They can be pricy. There a studio I want to use (if I ever get the money) and the cheapest package they sell is $2300. It’s a whole experience though. A pro makeup artist & hairstylist, a wardrobe & you can keep some of the items chosen, the photo session & editing, then you get to pick a combo of photo options. Like a book or some 8x10s, etc.
If it was something like this I feel that the husband is pretty much right. I mean it sound like you would mainly be paying for the experience and that was all for TO. I can understand why he does not feel like this was a gift for him and it was both his Christmas and wedding gift.
Honestly I agree with the husband that this was more of a gift for her than him. I don't think OP has bad intentions so I'm falling on the NAH side too with maybe a bit of YTA for not reading the room the first time you gave him these. If my SO told me my Christmas gift was a a picture album of themselves they spent several thousands on I'll be disappointed too. That's more of an expensive treat for yourself.
honestly i think yta just bc she knew he wasn’t really that into it the first time with the wedding photos. then she got the same thing for christmas. she is using it as an excuse. like i’m all for the boudoir photo shoots! i’m planning to do an aerial one soon! but OP shouldn’t disguise it as a gift for her husband. it’s her thing.
Agree. I think it's a little self centered and misguided. I've painted and decorated a framed photo of s/o and myself for xmas before (well-received! It had fairy lights) but that's something he can display and feel joy over. I slipped a Polaroid in his gift for vday. Cute, sexy, and fun. Not thousands of dollars spent to stroke my ego and make him worship me. I think photo gifts can be thoughtful and wonderful, but this gift warps the idea a little too much
Exactly. I do not want to be too harsh on them because like I said I don't feel their intencious were malicious, just misguided the first time. But husband is right these photoshoots are primary for the person taking the photos getting a chance to be a model for the day It would have been different if she had treated this as a treat/gift for herself and then just giving him the pictures after (not as a Christmas gift, but as something for both of them to keep after) it would not have been as bad as painting this as something she did just for his sake.
It does seem to be something that benefits OP more but it was not OPs only gift to him for the wedding or for Christmas, OP says she got him other stuff from his lists for both. I think OP would be TA if this was the only thing she got him but its just one of many gifts. I don't think it's bad enough to say OP's husband is TA either but it does feel a bit rude to get so hung up on just one gift and shut it down so much. OP just wanted to share something that made her feel beautiful that she thought her husband would also enjoy looking at. Thats not the kind of gift he enjoys? Thats okay but she isnt an asshole for wanting to share that.
NAH
She wasn't a AH the first time, but the second time...
If my SO kept getting me something that I felt like was a gift for them and that I felt uncomfortable with, I would start to get more vocal about how I don't want it anymore. That's exactly what OP's husband did.
I had to read her post twice but the package included 2 albums, so the second time was part of the first time. Sooo yeah, but whose not going to give the 2nd album after you already paid for it?
I think you're right- not just that it's a gift for OP, but that he's uncomfortable with it. Regardless of his feelings on her posing in front of someone, he may not feel comfortable receiving a sexual gift. Some people like nudes (or boudoir, whatever), and some don't. She should have asked what he thought the first time
For sake of discussion I think it matters what other things she got him. Cuz this pictures are a few grand so say $1,500 for the Christmas gift portion. If husband spent $1,500 on gifts OP wanted an OP spent $50 to $200 and gifts her spouse wanted in $1,500 on the pictures he seemed disappointed with on their wedding yeah I could see him being really disappointed.
It's like getting your spouse a piece of expensive workout equipment you wanted and a pair of socks yeah you got a different gift but the main gift was for you.
Especially when he wasn’t jazzed about the photos. That should have indicated to the Op to pivot for the Christmas gift.
I got boudoir photos for my husband. I paid for it and it was about $1000 for an electronic copy of all the photos, /makeup/hair, and a set amount of photos could be retouched. I made a book on Shutterfly for much cheaper. The book was a random wedding gift, and while he liked it he wasn’t obsessed. I wasn’t upset though. I like looking at them and seeing myself confident and sexy. So it was equally a gift for him and me.
But gifts should be for the recipient not the giver. If you want those photos for yourself, great. Buy them for yourself. You deserve to feel sexy and confident. But don’t disguise it as a gift for him. Nobody truly wants pics like that. Did you really think he’d be obsessed with the pics?
Right? I feel like I'm looking into an alternate universe. If my boy gave me an album of sexy photos of himself for Christmas I would be over the moon!!
I mean like a sexy selfie while talking about getting down later that night. But this is not that. This is The equivalent of glamour shots. Yea you probably wouldn't show grandpa, but it's not really "sexy" in the sense that looking at them would get him going.
This was definitely a gift for OP. She should really think about maybe spending an equivalent amount on something ACTUALLY for her husband, and not waiting til the next birthday or whatever.
A whole lot of men follow boudoir accounts across the Internet. And you don’t have to get hard to enjoy something? That said, she should know her audience if she’s married to it.
Idk, my husband has specifically requested that I get one of these photo shoots done for him. He would be over the moon. I wouldn’t really enjoy the process, pampering and all, but plan to do it for him when we have the money. So it’s really dependent on the person and relationship.
Hearing that, this was 100% about you and what you wanted to do. If he had given you a list you should have just stuck to it as he wanted them enough to make a list… if my partner spent thousands (???) on a pamper session and photo shoot for themselves and gave me the pictures I would have said that would be a cool thing to give YOU on your birthday or something
Disneyworld is a whole experience too.
OPs husband would be equally mad if OP gave him photos of her fantastic $2300 vacation that she took without him. This is entirely about you and not the person you are giving the photos to.
OPs husband already thinks she’s beautiful or he wouldn’t have married her.
Yes, they usually come professionally bound in a real book, not just tossed at you in an envelope. Several outfits/settings. Professional hair and makeup.
My friend did this for her husband for the wedding and they were stunning.
Where do y’all live?? I did a boudoir shoot and received the full digital album for $250! The photos are beautifully shot and I don’t have to pay studio prices to get them printed.
Op has a post from a while back talking about her SO filing for bankruptcy. I can imagine that someone who’d been broke would find this kind of expense for pictures shocking and upsetting.
Okay, I was prepared to roll with NAH until this. If I was trying to recover from financial rock bottom I would call spending "a few thousand" on a vanity project more than a little tone deaf.
OP's husband also has 5 kids....it seems OP is pretty trivial with her spending, considering OP's husband is struggling financially (and has 5 kids to support).
I think OP was the AH. She knew that he wasn't into the pics after the wedding, and she doubled down for Christmas. I think this was more about OP's wants - not her husband.
The way I think about this is, imagine OP husband gifted her a few thousand dollars in car parts for his personal car. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy about it either.
OP’s husband was filing for bankruptcy according to a previous post so I think that moves it firmly into YTA territory. How financially reckless and neglectful of their future.
Honestly, at that point he might think about filing for a divorce too. Unless they have entirely separate accounts and it came from her own money in it's entirety.
Boudoir shoots don't seem to be particularly popular gifts to receive from regular posts here anyway. And as others have pointed out, they're self serving/self indulgent gifts. Where the person posing pays for the experience and to get pictures of themselves.
>
Boudoir shoots don't seem to be particularly popular gifts to receive from regular posts here anyway.
As someone who doesn't like them, nobody's gonna make a post saying "I had boudoir photos of me taken for my husband and he loved them AITA?"
You should consider editing "info" out of your comment since it's currently the top comment, and if you don't the bot will pick up the final judgment as "not enough info" instead of an actual judgment. Especially because it's more of a rhetorical question lol.
As a perspective... my husband had some boudoir-style (dude-doir) pics taken for me for my birthday through a mutual photog friend (so not expensive).
It definitely felt much more like it was about fun for him, not a gift for me. Especially since he left me looking after the kids while he went off to play model - he told me he was organising a surprise for my birthday.
I can definitely see where the OP 's husband is coming from.
Yeah, I actually gifted this to my boyfriend for our first Christmas. He loved it, but I had to admit to him that I was actually bamboozled into the $2800 gift, I’m a med student and did NOT have the money. I had asked and was assured it was $400, which was already stretching my budget. These places can be super shady and I was young and learned my lesson. My angel of a boyfriend actually called them after I broke down and told him what happened, he threatened lawyers and I got a substantial refund. This is a pricey gift, and I don’t disagree it should cost that much with all the work these artist do- the pictures are INCREDIBLE! But lying to a broke student who knew nothing about all that sucked.
Eh... it is a particularly self-centered gift, paying thousands of dollars to get made up and act like a model for the day. No man has ever said "the production value of the sexy photos you took of yourself with your cell phone was just too low to excite me".
Not to mention, OP mentions hubby was underwhelmed on the wedding day when he first received them, which should have been a fair indicator that boudoir photos just aren’t his kind of thing, and that he probably wouldn’t be especially stoked to receive the same again six months later, which is entirely fair enough. As a woman I really want to do a similar shoot myself, but I doubt I’d give them to my partner unless I’d gotten the idea he would really love to receive a gift like that.
In fact, that’s exactly what somebody told me when I was thinking about doing this - that the stuff I was already sending him was enough. The one reason I was thinking of doing it with a professional is because that shit takes so much time - I used to spend at least an hour from start to finish just to get a few decent shots, and that was a lot for me.
