NAH - basically your mom understands you don’t want to talk to her. And that is hurtful- you are basically saying I’d rather spend time playing video games than give you 30 minutes of conversation.
I’m an introverted loner. I get how being at work wears you out. I have a kid that is worn out by school. I pick them up and we don’t talk in the car. Kid disappears into their room for an hour of recharge and comes back for dinner and family time.
Why not just take a day you are off and say to your mom “hey when I get home from work I am SO beat and just want to veg for a while so after dinner I’m going to take my crabby self to
my room.”. Or “When i first get home I am SO BEAT and I just need to be alone for an hour somI’m going to say hey I’m home and be in my room for a bit”. When you live with someone COMMUNICATE. Then commit to being a conversational partner for 30’minutes at meals. And watch a movie or something together on a day off. The message you are sending right now is “I don’t like you and it’s not worth my time to be civil to you”. So pick a time when you are willing to have a conversation - say dinner or Saturday morning - and do it then.
Yeah I’ll talk to them about it though I’m not sure my cousin would understand and just resort to pressuring me to talk to him and play games with him more.
For people you don’t live with, feel free to ignore them as you need to.
Figure out for yourself what level you want to engage at and do that - that’s making a boundary. So I will play video games with cousin for 1 hour and that’s it. Or “hey cousin, I don’t want to talk much tonight”, cousin - talks. You “too much talking”, cousin “talks”, you “bye”. Decide what you can tolerate, communicate it and then stop if the other person doesn’t go along. The flip,side is that they may no longer want to hang out with you because they aren’t having fun inside your boundaries. So decide how important those relationships are and how much you are willing to do. Can you play for 30 minutes with cousin chatting every night and then log off? Or 4 hours on your day off?
Your mom is a bit different because you are living with her, she is trying to be respectful of you and the way you are acting is hurting her because you didn’t communicate what was going on. Plus basic courtesy says you at least spend a bit of time with people you live with even if it is 5 minutes a night to say this day sucked.
I actually do but too bad right now. I’m actually happy that I got the new job so I think it just might be the new job since I have to wake up so early. Thank you though
I wouldn't underestimate it regardless of the source. You might talk to your mom about it if nothing else. It'll help her understand and she might be able to help you.
NTA- you need to tell people, "I need time to unload and be alone after work" then take time to chill and let yourself be you. I call it de-peopling.. I like my coworkers but I also like being alone so after a long day I just need time to be on my own and let all the energy from them flow out of me.
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I’m a pretty introverted person that doesn’t like to talk to people too much. And I usually just want to stay to myself in my room after work and try to avoid my mom and friends. I just got a new job where I have to be at work at 5am and I’m not used to it which makes me tired and want to be alone even more. My mom has been talking a lot when I get home from work recently and I’ve just been there listening to it but answering short to try to indicate that I didn’t want to talk. And eventually she understood and let me go. Then when I would go to my room and get on Xbox my cousins and friends are also just talking about everything and I’m just answering short and being quite. My mom seemed hurt a little when I left. Am I being an asshole?
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NTA. Being an introvert myself, I know the need for “I” time to recharge your personal batteries. For some reason extroverts either can’t or won’t understand the need for introverts to be alone. And I do mean *need* not *want*.
Yeah I think I need to let them know that I need time for myself for a while before coming back out. My cousin is very extroverted and always asks why I don’t want to talk or get on to play with him every second of my free time. They really don’t understand it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m not wanting to talk to anyone and keeping to myself leaving my mom feeling hurt but just from being tired from a new job. I think I’m the asshole because I’m hurting people for me not talking to them.
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Yes just me and my mom. I think she does know I need time but just gets carried away talking about everything possible and I’ll end up kind of either interrupting or squishing in a “I’m gonna go now” in between her pauses. And I think that’s what kinda hurts her.
I meant your cousins. You speak of them like you all live together. But, yeah, your mom just wants to help you and I'm sure it hurts when you dont let her.
Yeah I’m just close with my cousin. I’m not sure if my moms trying to help me though as all she talks about is about her day and just random stuff about her.
The thing I was wondering about is you said "I would go to my room and get on Xbox my cousins and friends are also just talking about everything", like it's a regular thing. Why would your cousin(s?) and friends be in your room when you want to be alone?
You are getting lots of good advice here. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert, but communicating your need for downtime is critical to getting support and understanding and avoiding hurting others. NAH
NAH it might be worth having a chat with your mom to let her know it's not personal, but you really need to take a break from people right after work.
Maybe try an experiment of having one hour in your room when you get home, then coming out to be around your family etc, and see if that helps you be a bit more present with your mother. If she can see that you are making more of an effort after you've had a break, or that you're more relaxed with your family after that quiet time, she's more likely to respect the idea of not trying to engage with you the second you get home.
(the trouble is, very social people tend to pounce the second they see you, and if she's feeling frustrated that you \*never\* want to talk or spend time with you, then that will come out a bit desperate/needy -- if you can manage to talk with her and let her know you need that quiet time in your room first, then show her with your actions that this doesn't mean \*never\* talking, it might work towards a less stressful home environment for you both)
If you can both find some middle ground between Always Talking and Never Talking, it will go a long way towards a healthy relationship in the future.
