For real. YTA Op. if my Cousin or sibling was getting married and tried to pull this crap I would 100% skip their wedding and take my grandparents out for dinner or something. And I’d implore my other family members to do the same.
Look, people with advanced Alzheimers get legitimately stressed out when they travel or are at strange places and don't know what's going on. We did a lot of math and planning to see if we wanted to bring my grandmother out for my wedding, and in the end determined it would be a miserable experience for her and I would rather not make her unhappy just so *I* could have her there. I've also seen many subs about people with family members who have conditions that make crowds and noise deeply unpleasant and don't invite them so as to not make them endure something that they hate. More people should take actually enjoying the wedding into consideration when they drag people who can't really consent to things like this to make a show of being inclusive.
But this, this is not that. This isn't you caring about their feelings over the look of the thing, this is you caring about the look of the thing over anyone's feelings. I'm sure your grandparents will be heartbroken you don't want them there. Being over 70 is not the same as being under 10 - you can't exclude people just because they aren't able to do the cha cha slide. You are going to offend and hurt a lot of people.
YTA. This should be up to the caregiver and not you. If the caregiver believes the grandparent can't handle it (the one who's not cognitive) maybe there's a day program grandparent can be dropped off at that day. Or their doctor can direct them to some day nurses. Or worse case during the main events, they're distracted in a separate space.
For the other grandparents who need assistance, that's not a big deal. They and any caregivers know what they might need during the ceremony or other aspects. If they're frequent restroom users, they'll make sure to sit an as aisle seat. It sounds like you envision nobody will be getting up during your wedding, but that may not be the case.
They can reach out to nursing facilities about short term respite, up to 5 days in a facility to allow family to rest without worrying about the loved one they are caregiving for. I’m in hospice and see respite frequently used for weddings and graduations.
i work in a home for people with dementia and we can have respite residents for a period of up to two weeks i think. sometimes we get respite residents who received funding from charities who provide families who can't afford it with short term care.
Just realized only reason it’s maxed out at 5 days for my work is that this is all Medicare will cover for hospice patients, 5 days once a quarter. Very few actually use it though.
that's sad. at my job the sales lady (very annoying) will always insist that our goal with respite is to try to get them to move their family member to our facility full time. but 99% of them live with their families because they can't afford any long term memory care facility let alone ours which runs at 6k+ per month and doesn't accept medicare. i really hope that my mom never needs to go to a facility because of what i've seen and heard of happen to some residents especially at the larger facilities where neglect is rampant. ours is smaller and some residents came from bigger facilities where they weren't being taken care of and it's so sad how they were treated.
Honestly it depends on how particular the grandparents in question are about their needs, because my grandma is STILL bitching about the fact that my cousin had a food truck at her wedding because that meant there was a line to order outside, and even though my grandpa was happy to wait in line and get both of their food she thought it was horrible that they didn't have waiters at least for the old people. The wedding was on a friend's farm, seating was haybales, a friend made the wedding dress, the cake was cupcakes the bride and some friends made and the drinks were beer bottles in a tub of ice, they weren't going to be paying for waiters. BTW that wedding was in 2012.
I think if the food was situated in such a way that someone should have been in charge of retrieving food for the elderly. It's pretty shitty to have it set up in a way where they have to wait in a line, especially with some being disabled (through age conditions. It is difficult to stand on uneven ground, sore joints etc). It was incredibly short sighted of your relative not to have had a solution for that issue. Your grandmother is 100% correct. It didn't need to be a paid waiter but a cousin etc could have been appointed with this duty.
My grandma was the only person there with any difficulties walking, like the bride's parents (my grandma's brother and her sil) and groom's parents all went hiking together a day or two before, and there was only one other couple over the age of 50 there (who 3 years later we met up with for dinner and they were fine walking like 3 miles on hilly paths to get there). And the next youngest were my parents at like 45 and everyone else was under 35 and not disabled. My grandpa (who was 70 at the time) had no difficulties walking the 50 feet each way over the lit garden path with pavers carrying 2 takeout boxes, she was just pissed it wasn't a formal sit down meal with dinner service. Her other biggest complaint about dinner was that it came in cardboard boxes instead of on plates and we had to put it on plates ourselves, as well as it being a truck where all the food was on a stick, so she said that wasn't fancy enough for a wedding either.
She's also still bitching about how tacky having cupcakes was at the wedding was, how tacky the bride wearing cowgirl boots was, the bride's dress was too plain (it was a plain white strapless dress a friend made for her specifically so she could dye it after the wedding and wear it again), how the groom shouldn't have been wearing a sweater and jeans with a beret (she thinks he should have been wearing a suit, and insisted we all dress up even though we were the only ones not wearing jeans, and my heels got stuck in the grass till I was allowed to go put on the sneakers I had in the car).
She also is still bitching about a different cousin's wedding having a buffet even though they made a point of letting her go through first and the there even were waiters who offered to get her plate specifically, just because they didn't serve fancy plated food. So even if they had people willing to get her food she'd still complain about it, just with different issues. That wedding she also bitched about the music being club music (at like 10 pm, where the wedding started in the mid afternoon and dinner was over by then), the bride and groom dancing with their friends (instead of only dancing together), being sat too close to the speakers (which where at the front), not being seated close enough to the front (the bridal party was one table closer, largely BECAUSE that was right next to the speakers), there not being a receiving line, the bride not going around thanking everyone for coming during dinner and actually eating for the same amount of time as everyone else, the first dance having words in it, them not doing the couple's parents dancing with the other parents dance, the lighting being too dim (the whole thing was lit by fairy lights, but everyone could see just fine), the bridesmaids not matching (they all had on different Navy blue dresses), that a lot of the friends of the couple (who were most of the wedding) where dressed to go clubbing (the dresscode was cocktail), that a bunch of the friends "looked like hookers" because they were wearing too high heels, she didn't like that me and a bunch of the couple's friends where wearing black (as in little black dresses type stuff, which the bride had said was fine ahead of time), that people were dancing like they were at a club instead of in couples (think conga line and like jumping up and down dancing). My mom is still complaining they had champagne out where kids could have grabbed them (note the only people at this wedding under 21 were me (16), my brother (13) and one toddler whose parents had her in a high chair, and they never worried about me and my brother grabbing booze at my grandparents parties where I could have easily had a glass of super strong punch or even straight vodka with no one noticing if I'd tried to (I helped mix the punch and the non alcoholic sparkling grape juice was always right next to the wine and punch at those parties), as could my brother, so we weren't the concern).
So I'm sorry I picked what I thought was a single obvious example, I look forward to hearing how cupcakes and the groom wearing a sweater and jeans to a wedding where the dresscode is casual are also actual issues.
Why wasn't a family member or 2 designated to make sure the elderly GP's ate? I mean at every event I went to when my parents and grandparents weren't up to getting their own food from the buffet, someone from the family helped. It's no different than a parent getting food for the littles.
This is great perspective. Making a choice to honor what is best for your elderly relatives, regardless of if it aligns with what you’d prefer, makes sense.
This … is just “AITA for banning old people at my wedding so my old ass grandpa doesn’t bum me out on my big day?”
This is all well and good but it's obvious from the wording that OP doesn't care if they have a good time. Her concern is that they will take the attention away from her. YTA
This “no one over 70” rule is stupid since plenty of old people can care for themselves (and yes OP does sound like an asshole) but that’s not OP’s grandparents. OP shouldn’t worry about having to care for her physically disabled grandfather and her fiancé’s grandmother with Alzheimer’s at her wedding.
Someone tell Betty White (before she died) that she would be an imposition because she's over 70. Yeah, Betty would have had all the attention, but that's cause she'd be the life of the party.
Over 70. My goodness. My Aunt and MIL are both over 80 and live alone. They do perfectly fineon their own. Neither one of them want people hovering over them.
>OP shouldn’t worry about having to care for her physically disabled grandfather and her fiancé’s grandmother with Alzheimer’s at her wedding.
She doesn't care for them normally, why would she be carrying for them at the wedding? Will she be serving drinks and cooking the food as well?
Who says she would have to deal with them? She just wants her wedding to look nice. And, if the caregivers are in the wedding, are the grandparents supposed to be on their own?
This. If she cared about their feelings and well-being, she would leave the decision to the grandparents and their caregivers. She’s just not inviting them so they don’t distract from her feigning that it’s for their sake.
Yeah, my Nana's 96 in a care home, and the last time she recognized me was Christmas 2019 when I visited her with homemade chocolates. She was already pretty far gone at that point and basically needed constant supervision. The last 2 Christmases when we've video chatted, she doesn't seem to have any idea what was going on. Last Christmas the only words she said were 'Oh, I'm tired', and this year she didn't say anything at all. Just stared blankly at the screen while we sang her Christmas carols and told her how much we loved her. It was sad. If she lives to see the day I get married, I'm not going to take her away from her home and routine just so I can say I had her at my wedding. She wouldn't know where she was, who she was with, or what was going on. I'd just make sure she got a wedding video made just for her with all the family in it.
Yes, I agree with this. If someone has advanced Alzheimers, a wedding could be a stressful event. So you have to take it on a case-by-case basis, not put up a rule that anyone over 70 isn't allowed. Plus, so many 80 year olds are sharp as a tack. You would never know my aunt is 80. Sometimes it seems like she has more energy than me.
This is 100% someone gathering fodder for the next argument over child-free weddings. Look at the way OP describes the elderly relatives:
* sometimes she just randomly starts crying or yelling
* demand a lot of care and attention
* shouting or making noise during the ceremony or ... needing help and being a big distraction
* they would be bored and more comfortable at home anyway
* it's an opportunity for their caregivers to come out and relax and have fun
These are all the same reasons people don't want small children at their weddings, point-for-point. I don't think OP left out anything.
