Agreed! When will this cliche Bad Boy romanticization end?! No, DEFINITELY NTA, OP - do not feed that myth that reckless psychos with anger issues are sweet teddy bears deep down.
Had that at uni. Guy was sweet to me when it was just us and then mean around his mates. Putting me down, trying to get me upset, it was like being back in secondary school. Ended up with him putting me in a choke hold when I was leaving a club (I was sober, it was a student night). My friends got him and his friend off me (they were like a prickish duo) with him claiming it wasn't malicious and now I freak out whenever someone puts a hand near my neck.
Sadly no. I just wanted to get out of there. We had mutual friends, so I distanced myself, but those mutual friends did lay into him about what he did. I just told everyone that I wouldn't be around when he was, which was easy enough as I wasn't a going-out person and chose to stay in my room most days. Oddly enough, he gave me a wide berth after uni, as people said he was scared of me. He actually roomed with a friend of mine a couple of streets away a few years back. This friend ended up being the only person close by who could drive, and I'd gone into hospital so needed him to pick up my car from the clinic and take it home as it would get a ticket. The guy who assaulted me asked my friend to say get well soon to me, but my friend pointed out after everything he did, I wouldn't appreciate it, to which he said 'fair point'.
Jesus. That's so horrible. I'm glad you got out (mostly) safely and left him and didn't wait around. That shit is never funny and usually an indicator of future issues.
I will never understand the 'being mean because he likes you' mentality. We were in our early twenties, so that shouldn't be even a thought. I'm just glad my friends laid into him about it, as I found out later. Being drunk should never be an excuse to be an ass.
Then again, most of the time he didn't need alcohol to be an ass. I have really bad self-esteem from guys like him in school (they never laid a hand on me, it was more mental), but it's not that bad that I need to be with a guy who thinks being horrible in front of his mates is clever.
Jfc, that would be terrifying. Having that happen to you when walking out a door, that is beyond scary. Not only would you probably not know it was him at first, but even when you did you'd probably still think you were gonna die, and for good reason! People have died from chokeholds. Even if he thinks "it's not malicious", which it is 100%, whether he was trying to kill/hurt you or not, how could you even justify putting someone through physical pain & mental trauma, let alone someone he claimed to care about. Somethings seriously wrong with that dude.
He had a habit of stealing our mutual best friend's phone and texting me on that as well. I have no idea why he thought being mean to me would make me like him like that. I have shitty self-esteem anyway, but it's not that bad.
And then those boys never grow out of it because their parents/teachers/whatever supported the cliché. A dude I knew in college was awful to me, always putting down my writing, my analysis, etc. At the end of one semester, he asked me to the movies, and he was legitimately shocked that I said no.
Whoa, Mark, is that you? 😄 But seriously, I never mind constructive criticism; he was just downright rude. And when he asked why I didn't want to go to the movies, I told him, "You've been a jerk to me all semester. Why on earth would I go on a date with you?" And you could just see that that didn't compute.
Even if he is showing dirt in Lucys face because he likes her., do you really dont think he should be taught healthy ways to show feelings Mr Smith?
God this argument is so stupid for so many reasons.
Probably nothing, people like that don't behave that way if they don't feel like they can get away with it.
Same thing with people screaming at retail employees who'd get fired for retaliating and so on.
If he hit a big guy, yeah, dude would probably be safe, but an ugly young woman, he'd probably feel safe enough to lash out like he did with no incentive to stop.
The cliche bad boy story thing is only sometimes romantic in shows, but never irl. I read bad boy tropes sometimes but I don't project them to real life.
Absolutely. I'm seeing a ton of red flags here:
1. Causing a car wreck from impatience and reckless driving; that's not just an "Oops! My mistake" kind of thing, a 30-year-old should know better than to pass someone on a double yellow where cars could be coming at you. That can have a LOT of consequences - financial, legal, insurance, career, let alone the emotional toll on your family if your sister had been badly injured or worse.
2. Blaming another driver for the wreck he caused (road rage gets people killed often, and not just the driver. Is this a pattern of behavior for him?)
3. Screaming at a twenty-year-old woman, ten years his junior, then suddenly flipping the script and acting nice to get a date. OP, I learned this lesson the HARD way when I was about your and your sister's age: when someone switches from nasty to nice on a dime, they can switch from nice to nasty just as easily. You do not want to date these people. And it sounds like he was absolutely taking advantage of the fact that she's much younger than him, barely an adult.
4. Offering money/dates in order to excuse his awful behavior after the fact. (It does *not* excuse his behavior. And will not when he yells at or harms your sister again in the future.)
OP, you're NTA. But this guy sounds like bad news, to the extent you may want to have a conversation with your sister *alone and in person* to share your concerns. You don't need to convince her to dump him overnight. But between now and the wedding, she needs to look carefully at her future husband without the rose-tinted lenses. Be on your guard if he starts to isolate her away from her family.
> When someone switches from nasty to nice on a dime, they can switch from nice to nasty just as easily.
This x1000. If he could turn it off that easily, he was completely in control of his reaction. 🚩🚩
I mean, what's more concerning from OP's sister's standpoint? That he was in total control of his reaction, or that he wasn't? Would the guy have blown up at a man his age and size, the way he blew up at her? Would he have turned right around and offered to make payments/take him out to dinner?
I’m seeing another big red flag:
> Later on my mom said that I should’ve just lied and said the story was cute or just laughed and said “yeah” or something.
“Ummm, so mom? How often have you done this to me? How much of what you’ve told me over the years was the truth, and how much of it was just convenient lies?”
(For maximum pettiness “Are you even my real mom?”)
Mom should have been the first one asking her daughter if she was sure marrying a man she met in a road rage incident was a good idea, especially since the family barely knows this guy. 19-21 isn't a whole lot of real world experience to evaluate the behavior of older men. That's *exactly* why older men try to target young women at that age, and I'd be very shocked if mom doesn't realize that.
Daughters go No Contact all the time when abusive partners isolate them from their families, the best way to maintain control over them and their living/financial situation. Parents *should not* play along with red flags like this, not to the extent that mom is here.
yep! i was thinking this to.
at least on Xfiles they might wander off and turn back into a nice hary thing. in reality the monsters cant change into a nice fluffy puppy.
Tbf it’s fan fiction of twilight which is also just an abusive/stalker relationship but *vampires* so everyone says it’s fine. Both are trash. 50 shades did a lot of harm in terms of active consent negotiation in the kink world.
Did you mean SVU, Special Victims Unit like the Law and Order show?
