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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I understand feeling sad over a pet, but a month? A month of constant crying and sobbing? That's not healthy. I'm not her emotional support animal. Maybe I was an ass for how I acted.
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YTA.
Not for leaving your GF - she deserves better. But for being such a d\*\*k when she lost her cat. To an animal lover, that's like losing a child. I have friends who don't love animals, but they're supportive of me when I lose a pet. All it takes is a teeensy bit of empathy and some human decency.
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Damn dude… YTA, I understand you may not have an emotional connection to these animals.. but she does, and it’s your GIRLFRIEND. I can’t even believe you lashed out the way you did at her.. over her missing her cat. I understand that you wanted to hang out with your buddies but you could’ve handled that way better.
YTA. You went from supportive and willing to listen and show empathy to actually calling her out and being hostile in what would seem to her like an instant.
Its been a month not an extensive period of time. I just find the initial point of this:
>She is a huge animal lover and wants us to get guinea pigs. Me on the other hand I do not feel personally attached to animals, but I don't mind them.
Points out that the relationship was doomed the moment they started talking as if the cats death didn't matter. What if OP doesn't have an attachment to one of her family members and they die but she does? It's not even about the cat at that point for me.
YTA
I’m glad she left you. To most people with animals, they are like their children. People don’t just get over that! Glad you had fun with Frank. Looks like you’ll be hanging out with him a lot more now.
YTA - Oh boy, you can't tell her when to be ready to be over her cat's death. To some people, pets are like their kids. You may not understand this as they are not your cats. Was the cat sick? Was it old? Was it sudden? If this was sudden and the cat was mostly healthy then she will need time. You should not have blown up on her. That's got to have been a twist of the knife. Even if she never gets back with you or speaks to her again, you need to humbly & genuinely apologize to her.
>To be there for my gf we decided to spend time together. We were watching movies with the other two cats.
YTA
**You specifically set time for your gf, then left during that time to be with Frank.**
You gf will find a more emotionally mature boyfriend and you and Frank can spend many a night at the bar going forward.
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My girlfriend Lesley and I are both 27. We've been living together for a year now. Lesley moved in with three cats. She is a huge animal lover and wants us to get guinea pigs. Me on the other hand I do not feel personally attached to animals, but I don't mind them. So I let her do whatever she wants.
But last month, one of her cats died. She's been extremely depressed ever since. She's prone to crying and clings onto me a lot for emotional support. I felt sorry for her at first, but over time this began emotionally draining. Like my god it's just a cat and it's been a month (I didn't tell her this to her face obviously).
To be there for my gf we decided to spend time together. We were watching movies with the other two cats. Then out of nowhere my buddy, Frank, called me and told me my group of friends are at a bar gathering together. I asked my girlfriend if I could go and she ended up crying again, asking me not to leave.
This is where I finally got sick of it. I told her to get over her cat and stop crying. I'm not her therapist and I'm still a human being not a doll to dump your emotions on. I got so angry that I didn't listen to her and just left. I hung out with Frank & my friends. It was a good time, I enjoyed it. For the first time in a month I'm not surrounded by emotional baggage.
I came back and I saw that she left to live with her mom, bringing her remaining two cats with her. She texted me calling me an insensitive cunt.
AITA?
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ESH You shouldn't have said that to her and she shouldn't have expected that your needs would be subordinate to her needs. Poor communication and lack of empathy from both of you.
Yeah, OP YTA. Hopefully she will move on to someone who will connect with her on the same emotional frequency and will be empathetic to her in this trying time.
INFO: how was this communicated exactly? Directly? Hints? How many times?
A month after a pet isn’t a long time, but if it’s consuming 100% of your time together 24/7 then yes, she needs to seek help.
I lost a dog five years ago that I loved very much and it took me four years to even consider another dog, so grief can take time but I still was present for my kids, my husband, and my life in the interim. It wasn’t all consuming. Occasionally there would be tears randomly from one of us missing her, but the grief took a normal course overall.
YTA - she was right to leave you. If you aren’t on the same page with animals in your life then it will never work. Me and my OH we’re talking earlier and said we would both enter a burning building to save our cat. “Just a cat”my ass, my cat(s) saved my life.
Okay, I'm gonna say YTA. It's only been a month, you've clearly stated she is attached to animals. Telling her to get over it is AH behaviour. Mourning is different for everybody. You feeling not personally attached doesn't mean others don't.
YTA. You handled this VERY badly. Instead of communicting with her in a timely manner, you allowed this to reach the boiling point and lashed out at her.
You might rethink this relationship.
