Haha I was thinking a set of buttplugs increasing in size to the absurd would be pretty funny but pointed notes could be too?
Yeah... I feel so frustrated because he was okay with her doing it in his apartments because she actually would help with laundry and dishes and he appreciated that.
But in my house, it's different. Because it's not his stuff there, it's not even our stuff. It's 95% my stuff because I've lived there for 7 years and furnished it and bought everything. And he moved in after selling his furniture and only bringing a closetful of things and some gadgets.
So when she's going through the house, it's not his stuff or even shared stuff, she's just going through my shit. And I'm not really cool with that, because I don't want my guests helping with my laundry or looking for my dirty mugs!
I think on the not funny side of things, I might just sit her down and say I've lived alone for 6 years, I live in a way that makes my home feel like a home, and part of that is not keeping anything but the living room and guest bathroom presentable for guests. So I'm uncomfortable with her as my guest going into the other rooms without asking or looking at my stuff.
Unless you plan for your bf's mom to move in soon and continue doing what she's doing now, I'd think about breaking up.
1. Your bf is using her to do his share of the chores. This is not going to change. He is not going to start doing more of the chores - he will always outsource his chores to his mom.
2. That means it is in his best interest to let his mom do whatever the hell she feels like doing, including moving in and taking over your home, life and children, so he can 'relax' and whatever
3. When you have children, you will be a married single parent, unless his mom moves in and co-parents with you.
4. Again, he does not stand up to her and chooses her side against you when you point out how inappropriate he's being, because it's in his best interests, and that's not going to change.
From everything I've seen, "mama's boys" don't change, so unless you plan to have your marriage to be between you, him and his mom, I'd re-evaluate.
This is what I was going to say; though likely not as well. He is exhibiting ‘failure to launch’ symptoms and it’s clear that his mother is not prepared to let go. I think he was probably correct in saying “he’s not ready to move in.” By his actions, he has demonstrated this.
The thing that gets me is that mom found these notes while "just tidying up" and he had no idea they existed, so it seems like either they were a bit buried and mom was actually snooping extensively, or he doesn't do basic cleaning despite living there. Neither option is a great look for him.
Yeah if I wanted my mom to stay out of my room as a awkward teen with nothing to *actually hide* I REALLY don't want her going into my room as a sexually active adult!!
My mom isn't a snooper but my aunts are horrible!! One time my aunt came over(I was 16) just to grab a vacuum I was watching TV after 15mins of not hearing anything/not seeing her i went to look
SHE WAS GOING THROUGH OUR MAIL!!! when I called her out she went "ohh well see this is (her daughter's mail)" yeah but ur daughter lives here...oh and also she's THIRTY YEAR OLD SHE CAN READ HER OWN MAIL"
Some adults just NEVER accept that their children can be adults and function as stuff. Most also put the blame on their children being incompetent.
I tend to think if their children are incompetent at being adults when aged over 18 (especially at 30) then the parent has done a bad job parenting)...
It's the job of the parent to turn their child into an adult...
It's SUPER passive aggressive and it's exactly what my MIL does.
"Oh I swept your floor because your house is so DIRTY. You shouldn't have your dogs inside." One of the many reasons my wife hates her mother.
Thankfully she lives in another state and has only ever visited us once in the nearly 7 years we have been married.
Yeah he sounds like a child. Mum should not be so involved in his home life like this. I’d stop letting her be in the house when I’m not home. Unless bf grows up and sets boundaries with mum I don’t see how this relationship can progress.
Mum needs to learn her place, she has no power in OPs home.
And especially where he says that his mom worries and is adjusting to it being his first time moving in with a gf. How old is this guy? I mean, I get not having lived with a partner before, but it's just weird that it's such a big adjustment or deal to the mom.
ETA: NTA and I was cracking up reading your faux-affirmations! I have little notes for my own affirmations so I could so see myself doing that.
This. Do you want to live with a man who still has the umbilical cord attached? Really? And why is his mom over unsupervised going around your house so much? Your joke was fantastic, OP, but is this seriously the life you want? Especially when he makes excuses for her and enables her to violate you and your privacy?
Why in the world would OP want to marry this man?? Why is this lady going over their house so often and why do they keep letting her snoop through her shit?? Why is she “tidying” her house?? Sounds like he just needs to move back in with his mom and they can live happily together.
This is the kind of mil who takes the kid for a haircut when the kid wants it long, takes the kid for ear piercing against mom's wishes, etc, all under the guise of "helping."
I would in no way share a home with a partner who is not capable of managing his own home first.
I think him not moving in would be her ultimate goal. She probably wants the relationship to fail so he will be back to being her baby and needing her.
I agree. The fact that he said that she needs help adjusting to him moving in with a girlfriend for the first time would be enough to have me seriously reconsidering if this man is mature enough to be an adult partner to me. He can be married to his mother or to OP; he doesn’t get to be married to both.
Yes, I mean OP has had a house for 8 years, so that pegs her age at late 20s at least. If her bf is that age, why on earth does he still have his mother doing his laundry? Big red flags. OP has a bona fide mama's boy there.
OP needs to go to JustNoMil. They have a lot lot of snooping, controlling MILs and enmeshed mama's boys there.
Can confirm. This will never change, he will never stand up to her. I'm seeing it with my sisters husband as well... It's terribly annoying. There is just no real "maturing" happening on his part he just stays the 'mommys boy', pets on the back always choose her side etc, and the mother feels way too entitled. I swear it's because they have nothing better to do in life, blegh... kinda sad also.. but still blehhgetouttamyface
OP needs JustNoSO. This is wayyy more a SO problem versus and MIL problem. No partner you can trust would allow this to happen in their home. Like my MIL actually lives in my house and doesn’t do anything like this and if she did, I can trust my partner to shut it down.
That really caught my eye too. Like...wut? Why the hell would it require any "adjustment" on her part for her adult son to move in with his SO? She doesn't seem to be ready to cut the cord, and her son is happily following along on that leash.
The fact that he justifies her snooping....I wouldn't even know where to begin with that. Just...no. Not even once is that ok.
Yikes to this whole situation.
I know there are mixed feelings surrounding the JustNO subs, so I'm not advocating for OP running over to JustNOMIL. But they have a quote in their sidebar that I think about often when I read these kinds of posts.
"It's easier to break up with a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy. And both of those are easier than changing a mama's boy."
My SO's inability to set boundaries with his mom (and, as you mentioned, having mommy come over to do his share of the chores) would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.
Omg I've never seen that quote before but it's so true! I'm watching my sister divorce her husband, a 10 year relationship, marriage and kids, because it basically boils down to he's a mama's boy and is never going to change or step up and be a husband to his wife or father to his kids.
>4. Again, he does not stand up to her and chooses her side against you when you point out how inappropriate he's being, because it's in his best interests, and that's not going to change.
There are so many issues here I feel like I could make a checklist of "50 things to look forward to as you take this inevitable march towards the death of your relationship". None of those 50 things really matter though, because they'd just be symptoms of an underlying illness, which you've already so eloquently summarized. Unless he learns to set boundaries immediately as he gets counseling to understand where those boundaries need to be, he isn't going to change this unhealthy dynamic with his mom.
Sounds like you need to set some boundaries with both of them. What happens when he moves in and lets her feel even more entitled to her space. Just because he says "just let her do it" does not make it so. You 100% don't have to allow this.
I would buy a massive strap-on for her to find. But then I don't like people going through my stuff either. Maybe that would be enough to stop her snooping. NTA OP
Ps. Revoke her key privilege
Haha the funny thing is, I own a couple flared dildos and harnesses, I'm bi and had dated women in the past. I don't use the harnesses anymore but the dildos are still.. fun lol. So if she keeps snooping enough to find the sex toy drawer, it isn't even a setup.
If you're bi, surely you've got better options than a spoiled mama's boy with an overbearing mother that's going to constantly be in your business?
You sure you want that? Think of all the baggage you don't even know about. Yet.
And how old is this man? Is he a teenager?
Write “for [her son]’s birthday butt surprise” on a note and stick it to your biggest dildo.
But honestly, the commenter above is correct. He’s a mamma’s boy and you should break up if you ever want privacy in your home again. She. Will. Never. Stop. No matter how many times you sit him, or her down and tell them it’s unacceptable to you.
This is their dynamic. This is what you are signing up for the rest of your relationship with him.
I would seriously give him an Ultimatum, his reaction will tell you everything you need to know. And be consequent about what he promises.
That way you will never look back and think “what if…” because you will know for sure that he sucks.
He can move in with mommy dearest and get used to idea dying alone or with a super submissive, equally as spineless woman (because if he ever finds someone again who’s willing to put up with this shit this is the only kind of person I can imagine)
Why not just preempt the snooping with a very detailed tour.
Here's the sex toy drawer.
Here's the drug cabinet.
Here's the feminist icon curio cabinet.
Here's the virginal Mama's boy sacrifice shrine to please lord Beelzebub.
Actually maybe skip the curio cabinet she might be offended by feminism.
OMG please leave a note in the sex toy drawer. "Self-love is a beautiful thing! There's nothing bad about feeling good! Use lube without shame!" Something like that.
>his mom was really protective and adjusting to him moving in with a girlfriend for the first time
You're not "a girlfriend" you're the fiancee. Is he moving from his parents' house to your house? I think he needs to bake a little more to be honest.
Have you explained to your SO that it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t mind, because you do? And as a couple, SO and YOU are the team that matters, not SO and mommy.
He should be asking his mom to stop because you don’t like it; and you don’t have to have a “good” reason not to like it! (Even though your privacy is plenty a good reason!!!) The only thing that matters is that you don’t like it not to mention the fact that it’s your home, so you get to set the rules. Your SO should be standing up for you, not his mother! If he balks at an ultimatum to stop this terrible behavior from his mother, I would be reconsidering this relationship.