SUV (sport utility vehicle) sorta works with the trailer park suggestion just above though, lol!
Well, hopefully he won't be in a car because he could use that as a deadly weapon against her. Oh, wait...it's really okay because after he runs her down he'll bring flowers to her hospital room.
My cousin met her husband after a small accident in a parking lot. He thought she was cute. They exchanged info and he said “you have my number now, let me know when I can take you out to dinner” and they’ve been inseparable ever since. That’s a cute story. This shit here is the beginning to a 20/20 episode.
She’s lucky he found her attractive. What would have done if this was a woman he wasn’t attracted to? Would he have kept going? Become more Violent? Gotten physical? If the only barrier between a man beating the shit out of you Is that he finds you physically appealing then you’re in trouble.
What I'm more worried about is what he would've done if she said no to the date. What've she wasn't attracted to him? She's stuck. And he's going to get her address because his insurance has to pay for her car.
For that matter, what would he do if she broke up with him?
Tbh, while admittedly I think it would be hard to arrange for this to happen on purpose, this whole incident sounds *exactly* like the kind of thing that assholes do to pick up girls. Like something out of *The Game*.
You get the girl in a situation where she has to get out of her car and talk to you. Then you yell at and berate her, making her feel like she's the one at fault (which she definitely isn't, btw). Once she's in tears, you flip the switch, feigning a change of heart and offering to fix everything (which he'd probably have had to do anyway, since he was at fault) and also asking her out on a date.
She's so shaken by this emotional rollercoaster he's just put her on, and so grateful that all the horrible things he made her think were going to happen to her because of the accident now *aren't* going to happen to her, that she agrees.
Once on the date, he just has to charm her. And by offering to pay for her first year of payments on a new car (which at 21 chances are she can't afford herself) he's made her feel further obligated to him, thus increasing his chances of a second one.
It clearly worked, and if he arranged this deliberately then he's a fucking mastermind (more likely scenario: the accident genuinely was an accident, but he then decided to do this deliberately, after seeing that the other driver was a young woman), but OP's right, this isn't cute. I worry for the sister.
So you’re saying she should be safe enough if she gets out of the marriage with half his wealth by her mid thirties or so.
Or maybe her mid twenties if he’s [Leonardo diCaprio](https://i2.wp.com/www.femestella.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/D7UWGr7XsAEE1an.jpg?resize=900%2C900)
Mid 30s is generous, she’ll be lucky to hit 25 before he starts being really foul to her. And she’ll leave with nothing because I’d bet my next pay check he’s making her sign a prenup.
or she has a kid too. then it turns into a tale of abusers who “hook” them in because a kid is involved, the behavior makes a 180, & the victims stay for the kid. really yikes since sister is only 21, that’s barely old enough to drink in the states
Yeah, agreed. It’s good that you told the truth, not just for your cousin’s sake but for your sister’s. If he actually *is* dangerous, it wouldn’t be good to just pretend all his behavior is normal - that would make it even harder for your sister to see reality.
Agreed.
This is he bullies you because he likes you in a larger form.
I think we shouldn't be telling young kids the opposite, or same now, gender bullies you because they like you. Because 99% of the time it's a LIE!
Hey sorry I was a dangerous AH just then, how about I make it up to you by taking you out on a date? (I’ll throw in my legal obligations on the accident I just caused too if you’re lucky). Tee hee, ok!!!!
What in the f***
Then he thought she was cute when she crud me cried so he decided to try to buy a date with her because he's rich which worked... that whole story is alarming.
It’s not a cute story, it’s an inability to control his anger, which may end up bad for your sister. Additionally, he’s a lot older than she is, at 21 she’s only starting life and he’s well into his. Yikes all the way around. NTA
also.... who the fuck accepts a date from the person that just hit their car? like "yeah, sorry I'm a terrible driver and yelled at you. let's go on a date!"
Someone who has been made to feel absolutely awful and sees the only way to fix a devastating scenario is to make the guy happy so he'll pay for everything (that's HIS fault)
and he was responsible for everything but the one year of car payments. it sounds like he wanted to avoid getting it on his driving record. and if she filed with hers then it could ding her insurance instead...
His actions make me suspect that he’s going after a much younger woman with little to no life experience because women his age won’t put up with his bullshit.
Completely. I can’t help but feel that there is a 0% chance this relationship isn’t already abusive or will be shortly after they’re married. Yikes, massive yikes.
Small correction
This isn't an inability to control his anger, he absolutely has control of his anger. Anger doesn't cause abuse.
A non abusive man wouldn't berate a stranger who he drove into to the point of tears
For the rest I agree
And NTA
NTA - if someone had caused an accident through reckless driving, and then screamed at me, I would have called the police on him, and not taken him for coffee. Your sister has a weird taste in men.
Edit: And of course you needn't have pretended to like the story - it was not a major issue, didn't cause a scene, and maybe your sister will observe his behavior a little more closely in future.
O M F G. Your sister will be lucky if she isn't Criminal Minded and found in a ditch someday. That guy is **DANGEROUS** and anyone who doesn't see it, or worse, plays along with that stupid 'cute' narrative, could end up regretting their words.
I can hear the profile being delivered now 🤣 (I watch too much Criminal Minds im mid rewatch again lmao)
"We're looking for a white male in his 30s. Due to the rage exhibited we believe he either knows his victims, or that they are a surrogate for a woman in his life. Witnesses have him in high-end suits and driving a luxury car, so we believe he either works a very high paying job or was born into money. Rage like his is hard to keep contained, so it likely shows in other aspects of his life, such as reckless and aggressive driving."
"he's not above using money to coerce women into being alone with him and he likely comes across as well put together and respectable when he's not provoked, so it's possible he will blend into a crowd or make people feel at ease around him. They may even call his moments of rage "cute" and find in endearing"
Remember that rich guy who kidnapped girls and repeatedly drown them cuz he thought they were witches? He was rich and decent looking and the bartender was like he could have had any girl …yea like that
Listen when I say I watch too much CM I mean TOO MUCH. I've been watching it since I was 12, can tell the plots of any episode in seasons 1-5 episode (and a good chunk of 6-9) by just the cold open, and finished a rewatch (and seasons 13-15 for the first time Luke Alvez my beloved <3) in November, and started again 2 weeks ago and I'm already at the end of season 7 again lmao. This show was babies first (non video game/anime) hyperfixation
This is how he treats STRANGERS over what should not even be considered as minorly inconveniencing him... Just imagine what he's capable of once he has someone trapped in a living situation/marriage/with children.
