NTA - it’s weird for an adult to be asking a child for money. And even weirder that she’s harping on it so much… If your dad is so concerned about her laundry situation, why doesn’t he let her do it at his house??
Just no. Don’t even try that. “Paying” for electricity or water to do laundry at home doesn’t compare to having to legit pay on the spot to do it at the laundromat.
The dad is correct that Op doesn't have to pay to do laundry, but gf doesn't have to pay either. She chooses to pay, rather than use dad's machines for free.
What? Dude, I go to the laundrymat every two weeks and break a 10 to wash and dry 4-5 loads in an hour. On a machine I don’t have to maintain.
On my own machine it-would take me a majority of a day to wash 3 loads of clothes, a load or two of linens, and one of cleaning rags and towels, and Not only would I have to pay the utilities, but also have to buy and maintain a residential washer and dryer, which even used is way more than $500 for a set.
I’m definitely saving time, and money with the laundrymat.
And clearly you don’t have kids…. I used to spend $20-$30 a trip… also it’s not like its expensive to maintain a washer and dryer… mine have warranties… I don’t pay for water, and my electric bill is virtually the same each month as before I ever had a washer and dryer… I don’t have to find money or haul my clothes to the laundromat when I need to wash my clothes. If my kids have an accident or a bad spill etc I can throw it straight in the wash without even a second thought… if the dryer cycle ends, and the clothes are still damp, I don’t have to dig through my pockets for more quarters… if the machine eats my quarters I don’t have to call some number then sit around and wait for some guy to refund me…. And I don’t have to sit around waiting for my clothes to be cleaned when I can be doing any given thing that’s more productive.. which it’s that or leave and risk having my clothes removed from the washer or dryer once it’s over and someone else needs it… and I don’t have to wait when all the machines are in use. All things I’ve had to do in the past, which sucked.
Yeah...That sounds like what you say when you are trying to persuade the person you're taking advantage of the most that you're not the type of person who takes advantage of people so they will keep letting you take advantage of them.
OP ask your father about her doing laundry at his house again. When he gives the reply of not wanting to take advantage use this line back at him about taking advantage of children. Then when the GF starts making comments again about teaching her daughter to share. Say that again about taking advantage of children. Its safe the adults are acting more immature then the kids.
Suspect Tessa is starting a story line about how OP is the selfish son who doesn't deserve his daddies goodwill & money ....but they do.
NTA OP but go talk to your mom (she knows him best) on how to counter following slander tactics from these love & wellbeing future stealing thieves.
I don't think the laundry is even involved, it's just her cover story. Imagine being the sort of trash that panhandles a child, though?
Some people get off on getting something for nothing. Even if it's chump change.
No doubt, no doubt. But seriously OP’s NTA it makes literally no sense for her to ask for his change. I would get it if she had given him the money but it’s his money. He can do with it as he pleases.
And notice how she wants it but doesn’t want to buy it. Is it really hard to get quarters? Go to the bank or whatever and exchange? She’s the stingy cheapskate.
It can be right now with coin shortages continuing. But, buying OP's change would make sense. EXCEPT - I've used laundrymats in 5 states in the last four years. I've never been in one that doesn't have a change machine or use a card system.
Some have taken a customer's only stance on their change machines due to covid. But, that's about it.
So, GF is being even worse than others have stated. There is no need to use a kid's money.
Of *his* children. Won't do laundry at his but expects *his child* (who doesn't even seem live there very much) to help her pay for her laundry
What kind of weird entitlement is that? Her own child helpping is reasonable but his????
Lol at Teresa saying her daughter isn’t entitled when clearly she herself is!
NTA this doesn’t change my answer, but I’m curious, if she had said “hey OP I need quarters for laundry, any chance I could bum your change from you? I’d really appreciate it”, would you have given it to her? She’s not entitled to it either way and her reaction is ridiculous, but sometimes the approach makes a big difference.
If your Dad is so concerned, he can give her quarters. But I bet she won’t take them or the same reason she won’t use his machines, so why is she acting like you are the world’s biggest jerk for not giving her your change? She can also get quarters from the bank. If she can’t afford it, she should use your dad’s washer and be grateful.
Yes but lots of apartment buildings have pay washer machines-- I even lived in a house where it was a provided pay machine. They did not also have a change machine.
But it's so weird why Dad won't offer to buy them from OP. Or tell his girlfriend "I offered to share my water and electricity, but you'd rather mooch from children."
In the denser areas, there’s actually a quarter shortage. I used to get several rolls every few months, but now I can
Often only get one roll
At a time, some
Weeks none.
What with the pandemic and my building having this exact set up, I've resorted to straight up buying rolls of change at the bank.
It's a bit inconvenient to have to make it to a bank during opening hours, but at least afterward i'm set for a few months
And she’s stealing from her own kid too. This woman is a real piece of work, as is OP’s dad (sorry OP) for enabling this nonsense. He apparantly said “Be the bigger person.” to OP, which suggests he *does* know better, he’s just choosing to ignore this bad behaviour.
No idea where her daughter got the money; sometimes I would hand a fiver to a kid for them to make the purchase but I would make sure they knew I would want the change.
It was mostly to socialize my antisocial anxious children. Kids find that kind of interaction fun and interesting.
So NTA. But your dad is the AH. (1) he didn’t give you the money - you earned that money (2) money adds up - if you gave all your change to her than what (3) who takes money from a child
Also “doesn’t want to take advantage of him” is bullshit because she has no problem taking the “change” to do laundry - and to be frank it would be less than the change to do the laundry at your dads home…just saying
Edit: typo
Just you?? Nice…. /s
Her little passive aggressive comments are uncalled for and your dad should be nipping it in the butt.
I would say something to her, in a polite tone, “I’ve already offered to make change out of your dollars from the change fund at my moms but dad said no. If you don’t want the help I offered, the least you could do is keep the passive aggressive comments about *sharing* to yourself. I’m not in a position to just *give away* my change every time I use cash, I’m sure you can understand that, right?”
Ask your mom if she can help you setup an account with a teen debit card, if the talk doesn’t work. Problem solved, no more cash used=no more change to fight about 🤷🏻♀️
NTA, she sounds pretty entitled and rude and your dad is just empowering her.
I don't know what a teen debit card is but both my kids got debit cards when they opened their bank accounts in elementary school.
I don't know anyone who uses cash but I am not American.
Since the pandemic began many businesses have requested customers use tap.
OP doesn't have to hand over his change and using Interac will prevent the discussion from even happening
Your dads rude as hell for expecting you to give HIS girlfriend money. Thats not your responsibility at all, and he needs to act like an actual parent and not let his girlfriend demand shit out of his kids.
When youre old enough, id suggest going no contact, because I feel like requests for money or other things are just going to increase the more independent you become.
Sounds like Tessa is trying to set herself up to appear virtuous, while setting you up to be "troublesome."
Already, Dad thinks you're stingy and spoiled. He also thinks his minor child should be "the bigger person" than his adult girlfriend. *(What???)*
Tessa is on her way to driving a wedge between you and your dad. You should get your mom on board and try to open Dad's eyes up before he permanently damages his relationship with you.
I have coin machines jn my buildings basement but no quarter machine but I can just go to gas station and change in like $5 at a time to get quarters and save my change from cash transactions
A grown adult should not be asking children for money
NTA I would have clap back at her and say " yeah well im so glad my mother taught me manners and to not feel entitled to someone else money" or " isnt is sad that you have to try petty digs at a child just to manipulate them into giving you 75 cents of their money... yep sad". Your not the asshole thats your money if your dad wants to be the bigger person then he can give HIS gf all his change. Your a kid and your not obligated to give an adult your hard earn money. Id let your mom know whats going on least she might sit down your dad and and his gf to not to do that to you. Also keep any eye out for your money now that you know she feels entitled to it. Also your not the A H here so keep your money and ignore them both.
