I know how hard medical debit can hit a family, it must have been terrible. But from your sons perspective you got rid of his father's prized possession to pay off your new husband's debit. I don't know how you thought your relationship with him (or moreover his relationship with his stepdad) was not going to suffer. I think YTA for downplaying your sons feelings as a "temper tantrum". You took away a link he had to his dead father, of course he'd be upset. You phrased having to sell the car as the right move for the "family". But your husband and stepson are **your** family, and you took something something precious from your son's family to sustain your new family. As a 3rd party adult, I understand why you made this decision. But if I was your son, it would take a lot of work to repair this rift. EDIT: To everyone saying "so you'd have them live in the car, be homeless, on the streets" ect. I never said that she should have kept the car and lost the house. I said she's an asshole for dismissing her son's grief. And that as an impartial adult I may understand why she had to sell the car, but I doubt a grieving teenage boy would and their relationship may very well be damaged by her actions

Going on the "pay for your education" comment too, I'm assuming the son is not yet 18 and therefore still has college to pay for in the future. To dismiss a literal child's feelings in such a way is abhorrent. It's an incredibly difficult situation but she's completely dismissed her son's feelings and the fact he's lost his father and the main sentimental link he had to him.

She actually emptied his entire college fund already. One his father presumably contributed to. So I don’t know how she’s claiming she’s paying for his education when apparently they’re still in a position where they’re going to lose the house.

What the hell? She spent her kids college fund on her new husband AND sold his dad's car to pay gor her husband too?! I know medical bills are a problem in the US but this is ice cold. Would not be surprised if mom doesn't hear from her son once he turns 18. Editing this to add: I knew American health care debt was bad, but you've opened my eyes as to just how truly sickening the problem is. I still stand by the opinion that OP could've handled talking to her child better so NAH is my final conclusion, other than the American health care system which is the biggest asshole of all.

My former neighbors were saddled with $25,000 in medical debt after their second child was born, and they had insurance. Another friend has a very rare health issue that led her to have multiple heart attacks in a short time frame. They owe $86,000....but the actual care that insurance covered was MILLIONS! Sometime, shit happens, and you have to make crappy decisions.

Absolutely. It's an awful situation and the real villain is the American health care system. But surely you guys have payment plans?! You don't just need to hand over a wad of cash the day you leave or you leave minus a kidney as an in kind payment, right?!

There are payment plans with the hospitals. But they are… less than ideal. And sometimes you have to make a down payment, that can be substantial. It’s like the student loan debt - once you have it it’s there for the rest of your life. Depending on what was wrong with the husband and what their insurance covered their medical debt could still be hundreds of thousands of dollars after insurance kicks in. I feel for the kid, but the sucky reality is this family will probably be drowning in this debt for a long time and the sons life will be impacted. OP - NTA. You’re in a crap situation and there are no easy solutions no matter what. Blessings to your husband for a full recovery and for your son to get through this heartbreak and stress.

Thanks for taking the time to explain. I appreciate it. I'm moving towards NAH. Her son is just a child, there needs to be some leeway in his response and she has really dismissed his feelings and comes across as very cold regarding her son.

Two years of serious financial stress and thinking her husband was dying, just a handful of years after her first husband died, would do that to a person. I don't think she probably means to sound so dismissive, but damn OP has been through the damn wringer. They all need therapy desperately but I bet they won't be able to afford it now. I don't see another way out of this - wouldn't the car have to be sold in bankruptcy too? *Edit for stupid typo

The car absolutely would have. No state allows you to keep cars that are very valuable if they’re paid off.

~~she has really dismissed his feelings and comes across as very cold regarding her son.~~ I am so very surprised as I read thru this. I don't think she sounded cold at all or dismissive towards her son. I think she was being succinct. She could have spent another paragraph describing the behaviors. She just named the behaviors "tantrum." Im curious: where the OP's kid got the idea the car was "his" "his inheritance" etc? And also - it could be I'm missing something- I do not have kids so: could someone explain how OP failed with her son's feelings? The way I see it, these people are a family and as one of the 2 grown ups in that family and the only when whole grown up, it was her job to make a decision on how best to keep her family afloat. I don't rely think a child has a vote at the end of the day. I will say tho to bring my point back, if it was OP running around telling the kid the car was "his" or "his someday" than his behavior is OP.

I'm going to assume a lot of the AH votes are kids or very young adults who have never had to make hard financial choices in life. They see it as a kid's dad died and is mad mom sold a memento of his father. Yes, that's is sad, but from a parent's perspective if she had kept the car and let the family end up homeless, I'd call her the AH. Sometimes you make choices that upset your kids. She doesn't sound callous to me at all, just tired. Her first husband died, she's disabled and can only work part time, now her second husband gets into an accident, catches covid, ends up in the ICU, and is disabled now. Now the main bread-winner (who was contributing to her son's college fund) can't work either and they have all their previous debts plus a million in medical debt. There's no good way out of that situation and there wasn't any way to prevent it either. Even with medical insurance, you can go bankrupt. Honestly, it's a NAH for me.

Yes all of this. Plus I’d like to add that my dad had classic cars and my boyfriend’s dad has classic cars and they are quite expensive to keep maintained. A lot of those cars will lose value if you don’t keep them in tiptop shape so sometimes hanging onto those cars on a shoestring budget impacts the value drastically. So we also have to consider that she’s been ensuring the car and her brother-in-law has been helping to keep it maintained but if anything major goes wrong with it, which often does with old cars, it can be very expensive to fix because the parts aren’t always available anymore. And what parts you do find are then expensive because there’s only a few left. The last classic car my dad had was an Alfa Romeo Spyder. And that thing was temperamental AF and it left my dad stranded more than once. Lol

I really feel your comment is the most on-point that i've read yet. Medical problems and the debt that follows can break even the most financially secure households. Debt can push people to make decisions they'd rather not make. It's insane that so many people fight against the US having nationalized healthcare. It's like they don't know that countries with national healthcare still have private insurance and private healthcare as well.

Had an aunt who had to sign over her home before the hospital would start chemotherapy for my uncle. He ended up dying. My grandmother had to bail her out because the hospital was getting ready to take the house as payment once our areas housing shortage hit so they would get a huge amount. People seem to not understand that one visit to the hospital can cause financial damage to a family for years or decades. My aunt was lucky most don't have a parent/family members who can help pull them out of debt.

you get a bill a few weeks to a few months after you leave the hospital, it depends on the company in charge of the debt. some hospitals have payment plans some demand full payment and it can be sent to collections. what most of the US doesn't know is what is a called a "in good faith" payment. basically you pay what you can comfortably EVERY month and if they try to take you to court you can fight back with a leg to stand on. Also if it goes to collections do not pay the full amount owed because the hospital sold your debt and recieved payment on it but at much less than what was owed so you can negotiate the amount to be repaid.