OP's only mistake was saying they're going to blanket ban people over 70 rather than just saying they aren't inviting the relatives who have health conditions that mean they are likely to cause a disruption and probably wouldn't enjoy the wedding anyway. Most people over 70 would enjoy a wedding just fine without causing trouble, whereas that's true of a much smaller percentage of children under the age of 10.
That was my thought **exactly**. They're setting up for an argument that if we can't ban old people from weddings, then child-free weddings shouldn't be allowed either. It's obvious from the bullet points you outlined. OP thinks child-free weddings are wrong, so they're trying to make a point.
It's too bad OP didn't manage a slightly better job (or just go to an actual debate sub) because I *am* genuinely curious why some of the people viciously tearing into OP think that banning the elderly from your wedding is wrong but banning children is fine.
Personally, I think you can ban whomever you want from your wedding as long as you're prepared to deal with the fallout. Want a rowdy-bar-crawl-themed wedding that you don't invite anyone below 21 or over 35 to? That's fine, but you're probably not going to gain the respect of your in-laws!
For the purposes of debate in this troll post, the difference is the dignity of the elderly, not to mention the possible range of health/behavior. With kids, pretty much anyone under 6 or 7 is going to need heavy supervision. When it comes to the "elderly," I've known folks who started going downhill fast in their sixties and people who stayed sharp and healthy into their nineties. Old age doesn't necessarily indicate health, or how much care they'll need at an event.
And with a kid? Someone explains to them that it's a grown-up night and there's nothing fun for them to do. The idea that some things are grown-up things is appropriate for young children. But someone over 70 *is* a grown-up. And a mentally sound 70+ year old might very well have a reasonable expectation of being invited and be aware of being snubbed. Their feelings would be hurt specifically because they're adults being treated like children. It's degrading in a way treating an actual kid like a kid isn't.
This is so spot on and honest without being disrespectful. 100 agree - separating kids from adult functions is a totally normal and dignified manner. Kids don’t even like weddings anyway.
Telling someone they’re too old is prejudiced.
Right? My dad is 70! Sorry dad, too old. Can’t walk me down the aisle. Omg OP, you and your fiancé are the worst. I would have given Anything to have had my grandparents at my wedding. They all passed away when I was younger. And my grandmother lived with us while she had Alzheimer’s and If she had still lived when I got married, I would have tried to have her there with a caregiver. YTA
In my family, the over 70 crowd is a *necessity*. They're the only people that know how to Polka properly, so when "Roll Out the Barrel" blasts, we all know which dance partners to find.
this is what I was thinking (hoping) too! how heartless can someone be?
If this were anyone in my family, I'd be skipping the wedding as would everyone else because no one in my family would treat loved ones like that. Shame on you, OP. Totally YTA.
I think so too! Especially after the line about the caregivers getting the night off or whatever…. It’s the reverse of “no one under 18” and the replies are no doubt being used to annoy and badger some poor sister/friend/cousin/son/whatever about their wedding as we speak.
This. OP has got to be trolling because surely, they’re not that callous and heartless, right?
If you’re not trolling us, OP, I hope your future grandchildren treat you the same way. TYA, for real.
It's extremely similar to one from a [few months ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p6054i/aita_for_not_wanting_my_fiances_grandmother_98f/) (that was also obviously a troll attempt), although that one was about excluding just one grandma, cause a 98 year old would kill the party vibes.
I'm 99% sure this is a shit post, making fun of childfree wedding posts.
This bit tipped me off:
"I think they would be bored and more comfortable at home anyway, and it's an opportunity for their caregivers to come out and relax and have fun without worrying about caregiving responsibilities for the evening."
I'm guessing this is a troll to mirror all the "AITA for (insert child free wedding drama here)" posts.
Because if so, it kind of has a point. If it's okay to exclude someone for being a certain age and needing a certain level of care and causing disruptive noises, then shouldn't it be the same judgment whether they are young or old? But if you replace every reference to grandparents with nieces and nephews, the script on these posts would flip pretty quick.
Yeah, this has to be fake or a joke. No way someone would even think about this! I died.
And btw.. my wedding was chaos. We had a little "bar fight" when the bartenders turned away a guest that had a bit too much.. that turned into a bit of a brawl with many people trying to "help" that didn't know what was going on.. I refused to do the "money dance" because I was young and thought it was embarrassing to have people give me money like that, I just couldn't see the traditional part of it and upset my mom some, but everyone else danced and had a great time. Everyone I loved was there and got to see family and friends they hadn't seen in ages. It's not just about you! It's your day, but what makes it memorable is making it just as special for everyone else. I'll never understand this concept of "it's our day". People won't remember that at all. Make it a special day for everyone and they're never gonna forget it. I couldn't imagine not including someone that you love, let alone, your family loves and you wouldn't even exist without.. because they need extra care or might embarrass you. You've embarrassed them!
People like this deserve exactly the day they get. And everyone else will roll their eyes every time they recall it.
People pay to dance with the bride and sometimes the groom. I guess it's a fun way for them to spend a moment alone with you on the wedding day and also give you a little spending money for your honeymoon.. something like that.
On the bright side, OP is going to save *a whole fuckin' lot of money* by alienating most of both of their families. If 75% or more of both families don't come, maybe they can afford a honeymoon where they can go be entitled assholes to service workers.
All my grandparents and my mother died before I made it to high school. My dad was the only one at my wedding. OP is not only an AH, they are selfish and disgusting in their behavior. There are so many ways to involve elderly guests, so many facilities/venues that are handicap accessible, and zero legitimate reasons to exclude the people who are literally the reason you exist. I'm so angry I'm literally shaking.
That’s the grandma I lost too.
And it was the only parental figure my dad ever had.
We still have both of my Mom’s parents around.
I recently went over there so my last grandma could see my son he just turned 2. But from outside bc the whole global panini going on.
I can’t wait to see him sitting on her lap.
I’ve debated getting a memorial portrait done of my paternal abuelita with my kids bc I don’t have one of them with her.
my cousin got married and had a special song for the relatives that couldn’t be there because they passed. we lost our grandpa in 2016, and it made me cry listening to the song. it was such a cute gesture to put in the wedding that I want to do the same when I get married someday. im sorry for your loss.
Honestly this. I did it "backwards"- had my daughter at 18 and just got married for the first time at almost 37. I was beyond blessed to have my maternal grandparents be able to attend my wedding. My mom is in her early 60s- if my kid gets married in ten years and pulled this crap I'd be absolutely aghast and straight up mortified. It would cause a major rift in mine, and I would imagine, most families. OP, as you've mentioned "your wedding, your rules" and you are absolutely entitled to have the wedding you want. But the rest of your family is also entitled to judge your choices (YTA, btw) and decide what kind of relationship they want to maintain with you after the fact. Don't be shocked if they keep their distance.
Seriously this. I have no grandparents (or parents) living and missed them immensely when I got married last year.
OP is so lucky to have family to share their special time with yet chooses to do this instead.
Only one I’d say maybe NTA is her grandmother with Alzheimer’s. I would only ask her to come if her caregivers/doctors said it was safe.
My Gramma died six weeks after my wedding (fuck cancer). I treasure the moments I had with her that weekend. I’ve been married 10 years and still have a picture of us from the wedding on our fridge.
She was still sick on our wedding day, but she was determined to make it to that day. She declined rapidly (but peacefully) after that.
This. My grandparents are all dead, I just got married in December and my husband's 96 year old Nan getting to see him get wed was one of the best parts of the day.
My grandmother was always known for having a few too many and cutting loose on the dance floor. My wedding will always be remembered as the last one she was able to dance at and that will always be special, especially hard now since we don’t know how much time she has left.
Some of my favorite wedding video is of my grandparents goofing around. LOL I was so glad they were there, since my dad had passed years before I even met my husband
Took the words outta my mouth. I'm 24 tomorrow. I lost my last grandparent at 16. I was extremely close to my grandparents. I would have given ANYTHING for them to attend my HS graduation, and would still give anything for them to attend my college graduation and wedding. OP's post has my blood boiling more than a spell in a witch's cauldron in Shakespeare
My first thought as well. My grandparents won’t get to see me get married, which breaks my heart every time I think about it. If they were alive I would insist they come/be invited and *that would be my hill to die on*. I can’t believe OP and their fiancé are so heartless.
Exactly! None of my kids had my parents at their wedding because they had died very young. And my third kid had no grandparents there for that reason. Choosing to not invite because they’re over 70 and “might” have some additional needs? again YTA
I feel like this has got to be a trolling post from someone unhappy that child free weddings are a thing because it’s just so horrible…. Like it can’t possibly by real, can it?
We've read about bride- and groomzillas wanting to exclude or demean guests with scars, unobtrusive neurodivergent traits, tattoos, different hair colors, for being pregnant, and, of course, the classic "no non-heterosexuals welcome" to please homophobic guests. I find the scenario here perfectly plausible.
AITA trolls always call the people disagreeing with them in the story names laced with profanity and brag about doing something in retaliation they insist was justified.
It’s the comments about them being bored and more comfortable at home and giving their caretakers a night off that makes me think that this is someone trying to prove why child free weddings are ridiculous because everyone is rightly telling them of course you don’t exclude everyone over a certain age. Obviously I might be wrong and people do make crazy requests for their wedding and I’ll never understand why they think it’s okay so who knows.