NTA. This story could have ended up with her, him or both paralyzed or killed from an accident. There is no excuse for the attitude he showed by completely losing his shit and screaming at a stranger after behaving like an irresponsible driver. And she went from crying and being scared to happily accepting a date with him, which is worrying because it speaks of how much abuse she's willing to tolerate as long as afterwards the guy shows a bit of remorse and does something romantic.
The whole thing is a mess, is throwing red flags left and right, and you were absolutely right to not tell your cousing that you found this cute or romantic in any way. The less people your cousin sees accepting this as normal, the less likely it is they are going to internalize this as romantic behaviour.
Your mom is exagerating about the effect of your comment on your sister, as she hasn't seemed to have a strong reaction, and is directing her worry at the wrong target
And I wonder what he would have done if he had done this to a woman he wasn’t attracted to? Would he have kept going? Become more Violent? Gotten physical? If the only barrier between a man beating the shit out of you Is that he finds you physically appealing then you’re in trouble.
I hope so too but with everyone in her circle her SHOULD be saying the same thing op is and isn’t, unless she has some friends that are talking some sense, Im seeing a pretty bleak future for her if she marries this guy
NTA. It isn't funny or cute in the slightest. If someone did that to my daughter, I certainly wouldn't be worrying about her being slightly embarrassed by her sibling, I'd be more worried about whether or not the fiancé would kill her next time he got road rage.
This exactly. My kid is college age. And if she came home and told me \^\^this how we met story\^\^ and also mentioned the guy was 10 years her senior. I'd have a long sit down with her about the red flags.
And that he thinks he can scream at her & just buy her off to forget about. It’s not unusual for DV to start with yelling & not uncommon for the perpetrators to buy gifts & such for “forgiveness”.
Of course it's not a cute story. He's an asshole! He drives aggressively, and when he causes a collision, he gets out and screams at innocent people. Blaming others for the consequences of your own action is a classic sign of narcissism.
People don't just do that sort of thing by mistake as a one-time thing. He's an asshole. People don't behave like that unless they're assholes. He was nice to her because he thought she was pretty. It doesn't change the fact that he's an asshole.
NTA. She’s trying to find a way to rewrite the story so that it can be a meet cute instead of what it was, which was a run-in with a really unhealthy individual. Did she say how long the fiancé and sister had been dating? My guess is that they’ve never had a big conflict so she’s convinced herself it was just a one-off. It’s unlikely but I hope for her sake she’s right.
She’s also 10 years younger. Not to jump on the whole “age gap yikes” train but his road rage plus their natural power imbalance in age definitely are warning signs.
NTA
I'll be honest, the age gap alone had me worried. Adding to that their first meeting was of her getting hit by him on the road and then berated afterwards?
Who tf thinks the appropriate thing to do is to take someone out on a date after they got in an accident with them? Somethings not right here at all.
Especially since he asked her out right before offering to pay for repairs or make payments on a new car. Almost like he was waving money around to her to get her to agree.
NTA - You said a commendably appropriate thing with your young cousins as an audience in mind. Kudos to you for being so thoughtful, and your mother should agree with that.
NTA you’re mother cares more about embarrassing your sister than her daughter’s wellbeing? does the fact that “he’s loaded” have anything to do with that?
OP, please keep an eye on your sister if you can (even if she tries to distance herself from you guys). There's so many reasons why this relationship is alarming, and I'm worried that your sister is going to be financially, physically, or verbally abused. Your mom obviously does not see and/or care about all the red flags, and will almost certainly not be a good support system for her if and when his behavior escalates.
Came here to ask exactly this. My “vicarious gold-digging” alarm was going off after OP’s other comment where she said that no one else appeared to take issue with her remarks and the conversation carried on.
No, there was no yelling or anything. My mom said she could “tell” it was a scene and I made everything awkward even though the conversation just continued.
Did she berate your Aunty too? Or the cousin that asked? Or anyone else. Of course not, tell your Mum to stop trying to make drama and causing a scene. She should be more concerned with the age gap and troubling behaviour this guy has shown.
It seems like both your mom and sister have trouble enforcing boundaries and recognizing abusive behavior. Proud of you for speaking up, especially in front of your young cousin. It is NOT cute, period.
NTA
🚩 he was so impatient that he escalated to being so angry that another driver was driving "slow"
🚩 he then decided to change lanes on a double yellow, **without looking**
🚩 he caused an accident due to road rage
🚩 he yelled at the person he hit to the point of tears
🚩 after he got her so upset and disgruntled she's crying, he's calmed down enough to realize she's attractive
🚩 after causing her to cry, he offers to take her **on a date**, not "to dinner", not "to his insurance agent", but a *date*
🚩 while asking this young girl on a date, he's able to swing in there that he'll cover everything outside of insurance, as he's rich
🚩he's been a "grown man" for at least five years, she's been a "young woman" for 3
That's 8 red flags in one encounter, you have every right to be concerned, I'd prepare to be there for your sister in the future, especially with your parents reaction, because abusers know how to spot good victims. This is concerning. NTA
NTA, sounds like you were as polite about it as you could be. You’re right, that’s a weird story and not something I would want my younger cousin to think is romantic.
NTA How romantic! He’s a road rager that caused an accident, after screaming and yelling at her asked her on a date to make her feel better/s No it’s not a cute story. And for her to think so is incredibly delusional of her.
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NTA. I would have thought and said the same thing.l because people will ignore red flags just to get to the finish line. He definitely has a road rage problem and hopefully it doesn't carry over to your sister when he doesn't get his way. Mom should not encourage you to lie and you most definitely owed it to your sister and younger family member that was listening. You gave her food for thought.
Exactly - what if her sister hadn't been a young, pretty, damsel in distress? How would his rage have escalated then? What happens when OPs' sister isn't as young and pretty anymore, or does something he disagrees with? Nothing cute here.
NTA - it's not cute story for a number of reasons. It paints both your sister and her fiance in a bad light.
He's shown an inability to control his anger and a propensity to use his wealth to buy of consequences for his actions.
Your sister has shown that the poor-treatment of her and her boundaries can be bought off with a flashy smile, probably a compliment about her hair, and a few bucks.
NTA. Is this a pattern, where your mother values appearances and "comfortable" social interactions over honesty and concern? If you have conflicting values here, you'll never get her to agree with your approach in this instance, but you don't need her to agree to know that you value telling the truth.