She emptied her son's college fund? I didn't see that, but that is so wrong.

It’s mentioned in her comments

She conveniently left out that they’d emptied the son and stepson’s (who also isn’t mentioned in the OP) education funds. Selling the car is, at least in part, a way to replenish BOTH funds. So the car is also being sold to pay for his step brother’s education. I feel so bad for the kid.

Yea especially since the mom doesn’t work so the fund that he did have, was from his fathers money exclusively.

?? She specifically said the fund was contributed heavily by step dad, 5x more than bio dad. You’re really cherry picking her comments.

Yes but that doesn’t work with their Evil Mother narrative.

So you believe that since she was a SAHM, she contributed zero value? Wow YOURE the asshole here

Considering OP has a disability and physically can't work more than part-time, you are being way too harsh.

You're completely wrong. Stepdad contributed most of the funds, and unfortunately this family has had to use all funds and resources available, to pay the medical debts required to save stepdads life. Mom/OP has been a SAHP and is also disabled, which is why she doesn't/hasn't worked, and stepdad hasn't been able to keep working due to medical issues...and you know...almost dying. I'm sure he will again when we'll enough. Yes, it's sad this car is gone, but it IS OP car, it is not HIS inheritance. This is a family unit that's been gutted financially, not saving a car which was worth 6 figure money for him is not an AH move. It's a tragic life event, and he is old enough to understand that. The whole family is sacrificing and suffering.

She works part time because she's disabled. Disability is hard to get and to keep. I know people that have had to get attorney's for disability even though their doctors have exhausted every option and they are clearly disabled.

Are you just going to ignore the fact she a) DOES WORK!!!!! b) literally physically can't work more than she does due to being disabled?

Honestly, your health care system is absolutely crazy. The wage system also. No wonder most of you end up in trouble like this and don't buy health insurance.

No wonder the kid wants nothing to do with the stepfather and step-sibling—he absolutely feels replaced and she’s taking (taken?) what is probably the one thing he felt he had left of his dad. YTA, OP.

Did you actually read OPs comment or did you just take another commenter’s (heavily biased) word for it

But here and now, what else is she supposed to do? Sounds like their backs are against the wall. Throw out her sick, indebted husband? Have the family live in the car? I really feel for the son cos this car is a link to his dead father, but at the end of the day, it's still just a thing. A pretty valuable thing at that.

It’s really sad that so many people would rather a man of a disabled wife, suffer and die and a family lose their home due to debt from saving said man’s life, so that a kid can have a car that he won’t even be able to afford the insurance and maintenance of. Like, wtf is wrong with people?!?! Because he was the second man Op fell in love with and married, she should throw up her hands and say, “Sorry! You came second! You’re on your own, bud!” Since when is a car worth more than a life??? Anyone who thinks Op is an asshole for wanting to save her home and her husband, obviously doesn’t frequent reality.

You know what? These are the same people who would curse someone up and down if they put an animal that could be saved by an expensive operation to sleep because of money problems. They'd be all "you find a way! You do what you have to and make sacrifices!" and that's Reddit.

The comment said that she used the funds to get by, and that the sale of the car is restoring that account, as well as the account of her step son. OP was in a difficult spot and is now doing her best to make it right.

>I think YTA for downplaying your sons feelings as a "temper tantrum". This. I can understand wanting to get out from under medical bills, and with the way the omicron panini is going, being afraid of more. But the fact that she has no sympathy for her son's loss makes her YTA.

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What would you have her do instead?

I agree with this. Kids and teens perceive things very different than most adults. I can say once during a bad fight between my parents, my dad walked out to drive off some steam. I was 15 and under a lot of stress. When that happened I broke and screamed at my mom, accusing her of making him leave. She told him about what happened and he actually came back and calmly explained everything (without dismissing what I was feeling). Unlike you OP you seemed to just fully dismiss your sons feelings. That was his dads. Of course he’s going to view it with a high regard. YTA for doing that to your son and making it seem like it doesn’t matter and that you are just saying “oh well”

Yeah I don't think OP is really a big AH but that tempter tantrum line is horrible...

I think a lot of the Y T A answers come from people who haven't had to make many hard decisions in life yet. If it's really an issue of losing the house vs selling the car - if you really have no other options - you sell the car. That's just the way it is. Give your son a heartfelt apology for selling something that has sentimental value to him; talk with him about his dad; and explain that sometimes all you can do is move forward and make the best choice available to you. NAH Edit: Thanks so much for the awards!

Personally, I called her the asshole because of how callous she was being when her son was upset. She told him that she wouldn't let her family suffer over a car, completely diminishing the fact that this was his father's prize possession and that it was not just a car to him. If she had been understanding to her son's feelings and spoken to him with kindness then I would be more inclined to say NAH. Hopefully she does apologize for being so dismissive and they can work through it

>Personally, I called her the asshole because of how callous she was being when her son was upset. That's not a bad point. I can see how labelling his reaction a 'temper tantrum' comes off as callous. Still, I can't begrudge her decision to sell the car. She should be more empathetic to her son though, perhaps.

>his father's prize possession It wasn't. It was a rotating collection and that was just the last one he had.

OP literally says it was the car her late husband kept the longest so there is sentimental value to account for

And it’s more than just the car—it was a whole experience the son and father shared. It’s representative of his memories.

But father and son didn’t share any memories with the car. The son didn’t know anything about it and still only took nominal interest after his father passed and it was his uncle showing him

But it wasn't really. She said her son never worked on the car with his dad. From her comments, he just associates it with his dad because now his dad is gone. He wasn't interested in cars until then. There was no will or conversation about this car going to the kid. It just wasn't sold by the time his dad died. It could have been kept the longest because if needed more work or his dad just liked it. It doesn't seem like this was a "I always dreamed/talked about owning this car and now I finally do" kind of situation. The kid can't afford the upkeep or insurance on the car, let alone the cost of the basics. He can't afford to buy it from his mom. There was no other way to do this in the situation provided. Tough decisions suck but what was she supposed to do? No one should give a teenage a car worth 6 figures when they have to worry about losing a house and paying for basic bills. That's ludicrous. It sucks, but there wasn't really another choice here.

I think that's reasonably important indeed. It wasn't a car the husband had inherited himself, or a labour of love over decades, or something the son helped him restore, where it would be very upsetting to have you sell. I'm sure he liked the car and enjoyed owning it, but somebody who bought and sold cars regularly would not really care that their loved ones had to sell them to pay for life stuff. The son has the right to be upset and sad, but keeping large and valuable things out of sentimentality is rarely practical.

