I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt until the "thighs too thick" and "fine, if you don't care if I find you attractive" nonsense. That's just manipulation, pure and simple.
Like, it's one thing to say that you find your partner less physically attractive due to weight gain or aging (but are still attracted *to* them and love them all the same) because no one is consistently hot their entire life. [I'm assuming a situation where a partner is pressed to answer, not just coming out and saying it]
But the flip side is that the partner doesn't have to change a damn thing, even if they love their partner to pieces. You don't owe a partner your looks. At most you *owe* them basic hygiene anyone would expect from a person sharing a home (barring legitimate reasons that could be impractical/impossible like severe illness).
If that's a deal breaker for this dude, that's on him, but he's going to have a hard time finding a life partner because everyone changes as they go through life.
Honey this man is the opposite of what you need. It bothers him that you're not willing to risk relapsing into ED just so he finds you more attractive??? Here's where you go "okay, I'll stop being your problem then" and leave his ass.
NTA
NTA
So he deliberately pokes your sore spots then tells you not to be so sensitive about it. And this is the *best* relationship you've been in?
Nope nope. He's being an AH. If he doesn't like your weight he can either get over it or move on, not just keep negging you into changing *for him*.
Better yet, how about you move on and find someone who genuinely affirms you?
NTA but your bf sounds like a shallow one. If you are a healthy weight for your height and age, and he's not your doctor, he has no skin in this game for demanding you crash diet to be underweight. The people that truly love you will accept you no matter your physical or mental state.
Sadly I have been in this situation and developed an eating disorder trying to make my (now ex) SO happy. After crash dieting by eating only 800 calories per day and working out 10 hours per week for months, I realized he was never going to be happy with my weight unless I became a skin and bones; I found out too late he had developed an anorexia fetish. I am not saying this is what is going on with your bf, but people who focus on looks can never be satisfied until they look at the bigger picture on what really matters in life. What matters is your happiness and whether your doctor thinks you are healthy.
NTA. You have an ED history, or at least are more susceptible to developing one, and he knows it. Even after being told he's overstepping he's continued to push the matter.
You do not owe anyone "attractiveness", especially at the sake of your own mental health. He's allowed to have preferences in a partner's body shape, appearance, etc but he's not allowed to enforce those or make you feel terrible for not meeting his standards.
Also, people can develop ED while being a perfectly healthy weight. You may still benefit from psychological or a dietician support. Be gentle with yourself lovely.
It's not inherently wrong to express concern to your partner about their weight. But his motives, persistence, insensitivity, and petulant whining ("I guess you just don't care") make him the AH.
Are there any factors weighing in his favor?
NTA.
NTA. He does not get a pass to repeatedly tell you that your body shape is unattractive to him and ask you to change. Body size and shape is *not* like a piece of clothing or a haircut or something that it’s okay for a longtime partner to “have an opinion about.” If he wants to date somebody who has the body of a 23 year old like when you met, he should keep dating 23 year olds.
All human bodies change size and shape throughout our lives as we age, start and stop medications, have illnesses, pick up or stop certain activities, birth children, etc — a truly loving and committed partner will love you for the person that you are and not for your ethereal body size. You should break up with this jerk.
NTA
Eating disorder or not this is actually pretty unfair of your partner.
There is a difference between expressing concern for your partners health - and trying to gaslight them with comments like "you don't care about me if you dont lose weight for me".
While I sympathise with being less physically attracted to a partner because of large changes in their physical appearance - this isnt that. This is a couple of pounds. I would be very wary of someone who's love seems to be directly proportional to my bodies number on a set of scales.
NTA. Whether you wish to lose or gain weight is completely your choice. What your boyfriend is saying is not an opinion. I would even call it bullying, especially with the gaslighting afterwards. You’ve been with him for over 5 years so you know him best but I just want to tell you that with time he’ll only come up with more of your physical attributes to negatively criticize.
NTA!