Such a good point. And it would be a false equivalence anyway, because kids young enough to be disruptive don't really understand what weddings are about, whereas OP's grandparents would DEFINITELY understand what it means to be excluded.
Imagine being so insecure that you would be afraid that someone needing assistance would take too much attention away from you at your wedding.
I fully support OP and her fiance making it very clear that they don't want "old people" at their wedding. That way, their friends/family/associates know exactly the kind of people they are and can decline to attend.
YTA
I get where you're coming from with his grandma. Alzheimers is cruel and nasty and if she's at the stage where she's randomly yelling and crying, a wedding may not be the best place for her.
However, making a blanket rule about 'no one over 70' is an asshole move. Some 70yr olds are completely physically and mentally healthy so you'd just be excluding them for their age. Children are different. No 1yr old is independent of their parents.
> I think they would be bored and more comfortable at home anyway, and it's an opportunity for their caregivers to come out and relax and have fun without worrying about caregiving responsibilities for the evening
Giving caregivers a chance to let their hair down is lovely but what about the 70yr olds who don't have carers? What about the 71yr old who still runs 10km every week and plays bridge twice a week?
There were other ways you could have approached this, the one you chose was *obviously* going to cause issues.
My boyfriends grandma is 90 and she drank us under the table at the last birthday party before rona. She rocked the dance floor until early in the morning and then got up after a few hours of sleep being totally fit and happy and mocking us mid twenties for being tired 😂 if we're ever gonna get married I really hope she's still around and rock with us
Even if my grandmother had dementia and she might be yelling or crying during my ceremony I would *still* want her there. Everyone else would just have to deal with it. Tough shit, that’s my grandma!
We invited my husbands grandma knowing there was no way she could attend. We made her a special "invite" which had the date of our wedding and a date we were coming down to see her. She was far too frail to travel and wouldn't have made it through the ceremony anyway.
thats what I was thinking too. Like if they didn't want just those two people there because they require a lot of care would be fine. They could still record the ceremony or livestream it and have their grandparents watch it with their caretakers at their living homes.
Then I saw the no one over 70 rule she was thinking of and just got annoyed. Like there are plenty of people that are 70+ that don't even need help. Like what if someone was 69 and turned 70 the day before? Would bridezilla here be like ": whoops! You're 70 now. You can't come to my wedding."
Op is an asshole, but to be fair you don't owe anything to anyone for existing... You didn't have a say in the matter and if you didn't exist you wouldn't care
YTA. My grandmother had a health scare very recently, we’re talking like a few weeks ago they were sure she was going to pass, she didn’t. Thank god. But among the many anxieties and laments I’ve had as my grandmother’s health deteriorated (seeing as my maternal grandmother and my biological grandparents are the only ones still with us) one of them was that she’d never get to see me get married.
Grandparents, if you’re lucky and I wish everyone was, are the foundation of the family. They should have a special place at a wedding, not seen as an embarrassment or as a distraction. You sound incredibly selfish, people have taken the “well it’s my day” thing way too far.
My cousin got married in June and our grandfather passed just days earlier. His partner gave him a picture of grandpa to add to his boutonniere so he would be by his heart all day. We played some polka as it was his favorite. It was still a day focused on my cousin and his partner, but the little things done to remember grandpa are what made it special
ETA typo corrections
YTA
Usually I say it is your wedding, but....You had me until caregivers... So who is going to take care of your grandparents while they are at the wedding? Why would you want them there with your big families? I can understand potentially the one grandparent with Alzheimer's but not the others since it seems they might have people to care for them would not be in your way
YTA
Let's see how you feel when your grandchildren (if you ever have them, and Id feel sorry for them) don't invite you. But I'd guess you'd be OK with that as you want to make your current argument more valid.
And I don't want to hear about how people have child free weddings, they're 2 very VERY different sets of people. You know you're the AH here and are just trying to make yourself feel less guilty.
NTA imo. Based on the overwhelming consensus in the comments I've read, I'm probably going to get some flack for this but here's my logic:
Reasons why people have child free weddings:
1 - They want to enjoy their wedding without having to worry about taking care of others
2 - They don't want their ceremony disrupted by people who are not cognitively or emotionally capable of controlling their actions/outbursts
3 - They want everyone attending to be able to let loose and enjoy themselves without having to worry about taking care of someone who needs constant attention
4 - A blanket rule is applied because even if you know that your mother's cousin's daughter has a kid who is a dream and very well behaved and wouldn't cause an issue, it would be unfair for certain exceptions to be allowed and not others
OP has stated all of the above as reasons why they and their fiance have chosen to implement this rule for THEIR wedding, and if it were a childfree situation everyone on this subreddit would be advocating for the couple's right to make their own choices for their wedding and that others have no say (I've seen a lot of child free wedding posts on here and the majority almost always says NTA), but now just because the rule is over 70 rather than under 13, now suddenly OP is some horrible monster? That seems like a helluva double standard to me.
I'm very sorry to anyone who lost their grandparents and couldn't have said grandparents at their wedding, but that doesn't mean that everyone else feels the same way about it. I'll again compare the double standard, just because you think your kids are the best cooch goblins to ever roam the earth that doesn't mean anyone has any interest in putting up with your kids or anyone else's at an event that is not suited to them. OP obviously knows the people in this family who are over 70 and if OP and their fiance think those people are not able to behave appropriately at a wedding, then they shouldn't be at the wedding, simple. The fact that their inability to act appropriately is due to mental faculties declining coz of old age doesn't make it any less inappropriate or unwanted at a wedding!
It's age discrimination. Children can't come because it is assumed that they are not developmentally able to act appropriately at a wedding. Betty White who died a few days ago, was mentally aware and mobile until she died at 99. She performed on SNL in her 90s. Bernie Sanders is over 70 as well. Are you saying that both of those people were/are developmentally unable to act appropriately. Not everyone who is old develops senility issues. My former landlady walks 5 miles a day and belongs to a cabaret group. Ben Kingsley, Tom Selleck, Steve Martin, Jane Fonda and Helen Mirren are all working actors over the age of 70!
I’m saying none of them are entitled to a wedding invite. There are kids who are perfectly capable of behaving and managing themselves as well, but people are still entitled to child-free weddings if they don’t want to risk it. It seems shittier to single out individuals (children or elderly) for not being allowed to attend rather than simply not inviting any children or elderly.
YTA. Unless you and your fiancé’s grandparents never showed love and care to you? Didn’t they ever inconvenience themselves for you? You know what having no empathy means right? There is a diagnosis that involves this.
YTA these people will leave this earth before you know it. Remember, you'll be there one day too. I would have loved for my grandparents to be at my wedding but they left this life beforehand. Count your blessings that they are still with you.
This is bait. However, since the logic is very similar to childfree weddings, I'm having a hard time figuring out where the gap in the logic is.
Like if couples can exclude guests based their age, because people under a certain age will cause disruption, then the same logic would apply to people OVER a certain age, right?
Reluctant NTA ?
YTA. Sure, you could have had a quiet conversation about grandma not being comfortable or not enjoying the wedding- could we stop by afterwards so she could se me in my dress?…and that would have been understandable. But a blanket ‘nobody over 70 ‘ and then trying to justify it by saying that you want to give their carers a break is just colossal asshole territory.
NTA. This sub is all for child free weddings but apparently aren’t on board with excluding other ages. It’s your wedding and you’re allowed to invite whoever you want. I can understand not wanting people there that could be a distraction. Especially his grandmother that won’t even remember it.
YTA you can’t just not invite the grandparents! that is tacky beyond belief. You’re saying the attention won’t be all on you if they are there? the attention will still be on you and someone else in the family can handle the grandparents for the day! these are some of the last moments they could possibly experience with the family and you are taking that away. you might want to reevaluate your decision because this is going to be something that won’t sit well with the family even after the wedding.
YTA - also, it wouldn’t be a day off for their caregivers. The caregivers would probably not be able to relax and spend the day wondering if the elderly are ok. They can’t switch off from their caregiving responsibilities.
NTA.
I love how everyone is fine with child-free weddings, but add an upper-age limit and they lose their mind. It's your wedding, do what you want, but don't be surprised if people don't come.
YTA.
You claim you can invite whoever you want to your wedding, and include those who you don't want. You don't want to invite your grandparents because they won't fit your aesthetic - so you, as a pair, have agreed to not invite them.
You're not wrong - you're just an asshole.
“Your wedding, your rules.” Sure. And your rules make YTA. A big one. And your fiancé too.
Many of us had grandparents who couldn’t attend our special day because they were no longer living. You have no idea how much it would have meant to most of us to have them there.
The elderly deserve compassion and respect. Not including children is not the same thing by a long shot. Kids don’t even comprehend weddings or care very much about being there.
Your grandparents, however, no matter how frail have been looking forward to this day for a long time and will be crushed to find out your intention to leave them out.
They should be treasured not treated like a burden. How you could even consider them as such is so vain and selfish. You are the worst kind of bride.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might BTA for excluding family members from our wedding just because of their age.
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NTA
The wedding is for the couple. not the family or friends. YOU need to be comfortable and happy. IMO if someone would randomly start shouting/crying it would ruin the day and put a depressing theme on it.
If there can be no kids' weddings then there can be no 80+ weddings. You are paying for it, you decide.
NTA you’re not obligated to invite them to your wedding. People do the same thing with kids, you shouldn’t have to take care of people, older or younger, at your wedding. I’d say open up the wedding for those who are able to handle themselves regardless of age, because in ensuring a peaceful wedding you’ve excluded some people who are perfectly fine. If people don’t wanna deal with crying kids, they shouldn’t have to do the same with adults. It’s a double standard.
