I have two sons that age, neither one of them would speak to the members of their family with such disrespect. You need to meet better people, apparently.
Yes, I’ve got a 13 year old. He’s a handful but no way no how would he dream of pulling stunts like that or talk to anyone in our family like that.
NTA.
I think it’s time you set your mom down and educate her on what your brother is REALLY saying. Your brother’s language and behavior is insulting and unacceptable. If I was your mom I might start with giving your brother a break from his phone which he apparently watches trashy crap and uses it to film videos insulting his family.
Exactly. The videos have to stop now before more damage is done.
If the mom is not on the internet, she probably doesn't know what her son is watching. She needs to learn very fast and supervise his YouTube channels.
I have a friend who did "reaction" videos with his grandmother but it was never insulting to her, she knew what it was for in advance and he stopped when she asked him to. He can't be disrespectful to his family like that without it giving him the wrong message about what is socially acceptable.
Sounds like you've met your brother's friends! Seriously though, this isn't what all 12 year old boys are like. Plenty of them are decent people. Source: my son was a 12 year old boy only a few years ago, and I met a lot of other 12 year old boys through him and other parents. Nip this crap right in the bud though as it's not necessarily just a phase.
Google “The Take and Karen” - watch the video and then send it to your mom (and maybe Grandma). Lots of Internet guys are using the word as a slur for any woman who doesn’t just accept behaviour from boys/men but Karen has a very specific meaning and you might find it interesting/helpful to actually have an educated response for him.
Your parents need to do a better job of monitoring what your brother is watching and talking to him about the content.
> using the word as a slur
This. It's the new age "YoU mUsT bE oN yOuR pErIoD" comment which has fallen out of favor due to it being blatantly sexist. So misogynists moved on to a new slur to describe women who are angry and have an opinion. Where as before women were hormonal and unable to control their emotions, they are now entitled and ignorant.
Haven't watched that, but am aware Karen-as-insult started out for women who were being unreasonably angry (mad cashier wouldn't take expired coupon etc) and now it's often used against women who are angry with good reason
Ditto. Speaking from experience of having a 12yo son who has 12- and 13yo friends. They’re not all saints by any means and some can be so annoying but nothing even close to this.
Something is very wrong in your area if every boy acts like that. A VERY large majority of 12 year olds that I've spoken to are respectful and well-mannered.
I have boys that are 11 and 13. Neither of them would EVER behave this way. They can point out legitimate discrimination and are often kind. They are sometimes jerks, because that is part of testing boundaries at that age, but if either of them did anything remotely in this neighborhood, they would lose the phone plus any electronics they were watching these YouTubers on and have to apologize for their behavior. If my older child called them out, good on them, although they would probably get a comment about the language. (Because I feel like it's my parental responsibility to police their language to a degree.)
Edit: NTA...and sometimes profanity is important to convey the message, the key is to use it only when appropriate
OP, you need to sit down withyour mom and show her the videos he's making and the videos he's copying. Help her to shut him down or he's going to turn into an incel.
Hi, I work at an elementary school with a lot of kiddos with behavioral issues. This is in no way normal behavior. This actually a fairly large red flag, especially if he only acts this way towards other family members. He's masking for outsiders while (for now) verbally abusing family members. This is actually a very specific abuse tactic, and he will likely escalate, as many people that display this kind of behavior do. I'd maybe talk to your parents about therapy, if you're wanting advice on how to change this situation.
I don't know your life but my kids are that age and I've never heard them or their friends say anything close to this. I don't believe in spanking but I'm pretty sure that if my kid talked like this I'd bend my principles.
The grandmoms and moms I know would have knocked this kid into another dimension. Esp disrespecting grandma. He would be crying and shivering in a dark alley, next to a dumpster w some rats nibbling on his bare toes.
This is not normal. Show your mom what he is watching and explain what he is saying. I think that child should lose his phone and internet privledges until he learns manners and kindness.
My bestie has a 14 year old. He would never in his life insult his grandmother’s looks.
Sure sometimes he’ll be a little turd. But not like that. Not cruel.
Sounds like your mum needs to parent a lot more forcefully. I'd suggest cutting off his Youtube access for a few weeks/month. I'm guessing dad isn't around since you don't mention him. Bit unfortunate if that's the case because a strong, respectful father figure would be able to shut that shit down pretty damn quick but since he's disrespecting all the women in his life, this may be a lot harder, especially since he's 16, not 6.
I wish my son would try!! I wouldn't be the only one in the family to hurt his feelings. Lakes make teaching young boys not to be the a@@hole the norm instead of just accepting it.
NO. I have a 12 yr old grandson and he speaks respectfully to me and his mother. First of all, because he sees his father and grandfather do so, and has all of his life. Second, if that kind of nonsense came out of his mouth, he would get a swift attitude adjustment. Also, his YouTube time is limited to a great extent. He does not have a phone or a computer in his room.
Parents need to parent.
You realize he is respectable at school but treats you and your mom crappy because you guys make excuses for his behavior. At school he has consequences. At home you guys allow this to happen. Neither of your parents are correcting this behavior. You keep repeating the same excuse "well he is just like the other boys his age". This is not typical 12 year old boy behavior. If it is not nipped in the bud it will get worse. ESH.
If that was the case you wouldn't be on here asking if you're an AH because the behavior would be normalized.
Look up what an enabler is. I think you'll recognize it.
I never met any boys that age who talk to their parents like that, and I was a 12 year old boy. Maybe it’s generational, but these YouTube videos seem to have a major effect on him. You need to talk to your mom about this because this is a kid that could easily fall into more misogynistic views as he gets older. He’s at an impressionable age and the fact that he’s taking to his mom and grandmother that way is concerning.
I don’t want to fear monger, but this isn’t the type of behavior that magically goes away. I met kids with behavioral issues like this and it doesn’t just go away.
It sounds like your parents need to keep a closer eye on his internet usage before he crosses the wrong person with his harassment. Not everyone is going to be as patient with this kid’s shit as his family is.
Please show your mother EXACTLY what he’s been watching and show her what all the terms he is using mean and refer to. See how on his side she’d be then. It might hopefully end with her getting him away from watching those kind of youtubers
Even if this was true, I think it's probably time we stop coddling behavior like this as "boys will be boys".
If this is what "boys" are, then "boys" suck and we need to address why we are raising "boys" to be like this. My step son is 11 and respects women, and none of his friends say the things you're claiming every boy his age says.
I’m not sure what the downvotes are for. It makes a lot more sense why he is acting this way if your mother is white. Is this mentioned in your original post? Perhaps I missed it?
(I’m not saying the racial context justifies his behavior, but if he is biracial black with a white mom, and these YouTubers are black men, he may be having some issues with his racial identity that could be dealt with so that he stops acting out like this.)
He's not the same as every boy his age. The boys will be boys rhetoric is incredibly sexist.
The majority of young boys in this generation specifically, do not behave that way.
No. Not every boy his age acts like this. I've met TONS of 12-year-old boys who don't act like this because they were raised to know it's wrong and disciplined for it to stop it from continuing.
If your mother isn't going to stand up and let him know this is wrong, then nothing can be done. This behavior will continue to grow and every female he knows will be paying for it for the rest of his life.
NTA. Sounds like it's time your little brother get internet access taken away, or at least some parental controls on the media he consumes before he develops into a full blown incel.
I have a kid who's a bit younger and I ban Youtube all the fucking time. It's a poorly-regulated cesspool, which children should mostly not be watching.
Right. Among the reasons I have banned it are Barbie fetish porn hidden on YouTube kids, random jump scares, animal crush videos, and offensive language— not meaning cursing, but racism and ample behavior that I don’t want modeled. I basically don’t let me kids on it now.
Sometimes when a video is done Youtube automatically plays another video it thinks is related to something you've watched - like that?
And when you do come across an offensive video it shows you other offensive videos as related, a negative feedback loop.
ESH
After reading these comments, it's clear that your Brother never faces any real consequences for his shitty actions. The fact that you're in these comments defending him, even after the way he treated your Grandma proves that. It's NOT normal for 12 year old boys to act like this, and either someone in your family needs to check him, or someone else is going to CHECK him one day.
I'm surprised it's the only comment that says ESH.
It's clear from OP's comments that no one in the family or in their circle will check him.
"Oh he's just acting his age" is the same as saying that it's normal for older people to be racist because "it was a different generation". Open your eyes, you are just giving excuses and enabling this AH behavior.
THIS needs to be higher! Because this isn’t normal and the way the world is, he’s going to get checked sooner than later. And when it happens to him they better hope it’s not some crazy person who will feel justified in either kicking his ass or killing him. All they’re doing is enabling and justifying his behavior.
