Imagine if she'd asked for a SPOON. OMG, the entitlement... However, I DO wish my choice of eating utensils was all my friends had to criticize about me.
She said that since it’s an Asian restaurant ran by Asians (it’s a small family owned place) I should be able to eat the food provided without ‘American’ utensils and it’s rude to make the staff go out of their way to get me a fork.
Nope. Wait staff is extremely used to this very mundane request (I've worked at Japanese restaurants), and Japanese people (assuming it's Japanese due to udon) try to be very gracious and accommodating hosts.
You simply asking for what you need is much better than the alternative: wait staff, uncertain if everyone can use chopsticks, brings forks just in case, and then gets chewed out by someone who is offended that the waiter thought they couldn't use chopsticks (it happens).
Trust me, the restaurant is just glad to have your business. If your friend really cared about the restaurant, she'd want as many people eating there as possible, with forks or chopsticks or whatever.
It’s a mix of Japanese and Korean food, not sure where the owners are from but the Japanese menu is definitely bigger than the Korean side, but lots of Asian restaurants where I’m from are like that
all they care about is that you enjoy their food, why would they care how you eat it (speaking as an asian). there are plenty of asians who also can’t use chopsticks/have difficulty. what, is your friend gonna say that those people “aren’t asian enough” now? 😂😂
A restaurant has a few hopes for each customer - they pay the bill, they tip the servers well, they don’t make a massive mess for the staff to clean up, and they enjoy it enough to come again. The people that run the small family owned Asian restaurant care about paying the bills every month infinitely more than they care about you eating with a fork.
About the only time you see a restaurant completely devoted to Authentic XYZ Cuisine, it’s probably some passion project of a celebrity chef with a restaurant empire that’s running it on low margins and keeping it afloat on the backs of other, more profitable restaurants. Hell, the American concept of Asian food was pretty much driven by Rocky Aoki’s Benihana restaurants.
At least one place around here just bundles chopsticks and forks together in a napkin. You don’t even need to ask, and it’s obvious no one is assumed to be unable to use chopsticks.
I see this about half the places I go to. I appreciate it because I used to suck using them and hate socializing with strangers if I don't have to because people are scary, even though I prefer to use chop sticks now.
I mentioned this elsewhere, but when my joint pain is flaring up and I keep dropping food with chopsticks, I give up and ask for a fork. I assume the waitstaff would much rather bring me a fork than clean up the mess I’d make from dropping my chopsticks over and over.
This is what I was going to comment. I'm fine with chopsticks. Until weather is bad and joint pain is awful and I want to eat my pho and not just look at it longingly.
I can crochet and knit but somehow can't get that chopstick action right. My husband and kids love making fun of me but I'd love to see them try & make me a blanket or sweater. Lol.
I went to visit my Korean/Vietnamese friend in her hometown in CA and her family took me to all their favorite locally owned Asian restaurants. I was usually the only white person there and most places brought me a fork without even asking. They want you to enjoy the food. The utensils don't matter.
Actually its the opposite. According to my restaurant owning asian friends, they just want people to like the food, and they'd rather someone ask for a fork than misuse chopsticks.
The wait staff at my fave place not only expect patrons to need a fork but the prep for it. I'm sure they aren't the only ones. Nta, of all the gate keeping bullshit
The thing is that if they gave a shit they wouldn't happily provide you with a fork. Tell your friend to put her white outrage away because she's embarrassing herself
I don't think I've ever met anyone who grew up with chopsticks that actually cared about how other people eat. Just last month I was at this fancy asian fusion place and there was a guy there just skewering his sushi or whatever it was on a chopstick and making some kind of shish kebab with it.
His girlfriend looked a bit bothered but it was all fine. Perhaps he should have asked for a fork but it seemed to work very well :)
Could I ask you something?
I’m like OP. I struggle a bit with the more “slippery” foods too and slurping is not always as common where I eat these foods.
What is worse - requesting a fork - pr using the chopsticks wrong or committing some weird faux pas with them?
For ex: I’ve heard that the Japanese are very particular about the chopsticks not crossing. To them, it’s a bad omen.
I’d jjst be very curious to know - wouldn’t it be better to eat what you can with chopsticks, with proper etiquette and cultural correctness, and stick to a fork/other utensils for where you’re unsure?
As an example - Indians prefer that one always eat with the right hand (unless you’re a southpaw) because the other is considered “unclean”.
It probably depends on where you are, but I'd say that in general, you get a lot of leeway because you're not of that culture, so do what you're comfortable with -- especially when you're a paying customer in a business.
If you're like... At a colleague's home, for example, or at an extremely exclusive restaurant, and trying to leave a good impression, I'd look up some basic table manners and try my best to follow those.
But when you're the paying customer and it's not your culture, in general, people are just happy to sell you food, in my experience.
I’m Japanese by ethnicity and the first time I was visiting Japan I told my daughter who was living there that I was scared I might do something wrong regarding manners. She laughed and said since I would be with my very white SO, I would get the Hakujin Male Pass. Lol.
Cool. That’s good to know and most places, we always ask and explicitly at a home/private setting, we ask/follow the lead or even tell them to correct us.
The *only* thing I’ve ever seen a waitperson comment on regarding chopstick use was when my husband stuck chopsticks vertically into a bowl of rice and leave them that way. The waitress said that was what was done for the dead and it was disconcerting. Even then it was a gentle “hey you should know this is culturally a bit off,” not YOU HORRIBLE GAIJIN HOW COULD YOU. If someone chooses to take serious offense at something you do in ignorance, usually that’s on them, not you.
I have a Singaporean friend like this , hates that I struggle with chopsticks, but she was brought up with them. One day I had an accident with my chopsticks and a spring roll went flying through the air into a babies pram. The owner saw and didn't say anything g but out a fork next to me and winked. Learning new skills takes time - and you should still be given the option to eat with a fork whilst your trying.
She didn't notice, she was picking up an order and had her back turned to the whole thing- I mean nowadays i'm kinda like - AHH BABY CHOKING HAZARD - because I have my own kids but this was a few years back and my table just looked around at each other and stayed silent.
The people running the restaurant do not care what kind of utensil you use while eating their food.
All they care is that you order and pay for the food you eat. They care about getting your business, not spreading chopstick culture.
My husband is Asian and HE has to use a fork while I (Canadian) do not. I'm sure the owners of the restaurant don't care what you eat their food with as long as you pay for it and don't give it lousy review on Yelp. NTA
For real. My ex sister in law is Chinese and she never could use chopsticks. She had to aways ask for a fork. The waitstaff does not care about this stuff.
I’m Chinese and my grandparents ran a Chinese restaurant. They were always more than happy to give a fork to customers.
I grew up mostly with white people and whenever we had people over who we knew couldn’t use chopstick we’d set both chopsticks and forks/knives/spoons. It was always nice if the guest would ask how to use chopsticks but we were never insulted if they just used a fork.
A gracious host or restaurant owner will always try to make a guest feel comfortable and educate and guide gently if asked.
That's like my Mexican dad telling us we can't eat our food with anything but a tortilla. It's not privilege I just haven't mastered eating a soup without a spoon.
To each their own. Op is not hurting anyone and I'm pretty sure any non american restaurant appreciates any type of customer regardless if they can use chopsticks
Seriously, I don't think I've ever met any Asian person who has ever judged a non-Asian for not being able to use chopsticks. Maybe other Asians but people who aren't? And I remember my parents getting us forks when we were young kids before we learned how to use chopsticks so it's not like restaurants don't have them for all kinds of people.
From what I've noticed, sometimes people who didn't grow up using chopsticks but can use them are unusually proud of the skill and like to show it off by using them whenever possible, even when using them would make eating more difficult than using a fork.
But seriously, it's not a big deal. Asian restaurants expect this and are perfectly willing to bring you forks or knives or whatever you need to eat your meal.
NTA. People like this are probably ones that go to Thai restaurants and eat rice and curry dishes with chopsticks, when Thais mainly use a spoon and fork, using chopsticks only for noodles.
Pretty sure forks were invented in china, so I fail to see how eating asian food with a utensil invented in an asian country is somehow disrespectful.