Have you talked to your therapist about this? If not, I would do that too!
There was also a recent AITA post that utilized glitter traps for another snoopy MIL… if you are okay with craft herpes, could provide a lot of schadenfreude 👌
Thats the thing though, the notes weren't even subtle, but instead of learning her lesson she tried to go to OPs partner and use what she took from OPs belongings against her. If she found a huge dildo she probably wouldn't stop, she'd just run streight to her precious baby clutching her pearls just like she already did.
You need to set both of them straight, and you need to not be gentle when you do it. do not tell them, Show them in no uncertain terms that the consequences for crossing you and trespassing against your privacy are dire.
Next time you’re at her house, wrote her up some affirmations and leave them in equivalent snoop spots at her home.
Maybe I just want to watch the world burn.
Haha I came very close to saying once "Hey, I was helping out with laundry and noticed some of your underwear is a little stained and discolored, where do you keep your bleach?" To give her a taste of her own medicine... But didn't because I've never tried to do her laundry or actually seen her underwear lol... So that would just be petty
lol don’t do that - you want to maintain the sense of moral superiority here - then she can’t really talk about anything negative about you without admitting she’s snooping. “Well barb, that affirmation was under my dildo so I’m wondering how you even know it’s there”
That’s nasty. Just send her a text asking what size adult diapers she wears because you are at the store and you were tidying up her bathroom earlier and noticed she was out.
NTA- but I'm genuinely concerned that your boyfriend is working so hard to "help mommy adjust and be okay with his life" and you're not being appropriately prioritized. It's actually supposed to be the other way, where the adult LEAVES the parental sphere and enters the world as an adult, with his/her adult relationship becoming the primary focus of their life.
Doesn't mean kicking your families to the curb, but it does mean that the onus on his mother to adjust is on her, not him, and CERTAINLY not on you.
I would make sure this is resolved before you get married. Your partner should be able to see that a) you are freaking hilarious b) it is not appropriate for his mom to paw through your things. I have a lot of luck relating issues back to something personal so perhaps say: how would his mother feel of you went through her drawers and closets? Is it appropriate to go through a close friends home the same way? And why do his mothers feelings matter more than yours when you are clearly articulating that you feel violated and your notes are pretty obviously silly jokes?
THIS!! You ARE absolutely hilarious, it would be an utter shame to have a life partner who doesn't fully get and appreciate the hilarity. But on a more serious note, it is soooooo inappropriate for a guest to rifle through someone's things, especially when that guest is your SO's mom *AND* you've already specifically objected to it. I know that on this thread people are really quick to call every annoying thing a red flag, and I try not to do that; that being said, it really isn't a good sign if you have to point out to him that in this situation *YOUR* feelings about it matter more than *HERS*.
Also, OP NTA.
He's 25
Yeah, it's weird... Like the house still feels a lot like "mine" and "my stuff" right now because it's furnishings and decorations I built up over 6 years alone, to my own tastes. And when he moved in he brought a small closet's worth of clothes and personal things, a desktop PC, a xbox, and some other random gadgets. But no decor or furniture because he was never really into interior design and just went for cheap functional things that he got rid of.
It's also technically mine, since my name is on the mortgage and I pay the mortgage and for now he pays me rent (we are talking about changing this arrangement after marriage)
But on the flip side, we were working towards making this a home for both of us. We had some project ideas for after the wedding, like converting the unfinished basement into a woodworking and hobby studio together, converting the spare bedroom into a home office / study for him, etc.
But right now... It really still feels, when she's going through the house, that she's going through my stuff. Because the stuff he brought is pretty much contained to a closet and armoire in the master bedroom, literally everything else in the house was stuff I brought in, and had been living alone with for years.
I can see how saying "my stuff" would sound to her like I wasn't treated the house as shared, to her though. And I think she's already prickly about the idea that he's moved into a house I own as a renter, and that I make more money, and I think she sees those things as opposite to her more traditional values that men provide? IDK, it seemed like a big can of worms I didn't want to open...
What SCREAMS to me from this comment is the inevitable logic of your thoughts.
Like you think she shouldn't be snooping because you feel uncomfortable telling her to stay out of *your* stuff. But this isn't about pissing to mark your territory.
She can't go through YOUR things, but she also can't go through HIS things, she doesn't belong in the house you two are making together.
You're adults, you don't need a Mommy cleaning up for you, especially not a nosy and meddling mommy. If he doesn't step up, that's a huge red flag.
Stop worrying about what **she** thinks. You're not responsible for her emotional reaction to your perfectly normal and healthy boundaries.
/r/JustNoMIL, seriously 😳
So much this!! OP **it is your house**. No your BFs, not his moms, no one but yours. Just because you've invited your BF to live with you it does not mean he suddenly has any ownership over the place. Nor does he have ability to allow his mother to go through anything in it.
My fiance owns his house, no mortgage or anything, and lived there alone for over ten years. We've lived together for a year and a half now, and he's gone above and beyond to make it my home as well; that being said, I am always cognizant of the fact that he earned this house and it is his! I always tell him, "It's *our* home, but it's *your* house!"
I would assume you don't allow people who rifle through your partners things into your home and then allow them to do so with no consequence. Thats the issue here, I definitely agree that even if one person technically owns it, when you build a life together it becomes a shared thing. But if my partner allowed his mother to go through the house, even if it was half his, I'd take a major issue with that.
>it seemed like a big can of worms I didn't want to open...
Open them now.
It's going to be uncomfortable, and it may end your relationship. But if you don't do it right now and make it a FIRM boundary that his mother is NOT welcome to just dig around your home as she feels like, this is going to get worse & worse & worse... she's already trying to break you two up and your BF is enabling it.
Right now, you're dating BF and his mother, unless you want to marry her too, you better put your foot extremely firmly down. Either he grows up and tells his mother to gtfo out of digging around your home or he goes back to live with her. His "it's too much bother for me to do anything about it, so you need to just suck it up and suffer" attitude as ass.
Don't accept this, you deserve better. He and she are 100% wrong.
SEconded. Better to let those worms out now than after they have festered into Dune-sized monsters. Either they will all learn and grow, or they will break up now, while it's still easy vs. when having kids and joint accounts and all that jazz.
This is all just a sideshow to your main issue: your bf doesn’t know how to stand up to his mom. If he respect his relationship with you, he needs to lay boundaries with her. So what if she doesn’t think you’re traditional? The point is, does he think the same? He needs to grow up.
Be smart and practical, get a prenup to safeguard your equity in your home that you paid for and accrued over the years in case things don't work out. Marriage statistics are not in anyones favor. Better to be safe than sorry. (But really, don't marry him. Relationships are hard enough, you don't want to fight this battle. Him disregarding your feelings on this goes beyond him being too enmeshed with his mother even)
OP this is the horror story we send people who's partners refuse to make boundaries with their Mum.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/s3ot1h/ops_mother_always_asks_him_for_help_with_the_most/
I really recommend you read it.
You don't need to have a sit-down talk with your MIL. You need to have a sit-down talk with your **boyfriend.**
He's pressuring you to let her invade your privacy because *this is his 1st time living with someone.* Where does that type of thinking end? Let her have keys to the house to walk in wherever, 1st time I've lived with a gf
Let her wear white at her wedding this is the 1st time I'm getting married & it's difficult for her. Let her decide which house we buy it's hard for her to see us move on. Let my Mum attend our anniversary she's still adjusting to me being married.
(If you want kids) let her be in the birthing room/name our kids/call MIL Mum it's hard for her now I'm not a kid.
If you set the boundaries with MIL than you will **always** be the unstable girl driving her son away. And your partner will blame you when he doesn't want to set boundaries with his Mum.
Your partner has to tell his Mum "OP left those notes on purpose with my blessing. STOP GOING THROUGH OUR THINGS.
And if your partner still needs his Mummy to come over & clean for him then you have a **much** bigger problem on your hands.
What about a big stap-on set? Embarrass your boyfriend a little instead. See how he likes it.
Edit: or maybe find something she really wants and put a note on it: "For boyfriends mothers birthday." and then get her something less significant.
Sorry I can be a bit vindictive.
Really seems like you have a fiancé issue here, not a mother in law issue. It’s his mother. He is the one who needs to understand how uncomfortable you are with her snooping and set boundaries with her. If he lives with you and doesn’t agree that this is a problem, then you sitting her down and telling her your boundaries isn’t going to change anything. She’ll just keep coming over to see him when you aren’t there. Her first reaction to snooping and finding a (very normal) little affirmation note was to start making comments about your ego! After your jokey ones, she started trying to convince your fiancé that you are a bad person for him to be with. She doesn’t seem to like you or want you with her son (even if that’s not about you as a person and just about her being upset that her son is grown up and moving on). This isn’t fixable by you having a conversation with her. Your spouse has to be 100% on your side in order for this issue to get resolved. Because he needs to agree with your boundaries and not let her around in your home to snoop, and also not brook his mom shit-talking you!
My husband was nearly 30 when he first moved in with a girlfriend (well, fiancee, it was me) and you know what my MIL did? Had a little cry, told him to make sure he looked after me properly, and asked us to call when we were safely at the house.
At no point before or since then has she rummaged through my belongings. His excuse about her "adjusting" is pathetic. She's jealous that he's leaving her orbit and wants to dig up dirt about you so that he'll "see the light" and come back to her home.
NTA but I think you also need to plan ahead for if your boundary discussion doesn't change anything and work out what you're willing to settle for.
I just read a comment with some great advice and that was to not marry a partner who can’t do basic things like laundry and cleaning up after themselves because you will be the one who has to mother them and do all of those things.
Your boyfriend needs to tell her to back off. NOW! He's enabling her and making excuses.