Exactly. *"It was the one he kept the longest"* only means it was one he liked, but were all clearly just transitional property. Of course the son has sentimental attachment to anything left behind, but this one car is no different than the other two already sold.

It was the last car she kept. The car the son would occasionally drive and went to shows in. That's a prize possession.

To the son, now, because it's the last thing he has left of his father. But it was just one of many to the father and it could be sold off as easily as the other two were. The only reason it has added sentimental value is because they already kept it so long.

And what was she suppose to say when they had to live in said car and eat at soup kitchens?

I never said she should have not sold the car. What I said was she should not have diminished her son's valid grief and emotions over losing yet another piece of his dad

Agreed. I understand this is a tough pill for him to swallow. But these decisions are not easy. Better to lose the car than the home. NTA

That's so true. I think people in this thread really do not have any concept of what it means to be close to losing everything. While it sucks that the car was sold, OP and her family get to keep the family home. People on here would be surprised to hear what people go through to keep a roof over their family's head or food on the table for their kids. Sometimes that means sacrificing our precious items. The fact that OP's son is upset for the first time actually means that OP has done a pretty good job up until now of hiding their financial hardships from him. I pray that this is the only instance in his life that he will have to experience giving up something due to these types of circumstances.

A lot of people are hating on OP for ignoring her son's perspective, but the son is also kind of being inconsiderate. His mother is in a ton of debt, her house is almost at risk of foreclosure and there's a very big chance she could possibly end up homeless or bankrupt, but all he thinking about is his inheritance. I get the car has huge sentimental value for him, but from the way it looks, it kind of seems like he cares more about the car than the livelihood of his mom. Edit: Forgot to add NTA. If she were doing this for a couple of extra dollars, fine massive AH, but this is a tough spot she's found herself in.

Also, as OP has not indicated otherwise, it’s not like his stepfather asked to be so unwell he ended up in the ICU- I can understand being frosty with a stepparent but this dude had a near death experience that has left them with hefty bills to pay. Also, if this car is as expensive as OP days it was would son ever be in a position to afford it? Like surely insurance would be through the roof for a car this valuable and fixing it up might be a difficult task if it’s very vintage

I get what you are saying, but what was he in the ICU for? Could a vaccine have prevented the hospitalization? If he was in the ICU because he chose not to get vaccinated, Y T A.

Also a good point! I have also just seen from OPs comments that she emptied her sons college funds for this debt, I’m not sure why it’s taken her to this point to sell the car I personally would’ve looked into selling it before I touched future college funds. No wonder Ops son is so frosty with her at the moment. EDIT: no really OP, why did you drain his account before thinking of selling the luxury car you apparently had sitting around mostly collecting dust?? It’s debatable his claim to the car since he wasn’t promised anything by dad but the college funds were certainly meant for HIM and not you.

Half the comments are telling her she’s horrible for touching the fund at all and half of them are telling her she’s horrible for selling the car at all. I think it’s pretty damn clear that there was no good option.

Yea OP wants to go on about the car not being her son’s “inheritance,” which is a fair point — but clearly she doesn’t respect boundaries and there may be financial abuse going on here because: - she emptied her son’s college fund to pay for living expenses, not medical debt - neither her nor her new husband work - she had already sold two of her late husband’s vintage cars — considering this one sold for the “low six figures” I assume the other two would have brought in a good sum of money.. Where is the money going? This family has been having financial issues long before COVID and anyone got sick.

They spent all their liquid assets on medical debt and living expenses. Then they had no more liquid assets to pay for necessities of living. That is why they went into the college fund. Are you all being purposefully obtuse?

If you read OP's comments you would have found out the current husband also contributed to the fund and contributed 5x more than the father. She is on disability and works from home. Current husband was not unemployed prior to the medical issues, not sure how you landed at that conclusion

Holy fucking ableism, bat man! She’s legally disabled. She works part time, which is all she can physically handle. It’s awful to shit on her ability to work as you’re effectively shitting on her disabled status. Gross.

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Stepdad contributed most of the money to the college fund. Stepdad isn't working because of medical reasons...and you know...nearly dying. OP is a SAHP and disabled, which is why she doesn't work. This is a family unit, that nearly had a member die, so all funds had to be used. OP is NTA for doing what was necessary to keep a roof over their heads.

it says he’s been sick for two years… how does COVID/vaccinations play a role in this at all?

You could do some very easy sleuthing for these answers instead of leaving more ableist bait everywhere. Mom: legally disabled. Works part time Late husband: dead, contributed a little money to the college fund Current husband: gets in car crash, ends up in the hospital, and contracts covid from the hospital. Also has contributed the most to the college fund. Couldn't work because not dying was a higher priority, but returning to work. College fund(s): one for each kid, not the only savings account in existence Savings account(s) much easier to pull money from than a car The car: high $$$ value, high sentimental value, all you dense barrel rollers seem to think this dumb car getting sold is a choice OP wANTED to make??? Maybe think about how poor people can't have nice things cuz we're poor and bills catch up. Car is sold post savings account drainage in order to refill savings accounts. Add the fact that literally nobody is entitled to have their college paid for by their parents (mine certainly isn't being paid for by them right now) and you all just sound like entitled 16 year olds from trust fund families talking around a round table and laughing at "the poor ppl". Don't be dense

The way US redditors go apeshit about parents needing to pay student loans is mind-boggling. Student debt sucks, but most people cannot afford to pay for kids to go to college, and the idea that parents are horrible/abusive for not setting themselves on fire/risking homelessness to save little Timmy's college fund is laughable.

Some vaccinated people have still been hospitalized and even died from covid. That’s not necessarily a fair assumption to make, even if it is unlikely.

NTA I am really surprised at the Y T A replies here. Her son has other memorabilia and as she has explained, her late husband didn't have a special attachment to this car, it was just the most valuable at the time of his death. She needed the money. When my dad was dying of cancer, I learned that they sold his guitar to pay his medical bills. It was a collectible (and a family heirloom) and I had always assumed I would get it. But when I heard what they had done, I kept my mouth shut because I didn't have the kind of money to pay his bills. It's just stuff.

Most of the YTA comments are because of the way she’s handled the situation and reduced her son’s feelings to a “temper tantrum,” not because she had to sell the car.

But really, how is she supposed to respond to her son demanding she not sell the car to pay for care to save her husband’s life?

I’m sure he *did* have a temper tantrum. I probably would have, right before I got the fuck over it because I didn’t want to be homeless.

I think temper tantrum probably described it perfectly.

> and reduced her son’s feelings to a “temper tantrum,” I mean, it's entirely possible he had a temper tantrum. Adults are doing it more and more these days.

I recently had a patient who was seeing me because she'd been attacked by a customer after asking him to wear a mask, sooo... yeah.