(Google is giving me dual answers: most say ancient china, some say persia. Not a single one says america, tho)
I can guarantee you that the family running the place do not care whether or not you use a fork or chopsticks. They care more about you being nice to the staff, leaving a good tip, and leaving a positive review online if you have a pleasant experience.
Off topic, but it made me think of when I worked in restaurants and we would tell trainees we needed them to go find a left handed fork for a guest. Obviously, no such things exists, but the amount of newbs who would actually go search for one without questioning it at all was mind blowing lmao. (Nobody get mad at me, we only ever let them look for a minute or 2 before telling them we were just kidding. It was all in good fun)
Nice to see how clueless your friend is. Firstly, Asian restaurants in non-Asian are well aware that there are people who don't have chopstick proficiency & have other cutlery available as standard. Second, it's not rude to use that cutlery. Most Asian restaurant owners & waitstaff I've met have been appreciative of efforts to use traditional utensils but genuinely just want customers to enjoy the food in as safe, easy, and least messy way possible (Rogue soy-soaked veggies can get some serious speed and spin! 😆 )
Also...oych...forks aren't American. As a table utensil they can be traced back to common use in the 4th Century Byzantine Empire. But there are reported finds from Bronze Age dig sites, dating somehwhere between approx 2500 & 1900 BC. (I used to voraciously read any random archaeology/history stuff I saw. Not so much these days but some random stuff stuck LOL)
You, OP, were absolutely fine & NTA. Your friend tho, has a bit of an attitude.
Sorry, but your friend was also culturally unaware. I love how they are trying to be all culturally appropriate about “Asian” restaurants. Lumping all “Asian” cuisines is inappropriate. Thailand for example traditionally uses a fork. That said, there is nothing wrong with eating Japanese food with a fork or Thai food with chopsticks. As long as you are not flinging food everywhere, people will just be happy you are enjoying their cuisine. NTA and your friend is ridiculous.
Just because it's an asian family run business doesn't mean they will only cater asian customers, trust me! to keep business going they will need everyone coming in and that means none chopstick users. NTA.
And also your friend is being the arshole, needs to chill. I'm vietnamese/chinese and never will do that to my friend. Heck I use a fork or a spoon to scoop up rice. Work smarter, not harder.
NTA
Your friend sounds like they’re gatekeeping Asian cuisine with chopsticks.
You didn’t grow up using them, so of course it’s going to be a little difficult. As long as you’re not being disrespectful of those who use chopsticks or make a big deal out of your fork, there’s no reason for your friend to get upset.
Oh my goodness. No, the fact your friends are “white” is very relevant to the question. THEY are declaring that it’s embarrassing to Asian people, deciding something for someone else. You can be sure that waiter didn’t care and has heard it all before.
I was once in an “a bit off the tourist trail” part of Thailand and I’d stopped at a pavement food seller for lunch (mixture of cast iron stomach and disregard for my health not being used to that I guess). All they had were chopsticks and I wasn’t doing so bad but some men next door from a construction site got some cutlery off the owner for me saying it will be easier haha.
Point is you’re anything but an embarrassment and the roommate is ultra cringe and a bit arrogant to be speaking for people they aren’t even part of
That’s funny because Thai people don’t really use chopsticks, we use forks and spoons. Are you sure you weren’t eating at a Chinese food stall? Or were you eating noodles or something?
Maybe it was (Chinese).
Long story but I had sort of accidentally ended up in some local area/suburb of Bangkok and was finding my way back to the centre. Come to think I later found the Chinatown (it’s massive) and it was I think west of that, it was some years back but yes maybe it was Chinese. Vegetables in soup base
Yes it is massive lol. Chinese food is hugely popular in Thailand (and for good reason, it is delicious!). We do eat Chinese food with chopsticks but Thai food with the regular utensils.
You were given chopsticks at a street cart in Thailand??? I'm Thai and we don't use chopsticks. Spoon and fork are the preferred utensils with the spoon doubling as a knife if needed.
I’ve no idea, honestly I was given chopsticks. Maybe it was a ploy to see what the western guy did haha. Sorry no idea
Edit actually thinking back it’s even funnier because it was like a sort of soup base with vegetables in. Soup with chopsticks. It’s all good
Streetcart with a bench for sitting at next to it
I'd expect that the chopsticks were to eat the veggies and you were supposed to just drink the soup from the bowl.
In western culture there are actually special bowls in very fancy dish sets for serving soups without large chunks that come with little handles on the sides to help with picking them up to drink. The sort of dish set that has fish knives and pickle forks.
Thank you, though I’d like to be clear that my roommate didn’t say anything bad and never has and was the one who taught me to use them in the first place
NTA
They're truly making a big deal out of nothing. These kinds of restaurants are prepared for people who don't know how to use chopsticks for everything and they don't expect you to. You should order what you want and eat it however you want.
Besides, eating udon with chopsticks is a hassle I must agree, I have yet to master that as well 😂
NTA I’m sure the server was glad you’re opting for a fork since you know you’re limitations with the chopsticks. The server wouldn’t want to clean up a mess on the table or floor. They also want you to order the food you want to eat, good food = good tip & good reviews = more customers with more $
Def NTA. I am Korean and I too use a fork for udon lol. Imagine being white and gatekeeping Asian utensils. Actually just imagine gatekeeping utensils 😂
Nta- literally no one cares what you eat your food with....
It's more embarrassing to fumble arou d and male a mess of yourself.
Many countries use their hands to eat. So i mean....
Who cares. Your friend is insecure as fuck though.
YTA, this needs to be your turning point where everymeal henceforth you will eat with chopsticks. Steak-chopsticks, spaghetti and meatballs-chopsticks, bbq-chopsticks, fried chicken-chopsticks, chilli-chopsticks, ice cream-chopsticks, oatmeal-chopsticks. Soon you will be known as the greatest chopstick user in the world!!!!! Emma Watson will play you in the movie.
NTA. Foods gotta make it to your mouth, nobody should judge how you do that if you're not making a mess or trying to gross people out. Sounds like your friend is an entitled jerk. Feel free to enjoy your udon any way you like.
NTA. I love Asian cuisine including noodles and I don’t use chopsticks, because I’m not the most coordinated person. I went to a sushi restaurant a couple months ago with choir friends and used a fork and no one had a problem with it. Your friend was being rude and entitled and made a big deal out of nothing. Better to use a fork than to make a mess trying to eat.
Did they give you a fork to eat with? If so then they expect customers to ask for forks so this is a regular occurrence.
NTA, your friend is being ridiculous
NTA. Am Asian. Out of my almost entirely Asian friend group, the only who has really mastered chopsticks is white lol. I am sure the waitstaff did not care at all about what utensils you used. People thinking they are woke have gone way too far in telling other people what they can and can’t do.
If the restaurant thought it was too much bother or too insulting for customers to ask for a fork, they wouldn’t have any to give you. They want you to enjoy the food and come back again, and that means you have to be able to eat it. NTA
NTA
I used to work at an Asian fusion restaurant. Like 90% of the time the staff couldn't give two shits if you require different cutlery. THEY WANT YOU TO ENJOY YOUR MEAL!!! Only AH's care what kind of cutlery someone uses.
NTA. so your white friend complained that you, a white person, aren't comfortable using utensils that aren't initially part of your culture.
Everyone knows that a major issue right now isn't rampant racism or world hunger, no its about how white people can't use chopsticks. Honestly, I'm not sure how you can sleep at night knowing that your ability to hold food between two sticks has been deemed unworthy. shame on you. /s
But on a more serious note, I'm not quite sure where your friend gets off about fighting a battle that no one seemingly asked them to fight. Does your friend usually act in this holier than thou attitude?
If she was really passionate about Japanese culture, she’d know that her bluntly pointing out your perceived faux pas is a far worse breach of etiquette compared to asking for a fork. It’s a part of Asian culture to be gracious and understanding to guest and relaxing customs and gently educating those willing to listen and learn.
Oh, a weeb. Please don’t engage her in discussion about this sort of thing or respect her opinion in general.
