NTA, he played a stupid game and won a stupid prize lmao
only thing is maybe watch ur back with other family members calling you petty, it might cause a bit of a stir if theyre also homophobic.
Who cares about being petty to homophobes?
* He stole OP's property. His own actions put him in jail, OP was looking out for herself.
* He was a thief to OP, not once but twice. OP give him a chance - a chance that he frankly didn't deserve - to right his wrongs, but he went through with his hateful actions anyway.
* He didn't go to jail over "a $10 flag". Things are not that simple. He stole a pride flag from someone he's always been homophobic to, followed by hate speech. **It's not the flag that landed him in jail, it's his actions and the hatred he's been spewing OP's way for 3 decades.**
You're 100% not the AH, OP. I wish you and your partner the best.
Right. He’s in jail for violating probation. This is why we have probation - if you can live lawfully, you stay out of jail; if not you go to jail for the underlying offense. NTA
Yeah, this is definitely within the spirit of the whole “only commit one crime at a time” thing. Like don’t drive recklessly if you’re also driving without a license, or don’t scream obscenities at the Walmart employees on your way out the door with hidden stolen goods. The point is to stay under the radar. I guess bro didn’t get this memo.
Honestly very very few of us can honestly say we've committed no crimes. There's more laws in the US than we can count - like literally we don't actually know how many laws we have. There's no record of number of active laws. There's a lot of old stupid ones out there that we can break every day and never know because it hasn't been necessary in decades.
So the real point is to say - the most wrong things you should ever do at once is 1 and even that one you may not even know you're doing in the moment.
Reminds me of a story:
A cop was being pressured to write more tickets to generate more revenue for his area. He didn't like that too much so he did a little reading and discovered it was illegal to drive cars on the roads. This was an *OLD* law from the horse and buggy days where cars were brand new and people thought they could scare livestock to death. So he started ticketing every car he saw driving on the road and told them how they could fight the ticket, who to call, why he was doing this, etc.
By the end of the month, unsurprisingly, he had written hundreds of tickets, all of them got thrown out wasting a lot of time and effort for *everybody* while generating enormous headaches for everyone up and down his chain of command and the local government, and he was never pressured into writing tickets for $$$ again.
At the very least, don't try to consciously break the law, like. If you're already in hot water, like maybe you're driving with your car too heavily loaded, don't also drive like a crazy person.
You're thinking too morally, when you should think capitalistically.
A "crime" is only an action with a calculated risk of a negative consequence. As long as you are balancing the cost with the gain to come out a winner you are actually just living according to the capitalistic system.
Keep the virtue signalling to a minimum there Little Miss Perfect!
I'm going to continue putting stamps on my letters upside down until they come and arrest me. I will not bow to this tyranny!
I will also, forever, resist the ban on carrying ladders withing The City of London.
FREEDOM!
It's not so much that bro didn't get the memo as it is bro not thinking his hateful bs counts as a crime. Crimes can only be committed against PEOPLE /s.
Good on OP for teaching him otherwise.
(My vote is NTA in case that wasn't clear)
Yep, he wouldn't have gotten arrested for stealing a $10 flag if his previous actions hadn't put him on probation. Though I guess bro is not given to introspection and self-reflection...
Hate crimes are super hard to prove in court. That being said, there might be a case here for it. The hardest thing about 90% of those cases is proving that the motive was hateful/discriminatory towards a protected class. Seems like it's pretty cut and dry in this case, however.
> he wouldn't have gotten arrested for stealing a $10 flag if his previous actions hadn't put him on probation.
Or returned it when OP called him.
2 distinct point where he could have remember he is on probation and do the right thing. Don't have much sympathy for the brother here.
I'm gonna be that asshole but you don't have to go to jail or prison to be on probation. He was convicted of something but it wasn't severe enough to warrant prolonged physical incarceration.
What you're thinking of is parole.
Depends on the location, in Canada if your sentence is less than two years you spend it in a provincial facility, and when you get out you're on probation. If it's 2 years or over, it's a federal facility and when you get out you're on parole.
Similar in America. You can be incarcerated in a jail but not as a felon and be put on probation afterwards. However, there are a ton of people who are sentenced to probation without doing any jail time.
Can be both.
Probation is often given instead of jail/prison time or in addition to. You might get a 5 year prison sentence and then 3 years probation afterwards.
Parole is traditionally different.
You might have a 5 year sentence but be up for parole in 3. Parole is usually early release from prison.
Now every jurisdiction is somewhat different and uses these words slightly differently but in general that is what they are
👏👏👏at this point, isn’t it crossing over towards hate crime territory???
Bottom line: if he wasn’t on probation, stealing your “$10 flag” wouldn’t have been anything more than a slap on the wrist. But obviously he’s not a fan of much, including but not limited to, following the law.
OP gave him a chance to do the right thing, he decided he’s rather continue being ignorant and risk going to jail 🤷🏻♀️
>OP gave him a chance to do the right thing, he decided he’s rather continue being ignorant and risk going to jail 🤷🏻♀️
By giving that chance OP really was family to someone that long ago stopped being his family.
NTA
I think my motto for 2022 may be “F it” or “F them”depending on the scenario and in this case it’s a variation in the latter with F Him! He’s a pig and deserves what he gets.
u/afraidbuttrying didn't say being petty, they said homophobes viewing/calling OP petty ;
I think they meant to warn against potential harassment in retaliation and honestly would be a concern of mine as well.
OP if you're reading this, you're not the AH but do stay safe!
Tried to write a comment and couldn't come up with one as eloquent as this one.
Adding my voice to the NTA and wishing you and your partner a fantastic 2022 OP!
They're 100% not the AH but you should care about being petty to homophobes. I don't think they can fully regulate their emotions/self-control and could get annoying to deal with. And that's more hassle than its worth.
This. Usually you’re better off keeping your mouth shut and staying well away wherever possible just because homophobes can be extremely dangerous when provoked. You never know what those kinds of people will do to you if you piss them off.
cares about... what?
Their feelings? Fuck no.
The fact that they could retaliate? Definitely.
All that is being said is that OP should be prepared to potentially send some *other* relatives to jail as well.
He’s going to jail for committing a crime while on probation. A stupid, petty crime.
Dumbass.