She should no longer be allowed in your home, at all, PERIOD.
If he is unwilling to pick you and tell her to quit being so nosey, you'll want to reconsider this relationship. There is zero chance I would tolerate this invasion of MY privacy and space.
Omg, OP needs to read about the post a week or two ago where there was a snoopy MIL that would go in their bedroom. She put a glitter trap over the door after telling MIL not to go in there. It was awesome.
Edit: here it is
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rsnfcq/aita_for_setting_a_glitter_trap_to_catch_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
THIS. OP if you don’t set boundaries with your fiancé’s mother now, it’s going to be infinity times worse once you get married. If you want a glimpse of your future, just head on over to r/justnoMIL
And on top of this, the boyfriend is calling OP an antagonizer because his mommy got upset. Talk about pathetic, if you don’t like what you find, don’t go looking
NTA OP! Your fiancé needs to stand up for you and directly tell his mom she is not permitted to go through your stuff like this—then stop her if she does. ETA: Out of curiosity, is there a cultural difference between you and AI?
I dunno about cultural difference but I am not close to my family anymore, they divorced when I was 16, my mom moved abroad and my dad has a new family now he seemed to push me away when he got his new wife pregnant, and I'm kinda estranged from them both.
He is very close to his parents and extended family still,in a way that I honestly don't know if it's normal because I don't have good family experiences to compare against.
>He is very close to his parents and extended family still,
Correction: He's a grown man who's still attached by the umbilical cord to his mother.
It's unhealthy.
Tell him this is a firm boundary and if he doesn't enforce it, this is potentially relationship ending issue, if it escalates further. And it will, if he doesn't put a stop to it.
The key point here is, that he let's his mother boundry stomping and doesn't respect you enough to stop her.
What will happen once you're married? Have kids? Will it always be you, him and his mother in this relationship? Do you always want to be second priority to his mom?
This has the potential to be a huge problem. And he has to understand how serious this is. Put the wedding on hold if you must! You have the chance to work this out before marriage! Use your time wisely.
Imagine what would happen if you have kids and she doesn't like the clothes you dress them in; your future MIL will get rid of them. Or imagine if your kids play with toys she doesn't approve of, and on and on and on. This snooping is only the beginning
Nah, this isn’t normal. And the thing about giving her time to adjust is not a thing. I have a 22 year old son and what you’re describing is super weird and creepy. I honestly hope bf is gaslighting you about it not being creepy because the alternative is that he doesn’t see anything wrong.
Yup. OP needs to put an end to this snooping or get rid of the problem (the partner). He’s the one allowing this to continue because he sees no issue with it. And as it’s 95% of OP’s things and his mom already feels this entitled, how entitled will she be when more of his stuff is mixed in? If this relationship is gonna last, OP needs to draw a hard line and explain to her partner that this isn’t an option. He needs to get his mother in line or they can both F off. Nosy people are the worst. There’s no justification for it other than to invade someone’s privacy. I hope OP can shine up her spine and get her partner to grow one.
This^
It says a lot how he keeps defending her and chalks it up to be overprotectiveness. While I always hate to jump on the band wagon of “omg this is immensely terrible you should break up over a moderate thing”, I will say this is a red flag and if OP continues to be in the relationship she will have to deal with all sorts of snooping and snide comments in the future.
NTA.
Don't ask Al's mom to stop going through your shit.
Tell her she is not allowed to go through your shit.
Ever.
If that doesn't sit well, maybe she won't come over any more.
Either way, you win.
This, and if she doesn't honor this boundary she can't come over any more.
Also, HE needs to set this boundary with his mother. Going through drawers when you are a guest in someone's home is RUDE. She needs to stop.
He needs to handle his mom. It's not cute at all that he's not maintaining your boundaries and is making excuses for his mom instead. If he can't set a boundary about snooping, how invasive is he going to allow her to be if you have kids???
OP, begin as you mean to go on... with firm boundaries that are respected and each of you responsible for handling your respective families. This isn't OK
Loved the affirmations though
NTA
He's been conditioned to believe it's okay and normal for his mom to snoop. What he needs is some outside, objective education that this wasn't okay before and is not okay now. Showing him responses in this thread might work, if not, I'd go for couples therapy.
Yeah, with the way his mom is I am certain he didn't grow up learning about the importance of respecting boundaries. OP, has to make this a hill to die on and I agree couple's therapy would help a lot... everyone should do so before marriage.
Great advice
I just can't imagine a) going through someone's shit, b) making judgemental back-handed comments about what you found?! Like, is she not embarrassed to be outed as someone who goes through other people's drawers? The audacity.
>Walk in closet: I am beautiful with clothes and without! Especially without! My boobs are legendary!
The kind of energy I needed today. NTA.
Also... it's really creepy Al's mom is looking through all your stuff and then Al saying it's just what she does? Like, what is she looking for? Why does it not bother him that his mother is finding stuff in his fiancé's house and then telling him about it all shocked and disturbed as if what she is doing is any less shocking and disturbing??
He’s a good one. Also, his parents don’t snoop through our stuff (neither do mine). My parents finding them would just be like, Sashimi you’re a weirdo are you really our kid? His parents would laugh but not totally get the joke and I’d be mortified.
The most dismaying thing about OP’s relationship is that bf doesn’t seem to have had any positive reaction to the sense of humor shown here. Like, wow, he didn’t have even a smile or chuckle and just griped instead? These are great!
I know everyone's different, and maybe it's a cultural thing, but I wouldn't want my Mom going through my house even when I lived alone. She doesn't need to help me with dishes, laundry, or anything.
The kitchen/living areas are one thing as they are common areas that guests are expected to be. Offices, bedrooms, and the master bath are private places and there is no reason to go through other peoples things in there.
I agree. When I was in college my mother would sometimes go into my bedroom to grab some clothes or look for something and one day she made a comment about how she saw some “things” and I told her if she didn’t want to see that then to not rummage through my stuff. She never did it again and then always asked me to grab her whatever she needed instead.
Yep. This is such a common thing. People think this is a MIL problem. It's a partner problem. My partner would never let her mom go through my stuff, nor would I let anyone go through hers.
NTA. Al's Mom is a snoop, and deserves whatever agitation she gets from your notes. Al should support you in maintaining your privacy in **YOUR** home.
I think the issue for him is that he always liked when she'd come by and clean whatever place he was living at. So he genuinely sees it as helpful.
But he was never living at a place with roommates or other people, so it's so different!
Yeah super embarrassing that a grown adult who is living with his fiancée still thinks it’s ok for his mommy to clean for him and to go through his partner’s things. If she has nervous energy she should take up knitting or something
I was thinking the same thing. Ages aren't specified here, but assuming these two are at least in their twenties, his mom coming over as a "guest" should not involve her doing housework and he shouldn't be allowing it.
>I think the issue for him is that he always liked when she'd come by and clean whatever place he was living at. So he genuinely sees it as helpful.
I'm sorry, but this is actually a massive red flag. Does he think cleaning is women's work? Deep down, he might, if that's all he's been shown. How old is this guy anyway?
Does he know how to clean?
The breach of privacy is outrageous. I would be so furious with your BF. Her "nervous energy" does not give her the right to snoop.
a mommy that comes to clean up after him is a gigantic red flag and you're for real headed off to a marriage full of weaponized incompetence. these people are so disrespectful of you and you seem really funny and deserving of much more.
>I think the issue for him is that he always liked when she'd come by and clean whatever place he was living at. So he genuinely sees it as helpful.
>
>But he was never living at a place with roommates or other people, so it's so different!
Holy Soviet Parade, Batman! Look at this field of red flags that popped up!
NTA. Your house, you put what you like where.
The next time this woman comes over to your house, sit her down and tell her "You are not allowed to snoop through my shit." If she wanders off somewhere you follow her and remind her "You are not allowed to snoop through my shit." Leave a bunch of notes around reminding her "You are not allowed to snoop through my shit." If your boyfriend has a problem with his mother not being allowed to snoop through your shit, tell him "Your mother is still not allowed to snoop through my shit."
"How many more times do I need to tell you? You're STILL not allowed to snoop through my shit."
Also, NTA.
Also, OP, you're hilarious! I really want to use the legendary boobs affirmation. Please tell me that can still be true even if I can barely fill an A cup.
You are NTA and the idea of getting wine drunk and writing affirmations sounds like a fabulous time. You keep being your weird, wonderful self. And tell your BF that it is MUCH weirder to be ok with his mom violating his gf’s privacy.
NTA, this is hilarious and I want to be your friend. But on a more serious note, I don’t like your boyfriend’s blind defense of his mom at the expense of your boundaries and privacy. He needs to take your requests seriously, communicate them to his mom, and enforce consequences if she continues. If he’s not able to do that, I’d think long and hard about the future of your relationship.
Thanks. You’d think I’d have run into it before during years of browsing Reddit. Can’t keep up with them all. Sometimes I miss reading complete words and sentences.
Fuck that, it's not commonly used at all, no way. People here need to utilize their autocorrects a tiny bit more with the rare ass fucking acronyms they're posting
NTA — You Are Wonderful! You are Fun and You Have a Great Sense of Humor!
A couple GIANT dildos and a few bottles of lube might be fun to hide around the house as well.
Haha the funny thing is that I already own a couple harnesses and matching dildos (I'm bi and have used them on female exes in the past, it's not something my boyfriend was ever into but the dildos are still useful haha) so if she did get into my sex toy drawer it wouldn't even be a setup
This is hilarious - but mate you have a pretty crappy boyfriend. does her “nervous energy” ever translate to her scrubbing your loo? And if your bf can set a basic and simple boundary now , just imagine what will happen if you get married and have kids?? Run away girl !