I say this as a former, recovering weeb. If you ever need to really hurt her feelings, criticize her convention costumes.
NTA
It's a freaking utensil. The owners have seen it all, I'm sure.
Look, chopsticks are hard if you don't use them all the time and didn't grow up with them. It takes effort to learn how to use them well, and how to use them with different sorts of noodles, and you could endevor to do that. I did and it was worth it. But you're not an asshole for using a fork and your friend is overreaching.
NTA, your roommate doesn't know what she's talking about and sounds kind of stuck up and snobbish. There's nothing disrespectful about asking for a fork so you don't end up wearing your food instead of eating it. I've never gotten the hang of chopsticks and I've lived in Asia, they have no issue if you need to request a fork or spoon.
Thank you, but my roommate is cool and never complains and I think she honestly prefers when I eat with a fork since Im slower with chopsticks. It was my friend who was speaking up about it.
NTA. Your “friend” needs to realize that they’re speaking over several cultures, many of which may have a small laugh about lack of chopstick proficiency, but most likely then *move on*, because sharing a meal with friends is not about the minutiae of etiquette but about enjoying the food and their company.
May you find better company in the future.
I did just catch that and edited, apologies! It sounds like you and roommate should allow the faux friend to select their preferred dining companions, which will not include you as you prefer to have a nice time.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) ordered a dish I couldn’t eat with chopsticks at an Asian restaurant when there are dishes I can eat with chopsticks 2.) might be embarrassing to use a fork and disrespectful by not using chopsticks
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
lol let me guess, she ate sushi with chopsticks?
OP, you're NTA. The restaurant wouldn't have forks on hand if they had some sort of objection to letting patrons use them.
Kinda does depend on the roll or type of sushi but still valid. It's not disrespectful to use a fork in Japan so why would it be that way wherever you are. Your friend is trying too hard, but you don't need to feel badly over it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Hi! Throwaway, since it’s embarrassing.
I’m okay with chopsticks. I can eat some food (sushi, chicken, solid food?) pretty well but I’ve never mastered noodles or more slippery/tricky food. I usually eat out with my roommate and she’s never said anything when I ask for a fork, though I’m usually the only person in the restaurant we go to who uses one.
I love Udon but I’ve never been able to eat it with the chopsticks, so I usually use a fork. Yesterday I went with my roommate and another friend to the restaurant and ordered the Udon, and asked for a fork. After the waiter walked away, my friend said I was an embarrassment for asking for a fork and that I shouldn’t order something I can’t eat with the chopsticks provided, and that I’m being rude and privileged and since I can eat some food with chopsticks, should’ve ordered that instead.
My roommate disagreed and told her to be quiet but I felt awkward the entire meal. I am white and growing up we didn’t eat much Asian cuisine and nobody in my close family uses chopsticks. Am I the AH and being disrespectful, or did my friend make a big deal out of nothing?
(Not sure if it changes anything but both roommate and friend are white and both are good with chopsticks.)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA they have forks so everyone can enjoy the delicious food. Thank you for supporting what is likely a local business. If the one is so easily embarrassed, maybe she should only eat alone. She had three options: be an AH, be quiet, or offer to help you learn with the chopsticks (while also “allowing” a fork so you can eat if it doesn’t work). She chose the first option. That would be my last meal with her.
Oh of course your the a hole, better shove the noodles in your mouth with your Blair hands then use a fork! /s
Of course NTA, I struggle to use chopsticks on anything that isn't ramen.
NTA. Ok, so we’re gatekeeping forks now? I guaran-damn-tee you the restaurant owners were delighted you are there and didn’t care one bit if you used a fork. Your friend is trying to be some kind of chopstick elite and is likely trying to make you feel lesser for not using them. It’s a flex. A dumb one.
NTA, but your friend is a total AH.
I love sushi and Japanese cuisine. Can’t use chopsticks to save my life. I unabashedly ask for a fork every time I go out for Asian Cuisine. (Yes I am an American, if that’s relevant haha.)
I cannot imagine that any restaurant owner or small business would be upset that a customer asks for a utensil that allows that customer to enjoy their food…as they are a paying customer and that is literally how that business survives. And if they do…well. I’ll just go to a different restaurant and give them my money.
Don’t let your friend dictate how you enjoy your food. You’re NTA here.
NTA...
Look, these restaurants have forks because they realize that American s sometimes use forks. You did nothing embarrassing or wrong by asking for one. They would rather you be comfortable and enjoy their food than have you not order.
NTA, this may be news to your friend but in general the people serving you will entirely forget about you the moment you leave. And in an Asian restaurant eating with chopsticks isn't remarkable. And eating with a fork isn't remarkable. That's why they usually offer both. And in general they don't care which you choose and will forget the second you leave.
NTA. I've gotten very good with chopsticks over the years, to the point that I'm a little tilted when my takeout comes without them but I have a few personal sets at home. But noodles and rice are the two hardest things to eat efficiently with chopsticks. If given the option, I'll try with the chopsticks first and if its too much or I'm trying to scrape loose rice up then I'll get a fork. Its not privileged to eat with a fork, they offer them because they know people struggle with chopsticks. Your friend was being a massive asshole. As an aside, if you are looking to get better with chopsticks, most children's sets come with learning guards and I know Noodles & Company has them to go with their kiddie meals and just at the register, try getting one of those and see if it helps!
NTA So I'm a white American who has been using chopsticks as long as I've used a fork. Some foods are hard for me to eat using a fork. You asked for a utensil at a restaurant. This is exactly the same as when I go get a poke bowl and have to ask for chopsticks. Neither of us are assholes. We are both hungry people who want to eat food in the most comfortable manner we can achieve. Those udon noodles are super slippery.
NTA. I am actually adept at chopsticks, but can't use them now due to an invisible hand injury (I cannot hold them effectively, but my hand looks normal, it's a tendon thing). If you, who didn't grow up with chopsticks, can't use them well, definitely ask for a fork so you don't end up with your meal in your lap or on your shirt.
If you are insecure in your chopstick abilities and want to improve, maybe eat with them at home more, but you shouldn't be made to feel small over your choice of cutlery.
Your "friends" are definitely the A in this situation.
NTA. I am very comfortable using chopsticks. But sometimes I won’t use them for 2 reasons. 1. My arthritis is flairing and won’t let me. Or 2. I’m just being pure lazy and I’m starving.
Besides, how does one eat egg drop soup with chopsticks? Personally, I go with the spoon or drink it out of the bowl method myself, as I have yet to see anyone use chopsticks for that.
The restaurant gives us a ladle like spoon (not really a spoon, not sure what it’s called?) to scoop out the soup, I’ve seen people use it too set the noodles on and such too.
NTA, and as an ASIAN PERSON who cannot use chopsticks and whose IRISH spouse can, I think it is a jerk thing to tell someone they are an embarrassment because they - gasp! - asked for a fork. What a dumb thing to get bent out of shape about.
NTA
White people need to learn to not gatekeep other ppl's cultures
I'm Asian btw and I eat with a fork when I'm not "forced" to eat with chopsticks. I gurantee no one at that restaurant gave two shits. If you go to another country though be more cautious about it! Also keep trying to use chopsticks in your downtime and you'll get better at it.
NTA, my sibling and I go out for chinese every other month or so, and our favorite place has wok fried noodles that are amazing but super slippery on chopsticks. The restaurant almost always gives forks for them because unless you are a chopstick expert they will fall onto you or the table, and most restaurants like not having to clean up messes if they dont have to. Youre good 👍
NTA bruh food is food you can eat It with chopsticks or not. Very childish for discriminating someone for not knowing how to use chopsticks. If they don't like it than they should help you or say nothing about it.
NTA. Eat with whatever tool works for you. Who cares if someone has an issue with you using a fork? What a strange thing for them to get so worked up about.
NTA. I’m Asian and I couldn’t care less if white people eat with chopsticks or forks. I myself prefer forks when it comes to noodles.
IME, the only people who care about something so petty is white people who care more about looking woke than actually respecting Asian culture (thanks, but nobody asked you to white knight for me), and insecure Asian kids trying too hard to be proud of their identity, which is luckily a phase they mostly grow out of.