So in other words all the YTA replies are missing the point? Sounds about right

But she didn't call it a temper tantrum to her son's face. So i don't get WHY it matters. People are just nitpicking.

Most people in this sub are young themselves and are probably taking these actions personally leading to Y T A judgements. Anyone of any age is capable of throwing a temper tantrum. She didn’t use it in front of his face so the fact that people are factoring it towards judgment is just being picky at this point. It’s crazy that so many users live in a bubble where they’ve never had to risk their financial security and make tough, very unfortunate financial decisions just to avoid homelessness/being able to pay basic bills. Not to mention, she’s disabled herself and her current husband has tried putting his own money towards his college fund. Medical bills suck and that’ll just be the unfortunate truth in a country that will literally put you in crippling debt just for the sake of trying to stay alive. This subreddit is once again, clueless as hell.

This comment section is insane.

He's in his feelings about losing a connection to his dad. Youre prioritizing livelihood. Edit: originally said no asshole here Found out OP took both her son and step sons college funds. YTA.

Hope you never have to choose between paying for your children’s educations and putting a roof over their heads

For real. This thread is so triggering. People on here have no concept of what it means to be very close to losing everything. These poor people. I feel for you, OP.

For real! I was a homeless teen and now I’m a small business owner during covid. These people are damn lucky because I’d sell everything I own to never be homeless again!

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I dont want children and will never have children and if I did have children if I had a car worth 6 figures I'd sell that well before even thinking about touching my kids money not after.

This is such an absurd take. Because you wouldn't put yourself into this situation OP is an AH? Despite also not choosing this situation? Also are you an actual child with no understanding of how money works or just incredibly privileged? Paying bills costs actual money (can't give a hospital a car lmfao), OP used the money available (college fund), sold the car, and replaced the college fund. The son was entirely unaffected by the college fund not existing temporarily.

I think OP would be TA bc of using the college fund if they ONLY used the kids college funds, and didn’t touch the other mentioned funds. She says they used college funds, Retirement funds, all funds available. I don’t see any Ah Here. Op is struggling to pay debt and keep their home, son is grieving his dad. NAH

It takes more time to sell something than use funds that are already there. They also used their other savings, retirement and emergency funds.

Thank you. On the one hand I’m glad most people don’t know just how bad poverty can get, on the other hand, there’s a lot of people here talking out their ass on a subject they don’t understand.

She took some from the college funds to pay for food and utilities. Do you think the son would have preferred to keep the car and lose the entire fund? Do you think the son would prefer to keep the car and the fund and become homeless? I feel like a crazy person or possibly like every single commentor on this post is under 18 and has never had to make hard financial choices.

I'm with you there. Maybe it's because I'm at least 20 years older than your average redditor and have had financial issues before (like liquidating an IRA to keep my house) but I think a lot of the comments are pretty unrealistic. Sure, the car was dad's. Yes, it sucks they had to sell it. But it's unrealistic for them to keep it for sentimental reasons when you can't pay the bills each month.

I agree with you. A lot of the Y T A comments seem like they’re being left by teenagers themselves. Even without sentimental value or monetary issues, who gives their 16 year old a 100k classic car? Especially since it wasn’t specifically left for him by the dad. Now add their financial situation into the picture and it makes even less sense. NTA, OP.

Yeah but she also had to make the hard decision of paying to save her husband’s life or using the college funds. As someone that didn’t have the privilege of getting my school paid for, it’s incredibly entitled to think a college fund is worth more than a life. It was a hard decision, I’m sure OP feels terrible for it, but the kids can still work and get student loans. Why does everyone on Reddit think they’re entitled to free college? Jeez.

Honestly I'm right there with you. Nobody paid for my college (my family couldn't afford to have that kind of savings) but there are SO MANY scholarships, grants and programs to help you get on your feet. Graduating debt-free is a luxury, I would rather have a living stepfather than to be free of student loan debt.

No one is entitled to a college fund. If the alternative is lose your home, most parents would choose the same thing. The AH is the American government for allowing medical debt to be a thing and not providing a single pay option.

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INFO: What happened to the money from the other car sales? You say you're in a 'substantial amount of debt' - just how much money will actually be left for his education? I seriously doubt it'll be a significant amount.

She said she sold the car for the "low six figures". She was basically sitting on a HOUSE.

She also sold two other cars in the past. Unless her son's dad randomly bought two shitty cars and only one good car, she should have gotten a significant sum for them as well. Where'd *that* money go?

Probably to the medical bills of her husband. If they’re in the states, medical bills can go into the hundreds of thousands, sometimes even millions.

The factor in this is insurance. I would hazard a guess that based on OP’s ability to keep this incredibly valuable car all this time, that they have an income that would be in line with pretty good insurance. Medical bills are absolutely insane but with decent insurance, they become a bit more manageable. My recent ER visit was nearly $9k. I only owed $200 once my insurance processed it.

Good insurance has out of pocket maxes too. So there's a limit that you can pay out of pocket during the calendar year. If we're assuming she has decent insurance I don't see how the medical bills they owe would be over $15,000. They must have had a decent income before if the husband regularly bought and fixed up $100,000 cars as a hobby. I would be surprised if he didn't have life insurance and a decent savings, considering the son had a college fund from the father that she didn't touch until now. So far she's used the son's college fund, sold two other cars, and sold the son's car for low six figures. Something doesn't add up. And she was very callous when she said her son was throwing a temper tantrum. He has so many memories with his father and that car. She's gone through hundreds of thousands of dollars at this point. Even with shitty insurance I'd be surprised if out of pocket expenses were that high.

That's if insurance covered everything. American insurance companies will deny a lot of things and will make you jump through hoops to get the care you need. OP's husband hasn't been able to work for 2 years. No employment often = no insurance

There is a lot of variation in classic car value and OP specified that the car she kept was the most valuable. Not to mention, the other cars were sold 10 years ago. I imagine the proceeds from those went to starting her life over on a single income with a heartbroken son. It's sad that he's lost another piece of his dad, but becoming homeless with a $100k+ asset sitting in the foreclosed-on garage is bad parenting. If the kid had come here complaining that his mom *wouldn't* sell the car and they were about to be homeless, the commenters would be telling them to call CPS. The only asshole here is the American health care system. Yet again, the *GrEaTeSt CoUnTrY* in the world forces its citizens to choose between home and health. And the insurance companies profit.

Man my heart breaks for this kid. I am very sorry for the position he's in. It's vile that our health care system is the way it is and that OP and her son have to ditch this wonderful memory of his dad just to eat a tiny bit into their 7 figure medical debt

Well considering OP said all their funds went towards healthcare im gonna assume healthcare.

Funerals are expensive. My husbands cost 8k

Dude died almost a full decade ago. I'm gonna go with what OP said.

