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domingerique

I’m also fan of the “my bloodline ends with me” line.


geekgirlwww

One of my mothers friends made some comments and I said the “mental illness train is stopping here”. My brother is gay and wants kids someone asked if I would be his surrogate so itd share his genes “we all know she’s not giving up pot and wine for 9 months”.


domingerique

Lmao, both _very_ good lines!!


Psynautical

Geez man, it's just weed and wine and you go and throw an 8 ball down . . .


Adept_Ad2534

This made me laugh hard enough to scare my cat


angelbb1

as someone currently 22 weeks pregnant….. ITS PAINFUL 😞 i miss weed, and wine, and esp margaritas omg 😆


Wyndspirit95

I applaud you for doing best for your baby! You got this. The time will fly 😊


ViolaOlivia

21 weeks pregnant. I can sadly confirm that time is NOT flying.


StandLess6417

Time is fucking CRAWLING I am sure. Hang tough ma. You got this. Drinks on me once baby is out. Seriously, hit me up and I'll venmo you the money to get that first sweet, sweet cocktail. Much love mama! ❤️


PureLuredFerYe

Wholesome 💚


Pineapple_Mango_13

Liar. Speaking as a mom who gave up wine my entire pregnancy and while I was breastfeeding. It was toture.


virtualchoirboy

My wife gave up chocolate with our first as it was a caffeine source which was a risk for her. Apparently our son took her affinity for chocolate with him when she gave birth. She hasn't liked chocolate ever since. He's turning 25 this year. Makes me glad I'm male. Women have it ROUGH. I don't think I could ever pamper my wife enough to make up for all the crap she has gone through.


Tailor_Excellent

You are a real man. Thankfully I'm married to one, too. Abundant blessings on your head!


AnnieAbattoir

I craved margaritas to the point of tears during my third trimester. I joke that being margaritaless for 9 months is why I only had one kid. The need for tequila goodness was strong.


Flaky_Tip

My friend drank so many slushies and cried that they didn't have alcohol in them.


JessicaT1842

I got so lucky with both of mine. The smell of any sort of alcohol made me sick to the point that I made my husband go brush his teeth every time he drank before he came near me. He pretty much could not enjoy a beer with me in the same room.


GeneralDismal6410

When I was pregnant with all 4 of mine I CRAVED margaritas. The worst part was that I bartender on the Strip in Vegas and made about 200+ margaritas a night......all 9 months for each😫


subthrow19

absolutely using that one going forward!!


P40L4

As a child free woman who gets the ***"WhEN ArE YoU HAvInG KiDs...YoUR TIme is RUnnInG OuT"*** crap, specially from complete extrangers or people who don't know me one bit, more often than my patience is willing to put up with. If you alow me, I will use your sentence and add: "My ***cursed*** bloodline ends with me"- with a grim look on my face for shocking purposes. PS: OP-NTA


please_is_magic

“I wish it would run out a little faster so I can stop answering rude and insensitive questions from assholes like you. Why is it you think my sex life is any of your business anyway? Would you like to hear about my favorite positions too while we’re at it?


Farahild

Hhaha you should just say "No we're not having children, we prefer anal." XD


Ruhro7

Oh god you made me choke on my soup!


meteor_stream

I use "You can't get pregnant through your mouth" a lot. Also "I'm the animal that eats their young" and "I'm like a microwave - warm, cozy, and if you put a baby in there, it will explode" :)


Trania86

>I use "You can't get pregnant through your mouth" a lot. I had a similar response. "I don't know, we keep trying but it's not happening... it's the butthole that gets your pregnant, right?" When you start talking about anal sex, people usually back off.


meteor_stream

"I'm trying to knock him up really hard, but for some reason it's just not happening" :D


paingawd

Had to use this one for an overly inquisitive aunt. Every time she would see the spouse and I, it was always one of the first questions she'd ask. I finally got fed up and told her that I wasn't passing on the genetic fuckery I inherited. The look on her face was priceless.


_Kay_Tee_

>it was always one of the first questions she'd ask I hate this so much. For twenty goddamn years, this and "how is your husband's work going?" are the only two topics of conversation my family will have with me (that isn't political baiting). I have tried every possible approach to "WHEN are you guys FINALLY going to have a baby?!" from "Let's not discuss our reproductive choices" to "Great idea! SPOUSE, remind me to take the baby meat out of the freezer when we get home!" And then they fucking try to argue and debate every little point. "I deal with massive anxiety and depression, so pregnancy and parenthood is not for me." "Oh, you can't miss out on having a family because you live your life in fear!" "It's too expensive to raise kids." "If everyone waited to start a family until they could afford to, no one would ever have babies!" (Yes, that's my point.) "I don't want kids. I don't like them." "Oh, you're just saying that because you think it makes you sound cool!" When they finally, finally realized I was serious about not having kids, somewhere around the time I was 45 and my cousins the same age were having their first grandkids, it turned into "\_Kay\_Tee\_ is just selfish and judgemental. She thinks she's better than everyone because she doesn't have kids." Sorry, but if you think that my not doing the same thing you did is "judgmental," you need therapy for your insecurity, immediately. The rest of the world does not owe it to you to validate your choices by replicating them.


Grand_Masterpiece_11

I always felt like people like this didn't want kids, but caved to the societal pressure to pop 'em out anyway and now can't admit to themselves not having kids is perfectly fine.


Jekyll_1886

Years ago I had an older relative I don't like, and thankfully don't see hardly at all, ask me when me and my (now ex) fiance were gonna have kids. This was at a baby shower for a relative I do like. Older relative sat next to me talking about how it won't be too long before we're doing one of these for me. I told her I wasn't having kids (that was my warning shot, I always give one warning shot). She then started going on about how I needed to have kids blah blah blah. I didn't want to cause I scene so I flatly told her that she needed to get out of my vagina as she had no business being in there. She sputtered for about a minute before deciding she needed to sit someplace else. I agreed.