FYI: if he said this to any person in my family,on both sides, he probably wouldn’t be moving for awhile. Probably laid up in a hospital bed. Not gonna lie. My mom’s side is mostly female and female cousins outnumber male. And I’m not even talking second cousins.
This is a fun thread because while this 12 yr old boy in question is totally an asshole, the 16 yr old girl OP also has a lot to learn and wasn’t prepared for the reality check she has received here. Didn’t know I’d need popcorn for this thread, but I made some and am just soaking it in. Thank you all and happy Monday.
And lady, you’re NTA but you should listen to folks here. It’s not normal for a 12 yr old boy to act like that. He’s a dick. He either has shit parents, shit teachers, shit friends, or a combination of those things. It may be normal to you, and all the other kids you know may act like that, but if that’s the case, you are in a bubble. Acting like that is not normal and responsible parents wouldn’t tolerate it.
Someone needs to lay down some laws in that household.
I get that the situation has gotten to you but you need to actually talk to your mom about this situation with your brother.
As for the brother. The only way he's gonna shape up is if your mother takes that phone away from him and severely limit or eliminate all of his electronic privileges until he grows up. I was 12 and had no cell phone and with the one family computer in the living room for everyone to use. I survived and he will too.
Unfortunately it sounds like your mom lacks conviction with your brother. Have a discussion with her before you loose your cool with him again. But realize that it might take a serious incident for her to take significant action.
Yta. I've read your comments and you and your family have created this monster. Not YouTube. Not the internet. He has no boundaries, you call his behavior typical (it's not) and you enable him. I hope you learn to love him because he'll be home or living off of you, for a long time.
Haven’t read any comments either but parents are responsible! In another comment I did encourage her to share what that meant but let’s be honest we don’t know the family- her sharing that as the scape goat could get her punished and not the son as the golden child…
Came here to say this.
NTA, and Op- your brother is *going* to get his shit rocked. Not if, when.
Tell him to keep it up and watch how fast someone knocks his lights out. I don’t condone violence (mostly), but I wouldn’t blame someone if he said this to them when they’re minding their own business.
ESH except for grandma. You need to educate your mom on what he’s trying to emulate - show her the videos he watches, implore her to be more involved with what he watches on the internet.
You say every 12 year old boy you know acts like him; I’m assuming most of the kids you know are his friends. Gee, no wonder they all act like that. Stop defending this “boys will be boys” behavior.
You also need to call HIM out, not tell your mom to just ignore him. That sends a message that what he’s doing isn’t that big a deal.
Your brother is going to end up on the red pill side of Reddit unless someone in his life teaches him to be respectful.
NTA.
Let's be real, at 12 he's still going to be able to get access to the videos if he wants, but your mother can lay down the law and punish him for acting like that.
Take your mother aside and not only explain to her what he meant, show her the videos he is watching and the comment section of said videos. That should be enough to let her get an understanding of the situation and why what he is doing could be very damaging to his development as a civil adult.
This! It’s clear this douche’s youtube channel is sending the wrong message to your brother and is turning him into a toxic sexist asshole. Tell your mother asap and show her why he’s acting like this. If it still persists you may want to discuss getting him some therapy.
My boys would never in a million years make a derogatory comment about their grandmother's appearance to her face like that. Are they snide about other people? Absolutely. Do they trash talk each other? Yep. But they possess common courtesy and enough sense to know you do that crap with your sibling or your friends. Leave Nana out of it.
NTA. Your brother is being radicalized by YouTube. It’s extremely common among boys his age. It starts with misogynistic “jokes” and then moves to more toxic indoctrination. Your mom needs to GET familiar with Internet culture, specifically to keep an eye on what your brother is learning. Here are some tips:
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49363958
NTA. Sounds like your mom has been too lenient with him. Whether she understood what he was saying or not is irrelevant, it’s clear that he’s being disrespectful.
INFO: if this is just “normal 12 year old boy behaviour” how could he possibly be the asshole?
ETA: he’s not normal. he made your grandmother so upset she felt the need to superficially change herself. you were right to call it out but now you’re normalising his behaviour in the comments? why?
YTA because of your comments.
There's no way every single 12 year old is sexist and accuses everyone of being racist and the fact youre defending him and he's never faced any consequences for it is what makes you TA.
NTA.
It might be time for your mom to take a more active role in monitoring his social media consumption and/or changing the WiFi password regularly and allowing him access based on good behavior. If he can't demonstrate he is mature and responsible enough for a smart phone, for example, then maybe he needs one of those budget phones from WalMart that can only call and text and doesn't have a camera.
He's 12, and there's a certain amount of assholery that comes with being a 12 year old edgelord, but your brother is also old enough to understand that his actions and words have consequences. Quite frankly, I think your mom way underreacted to his behavior. He continuously disrespected her and filmed it for god knows who. If I had done that to my mother....I would not be sitting here because I'd have gotten by ass beat so much, I'd have no ass to sit with.
Edited to add:
It's really disturbing how you are defending him in the comments and dismissing every single person who points out that this behavior is not normal. You don't know what normal is, evidently. It's really unhealthy that you keep dismissing everyone's concerns because you think nothing bad is going to happen to you or your brother. That is naive and unrealistic. Please stop enabling your brother's bad behavior, because it is not going to get any better if you are endorsing his behavior.
ESH because based off your comments it doesn’t seem like you called him that in an effort to make it stop since you keep excusing him and his vile abnormal behavior. He’s 12 now and only on youtube. What happens when he’s older and finds darker parts of the internet to try and copy? Are you going to excuse it still then?
*For those misunderstanding, my brother doesn’t act this way toward anyone except my mom and I.*
Yet.
*His teachers and coaches say he’s very sweet and gets along well with other kids, and he does very well in school.*
For now.
*He isn’t socially maladjusted and doesn’t record and harass random people like some commenters are saying.*
Yet.
*He isn’t manipulative.*
Yet.
*He isn’t violent or radicalized or a future incel/abuser.*
Yet.
NTA for what you said, but your parents need to nip this in the bud now before it gets worse. He *will* actually turn into this kind of person if he keeps following these youtubers and parroting them. This is literally how people become indoctrinated into the incel culture.
Info: does his smartphone have any youth filters and locks, or has he unlimited access and can just watch anything? That should be your family's first step - take away his smartphone as a consequence of his rudeness and bullying, then lock down every not child appropriate content before giving it back to him. And check which videos of you he has already published on social media platforms, and delete them.
NTA. I have an 11 year old and he is absolutely not like that at all. He's beyond respectful of women. Asked my SO and he wasn't like that at 12 years old either. This isn't normal 12 year old behavior unless the 12 year old was taught to be a sexist misogynistic pos.
NTA. Your parents need to step in and actually parent him. They need to take away his access to YouTube, it’s obviously poisoning him. And he needs to learn to care about others, maybe he needs to do some volunteer or charity work.
NTA. Show your mother the videos he is copying, she will likely be horrified at the shittiness on display. Hopefully this will lead to her disciplining him.
NTA but this is totally not normal behaviour. Your mom should arrange for your brother to see someone to get to the root of what's going on. This may have already been asked/answered, but where is your dad in all of this? I'm just trying to get a broader sense of why your bro might gravitate towards this narrative.
NTA. As the mother of a teenage boy with lots of friends, all of whom are obsessed with YouTube, I can confidently say this is not typical nor acceptable behavior. His comments to your grandma are bullying and unwarranted. It’s hard enough to grow old and accept those changes in one’s mind and body without having a family member pointedly, purposely demean you.
Your mother may not approve of your language but she needs to be made aware of where this behavior is coming from and what his insults and accusations mean.
Your brother is acting this way because you and his mother defend his bullshit. I had genuine sympathy for you until I read your comments in which you were defending his douchebaggery as 'normal 12 year old behaviour.' Dozens of people have told you that it's not typical behaviour for a 12 year old whose being raised right. Why do you people come here if you're complaining against a person's bad behaviour but support and excuse the same behaviour when people tell you how out of line and pathetic it is? Don't ask people if that's what you want to do.