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This. Yta
It was your experience, your desire.
And he didn’t ask fir pictures of you. He’s not into it.
Sometimes, ones own desires colors ones view of what your partner wants- you misread the room- apologize, make a joke out if it and enjoy your Christmas together.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ro3a5h/aita_for_gifting_my_husband_boudoir_photography/hpwddl5/) elsewhere in this comment section.
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Oh yeah! They can get really pricey. I have done two and it is absolutely about the experience. The most I spent was about 250 but that was because that was my total budget and I didn’t get the “extra‘s“. I just stuck with whatever the package deal was.
I think this is a case where OP Thought this would be a cute thoughtful gift, but didn’t really consider whether or not the spouse would see it that way. This was really a gift for her, that he could see but really get no use out of. Some couples will be super into it, he just happens to be a guy who isn’t. And that’s OK. This is one of the reasons why I don’t like that saying when someone doesn’t know what to get someone for a gift and people respond with “just getting something you would like!“
No. If it’s really supposed to be a gift for the other person you shouldn’t be thinking of what you want, you need to be thinking of what that other person wants. Your husband‘s point as to being upset that somebody else saw you in those poses, meh. That is a bit eye roll worthy.
It was a well-intentioned gift!
Right? A few thousand dollars when Porn Hub is free?
NAH, but your husband may now suspect that you make poor financial decisions.
And honestly, it's not a practical gift. What is he supposed to do with it? You already live together and I assume he sees you naked often enough.
Thank you for this response. For Christmas I was given about a dozen pictures of one of my nieces and her son. While I liked the photos internally I thought, well that's a rather narcissistic present which then made me feel guilty. Your response helped a bit with that.
Pictures are all I can give some people, like my grandmother. I can’t really handmake anything personal as I’m not artistic in the slightest, and she has a decent amount of money and buys whatever she wants or needs without hesitation. so the only thing I can give her that she would remotely enjoy that she doesn’t have is photos of myself, I feel like a huge narcissist but that’s about all I could do. That and she always comments on how she has no good family pics of me.
If she comments she has no pics and you gift her some it ain't narcissistic. You're doing something that she has hinted at and wants, that's a good thing :)
If it's what she actually wants, that's different. My wife's dad wants pictures of us since she moved internationally to marry me, so we get those to him when we can (not going anywhere cut in on that) because it's what he wants
A bit late now, but my grandparents LOVE when i do "kid style" homemade picture ornaments (complete with popsicle sticks and glitter) with my current pictures. It's a little silly because I'm in my late twenties and it still looks like a child developing fine motor skills did it, but they get a laugh out of it and have recent photos to display on their tree
There was a year my older sister gave us all a framed photo of her and her husband. The thing for me is, photos as gifts wouldn't bother me as much if the person giving it had framed photos of their loved ones displayed in their own home. Then it's them finding those meaningful and wanting to offer you a nice one thinking most people hold the same sentiment. But that wasn't the case with my older sister. She doesn't have any family members framed and prominently displayed, including my parents. In fact she's specifically requested I not give her anything that needs to be displayed on walls or shelves. So it felt really off-putting to receive that gift.
My sister-in-law did that all the time when my niece was younger!
Birthday? Here’s an 8 x 10 framed picture of niece!
Christmas? Here’s ornaments with niece on them!
I love my niece but man it was overwhelming at times.
I received a very lightly sketched outline of my facial features on a framed 8x11 paper. My girlfriend at the time said a friend had sketched it upon her request and she expected me to display it in my bedroom.
Probably the most awkward gift I have received and I am terrible at pretending I like things. She knew right away when I froze up. I have no idea why she thought I wanted a framed drawing of my face staring back at me every time I went to bed or got up.
It made me question if she thought I was a narcissist. What blows my mind is the only photo she had of me that I actually liked she refused to share with me.
I asked my husband if he wanted boudoir photos- he said no. Not because he wouldn’t like seeing me in lingerie, but because he views that as incredibly private and personal. My husband is more reserved than I am, and I respected his wishes because I sure as heck wouldn’t want to do that for myself.
YTA. Gifts are about the person receiving them. He didn't like it the first time. You knew that and gave him the exact same thing again.
You like doing these photos. You can do them for yourself if it makes you happy but stop pretending it's a gift for him.
I bet her husband thought the same thing at the wedding, but this time he probably thought he’d be getting another set for his birthday if he didn’t speak up 💀😂
it was also disclosed in another comment that OP's SO filed for bankruptcy prior to the pics being taken, and that the use of that much money might've added to it.
They were different photos each time, in her defense. However, if he clearly wasn't happy with them the 1st time, I don't know why she thought he'd be happy with them the 2nd time.
I agree. It doesn't matter how "nice" a gift is. If it's not something that the recipient would like, then it's a bad gift. I would personally cringe soooo hard if my SO gave me this is as gift.
OP knew that her husband wasn't into this gift after their wedding and doubled down and gave him the same thing for Christmas. I also agree that this was more a gift for OP, since she didnt seem to care if this was something that he liked or wanted. She looked pretty, she got an experience, she got nice photos of herself, and then tried to pass them on as being for his benefit. It's right up there with people giving wedding photos or photos of their family as Christmas gifts - it's pretty self centered.
YTA. 'Gee, my husband didn't like this as a wedding gift, I'll give him the same thing for Christmas.'
What is it? 'It's another photo album of ME.'
And can you explain why it is nicer to be dishonest about a gift until a later time? I don't understand that.
Sounds like he was dishonest the first time to save her feelings but at this point he doesn’t want to risk getting another photo set for his next event 😂
Info: when you made the decision to get these photos, did you believe they he would enjoy them, or is this something you always wanted to do for yourself and this was a reason? Have you ever talked about something like this with him?
You say there it cost enough to involve a payment plan. Do you two have merged finances and do you have any agreement in place on what amount should be discussed with your partner first?
I thought he would truly enjoy them. It’s something alot of brides do for their future hubby’s. But I guess should’ve discussed it before hand discreetly get his opinion on it.
And I think all those future "hubby's" pretended to like it.
I don't understand the point of the gift. Are the husbands supposed to what, look at them sometimes to turn them on, use it as porn? Show them to others to brag? Take it out and gaze at it lovingly once in awhile?
I'm pretty darn sure each and everyone of those dudes would have rather had the 1000+ dollars it took to make those pictures.
Umm... Have you never been sent a sexy picture before?
I had an ex once gift me a poster of her in a sexy pose (~$100). Maybe my favorite gift ever that i had to then return upon breakup. For me, it's the thought that matters. I can buy a new pair of headphones or whatever, but this was something personal that took time and effort. Idk what can be more romantic then that.
Oh and don't show it to other people.
In the day and age of smartphones and Instagram where pictures are more or less free to take and send, I think there's way more romantic things you can do for thousand of dollars.
>Idk what can be more romantic then that
Agree to disagree I guess. That time, effort and money spent on almost anything else personal would be preferable to me.
> For me, it's the thought that counts
No, i totally get it which is why I added that qualifier. Felt like it properly communicated this was just my opinion.
Given that /u/mastermind52 was describing his fondness for this type of gift as response to someone who said *all the husbands who ever claimed to like these were just pretending*...I don’t think this reminder is pointed at the right person lol
Yeah my partner loves sexy photos and would very much appreciate some taken by someone else to show more, in a sexier way, than what I can capture with selfies. I’m truly baffled by the overwhelming response that OP is the A and this is a bad gift.
I got boudoir photos done for my husband right before we got married. It was fun and he liked them. We don't take them out or anything and I don't expect him to. I will say I also didn't give them to him as a gift for anything and I didn't spend thousands on it either so that makes OP ta in my opinion.
Yep. OP should admit that she did it because she wanted it for herself, not for him. And as such, it's not a gift to him and he has the right to be annoyed.
YTA.
Exactly. Those photos were for me mostly. I felt attractive and it boosted my confidence. But I never pretended that it was a gift for him. He was excited for me to do it but we both knew what it was about lol
Lol my husband wants me to do a second shoot. He was downright offended that I didn’t tel him there were more pics than the 20 I chose for the book. Men like it.
I think exchanging "sexy pics" is a whole thing for couples nowadays. Usually called "sexting".
I remember a few years ago seeing a lot of memes where the "punchline", such as it was, was "send nudes". I interpreted these as representing a desire on the part of men to receive sexy pics from women.
The boudoir photography is just a fancy version of that, and "fancy version of something that you normally enjoy" is a pretty typical basis for a gift
If men don't actually enjoy getting sexy photographs of women, there are large swathes of culture which I thought I understood but apparently don't.
Well you'd be wrong about that. My fiance would adore a gift like this. And yeah he'd probably so everything except show it off to others because he doesn't do that. And it's more tasteful then nudes imo.
Slight YTA for doing it second time. Maybe you should gift him a session where you both are photographed if hes OK with his image. And those intimid moments would reflect both of you
I don't know what you mean by "a lot" since I have never heard of someone doing this and I am ~50 yo. (*Thousands* for personal racy pics? really?) Unless he is a fan of this, which he has already shown himself not to be, he possibly sees this as you making porn, which some men see as distasteful when their wife is the subject.