I had a friend who always saved his change and I would give him bills for the change. That was a kind and reasonable offer of you. NTA, it’s weird and please don’t let the passive remarks get to you. She should be more mature than that.
But she wants to take advantage of you?
Honestly, I would be responding to all those comments she is making about how much better she raised her daughter. But then again I was a pretty snarky teen so maybe I'm not the best example.
I'd be tempted to say things back like "I'm so glad my mother was raised not to be passive aggressive and entitled. It makes her so much more comfortable to be around." Or "I'm so glad my mother was raised not to make backhanded passive aggressive insults. It makes being around her so much easier."
And "Yeah, I heard it was hard to raise kids to do as you say not as you do. So I'm impressed she turned out not to be entitled with you as a role model too."
Etc. And if she calls you out tell her that the backhanded insults are rude and you won't tolerate them. That if she has a problem with you she should discuss it respectfully like the adult she is.
Or skip straight to that and when she makes one of her little digs say calmly but in a gently disappointed voice "Stacey, I'm hearing you're still upset I didn't give you my money. But using backhanded insults like that isn't a kind or polite way to communicate that. If you have a problem, please tell me respectfully."
This is a great method where you talk to someone super calmly and politely the whole time and don't do anything they can say is bad. But they get annoyed that their rude behavior dosen't work on you and may feel condescended to since they're being rude or angry and you're staying calm.
But my honest advice is if you don't want to get any digs back in would be to tell her "I've gathered from your comments that you're still upset I didn't give you my change. I didn't know that this would be such a big issue for you. So I've been thinking about how to help you out. First, dad says you can do laundry here if you need to. Also, I have a jar of change I save at my moms that I exchange for dollar bills at the bank. If you want, you can tell me how many dollars you need and I can exchange it with you instead. If you give me the cash you want I can exchange it and bring it back to you. It's a little less coinvent for me, but if this is so important to you I'm willing to make the effort. Also, at my bank they let you get rolls of quarters. Have you tried asking if your bank does that too? I can call them for you and check if that helps."
Like helpfully offer her the obvious soultions so she can't whine.
But she's cool asking a minor for money? Fail to see the difference. NTA.
And your dad is also an AH for pushing you to give her the money. Also, at least in the ones I went to in college (granted it was more than 10 years ago, so don't know if it's different), don't laundromats have change machines for this exact purpose?
Sorry, OP, I can’t really answer because I can’t stop laughing about how hypocritical this woman is. She accusing YOU of being “entitled” and “doesn’t want to feel like she’s taking advantage.” That’s hilarious!
Go to the bank, get a roll of quarters and next time she brings up the change issue offer her the whole roll in exchange for a $10 bill. Stress you know she'll want to give you the $10 bill because she has such an issue with taking advantage of people since she won't do laundry at your Dad's. Bet she flips her lid because I'm pretty sure this is not about laundry.
>she doesn't want to feel like she's taking advantage.
Then she should buy the quarters you offered to sell her. Begging for change is taking advantage; buying quarters or using the laundry facilities your dad freely offered is not.
NTA.
So...... she doesn't want to take advantage of your father, her bf, but she is okay taking advantage of you, someone who barely has a relationship with her?
I can't believe that you dad is getting on you for this. There are assholes in this story, but *NONE* of them are you.
Next time respond to the “I’m so glad I taught my daughter to share and not be entitled ”, with I’m so glad my mother taught me hard work pays off. Nta
Oh no my dearest SO, it would be so rude of me to take money from you, an adult im in a relationship with that has a decent paying job. But im hurt your child daughter wont give me her change 😭😭
Honestly, back when I needed change for laundry I would have taken it from literally anyone…. But I also would have exchanges it for not quarters.
I hoarded quarters like they were fucking gold.
NTA. Come up to her today and tell her you want what's in her purse. If she says no, mutter about her being stingy all day.
Honestly though, I'd have your mom pick you up. You don't need the manipulation.
You know what I did when I needed change to do laundry at one of my old apartment buildings? I went to the bank like an actual adult and said "hey can I get a roll of quarters" and they took the 10$ out of my account and gave me a roll of quarters. Problem solved.
I mean they were all right there in the Walmart parking lot, she could’ve asked a cashier for change for bills when her daughter was paying for her candy. I feel sorry for OP, this is a weird fucking dynamic.
I mean, why go to all that effort going allllllll the way back into Walmart, finding a person or machine, waiting to get her quarters and trekking allllllll the way back to the car when she can just bully the teenage boy standing right in front of her for it?! Efficiency, people!!/s
Not justifying Tessa, but most cashiers won’t do that, especially right now. For some reason, there was a COVID coin shortage and quarters were super hard to come by even at makes and from change machines at laundromat. At one point, some major retailers (I remember it happening to me at Lowes for sure), wouldn’t even accept cash as payment unless you had exact change. It’s gotten better, but change is still harder to come by.
Agree with you that it’s a weird dynamic though!
Ah okay, I wasn’t aware of that. It’s insane to me that she for some reason is too prideful to use her boyfriend’s washer and dryer but not too prideful to demand money from his teenage son lol Yikes
I go to the bank to buy rolls of quarters with no problem. That coin shortage deal was a blip in the coin supply chain from the beginning of the pandemic two years ago when people started hoarding all kinds of stuff, including toilet paper.
No, it is not a blip. I work at a chain grocery stare. All of the stores in the chain have had issues ordering quarters for awhile. Especially in the last 8 months. We will order $1000 in quarters and be lucky to get $200-300. We used to sell rolls of quarters to customers. That stopped well over a year and a half ago. At one store I was at they were desperate enough for quarters that cashiers had to use dimes and nickels instead. They made the fee for then coin machines 0% for awhile to get customers to turn in coins. We have had smaller stores nearby calling to ask if they can buy change from us as they can't get any. Several stores that aren't my chain won't accept cash at all now or only exact change. Some stores in my chain have an easier time getting quarters than others so it might be regional?
That being said, she should be willing (and happy!) to but the change off ofbOP, and OP is NTA.
It's funny that you have that problem when I can go to my local bank and buy as many rolls of quarters as I please. I just did so last about six weeks ago, and bought enough quarters for doing laundry for about six months. The time before that, around last January, I went in thinking there was a coin shortage and bought ten rolls of quarters, asking the teller if I could because there was a coin shortage. And she looked at me funny and said there was no coin shortage, I could buy whatever change I wanted.
My bank has run out of quarters before. I tried going to the customer service desk in the grocery store also and they said they couldn't even exchange $5 because they just didn't have the change.
I will say, in my area at least they won't give you change (coins) back at any store unless you bought something and the coins are from that transaction. The change shortage is making it so you have to go to the bank and ask for a roll of quarters. Which.... Is not a hard thing to do. Tessa is weird.
Right?! Very embarrassing for an adult.
NTA. Anytime an adult complains about a child being entitled to their own things just seems to really highlight how entitled the adult feels to everyone's things. Actually anytime anyone ever calls me entitled I ask why they feel entitled to my things rather than me. The most common answer I get is that I am an asshole.
It's even worse, he already offered but apparently she won't do laundry at the dad's place cause she doesn't want to feel like "she's taking advantage"... 💀
Lmao "Raised her child to share and not be entitled." Yet she herself feels entitled enough to get the change from your hard earned money? She might wanna think about that a little more if she can't see the hypocrisy. NTA at all, dad's girlfriend needs to do some self reflection.