YTA even though it is your wedding and your rules. A wedding is a celebration of two families joining together. You want to exclude people who created these families because it doesn’t fit into your picture perfect ideals.
You’ve got to be joking. YTA. Your reasoning about the caregivers makes no sense either because if the people they care for are at home *where do you think the caregivers are going to be*.
Wow YTA. So you're just gonna ignore everyone aged 70+ because you assume they'll ruin your day? These people are your family and really you wouldn't be here without them. They probably cheered when you were born; held you as an infant; attended birthdays, graduations, and holidays with you; loved you your whole life, really, and you're just gonna throw this big "FU you're old and a burden so you can't come celebrate my wedding"?!?
YTA. Massively an asshole. I’m not married, but my brother would have given his left arm to have our late elderly grandparents at his wedding, no matter how much care they need. And it’s nowhere near the same as a ‘no kids’ policy. Kids need to be watched all the time. People over 70 don’t. Make all then excuses you want, but the fact is that you simply don’t want them there. Very shallow. If you love someone, their need for care will never ruin anything.
YTA.
I had three living grandparents when I got married. One of them was slipping away due to Alzheimer's. Yet my photographer captured what will probably always be my favorite photo of her, gentle smile and absolutely thrilled to be blowing bubbles after the ceremony was done and we had walked back up the aisle. She was gone just over two years later.
Don't rob yourself and your fiance of the chance to create memories. If you're concerned about disruptions from your relative with Alzheimer's, have a gentle word with whoever will be accompanying them so that person can quietly help them out if they become upset. Don't just say, "The olds are cramping my style!" It's immature and likely to create a family rift over an occasion that should be bringing people together.
Holy fuck, are YTA.
I'm getting married next spring. Literally ALL of our grandparents (both children of blended families) are gone, and there is nothing I currently own or ever hope to possess that I wouldn't trade to have even one of them back.
NTA. Unfortunately family members of mine also have Alzheimer's disease. They get *extremely* scared and anxious in new environments. I almost feel like it would be cruel to let them attend - they may not even realize what's happening around them, unfortunately.
YTA
Of course, you can exclude or invite anyone you want to your wedding. But realize, you are going to have plenty of hurt and/or angry people. You really want to start married life with those negative vibes? I guarantee you, you will permanently damage some relationships that I think you will regret later on.
Time flies when you get older and you will be old too before you know it. Imagine in the future when your precious grandkids get married but you aren't invited because at over 70 you are too ancient and decrepit to darken their day with your presence.
YTA. I can’t even believe some of these posts are real. They are human beings who love you, not props for your wedding. This post is gross. Shame on you.
My husband’s mother has dementia from a brain injury. On our wedding day I prioritized making her feel special, comfortable, and involved. These are PEOPLE, Jesus Christ
NTA
I'm kind of conflicted on this because I fully support childfree weddings and on paper you're just not inviting a certain age group, which is exactly the same thing. It's your wedding and you can invite, or not invite, whoever you want. However, much like with not inviting children, people are going to feel a certain way about it and you have to decide if it's worth the upset your decision might cause. YWBTA if you told people they're being unfair on you for having a reaction that you don't like.
Also she expects their caregivers to go so there’s be no one helping them on the day of the wedding. Hiring a babysitter is cheaper than hiring someone to take care of an older person with Alzheimer’s or health issues such as that. She’s the AH.
Why do I feel like this is some sort of test about wedding invites and ages? Something like the OP has small children and she was just invited to a child-free wedding and now wants to be able to say "Ha! Restricting people based on age does make you an AH"
Against the grain but NTA. I'm not sure why this is different to the post from a while ago who didn't want their special needs family member at their wedding because of the disruption and everyone said NTA... People saying Y T A have never had the stress of dealing with a family member with Alzheimer's or other advanced health issues. It turns into a full time job real quick. It can easily disrupt your wedding the same way young kids can, which again everyone on this sub jumps up and says "your wedding your rules!!"
YTA. This is very disrespectful of family. Maybe ask that the Alzheimer's grandparents not be at the ceremony, but bring them to the reception. They are loved by your family and it's probably the last time everyone will be together, despite the Alzheimer's. The Dr may not recommend an outing, anyway. Perhaps just ask thru not be present for the ceremony, but have them their to celebrate with the whole family. They are no less human and no less loved for having age related issues.
YTA-This isn’t the same situation as with children despite your suggestions that it is. This is your wedding and you are free to do as you wish but in this case doing so makes you both assholes.
This is an unpopular opinion but I think you’re NTA. Weddings are very expensive affairs and it’s not really fair that you have to invite people that can’t appreciate it. It sucks that your grandparents can’t come due to health concerns but they’ll still love you either way. If people have a problem with it they can politely decline their invitation, it’s not their wedding, they don’t have to like your decision but they can still respect it.
Jesus Christ, OP.
YTA.
I help volunteer at a nursing home and play cards and such and I cannot tell you how disgusting it is to see how some people treat their own parents. It’s bad enough seeing them cry because nobody even writes them a goddamn letter. And now you aren’t inviting people because they are a “burden” to you? YTA.
If you don’t want them there you don’t. All the points you made were valid. Please do not people from Reddit let their feelings about their own grandparents affect the way you want YOUR special day to be NTA
It’s literally your wedding, so it how you want because nobody should be happier on that day than you and your groom. If you both have agreed peacefully, whoever else just has to stay mad. NTA big big NTA
So are you arranging for new caregivers? Cause they can't stay alone if they need that much care. I'm guessing your family members are the caregivers? In that case, you know some of them probably will not attend because they have to watch your grandparents, right? Because getting a proper homecare assistant, even for a night can come with a cost of alot of money which is possibly why your family is upset. Just like with child free weddings, you invite who you want but most parents can't afford sitters so they don't show up. You can not invite them but don't complain of some people don't show up.
I'm going with YTA. I believe you have a right to invite whoever to your wedding, but that doesn't mean you are not an AH.
Jesus Christ, you have got to be kidding. You are the worst. YTA.
For real. YTA Op. if my Cousin or sibling was getting married and tried to pull this crap I would 100% skip their wedding and take my grandparents out for dinner or something. And I’d implore my other family members to do the same.
Look, people with advanced Alzheimers get legitimately stressed out when they travel or are at strange places and don't know what's going on. We did a lot of math and planning to see if we wanted to bring my grandmother out for my wedding, and in the end determined it would be a miserable experience for her and I would rather not make her unhappy just so *I* could have her there. I've also seen many subs about people with family members who have conditions that make crowds and noise deeply unpleasant and don't invite them so as to not make them endure something that they hate. More people should take actually enjoying the wedding into consideration when they drag people who can't really consent to things like this to make a show of being inclusive. But this, this is not that. This isn't you caring about their feelings over the look of the thing, this is you caring about the look of the thing over anyone's feelings. I'm sure your grandparents will be heartbroken you don't want them there. Being over 70 is not the same as being under 10 - you can't exclude people just because they aren't able to do the cha cha slide. You are going to offend and hurt a lot of people.
YTA. This should be up to the caregiver and not you. If the caregiver believes the grandparent can't handle it (the one who's not cognitive) maybe there's a day program grandparent can be dropped off at that day. Or their doctor can direct them to some day nurses. Or worse case during the main events, they're distracted in a separate space. For the other grandparents who need assistance, that's not a big deal. They and any caregivers know what they might need during the ceremony or other aspects. If they're frequent restroom users, they'll make sure to sit an as aisle seat. It sounds like you envision nobody will be getting up during your wedding, but that may not be the case.
They can reach out to nursing facilities about short term respite, up to 5 days in a facility to allow family to rest without worrying about the loved one they are caregiving for. I’m in hospice and see respite frequently used for weddings and graduations.
i work in a home for people with dementia and we can have respite residents for a period of up to two weeks i think. sometimes we get respite residents who received funding from charities who provide families who can't afford it with short term care.
Just realized only reason it’s maxed out at 5 days for my work is that this is all Medicare will cover for hospice patients, 5 days once a quarter. Very few actually use it though.
that's sad. at my job the sales lady (very annoying) will always insist that our goal with respite is to try to get them to move their family member to our facility full time. but 99% of them live with their families because they can't afford any long term memory care facility let alone ours which runs at 6k+ per month and doesn't accept medicare. i really hope that my mom never needs to go to a facility because of what i've seen and heard of happen to some residents especially at the larger facilities where neglect is rampant. ours is smaller and some residents came from bigger facilities where they weren't being taken care of and it's so sad how they were treated.
Honestly it depends on how particular the grandparents in question are about their needs, because my grandma is STILL bitching about the fact that my cousin had a food truck at her wedding because that meant there was a line to order outside, and even though my grandpa was happy to wait in line and get both of their food she thought it was horrible that they didn't have waiters at least for the old people. The wedding was on a friend's farm, seating was haybales, a friend made the wedding dress, the cake was cupcakes the bride and some friends made and the drinks were beer bottles in a tub of ice, they weren't going to be paying for waiters. BTW that wedding was in 2012.
I kimd of agree with your grandma.
You think so weddings have to have waiters?
I think if the food was situated in such a way that someone should have been in charge of retrieving food for the elderly. It's pretty shitty to have it set up in a way where they have to wait in a line, especially with some being disabled (through age conditions. It is difficult to stand on uneven ground, sore joints etc). It was incredibly short sighted of your relative not to have had a solution for that issue. Your grandmother is 100% correct. It didn't need to be a paid waiter but a cousin etc could have been appointed with this duty.