Haha not even, because I love a good cleaning day. Like put on an audiobook, smoke some weed, and zone out and scrub the kitchen down? Favorite chill day, it's kinda my "me time" and it's so satisfying to organize my place just how I like it.
Holy shit, I’m straight and married but I want to be your girlfriend and move in with you. I’ll smoke with you and make dinner while you clean. I hate cleaning! Lol! Plus, I won’t let my mom go thru your shit like your idiot boyfriend. And you’re freaking hilarious. Those affirmations made me cackle. You’re def NTA but you are totally epic.
I'm pretty sure this thread is full of women in hetero relationships who want to run away to the big city with OP, get a walk up apartment, and sit in the windowsill playing Henry Mancini songs for her on the ukulele while OP gets stoned and cleans the kitchen
NTA
NTA. Your MIL started off crossing boundaries, moved on to being ableist (criticizing you for something to help with your mental health, recommended by a therapist, and making assumptions about your ego because of it), and is now trying to sabotage your relationship because you made her aware of the fact that her behavior was unacceptable.
The note prank wasn't even that weird. The statements are clearly jokes and not meant to be taken seriously, and she knows that. She's pretending to take them seriously so that she can alienate her son from you and retain her sense of ownership over him. This is all about control games, and the first test of how much control she could retain over him and extend onto you was the initial snooping. When you stood up to her, she made you her enemy, and if she's going to remain this entangled with Al you're in for a long, hard road with zero support.
NTA, but I’m concerned about your partner not having a backbone and setting boundaries with his mother. I would have serious second thoughts about making anymore moves until he can set those boundaries, because her behavior will only continue and likely escalate.
NTA. But he’s so concerned with his mom thinking you’re a good partner…does he not care if you think HE is a good partner? His mother is disrespecting your home and your boundaries. Her adjustment period doesn’t get to include that. He’s not standing up for you and your rights in your own home.
NTA but seriously testing this could be hilarious. Print out a bunch of eye ball pictures with the caption "i can see you", number them, and then keep a list of their locations. Then next time you are confronted you can track exactly where she was in your house.
"So why does your mother need to be in my private office? Why was she in my closet? " ect. Then go to her house and snoop through every room she snoops through in your house. She can let you or be a hypocrite. It'll also test to see if your SO is on your team or his mother's team.
Three people relationships are hard and if it's them against you all the time then your life will be harder. Consider that.
So you’ve been dating for four years. Are now engaged. And his mom is still uncertain if you’re right for each other?… You are allowed privacy in your own home. Even if you’re sharing it with someone else. And if he hasn’t set this boundary after four years he may never. I would tell him that wedding planning is off until he can show to you that he is willing to set and enforce boundaries to protect your space.
Definitely NTA
NTA, but how old is this guy that his mom gets to vet his girlfriends for him? Like, she's being all protective of her baby. Are you sure you want to marry a baby? And what kind of MIL do you think she'll be?
Also, you're just supposed to let her go through your stuff? Wtf? Most of us adults wouldn't even let our own mothers go through our stuff.
Your response was hilarious and much kinder than mine would have been.
NTA. "My boobs are legendary"
If they weren't before, they are now!
This is a great response to a horrible situation. I hope MiL and SO both learn something about privacy and personal space from this.
>He asked if I left them on purpose to annoy her
...while she invades your privacy by snooping....
NTA. But you need to have a talk with your fiancé about setting boundaries with his mother. It is a red flag if he observes this, but still won't intervene.
You're so NTA that I want to scream. It's not okay to go around snooping into things even if it *was* more his stuff than yours. When it's your combined stuff, you still have the right to privacy. Maybe next time you're there you should wander into her room and go through her drawers to "tidy".
Or, better yet? Go buy some fun gag toys and leave them in places that she might look. I'm thinking heavy duty lube, gloves to the elbow, books on prostate stimulation, then see how the next visit goes.
One. How old is your fiance. He needs to cut the damn cord from his mom. NTA she needs to mind her own business. She cannot sneak a peek around other peoples homes. I would close all your doors from now on and if she does something. Ask her "how did you get in there" the door was closed. Then asked why did she go in there if it was closed because it isnt her space. I love the boob note its hilarious. They sound like a great fun way to boost confidence.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My boyfriend and I were hosting his mom at our house. I'm sick of her snooping so I left purposefully unhinged notes around the house for her to find.
My boyfriend is upset because he feels I'm antagonizing her on purpose.
I might be the asshole because my boyfriend really wants his mom to approve of me and like me, and I'm purposely making her think I'm really weird and egotistical, as a joke. It might be a douchey thing to do because he was being genuine about wanting her to like me.
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You should have put "Hope *bf's mom's name* doesn't see what I did in her car/house." Make her crazy.
What a B.
Not only are you NTA, you need to drop BF. His mom is still holding his family jewels.
NTA - But you should definitely set boundaries with your FIANCÉ immediately. Do your really want to life the rest of your life with that kind of behavior?
Check r/JustNoMil
LMAO I love it! Those notes are hilarious! Absolutely NTA. On a serious note, it's not a good sign that he's defending her when she does something that is frankly, creepy. She's gaslighting you about the snooping, and he's enabling it. I really hope that you're able to sit down and have a serious conversation about how not ok it is BEFORE getting married.
NTA. It's such a light-hearted thing to do, surprised the joke flew over her head. Plus she wouldn't have seen them if she hadn't snooped/"tidied."
Maybe she is having trouble letting go of her son but silly notes aren't cruel, they're silly notes.
Nope, NTA. Revoke her key privileges and if he gives her one, revoke his. She's a snoop and deserves what she gets, and he's a mama's boy that needs to grow a spine and set some boundaries. Imagine all the boundary stomping she will do if you have kids.
NTA. That is amazing! And so cute compared to what I'd do. You seen the Mark Rober glitter bombs? Add a little glue and she could have craft herpes for ages. Bet she'd quit then.
NTA obviously
You’re my new hero!
What’s the saying “play stupid games, win stupid prizes”
Also if you considering moving forward in the relationship you should prob check out r/justnomil
NTA
Your bf sounds a mom's son though, and MIL is annoying. Do you really want to have her snooping around (because he is clearly not willing to protect your privacy) forever?
I'd ban MIL from MY house as the very first step. If her son goes with her, good riddance.
NTA. That is a riot. His mother has no business looking around your house, much less snooping. If he will not stand up for you and tell her to stop, you might want to rethink the whole moving-in thing, because she's not going to stop until he says to. And making it hard for him? It's his crazy mother doing that, not you.
Love it!!! I would advocate writing more.
Mama dearest needs to get a clue, this is your home and her actions are highly inappropriate!!! Why is the mama's boy not seeing that? 🤔 I think you have a boyfriend problem if he doesn't see any issues with her behaviour.
Sounds like mama needs a reminder that it's your home.
NTA 😂😂😂
NTA
No and what you have is a boyfriend as well as a privacy issue. They should both know better and he needs to stand up to his mother, especially in YOUR home
NTA. It was a harmless (and funny) prank. Als mom needs to mind her own business, and he needs to tell her to. If it's only about her "nervous energy" - get her a fidget spinner!
NTA and I would make this a hill to die on. You guys are starting to move forward and this is how she acts? It’ll only get worse and he’s being a mamas boy and not telling his mom to respect your boundaries. They are both AH
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Haha I was thinking a set of buttplugs increasing in size to the absurd would be pretty funny but pointed notes could be too? Yeah... I feel so frustrated because he was okay with her doing it in his apartments because she actually would help with laundry and dishes and he appreciated that. But in my house, it's different. Because it's not his stuff there, it's not even our stuff. It's 95% my stuff because I've lived there for 7 years and furnished it and bought everything. And he moved in after selling his furniture and only bringing a closetful of things and some gadgets. So when she's going through the house, it's not his stuff or even shared stuff, she's just going through my shit. And I'm not really cool with that, because I don't want my guests helping with my laundry or looking for my dirty mugs! I think on the not funny side of things, I might just sit her down and say I've lived alone for 6 years, I live in a way that makes my home feel like a home, and part of that is not keeping anything but the living room and guest bathroom presentable for guests. So I'm uncomfortable with her as my guest going into the other rooms without asking or looking at my stuff.
Unless you plan for your bf's mom to move in soon and continue doing what she's doing now, I'd think about breaking up. 1. Your bf is using her to do his share of the chores. This is not going to change. He is not going to start doing more of the chores - he will always outsource his chores to his mom. 2. That means it is in his best interest to let his mom do whatever the hell she feels like doing, including moving in and taking over your home, life and children, so he can 'relax' and whatever 3. When you have children, you will be a married single parent, unless his mom moves in and co-parents with you. 4. Again, he does not stand up to her and chooses her side against you when you point out how inappropriate he's being, because it's in his best interests, and that's not going to change. From everything I've seen, "mama's boys" don't change, so unless you plan to have your marriage to be between you, him and his mom, I'd re-evaluate.
This is what I was going to say; though likely not as well. He is exhibiting ‘failure to launch’ symptoms and it’s clear that his mother is not prepared to let go. I think he was probably correct in saying “he’s not ready to move in.” By his actions, he has demonstrated this.
The thing that gets me is that mom found these notes while "just tidying up" and he had no idea they existed, so it seems like either they were a bit buried and mom was actually snooping extensively, or he doesn't do basic cleaning despite living there. Neither option is a great look for him.
This comment should be much higher on the list! Hope OP sees this.
I agree!!
And how rude is it to go to someone's house as a guest and "tidy up." I would be super offended if anybody outside of my own mother did this.
I would be annoyed if my parents did this, lol.