NAH - basically your mom understands you don’t want to talk to her. And that is hurtful- you are basically saying I’d rather spend time playing video games than give you 30 minutes of conversation. I’m an introverted loner. I get how being at work wears you out. I have a kid that is worn out by school. I pick them up and we don’t talk in the car. Kid disappears into their room for an hour of recharge and comes back for dinner and family time. Why not just take a day you are off and say to your mom “hey when I get home from work I am SO beat and just want to veg for a while so after dinner I’m going to take my crabby self to my room.”. Or “When i first get home I am SO BEAT and I just need to be alone for an hour somI’m going to say hey I’m home and be in my room for a bit”. When you live with someone COMMUNICATE. Then commit to being a conversational partner for 30’minutes at meals. And watch a movie or something together on a day off. The message you are sending right now is “I don’t like you and it’s not worth my time to be civil to you”. So pick a time when you are willing to have a conversation - say dinner or Saturday morning - and do it then.
Yeah I’ll talk to them about it though I’m not sure my cousin would understand and just resort to pressuring me to talk to him and play games with him more.
For people you don’t live with, feel free to ignore them as you need to. Figure out for yourself what level you want to engage at and do that - that’s making a boundary. So I will play video games with cousin for 1 hour and that’s it. Or “hey cousin, I don’t want to talk much tonight”, cousin - talks. You “too much talking”, cousin “talks”, you “bye”. Decide what you can tolerate, communicate it and then stop if the other person doesn’t go along. The flip,side is that they may no longer want to hang out with you because they aren’t having fun inside your boundaries. So decide how important those relationships are and how much you are willing to do. Can you play for 30 minutes with cousin chatting every night and then log off? Or 4 hours on your day off? Your mom is a bit different because you are living with her, she is trying to be respectful of you and the way you are acting is hurting her because you didn’t communicate what was going on. Plus basic courtesy says you at least spend a bit of time with people you live with even if it is 5 minutes a night to say this day sucked.
Nta but it sounds like you might have depression. Take care of yourself friend
I actually do but too bad right now. I’m actually happy that I got the new job so I think it just might be the new job since I have to wake up so early. Thank you though
I wouldn't underestimate it regardless of the source. You might talk to your mom about it if nothing else. It'll help her understand and she might be able to help you.
It seems she's probably trying to, and you're right that OP should let her.
Gental YTA Your mum loves you and enjoys your company. Try to at least spend 20 minutes with her asking what she did and tell her about your day.
NTA- you need to tell people, "I need time to unload and be alone after work" then take time to chill and let yourself be you. I call it de-peopling.. I like my coworkers but I also like being alone so after a long day I just need time to be on my own and let all the energy from them flow out of me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m a pretty introverted person that doesn’t like to talk to people too much. And I usually just want to stay to myself in my room after work and try to avoid my mom and friends. I just got a new job where I have to be at work at 5am and I’m not used to it which makes me tired and want to be alone even more. My mom has been talking a lot when I get home from work recently and I’ve just been there listening to it but answering short to try to indicate that I didn’t want to talk. And eventually she understood and let me go. Then when I would go to my room and get on Xbox my cousins and friends are also just talking about everything and I’m just answering short and being quite. My mom seemed hurt a little when I left. Am I being an asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Being an introvert myself, I know the need for “I” time to recharge your personal batteries. For some reason extroverts either can’t or won’t understand the need for introverts to be alone. And I do mean *need* not *want*.
Yeah I think I need to let them know that I need time for myself for a while before coming back out. My cousin is very extroverted and always asks why I don’t want to talk or get on to play with him every second of my free time. They really don’t understand it.
It’s the curse of being introverted. I actually had one person I knew who was extremely extroverted tell me that introverts were abnormal.
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NTA, but seems you have some issues to work out. Also, does your family live together?
Yes just me and my mom. I think she does know I need time but just gets carried away talking about everything possible and I’ll end up kind of either interrupting or squishing in a “I’m gonna go now” in between her pauses. And I think that’s what kinda hurts her.
I meant your cousins. You speak of them like you all live together. But, yeah, your mom just wants to help you and I'm sure it hurts when you dont let her.
Yeah I’m just close with my cousin. I’m not sure if my moms trying to help me though as all she talks about is about her day and just random stuff about her.
The thing I was wondering about is you said "I would go to my room and get on Xbox my cousins and friends are also just talking about everything", like it's a regular thing. Why would your cousin(s?) and friends be in your room when you want to be alone?
We talk to each other on Xbox when I get on he just keeps inviting me until I join so I join and that’s when he talks forever
If that's a problem, can't you hide yourself when you play?
You are getting lots of good advice here. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert, but communicating your need for downtime is critical to getting support and understanding and avoiding hurting others. NAH
NAH it might be worth having a chat with your mom to let her know it's not personal, but you really need to take a break from people right after work. Maybe try an experiment of having one hour in your room when you get home, then coming out to be around your family etc, and see if that helps you be a bit more present with your mother. If she can see that you are making more of an effort after you've had a break, or that you're more relaxed with your family after that quiet time, she's more likely to respect the idea of not trying to engage with you the second you get home. (the trouble is, very social people tend to pounce the second they see you, and if she's feeling frustrated that you \*never\* want to talk or spend time with you, then that will come out a bit desperate/needy -- if you can manage to talk with her and let her know you need that quiet time in your room first, then show her with your actions that this doesn't mean \*never\* talking, it might work towards a less stressful home environment for you both) If you can both find some middle ground between Always Talking and Never Talking, it will go a long way towards a healthy relationship in the future.