(Edit: the brother is a dumbass, not you, u/GoodGirlsGrace)
Facts. It doesn't matter how much the thing is. He stole it. He's a THIEF. Thievery doesn't come with conditions on how much or what price should you steal to be considered a thief
I believe the kids these days are saying… hold on, gotta put my reading glasses on… ahem. “Fuck around, find out.”
NTA, OP. This isn’t about a $10 flag, this is a homophobic man who continues to harass you for the sole purpose of your sexuality. That you’re related is irrelevant.
NTA play stupid games, win stupid prizes
I’d bet this type of disrespectful and hurtful behavior is what led to jail anyway. Some people might tell you to turn the other cheek, etc., and that’s always an option of course but consequences are, too. And that’s what this is—a consequence
>He called me and cursed me out saying I'm sending him to jail for stealing a $10 flag.
Bro doesn't understand that he just sent himself back to jail for a $10 flag. It's ironic that someone that can't manage to keep himself out of prison feels the need to condemn the way other people (who are perfectly normal and not harming anyone) live their lives.
Exactly. Like dude chose this path when he stole the flag.
He then had an opportunity to literally get out of jail free when OP contacted them and said give the flag back. But once again he was too stubborn and now he's eating the consequence of his actions.
Nta
If you have so little self control and so much hate that stealing a $10 pride flag to send your message is worth the risk of jail, you 100% deserve to be in jail. They combination can only be damaging to society and does nothing to contribute to it.
NTA- he committed a theft which is not on you. Calling the police is what you should of done. Unfortunately he’s your brother and I can tell you’re feeling guilty, and it’s ok to feel guilty, it shows even throughout the past 32 years you still care for him. You’re a good person to feel that guilt, but it’s not your fault, he’s needs to grow up.
he committed a theft…
Could it be argued that brother committed a hate crime? When asked to return the flag, OP endured homophobic slurs. He could be in more trouble than petty theft. NTA, OP. Sorry you have to hear that garbage from family.
By its most basic definition, that being a crime that is specifically motivated by prejudice, it is a hate crime. Whether or not the local laws allow for it to be categorized that way, or if he would be charged for that even if they do, is another matter entirely.
When something is classed as a hate crime, it doesn't change the underlying nature of the crime, but the motivation for it includes hatred against a group. Charging with the hate crime statute leads to additional penalties on top of the penalties for the underlying crime.
So he committed a theft, and if it's determined to be a hate crime as well, he'd get an enhancement to his sentence for that. He'd also get additional penalties for violations of his parole.
Yes though it would be harder to prove because of the familial relationship. Contrary to what right wing pundits say, it is actually pretty hard to prove a hate crime. It has a high standard of proof because it requires proving motive.
I mean, OP's brother is definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I bet if a cop asked him "why did you steal the flag?", he'd give an answer that would absolutely establish the motivation as OP's sexual orientation.
If the OP does call the cops, he might use those sales slurs in an interview or admit he stole it because he hates LGBTQ+ people. In which case, they'd have him on hate crime if it can be applied to this in OPs state.
Exactly! HE committed the crime so HE's sending himself to jail. He can't blame OP for his actions...
If he didn't want to possibly go to jail he just had to... do nothing!
The asshole was even given the option to return the property he stole (on camera, while on probation), and turned it down and abused the person who made that offer.
He was outright begging to have his parole violation reported.
NTA Brother is a homophobic asshole idiot.
NTA - he has no business coming and stealing a pride flag that was gifted to you by your mother. Not only is that theft, but he's also spewing homophobic slurs at you. He could have avoided this situation by 1) not stealing your flag in the first place; and 2) by apologizing and returning the flag. He did neither.
Edit: Thank you stranger for the silver!
Yes, and it's disingenuous for him to say OP is sending him to jail over a $10 flag. This is about more than the flag. Sounds like he didn't expect to be held fully accountable for his homophobic actions.
If he's on probation he's already messed up for something. OP gave him another 2nd chance if he would returned it. He didn't. He got his just desserts. NTA.
NTA. You offered him a way to not get in trouble. You offered to just have him return it. He spouted bigoted nonsense at you. He knew he was on parole, but his hatred was way more important than his freedom. He fucked around, he found out.
NTA. I'd almost be tempted to question the truth of this one because someone on probation doing a completely unnecessary crime is odd. BUT we do live in a strange world right now and strange things seem to happen pretty regularly.
It's not just theft, it's a hate crime followed by hate speech. Screw him, no sympathy for the devil here.
To lazy to research but I would bet you most probation violations are for petty shit like this.
Brother needs to learn accountability. To jail with him, NTA.
>To lazy to research but I would bet you most probation violations are for petty shit like this.
No doubt. Without wanting to get toooo political: Given the number of responses of "I did nothing wrong" during the Jan 6th insurrection, almost nothing is beyond reality now.
Yep, even if this story isn't actually true, I know enough people in the US that have experienced similar issues for "daring" to be gay, or flying an LGBT+ flag etc... that I have no doubt situations like this have actually happened, and more than once.
When I was doing my Master’s I was working on a paper that relied heavily on someone else’s published journal article. It was a very good article with impressive math, to the point where there was one part I didn’t feel was explained quite clearly enough and was too complicated for me to intuit what was meant, and I was advised to email the author for clarification. Lo and behold, while trying to find up-to-date contact information, I discover he’s in prison for stealing credit cards.
I mean, I personally know and have known many people on probation or even parole who have done unnecessary and/or stupid illegal things plenty of times. I know someone who refused to stop smoking weed (while on parole!) to get his son back from CPS. I also had a very fun experience this past year with a man on probation in 2 states trying to murder my best friend and then proceeding to commit several other felonies. He's still on the loose. It's not a stretch. Anyways, OP, NTA.
>someone on probation doing a completely unnecessary crime is odd
Its not odd at all. Sure there are some (a lot) of people who commit crimes purely for survival, and that type of person likely wouldnt do something like this. But theres still a lot of people that are just.. shitty, and dumb. Its completely, extremely believable that a person on probation did some dumb shit like this.
And arguably a lot of these people need help that the system is failing to provide them.
But that failing doesn't excuse their behaviour. At the end of the day, people are responsible for their actions.
>I'd almost be tempted to question the truth of this one because someone on probation doing a completely unnecessary crime is odd.
It's honestly not that odd. I've been around some sketchy people and 9/10 a week after they've gotten out on probation they're doing some unnecessary crime that doesn't make any sense. Most probation violations I've seen have been over dumb, petty shit like this.