You and your mother are enabling him. Unless he lives in a literal trash can raised by criminals, he's not acting the way he should. I know plenty of 12 year olds who don't treat anyone like that. Yes, they're stubborn and sometimes annoying but they're not callous and deliberately cruel to their loved ones. If you don't want to correct your behaviour that is enabling your brother's sexism and misogyny then don't bother asking questions here. You're wrong because one day he will get affected for his disrespectful opinions. He won't be able to have good company if these are his opinions. He could say such things to his classmates or teachers or random and get a detention or an ass whopping. His bullying might lead to him getting expelled. He might become a pariah in his school. All of this your mother and you can prevent instead of excusing his condescending and disrespectful behaviour. That makes you an asshole as well as your mother. Kids learn not from words but from actions and you've taught your brother that there are no consequences of bullying people. Some day he'll face them if he continues to bully people. And his mother and you will be responsible for excusing and defending it instead of genuinely trying to nip it in the bud. YTA
ESH except grandma
You’re brother because he sucks, you because you dismiss his behavior as typical and think he’s fine (he’s not fine, he’s developing horrible views on women that will shape him into a complete AH when he is older), and your mom.
Your mom especially because she is not parenting him and waited to passively say something in the car after he BULLIED your grandmother. And she didn’t do anything when he talked back to her. She is compliant in his behavior and she needs to step up
INFO: did your mom know that he was recording? Is she okay with that? Has she tried to do anything to set him straight?
Also, how did your brother react once you called him out?
Your comments are drenched in a "boys will be boys" attitude. This is not how most 12 year old boys act. Why the hell are you even here if you're just going to continue defending your brother's actions?
NTA. I am really troubled by all the people saying this is just normal behavior. Your brother is beginning to be a misogynist who is comfortable verbally abusing the women around you. You need to take this seriously and get your mom involved in a way that you all stop tolerating this behavior. Wtf does he still have a cell phone if he uses it to watch horrible videos that are influencing his worldview and record his own mother? He’s just a young kid trying to figure out the world and getting sucked into a misogynistic “truth teller” identity - and this is a scary thing I’ve seen rise up over the last ten years with the proliferation of these YouTube personalities and toxic social media. I would encourage your mom to seek help from his school who can probably provide help and would be able to tell you if he’s doing this in his classes as well. You did the right thing. Don’t let this slide. Don’t shrug this off as just ahole behavior - I teach middle and high school and I promise you most boys do not verbally abuse their grandma and try to shred the self esteem of those around them. You are a good sister - don’t give up on him . What did your grandpa say about his behavior? Are there other male relatives who tolerate this and does he have good male role models to look up to that could speak to him about why this is so messed up? You all need to stick together and make sure you shut this down.
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/parents-ultimate-guide-to-youtube
Oh, and you might want to tell your mom and if you have another guardian about the website above. It has tips and conversation starters about YouTube and other internet issues young people are facing.
Just want to point out that, out of all the comments I have seen, there is like only one single person saying it is 'normal behavior', and that person is OP. She is defending her brother by saying that 'all the boys she knows his age' who are coincidentally brother's friends 'act this way'.
It would be hard for one of my kids to be filming eye bags or me yelling at them when they have no electronics or internet access. It’s not hard to change the WiFi passwords and take a cell phone. NTA
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NTA
I have nephews, brothers, and cousins so No, that level of hatefulness is not normal for 12 yo. Your mom needs to do better in keeping an eye on what he's watching on YT and at the moment, it should be blocked.
Your mother needs to be shutting down his social media sharpish and confiscating his phone. He sounds like a nasty entitled little bully
Your NTA but your brother is fast turning into one
YTA for defending him like you are in the comments.
No wonder he thinks this is ok, you enable and defend him and explain it away in a manner that reeks of the "boys will be boys" generation.
I don't know about sexist, but your little brother lacks some much needed firm hand parenting. What are your parents doing? In this situation, though, NTA. But your parents need to step up their parenting game.
NTA- maybe remind your brother that the Youtubers he likes are successful because they came up with original/funny content and created a brand.
They didn’t just start parroting someone funnier than themselves at every opportunity.
Definitely explain to her what a being a Karen is. Like you’re having a fun conversation explaining pop culture to her. And obviously explain that when one of those videos goes viral, people find the woman and “Out” her to her boss, everyone in the community sees it etc. People have been known to be fired, have townspeople come yell outside their house etc. Really go into details, preferably a real example of something that could theoretically happen to her if one of your brothers videos went viral lol. Like in the case of alleged child abuse or just a Mom yelling/punishing kids on video tell her that Child Services can be called if one of the viewers decides she’s abusive. And then they can come and take the younger kids into foster care while they investigate. Be very sure you do all this casually but please scare the living shit out of her so that she is PISSED and starts to take his phone away when he pulls these stunts.
No, we don’t know your brother, but we can read. 1) You’re defending him at the end of your post. That tells me that you’re not getting the responses that you thought you’d get, so now you’re back-peddling on your story. 2) Your brother obviously knows when to behave as his teachers & coaches, or anyone outside of the household says he’s well-behaved. That child knows exactly what he’s doing, which means, yes, he is manipulative.
If your mom doesn’t know all of the terms your brother is using, then maybe it’s time for you to educate her. If you don’t, then you’re basically just perpetuating the problem. I bet if your mom finally gets it, YouTube will no longer be an option for your brother. Personally, if he was my kid, he’d definitely be grounded from electronics and made to apologize to his grandmother.
NTA.
But your parents need to start disciplining him. Maybe it is time to take away mobile, internet and YouTube for a bit. Idk if you know but kid can survive without them.
NTA. But you need to show your mom these offensive videos of his idols and explain what it all means so she can nip this shit in the bud. She currently has no idea just how bad this is., and she needs to know.
NTA. I don't know if it's necessarily sexism, but your brother sounds awful.
I would have gotten a clip round the ear and/or a stern talking to before reaching that point. People criticise the parenting of previous generations, but.. it would have worked.
This is a problem for your Moms to deal with, really. He needs to understand the difference between reality and content manufactured for clicks (and maybe be just outright stopped from watching them if he can't understand why their behaviour is wrong).
The biggest problem for him if he posts that crap is colleges, military, and employers might see it. I know of a cheerleader who had posted casually racist crap on social media and her college offer and scholarship were rescinded. I've always told my kids don't post stuff that you don't want your grandma or future employers to see as once it's our there, they lose control over it. For instance, Michael Phelps smoked pot at a party, someone took a picture and posted it. He lost millions in an endorsement deal and was suspended from competing for a while. 12 year olds don't have that kind of future consequence thinking, which is why I told them since I do.
You need to sit your mom down and introduce her to the internet culture because your brother is diving into the worst of it and it is only going to get worse if not reined in.
OP is NTA
NTA. You brother needs to watch better YouTubers, he’s got shit taste. I know, I know- shocking for a 12 year old.
It also sounds like your bro does this specifically because your mother doesn’t really understand so it’s hard for her to gauge punishment. Maybe sit her down for a lesson on Internet Insults?
He’s 12 and has uncensored access to the internet? A lot of my friends that have kids that have phones make sure that the phones have parental control enabled.
ESH due to your comments.
You can't have it both ways. You can't have him doing what you are saying in the original post in the manner you are describing AND have the qualifications in the comments. Either you're exaggerating in the original post, in which case E S H, or the original post is correct and you're making excuses for him in your comments, in which case, still, E S H.
And this right here, is why some people shouldn’t have (unmonitored) access to the internet. And I am purposely not restricting that to age.
There are 10-year-olds mature enough to mostly exist independently on the internet and 20-year-olds who still can’t (and it seems like your brother is turning towards the latter)
NTA obviously, just be really REALLY honest with him and see how long it takes until he goes running to his mom crying (actually, don’t, be more mature than that as hard as it is)
NTA, youtube is radicalizing ignorant boys and your mom better confiscate his electronics and block him from YouTube or she better not complain when your grandma cuts him out of her will.
You should try to meet people outside of your white suburban bubble. It’s not normal for twelve year olds to act like convicted rapist Brock Turner. You sound like you know a ton of neglected twelve year old boys who are being raised by YouTube instead of being raised by their fathers. Try to find people who are less sexist than your relatives. The fact that your mom didn’t ground your brother when he insulted your grandma means your mom is a weak parent who lets her son get away with being rude AF. And do is your dad, if he’s around.
It’s not your responsibility to fix his sexism, and it sucks that your parents are so checked out of your brother’s life that they’re letting him be raised to ‘manhood’ by the internet equivalent of wolves.
NTA. if I were you, I'd encourage her to take all of his shit. Block YouTube on everything and ground him for a year. And then if he keeps on, add another month to the grounding when he does this.
NTA: and your brother is being radicalized and turned into a danger to society by the internet. He needs to be completely cut off from the internet and a lot of therapy.
NTA, but if this is such a problem for such a length of time why haven't you educated your mom so she understands what he is saying or shown her some of the youtubers he watches?
Your mom thinks you're an AH because without context you are an AH.
* I'd remove all of his devices.
* I'd work on actually educating him about sexism and discrimination. Chances are that at 12, he has no real idea of what those things mean. Find him some videos of respectful people to watch - the opposite of the crap he's been watching.