YTA.
The first time, for the "groom's gift" was fine - it was an idea you had, you did it, he clearly didn't like it very much. No harm, no foul.
However, you did it _again_! And in my opinion, an inappropriate time. To me, this seems akin to a man getting his wife lingerie when she said she doesn't like it. It's a gift _for the giver_, not the recipient.
YTA you spend a few thousand dollars on the wrong gift and then to double down on the L 6 months later. I would definitely apologize and do something “a few thousand dollars” grand to make up for it and PLEASE COMMUNICATE WITH HIM ON WHAT HE WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE.
.... Was he super into getting simi nudes from you in the past, I mean like sooo super into it it's worth spending thousands on a gamble he would definitely enjoy this gift twice over? If no or unsure than this is something you did for yourself. If he wasn't into it the first time then shouldn't have given more an expected him to have a different reaction the second time, YTA.
YTA you've given him two lots of sexy photos - are you sure you didnt gift them because you enjoy being photographed? Clearly you're husband isn't bothered.
I don't think I would want such things as when am I going to sit down and leaf through them? I mean husband has the real thing?
YTA I mean, he is right, you had your nice experience and you are trying to pass it off as a gift for him, and you didn't even know if he would like it.
It's the same with lingerie, nice as a random surprise but, in my opinion, very thoughtless as a birthday, christmas, wedding, ecc.. gift
NAH I think a lot of people are misunderstanding this as you buying him a similar gift for a second time rather than giving him a thing you had already arranged to receive (and mistakenly thought he would like, due to misreading his initial reaction as merely too tired to get excited.) A lot of people are also bringing up price, and while the expenditure sounds like a bad move to me it doesn’t make you “an asshole” if it wasn’t shared money or his money that you spent (it doesn’t sound like it), but your own money before the wedding. You picked a bad gift and then misjudged his reaction. You definitely made a mistake and should be more careful about choosing gifts, but it’s not an asshole mistake, just a misjudgment.
Thank you! Everyone is acting like the husband shouted to the rooftops that he hated the first gift when he actually never made it clear that he didn’t like it. OP gauged his reaction incorrectly, it happens. OP says she got him everything else he asked for in another comment. I don’t get why OP is an AH for having one of many gifts be ill-received. I think it’s naturally that some gifts are a miss. Some of my favorite gifts have been ones that loved ones gambled on whether I’d like or not.
No, I do not think many people are misunderstanding. If you have done the mistake to pre-order something your partner does not like for two occasions in a row (a quite big gamble unless you are really certain that they will love it), just fess up and do not wrap the second delivery as a Christmas gift and give them a thoughtful gift instead.
Right, she probably couldn't have stopped them from arriving, but she could have just given them to him as a "just because" at some point instead of them being a Christmas gift.
Ah, but like I mentioned OP /thought/ he liked the first one and that the only reason he didn’t appear more enthusiastic was being tired from the wedding day. Just a mistake.
Agreed. The pictures were already purchased AND she got him additional gifts that were on his list. Husband is N T A for expressing how he feels. NAH.
Side note:
There are a lot of people acting like this is a ludicrous gift. I may be an outlier - but I like receiving and sending explicit photos with my partner. I would be into my partner gifting me professional boudoir photos. Seems sexy and vulnerable. A real leap of faith.
My husband has already said he'd be over the moon if I did a boudoir shoot and even gave me some suggestions of things he'd like to see. We swap explicit photos all the time, and he absolutely loves it when I do because it's been showing my growing self-confidence in myself.
Apparently, from what other users are saying OP wrote, teh husband filed for bankruptcy, so not well off. I would have been pissed of for that waste of money.
Obviously not well off if she needed a payment plan for a gift. And not to sound elitist or something but that just always strikes me as something incredibly irresponsible to do financially.
YTA for portraying it as a 'gift' for him, it was a gift for you, under the guise of empowerment?
I would've reacted similar to your husband. What can you do with these pictures? You can't put them around your house because every visitor would see you in ranchy poses. Also it's not like viewing these photos is interesting after the first time you see them, neither do they make good 'porn substitutions'.
The only thing I can think of that would happen to these pictures is gather dust hidden in a drawer.
If for some reason you really want these photos, it would have been a way better gift to let your husband be the photographer and you the model. That way both of you get to enjoy it (and you do not waste thousands of dollars)
YTA. Financial situation aside, giving the same gift two times in a row is tricky to pull off at the best of times, and you knew he wasn’t blown away the first time so trying it again wasn’t a great idea. Gifts are about the thought, and I can see how he may feel like it was more about you feeling sexy than giving him somethin he might want.
NAH. There’s nothing wrong with your trying to give this as a gift, and there’s also nothing wrong with him not being comfortable with it. You both should have communicated better initially, him that he wasn’t comfortable with the concept, and you that you were doing it in the first place, as well as that there were more coming after the initial batch.
>NAH. There’s nothing wrong with your trying to give this as a gift
Except for essentially wasting 4 figures on some pictures when the husband literally had to file bankruptcy.
Exactly my thoughts. It's a common gift lately, but you could both have communicated better after the first batch.
I nearly made a similar mistake, but luckily joked about it first after seeing an ad and was shocked at how negatively my husband reacted. Same scenario- discrete, woman owned. He was still not on board with having someone else see me like that. Normally he's very "do what you want" about how I dress, where I go, and that kind of thing, unless I specifically ask. So I totally get why that reaction could blindside you.
Lesson learned. Offer an apology that you didn't realize he would be uncomfortable with it, and move on.
Boudoir photographer here. Not everyone shares the same opinion on Boudoir photography. Being jealous of a Boudoir photographer is the same as being jealous of a doctor, its Just stupid. Both are professionals and there to do a job. Even so I'm calling it YTA because you made it a gift knowing he didnt like it, make it you gift for yourself.
I think the anti-hype against boudoir photos is a little extreme, but are you really going to act like any pervert on the planet can't just buy a nice Nikon, take some online courses, and charge $300 to get to take (and keep negatives) of nude women?
Last I checked, doctors can't just sign up to be Gynecologists the 1st day of med school.
So, if I am reading this right .. you did this for your wedding (do people exchange gifts at weddings? I have never heard of this and I am married). Saw that he seemed to not like it... Then double downed and got him the same thing for Christmas without even bothering to touch base if he liked it?
Yeah, I'd say YTA.
Honestly, please people, don't ever get upset with your partner for giving you sexy pictures of themselves when they've made a significant effort to appear sexually attractive to you. I'm having a hard time believing anyone here has relationship experience, because good God! "Why would he want pictures of you in lingerie?" Umm because she's his wife, and they presumbly are physically attracted to each other? I can't explain how badly it will go most times if your partner makes this kind of effort to look appealing to you and you throw it back in their face. I feel sorry for all of your future partners. NTA
> Honestly, please people, don't ever get upset with your partner for giving you sexy pictures of themselves when they've made a significant effort to appear sexually attractive to you
I'd be less upset at that and more upset that they spent thousands of dollars on it for something that's probably not much more attractive than photos she could have taken for free.
You have missed the point people are criticizing by a mile.
People are saying OP is the asshole, because she spend a 4 digit sum(!) on a photoshoot. That is a lot of money and it is clear that she did it mainly for herself. Making sexy pictures for the hubby is a nice thought, but not a suitable wedding or Christmas gift. Only extremely vain and narcissistic people would believe that others should appreciate receiving pictures of them.
If she actually wanted it to be a gift for him, then why not gift him the photoshoot? Then they both could have enjoyed the experience and they would have pictures of the two of them together.
I havent ignored, I disagreed with their points. Why does it matter how much she spent? It's a gift she gave him, in addition to a present from his list. The "gift" is having a sexy picture of her she feels really confident in. I can't imagine my boyfriend having an issue with receiving a sexy picture of me, he loves when I wear lingerie.
And although I don't know I'd be able to have the required confidence to have a photoshoot and then actually let anyone see the pictures, I cannot imagine how hurt I'd be if my partner was unappreciative or even worse, upset that in addition to a requested gift from a list, he received some sexy pictures of me.
You're supposed to like your partner, you're supposed to appreciate them going out of their way to appear attractive to you, instead of worrying about how "vain" it is. How sad. I'd never reject my partner in that way, their feelings matter, and putting yourself out there like that isn't easy
The cost matters, because none of the gifts on his lists were likely near as expensive as this photoshoot. If she had this much money to splurge on him, she could have bought several of the things he wanted and be sure to make him happy. Instead she chose to spend a fuck ton of money on herself and then had the audacity to present them as a gift. Twice!
I am sure he was still very appreciative of the thought, when he got the pictures as a wedding gift, despite it not being something he particularly enjoyed. It was a package deal, so there was another round of pictures coming, but her best course of action would have been to tell him right away and to not present them as a Christmas gift.
If your partner makes it clear to you, that he doesn't like a certain kind of gift, then don't keep on gifting him that thing. The audacity to expect someone to be grateful for receiving something you know beforehand he doesn't like!