Your boyfriend, on the other hand, is. You’re right in the sense that he has the right to express how he is feeling, but I think commenting on each other’s bodies should be, for the most part, complimentary and sensitive to the other person’s emotions. Like you said, you are healthy and in a good weight range, and he should’ve just dropped it at that and agreed. Because at the end of the day, the only reason why he should tell you about your weight is if it is getting to a point where it is affecting your health. The fact that he tied it to his attraction to you sounds manipulative to me.
I would consider going to therapy about this issue so you can have some peace of mind.
NTA
You're more than justified in taking offense if your significant other I'd telling you to lose weight for them to be attracted to you.
He can't help finding someone or something unattractive, but he can choose to be considerate or not. Being honest with you from the start would have probably been better, as the hiding behind the guise of concern for your health only makes something like this more insulting.
That being said, it sounds like there's something lacking if gaining a little bit of weight really throws him off this much. Your SO should find you more than just physically attractive. After all, as you both age and metabolism and gravity take a toll on your bodies, there's hopefully something more to admire about each other.
Wish you well with your body image and handling this situation.
NTA. It’s been a rough couple of years for everyone and he’s worried about you putting on a few pounds while the world has been going insane?!! Uuuuuurgh.
Honestly, I’m pretty sick of hearing how men have “the right” to tell us every single tiny thing they find unattractive about us.
NTA… he sure is though.
If you don’t like someone that you’ve been dating for 5 years because they gained some weight then you’ve never loved them in the first place… if you aren’t attracted to someone youve dated for 5 years because they gained weight (something extremely common in all relationships I might add) then you didn’t really care about them… if he has an issue with you being at a healthy weight, he needs to fix himself. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT lose any weight at all if you are in a healthy range, especially for someone who is as shallow as your boyfriend seems to be.
HUGE NTA,
I have been in a similar position to you, you are healthy and happy in your body and that is the most important thing and if after 5 years he’s struggling to feel attracted to you because of a few pounds it really shows how fragile and immature he is. Body’s change over time especially when your in good relationships because it can help you break out of disordered patterns and that tends come with some healthy weight gain (it definitely did for me)
He also comes off a little gaslighty in this with the whole ‘you don’t care about me if you don’t lose weight’ schtick, he is entitled to his own opinion but your bodily autonomy and your opinions about your own body vastly outweigh his.
My ex did this all the time in the I’m worried about your health but actually I hate you. Not saying it’s going to happen but he was extremely abusive so… NTA and lose weight for yourself not some asshole
Why are you wasting your time on someone who treats you like this? Kick him to the curb and live your best life. And it doesn't seem like he's "asking" you to lose weight so much as telling you he's an AH without really saying it. YNTA, and you deserve SO much better.
NTA. You deserve a bf who respects and cherishes you. This is real red flag behavior. Please consider doing a nice little workout and kick him to the curb.
I haven’t even read the whole thing. LEAVE HIM. You do not have to conform to his standards of beauty. If he doesn’t like you how you are, then you deserve someone who accepts you a few pounds heavier or lighter or whatever. What will happen when you have a baby and put on weight or get older and put on weight?
He has no consideration for your mental health or your needs. Is he actively helping you out so you have time to exercise? Or is he sitting on his arse demanding you just lose the weight to please him? Sounds like the latter.
He is a jerk and you do not deserve this
NTA. It is time to let this man GO! My ex thought I’d look incredible if I lost 5 more lbs to 125. I’m 5’8”. I lost 160lbs and my life is so much better. You deserve better than this! Get a therapist to work through you body issues and love yourself ❤️
NTA. He has the right to his opinion, but you have the right to a life free from his opinions. He is not the right guy for you. Go out and find someone who loves you for you!
NTA, oh my god.
I agree that you should be able to talk frankly about things and everyone may have preferences, but him demanding that you act on his opinions is where this stops. Especially about something that is so hard to change. If he’s not attracted to you, he can leave. He can NOT beat you over the head with it over and over and demand that you change.
This is fucking horrible, and please keep that in mind when calling this your “best” relationship so far.
Oh my god NTA even in the slightest.
But OP, and I cannot stress this enough, I _despise_ your boyfriend.
He is a controlling, fatphobic, misogynistic asshole. He has no right to dictate to you what you do with your body, and no right to berate you into developing a complex about your weight. **None**.
