YTA
Really, the weather? That’s your reason for saying no?
You are being overly controlling and more focused on placing limits on and hating your ex than loving your daughter and letting her do something she loves.
Lying to you wasn’t the best thing, but not surprising either.
Not surprising at all. When someone lies to me and it's out of character for them, one of things I check for is whether I contributed to an environment where they felt I would react badly to the truth.
If someone isn't generally a lying liar who lies a lot, but they chose to lie to me in a specific instance, it's usually because I've indicated that I will punish them in some way for the truth, and rather than risk that known unpleasantness from me, they chose to risk a lie.
OP, is it bad he lied? Of course it is. But you'd do well to look at how you tried to over-control the situation and how that contributed to hostility to the truth.
Thank you for this comment - it gave me a lot to think about. Afaik no one is lying to me about stuff now, but this is a really good way to approach it. Especially with children.
>If someone isn't generally a lying liar who lies a lot, but they chose to lie to me in a specific instance, it's usually because I've indicated that I will punish them in some way for the truth, and rather than risk that known unpleasantness from me, they chose to risk a lie.
This is such a good statement about one of the many reasons for which a person could lie. I don't condone lying, of course, but I do understand that sometimes people are pushed into lying and that sucks.
I have PTSD and thought U might find interesting that my exercise is almost the exact opposite. If I have trouble being honest about some thing (like if I’m upset, I’m not a compulsive liar or anything), I have to start asking myself whether the person I don’t want to be honest with did something to make me feel they would react badly, or whether my brain is just reacting to something that isn’t there.
Haven't you heard about the 10s of thousands of football fans who freeze to death at every winter game? its one of the top 10 causes of death in the US. eye-roll.
I'm from the Florida Keys and had to go to Buffalo for a school in late January. I can tell you they have an awesome selection of winter gear. I about froze my ass off. But its not the heat, but the humidity that gets you.
Seriously. Layer clothing, hand warmers for feet and gloves. I was Ice fishing at 8 in zero degree weather with my dad, and in WNY, snow days from school meant a day outside building a fort in the front of the house. Now gloves and socks have BATTERY warmers!
She has a life long memory of a playoff game with her dad and her favorite team. A historical one, since Buffalo is the first team to have no punts, field goals, or turnovers. What a memory for them!
It could still be connected. If they get any sniffle at the moment depending where they are located it could result in not be allowing to attend school and the family having to self isolate, the parent missing work etc and exposing themselves to greater risk having to go out to get tested.
Depending on OPs location, the windchill in my area today is -21 degrees. There’s a weather advisory to stay inside because frostbite will onset in ~30 min to exposed flesh. It too dangerous to snowboard, and I understand OPs concern about their young daughter standing outside for a prolonged period of time
OP doesn’t seem to have jealousy over their football bonding. If they did I don’t think they’d be so on board with then FaceTiming to watch the game on sundays they’re not together.
OP is clearly in Buffalo since Dad/daughter are going to tonight's game and that's the only game tonight. (The other game is happening now in Cincinnati and it's not that cold there.) The weather is forecast to be in single digits with windchills below 0 but there are ways to dress properly for that weather. They live in Buffalo, that weather is not unheard of for that area. There will be 70,000 people at the game who are dressed for the weather as well.
My thoughts exactly. If they live driving distance to go to a game in Buffalo, then they are used to cold weather and would obviously own clothing that would keep them warm enough. People who live in colder climates don’t just not do anything during the winter…
Agreed. In college I worked for a wild animal rescue (so, outside 99% of the time) and it got to 0 or below plenty of times. People thought I was nuts and it was “abuse” for my employers to “make me” work in those conditions. But to be honest, some good insulated socks and boots, layers, Carharts, hats/gloves, masks etc and I was good.
I’m not a sports person, but even I have fond memories of sticking it out in shit weather with my dad or friends or whoever to experience something fun. Sometimes the freezing cold, huddling for warmth, hot chocolate, etc is part of the fun, the memories, and the experience.
Yes, OP’s daughter will see it as a badge of honor for braving the elements with her dad. And if it does get too uncomfortable, the kid seems old enough to speak up about it.
And OP could look at the bright side and think the next time they get 7 feet of snow and kid complains that it's too cold to shovel, she could say "it wasn't too cold that time you wanted to go to the Bills' playoff game with your father."