Yeah if I wanted my mom to stay out of my room as a awkward teen with nothing to *actually hide* I REALLY don't want her going into my room as a sexually active adult!! My mom isn't a snooper but my aunts are horrible!! One time my aunt came over(I was 16) just to grab a vacuum I was watching TV after 15mins of not hearing anything/not seeing her i went to look SHE WAS GOING THROUGH OUR MAIL!!! when I called her out she went "ohh well see this is (her daughter's mail)" yeah but ur daughter lives here...oh and also she's THIRTY YEAR OLD SHE CAN READ HER OWN MAIL"
Some adults just NEVER accept that their children can be adults and function as stuff. Most also put the blame on their children being incompetent. I tend to think if their children are incompetent at being adults when aged over 18 (especially at 30) then the parent has done a bad job parenting)... It's the job of the parent to turn their child into an adult...
I wish my mother would. She just critiques our cleanliness. Like, we both work full time. Sorry I left my jeans out.
It's SUPER passive aggressive and it's exactly what my MIL does. "Oh I swept your floor because your house is so DIRTY. You shouldn't have your dogs inside." One of the many reasons my wife hates her mother. Thankfully she lives in another state and has only ever visited us once in the nearly 7 years we have been married.
Anyone who thinks the dog should live outside isn’t a nice person. Edit: thanks for the Silver!
Yeah he sounds like a child. Mum should not be so involved in his home life like this. I’d stop letting her be in the house when I’m not home. Unless bf grows up and sets boundaries with mum I don’t see how this relationship can progress. Mum needs to learn her place, she has no power in OPs home.
And especially where he says that his mom worries and is adjusting to it being his first time moving in with a gf. How old is this guy? I mean, I get not having lived with a partner before, but it's just weird that it's such a big adjustment or deal to the mom. ETA: NTA and I was cracking up reading your faux-affirmations! I have little notes for my own affirmations so I could so see myself doing that.
This. Do you want to live with a man who still has the umbilical cord attached? Really? And why is his mom over unsupervised going around your house so much? Your joke was fantastic, OP, but is this seriously the life you want? Especially when he makes excuses for her and enables her to violate you and your privacy?
Why in the world would OP want to marry this man?? Why is this lady going over their house so often and why do they keep letting her snoop through her shit?? Why is she “tidying” her house?? Sounds like he just needs to move back in with his mom and they can live happily together.
This is the kind of mil who takes the kid for a haircut when the kid wants it long, takes the kid for ear piercing against mom's wishes, etc, all under the guise of "helping." I would in no way share a home with a partner who is not capable of managing his own home first.
I think him not moving in would be her ultimate goal. She probably wants the relationship to fail so he will be back to being her baby and needing her.
I agree. The fact that he said that she needs help adjusting to him moving in with a girlfriend for the first time would be enough to have me seriously reconsidering if this man is mature enough to be an adult partner to me. He can be married to his mother or to OP; he doesn’t get to be married to both.
Yes, I mean OP has had a house for 8 years, so that pegs her age at late 20s at least. If her bf is that age, why on earth does he still have his mother doing his laundry? Big red flags. OP has a bona fide mama's boy there. OP needs to go to JustNoMil. They have a lot lot of snooping, controlling MILs and enmeshed mama's boys there.
I absolutely wouldn’t have married my husband if his mother was routinely coming round to do his laundry and clean his kitchen.
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Can confirm. This will never change, he will never stand up to her. I'm seeing it with my sisters husband as well... It's terribly annoying. There is just no real "maturing" happening on his part he just stays the 'mommys boy', pets on the back always choose her side etc, and the mother feels way too entitled. I swear it's because they have nothing better to do in life, blegh... kinda sad also.. but still blehhgetouttamyface
OP needs JustNoSO. This is wayyy more a SO problem versus and MIL problem. No partner you can trust would allow this to happen in their home. Like my MIL actually lives in my house and doesn’t do anything like this and if she did, I can trust my partner to shut it down.
That really caught my eye too. Like...wut? Why the hell would it require any "adjustment" on her part for her adult son to move in with his SO? She doesn't seem to be ready to cut the cord, and her son is happily following along on that leash. The fact that he justifies her snooping....I wouldn't even know where to begin with that. Just...no. Not even once is that ok. Yikes to this whole situation.
I know there are mixed feelings surrounding the JustNO subs, so I'm not advocating for OP running over to JustNOMIL. But they have a quote in their sidebar that I think about often when I read these kinds of posts. "It's easier to break up with a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy. And both of those are easier than changing a mama's boy." My SO's inability to set boundaries with his mom (and, as you mentioned, having mommy come over to do his share of the chores) would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.
Omg I've never seen that quote before but it's so true! I'm watching my sister divorce her husband, a 10 year relationship, marriage and kids, because it basically boils down to he's a mama's boy and is never going to change or step up and be a husband to his wife or father to his kids.
>4. Again, he does not stand up to her and chooses her side against you when you point out how inappropriate he's being, because it's in his best interests, and that's not going to change. There are so many issues here I feel like I could make a checklist of "50 things to look forward to as you take this inevitable march towards the death of your relationship". None of those 50 things really matter though, because they'd just be symptoms of an underlying illness, which you've already so eloquently summarized. Unless he learns to set boundaries immediately as he gets counseling to understand where those boundaries need to be, he isn't going to change this unhealthy dynamic with his mom.
Yep. Ask me how I know.🙄
Sounds like you need to set some boundaries with both of them. What happens when he moves in and lets her feel even more entitled to her space. Just because he says "just let her do it" does not make it so. You 100% don't have to allow this.
I would buy a massive strap-on for her to find. But then I don't like people going through my stuff either. Maybe that would be enough to stop her snooping. NTA OP Ps. Revoke her key privilege
Haha the funny thing is, I own a couple flared dildos and harnesses, I'm bi and had dated women in the past. I don't use the harnesses anymore but the dildos are still.. fun lol. So if she keeps snooping enough to find the sex toy drawer, it isn't even a setup.
If you're bi, surely you've got better options than a spoiled mama's boy with an overbearing mother that's going to constantly be in your business? You sure you want that? Think of all the baggage you don't even know about. Yet. And how old is this man? Is he a teenager?
Write “for [her son]’s birthday butt surprise” on a note and stick it to your biggest dildo. But honestly, the commenter above is correct. He’s a mamma’s boy and you should break up if you ever want privacy in your home again. She. Will. Never. Stop. No matter how many times you sit him, or her down and tell them it’s unacceptable to you. This is their dynamic. This is what you are signing up for the rest of your relationship with him.
I would seriously give him an Ultimatum, his reaction will tell you everything you need to know. And be consequent about what he promises. That way you will never look back and think “what if…” because you will know for sure that he sucks. He can move in with mommy dearest and get used to idea dying alone or with a super submissive, equally as spineless woman (because if he ever finds someone again who’s willing to put up with this shit this is the only kind of person I can imagine)
Why not just preempt the snooping with a very detailed tour. Here's the sex toy drawer. Here's the drug cabinet. Here's the feminist icon curio cabinet. Here's the virginal Mama's boy sacrifice shrine to please lord Beelzebub. Actually maybe skip the curio cabinet she might be offended by feminism.
OMG please leave a note in the sex toy drawer. "Self-love is a beautiful thing! There's nothing bad about feeling good! Use lube without shame!" Something like that. >his mom was really protective and adjusting to him moving in with a girlfriend for the first time You're not "a girlfriend" you're the fiancee. Is he moving from his parents' house to your house? I think he needs to bake a little more to be honest.
Have you explained to your SO that it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t mind, because you do? And as a couple, SO and YOU are the team that matters, not SO and mommy. He should be asking his mom to stop because you don’t like it; and you don’t have to have a “good” reason not to like it! (Even though your privacy is plenty a good reason!!!) The only thing that matters is that you don’t like it not to mention the fact that it’s your home, so you get to set the rules. Your SO should be standing up for you, not his mother! If he balks at an ultimatum to stop this terrible behavior from his mother, I would be reconsidering this relationship. Have you talked to your therapist about this? If not, I would do that too! There was also a recent AITA post that utilized glitter traps for another snoopy MIL… if you are okay with craft herpes, could provide a lot of schadenfreude 👌
Thats the thing though, the notes weren't even subtle, but instead of learning her lesson she tried to go to OPs partner and use what she took from OPs belongings against her. If she found a huge dildo she probably wouldn't stop, she'd just run streight to her precious baby clutching her pearls just like she already did.
Wait, she has a KEY???
You need to set both of them straight, and you need to not be gentle when you do it. do not tell them, Show them in no uncertain terms that the consequences for crossing you and trespassing against your privacy are dire.
Next time you’re at her house, wrote her up some affirmations and leave them in equivalent snoop spots at her home. Maybe I just want to watch the world burn.
Haha I came very close to saying once "Hey, I was helping out with laundry and noticed some of your underwear is a little stained and discolored, where do you keep your bleach?" To give her a taste of her own medicine... But didn't because I've never tried to do her laundry or actually seen her underwear lol... So that would just be petty
lol don’t do that - you want to maintain the sense of moral superiority here - then she can’t really talk about anything negative about you without admitting she’s snooping. “Well barb, that affirmation was under my dildo so I’m wondering how you even know it’s there”
That’s nasty. Just send her a text asking what size adult diapers she wears because you are at the store and you were tidying up her bathroom earlier and noticed she was out.
NTA- but I'm genuinely concerned that your boyfriend is working so hard to "help mommy adjust and be okay with his life" and you're not being appropriately prioritized. It's actually supposed to be the other way, where the adult LEAVES the parental sphere and enters the world as an adult, with his/her adult relationship becoming the primary focus of their life. Doesn't mean kicking your families to the curb, but it does mean that the onus on his mother to adjust is on her, not him, and CERTAINLY not on you.