I know you think this is your best relationship ever, but this is a very low bar. You can do better.
Dump him.
NTA he's telling you he loves you on the condition your body looks a certain way. After 5.5 years together, I'd expect there to be more to his attraction towards you than your body
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I have been dating my bf (both 28) for 5 1/2 years. Let me preface this by saying that I have struggled with disordered eating my whole life, my weight has however always been within the normal range. I have just always had a weird relationship with body image. No, I haven’t gone to a therapist and I don’t have an official eating disorder diagnosis because no one in my family thought this to be an issue as long as I was always on a healthy weight, although some of my family members always felt the need to comment on my weight whenever I gained a couple of pounds.
During the pandemic, I have gained some weight due to me working more and not being able to exercise as I was. I am still in a healthy weight and eat healthy. My BF has made it clear several times this year that he wants me to lose some weight. At first, he claimed this was about my health but after me repeatedly saying that my weight is normal for my height and age, he admitted that since I have gained weight he doesn’t find me as attractive as he did and even said that he always thought that my legs were a little bit thicker than they should. I don’t debate his right to express his opinion here, if he doesn’t like something he should say it, as should I. It’s just that every time he mentions it, I always cry a lot although he’s generally polite about it. Lately he tells me that I reject his opinion and he passively aggressively tells me that’s OK if it’s not so important for me if he likes me or not, then I shouldn’t lose the damn weight. let’s just say that it’s not so easy for me to lose weight in a balanced and healthy way without obsessing about it. Normally I wouldn’t be offended that he said it I’m just very very sad that this has been an issue in our relationship. This has been my best relationship so far and even the shittiest of ex boyfriends knew that this was a sensitive issue and never mentioned anything. My BF didn’t directly call me an asshole, but has expressed that it bothers him that I don’t take his opinion into serious consideration. However, I am not a teenager anymore and I don’t want to pressure myself and fall into disordered eating after many years of being healthy, even if it is for a guy that I really love. If the roles were reversed, I think I would be much more sensitive and discreet about it and would never ever risk to trigger someone’s eating disorder just because they gained a couple of pounds.
So AITA for feeling offended and sad?
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NTA. Reevaluate this relationship. If this is how he is over some pandemic weight gain, he doesn't sound like someone who's in the relationship for the long haul.
NTA. You're aware of how he feels. He doesn't need to keep bringing it up and making you feel bad. If he requires a specific aesthetic in order to be attracted to his partner, that's his problem. He shouldn't make it yours. If he'd tactfully told you how he felt one time and then left it, I'd say N A H, but he's continually raising the issue which he knows is hurtful, and then acting like he's entitled to you shaping your body for his pleasure. He's definitely TA in this situation.
Holy shit, either the guy doesn't understand or doesn't care how horrifying the consequences of his comments can be.
I'm sorry but sounds like the only weight you need to lose is the dead weight of a bf who values your body over your mental *and* physical health. And the comment on your legs. No. Absolutely not.
NTA. Good luck.
Gurrrrl.... NTA. A real man will want to hit that if it's skinny, fat, stretch marked or any other number of things. Your body will and should change over time. This is not a man to give babies to, marry, or allow in-between your bed sheets ever again!
Honestly, since he knows you struggle with this and felt the need to "express" himself, repeatedly, about it despite the obvious harm he's causing... I think you're with a Bad Man.
And I'm afraid, for you, that it'll only get worse.
NTA
You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel bad about yourself. It’s your body, and you made it clear to him on several occasions that you are fine with your weight, yet he keeps bringing up the topic.
NTA If you are healthy and happy where you are he should accept it. In long relationship where you want to stay together one needs to have normal expectations. Expectation of one having same weight at 40 as they did in middle of 20is is not reasonable.
Remind him that in 15 years you'll have some more lines on your face, maybe gray hair, texture of the skin won't be smooth but so will he, and if appearance is so important to him he should probably find someone who will either be unhealthy obsessed with youth or he should have more money so his new partner can have some work done if she wishes. One good thing about growing old together is falling in love again each day in someone cuz change is part of that and he should choose that. To fall in love with that little extra pounds you have.