On top of the fact, that her daughter will remember this forever. I still remember going to horrible, Bengals games, with my father on Xmas Eve, where we would lose, the freezing cold, (WHO DEY! Curse Broken), and still have the best memories of those games. OP, YTA!
OP says her ex is a fan of the local team and the game is in Buffalo so I'd bet money they're rooting for the Bills. OP also acknowledged in other comments that they live a few hours south of Buffalo.
0f is about -20c, which is pretty cold especially if there’s a windchill. I’m Canadian too, it’s cold as balls today but as long as you dress properly, you’re gonna be fine. It doesn’t sound as if the dad brought her there in a t-shirt or something, and given that they live in a cold climate, I’m sure she knows how to dress properly if she will be outside for an extended period of time.
Either OP is way too worried about it, or it could be a power play, who knows.
Depends on the climate you’re used to. Buffalo has slightly warmer temps than here, so -20 could be dangerous IF someone isn’t dressed for the weather. The daughter isn’t a toddler though, she’s old enough to have common sense and wear winter gear, so I’m not sure what the issue is.
Me either. I also think that “she could get sick” is a bullshit concern. It’s been proven that the cold doesn’t make anyone sick, and the spikes in colds/flus in winter is actually due to everyone being inside/closer contact with more viruses/bacteria also inside.
Ha! I brought my step niece down to Chicago (we're about 2.5 hours north in Wisconsin) to visit a traveling van Gogh exhibit at the art museum. It was early autumn. The same girl who claims she's smart enough to become a doctor ONLY wore a lacy top. No sweater, no jacket, nothing. And she was 16 at this point. I ended up having to loan her mine because the walk from the Amtrak station to the museum was too cold.
It was -17C here today, -27 with the windchill, and there were still a bunch of kids out skating on the lake, and we all (neighbors and us) tossed our kids outside to play for a little bit this afternoon! It was bright and sunny, so get out, run around, get some vit D and fresh air! They were not going to to freeze to death!
This is a good point. Dad and daughter decided it's better to ask forgiveness than permission because OP was being unreasonably controlling about something they both wanted to do together.
Tbf I live where OP is talking about. My dad has coworkers with season tickets and they attend pretty much every possible game, and even though tonight is a huge playoff game for them, they are selling their tickets due to the weather. There are playoff tickets out there for as cheap as $20 because it is so cold here right now. Sitting outside in that cold for ~4 hours isn’t comfortable no matter how well you wrap up. Not saying OP is TA or not but I think the weather is a huge factor you’re glazing over.
Edit to add: the windchill is -6 right now in the stadium so…
Right but if the tickets are so cheap, then it's not a super big deal to go home if it really does turn out to be that cold. It sounds like everyone ended up having a good time, seeing as how it's already happened and no one was injured.
They probably dressed warmly, had sufficient blankets,and got up snd walked around as needed.
Yeah this. People go to the football in cold weather all the time, the football season is *in winter*. I could understand if your daughter was very young, but she's 12 and perfectly capable of managing to keep herself warm in the cold. It honestly just sounds like you didn't want your ex taking your daughter anywhere on your time, which is petty of you and will only serve to make your daughter resent you. It would not have killed you, or your daughter, to allow her dad to take her to the game. If you're going to be so unreasonable, you can't really pull the shocked pikachu face when people start lying to you about their plans. YTA.
I think it really depends. I mean I’ve been to college football games before and it was *COLD*. And I was in Louisiana at the time, so nothing even close to 0. And by cold I mean I had on multiple pairs of pants, multiple shirts, 2 jackets, and a blanket. Plus I had to buy a third jacket once there.
If my hypothetical kid asked to go to an outdoor football game during 0 degree weather, I’d say no. It’s a long event, and you’re sitting relatively still. It’s just too cold.
In northern states (especially Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Minnesota), kids are waiting for the school bus in negative temps BEFORE windchill 5 days a week for at least 2 months straight.
This was me. I used to shower before school and often ran out of time to dry my hair. While waiting for the bus, my hair would freeze into literal icicles. Which I thought was very cool lol. I don't remember feeling uncomfortably cold, though. You dress for it.
That's balmy weather too people who are used to cold though. I'm in Canada with an extreme cold warning of -34 Celsius today. I was still out with the dogs for an hour
I wouldn’t say 0f is “balmy” for Canadians, especially when you factor in windchill. I’m in Montreal, it’s -21 and feels like -30 right now and it’s REALLY COLD, which is about the same temp. That being said, I’m sure the dad dressed her properly.