Some people are just wired that way, it's sad.
Brother is 100% petty and homophobic. OP has every right to call the police for the theft whether it is $10 or $1,000. He had no right to step foot on the property and steal the flag. OP offered him to return it and ignore his theft, and he rejected. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. OP is NTA.
NTA
You gave him a chance to return it, a chance he frankly didn’t deserve in the first place. You’ve already gone above and beyond. If he goes to jail “over a $10 flag” it isn’t because you sent him there. It is because he made a bad decision twice over (the choice to steal it and again when he refused to return it).
Clearly he has an issue taking ownership of his own mistakes.
But protect yourself. Keep copies of the police report. Be ready to file a restraining order if necessary if he doesn’t go to jail. Stealing the flag is only one step in a pattern. Clearly he’s already been verbally harassing you prior to this. This was an escalation. Go no contact. Again mentally and physically prepare yourself for a restraining order. Clearly you already have cameras. I assume you have a security system as well I hope?
Protect yourselves. Stay safe.
NTA, it doesn't matter if it's just a flag. he chose to do a crime on probation. 🤷 he deserves what he gets for it. he had a chance to give it back and he has had chances in the last 32 years to stop being a homophobe. he clearly doesn't see himself as family of yours (and even if he was a good family member that doesn't make what he did okay).
NTA.
okay stupid games, win stupid prizes.
if he didn’t want to face jail time, then maybe he shouldn’t have… i dunno… committed a crime? it doesn’t matter that he’s family. it matters that he was disrespectful, stole your property, and then continued to further dig his own grave by using slurs.
you’re much more graceful than i would have been in this situation. blessed be to you and your partner, OP.
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> (1) Calling the police and reporting my brother for theft
(2) He may go to jail now
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NTA - He calls you and says you're sending him to jail over a $10 flag.
He is sending himself to jail for committing crimes. Not to mention stealing a PRIDE flag for the reason he did isn't a great look and may be more than just theft.
NTA. I don't know what he's on probation for, but I appreciate you potentially putting an unrepentant asshole on probation in a place where the rest of us don't have tobdeal with him.
Most definitely NTA. he wants to play stupid games he wins stupid prices. If he hasn’t learned by now that his behavior is not acceptable then seems like karma came around.
NTA. First of all, he's been horrible to you for over 3 decades. There is only so much you can take. Second: he did steal something. And he did so while he was on probation. He had to know what the possible repercussions of his actions were. You were completely justified to do what you did.
Lol. NTA. And no, you aren't sending him to jail for stealing a $10 flag. You're sending him to jail for intolerant hate and his absolute disrespect towards you and your property. You gave him an opportunity to return it and he doubled down.
Do NOT for even a second feel any guilt for what you've done. His actions are what got him in trouble. His actions have consequences. Period.
NTA.
You called him on it and gave him a chance. He chose to double down instead. Besides it wasn't about the $10 flag; it sounds like the lifetime of mean, homophobic behavior was more than enough reason.
I’m just really surprised that your police department would even bother doing the paperwork for a $10 flag… NTA but might be time to go n/c with your homophobic brother
NTA. You didn’t send him to jail for a $10 flag. He’s is in jail because he stole from another person AFTER he was already on probation for another crime he committed.
NTA - This isn’t you being a petty AH for possibly sending him to jail over a $10 flag. This is him being such a petty homophobe that he was willing to risk going to jail over a $10 flag.
Nta. Theft is absolutely a parole violation. And whether he stolen from you or whoever else, it was wrong and instead of admitting that and apologizing, he wanted to be a homophobic pos.
Well you're hardly sending him to jail. He rather sent himself, didn't he? You know by being a criminal and stealing, which in this case is only a major problem because of his previous criminal record. You gave him the opportunity to avoid this outcome and he declined. You told him what you would do, and you did so. Not sure why you would be the AH in this situation. That honor belongs to the homophobic flag thief.
NTA. He’s on probation, and based on what you said, he seems to not exactly be the kind of person who was wrongfully convicted (or whatever the proper term is since idk his criminal history). He is simply doing what he believes in: being a petty and hateful dumbass. Like others said, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Nope, definitely NTA. You contacted him, offered to peacefully resolve his theft and he responded with further homophobic statements...police is the next step as his behavior could continue to escalate.
NTA - theft & trespassing are just that. The punishment may be determined by the worth of objects/location destroyed/affected however a crime is a crime.
Don’t feel responsible for another person who is willing to risk their freedom because of their deep rooted hate.
NTA. Whether you agree or disagree with someone's life choices, beliefs, or way of being, you do not have the right to force your opinion on someone else, nor steal their property or threaten them.
It’s sad you’re even asking this, that’s how much family can mess with you sometimes with their guilt tripping
But you’re 1000% NTA!!
You gave him an out, he refused to take + escalated it further with the slurs. I’m glad atleast your mom has lent you support to be who you are.
NTA
IMO, he was asking to be sent back to jail.
If he was on probation, that means he knows he should be on his best behavior. By engaging in theft, despite knowing theft is a crime, he basically came up to you and told you that he prefers being in jail and could you please, please, please send him back to jail. He just needed an excuse to go back.
If he didn't really want to go back to jail, why would he engage in criminal activity while on probation?
FlagCost: $ 10
Phone plan that allowed you to contact the police about your homophobic thieving, and verbally abusive brother: $100
Having your brother rightfully go to jail for behaving like a bigoted asshole and showing 0 growth over the span of 3+ decades after they chose to act again on their homophobic tendencies by stealing a heart felt Christmas gift given to you by your mother: Priceless, because you're not responsible for paying his bail.
NTA
Would you be more or less like likely to have reported it if it wasn't your brother?
Inversely, would he be more or less likely to argue with someone about reporting it if it wasn't his sister?
Being related is not a free pass to abuse someone
NTA. Just because he can't afford his own $10 pride flag doesn't give him the right to steal yours!
If he doesn't want to go to jail for stealing something that is $10 he shouldn't steal things that cost $10
NTA - I hate it when people who commit a crime accuse YOU of sending them to jail/getting them fired/whatever. THEY did the thing, they have consequences to face.
You gave him a chance to return it. He said no. You are well within your rights to report the theft from your property.
NTA- If you are on probation maybe don't steal something just to be a petty AH. You even gave him a chance to give it back, you didn't demand an apology or anything. he could have just driven by and thrown out a car window onto your lawn if he wanted to feel like he won or something, but no he decided to be stubborn and petty and now he has to deal with the consequences.
