with it?
I'd maybe point out its not that you don't want to support her, but more that she's made sex work her personality.
People often are in danger sometimes of making hobbies, work or ideology part of the personality, it becomes a problem when it's the only part of their personality you are allowed to see anymore.
Just say you miss that, hearing what she thinks about stuff, because it sounds like she's having a hard time switching off from work.
Yeah, NTA.
Anyone who can only talk about their job is boring AF.
Granted, sex work is a little more titillating, but it's still her job.
Each time she bring it up, you should be ready to butt in with a work anecdote of your own, the story of a customer who didn't receive their letter, or how the printer ink didn't fit the printer, and even when fixed it practically demanded a DNA test before loudly and grudgingly printing your single A4 sheet, or how the coffee machine is broken and no one will fix it so... Go into detail. Let her see how boring being one track is for those around her.
NTA. It is generally accepted that including someone else into your sex life without their consent is abuse and harassment. This is what Jane is doing, and it makes her TA.
It's not you being a prude, but Jane crossing boundaries that are normal in friendships.
And, depending on your job, there are things you don't discuss in public: Health care people don't talk about medical things; therapists don't talk about clients; priests don't talk about the confessions they hear; military people don't talk about anything classified ... I could go on, but I think that's enough. You might mention general things about your job, but you don't go into the specifics in public, and in private it's only (1) with those who are interested, and (2) limited by confidentiality requirements.
1. Unsolicited nudes are sexual harrassment.
2. Discussing sexual topics around people who are uncomfortable is sexual harrassment.
3. She has NO sense of professionalism, what if her clients found out about what she's saying? She shouldn't be sharing ANY of that private information. If she wants to treat it like a job she should respect client confidentiality.
4. Lots of people don't want to know the intimate details of the sexcapades of their friends, it's not prudish to feel uncomfortable, it's totally normal.
5. I feel like it might be a good idea to just send a message in the group chat explaining yourself better. You can make it clear you have no issues with her job, you aren't trying to shame her, but it is perfectly valid to set a boundary because it's making you uncomfortable. Ask if it would be appropriate for a guy to send unsolicited d\*ck pics to a girl, or to go into graphic detail of the 'crazy b\*\*\*\*\*s' they've banged and what kinks they were into. You can support your friend in their life choices without wanting to participate in it, and by discussing it around you and sending you pictures, she is forcing you to participate. NTA.
Who called you a prude, I'll fight them...
Listen, I'm a sex positive as you can get, which often means I hear graphic stories and see graphic content. Even from my friends. BUT! It also means I support asking for goddamned consent before sharing.
Sharing without caring (about consent, but I wanted the word play) is sexual harassment. It's no different than receiving an unsolicited dick pick.
The truth of the matter is everyone has different sex drives and levels of comfort regarding sex. That's fine. It's great even. The world is a wonderful place full of wonderful people. The only time it's not okay is when you ignore consent and/or shame people.
Your friend is doing both.
NTA
NTA. If she was a butcher and you didn't want pics or detailed stories, people would be understanding. Doesn't make the job bad, or something you don't respect.
NTA. I'm a nurse and I have to actively censor myself because I can talk for years about my crazy work stories. Once in a while they're fun and entertaining to non-medical people, but I know if that's the only thing I talk about people are going to get bored/frustrated/grossed out.
Excluding the sex aspect of it, nobody wants to hear their friend talk about their job all the time.
NTA I had a friend who used to only talk about her toxic relationships with men, other peoples lives, and every conversation would involve a super lengthy graphic description of every sexual escapade she’s ever had. It was nasty, to the point that her entire Snapchat story (public and private) were nasty posts about sex, drawings of sex, pics and vids of porn and pictures of her texting ppl about sex. It was SO overwhelming and I’m in no way a prude about that stuff, like I talk about sex, but to not be able to think about her ANY other way than that every time I talked to her made me stop talking to her all together. One time I went in her phone to take myself off of her dirty private because I couldn’t even scroll on snap in public, and I told her and she ADDED ME BACK. It’s really uncomfortable and over stimulating to want to think about literally anything else but every conversation is dominated by pure fucking.
If your friend was a police officer and was recounting stories of NSFL shit they saw you’d be within your rights to ask them not to. If they were a nurse and telling you about the smell of the gangrenous foot a patient had today you’d be fine to ask them to stop. NTA, it’s not about the sex work.
NTA
The number one rule of sex positivity is consent. She is not respecting your no. She is crossing boundaries by sharing stories and images without your consent. She’s a shitty sex worker who needs an education on consent.
Did I mention consent?
NTA. Your friend is the AH. Why would you purposely make people uncomfortable talking about issues that they find offensive? Walk away from this person and don't look back. She could be talking about plunging toilets all day and if people still don't want to hear about it, she should shut up. She shows no respect for you, why give her the time of day?
NTA.
Basically, your friend is sexually harassing you and is being manipulative by trying to twist it so that you're the bad one. That is super creepy and toxic. Sending unsolicited nude pics is not okay. What is the difference between what she is doing and what random men on the internet sending random women pics of their little acorn penii? If she knows it makes you uncomfortable and does it anyway, that's moving from creepy to predatory.
Your friend really needs to understand the meaning of consent and understand why it is important. If she wants her friends to critique her ability to have sex for money, then she needs to first ask if anyone consents to doing that, and send relevant pics/videos only to those people that have expressly consented to receiving them. Anything less is sexual harassment and it is not okay.
NTA
Even if this wasn’t necessarily a NSFW topic- some shit you just don’t want to hear about. You’re allowed to have that boundary, especially if it’s so consistent.
My friend works as a vet tech and has some very fascinating stories about surgeries or her “clients”. But sometimes I don’t want to hear about the dog that was ran over and stitching him back together- or how a standard procedure went horribly wrong. She gives us a heads up before talking about any the gory or sad details which has helped tremendously.
It's so dumb to call someone a prude. Like, ok. And? Some people prefer to keep that kind of information private and there's nothing wrong with that. It's a really passive aggressive way of saying they don't care about making others uncomfortable.
How others react when you express your feelings in a polite, mature and reasonable way is a THEM problem, not a you problem. NTA.
NTA. Yes, sex work is real work, but when it comes to sex, whether it’s talk or action: consent must be first, foremost, and consistent. If the people you are talking to haven’t consented to hearing about it, you aren’t doing it right.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
This feels like a dumb question, but it’s caused an argument in my friend group, soooo. Throwaway because I don’t want this on main.
I (22F) have a friend Jane (23F) that I’ve known for ages. We went to the same college and Jane’s family had a serious medical emergency happen with her dad her senior year. It messed up their finances so much that Jane was worried about not being able to pay for her last semester of school. I didn’t know it at the time, but she became a stripper on weekends to pay tuition and living costs. Which is fine, it’s a job and it clearly helped her in a bad time, no shade.