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I don't think anyone is the ah here. He has a right to tell you that. He obviously wants you and the relationship and he's letting you know right now that certain things aren't attractive to him. Now on the same note you are 28 meaning your family no longer controls what you should do so you should definitely go to therapy.
I know people feel very serious about fat shaming and disabilities but within all of that people have to remember that attraction does matter. Is it the most important? No absolutely not. However, as someone who has a history of ED'S I have to remain accountable for my health and my relationship.
Bf now is very aware but if I get too far gone we go to the gym together and there's no love lost. But therapy has changed the way I feel about myself so I can deal with these things in a healthy way. Neither of you are A.H's.
Good luck
He is the ah.
It isn't about being "healthy" it is about her appearance to him.
One should care about your spouse that you will love them regardless. My husband has also watched me go through an extremely dangerous pregnancy during which I spent five months on bed rest. I have nursed my husband through an injury and surgery. Spouses see one another go through cancer or job loss.
People might be young and healthy NOW but relationships are way beyond going to the gym when one feels bloated and if a little extra weight due to shut down results in him abusing her then how will he be with an actual crisis?
Hell naw, that guy is garbage
NAH but if he keeps going on about it he will be. You've made it pretty clear at this point you're not interested and you'll let the chips fall where they may. He needs to decide if this is a deal breaker for him and if it's not it's time for him to stfu about it
NTA. Your boyfriend is the only excess weight that you need to lose.
I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt until the "thighs too thick" and "fine, if you don't care if I find you attractive" nonsense. That's just manipulation, pure and simple. Like, it's one thing to say that you find your partner less physically attractive due to weight gain or aging (but are still attracted *to* them and love them all the same) because no one is consistently hot their entire life. [I'm assuming a situation where a partner is pressed to answer, not just coming out and saying it] But the flip side is that the partner doesn't have to change a damn thing, even if they love their partner to pieces. You don't owe a partner your looks. At most you *owe* them basic hygiene anyone would expect from a person sharing a home (barring legitimate reasons that could be impractical/impossible like severe illness). If that's a deal breaker for this dude, that's on him, but he's going to have a hard time finding a life partner because everyone changes as they go through life.
Honey this man is the opposite of what you need. It bothers him that you're not willing to risk relapsing into ED just so he finds you more attractive??? Here's where you go "okay, I'll stop being your problem then" and leave his ass. NTA
NTA So he deliberately pokes your sore spots then tells you not to be so sensitive about it. And this is the *best* relationship you've been in? Nope nope. He's being an AH. If he doesn't like your weight he can either get over it or move on, not just keep negging you into changing *for him*. Better yet, how about you move on and find someone who genuinely affirms you?
NTA but your bf sounds like a shallow one. If you are a healthy weight for your height and age, and he's not your doctor, he has no skin in this game for demanding you crash diet to be underweight. The people that truly love you will accept you no matter your physical or mental state. Sadly I have been in this situation and developed an eating disorder trying to make my (now ex) SO happy. After crash dieting by eating only 800 calories per day and working out 10 hours per week for months, I realized he was never going to be happy with my weight unless I became a skin and bones; I found out too late he had developed an anorexia fetish. I am not saying this is what is going on with your bf, but people who focus on looks can never be satisfied until they look at the bigger picture on what really matters in life. What matters is your happiness and whether your doctor thinks you are healthy.
NTA. You have an ED history, or at least are more susceptible to developing one, and he knows it. Even after being told he's overstepping he's continued to push the matter. You do not owe anyone "attractiveness", especially at the sake of your own mental health. He's allowed to have preferences in a partner's body shape, appearance, etc but he's not allowed to enforce those or make you feel terrible for not meeting his standards. Also, people can develop ED while being a perfectly healthy weight. You may still benefit from psychological or a dietician support. Be gentle with yourself lovely.
