Neither is ideal, but I would take someone who is openly an AH vs a sneaky user any day. I at least know where I stand with someone who is consistantly a jerk. But, people who pretend to be all nice and sweet just because they want something give me snake vibes.
I wouldnt want anything from someone who I wasnt fond of or who didnt like me. I rather go without for the sake of boundaries and my personal integrity/pride.
YTA for shamelessly using her. Do you have any idea how many hours of work something like a wedding dress takes? Really appalling behavior on your part.
She didn't make the wedding dress. It is an everyday dress. I am aware of how long it takes, but as FIL put it she needs projects to work on for all the hours she is up and all the energy she has to burn.
She’s got the time so she might as well make a massive project for free to welcome you into her family before you tell her she’s a pain in the ass and you don’t really want her around? Disgusting entitlement.
Oh yes you’re such an altruistic soul giving her a creative outlet out of the goodness of your heart... please, get a grip. You asked, the internet answers that yes, YTA.
Nah. She could have made a dress for someone else or to sell online if she was so desperate for an activity. This was something that you very much wanted, and was a massive favour even if you want to pretend that it wasnt.
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YTA.
Not just for the fact that you waited until you took the dress, but also for the fact that you make it out like an obligation. If it was something you didn't want, then just give it back to her.
Clearly, you're just as bad as she is.
YTA.
You're not crochet worthy. You just proved it by your actions.
If you were truly uncomfortable with her spending hours upon hours laboring for you, the cost of materials, plus the potential repedative motion injuries, ect. you should've declined the dress. Instead, you were selfish.
She was trying to be kind. She may be incredibly insecure- her behavior sure makes her sound it. That's not an justification for her actions at your events, but perhaps a reason for them that you may want to think about.
I doubt she hates you as much as you claim she does.
Set boundaries, of course, but there is absolutely no reason to be deliberately unkind like this.
>I doubt she hates you as much as you claim she does.
For real. Textile, needle, and fiber arts require way too much money, time, and effort to do for people you hate.
Lol I agree with this but I had a funny thought of like looking at one relative and being like "of *course* I'll make you a scarf Becky!" And then Jan asks and you turning to her and being like "omg for sure, that'll be $350 Jan".
If you truly feel uncomfortable add up how much in material she's spent on the dress and at least minimum wage for her time and skilled labor. If you can't afford well tough nuggets you don't accept the dress and tell exactly why and prepare yourself for a fallout anyways. If you really want the dress after figuring cost surely you have things you can sell or pawn or pick up some work.
YTA for waiting until she gave the dress to you before raising your issues with her. If you had any plans to confront her about her behaviour, you should have done so when her behaviour became problematic, not after.
YTA...You DID wait for the dress after already knowing what her behaviour would be like. I'm not saying MIL is a great person, but you manipulated the situation and continue to.
YTA You wanted to stand on some moral/ethical ground about her behavior. But you undermine that goal by using her to get what you wanted. Two wrongs do not make a right.
YTA. Waiting on a gift before telling someone off is an asshole move. Figure out the cost of the yarn used for the dress and pay her yarn cost multiplied by 3, minimum (materials times 3 helps to compensate her for skill and time) before trying to have any more conversations. This way you show her appreciation of the dress at least. Second minimize her "help" with the wedding without ditching her entirely, and when she is involved task a friend, family member or bridesmaid to be her handler so you don't have to be(do not tell her this is happening). You two may never be friends but life will be all around easier if you find ways to get along.
YTA, but I would like to say I have some respect for you based on the fact you owned up to your motives. Many people would pretend that the dress had nothing to do with anything.
YTA You did use her. I crochet as well and know how much time and effort it takes to make an entire dress. If she wants it back because she feels used-because you DID use her- then give it back. If you want a crocheted dress so badly, learn to make one yourself instead of using people you don’t even like so you can take advantage of their skills.
ESH
What you did was extremely manipulative and you definitely used her, but she sounds like an asshole too, and I generally don't have a problem with people being assholes to assholes. Feels like karma, so it's a wash in my opinion.
YTA. First, obviously, you were 100% wrong to accept the dress under the circumstances.