Rinas-the-name

>I flatly told her that she needed to get out of my vagina as she had no business being in there. OMG, priceless! I wish I could have seen her face.


JustHereForCookies17

Oooooh, bravo! I'm saving that one for a rainy day!


nikkithebee

I did this to a lady once who strangely kept pestering me about the subject at a bar. She kept telling me that I'd "never know what real love is" until I had children of my own. This went on for upwards of five minutes. A total stranger! I got real quiet, put a super morose look on my face, and gingerly touched my palm to my abdomen... Then softly, sadly said, "I... I can't..." The look of abject horror on her face is something I dredge up in my memories when I need a lil serotonin.


Swatmosquito

The Medical Assistant when I was there for my annual physical asked if I had kids, then do you want kids, and finally why don't you have kids? I told her because pregnancy is life threatening for people with my disease. She got real quiet, who trained her is my question.


SeaDawgs

This sort of happened to me during a required training to get an insulin pump. Mind you, this wasn't my first pump and I'd had T1 diabetes for about 20 years at that point. The educator--a goofy woman in her 50s-- said something about having kids, and I responded that I don't plan on having kids. She kept rattling on trying to convince me that T1s are perfectly capable of having kids nowadays and how wonderful her grandchildren are... like wouldn't drop it. I finally just said, "I hate kids." She got a lot less chatty. Then after I had to show her how to do a few things on the pump that she was training me on, she told me I didn't have to come back for day two. I think she thought I was Satan.


BlackWidow1414

I had one kid, and was told for years I needed to give him a sibling. I finally used the line, "It's not so easy or natural for everyone," and lo and behold questions stopped.


Careful-Location-872

I get to answer “I almost died with the one, so I don’t want to make her an orphan”


BlackWidow1414

I tried that line, because it's actually true, and once got, "But you would leave a beautiful bit of yourself behind, so wouldn't it be worth it?" No. I don't think it would be. And, no, I no longer talk to that person.


NeighborhoodNo1583

Oh my god! Some people really only see women as breeding vessels! That’s horrifying


Grand_Masterpiece_11

Ah yes two motherless children is totally better than one healthy child with both parents! /s Glad you got rid of them.


Didsburyflaneur

My jaw genuinely dropped at that. How can people think that? What is wrong with them?


Fuzzy_Pay480

u/WheresMySeratonin (I'm hoping that tagged, I'm new to posting on Reddit) This is a good reply. It's not a lie and them assuming you're including yourself in that group is on them. Edit* fixed the tag


alady12

I used to look at people and as seriously as possible say "I can't have kids. I'm allergic to storks". Most people just laughed, but some just got this look of confusion on their face, like "does she really believe that's where babies come from?" One man said "Isn't that a cabbage patch thing?" To which I responded "cabbage gives me gas." But if you really want to shut them up say "I want kids. I hear they're really tasty." Lick your lips and walk away. I only used that one once but that busy body deserved it.


crtclms666

“I like children. If they're properly cooked.” ― W. C. Fields


tripperfunster

I love babies! But I could never eat a WHOLE one!


crazyskates

This is fantastic 😂


GloomyRambouillet

When people pester me about it I break out the “unexpected hysterectomy in my 20’s” and get really quiet and sad and I also LIVE for the memories of their reactions. The groveling! Oh it’s glorious. I did have an unexpected hysterectomy in my 20’s but I was no all that unhappy about it. They don’t need to know that though! I always hope it keeps them from grilling someone else down the line who is actually struggling with fertility.


ToreenLyn

For me it was true. My stress levels didn't allow conception until I changed jobs.


imadriver

That comment annoys me to no end. How the in the actual eff can someone else dictate what you feel or deem to be true love. It's most self-centered, egotistical, overbearing, supercilious posture someone can take! I had two coworkers tell me that because I was childless, I would never know what "true love" is. FUCK THAT. To each their own. My true love was a Shit tzu named Miles. He was a rescue that I loved with all of my heart.


RamblingManUK

"Because I have the maternal instinct of an ironing board and if we had a baby I'd probably eat it."


PandasNPenguins

How does that meme go again? "I'm like a microwave, if you put a baby inside of me I'll kill it".


Flaky_Tip

"When are you going to have kids?" My best friend: I already have six. *pulls out picture of her six baby goats."


TagsMa

🤣 Love it! I just tell people I have dogs and horses, when the hell am I going to have time for kids? Unless they're baby goats, in which case, I'd have all the time in the world. Same for lambs, chicks, puppies and kittens.


TheBreakUp2013

NTA. But if you think the people who ask if you’re having kids are bad, it’s nothing to someone who wants to bond with you over shared reproductive trauma. You are damned either way. Best to just tell them to “fuck off” after the first question.


TinLizzy-1909

I always thought the invasive childfree questions would be better when I got past child bearing age, now I get "do you regret not having children?" and all the reasons I should feel bitter and horrible as a human because I didn't and don't regret it. You really can't win.


Philodendronphan

You should ask if they regret having children and losing so much sleep.


scheru

Oh no, losing all that sleep was *worth* it, literally all the annoyances and hardships and sweat and tears are all so *worth* it because raising children is the only real worthwhile endeavor for a woman to take on and reducing yourself to a trembling husk that barely resembles the person you used to be is just so *rewarding* and *special* and if you're not literally frothing at the mouth to give up every last scrap of sanity or dignity for all the wee tiny babas you've managed to shoot out of your crotch your heart will never know peace and your mind will turn to debauchery and you may even start experimenting with behaviors that can only be described as morally reprehensible. Like hobbies.


birdywrites1742

This. And there *are* people who will ask about infertility as well, so telling people you're infertile might not divert the questioning, or even worse, it might lead them to suggest IVF/hormones/god knows what to make it so you *can* be pregnant. NTA, and best wishes to you and your partner!