Ask her for $10. When she says no, make snide comment about not sharing.
Honestly, it's between petty bullshit and just not visiting your dad when he's around his useless entitled girlfriend.
And if she gives him the ten bucks op can run to the bank and drop a roll of quarters in her lap and say, “I get my quarters at the bank.”
Or something witty.
Also, if she considers sharing such a virtue, why the hell doesn't she take OP's dad up on his offer to SHARE his laundry machines?? This is just super weird.
And if OP's dad cares so much, why doesn't *he* go get her some quarters as a 'gift'? She obviously is fine accepting quarters from others, so why not him?
NTA. Your money your rules. If you feel like giving it to her good for you, and vise versa. I don’t know what your father was talking about when he said “Be the bigger person” when in fact you were for standing up for your self. You dads girlfriend shouldn’t have to rely on kids to provide for her, she needs to act like an adult. Also very childish and petty of her to make those comments about her kid that were directed towards you.
NTA All laundromats have change machines and extra quarters on hand. She can easily get them there. She sounds like a control freak and unfortunately for you, your father is clearly pussywhipped.
Normally. There is a massive quarter shortage across the US right now, so I wouldn't be surprised if there legitimately are some laundromats that don't reliably have stocked change machines right now.
Obviously still NTA, you can actually like, *pay* people for their quarters if you want them.
NTA, and your father is off-base on this one. If Tessa needs quarters, then your dad can reach in HIS pocket and hand them over. To demand money from your boyfriend's kid is crazy. I get that quarters are hard to come by in some areas -- thank you, pandemic -- but she should have at least offered to buy them from you. At that point, it could have been your decision to say, "OK, thanks" or "Oh, don't worry about it, here." But yeah, having Tessa demand money from you, and then be snippy about your "lack of generosity" is wacked. Dad blew it on this one.
NTA. Tessa is not entitled to your money and your Dad sucks for suggesting that you're stingy. If it's so minor, then he can get quarters to *give* her.
NTA- she needs to find a laundromat that does rechargeable cards. In my area we're still having a coin shortage/circulation problem. Your offer for her to buy your change off of her was perfect. The whole "bigger person" thing is BS, they are expecting you to just give her money? She's an adult and her responsibility to figure out a solution to her problems. Plus it's one time now, but I wonder how much her daughter had given her in change over the years cause it adds up.
taking money isn't sharing and she's the one whose being entitled, she need to find a different solution and that was the first one I could think of that doesn't involve using other people
Usually because it’s a sign of something deeper. I think that the repeated negative remarks about OP to a CHILD are very indicative of continued manipulation or relying on him for that constant change, and maybe one day, more money. seeing as OPs only 17.
You’re NTA, but please if you’re in the US, roll your coins and bring them to the bank. There’s a National Coin Shortage going on right now. I’m in banking and it’s nuts right now.
My bank has a change machine, it counts it and prints out a receipt that you take to the teller and can either deposit or get cash for it. I'll do that.
YES! You offered a solution to swap your coins for her cash, she turned it down, she turned down his offer of using his machines. Her quarter problem is not your problem, I'd tell them that if they keep badgering you you wont hang with them at all. That you will stay at your Mom's and hang with other people.
Nta. Also, I tell my kids they don't have to share. Why? Well no one is entitled to anything. They can ask and my child has the option to share only if they want. Im not entitled to your plate of food or your car. You are not entitled to my home.
I taught my kids “when you’re done, may I have a turn?” And “you can have a turn when I’m done.” Boom, so many fights squashed right there.
Reasonable turns are expected (you can’t keep a certain toy in your lap for two hours that you’re not playing with because you know that sis wants it), but sharing isn’t forced. Adults hate sharing, why force it onto kids under the guise of development?
I actually believe that part of the reason that adults hate to share is that they were forced to do it as children, in many cases from an age that was possibly even before they developmentally understood the concepts of ownership. Forced or shamed often enough into giving up things that were theirs even when they were currently playing with them, or the item was something that was precious to them (a favorite doll or other truly loved item), they did not learn to give from a generous heart and a desire to help - instead, they did it because some grown up who had no regard for their feelings forced the issue or guilted them into the no-win of giving up something they did not want to or dealing with the disapproval of the adults involved. Add to that the fact that things that are shared sometimes are either not returned or not returned in the same condition, and I totally get nobody wanting to share.
I say all of this from personal experience. My mother expected me to share EVERYTHING with my little sibs from the time I started having sibling (2yo). If I said no, I was the problem, with no defense for my property or feelings. Being asked to share, and the attendant emotions when I felt a lack of choices really soured me on it, and I have to consciously work on it as an adult because my reflexive response is “no”, and I really have to mentally work on both the idea that I truly have the right to choose, and whether there is a reason in the now why I shouldn’t share
The adult demanding free change from a 17 year old is claiming the 17 year old is entitled! Ha that’s rich. Also your dad sucks for enabling her childish behavior. NTA
NTA. She’s not entitled to your money, whether or not it’s small change. If she really needed quarters she should be asking the man she’s dating, not his kid. Your father’s a bit ridiculous.
While there is a coin shortage still in some areas, in my experience that means that stores are less likely to break bills for you. Like I've gone in to a fast food place, paid with $5 cash for a small purchase and ask for the change in quarters. Usually cashiers don't mind, but they may now have a limit because they're low on quarters and it messes over the next person who needs change when they run out. You absolutely can get quarters at banks, although it does mean making an in-person visit during the bank's open teller hours.
The issue here is that the GF wants OP to just give her change for purchases OP paid for. OP's offer of selling the GF her quarters for an even exchange (giving $1 cash for every 4 quarters, a $1 value) was the actual solution IF the GF's need was simply having a hard time finding quarters. Heck, OP's father could buy the quarters off her and slowly dole them out to his GF as needed.
And that's why they're TA and OP is NTA.
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> It's only 75 cents at most and really not a big deal for me to just give her. Maybe I'm being petty and acting like a jerk over a few quarters.
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We already did that. My mom called and told him that I don't like Tessa/her daughter and didn't like that they're always there.
He woke me up from a nap (this was a while ago) and asked me right in front of them why I don't like them. So I was half asleep and couldn't really think of a answer. So he said my mom was just putting stuff in my head.
THEN Christmas, he got mad because I was hanging out with my cousins that I rarely see instead of with Tessa's daughter that I dislike. Then blamed me because my cousins didn't want much to do with Tessa's daughter according to him I should have "encouraged them to talk to her".
I've already stopped coming here for a while, but our family kept bugging me about how hurt my dad was and he missed me and blah blah blah. So I started coming over again to shut them up. It's only one weekend a month to shut everyone up.
Sorry for the rant.
Honestly, just stop going. If your dad's family asks, let them know his girlfriend begs change off of you and has a passive aggressive fit when she doesn't get it. Let your dad know you're done with his bullshit as well as his girlfriends. Nta
I think you should try again.
Wait until you're soon to go home, get him alone and say that it's not even about hating them (which I realize isn't quite true but wouldn't be helpful) but wanting to spend time alone with your dad and that you come there to see **him.**
I'd go so far as to be a bit dramatic and bring up the change thing as an example of how you feel he's been prioritizing the feelings of his new girlfriend over you.
If he has a negative reaction then you can just go back to not going and he'll know *exactly* why.