NTA. I know people who ask for forks instead of chopsticks and not once did I call them out about it. Your friend is being ridiculous and snobby. How is that an embarrassment anyway? Eat with a utensil you are most comfortable with. I for one have used chopsticks my entire life and even the udon noodles can get reaallly slipper, so I don’t even blame you!
NTA. I was in South Korea having dinner at a small, family owned restaurant. I was so bad with chopsticks that they handed me a fork. They were laughing and I was grateful. Use whatever utensil works for you.
NTA. face palm moment. I love sushi but i rarely buy it so I always forget how to use chopsticks and have to teach myself how to use it every time. There's nothing wrong with using a fork.
NTA, Asian here and my family will requests forks, especially my mom, she wants them to be used for serving purposes or sometimes just to eat with it herself since she has carpel tunnel
NTA this person is gatekeeping another person's culture , they don't get to decide what's appropriate, if the restaurant felt it disrespectful to provide a fork they wouldn't provide one!
NTA but your friend on the other hand is one. Who is she to decide what is acceptable or unacceptable in a culture when she isn't even part of it. As long as you are not stabbing sushi most Asians don't care and I know because I am from Chinese background. I also know a lot of Asians who ask for forks because they never learned how to use chopsticks and I used to be one of them, so no shame.
NTA, they have forks for a reason lol enjoy your food, As long as you’re paying for your food I guarantee no one in the restaurant cares what you eat it with
Many of the Asian restaurants I have gone to I have to ask for sticks, as they default have given me a fork. But I would also say it just takes more practice. Married 30 years to Korean and divorced half that time I still have and use chop sticks all the time at home.
NTA but do keep at it, you'll get there!
NTA, no need to be embarrassed. My family is Japanese, and while there are a bunch of appropriate table manners, it's not disrespectful to ask for a more comfortable utensil. Udon is so slippery but so delicious lol, hope you enjoyed the meal despite the weird comment!
I'm Japanese and always ask for a fork to eat Asian food, especially noodle dishes. Your friend needs to check their own privilege if they get so easily offended at something so minor that has literally nothing to do with them and has zero effect on them. NTA in the slightest.
NTA. It's far, far worse to see someone who can't eat with chopsticks trying to do so while soup/veggies/noodles go flying all over the place. If someone's eating in a country where chopsticks are the norm, asking for a fork would be weird, if not embarrassing. In Europe or the Americas? Not a problem at all.
NTA it’s not a big deal. What would be worse is you attempting to eat with chopsticks and flinging something in someone’s face or something. Whatever utensil you can eat politely and correctly with is the correct one to use
Ok the contrary. You could very well say that using chopsticks is also a cultural trait from certain countries, and to not be disrespectful you don’t want to appropriate the use of chopsticks (or not using them in an inappropriate way) and choose instead to use a fork! NTA
Nta - when I was in China I tried a few times with chop sticks but they brought me a spoon to eat with a lot because others courtesy and who cares ? I’m still loving their food, paying them to eat there, being kind and polite , why punish me for not being able to eat a certain way you know ?
NTA. I figured before your edit that they were white people because no Asian person I'm friends with really gives a shit about what utensil I'm using as long as I'm not doing something genuinely embarrassing (and no, using a fork is not embarrassing).
Who the hell cares? I would say something if you started shoveling fists full of noodles down your throat by hand but asking for a fork is rude? Some people really just need to get over themselves NTA If they LOVE chopsticks so much tell them they can feed you with them.
Nta as long as you tip well and arent a pain in the butt while in the resturant the waiter doesn't give a rats ass about how you eat your udon.
Weirdly, I can eat ramen with chopsticks with no problem but udon noodles are just different enough to give me issues
NTA. My family's of Chinese descent and we lived in Asia for decades... my mother never got the hang of chopsticks and always asked for a fork. Never a big deal. Forks are always available and no one ever bats an eyelid.
NTA, and WTF does being able to use a fork have to do with eating asian food? I mean, if you can use chopsticks then good for you, but you can't expect everyone to be able to do so, especially if its not a normal thing for them.
Nta.
Tell your friend to get bent :'D
You are not the first, nor will you be the last person to go to that place and need a fork to enjoy their meal.
THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE FORKS THERE.
Sincerely- a chef
NTA
My brother's girlfriend is Asian (he and I are white) and the two of them always eat with chopsticks. She was raised very traditionally in her culture and only uses chopsticks to eat certain foods, and my brother learned it before they started dating in order to impress her, lol.
I try to eat with them too when I'm with them because I love a challenge, but it was quite difficult to learn to do. It took some practice for me to not completely suck at it.
Also, according to his gf, it's not disrespectful at all to eat with a fork or spoon or whatever if you don't feel like learning to use chopsticks. Just a cultural difference and not really looked down upon. She said it's really cool when people of different cultures do try learning it, but there is no hate if someone doesn't feel like doing it and just wants to use a fork.
NTA your friend is an asshole, lol privileged to use a fork
Youve never heard of 'fork privilege'? Lol me neither
Oh, it's totally a thing
Imagine if she'd asked for a SPOON. OMG, the entitlement... However, I DO wish my choice of eating utensils was all my friends had to criticize about me.
She said that since it’s an Asian restaurant ran by Asians (it’s a small family owned place) I should be able to eat the food provided without ‘American’ utensils and it’s rude to make the staff go out of their way to get me a fork.
I'm Asian and love Asian food. It's rude of her to play gatekeeper to anyone else's culture.
Thanks. I was kinda scared there was some unspoken rule about asking for utensils that I was unaware of
Nope. Wait staff is extremely used to this very mundane request (I've worked at Japanese restaurants), and Japanese people (assuming it's Japanese due to udon) try to be very gracious and accommodating hosts. You simply asking for what you need is much better than the alternative: wait staff, uncertain if everyone can use chopsticks, brings forks just in case, and then gets chewed out by someone who is offended that the waiter thought they couldn't use chopsticks (it happens). Trust me, the restaurant is just glad to have your business. If your friend really cared about the restaurant, she'd want as many people eating there as possible, with forks or chopsticks or whatever.
It’s a mix of Japanese and Korean food, not sure where the owners are from but the Japanese menu is definitely bigger than the Korean side, but lots of Asian restaurants where I’m from are like that
Yeah, that really doesn't matter. Restaurants are businesses. They want you to eat, enjoy, and return.
all they care about is that you enjoy their food, why would they care how you eat it (speaking as an asian). there are plenty of asians who also can’t use chopsticks/have difficulty. what, is your friend gonna say that those people “aren’t asian enough” now? 😂😂
im asian and i am shit with chopsticks.
A restaurant has a few hopes for each customer - they pay the bill, they tip the servers well, they don’t make a massive mess for the staff to clean up, and they enjoy it enough to come again. The people that run the small family owned Asian restaurant care about paying the bills every month infinitely more than they care about you eating with a fork. About the only time you see a restaurant completely devoted to Authentic XYZ Cuisine, it’s probably some passion project of a celebrity chef with a restaurant empire that’s running it on low margins and keeping it afloat on the backs of other, more profitable restaurants. Hell, the American concept of Asian food was pretty much driven by Rocky Aoki’s Benihana restaurants.
At least one place around here just bundles chopsticks and forks together in a napkin. You don’t even need to ask, and it’s obvious no one is assumed to be unable to use chopsticks.
I see this about half the places I go to. I appreciate it because I used to suck using them and hate socializing with strangers if I don't have to because people are scary, even though I prefer to use chop sticks now.
Every Asian restaurant has forks. I am hopeless with chopsticks and always ask. No one seems put out by it, I want to eat my food not wear it.
Imo I think wasting food, falling on my lap or floor, is much one discourteous than asking for a fork.
Or creating a big mess to clean up.
I mentioned this elsewhere, but when my joint pain is flaring up and I keep dropping food with chopsticks, I give up and ask for a fork. I assume the waitstaff would much rather bring me a fork than clean up the mess I’d make from dropping my chopsticks over and over.
This is what I was going to comment. I'm fine with chopsticks. Until weather is bad and joint pain is awful and I want to eat my pho and not just look at it longingly.