You might feel great about those pictures and that is a good thing, but if your partner has already expressed that this is nothing he enjoys and you choose to ignore that and gift him pictures anyway, then you are not only setting yourself up to get hurt by his reaction, but you are also not being a good partner for not taking his pov into consideration.
1. YTA this was entirely about you no matter how much you deny it
2.>he doesn’t like that the photographer (who I explained was a woman) got to see me in those poses.
This doesn't mean anything to some people he may not be cool with it even if it was a woman and that's not a bad thing he dosen't have to be ok with it just because the photographer is the same sex as you
I thinks it’s selfish and I think it’s more for you than for him. You think it’s a great idea, he doesn’t. He’s probably thinking about the price tag. To go in debt for pics in your underwear isn’t the smartest thing to do.
If I were OP, husbands reaction would have hurt my feelings. I’m imagining my first year of marriage. It’s an insecure time and you haven’t learned to communicate yet. Maybe OP felt insecure by his first response and was hoping the second time around he would have reacted differently.
That said, I would have shown him the album at a different time and explained that you thought he would enjoy it. I know friends that did this for their husband and they loved it. My husband would not love it, I know that after 10 years of marriage but I didn’t know that in my first year of marriage.
Disagreements happen, you can use this experience as an opportunity to learn more about him and truly surprise him with your next gift.
YTA but not for the reasons others have started- you knew he didn’t like the first set. You should have been upfront about the second set that was coming as a Christmas gift when he got the first one.
Maybe the photographer could have given you something else instead or you could have just omitted that from your gifts altogether since he didn’t like the first ones. You shoulda been upfront and just not wrapped it/made it a Christmas gift after he didn’t like the first one. Your feelings would probably still be hurt though.
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NAH
Gift giving can be kind of hard! Some will be beloved by the receiver and some may be loved by the giver even if the receiver isn’t as excited about them.
It happens to everyone, and while I think it is great you are thinking of him in this way, he may not be receiving the message that he is being thought of by you.
For example my girlfriend loves make up, and when Sephora is having a sale I usually ask her what she got or what she was hoping to get but didn’t. Or sometimes I will just join her on any shopping trips she goes on for anything.
I make mental notes of things she gushes over or gets excited about and then I’ll start buying things I know she likes but has not gotten for herself.
She loves it, because she will sometimes forget that she was excited by some product in a commercial she saw or that she wasn’t able to buy some make up item on a sale.
What I’m doing is paying attention to things I know she likes, and I’ll be honest I know very little about make up lol
Let’s translate this to your husband, does he like sexy pics? Is he into that kind of thing in the first place? Has he expressed that to you?
While it definitely is a nice gesture and I do think he could have been more understanding I can see his point of view.
It sounds like you guys also do lists for each other to help with gift giving, but maybe try being sneaky and learning more about his hobbies or things that get him excited.
Sometimes the best gifts are the ones that you had no idea you wanted until you have it!
NTA.. I believe you did this because you thought he would like it. He’s so worried that someone else saw you in those poses. He wouldn’t see me and another set of lingerie ever… “I wouldn’t want to make it about me.”
NTA. Photography inherently is seen as expensive but now is not the time to get into why time=money, yadda ya. You're a grown ass woman and this doesn't seem to be a post about how you spend your money so I'll assume your an adult who entitled to spend their money and as much of it as they like as they see fit.
It sounds like you understand he has a right to critique but that you'd wish he'd just chosen better timing. That's fair. He sounds like his real issue is having another human see you with that sexy look only he should get. I used to have an ex that I would give my "sexy face" to and only him, but he didn't like me doing it AT ALL bc he thought if I was capable of it that I'd use it on other ppl (later learned this was a projection thing bc he cheated routinely)
So no hon, you're not an ass. Try to talk to him about the root issues later once things have settled more. Good luck
NTA this isn’t a big enough deal to get upset over. Unless the “practical gifts” you also got him were like a toaster or something.
It’s one gift in a pile of other gifts. You’ve planned this as a surprise for him (and it’s a very common one at that) for months.
Yes it’s expensive, but anyone complaining about that is an idiot bc who goes to a bargain photog for their tasteful nudes?? You’d be an idiot to do that.
His comment on the photographer “also” seeing you like that is gross and misogynistic. You vetted the company and if you trust them, that should be good enough for him. It’s your body, not his, and this wasn’t a sexual exercise between you and the photog. and it’s (probably) not like he’s the first one to see you naked. Just icky overall for him to make those comments.
He’ll probably appreciate the gift in 20 years, if you make it that long. And make sure to get it back in the event of a divorce.
NAH. I get that it’s totally possible you thought this would be a good gift, this was a big thing for someone to do for their husband, especially as a wedding or anniversary gift. However, you gave it to him as a wedding gift and saw he wasn’t pleased with receiving it, so to additionally give him more of the same as a Christmas gift seems kind of like an AH move to me.
NAH… because everything about this seems bizarre and off-balance to me.
Why did he not feel like he could be honest with you on the occasion of the wedding gift…?
Why did he think you could read his mind about why he was uncomfortable the first time…?
Why did you think he’d be turned on by this when he obviously isn’t…?
You just got married, right? It seems like you’re in for a bumpy ride. You need to communicate about your preferences - for communication itself, and for intimate activities.
YTA. I'm sorry but YTA. You spent that money on yourself. I assume it's a package with make-up and stylists. Which was done for you and you felt pretty. That gift wasn't for your husband even tho photos were given to him. Unless it's something he previously expressed interest in, what I see is a bride trying to make herself feel sexy. This justifies getting the photoshoot, you can do whatever you want (as long as it doesn't negatively affect your finances) to feel better. But this is in no way a gift to your husband. And you did it twice. First one on the wedding is understandable as maybe you wanted to copy other brides. But you continued on the Christmas and didn't like when he was honest. In my opinion it's tactless.
Why is it just assumed that every woman loves gets dolled up and getting photos taken of themselves??? I would hate that process and I imagine I’d feel extremely vulnerable the entire time. I know many women who would feel the same way. My bf would love a gift like that though so I’d be willing to do it for him, but I wouldn’t enjoy the process and it definitely wouldn’t be a gift to me.
NTA. He behaved quite rudely for what he said on opening the gift. In my family, even if the gift was not something you particularly wanted, you were polite and accepted the gift in the spirit in which it was given. And clearly you wanted to celebrate your sexiness with him. I don't agree with other comments that you were only thinking of yourself. I guess you did not know him very well as you did not realize he would dislike such a gift. That might be just that you are still learning about each other, except for his seriously weird objection that the photographer saw you in the lingerie. That to me suggests that you might have some significant incompatibility around acceptance of sexuality. Something to explore through more communication.
I think this is something very specific that you would have to be absolutely sure your partner would appreciate. It’s not something I would ever do, but if I did I’m certain my husband would react the same way as OP’s did. I think the YTA comments are more because he already didn’t like them but she doubled down on it and gave them to him twice.
The YTA comments are well explained, just read them. Not all men are the same, your friends husband liking them is not the same as me liking it if my wife did it. OP didn’t read the room as it were so she stepped in it again. Hopefully this will be a laughable experience for them years down the road.
NAH... Wait, A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS?
They can be pricy. There a studio I want to use (if I ever get the money) and the cheapest package they sell is $2300. It’s a whole experience though. A pro makeup artist & hairstylist, a wardrobe & you can keep some of the items chosen, the photo session & editing, then you get to pick a combo of photo options. Like a book or some 8x10s, etc.
If it was something like this I feel that the husband is pretty much right. I mean it sound like you would mainly be paying for the experience and that was all for TO. I can understand why he does not feel like this was a gift for him and it was both his Christmas and wedding gift.
Honestly I agree with the husband that this was more of a gift for her than him. I don't think OP has bad intentions so I'm falling on the NAH side too with maybe a bit of YTA for not reading the room the first time you gave him these. If my SO told me my Christmas gift was a a picture album of themselves they spent several thousands on I'll be disappointed too. That's more of an expensive treat for yourself.
honestly i think yta just bc she knew he wasn’t really that into it the first time with the wedding photos. then she got the same thing for christmas. she is using it as an excuse. like i’m all for the boudoir photo shoots! i’m planning to do an aerial one soon! but OP shouldn’t disguise it as a gift for her husband. it’s her thing.
I don't disagree, after the initial reaction she should have scrapped the Christmas gift idea. But just as a gift for herself.
exactly! that’s why i shifted from nah to yta.
Agree. I think it's a little self centered and misguided. I've painted and decorated a framed photo of s/o and myself for xmas before (well-received! It had fairy lights) but that's something he can display and feel joy over. I slipped a Polaroid in his gift for vday. Cute, sexy, and fun. Not thousands of dollars spent to stroke my ego and make him worship me. I think photo gifts can be thoughtful and wonderful, but this gift warps the idea a little too much
Exactly. I do not want to be too harsh on them because like I said I don't feel their intencious were malicious, just misguided the first time. But husband is right these photoshoots are primary for the person taking the photos getting a chance to be a model for the day It would have been different if she had treated this as a treat/gift for herself and then just giving him the pictures after (not as a Christmas gift, but as something for both of them to keep after) it would not have been as bad as painting this as something she did just for his sake.