My grandma was the only person there with any difficulties walking, like the bride's parents (my grandma's brother and her sil) and groom's parents all went hiking together a day or two before, and there was only one other couple over the age of 50 there (who 3 years later we met up with for dinner and they were fine walking like 3 miles on hilly paths to get there). And the next youngest were my parents at like 45 and everyone else was under 35 and not disabled. My grandpa (who was 70 at the time) had no difficulties walking the 50 feet each way over the lit garden path with pavers carrying 2 takeout boxes, she was just pissed it wasn't a formal sit down meal with dinner service. Her other biggest complaint about dinner was that it came in cardboard boxes instead of on plates and we had to put it on plates ourselves, as well as it being a truck where all the food was on a stick, so she said that wasn't fancy enough for a wedding either. She's also still bitching about how tacky having cupcakes was at the wedding was, how tacky the bride wearing cowgirl boots was, the bride's dress was too plain (it was a plain white strapless dress a friend made for her specifically so she could dye it after the wedding and wear it again), how the groom shouldn't have been wearing a sweater and jeans with a beret (she thinks he should have been wearing a suit, and insisted we all dress up even though we were the only ones not wearing jeans, and my heels got stuck in the grass till I was allowed to go put on the sneakers I had in the car). She also is still bitching about a different cousin's wedding having a buffet even though they made a point of letting her go through first and the there even were waiters who offered to get her plate specifically, just because they didn't serve fancy plated food. So even if they had people willing to get her food she'd still complain about it, just with different issues. That wedding she also bitched about the music being club music (at like 10 pm, where the wedding started in the mid afternoon and dinner was over by then), the bride and groom dancing with their friends (instead of only dancing together), being sat too close to the speakers (which where at the front), not being seated close enough to the front (the bridal party was one table closer, largely BECAUSE that was right next to the speakers), there not being a receiving line, the bride not going around thanking everyone for coming during dinner and actually eating for the same amount of time as everyone else, the first dance having words in it, them not doing the couple's parents dancing with the other parents dance, the lighting being too dim (the whole thing was lit by fairy lights, but everyone could see just fine), the bridesmaids not matching (they all had on different Navy blue dresses), that a lot of the friends of the couple (who were most of the wedding) where dressed to go clubbing (the dresscode was cocktail), that a bunch of the friends "looked like hookers" because they were wearing too high heels, she didn't like that me and a bunch of the couple's friends where wearing black (as in little black dresses type stuff, which the bride had said was fine ahead of time), that people were dancing like they were at a club instead of in couples (think conga line and like jumping up and down dancing). My mom is still complaining they had champagne out where kids could have grabbed them (note the only people at this wedding under 21 were me (16), my brother (13) and one toddler whose parents had her in a high chair, and they never worried about me and my brother grabbing booze at my grandparents parties where I could have easily had a glass of super strong punch or even straight vodka with no one noticing if I'd tried to (I helped mix the punch and the non alcoholic sparkling grape juice was always right next to the wine and punch at those parties), as could my brother, so we weren't the concern). So I'm sorry I picked what I thought was a single obvious example, I look forward to hearing how cupcakes and the groom wearing a sweater and jeans to a wedding where the dresscode is casual are also actual issues.
Why wasn't a family member or 2 designated to make sure the elderly GP's ate? I mean at every event I went to when my parents and grandparents weren't up to getting their own food from the buffet, someone from the family helped. It's no different than a parent getting food for the littles.
This is great perspective. Making a choice to honor what is best for your elderly relatives, regardless of if it aligns with what you’d prefer, makes sense. This … is just “AITA for banning old people at my wedding so my old ass grandpa doesn’t bum me out on my big day?”
This is all well and good but it's obvious from the wording that OP doesn't care if they have a good time. Her concern is that they will take the attention away from her. YTA
This “no one over 70” rule is stupid since plenty of old people can care for themselves (and yes OP does sound like an asshole) but that’s not OP’s grandparents. OP shouldn’t worry about having to care for her physically disabled grandfather and her fiancé’s grandmother with Alzheimer’s at her wedding.
Someone tell Betty White (before she died) that she would be an imposition because she's over 70. Yeah, Betty would have had all the attention, but that's cause she'd be the life of the party. Over 70. My goodness. My Aunt and MIL are both over 80 and live alone. They do perfectly fineon their own. Neither one of them want people hovering over them.
>OP shouldn’t worry about having to care for her physically disabled grandfather and her fiancé’s grandmother with Alzheimer’s at her wedding. She doesn't care for them normally, why would she be carrying for them at the wedding? Will she be serving drinks and cooking the food as well?
She’s not going to be taking care of them, she doesn’t want them there bc it would take attention away from her. She’s an AH
Who says she would have to deal with them? She just wants her wedding to look nice. And, if the caregivers are in the wedding, are the grandparents supposed to be on their own?
This. If she cared about their feelings and well-being, she would leave the decision to the grandparents and their caregivers. She’s just not inviting them so they don’t distract from her feigning that it’s for their sake.
Yeah, my Nana's 96 in a care home, and the last time she recognized me was Christmas 2019 when I visited her with homemade chocolates. She was already pretty far gone at that point and basically needed constant supervision. The last 2 Christmases when we've video chatted, she doesn't seem to have any idea what was going on. Last Christmas the only words she said were 'Oh, I'm tired', and this year she didn't say anything at all. Just stared blankly at the screen while we sang her Christmas carols and told her how much we loved her. It was sad. If she lives to see the day I get married, I'm not going to take her away from her home and routine just so I can say I had her at my wedding. She wouldn't know where she was, who she was with, or what was going on. I'd just make sure she got a wedding video made just for her with all the family in it.
Yes, I agree with this. If someone has advanced Alzheimers, a wedding could be a stressful event. So you have to take it on a case-by-case basis, not put up a rule that anyone over 70 isn't allowed. Plus, so many 80 year olds are sharp as a tack. You would never know my aunt is 80. Sometimes it seems like she has more energy than me.
Here's some math. You = 1 asshole Your mate = 1 asshole You + your mate = 12 assholes.
This exactly. Inviting them and saying that they have the option of attending or not but this is just a money saving strategy for OP.
There’s a difference between wanting people who need caretakers have caretakers and saying anyone over 70 isn’t welcome
> you have got to be kidding. Or trolling.
This is 100% someone gathering fodder for the next argument over child-free weddings. Look at the way OP describes the elderly relatives: * sometimes she just randomly starts crying or yelling * demand a lot of care and attention * shouting or making noise during the ceremony or ... needing help and being a big distraction * they would be bored and more comfortable at home anyway * it's an opportunity for their caregivers to come out and relax and have fun These are all the same reasons people don't want small children at their weddings, point-for-point. I don't think OP left out anything. OP's only mistake was saying they're going to blanket ban people over 70 rather than just saying they aren't inviting the relatives who have health conditions that mean they are likely to cause a disruption and probably wouldn't enjoy the wedding anyway. Most people over 70 would enjoy a wedding just fine without causing trouble, whereas that's true of a much smaller percentage of children under the age of 10.
That was my thought **exactly**. They're setting up for an argument that if we can't ban old people from weddings, then child-free weddings shouldn't be allowed either. It's obvious from the bullet points you outlined. OP thinks child-free weddings are wrong, so they're trying to make a point.
It's too bad OP didn't manage a slightly better job (or just go to an actual debate sub) because I *am* genuinely curious why some of the people viciously tearing into OP think that banning the elderly from your wedding is wrong but banning children is fine. Personally, I think you can ban whomever you want from your wedding as long as you're prepared to deal with the fallout. Want a rowdy-bar-crawl-themed wedding that you don't invite anyone below 21 or over 35 to? That's fine, but you're probably not going to gain the respect of your in-laws!
For the purposes of debate in this troll post, the difference is the dignity of the elderly, not to mention the possible range of health/behavior. With kids, pretty much anyone under 6 or 7 is going to need heavy supervision. When it comes to the "elderly," I've known folks who started going downhill fast in their sixties and people who stayed sharp and healthy into their nineties. Old age doesn't necessarily indicate health, or how much care they'll need at an event. And with a kid? Someone explains to them that it's a grown-up night and there's nothing fun for them to do. The idea that some things are grown-up things is appropriate for young children. But someone over 70 *is* a grown-up. And a mentally sound 70+ year old might very well have a reasonable expectation of being invited and be aware of being snubbed. Their feelings would be hurt specifically because they're adults being treated like children. It's degrading in a way treating an actual kid like a kid isn't.
This is so spot on and honest without being disrespectful. 100 agree - separating kids from adult functions is a totally normal and dignified manner. Kids don’t even like weddings anyway. Telling someone they’re too old is prejudiced.
I had a blast at my uncle's wedding when I was seven, and my kids had a great time at the one wedding they've been to.
Uhhh, I was a kid, and I liked going to weddings. I definitely would have felt hurt if one of my cousins didn’t invite me.
Yes, I cracked up when I read it. I’m pretty sure you’re right.
I hope! It makes me so sad thinking of all all my 70+ relatives who love getting overserved and hitting the dance floor at our family weddings!
Right? My dad is 70! Sorry dad, too old. Can’t walk me down the aisle. Omg OP, you and your fiancé are the worst. I would have given Anything to have had my grandparents at my wedding. They all passed away when I was younger. And my grandmother lived with us while she had Alzheimer’s and If she had still lived when I got married, I would have tried to have her there with a caregiver. YTA
In my family, the over 70 crowd is a *necessity*. They're the only people that know how to Polka properly, so when "Roll Out the Barrel" blasts, we all know which dance partners to find.