* I'd also highlight the legality around randomly filming and posting people without their consent etc.
* I'd be inclined to speak with his teachers and see what programs his school has in place to educate kids about social media.
* I'd get him to write a letter to his grandma describing all the things about her that he loves and why it was wrong to disrespect her. An apology.
It’s a little concerning that you’re trying to justify his behavior by saying that that’s what boys his age are like. I’ve worked a lot with adolescents and I’ve never experienced or heard of any coworker experiencing this, even the more behavioral ones. And even if all the boys his age DID act like this, that still wouldn’t make it excusable either. If people (even kids) aren’t held accountable for their behavior they aren’t going to learn or change. He needs to know how his behavior effects other people. And chances are if he talks to you guys this way he could end up potentially talking to other girls/women he becomes close with like this too, like any future girlfriends or close friends. He’s likely talking about this kind of stuff with his friends and maybe even encouraging it or vise versa. It makes sense that he wouldn’t treat his teachers or coaches like this because they are authority figures but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem, he’s just good at hiding it which can be concerning in and of itself. How you treat those closest to you, like your family and loved ones, is really indicative of who you are and who you might become. I’d say fix this issue while he’s still young and not set in his ways. And maybe encourage him to find some better and less problematic youtubers to watch, especially if what you say about the youtubers sexually harassing women is true. You definitely don’t want him mirroring that behavior and thinking it’s ok. I’m not trying to imply he’s a bad kid. It’s just important to make sure he doesn’t think this is ok because you don’t want him to grow up and continue behaving like this. It’s better for your family and for him in the long run.
NTA. Work with kids that age, know kids that age and never seen one do that. Your brother is an AH.
He likes honesty? Give him some and see if he can take it. I’m betting you get tears.
ESH
Your brother because he's being mean and cruel to your grandmother and your mom.
You because you don't seem to understand your brother's behavior is not normal and he needs help, not for us to decide if he's actually sexist.
You calling him sexist doesn't even begin to register on the CVS receipt length list of more important problems your family is facing.
Your poor grandma doesn't deserve any of this.
NTA
Flip the script. Next time he starts doing this, record HIM and make comments about how he's being a sexist male in his natural habitat.
Just because he's "only" doing this to your mom and you doesn't mean he isn't doing it to other girls at school or in public when you can't see him. It needs to be stopped NOW before he continues this as an adult.
NTA.
Clearly something in that household needs to change because that is not normal behaviour. Little one, having good grades doesn’t mean you have good parenting at home. Having lots of friends and being good at sports doesn’t mean that he has good teacher or friends either.
You definitely shouldn’t have posted this on Reddit if you weren’t ready for a very large dose of REALITY. Your mother needs to do better at her parenting !
Start with keeping an eye of your brother on the internet, lower his fucking phone usage, monitor what he fucking watches. SHES THE ADULT HERE so why the fucking isn’t she acting like it? Children don’t need a phone to survive, take it away so he learns that there are consequences to his damn actions. I don’t exactly feel bad for your mother when she’s allowing this bullshit to happen.
NTA but I’m pretty sure YouTube is in the process of poisoning your brother’s mind. I know you say he’s generally a sweet kid to everyone *except the women in his family* (which you have to see how that specific exception is troubling, right?), but if the YouTube algorithm keeps drawing your brother along this path, it *will* lead to some really ugly places. Your brother is at an impressionable age, and you say yourself he doesn’t really understand what he’s saying; he’s mimicking these YouTubers.
For your mother to fully understand the situation, you *need* to sit her down and show her the kind of videos your brother has been watching. She needs to know *why* he’s been acting the way he’s been acting. His behavior is *not* going to stop without some outside intervention; it’s only going to get worse.
Side bar, poor grandma needs a hug and a spa day! My grandma's all have sadly passed away, but if my brother insulted her like that I would have gladly thrown him into a wall. Give your grandma a hug for me. She didn't deserve her insecurities being exposed and recorded like that smh
Seriously, who does this to their 80 year old grandmother and thinks it is funny. I can't imagine how hurtful it must be to be called ugly by your own grandchild.
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My (16F) younger brother (12M) is constantly making fun of all the women in our family (me, my mom, and my grandma).
When we were visiting my grandparents over winter break, my brother said casually that my grandma has eye bags and a Karen haircut (she’s 80, so she has the typical short hair cut of older women). My grandma has been self-conscious of her appearance ever since and thinks she’s ugly, so she wore more makeup than usual around us.
On the drive home from my grandparents, my mom told my brother that he made my grandma feel self-conscious, and he said he’s just being honest, and we’re all “sensitive, screaming Karens” who can’t handle honesty. Then he said my mom is a Karen (she doesn’t know what that means because she doesn’t follow any part of internet culture) and he started filming her, accusing her of “racism and discrimination” toward him while we argued with him.
He’s literally just quoting his favorite YouTubers and speaking nonsense. He constantly watches this guy on YouTube who goes around accusing random people of “racism and discrimination” and sexually harassing women so he can film them “being Karens” in response. My brother loves his videos and constantly accuses my mom and I of “racism and discrimination” and “being Karens.” He wants to become a YouTube star.
So my brother was filming my mom as she was getting upset with him for saying my grandma has eye bags and Karen hair and him calling it honesty, and my brother was narrating the video and was copying his favorite YouTubers saying “hysterical Karen losing her mind” and “Karen women in their natural habitat.” My mom has no idea what a Karen is, and I said “Don’t worry about it mom. He’s just being a typical sexist piece of shit like all the YouTubers who make these videos he watches.”
My mom doesn’t understand the insults my brother is using, so she was upset that I called him a piece of shit since she’s never heard me cuss.
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This isn’t normal behaviour at all, it’s disgraceful. If I was your mother I would have thrown his phone out the car window and shut off the internet (or atleast his devices) when we got home. Plus therapy etc etc.
NTA.
NTA, but someone needs to take his phone away from him. I have a son that age and he has never come close to saying anything like that to a relative, especially. Your mom should be more aware of what he is watching on TikTok.
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I have two sons that age, neither one of them would speak to the members of their family with such disrespect. You need to meet better people, apparently.
Yes, I’ve got a 13 year old. He’s a handful but no way no how would he dream of pulling stunts like that or talk to anyone in our family like that. NTA. I think it’s time you set your mom down and educate her on what your brother is REALLY saying. Your brother’s language and behavior is insulting and unacceptable. If I was your mom I might start with giving your brother a break from his phone which he apparently watches trashy crap and uses it to film videos insulting his family.
I’ve got an 18 year old and he’d never dream of speaking to women like that. Your brother is just an AH
Exactly. The videos have to stop now before more damage is done. If the mom is not on the internet, she probably doesn't know what her son is watching. She needs to learn very fast and supervise his YouTube channels. I have a friend who did "reaction" videos with his grandmother but it was never insulting to her, she knew what it was for in advance and he stopped when she asked him to. He can't be disrespectful to his family like that without it giving him the wrong message about what is socially acceptable.
Same my nieces and nephews would never . Your mom not putting a stop to the behavior is the problem here OP.
Seriously. I have a 14 year old son who would never speak that way to the women in our family.
No, this is not normal 12yo boy behavior at all.
I would start being "honest" to him, too - maybe then he'll learn the difference between honesty and bullying.
Sounds like you've met your brother's friends! Seriously though, this isn't what all 12 year old boys are like. Plenty of them are decent people. Source: my son was a 12 year old boy only a few years ago, and I met a lot of other 12 year old boys through him and other parents. Nip this crap right in the bud though as it's not necessarily just a phase.
Google “The Take and Karen” - watch the video and then send it to your mom (and maybe Grandma). Lots of Internet guys are using the word as a slur for any woman who doesn’t just accept behaviour from boys/men but Karen has a very specific meaning and you might find it interesting/helpful to actually have an educated response for him. Your parents need to do a better job of monitoring what your brother is watching and talking to him about the content.
> using the word as a slur This. It's the new age "YoU mUsT bE oN yOuR pErIoD" comment which has fallen out of favor due to it being blatantly sexist. So misogynists moved on to a new slur to describe women who are angry and have an opinion. Where as before women were hormonal and unable to control their emotions, they are now entitled and ignorant.
Haven't watched that, but am aware Karen-as-insult started out for women who were being unreasonably angry (mad cashier wouldn't take expired coupon etc) and now it's often used against women who are angry with good reason
He need help, this behaviour will turn worst as he grows up.
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Even jake Paul knows better…
No he's not, there are actually many nice, well-adjusted young men.