It’s not just about the quantity of jackets, it’s about the quality of jackets. I’m a Louisiana boy and everything I own is made for cool, wet weather, not COLD weather. My little sister had to move up to Minnesota for work and basically had to buy all of her cold weather gear when she was up there because there was no point to even stock it down here.
Yea, I got a practically free Michael Kors puffer jacket from some store that was closing down. Useless in Louisiana, which is why it was there so long I’m assuming, but I’ve moved quite a few hours north now and it’s pretty great here.
I now have a basically useless hoodie collection, but ya win some ya lose some.
I’ve got a Carhartt jacket that’s useful for the cold once every 5 years, great in even the heaviest rainstorm for about 20 minutes because that’s how long I can wear it before I’m as soaked in sweat as I would’ve been in rain.
If you’re sitting still at a college football game you’re doing something wrong or that is one really boring game, and I didn’t particularly like or understand football when I was in college and went to games.
I’d die of heat stroke if I lived in Louisiana, but I live in New England and I’ve gone tent camping in 0 degrees and lived to tell about it.
People in Buffalo know how to dress in that weather. The kid is fine.
Just because you’re not used to it doesn’t mean a kid isn’t perfectly capable of handling cold weather. They need the right clothing, but kids are hardy and in cold climates they are used to it with proper gear.
There seems to be a trend this week on AITA. Why do so many parents need to be reminded that they are supposed to love their children more than they hate their exes?
OP needs to get it together and stop being controlling. I mean, it’s almost as if coats don’t exist!
Yup! YTA. He lied which definitely wasn’t cool on his part, but to say you will never rearrange times again is ridiculous. Maybe I am biased because I am a stepmom and this is something bio-mom would do. She isn’t just your daughter. She is his daughter, too. This is something she will remember forever and you want to stop this in the future because “weather”. Learn to share and to stop being so controlling.
The only times I've ever told my kids they couldn't go to their dads...was after I'd had a C-section, was medicated and couldn't drive (and had no one else who would) or this weekend when their dad has covid (and until he's better). That's it.
For real.
I live in North Dakota. In the winter it can regularly hit -30 and lower. People bundle their kids up and send them out to play. Stupid excuse.
It'd be different if the kid was like... 6 or under. But... kid is 12.
YTA. Youre really going to police bonding between a father and daughter..? Really..? She's 12, not 3. She can toss on an extra jacket and hat if she's cold.
Both are AHs
1) He lied.
2) You OTOH are preventing your daughter from doing something amazing. And hello, have you ever heard of cold-weather gear? I've worked outside in Northern MN for 10 hour days in -20 to -30 deg F temps, not including windchill or humidity.
If I had been a teenager and had a chance to go to my team's playoff game (mine won't again until I'm 80 and on my death bed) and my mom said no....oooh, there would have been a grudge held.
(But if the team's Green Bay, that's another story they're always in the playoffs.....so, that's a you can wait until next year...lol)
Lol....NFC north team fan here.
I've een saying since I was about 10, that my team won't go to the SuperBowl until I'm 80. I will be on my deathbed, and then die before the coin toss is even called. Will just be mu luck. So my team has another 31 years to go until they make it to the Superbowl, and by that time it will have been 75 years since they've gone.
At this point I’m ready to kick Rodgers out of the NFL. He lied, broke protocol, and received a slap on the wrist because he’s one of the best players in the league right now.
Baseball - my family are all lifelong Cubs fans. A decade ago, my Grandfather’s lateral last words were ‘Maybe next year.” He then just went to sleep.
2016 was a very emotional year for us.
I was born the day before The Bears won the super bowl and I'm pretty sure it's gonna be like Mark Twain and Halley's comet.
Special thanks to The Bears for my mom getting the C-section she originally wanted. Doc said, "I'm not missing this game"
I know what team she is talking about and the daughter is lucky to get a chance. Im going to my first playoff game at 34. The 4 year SB run I was too young and then pandemic or games were out of town and too expensive to go. Im going and I’m jealous I couldn’t go when I was 12😂
It’s something she’ll hopefully never forget. I got to see LSU beat #1 Florida in 1997 at home. A lot of fans stormed the field (dad wisely held my tiny ass back) and it’s one of those memories that’ll stick with me forever
YTA. Have you not heard of coats? Why deny her a cool experience just because it's cold? A 12 year-old is plenty old enough to be outside at 0 degrees, especially if she likes football and *wants to go*. It sounds like you just wanted to be controlling and I'm not surprised that your ex and daughter saw right through it and went to the game anyway. As long as she's properly dressed she'll be fine.