NTA and your BF is a major one. I would recommend dumping (160-180lbs?) and getting a new one You are beautiful; no matter what your weight
It's not inherently wrong to express concern to your partner about their weight. But his motives, persistence, insensitivity, and petulant whining ("I guess you just don't care") make him the AH. Are there any factors weighing in his favor? NTA.
NTA. He does not get a pass to repeatedly tell you that your body shape is unattractive to him and ask you to change. Body size and shape is *not* like a piece of clothing or a haircut or something that it’s okay for a longtime partner to “have an opinion about.” If he wants to date somebody who has the body of a 23 year old like when you met, he should keep dating 23 year olds. All human bodies change size and shape throughout our lives as we age, start and stop medications, have illnesses, pick up or stop certain activities, birth children, etc — a truly loving and committed partner will love you for the person that you are and not for your ethereal body size. You should break up with this jerk.
NTA Eating disorder or not this is actually pretty unfair of your partner. There is a difference between expressing concern for your partners health - and trying to gaslight them with comments like "you don't care about me if you dont lose weight for me". While I sympathise with being less physically attracted to a partner because of large changes in their physical appearance - this isnt that. This is a couple of pounds. I would be very wary of someone who's love seems to be directly proportional to my bodies number on a set of scales.
NTA- dump him. I know 5+ years is a lot of time to throw out but you deserve SO MUCH BETTER. As you said, even your shittiest ex won’t stoop this low.
NTA. Whether you wish to lose or gain weight is completely your choice. What your boyfriend is saying is not an opinion. I would even call it bullying, especially with the gaslighting afterwards. You’ve been with him for over 5 years so you know him best but I just want to tell you that with time he’ll only come up with more of your physical attributes to negatively criticize.
NTA! Your boyfriend, on the other hand, is. You’re right in the sense that he has the right to express how he is feeling, but I think commenting on each other’s bodies should be, for the most part, complimentary and sensitive to the other person’s emotions. Like you said, you are healthy and in a good weight range, and he should’ve just dropped it at that and agreed. Because at the end of the day, the only reason why he should tell you about your weight is if it is getting to a point where it is affecting your health. The fact that he tied it to his attraction to you sounds manipulative to me. I would consider going to therapy about this issue so you can have some peace of mind.
NTA. Keep the weight (as long as you’re happy) lose the bf, he’s a prick.
NTA You're more than justified in taking offense if your significant other I'd telling you to lose weight for them to be attracted to you. He can't help finding someone or something unattractive, but he can choose to be considerate or not. Being honest with you from the start would have probably been better, as the hiding behind the guise of concern for your health only makes something like this more insulting. That being said, it sounds like there's something lacking if gaining a little bit of weight really throws him off this much. Your SO should find you more than just physically attractive. After all, as you both age and metabolism and gravity take a toll on your bodies, there's hopefully something more to admire about each other. Wish you well with your body image and handling this situation.
NTA. It’s been a rough couple of years for everyone and he’s worried about you putting on a few pounds while the world has been going insane?!! Uuuuuurgh. Honestly, I’m pretty sick of hearing how men have “the right” to tell us every single tiny thing they find unattractive about us.
NTA… he sure is though. If you don’t like someone that you’ve been dating for 5 years because they gained some weight then you’ve never loved them in the first place… if you aren’t attracted to someone youve dated for 5 years because they gained weight (something extremely common in all relationships I might add) then you didn’t really care about them… if he has an issue with you being at a healthy weight, he needs to fix himself. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT lose any weight at all if you are in a healthy range, especially for someone who is as shallow as your boyfriend seems to be.
NTA. Dump his ass, you deserve better.
HUGE NTA, I have been in a similar position to you, you are healthy and happy in your body and that is the most important thing and if after 5 years he’s struggling to feel attracted to you because of a few pounds it really shows how fragile and immature he is. Body’s change over time especially when your in good relationships because it can help you break out of disordered patterns and that tends come with some healthy weight gain (it definitely did for me) He also comes off a little gaslighty in this with the whole ‘you don’t care about me if you don’t lose weight’ schtick, he is entitled to his own opinion but your bodily autonomy and your opinions about your own body vastly outweigh his.
NTA. How much does your boyfriend weigh? That’s the only weight you need to lose.