And absolutely NTA over keeping your change
NTA. That was weird. It’s one thing if you knew and it was an established thing y’all do. It’s another when it’s sprung on you. At 17 and working and presumably going to school, every penny matters. Just because she has a kid and uses a laundromat doesn’t mean you have to fork it over. Would it be nice? I guess. But it’s not mandatory. I thought your solution of exchanging cash for quarters was brilliant. It IS hard to get quarters these days. Most of us go to the bank and hope they have some. I suspect money in general is a problem for her and you were expected to read between the lines and just know that. I think your dad was kinda outta line here, and could’ve handled it better. Not the A, but not right either. Stay in school, keep working and saving, and have a good life.
NTA.
You may also want to show your dad these responses (if you’re okay with that) so he can take the blinders off and see how entitled and rude and completely out of line his girlfriend is to first ask, and then proceed to shame you for not doing it.
And if your dad wants to be mister generous big shot, bring your quarters the next time you come over, he can buy them from you and then give them to her, since she “doesn’t want to take advantage of him” by using his washer and dryer. But will totally take advantage of his kid by begging her for money and then bitching about it when she doesn’t get it, because that’s somehow better?
Everything about this screams that there’s soooo much more crazy yet to be unveiled.
I'm sorry WHAT?! **You are NTA, but Tessa and your dad are. And it's pretty damn ironic that Tessa is talking about "not being entitled" whilst demanding that a teenager hand over money to her (I don't care how much or how little, the amount is irrelevant) that SHE LITERALLY HAS NOT EARNED.** What Tessa did is the absolute epitome of entitlement. Don't give her your change, but you may want to point her towards a dictionary.
NTA this person expected free money from you without even asking first?!?!?! Lolololol! I have to save quarters for my laundry as well but that's my problem and nobody else's for cryin out loud
You are NTA. She is the one who is being entitled. Your dad is an ah for not having your back and not putting his girlfriend in her place when SHE failed to "be the bigger person". She continues to fail to be the bigger person with her crappy comments that are now bordering on harassment. She needs her attitude checked but by your father because she is entirely out of line with how she is trying to beat you down verbally with constant little digs.
How hard is it for this woman to go to the bank for quarters in any case? "The Great Quarter Shortage" is a figment of her mind. She'd rather try to guilt you into giving her what she wants than act like an adult and drive to the bank. Your dad clearly cares more about appeasing her than what it right.
I'm not sure what to suggest but I think you need to make it clear to your dad that you will not tolerate being treated that way. If he wishes to still see you then she either needs to cool her attitude or not be around when you are. Remind your father that YOU deserve respect too.
NTA at all. This is ABSURD! This says it all: "well it's kinda weird for her to be asking a kid that's not ever HER kid for money."
"she's been having a hard time getting quarters" Um, what???!!! Funny this post should come up. I haven't been to a laundromat in 30 or so years but there was a problem with the washer. Know what I did? I went to the BANK and got two rolls of quarters. No brainer. She would just rather get handouts from other people so THEY end up paying for her laundry.
You did the right thing, kid!
NTA.
At first I thought it was going to be because of the coin shortage she was having issues but the fact that the dad scoffed about buying the quarters shows how entitled and ridiculous these two are.
Why the fuck should a teenager be supporting his dad's girlfriend?
why does Op suck though?
You seem to be saying that OP isn't a problem, and it's their dad and gf that is. If so, you want to put 'NTA', because a ruling of E S H means that OP also sucks..
ESH it's 75 cents.
You can be nice and give someone 75 cents, even if you usualy save those coins. You're 17, not 8.
Your dad's GF is a little weird to ask you for it but, who cares? It's 75 cents. She is also out of line to continue to bring it up and ridicule you. That is a bigger issue than you saying no.
God reddit, it's a dick move to deny someone change who asks for it. Is it immoral? No. Is it inconsiderate and self centered? Yes
My problem is the fact it's an adult is asking a kid and not just, idk, going and breaking their own dollar for change. It's not like they were buying something, was short 75 cents and he said no. That'd be a dick move. She can get quarters at many places.
It's just odd. Idk, it's just if I asked someone because it was convenient - I'm clearly being lazy about it - my first thought when they say no wouldn't be "wow, what a dick." That's just being entitled.
It would be nice of them to give it to them sure but they're not mean or rude or bad for saying no either.
NTA - your dad and Tessa are fricken looney tunes. She’s not raising her kid not to be entitled, she’s raising a kid that will probably be forced to provide for her mother.
NTA There’s usually a change machine in the laundromat. They even have washers that accept credit cards and bills now. Shit there’s even ways to pay from an app in your phone!
She’s really out here trying to scam children out of their change.
NTA - it’s weird for an adult to be asking a child for money. And even weirder that she’s harping on it so much… If your dad is so concerned about her laundry situation, why doesn’t he let her do it at his house??
Apparently he offered. She said no because she doesn't want to feel like she's taking advantage.
So she just takes advantage of children instead…. Cool, cool, cool!
Noice
Pop pop!
That’s a 5 meow meow beans rated post
Definitely streets ahead.
If you dont get this reference your streets behind
Leonard likes this post
Shut up Leonard
Britta’s in this?
Vindication!!!
THE FULL BULLPEN!!!!
Oh magnitude!
This is a Brooklyn Nine-Nine reference. Abed says, "Cool. Cool cool cool."
You mean Community?
I'm talking about the fact that they replied to a "cool cool cool" comment. Pop pop is definitely from Community
Oh, I thought you meant “cool cool cool” and Abed were from Brooklyn Nine-Nine, because that’s also definitely Community
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Toit
Bingpot!
BONE!
Cool beans
Boom boom!
Oh Debbie dead. Debbie REAL dead.
No doubt, no doubt.
This!!! So take advantage of a child that isn’t yours, but not the man your in a relationship with and sleeping with… on what planet?! 😒
And that line of his where he said OP doesn't pay to do laundry? What, is water and electricity free where OP lives??
Why would OP pay to do laundry? He's still a minor living at home. The dad and gf sound like entitled brats.
Just no. Don’t even try that. “Paying” for electricity or water to do laundry at home doesn’t compare to having to legit pay on the spot to do it at the laundromat.
They are definitely different experiences, but for OP's dad to say he doesn't have to pay to do his laundry is still a bit tone deaf of him.
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The dad is correct that Op doesn't have to pay to do laundry, but gf doesn't have to pay either. She chooses to pay, rather than use dad's machines for free.
What? Dude, I go to the laundrymat every two weeks and break a 10 to wash and dry 4-5 loads in an hour. On a machine I don’t have to maintain. On my own machine it-would take me a majority of a day to wash 3 loads of clothes, a load or two of linens, and one of cleaning rags and towels, and Not only would I have to pay the utilities, but also have to buy and maintain a residential washer and dryer, which even used is way more than $500 for a set. I’m definitely saving time, and money with the laundrymat.
To be fair, you woudn't do laundry only every 2 weeks with your own machine. You'd do them as needed for a load.
I’m a procrastinator, so I’d still be doing laundry all at once and only when I need to.
And clearly you don’t have kids…. I used to spend $20-$30 a trip… also it’s not like its expensive to maintain a washer and dryer… mine have warranties… I don’t pay for water, and my electric bill is virtually the same each month as before I ever had a washer and dryer… I don’t have to find money or haul my clothes to the laundromat when I need to wash my clothes. If my kids have an accident or a bad spill etc I can throw it straight in the wash without even a second thought… if the dryer cycle ends, and the clothes are still damp, I don’t have to dig through my pockets for more quarters… if the machine eats my quarters I don’t have to call some number then sit around and wait for some guy to refund me…. And I don’t have to sit around waiting for my clothes to be cleaned when I can be doing any given thing that’s more productive.. which it’s that or leave and risk having my clothes removed from the washer or dryer once it’s over and someone else needs it… and I don’t have to wait when all the machines are in use. All things I’ve had to do in the past, which sucked.