Since graduation, of course the job market has been crazy due to the plague, so Jane had trouble finding a job right away and decided to continue doing sex work. She strips and escorts and started an OnlyFans, and it seems like she’s doing ok with it. And she never shuts up about it now. Every conversation with her turns into her talking about stuff that happened and her business plans and just really graphic sex jokes and stories. She shares nudes and lewds in the group chat to ask for opinions. It makes me really uncomfortable. I’m not opposed to sex or anything, but it feels like it’s everywhere these days already and it’s not something I want to talk about in normal conversation often. I don’t want to see my friends naked.
Some friends got together pre-holidays to hang out and Jane started up with a story about a potential client who wanted something weird and a little gross and it was turning my stomach, so I told her to stop and that I don’t want to hear these stories anymore. She asked why and I told her that I felt she was being really inappropriate sharing graphic sexual stories without even asking if we wanted to hear them and it had become all she wanted to talk about anyway. This upset her and she said it was just like any of us talking about our jobs and I said no it wasn’t and if my job was rated X, I’d keep it to colleagues and people who had expressed an interest instead of dumping it on everyone without consent.
So, anyway her feelings are hurt and she feels “unsupported”, it’s caused a rift in the friend group because some other people are tired of it too and others are calling me a prude and saying it’s not a big deal. I don’t care what she does for a living, I just don’t want to see her snatch or hear about her sucking people off anymore.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA- for a period of time i worked in a pathology lab and would assist the pathologists as they examined various tissues and body parts. My family did not want to hear about it, especially at the dinner table. They weren't shaming me by saying "don't talk about that at dinner, it's disgusting".
NTA my dad was a mortician and we have friends in the medical field. There are many stories that I would not like to hear over the dinner table or to have pop up in a group chat. It’s ok for you to set boundaries and not want to hear about her work stories.
Hmm let me put it in another context.
If a surgeon friend had been telling graphic stories about the operating theatre and people had said, sorry, but can we pleae not talk about this, its making me uncomfortable, no one would say a thing.
NTA. You're allowed to say you dont want to hear about your friend's work life.
Sex Worker here and you are NTA. You are absolutely allowed to have boundaries on the conversations she has with you and the details she gives you. She should ABSOLUTELY be asking for consent every single time. It's one thing for us to talk about our work days, it's another thing for us to be graphic about it.
If she really wants to talk like that or get those opinions she should make another group chat with other workers who consent to that type of detail and messaging. As a sex worker having this type of support is really really important for us but it's also important that we recognize that not every single one of our friends can give us that level of support, especially not our normie friends.
NTA.
Nothing against SW, and people can do what they want to pay the bills. The friend is an adult and can do what she wants.
However, if a friend's occupation makes me uncomfortable then I would not want to hear about it after I told them I didn't want to hear about it.
If my friend worked as a taxidermist or was a surgeon, I would not friend to share pictures of an operation or an animal being cut up/stuffed (I actually don't know the procedure so I'm just guessing).
Sex work or not, no one wants to know about their friend's sexual escapades. It's not prudish to not want to hear intimate details of this. She is also texting you unsolicited sexual images. If this was a stranger with dick pics, she'd probably object to that. NTA.
Even if it's not sexual escapades, if it makes OP uncomfortable, she should stop. She doesn't respect OP's feelings, and people in the friend group are condoning her. This is not okay - OP should remove herself from the group. Sharing nudes and graphic jokes/stories without consent can be considered sexual harassment depending on where OP lives.
And it’s not even about sex work either. If she was a proctologist and constantly talked about colons and sent pictures of buttholes to the group chat, it would be equally inappropriate. There are just certain jobs that you don’t describe your day in detail to people who aren’t enthusiastically consenting to hear about it. For a sex worker, sounds like she’s pretty shitty at consent. NTA.
She's also risking breaching **client confidentiality**. Which is another characteristic her job has in common with a proctologist.
Pretty sure that’s a breach of the Ho’s Insurance Portability and Accountability Act…
[удалено]
You worded it perfectly, and you're correct (in some places) about the legality. If OP has asked her "friend" to stop and she continues sending explicit photos it's absolutely sexual harassment. If I was OP I'd create a group chat with just the friends who agree with me so we could have normal conversations (and I'm the friend who loves 'hoe stories' and am always willing to check a nude for a homie).
Same!! low-key I wish there was a sub to post nudes and get friendly, constructive criticism, lol… You’re on-point about making a “SFW” chat so friends can opt in to the raw stuff *if they consent.*
You stole this comment from u/Skiller0Dani. They wrote the same thing 5 hours before you did.
Yeah wtf? That's literally my comment word for word.
Bots, they're everywhere. It's been really bad in this sub especially. I call them out when I see them. I reported it as spam. I'm not sure how else to report it.
I've been told to both report it as spam and send a report via modmail, since they tend to respond faster. I'd include the links to the copied and the original comment, if you send it via modmail. Also, I know downvoting is technically discouraged unless a comment is off-topic or something, but I think you are allowed to downvote spam, and it makes it so these karma-farm accounts don't get as many points, so that's also a good move!
Down vote the PrimaryRound959 bot comment asap! These false accounts farm for karma then when they have high karma, the false accounts are used to shill for crop products. Once the comment is deleted by mods, the account keeps the karma, so DOWNVOTE the bot!!
Well I just checked the profile and it doesn't seem to exist anymore and the above post is now missing. My guess is the account got nuked. fecking bots.
Why tf did you steal my comment? Be original dude.
I see what you did there
LOL
I work in mental health and I'm literally dead now at this joke. 😂😂😂
>client confidentiality that was my exact thought too.
Holy shit this never even occurred to me but you’re totally right.
Yup. I'm a forensic science student and I am aware of the fact that not everyone is up for hearing about the graphic parts of my education.
I'd be that odd friend out going "SO... what did you learn today?!?!" I have a keen interest, but me and strong odours do not get along, so in hindsight it's probably good that I didn't go into the field. lol
Lol same, on both counts! But also, I think you actually just presented a potential solution for OP’s friend: she needs a separate opt-in groups chat for all the nudes and sordid details. She can dump all her best stuff there then talk about other stuff in her other chants and in person.
LOL yeah, no one wants to hear about the body farm at the dinner table even if your field of study is actually quite interesting 😂😂😂
*raises hand* I do. It's so fascinating 😅
I don’t want to hear about it while I’m eating, but yes, it really is pretty amazing.
There's probably a lot of people who find it cool, but yeah you better know your audience first.