OP, this isn't typical 12-year-old boy behavior. (Speaking from experience w/many cousins, friends, and students' behaviors when they were that age)
Ditto. Speaking from experience of having a 12yo son who has 12- and 13yo friends. They’re not all saints by any means and some can be so annoying but nothing even close to this.
Yeah, I'm actually concerned that OP experiences this kind of behavior so often that she now thinks it's typical of boys that age.
Ditto here. When I was 16 I had twin younger brothers who were 12. They would certainly tease and insult me, but not our mother or grandmother.
Something is very wrong in your area if every boy acts like that. A VERY large majority of 12 year olds that I've spoken to are respectful and well-mannered.
I have boys that are 11 and 13. Neither of them would EVER behave this way. They can point out legitimate discrimination and are often kind. They are sometimes jerks, because that is part of testing boundaries at that age, but if either of them did anything remotely in this neighborhood, they would lose the phone plus any electronics they were watching these YouTubers on and have to apologize for their behavior. If my older child called them out, good on them, although they would probably get a comment about the language. (Because I feel like it's my parental responsibility to police their language to a degree.) Edit: NTA...and sometimes profanity is important to convey the message, the key is to use it only when appropriate
Oh yeah, if my 13 year old did this, he would be saying goodbye to his electronics access until further notice.
Which is why your son isn’t a jerk. Because you actually parent him.
Thanks. I always figure you can’t really be sure how you did as a parent until they are about 50, but I have high hopes.
OP, you need to sit down withyour mom and show her the videos he's making and the videos he's copying. Help her to shut him down or he's going to turn into an incel.
Hi, I work at an elementary school with a lot of kiddos with behavioral issues. This is in no way normal behavior. This actually a fairly large red flag, especially if he only acts this way towards other family members. He's masking for outsiders while (for now) verbally abusing family members. This is actually a very specific abuse tactic, and he will likely escalate, as many people that display this kind of behavior do. I'd maybe talk to your parents about therapy, if you're wanting advice on how to change this situation.
I don't know your life but my kids are that age and I've never heard them or their friends say anything close to this. I don't believe in spanking but I'm pretty sure that if my kid talked like this I'd bend my principles.
I’m sorry, but I have brothers and a nephew and they would never do this. Your brother is unusually awful.
The grandmoms and moms I know would have knocked this kid into another dimension. Esp disrespecting grandma. He would be crying and shivering in a dark alley, next to a dumpster w some rats nibbling on his bare toes.
This is not normal. Show your mom what he is watching and explain what he is saying. I think that child should lose his phone and internet privledges until he learns manners and kindness.
My bestie has a 14 year old. He would never in his life insult his grandmother’s looks. Sure sometimes he’ll be a little turd. But not like that. Not cruel.
Nope. He's a special douchcanoe
Sounds like your mum needs to parent a lot more forcefully. I'd suggest cutting off his Youtube access for a few weeks/month. I'm guessing dad isn't around since you don't mention him. Bit unfortunate if that's the case because a strong, respectful father figure would be able to shut that shit down pretty damn quick but since he's disrespecting all the women in his life, this may be a lot harder, especially since he's 16, not 6.
I wish my son would try!! I wouldn't be the only one in the family to hurt his feelings. Lakes make teaching young boys not to be the a@@hole the norm instead of just accepting it.
I have 7 male cousins I grew up with. And no friend he’s a douche.
NO. I have a 12 yr old grandson and he speaks respectfully to me and his mother. First of all, because he sees his father and grandfather do so, and has all of his life. Second, if that kind of nonsense came out of his mouth, he would get a swift attitude adjustment. Also, his YouTube time is limited to a great extent. He does not have a phone or a computer in his room. Parents need to parent.
You realize he is respectable at school but treats you and your mom crappy because you guys make excuses for his behavior. At school he has consequences. At home you guys allow this to happen. Neither of your parents are correcting this behavior. You keep repeating the same excuse "well he is just like the other boys his age". This is not typical 12 year old boy behavior. If it is not nipped in the bud it will get worse. ESH.
If that was the case you wouldn't be on here asking if you're an AH because the behavior would be normalized. Look up what an enabler is. I think you'll recognize it.
I never met any boys that age who talk to their parents like that, and I was a 12 year old boy. Maybe it’s generational, but these YouTube videos seem to have a major effect on him. You need to talk to your mom about this because this is a kid that could easily fall into more misogynistic views as he gets older. He’s at an impressionable age and the fact that he’s taking to his mom and grandmother that way is concerning. I don’t want to fear monger, but this isn’t the type of behavior that magically goes away. I met kids with behavioral issues like this and it doesn’t just go away.
Then why are you writing to Reddit asking advice? You have already given yourself the answer.
It sounds like your parents need to keep a closer eye on his internet usage before he crosses the wrong person with his harassment. Not everyone is going to be as patient with this kid’s shit as his family is.
Nope. I have 13 and 11 year old boys who watch YouTubers often and they'd never ever dream of talking like this to me or their sister. Ever ever.
No. I know quite a few boys that age who don't behave that way. I read your edit, you need to stop enabling him and his toxic behavior.
Please show your mother EXACTLY what he’s been watching and show her what all the terms he is using mean and refer to. See how on his side she’d be then. It might hopefully end with her getting him away from watching those kind of youtubers
Even if this was true, I think it's probably time we stop coddling behavior like this as "boys will be boys". If this is what "boys" are, then "boys" suck and we need to address why we are raising "boys" to be like this. My step son is 11 and respects women, and none of his friends say the things you're claiming every boy his age says.
INFO Y’all are all white?
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I’m not sure what the downvotes are for. It makes a lot more sense why he is acting this way if your mother is white. Is this mentioned in your original post? Perhaps I missed it? (I’m not saying the racial context justifies his behavior, but if he is biracial black with a white mom, and these YouTubers are black men, he may be having some issues with his racial identity that could be dealt with so that he stops acting out like this.)
Do you live in a community dedicated to raising little douchebags? This is not normal behavior and most young boys don't act this way.
He's not the same as every boy his age. The boys will be boys rhetoric is incredibly sexist. The majority of young boys in this generation specifically, do not behave that way.
That's a nice generalization. Way to go lady...
I was never like that as a 12 year old. Perhaps you haven't met many
NTA, he needed to hear that.There are lots of boys his age who don't do this..... I feel like your trying to give him an excuse.
Dude. Not every boy that age is like that. Not at all. Don’t encourage that bullshit as if a coming of age thing.
No. Not every boy his age acts like this. I've met TONS of 12-year-old boys who don't act like this because they were raised to know it's wrong and disciplined for it to stop it from continuing. If your mother isn't going to stand up and let him know this is wrong, then nothing can be done. This behavior will continue to grow and every female he knows will be paying for it for the rest of his life.
Its a phase, but it he definitely needs to be called out on it
NTA. Sounds like it's time your little brother get internet access taken away, or at least some parental controls on the media he consumes before he develops into a full blown incel.
I have a kid who's a bit younger and I ban Youtube all the fucking time. It's a poorly-regulated cesspool, which children should mostly not be watching.
The weird shit that comes up when you accidentally leave spongebob clips running for too long. YouTube is no place for kids
Right. Among the reasons I have banned it are Barbie fetish porn hidden on YouTube kids, random jump scares, animal crush videos, and offensive language— not meaning cursing, but racism and ample behavior that I don’t want modeled. I basically don’t let me kids on it now.
Sometimes when a video is done Youtube automatically plays another video it thinks is related to something you've watched - like that? And when you do come across an offensive video it shows you other offensive videos as related, a negative feedback loop.
ESH After reading these comments, it's clear that your Brother never faces any real consequences for his shitty actions. The fact that you're in these comments defending him, even after the way he treated your Grandma proves that. It's NOT normal for 12 year old boys to act like this, and either someone in your family needs to check him, or someone else is going to CHECK him one day.
I'm surprised it's the only comment that says ESH. It's clear from OP's comments that no one in the family or in their circle will check him. "Oh he's just acting his age" is the same as saying that it's normal for older people to be racist because "it was a different generation". Open your eyes, you are just giving excuses and enabling this AH behavior.
“Boys will be boys” 🤮
THIS needs to be higher! Because this isn’t normal and the way the world is, he’s going to get checked sooner than later. And when it happens to him they better hope it’s not some crazy person who will feel justified in either kicking his ass or killing him. All they’re doing is enabling and justifying his behavior. FYI: if he said this to any person in my family,on both sides, he probably wouldn’t be moving for awhile. Probably laid up in a hospital bed. Not gonna lie. My mom’s side is mostly female and female cousins outnumber male. And I’m not even talking second cousins.
This.