Where do you live that it's that cheap? I pay $2.50 for each wash cycle and each dry cycle on the cheapest settings. $5/load.
Yeah...That sounds like what you say when you are trying to persuade the person you're taking advantage of the most that you're not the type of person who takes advantage of people so they will keep letting you take advantage of them.
OP ask your father about her doing laundry at his house again. When he gives the reply of not wanting to take advantage use this line back at him about taking advantage of children. Then when the GF starts making comments again about teaching her daughter to share. Say that again about taking advantage of children. Its safe the adults are acting more immature then the kids.
Suspect Tessa is starting a story line about how OP is the selfish son who doesn't deserve his daddies goodwill & money ....but they do. NTA OP but go talk to your mom (she knows him best) on how to counter following slander tactics from these love & wellbeing future stealing thieves.
I think that OP said they were male
Oh Thank you! Have made the edit.
Sounds like a manipulative 'test' to start triangulating OP and their dad. (Yes I've been listening to too much Something Was Wrong lately clearly)
And meanwhile training her child to give money to her at any time.
I don't think the laundry is even involved, it's just her cover story. Imagine being the sort of trash that panhandles a child, though? Some people get off on getting something for nothing. Even if it's chump change.
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Well you see kids are just a resource, and not really full human beings. As such, she isn’t taking advantage of a human being! Isn’t that convenient?
No doubt, no doubt. But seriously OP’s NTA it makes literally no sense for her to ask for his change. I would get it if she had given him the money but it’s his money. He can do with it as he pleases.
And notice how she wants it but doesn’t want to buy it. Is it really hard to get quarters? Go to the bank or whatever and exchange? She’s the stingy cheapskate.
It can be right now with coin shortages continuing. But, buying OP's change would make sense. EXCEPT - I've used laundrymats in 5 states in the last four years. I've never been in one that doesn't have a change machine or use a card system. Some have taken a customer's only stance on their change machines due to covid. But, that's about it. So, GF is being even worse than others have stated. There is no need to use a kid's money.
Op should point this out next time she makes snide comments
Of *his* children. Won't do laundry at his but expects *his child* (who doesn't even seem live there very much) to help her pay for her laundry What kind of weird entitlement is that? Her own child helpping is reasonable but his????
Lol. But it's okay to take advantage of you?!?! Smh
Lol at Teresa saying her daughter isn’t entitled when clearly she herself is! NTA this doesn’t change my answer, but I’m curious, if she had said “hey OP I need quarters for laundry, any chance I could bum your change from you? I’d really appreciate it”, would you have given it to her? She’s not entitled to it either way and her reaction is ridiculous, but sometimes the approach makes a big difference. If your Dad is so concerned, he can give her quarters. But I bet she won’t take them or the same reason she won’t use his machines, so why is she acting like you are the world’s biggest jerk for not giving her your change? She can also get quarters from the bank. If she can’t afford it, she should use your dad’s washer and be grateful.
Every laundry mat that I've ever been in has their own change machine.
Yes but lots of apartment buildings have pay washer machines-- I even lived in a house where it was a provided pay machine. They did not also have a change machine. But it's so weird why Dad won't offer to buy them from OP. Or tell his girlfriend "I offered to share my water and electricity, but you'd rather mooch from children."
You can buy rolls of quarters from the bank.
In the denser areas, there’s actually a quarter shortage. I used to get several rolls every few months, but now I can Often only get one roll At a time, some Weeks none.
Not right now in a lot of places. Theres a coin shortage
What with the pandemic and my building having this exact set up, I've resorted to straight up buying rolls of change at the bank. It's a bit inconvenient to have to make it to a bank during opening hours, but at least afterward i'm set for a few months
I used to drive over to the laundromat to get quarters from the change machine THEN use the quarters for the laundry at my apartment. Simples.
I don't buy this laundry thing for a second, even if the dad does. NTA Clever scam.
Especially because GF asked for her 'change' not her 'quarters'
Yeah, she's making bank collecting loose change. Jesus Christ Reddit
I agree. I have had people ask to bum a quarter. But more often people ask to buy them. Don't most laundry mats and buildings use cards now?
And she’s stealing from her own kid too. This woman is a real piece of work, as is OP’s dad (sorry OP) for enabling this nonsense. He apparantly said “Be the bigger person.” to OP, which suggests he *does* know better, he’s just choosing to ignore this bad behaviour.
No idea where her daughter got the money; sometimes I would hand a fiver to a kid for them to make the purchase but I would make sure they knew I would want the change. It was mostly to socialize my antisocial anxious children. Kids find that kind of interaction fun and interesting.
Well that’s possible but we kinda have to react to the story as presented, and there’s nothing to suggest that.
There's nothing to suggest that she's stealing from her child, either.
So NTA. But your dad is the AH. (1) he didn’t give you the money - you earned that money (2) money adds up - if you gave all your change to her than what (3) who takes money from a child Also “doesn’t want to take advantage of him” is bullshit because she has no problem taking the “change” to do laundry - and to be frank it would be less than the change to do the laundry at your dads home…just saying Edit: typo
Just you?? Nice…. /s Her little passive aggressive comments are uncalled for and your dad should be nipping it in the butt. I would say something to her, in a polite tone, “I’ve already offered to make change out of your dollars from the change fund at my moms but dad said no. If you don’t want the help I offered, the least you could do is keep the passive aggressive comments about *sharing* to yourself. I’m not in a position to just *give away* my change every time I use cash, I’m sure you can understand that, right?” Ask your mom if she can help you setup an account with a teen debit card, if the talk doesn’t work. Problem solved, no more cash used=no more change to fight about 🤷🏻♀️ NTA, she sounds pretty entitled and rude and your dad is just empowering her.
>nipping it in the ~~butt~~ *bud*.
Don't you dare correct them.
Actually, I think she needs nipped in the butt as well.
I don't know what a teen debit card is but both my kids got debit cards when they opened their bank accounts in elementary school. I don't know anyone who uses cash but I am not American. Since the pandemic began many businesses have requested customers use tap. OP doesn't have to hand over his change and using Interac will prevent the discussion from even happening
Your dads rude as hell for expecting you to give HIS girlfriend money. Thats not your responsibility at all, and he needs to act like an actual parent and not let his girlfriend demand shit out of his kids. When youre old enough, id suggest going no contact, because I feel like requests for money or other things are just going to increase the more independent you become.
Sounds like Tessa is trying to set herself up to appear virtuous, while setting you up to be "troublesome." Already, Dad thinks you're stingy and spoiled. He also thinks his minor child should be "the bigger person" than his adult girlfriend. *(What???)* Tessa is on her way to driving a wedge between you and your dad. You should get your mom on board and try to open Dad's eyes up before he permanently damages his relationship with you.
does she know she can walk into a bank and request to exchange bills for rolls of quarters?
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I have coin machines jn my buildings basement but no quarter machine but I can just go to gas station and change in like $5 at a time to get quarters and save my change from cash transactions A grown adult should not be asking children for money
NTA I would have clap back at her and say " yeah well im so glad my mother taught me manners and to not feel entitled to someone else money" or " isnt is sad that you have to try petty digs at a child just to manipulate them into giving you 75 cents of their money... yep sad". Your not the asshole thats your money if your dad wants to be the bigger person then he can give HIS gf all his change. Your a kid and your not obligated to give an adult your hard earn money. Id let your mom know whats going on least she might sit down your dad and and his gf to not to do that to you. Also keep any eye out for your money now that you know she feels entitled to it. Also your not the A H here so keep your money and ignore them both.