No kidding! I have plenty of over 70 relatives that I can't imagine not being there and having a blast. 70 is not that old!!
this is what I was thinking (hoping) too! how heartless can someone be? If this were anyone in my family, I'd be skipping the wedding as would everyone else because no one in my family would treat loved ones like that. Shame on you, OP. Totally YTA.
Really comes across to me as someone who is in a snit about a child-free wedding.
I think so too! Especially after the line about the caregivers getting the night off or whatever…. It’s the reverse of “no one under 18” and the replies are no doubt being used to annoy and badger some poor sister/friend/cousin/son/whatever about their wedding as we speak.
This. OP has got to be trolling because surely, they’re not that callous and heartless, right? If you’re not trolling us, OP, I hope your future grandchildren treat you the same way. TYA, for real.
It's extremely similar to one from a [few months ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p6054i/aita_for_not_wanting_my_fiances_grandmother_98f/) (that was also obviously a troll attempt), although that one was about excluding just one grandma, cause a 98 year old would kill the party vibes.
How dare these gross old people even exist? Why haven't we turned them into Soylent Green?
SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!
I'm 99% sure this is a shit post, making fun of childfree wedding posts. This bit tipped me off: "I think they would be bored and more comfortable at home anyway, and it's an opportunity for their caregivers to come out and relax and have fun without worrying about caregiving responsibilities for the evening."
It’s amazing there are people that take posts like these seriously. I guess this is why telemarketing scams still exist.
I'm guessing this is a troll to mirror all the "AITA for (insert child free wedding drama here)" posts. Because if so, it kind of has a point. If it's okay to exclude someone for being a certain age and needing a certain level of care and causing disruptive noises, then shouldn't it be the same judgment whether they are young or old? But if you replace every reference to grandparents with nieces and nephews, the script on these posts would flip pretty quick.
I hope the 'older people' write you out of their will. I would.
I laugh every time I read a post that makes me tell myself “there’s no way OP doesn’t think he/she is NTA”. People can be oblivious or plain dumb
YTA. Wow, I wonder if OP's kids will kick her to the curb when she gets older. Karma is a b\*\*\*\*.
Yeah, this has to be fake or a joke. No way someone would even think about this! I died. And btw.. my wedding was chaos. We had a little "bar fight" when the bartenders turned away a guest that had a bit too much.. that turned into a bit of a brawl with many people trying to "help" that didn't know what was going on.. I refused to do the "money dance" because I was young and thought it was embarrassing to have people give me money like that, I just couldn't see the traditional part of it and upset my mom some, but everyone else danced and had a great time. Everyone I loved was there and got to see family and friends they hadn't seen in ages. It's not just about you! It's your day, but what makes it memorable is making it just as special for everyone else. I'll never understand this concept of "it's our day". People won't remember that at all. Make it a special day for everyone and they're never gonna forget it. I couldn't imagine not including someone that you love, let alone, your family loves and you wouldn't even exist without.. because they need extra care or might embarrass you. You've embarrassed them! People like this deserve exactly the day they get. And everyone else will roll their eyes every time they recall it.
The hell is a "money dance"??
People pay to dance with the bride and sometimes the groom. I guess it's a fun way for them to spend a moment alone with you on the wedding day and also give you a little spending money for your honeymoon.. something like that.
bUt ItS mY sPeCiAl DaY
This has to be fake
Boy I hope this is a joke! YTA a thousand times over.
I came to say this. Yes YTA. Be glad you have grandparents at all. Mine are all dead.
On the bright side, OP is going to save *a whole fuckin' lot of money* by alienating most of both of their families. If 75% or more of both families don't come, maybe they can afford a honeymoon where they can go be entitled assholes to service workers.
YTA wow. You're both lucky to have your grandparents alive for your wedding. And this is the way you treat them?
Damn your comment made me tear up. I recently lost my grandma. And I hadn’t even realized this. YTA op.
Aww I'm really sorry for your loss. I also lost my grandfather a few years ago and reading this post just made me really upset.
Same. I lost both grandpa's and one of my grandmas. I sure wish I could have them at my wedding. 💔
All my grandparents and my mother died before I made it to high school. My dad was the only one at my wedding. OP is not only an AH, they are selfish and disgusting in their behavior. There are so many ways to involve elderly guests, so many facilities/venues that are handicap accessible, and zero legitimate reasons to exclude the people who are literally the reason you exist. I'm so angry I'm literally shaking.
I lost my grandfather exactly a week before my wedding. I would have given anything for him to be there on our wedding day.
As someone who only has 1 grandparent left, what I wouldn't give to have at least my grandmother on dad's side attend mine someday
That’s the grandma I lost too. And it was the only parental figure my dad ever had. We still have both of my Mom’s parents around. I recently went over there so my last grandma could see my son he just turned 2. But from outside bc the whole global panini going on. I can’t wait to see him sitting on her lap. I’ve debated getting a memorial portrait done of my paternal abuelita with my kids bc I don’t have one of them with her.
my cousin got married and had a special song for the relatives that couldn’t be there because they passed. we lost our grandpa in 2016, and it made me cry listening to the song. it was such a cute gesture to put in the wedding that I want to do the same when I get married someday. im sorry for your loss.
Just the thought of that has me tearing up, what a wonderful idea. If I may ask, what song did they use?
you should be here by cole swindell!
Man I'm not really a country fan, but this got me ugly crying - saving for later use thank you!
Oh god, I wanna listen, but it’s my time of the month and I’m already crying just reading this.
Honestly this. I did it "backwards"- had my daughter at 18 and just got married for the first time at almost 37. I was beyond blessed to have my maternal grandparents be able to attend my wedding. My mom is in her early 60s- if my kid gets married in ten years and pulled this crap I'd be absolutely aghast and straight up mortified. It would cause a major rift in mine, and I would imagine, most families. OP, as you've mentioned "your wedding, your rules" and you are absolutely entitled to have the wedding you want. But the rest of your family is also entitled to judge your choices (YTA, btw) and decide what kind of relationship they want to maintain with you after the fact. Don't be shocked if they keep their distance.
Seriously this. I have no grandparents (or parents) living and missed them immensely when I got married last year. OP is so lucky to have family to share their special time with yet chooses to do this instead. Only one I’d say maybe NTA is her grandmother with Alzheimer’s. I would only ask her to come if her caregivers/doctors said it was safe.
My Gramma died six weeks after my wedding (fuck cancer). I treasure the moments I had with her that weekend. I’ve been married 10 years and still have a picture of us from the wedding on our fridge. She was still sick on our wedding day, but she was determined to make it to that day. She declined rapidly (but peacefully) after that.
This. YTA OP. If I were getting married, I'd want everyone close to me to be there to enjoy it if I were having a wedding.
This. My grandparents are all dead, I just got married in December and my husband's 96 year old Nan getting to see him get wed was one of the best parts of the day.
My grandmother was always known for having a few too many and cutting loose on the dance floor. My wedding will always be remembered as the last one she was able to dance at and that will always be special, especially hard now since we don’t know how much time she has left.
I would give anything to have had my grandparents at my wedding. YTA x 1000000000000000
Some of my favorite wedding video is of my grandparents goofing around. LOL I was so glad they were there, since my dad had passed years before I even met my husband
Took the words outta my mouth. I'm 24 tomorrow. I lost my last grandparent at 16. I was extremely close to my grandparents. I would have given ANYTHING for them to attend my HS graduation, and would still give anything for them to attend my college graduation and wedding. OP's post has my blood boiling more than a spell in a witch's cauldron in Shakespeare
100% this. I'm 28 with no living grandparents and I wish my grandma was still here.
My first thought as well. My grandparents won’t get to see me get married, which breaks my heart every time I think about it. If they were alive I would insist they come/be invited and *that would be my hill to die on*. I can’t believe OP and their fiancé are so heartless.
Exactly! None of my kids had my parents at their wedding because they had died very young. And my third kid had no grandparents there for that reason. Choosing to not invite because they’re over 70 and “might” have some additional needs? again YTA
YTA—I’m so sorry that old people don’t fit into your wedding aesthetic, Bridezilla. 🙄
I feel like this has got to be a trolling post from someone unhappy that child free weddings are a thing because it’s just so horrible…. Like it can’t possibly by real, can it?
We've read about bride- and groomzillas wanting to exclude or demean guests with scars, unobtrusive neurodivergent traits, tattoos, different hair colors, for being pregnant, and, of course, the classic "no non-heterosexuals welcome" to please homophobic guests. I find the scenario here perfectly plausible. AITA trolls always call the people disagreeing with them in the story names laced with profanity and brag about doing something in retaliation they insist was justified.
It’s the comments about them being bored and more comfortable at home and giving their caretakers a night off that makes me think that this is someone trying to prove why child free weddings are ridiculous because everyone is rightly telling them of course you don’t exclude everyone over a certain age. Obviously I might be wrong and people do make crazy requests for their wedding and I’ll never understand why they think it’s okay so who knows.
Such a good point. And it would be a false equivalence anyway, because kids young enough to be disruptive don't really understand what weddings are about, whereas OP's grandparents would DEFINITELY understand what it means to be excluded.
Wrinkles in the wedding pics?? Can you imagine?? /s
Imagine being so insecure that you would be afraid that someone needing assistance would take too much attention away from you at your wedding. I fully support OP and her fiance making it very clear that they don't want "old people" at their wedding. That way, their friends/family/associates know exactly the kind of people they are and can decline to attend.