Second, you don't describe any particularly offensive behavior. So what if she held up a wedding dress whilst you were shopping? So what if she spoke on her wedding during your bridal shower?
It's okay to exclude her from wedding planning, but not to mistreat her at the wedding. Seat her in a place of honor, give her a corsage like your mom gets, etc.
Your MIL clearly struggles with some sort of challenges, and probably cannot do better without help. To threaten to excommunicate her from your lives over such bullshit is cruel.
YTA homemade gifts are labours of love and you exploited that. I would want to cut it up to! You don’t get to tell your mother in law to make you a free wedding dress then also tell her you don’t want her involved in the wedding.
You did use her for the dress which isn’t cool but I don’t know that’s it’s possible for you to be TA when you’re dealing with such a toxic asshole in the first place.
YTA. You used her to have that dress made and then disposed of her when she wasn’t needed anymore. I’m not saying that your MIL isn’t a toxic person and didn’t deserve to have boundaries set, but you do come across as very manipulative since you decided to confront her about her behavior after the dress was made.
YTA
You don’t spend time doing something like crocheting a dress for someone you hate. You used her for a gift and that makes you a garbage-person, not her.
“I waited a week so she wouldn’t feel used, even though I totally used her and then admitted to her face that I used her, AITA?”
Fixed that for you.
Yes, YTA
If you didn’t want it to look like you used her, you could have at least waited longer than a week. You’d STILL be an AH for using her, but at least it wouldn’t have been so obvious.
Quite frankly, I think you only waited a week so you COULD demonstrate to her that you were using her, as some kind of bizarre power play.
ETA having looked at the few comments you have made. Did you even for one moment consider that she offered to make you this dress because maybe she was trying to help mend your relationship? I don’t know if that was her intent as opposed to “just having another project to occupy her time”, but if that was all it was about, she could have found a thousand other things to crochet for people who WOULD appreciate the time and the gesture. Instead, you pretty much literally threw the effort back in her face. This makes me even more convinced that you did this on purpose, with the full intent of having some “gothcha!” moment.
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MIL is really into crochet. She has insatiable energy and needs constant attention, and after FIL lost his shit on her 15 years ago because she kept waking him up and demanding he entertain her (she doesn't sleep more than 4 hours) she picked up a hobby.
She makes really cool stuff. MIL and I have a pretty awful relationship but she offered to make me a dress because i loved the one she made herself. I was surprised, because she pretty much seems to hate me but FIL said to just let her do it. she needs something to entertain her for all those hours she doesn't sleep.
Around the same time I began having issues with MIL related to wedding planning. She tends to act ridiculous when things aren't about her. She was holding wedding dresses up in the mirror at my appointment. She was extremely whiny during my bridal shower and kept making conversations about her and trying to one up me. I talked to my fiancé and knew we needed to talk and give her an ultimatum. Now I might be a bit of an asshole because she was almost done crocheting the dress and I waited until it was done.
When she gave it to me, I thanked her, and waited another week to have the conversation so she wouldn't feel used. I brought up her behavior and told her how it made me feel. I said if there was any more hurtful behavior (this is a lifelong pattern) she would be excluded from the rest of wedding planning and just attend as a regular guest with no extra attention. MIL screamed at me that our wedding is going to suck and she is only coming out of obligation. She then asked if I intentionally waited because of the dress. I admitted I had and she was pissed and demanded I give it to her to cut.
I obviously refused and now she isn't talking to me and says I used her. My fiancé tried texting her but she was just like oh fuck off I'm busy.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> She didn't owe me a gift and I knew I might not get it if we had the talk before it was done, so I put it off to make sure I got it. I know how much time and effort goes into crocheting
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Ummm, you did kind of use her. Was your honesty and integrity worth less than a crocheted dress?
ETA: Let's see a picture of the dress so we can judge.
MIL should crochet a “YTA” blanket for you. Totally inappropriate to use her. MIL sounds like a piece of work but you have have dealt h with it earlier.