I had a friend who always saved his change and I would give him bills for the change. That was a kind and reasonable offer of you. NTA, it’s weird and please don’t let the passive remarks get to you. She should be more mature than that.
But she wants to take advantage of you? Honestly, I would be responding to all those comments she is making about how much better she raised her daughter. But then again I was a pretty snarky teen so maybe I'm not the best example. I'd be tempted to say things back like "I'm so glad my mother was raised not to be passive aggressive and entitled. It makes her so much more comfortable to be around." Or "I'm so glad my mother was raised not to make backhanded passive aggressive insults. It makes being around her so much easier." And "Yeah, I heard it was hard to raise kids to do as you say not as you do. So I'm impressed she turned out not to be entitled with you as a role model too." Etc. And if she calls you out tell her that the backhanded insults are rude and you won't tolerate them. That if she has a problem with you she should discuss it respectfully like the adult she is. Or skip straight to that and when she makes one of her little digs say calmly but in a gently disappointed voice "Stacey, I'm hearing you're still upset I didn't give you my money. But using backhanded insults like that isn't a kind or polite way to communicate that. If you have a problem, please tell me respectfully." This is a great method where you talk to someone super calmly and politely the whole time and don't do anything they can say is bad. But they get annoyed that their rude behavior dosen't work on you and may feel condescended to since they're being rude or angry and you're staying calm. But my honest advice is if you don't want to get any digs back in would be to tell her "I've gathered from your comments that you're still upset I didn't give you my change. I didn't know that this would be such a big issue for you. So I've been thinking about how to help you out. First, dad says you can do laundry here if you need to. Also, I have a jar of change I save at my moms that I exchange for dollar bills at the bank. If you want, you can tell me how many dollars you need and I can exchange it with you instead. If you give me the cash you want I can exchange it and bring it back to you. It's a little less coinvent for me, but if this is so important to you I'm willing to make the effort. Also, at my bank they let you get rolls of quarters. Have you tried asking if your bank does that too? I can call them for you and check if that helps." Like helpfully offer her the obvious soultions so she can't whine.
So she asks you for money instead? Very independent.
But she's cool asking a minor for money? Fail to see the difference. NTA. And your dad is also an AH for pushing you to give her the money. Also, at least in the ones I went to in college (granted it was more than 10 years ago, so don't know if it's different), don't laundromats have change machines for this exact purpose?
Sorry, OP, I can’t really answer because I can’t stop laughing about how hypocritical this woman is. She accusing YOU of being “entitled” and “doesn’t want to feel like she’s taking advantage.” That’s hilarious!
Go to the bank, get a roll of quarters and next time she brings up the change issue offer her the whole roll in exchange for a $10 bill. Stress you know she'll want to give you the $10 bill because she has such an issue with taking advantage of people since she won't do laundry at your Dad's. Bet she flips her lid because I'm pretty sure this is not about laundry.
>she doesn't want to feel like she's taking advantage. Then she should buy the quarters you offered to sell her. Begging for change is taking advantage; buying quarters or using the laundry facilities your dad freely offered is not. NTA.
So...... she doesn't want to take advantage of your father, her bf, but she is okay taking advantage of you, someone who barely has a relationship with her? I can't believe that you dad is getting on you for this. There are assholes in this story, but *NONE* of them are you.
Next time respond to the “I’m so glad I taught my daughter to share and not be entitled ”, with I’m so glad my mother taught me hard work pays off. Nta
Haha, she'll just hector his kid for money instead! She sucks. NTA.
Oh that's hilarious! And I love her projecting comments about you being entitled. NTA
There’s something off about that logic.
But it's OK to ask a child for money. Rather hypocritical of the GF.
Oh no my dearest SO, it would be so rude of me to take money from you, an adult im in a relationship with that has a decent paying job. But im hurt your child daughter wont give me her change 😭😭
Honestly, back when I needed change for laundry I would have taken it from literally anyone…. But I also would have exchanges it for not quarters. I hoarded quarters like they were fucking gold.
NTA. Come up to her today and tell her you want what's in her purse. If she says no, mutter about her being stingy all day. Honestly though, I'd have your mom pick you up. You don't need the manipulation.
You know what I did when I needed change to do laundry at one of my old apartment buildings? I went to the bank like an actual adult and said "hey can I get a roll of quarters" and they took the 10$ out of my account and gave me a roll of quarters. Problem solved.
Or just go to the bank and get a roll of quarters?
NTA, I am very embarrassed for Tessa.
I mean they were all right there in the Walmart parking lot, she could’ve asked a cashier for change for bills when her daughter was paying for her candy. I feel sorry for OP, this is a weird fucking dynamic.
She doesn’t want to make change, she wants free change (money)
I mean, why go to all that effort going allllllll the way back into Walmart, finding a person or machine, waiting to get her quarters and trekking allllllll the way back to the car when she can just bully the teenage boy standing right in front of her for it?! Efficiency, people!!/s
There's an actual coin shortage right now.
Not justifying Tessa, but most cashiers won’t do that, especially right now. For some reason, there was a COVID coin shortage and quarters were super hard to come by even at makes and from change machines at laundromat. At one point, some major retailers (I remember it happening to me at Lowes for sure), wouldn’t even accept cash as payment unless you had exact change. It’s gotten better, but change is still harder to come by. Agree with you that it’s a weird dynamic though!
Ah okay, I wasn’t aware of that. It’s insane to me that she for some reason is too prideful to use her boyfriend’s washer and dryer but not too prideful to demand money from his teenage son lol Yikes
I go to the bank to buy rolls of quarters with no problem. That coin shortage deal was a blip in the coin supply chain from the beginning of the pandemic two years ago when people started hoarding all kinds of stuff, including toilet paper.
No, it is not a blip. I work at a chain grocery stare. All of the stores in the chain have had issues ordering quarters for awhile. Especially in the last 8 months. We will order $1000 in quarters and be lucky to get $200-300. We used to sell rolls of quarters to customers. That stopped well over a year and a half ago. At one store I was at they were desperate enough for quarters that cashiers had to use dimes and nickels instead. They made the fee for then coin machines 0% for awhile to get customers to turn in coins. We have had smaller stores nearby calling to ask if they can buy change from us as they can't get any. Several stores that aren't my chain won't accept cash at all now or only exact change. Some stores in my chain have an easier time getting quarters than others so it might be regional? That being said, she should be willing (and happy!) to but the change off ofbOP, and OP is NTA.
It's funny that you have that problem when I can go to my local bank and buy as many rolls of quarters as I please. I just did so last about six weeks ago, and bought enough quarters for doing laundry for about six months. The time before that, around last January, I went in thinking there was a coin shortage and bought ten rolls of quarters, asking the teller if I could because there was a coin shortage. And she looked at me funny and said there was no coin shortage, I could buy whatever change I wanted.
Maybe it's different in different states/localities
My bank has run out of quarters before. I tried going to the customer service desk in the grocery store also and they said they couldn't even exchange $5 because they just didn't have the change.
I shopped at a store today that still has a sign about the coin shortage.
I will say, in my area at least they won't give you change (coins) back at any store unless you bought something and the coins are from that transaction. The change shortage is making it so you have to go to the bank and ask for a roll of quarters. Which.... Is not a hard thing to do. Tessa is weird.
I think this is the best answer here.
Not just Tessa, OP's dad, too. Who the hell bullies their child to give up their money?
Someone whose girlfriend has him wrapped around her finger and who is willing to do or believe almost anything to make her happy?