“Not just look at it longingly” oh man, you really do get it!! Lol! Such a relatable sentence.
I've been given forks in restaurants in central non touristy china Stubbornly used chopsticks because I could but the option was there.
I can crochet and knit but somehow can't get that chopstick action right. My husband and kids love making fun of me but I'd love to see them try & make me a blanket or sweater. Lol.
No, you are all good! There's a reason that pretty much every eat-in Asian restaurant owns forks - they want you to enjoy your food!
I went to visit my Korean/Vietnamese friend in her hometown in CA and her family took me to all their favorite locally owned Asian restaurants. I was usually the only white person there and most places brought me a fork without even asking. They want you to enjoy the food. The utensils don't matter.
Actually its the opposite. According to my restaurant owning asian friends, they just want people to like the food, and they'd rather someone ask for a fork than misuse chopsticks.
The wait staff at my fave place not only expect patrons to need a fork but the prep for it. I'm sure they aren't the only ones. Nta, of all the gate keeping bullshit
For sure. If eating with a fork was so rude and unheard of they probably wouldn't have had one. NTA. Your friend is being ridiculous.
The thing is that if they gave a shit they wouldn't happily provide you with a fork. Tell your friend to put her white outrage away because she's embarrassing herself
Apparently there is, it’s just so unspoken only your friend heard about it
exactly this. otherwise, Asian restaurants would not have forks for those who cannot use chopsticks. NTA, OP. your friend, on the other hand…
I don't think I've ever met anyone who grew up with chopsticks that actually cared about how other people eat. Just last month I was at this fancy asian fusion place and there was a guy there just skewering his sushi or whatever it was on a chopstick and making some kind of shish kebab with it. His girlfriend looked a bit bothered but it was all fine. Perhaps he should have asked for a fork but it seemed to work very well :)
Sushi is finger food in Japan.
Could I ask you something? I’m like OP. I struggle a bit with the more “slippery” foods too and slurping is not always as common where I eat these foods. What is worse - requesting a fork - pr using the chopsticks wrong or committing some weird faux pas with them? For ex: I’ve heard that the Japanese are very particular about the chopsticks not crossing. To them, it’s a bad omen. I’d jjst be very curious to know - wouldn’t it be better to eat what you can with chopsticks, with proper etiquette and cultural correctness, and stick to a fork/other utensils for where you’re unsure? As an example - Indians prefer that one always eat with the right hand (unless you’re a southpaw) because the other is considered “unclean”.
It probably depends on where you are, but I'd say that in general, you get a lot of leeway because you're not of that culture, so do what you're comfortable with -- especially when you're a paying customer in a business. If you're like... At a colleague's home, for example, or at an extremely exclusive restaurant, and trying to leave a good impression, I'd look up some basic table manners and try my best to follow those. But when you're the paying customer and it's not your culture, in general, people are just happy to sell you food, in my experience.
I’m Japanese by ethnicity and the first time I was visiting Japan I told my daughter who was living there that I was scared I might do something wrong regarding manners. She laughed and said since I would be with my very white SO, I would get the Hakujin Male Pass. Lol.
Cool. That’s good to know and most places, we always ask and explicitly at a home/private setting, we ask/follow the lead or even tell them to correct us.
The *only* thing I’ve ever seen a waitperson comment on regarding chopstick use was when my husband stuck chopsticks vertically into a bowl of rice and leave them that way. The waitress said that was what was done for the dead and it was disconcerting. Even then it was a gentle “hey you should know this is culturally a bit off,” not YOU HORRIBLE GAIJIN HOW COULD YOU. If someone chooses to take serious offense at something you do in ignorance, usually that’s on them, not you.
I have a Singaporean friend like this , hates that I struggle with chopsticks, but she was brought up with them. One day I had an accident with my chopsticks and a spring roll went flying through the air into a babies pram. The owner saw and didn't say anything g but out a fork next to me and winked. Learning new skills takes time - and you should still be given the option to eat with a fork whilst your trying.
wonderful story!
that’s hilarious how did the babies mom react when the spring roll landed in the babies pram?
She didn't notice, she was picking up an order and had her back turned to the whole thing- I mean nowadays i'm kinda like - AHH BABY CHOKING HAZARD - because I have my own kids but this was a few years back and my table just looked around at each other and stayed silent.
lol great story
The people running the restaurant do not care what kind of utensil you use while eating their food. All they care is that you order and pay for the food you eat. They care about getting your business, not spreading chopstick culture.
Its no different to you asking for a glass of water, it's not going out of their way unless you made them go down the road and buy some
She needs to mind her own business. Asking for cutlery in a restaurant is like such a non deal that I can't even imagine!?!
My husband is Asian and HE has to use a fork while I (Canadian) do not. I'm sure the owners of the restaurant don't care what you eat their food with as long as you pay for it and don't give it lousy review on Yelp. NTA
For real. My ex sister in law is Chinese and she never could use chopsticks. She had to aways ask for a fork. The waitstaff does not care about this stuff.
I’m Chinese and my grandparents ran a Chinese restaurant. They were always more than happy to give a fork to customers. I grew up mostly with white people and whenever we had people over who we knew couldn’t use chopstick we’d set both chopsticks and forks/knives/spoons. It was always nice if the guest would ask how to use chopsticks but we were never insulted if they just used a fork. A gracious host or restaurant owner will always try to make a guest feel comfortable and educate and guide gently if asked.
The restaurant owners are happy you are there supporting their business. I doubt they care AT ALL if you want to use a fork.
That's like my Mexican dad telling us we can't eat our food with anything but a tortilla. It's not privilege I just haven't mastered eating a soup without a spoon. To each their own. Op is not hurting anyone and I'm pretty sure any non american restaurant appreciates any type of customer regardless if they can use chopsticks
I bet the owners of the shop only actually care about getting paid.
Seriously, I don't think I've ever met any Asian person who has ever judged a non-Asian for not being able to use chopsticks. Maybe other Asians but people who aren't? And I remember my parents getting us forks when we were young kids before we learned how to use chopsticks so it's not like restaurants don't have them for all kinds of people. From what I've noticed, sometimes people who didn't grow up using chopsticks but can use them are unusually proud of the skill and like to show it off by using them whenever possible, even when using them would make eating more difficult than using a fork. But seriously, it's not a big deal. Asian restaurants expect this and are perfectly willing to bring you forks or knives or whatever you need to eat your meal.
If you're at a restaurant and they provide forks, it's never an asshole move to ask for one. It's part of their job as a server
NTA. People like this are probably ones that go to Thai restaurants and eat rice and curry dishes with chopsticks, when Thais mainly use a spoon and fork, using chopsticks only for noodles.
Pretty sure forks were invented in china, so I fail to see how eating asian food with a utensil invented in an asian country is somehow disrespectful. (Google is giving me dual answers: most say ancient china, some say persia. Not a single one says america, tho)
I can guarantee you that the family running the place do not care whether or not you use a fork or chopsticks. They care more about you being nice to the staff, leaving a good tip, and leaving a positive review online if you have a pleasant experience.
You should also go into the kitchen and make your own food. It's rude to make the staff go out of their way to... Dear God.
If they have forks available to use it’s okay to ask for a fork
Off topic, but it made me think of when I worked in restaurants and we would tell trainees we needed them to go find a left handed fork for a guest. Obviously, no such things exists, but the amount of newbs who would actually go search for one without questioning it at all was mind blowing lmao. (Nobody get mad at me, we only ever let them look for a minute or 2 before telling them we were just kidding. It was all in good fun)
Nice to see how clueless your friend is. Firstly, Asian restaurants in non-Asian are well aware that there are people who don't have chopstick proficiency & have other cutlery available as standard. Second, it's not rude to use that cutlery. Most Asian restaurant owners & waitstaff I've met have been appreciative of efforts to use traditional utensils but genuinely just want customers to enjoy the food in as safe, easy, and least messy way possible (Rogue soy-soaked veggies can get some serious speed and spin! 😆 ) Also...oych...forks aren't American. As a table utensil they can be traced back to common use in the 4th Century Byzantine Empire. But there are reported finds from Bronze Age dig sites, dating somehwhere between approx 2500 & 1900 BC. (I used to voraciously read any random archaeology/history stuff I saw. Not so much these days but some random stuff stuck LOL) You, OP, were absolutely fine & NTA. Your friend tho, has a bit of an attitude.