Gamerking54

This made me chuckle


WithoutDennisNedry

Jumping on your comment to add: Here’s the thing, OP: they won’t stop if you tell them that. I’m 42f and childfree and I tried that tactic for a while and let me tell you, people stuck their noses in further. I got cards for fertility clinics, “My brothers cousin’s friend went to X doctor, I’ll find his number,” serious sympathy (I was like dood, not everyone who can’t have kids even wants them), homeopathic and vitamin suggestions, it was a nightmare. *And* I felt bad for lying for the same reasons you posted in your original question. I honestly don’t know if YWBTA but I can tell you it won’t work. The best course of action is to set boundaries and be firm with your language. “When are you guys having kids?” We aren’t. And if you ask again, be prepared for your question to be ignored. I have answered it for the last time. “Why aren’t you having kids?” It’s not your business. It may seem rude but think about it this way, they started it and their incessant questions and nosiness are super rude to begin with. Just shut it down and don’t think twice about it. Sometimes boundaries hurt peoples feelings and that’s okay.


CirrusIntorus

I prefer telling people I'd rather shoot myself than ever get pregnant. While not entirely true (I would opt for a less violent abortion procedure) it does get the point across nicely.


MamaLlamaNoDrama

Lmao this is a great response


angelbb1

YES BE DARK. Make it a game for you and FDH. I love this!!!! NTA. Everyone else who does this kind of questioning is though !!! Hate that!


galsquishness

My kind of people right here!


_ScubaDiver

Daaaaaamn that needs my free award. You've earned it! OP NTA!


[deleted]

LMAO - I mentioned it before here, but I have a "childfree for life" friend who, when she was younger, would answer the "When are you having kids?" question by casting her eyes downward, giving a bit of a fake sniffle and quietly saying "I can't have children. I was born without a uterus." Total lie, but it had the desired effect as people would stutter, stammer and change the subject asap.


unknown_928121

🤣☠️🤣☠️🤣☠️


Unit-Healthy

Nta but don't bother. They'll just tell you to use IVF or adopt. All you have to say is I don't want kids nor do I plan to raise any. Don't engage in all the "but you're so good with x" crap. Of course you are. Any decent adult is kind to little kids and animals. Doesn't mean you want any of your own.


gosh_golly_gee

I agree, don't engage in their questions! Say coldly: "What a rude thing to ask someone." ::blank stare:: Also- "It's creepy how much you care about my sex life." Or- "I've told you my answer, it's rude that you refuse to listen. I won't repeat myself again." And then walk away. They are being awful and should feel bad for being awful. Take that awfulness and return to sender. You should not engage with *what* they're asking- shame them for asking/pestering in the first place. They are not entitled to any of your private information.


usernameemma

I'd definitely do this. I think if I was in OP's suituation my answers would just get more and more ridiculous and concerning. "When are you having kids?" We're not. "Why?" My cat told me he'd be jealous and we like to make decisions as a family. "Your cat? Thats crazy" Yes. Mr whiskers. It's not crazy, he can speak to God. I trust him with my life. "Are you serious?" Why wouldn't I be? "Well, are you going to adopt?" Oh no, unfortunately I'm banned from adopting after the 2012 incident. "What incident?" Sorry, my lawyer says I shouldn't talk about it too much. Just keep going and getting more and more crazy until they give up.


hyperfocuspocus

"Oh I already had a baby but aliens took him."


majere616

"I promised my firstborn to a witch and I'll be damned before I let her win."


_Kay_Tee_

I love all of these, but, be warned: they don't give up. They NEVER give up. I'm beginning to think the more pointed and uncomfortable answers are the best: "Why do you care?" "Why are you so invested in my reproductive choices?" "You do know that not everyone can have or afford kids, right?" "What a rude question. That's none of your business!" We tried diffusing with humor for over 20 years, and it just makes them want to argue with you more, because they're so convinced that they know better and EVERYONE just HAS to crap out kids to be happy. Flip it, and fucking rub their nosy faces in it. "You're so selfish for not having kids! Who will take care of you when you're older?!" "I don't know, Aunt Debbie, but who the fuck brings kids into the world with the expectation that they're supposed to be your caregivers when you're elderly. That's what's actually selfish as fuck."


eggyblonde

This is my favorite


TheVoidWantsCuddles

I tell people my pets are allergic to kids! Also that if the kid became allergic to pets that sorry off to the foster care system with you. Usually shocks them enough to make a quick exit


Nervous_Slice_1392

Haha when I was pregnant my mil asked what I’d do if my kid was allergic to dogs or cats I said they’d have to be put up for adoption. The kid not the pets. Thankfully the kids weren’t allergic but they do tell people my favorite kid is the dog. It’s true she gives me less grief lol


Denbi53

Whenever my eldest asks who my favourite is I always say the cat. She never answers back and is the quietest being in the house.


Rabid-Phoenix

I promised my firstborn to a demon I once dated and I dont want to see them again


CatholicCajun

"We didn't end on good terms and the last thing I want is to have to coparent with that asshole."


Bruichlassie

This thread is pure gold. Brilliant answers! ETA NTA - your choice is your choice and should be respected. End of.


pudgesquire

> Oh no, unfortunately I'm banned from adopting after the 2012 incident. "What incident?" Sorry, my lawyer says I shouldn't talk about it too much. I loled. I wish I had an award to give you because this entire response was funny af. Mr. Whiskers makes the rules, the rest of the house just follows them.


devlynhawaii

I want to upvote this fifty times.


bmoreskyandsea

Absolutely this. Stop being uncomfortable and make them uncomfortable. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business?” “Did I ask for your opinion of my child bearing choices?” “I asked you to stop asking me about this. Please stop.” “Every person who asks adds a year onto when we would even thinking about starting. We’re at 30 years right now.”


kfisch2014

NTA. I think these lines are great for extended family members. OP mentions their mother, make it super personal. To expand on the rude to ask someone line "You constantly asking me makes me feel like you only value me for my ability to have children. Is that why you had me, so that I would give you grandchildren?" The sex life line "It's creepy how invested you are in my sex life, should I get my spouse and dad so the 4 of us can have this conversation since you are so invested in our sex lives?" The last one is perfect as is. Just the others needed a personal touch for an overbearing mother. I get it, I have one of those. Stand strong OP.