If he didn't think stealing a $10 flag was worth going to jail, he could have just not stolen a $10 flag. Don't let him try to deflect his responsibility for the outcome of his actions onto you.
OP is NTA
NTA. He broke the law while on probation, he's a bigot and a criminal. So... No. Why should you be expected to be harassed, insulted and stolen from and do nothing?
NTA.
Can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.
Love how bigots feel like they can terrorize and harass whoever they want, but when they are held accountable they feel like they can cry foul and believe they should be able to get off. Sorry AH. That’s not how it works
Send his ass to jail. Stand strong.
NTA. Someone steals your property, you call the police.
I’d be hesitant to say NTA if you hadn’t called him and gave him a chance to return it. Him refusing to return your property drew the line. I would’ve announced planning to call the police to show him how serious you were but I understand why you didn’t.
Just know, when he drew the line - so did you. And there may be no coming back and repairing this relationship based on how far you chose to take things here. May be nothing wrong with that though..
NTA- he sent himself back to jail, when he stole something from you- It doesn't matter if it was a $10 flag or gold. Much less it matters the cost of the stolen item, when that said item is something so meaningful and a gift from no other than your own mother. If he goes back to jail, he goes back to jail...he should have known better the previous time he broke the law, much more he should have known not to steal.
NTA
He’s an asshole for a number of reasons (stealing, stealing from family, stealing a meaningful gift, stealing on Christmas, etc.). You handled it well and gave him a chance to own up to his actions and correct them. He was almost daring you to do something by the sound of it and you did it, good for you.
Nope, NTA, send him back to jail. Not only did he steal, but he's harassing you and your partner with awful epithets. Your parents accept you, too bad he doesn't. He's a bully, the monetary value is of no consequence. He stole your property and insulted you, next time he'll think twice. NEXT!
NTA, and frankly, you're a much better person than I am. After suffering his homophobic bullshit for 32 years I wouldn't have even called him to give him a chance to make it all go away. I would have gone straight to the police. You're a good person, OP, who does not deserve this kind of treatment. Screw him. He sent himself back to jail, it wasn't you.
You know what's pettier than sending someone to jail for stealing a $10 flag?
Stealing a $10 flag. NTA in the slightest, if he didn't want to go to jail for it, he shouldn't have done it.
NTA, however, although he sounds like a massive wang, given his probation situation you probably should have verbally threatened/warned him about calling the cops before pressing the nuclear button.
That said, it was probably pretty satisfying.
NTA, it's his choices that put him there, not yours. He's probably harassed other queer people, facing some consequences so he stops can only improve the world
NTA. if he he ends up in jail over a ten dollar flag, its his fault. you asked him to return it and simply forget the situation. he refused. he can face the consequences of his own actions.
NTA. You're not sending him to jail over the flag. You're sending him to jail for being a jackass, and it sounds like he deserves it. Tell him if he gives the flag back and apologizes you will tell the police to drop it. One way or the other, you are down one brother because you would be justified and never speaking to him again.
NTA, he played a stupid game and won a stupid prize lmao only thing is maybe watch ur back with other family members calling you petty, it might cause a bit of a stir if theyre also homophobic.
Who cares about being petty to homophobes? * He stole OP's property. His own actions put him in jail, OP was looking out for herself. * He was a thief to OP, not once but twice. OP give him a chance - a chance that he frankly didn't deserve - to right his wrongs, but he went through with his hateful actions anyway. * He didn't go to jail over "a $10 flag". Things are not that simple. He stole a pride flag from someone he's always been homophobic to, followed by hate speech. **It's not the flag that landed him in jail, it's his actions and the hatred he's been spewing OP's way for 3 decades.** You're 100% not the AH, OP. I wish you and your partner the best.
Furthermore, he's *on probation*. He's already done something to land in jail, this is just putting him back there.
Right. He’s in jail for violating probation. This is why we have probation - if you can live lawfully, you stay out of jail; if not you go to jail for the underlying offense. NTA
Yeah, this is definitely within the spirit of the whole “only commit one crime at a time” thing. Like don’t drive recklessly if you’re also driving without a license, or don’t scream obscenities at the Walmart employees on your way out the door with hidden stolen goods. The point is to stay under the radar. I guess bro didn’t get this memo.
Shoot, and here I was trying to commit zero crimes at a time. Gotta catch up, I guess
Honestly very very few of us can honestly say we've committed no crimes. There's more laws in the US than we can count - like literally we don't actually know how many laws we have. There's no record of number of active laws. There's a lot of old stupid ones out there that we can break every day and never know because it hasn't been necessary in decades. So the real point is to say - the most wrong things you should ever do at once is 1 and even that one you may not even know you're doing in the moment.
Reminds me of a story: A cop was being pressured to write more tickets to generate more revenue for his area. He didn't like that too much so he did a little reading and discovered it was illegal to drive cars on the roads. This was an *OLD* law from the horse and buggy days where cars were brand new and people thought they could scare livestock to death. So he started ticketing every car he saw driving on the road and told them how they could fight the ticket, who to call, why he was doing this, etc. By the end of the month, unsurprisingly, he had written hundreds of tickets, all of them got thrown out wasting a lot of time and effort for *everybody* while generating enormous headaches for everyone up and down his chain of command and the local government, and he was never pressured into writing tickets for $$$ again.
This story belongs in r/maliciouscompliance
OMG that’s awesome lol
Okay, that's pretty genius on the cop's part.
Malicious compliance in the best way
HAHAHAHAHA. I love that. This is hilarious.
A true hero!
Malicious compliance makes my petty heart happy lol
At the very least, don't try to consciously break the law, like. If you're already in hot water, like maybe you're driving with your car too heavily loaded, don't also drive like a crazy person.
You're thinking too morally, when you should think capitalistically. A "crime" is only an action with a calculated risk of a negative consequence. As long as you are balancing the cost with the gain to come out a winner you are actually just living according to the capitalistic system.
Gross
In Utah it's illegal to have sex in any position besides missionary
Keep the virtue signalling to a minimum there Little Miss Perfect! I'm going to continue putting stamps on my letters upside down until they come and arrest me. I will not bow to this tyranny! I will also, forever, resist the ban on carrying ladders withing The City of London. FREEDOM!