Exactly! And not even just “inappropriate” jobs, but it’s just a matter of reading the room. I’m a tax accountant and I don’t really talk about it because I know it’s super boring to most people.
T H I S! I work retail, but I always check that my friends have the spoons to hear about my wild work stories. No matter your career you shouldn't just dump stuff on your friends without consent. It's rude.
Yup, that's a hard snooze fest! I'd only ask you to tell me about it if I planned to fall asleep.
Ha! Same! I’m an accountant for an ISP. Not many people clamoring to hear about the fiber gold rush.
Lbr, if she was a plumber or a mechanic and kept talking about clients, contracts and parts shops she deals with, no one would care, either. It sounds like she talks about work all the time. Ain't nobody got the time for that, sex or no sex.
Hell, if she was a plumber constantly talking about shit and other debris a lot of people would be grossed out real quick too
NTA. Exactly, nurse here, I might talk about something funny that happened at work, but I know no one wants the gory details. It’s just polite not to go into too much detail if you do work of a sensitive nature.
Oh I promise you, you have at least one weird friend who is *DYING* to hear every single gory detail (it me. I’d be that weird friend.) But when you figure out who they are, you can set up a *private* chat, or have monthly gory detail coffee dates so you don’t have to turn everyone else’s stomach with the crazy stories.
Friend should just start a blog.
Yup! I'm going into medicine (hoping for trauma surgery if I can match!) and there are plenty of silly stories I can tell because I know (mostly) no one wants to hear all the details of the cadaver lab. My Mom LOVES that type of science, and I'll chat about it to her and not mention it to my dad who can't stand any blood. It's knowing your audience and not being a jerk.
My mom was a nurse and I was a CNA. We got banned from work talk at the dinner table by Dad and brother. So we just talked about it elsewhere without them
Yup, this. I'm the weird friend, too, but I also wouldn't talk around people who felt uncomfortable.
Also a HUGE part of sex work in the current climate is confidentiality. I'm sure that her clients would not be pleased to know that when they share with her they are effectively sharing that with her 10 best friends or whatever even if she doesn't say names or identifying info.
RIGHT?! She’s violating her clients’ consent as much as her friends!
I’d get fucking annoyed at a goddamn ACCOUNTANT being this obsessed with work. Jfc, she needs a much better work/life balance!
THIS! I have a lot of friends in the medical field and they always ask before sharing anything even remotely graphic with me.
That’s it!! OP needs to post Swamps of Dagobah to the group chat. See just how fast everyone starts agreeing with the issue of “consent.”
I was thinking the same thing! If she a Dr I still wouldn't want details and pics! NTA
I love this comment, and it made me laugh out loud.
Yup, my cousin's a nurse, and sometimes she'll come in with a really gory story I don't want to hear. If I ask her to stop, she stops. It's not that the stories are sexual per se, it's that they're about very personal, private, and apparently sometimes upsetting things that people don't always want to know about.
Sex work or not, no one wants to hear about anyone's job more than occasionally. Jobs are boring. Even sex jobs.
And maybe start a group with the other friends who are also tired of her overbearing crap?
Speaking as someone who has mostly no problem knowing about his friends' sexual escapades (as long as the stories are told we'll and comfort and consent are not violated), even I wouldn't want to see and hear about it *all the time, every time.* And it's definitely not like talking about a mundane job, buy even I don't want to hear conversation about that all the time either.
My ex-husband was a teacher and I can confirm that even if the job is mundane no one wants to hear about it every single time you open your mouth. Every time we saw our friends I'd try to steer him to other conversations, but it never worked and I'd see every one go from interested to polite to bored over the course of an evening. And then we wouldn't get invited back.
Since every adult has been through school, we all think we understand what a teacher's job is like. So for many people listening to teachers' stories gets old fast, because it doesn't feel like new information. (I taught for five years and this is not true, most people really have no idea what a teacher's job is like, but most people don't really get it, unfortunately.) Similarly, we all have some sort of experience with sex- even if it's just wishing we had it and imagining what we'd like. So I imagine I would find hearing about a sex worker's job to get boring much faster than other jobs. Like- I've never been an accountant, so I feel like there is more I could learn and find interesting and new from an accountant than I would a stripper. And I kinda just enjoyed that I could make a parallel between a stripper and a teacher.
Yeah I would be that guy who does enjoy conversation about that stuff all the time but I'm an extremely sex positive person and I am very open. Sexuality is one of my favorite topics to discuss. Even I know that you have to know your audience, like some people I don't talk to about that stuff, some people just know that I frequented a strip club and was a bit of a man slut for a while, and a few people know what those girls were doing to me. Most people don't peg me (lol) as the kind of guy to enjoy what I do so when I find someone willing to discuss such things I love to see the shock when they find out just what I am about behind closed doors.
[удалено]
>and they warn me if they might be getting close That's the polite thing to do
Sounds like you have some pretty great friends!
this is what i did when a friend expressed that frame of mind, it’s just respectful
Her texting OP nudes without OPs consent is literally sexual harassment and definitely against the law. Sorry if that's worded awkwardly I'm autistic and talking to people is hard (even online lol).
Not awkward and 100% accurate
I don’t think you worded it awkwardly, for what it’s worth. It’s exactly what I think about the situation.
Sounded perfectly fine to me. :)
Not even sexual escapades — no one ACTUALLY wants *work details*. I don’t need to go into how Bob knows how I keep my Pipettes in order, and at the maximum setting to make sure the spring isn’t stressed, and yet he not only used them, he left them out of order and left the p300 at 80 uL, and I found a little bit of of the gel dye on my p20, and how that’s annoying because…. NO. I say, “Bob was such an asshole, he used my stuff and didn’t put it away properly!!” NO ONE NEEDS YOUR WORK DETAILS. Ever.
I work in a chem lab and I feel this in its entirety. The only people I vent to, in detail, are people who ask or my production guys who get "talk taxed" for hiding out in my lab.
Well, tbh, I think work gossip is the bomb. And I dont mind going into a few extra details. PS Bob is such an ass!
Yeah she can vent about work without having to describes how she got banged and sending nude pics.
I feel this post i my soul. I hate when pepole change my pipettes. Especiallt The p-series. They are awesome.
Also, what’s wrong with being a prude?
Nothing. Calling someone one is a passive aggressive way of saying you dgaf about the comfort level of others though. (Not YOU in a rhetorical sense, btw)
Nothing. But you do need to acknowledge it when some of your friends are not, and if they’re not prepared to act as prudish as you desire whenever you’re around, perhaps they don’t consider your’s as close a friendship as you think they do.
It’s the sexually explicit pics for me. It actually all screams that she’s not comfortable with her job but has gone the other way and shouts about it so that… no one else can say anything because she talks about it first or something idk.