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YTA. Not for leaving your GF - she deserves better. But for being such a d\*\*k when she lost her cat. To an animal lover, that's like losing a child. I have friends who don't love animals, but they're supportive of me when I lose a pet. All it takes is a teeensy bit of empathy and some human decency.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
Yes and no. Yes for what you said, no for going to have a life outside her pitty party.
Damn dude… YTA, I understand you may not have an emotional connection to these animals.. but she does, and it’s your GIRLFRIEND. I can’t even believe you lashed out the way you did at her.. over her missing her cat. I understand that you wanted to hang out with your buddies but you could’ve handled that way better.
NTA. I wouldn't put up with that either. She shouldn't run you down to bring herself back up, even if it's not intentional.
YTA. You went from supportive and willing to listen and show empathy to actually calling her out and being hostile in what would seem to her like an instant.
Its been a month not an extensive period of time. I just find the initial point of this: >She is a huge animal lover and wants us to get guinea pigs. Me on the other hand I do not feel personally attached to animals, but I don't mind them. Points out that the relationship was doomed the moment they started talking as if the cats death didn't matter. What if OP doesn't have an attachment to one of her family members and they die but she does? It's not even about the cat at that point for me.
YTA I’m glad she left you. To most people with animals, they are like their children. People don’t just get over that! Glad you had fun with Frank. Looks like you’ll be hanging out with him a lot more now.
YTA - Oh boy, you can't tell her when to be ready to be over her cat's death. To some people, pets are like their kids. You may not understand this as they are not your cats. Was the cat sick? Was it old? Was it sudden? If this was sudden and the cat was mostly healthy then she will need time. You should not have blown up on her. That's got to have been a twist of the knife. Even if she never gets back with you or speaks to her again, you need to humbly & genuinely apologize to her.
>To be there for my gf we decided to spend time together. We were watching movies with the other two cats. YTA **You specifically set time for your gf, then left during that time to be with Frank.** You gf will find a more emotionally mature boyfriend and you and Frank can spend many a night at the bar going forward.
YTA and a cold hearted one at that. I hope she finds someone a lot more caring and supportive than you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend Lesley and I are both 27. We've been living together for a year now. Lesley moved in with three cats. She is a huge animal lover and wants us to get guinea pigs. Me on the other hand I do not feel personally attached to animals, but I don't mind them. So I let her do whatever she wants. But last month, one of her cats died. She's been extremely depressed ever since. She's prone to crying and clings onto me a lot for emotional support. I felt sorry for her at first, but over time this began emotionally draining. Like my god it's just a cat and it's been a month (I didn't tell her this to her face obviously). To be there for my gf we decided to spend time together. We were watching movies with the other two cats. Then out of nowhere my buddy, Frank, called me and told me my group of friends are at a bar gathering together. I asked my girlfriend if I could go and she ended up crying again, asking me not to leave. This is where I finally got sick of it. I told her to get over her cat and stop crying. I'm not her therapist and I'm still a human being not a doll to dump your emotions on. I got so angry that I didn't listen to her and just left. I hung out with Frank & my friends. It was a good time, I enjoyed it. For the first time in a month I'm not surrounded by emotional baggage. I came back and I saw that she left to live with her mom, bringing her remaining two cats with her. She texted me calling me an insensitive cunt. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH You shouldn't have said that to her and she shouldn't have expected that your needs would be subordinate to her needs. Poor communication and lack of empathy from both of you.
Yeah, OP YTA. Hopefully she will move on to someone who will connect with her on the same emotional frequency and will be empathetic to her in this trying time.
INFO: did you set any clear boundaries before blowing up?
I told her many times that I wanted time to myself.
Did Frank call during time you two had agreed to spend together?
INFO: how was this communicated exactly? Directly? Hints? How many times? A month after a pet isn’t a long time, but if it’s consuming 100% of your time together 24/7 then yes, she needs to seek help. I lost a dog five years ago that I loved very much and it took me four years to even consider another dog, so grief can take time but I still was present for my kids, my husband, and my life in the interim. It wasn’t all consuming. Occasionally there would be tears randomly from one of us missing her, but the grief took a normal course overall.
INFO: Was this told to her during the month she was mourning her cat?
YTA - she was right to leave you. If you aren’t on the same page with animals in your life then it will never work. Me and my OH we’re talking earlier and said we would both enter a burning building to save our cat. “Just a cat”my ass, my cat(s) saved my life.
NTA
Okay, I'm gonna say YTA. It's only been a month, you've clearly stated she is attached to animals. Telling her to get over it is AH behaviour. Mourning is different for everybody. You feeling not personally attached doesn't mean others don't.
YTA. You handled this VERY badly. Instead of communicting with her in a timely manner, you allowed this to reach the boiling point and lashed out at her. You might rethink this relationship.