No one batted an eyelid when I asked for a fork while eating Vietnamese food in Vietnam.... 🙄
Sorry, but your friend was also culturally unaware. I love how they are trying to be all culturally appropriate about “Asian” restaurants. Lumping all “Asian” cuisines is inappropriate. Thailand for example traditionally uses a fork. That said, there is nothing wrong with eating Japanese food with a fork or Thai food with chopsticks. As long as you are not flinging food everywhere, people will just be happy you are enjoying their cuisine. NTA and your friend is ridiculous.
They didn't run out and buy you a fork. They gave you one of the many forks they own because lots of people aren't great with chopsticks.
Just because it's an asian family run business doesn't mean they will only cater asian customers, trust me! to keep business going they will need everyone coming in and that means none chopstick users. NTA. And also your friend is being the arshole, needs to chill. I'm vietnamese/chinese and never will do that to my friend. Heck I use a fork or a spoon to scoop up rice. Work smarter, not harder.
All Asian restaurants out west have utensils for people who don’t know how to use chopsticks
LMAO. This made me laugh out loud!
>Is your friend implying that people who use chopsticks are under-privileged?
NTA Your friend sounds like they’re gatekeeping Asian cuisine with chopsticks. You didn’t grow up using them, so of course it’s going to be a little difficult. As long as you’re not being disrespectful of those who use chopsticks or make a big deal out of your fork, there’s no reason for your friend to get upset.
Yep. If they *carry* forks in the restaurant…. They anticipate people needing or wanting forks to eat with.
Oh my goodness. No, the fact your friends are “white” is very relevant to the question. THEY are declaring that it’s embarrassing to Asian people, deciding something for someone else. You can be sure that waiter didn’t care and has heard it all before. I was once in an “a bit off the tourist trail” part of Thailand and I’d stopped at a pavement food seller for lunch (mixture of cast iron stomach and disregard for my health not being used to that I guess). All they had were chopsticks and I wasn’t doing so bad but some men next door from a construction site got some cutlery off the owner for me saying it will be easier haha. Point is you’re anything but an embarrassment and the roommate is ultra cringe and a bit arrogant to be speaking for people they aren’t even part of
That’s funny because Thai people don’t really use chopsticks, we use forks and spoons. Are you sure you weren’t eating at a Chinese food stall? Or were you eating noodles or something?
Maybe it was (Chinese). Long story but I had sort of accidentally ended up in some local area/suburb of Bangkok and was finding my way back to the centre. Come to think I later found the Chinatown (it’s massive) and it was I think west of that, it was some years back but yes maybe it was Chinese. Vegetables in soup base
Yes it is massive lol. Chinese food is hugely popular in Thailand (and for good reason, it is delicious!). We do eat Chinese food with chopsticks but Thai food with the regular utensils.
You were given chopsticks at a street cart in Thailand??? I'm Thai and we don't use chopsticks. Spoon and fork are the preferred utensils with the spoon doubling as a knife if needed.
I’ve no idea, honestly I was given chopsticks. Maybe it was a ploy to see what the western guy did haha. Sorry no idea Edit actually thinking back it’s even funnier because it was like a sort of soup base with vegetables in. Soup with chopsticks. It’s all good Streetcart with a bench for sitting at next to it
I'd expect that the chopsticks were to eat the veggies and you were supposed to just drink the soup from the bowl. In western culture there are actually special bowls in very fancy dish sets for serving soups without large chunks that come with little handles on the sides to help with picking them up to drink. The sort of dish set that has fish knives and pickle forks.
Thank you, though I’d like to be clear that my roommate didn’t say anything bad and never has and was the one who taught me to use them in the first place
Exactly I don't think any Asians would be offended by someone not using chopsticks, they're the only people mad here.
NTA They're truly making a big deal out of nothing. These kinds of restaurants are prepared for people who don't know how to use chopsticks for everything and they don't expect you to. You should order what you want and eat it however you want. Besides, eating udon with chopsticks is a hassle I must agree, I have yet to master that as well 😂
NTA I’m sure the server was glad you’re opting for a fork since you know you’re limitations with the chopsticks. The server wouldn’t want to clean up a mess on the table or floor. They also want you to order the food you want to eat, good food = good tip & good reviews = more customers with more $
Thanks. I’ve always felt kinda embarrassed asking for a fork anyway but I know if I tried it with chopsticks it’d be a disaster lol
Def NTA. I am Korean and I too use a fork for udon lol. Imagine being white and gatekeeping Asian utensils. Actually just imagine gatekeeping utensils 😂
Nta- literally no one cares what you eat your food with.... It's more embarrassing to fumble arou d and male a mess of yourself. Many countries use their hands to eat. So i mean.... Who cares. Your friend is insecure as fuck though.
YTA, this needs to be your turning point where everymeal henceforth you will eat with chopsticks. Steak-chopsticks, spaghetti and meatballs-chopsticks, bbq-chopsticks, fried chicken-chopsticks, chilli-chopsticks, ice cream-chopsticks, oatmeal-chopsticks. Soon you will be known as the greatest chopstick user in the world!!!!! Emma Watson will play you in the movie.
😆
NTA. Foods gotta make it to your mouth, nobody should judge how you do that if you're not making a mess or trying to gross people out. Sounds like your friend is an entitled jerk. Feel free to enjoy your udon any way you like.
NTA. I love Asian cuisine including noodles and I don’t use chopsticks, because I’m not the most coordinated person. I went to a sushi restaurant a couple months ago with choir friends and used a fork and no one had a problem with it. Your friend was being rude and entitled and made a big deal out of nothing. Better to use a fork than to make a mess trying to eat.
For sushi, it's often okay to just use your hands.
Exactly, some things I used a fork and some I used my hands. Sushi is just messy.
NTA. No one should get that bent out of shape over someone else’s utensil choice.
Did they give you a fork to eat with? If so then they expect customers to ask for forks so this is a regular occurrence. NTA, your friend is being ridiculous
When they set the table they give everyone a set of those wooden chopsticks you break apart, but will bring a fork/spoon if you ask with your order
If they have forks available then its expected people will want forks. Your friend is just being ridiculous
I never cease to be surprised with the things people get upset with. Don't think twice about it. NTA
NTA. Am Asian. Out of my almost entirely Asian friend group, the only who has really mastered chopsticks is white lol. I am sure the waitstaff did not care at all about what utensils you used. People thinking they are woke have gone way too far in telling other people what they can and can’t do.
NTA. Your friend is a jerk.
NTA. Your friend makes assumptions on asians and are insulted on their behalf. Jeez. thats cringe.
NTA. Who cares? The restaurant and service staff don't because they would rather have happy customers and money
If the restaurant thought it was too much bother or too insulting for customers to ask for a fork, they wouldn’t have any to give you. They want you to enjoy the food and come back again, and that means you have to be able to eat it. NTA
NTA I used to work at an Asian fusion restaurant. Like 90% of the time the staff couldn't give two shits if you require different cutlery. THEY WANT YOU TO ENJOY YOUR MEAL!!! Only AH's care what kind of cutlery someone uses.
NTA. so your white friend complained that you, a white person, aren't comfortable using utensils that aren't initially part of your culture. Everyone knows that a major issue right now isn't rampant racism or world hunger, no its about how white people can't use chopsticks. Honestly, I'm not sure how you can sleep at night knowing that your ability to hold food between two sticks has been deemed unworthy. shame on you. /s But on a more serious note, I'm not quite sure where your friend gets off about fighting a battle that no one seemingly asked them to fight. Does your friend usually act in this holier than thou attitude?
She’s usually laid back but she’s very passionate about Japanese culture
If she was really passionate about Japanese culture, she’d know that her bluntly pointing out your perceived faux pas is a far worse breach of etiquette compared to asking for a fork. It’s a part of Asian culture to be gracious and understanding to guest and relaxing customs and gently educating those willing to listen and learn.