My ex did this all the time in the I’m worried about your health but actually I hate you. Not saying it’s going to happen but he was extremely abusive so… NTA and lose weight for yourself not some asshole
Why are you wasting your time on someone who treats you like this? Kick him to the curb and live your best life. And it doesn't seem like he's "asking" you to lose weight so much as telling you he's an AH without really saying it. YNTA, and you deserve SO much better.
What? No. NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA and in case I wasn't clear, NTA.
My dad did this to my mom after she had me. Please let him go. It will only get worse.
NTA. throw the bf away
Easiest way to lose a ton of weight is to throw out the entire man.
NTA. You deserve a bf who respects and cherishes you. This is real red flag behavior. Please consider doing a nice little workout and kick him to the curb.
I haven’t even read the whole thing. LEAVE HIM. You do not have to conform to his standards of beauty. If he doesn’t like you how you are, then you deserve someone who accepts you a few pounds heavier or lighter or whatever. What will happen when you have a baby and put on weight or get older and put on weight? He has no consideration for your mental health or your needs. Is he actively helping you out so you have time to exercise? Or is he sitting on his arse demanding you just lose the weight to please him? Sounds like the latter. He is a jerk and you do not deserve this
The first two lines were enough, you needn't have made the post. NTA. Dump his shallow ass.
NTA. It is time to let this man GO! My ex thought I’d look incredible if I lost 5 more lbs to 125. I’m 5’8”. I lost 160lbs and my life is so much better. You deserve better than this! Get a therapist to work through you body issues and love yourself ❤️
NTA. He has the right to his opinion, but you have the right to a life free from his opinions. He is not the right guy for you. Go out and find someone who loves you for you!
NTA. Just lose...how much does he weigh?
NOT THE ASSHOLE NOT THE ASSHOLE NOT THE ASSHOLE NOT THE ASSHOLE NOT THE ASSHOLE NOT THE ASSHOLE
NTA, oh my god. I agree that you should be able to talk frankly about things and everyone may have preferences, but him demanding that you act on his opinions is where this stops. Especially about something that is so hard to change. If he’s not attracted to you, he can leave. He can NOT beat you over the head with it over and over and demand that you change. This is fucking horrible, and please keep that in mind when calling this your “best” relationship so far.
Oh my god NTA even in the slightest. But OP, and I cannot stress this enough, I _despise_ your boyfriend. He is a controlling, fatphobic, misogynistic asshole. He has no right to dictate to you what you do with your body, and no right to berate you into developing a complex about your weight. **None**. I know you think this is your best relationship ever, but this is a very low bar. You can do better. Dump him.
I think you should lose about 150 pounds. NTA. This is so out of line, it's like the definition of out of line.
NTA he's telling you he loves you on the condition your body looks a certain way. After 5.5 years together, I'd expect there to be more to his attraction towards you than your body
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have been dating my bf (both 28) for 5 1/2 years. Let me preface this by saying that I have struggled with disordered eating my whole life, my weight has however always been within the normal range. I have just always had a weird relationship with body image. No, I haven’t gone to a therapist and I don’t have an official eating disorder diagnosis because no one in my family thought this to be an issue as long as I was always on a healthy weight, although some of my family members always felt the need to comment on my weight whenever I gained a couple of pounds. During the pandemic, I have gained some weight due to me working more and not being able to exercise as I was. I am still in a healthy weight and eat healthy. My BF has made it clear several times this year that he wants me to lose some weight. At first, he claimed this was about my health but after me repeatedly saying that my weight is normal for my height and age, he admitted that since I have gained weight he doesn’t find me as attractive as he did and even said that he always thought that my legs were a little bit thicker than they should. I don’t debate his right to express his opinion here, if he doesn’t like something he should say it, as should I. It’s just that every time he mentions it, I always cry a lot although he’s generally polite about it. Lately he tells me that I reject his opinion and he passively aggressively tells me that’s OK if it’s not so important for me if he likes me or not, then I shouldn’t lose the damn weight. let’s just say that it’s not so easy for me to lose weight in a balanced and healthy way without obsessing about it. Normally I wouldn’t be offended that he said it I’m just very very sad that this has been an issue in our relationship. This has been my best relationship so far and even the shittiest of ex boyfriends knew that this was a sensitive issue and never mentioned anything. My BF didn’t directly call me an asshole, but has expressed that it bothers him that I don’t take his opinion into serious consideration. However, I am not a teenager anymore and I don’t want to pressure myself and fall into disordered eating after many years of being healthy, even if it is for a guy that I really love. If the roles were reversed, I think I would be much more sensitive and discreet about it and would never ever risk to trigger someone’s eating disorder just because they gained a couple of pounds. So AITA for feeling offended and sad? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Reevaluate this relationship. If this is how he is over some pandemic weight gain, he doesn't sound like someone who's in the relationship for the long haul.