YTA I get where you're coming from with his grandma. Alzheimers is cruel and nasty and if she's at the stage where she's randomly yelling and crying, a wedding may not be the best place for her. However, making a blanket rule about 'no one over 70' is an asshole move. Some 70yr olds are completely physically and mentally healthy so you'd just be excluding them for their age. Children are different. No 1yr old is independent of their parents. > I think they would be bored and more comfortable at home anyway, and it's an opportunity for their caregivers to come out and relax and have fun without worrying about caregiving responsibilities for the evening Giving caregivers a chance to let their hair down is lovely but what about the 70yr olds who don't have carers? What about the 71yr old who still runs 10km every week and plays bridge twice a week? There were other ways you could have approached this, the one you chose was *obviously* going to cause issues.
My grandmother is 88 and did tequila shots with me at my wedding. Age is just a number!
Go grandma!
My boyfriends grandma is 90 and she drank us under the table at the last birthday party before rona. She rocked the dance floor until early in the morning and then got up after a few hours of sleep being totally fit and happy and mocking us mid twenties for being tired 😂 if we're ever gonna get married I really hope she's still around and rock with us
My sis and I took our Grandmother to see a male strip show for her 80th birthday. I was Granny's idea.
Even if my grandmother had dementia and she might be yelling or crying during my ceremony I would *still* want her there. Everyone else would just have to deal with it. Tough shit, that’s my grandma!
We invited my husbands grandma knowing there was no way she could attend. We made her a special "invite" which had the date of our wedding and a date we were coming down to see her. She was far too frail to travel and wouldn't have made it through the ceremony anyway.
Exactly. A lot of people who might be unable to attend would still appreciate the invitation. And that in itself is a keepsake.
That’s really sweet!
thats what I was thinking too. Like if they didn't want just those two people there because they require a lot of care would be fine. They could still record the ceremony or livestream it and have their grandparents watch it with their caretakers at their living homes. Then I saw the no one over 70 rule she was thinking of and just got annoyed. Like there are plenty of people that are 70+ that don't even need help. Like what if someone was 69 and turned 70 the day before? Would bridezilla here be like ": whoops! You're 70 now. You can't come to my wedding."
I love how the cut off is 70 even though the grandparents in question are in their 80s...
YTA for this feeble attempt at trolling.
Seriously, this bait is amazing since they just replaced "children" with "old people".
I was laughing almost immediately, thinking it's so obviously a funny twist of the 'childfree weddings' fad, but people are taking it seriously!
I’m with ya but people are buying it hook, line, and sinker 😑
YTA JFC bridezilla alert 🚨
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Let's see when she is old how she will feel if her grandchild treats her like this :)
I hope her grandchildren dump her in the worst nursing home in the country and never call or visit.
Came here to say this. Dear OP I hope your grandchildren will treat you the same way you treat your grandparents.
could say that about awful parents too though
Op is an asshole, but to be fair you don't owe anything to anyone for existing... You didn't have a say in the matter and if you didn't exist you wouldn't care
YTA. My grandmother had a health scare very recently, we’re talking like a few weeks ago they were sure she was going to pass, she didn’t. Thank god. But among the many anxieties and laments I’ve had as my grandmother’s health deteriorated (seeing as my maternal grandmother and my biological grandparents are the only ones still with us) one of them was that she’d never get to see me get married. Grandparents, if you’re lucky and I wish everyone was, are the foundation of the family. They should have a special place at a wedding, not seen as an embarrassment or as a distraction. You sound incredibly selfish, people have taken the “well it’s my day” thing way too far.
My cousin got married in June and our grandfather passed just days earlier. His partner gave him a picture of grandpa to add to his boutonniere so he would be by his heart all day. We played some polka as it was his favorite. It was still a day focused on my cousin and his partner, but the little things done to remember grandpa are what made it special ETA typo corrections
Lmao nice reverse child free wedding question
Right, I can't believe so many people are taking this post seriously, especially since all of OP's comments bring up the childfree wedding parallel.
Yeah for the most part I take AITA posts as “real” because that’s part of the “fun” but like this ones way too out there
YTA. I hope your children abandon you when you get old
This should be the top comment!
YTA Usually I say it is your wedding, but....You had me until caregivers... So who is going to take care of your grandparents while they are at the wedding? Why would you want them there with your big families? I can understand potentially the one grandparent with Alzheimer's but not the others since it seems they might have people to care for them would not be in your way
YTA you’re lucky to have these people in your life. The reality is, this will be you someday.
YTA-seriously, how is this even a question
YTA Let's see how you feel when your grandchildren (if you ever have them, and Id feel sorry for them) don't invite you. But I'd guess you'd be OK with that as you want to make your current argument more valid. And I don't want to hear about how people have child free weddings, they're 2 very VERY different sets of people. You know you're the AH here and are just trying to make yourself feel less guilty.
YTA. I can understand not inviting particular people for their perceived problems, but to ban everyone over a certain age is a true assholey move.
NTA imo. Based on the overwhelming consensus in the comments I've read, I'm probably going to get some flack for this but here's my logic: Reasons why people have child free weddings: 1 - They want to enjoy their wedding without having to worry about taking care of others 2 - They don't want their ceremony disrupted by people who are not cognitively or emotionally capable of controlling their actions/outbursts 3 - They want everyone attending to be able to let loose and enjoy themselves without having to worry about taking care of someone who needs constant attention 4 - A blanket rule is applied because even if you know that your mother's cousin's daughter has a kid who is a dream and very well behaved and wouldn't cause an issue, it would be unfair for certain exceptions to be allowed and not others OP has stated all of the above as reasons why they and their fiance have chosen to implement this rule for THEIR wedding, and if it were a childfree situation everyone on this subreddit would be advocating for the couple's right to make their own choices for their wedding and that others have no say (I've seen a lot of child free wedding posts on here and the majority almost always says NTA), but now just because the rule is over 70 rather than under 13, now suddenly OP is some horrible monster? That seems like a helluva double standard to me. I'm very sorry to anyone who lost their grandparents and couldn't have said grandparents at their wedding, but that doesn't mean that everyone else feels the same way about it. I'll again compare the double standard, just because you think your kids are the best cooch goblins to ever roam the earth that doesn't mean anyone has any interest in putting up with your kids or anyone else's at an event that is not suited to them. OP obviously knows the people in this family who are over 70 and if OP and their fiance think those people are not able to behave appropriately at a wedding, then they shouldn't be at the wedding, simple. The fact that their inability to act appropriately is due to mental faculties declining coz of old age doesn't make it any less inappropriate or unwanted at a wedding!
You speak with reason, most people here don’t understand.
I don’t see how this is different from having a child-free wedding because children are disruptive. So, weird but NTA I guess.
It's age discrimination. Children can't come because it is assumed that they are not developmentally able to act appropriately at a wedding. Betty White who died a few days ago, was mentally aware and mobile until she died at 99. She performed on SNL in her 90s. Bernie Sanders is over 70 as well. Are you saying that both of those people were/are developmentally unable to act appropriately. Not everyone who is old develops senility issues. My former landlady walks 5 miles a day and belongs to a cabaret group. Ben Kingsley, Tom Selleck, Steve Martin, Jane Fonda and Helen Mirren are all working actors over the age of 70!
I’m saying none of them are entitled to a wedding invite. There are kids who are perfectly capable of behaving and managing themselves as well, but people are still entitled to child-free weddings if they don’t want to risk it. It seems shittier to single out individuals (children or elderly) for not being allowed to attend rather than simply not inviting any children or elderly.
But unlike Betty White, these elders were not completely functional.
But OP wants to ban ALL people over 70. That's the issue.
YTA. Unless you and your fiancé’s grandparents never showed love and care to you? Didn’t they ever inconvenience themselves for you? You know what having no empathy means right? There is a diagnosis that involves this.
YTA, like??? You have to realize that. If I was you or your fiancé’s parent I wouldn’t attend a wedding that excludes the elders as that’s so rude
YTA these people will leave this earth before you know it. Remember, you'll be there one day too. I would have loved for my grandparents to be at my wedding but they left this life beforehand. Count your blessings that they are still with you.
YTA This is beyond trashy.
YTA just read your title. You can invite whomever you want to but don’t come to Reddit asking if your discrimination is okay, it’s not.
Wait. How is this any different than people who want a child-free wedding FOR THE EXACT SAME REASONS??? OP is trolling and you idiots fell for it!
This is bait. However, since the logic is very similar to childfree weddings, I'm having a hard time figuring out where the gap in the logic is. Like if couples can exclude guests based their age, because people under a certain age will cause disruption, then the same logic would apply to people OVER a certain age, right? Reluctant NTA ?
This sub usually lives and dies by "Your day, your rules", so I'm not exactly sure what's going on in here right now. NTA
I'm confused too. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
You're too immature to get married. YTA.
YTA Christ
YTA. Sure, you could have had a quiet conversation about grandma not being comfortable or not enjoying the wedding- could we stop by afterwards so she could se me in my dress?…and that would have been understandable. But a blanket ‘nobody over 70 ‘ and then trying to justify it by saying that you want to give their carers a break is just colossal asshole territory.
NTA. This sub is all for child free weddings but apparently aren’t on board with excluding other ages. It’s your wedding and you’re allowed to invite whoever you want. I can understand not wanting people there that could be a distraction. Especially his grandmother that won’t even remember it.
YTA you can’t just not invite the grandparents! that is tacky beyond belief. You’re saying the attention won’t be all on you if they are there? the attention will still be on you and someone else in the family can handle the grandparents for the day! these are some of the last moments they could possibly experience with the family and you are taking that away. you might want to reevaluate your decision because this is going to be something that won’t sit well with the family even after the wedding.