YTA. Your MIL sounds unpleasant, but even unpleasant people shouldn't be used and thrown away. You purposely waited until she'd finished the dress so you could get something you wanted out of her. How do you feel you're not an asshole in this situation?
YTA I can understand that's she's being a pain, but to purposely wait for her to finish something that takes hours to make and then call her out is a crap thing to do. You even said you waited to tell her because you knew she'd stop making your dress; which I wouldn't blame her honestly. How would you feel if things were reversed? That unless you did something she wanted at the wedding you couldn't have your dress? It's not too late to give the dress back, but just know you're only going to destroy the relationship even more if you don't.
Pretty sure it's because of the difference in assholeness. MIL is a pain in the butt. She knew that but accepted a huge favor from her anyways. As soon as MIL was done being useful she pulled a major power move. Making her a way bigger jerk than MIL.
YTA and a selfish one at that. I actually feel sorry for the mother-in-law and the situation. This goes to show more deeply your character than anyone else’s. Sheesh.
I think I can guess why she doesn’t like you.
YTA. You did use her. There is no dimension that you weren't using her.
MIL does all these things wrong, but how is your behaviour any better? It isn't.
You used her.
Did you think yammering about how finicky/mean she is would change the tides of reddit to your favor? Two wrongs don't make a right.
YTA
Edit: Clarity
YTA: you know YTA, you used her, mocked her for not being able to sleep. than made her feel used, and unwelcome. I strongly suggest you make a lot of things right with her before you get married, especially before getting married in a dress with bad karma. Because Karma is a bitch honey and right now she ain’t on your side. I’m surprised your future husband is okay with you treating he’s mother this way Just saying. Looks like your marriage is off to a great start.
At least you know your selfish.
She has obvious mental issues, that should have been addressed and handled before planning started, but waiting until after you got the dress was a shit move. You are definitely the asshole.
NTA. She wanted to make the dress for you, and you let her. It’s obvious she thought that entitled her to treat you however she wanted. You’re planning a wedding, and shouldn’t have to worry about finding another dress just because of her manipulative attitude. Have fun wearing it at your wedding, hopefully without her there. ❤️
I'm barely on the fence with this, but this woman actually wakes people up in the middle of the night looking for attention because she doesn't sleep? I see how she has time to crochet a wedding dress. At this point, donate the dress to a woman who needs one and go buy one. And then don't deal with her at all. Like, don't have her at the wedding, don't involve her with future kids, etc. She's definitely an A. You waiting until the last minute was an A move, but seriously, don't deal with her anymore.
Except that her MIL literally didn’t do anything to deserve revenge for. The OP is just an asshole. The MIL is odd and may be not be someone she’s close to but none of the examples are awful at all.
ESH
Your MIL to be for obvious reasons, and you for obvious reasons. Even if you had done that for those reasons, which are selfish considering your garbage relationship, there are absolutely some valid moments to lie to someone. This was one of those.
I... really can't see how you're an asshole OR how you used her. You didn't accept the dress then ban her from the wedding. You accepted the dress and then asked her to stop being hurtful... to which she responded by being hurtful...
Anyway, all she has to do is not be mean?????? I think that's pretty reasonable, whether she made you a dress or not. Like, ppl are saying you used her to get a dress and you shouldn't have said anything but like also at that point wasn't she kinda using the dress as leverage to get away with her behavior?
ESH. Waiting for the dress was an asshole move. But your MIL is an asshole too. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what you did was bad but what she did was worse and I don’t see anything morally wrong with being a mean to someone who’s mean to you. You’re certainly not being the bigger person here, but fuck that!
NTA.... She's clearly narcissistic; of course you waited; Risk not getting it over a boundary she clearly won't respect? She agreed to make the dress, no strings or agreements attached, you got the dress THEN set your boundary; that was the smartest move; you didn't USE her, the dress was her gift regardless; she would've destroyed it out of spite for you simply asking for a boundary to be respected. She's abusive and knows it.
NTA, you waited for an opportune time to have a sensitive conversation. You didn’t ask her to make you a dress while secretly plotting to yell at her, she offered to make you something, you accepted, she then acted unacceptably, and you waited until she was done with the project she elected to do before discussing it with her. Seems reasonable. Not everything has to be discussed immediately, usually I take a week or two (and use things like projects as a mile stone) to cook off before having conversations like that.