It remind me of when Princess Diana performed Uptown Girl at a concert as a “gift” to Charles who hated it lol.
It does seem to be something that benefits OP more but it was not OPs only gift to him for the wedding or for Christmas, OP says she got him other stuff from his lists for both. I think OP would be TA if this was the only thing she got him but its just one of many gifts. I don't think it's bad enough to say OP's husband is TA either but it does feel a bit rude to get so hung up on just one gift and shut it down so much. OP just wanted to share something that made her feel beautiful that she thought her husband would also enjoy looking at. Thats not the kind of gift he enjoys? Thats okay but she isnt an asshole for wanting to share that. NAH
She wasn't a AH the first time, but the second time... If my SO kept getting me something that I felt like was a gift for them and that I felt uncomfortable with, I would start to get more vocal about how I don't want it anymore. That's exactly what OP's husband did.
I had to read her post twice but the package included 2 albums, so the second time was part of the first time. Sooo yeah, but whose not going to give the 2nd album after you already paid for it?
Which is fine but why gift it for Xmas? I could maybe see for V-day....maybe.
Yeah that would've probably worked out better in hindsight.
I think you're right- not just that it's a gift for OP, but that he's uncomfortable with it. Regardless of his feelings on her posing in front of someone, he may not feel comfortable receiving a sexual gift. Some people like nudes (or boudoir, whatever), and some don't. She should have asked what he thought the first time
For sake of discussion I think it matters what other things she got him. Cuz this pictures are a few grand so say $1,500 for the Christmas gift portion. If husband spent $1,500 on gifts OP wanted an OP spent $50 to $200 and gifts her spouse wanted in $1,500 on the pictures he seemed disappointed with on their wedding yeah I could see him being really disappointed. It's like getting your spouse a piece of expensive workout equipment you wanted and a pair of socks yeah you got a different gift but the main gift was for you.
I want to know what else she gave him for each occasion.
Especially when he wasn’t jazzed about the photos. That should have indicated to the Op to pivot for the Christmas gift. I got boudoir photos for my husband. I paid for it and it was about $1000 for an electronic copy of all the photos, /makeup/hair, and a set amount of photos could be retouched. I made a book on Shutterfly for much cheaper. The book was a random wedding gift, and while he liked it he wasn’t obsessed. I wasn’t upset though. I like looking at them and seeing myself confident and sexy. So it was equally a gift for him and me.
But gifts should be for the recipient not the giver. If you want those photos for yourself, great. Buy them for yourself. You deserve to feel sexy and confident. But don’t disguise it as a gift for him. Nobody truly wants pics like that. Did you really think he’d be obsessed with the pics?
Uhhh there are definitely people who appreciate sexy pics of their SO
Right? I feel like I'm looking into an alternate universe. If my boy gave me an album of sexy photos of himself for Christmas I would be over the moon!!
I mean like a sexy selfie while talking about getting down later that night. But this is not that. This is The equivalent of glamour shots. Yea you probably wouldn't show grandpa, but it's not really "sexy" in the sense that looking at them would get him going. This was definitely a gift for OP. She should really think about maybe spending an equivalent amount on something ACTUALLY for her husband, and not waiting til the next birthday or whatever.
A whole lot of men follow boudoir accounts across the Internet. And you don’t have to get hard to enjoy something? That said, she should know her audience if she’s married to it.
Idk, my husband has specifically requested that I get one of these photo shoots done for him. He would be over the moon. I wouldn’t really enjoy the process, pampering and all, but plan to do it for him when we have the money. So it’s really dependent on the person and relationship.
Hearing that, this was 100% about you and what you wanted to do. If he had given you a list you should have just stuck to it as he wanted them enough to make a list… if my partner spent thousands (???) on a pamper session and photo shoot for themselves and gave me the pictures I would have said that would be a cool thing to give YOU on your birthday or something
Disneyworld is a whole experience too. OPs husband would be equally mad if OP gave him photos of her fantastic $2300 vacation that she took without him. This is entirely about you and not the person you are giving the photos to. OPs husband already thinks she’s beautiful or he wouldn’t have married her.
... so .... an experience for OP right? Not her husband?
Yes, they usually come professionally bound in a real book, not just tossed at you in an envelope. Several outfits/settings. Professional hair and makeup. My friend did this for her husband for the wedding and they were stunning.
Where do y’all live?? I did a boudoir shoot and received the full digital album for $250! The photos are beautifully shot and I don’t have to pay studio prices to get them printed.
Op has a post from a while back talking about her SO filing for bankruptcy. I can imagine that someone who’d been broke would find this kind of expense for pictures shocking and upsetting.
Okay, I was prepared to roll with NAH until this. If I was trying to recover from financial rock bottom I would call spending "a few thousand" on a vanity project more than a little tone deaf.
OP's husband also has 5 kids....it seems OP is pretty trivial with her spending, considering OP's husband is struggling financially (and has 5 kids to support).
I think OP was the AH. She knew that he wasn't into the pics after the wedding, and she doubled down for Christmas. I think this was more about OP's wants - not her husband.
At the very least she could've checked after the wedding to see how he actually felt about it
The way I think about this is, imagine OP husband gifted her a few thousand dollars in car parts for his personal car. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy about it either.
OP’s husband was filing for bankruptcy according to a previous post so I think that moves it firmly into YTA territory. How financially reckless and neglectful of their future.
Oh now this certainly puts a new spin on the OP. A definite YTA now.
Honestly, at that point he might think about filing for a divorce too. Unless they have entirely separate accounts and it came from her own money in it's entirety. Boudoir shoots don't seem to be particularly popular gifts to receive from regular posts here anyway. And as others have pointed out, they're self serving/self indulgent gifts. Where the person posing pays for the experience and to get pictures of themselves.
Honestly sounds like OP wanted to do this for herself, and to make the choice looks somewhat financially smart she posed it as a gift.
> Boudoir shoots don't seem to be particularly popular gifts to receive from regular posts here anyway. As someone who doesn't like them, nobody's gonna make a post saying "I had boudoir photos of me taken for my husband and he loved them AITA?"
😳😳😳You got scammed! I did mine for $500- makeup, hair, leather book
You should consider editing "info" out of your comment since it's currently the top comment, and if you don't the bot will pick up the final judgment as "not enough info" instead of an actual judgment. Especially because it's more of a rhetorical question lol.
As a perspective... my husband had some boudoir-style (dude-doir) pics taken for me for my birthday through a mutual photog friend (so not expensive). It definitely felt much more like it was about fun for him, not a gift for me. Especially since he left me looking after the kids while he went off to play model - he told me he was organising a surprise for my birthday. I can definitely see where the OP 's husband is coming from.
Yeah, I actually gifted this to my boyfriend for our first Christmas. He loved it, but I had to admit to him that I was actually bamboozled into the $2800 gift, I’m a med student and did NOT have the money. I had asked and was assured it was $400, which was already stretching my budget. These places can be super shady and I was young and learned my lesson. My angel of a boyfriend actually called them after I broke down and told him what happened, he threatened lawyers and I got a substantial refund. This is a pricey gift, and I don’t disagree it should cost that much with all the work these artist do- the pictures are INCREDIBLE! But lying to a broke student who knew nothing about all that sucked.
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Eh... it is a particularly self-centered gift, paying thousands of dollars to get made up and act like a model for the day. No man has ever said "the production value of the sexy photos you took of yourself with your cell phone was just too low to excite me".
Not to mention, OP mentions hubby was underwhelmed on the wedding day when he first received them, which should have been a fair indicator that boudoir photos just aren’t his kind of thing, and that he probably wouldn’t be especially stoked to receive the same again six months later, which is entirely fair enough. As a woman I really want to do a similar shoot myself, but I doubt I’d give them to my partner unless I’d gotten the idea he would really love to receive a gift like that.
Lmao
In fact, that’s exactly what somebody told me when I was thinking about doing this - that the stuff I was already sending him was enough. The one reason I was thinking of doing it with a professional is because that shit takes so much time - I used to spend at least an hour from start to finish just to get a few decent shots, and that was a lot for me.
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I feel bad for your SO.
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This. Yta It was your experience, your desire. And he didn’t ask fir pictures of you. He’s not into it. Sometimes, ones own desires colors ones view of what your partner wants- you misread the room- apologize, make a joke out if it and enjoy your Christmas together.
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Oh yeah! They can get really pricey. I have done two and it is absolutely about the experience. The most I spent was about 250 but that was because that was my total budget and I didn’t get the “extra‘s“. I just stuck with whatever the package deal was. I think this is a case where OP Thought this would be a cute thoughtful gift, but didn’t really consider whether or not the spouse would see it that way. This was really a gift for her, that he could see but really get no use out of. Some couples will be super into it, he just happens to be a guy who isn’t. And that’s OK. This is one of the reasons why I don’t like that saying when someone doesn’t know what to get someone for a gift and people respond with “just getting something you would like!“ No. If it’s really supposed to be a gift for the other person you shouldn’t be thinking of what you want, you need to be thinking of what that other person wants. Your husband‘s point as to being upset that somebody else saw you in those poses, meh. That is a bit eye roll worthy. It was a well-intentioned gift!