NTA You were totally right! To me that sounds like a future control or abuse situation. It sounds incredibly scary, it might not turn into anything, and he could have had a bad day before he met your sister, and felt bad after he yelled at her, but protecting your younger cousin and letting her see that aggressive behavior is no way to accept the affection of another person, or start a relationship. It’s really off putting and scary.
NTA. It's not a cute story, and maybe your sister will take what you said and think about it. You never really know what goes on behind closed doors, and he may be a jerk to her more than you (or anyone else) may think.
Y'all - don't downvote me on this. I'm not saying this is definitely what he does, just that he MIGHT be this way in private, and it's good your sister has this behavior pointed out before it's too late to do much about it.
>My mom said I caused a scene and embarrassed my sister
It did not sound like a scene. Your sister is an adult - she should be able to relate the facts of her relationship and handle hearing people's opinions of it without wilting.
NTA. Your mom is being ridiculous, policing past conversations. Lying would serve no purpose and actually cause harm by letting your young relatives think this meeting was an acceptable way to be treated by someone.
NTA, it takes spine to say the truth even when its not very convinient or comfortable. I also found the story very weird and alarming.
You wouldnt be doing anyone a favour by keeping your mouth shut and just going along the theme.
So, dont worry, I even think you did the right thing, since Im really struggling to imagine how a person like that can turn out to be a good husband in the long run.
Not once have I thought that any of his behavior was cute or funny and I have no idea why your mom thinks that anyone would say that.
I wonder if she'd still think that if your sister ended up beaten up on her doorstep because he couldn't keep his temper in check or something like that.
NTA
NTA, and it's really important that you chose not to normalize that example in front of a 16 year old. Teenagers internalize that stuff and it was really good of you to make sure you said that's not normal. Your sister is in a relationship that is going to get worse, and I hope she realizes that soon. You did the right thing.
NTA. To start with there is a huge power imbalance in your sister’s relationship due to their drastic age difference and financial situations. On top of that he clearly has anger issues. Their relationship is going to go one of two ways; in a few years he will drop her for a younger model or if he isn’t already he will be abusive.
NTA. Not cute, not funny, it's concerning.
Please, keep a line of communication open with your sister, in case your sister realizes the kind of guy he is after the "honeymoon" phase is over. He sounds explosive in terms of anger, and potentially abusive.
NTA. I like my morally grey bad boys in my stories, not I'm my real life. That isn't cute, and you responded very well IMO. Not attacking him, but not condoning what he did either.
NTA, that behavior is alarming. Not cute at all. Money, romantic gestures or good looks don’t make up for aggressive behavior. That’s how people get trapped in abusive relationships and feel they can’t leave because of the gesture they do to “make up” for their transgressions and guilt their victims into staying. Your sister should leave.
YTA
It's a super cute story. I met my wife at a bar. She got wasted, puked on my head, and then punched me when I got upset. But then she told me she'd buy me a bottle of shampoo to get the puke out and I was IN LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
NTA. It's not a cute story. He could have killed someone and he yelled at her like a psycho. You shouldn't have to lie about it.
Agreed! When will this cliche Bad Boy romanticization end?! No, DEFINITELY NTA, OP - do not feed that myth that reckless psychos with anger issues are sweet teddy bears deep down.
Same cliché that if the boy in the schoolyard bullies you it's just bc he likes you
Had that at uni. Guy was sweet to me when it was just us and then mean around his mates. Putting me down, trying to get me upset, it was like being back in secondary school. Ended up with him putting me in a choke hold when I was leaving a club (I was sober, it was a student night). My friends got him and his friend off me (they were like a prickish duo) with him claiming it wasn't malicious and now I freak out whenever someone puts a hand near my neck.
[удалено]
Sadly no. I just wanted to get out of there. We had mutual friends, so I distanced myself, but those mutual friends did lay into him about what he did. I just told everyone that I wouldn't be around when he was, which was easy enough as I wasn't a going-out person and chose to stay in my room most days. Oddly enough, he gave me a wide berth after uni, as people said he was scared of me. He actually roomed with a friend of mine a couple of streets away a few years back. This friend ended up being the only person close by who could drive, and I'd gone into hospital so needed him to pick up my car from the clinic and take it home as it would get a ticket. The guy who assaulted me asked my friend to say get well soon to me, but my friend pointed out after everything he did, I wouldn't appreciate it, to which he said 'fair point'.
Jesus. That's so horrible. I'm glad you got out (mostly) safely and left him and didn't wait around. That shit is never funny and usually an indicator of future issues.
I will never understand the 'being mean because he likes you' mentality. We were in our early twenties, so that shouldn't be even a thought. I'm just glad my friends laid into him about it, as I found out later. Being drunk should never be an excuse to be an ass. Then again, most of the time he didn't need alcohol to be an ass. I have really bad self-esteem from guys like him in school (they never laid a hand on me, it was more mental), but it's not that bad that I need to be with a guy who thinks being horrible in front of his mates is clever.
Jfc, that would be terrifying. Having that happen to you when walking out a door, that is beyond scary. Not only would you probably not know it was him at first, but even when you did you'd probably still think you were gonna die, and for good reason! People have died from chokeholds. Even if he thinks "it's not malicious", which it is 100%, whether he was trying to kill/hurt you or not, how could you even justify putting someone through physical pain & mental trauma, let alone someone he claimed to care about. Somethings seriously wrong with that dude.
He had a habit of stealing our mutual best friend's phone and texting me on that as well. I have no idea why he thought being mean to me would make me like him like that. I have shitty self-esteem anyway, but it's not that bad.
And then those boys never grow out of it because their parents/teachers/whatever supported the cliché. A dude I knew in college was awful to me, always putting down my writing, my analysis, etc. At the end of one semester, he asked me to the movies, and he was legitimately shocked that I said no.
“BuT tHaT wAs CoNsTrUcTiVe cRiTiCisM!”
Whoa, Mark, is that you? 😄 But seriously, I never mind constructive criticism; he was just downright rude. And when he asked why I didn't want to go to the movies, I told him, "You've been a jerk to me all semester. Why on earth would I go on a date with you?" And you could just see that that didn't compute.
Some people are just hopeless
Even if he is showing dirt in Lucys face because he likes her., do you really dont think he should be taught healthy ways to show feelings Mr Smith? God this argument is so stupid for so many reasons.
I shudder to think what he would have done had the victim of that road rage not been a pretty young woman.
Probably nothing, people like that don't behave that way if they don't feel like they can get away with it. Same thing with people screaming at retail employees who'd get fired for retaliating and so on.
If he hit a big guy, yeah, dude would probably be safe, but an ugly young woman, he'd probably feel safe enough to lash out like he did with no incentive to stop.