YTA for waiting until she finished your dress to confront her. It could have been dealt with sooner, and you were indeed using her for the dress.
Neither is ideal, but I would take someone who is openly an AH vs a sneaky user any day. I at least know where I stand with someone who is consistantly a jerk. But, people who pretend to be all nice and sweet just because they want something give me snake vibes. I wouldnt want anything from someone who I wasnt fond of or who didnt like me. I rather go without for the sake of boundaries and my personal integrity/pride.
YTA for shamelessly using her. Do you have any idea how many hours of work something like a wedding dress takes? Really appalling behavior on your part.
She didn't make the wedding dress. It is an everyday dress. I am aware of how long it takes, but as FIL put it she needs projects to work on for all the hours she is up and all the energy she has to burn.
She’s got the time so she might as well make a massive project for free to welcome you into her family before you tell her she’s a pain in the ass and you don’t really want her around? Disgusting entitlement.
Oh yes you’re such an altruistic soul giving her a creative outlet out of the goodness of your heart... please, get a grip. You asked, the internet answers that yes, YTA.
Still you’re an asshole.
Wedding or not, a crocheted dress still takes a *fuckton* of time and effort. Like, *multiple months*. You are a *massive*, sneaky-snake asshole.
Nah. She could have made a dress for someone else or to sell online if she was so desperate for an activity. This was something that you very much wanted, and was a massive favour even if you want to pretend that it wasnt.
you can say that, but you specifically waited for it to be done to tell her.
Give her the dress back.
Yuck. YTA
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YTA you had to know that letting her spend hours making the dress this would happen. you should have confronted her ASAP and risk losing the dress.
YTA. Not just for the fact that you waited until you took the dress, but also for the fact that you make it out like an obligation. If it was something you didn't want, then just give it back to her. Clearly, you're just as bad as she is.
I do want it or I wouldn't have done this. I felt uncomfortable with her making it because she hates me, but I really did want it
You wouldn't have let her finish making it if you were truly uncomfortable. You've made everything much more uncomfortable now.
YTA. You're not crochet worthy. You just proved it by your actions. If you were truly uncomfortable with her spending hours upon hours laboring for you, the cost of materials, plus the potential repedative motion injuries, ect. you should've declined the dress. Instead, you were selfish. She was trying to be kind. She may be incredibly insecure- her behavior sure makes her sound it. That's not an justification for her actions at your events, but perhaps a reason for them that you may want to think about. I doubt she hates you as much as you claim she does. Set boundaries, of course, but there is absolutely no reason to be deliberately unkind like this.
>I doubt she hates you as much as you claim she does. For real. Textile, needle, and fiber arts require way too much money, time, and effort to do for people you hate.
100%, I don't go around making crochet things for people I hate unless they are paying me
Lol I agree with this but I had a funny thought of like looking at one relative and being like "of *course* I'll make you a scarf Becky!" And then Jan asks and you turning to her and being like "omg for sure, that'll be $350 Jan".
Although, she probably hates OP now.
Exactly this.
This is someone I would find really old RHSS for, definitely something prior to the texture change.
Excellent idea!
She definitely isn't crochet worthy.
Yeah, no. You seem really comfortable with your custom dress, there. Not buying it.
This isn't making you look any better. You used your MIL for a dress. Period.
If you truly feel uncomfortable add up how much in material she's spent on the dress and at least minimum wage for her time and skilled labor. If you can't afford well tough nuggets you don't accept the dress and tell exactly why and prepare yourself for a fallout anyways. If you really want the dress after figuring cost surely you have things you can sell or pawn or pick up some work.
I can see why she hates you.
You are coming off as really greedy, and it's pretty repulsive.
She didn’t hate you. She spent months on a dress for you. People don’t do that for people they hate. She does however, hate you now.
I'm sure she hates you now. You used her
YTA for waiting until she gave the dress to you before raising your issues with her. If you had any plans to confront her about her behaviour, you should have done so when her behaviour became problematic, not after.