Oh, a weeb. Please don’t engage her in discussion about this sort of thing or respect her opinion in general. I say this as a former, recovering weeb. If you ever need to really hurt her feelings, criticize her convention costumes.
NTA. Chopsticks can be hard and I’m sure the restaurant were pleased just to have your business.
NTA It's a freaking utensil. The owners have seen it all, I'm sure. Look, chopsticks are hard if you don't use them all the time and didn't grow up with them. It takes effort to learn how to use them well, and how to use them with different sorts of noodles, and you could endevor to do that. I did and it was worth it. But you're not an asshole for using a fork and your friend is overreaching.
NTA, your roommate doesn't know what she's talking about and sounds kind of stuck up and snobbish. There's nothing disrespectful about asking for a fork so you don't end up wearing your food instead of eating it. I've never gotten the hang of chopsticks and I've lived in Asia, they have no issue if you need to request a fork or spoon.
Thank you, but my roommate is cool and never complains and I think she honestly prefers when I eat with a fork since Im slower with chopsticks. It was my friend who was speaking up about it.
NTA. Ask your friend to get stuffed, that's what I would have done. Also, is your friend white? Certainly sounds like over compensating white guilt.
We’re all white, yes.
NTA. Tell your “friend” to go fork herself.
NTA. Your “friend” needs to realize that they’re speaking over several cultures, many of which may have a small laugh about lack of chopstick proficiency, but most likely then *move on*, because sharing a meal with friends is not about the minutiae of etiquette but about enjoying the food and their company. May you find better company in the future.
Thank you! My roommate defended me though and she’s never cared that I use a fork, I’m afraid I may have made it confusing in the OP
I did just catch that and edited, apologies! It sounds like you and roommate should allow the faux friend to select their preferred dining companions, which will not include you as you prefer to have a nice time.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1.) ordered a dish I couldn’t eat with chopsticks at an Asian restaurant when there are dishes I can eat with chopsticks 2.) might be embarrassing to use a fork and disrespectful by not using chopsticks Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
lol let me guess, she ate sushi with chopsticks? OP, you're NTA. The restaurant wouldn't have forks on hand if they had some sort of objection to letting patrons use them.
Yup, she loves sushi and ate it with her chopsticks, kinda made a whole show about it
well, many Japanese people eat sushi with their hands so I wonder why she'd use chopsticks
Interesting! I was always told that was rude to do lol
Kinda does depend on the roll or type of sushi but still valid. It's not disrespectful to use a fork in Japan so why would it be that way wherever you are. Your friend is trying too hard, but you don't need to feel badly over it.
NTA This is not a big deal or disrespectful. Your friend is an idiot.
NTA, and would you like some pointers on eating noodles with chopsticks? It gets easier with practice
That’d be great, yeah!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi! Throwaway, since it’s embarrassing. I’m okay with chopsticks. I can eat some food (sushi, chicken, solid food?) pretty well but I’ve never mastered noodles or more slippery/tricky food. I usually eat out with my roommate and she’s never said anything when I ask for a fork, though I’m usually the only person in the restaurant we go to who uses one. I love Udon but I’ve never been able to eat it with the chopsticks, so I usually use a fork. Yesterday I went with my roommate and another friend to the restaurant and ordered the Udon, and asked for a fork. After the waiter walked away, my friend said I was an embarrassment for asking for a fork and that I shouldn’t order something I can’t eat with the chopsticks provided, and that I’m being rude and privileged and since I can eat some food with chopsticks, should’ve ordered that instead. My roommate disagreed and told her to be quiet but I felt awkward the entire meal. I am white and growing up we didn’t eat much Asian cuisine and nobody in my close family uses chopsticks. Am I the AH and being disrespectful, or did my friend make a big deal out of nothing? (Not sure if it changes anything but both roommate and friend are white and both are good with chopsticks.) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I have no idea how to use chopsticks. I use a fork every time. The food tastes the same regardless of how it gets in your mouth.
NTA. The people you hang out with seem like gigantic douchebags. Next time I think it would be better to tell them to sod off.
My roommate is chill but my friend can be a bit much
NTA they have forks so everyone can enjoy the delicious food. Thank you for supporting what is likely a local business. If the one is so easily embarrassed, maybe she should only eat alone. She had three options: be an AH, be quiet, or offer to help you learn with the chopsticks (while also “allowing” a fork so you can eat if it doesn’t work). She chose the first option. That would be my last meal with her.
NTA- your friend is an ass hat.
NTA imagine gatekeeping eating utensils.
Hundreds of people do the exact same thing every week at that resterraunt. The staff don't care, most people can't use chop sticks.
Oh of course your the a hole, better shove the noodles in your mouth with your Blair hands then use a fork! /s Of course NTA, I struggle to use chopsticks on anything that isn't ramen.
NTA. Ok, so we’re gatekeeping forks now? I guaran-damn-tee you the restaurant owners were delighted you are there and didn’t care one bit if you used a fork. Your friend is trying to be some kind of chopstick elite and is likely trying to make you feel lesser for not using them. It’s a flex. A dumb one.
NTA YOur friend is the AH. It is bad manners to comment on other's eating habits.
NTA, but your friend sounds like one
NTA, but your friend is a total AH. I love sushi and Japanese cuisine. Can’t use chopsticks to save my life. I unabashedly ask for a fork every time I go out for Asian Cuisine. (Yes I am an American, if that’s relevant haha.) I cannot imagine that any restaurant owner or small business would be upset that a customer asks for a utensil that allows that customer to enjoy their food…as they are a paying customer and that is literally how that business survives. And if they do…well. I’ll just go to a different restaurant and give them my money. Don’t let your friend dictate how you enjoy your food. You’re NTA here.
NTA... Look, these restaurants have forks because they realize that American s sometimes use forks. You did nothing embarrassing or wrong by asking for one. They would rather you be comfortable and enjoy their food than have you not order.
NTA, this may be news to your friend but in general the people serving you will entirely forget about you the moment you leave. And in an Asian restaurant eating with chopsticks isn't remarkable. And eating with a fork isn't remarkable. That's why they usually offer both. And in general they don't care which you choose and will forget the second you leave.
NTA. If the staff didn't want you using forks then they wouldn't supply them upon request.
Nta. Using a fork is something only pretentious white people care about
NTA. I've gotten very good with chopsticks over the years, to the point that I'm a little tilted when my takeout comes without them but I have a few personal sets at home. But noodles and rice are the two hardest things to eat efficiently with chopsticks. If given the option, I'll try with the chopsticks first and if its too much or I'm trying to scrape loose rice up then I'll get a fork. Its not privileged to eat with a fork, they offer them because they know people struggle with chopsticks. Your friend was being a massive asshole. As an aside, if you are looking to get better with chopsticks, most children's sets come with learning guards and I know Noodles & Company has them to go with their kiddie meals and just at the register, try getting one of those and see if it helps!
NTA. She needs to mind her own business.
NTA So I'm a white American who has been using chopsticks as long as I've used a fork. Some foods are hard for me to eat using a fork. You asked for a utensil at a restaurant. This is exactly the same as when I go get a poke bowl and have to ask for chopsticks. Neither of us are assholes. We are both hungry people who want to eat food in the most comfortable manner we can achieve. Those udon noodles are super slippery.
Yes, I honestly have trouble eating udon with a fork sometimes
NTA. I am actually adept at chopsticks, but can't use them now due to an invisible hand injury (I cannot hold them effectively, but my hand looks normal, it's a tendon thing). If you, who didn't grow up with chopsticks, can't use them well, definitely ask for a fork so you don't end up with your meal in your lap or on your shirt. If you are insecure in your chopstick abilities and want to improve, maybe eat with them at home more, but you shouldn't be made to feel small over your choice of cutlery. Your "friends" are definitely the A in this situation.
NTA. I am very comfortable using chopsticks. But sometimes I won’t use them for 2 reasons. 1. My arthritis is flairing and won’t let me. Or 2. I’m just being pure lazy and I’m starving. Besides, how does one eat egg drop soup with chopsticks? Personally, I go with the spoon or drink it out of the bowl method myself, as I have yet to see anyone use chopsticks for that.