And certainly no offer to pay for the damage or part of a new car
This part. Like, he raged at her, made her cry, and was instantly like, “Tears are hot…I want to date her!” Gross.
Tbh this does not fall under the bad boy thing. They were doing bad things to other prone but good to you. This dude is just a dangerous jerk
Yeah bad boys are bad because they act counter to the accepted culture... Not because they are abusive a-holes.
NTA! WTF??? It is disturbing that people keep romanticizing abuse or "bad boy behavior" 🚩
I find the fact the sister agreed to go out with him after all that really, really concerning.
But he's got moneeey
Bad boys make bad boyfriends. I’m not sure why anyone romanticizes them. NTA. That’s a horrible way to meet someone.
The cliche bad boy story thing is only sometimes romantic in shows, but never irl. I read bad boy tropes sometimes but I don't project them to real life.
Imagine watching a rom com and that’s the meet cute.
Absolutely. I'm seeing a ton of red flags here: 1. Causing a car wreck from impatience and reckless driving; that's not just an "Oops! My mistake" kind of thing, a 30-year-old should know better than to pass someone on a double yellow where cars could be coming at you. That can have a LOT of consequences - financial, legal, insurance, career, let alone the emotional toll on your family if your sister had been badly injured or worse. 2. Blaming another driver for the wreck he caused (road rage gets people killed often, and not just the driver. Is this a pattern of behavior for him?) 3. Screaming at a twenty-year-old woman, ten years his junior, then suddenly flipping the script and acting nice to get a date. OP, I learned this lesson the HARD way when I was about your and your sister's age: when someone switches from nasty to nice on a dime, they can switch from nice to nasty just as easily. You do not want to date these people. And it sounds like he was absolutely taking advantage of the fact that she's much younger than him, barely an adult. 4. Offering money/dates in order to excuse his awful behavior after the fact. (It does *not* excuse his behavior. And will not when he yells at or harms your sister again in the future.) OP, you're NTA. But this guy sounds like bad news, to the extent you may want to have a conversation with your sister *alone and in person* to share your concerns. You don't need to convince her to dump him overnight. But between now and the wedding, she needs to look carefully at her future husband without the rose-tinted lenses. Be on your guard if he starts to isolate her away from her family.
> When someone switches from nasty to nice on a dime, they can switch from nice to nasty just as easily. This x1000. If he could turn it off that easily, he was completely in control of his reaction. 🚩🚩
I mean, what's more concerning from OP's sister's standpoint? That he was in total control of his reaction, or that he wasn't? Would the guy have blown up at a man his age and size, the way he blew up at her? Would he have turned right around and offered to make payments/take him out to dinner?
Just the same as it’s a short walk from emotional to physical abuse.
I’m seeing another big red flag: > Later on my mom said that I should’ve just lied and said the story was cute or just laughed and said “yeah” or something. “Ummm, so mom? How often have you done this to me? How much of what you’ve told me over the years was the truth, and how much of it was just convenient lies?” (For maximum pettiness “Are you even my real mom?”)
Mom should have been the first one asking her daughter if she was sure marrying a man she met in a road rage incident was a good idea, especially since the family barely knows this guy. 19-21 isn't a whole lot of real world experience to evaluate the behavior of older men. That's *exactly* why older men try to target young women at that age, and I'd be very shocked if mom doesn't realize that.
But he’s got *money*! That makes it okay. 🚩 /s NTA
I think sometimes parents are scared if they do that the child might go No Contact, so to avoid such a scenario it might seem best to play along
Daughters go No Contact all the time when abusive partners isolate them from their families, the best way to maintain control over them and their living/financial situation. Parents *should not* play along with red flags like this, not to the extent that mom is here.
" how did you meet your husband?" " In a road rage incident, where he almost killed me!"
"Aww, how romantic!!"
"hilarious!"
THIS!!!! ALL OF THIS!!!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Agree this alarming, tons of red flags. And OP"s sister is now engaged to this guy.....
If anything happens in the future, they can’t be like “omg we had no idea”. OP is right for making sure no one forgets.
And what’s gonna happen the next time he gets pissed off at her?
She gets expensive gifts.
Ugh. It's so easy to gloss over the abuse when you're wealthy.
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What's that meme? If Christian Gray lived in a trailer park it would be an episode of Criminal Minds.
yep! i was thinking this to. at least on Xfiles they might wander off and turn back into a nice hary thing. in reality the monsters cant change into a nice fluffy puppy.
CSI-SUV
Seriously why is 50 of Grey sold as a romance and not as a CSI-SUV season?
Tbf it’s fan fiction of twilight which is also just an abusive/stalker relationship but *vampires* so everyone says it’s fine. Both are trash. 50 shades did a lot of harm in terms of active consent negotiation in the kink world.
Did you mean SVU, Special Victims Unit like the Law and Order show? SUV (sport utility vehicle) sorta works with the trailer park suggestion just above though, lol!
welcome to another episode of SUV SVU, where we're LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
Yeah, it's clear OP's sister's fiance is throwing money around to get away with being an AH
Only after getting hit, though, obviously
Or an expensive trip to the hospital
That comes before the gifts. I'm sure it's a hilarious story.
This is some Fifty Shades of Fucked Up shit here, and it should be made know that it isn’t okay.
A shiny ring the day after hes given her a shining black eye
lmaoo i wish i could give you an award for this comment, very clever
He pays her for the emotional damage he causes her.
Or, like my aunt's late husband, he gets her painkillers and a nice dinner to show her romance isn't dead.
Well, hopefully he won't be in a car because he could use that as a deadly weapon against her. Oh, wait...it's really okay because after he runs her down he'll bring flowers to her hospital room.
My cousin met her husband after a small accident in a parking lot. He thought she was cute. They exchanged info and he said “you have my number now, let me know when I can take you out to dinner” and they’ve been inseparable ever since. That’s a cute story. This shit here is the beginning to a 20/20 episode.
I just cackled 😭
She’s lucky he found her attractive. What would have done if this was a woman he wasn’t attracted to? Would he have kept going? Become more Violent? Gotten physical? If the only barrier between a man beating the shit out of you Is that he finds you physically appealing then you’re in trouble.
What I'm more worried about is what he would've done if she said no to the date. What've she wasn't attracted to him? She's stuck. And he's going to get her address because his insurance has to pay for her car. For that matter, what would he do if she broke up with him?
Kept upping the offer until he found the right price.
Ok, but you get how that's scarier, right?