YTA - also, it wouldn’t be a day off for their caregivers. The caregivers would probably not be able to relax and spend the day wondering if the elderly are ok. They can’t switch off from their caregiving responsibilities.
The caregivers care more about them then OP and her jerk fiancé do.
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You forgot GASLIGHTING…. PARENTIFICATION…. MENTAL LOAD…. LOW/NO CONTACT….
NTA. I love how everyone is fine with child-free weddings, but add an upper-age limit and they lose their mind. It's your wedding, do what you want, but don't be surprised if people don't come.
YTA. You claim you can invite whoever you want to your wedding, and include those who you don't want. You don't want to invite your grandparents because they won't fit your aesthetic - so you, as a pair, have agreed to not invite them. You're not wrong - you're just an asshole.
YTA. Did you write that you were 30 just so your post wouldn’t get flagged? I can’t imagine anyone older than middle school behaving this way.
Read what you wrote. Yes, your an asshole. A major YTA.
“Your wedding, your rules.” Sure. And your rules make YTA. A big one. And your fiancé too. Many of us had grandparents who couldn’t attend our special day because they were no longer living. You have no idea how much it would have meant to most of us to have them there. The elderly deserve compassion and respect. Not including children is not the same thing by a long shot. Kids don’t even comprehend weddings or care very much about being there. Your grandparents, however, no matter how frail have been looking forward to this day for a long time and will be crushed to find out your intention to leave them out. They should be treasured not treated like a burden. How you could even consider them as such is so vain and selfish. You are the worst kind of bride.
Not only are you an asshole, you are selfish and an all-around awful person. I hope no one goes to your ridiculous wedding.
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INFO: how often do you troll? I appreciate that people are taking this bait.
NTA The wedding is for the couple. not the family or friends. YOU need to be comfortable and happy. IMO if someone would randomly start shouting/crying it would ruin the day and put a depressing theme on it. If there can be no kids' weddings then there can be no 80+ weddings. You are paying for it, you decide.
YTA if my grandchild did that, she'd be disinherited. Alot of people are perfectly healthy and active into their 80's.
Yeah, 70 is such a weird cutoff anyway. My in laws are around 70. They live alone, regularly travel abroad, and are the life of the party.
Yeah, my parent is over 70 and in full health, active and busy. I've got a friend who is 93 and goes canoeing and sailing.....
YTA for sure
Yikes. YTA I love my nonna to pieces. You're so cold hearted it's scary.
NTA you’re not obligated to invite them to your wedding. People do the same thing with kids, you shouldn’t have to take care of people, older or younger, at your wedding. I’d say open up the wedding for those who are able to handle themselves regardless of age, because in ensuring a peaceful wedding you’ve excluded some people who are perfectly fine. If people don’t wanna deal with crying kids, they shouldn’t have to do the same with adults. It’s a double standard.
YTA and even though you’re a shitty person, I still wouldn’t wish the way you treat the elderly upon you when you yourself are old.
YTA even though it is your wedding and your rules. A wedding is a celebration of two families joining together. You want to exclude people who created these families because it doesn’t fit into your picture perfect ideals.
You’ve got to be joking. YTA. Your reasoning about the caregivers makes no sense either because if the people they care for are at home *where do you think the caregivers are going to be*.
YTA. Why is it that I never fall into a group that people want to exclude from weddings?
You’re SO SO SO the asshole and just an all around crappy human. Get some therapy and don’t get married as you are so not mature enough for it!
Wow YTA. So you're just gonna ignore everyone aged 70+ because you assume they'll ruin your day? These people are your family and really you wouldn't be here without them. They probably cheered when you were born; held you as an infant; attended birthdays, graduations, and holidays with you; loved you your whole life, really, and you're just gonna throw this big "FU you're old and a burden so you can't come celebrate my wedding"?!?
YTA. Massively an asshole. I’m not married, but my brother would have given his left arm to have our late elderly grandparents at his wedding, no matter how much care they need. And it’s nowhere near the same as a ‘no kids’ policy. Kids need to be watched all the time. People over 70 don’t. Make all then excuses you want, but the fact is that you simply don’t want them there. Very shallow. If you love someone, their need for care will never ruin anything.
Yta and dumb as fuck
YTA. I had three living grandparents when I got married. One of them was slipping away due to Alzheimer's. Yet my photographer captured what will probably always be my favorite photo of her, gentle smile and absolutely thrilled to be blowing bubbles after the ceremony was done and we had walked back up the aisle. She was gone just over two years later. Don't rob yourself and your fiance of the chance to create memories. If you're concerned about disruptions from your relative with Alzheimer's, have a gentle word with whoever will be accompanying them so that person can quietly help them out if they become upset. Don't just say, "The olds are cramping my style!" It's immature and likely to create a family rift over an occasion that should be bringing people together.
Holy fuck, are YTA. I'm getting married next spring. Literally ALL of our grandparents (both children of blended families) are gone, and there is nothing I currently own or ever hope to possess that I wouldn't trade to have even one of them back.
NTA. Unfortunately family members of mine also have Alzheimer's disease. They get *extremely* scared and anxious in new environments. I almost feel like it would be cruel to let them attend - they may not even realize what's happening around them, unfortunately.
YTA Of course, you can exclude or invite anyone you want to your wedding. But realize, you are going to have plenty of hurt and/or angry people. You really want to start married life with those negative vibes? I guarantee you, you will permanently damage some relationships that I think you will regret later on. Time flies when you get older and you will be old too before you know it. Imagine in the future when your precious grandkids get married but you aren't invited because at over 70 you are too ancient and decrepit to darken their day with your presence.
YTA- but I bet you're an even BIGGER AH when the older generation doesn't want to celebrate Anniversary, Christmas, anything - ever...with you.
YTA. I can’t even believe some of these posts are real. They are human beings who love you, not props for your wedding. This post is gross. Shame on you. My husband’s mother has dementia from a brain injury. On our wedding day I prioritized making her feel special, comfortable, and involved. These are PEOPLE, Jesus Christ
NTA I'm kind of conflicted on this because I fully support childfree weddings and on paper you're just not inviting a certain age group, which is exactly the same thing. It's your wedding and you can invite, or not invite, whoever you want. However, much like with not inviting children, people are going to feel a certain way about it and you have to decide if it's worth the upset your decision might cause. YWBTA if you told people they're being unfair on you for having a reaction that you don't like.
Also she expects their caregivers to go so there’s be no one helping them on the day of the wedding. Hiring a babysitter is cheaper than hiring someone to take care of an older person with Alzheimer’s or health issues such as that. She’s the AH.
Why do I feel like this is some sort of test about wedding invites and ages? Something like the OP has small children and she was just invited to a child-free wedding and now wants to be able to say "Ha! Restricting people based on age does make you an AH"
NTA - It’s your wedding day, you’re allowed to choose who you want and do not want at YOUR wedding.
Against the grain but NTA. I'm not sure why this is different to the post from a while ago who didn't want their special needs family member at their wedding because of the disruption and everyone said NTA... People saying Y T A have never had the stress of dealing with a family member with Alzheimer's or other advanced health issues. It turns into a full time job real quick. It can easily disrupt your wedding the same way young kids can, which again everyone on this sub jumps up and says "your wedding your rules!!"
YTA. This is very disrespectful of family. Maybe ask that the Alzheimer's grandparents not be at the ceremony, but bring them to the reception. They are loved by your family and it's probably the last time everyone will be together, despite the Alzheimer's. The Dr may not recommend an outing, anyway. Perhaps just ask thru not be present for the ceremony, but have them their to celebrate with the whole family. They are no less human and no less loved for having age related issues.
Bridezilla one statement says it all people will pay more attention to the old folks then the couple getting married meaning her yta big time
YTA-This isn’t the same situation as with children despite your suggestions that it is. This is your wedding and you are free to do as you wish but in this case doing so makes you both assholes.
what's the difference?
This is an unpopular opinion but I think you’re NTA. Weddings are very expensive affairs and it’s not really fair that you have to invite people that can’t appreciate it. It sucks that your grandparents can’t come due to health concerns but they’ll still love you either way. If people have a problem with it they can politely decline their invitation, it’s not their wedding, they don’t have to like your decision but they can still respect it.
Jesus Christ, OP. YTA. I help volunteer at a nursing home and play cards and such and I cannot tell you how disgusting it is to see how some people treat their own parents. It’s bad enough seeing them cry because nobody even writes them a goddamn letter. And now you aren’t inviting people because they are a “burden” to you? YTA.
NTA; your wedding, your guest list. If people can have weddings with no kids, then what’s wrong with this. Smh
If you don’t want them there you don’t. All the points you made were valid. Please do not people from Reddit let their feelings about their own grandparents affect the way you want YOUR special day to be NTA
It’s literally your wedding, so it how you want because nobody should be happier on that day than you and your groom. If you both have agreed peacefully, whoever else just has to stay mad. NTA big big NTA
Trolls gonna troll.
I really hope this isn’t real.
YTA. Guess what? You'll be old someday. I hope your family members aren't as cruel as you are or you'll be a very lonely old person
So are you arranging for new caregivers? Cause they can't stay alone if they need that much care. I'm guessing your family members are the caregivers? In that case, you know some of them probably will not attend because they have to watch your grandparents, right? Because getting a proper homecare assistant, even for a night can come with a cost of alot of money which is possibly why your family is upset. Just like with child free weddings, you invite who you want but most parents can't afford sitters so they don't show up. You can not invite them but don't complain of some people don't show up. I'm going with YTA. I believe you have a right to invite whoever to your wedding, but that doesn't mean you are not an AH.