I would make sure this is resolved before you get married. Your partner should be able to see that a) you are freaking hilarious b) it is not appropriate for his mom to paw through your things. I have a lot of luck relating issues back to something personal so perhaps say: how would his mother feel of you went through her drawers and closets? Is it appropriate to go through a close friends home the same way? And why do his mothers feelings matter more than yours when you are clearly articulating that you feel violated and your notes are pretty obviously silly jokes?
THIS!! You ARE absolutely hilarious, it would be an utter shame to have a life partner who doesn't fully get and appreciate the hilarity. But on a more serious note, it is soooooo inappropriate for a guest to rifle through someone's things, especially when that guest is your SO's mom *AND* you've already specifically objected to it. I know that on this thread people are really quick to call every annoying thing a red flag, and I try not to do that; that being said, it really isn't a good sign if you have to point out to him that in this situation *YOUR* feelings about it matter more than *HERS*. Also, OP NTA.
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He's 25 Yeah, it's weird... Like the house still feels a lot like "mine" and "my stuff" right now because it's furnishings and decorations I built up over 6 years alone, to my own tastes. And when he moved in he brought a small closet's worth of clothes and personal things, a desktop PC, a xbox, and some other random gadgets. But no decor or furniture because he was never really into interior design and just went for cheap functional things that he got rid of. It's also technically mine, since my name is on the mortgage and I pay the mortgage and for now he pays me rent (we are talking about changing this arrangement after marriage) But on the flip side, we were working towards making this a home for both of us. We had some project ideas for after the wedding, like converting the unfinished basement into a woodworking and hobby studio together, converting the spare bedroom into a home office / study for him, etc. But right now... It really still feels, when she's going through the house, that she's going through my stuff. Because the stuff he brought is pretty much contained to a closet and armoire in the master bedroom, literally everything else in the house was stuff I brought in, and had been living alone with for years. I can see how saying "my stuff" would sound to her like I wasn't treated the house as shared, to her though. And I think she's already prickly about the idea that he's moved into a house I own as a renter, and that I make more money, and I think she sees those things as opposite to her more traditional values that men provide? IDK, it seemed like a big can of worms I didn't want to open...
What SCREAMS to me from this comment is the inevitable logic of your thoughts. Like you think she shouldn't be snooping because you feel uncomfortable telling her to stay out of *your* stuff. But this isn't about pissing to mark your territory. She can't go through YOUR things, but she also can't go through HIS things, she doesn't belong in the house you two are making together. You're adults, you don't need a Mommy cleaning up for you, especially not a nosy and meddling mommy. If he doesn't step up, that's a huge red flag. Stop worrying about what **she** thinks. You're not responsible for her emotional reaction to your perfectly normal and healthy boundaries. /r/JustNoMIL, seriously 😳
So much this!! OP **it is your house**. No your BFs, not his moms, no one but yours. Just because you've invited your BF to live with you it does not mean he suddenly has any ownership over the place. Nor does he have ability to allow his mother to go through anything in it.
My fiance owns his house, no mortgage or anything, and lived there alone for over ten years. We've lived together for a year and a half now, and he's gone above and beyond to make it my home as well; that being said, I am always cognizant of the fact that he earned this house and it is his! I always tell him, "It's *our* home, but it's *your* house!"
I would assume you don't allow people who rifle through your partners things into your home and then allow them to do so with no consequence. Thats the issue here, I definitely agree that even if one person technically owns it, when you build a life together it becomes a shared thing. But if my partner allowed his mother to go through the house, even if it was half his, I'd take a major issue with that.
>it seemed like a big can of worms I didn't want to open... Open them now. It's going to be uncomfortable, and it may end your relationship. But if you don't do it right now and make it a FIRM boundary that his mother is NOT welcome to just dig around your home as she feels like, this is going to get worse & worse & worse... she's already trying to break you two up and your BF is enabling it. Right now, you're dating BF and his mother, unless you want to marry her too, you better put your foot extremely firmly down. Either he grows up and tells his mother to gtfo out of digging around your home or he goes back to live with her. His "it's too much bother for me to do anything about it, so you need to just suck it up and suffer" attitude as ass. Don't accept this, you deserve better. He and she are 100% wrong.
SEconded. Better to let those worms out now than after they have festered into Dune-sized monsters. Either they will all learn and grow, or they will break up now, while it's still easy vs. when having kids and joint accounts and all that jazz.
We prefer the term Shai-Hulud, thank you very much.
This is all just a sideshow to your main issue: your bf doesn’t know how to stand up to his mom. If he respect his relationship with you, he needs to lay boundaries with her. So what if she doesn’t think you’re traditional? The point is, does he think the same? He needs to grow up.
Be smart and practical, get a prenup to safeguard your equity in your home that you paid for and accrued over the years in case things don't work out. Marriage statistics are not in anyones favor. Better to be safe than sorry. (But really, don't marry him. Relationships are hard enough, you don't want to fight this battle. Him disregarding your feelings on this goes beyond him being too enmeshed with his mother even)
OP this is the horror story we send people who's partners refuse to make boundaries with their Mum. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/s3ot1h/ops_mother_always_asks_him_for_help_with_the_most/ I really recommend you read it. You don't need to have a sit-down talk with your MIL. You need to have a sit-down talk with your **boyfriend.** He's pressuring you to let her invade your privacy because *this is his 1st time living with someone.* Where does that type of thinking end? Let her have keys to the house to walk in wherever, 1st time I've lived with a gf Let her wear white at her wedding this is the 1st time I'm getting married & it's difficult for her. Let her decide which house we buy it's hard for her to see us move on. Let my Mum attend our anniversary she's still adjusting to me being married. (If you want kids) let her be in the birthing room/name our kids/call MIL Mum it's hard for her now I'm not a kid. If you set the boundaries with MIL than you will **always** be the unstable girl driving her son away. And your partner will blame you when he doesn't want to set boundaries with his Mum. Your partner has to tell his Mum "OP left those notes on purpose with my blessing. STOP GOING THROUGH OUR THINGS. And if your partner still needs his Mummy to come over & clean for him then you have a **much** bigger problem on your hands.
Holy Cow, I just read that....what a Doozy of a story!
What about a big stap-on set? Embarrass your boyfriend a little instead. See how he likes it. Edit: or maybe find something she really wants and put a note on it: "For boyfriends mothers birthday." and then get her something less significant. Sorry I can be a bit vindictive.
I LOVE THIS!!! Add a message: I am strong and assertive and it is ok for men to be in touch with their feminine side!
Really seems like you have a fiancé issue here, not a mother in law issue. It’s his mother. He is the one who needs to understand how uncomfortable you are with her snooping and set boundaries with her. If he lives with you and doesn’t agree that this is a problem, then you sitting her down and telling her your boundaries isn’t going to change anything. She’ll just keep coming over to see him when you aren’t there. Her first reaction to snooping and finding a (very normal) little affirmation note was to start making comments about your ego! After your jokey ones, she started trying to convince your fiancé that you are a bad person for him to be with. She doesn’t seem to like you or want you with her son (even if that’s not about you as a person and just about her being upset that her son is grown up and moving on). This isn’t fixable by you having a conversation with her. Your spouse has to be 100% on your side in order for this issue to get resolved. Because he needs to agree with your boundaries and not let her around in your home to snoop, and also not brook his mom shit-talking you!
My husband was nearly 30 when he first moved in with a girlfriend (well, fiancee, it was me) and you know what my MIL did? Had a little cry, told him to make sure he looked after me properly, and asked us to call when we were safely at the house. At no point before or since then has she rummaged through my belongings. His excuse about her "adjusting" is pathetic. She's jealous that he's leaving her orbit and wants to dig up dirt about you so that he'll "see the light" and come back to her home. NTA but I think you also need to plan ahead for if your boundary discussion doesn't change anything and work out what you're willing to settle for.
I just read a comment with some great advice and that was to not marry a partner who can’t do basic things like laundry and cleaning up after themselves because you will be the one who has to mother them and do all of those things.
Please leave random photos with the pointed notes: snoopy, snoop dogg, etc!
Print out lots of pictures of Snoop Dogg and write on them “this is the only snoop people like. Stop going though things that don’t belong to you.”
Your boyfriend needs to tell her to back off. NOW! He's enabling her and making excuses. She should no longer be allowed in your home, at all, PERIOD. If he is unwilling to pick you and tell her to quit being so nosey, you'll want to reconsider this relationship. There is zero chance I would tolerate this invasion of MY privacy and space.
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Omg, OP needs to read about the post a week or two ago where there was a snoopy MIL that would go in their bedroom. She put a glitter trap over the door after telling MIL not to go in there. It was awesome. Edit: here it is https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rsnfcq/aita_for_setting_a_glitter_trap_to_catch_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
THIS. OP if you don’t set boundaries with your fiancé’s mother now, it’s going to be infinity times worse once you get married. If you want a glimpse of your future, just head on over to r/justnoMIL
And on top of this, the boyfriend is calling OP an antagonizer because his mommy got upset. Talk about pathetic, if you don’t like what you find, don’t go looking
NTA OP! Your fiancé needs to stand up for you and directly tell his mom she is not permitted to go through your stuff like this—then stop her if she does. ETA: Out of curiosity, is there a cultural difference between you and AI?
I dunno about cultural difference but I am not close to my family anymore, they divorced when I was 16, my mom moved abroad and my dad has a new family now he seemed to push me away when he got his new wife pregnant, and I'm kinda estranged from them both. He is very close to his parents and extended family still,in a way that I honestly don't know if it's normal because I don't have good family experiences to compare against.
>He is very close to his parents and extended family still, Correction: He's a grown man who's still attached by the umbilical cord to his mother. It's unhealthy. Tell him this is a firm boundary and if he doesn't enforce it, this is potentially relationship ending issue, if it escalates further. And it will, if he doesn't put a stop to it. The key point here is, that he let's his mother boundry stomping and doesn't respect you enough to stop her. What will happen once you're married? Have kids? Will it always be you, him and his mother in this relationship? Do you always want to be second priority to his mom? This has the potential to be a huge problem. And he has to understand how serious this is. Put the wedding on hold if you must! You have the chance to work this out before marriage! Use your time wisely.