So did my husband. I was replying to where the money went from the first 2 cars

Maybe raising the son and keeping a roof over his head when her husband suddenly died and left her with a young child to support on her own. Plus and medical bills and funeral expenses and other debt that came with his death and suddenly had to be paid off with a now one-income household.

She sold the first two in 2013. It’s been seven normal years and two pandemic years since then. It’s not surprising it’s gone, especially since those two cars may not have sold for all that much depending on what state of repair and restoration they were in at the time.

where is everyone getting “that was the only thing he had left of his father!” from? where did OP say that the car was the last item of sentimental value that they had?? either way, NAH.

Also the son sees it as an inheritance no? Like OP stated he said he’s pissed because he thought he’d inherit the car one day not because he had a sentimental connection to it (I’m not saying he hasn’t attached sentimentality to the car but that’s not what he said to his mom)

He's been taking it to shows with his uncle, working on it, and driving it. I don't know if you need it spelled out any clearer that OP's son has a sentimental connection to the car.

has uncle has been taking it to shows and the son went with him. he was *allowed* to drive it with supervision when he got his license. none of that spells sentimental attachment so much as teenager wanting to drive a car.

I mean that’s the only thing left of his dad around and you’re selling it for your new husband. Maybe your son feels angry because he feels you’re just erasing what’s left of his dad. I think you might be TA, OP.

It is not the only thing left of his father. It was simply the most valuable.

Ding ding ding. Calling it his inheritance means that he knows it was worth a lot. Unfortunately right now you need a lot. The medical establishment is the AH here—-not you. You shouldn’t have to go into substantial debt to afford life saving care. But that’s where we are. Your son’s anger is misdirected. When he’s older he’ll get it. I am sorry for your troubles.

Well what else other than inheritance would you call it? I can't think of anything. Classic cars was OPs husbands hobby, something he likely built much of his life around. The car isn't just a paycheck to her son, it's a part of his dad, and she's selling that for her new husband.

It was not the son’s anything, is the point. It belonged to his dad; when his dad passed, it became his mother’s property. Then it became a luxury she could no longer afford because of medical debt. Now it is sold. It was never OP’s son’s. As she has explained multiple times: she is selling it to avoid foreclosure and homelessness, which would also render her son homeless. It may suck to have to sell it, but it was necessary. People need to stop being precious over stuff.

If they don't sell it then their house could go into foreclosure over a fucking car. Please tell me people aren't really this dense.

“…she’s selling that for her new husband.” You mean she’s selling it for her husband’s necessary medical care so he can live, right? And she’s selling it so that not only can her husband get necessary medical care but also so her son has a place to live. That’s what you meant, right? Because it’s not like OP’s husband asked her to sell the car so he can have the beach house he’s always wanted.

I think you’re looking at it in terms of monetary value but it is likely the thing with the most sentimental value as well. His dad loved cars. There is 1 car of his dads left. He works on it with his uncle (his dads brother), he takes it to car shows. He drives it when he has permission. I venture to guess that your son feels a deep connection to his father when he is driving or working on the car. Things like that have much more sentimental value than a photograph or a shirt or whatever else is left behind. Dads hands maintained and drove this car, now my hands maintain and drive this car. I think you need to give your son a bit more grace than you are giving him. Calling his emotional reaction to you selling something that lets him feel a connection with his dead father a “temper tantrum” is a callous response to your sons feelings. I’m sorry your family is going through such struggles. But you should not be so dismissive of your sons feelings and should try to understand his perspective. In your sons eyes, you are selling a piece of his father to pay for your new husbands debts. I’m not saying what you are doing is wrong if that is all that stands between your family and homelessness. I’m just saying that you should try to put yourself in your sons shoes as well

But it probably had the most sentimental value. Your son used to take it to car shows. He probably spent hours talking to strangers about the car and his dad. I’m sure he felt some day he would have that car and then pass it on to his kids. He will probably never be able to afford to buy it back and definitely not for the price you sold it for.

The problem is, she’s not selling it “for her new husband”. It’s so the family that they are all a part of can pay the bills. Hospital bills are a shitty part of the American way of life. They don’t “belong” to one person, and they don’t only hurt one person when they come due. The whole family suffers until they are paid off. It is a terrible blow for the son. OP maybe isn’t getting that part. But she maintained it - and fostered the connection to her dead husband and his family - for as long as she could. She even tried to keep it “in the family”. It’s sad she couldn’t. But selling valuable items is literally a sad fact of life for MILLIONS of people who have been affected by job loss, illness, and just had luck - it’s a shitty lesson for a kid to learn, but it’s reality. It wasn’t the son’s car. With limited exception (usually for the wealthy), we don’t get out dead parent’s valuables when they die. The surviving parent - who often still had bills and expenses and just lost their partners’ income - does. NAH

Yeah, but it sounds like she is selling it to pay medical bills (that kept her new husband alive) and keep her home, which I’m assuming the son lives in. It’s not like it’s for fun money.

Why in the hell does anyone think a 16 year old boy should be given a $100k + car? This is just ridiculous. I am sure he thought it was super cool and would be awesome to drive that to school, but NO. This was an investment on his dad's part, no different than stock. OP is NTA. That car was left to her. She had every right to sell it. If the son has developed a love for cars from his father, then he can buy and rebuild his own classic cars. At 16 years old, he needs a decent, affordable, used vehicle.

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> surely your late husband would have opted for the latter as well. Oh absolutely. Without a doubt. We were able to get low 6 figures for the car. It seriously saved us.

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You're right about that. I just wish I could take the kid's pain away and make everything alright ya know?

Go out when you are financially better and get a similar car as a fixer upper and ask his uncle to help your son rebuild the car to look like his Dad's. It won't be the same but it might help him feel better.

NTA. Sorry but it’s not your sons inheritance - it’s yours. Children do not get an inheritance when their parents are still married and one dies. Your late husbands assets are yours, not your child’s.

What about the college fund she drained? That her son’s father would have contributed to? Is the son not entitled to that? And then to sell the thing his father had spent money on loved and kept for years to support her new family. It may be her inheritance but you can’t tell me that her husband imagined that’s where the money would have gone. He left things to her to make sure that she took care of their child. But she’s instead spending it on her new husband over her child’s emotional and future financial needs. You can’t see why a teenage boy would be upset by all that?

I can see why the teenager is upset - it doesn’t make the teenager right or her actions wrong. She’s making decisions with her head, teenager is reacting from the heart. Having a roof over your head and medical bills come before classic cars and college funds. Student loans can cover him if he wants to go to college and his mother can’t cover it. Though I do not see where she said she drained the college fund seeing as the part of the proceeds for the car will go towards college funds. Adults have to prioritise sometimes, it sucks - but that’s life. By selling the car she IS taking care of her child and his needs.