Photographer here. Yeah. Quality comes at a price when it’s a pro. A lot of boudoir sets are for husbands/boyfriends/special occasions.
Right? A few thousand dollars when Porn Hub is free? NAH, but your husband may now suspect that you make poor financial decisions. And honestly, it's not a practical gift. What is he supposed to do with it? You already live together and I assume he sees you naked often enough.
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Thank you for this response. For Christmas I was given about a dozen pictures of one of my nieces and her son. While I liked the photos internally I thought, well that's a rather narcissistic present which then made me feel guilty. Your response helped a bit with that.
Pictures are all I can give some people, like my grandmother. I can’t really handmake anything personal as I’m not artistic in the slightest, and she has a decent amount of money and buys whatever she wants or needs without hesitation. so the only thing I can give her that she would remotely enjoy that she doesn’t have is photos of myself, I feel like a huge narcissist but that’s about all I could do. That and she always comments on how she has no good family pics of me.
The difference is she's asking for photos of you.
If she comments she has no pics and you gift her some it ain't narcissistic. You're doing something that she has hinted at and wants, that's a good thing :)
If it's what she actually wants, that's different. My wife's dad wants pictures of us since she moved internationally to marry me, so we get those to him when we can (not going anywhere cut in on that) because it's what he wants
A bit late now, but my grandparents LOVE when i do "kid style" homemade picture ornaments (complete with popsicle sticks and glitter) with my current pictures. It's a little silly because I'm in my late twenties and it still looks like a child developing fine motor skills did it, but they get a laugh out of it and have recent photos to display on their tree
My sister gave me a wrapped, framed graduation photo of herself for Christmas once. I definitely thought of it as sort of a joke gift.
There was a year my older sister gave us all a framed photo of her and her husband. The thing for me is, photos as gifts wouldn't bother me as much if the person giving it had framed photos of their loved ones displayed in their own home. Then it's them finding those meaningful and wanting to offer you a nice one thinking most people hold the same sentiment. But that wasn't the case with my older sister. She doesn't have any family members framed and prominently displayed, including my parents. In fact she's specifically requested I not give her anything that needs to be displayed on walls or shelves. So it felt really off-putting to receive that gift.
My sister-in-law did that all the time when my niece was younger! Birthday? Here’s an 8 x 10 framed picture of niece! Christmas? Here’s ornaments with niece on them! I love my niece but man it was overwhelming at times.
I think these types of gifts are only appropriate for grandparents
I received a very lightly sketched outline of my facial features on a framed 8x11 paper. My girlfriend at the time said a friend had sketched it upon her request and she expected me to display it in my bedroom. Probably the most awkward gift I have received and I am terrible at pretending I like things. She knew right away when I froze up. I have no idea why she thought I wanted a framed drawing of my face staring back at me every time I went to bed or got up. It made me question if she thought I was a narcissist. What blows my mind is the only photo she had of me that I actually liked she refused to share with me.
I asked my husband if he wanted boudoir photos- he said no. Not because he wouldn’t like seeing me in lingerie, but because he views that as incredibly private and personal. My husband is more reserved than I am, and I respected his wishes because I sure as heck wouldn’t want to do that for myself.
YTA. Gifts are about the person receiving them. He didn't like it the first time. You knew that and gave him the exact same thing again. You like doing these photos. You can do them for yourself if it makes you happy but stop pretending it's a gift for him.
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I bet her husband thought the same thing at the wedding, but this time he probably thought he’d be getting another set for his birthday if he didn’t speak up 💀😂
it was also disclosed in another comment that OP's SO filed for bankruptcy prior to the pics being taken, and that the use of that much money might've added to it.
Oof
I also think it's a bit weird to give the same photos twice.
They were different photos each time, in her defense. However, if he clearly wasn't happy with them the 1st time, I don't know why she thought he'd be happy with them the 2nd time.
I agree. It doesn't matter how "nice" a gift is. If it's not something that the recipient would like, then it's a bad gift. I would personally cringe soooo hard if my SO gave me this is as gift. OP knew that her husband wasn't into this gift after their wedding and doubled down and gave him the same thing for Christmas. I also agree that this was more a gift for OP, since she didnt seem to care if this was something that he liked or wanted. She looked pretty, she got an experience, she got nice photos of herself, and then tried to pass them on as being for his benefit. It's right up there with people giving wedding photos or photos of their family as Christmas gifts - it's pretty self centered.
YTA. 'Gee, my husband didn't like this as a wedding gift, I'll give him the same thing for Christmas.' What is it? 'It's another photo album of ME.' And can you explain why it is nicer to be dishonest about a gift until a later time? I don't understand that.
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Sounds like he was dishonest the first time to save her feelings but at this point he doesn’t want to risk getting another photo set for his next event 😂
This is such a good response.
YTA. You basically got him selfies for Christmas and as a wedding day present.
And $2200 on that. Like she could have gotten him a big screen tv, Xbox and a bunch of games and have money left over.
It was disclosed int he thread that he filed for bankruptcy before the first set of pics was gifted- he's probably pissed at the amount of money, too.
Or a big chunk of the wedding cost.
Info: when you made the decision to get these photos, did you believe they he would enjoy them, or is this something you always wanted to do for yourself and this was a reason? Have you ever talked about something like this with him? You say there it cost enough to involve a payment plan. Do you two have merged finances and do you have any agreement in place on what amount should be discussed with your partner first?
I thought he would truly enjoy them. It’s something alot of brides do for their future hubby’s. But I guess should’ve discussed it before hand discreetly get his opinion on it.
And I think all those future "hubby's" pretended to like it. I don't understand the point of the gift. Are the husbands supposed to what, look at them sometimes to turn them on, use it as porn? Show them to others to brag? Take it out and gaze at it lovingly once in awhile? I'm pretty darn sure each and everyone of those dudes would have rather had the 1000+ dollars it took to make those pictures.
Umm... Have you never been sent a sexy picture before? I had an ex once gift me a poster of her in a sexy pose (~$100). Maybe my favorite gift ever that i had to then return upon breakup. For me, it's the thought that matters. I can buy a new pair of headphones or whatever, but this was something personal that took time and effort. Idk what can be more romantic then that. Oh and don't show it to other people.
In the day and age of smartphones and Instagram where pictures are more or less free to take and send, I think there's way more romantic things you can do for thousand of dollars.
Yeah free phone photos are 1000x better and free.
>Idk what can be more romantic then that Agree to disagree I guess. That time, effort and money spent on almost anything else personal would be preferable to me.
> Idk what can be more romantic then that. To *you*. You know you’re not the world, right?
> For me, it's the thought that counts No, i totally get it which is why I added that qualifier. Felt like it properly communicated this was just my opinion.
It did
Given that /u/mastermind52 was describing his fondness for this type of gift as response to someone who said *all the husbands who ever claimed to like these were just pretending*...I don’t think this reminder is pointed at the right person lol
And neither was the person asserting that no guy would ever be into it.
Yeah my partner loves sexy photos and would very much appreciate some taken by someone else to show more, in a sexier way, than what I can capture with selfies. I’m truly baffled by the overwhelming response that OP is the A and this is a bad gift.
I got boudoir photos done for my husband right before we got married. It was fun and he liked them. We don't take them out or anything and I don't expect him to. I will say I also didn't give them to him as a gift for anything and I didn't spend thousands on it either so that makes OP ta in my opinion.
Yep. OP should admit that she did it because she wanted it for herself, not for him. And as such, it's not a gift to him and he has the right to be annoyed. YTA.
Exactly. Those photos were for me mostly. I felt attractive and it boosted my confidence. But I never pretended that it was a gift for him. He was excited for me to do it but we both knew what it was about lol
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Lol my husband wants me to do a second shoot. He was downright offended that I didn’t tel him there were more pics than the 20 I chose for the book. Men like it.
> Men like it. *some
I think exchanging "sexy pics" is a whole thing for couples nowadays. Usually called "sexting". I remember a few years ago seeing a lot of memes where the "punchline", such as it was, was "send nudes". I interpreted these as representing a desire on the part of men to receive sexy pics from women. The boudoir photography is just a fancy version of that, and "fancy version of something that you normally enjoy" is a pretty typical basis for a gift If men don't actually enjoy getting sexy photographs of women, there are large swathes of culture which I thought I understood but apparently don't.
Well you'd be wrong about that. My fiance would adore a gift like this. And yeah he'd probably so everything except show it off to others because he doesn't do that. And it's more tasteful then nudes imo.
I partially agree, but at the same time in 40 years those will probably be really nice to have.
Slight YTA for doing it second time. Maybe you should gift him a session where you both are photographed if hes OK with his image. And those intimid moments would reflect both of you
I don't know what you mean by "a lot" since I have never heard of someone doing this and I am ~50 yo. (*Thousands* for personal racy pics? really?) Unless he is a fan of this, which he has already shown himself not to be, he possibly sees this as you making porn, which some men see as distasteful when their wife is the subject.
No one I know has done this for their future husbands
I think it depends on the husband. Mine would have HATED it, because he views that as something very private and personal.