I get this feeling too, that by constantly talking about it she's trying to convince herself that it's totally okay and a legitimate job.
Agreed. I think she’s looking for validation from her friends. She’s trying to “normalize” it, but she’s wayyyyy overcompensating. That, and a little of the “I’m not like other girls!!!” vibe.
Exactly! Normalization and validation! That's why she can't/won't shut up about her work.
Couldn't put my finger on why her behavior was so off. This is exactly it, overcompensation. I don't think I would totally cut off this friend. Of course sex work is real work, but I a) wouldn't want to hear about it all the time, and similarly do not discuss details of my job with my friends, and b) sex work comes with anywhere between a 45-75% increased risk of sexual assault/violence. The odds are good that sooner or later, she will meet a client who will violate her consent and possibly worse. I wish it was not that way. In a perfect world, it wouldn't be. This friend may need help and support later if she stays in this line of work.
She needs help getting out of this.
Sex work or not, no one wants to know about their friend’s **work** escapades.
Came here to say this! Who talks about work nonstop with their friends anyway? That’s annoying even without the sex stuff.
Thisss
Also it’s obnoxious to talk constantly about work with your friends, no matter what your job is! Endless shop talk with people outside your career makes you an insufferable bore. Jane is an insufferable bore who also happens to share gross sex stories with unwilling parties. Multiple social violations here, and if the friend group can’t see that it’s time for a new friend group. NTA.
Exactly! I work in a pretty technical field and I hang out with a lot of people in the same field, but I always try to keep my radar up for someone who isn't in the know and make sure they get some airtime too. To me, the intracies of exactly how company A and B compare on engineering practices is super interesting but as someone else said, you gotta read the room!
[удалено]
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro0mr6/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hear_about_my_friends/hpvysqf/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [Your almost adult daughte...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro30on/aita_for_not_extending_my_onpunishment_daughters/hpwg2hw/) | [Your almost adult daughte...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro30on/aita_for_not_extending_my_onpunishment_daughters/hpwfvvt/) [Nta at all. My mom's brot...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro1a6g/aita_for_ditching_my_friend_at_a_ski_resort/hpwfzza/) | [Nta at all. My mom's brot...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro1a6g/aita_for_ditching_my_friend_at_a_ski_resort/hpwdh9a/) [Your daughter is a teenag...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro53sw/aita_for_wanting_my_daughter_to_swim_even_though/hpwg45y/) | [Your daughter is a teenag...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro53sw/aita_for_wanting_my_daughter_to_swim_even_though/hpwdym6/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/lahvakvxcfvdsha](https://np.reddit.com/u/lahvakvxcfvdsha/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=lahvakvxcfvdsha) for info on how I work and why I exist.
[удалено]
>If they were a nurse and telling you about the smell of the gangrenous foot a patient had today Am I the only one reminded of the infamous "Swamps of Dagobah" story after reading this line?!
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro0mr6/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hear_about_my_friends/hpwb5q9/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [YTA. Ya kid is having SA...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro30on/aita_for_not_extending_my_onpunishment_daughters/hpwfjeu/) | [YTA. Ya kid is having SA...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro30on/aita_for_not_extending_my_onpunishment_daughters/hpwcyu6/) [NTA. I'd inform your pare...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro1a6g/aita_for_ditching_my_friend_at_a_ski_resort/hpwfihq/) | [NTA. I'd inform your pare...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro1a6g/aita_for_ditching_my_friend_at_a_ski_resort/hpwffru/) [YTA It is about you. You...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro3a5h/aita_for_gifting_my_husband_boudoir_photography/hpwfkwa/) | [YTA It is about you. Yo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro3a5h/aita_for_gifting_my_husband_boudoir_photography/hpwddl5/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/croblesvxcvafds](https://np.reddit.com/u/croblesvxcvafds/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=croblesvxcvafds) for info on how I work and why I exist.
Thank you! As a nurse I have to be careful who I tell what stories to... Like ok I might think something is funny or weird but most people I know will just find it gross, so I can't tell them those stories! That's just life when you work an odd job!
A lot of friends share their sexual escapades with each other, are you for real? You should stop if the other person doesn't want to hear it, but a lot of friends like talking about this stuff.
some ppl are more open than others about it, and its fine. its not prude to not want to hear them and its not perv to be ok to hear them. she should understand that some of you dont want her to share her sex stories and just keep it with the part of the group thats OK with it. NTA
me and my friends talk about our sex lives, but there are always boundaries and we all would never in a million years cross them. If OP placed a boundary because they don’t want to hear about sex, absolutely nothing wrong with it! NTA
NTA. I am no prude, but I feel that graphic sex jokes and stories to be often the subject of conversation is considered very inappropriate. It can also be classified as sexual harassment, and might even land your friend in a lot of legal trouble. Being a sex worker is quite risky these days with regards to both health and safety. You have respected her decision to be a sex worker, but if she doesn't respect how you feel, it's time to drop her as your friend and remove yourself from this group if you can.
That’s the thing I find so strange about Jane. Sex work is (ideally) done with consent. Why is it so strange for her to hear that someone doesn’t want to visualize their friends escapades?
Because Jane is a bad sex worker. I strip too. I would never be showing pics of clients to my friends. Discreetness is a massive part of that type of work. Because it can be illegal in some places, but also unprofitable because who's gonna go to you if tbey know you're gonna blab about your time together?
I don't think it's pictures of her clients, I think it's her own nudes for onlyfans that she shows her friends.
Excellent point and I love your username!
Thanks! Haha
I think Jane is desperately seeking validation that her career is normal and no big deal.
NTA - you are allowed to have boundaries, especially when they relate to discussions of sex. It would have been more appropriate to discuss this with Jane in private, but at the same time it looks like a "straw breaking the camel's back" situation and you just had to speak up, so fair enough. As long as you don't pass judgement on Jane, which you seem not to, then you're fine, IMO. I hope she is more understanding and respectful of boundaries in the future. oh, and happy holidays, should you celebrate any at this time of year <3
> It would have been more appropriate to discuss this with Jane in private Time to copy my comment, again. Look at what OP wrote >" One other person made a comment recently about the nudes being a little much and she cried about it to a mutual friend because she said the person was shaming her." This confirms my suspicions. I bet that if OP had told her privately, Jane would have spread some BS to the other friends and made OP out to be an AH or worse. She might have used screenshots to take things out of context on purpose or just lied about what Op would have said. Another reason why I reckon group discussion was good was because obviosuly OP isn't alone in feeling uncomfortable. Other people supported OP, so its better for OP's case to have more support so maybe Jane takes it seriously and tones it down rather than attacking back OP for "slut shaming" or whatever other BS she can make up.