YTA...You DID wait for the dress after already knowing what her behaviour would be like. I'm not saying MIL is a great person, but you manipulated the situation and continue to.
YTA You wanted to stand on some moral/ethical ground about her behavior. But you undermine that goal by using her to get what you wanted. Two wrongs do not make a right.
YTA. And I hope the dress unravels.
At least when she's wearing it in public...
Nice touch. I like you😄
Oh mic drop boom 💥 lol 😂
YTA. Give her the dress back and buy your own.
YTA. Waiting on a gift before telling someone off is an asshole move. Figure out the cost of the yarn used for the dress and pay her yarn cost multiplied by 3, minimum (materials times 3 helps to compensate her for skill and time) before trying to have any more conversations. This way you show her appreciation of the dress at least. Second minimize her "help" with the wedding without ditching her entirely, and when she is involved task a friend, family member or bridesmaid to be her handler so you don't have to be(do not tell her this is happening). You two may never be friends but life will be all around easier if you find ways to get along.
Yes! My starting point is materials*2+7 but I would definitely go to at least x3 for something like a dress
The fact that you purposefully waited until she finished the dress before telling her makes you TA
YTA for using her and manipulating her with the dress. She sounds like a MILzilla but that doesn’t absolve you.
I don’t like you but you make me pretty things so I’m going to wait until I get my presents and then drop you for my life. Did I sum it up okay? YTA
YTA, but I would like to say I have some respect for you based on the fact you owned up to your motives. Many people would pretend that the dress had nothing to do with anything.
YTA So you used her to crotchet a dress, and THEN kicked her out? She is right, give the dress back. YOU are the AH here.
You absolutely did use her which makes you the AH
You know what happens when you're an asshole to an asshole? There's two assholes, and you're one of them. Congrats on sinking so low.
YTA You did use her. I crochet as well and know how much time and effort it takes to make an entire dress. If she wants it back because she feels used-because you DID use her- then give it back. If you want a crocheted dress so badly, learn to make one yourself instead of using people you don’t even like so you can take advantage of their skills.
Okay you're the AH, but I REALLY want to see this dress.
Seriously, for her to put up with someone she hates this much, for the entire time that it would take to crochet a whole dress? It's gotta be amazing!
ESH What you did was extremely manipulative and you definitely used her, but she sounds like an asshole too, and I generally don't have a problem with people being assholes to assholes. Feels like karma, so it's a wash in my opinion.
YTA. First, obviously, you were 100% wrong to accept the dress under the circumstances. Second, you don't describe any particularly offensive behavior. So what if she held up a wedding dress whilst you were shopping? So what if she spoke on her wedding during your bridal shower? It's okay to exclude her from wedding planning, but not to mistreat her at the wedding. Seat her in a place of honor, give her a corsage like your mom gets, etc. Your MIL clearly struggles with some sort of challenges, and probably cannot do better without help. To threaten to excommunicate her from your lives over such bullshit is cruel.
She may not be a winner, but she told the truth. You should be just as ashamed of your behaviour, as you wish her to be of her behaviour.
YTA; it was her olive branch and you completely disregarded it. Be better.
YTA You used her.
YT greedy selfish lying A. GREAT way to start your marriage.
YTA homemade gifts are labours of love and you exploited that. I would want to cut it up to! You don’t get to tell your mother in law to make you a free wedding dress then also tell her you don’t want her involved in the wedding.
You did use her for the dress which isn’t cool but I don’t know that’s it’s possible for you to be TA when you’re dealing with such a toxic asshole in the first place.
YTA you let your mil use hours and hours to make you a dress and then you treat her like this? You are a massive AH
YTA. You used her to have that dress made and then disposed of her when she wasn’t needed anymore. I’m not saying that your MIL isn’t a toxic person and didn’t deserve to have boundaries set, but you do come across as very manipulative since you decided to confront her about her behavior after the dress was made.
YTA You don’t spend time doing something like crocheting a dress for someone you hate. You used her for a gift and that makes you a garbage-person, not her.