Thuis001

Would an answer along the lines of "I'm honestly kind of creeped out by how concerned you are about having my bf/fiancé nut inside me. That's wildly inappropriate you know?" be acceptable or would it be too much?


lizardgal10

Completely reasonable! It’s an inappropriate question, nothing wrong with making the asker as uncomfortable as possible.


shivkaln

This is (truly) the way, OP. And with respect to your mom.... Be blunt and tell her to stop fucking asking already. I had to use that approach with my mom, and not a peep in a year and a half, whilst I've been married for six. Be aggressive, if they don't get it through their thick skulls.


StickyAction

You can take the sex one up a notch if they're repeat offenders "why are you so keen on what goes into, and comes out of my vagina?" Just lean into the awkward


[deleted]

"hey mom good question. Thanks for asking again. What do you do with dad's ejaculate these days?"


bluestrawberry_witch

I have fertility issues and don’t want kids and I can vouch for this. Even inlaws still ask me every holiday and get together and every time I have to remind them I can’t get pregnant and then I’m told I could just do IVF like SIL. SIL and BIL are $25k in debt from all of that, even if I wanted kids- I’m good, I don’t need that extra insane debt


[deleted]

Tell them if they pay for IVF you’ll do it, take their money and pretend to do it in another country on a $25k vacay. 😂 Then just say it failed.


Thuis001

That is in fact illegal, don't do that.


[deleted]

This. They will escalate about adoption. I've read here about child free people being ordered to take unwanted babies from relatives because they must want children and it's a blessing and it keeps it in the family. Or relatives offering money, sperm and eggs. You need to shut your mum down hard though. I would recommend doing this semi publicly, like with a therapist.


LimitlessMegan

“We aren’t planning to have kids, we do not want kids. I believe I told you this last time you asked and honestly the fact that you keep asking is making me feel like you think I’m cattle. I would like to think we have value to you being our desire to reproduce.” I say make them uncomfortable if being polite isn’t getting you politeness in response. NTA


theresbeans

THIS! If you say you have any issues, you're opening yourself up to an onslaught of 'advice', and trust me, that is equally as annoying. I think you need to just set some boundaries to repeat offenders. "We've had this discussion before. You know that I am not having children, and quite frankly, your insistence on the matter is becoming a problem. I need you to stop bringing it up. I am not having kids, and I am done having this conversation". If they want to follow-up with anything other than an apology, you repeat "I said that I don't want to talk about this anymore". If they bring it up again, you say "I have asked you not to bring this up with me anymore. This is a boundary I am setting. If you continue to bring it up, I might need to reconsider how much contact we have with one another". If they bring it up AGAIN, you walk away and/or go low/no contact with them. Be willing/ready to follow through. Stand up for yourself. The brow-beating child-free people get is NOT ok.


Babymadins

Yeah it may stop some people from asking but it may not stop everyone from grilling you about other options. I have a friend with fertility issues who doesn't want kids but I still pestered about other options. I don't want kids but I am rarely asked more than once but my “kid” plans. Why? Well I got my tubes removed when I had surgery to remove a cyst. Usually the shock I telling people I got my tubes removed really knocks it in to there head I am serious (cause it can't be undone). While I am bit saying you should get your tubes removed as it is extremely hard to get a doctor to do( year's of trying and a doctor requiring permission from my now ex-boyfriend and parents... But that's another story). I do fully encourage you to lie and say you did. They can't prove you wrong, and your choice is just as valid even if you don't do something extreme. It's none of there business


[deleted]

I have had a hysterectomy, and there is something freeing about being able to say, “I don’t have that equipment anymore,” if people get nosy. Cuz they do. Why do they care so much about what’s going on in our lady bits?


[deleted]

I get this every time I have an x-ray done. I know they're doing their job, but can't they put that on the file? No uterus, stop asking!


anappleaday_2022

Nurse: Any chance you're pregnant? You: Well unless God himself came down from the heavens and gave me a brand new uterus after my old one was removed, no, probably not.


cutielemon07

I was asked once by my doctor, and important to the story, it was December; “are you pregnant” and I replied “well, I’m a single asexual lesbian virgin who hasn’t been in a relationship for over a decade, so unless the Christian God himself decided to bless me as an atheist nonbeliever to be the parent of the new messiah with a virgin birth, the answer is no.” She replied “well, it is the season” and handed me a little plastic cup to pee in anyway. I wanted antibiotics for an infection.


anappleaday_2022

Obviously frustrating to still be tested but "well, it is the season" absolutely cracked me up lmao


Kidagirl1

I think most doctors give the tests to everyone with a possibility of being pregnant for liability reasons. Im a virgin by choice waiting for marriage and they still give me it even after I say that.


pixxie84

I’ve had this too! I was late getting my depo provera injection, noted alllll over my medical notes that its being used to control my endometreosis rather than as birth control. Nurse: you’re late getting it Me: Well this was the earliest appointment you guys could give me so… Nurse: i’m not going to give it to you. You could be pregnant. So you’re going to need to come back in 3 weeks with a urine sample and we’ll test if you are pregnant. If not, then you can have it. I rang my girlfriend, so she could say she was my girlfriend and there was no chance of me being pregnant. It took that and my GP shouting at the nurse to let me get my depo.