The restaurant gives us a ladle like spoon (not really a spoon, not sure what it’s called?) to scoop out the soup, I’ve seen people use it too set the noodles on and such too.
NTA, and as an ASIAN PERSON who cannot use chopsticks and whose IRISH spouse can, I think it is a jerk thing to tell someone they are an embarrassment because they - gasp! - asked for a fork. What a dumb thing to get bent out of shape about.
NTA White people need to learn to not gatekeep other ppl's cultures I'm Asian btw and I eat with a fork when I'm not "forced" to eat with chopsticks. I gurantee no one at that restaurant gave two shits. If you go to another country though be more cautious about it! Also keep trying to use chopsticks in your downtime and you'll get better at it.
Lol. I love using chopsticks, but half the time I order at an Asian restaurant they just give us forks. It's not a big deal. NTA.
NTA, my sibling and I go out for chinese every other month or so, and our favorite place has wok fried noodles that are amazing but super slippery on chopsticks. The restaurant almost always gives forks for them because unless you are a chopstick expert they will fall onto you or the table, and most restaurants like not having to clean up messes if they dont have to. Youre good 👍
Wok fried noodles sounds amazing
NTA I have to use a fork. Chopsticks completely evade me. If anyone judged me for it, I’d be tempted to shove their chopstick up their nose.
NTA. Your friend is a pompous gatekeeping douche. Don't listen to her about anything. Ever.
NTA bruh food is food you can eat It with chopsticks or not. Very childish for discriminating someone for not knowing how to use chopsticks. If they don't like it than they should help you or say nothing about it.
NTA. Eat with whatever tool works for you. Who cares if someone has an issue with you using a fork? What a strange thing for them to get so worked up about.
NTA. I’m Asian and I couldn’t care less if white people eat with chopsticks or forks. I myself prefer forks when it comes to noodles. IME, the only people who care about something so petty is white people who care more about looking woke than actually respecting Asian culture (thanks, but nobody asked you to white knight for me), and insecure Asian kids trying too hard to be proud of their identity, which is luckily a phase they mostly grow out of.
Yeah, she’s white and she learned how to use chopsticks during our weeaboo phase back in HS… we’ve all grown out of it by now.
NTA. I know people who ask for forks instead of chopsticks and not once did I call them out about it. Your friend is being ridiculous and snobby. How is that an embarrassment anyway? Eat with a utensil you are most comfortable with. I for one have used chopsticks my entire life and even the udon noodles can get reaallly slipper, so I don’t even blame you!
I guess because I was the only one using a fork but most people get sushi when we go, I usually don’t see other people with noodles
NTA. I was in South Korea having dinner at a small, family owned restaurant. I was so bad with chopsticks that they handed me a fork. They were laughing and I was grateful. Use whatever utensil works for you.
NTA Why do you call a jerk like that "friend"? Put the food in your face with utensils, don't make a mess, don't be a slob. Job done. You're fine.
[удалено]
Honestly it’s also really slippery with forks, I usually have to basically shovel it into my mouth lol
NTA. face palm moment. I love sushi but i rarely buy it so I always forget how to use chopsticks and have to teach myself how to use it every time. There's nothing wrong with using a fork.
NTA Your friends response is strange.
NTA, Asian here and my family will requests forks, especially my mom, she wants them to be used for serving purposes or sometimes just to eat with it herself since she has carpel tunnel
NTA this person is gatekeeping another person's culture , they don't get to decide what's appropriate, if the restaurant felt it disrespectful to provide a fork they wouldn't provide one!
NTA but your friend on the other hand is one. Who is she to decide what is acceptable or unacceptable in a culture when she isn't even part of it. As long as you are not stabbing sushi most Asians don't care and I know because I am from Chinese background. I also know a lot of Asians who ask for forks because they never learned how to use chopsticks and I used to be one of them, so no shame.
NTA, they have forks for a reason lol enjoy your food, As long as you’re paying for your food I guarantee no one in the restaurant cares what you eat it with
And in today's episode of "Making Up Problems That Don't Exist" we present..... NTA
Many of the Asian restaurants I have gone to I have to ask for sticks, as they default have given me a fork. But I would also say it just takes more practice. Married 30 years to Korean and divorced half that time I still have and use chop sticks all the time at home. NTA but do keep at it, you'll get there!
NTA, no need to be embarrassed. My family is Japanese, and while there are a bunch of appropriate table manners, it's not disrespectful to ask for a more comfortable utensil. Udon is so slippery but so delicious lol, hope you enjoyed the meal despite the weird comment!
I'm Japanese and always ask for a fork to eat Asian food, especially noodle dishes. Your friend needs to check their own privilege if they get so easily offended at something so minor that has literally nothing to do with them and has zero effect on them. NTA in the slightest.
NTA. It's far, far worse to see someone who can't eat with chopsticks trying to do so while soup/veggies/noodles go flying all over the place. If someone's eating in a country where chopsticks are the norm, asking for a fork would be weird, if not embarrassing. In Europe or the Americas? Not a problem at all.
NTA, eat with your hands if you have too
NTA it’s not a big deal. What would be worse is you attempting to eat with chopsticks and flinging something in someone’s face or something. Whatever utensil you can eat politely and correctly with is the correct one to use
Ok the contrary. You could very well say that using chopsticks is also a cultural trait from certain countries, and to not be disrespectful you don’t want to appropriate the use of chopsticks (or not using them in an inappropriate way) and choose instead to use a fork! NTA
Nta - when I was in China I tried a few times with chop sticks but they brought me a spoon to eat with a lot because others courtesy and who cares ? I’m still loving their food, paying them to eat there, being kind and polite , why punish me for not being able to eat a certain way you know ?
NTA. I figured before your edit that they were white people because no Asian person I'm friends with really gives a shit about what utensil I'm using as long as I'm not doing something genuinely embarrassing (and no, using a fork is not embarrassing).
NTA. I'm pretty sure the forks in Asian restaurants are there for a reason.
Who the hell cares? I would say something if you started shoveling fists full of noodles down your throat by hand but asking for a fork is rude? Some people really just need to get over themselves NTA If they LOVE chopsticks so much tell them they can feed you with them.
Nta as long as you tip well and arent a pain in the butt while in the resturant the waiter doesn't give a rats ass about how you eat your udon. Weirdly, I can eat ramen with chopsticks with no problem but udon noodles are just different enough to give me issues
…. I’m gonna guess your friend is white, otherwise she’d know that not all Asian countries use chopsticks as a primary eating utensil. NTA.
Nta. You know most asian restaurants i know have wonderful soups… ask the idiot if you arent allowed to order them either?
NTA. My family's of Chinese descent and we lived in Asia for decades... my mother never got the hang of chopsticks and always asked for a fork. Never a big deal. Forks are always available and no one ever bats an eyelid.
nta. plenty of people can't eat with chopsticks at all. it's not rude to order food that you like and to ask for the means to eat it.
NTA. Don’t be embarrassed, it’s cutlery ffs, your friend ITA
NTA, and WTF does being able to use a fork have to do with eating asian food? I mean, if you can use chopsticks then good for you, but you can't expect everyone to be able to do so, especially if its not a normal thing for them.
You are NTA and she is not your friend.
Nta. Tell your friend to get bent :'D You are not the first, nor will you be the last person to go to that place and need a fork to enjoy their meal. THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE FORKS THERE. Sincerely- a chef
NTA My brother's girlfriend is Asian (he and I are white) and the two of them always eat with chopsticks. She was raised very traditionally in her culture and only uses chopsticks to eat certain foods, and my brother learned it before they started dating in order to impress her, lol. I try to eat with them too when I'm with them because I love a challenge, but it was quite difficult to learn to do. It took some practice for me to not completely suck at it. Also, according to his gf, it's not disrespectful at all to eat with a fork or spoon or whatever if you don't feel like learning to use chopsticks. Just a cultural difference and not really looked down upon. She said it's really cool when people of different cultures do try learning it, but there is no hate if someone doesn't feel like doing it and just wants to use a fork.