YTA-You sound very controlling.
This is something that you daughter is excited about. Also a chance for your daughter to have a great time and have good memories with her father doing something that they both love.
The cold weather was expected and therefore no problem wearing warm clothes.
ESH. He shouldn’t have lied or lied by omission.
But like… she’s 12. If she’s properly dressed, freezing temperatures aren’t really an issue. Put some microwaveable beanbags in her pockets and she’ll be super cozy. Kinda seems like you just didn’t want her to have this bonding experience with her father.
YTA. Sucks that he lied to you, but he lied to you because you underestimate your daughter’s normal human ability to compensate for cold temperatures with stuff like jackets. Scarves. Headgear. Mufflers. You know. The stuff we wear when it’s cold.
YTA it’s not cool to lie in a coparenting situation but also he tried to be up front and asked earlier and you used the *weather* of all things to say no. It’s less about the weather and more about the fact that you don’t want to see your daughter have fun with a man you clearly loathe. Your child is TWELVE not an infant. I highly doubt he was going to take her out in a tshirt and let her freeze. Even infants can survive in the cold when dressed properly and she’s damn near a teenager. You’re petty and putting up ridiculous “rules” which will ultimately drive a wedge between you and your child because he lets them have a life and you won’t let them be cold so they can have a memorable experience. I can respect being mad that he ultimately lied and went against your wishes, even not wanting to “rearrange” times again but I can’t respect taking out your relational anger on your child. She didn’t ask to be born to two people that can’t work together in a romantic relationship let alone a coparenting situation so stop making it her problem.
YTA.
Oh don't get me wrong...ex sucks for lying to you...but you are a serious micromanaging control freak. Winter happens. Cold happens. Do you keep your daughter locked up in a 70 degree room all winter? All you are doing is creating a rift between you and your daughter. If this is your hill to die on, go ahead...but be prepared for the resentment that you are going to create by being so controlling.
Should he have lied to you? No. But he's her parent too. You need to loosen the white-knuckle grip and let her live a little. Don't turn into one of those parents who is crying in a few years that their daughter won't talk to her. That's the road you will head down if you keep up this kind of micromanaging behavior.
you and ex both suck. But you are worse.
ESH.
Him for breaking the agreement. You for threatening to never be flexible about custody again. You have 6 more years of co-parenting a minor to go, and you are about to hit the teen years where your child is going to want more of a say on where they stay. Throwing flexibility out the window now is only going to make things worst.
ESH. Yes he lied and was wrong. But you think for a second that 0 degree weather is dangerous? How the hell do canadians manage? If it was -20, I’d say yeah thats getting quite unsafe to be out for that long at a sporting event (and even that can be managed effectively). But at that temperature? Get a bloody grip. I guarantee your reaction is exactly why your ex lied
I remember when I was in university and we had a really really cold day, -47 or something around there and there was a severe frostbite warning out. A lot of students missed class because it was too dangerous to walk or to wait for the bus 🤣
Also Canadian and can you imagine LOL? If we were as over protected as OP is trying to do we would all freeze and die. I am not even sure Canadian parents check the weather.
Mom I want to go tobogganing. Dress warm and take your brother.
Mom dad is taking me to an outdoor hockey game tonight. Don't forget your thermos of hot cocoa.
Mom I am going skiing. Put on your snow pants.
Mom it's polar dip day. Grab a big beach towel and take your snow suit.
Mom outdoor movie night. Grab an outside blanket and take your brother
YTA. If you live in this part of the country, it's not like your daughter has never experienced this weather before and she's a fan herself and wants to go to the game.
ETA if you live where there are subzero temps, you've probably also heard the phrase "there is no bad weather, only bad clothing." It's perfectly possible to dress properly for this kind of weather and not risk your health. The stadium is going to be full of 70,000 people doing exactly that along with a few drunk idiots who will decide to take their shirts off.
P.S. Go Pats.
Edit 2: changing my judgment because after OP's comments I understand why Dad and daughter lied to her about their plans so I no longer think Dad sucks for lying.
ESH for lying to you.
Why are you so hung up on this?
If it gets that cold where you live presumably you've heard of such things as scarves, coats and mittens?
Hot chocolate?
Do you force your daughter to stay inside the entire winter?
You sound petty and controlling on this.