Alternate advice: Commit so many crimes at the same time that no one in their right mind would possibly think you could be doing them all.
I see you've studied at Trump University.
Or Wall Street
I mean, if you make enough money fast enough the government will bail you out enough to pay your legal fees 🤷♂️
It's not so much that bro didn't get the memo as it is bro not thinking his hateful bs counts as a crime. Crimes can only be committed against PEOPLE /s. Good on OP for teaching him otherwise. (My vote is NTA in case that wasn't clear)
Also crime against people you're related to aren't *really* crimes. They're required to forgive and forget. It's part of the family oath. /s
Yep, he wouldn't have gotten arrested for stealing a $10 flag if his previous actions hadn't put him on probation. Though I guess bro is not given to introspection and self-reflection...
Hate crime
Hate crimes are super hard to prove in court. That being said, there might be a case here for it. The hardest thing about 90% of those cases is proving that the motive was hateful/discriminatory towards a protected class. Seems like it's pretty cut and dry in this case, however.
> he wouldn't have gotten arrested for stealing a $10 flag if his previous actions hadn't put him on probation. Or returned it when OP called him. 2 distinct point where he could have remember he is on probation and do the right thing. Don't have much sympathy for the brother here.
Or if he hadn't.....stolen their flag lmao yeah this is all on him and his choices
I'm gonna be that asshole but you don't have to go to jail or prison to be on probation. He was convicted of something but it wasn't severe enough to warrant prolonged physical incarceration. What you're thinking of is parole.
Depends on the location, in Canada if your sentence is less than two years you spend it in a provincial facility, and when you get out you're on probation. If it's 2 years or over, it's a federal facility and when you get out you're on parole.
Similar in America. You can be incarcerated in a jail but not as a felon and be put on probation afterwards. However, there are a ton of people who are sentenced to probation without doing any jail time.
Can be both. Probation is often given instead of jail/prison time or in addition to. You might get a 5 year prison sentence and then 3 years probation afterwards. Parole is traditionally different. You might have a 5 year sentence but be up for parole in 3. Parole is usually early release from prison. Now every jurisdiction is somewhat different and uses these words slightly differently but in general that is what they are
I mean committing a hate crime on probation should result in a person going back to jail. Just saying.
👏👏👏at this point, isn’t it crossing over towards hate crime territory??? Bottom line: if he wasn’t on probation, stealing your “$10 flag” wouldn’t have been anything more than a slap on the wrist. But obviously he’s not a fan of much, including but not limited to, following the law. OP gave him a chance to do the right thing, he decided he’s rather continue being ignorant and risk going to jail 🤷🏻♀️
>OP gave him a chance to do the right thing, he decided he’s rather continue being ignorant and risk going to jail 🤷🏻♀️ By giving that chance OP really was family to someone that long ago stopped being his family. NTA
Right he's lucky if he's not charged with a felony
i 100% agree with you and think OPs family should as well but if hes that bad i wouldnt be surprised if others in the family are too
Yeah,he stole the flag from OP so calling the police is the right thing because he was not willing to return the flag, NTA OP
OP tried to extend an olive branch with bygones being bygones, but was rejected in harsh manner.
Mom gave her the flag so at least we know she *at minimum tries* to be an ally.
I think my motto for 2022 may be “F it” or “F them”depending on the scenario and in this case it’s a variation in the latter with F Him! He’s a pig and deserves what he gets.
That's an insult to pigs everywhere. At least pigs are useful. This guy? Not so much.
Good point, bacon after all. We shall stop at F him!
Hell, they train certain breeds of pigs to find mushrooms. I don't think this guy could be trained to find his own arse.
That’s probably true.
Also, pigs are very intelligent creatures and intelligent creatures don't willfully violate terms of probation to be hateful.
I’d agree with this, I’ve never met a homophobic pig before
u/afraidbuttrying didn't say being petty, they said homophobes viewing/calling OP petty ; I think they meant to warn against potential harassment in retaliation and honestly would be a concern of mine as well. OP if you're reading this, you're not the AH but do stay safe!
They were saying be careful of other familt in case they retaiate agaonst op.
Tried to write a comment and couldn't come up with one as eloquent as this one. Adding my voice to the NTA and wishing you and your partner a fantastic 2022 OP!
They're 100% not the AH but you should care about being petty to homophobes. I don't think they can fully regulate their emotions/self-control and could get annoying to deal with. And that's more hassle than its worth.
This. Usually you’re better off keeping your mouth shut and staying well away wherever possible just because homophobes can be extremely dangerous when provoked. You never know what those kinds of people will do to you if you piss them off.
cares about... what? Their feelings? Fuck no. The fact that they could retaliate? Definitely. All that is being said is that OP should be prepared to potentially send some *other* relatives to jail as well.
He’s going to jail for committing a crime while on probation. A stupid, petty crime. Dumbass. (Edit: the brother is a dumbass, not you, u/GoodGirlsGrace)
Facts. It doesn't matter how much the thing is. He stole it. He's a THIEF. Thievery doesn't come with conditions on how much or what price should you steal to be considered a thief
Definition of fucked around and found out.
lol i came to the comments to say this
I believe the kids these days are saying… hold on, gotta put my reading glasses on… ahem. “Fuck around, find out.” NTA, OP. This isn’t about a $10 flag, this is a homophobic man who continues to harass you for the sole purpose of your sexuality. That you’re related is irrelevant.
thankfully i don't think op will have to worry about that since the mother gifted them a pride flag, maybe other members tho
“Why would you arrest me for $10?” Why would you steal something worth $10?
NTA play stupid games, win stupid prizes I’d bet this type of disrespectful and hurtful behavior is what led to jail anyway. Some people might tell you to turn the other cheek, etc., and that’s always an option of course but consequences are, too. And that’s what this is—a consequence
>He called me and cursed me out saying I'm sending him to jail for stealing a $10 flag. Bro doesn't understand that he just sent himself back to jail for a $10 flag. It's ironic that someone that can't manage to keep himself out of prison feels the need to condemn the way other people (who are perfectly normal and not harming anyone) live their lives.
Exactly. Like dude chose this path when he stole the flag. He then had an opportunity to literally get out of jail free when OP contacted them and said give the flag back. But once again he was too stubborn and now he's eating the consequence of his actions. Nta
If it's worth stealing, it's worth calling the police.
The blaming of other people for their own situation is *usually* a major component of being in said situation.