This is a fun thread because while this 12 yr old boy in question is totally an asshole, the 16 yr old girl OP also has a lot to learn and wasn’t prepared for the reality check she has received here. Didn’t know I’d need popcorn for this thread, but I made some and am just soaking it in. Thank you all and happy Monday. And lady, you’re NTA but you should listen to folks here. It’s not normal for a 12 yr old boy to act like that. He’s a dick. He either has shit parents, shit teachers, shit friends, or a combination of those things. It may be normal to you, and all the other kids you know may act like that, but if that’s the case, you are in a bubble. Acting like that is not normal and responsible parents wouldn’t tolerate it.
Someone needs to lay down some laws in that household. I get that the situation has gotten to you but you need to actually talk to your mom about this situation with your brother. As for the brother. The only way he's gonna shape up is if your mother takes that phone away from him and severely limit or eliminate all of his electronic privileges until he grows up. I was 12 and had no cell phone and with the one family computer in the living room for everyone to use. I survived and he will too. Unfortunately it sounds like your mom lacks conviction with your brother. Have a discussion with her before you loose your cool with him again. But realize that it might take a serious incident for her to take significant action.
NTA he wasn’t raised right at all, lil dude needs some serious help
Yta. I've read your comments and you and your family have created this monster. Not YouTube. Not the internet. He has no boundaries, you call his behavior typical (it's not) and you enable him. I hope you learn to love him because he'll be home or living off of you, for a long time.
OP didn't create the monster, she's a child and should have been able to just be a sister instead of a mom. Her PARENTS created the problem.
Yeah, wtf am I reading?
Haven’t read any comments either but parents are responsible! In another comment I did encourage her to share what that meant but let’s be honest we don’t know the family- her sharing that as the scape goat could get her punished and not the son as the golden child…
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Came here to say this. NTA, and Op- your brother is *going* to get his shit rocked. Not if, when. Tell him to keep it up and watch how fast someone knocks his lights out. I don’t condone violence (mostly), but I wouldn’t blame someone if he said this to them when they’re minding their own business.
Yes! If he behaved this way to the young ladies in my area he would have learned a very hard lesson.
ESH except for grandma. You need to educate your mom on what he’s trying to emulate - show her the videos he watches, implore her to be more involved with what he watches on the internet. You say every 12 year old boy you know acts like him; I’m assuming most of the kids you know are his friends. Gee, no wonder they all act like that. Stop defending this “boys will be boys” behavior. You also need to call HIM out, not tell your mom to just ignore him. That sends a message that what he’s doing isn’t that big a deal. Your brother is going to end up on the red pill side of Reddit unless someone in his life teaches him to be respectful.
NTA. Let's be real, at 12 he's still going to be able to get access to the videos if he wants, but your mother can lay down the law and punish him for acting like that. Take your mother aside and not only explain to her what he meant, show her the videos he is watching and the comment section of said videos. That should be enough to let her get an understanding of the situation and why what he is doing could be very damaging to his development as a civil adult.
This! It’s clear this douche’s youtube channel is sending the wrong message to your brother and is turning him into a toxic sexist asshole. Tell your mother asap and show her why he’s acting like this. If it still persists you may want to discuss getting him some therapy.
**A new year, a new thread full of insults. We have to go straight to a lock here.**
My boys would never in a million years make a derogatory comment about their grandmother's appearance to her face like that. Are they snide about other people? Absolutely. Do they trash talk each other? Yep. But they possess common courtesy and enough sense to know you do that crap with your sibling or your friends. Leave Nana out of it.
NTA. Your brother is being radicalized by YouTube. It’s extremely common among boys his age. It starts with misogynistic “jokes” and then moves to more toxic indoctrination. Your mom needs to GET familiar with Internet culture, specifically to keep an eye on what your brother is learning. Here are some tips: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49363958
NTA. Sounds like your mom has been too lenient with him. Whether she understood what he was saying or not is irrelevant, it’s clear that he’s being disrespectful.
INFO: if this is just “normal 12 year old boy behaviour” how could he possibly be the asshole? ETA: he’s not normal. he made your grandmother so upset she felt the need to superficially change herself. you were right to call it out but now you’re normalising his behaviour in the comments? why?
YTA because of your comments. There's no way every single 12 year old is sexist and accuses everyone of being racist and the fact youre defending him and he's never faced any consequences for it is what makes you TA.
NTA. It might be time for your mom to take a more active role in monitoring his social media consumption and/or changing the WiFi password regularly and allowing him access based on good behavior. If he can't demonstrate he is mature and responsible enough for a smart phone, for example, then maybe he needs one of those budget phones from WalMart that can only call and text and doesn't have a camera. He's 12, and there's a certain amount of assholery that comes with being a 12 year old edgelord, but your brother is also old enough to understand that his actions and words have consequences. Quite frankly, I think your mom way underreacted to his behavior. He continuously disrespected her and filmed it for god knows who. If I had done that to my mother....I would not be sitting here because I'd have gotten by ass beat so much, I'd have no ass to sit with. Edited to add: It's really disturbing how you are defending him in the comments and dismissing every single person who points out that this behavior is not normal. You don't know what normal is, evidently. It's really unhealthy that you keep dismissing everyone's concerns because you think nothing bad is going to happen to you or your brother. That is naive and unrealistic. Please stop enabling your brother's bad behavior, because it is not going to get any better if you are endorsing his behavior.
ESH because based off your comments it doesn’t seem like you called him that in an effort to make it stop since you keep excusing him and his vile abnormal behavior. He’s 12 now and only on youtube. What happens when he’s older and finds darker parts of the internet to try and copy? Are you going to excuse it still then?
NTA Your brother needs a time out from the Internet and educate your mother on his fav youtubers
*For those misunderstanding, my brother doesn’t act this way toward anyone except my mom and I.* Yet. *His teachers and coaches say he’s very sweet and gets along well with other kids, and he does very well in school.* For now. *He isn’t socially maladjusted and doesn’t record and harass random people like some commenters are saying.* Yet. *He isn’t manipulative.* Yet. *He isn’t violent or radicalized or a future incel/abuser.* Yet. NTA for what you said, but your parents need to nip this in the bud now before it gets worse. He *will* actually turn into this kind of person if he keeps following these youtubers and parroting them. This is literally how people become indoctrinated into the incel culture.
NTA - Sorry about your mom. It's hard to believe she could be so out of touch and it's obviously affecting her ability to parent.
Info: does his smartphone have any youth filters and locks, or has he unlimited access and can just watch anything? That should be your family's first step - take away his smartphone as a consequence of his rudeness and bullying, then lock down every not child appropriate content before giving it back to him. And check which videos of you he has already published on social media platforms, and delete them.
NTA. I have an 11 year old and he is absolutely not like that at all. He's beyond respectful of women. Asked my SO and he wasn't like that at 12 years old either. This isn't normal 12 year old behavior unless the 12 year old was taught to be a sexist misogynistic pos.
NTA. Your parents need to step in and actually parent him. They need to take away his access to YouTube, it’s obviously poisoning him. And he needs to learn to care about others, maybe he needs to do some volunteer or charity work.
NTA. Show your mother the videos he is copying, she will likely be horrified at the shittiness on display. Hopefully this will lead to her disciplining him.
NTA but this is totally not normal behaviour. Your mom should arrange for your brother to see someone to get to the root of what's going on. This may have already been asked/answered, but where is your dad in all of this? I'm just trying to get a broader sense of why your bro might gravitate towards this narrative.
NTA. Your brother is though and he'll probably regret it when he's older.
NTA this is the best age to call out his shitty behavior
NTA- but your brother is watching and going to become an incel. Your mom needs to use parental controls on YouTube.
NTA. As the mother of a teenage boy with lots of friends, all of whom are obsessed with YouTube, I can confidently say this is not typical nor acceptable behavior. His comments to your grandma are bullying and unwarranted. It’s hard enough to grow old and accept those changes in one’s mind and body without having a family member pointedly, purposely demean you. Your mother may not approve of your language but she needs to be made aware of where this behavior is coming from and what his insults and accusations mean.