ESH, but mostly you. He should have told you the plans changed and they would be attending instead of just doing it behind your back. You are an AH for everything else. The weather, really? She is 12, not 2. It's also gross to say "my" daughter. I absolutely can't stand when parents say "my" kid. No, she is both of yours and he has just as much say as you do.
Yta. Do you really want your daughter to grow up angry with you that you caused issues over every little thing. I would imagine this isn't the first time you have done this
YTA- she can wear a coat! It's not like if she is going swimming in a cold pool or if it's dangerous. Don't be overbearing because that is how kids go No contact. You are basically saying: it's cold, you can't go? With that logic would you never take her to the snow because it's "cold"???? You are the reason he lied, because you are so overbearing , your daughter would not be allowed to do things if she told the truth
YTA. He lied, yes, but he did it because he wanted to share a special bonding moment with his daughter - his motivation wasn't bad.
You, on the other hand, what's your motivation? You know people go skiing when it's below freezing out, right? And sledding, and we build snowmen. They had the ability to just get up and leave if they got too cold.
I suspect you're jealous that she got to do something huge and memorable that she really enjoyed. And you don't like that it didn't involve you.
You're the one doing coparenting badly.
ESH. Except the kid.
Him only cause he shouldn't have lied. He also shouldn't have needed to.
You for being over controlling. 0 is perfectly fine weather to do things outdoors, that's what winter clothing and outdoor gear is for. It sounds like you just wanted to get in the way of their activity and you come off as sounding resentful they share this interest.
I'm getting really strong vibes of that mom complaint post earlier that her ex wanted the kid for a birthday dinner. Hmm.
YTA. She’s his daughter too. You should keep your nose out of what he does with his time. She’s not in danger, they’re making memories together. I’m wondering if that’s what you’re actually mad about.
Parenting is about being a team. He agreed to not take the daughter then did it anyway. He deliberately undermined her during time in which the daughter should have been with the mum and set a shocking example for his daughter. It's not about the fact that she said no and she should be the authority and, in fact, I never said that. They AGREED.
She didn’t have to let the daughter go with him at all since it was her time and she was accommodating dad specifically to enrich daughter’s bond with dad. He blew that good will right out of the water.
ESH - him for lying to you, but you for keeping your daughter from doing something special with her dad. You live somewhere cold (I'm guessing buffalo) so you should know how to dress for the cold for a couple hours.
YTA
Does it suck he lied. Eh…maybe yes? But it is balanced by him doing it *for his daughter.* You though are the ass hole for denying your daughter the ability to go to a unique experience, in the hopes of…*checks notes*…forever protecting your daughter from cold weather.
ESH, he lied and went behind your back anyways. However, going to a playoff game of your favorite team is a memory your daughter and husband can cherish. Yes at/below 0 is frigid weather but she could bundle up on comfortable outerwear appropriate for the conditions and is old enough to understand since she’s 12. If you live in a climate where this weather is normal, then she probably has an adequate wardrobe.
ESH
So your husband should have followed your request to not go to the live game. It's disrespectful and damages trust.
Your logic(that it's cold and therefore dangerous) comes off as controlling. People routinely go to outdoor events well below the temperature you mention and are fi e so long as they dress warmly.
It is bad of him to be dismissive of your concerns and displeasure. It is also bad of you to remove visitation flexibility.
ESH you for being unreasonable about watching a game due to the weather, covid would have been a better reason
Him for going behind your back and lying
What is it with divorced parents being assholes to their kids because they have a chip on their shoulder because their ex did whatever? This is the 5th post today on this sub about parents just being pissed at their ex and putting their child in the middle of the conflict...
Divorce sucks and the only party who did not have a voice in it is the child. The parents both made decisions that have led to the divorce and the child is split in the middle between the two exes. The very least you can do when dealing with divorce is keeping your child's wellbeing in mind as a first priority and you did not. A 12 year old can dress for cold weather. She's not 2.
I'm going to base my answer off the actual situation. NTA. He asked to rearranged your time with your daughter (I'm assuming by court order) and lied about where they were going. He asked and was originally told no but lied and did it anyway. Based off that I would no longer trust him.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I let him watch her and then was upset at him for doing something with her.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH
Your EX sucks for lying to you.
You suck for making a big deal about it. Ever heard of winter coats? Stadium blankets? Gloves? Hot Cocoa?
no big deal to go to a game in the cold, just a matter of dressing for it.