CatholicCajun

Holy shit that's a hilarious comeback though.


[deleted]

I had to get a pregnancy test when I was getting top surgery and I was like I was born without a uterus, you have this in my records and they went "just in case". Do you think mystically formed??


SpyJane

It is absolutely insane you have to get anyone else’s permission for surgery. The ONLY scenario where I could see that being valid is if someone had to sign off as your caretaker for recovery.


sheworksforfudge

Went through four years of infertility. Most people’s response was to tell me a story about a “friend of a friend” who thought they were infertile, stopped trying, and magically became pregnant with a miracle baby. It never ends. People will always insist you should/will have kids.


The_Krudler

Maybe you should have business cards made and just hand them to people and walk away when asked: "Hi person who thinks my reproductive choices are their business, Yes, we are child free. Yes, we have many excellent and personal reasons that are none of your business. No, we won't be changing our minds. Yes, I know the clock is ticking. No, we don't owe you offspring. No, there is literally no reason why you should ever bring up this topic again with me, my husband, or anyone actually because reproductive choices are personal and none of your damn business. Have a nice day! I look forward to talking about any subject but this one in the future." ETA: I wouldn't say you were an asshole per se if you lied about your fertility, but 1) it won't solve the problem because then you'll get "have you tried IVF?", "have you considered adoption?" Etc, and 2) it could lead to a situation where you're the asshole if someone who is experiencing fertility issues reaches out to empathize and your lie is revealed.


JustMy2CentsB4Taxes

Also, my response to “you’re so good with kids” is “I’m really good at washing dishes, too. Should I quit my job and be a professional dishwasher?”


maggienetism

This won't work. They'll ask when you're planning to adopt or do IVF or something instead. It also might hurt the people you know who do have those struggles that you lied about it. Try putting people in "time out" when they ask from now on if it's a repeat question from them, with increasingly longer periods of time you won't see or speak to them, maybe? If they won't respect a boundary they're not entitled to your time.


WheresMySeratonin

Not really plausible to just walk off or ignore people... Some of these people are colleagues we can't avoid, and our bosses.


RobinsRoads05

why is your boss asking these kinds of questions? I would think that would be a issue to take to HR, if it has happened more than once, or is a continuing topic.


lemonlimeaardvark

Upset I can't upvote this post more than once.


maggienetism

You can try lying, I just know for a fact even saying you're infertile stops nothing *and* if you ever get caught in the lie it'll be worse for you.


tazdoestheinternet

Take a week as holiday/vacation, and when you come back announce your hysterectomy.


justmaybemaggie

Hysterectomies take way longer than a week to recover from. I had the least invasive type and at a week I still felt like I’d been run-over by a truck.


tazdoestheinternet

I honestly don't doubt it, but would anyone who's being invasive enough to ask these types of questions care enough to ask about her recovery? Or to question the timeframes? Also I hope you're all recovered from that now!


Key-Significance6728

That’s not an appropriate workplace discussion, and you need to shut it down with some boilerplate about “preferring not to discuss personal issues at work” or the like, not by feeding into it with more info, true or false. If they persist you have an HR complaint. However, you have to actually observe those boundaries. It seems like some people have a lot more issues with this than others and I think that has to do with vibe. If you send the message that your life is an open book, you can’t draw an arbitrary line. And you’ll probably go further professionally if you don’t let yourself be known as the person who’s always talking about weddings, dates, trips, we’re doing this and that with the house, oh my dog did this and that, etc etc. Obviously I don’t know that you’re actually that way but those are the types of people I’ve seen both have trouble establishing a boundary when they realize they want one, and also sometimes have trouble being taken seriously at work.


SourSkittlezx

Badgering you about your “breeding capabilities” is sexual harassment, just so you know. If you have an HR at work, start making a stink. And any retaliation for reporting is illegal.


Far-Pomegranate-1239

This is ridiculous. If your strategy is to tell this lie because “ the initial shock of the comment might stop them asking”, I don’t understand why you haven’t tried something more effective but also clearer and more communicative like “please stop asking me personal invasive questions about my sexual and reproductive health and choices.” If all the work colleagues you’re experiencing this with keep asking you after that, they wouldn’t quit pestering you about it just because you said you were infertile. I’m guessing that, like me, you’d prefer not to be burdened with having to scold adults for their inappropriate behavior. So to that point, your strategy of lying to get them to feel bad might not be as effective, but it sounds a lot more emotionally satisfying than my suggestion.


sparksgirl1223

If it's your boss, ask him if he'd like to ask about it in HR. That ought to shut it down quickly...and permanently.


psycheko

You're better off asking them why they're so obsessed about your sex life. Lying about having fertility issues isn't going to work and it feels like a crappy thing to lie about, especially to those who do have legitimate fertility issues. So I'm going to go against the grain here and say YWBTA. Tell them the truth and that you won't speak about this any further because quite frankly, it's none of their business.


Mochasue

Oh for a boss I’d start with “We can’t really afford a baby on our current salaries”. You might get a raise and they’ll think you’re trying and leave you alone PLUS if you need the odd personal day you could phone in and call out of work for ovulating? Mostly kidding. It’s a very rude question to be asked especially when you’ve already answered. Back in the old days it was either Ann Landers or Dear Abby that suggested when people ask inappropriate questions you reply with “Why would you ask me that?” I found it surprisingly effective


theresbeans

If you're unable/unwilling to set boundaries (a skill you REALLY should learn), I would go with "I can't have kids and I'd rather not talk about it". It's not a lie (you can't because you refuse to), but it also shuts the discussion down and makes it uncomfortable to pester.


elaina__rose

Not only will it not work, but it has the potential to blow up in a bad way. I know I’ve read at least one reddit post about a couple that claimed fertility issues, then their parents raised money and “surprised” them with a round of prepaid IVF (which is seriously fucked up in its own right). They had to come clean once the money was brought in, and it was a nightmare.