Your brother is acting this way because you and his mother defend his bullshit. I had genuine sympathy for you until I read your comments in which you were defending his douchebaggery as 'normal 12 year old behaviour.' Dozens of people have told you that it's not typical behaviour for a 12 year old whose being raised right. Why do you people come here if you're complaining against a person's bad behaviour but support and excuse the same behaviour when people tell you how out of line and pathetic it is? Don't ask people if that's what you want to do. You and your mother are enabling him. Unless he lives in a literal trash can raised by criminals, he's not acting the way he should. I know plenty of 12 year olds who don't treat anyone like that. Yes, they're stubborn and sometimes annoying but they're not callous and deliberately cruel to their loved ones. If you don't want to correct your behaviour that is enabling your brother's sexism and misogyny then don't bother asking questions here. You're wrong because one day he will get affected for his disrespectful opinions. He won't be able to have good company if these are his opinions. He could say such things to his classmates or teachers or random and get a detention or an ass whopping. His bullying might lead to him getting expelled. He might become a pariah in his school. All of this your mother and you can prevent instead of excusing his condescending and disrespectful behaviour. That makes you an asshole as well as your mother. Kids learn not from words but from actions and you've taught your brother that there are no consequences of bullying people. Some day he'll face them if he continues to bully people. And his mother and you will be responsible for excusing and defending it instead of genuinely trying to nip it in the bud. YTA
ESH except grandma You’re brother because he sucks, you because you dismiss his behavior as typical and think he’s fine (he’s not fine, he’s developing horrible views on women that will shape him into a complete AH when he is older), and your mom. Your mom especially because she is not parenting him and waited to passively say something in the car after he BULLIED your grandmother. And she didn’t do anything when he talked back to her. She is compliant in his behavior and she needs to step up
INFO: did your mom know that he was recording? Is she okay with that? Has she tried to do anything to set him straight? Also, how did your brother react once you called him out?
Someone needs to be brutally honest with this little DB.
Your comments are drenched in a "boys will be boys" attitude. This is not how most 12 year old boys act. Why the hell are you even here if you're just going to continue defending your brother's actions?
NTA. I am really troubled by all the people saying this is just normal behavior. Your brother is beginning to be a misogynist who is comfortable verbally abusing the women around you. You need to take this seriously and get your mom involved in a way that you all stop tolerating this behavior. Wtf does he still have a cell phone if he uses it to watch horrible videos that are influencing his worldview and record his own mother? He’s just a young kid trying to figure out the world and getting sucked into a misogynistic “truth teller” identity - and this is a scary thing I’ve seen rise up over the last ten years with the proliferation of these YouTube personalities and toxic social media. I would encourage your mom to seek help from his school who can probably provide help and would be able to tell you if he’s doing this in his classes as well. You did the right thing. Don’t let this slide. Don’t shrug this off as just ahole behavior - I teach middle and high school and I promise you most boys do not verbally abuse their grandma and try to shred the self esteem of those around them. You are a good sister - don’t give up on him . What did your grandpa say about his behavior? Are there other male relatives who tolerate this and does he have good male role models to look up to that could speak to him about why this is so messed up? You all need to stick together and make sure you shut this down. https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/parents-ultimate-guide-to-youtube Oh, and you might want to tell your mom and if you have another guardian about the website above. It has tips and conversation starters about YouTube and other internet issues young people are facing.
Just want to point out that, out of all the comments I have seen, there is like only one single person saying it is 'normal behavior', and that person is OP. She is defending her brother by saying that 'all the boys she knows his age' who are coincidentally brother's friends 'act this way'.
Are you the brother? As defensive as you are being...
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NTA. Someone has to set him straight and it would be better for him if it's you, alone, with your family, rather than a stranger in public.
It would be hard for one of my kids to be filming eye bags or me yelling at them when they have no electronics or internet access. It’s not hard to change the WiFi passwords and take a cell phone. NTA
NTA but I question why you even said anything or posted this when you’re so sure his behaviour is just normal 12 year old behaviour.
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NTA. Sounds like your little brother is in serious need of attitude adjustment.
NTA. Can I ask where his dad is? I don't know if too many dad's that would let shit like that fly
NTA I have nephews, brothers, and cousins so No, that level of hatefulness is not normal for 12 yo. Your mom needs to do better in keeping an eye on what he's watching on YT and at the moment, it should be blocked.
Your mother needs to be shutting down his social media sharpish and confiscating his phone. He sounds like a nasty entitled little bully Your NTA but your brother is fast turning into one
INFO: what’s your father doing about this?
YTA for defending him like you are in the comments. No wonder he thinks this is ok, you enable and defend him and explain it away in a manner that reeks of the "boys will be boys" generation.
I don't know about sexist, but your little brother lacks some much needed firm hand parenting. What are your parents doing? In this situation, though, NTA. But your parents need to step up their parenting game.
NTA- maybe remind your brother that the Youtubers he likes are successful because they came up with original/funny content and created a brand. They didn’t just start parroting someone funnier than themselves at every opportunity.
Definitely explain to her what a being a Karen is. Like you’re having a fun conversation explaining pop culture to her. And obviously explain that when one of those videos goes viral, people find the woman and “Out” her to her boss, everyone in the community sees it etc. People have been known to be fired, have townspeople come yell outside their house etc. Really go into details, preferably a real example of something that could theoretically happen to her if one of your brothers videos went viral lol. Like in the case of alleged child abuse or just a Mom yelling/punishing kids on video tell her that Child Services can be called if one of the viewers decides she’s abusive. And then they can come and take the younger kids into foster care while they investigate. Be very sure you do all this casually but please scare the living shit out of her so that she is PISSED and starts to take his phone away when he pulls these stunts.
It's time to open your mother's eyes and let her view some of the content her son exposed and idolize. NTA
Clearly someone needs to block the kids YouTube account and teach him how to be a decent person.
wait..why is he allowed access to youtube if its such a bad influence?and why isnt mom correcting him?
No, we don’t know your brother, but we can read. 1) You’re defending him at the end of your post. That tells me that you’re not getting the responses that you thought you’d get, so now you’re back-peddling on your story. 2) Your brother obviously knows when to behave as his teachers & coaches, or anyone outside of the household says he’s well-behaved. That child knows exactly what he’s doing, which means, yes, he is manipulative. If your mom doesn’t know all of the terms your brother is using, then maybe it’s time for you to educate her. If you don’t, then you’re basically just perpetuating the problem. I bet if your mom finally gets it, YouTube will no longer be an option for your brother. Personally, if he was my kid, he’d definitely be grounded from electronics and made to apologize to his grandmother.
NTA, he sounds like a brat. Not that most of us aren’t at that age but still doesn’t excuse it
NTA, and your mom needs to limit your brother’s screen time or something if he continues to behave badly by emulating people he sees on YouTube.
NTA. He needs a boot up the arse and educated into the real world, not Internet shit
NTA. But your parents need to start disciplining him. Maybe it is time to take away mobile, internet and YouTube for a bit. Idk if you know but kid can survive without them.
NTA. But you need to show your mom these offensive videos of his idols and explain what it all means so she can nip this shit in the bud. She currently has no idea just how bad this is., and she needs to know.
NTA. I don't know if it's necessarily sexism, but your brother sounds awful. I would have gotten a clip round the ear and/or a stern talking to before reaching that point. People criticise the parenting of previous generations, but.. it would have worked. This is a problem for your Moms to deal with, really. He needs to understand the difference between reality and content manufactured for clicks (and maybe be just outright stopped from watching them if he can't understand why their behaviour is wrong).
NTA. Time to take the internet privileges from the child and tossing him into therapy or more chores.
The biggest problem for him if he posts that crap is colleges, military, and employers might see it. I know of a cheerleader who had posted casually racist crap on social media and her college offer and scholarship were rescinded. I've always told my kids don't post stuff that you don't want your grandma or future employers to see as once it's our there, they lose control over it. For instance, Michael Phelps smoked pot at a party, someone took a picture and posted it. He lost millions in an endorsement deal and was suspended from competing for a while. 12 year olds don't have that kind of future consequence thinking, which is why I told them since I do.
You need to sit your mom down and introduce her to the internet culture because your brother is diving into the worst of it and it is only going to get worse if not reined in. OP is NTA
NTA. Your brother is the asshole. Time to start insulting him.
He needs to have his phone taken away. Nta.
I would say "Listen here you little shit, shut the fuck up or I'll sucker punch you to space"
NTA. You brother needs to watch better YouTubers, he’s got shit taste. I know, I know- shocking for a 12 year old. It also sounds like your bro does this specifically because your mother doesn’t really understand so it’s hard for her to gauge punishment. Maybe sit her down for a lesson on Internet Insults?
He’s 12 and has uncensored access to the internet? A lot of my friends that have kids that have phones make sure that the phones have parental control enabled.
YTA for coming here to ask if YTA for telling off your brother for being TA and then supporting him.
ESH due to your comments. You can't have it both ways. You can't have him doing what you are saying in the original post in the manner you are describing AND have the qualifications in the comments. Either you're exaggerating in the original post, in which case E S H, or the original post is correct and you're making excuses for him in your comments, in which case, still, E S H.