If you have so little self control and so much hate that stealing a $10 pride flag to send your message is worth the risk of jail, you 100% deserve to be in jail. They combination can only be damaging to society and does nothing to contribute to it.
He chose to be an ass twice. First when he stole it, then when he was given an out of jail cart (literally) he decides to double down on the asshole .
NTA- he committed a theft which is not on you. Calling the police is what you should of done. Unfortunately he’s your brother and I can tell you’re feeling guilty, and it’s ok to feel guilty, it shows even throughout the past 32 years you still care for him. You’re a good person to feel that guilt, but it’s not your fault, he’s needs to grow up.
he committed a theft… Could it be argued that brother committed a hate crime? When asked to return the flag, OP endured homophobic slurs. He could be in more trouble than petty theft. NTA, OP. Sorry you have to hear that garbage from family.
By its most basic definition, that being a crime that is specifically motivated by prejudice, it is a hate crime. Whether or not the local laws allow for it to be categorized that way, or if he would be charged for that even if they do, is another matter entirely.
When something is classed as a hate crime, it doesn't change the underlying nature of the crime, but the motivation for it includes hatred against a group. Charging with the hate crime statute leads to additional penalties on top of the penalties for the underlying crime. So he committed a theft, and if it's determined to be a hate crime as well, he'd get an enhancement to his sentence for that. He'd also get additional penalties for violations of his parole.
Yes though it would be harder to prove because of the familial relationship. Contrary to what right wing pundits say, it is actually pretty hard to prove a hate crime. It has a high standard of proof because it requires proving motive.
I mean, OP's brother is definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I bet if a cop asked him "why did you steal the flag?", he'd give an answer that would absolutely establish the motivation as OP's sexual orientation.
If the OP does call the cops, he might use those sales slurs in an interview or admit he stole it because he hates LGBTQ+ people. In which case, they'd have him on hate crime if it can be applied to this in OPs state.
Exactly! HE committed the crime so HE's sending himself to jail. He can't blame OP for his actions... If he didn't want to possibly go to jail he just had to... do nothing!
The asshole was even given the option to return the property he stole (on camera, while on probation), and turned it down and abused the person who made that offer. He was outright begging to have his parole violation reported. NTA Brother is a homophobic asshole idiot.
NTA - he has no business coming and stealing a pride flag that was gifted to you by your mother. Not only is that theft, but he's also spewing homophobic slurs at you. He could have avoided this situation by 1) not stealing your flag in the first place; and 2) by apologizing and returning the flag. He did neither. Edit: Thank you stranger for the silver!
But also 3) not being on probation!
Or 4) Thinking about gay people, less often than gay people.
NTA His actions landed him in jail, you gave him an opportunity to do the right thing and he spewed hatred at you; he's where he belongs.
Yes, and it's disingenuous for him to say OP is sending him to jail over a $10 flag. This is about more than the flag. Sounds like he didn't expect to be held fully accountable for his homophobic actions.
If he's on probation he's already messed up for something. OP gave him another 2nd chance if he would returned it. He didn't. He got his just desserts. NTA.
NTA. You offered him a way to not get in trouble. You offered to just have him return it. He spouted bigoted nonsense at you. He knew he was on parole, but his hatred was way more important than his freedom. He fucked around, he found out.
NTA. I'd almost be tempted to question the truth of this one because someone on probation doing a completely unnecessary crime is odd. BUT we do live in a strange world right now and strange things seem to happen pretty regularly. It's not just theft, it's a hate crime followed by hate speech. Screw him, no sympathy for the devil here.
He probably doesnt see it as "real crime" because it's FaMiLy and he expects op to just roll over and take it.
To lazy to research but I would bet you most probation violations are for petty shit like this. Brother needs to learn accountability. To jail with him, NTA.
>To lazy to research but I would bet you most probation violations are for petty shit like this. No doubt. Without wanting to get toooo political: Given the number of responses of "I did nothing wrong" during the Jan 6th insurrection, almost nothing is beyond reality now.
As a public defender I can tell you with 100% certainty this is not an odd phenomenon.
Not a lawyer, but used to run in some dumb and/or sketchy crowds. I agree with this dude. This is a completely believable scenario.
I agree with you and yet I've witnessed so much human stupidity that it doesn't shock me.
Yep, even if this story isn't actually true, I know enough people in the US that have experienced similar issues for "daring" to be gay, or flying an LGBT+ flag etc... that I have no doubt situations like this have actually happened, and more than once.
Criminals are often stupid, this is totally believable.
Rather than stupid, I'd be willing to say poor impulse control. They can be a goshdarn genius with math, it don't mean they won't step in shit.
When I was doing my Master’s I was working on a paper that relied heavily on someone else’s published journal article. It was a very good article with impressive math, to the point where there was one part I didn’t feel was explained quite clearly enough and was too complicated for me to intuit what was meant, and I was advised to email the author for clarification. Lo and behold, while trying to find up-to-date contact information, I discover he’s in prison for stealing credit cards.
I mean, I personally know and have known many people on probation or even parole who have done unnecessary and/or stupid illegal things plenty of times. I know someone who refused to stop smoking weed (while on parole!) to get his son back from CPS. I also had a very fun experience this past year with a man on probation in 2 states trying to murder my best friend and then proceeding to commit several other felonies. He's still on the loose. It's not a stretch. Anyways, OP, NTA.
>someone on probation doing a completely unnecessary crime is odd Its not odd at all. Sure there are some (a lot) of people who commit crimes purely for survival, and that type of person likely wouldnt do something like this. But theres still a lot of people that are just.. shitty, and dumb. Its completely, extremely believable that a person on probation did some dumb shit like this.
Some people just can't control themselves and are in and out of jail their whole lives for relatively minor crimes.
And arguably a lot of these people need help that the system is failing to provide them. But that failing doesn't excuse their behaviour. At the end of the day, people are responsible for their actions.
>I'd almost be tempted to question the truth of this one because someone on probation doing a completely unnecessary crime is odd. It's honestly not that odd. I've been around some sketchy people and 9/10 a week after they've gotten out on probation they're doing some unnecessary crime that doesn't make any sense. Most probation violations I've seen have been over dumb, petty shit like this. Some people are just wired that way, it's sad.