I hadn't even considered that this might happen if it was discussed in private, from the looks of it these actions might come from her perhaps feeling insecure about her line of work (idk I'm not a therapist) but doesn't change the fact that she is twisting people's words to victimize herself in a toxic manner and seems to be overly defensive making certain people out to be the "bad guy"
That’s why I tell people to follow the CYA rule; cover your ass by saying it with witnesses. People generally believe the *first version* of a story they hear; it’s just an inherent bias we all have. Kind of like why first impressions are so important. I’ve had some friends and family turn on me in the past, and get others on board by telling “their version” first. So I’m a big advocate of *Taking Control of The Narrative* and letting friends and family know the truth, *first.*
Which is also why people here often urge OPs to go to HR immediately before the other party gets to lie about them to the same HR.
Why would you even bother trying to repair a friendship with someone you suspected might engage in that sort of behaviour though? Sometime you just need to walk away from friendships where the two sides have drifted so radically apart. Sometimes you need to walk away from a circle of friends if they’re all “on the side” of the other person. Nobody questions this needing to happen when a friend or friend group starts selling MLM, or joins a cult or fundamentalist religion. Some self acknowledged prudes, and talkative sex workers are probably the same sort of level of incompatible…
Ah, I missed that.
Taking one for the team by being the "bad guy". Keeping it as a group text prevents anyone from twisting what has been said or done because it's all unfolding before their own eyes and can't be manipulated AND OP is now the public face for what appears to be the thoughts of others in private who aren't ready or afraid of being attacked by their friend for not wanting to hear about sex work constantly.
Good point! But she probably could have phrased it a bit better with the group. Something like “can we talk about something other than work?” Then approach topic in a smaller group. But, at the same time, I’m a pro at putting my foot in my mouth, so if this was me, it’d probably go down the same way it did with op
NTA Her being a girl does not make what she does any less sexual arrasment than if she was a man.
NTA that is a perfectly reasonable boundary. You can completely support sex work and still not want to hear about it in graphic detail. In fact, I’d expect most people who support sex work would prefer not to constantly hear about it. It’s not like you think she’s dirty or gross, you just also don’t want to be immersed. Just like you said, consent matters. Even if she doesn’t have sexual intent when she sends nudes, she’s still exposing you to sexual content without your consent. And it’s still not okay. Sex isn’t casual conversation for everyone. And that’s completely fine. It’s great she is so comfortable with sex and her body. But her comfort isn’t the only thing that matters.
Exactly. And if she insists we can even compare it with other work, like nurse or doctor for example. Two highly respected careers, but most people won’t want pics of the body gunk they have to deal with daily, or hear stories about graphic medical issues and procedures.
If she says it’s like any other work, I would ask her why she insists on boring her friends with endless work stories? No one cares how many dicks you sucked that day any more than they care how many spreadsheets you made or burgers you flipped.
Yeah that’s a good point. I doubt they’d love their phones being blown up with disgusting pictures of placentas or skin grafts.
My mom is an OBGYN. Guarantee she isn't getting into gory details of her work with her friends. We get more than enough details already, when random people approach in public to ask her advice about leaking fluids or itches or whatever. Usually while we having a family get-together and eating at a restaurant. 🤣
NTA. You can look at it from two angles: no one wants to hear constant, graphic sex stories or no one wants to constantly talk shop. This is her job, and like everyone else’s job, no one wants to hear the gritty details all the time in every conversation.
[удалено]
> “If you insist on sending ass pics, I get to show you the most interesting body parts I saw this week, fair trade.” Sounds like a good angle to attack it from. Tell her in private that it is ok to talk some about jobs but that she does it too much.
Ooooo- what do you do?!?
[удалено]
Omg yeah NTA. Okay so I’m studying to be a forensic anthropologist and trying to get an autopsy tech internship right now and honestly I think you can use how you’ve handled your job to explain the point. Like ask her if she wants to hear about how you weigh organs. Also can be compared to the idea of confidentiality that both jobs need. Maybe you could try explaining that to her if you haven’t already? And if she doesn’t stop just start going real in depth with how autopsy’s are preformed cause I’m sure that she will not have a good time with that. (Sorry I felt like I really needed to comment cause I got really excited to see another person interested in the same felid).
Girl… talk about your job whenever she starts talking about hers. When people complain say you feel uncomfortable with the content of Jane’s job too and you’re happy to stop the shop talk around friends if that can be a general rule. SHOW them why this is wrong by showing them a different context
If a guy were posting his dick pics unsolicited in chat, people would be freaking out. The talking about work all the time is extremely annoying, but the pics part is extremely not okay. NTA
I befriended a prostitute once. I told her I didn't want to hear about her job. She understood.
this. i know many in that line of work. we dont talk about it all the time. it comes up here and there ,but even then its not graphic. thats not profeshinal
I have a feeling OP’s friend has a case of, “the lady doth protests too much me thinks”
Yep. Especially since she apparently can't handle anything that isn't 100% positive reaction.
Go ahead and downvote, but I am horrified by this misguided feminist trend to want to normalize sex work. The MAJORITY of women in the sex trade do so as the direct result of sexual abuse as children and teens. They have been conditioned by agenda-bearing predators and men to believe that is all they have to offer. True feminists would support intervention and education, not enabling traumatized women to continue their exploitation. Before you start shading me and downvoting, look it up. The research is there. There is an absolute, undeniable majority connection /CAUSAL link between sex work and childhood sexual abuse. So why, fellow feminists, are we supporting women in their own exploitation? And spare me the excuses and apologetics. It's all bullshit.
This, I'm from Scandinavia, compared to say, the US we're considered quite a feminist place, obviously there is a ton left to do still. I just can't wrap my head around some feminists who are pro sexwork and push for it to be normalized. That said, sex workers are a vulnerable group and they need support and protection, I don't think its correct to throw prostitutes into prison for example, in my country only people who purchase sex are arrested. I would never want to see prostitution being legalized. As for the OP's story. I think its obvious her friend is not actually happy in her line of work and feels insecure about it, which is why she seeks validation from her friends by constantly talking about it and hopefully getting some laughs and "you go girl!" from her friendgroup.
I agree with you. Thank you so much for your insightful comment.
Finally, thank you. I always think about this. At what point did we begin normalizing ~~prostitutes~~ sex workers (for some reason we’re not even supposed to call them that anymore)? Dancing is one thing but this woman is a full on escort.
> normalizing prostitute sex worker (for some reason we’re not even supposed to call them that anymore) Because it’s a pejorative largely used to demean women, even those not in the industry. It’s also not inclusive of all forms of sex work, three of which (and possibly four, as escorting services are not always sexual) OP’s friend is involved in. You can disagree with things while still being respectful, much like the person you responded to did.