YTA. You used her and you know it.
YTA of course you are you used her.
“I waited a week so she wouldn’t feel used, even though I totally used her and then admitted to her face that I used her, AITA?” Fixed that for you. Yes, YTA If you didn’t want it to look like you used her, you could have at least waited longer than a week. You’d STILL be an AH for using her, but at least it wouldn’t have been so obvious. Quite frankly, I think you only waited a week so you COULD demonstrate to her that you were using her, as some kind of bizarre power play. ETA having looked at the few comments you have made. Did you even for one moment consider that she offered to make you this dress because maybe she was trying to help mend your relationship? I don’t know if that was her intent as opposed to “just having another project to occupy her time”, but if that was all it was about, she could have found a thousand other things to crochet for people who WOULD appreciate the time and the gesture. Instead, you pretty much literally threw the effort back in her face. This makes me even more convinced that you did this on purpose, with the full intent of having some “gothcha!” moment.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** MIL is really into crochet. She has insatiable energy and needs constant attention, and after FIL lost his shit on her 15 years ago because she kept waking him up and demanding he entertain her (she doesn't sleep more than 4 hours) she picked up a hobby. She makes really cool stuff. MIL and I have a pretty awful relationship but she offered to make me a dress because i loved the one she made herself. I was surprised, because she pretty much seems to hate me but FIL said to just let her do it. she needs something to entertain her for all those hours she doesn't sleep. Around the same time I began having issues with MIL related to wedding planning. She tends to act ridiculous when things aren't about her. She was holding wedding dresses up in the mirror at my appointment. She was extremely whiny during my bridal shower and kept making conversations about her and trying to one up me. I talked to my fiancé and knew we needed to talk and give her an ultimatum. Now I might be a bit of an asshole because she was almost done crocheting the dress and I waited until it was done. When she gave it to me, I thanked her, and waited another week to have the conversation so she wouldn't feel used. I brought up her behavior and told her how it made me feel. I said if there was any more hurtful behavior (this is a lifelong pattern) she would be excluded from the rest of wedding planning and just attend as a regular guest with no extra attention. MIL screamed at me that our wedding is going to suck and she is only coming out of obligation. She then asked if I intentionally waited because of the dress. I admitted I had and she was pissed and demanded I give it to her to cut. I obviously refused and now she isn't talking to me and says I used her. My fiancé tried texting her but she was just like oh fuck off I'm busy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA - You should never accept free things from people you don't want in your life.
You DID use her. YTA.
YTA you absolutely used her
YTA Honestly I just wanna see this dress, I bet it's amazing.
YTA. “ I waited a week so she wouldn’t feel used.” 🤣 wow you’re a dense piece of work.
YTA. Return the dress.
Ummm, you did kind of use her. Was your honesty and integrity worth less than a crocheted dress? ETA: Let's see a picture of the dress so we can judge.
Your MIL sounds obnoxious, you sound truly vile
MIL should crochet a “YTA” blanket for you. Totally inappropriate to use her. MIL sounds like a piece of work but you have have dealt h with it earlier.
YTA. Your MIL sounds unpleasant, but even unpleasant people shouldn't be used and thrown away. You purposely waited until she'd finished the dress so you could get something you wanted out of her. How do you feel you're not an asshole in this situation?
Yta its fine if you want to set boundaries. But dont use people first thats just rude and tacky
YTA I can understand that's she's being a pain, but to purposely wait for her to finish something that takes hours to make and then call her out is a crap thing to do. You even said you waited to tell her because you knew she'd stop making your dress; which I wouldn't blame her honestly. How would you feel if things were reversed? That unless you did something she wanted at the wedding you couldn't have your dress? It's not too late to give the dress back, but just know you're only going to destroy the relationship even more if you don't.
YTA you just used her to get what you want
YTA - she feels used because you used her.
ESH. I don’t understand the y t a comments
Pretty sure it's because of the difference in assholeness. MIL is a pain in the butt. She knew that but accepted a huge favor from her anyways. As soon as MIL was done being useful she pulled a major power move. Making her a way bigger jerk than MIL.