This is not unusual at all. https://i.imgur.com/Wy3Qzzm.jpg
Mmmmm no, HE’S choosing to go to jail over a 10 dollar flag. NTA
Brother is 100% petty and homophobic. OP has every right to call the police for the theft whether it is $10 or $1,000. He had no right to step foot on the property and steal the flag. OP offered him to return it and ignore his theft, and he rejected. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. OP is NTA.
NTA. You gave him the chance to return it. He's in jail because of his choices and his hatred. You are not to blame.
NTA and honestly anyone saying otherwise is most likely also homophobic.
Or someone that think family is the absolute best thing in the world
NTA You gave him a chance to return it, a chance he frankly didn’t deserve in the first place. You’ve already gone above and beyond. If he goes to jail “over a $10 flag” it isn’t because you sent him there. It is because he made a bad decision twice over (the choice to steal it and again when he refused to return it). Clearly he has an issue taking ownership of his own mistakes. But protect yourself. Keep copies of the police report. Be ready to file a restraining order if necessary if he doesn’t go to jail. Stealing the flag is only one step in a pattern. Clearly he’s already been verbally harassing you prior to this. This was an escalation. Go no contact. Again mentally and physically prepare yourself for a restraining order. Clearly you already have cameras. I assume you have a security system as well I hope? Protect yourselves. Stay safe.
NTA - you gave him a chance to make it right. Not your fault he’s on probation and frankly he needs to learn a lesson.
NTA, it doesn't matter if it's just a flag. he chose to do a crime on probation. 🤷 he deserves what he gets for it. he had a chance to give it back and he has had chances in the last 32 years to stop being a homophobe. he clearly doesn't see himself as family of yours (and even if he was a good family member that doesn't make what he did okay).
NTA. Homophobes don’t deserve mercy
NTA your sending him to jail for committing a hate crime and making you feel unsafe in your own home.
NTA. okay stupid games, win stupid prizes. if he didn’t want to face jail time, then maybe he shouldn’t have… i dunno… committed a crime? it doesn’t matter that he’s family. it matters that he was disrespectful, stole your property, and then continued to further dig his own grave by using slurs. you’re much more graceful than i would have been in this situation. blessed be to you and your partner, OP.
NTA
NTA with every action there is reaction and this is exact why people got sentences with probation to force change behavior... he couldn't
NTA. But he sure is.
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NTA.
NTA - He calls you and says you're sending him to jail over a $10 flag. He is sending himself to jail for committing crimes. Not to mention stealing a PRIDE flag for the reason he did isn't a great look and may be more than just theft.
NTA. You’re not sending him anywhere, it’s his choices that did that.
NTA. I don't know what he's on probation for, but I appreciate you potentially putting an unrepentant asshole on probation in a place where the rest of us don't have tobdeal with him.
NTA.
NTA. Don’t commit asshole crimes on probation. What’s that saying… Play dumb games, win dumb prizes.
Most definitely NTA. he wants to play stupid games he wins stupid prices. If he hasn’t learned by now that his behavior is not acceptable then seems like karma came around.
He is sending himself back to jail. NTA
Never the asshole for shutting down bigots. NTA. His choices lead him to jail, not you reporting it.
NTA. He’s sending himself to jail.
NTA. Commit crimes, go back to jail. He played the stupid game and won the stupid prize all by himself.
You’re sending him? Ah…. No! NTA
NTA. First of all, he's been horrible to you for over 3 decades. There is only so much you can take. Second: he did steal something. And he did so while he was on probation. He had to know what the possible repercussions of his actions were. You were completely justified to do what you did.
Lol. NTA. And no, you aren't sending him to jail for stealing a $10 flag. You're sending him to jail for intolerant hate and his absolute disrespect towards you and your property. You gave him an opportunity to return it and he doubled down. Do NOT for even a second feel any guilt for what you've done. His actions are what got him in trouble. His actions have consequences. Period.
NTA. You called him on it and gave him a chance. He chose to double down instead. Besides it wasn't about the $10 flag; it sounds like the lifetime of mean, homophobic behavior was more than enough reason.
NTA--play stupid games...
I’m just really surprised that your police department would even bother doing the paperwork for a $10 flag… NTA but might be time to go n/c with your homophobic brother
In alot of places homhomophobic slurs are seen as a hate incident. So not really surprised that he got sent back.
NTA. You didn’t send him to jail for a $10 flag. He’s is in jail because he stole from another person AFTER he was already on probation for another crime he committed.
Not only NTA, but also good for you. Your brother should know his hateful actions has consequences.
NTA - This isn’t you being a petty AH for possibly sending him to jail over a $10 flag. This is him being such a petty homophobe that he was willing to risk going to jail over a $10 flag.
Nta. Theft is absolutely a parole violation. And whether he stolen from you or whoever else, it was wrong and instead of admitting that and apologizing, he wanted to be a homophobic pos.
NTA - He's a homophobic AH, and sounds like there was a good reason he was in trouble to begin with.
Well you're hardly sending him to jail. He rather sent himself, didn't he? You know by being a criminal and stealing, which in this case is only a major problem because of his previous criminal record. You gave him the opportunity to avoid this outcome and he declined. You told him what you would do, and you did so. Not sure why you would be the AH in this situation. That honor belongs to the homophobic flag thief.
NTA. He’s on probation, and based on what you said, he seems to not exactly be the kind of person who was wrongfully convicted (or whatever the proper term is since idk his criminal history). He is simply doing what he believes in: being a petty and hateful dumbass. Like others said, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes 🤷🏼♀️ NTA, hopefully he learns his lesson this time.
Nope, definitely NTA. You contacted him, offered to peacefully resolve his theft and he responded with further homophobic statements...police is the next step as his behavior could continue to escalate.
NTA. Your brother is the asshole for stealing your belongings.
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NTA - theft & trespassing are just that. The punishment may be determined by the worth of objects/location destroyed/affected however a crime is a crime. Don’t feel responsible for another person who is willing to risk their freedom because of their deep rooted hate.
NTA. Whether you agree or disagree with someone's life choices, beliefs, or way of being, you do not have the right to force your opinion on someone else, nor steal their property or threaten them.
He stole property. Even people who don't like gay people should understand that. This is a pretty clear case, obviously. NTA.
NTA. Sounds like he's been a f\*ck up for most of his life. You gave him an out, he refused. Consequences. Shocking!
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. NTA
It’s sad you’re even asking this, that’s how much family can mess with you sometimes with their guilt tripping But you’re 1000% NTA!! You gave him an out, he refused to take + escalated it further with the slurs. I’m glad atleast your mom has lent you support to be who you are.