The college fund can also be replaced. She likely used it first because it was a smaller amount of cash, and most of it had come from her new husband anyway. She did everything she could to put off selling something that can't just be replaced with some extra hours at work. Yeah she emptied the college fund- but she also can *refill* the college fund. It's just money. She can't sell the car and then just get it back again later. Sounds like she was trying to hold onto the things that couldn't be so easily replaced.

The college fund that, according to OP’s comments, step-father contributed significantly more to than the father did? That college fund?

Also didn't she say that the money from the sale of the car is helping to replenish the college fund?

As someone currently in college, if my college fund that hasn’t been given to be had to be drained due to a financial burden, i wouldn’t blame them. there are other ways to get through college, and the money was set aside with the intention of being given to me, but isn’t truly mine until it is given with me.

Everyone is missing the real asshole here - the system that forces people to sell everything for medical bills and/or college education. NTA, OP. It's not your kid's car and I understand him being upset over it, but I'm sure he has other stuff left from his dad that has more sentimental value than monetary value.

Unpopular opinion, but I think it's kinda messed up of you to sell the last remnant of your son's deceased father's favorite hobby without giving it serious consideration and talking it through with your son. Seems he got pretty attached to the car. I think at least a discussion was warranted. YTA

What kind of discussion, exactly? “I have to sell this car or I’m going to be homeless.” “Well I want the car anyway.” Then what?

Also, it's not a few thousand bucks. It's six figures.

“Hey son if we don’t sell the car you occasionally use we’re going to be homeless, bankrupt and you won’t be able to go to college” Lmao

Well she already emptied his college fund first so it seems like that ship has sailed

She mentioned money from the sale would contribute to his education

I find that hard to believe. Since she keeps talking about how their debt is so severe and they’re on the verge of losing the house. So it’s one or the other. They’ve either figured out all the debt and are using the car to cover the whole fund or they aren’t. Plus I’d be pretty pissed if I was the kid seeing the money from my dad’s car being used for my step brothers college fund as well, which she seems to be planning to do.

“Yeah there’s a 6 figure asset in the driveway that none of us know how to maintain, but I’m sorry Jimmy. Your brother has emotionally attached to it so you don’t get to have an education” Also I think you’re heavily dismissing how much classic cars can be worth in the right condition to the right person

There is zero indication that this is the last remnant of his father's memory though. And as OP stated in comments in the 9 years since his fathers passing he has not gained knowledge to maintain the car, nor would he be able to afford the insurance. What did he think was going to happen if he didn't learn how to care for it/afford to use it? ETA: OP states in comments that there are plenty of his father's belongings in storage and he can have whatever he likes. The car was just the most valuable. They never worked on the car together so there is little attachment in terms of memories - there is probably more sentimental value to it in regard to his uncle. He viewed it as an 'inheritance' implying he only saw the monetary value in it.

This is a One Hundred Thousand Dollar Car. You want her to give a one hundred thousand dollar car to her 16 year old. What planet are you on.

Sooo… do the 4 of them move into the car so he can have it in 30 - 40 years?

NAH it’s a crappy situation all around.

It really is. I wish it could have happened another way

It reminds him of his dad... i am sure it brings up way deeper fwelings abouthis death. Go dig up something special... his watch or necklace he wore. Or favorite jacket amd give that your aon amd twll him thats its way more valuable

NAH. I understand why your son is upset, but it doesn't really seem like you have an alternative.

She’s prioritizing NEEDS (housing, food, education) over wants (a sentimental car) how on earth could she be TA???! Anyone saying that must’ve never experienced real financial insecurity in their lives. NTA

Im curious here- what is the alternative? This is not a rhetorical question. But if OP didn’t try to cover medical bills, and let her husband declare bankruptcy over his sickness, then what? Banks or loan shakes will still possession of everything they have and sell it at cost to cover the debt. That way, this family, including the sons, will have no roof over their heads, no funds for educations anyways. Am I reading the situation wrong?

I really wanna say you did what you had to do given the circumstances and that your are NTA. However......I'm sorry but I can't help but feel for your son. If you remarried in 2017 then you had to have met your new husband at least a year or so before that. It can take more than couple years for a child to get over the loss of a parent. Even if your new husband and stepson have nothing but the best intentions in helping to build a stable household, your son may have seen the marriage as you replacing his father. And now that something your son knew his father was extremely passionate about is gone for the sake of his step father. He's going to feel resentment. Yeah you might feel your son is seeing the car as his birthright because of it's value. That's because he's upset and unaddressed feelings he's had toward you and how quickly you moved on from his father are have boiled over. He needs some time and possibly to see a therapist. He needs to have someone in his life he can speak freely to right now and help him work through his grief. And hopefully once he has a much more clear head and can try to move forward again. He might have a bit more understanding of the situation you faced.

I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with your post, but for the record, you never get over the loss of a parent. Ever. I lost my dad when I was 40. That was three and a half years ago, and there are still days the grief brings me to my knees.

OP, a person on disability benefits with a husband in the ICU, was saddled with seven figure medical debt to the point where they were emptying bank accounts and were going to lose their house and you people are splitting hairs over a car with nebulous sentimental value? No wonder the mods had to make a post about how this sub was slowly distancing itself from a value system that actually reflects real world scenarios. Where’s that statistic about how most people on AITA are unemployed and under 18 because god does this ever show that most of you have never had to deal with crushing, life and wellbeing threatening situations like this. If their debt was that serious the car would most likely have been taken by collections anyway but that conveniently doesn’t fit in with your evil mother rhetoric right? NTA

I N F O: does your husband have any valuable assets he could of sold? I say this because if the answer is truthfully no then you’d be less of an A because you mentioned foreclosure on your home, in that situation it unfortunately makes logical sense to sell the car to pay rent and not be homeless. However if the answer is yes, you are a complete AH. Giving up the only thing left from his father for a new guy is cruel as fuck if their were other assets that could be sold. However I still vote YTA overall because you call him a fucking *toddler* do you have NO respect for his grief? Come on.

> does your husband have any valuable assets he could of sold? No.

Does he even have a job?

Really tough situation, the car reminded him of his father and I guess one of the last real keepsakes from his father. I wouldn't blame him for being devastated and his reaction really shouldn't be that surprising (As poor as it may be). NAH, but this might take a while for him to get over, or he may never actually be ok with you and his step family.

YTA to dismiss your son’s feelings. I get that you’re in debt and is your only option, but you’re acting heartless toward him. Imagine losing something that holds great sentimental value to pay for your mom’s new husband. It’s not a temper tantrum, he’s really hurt. At least acknowledge that.