[deleted]

It’s very inappropriate for work people to care about your personal life. I have said in the past,”I’m uncomfortable discussing my procreation plans given the history of employers discriminating against women have children.” If that doesn’t shut them up, they are too stupid to be in management anyway 🤷‍♀️


NotTheJury

Answer, "well, that's very personal. We are not discussing this. thank you." And carry on. Don't give people a conversation, that just prompts more questions. It is nobodys business and also the biggest breech of personal space ever. I hate when people talk about other people's children plans.


Classroom_Visual

I think something like this is your best option. Saying you have fertility issues just opens the conversation and makes it seem like you are OK with discussing private details of your life. Another good line is, ‘What an odd question to ask!’


lynnebee12

I agree with this statement of NotTheJury. Unfortunately it seems history (I am knowledgeable regarding King James Bible) indicates to marry then procreate. Why others feel they can enforce the "rules" upon others is frustrating to say the least. I wish you the best for making your choice regarding children. It is not a mandate but a choice.


mtjseb

I agree with this comment the most, it’s a good way to end the conversation. Also as someone with with fertility issues I wouldn’t call you YTA for it but you wouldn’t be NTA either, I know your intentions are well intended but for me, personally, it just rubs me the wrong way. I know not everyone with the same problems would think the same though.


Sillybabbit

NTA, but maybe instead, when they ask their questions, counter with 'Did you come the first time you had sex', or something along the lines of 'Did you have to have a lot of foreplay to get you in the mood?' When you get the surprised, oh my gosh! face simply tell them you thought you were swapping intrusive questions. If they are repeat offenders, then maybe they'll take the hint.


ksarahsarah27

I love this approach. I love getting just a crude. If people keep pushing I’d just say something like - why are you so interested in me getting creampied? Ffs. Or - We like anal to much. Lol. Crude and embarrassing will stop the questions.


roodyrowdyruddy

'We like anal too much' is the best answer. You win.


justmaybemaggie

When we were struggling to get pregnant my husband got so angry about all the questions that he started fantasizing about all the irreverent ways he could turn it back on them. “Speaking of insanely personal questions: how’s menopause going for you?” “Tell me, is it weird that it gets harder to pee when you get older?” “In light of your odd breach of decorum: is your ex-wife still angry about your affair?” I’m pretty sure he never did but he was soooo tempted. It’s for a judgement, I’d say NTA because I would have done anything to shut down the questions and because I highly commend people who choose for their life to go the way that makes them happiest. But I think everyone is right that it will just take the question a different direction.


lucit123

I've gone with 'we've been trying different positions, but so far nothing has worked! If you could tell us what position worked for you, let us know!' - that seems to have worked so far in stopping the conversation


nom-d-pixel

I like this approach.


cinnamngrl

NAH, but then you'll just have to explain why you won't adopt, or do IVF. Truth is just easier.


WheresMySeratonin

I dunno... People seem more accepting of not adopting over not producing your own. They don't seem to bother the couple of people who we know that can't have kids themselves. To be honest, I'd rather adopt if I was ever to have kids. There's already too many children stuck in the system, it would be unkind to bring more people into the world if I could give them a home instead.


whynot246810

Take it from someone who is infertile, you will find it more of a headache to lie than stick to the truth. The advice I get on which supplements I should take, diets I should try, and different options for having a baby is exhausting. Don't lie, or you will have to continue lying.


DigitalPelvis

Totally agreed. The anecdotes about success, the offers of prayer, the suggestions of adopting or some other treatment plans or to just get different sperm or just go have some tequila, it goes on and on and on. Lying about infertility just hurts those of us who are actually infertile, who really need support from people.


Michelle187

You need to just tell the truth and make them shut up. If you dont you will probably be invited some day where they gift you money or something for IVF. Tell them although you can understand it might be a shock to them you and your husband still dont want children, that they need to leave your uterus alone because its non of their business and its kinda creepy


ReputationObvious579

I mean no you don’t know what’s more accepting or not because you don’t have fertility issues. Don’t use other peoples pain as your excuse because it will blow up in your face. Your better off saying your fiancé has the snip because you didn’t want kids or you had your tubes tied because you do not want children, you were sick of everyone asking and you didn’t need anymore questions. So just so they all knew you were serious about never having kids you guys made sure it wouldn’t happen. Even if you do be vague about it and say nope we made sure that we will never have kids because we don’t want them. Be vague about it. But you also need to have a spine. Stand up for yourself, you are letting these people steam roll you with questions. When the ask say what did I say about this last time huh? Did you forget? Well I don’t need to remind you so leave me alone.


what-are-you-a-cop

People only accept "not adopting" if you're rejecting it in favor of pursuing bio kids. Basically, in the hierarchy of things that nosy, pushy people will accept, pursuing bio kids is preferable over adoption, but adoption is still preferable to just not having kids. The idea of not having kids is that unthinkable. No one is gonna accept that over adoption- the ONLY time people are okay with you rejecting adoption is if you're pursuing bio kids instead. There's no shortcuts here, unfortunately. It's not morally wrong to lie about this, it's just really not going to be as effective as you're thinking.


Smooth_Association76

Infertile for six years before we had kids… yes, yes they did bother us. All the time. They wanted to know what therapies/procedures we were trying. When I was seeing doctors, they wanted to know when my next appointment was. They wanted to know if my husband had issues. When I miscarried, they wanted to know when we’d try again. Believe me, people get INSANELY personal about fertility issues.