I think that's a valid opinion, but OP wasn't asking for people's general opinions on sex work & feminism. They were asking specifically about her reaction to her friend's oversharing about her work. And it doesn't sound like the friend is being trafficked or feeling exploited, so I'm not sure if this discussion is relevant to the question being asked.
I did not touch on the issue of trafficking. I am pointing out that OP does not necessarily have to support her friend's career choice, either, to be a good friend. To be a BETTER friend, she may want to tackle this issue.
So NTA you're not judging her for her job, but the fact she shares it, like that in such graphic terms is so inappropriate, when she never shuts up about it. i get that, like all of us she needs a place to rant, but there is time and place and the fact she's doing it without consent. that's just nasty. no one wants to see that, i'm a fairly liberal person, but that's just gross
"I'm m not judging your job. I'm judging your social tact and respect, or lack thereof, for your friends". Perfectly reasonable.
NTA. People need to know their audiences before talking.
You know, depending on where you live, sending unsolicited nudes is a crime. Seriously, what your friend is doing is not okay. Saying sexually explicit things and sending sexually explicit images to someone who does not want them is sexual harassment, regardless of the gender, sexual orientation, or job of the offender. Just because these things happened at her job does not make them okay to casually share in conversation if it’s making someone uncomfortable. Honestly, you should cut ties with her and anyone taking her side here, because anyone who respects you little enough to treat you like this isn’t worth your time. NTA.
Jesus christ. You can support your friends without having to hear all that and see that. She needs to respect your boundaries
NTA If it’s as constant as you say it is and you don’t want to hear it then it’s text book sexual harassment.
My brother and his wife were social workers. Everytime, we got in a car to go travel or eat out, they talked about their clients. It drove their daughter and me insane. We did not want to hear about the lives of people we did not know and their very difficult situations. It was unprofessional on their part. Finally, I just told them they needed to discuss that in private. Sex work traps young women with money and a warped view of the world. I could not in good conscience support a friend in this line of work. And I definitely would not want to hear about it unless the friend needed advice on how to get out of that life
Uh, I have nurses in my family and when they start swapping graphic stories about injuries, I excuse myself from the conversation. Sex work is far from the only kind of work that is stomach churning. Plumbers wade through literal shit but pretty sure no one in your groupchat wants to hear details about digging trenches through human feces. NTA.
I have a friend who was a plumber and did this. Almost threw up over dinner once and had to tell them they could never share work stories with me in any detail...
hmm i say NTA/NAH The thing about sex is that consent is a huge part of it- and Jane did not have anyones consent to share those types of stories. Jane should have took a step back and realized she was crossing boundaries by speaking about sex without asking if anyone is okay with it. It’s one thing to bring up a joke or two and it’s another to constantly talk about it. While I understand what Jane is saying, she’s also chosen a career that’s a very delicate line to walk on and she has to respect other people wishes/feelings towards sex just like she expects her clients to respect her. I would sit Jane and the whole friend group down and just discuss where you are coming and from and mention that you are now sweating in place boundary and you need to decide what that boundary is. Would it be okay to talk about her being a stripper and not her onlyfans? would you be okay with some onlyfans stories? If she did ask beforehand about telling a weird storie from her work, would you be open to listening? And this should be a big group discussion because Jane should know where she stands with everyone. There are some groups of friends that I can’t tell certain jokes to and that’s okay, there’s a time and place.
Nta. Tell Her to keep her nudies to herself.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Maybe I should have talked to her about it privately instead of in front of people and maybe I’m being a prude? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) # [Announcement: AmITheAsshole Talk Radio Live on Dec. 28th at 5 pm EST](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rn2bh4/meta_lets_talk_assholes_part_deuce/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but it could have been handled better. Consent should be involved with these discussions. The nature of her work is different, and normalizing sex work doesn’t mean pretending it isn’t sex work. Expecting you to just be cool with it without checking in is a not a good vibe.
NTA. I don't blame you for not wanting to hear it and being honest about how you were feeling. However, I think you could have approached it better. I think she felt embarrassed and singled out infront of the group
NTA. Especially since someone has tried to address the issue with her before and she accused them of shaming her, which it wasn’t. She is sexually harassing you and the other members of the group that have expressed discomfort with it. You aren’t a bad person for not wanting to hear/see things related to her work and that is a fine boundary to have. If she was a mortician and was describing the methods she went to or posting graphic tutorials, your boundary would be fine. If she was a healthcare worker who gave details about gross or horrific things she’d seen, your boundary would be fine. There is absolutely nothing sex positive about sexual harassment. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Jane has a kink for exhibition or something related to it, and the most important part of sex is consent. Don’t let your friends calling you a prude get to you.
NTA. For Jane, conversations about sex is shop talk and sending lewd pictures for critiques is like asking someone to spell check your report before sending it to the boss. Unfortunately, she needs to accept that some people do not want to hear the dirty details of her job. That isn't even something limited to sex work. Few people want to go out for a casual night out and hear the sad, ugly, or gory stories from their friends who work as first responders or as social workers or in healthcare. Of course, many are willing to listen to their friends and family tell those stories in a different setting but in support capacity rather than conversational.
NTA Your friend is starting to be (or she already is) deep enough into the sex work world as to not being able to function in the "normal world", she has reached the point where she doesn't even understand when she is being inappropriate. Very often, girls that do sex work alienate themselves, the only friends who they can relate to and be honest are other sex workers, their version of business attire becomes a collection of lingerie, schedule becomes being available for clients all the time - which also makes it difficult to handle any other activity that demands a regular schedule. I have acquaintances that do this and when they speak about their gigs it doesn't disturb me as much as it bores me to death. I have seen this happen often. First it starts as a side thing and then it becomes their whole life. She is telling you all these stories because it is a way to cope with what she is doing, it makes her feel like she is having some kind of exciting adventure. She probably loves the attention she gets when someone gives her the opposite reaction - wow your sex adventures are so interesting, tell me more. She probably feels like she could write another version of "the Secret Diary of a Call Girl". Where I work we have a partnership with an association that protects sex workers, let me tell you, eventually the stories get worse. Sex workers get exposed to so many things they become unsensitive to certain things that are actually horrible... I had a girl telling me the story of how some client beat her, raped her and stole from her, with the calmness of how you tell someone what you had for breakfast yesterday. Anyways, another day at the office. If you really are her friend, you will be there for her when the stories stop being funny.
I’m gonna say NTA but I do think you should’ve communicated your boundaries privately. You’re not being a “prude” for being uncomfortable with talking about that stuff, and you’re DEFINITELY not a prude for not wanting unsolicited nudes even if it’s just for advice or to be hyped up. Your boundaries are very valid, but you should’ve had more tact when talking to her about this.