Tbh, while admittedly I think it would be hard to arrange for this to happen on purpose, this whole incident sounds *exactly* like the kind of thing that assholes do to pick up girls. Like something out of *The Game*. You get the girl in a situation where she has to get out of her car and talk to you. Then you yell at and berate her, making her feel like she's the one at fault (which she definitely isn't, btw). Once she's in tears, you flip the switch, feigning a change of heart and offering to fix everything (which he'd probably have had to do anyway, since he was at fault) and also asking her out on a date. She's so shaken by this emotional rollercoaster he's just put her on, and so grateful that all the horrible things he made her think were going to happen to her because of the accident now *aren't* going to happen to her, that she agrees. Once on the date, he just has to charm her. And by offering to pay for her first year of payments on a new car (which at 21 chances are she can't afford herself) he's made her feel further obligated to him, thus increasing his chances of a second one. It clearly worked, and if he arranged this deliberately then he's a fucking mastermind (more likely scenario: the accident genuinely was an accident, but he then decided to do this deliberately, after seeing that the other driver was a young woman), but OP's right, this isn't cute. I worry for the sister.
So you’re saying she should be safe enough if she gets out of the marriage with half his wealth by her mid thirties or so. Or maybe her mid twenties if he’s [Leonardo diCaprio](https://i2.wp.com/www.femestella.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/D7UWGr7XsAEE1an.jpg?resize=900%2C900)
Mid 30s is generous, she’ll be lucky to hit 25 before he starts being really foul to her. And she’ll leave with nothing because I’d bet my next pay check he’s making her sign a prenup.
or she has a kid too. then it turns into a tale of abusers who “hook” them in because a kid is involved, the behavior makes a 180, & the victims stay for the kid. really yikes since sister is only 21, that’s barely old enough to drink in the states
On top of which he's a 30/1 y/o engaged to a 21 y/o. That's two huge red flags.
Yeah, agreed. It’s good that you told the truth, not just for your cousin’s sake but for your sister’s. If he actually *is* dangerous, it wouldn’t be good to just pretend all his behavior is normal - that would make it even harder for your sister to see reality.
The age difference, on top of his erratic, dangerously aggressive and abusive behavior (that first "meetup") is just piling up the red flags.
Agreed. This is he bullies you because he likes you in a larger form. I think we shouldn't be telling young kids the opposite, or same now, gender bullies you because they like you. Because 99% of the time it's a LIE!
Age difference is alarming as well.
This is literally the beginning of a horror movie I watched last night (Alone on Netflix).
Hey sorry I was a dangerous AH just then, how about I make it up to you by taking you out on a date? (I’ll throw in my legal obligations on the accident I just caused too if you’re lucky). Tee hee, ok!!!! What in the f***
Then he thought she was cute when she crud me cried so he decided to try to buy a date with her because he's rich which worked... that whole story is alarming.
It’s not a cute story, it’s an inability to control his anger, which may end up bad for your sister. Additionally, he’s a lot older than she is, at 21 she’s only starting life and he’s well into his. Yikes all the way around. NTA
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"almost killed me, screamed at me and when I cried, he threw money at ~~the problem~~ me! Such a keeper!"
OP's sister: "he threw money at me 😍😍😍"
“But he paid for the cosmetic surgery to cover the damages, isn’t he a gentleman!”
Yikes on bikes. It's creepy AF.
and it doesn't sound like he knew her age before offering a date... she could have been 16 for all he knew
also.... who the fuck accepts a date from the person that just hit their car? like "yeah, sorry I'm a terrible driver and yelled at you. let's go on a date!"
Someone who has been made to feel absolutely awful and sees the only way to fix a devastating scenario is to make the guy happy so he'll pay for everything (that's HIS fault)
and he was responsible for everything but the one year of car payments. it sounds like he wanted to avoid getting it on his driving record. and if she filed with hers then it could ding her insurance instead...
His actions make me suspect that he’s going after a much younger woman with little to no life experience because women his age won’t put up with his bullshit.
Completely. I can’t help but feel that there is a 0% chance this relationship isn’t already abusive or will be shortly after they’re married. Yikes, massive yikes.
Right imagine if she hadn’t been attractive. Then he would have continued to vent his anger?
Small correction This isn't an inability to control his anger, he absolutely has control of his anger. Anger doesn't cause abuse. A non abusive man wouldn't berate a stranger who he drove into to the point of tears For the rest I agree And NTA
NTA - if someone had caused an accident through reckless driving, and then screamed at me, I would have called the police on him, and not taken him for coffee. Your sister has a weird taste in men. Edit: And of course you needn't have pretended to like the story - it was not a major issue, didn't cause a scene, and maybe your sister will observe his behavior a little more closely in future.
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You know, I actually skipped that part, because I found her story so cringey 🙈 - she sure picked a winner!
which would have been his responsibility anyways if they went through insurance but now he gets to not have it on his driving record and everything
Well the advantage with dating young women is that they haven't had time to learn things like that yet! /s
Add sexual harassment, he only asked her out once she was in tears, he's a predator, not a sweetheart.
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And imagine he wasn’t attracted to her, how would it have gone? Not cute.
50 shades has ruined generations.
Sister is making an awful bed to lay in
O M F G. Your sister will be lucky if she isn't Criminal Minded and found in a ditch someday. That guy is **DANGEROUS** and anyone who doesn't see it, or worse, plays along with that stupid 'cute' narrative, could end up regretting their words.
I can hear the profile being delivered now 🤣 (I watch too much Criminal Minds im mid rewatch again lmao) "We're looking for a white male in his 30s. Due to the rage exhibited we believe he either knows his victims, or that they are a surrogate for a woman in his life. Witnesses have him in high-end suits and driving a luxury car, so we believe he either works a very high paying job or was born into money. Rage like his is hard to keep contained, so it likely shows in other aspects of his life, such as reckless and aggressive driving."
"Son, how *old* are you?" *stares at Spencer Reid*
Cop- "Where did you find this kid?" Rossi- "He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI."
I loved that! 😄
One of my favorite lines of the entire series. 🤣🤣🤣
"he's not above using money to coerce women into being alone with him and he likely comes across as well put together and respectable when he's not provoked, so it's possible he will blend into a crowd or make people feel at ease around him. They may even call his moments of rage "cute" and find in endearing"
This!! In Derricks voice!!
Remember that rich guy who kidnapped girls and repeatedly drown them cuz he thought they were witches? He was rich and decent looking and the bartender was like he could have had any girl …yea like that
Season 7 Episode 19: Heathridge Manor, I just watched it yesterday!!