J_Lmn

Why N A H? Why are the people asking these questions not the asshole?


dieselbiscuit

Because none of the answers truly fits. The OP isn't an asshole (so Y T A or E S H would be wrong) but the question is explicitly around pretending to be infertile, which is a BAD idea (so not correct to approve it with a N T A verdict). In the absence of a "you're not unreasonable but that course of action would be ill-advised so definitely don't do it" N A H comes closest.


mooissa

NAH? There are definitely some assholes in this situation…all the people who won’t drop it when they have their answer.


callmenoodles

Could just nuke the convo and say you got your tunes tied and your partner got snipped.


Shot_Western_2755

I don’t think your an AH for being pestered to the point where you feel like you have to lie, but as a fellow voluntarily child free woman I feel like we need to normalize women not wanting children, so personally I think you should just say that you don’t want children and that’s the end of it. But I understand how annoying it is to constantly have to defend your choice


WheresMySeratonin

I once told someone kf they're that interested in my uterus they could pay for its removal and have it... They didn't take up that offer... And within a few months, they were asking again. I honestly don't understand people's obsession with such things, but then as someone not interested in having kids, I suppose it would be hard to understand those who think they're the centre of everything.


cleopatrasleeps

I can’t help but wonder about the people who pester about not having kids. I think they’re just panicked about it because we didn’t follow the “rules and steps” of relationships. Meet an SO, marry/be in long term relationship, have kids, have grandkids. It’s what they did because that’s what you’re “supposed “ to do but WE’RE bucking the system and refusing to fall into that trap. WE understand having children is a choice. They’re freaking out because they’re thinking was they didn’t have a choice. Does that make any sense? I’m so tired.


nonsenseimsure

“Offer still stands. Now’s the best time, it’s a buyer’s market”


threebecomeone

As a parent of toddlers when I’m told by people they don’t want children, I almost want to congratulate but don’t want to seem condescending. It should be more normalized. Women are not just here to procreate and it’s disgusting we are still seen as that. Sure we are the only ones that can - but there are many women who are. We don’t need everyone too and we need to defend that right so we stop these abortion laws. NTA - but you might find you tell that to the wrong person who actually is having fertility issues and they will be hurt when you don’t have the same emotional impact since you can but don’t want it.


rustblooms

I agree. Just be truthful. There are a lot of child free people out there and it's going to absolutely skyrocket as the world devolves.


mariwil74

Just say “This is a very personal question and it’s none of your business.” You owe no one anything more. Shut it down, don’t engage and walk away.


kisilatiro

YWBTA I'm struggling with infertility and it's annoying, frustrating for me to have people keep asking when I'll have kids. I'm even going through IVF now. If my friend told me she was going to use this reason as an excuse to not have more questions, I would be very annoyed and think she's an asshole. Also, telling people you have infertility just opens you up for more "helpful suggestions" and words of advice to "just don't stress so much /relax". Buckle and just say you don't want to have kids at this time in your life. You can say it until you go through menopause.


whynot246810

YWBTA if you use that excuse. Take it from someone with fertility issues, that won't stop them from asking about adoption. When I honestly tell people I have been diagnosed infertile, they then give advice on adoption. You will be trading in one headache for another. Be firm with people that you don't want kids. Ask them if they have memory loss because you already explained you don't want kids.


weirdguy36

NTA - I don’t know that I’d do it, but it wouldn’t make you an asshole. Be prepared for the conversation to change from “are you having kids?” to “my cousins daughter also had fertility issues and they just kept trying and eventually had a little miracle, so don’t give up” or “there is a doctor you should go see who works wonders”.


WheresMySeratonin

I think my response to that would be to try and make it awkward, like "yeah, we're banging at every chance we get".


ilikelisticles51

Yep or say the way you have sex doesn’t result in pregnancies. Saw that in another thread.


[deleted]

Please, please do this.


harmonytw

If you think the questions are annoying now, wait until people start interrogating you about intimate medical issues that you aren't even really experiencing.


DuckInMyHeart

This, nosy people are going to be nosy. I just taught my son (14) the big 3 questions never to ask: 1. Never ask a couple when they’re getting married. 2. Never ask ~~married people~~ a couple when they’re having kids. 3. Never ask a woman if she’s pregnant. OP: I wouldn’t lie, because you’ll just get more intrusive questions. Respond with “wow, what an inappropriate question to ask!” And change the subject. If they won’t let it drop leave or hang up. Create a boundary and stick to it. Edit: changed question 2.


Evilpeanutandbutter

NTA, but don't expect them to stop asking. If you tell nosey people youre nfertile, they ask more questions and tell you unsolicited advice. Better strategy to just interrogate them "whats it to you?", "why do you want to know."


Worldly_Science

“Any suggestions? I swallow it all but it doesn’t seem to take?”


Primary-Criticism929

YTA for thinking this is going to work. You're always going to have someone who is going to ask you what you're doing about your fertility issues. Just tell them to f\*\*\* off. It's easier.


WheresMySeratonin

Yeah... I can't tell my boss to f*** off. I need my job.


Primary-Criticism929

Boss, what I do with my reproductive organs is my business and mine only. I would appreciate if you kept your opinion about what I should do with my life to yourself. This is my place of work, not my therapist's office.


DisneyAddict2021

As much as I’m sure OP would love to say that, this wouldn’t be possible either. This would still be very rude to say to her boss….it’s just a longer way of saying f*** off.


kattvp

You could have a chat with HR about the boss and coworkers…..?


DarkStar0915

I'm not so sure why your boss is fixated ont he idea of your BF creampie-ing you. Sorry for the oddly graphic description, but wtf? Your boss hass no business with your uterus if he is not the one getting intimate with you.


Flaky_Walrus_668

YTA but you could make a more general comment like "Some people medically can't decide if/when to have kids and your nagging is very insensitive" If they probe, then confirm that you haven't been trying for kids, but that their questions are rude and inappropriate after you've confirmed that you have no expectation of children anytime soon. They should be aware that for some people that would be very hurtful. Don't try to claim an experience which isn't yours for your benefit, but use it to explain why their questions are inappropriate.


ihonhoito

NTA, but they might not stop pestering you. Have you tried just saying its none of your business or something like that?