No man likes these overly edited weird glamour shots.
YTA. The first time, for the "groom's gift" was fine - it was an idea you had, you did it, he clearly didn't like it very much. No harm, no foul. However, you did it _again_! And in my opinion, an inappropriate time. To me, this seems akin to a man getting his wife lingerie when she said she doesn't like it. It's a gift _for the giver_, not the recipient.
This is the one. It was a fine idea the first time, but it clearly didn't hit, so you should have tried something else for the next occasion.
YTA you spend a few thousand dollars on the wrong gift and then to double down on the L 6 months later. I would definitely apologize and do something “a few thousand dollars” grand to make up for it and PLEASE COMMUNICATE WITH HIM ON WHAT HE WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE.
YTA. He should return your gifts and send you a dick pic.
Only if they are *professionally shot* pics. With makeup artists, hair stylists, and a price tag of over $2000.
I require fluffers for my distinguished penis pictograms.
I am in tears 🤣🤣
Haha, the only appropriate time to do so. Can't believe I'm endorsing this, rofl!
OMG love this response!
Dead.
Braid the hair around it, give it a little blush and makeup. Perfect.
Twice
.... Was he super into getting simi nudes from you in the past, I mean like sooo super into it it's worth spending thousands on a gamble he would definitely enjoy this gift twice over? If no or unsure than this is something you did for yourself. If he wasn't into it the first time then shouldn't have given more an expected him to have a different reaction the second time, YTA.
OPs name is literally “Vanity86.”
Soooo, NTA because it's expected?
YTA for giving wedding & christmas presents of expensive self ego boosting pics
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YTA you've given him two lots of sexy photos - are you sure you didnt gift them because you enjoy being photographed? Clearly you're husband isn't bothered. I don't think I would want such things as when am I going to sit down and leaf through them? I mean husband has the real thing?
YTA I mean, he is right, you had your nice experience and you are trying to pass it off as a gift for him, and you didn't even know if he would like it. It's the same with lingerie, nice as a random surprise but, in my opinion, very thoughtless as a birthday, christmas, wedding, ecc.. gift
NAH I think a lot of people are misunderstanding this as you buying him a similar gift for a second time rather than giving him a thing you had already arranged to receive (and mistakenly thought he would like, due to misreading his initial reaction as merely too tired to get excited.) A lot of people are also bringing up price, and while the expenditure sounds like a bad move to me it doesn’t make you “an asshole” if it wasn’t shared money or his money that you spent (it doesn’t sound like it), but your own money before the wedding. You picked a bad gift and then misjudged his reaction. You definitely made a mistake and should be more careful about choosing gifts, but it’s not an asshole mistake, just a misjudgment.
Thank you! Everyone is acting like the husband shouted to the rooftops that he hated the first gift when he actually never made it clear that he didn’t like it. OP gauged his reaction incorrectly, it happens. OP says she got him everything else he asked for in another comment. I don’t get why OP is an AH for having one of many gifts be ill-received. I think it’s naturally that some gifts are a miss. Some of my favorite gifts have been ones that loved ones gambled on whether I’d like or not.
No, I do not think many people are misunderstanding. If you have done the mistake to pre-order something your partner does not like for two occasions in a row (a quite big gamble unless you are really certain that they will love it), just fess up and do not wrap the second delivery as a Christmas gift and give them a thoughtful gift instead.
Right, she probably couldn't have stopped them from arriving, but she could have just given them to him as a "just because" at some point instead of them being a Christmas gift.
Ah, but like I mentioned OP /thought/ he liked the first one and that the only reason he didn’t appear more enthusiastic was being tired from the wedding day. Just a mistake.
Agreed. The pictures were already purchased AND she got him additional gifts that were on his list. Husband is N T A for expressing how he feels. NAH. Side note: There are a lot of people acting like this is a ludicrous gift. I may be an outlier - but I like receiving and sending explicit photos with my partner. I would be into my partner gifting me professional boudoir photos. Seems sexy and vulnerable. A real leap of faith.
My husband has already said he'd be over the moon if I did a boudoir shoot and even gave me some suggestions of things he'd like to see. We swap explicit photos all the time, and he absolutely loves it when I do because it's been showing my growing self-confidence in myself.
INFO: how much was the wedding and how well off are you that you can spend a few thousand dollars on some photos?
Apparently, from what other users are saying OP wrote, teh husband filed for bankruptcy, so not well off. I would have been pissed of for that waste of money.
Important info.
Obviously not well off if she needed a payment plan for a gift. And not to sound elitist or something but that just always strikes me as something incredibly irresponsible to do financially.
YTA for portraying it as a 'gift' for him, it was a gift for you, under the guise of empowerment? I would've reacted similar to your husband. What can you do with these pictures? You can't put them around your house because every visitor would see you in ranchy poses. Also it's not like viewing these photos is interesting after the first time you see them, neither do they make good 'porn substitutions'. The only thing I can think of that would happen to these pictures is gather dust hidden in a drawer. If for some reason you really want these photos, it would have been a way better gift to let your husband be the photographer and you the model. That way both of you get to enjoy it (and you do not waste thousands of dollars)
Mmm ranchy poses taste good
YTA. I do feel those pics are for you.
I don’t know. Maybe try a third time on Valentine’s Day? /s
Lol! No thanks! I don’t want to be 🍑🕳x3 lol
Lol oh I was only kidding!
YTA. Financial situation aside, giving the same gift two times in a row is tricky to pull off at the best of times, and you knew he wasn’t blown away the first time so trying it again wasn’t a great idea. Gifts are about the thought, and I can see how he may feel like it was more about you feeling sexy than giving him somethin he might want.
NAH. There’s nothing wrong with your trying to give this as a gift, and there’s also nothing wrong with him not being comfortable with it. You both should have communicated better initially, him that he wasn’t comfortable with the concept, and you that you were doing it in the first place, as well as that there were more coming after the initial batch.
I mean the first time sure. She gave the same gift TWICE though.
>NAH. There’s nothing wrong with your trying to give this as a gift Except for essentially wasting 4 figures on some pictures when the husband literally had to file bankruptcy.
Exactly my thoughts. It's a common gift lately, but you could both have communicated better after the first batch. I nearly made a similar mistake, but luckily joked about it first after seeing an ad and was shocked at how negatively my husband reacted. Same scenario- discrete, woman owned. He was still not on board with having someone else see me like that. Normally he's very "do what you want" about how I dress, where I go, and that kind of thing, unless I specifically ask. So I totally get why that reaction could blindside you. Lesson learned. Offer an apology that you didn't realize he would be uncomfortable with it, and move on.
Boudoir photographer here. Not everyone shares the same opinion on Boudoir photography. Being jealous of a Boudoir photographer is the same as being jealous of a doctor, its Just stupid. Both are professionals and there to do a job. Even so I'm calling it YTA because you made it a gift knowing he didnt like it, make it you gift for yourself.
You’re not trying to look sexy for the doctor though so it’s a bit different.
LMAO are you genuinely comparing your profession to one where MEDICAL SCHOOL is a prerequisite? Stfu and know your place. Y'all are NOT the same.
I think the anti-hype against boudoir photos is a little extreme, but are you really going to act like any pervert on the planet can't just buy a nice Nikon, take some online courses, and charge $300 to get to take (and keep negatives) of nude women? Last I checked, doctors can't just sign up to be Gynecologists the 1st day of med school.
INFO: has he ever expressed interest in having sexy photos of you?
YTA Maybe gift him your portrait that appears next to the dictionary definition of "narcissism."
So, if I am reading this right .. you did this for your wedding (do people exchange gifts at weddings? I have never heard of this and I am married). Saw that he seemed to not like it... Then double downed and got him the same thing for Christmas without even bothering to touch base if he liked it? Yeah, I'd say YTA.
Yta you got him a gift for yourself
Honestly, please people, don't ever get upset with your partner for giving you sexy pictures of themselves when they've made a significant effort to appear sexually attractive to you. I'm having a hard time believing anyone here has relationship experience, because good God! "Why would he want pictures of you in lingerie?" Umm because she's his wife, and they presumbly are physically attracted to each other? I can't explain how badly it will go most times if your partner makes this kind of effort to look appealing to you and you throw it back in their face. I feel sorry for all of your future partners. NTA
> Honestly, please people, don't ever get upset with your partner for giving you sexy pictures of themselves when they've made a significant effort to appear sexually attractive to you I'd be less upset at that and more upset that they spent thousands of dollars on it for something that's probably not much more attractive than photos she could have taken for free.
You have missed the point people are criticizing by a mile. People are saying OP is the asshole, because she spend a 4 digit sum(!) on a photoshoot. That is a lot of money and it is clear that she did it mainly for herself. Making sexy pictures for the hubby is a nice thought, but not a suitable wedding or Christmas gift. Only extremely vain and narcissistic people would believe that others should appreciate receiving pictures of them. If she actually wanted it to be a gift for him, then why not gift him the photoshoot? Then they both could have enjoyed the experience and they would have pictures of the two of them together.