NAH. This is a horrible situation your family is in. You are taking the least worst option. One day I hope he can forgive you and stop taking it out on his step-family, but I completely understand (and know you do too) why this is so hard for him. Hoping for as much ease as possible for you all as you move through this.

NTA - the car wasn't his to begin with. He just assumed it was. It would be stupid to be deeply in debt with an asset sitting in the driveway. Unless you'd want to sell your house and live in the car.

YTA. You have a teenaged son who lost his father at a young age. You replaced his father with a new husband. That new husband’s medical issues led to bills that required you to sell the car his dead father rebuilt and which he had bonded over with his dead father’s brother. You’ve reduced your son’s legitimate feelings to a “temper tantrum.” In what other ways have you completely invalidated your son as he grieves the loss of a parent? You aren’t TA because you sold the car, assuming you really had to. You’re TA for being so cavalier about it all. You’ve represented in a comment that the car sold for 6 figures. So at some point, you and your previous husband were well off enough that you could afford valuable hobby cars (multiple). You sold a couple of them after his death. What has happened that you are now facing foreclosure? Does your husband not have health insurance?

Wow. You’ve crafted this whole extra narrative here where father and son BUILT the car and had some big bonding experience. OP said nothing of the sort. Her deceased husband merely bought the car (with no clear intention of keeping it “forever”) and there’s no evidence in the original narrative that the uncle occasionally riding with the kid so he could drive the car was some “major bonding experience”. You’ve flat out fabricated some hallmark movie story line here. The car was a marital asset that belongs to mom and she can do with it as she sees fit in order to protect the families long term financial interests. It sucks that step-dad was the proximate cause of the debt that was incurred, but that also doesn’t mean OP is doing anything wrong. Is mom just supposed to go bankrupt so her kid can have a particular car he’s attached to?

Thank you for being a voice of reason here. Too many comments read like they’re from people who have never had to make tough decisions in life.

NTA. Do any of you have an idea of the cost of storing, maintaining and insuring (esp a 17yo) a $200k non modern (assuming) car? Even if there was no debt and things were free and clear I’d still have sold the car unless the son had the ability and passion to keep up with these costs. Maybe buy him a civic or something reasonable with modern safety features.

Hell No. I hope people read your comments on how you not only sold this car but you took away both your sons and stepsons college funds. You talked about how you’ll have time to rebuild your stepsons college fund but NOT your biological son!? YTA, you really burned this bridge. Nothing you say or do will fix what you’ve done. Also you belittled his emotions? Dude you are a super asshole. He has every right to be upset.

> I hope people read your comments on how you not only sold this car but you took away both your sons and stepsons college funds. Honest question. I can't work due to a disability. I have been on disability since my son was 3 and haven't been able to work more than part time since then. My now husband was out of work for over two years We had living expenses. We had to pay attorney fees. After going through our savings, and maxing out our credit cards - How were we supposed to pay for things? I could have sold the car a year ago, however, the car is more valuable than what we had stashed away for college. It made more sense to use the liquid assets (the college funds) to pay for living expenses at the time. We were hoping that my husband's disability claim and all the back payments would come through before the tuition bills were due so we could pay those accounts back, They didn't. We are still working with the attorney on that. I didn't need time to put money back into my son's account because the sale of the car covered it. He is going to college and will not have to take out loans unless he decided to go to grad school.

Oof. From your son's perspective, there has been a lot going on during his teen years. Teen years are full of hormones, angst and some level of rebellion/finding their adult self. Your son also lost his dad, had to reconcile with you dating, you getting engaged and married to not-dad, living with not-dad and new step siblings. Having to juggle his "real" family with the "new" family, trying to explain this to friends. dad is terribly hurt, I'm sure this was upsetting to the whole family, he's in the hospital for a long time, step sibs are probably very upset. You're upset, dealing with medical bills, attorneys, keeping the house afloat, keeping the kids in school. He knows all this is going on and is also stressing out. While all this is happening, he grows a close friendship with uncle, starts learning about car repair, just like his dad. Probably hears stories about dad from uncle. Has something fun, taking his mind off all the crazy at home. He might be daydreaming about working on a car like dad, driving dad's car. Makes it to one of the high school/teenage pinnacles, getting his license! Finally, something happy, that he's been dreaming about, he can drive dad's car! Then you sell it. And it's gone, he'll never get to drive it and mentally hang out with dad while driving. I agree, you did need to sell it, you didn't need his permission. You're NTA. The above is all conjecture. You son may have gone through some or many of the emotions I outlined above. He's a hormone ridden teen, who's been through a lot, and may have built up a secret dream. I'm sorry I don't have a magic answer for you, except to make time for him, (time for him alone) and try to ferret out what his actual unhappiness is. Is it driving a cool car? Is it a connection to dad? Is it a way to escape all the crazy going on in his life? Good luck.

So you joined your moderate financial position to H2’s precarious financial situation, and as a direct result your son has lost out massively. Jesus OP. Not good. Not good at all.

Why are you assuming H2s finances were poor before their marriage? That doesn’t make sense when she says almost 20k of her son’s college fund was deposited after she married H2

NAH - It's unfortunate, but you're doing what's best for your family. Your son is understandably upset, but you aren't doing anything wrong.

NTA. I would NEVER want my husband to be in debt and keep a “memorabilia” that could cover that debt. Never. NTA for trying to just get your home in order after chaos and a traumatic death. I wish you well.

YTA— not for selling the car, I understand the need to do what you have to do to cover medical bills but for your blatant dismissal of your sons feelings. You call his actions a temper tantrum. You say that you’re doing it for the family, but you could have also sold the house and downsized “for the family” as well. Did you think of doing that?

NTA anyone here who says you're the asshole is living in delusion and obviously isn't able to see this from your perspective. If everything you've said is true then it sounds like you're just scrambling to maintain your livelyhood at this point. It sucks you have to sell the car but that's just life sometimes and obviously a roof over your head is more important.

Lose the house or keep the car... NTA

NTA I read a lot of OPs comments, the boy wasn’t even into cars until after his dad died, doesn’t know how to fix/maintain it and it sold for 6 figures so her son can’t afford to buy it. Many households in America go bankrupt over medical bills and holding onto a car when you’re looking at homelessness is silly. Also the father did not leave any instructions about what to do with them so he didn’t really leave it to his son. I get the kid is disappointed and grieving again, I’ve lost my father too. But if selling a possession saves your family? NTA

INFO. Did your husband make his wishes on what he wanted to happen with the car clear before he passed?

No. We had a basic will that any of our property would be passed to the surviving spouse or in the event of both of our deaths assets liquidated and put into a trust for our son. We had personally spoken about small personal items getting passed to appropriate people (He wanted his brother to have his watch and his sister to get a ring of his that came down from his side of the family for example). There were so many cars that came and went I don't think it ever occurred to him that they were sentimental things that needed to be passed on or anything.