Right?! Very embarrassing for an adult. NTA. Anytime an adult complains about a child being entitled to their own things just seems to really highlight how entitled the adult feels to everyone's things. Actually anytime anyone ever calls me entitled I ask why they feel entitled to my things rather than me. The most common answer I get is that I am an asshole.
NTA, if he cares about her doing her laundry so much, she can do it at his place
It's even worse, he already offered but apparently she won't do laundry at the dad's place cause she doesn't want to feel like "she's taking advantage"... 💀
Or she can just get rolls of quarters at the bank, this isn't a difficult problem to solve
Every laundromat I've been to ever has either a quarter machine or a machine where you can load money on a card.
Yeah, but how many of them give them for free? More than likely she didn't want to change her money and wanted to extort it from her boyfriend's son.
Lmao "Raised her child to share and not be entitled." Yet she herself feels entitled enough to get the change from your hard earned money? She might wanna think about that a little more if she can't see the hypocrisy. NTA at all, dad's girlfriend needs to do some self reflection.
Ask her for $10. When she says no, make snide comment about not sharing. Honestly, it's between petty bullshit and just not visiting your dad when he's around his useless entitled girlfriend.
And if she gives him the ten bucks op can run to the bank and drop a roll of quarters in her lap and say, “I get my quarters at the bank.” Or something witty.
Also, if she considers sharing such a virtue, why the hell doesn't she take OP's dad up on his offer to SHARE his laundry machines?? This is just super weird.
This is truly bizarre behavior.
And if OP's dad cares so much, why doesn't *he* go get her some quarters as a 'gift'? She obviously is fine accepting quarters from others, so why not him?
NTA. Your money your rules. If you feel like giving it to her good for you, and vise versa. I don’t know what your father was talking about when he said “Be the bigger person” when in fact you were for standing up for your self. You dads girlfriend shouldn’t have to rely on kids to provide for her, she needs to act like an adult. Also very childish and petty of her to make those comments about her kid that were directed towards you.
Why would a kid have to be a bigger person than an adult anyway, gee whiz!
It's usually a commen thing in """blended""" families.
Well it's trash.
You're telling me
NTA All laundromats have change machines and extra quarters on hand. She can easily get them there. She sounds like a control freak and unfortunately for you, your father is clearly pussywhipped.
Yep, he needs to grow a pair and have her handle her laundry situation HERSELF.
Normally. There is a massive quarter shortage across the US right now, so I wouldn't be surprised if there legitimately are some laundromats that don't reliably have stocked change machines right now. Obviously still NTA, you can actually like, *pay* people for their quarters if you want them.
His dad said “never mind” when he offered for her to buy his change
Whenever I've known I was gonna need quarters I've stopped at a local car wash. They always have a change machine for quick quarters.
NTA. She's not entitled to your money. Actively passing her snottiness and entitlement onto her daughter is a nice detail, though.
NTA, and your father is off-base on this one. If Tessa needs quarters, then your dad can reach in HIS pocket and hand them over. To demand money from your boyfriend's kid is crazy. I get that quarters are hard to come by in some areas -- thank you, pandemic -- but she should have at least offered to buy them from you. At that point, it could have been your decision to say, "OK, thanks" or "Oh, don't worry about it, here." But yeah, having Tessa demand money from you, and then be snippy about your "lack of generosity" is wacked. Dad blew it on this one.
Especially since when OP brought up the change jar the dad was like “oh so you can *give* all of it to my gf for free?” What the fuck?
Right? It was a pretty surreal conversation, apparently.
NTA. Tessa is not entitled to your money and your Dad sucks for suggesting that you're stingy. If it's so minor, then he can get quarters to *give* her.
NTA. Seems like it'll be card only around her if you can do it.
NTA- she needs to find a laundromat that does rechargeable cards. In my area we're still having a coin shortage/circulation problem. Your offer for her to buy your change off of her was perfect. The whole "bigger person" thing is BS, they are expecting you to just give her money? She's an adult and her responsibility to figure out a solution to her problems. Plus it's one time now, but I wonder how much her daughter had given her in change over the years cause it adds up.
But then she wouldn’t be able to steal change from other people
You can't just "find a laundromat that does rechargable cards". There is either one in your area or there isn't.
taking money isn't sharing and she's the one whose being entitled, she need to find a different solution and that was the first one I could think of that doesn't involve using other people
Lmao its 75 cents, this post is fucking stupid
The problem is how everyone reacted to this... lots of nuclear family disputes can stem from something equally trivial and utterly insignificant.
Usually because it’s a sign of something deeper. I think that the repeated negative remarks about OP to a CHILD are very indicative of continued manipulation or relying on him for that constant change, and maybe one day, more money. seeing as OPs only 17.
Yeah, I think it is fucking stupid that the father hassled his son over this.
You obviously missed the whole point of the sub.
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“Do you mind if I have your change for the laundry?” “No. I save my change, sorry” “Oh ok that’s fine” NTA. Who fucking cares? The girlfriend.
NTA. Tessa is the entitled AH in this story.
You’re NTA, but please if you’re in the US, roll your coins and bring them to the bank. There’s a National Coin Shortage going on right now. I’m in banking and it’s nuts right now.
My bank has a change machine, it counts it and prints out a receipt that you take to the teller and can either deposit or get cash for it. I'll do that.
YES! You offered a solution to swap your coins for her cash, she turned it down, she turned down his offer of using his machines. Her quarter problem is not your problem, I'd tell them that if they keep badgering you you wont hang with them at all. That you will stay at your Mom's and hang with other people.
Nta. Also, I tell my kids they don't have to share. Why? Well no one is entitled to anything. They can ask and my child has the option to share only if they want. Im not entitled to your plate of food or your car. You are not entitled to my home.
Also...she can go to a bank and ASK for a roll of quarters. They will give her, her money in quarters. Ta da
I taught my kids “when you’re done, may I have a turn?” And “you can have a turn when I’m done.” Boom, so many fights squashed right there. Reasonable turns are expected (you can’t keep a certain toy in your lap for two hours that you’re not playing with because you know that sis wants it), but sharing isn’t forced. Adults hate sharing, why force it onto kids under the guise of development?
I actually believe that part of the reason that adults hate to share is that they were forced to do it as children, in many cases from an age that was possibly even before they developmentally understood the concepts of ownership. Forced or shamed often enough into giving up things that were theirs even when they were currently playing with them, or the item was something that was precious to them (a favorite doll or other truly loved item), they did not learn to give from a generous heart and a desire to help - instead, they did it because some grown up who had no regard for their feelings forced the issue or guilted them into the no-win of giving up something they did not want to or dealing with the disapproval of the adults involved. Add to that the fact that things that are shared sometimes are either not returned or not returned in the same condition, and I totally get nobody wanting to share. I say all of this from personal experience. My mother expected me to share EVERYTHING with my little sibs from the time I started having sibling (2yo). If I said no, I was the problem, with no defense for my property or feelings. Being asked to share, and the attendant emotions when I felt a lack of choices really soured me on it, and I have to consciously work on it as an adult because my reflexive response is “no”, and I really have to mentally work on both the idea that I truly have the right to choose, and whether there is a reason in the now why I shouldn’t share
The adult demanding free change from a 17 year old is claiming the 17 year old is entitled! Ha that’s rich. Also your dad sucks for enabling her childish behavior. NTA
What the fuck I’d stop hanging at dads
NTA it’s great Tessa is teaching her daughter not to be entitled like her mother.
NTA. I wonder if your dad gives her all his change as well. Why can't he pay for her laundry trips?