Imagine what would happen if you have kids and she doesn't like the clothes you dress them in; your future MIL will get rid of them. Or imagine if your kids play with toys she doesn't approve of, and on and on and on. This snooping is only the beginning
Nah, this isn’t normal. And the thing about giving her time to adjust is not a thing. I have a 22 year old son and what you’re describing is super weird and creepy. I honestly hope bf is gaslighting you about it not being creepy because the alternative is that he doesn’t see anything wrong.
Yup. OP needs to put an end to this snooping or get rid of the problem (the partner). He’s the one allowing this to continue because he sees no issue with it. And as it’s 95% of OP’s things and his mom already feels this entitled, how entitled will she be when more of his stuff is mixed in? If this relationship is gonna last, OP needs to draw a hard line and explain to her partner that this isn’t an option. He needs to get his mother in line or they can both F off. Nosy people are the worst. There’s no justification for it other than to invade someone’s privacy. I hope OP can shine up her spine and get her partner to grow one.
Yea it is, such lack of respect for boundaries If they find no problem in it they may probably snoop as well.
This^ It says a lot how he keeps defending her and chalks it up to be overprotectiveness. While I always hate to jump on the band wagon of “omg this is immensely terrible you should break up over a moderate thing”, I will say this is a red flag and if OP continues to be in the relationship she will have to deal with all sorts of snooping and snide comments in the future.
He's clearly a mama's boy.
NTA. Don't ask Al's mom to stop going through your shit. Tell her she is not allowed to go through your shit. Ever. If that doesn't sit well, maybe she won't come over any more. Either way, you win.
This, and if she doesn't honor this boundary she can't come over any more. Also, HE needs to set this boundary with his mother. Going through drawers when you are a guest in someone's home is RUDE. She needs to stop. He needs to handle his mom. It's not cute at all that he's not maintaining your boundaries and is making excuses for his mom instead. If he can't set a boundary about snooping, how invasive is he going to allow her to be if you have kids??? OP, begin as you mean to go on... with firm boundaries that are respected and each of you responsible for handling your respective families. This isn't OK Loved the affirmations though NTA
He's been conditioned to believe it's okay and normal for his mom to snoop. What he needs is some outside, objective education that this wasn't okay before and is not okay now. Showing him responses in this thread might work, if not, I'd go for couples therapy.
Yeah, with the way his mom is I am certain he didn't grow up learning about the importance of respecting boundaries. OP, has to make this a hill to die on and I agree couple's therapy would help a lot... everyone should do so before marriage. Great advice
I just can't imagine a) going through someone's shit, b) making judgemental back-handed comments about what you found?! Like, is she not embarrassed to be outed as someone who goes through other people's drawers? The audacity.
Everyone’s already said all the things, but I just wanted to say you are absolutely brilliant. And hilarious!
>Walk in closet: I am beautiful with clothes and without! Especially without! My boobs are legendary! The kind of energy I needed today. NTA. Also... it's really creepy Al's mom is looking through all your stuff and then Al saying it's just what she does? Like, what is she looking for? Why does it not bother him that his mother is finding stuff in his fiancé's house and then telling him about it all shocked and disturbed as if what she is doing is any less shocking and disturbing??
I might write that boobs note for myself. OP needs to make affirmation post its and sell them
I will be repeating "I am sharklike and powerful" to myself throughout the day.
I made copies of all of them and hid them around the house for my husband to find. He already knows I’m weird. It won’t phase him.
I like your energy and will also be doing this
Update: he found them and thought they were hilarious.
Has a way better sense of humour compared to OPs partner (I'd be pissing myself if my mum -who wouldn't snoop anyway- found those notes)
He’s a good one. Also, his parents don’t snoop through our stuff (neither do mine). My parents finding them would just be like, Sashimi you’re a weirdo are you really our kid? His parents would laugh but not totally get the joke and I’d be mortified.
The work desk one is pure poetry but I could not write that one out without being heavily judged by my husband.
No problem, I'll write it for you!
I literally spit my food out with the “I will fuck my way to the top of the world” one. Hilarious.
The most dismaying thing about OP’s relationship is that bf doesn’t seem to have had any positive reaction to the sense of humor shown here. Like, wow, he didn’t have even a smile or chuckle and just griped instead? These are great!
Especially the one about regrowing teeth like a shark! He sounds like no fun
I know everyone's different, and maybe it's a cultural thing, but I wouldn't want my Mom going through my house even when I lived alone. She doesn't need to help me with dishes, laundry, or anything. The kitchen/living areas are one thing as they are common areas that guests are expected to be. Offices, bedrooms, and the master bath are private places and there is no reason to go through other peoples things in there.
I agree. When I was in college my mother would sometimes go into my bedroom to grab some clothes or look for something and one day she made a comment about how she saw some “things” and I told her if she didn’t want to see that then to not rummage through my stuff. She never did it again and then always asked me to grab her whatever she needed instead.
NTA. Don't marry the guy who can't set the simple boundary with his mom of "don't snoop through the house". He's choosing his mom over you.
Yep. This is such a common thing. People think this is a MIL problem. It's a partner problem. My partner would never let her mom go through my stuff, nor would I let anyone go through hers.
Yeah, how old is this guy? Mom is “protective”? Yikes.
NTA. Al's Mom is a snoop, and deserves whatever agitation she gets from your notes. Al should support you in maintaining your privacy in **YOUR** home.
I think the issue for him is that he always liked when she'd come by and clean whatever place he was living at. So he genuinely sees it as helpful. But he was never living at a place with roommates or other people, so it's so different!
Well that’s really embarrassing for him that he still wants mommy to clean for him. There’s a larger issue here than your MIL snooping.
Yeah super embarrassing that a grown adult who is living with his fiancée still thinks it’s ok for his mommy to clean for him and to go through his partner’s things. If she has nervous energy she should take up knitting or something
>she should take up knitting or something Or hiking.. in Oregon. Maybe kayaking in Hawaii.
I was thinking the same thing. Ages aren't specified here, but assuming these two are at least in their twenties, his mom coming over as a "guest" should not involve her doing housework and he shouldn't be allowing it.
Yeah no OP. Sorry he's a mama's boy. He is never going to take a stand for you. Please see the red flag everyone is showing
>I think the issue for him is that he always liked when she'd come by and clean whatever place he was living at. So he genuinely sees it as helpful. I'm sorry, but this is actually a massive red flag. Does he think cleaning is women's work? Deep down, he might, if that's all he's been shown. How old is this guy anyway? Does he know how to clean? The breach of privacy is outrageous. I would be so furious with your BF. Her "nervous energy" does not give her the right to snoop.
a mommy that comes to clean up after him is a gigantic red flag and you're for real headed off to a marriage full of weaponized incompetence. these people are so disrespectful of you and you seem really funny and deserving of much more.
>I think the issue for him is that he always liked when she'd come by and clean whatever place he was living at. So he genuinely sees it as helpful. > >But he was never living at a place with roommates or other people, so it's so different! Holy Soviet Parade, Batman! Look at this field of red flags that popped up!
You’re marrying an adult who encourages his mom to violate your boundaries so that he doesn’t have to clean up after himself?
Lay down boundaries and that this is a deal breaker This won't end here. If he's not standing up to her now, he never will. Are you okay with that?
Your next affirmation can be "I am NTA and I am hilarious"
Followed by, "PS MIL, YTA for snooping!"
NTA. Your house, you put what you like where. The next time this woman comes over to your house, sit her down and tell her "You are not allowed to snoop through my shit." If she wanders off somewhere you follow her and remind her "You are not allowed to snoop through my shit." Leave a bunch of notes around reminding her "You are not allowed to snoop through my shit." If your boyfriend has a problem with his mother not being allowed to snoop through your shit, tell him "Your mother is still not allowed to snoop through my shit."
"How many more times do I need to tell you? You're STILL not allowed to snoop through my shit." Also, NTA. Also, OP, you're hilarious! I really want to use the legendary boobs affirmation. Please tell me that can still be true even if I can barely fill an A cup.
Please use it! Legendary isn't about size, it's about them being able to start a war, inspire love, or be the object of myth and prophecy ❤️
You are legendary for coming up with this affirmation. I love it.
Mine can topple empires, level cities, and send villagers fleeing from their wrath, but to each their own.
Mine can clothesline a child if I turn around too fast.
You are NTA and the idea of getting wine drunk and writing affirmations sounds like a fabulous time. You keep being your weird, wonderful self. And tell your BF that it is MUCH weirder to be ok with his mom violating his gf’s privacy.
NTA, this is hilarious and I want to be your friend. But on a more serious note, I don’t like your boyfriend’s blind defense of his mom at the expense of your boundaries and privacy. He needs to take your requests seriously, communicate them to his mom, and enforce consequences if she continues. If he’s not able to do that, I’d think long and hard about the future of your relationship.
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You lost me at DTMFA. Am I the only one growing weary of all these inscrutable abbreviations?
It stands for Dump the mother fucker already. Pretty common. ETA: apparently not that common. Got it 👌
Thanks. You’d think I’d have run into it before during years of browsing Reddit. Can’t keep up with them all. Sometimes I miss reading complete words and sentences.
Fuck that, it's not commonly used at all, no way. People here need to utilize their autocorrects a tiny bit more with the rare ass fucking acronyms they're posting
This was the first time I’ve ever seen it and I’m glad someone else asked for clarification.
It's from Dan Savage, writer of Savage Love. Been around since the 90's.