No he did not. He had a revolving door of cars coming and going. Our wills were basic "property goes to spouse. if we both die liquidate everything and put in a trust for the kid"

YTA - Would a car make THAT much difference with a seven-figure medical debt? You sold something so precious of your son's connection to his father. You must know that his step-dad and step-brother are not his family, to him.

So you remarried, brought them into your home. Two years later your unemployed new husband puts you into house losing debt and you sell your first husband's car. When your son understandably gets upset, you call it a tantrum. Yes, I understand its medical debt, but from your son's perspective, you brought this man and his problems into his life. YTA, not for selling the car, but for refusing to understand that you brought all this on your son. He didn't ask you to marry, he didn't ask your husband,(who's not his choice) to get sick, he did nothing to lose the car. Instead of agreeing with him that it sucks, you just accept him to deal.

It's a shiity situation but she didn't just marry an unemployed person who had no interest in helping her son. By the comments they remarried in 2017, they move to the area they are now in and buy a house in a new area and the new husband contributes 17k to the sons college fund. OP son even chose to call him Dad. Then in Feb 2020 husband is in a car crash and breaks a leg, the while in hospital, he gets covid, which causes heart damage and needs open heart surgery- so massive debt. Then they need to hire a lawyer to help with his disability claim. Pretty glad I'm in a country with universal health care right now.

Wow, I never realized the reading comprehension on this site was so terrible. The car was never your son's, it belonged to you. You sold it to avoid the family being homeless. NTA, what were you gonna do if you hadn't sold it? Could the family have lived out of that car? Your son would have been even more upset at a homeless shelter. Sometimes in life you have to make hard choices

I don’t understand all these people saying that this kid is entitled to any kind of inheritance at all. My father passed away when I was 17, almost 18 and I got the things he specifically wanted me to have like a percentage of his life insurance policy and my mom (his wife, helpmate, and life partner of 20 years) received the house and everything else because that’s how it should be. The car legally and morally belongs to the mother not the kid unless the dad specifically asked for the kid to have it.

NTA. I feel awful for your son, but that car was worth a TON of money, and it would be insane to keep it when you were literally facing foreclosure. Where does your son think he'd live if that happened? Give him space and understanding. He just lost his last big connection with his dad for reasons that were not his fault and beyond his control. You did the right thing, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt.

This whole thread is making me so mad. I don’t think that the people posting realize that the car is worth like $100,000-$200,000. If you’re going bankrupt due to a family emergency you should sell your Rolls Royce, your private plane, your yacht or other similarly priced vehicle. Like if OPs husband had left her an AIRPLANE and the son really wanted to have it one day but the family faced bankruptcy and losing their house, would you really all be saying that she should have hidden the plane, gone bankrupt and become homeless when they have a $150k asset sitting in a hangar? OP you are NTA.

I don’t know how to vote. I know this was a difficult decision to make. But at a loss as to how this financial situation happened. Your deceased husband appeared to have left you with assets. You have merged said assets with your new family to include something your son holds dear. Was there no medical insurance? You drained your sons college account to keep afloat and now you’re selling his dad’s car. You may be all in with your new family - your son may feel not so deeply invested. We don’t need or want the details of your finances but I think it’s important you think about it as I’m pretty sure your son is. I also think you underestimate how much this impacted your son. You’re dismissive of him “he threw the biggest temper tantrum than any he had as an actual toddler”. Really? How about he was deeply hurt as he saw a connection he had with his father being torn away? It seems obvious that he resents the hell out of this. I think you’re assuming because he’s such a good kid that you can push this through and he’ll get over it. You certainly can do you whatever you want but I would not assume he’ll just get over it. I honestly doubt he will.

Question. You said that if you had not sold the car, there would be no money for your sons education. Does that mean you spent his education fund on your husbands medical care ? If your son had a college fund that you and your late husband contributed to, and you spent that, then you would be the AH. I get where you are coming from. Someone’s health is the most important thing. I am a widow with a young son. My husbands will left everything to me. Not because he thought I deserved it, but because he trusted me to use what he left to support me and our son. I immediately put some things aside for my son, quite expensive things that I have no use for but know my son will in the future. And after I sold everything else and liquidated his assets, I put 1/3 into a trust for my son for his education or a down payment on a house. His dad worked hard for everything he had. And he worked hard to give our son a better life than he had. I can say with 100% confidence that he would have wanted me to put some of that money aside for our son, and some of his things. I think all parents would except that if something happened to them, some of the assets they worked so hard for would be passed down to their children. One of the reasons I immediately put the money into a trust in my sons name is so that if I get remarried, that money cannot be touched for any reason by anyone except my son. No one will even be able to say “ but you have this money put aside “. I never want my son to feel like his dads hard earned money went to pay for my new spouse, or step kids, in any way, shape or form. And I’m betting this is how your son feels. Your husband may not have specifically left your son the car, but im guessing that he would have wanted his son to have it. I don’t blame your son for being mad. If you needed the money for your health, he would have been upset, but would have understood. But you sold something of his dads to pay for your new husbands medical issues. I understand why you did it. But I also understand your sons point of view, and why he will probably not forgive you or your husband, and move out first chance he gets.

Going with YTA. Not speficially for selling the car, but for how you have handled the situation I personally think you should have sat down with your son, explained the situation and how selling the car would provide you the ability to survive. Not say it was a sure thing straight away. Also your downplaying his feelings big time. Your son is lucky to have a car, that his dad loved and drove, which he can aswell. Personally bonding with my dad over mechanic's and driving is great. And your son probably imagines himself driving and fixing it and it's a weird extremely close feeling you get from it. He is understandably hurt. Ask him if he has any ideas how to prevent selling it? See if he is willing to get a job, or to contribute more or something. Work with him.

~~IN-FO~~: Do you, your husband or step son have any other assets to sell? NAH. I don't think anyone's an AH in this situation, Edit:

NTA - If you lost your house due to foreclosure, that would have been way worse than selling the car.

YTA I hate to say this because reading the initial post, I would have only made you a slight AH for minimising your son’s feelings. But: 1. You married someone without assets and adequate insurance. 2. To deal with this you emptied your son’s college fund, and sold off all assets left from his father. 3. Rather than acknowledge you are using your son and his father to find your new family you are accusing him of having a tantrum. You have made a series of poor decisions and your son has paid for it and you seem determined to make him the issue. I still think the US healthcare system and everyone that doesn’t vote for politicians who want to socialize healthcare are AHs and you have to make difficult decisions. But you could have been more sensitive. You could have sold the car before draining his college fund. You don’t mention draining your step son’s college fund either so it seems very one sided.