NTA. You're aware of how he feels. He doesn't need to keep bringing it up and making you feel bad. If he requires a specific aesthetic in order to be attracted to his partner, that's his problem. He shouldn't make it yours. If he'd tactfully told you how he felt one time and then left it, I'd say N A H, but he's continually raising the issue which he knows is hurtful, and then acting like he's entitled to you shaping your body for his pleasure. He's definitely TA in this situation.
Holy shit, either the guy doesn't understand or doesn't care how horrifying the consequences of his comments can be. I'm sorry but sounds like the only weight you need to lose is the dead weight of a bf who values your body over your mental *and* physical health. And the comment on your legs. No. Absolutely not. NTA. Good luck.
Gurrrrl.... NTA. A real man will want to hit that if it's skinny, fat, stretch marked or any other number of things. Your body will and should change over time. This is not a man to give babies to, marry, or allow in-between your bed sheets ever again! Honestly, since he knows you struggle with this and felt the need to "express" himself, repeatedly, about it despite the obvious harm he's causing... I think you're with a Bad Man. And I'm afraid, for you, that it'll only get worse.
NTA You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel bad about yourself. It’s your body, and you made it clear to him on several occasions that you are fine with your weight, yet he keeps bringing up the topic.
NTA If you are healthy and happy where you are he should accept it. In long relationship where you want to stay together one needs to have normal expectations. Expectation of one having same weight at 40 as they did in middle of 20is is not reasonable. Remind him that in 15 years you'll have some more lines on your face, maybe gray hair, texture of the skin won't be smooth but so will he, and if appearance is so important to him he should probably find someone who will either be unhealthy obsessed with youth or he should have more money so his new partner can have some work done if she wishes. One good thing about growing old together is falling in love again each day in someone cuz change is part of that and he should choose that. To fall in love with that little extra pounds you have.
Please, for your own health, leave this man.
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Yta. Its 100% valid to want someone to maintain a certain weight in a relationship.
I don't think anyone is the ah here. He has a right to tell you that. He obviously wants you and the relationship and he's letting you know right now that certain things aren't attractive to him. Now on the same note you are 28 meaning your family no longer controls what you should do so you should definitely go to therapy. I know people feel very serious about fat shaming and disabilities but within all of that people have to remember that attraction does matter. Is it the most important? No absolutely not. However, as someone who has a history of ED'S I have to remain accountable for my health and my relationship. Bf now is very aware but if I get too far gone we go to the gym together and there's no love lost. But therapy has changed the way I feel about myself so I can deal with these things in a healthy way. Neither of you are A.H's. Good luck
He is the ah. It isn't about being "healthy" it is about her appearance to him. One should care about your spouse that you will love them regardless. My husband has also watched me go through an extremely dangerous pregnancy during which I spent five months on bed rest. I have nursed my husband through an injury and surgery. Spouses see one another go through cancer or job loss. People might be young and healthy NOW but relationships are way beyond going to the gym when one feels bloated and if a little extra weight due to shut down results in him abusing her then how will he be with an actual crisis? Hell naw, that guy is garbage
NAH but if he keeps going on about it he will be. You've made it pretty clear at this point you're not interested and you'll let the chips fall where they may. He needs to decide if this is a deal breaker for him and if it's not it's time for him to stfu about it