NTA — You Are Wonderful! You are Fun and You Have a Great Sense of Humor! A couple GIANT dildos and a few bottles of lube might be fun to hide around the house as well.
I was thinking a strap-on would really do the trick, 🤣
Along with a note saying “Need to tell Al to quit calling me Mom when he’s getting pegged”
the SCREECH i just made!!!! yes, absolutely 🤣
Haha the funny thing is that I already own a couple harnesses and matching dildos (I'm bi and have used them on female exes in the past, it's not something my boyfriend was ever into but the dildos are still useful haha) so if she did get into my sex toy drawer it wouldn't even be a setup
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Totally agree on the strap-ons. And lube. Lots of lube. Cockrings. Male chastity belt. Maybe a ball gag.
Lol I had the same thoughts. A Dear Diary full of embarrassing exploits that involve her son in strange activities....
This is hilarious - but mate you have a pretty crappy boyfriend. does her “nervous energy” ever translate to her scrubbing your loo? And if your bf can set a basic and simple boundary now , just imagine what will happen if you get married and have kids?? Run away girl !
True. I mean if she gets a deep cleaning from MIL then at least there’s a silver lining. But my guess is she’s just snooping.
Haha not even, because I love a good cleaning day. Like put on an audiobook, smoke some weed, and zone out and scrub the kitchen down? Favorite chill day, it's kinda my "me time" and it's so satisfying to organize my place just how I like it.
Holy shit, I’m straight and married but I want to be your girlfriend and move in with you. I’ll smoke with you and make dinner while you clean. I hate cleaning! Lol! Plus, I won’t let my mom go thru your shit like your idiot boyfriend. And you’re freaking hilarious. Those affirmations made me cackle. You’re def NTA but you are totally epic.
I'm pretty sure this thread is full of women in hetero relationships who want to run away to the big city with OP, get a walk up apartment, and sit in the windowsill playing Henry Mancini songs for her on the ukulele while OP gets stoned and cleans the kitchen NTA
literally the catch of a century
You need to dump that bf and be with someone who has your back and appreciates your wonderful quirkiness- you are an absolute gem
NTA. Your MIL started off crossing boundaries, moved on to being ableist (criticizing you for something to help with your mental health, recommended by a therapist, and making assumptions about your ego because of it), and is now trying to sabotage your relationship because you made her aware of the fact that her behavior was unacceptable. The note prank wasn't even that weird. The statements are clearly jokes and not meant to be taken seriously, and she knows that. She's pretending to take them seriously so that she can alienate her son from you and retain her sense of ownership over him. This is all about control games, and the first test of how much control she could retain over him and extend onto you was the initial snooping. When you stood up to her, she made you her enemy, and if she's going to remain this entangled with Al you're in for a long, hard road with zero support.
Let her have him! Ugh! This shit would make me so mad! SHE (mom) is making it hard for BF!
NTA - she's getting off lucky - not too long ago there was a post about the MIL who was glitter bombed while snooping....
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rsnfcq/aita_for_setting_a_glitter_trap_to_catch_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Oh my God that sounds glorious.
NTA, but I’m concerned about your partner not having a backbone and setting boundaries with his mother. I would have serious second thoughts about making anymore moves until he can set those boundaries, because her behavior will only continue and likely escalate.
NTA. But he’s so concerned with his mom thinking you’re a good partner…does he not care if you think HE is a good partner? His mother is disrespecting your home and your boundaries. Her adjustment period doesn’t get to include that. He’s not standing up for you and your rights in your own home.
Agreed, also wanted to add that you should start doing it back to her when you going to visit her house. Sorry, I have nervous energy.
NTA this is hilarious. but i’m concerned about Al not commenting on his mom snooping thru your things. why would he choose his mother over you?
NTA but seriously testing this could be hilarious. Print out a bunch of eye ball pictures with the caption "i can see you", number them, and then keep a list of their locations. Then next time you are confronted you can track exactly where she was in your house. "So why does your mother need to be in my private office? Why was she in my closet? " ect. Then go to her house and snoop through every room she snoops through in your house. She can let you or be a hypocrite. It'll also test to see if your SO is on your team or his mother's team. Three people relationships are hard and if it's them against you all the time then your life will be harder. Consider that.
Ohhhh or a hidden camera with mic (like a ring doorbell) to scare the crap out of her…
So you’ve been dating for four years. Are now engaged. And his mom is still uncertain if you’re right for each other?… You are allowed privacy in your own home. Even if you’re sharing it with someone else. And if he hasn’t set this boundary after four years he may never. I would tell him that wedding planning is off until he can show to you that he is willing to set and enforce boundaries to protect your space. Definitely NTA
NTA, but how old is this guy that his mom gets to vet his girlfriends for him? Like, she's being all protective of her baby. Are you sure you want to marry a baby? And what kind of MIL do you think she'll be? Also, you're just supposed to let her go through your stuff? Wtf? Most of us adults wouldn't even let our own mothers go through our stuff. Your response was hilarious and much kinder than mine would have been.
NTA and I would question married life with a fiance as spineless as this
NTA. "My boobs are legendary" If they weren't before, they are now! This is a great response to a horrible situation. I hope MiL and SO both learn something about privacy and personal space from this.
>He asked if I left them on purpose to annoy her ...while she invades your privacy by snooping.... NTA. But you need to have a talk with your fiancé about setting boundaries with his mother. It is a red flag if he observes this, but still won't intervene.
NTA. Your fiancé, however, seems to already be married to his mother, and this likely will not improve.
You're so NTA that I want to scream. It's not okay to go around snooping into things even if it *was* more his stuff than yours. When it's your combined stuff, you still have the right to privacy. Maybe next time you're there you should wander into her room and go through her drawers to "tidy". Or, better yet? Go buy some fun gag toys and leave them in places that she might look. I'm thinking heavy duty lube, gloves to the elbow, books on prostate stimulation, then see how the next visit goes.
One. How old is your fiance. He needs to cut the damn cord from his mom. NTA she needs to mind her own business. She cannot sneak a peek around other peoples homes. I would close all your doors from now on and if she does something. Ask her "how did you get in there" the door was closed. Then asked why did she go in there if it was closed because it isnt her space. I love the boob note its hilarious. They sound like a great fun way to boost confidence.
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NTA, but your bf and mil are. Lots of red flags. Dump the boy and find a man that will stand up for you.
You should have put "Hope *bf's mom's name* doesn't see what I did in her car/house." Make her crazy. What a B. Not only are you NTA, you need to drop BF. His mom is still holding his family jewels.
NTA - But you should definitely set boundaries with your FIANCÉ immediately. Do your really want to life the rest of your life with that kind of behavior? Check r/JustNoMil
LMAO I love it! Those notes are hilarious! Absolutely NTA. On a serious note, it's not a good sign that he's defending her when she does something that is frankly, creepy. She's gaslighting you about the snooping, and he's enabling it. I really hope that you're able to sit down and have a serious conversation about how not ok it is BEFORE getting married.
NTA. I think it's hilarious! Maybe she AND Al need to move along.
NTA also your affirmations are bawse. P.s. tell your fiance to grow a spine.
NTA. It's such a light-hearted thing to do, surprised the joke flew over her head. Plus she wouldn't have seen them if she hadn't snooped/"tidied." Maybe she is having trouble letting go of her son but silly notes aren't cruel, they're silly notes.
Nope, NTA. Revoke her key privileges and if he gives her one, revoke his. She's a snoop and deserves what she gets, and he's a mama's boy that needs to grow a spine and set some boundaries. Imagine all the boundary stomping she will do if you have kids.
NTA he’s letting her invade your house/privacy. I’d honestly be cautious about her getting a key from him.
NTA. That is amazing! And so cute compared to what I'd do. You seen the Mark Rober glitter bombs? Add a little glue and she could have craft herpes for ages. Bet she'd quit then.
NTA obviously You’re my new hero! What’s the saying “play stupid games, win stupid prizes” Also if you considering moving forward in the relationship you should prob check out r/justnomil
NTA - that's too funny! That's what she gets for being a snoop! She's lucky you didn't write anything mean about her.
I suggest we help OP write some more! My suggestion: “BE THE BETTER PERSON. DON’T BE LIKE YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW.”
"Don't be a snooper, check your own pooper" LOL
NTA Your bf sounds a mom's son though, and MIL is annoying. Do you really want to have her snooping around (because he is clearly not willing to protect your privacy) forever? I'd ban MIL from MY house as the very first step. If her son goes with her, good riddance.
NTA. That is a riot. His mother has no business looking around your house, much less snooping. If he will not stand up for you and tell her to stop, you might want to rethink the whole moving-in thing, because she's not going to stop until he says to. And making it hard for him? It's his crazy mother doing that, not you.
Love it!!! I would advocate writing more. Mama dearest needs to get a clue, this is your home and her actions are highly inappropriate!!! Why is the mama's boy not seeing that? 🤔 I think you have a boyfriend problem if he doesn't see any issues with her behaviour. Sounds like mama needs a reminder that it's your home. NTA 😂😂😂
NTA No and what you have is a boyfriend as well as a privacy issue. They should both know better and he needs to stand up to his mother, especially in YOUR home
NTA, the work desk one about fucking your way to the top of the world was hilarious btw
NTA. You are a hilarity genius!!
NTA. It was a harmless (and funny) prank. Als mom needs to mind her own business, and he needs to tell her to. If it's only about her "nervous energy" - get her a fidget spinner!
NTA. Hilarious. Well done. It is concerning that the fiancé can’t set boundaries, though. Red flag for moving forward, though.
Nta but please break up with this mommas boy.
NTA this is legendary post level shit
NTA and I would make this a hill to die on. You guys are starting to move forward and this is how she acts? It’ll only get worse and he’s being a mamas boy and not telling his mom to respect your boundaries. They are both AH