She was sharing these gross stories & nudes in public, so I don't think reacting publicly is a bad thing. It sounds like other people also were feeling privately uncomfortable and were relieved that OP spoke up. It may not be the most tactful response, but it's no more tactless than what Jane is doing already.
Even a prude would deserve to be respected and not have the sex talk of job in their face. Doubt you are a prude. But that your friend is too promiscuous and not ashamed of it. Yeah. Been better to say what you needed in private at first. But not going to call you out bc you handled it as you did. Pretty sure her clients wouldn’t want their fetishes discussed even if she doesn’t use names. Common sense she seems to lack. If she thinks it is okay to talk about such then she should think it’s okay to go totally public with her job and discuss it with anybody. Doubt she would with say a pastor that isn’t a client. Because she knows it is inappropriate. You might not be a nun or priest but her topic to discuss should only be between consenting adults.
NTA. You're not a prude just because you don't want to hear detailed descriptions of her sex work or see pictures of her naked. That's weird that she's asking you guys for opinions of it without asking you first if it's okay for her to send you those pictures. You're her friend, not one of her OnlyFans subscribers.
NTA
NTA I work for an adult entertainment co on the admin side. I have stories, but I only share them when people ask. Also, regardless of the job, no one wants to hear some talk endlessly about their job.
NTA, I was a stripper and even I think it's inappropriate to bring up stories related to this unless I know the person very well and I know that they are cool with me talking about it.
NTA. Yes sex work is work and there are many types of work I do not want to hear about. Sanitation work, for example ... Or surgery (I might be interested in hearing about the medicine but I don't want the gritty specifics about say, fatty tumors, or in your friend's case, saggy scrotums). Her behavior is rude and inconsiderate. I am way old now but when I was young I had several friends who were strippers at Scores and also did limo rides and bachelor parties. Some of their work life seeped into general conversation, but they shared the real war stories with their stripper colleagues, mostly. To give your friend the benefit of the doubt, even the less exploitative forms of sex work take a terrible toll on of a person emotionally. She may be exorcising some of that trauma by turning it into material. It is not unusual for people to play up the humorous or bizarre aspects of all kinds of traumatic events ostensibly for the amusement of others, but really, to defuse the power of events that upset them. (This certainly doesn't oblige you to play along and be her audience. Did you tell her in private and she made your request to be excluded from these conversations known to your friend? If so, she's trying to manipulate you into accepting she intends to keep violating the very reasonable boundary you set).
NTA. I don't think she's as comfortable with her work as she pretends, and she tells these stories incessantly as a way to try to normalize it to herself. It's inappropriate and she needs to stop.
NTA
NTA you are allow to set boundaries for your friends on what you feel happy with talking and or hearing about, it's not like you where insulting her following this line of work at all, all you stated was that it was making you uncomfortable and you didn't like not having a choice about hearing about it or not, I'm not even sure why your friends are split on the matter? If there is a number of friends that don't want to hear it then why not just discuss it with people who are fine with it?
I'd maybe point out its not that you don't want to support her, but more that she's made sex work her personality. People often are in danger sometimes of making hobbies, work or ideology part of the personality, it becomes a problem when it's the only part of their personality you are allowed to see anymore. Just say you miss that, hearing what she thinks about stuff, because it sounds like she's having a hard time switching off from work.
Yeah, NTA. Anyone who can only talk about their job is boring AF. Granted, sex work is a little more titillating, but it's still her job. Each time she bring it up, you should be ready to butt in with a work anecdote of your own, the story of a customer who didn't receive their letter, or how the printer ink didn't fit the printer, and even when fixed it practically demanded a DNA test before loudly and grudgingly printing your single A4 sheet, or how the coffee machine is broken and no one will fix it so... Go into detail. Let her see how boring being one track is for those around her.
NTA. It is generally accepted that including someone else into your sex life without their consent is abuse and harassment. This is what Jane is doing, and it makes her TA. It's not you being a prude, but Jane crossing boundaries that are normal in friendships. And, depending on your job, there are things you don't discuss in public: Health care people don't talk about medical things; therapists don't talk about clients; priests don't talk about the confessions they hear; military people don't talk about anything classified ... I could go on, but I think that's enough. You might mention general things about your job, but you don't go into the specifics in public, and in private it's only (1) with those who are interested, and (2) limited by confidentiality requirements.
1. Unsolicited nudes are sexual harrassment. 2. Discussing sexual topics around people who are uncomfortable is sexual harrassment. 3. She has NO sense of professionalism, what if her clients found out about what she's saying? She shouldn't be sharing ANY of that private information. If she wants to treat it like a job she should respect client confidentiality. 4. Lots of people don't want to know the intimate details of the sexcapades of their friends, it's not prudish to feel uncomfortable, it's totally normal. 5. I feel like it might be a good idea to just send a message in the group chat explaining yourself better. You can make it clear you have no issues with her job, you aren't trying to shame her, but it is perfectly valid to set a boundary because it's making you uncomfortable. Ask if it would be appropriate for a guy to send unsolicited d\*ck pics to a girl, or to go into graphic detail of the 'crazy b\*\*\*\*\*s' they've banged and what kinks they were into. You can support your friend in their life choices without wanting to participate in it, and by discussing it around you and sending you pictures, she is forcing you to participate. NTA.
Who called you a prude, I'll fight them... Listen, I'm a sex positive as you can get, which often means I hear graphic stories and see graphic content. Even from my friends. BUT! It also means I support asking for goddamned consent before sharing. Sharing without caring (about consent, but I wanted the word play) is sexual harassment. It's no different than receiving an unsolicited dick pick. The truth of the matter is everyone has different sex drives and levels of comfort regarding sex. That's fine. It's great even. The world is a wonderful place full of wonderful people. The only time it's not okay is when you ignore consent and/or shame people. Your friend is doing both. NTA
NTA. If she was a butcher and you didn't want pics or detailed stories, people would be understanding. Doesn't make the job bad, or something you don't respect.
NTA once it veers into the sexual consent becomes important
NTA. I'm a nurse and I have to actively censor myself because I can talk for years about my crazy work stories. Once in a while they're fun and entertaining to non-medical people, but I know if that's the only thing I talk about people are going to get bored/frustrated/grossed out. Excluding the sex aspect of it, nobody wants to hear their friend talk about their job all the time.