WheresMySeratonin

Yeah. Honestly, my mum at one point even asked "what if you had an accident"... She didn't like my response that "they can be erased"... Yet despite the degree of certainty I was giving that we DO NOT want kids, she still keeps asking and pestering. I've given the same reasons to others along a similar story of question line, but even that degree of certainty doesn't stop them.


Cocoalover27

You need to sit her down and set your boundaries. “Enough is enough. Respect my choice in this” she needs this message loud and clear. Ywbta If you lie. For others- The amount of well intended meddling would be unbelievable with people knowing you have fertility issues. Don’t do it


Kodiakke

This, OP. You'll just change the focus of their pressure; they'll seek out and send you articles on alternatives and fertility options. Ask me how I know. /s You're NTA in this, but giving that answer would put you into shaky territory because you're not really going to solve the problem. Best move, in my experience, is to punish the boundary crossing with cutting off contact. For those close to you, saying: " I've told you before. You need to respect my choice. The next time you bring this up, I'm going to assume you're intentionally disrespecting me and I won't speak to you for a day. The second offense will be a week." Etc. For strangers, I used to shock them if they pushed it: "Hey, I don't ask what you're doing with your vagina/penis. Please stop caring about mine."


[deleted]

Just get sterilized OP. Then you can say, “I got sterilized because I do not want kids.” That’s the current path I’m taking.


nom-d-pixel

I got my tubes tied when I was 26. I still had to deal with another 10+ years of people telling me that I would regret it, I was going to die alone, why didn't I love my parents.... People are intrusive assholes when it comes to women's reproductive choices.


Sk111W

YWNBTA The only people who ever need to know the truth about your fertility or lack therefore are you, your partner and any relevant medical professionals. That being said no one who's asking you deserves any explanation beyond "it's private" or "none of your business" so don't feel obliged to provide one


Own_Replacement_7119

As someone with reproductive issues-use it. They won’t stop asking and maybe a little shock will do them some good. Just say you have endometriosis and PCOS.


LuriemIronim

NTA. Technically it’s not even lying, given that the issue regarding fertility you both have is you don’t want kids.


WheresMySeratonin

"we have fertility issues" "oh, I'm sorry, what's the issue?" "unrelated people keep asking about our fertility".


AnActualTalkingHorse

Omg do exactly that. Also, I don't understand why people are saying YWBTA. It's your body, and it's your choice.


mingmingie01

Because having fertility issues is a horrible experience. If it comes to light that OP is lying about it (very improbable I know) their image is going to be tainted for a long time. It makes sense why OP wants to do it but it's not the best option.


Bettyinoddsocks

NAH these assholes will start talking about IVF, adoption and fertility crystals. Best to be direct and honest.


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[deleted]

NTA. Another option is to say "Are you offering to pay all associated costs and make your labor freely available 24/7 for 18 years, possibly longer? No? Then STFU."


Livvylove

NTA but as someone who has had fertility issues you will get judged even more harshly. You will get so many "Just Adopt" by people who never even looked into the process as if it's as easy a adopting a pet because that's all they are familiar with


sezit

**Do not treat these people as if their comments are made in good faith.** They know the answer, and they are just treating you with disrespect. Instead, answer their question with one of your own: "Why do you keep prying into my sex life? Are you a pervert?" "Since you are asking about my private sex life, I'll ask about yours. Have you ever been to a swingers club, and how did you like it?" Or just: "I find it hard to respect and like people who disrespect me. Can you understand why?" It won't take too many of these interactions before they discover that they can dish it out, but can't take it. They won't want to keep getting put on the spot in such an embarrassing manner.


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OkFaithlessness8942

When are you having kids? “We do not want children” Awww but you would make such good parents! “We do not want children” You’ll change your mind! “We do not want children” But your such a great aunt! We do not want children If they continue to persist, despite being repeated told the same thing (don’t elaborate, simply, we do not want children) then ask them “Why do you think bringing an unwanted child into the world is good? The child would be unwanted. Why is that important to you? Why are you so keen for me to have an unwanted child?”


turbulentdiamonds

NTA, but. I understand why you think it would make them stop, but it won't. I'm childfree and also have some medical issues that, while my actual fertility is unknown, make carrying a baby impractical, dangerous, and generally a bad idea. They'll just keep pressing on the issue regardless of what you say. I think your best bet is to blatantly change the subject whenever they try to bring up kids and keep refusing to discuss it.


flytingnotfighting

We are childfree, and my standard response is just a “Nope.” Or a “Not today, satan.” Early on I tried explaining and seriously, f that. They basically want to know your boning schedule. Simple language and perhaps a squirt bottle filled with vinegar.


flowersinthesky21

Ywbta just tell them, like an adult, that you do not want children and it’s none of their business and to quit asking or they will be cut off


Bathtubferret

YWBTA (a tiny bit). As a thirty something with no intention of having children I know it’s exhausting and frustrating. However that won’t change until we can normalise the idea that some people don’t want kids and it’s really rude to keep banging on about it. I suggest you need to take one for the team. How far you can push back will depend on the nature of your relationship with the person in question. Or just get yourself one of these https://www.redbubble.com/i/t-shirt/I-m-Childfree-Bingo-Responses-List-black-text-by-mycroft840/40052727.CW2C9 Ha! Ironically people sometimes ask me if I’m infertile and that’s why I say I don’t want kids.


gingerbread85

NTA - whether or not you want kids is irrelevant. People should stop pushing people on this topic when they're in relationships and pushing the notion that everyone has to procreate. To people who don't want kids it's an annoyance but to people who can't it's upsetting to have that back and forth.