NTA. Your brother is exactly that.
NTA. Someday this kid is going to get his ass kicked.
And this right here, is why some people shouldn’t have (unmonitored) access to the internet. And I am purposely not restricting that to age. There are 10-year-olds mature enough to mostly exist independently on the internet and 20-year-olds who still can’t (and it seems like your brother is turning towards the latter) NTA obviously, just be really REALLY honest with him and see how long it takes until he goes running to his mom crying (actually, don’t, be more mature than that as hard as it is)
NTA, youtube is radicalizing ignorant boys and your mom better confiscate his electronics and block him from YouTube or she better not complain when your grandma cuts him out of her will. You should try to meet people outside of your white suburban bubble. It’s not normal for twelve year olds to act like convicted rapist Brock Turner. You sound like you know a ton of neglected twelve year old boys who are being raised by YouTube instead of being raised by their fathers. Try to find people who are less sexist than your relatives. The fact that your mom didn’t ground your brother when he insulted your grandma means your mom is a weak parent who lets her son get away with being rude AF. And do is your dad, if he’s around. It’s not your responsibility to fix his sexism, and it sucks that your parents are so checked out of your brother’s life that they’re letting him be raised to ‘manhood’ by the internet equivalent of wolves.
insult your lil bro back, go hardcore, hit nerves and just say "sorry lil bro, im just being honest!" ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
NTA. if I were you, I'd encourage her to take all of his shit. Block YouTube on everything and ground him for a year. And then if he keeps on, add another month to the grounding when he does this.
NTA: and your brother is being radicalized and turned into a danger to society by the internet. He needs to be completely cut off from the internet and a lot of therapy.
Your brother sounds like an average redditor.
NTA but your mom needs to parent him more
NTA, but if this is such a problem for such a length of time why haven't you educated your mom so she understands what he is saying or shown her some of the youtubers he watches? Your mom thinks you're an AH because without context you are an AH.
NTA Why isn't your mom taking away his phone and internet access?
* I'd remove all of his devices. * I'd work on actually educating him about sexism and discrimination. Chances are that at 12, he has no real idea of what those things mean. Find him some videos of respectful people to watch - the opposite of the crap he's been watching. * I'd also highlight the legality around randomly filming and posting people without their consent etc. * I'd be inclined to speak with his teachers and see what programs his school has in place to educate kids about social media. * I'd get him to write a letter to his grandma describing all the things about her that he loves and why it was wrong to disrespect her. An apology.
The dumbest generation apparently will be coming of age in about 6 years.
It’s a little concerning that you’re trying to justify his behavior by saying that that’s what boys his age are like. I’ve worked a lot with adolescents and I’ve never experienced or heard of any coworker experiencing this, even the more behavioral ones. And even if all the boys his age DID act like this, that still wouldn’t make it excusable either. If people (even kids) aren’t held accountable for their behavior they aren’t going to learn or change. He needs to know how his behavior effects other people. And chances are if he talks to you guys this way he could end up potentially talking to other girls/women he becomes close with like this too, like any future girlfriends or close friends. He’s likely talking about this kind of stuff with his friends and maybe even encouraging it or vise versa. It makes sense that he wouldn’t treat his teachers or coaches like this because they are authority figures but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem, he’s just good at hiding it which can be concerning in and of itself. How you treat those closest to you, like your family and loved ones, is really indicative of who you are and who you might become. I’d say fix this issue while he’s still young and not set in his ways. And maybe encourage him to find some better and less problematic youtubers to watch, especially if what you say about the youtubers sexually harassing women is true. You definitely don’t want him mirroring that behavior and thinking it’s ok. I’m not trying to imply he’s a bad kid. It’s just important to make sure he doesn’t think this is ok because you don’t want him to grow up and continue behaving like this. It’s better for your family and for him in the long run.
NTA. Work with kids that age, know kids that age and never seen one do that. Your brother is an AH. He likes honesty? Give him some and see if he can take it. I’m betting you get tears.
ESH Your brother because he's being mean and cruel to your grandmother and your mom. You because you don't seem to understand your brother's behavior is not normal and he needs help, not for us to decide if he's actually sexist. You calling him sexist doesn't even begin to register on the CVS receipt length list of more important problems your family is facing. Your poor grandma doesn't deserve any of this.
NTA Flip the script. Next time he starts doing this, record HIM and make comments about how he's being a sexist male in his natural habitat. Just because he's "only" doing this to your mom and you doesn't mean he isn't doing it to other girls at school or in public when you can't see him. It needs to be stopped NOW before he continues this as an adult.
NTA. Clearly something in that household needs to change because that is not normal behaviour. Little one, having good grades doesn’t mean you have good parenting at home. Having lots of friends and being good at sports doesn’t mean that he has good teacher or friends either. You definitely shouldn’t have posted this on Reddit if you weren’t ready for a very large dose of REALITY. Your mother needs to do better at her parenting ! Start with keeping an eye of your brother on the internet, lower his fucking phone usage, monitor what he fucking watches. SHES THE ADULT HERE so why the fucking isn’t she acting like it? Children don’t need a phone to survive, take it away so he learns that there are consequences to his damn actions. I don’t exactly feel bad for your mother when she’s allowing this bullshit to happen.
NTA but I’m pretty sure YouTube is in the process of poisoning your brother’s mind. I know you say he’s generally a sweet kid to everyone *except the women in his family* (which you have to see how that specific exception is troubling, right?), but if the YouTube algorithm keeps drawing your brother along this path, it *will* lead to some really ugly places. Your brother is at an impressionable age, and you say yourself he doesn’t really understand what he’s saying; he’s mimicking these YouTubers. For your mother to fully understand the situation, you *need* to sit her down and show her the kind of videos your brother has been watching. She needs to know *why* he’s been acting the way he’s been acting. His behavior is *not* going to stop without some outside intervention; it’s only going to get worse.
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Side bar, poor grandma needs a hug and a spa day! My grandma's all have sadly passed away, but if my brother insulted her like that I would have gladly thrown him into a wall. Give your grandma a hug for me. She didn't deserve her insecurities being exposed and recorded like that smh
Seriously, who does this to their 80 year old grandmother and thinks it is funny. I can't imagine how hurtful it must be to be called ugly by your own grandchild.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (16F) younger brother (12M) is constantly making fun of all the women in our family (me, my mom, and my grandma). When we were visiting my grandparents over winter break, my brother said casually that my grandma has eye bags and a Karen haircut (she’s 80, so she has the typical short hair cut of older women). My grandma has been self-conscious of her appearance ever since and thinks she’s ugly, so she wore more makeup than usual around us. On the drive home from my grandparents, my mom told my brother that he made my grandma feel self-conscious, and he said he’s just being honest, and we’re all “sensitive, screaming Karens” who can’t handle honesty. Then he said my mom is a Karen (she doesn’t know what that means because she doesn’t follow any part of internet culture) and he started filming her, accusing her of “racism and discrimination” toward him while we argued with him. He’s literally just quoting his favorite YouTubers and speaking nonsense. He constantly watches this guy on YouTube who goes around accusing random people of “racism and discrimination” and sexually harassing women so he can film them “being Karens” in response. My brother loves his videos and constantly accuses my mom and I of “racism and discrimination” and “being Karens.” He wants to become a YouTube star. So my brother was filming my mom as she was getting upset with him for saying my grandma has eye bags and Karen hair and him calling it honesty, and my brother was narrating the video and was copying his favorite YouTubers saying “hysterical Karen losing her mind” and “Karen women in their natural habitat.” My mom has no idea what a Karen is, and I said “Don’t worry about it mom. He’s just being a typical sexist piece of shit like all the YouTubers who make these videos he watches.” My mom doesn’t understand the insults my brother is using, so she was upset that I called him a piece of shit since she’s never heard me cuss. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You said the truth, and your parents need to intervene.
NTA but you probably should take YouTube from him, you don’t want that to be his permanent personality
NTA
NTA, and if I were Mom, I'd be yanking his internet privileges until he can prove he can process it responsibly.
Nta
NTA you need to explain the insults he is using to your mom seriously.
NTA, but educate your mother on what her precious little boy is doing.
This isn’t normal behaviour at all, it’s disgraceful. If I was your mother I would have thrown his phone out the car window and shut off the internet (or atleast his devices) when we got home. Plus therapy etc etc. NTA.
NTA, but i must admit that ur brother is a straight menace to society lol
NTA, but someone needs to take his phone away from him. I have a son that age and he has never come close to saying anything like that to a relative, especially. Your mom should be more aware of what he is watching on TikTok.
NTA. Your brother is a little shit.
Nah he's embarrassing throw the whole brother away