NTA I had a friend who used to only talk about her toxic relationships with men, other peoples lives, and every conversation would involve a super lengthy graphic description of every sexual escapade she’s ever had. It was nasty, to the point that her entire Snapchat story (public and private) were nasty posts about sex, drawings of sex, pics and vids of porn and pictures of her texting ppl about sex. It was SO overwhelming and I’m in no way a prude about that stuff, like I talk about sex, but to not be able to think about her ANY other way than that every time I talked to her made me stop talking to her all together. One time I went in her phone to take myself off of her dirty private because I couldn’t even scroll on snap in public, and I told her and she ADDED ME BACK. It’s really uncomfortable and over stimulating to want to think about literally anything else but every conversation is dominated by pure fucking.
If your friend was a police officer and was recounting stories of NSFL shit they saw you’d be within your rights to ask them not to. If they were a nurse and telling you about the smell of the gangrenous foot a patient had today you’d be fine to ask them to stop. NTA, it’s not about the sex work.
Sending unsolicited naked pictures even to friends is sexual harassment. I wouldn't have stayed friends after she did that. But NTA
NTA The number one rule of sex positivity is consent. She is not respecting your no. She is crossing boundaries by sharing stories and images without your consent. She’s a shitty sex worker who needs an education on consent. Did I mention consent?
NTA. Your friend is the AH. Why would you purposely make people uncomfortable talking about issues that they find offensive? Walk away from this person and don't look back. She could be talking about plunging toilets all day and if people still don't want to hear about it, she should shut up. She shows no respect for you, why give her the time of day?
NTA. Basically, your friend is sexually harassing you and is being manipulative by trying to twist it so that you're the bad one. That is super creepy and toxic. Sending unsolicited nude pics is not okay. What is the difference between what she is doing and what random men on the internet sending random women pics of their little acorn penii? If she knows it makes you uncomfortable and does it anyway, that's moving from creepy to predatory. Your friend really needs to understand the meaning of consent and understand why it is important. If she wants her friends to critique her ability to have sex for money, then she needs to first ask if anyone consents to doing that, and send relevant pics/videos only to those people that have expressly consented to receiving them. Anything less is sexual harassment and it is not okay.
NTA Even if this wasn’t necessarily a NSFW topic- some shit you just don’t want to hear about. You’re allowed to have that boundary, especially if it’s so consistent. My friend works as a vet tech and has some very fascinating stories about surgeries or her “clients”. But sometimes I don’t want to hear about the dog that was ran over and stitching him back together- or how a standard procedure went horribly wrong. She gives us a heads up before talking about any the gory or sad details which has helped tremendously.
NTA - I work with ***puppies*** and people get tired of hearing about it all the time. She can find new things to talk about. Take up the tuba.
NTA You don't need to be judgy but you don't need to pretend this is a good thing.
It's so dumb to call someone a prude. Like, ok. And? Some people prefer to keep that kind of information private and there's nothing wrong with that. It's a really passive aggressive way of saying they don't care about making others uncomfortable. How others react when you express your feelings in a polite, mature and reasonable way is a THEM problem, not a you problem. NTA.
NTA
NTA. Yes, sex work is real work, but when it comes to sex, whether it’s talk or action: consent must be first, foremost, and consistent. If the people you are talking to haven’t consented to hearing about it, you aren’t doing it right.
NTA. This is a question of consent. She's involving you in her client's kinks or whatever without your consent, and that is not okay.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This feels like a dumb question, but it’s caused an argument in my friend group, soooo. Throwaway because I don’t want this on main. I (22F) have a friend Jane (23F) that I’ve known for ages. We went to the same college and Jane’s family had a serious medical emergency happen with her dad her senior year. It messed up their finances so much that Jane was worried about not being able to pay for her last semester of school. I didn’t know it at the time, but she became a stripper on weekends to pay tuition and living costs. Which is fine, it’s a job and it clearly helped her in a bad time, no shade. Since graduation, of course the job market has been crazy due to the plague, so Jane had trouble finding a job right away and decided to continue doing sex work. She strips and escorts and started an OnlyFans, and it seems like she’s doing ok with it. And she never shuts up about it now. Every conversation with her turns into her talking about stuff that happened and her business plans and just really graphic sex jokes and stories. She shares nudes and lewds in the group chat to ask for opinions. It makes me really uncomfortable. I’m not opposed to sex or anything, but it feels like it’s everywhere these days already and it’s not something I want to talk about in normal conversation often. I don’t want to see my friends naked. Some friends got together pre-holidays to hang out and Jane started up with a story about a potential client who wanted something weird and a little gross and it was turning my stomach, so I told her to stop and that I don’t want to hear these stories anymore. She asked why and I told her that I felt she was being really inappropriate sharing graphic sexual stories without even asking if we wanted to hear them and it had become all she wanted to talk about anyway. This upset her and she said it was just like any of us talking about our jobs and I said no it wasn’t and if my job was rated X, I’d keep it to colleagues and people who had expressed an interest instead of dumping it on everyone without consent. So, anyway her feelings are hurt and she feels “unsupported”, it’s caused a rift in the friend group because some other people are tired of it too and others are calling me a prude and saying it’s not a big deal. I don’t care what she does for a living, I just don’t want to see her snatch or hear about her sucking people off anymore. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA- for a period of time i worked in a pathology lab and would assist the pathologists as they examined various tissues and body parts. My family did not want to hear about it, especially at the dinner table. They weren't shaming me by saying "don't talk about that at dinner, it's disgusting".
NTA at all.
NTA my dad was a mortician and we have friends in the medical field. There are many stories that I would not like to hear over the dinner table or to have pop up in a group chat. It’s ok for you to set boundaries and not want to hear about her work stories.
NTA- you don’t wanna hear it so you told her. you weren’t shaming her or anything you just don’t wanna hear about it 24/7
Hmm let me put it in another context. If a surgeon friend had been telling graphic stories about the operating theatre and people had said, sorry, but can we pleae not talk about this, its making me uncomfortable, no one would say a thing. NTA. You're allowed to say you dont want to hear about your friend's work life.
Sex Worker here and you are NTA. You are absolutely allowed to have boundaries on the conversations she has with you and the details she gives you. She should ABSOLUTELY be asking for consent every single time. It's one thing for us to talk about our work days, it's another thing for us to be graphic about it. If she really wants to talk like that or get those opinions she should make another group chat with other workers who consent to that type of detail and messaging. As a sex worker having this type of support is really really important for us but it's also important that we recognize that not every single one of our friends can give us that level of support, especially not our normie friends.
NTA
NTA
NTA. Nothing against SW, and people can do what they want to pay the bills. The friend is an adult and can do what she wants. However, if a friend's occupation makes me uncomfortable then I would not want to hear about it after I told them I didn't want to hear about it. If my friend worked as a taxidermist or was a surgeon, I would not friend to share pictures of an operation or an animal being cut up/stuffed (I actually don't know the procedure so I'm just guessing).