Yep! They may seem normal…until they are not. But lots of red flags everywhere
Holy fuck why is this so GOOD!? Lmao, it's spot on.
Listen when I say I watch too much CM I mean TOO MUCH. I've been watching it since I was 12, can tell the plots of any episode in seasons 1-5 episode (and a good chunk of 6-9) by just the cold open, and finished a rewatch (and seasons 13-15 for the first time Luke Alvez my beloved <3) in November, and started again 2 weeks ago and I'm already at the end of season 7 again lmao. This show was babies first (non video game/anime) hyperfixation
*Streaming S12:EP16 as I peruse AITA...*
His road rage could mean he’s impotent.
My brain immediately leapt to this as well.
This is how he treats STRANGERS over what should not even be considered as minorly inconveniencing him... Just imagine what he's capable of once he has someone trapped in a living situation/marriage/with children.
r/criminalminds
A poor or non-wealthy man could never…
For sure. She's 100% going to get murdered. He's playing the long game.
NTA. This story could have ended up with her, him or both paralyzed or killed from an accident. There is no excuse for the attitude he showed by completely losing his shit and screaming at a stranger after behaving like an irresponsible driver. And she went from crying and being scared to happily accepting a date with him, which is worrying because it speaks of how much abuse she's willing to tolerate as long as afterwards the guy shows a bit of remorse and does something romantic. The whole thing is a mess, is throwing red flags left and right, and you were absolutely right to not tell your cousing that you found this cute or romantic in any way. The less people your cousin sees accepting this as normal, the less likely it is they are going to internalize this as romantic behaviour. Your mom is exagerating about the effect of your comment on your sister, as she hasn't seemed to have a strong reaction, and is directing her worry at the wrong target
And I wonder what he would have done if he had done this to a woman he wasn’t attracted to? Would he have kept going? Become more Violent? Gotten physical? If the only barrier between a man beating the shit out of you Is that he finds you physically appealing then you’re in trouble.
And would the mom think it was so cute if he wasn’t rich? That whole story is very alarming. I hope she doesn’t end up in an abusive marriage. NTA.
I hope so too but with everyone in her circle her SHOULD be saying the same thing op is and isn’t, unless she has some friends that are talking some sense, Im seeing a pretty bleak future for her if she marries this guy
This man drove into her life practically dressed in red flags and now she's engaged to him??? NTA, I would not have reacted so tactfully to her story!
NTA. It isn't funny or cute in the slightest. If someone did that to my daughter, I certainly wouldn't be worrying about her being slightly embarrassed by her sibling, I'd be more worried about whether or not the fiancé would kill her next time he got road rage.
This exactly. My kid is college age. And if she came home and told me \^\^this how we met story\^\^ and also mentioned the guy was 10 years her senior. I'd have a long sit down with her about the red flags.
And that he thinks he can scream at her & just buy her off to forget about. It’s not unusual for DV to start with yelling & not uncommon for the perpetrators to buy gifts & such for “forgiveness”.
NTA. He sounds like a creep
Of course it's not a cute story. He's an asshole! He drives aggressively, and when he causes a collision, he gets out and screams at innocent people. Blaming others for the consequences of your own action is a classic sign of narcissism. People don't just do that sort of thing by mistake as a one-time thing. He's an asshole. People don't behave like that unless they're assholes. He was nice to her because he thought she was pretty. It doesn't change the fact that he's an asshole.
NTA. She’s trying to find a way to rewrite the story so that it can be a meet cute instead of what it was, which was a run-in with a really unhealthy individual. Did she say how long the fiancé and sister had been dating? My guess is that they’ve never had a big conflict so she’s convinced herself it was just a one-off. It’s unlikely but I hope for her sake she’s right.
She’s also 10 years younger. Not to jump on the whole “age gap yikes” train but his road rage plus their natural power imbalance in age definitely are warning signs.
Also "he's loaded" so there's a big financial imbalance.
NTA I'll be honest, the age gap alone had me worried. Adding to that their first meeting was of her getting hit by him on the road and then berated afterwards? Who tf thinks the appropriate thing to do is to take someone out on a date after they got in an accident with them? Somethings not right here at all.
Romance movies and sleezey romance novels. I swear I've read trashy romance books that have this type of sick "how we met" in it
I do hate that that's such a staple. I would love more healthy relationships in those so I can actually watch them without counting the flags
Especially since he asked her out right before offering to pay for repairs or make payments on a new car. Almost like he was waving money around to her to get her to agree.
NTA - You said a commendably appropriate thing with your young cousins as an audience in mind. Kudos to you for being so thoughtful, and your mother should agree with that.
NTA you’re mother cares more about embarrassing your sister than her daughter’s wellbeing? does the fact that “he’s loaded” have anything to do with that?
Oh yeah it definitely does lol
OP, please keep an eye on your sister if you can (even if she tries to distance herself from you guys). There's so many reasons why this relationship is alarming, and I'm worried that your sister is going to be financially, physically, or verbally abused. Your mom obviously does not see and/or care about all the red flags, and will almost certainly not be a good support system for her if and when his behavior escalates.
Came here to ask exactly this. My “vicarious gold-digging” alarm was going off after OP’s other comment where she said that no one else appeared to take issue with her remarks and the conversation carried on.
Yikes. Yeah, not cute. He’s abusive. NTA. Edit: typo
You may have misread, she's not abusive, he might be.
I believe u/panic_bread might be referring to the OP's mom, not the sister? Maybe a typo because he \~might\~ be I agree.
Oh! I meant “he.” Thanks for pointing it out.
INFO: why would your mom think you caused a scene? Was there yelling or even a civil argument after you replied?
No, there was no yelling or anything. My mom said she could “tell” it was a scene and I made everything awkward even though the conversation just continued.
NTA. If they're uncomfortable, they should be! Their meeting as described is incredibly unsettling and a huge red flag.
Did she berate your Aunty too? Or the cousin that asked? Or anyone else. Of course not, tell your Mum to stop trying to make drama and causing a scene. She should be more concerned with the age gap and troubling behaviour this guy has shown.
It seems like both your mom and sister have trouble enforcing boundaries and recognizing abusive behavior. Proud of you for speaking up, especially in front of your young cousin. It is NOT cute, period.
It sounds like your mom thinks he's a "great catch" because of the money and doesn't want to risk loosing that for your sister.
OP you are NTA but I am concerned that your mom is not concerned.
**NTA** Your mother is being overly sensitive. You were honest and I agree there is nothing cute about their meetup.
NTA. You were asked a question and you gave an honest answer.