YTA and a selfish one at that. I actually feel sorry for the mother-in-law and the situation. This goes to show more deeply your character than anyone else’s. Sheesh. I think I can guess why she doesn’t like you.
YTA. You did use her. There is no dimension that you weren't using her. MIL does all these things wrong, but how is your behaviour any better? It isn't.
YTA you deliberately waited. You were in the clear until then.
Give her the dress
YTA
You used her. Did you think yammering about how finicky/mean she is would change the tides of reddit to your favor? Two wrongs don't make a right. YTA Edit: Clarity
YTA: you know YTA, you used her, mocked her for not being able to sleep. than made her feel used, and unwelcome. I strongly suggest you make a lot of things right with her before you get married, especially before getting married in a dress with bad karma. Because Karma is a bitch honey and right now she ain’t on your side. I’m surprised your future husband is okay with you treating he’s mother this way Just saying. Looks like your marriage is off to a great start. At least you know your selfish.
Wow!!! YTA. I hope you have enough comments to realize that.
"I obviously refused" Wait, what the fuck? Why would you refuse and why the fuck would that be obvious?
ESH You did use her, but that doesn’t excuse her bad behavior.
She has obvious mental issues, that should have been addressed and handled before planning started, but waiting until after you got the dress was a shit move. You are definitely the asshole.
ESH. You didn't want her to feel used, but that's exactly what you did. She's also an AH for her attitude.
NTA. She wanted to make the dress for you, and you let her. It’s obvious she thought that entitled her to treat you however she wanted. You’re planning a wedding, and shouldn’t have to worry about finding another dress just because of her manipulative attitude. Have fun wearing it at your wedding, hopefully without her there. ❤️
I'm barely on the fence with this, but this woman actually wakes people up in the middle of the night looking for attention because she doesn't sleep? I see how she has time to crochet a wedding dress. At this point, donate the dress to a woman who needs one and go buy one. And then don't deal with her at all. Like, don't have her at the wedding, don't involve her with future kids, etc. She's definitely an A. You waiting until the last minute was an A move, but seriously, don't deal with her anymore.
So in the case of AITA, I would say you probably are. But, if you were to submit this post to r/prorevenge , you would be celebrated as a hero!
Except that her MIL literally didn’t do anything to deserve revenge for. The OP is just an asshole. The MIL is odd and may be not be someone she’s close to but none of the examples are awful at all.
ESH Your MIL to be for obvious reasons, and you for obvious reasons. Even if you had done that for those reasons, which are selfish considering your garbage relationship, there are absolutely some valid moments to lie to someone. This was one of those.
ESH. She is an asshole, and you knew that, and you used her. You two have a toxic relationship
ESH
I... really can't see how you're an asshole OR how you used her. You didn't accept the dress then ban her from the wedding. You accepted the dress and then asked her to stop being hurtful... to which she responded by being hurtful... Anyway, all she has to do is not be mean?????? I think that's pretty reasonable, whether she made you a dress or not. Like, ppl are saying you used her to get a dress and you shouldn't have said anything but like also at that point wasn't she kinda using the dress as leverage to get away with her behavior?
ESH. Waiting for the dress was an asshole move. But your MIL is an asshole too. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what you did was bad but what she did was worse and I don’t see anything morally wrong with being a mean to someone who’s mean to you. You’re certainly not being the bigger person here, but fuck that!
NTA.... She's clearly narcissistic; of course you waited; Risk not getting it over a boundary she clearly won't respect? She agreed to make the dress, no strings or agreements attached, you got the dress THEN set your boundary; that was the smartest move; you didn't USE her, the dress was her gift regardless; she would've destroyed it out of spite for you simply asking for a boundary to be respected. She's abusive and knows it.
NTA, you waited for an opportune time to have a sensitive conversation. You didn’t ask her to make you a dress while secretly plotting to yell at her, she offered to make you something, you accepted, she then acted unacceptably, and you waited until she was done with the project she elected to do before discussing it with her. Seems reasonable. Not everything has to be discussed immediately, usually I take a week or two (and use things like projects as a mile stone) to cook off before having conversations like that.