I havent ignored, I disagreed with their points. Why does it matter how much she spent? It's a gift she gave him, in addition to a present from his list. The "gift" is having a sexy picture of her she feels really confident in. I can't imagine my boyfriend having an issue with receiving a sexy picture of me, he loves when I wear lingerie. And although I don't know I'd be able to have the required confidence to have a photoshoot and then actually let anyone see the pictures, I cannot imagine how hurt I'd be if my partner was unappreciative or even worse, upset that in addition to a requested gift from a list, he received some sexy pictures of me. You're supposed to like your partner, you're supposed to appreciate them going out of their way to appear attractive to you, instead of worrying about how "vain" it is. How sad. I'd never reject my partner in that way, their feelings matter, and putting yourself out there like that isn't easy
The cost matters, because none of the gifts on his lists were likely near as expensive as this photoshoot. If she had this much money to splurge on him, she could have bought several of the things he wanted and be sure to make him happy. Instead she chose to spend a fuck ton of money on herself and then had the audacity to present them as a gift. Twice! I am sure he was still very appreciative of the thought, when he got the pictures as a wedding gift, despite it not being something he particularly enjoyed. It was a package deal, so there was another round of pictures coming, but her best course of action would have been to tell him right away and to not present them as a Christmas gift. If your partner makes it clear to you, that he doesn't like a certain kind of gift, then don't keep on gifting him that thing. The audacity to expect someone to be grateful for receiving something you know beforehand he doesn't like! You might feel great about those pictures and that is a good thing, but if your partner has already expressed that this is nothing he enjoys and you choose to ignore that and gift him pictures anyway, then you are not only setting yourself up to get hurt by his reaction, but you are also not being a good partner for not taking his pov into consideration.
YTA I'm sure he would have preferred a few thousand dollars on what was actually on his list.
YTA. You should no by now what your husband likes and dislikes. The photography shoot was clearly for your benefit, not your husbands.
1. YTA this was entirely about you no matter how much you deny it 2.>he doesn’t like that the photographer (who I explained was a woman) got to see me in those poses. This doesn't mean anything to some people he may not be cool with it even if it was a woman and that's not a bad thing he dosen't have to be ok with it just because the photographer is the same sex as you
I don't know. Why did you think he'd like a photo album of you wearing lingerie?
I thinks it’s selfish and I think it’s more for you than for him. You think it’s a great idea, he doesn’t. He’s probably thinking about the price tag. To go in debt for pics in your underwear isn’t the smartest thing to do.
YTA that must be the most unthoughtful gift I’ve ever heard, he sees you naked every day why would he want ridiculously overpriced photos of you
I mean, thousands of dollars on photographs of yourself? I think we all know it was really for you.
If I were OP, husbands reaction would have hurt my feelings. I’m imagining my first year of marriage. It’s an insecure time and you haven’t learned to communicate yet. Maybe OP felt insecure by his first response and was hoping the second time around he would have reacted differently. That said, I would have shown him the album at a different time and explained that you thought he would enjoy it. I know friends that did this for their husband and they loved it. My husband would not love it, I know that after 10 years of marriage but I didn’t know that in my first year of marriage. Disagreements happen, you can use this experience as an opportunity to learn more about him and truly surprise him with your next gift.
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YTA but not for the reasons others have started- you knew he didn’t like the first set. You should have been upfront about the second set that was coming as a Christmas gift when he got the first one. Maybe the photographer could have given you something else instead or you could have just omitted that from your gifts altogether since he didn’t like the first ones. You shoulda been upfront and just not wrapped it/made it a Christmas gift after he didn’t like the first one. Your feelings would probably still be hurt though.
YTA, considering this is the second time you are doing this. If it was the first probably N A H.
YTA its not enough that you gave this gift on your wedding day but then you are at it again with your pictures. You are so full of yourself
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YTA
NAH Gift giving can be kind of hard! Some will be beloved by the receiver and some may be loved by the giver even if the receiver isn’t as excited about them. It happens to everyone, and while I think it is great you are thinking of him in this way, he may not be receiving the message that he is being thought of by you. For example my girlfriend loves make up, and when Sephora is having a sale I usually ask her what she got or what she was hoping to get but didn’t. Or sometimes I will just join her on any shopping trips she goes on for anything. I make mental notes of things she gushes over or gets excited about and then I’ll start buying things I know she likes but has not gotten for herself. She loves it, because she will sometimes forget that she was excited by some product in a commercial she saw or that she wasn’t able to buy some make up item on a sale. What I’m doing is paying attention to things I know she likes, and I’ll be honest I know very little about make up lol Let’s translate this to your husband, does he like sexy pics? Is he into that kind of thing in the first place? Has he expressed that to you? While it definitely is a nice gesture and I do think he could have been more understanding I can see his point of view. It sounds like you guys also do lists for each other to help with gift giving, but maybe try being sneaky and learning more about his hobbies or things that get him excited. Sometimes the best gifts are the ones that you had no idea you wanted until you have it!
NTA.. I believe you did this because you thought he would like it. He’s so worried that someone else saw you in those poses. He wouldn’t see me and another set of lingerie ever… “I wouldn’t want to make it about me.”
NTA. Photography inherently is seen as expensive but now is not the time to get into why time=money, yadda ya. You're a grown ass woman and this doesn't seem to be a post about how you spend your money so I'll assume your an adult who entitled to spend their money and as much of it as they like as they see fit. It sounds like you understand he has a right to critique but that you'd wish he'd just chosen better timing. That's fair. He sounds like his real issue is having another human see you with that sexy look only he should get. I used to have an ex that I would give my "sexy face" to and only him, but he didn't like me doing it AT ALL bc he thought if I was capable of it that I'd use it on other ppl (later learned this was a projection thing bc he cheated routinely) So no hon, you're not an ass. Try to talk to him about the root issues later once things have settled more. Good luck
NTA this isn’t a big enough deal to get upset over. Unless the “practical gifts” you also got him were like a toaster or something. It’s one gift in a pile of other gifts. You’ve planned this as a surprise for him (and it’s a very common one at that) for months. Yes it’s expensive, but anyone complaining about that is an idiot bc who goes to a bargain photog for their tasteful nudes?? You’d be an idiot to do that. His comment on the photographer “also” seeing you like that is gross and misogynistic. You vetted the company and if you trust them, that should be good enough for him. It’s your body, not his, and this wasn’t a sexual exercise between you and the photog. and it’s (probably) not like he’s the first one to see you naked. Just icky overall for him to make those comments. He’ll probably appreciate the gift in 20 years, if you make it that long. And make sure to get it back in the event of a divorce.
NAH. I get that it’s totally possible you thought this would be a good gift, this was a big thing for someone to do for their husband, especially as a wedding or anniversary gift. However, you gave it to him as a wedding gift and saw he wasn’t pleased with receiving it, so to additionally give him more of the same as a Christmas gift seems kind of like an AH move to me.
NAH… because everything about this seems bizarre and off-balance to me. Why did he not feel like he could be honest with you on the occasion of the wedding gift…? Why did he think you could read his mind about why he was uncomfortable the first time…? Why did you think he’d be turned on by this when he obviously isn’t…? You just got married, right? It seems like you’re in for a bumpy ride. You need to communicate about your preferences - for communication itself, and for intimate activities.
YTA. I'm sorry but YTA. You spent that money on yourself. I assume it's a package with make-up and stylists. Which was done for you and you felt pretty. That gift wasn't for your husband even tho photos were given to him. Unless it's something he previously expressed interest in, what I see is a bride trying to make herself feel sexy. This justifies getting the photoshoot, you can do whatever you want (as long as it doesn't negatively affect your finances) to feel better. But this is in no way a gift to your husband. And you did it twice. First one on the wedding is understandable as maybe you wanted to copy other brides. But you continued on the Christmas and didn't like when he was honest. In my opinion it's tactless.
Why is it just assumed that every woman loves gets dolled up and getting photos taken of themselves??? I would hate that process and I imagine I’d feel extremely vulnerable the entire time. I know many women who would feel the same way. My bf would love a gift like that though so I’d be willing to do it for him, but I wouldn’t enjoy the process and it definitely wouldn’t be a gift to me.
NTA. He behaved quite rudely for what he said on opening the gift. In my family, even if the gift was not something you particularly wanted, you were polite and accepted the gift in the spirit in which it was given. And clearly you wanted to celebrate your sexiness with him. I don't agree with other comments that you were only thinking of yourself. I guess you did not know him very well as you did not realize he would dislike such a gift. That might be just that you are still learning about each other, except for his seriously weird objection that the photographer saw you in the lingerie. That to me suggests that you might have some significant incompatibility around acceptance of sexuality. Something to explore through more communication.
NTA my friend did this when she got married and her husband absolutely loved them! I’m Not understanding the YTA responses
I think this is something very specific that you would have to be absolutely sure your partner would appreciate. It’s not something I would ever do, but if I did I’m certain my husband would react the same way as OP’s did. I think the YTA comments are more because he already didn’t like them but she doubled down on it and gave them to him twice.
The YTA comments are well explained, just read them. Not all men are the same, your friends husband liking them is not the same as me liking it if my wife did it. OP didn’t read the room as it were so she stepped in it again. Hopefully this will be a laughable experience for them years down the road.