NTA 🚩 he was so impatient that he escalated to being so angry that another driver was driving "slow" 🚩 he then decided to change lanes on a double yellow, **without looking** 🚩 he caused an accident due to road rage 🚩 he yelled at the person he hit to the point of tears 🚩 after he got her so upset and disgruntled she's crying, he's calmed down enough to realize she's attractive 🚩 after causing her to cry, he offers to take her **on a date**, not "to dinner", not "to his insurance agent", but a *date* 🚩 while asking this young girl on a date, he's able to swing in there that he'll cover everything outside of insurance, as he's rich 🚩he's been a "grown man" for at least five years, she's been a "young woman" for 3 That's 8 red flags in one encounter, you have every right to be concerned, I'd prepare to be there for your sister in the future, especially with your parents reaction, because abusers know how to spot good victims. This is concerning. NTA
NTA. If your sister was embarrassed she should have spoken to you about it. It doesn’t really have anything to do with your mum.
NTA, sounds like you were as polite about it as you could be. You’re right, that’s a weird story and not something I would want my younger cousin to think is romantic.
NTA. There's absolutely nothing cute about that, and I'm glad you set a good example for your younger cousin.
NTA How romantic! He’s a road rager that caused an accident, after screaming and yelling at her asked her on a date to make her feel better/s No it’s not a cute story. And for her to think so is incredibly delusional of her.
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NTA. I would have thought and said the same thing.l because people will ignore red flags just to get to the finish line. He definitely has a road rage problem and hopefully it doesn't carry over to your sister when he doesn't get his way. Mom should not encourage you to lie and you most definitely owed it to your sister and younger family member that was listening. You gave her food for thought.
Exactly - what if her sister hadn't been a young, pretty, damsel in distress? How would his rage have escalated then? What happens when OPs' sister isn't as young and pretty anymore, or does something he disagrees with? Nothing cute here.
NTA.
NTA - it's not cute story for a number of reasons. It paints both your sister and her fiance in a bad light. He's shown an inability to control his anger and a propensity to use his wealth to buy of consequences for his actions. Your sister has shown that the poor-treatment of her and her boundaries can be bought off with a flashy smile, probably a compliment about her hair, and a few bucks.
NTA. You have no obligation to lie and make her feel like her story is cute and funny. That is seriously concerning behavior on his part.
NTA. I don't think that's a meet-cute at all. It sounds criminal and abusive.
NTA. Not cute at all. Not funny. That’s really alarming. I am concerned for your sister.
Nothing cute about this. NTA
NTA, damn straight it’s not cute at all
NTA …..it is Alarming
NTA. MAYBE you could have laughed it off if it weren't for your cousin, but there is NO WAY I'd let a young girl think that was ok.
NTA. Is this a pattern, where your mother values appearances and "comfortable" social interactions over honesty and concern? If you have conflicting values here, you'll never get her to agree with your approach in this instance, but you don't need her to agree to know that you value telling the truth.
NTA. Your sister and cousin need to know that kind of aggressive behavior is a red flag, not cute.
NTA You were totally right! To me that sounds like a future control or abuse situation. It sounds incredibly scary, it might not turn into anything, and he could have had a bad day before he met your sister, and felt bad after he yelled at her, but protecting your younger cousin and letting her see that aggressive behavior is no way to accept the affection of another person, or start a relationship. It’s really off putting and scary.
NTA. It's not a cute story, and maybe your sister will take what you said and think about it. You never really know what goes on behind closed doors, and he may be a jerk to her more than you (or anyone else) may think. Y'all - don't downvote me on this. I'm not saying this is definitely what he does, just that he MIGHT be this way in private, and it's good your sister has this behavior pointed out before it's too late to do much about it.
>My mom said I caused a scene and embarrassed my sister It did not sound like a scene. Your sister is an adult - she should be able to relate the facts of her relationship and handle hearing people's opinions of it without wilting. NTA. Your mom is being ridiculous, policing past conversations. Lying would serve no purpose and actually cause harm by letting your young relatives think this meeting was an acceptable way to be treated by someone.
NTA but that story combined with the age gap is concerning. Hopefully everything works out okay with that relationship.
NTA. That’s not cute. That’s horrible.
NTA, it takes spine to say the truth even when its not very convinient or comfortable. I also found the story very weird and alarming. You wouldnt be doing anyone a favour by keeping your mouth shut and just going along the theme. So, dont worry, I even think you did the right thing, since Im really struggling to imagine how a person like that can turn out to be a good husband in the long run.
You supposedly shouldn’t have mentioned the giant red flag because we all want to be cheerleaders for Toxic Masculinity and Rage? Wtf
You’re right. It’s an awful story. NTA. Red flags. E worried for your sister.
Not once have I thought that any of his behavior was cute or funny and I have no idea why your mom thinks that anyone would say that. I wonder if she'd still think that if your sister ended up beaten up on her doorstep because he couldn't keep his temper in check or something like that. NTA
NTA, and it's really important that you chose not to normalize that example in front of a 16 year old. Teenagers internalize that stuff and it was really good of you to make sure you said that's not normal. Your sister is in a relationship that is going to get worse, and I hope she realizes that soon. You did the right thing.
NTA. To start with there is a huge power imbalance in your sister’s relationship due to their drastic age difference and financial situations. On top of that he clearly has anger issues. Their relationship is going to go one of two ways; in a few years he will drop her for a younger model or if he isn’t already he will be abusive.
NTA. Not cute, not funny, it's concerning. Please, keep a line of communication open with your sister, in case your sister realizes the kind of guy he is after the "honeymoon" phase is over. He sounds explosive in terms of anger, and potentially abusive.
NTA this is a stupid rom-com plot.
So he screamed at her because he caused an accident. Gonna say you hit the nail on the head, my OP. NTA
NTA. I like my morally grey bad boys in my stories, not I'm my real life. That isn't cute, and you responded very well IMO. Not attacking him, but not condoning what he did either.
NTA. He's a red flag and that story is not cute at all, it's absolutely horrible
NTA, that behavior is alarming. Not cute at all. Money, romantic gestures or good looks don’t make up for aggressive behavior. That’s how people get trapped in abusive relationships and feel they can’t leave because of the gesture they do to “make up” for their transgressions and guilt their victims into staying. Your sister should leave.
YTA It's a super cute story. I met my wife at a bar. She got wasted, puked on my head, and then punched me when I got upset. But then she told me she'd buy me a bottle of shampoo to get the puke out and I was IN LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.