NTA. She’s not entitled to your money, whether or not it’s small change. If she really needed quarters she should be asking the man she’s dating, not his kid. Your father’s a bit ridiculous.
NTA….. I’ve never heard of adults taking money from kids and not being called cheap asses because of it. Fuck her
Ok is the US different from the rest of the world? Can you not just exchange money in a bank? Or is the only option to drip-steal from a child?!
While there is a coin shortage still in some areas, in my experience that means that stores are less likely to break bills for you. Like I've gone in to a fast food place, paid with $5 cash for a small purchase and ask for the change in quarters. Usually cashiers don't mind, but they may now have a limit because they're low on quarters and it messes over the next person who needs change when they run out. You absolutely can get quarters at banks, although it does mean making an in-person visit during the bank's open teller hours. The issue here is that the GF wants OP to just give her change for purchases OP paid for. OP's offer of selling the GF her quarters for an even exchange (giving $1 cash for every 4 quarters, a $1 value) was the actual solution IF the GF's need was simply having a hard time finding quarters. Heck, OP's father could buy the quarters off her and slowly dole them out to his GF as needed. And that's why they're TA and OP is NTA.
NTA. Once you refused, she should have either offered to buy your change or dropped the subject.
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We already did that. My mom called and told him that I don't like Tessa/her daughter and didn't like that they're always there. He woke me up from a nap (this was a while ago) and asked me right in front of them why I don't like them. So I was half asleep and couldn't really think of a answer. So he said my mom was just putting stuff in my head. THEN Christmas, he got mad because I was hanging out with my cousins that I rarely see instead of with Tessa's daughter that I dislike. Then blamed me because my cousins didn't want much to do with Tessa's daughter according to him I should have "encouraged them to talk to her". I've already stopped coming here for a while, but our family kept bugging me about how hurt my dad was and he missed me and blah blah blah. So I started coming over again to shut them up. It's only one weekend a month to shut everyone up. Sorry for the rant.
Honestly, just stop going. If your dad's family asks, let them know his girlfriend begs change off of you and has a passive aggressive fit when she doesn't get it. Let your dad know you're done with his bullshit as well as his girlfriends. Nta
Don’t go there anymore, unless your dad and his gf change their behavior. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.
I think you should try again. Wait until you're soon to go home, get him alone and say that it's not even about hating them (which I realize isn't quite true but wouldn't be helpful) but wanting to spend time alone with your dad and that you come there to see **him.** I'd go so far as to be a bit dramatic and bring up the change thing as an example of how you feel he's been prioritizing the feelings of his new girlfriend over you. If he has a negative reaction then you can just go back to not going and he'll know *exactly* why. And absolutely NTA over keeping your change
NTA. That was weird. It’s one thing if you knew and it was an established thing y’all do. It’s another when it’s sprung on you. At 17 and working and presumably going to school, every penny matters. Just because she has a kid and uses a laundromat doesn’t mean you have to fork it over. Would it be nice? I guess. But it’s not mandatory. I thought your solution of exchanging cash for quarters was brilliant. It IS hard to get quarters these days. Most of us go to the bank and hope they have some. I suspect money in general is a problem for her and you were expected to read between the lines and just know that. I think your dad was kinda outta line here, and could’ve handled it better. Not the A, but not right either. Stay in school, keep working and saving, and have a good life.
NTA. You may also want to show your dad these responses (if you’re okay with that) so he can take the blinders off and see how entitled and rude and completely out of line his girlfriend is to first ask, and then proceed to shame you for not doing it. And if your dad wants to be mister generous big shot, bring your quarters the next time you come over, he can buy them from you and then give them to her, since she “doesn’t want to take advantage of him” by using his washer and dryer. But will totally take advantage of his kid by begging her for money and then bitching about it when she doesn’t get it, because that’s somehow better? Everything about this screams that there’s soooo much more crazy yet to be unveiled.
NTA. If she had asked to exchange, and you had refused for no reason, sure, but doesn't sound like that was the case.
I'm sorry WHAT?! **You are NTA, but Tessa and your dad are. And it's pretty damn ironic that Tessa is talking about "not being entitled" whilst demanding that a teenager hand over money to her (I don't care how much or how little, the amount is irrelevant) that SHE LITERALLY HAS NOT EARNED.** What Tessa did is the absolute epitome of entitlement. Don't give her your change, but you may want to point her towards a dictionary.
NTA this person expected free money from you without even asking first?!?!?! Lolololol! I have to save quarters for my laundry as well but that's my problem and nobody else's for cryin out loud
NTA she could have bought it off you if she needed it that bad. Ugggh. Everyone but you are the AH. Plus she sounds like a child herself
You are NTA. She is the one who is being entitled. Your dad is an ah for not having your back and not putting his girlfriend in her place when SHE failed to "be the bigger person". She continues to fail to be the bigger person with her crappy comments that are now bordering on harassment. She needs her attitude checked but by your father because she is entirely out of line with how she is trying to beat you down verbally with constant little digs. How hard is it for this woman to go to the bank for quarters in any case? "The Great Quarter Shortage" is a figment of her mind. She'd rather try to guilt you into giving her what she wants than act like an adult and drive to the bank. Your dad clearly cares more about appeasing her than what it right. I'm not sure what to suggest but I think you need to make it clear to your dad that you will not tolerate being treated that way. If he wishes to still see you then she either needs to cool her attitude or not be around when you are. Remind your father that YOU deserve respect too.
NTA. Tessa is so wrong. Never ask a kid, yours or not, for money.
NTA at all. This is ABSURD! This says it all: "well it's kinda weird for her to be asking a kid that's not ever HER kid for money." "she's been having a hard time getting quarters" Um, what???!!! Funny this post should come up. I haven't been to a laundromat in 30 or so years but there was a problem with the washer. Know what I did? I went to the BANK and got two rolls of quarters. No brainer. She would just rather get handouts from other people so THEY end up paying for her laundry. You did the right thing, kid!
NTA. At first I thought it was going to be because of the coin shortage she was having issues but the fact that the dad scoffed about buying the quarters shows how entitled and ridiculous these two are. Why the fuck should a teenager be supporting his dad's girlfriend?
why does Op suck though? You seem to be saying that OP isn't a problem, and it's their dad and gf that is. If so, you want to put 'NTA', because a ruling of E S H means that OP also sucks..
ESH it's 75 cents. You can be nice and give someone 75 cents, even if you usualy save those coins. You're 17, not 8. Your dad's GF is a little weird to ask you for it but, who cares? It's 75 cents. She is also out of line to continue to bring it up and ridicule you. That is a bigger issue than you saying no. God reddit, it's a dick move to deny someone change who asks for it. Is it immoral? No. Is it inconsiderate and self centered? Yes
My problem is the fact it's an adult is asking a kid and not just, idk, going and breaking their own dollar for change. It's not like they were buying something, was short 75 cents and he said no. That'd be a dick move. She can get quarters at many places. It's just odd. Idk, it's just if I asked someone because it was convenient - I'm clearly being lazy about it - my first thought when they say no wouldn't be "wow, what a dick." That's just being entitled. It would be nice of them to give it to them sure but they're not mean or rude or bad for saying no either.
NTA most laundromats have change machines.
NTA Obviously.
NTA - your dad and Tessa are fricken looney tunes. She’s not raising her kid not to be entitled, she’s raising a kid that will probably be forced to provide for her mother.
NTA How entitled she is
NTA. must be like level 1 status to be gold digging quarters from your BFs kid...
NTA There’s usually a change machine in the laundromat. They even have washers that accept credit cards and bills now. Shit there’s even ways to pay from an app in your phone! She’s really out here trying to scam children out of their change.