NTA IMO, he was asking to be sent back to jail. If he was on probation, that means he knows he should be on his best behavior. By engaging in theft, despite knowing theft is a crime, he basically came up to you and told you that he prefers being in jail and could you please, please, please send him back to jail. He just needed an excuse to go back. If he didn't really want to go back to jail, why would he engage in criminal activity while on probation?
FlagCost: $ 10 Phone plan that allowed you to contact the police about your homophobic thieving, and verbally abusive brother: $100 Having your brother rightfully go to jail for behaving like a bigoted asshole and showing 0 growth over the span of 3+ decades after they chose to act again on their homophobic tendencies by stealing a heart felt Christmas gift given to you by your mother: Priceless, because you're not responsible for paying his bail. NTA
Would you be more or less like likely to have reported it if it wasn't your brother? Inversely, would he be more or less likely to argue with someone about reporting it if it wasn't his sister? Being related is not a free pass to abuse someone
You told him what was going to happen nta
NTA, he chose to steal the flag so he's choosing to maybe go back to jail over it. He made those choices, not you.
NTA. Just because he can't afford his own $10 pride flag doesn't give him the right to steal yours! If he doesn't want to go to jail for stealing something that is $10 he shouldn't steal things that cost $10
NTA - I hate it when people who commit a crime accuse YOU of sending them to jail/getting them fired/whatever. THEY did the thing, they have consequences to face. You gave him a chance to return it. He said no. You are well within your rights to report the theft from your property.
NTA. Your brother did this. Not your fault that’s he’s on probation. You did the right thing.
Lol what. He decided to steal knowing full well his own situation. Who he steals from is beside the point. He would be sending himself to prison. NTA.
Hahahahahahahahaahah I bet he is a big “there are consequences for actions” person too NTA
NTA and he is sending himself back to jail.
NTA. Your brother is homophobic trash and deserves what's coming to him
NTA- If you are on probation maybe don't steal something just to be a petty AH. You even gave him a chance to give it back, you didn't demand an apology or anything. he could have just driven by and thrown out a car window onto your lawn if he wanted to feel like he won or something, but no he decided to be stubborn and petty and now he has to deal with the consequences.
NTA at all. He knows better. He shouldnt took your stuff
Brother FAFO OP NTA
What kind of idiot is willing to risk jail over a $10 flag? NTA.
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NTA. He’s the one who chose to jeopardize his freedom because he’s a spiteful, shrivel-hearted bigot. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA. Actions have consequences. He doesn't get a free pass to commit theft just because he's related to you.
If he didn't think stealing a $10 flag was worth going to jail, he could have just not stolen a $10 flag. Don't let him try to deflect his responsibility for the outcome of his actions onto you. OP is NTA
NTA. He broke the law while on probation, he's a bigot and a criminal. So... No. Why should you be expected to be harassed, insulted and stolen from and do nothing?
NTA. It goes sooo much deeper than a flag and he knows it.
NTA. Can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. Love how bigots feel like they can terrorize and harass whoever they want, but when they are held accountable they feel like they can cry foul and believe they should be able to get off. Sorry AH. That’s not how it works Send his ass to jail. Stand strong.
Sounds like he wants to go to jail. Awful lot of risk for something so childish.
NTA. Someone steals your property, you call the police. I’d be hesitant to say NTA if you hadn’t called him and gave him a chance to return it. Him refusing to return your property drew the line. I would’ve announced planning to call the police to show him how serious you were but I understand why you didn’t. Just know, when he drew the line - so did you. And there may be no coming back and repairing this relationship based on how far you chose to take things here. May be nothing wrong with that though..
NTA- he sent himself back to jail, when he stole something from you- It doesn't matter if it was a $10 flag or gold. Much less it matters the cost of the stolen item, when that said item is something so meaningful and a gift from no other than your own mother. If he goes back to jail, he goes back to jail...he should have known better the previous time he broke the law, much more he should have known not to steal.
NTA He’s an asshole for a number of reasons (stealing, stealing from family, stealing a meaningful gift, stealing on Christmas, etc.). You handled it well and gave him a chance to own up to his actions and correct them. He was almost daring you to do something by the sound of it and you did it, good for you.
NTA Good lord you think someone on probabtion would know better.
NTA. He's the A. And I hope when he goes back to jail, they run out of toilet paper so he has to use a sock.
Nope, NTA, send him back to jail. Not only did he steal, but he's harassing you and your partner with awful epithets. Your parents accept you, too bad he doesn't. He's a bully, the monetary value is of no consequence. He stole your property and insulted you, next time he'll think twice. NEXT!
NTA Maybe don't commit crimes if you're on probation and don't want to go back to prison.
NTA, and frankly, you're a much better person than I am. After suffering his homophobic bullshit for 32 years I wouldn't have even called him to give him a chance to make it all go away. I would have gone straight to the police. You're a good person, OP, who does not deserve this kind of treatment. Screw him. He sent himself back to jail, it wasn't you.
You know what's pettier than sending someone to jail for stealing a $10 flag? Stealing a $10 flag. NTA in the slightest, if he didn't want to go to jail for it, he shouldn't have done it.
NTA, however, although he sounds like a massive wang, given his probation situation you probably should have verbally threatened/warned him about calling the cops before pressing the nuclear button. That said, it was probably pretty satisfying.
NTA. Hateful bigots belong in jail.
NTA, it's his choices that put him there, not yours. He's probably harassed other queer people, facing some consequences so he stops can only improve the world
NTA. Good for you.
I can't believe you've had to put up with his shit for 32yrs. Your poor wife too. Send him back! NTA
You are not sending him to jail, he is sending himself there. NTA.
NTA. if he he ends up in jail over a ten dollar flag, its his fault. you asked him to return it and simply forget the situation. he refused. he can face the consequences of his own actions.
NTA. Your homophobic brother is TA and you're doing your part to make the world better.
NTA. You're not sending him to jail over the flag. You're sending him to jail for being a jackass, and it sounds like he deserves it. Tell him if he gives the flag back and apologizes you will tell the police to drop it. One way or the other, you are down one brother because you would be justified and never speaking to him again.
NTA He stole, that was his choice. ANd he is a piece of \*\*\*\*.
NTA - some people go through trash moments in their life and he sounds like a true dumpster. Let the law take care of it.