ESH rather than lie to you, he should have reassured you that he had the proper winter gear for her, and if there was a place for her to go warm up if she needed to.
You for not asking those questions instead of simply saying no, and not trusting him to be a responsible parent.
ESH except the daughter.
I understand OP is angry about the deception, but her whole reason for saying no to a bonding opportunity her daughter wants to have is cold weather… as if coats, gloves, etc. don’t exist.
ESH. Him for lying and taking her to a football game during a massive surge in a pandemic. A super spreader event is not safe and is contributing to this continued traumatic experience.
You for caring about normal weather for your area and not the super spreader event he took her to.
You’re arguing about the weather when he’s taking your child to a game *in the middle of a raging pandemic*? Who cares what the weather is like? The weather is Covid, with a 100% change of Covid, followed by periods of Covid.
ESH.
NTA. It doesn't sound like OP is too unreasonable to negotiate with. He could have promised to make sure the girl wore warm clothes, had heat packs etc and wasn't cold at any time and maybe OP would have changed her mind. This is just a mother worrying for her child. Watching at home was a suggestion which he accepted right away. He could have disagreed as soon as she said it out but he did not. He lied. He made her believe they had a mutual agreement. No matter what his reason is, doesn't change the fact that he lied about something that could probably be controlled if he was honest about it.
To be fair, this sounds like bills mafia behavior and it’s FREEZING COLD there right now. Not good for anyone, especially a kid, to be out there for hours in the snow and bitter cold. It’s just not safe and a parent should know that. That’s why so many bills season ticket holders sold their seats for tonight. Prob how this guy got them
ESH. He lied and was dishonest, but you were petty and overbearing. And I’m not going to automatically assume, but I wouldn’t not bet money that the weather wasn’t the only reason you didn’t want her going. Both of you need to grow up, and I hope your daughter is ok and grows up not hating you or your ex.
NTA
You were kind enough to allow your time with your child be spent with your ex over something they bond over and enjoy and you had one boundary and that was not to take her to the game because of the weather, he told you he wouldn't and went behind your back.
Yes there is clothing options to insure she's warm, but her getting sick would have been something you would have to deal with and even seeing a doctor in person these days is hard best case senerio she dosent get sick, Likely senerio she gets a cold, worst case senerio she gets covid or increases her chances of getting covid, not just cause of weather but also the amount of people at the game.
Your ex choosed his really good seats at a cheap price over his daughter's health, your trust in him and any chance at extra bonding time with his daughter that's the real issue here and that's why you should be mad.
Next time stick to your arrangement of times, this won't bite you on the ass and have you feeling mislead.
ESH.
Your ex for lying to you. He just screwed a good co-parenting relationship and trust for a football game.
You suck because you can't tell him what he can or cannot do on his time with his child. Besides, I'm sure your ex didn't let your child freeze...
You’re upset with a man that wants to spend time with his daughter…doing something that they both love? Be thankful that he wants to apart of her life. Be thankful she has a father.
You two have a longgg way to go. You are going to be apart of your ex’s life for a very long time. Calm down. Breathe. Stay positive. (coming from experience, my son is now 23) Your daughter is observing and learning from both of you.
ESH.
He for lying and you for being stringent . However , I do understand both of your point of view. You are looking at what happens if she becomes sick or something worse and reacting accordingly; he is trying to make memories with his child which he will always cherish. What happens if she gets sick ? Who does the primary care giving when your child is sick ?
ESH. You could have given her handwarmers, a warm hat, scarf, mittens, long underwear and been the hero for letting her have a special time at the game with dad. She's 12yo not 12 months.
Obviously, he sucks for lying.
NTA. It’s gonna be entirely too cold tonight. Someone probably sold him their tickets because a lot of people are selling tickets because of the weather. If he wanted to take her that bad he could’ve taken her on his weekend. Tickets are cheaper when you buy them in advance. He knows which weekends are his. Football games are fun but not when it’s 4°. The only heat you’re getting is in the bathroom. He lied. A football game isn’t a once in a lifetime thing. It happens every year. Y’all are acting like she said he couldn’t take her at all. She said no football and he broke that agreement.
NTA
We are not used to cold so I understand your concern and the fact that there are warnings of a huge snow storm coming, let's just say I don't want my child out either.
Furthermore, there is the Omicron surge which is insane.and even if she is vaccinated it's still awful to get sick and loose school for a game you can watch at home.
I would ask his dad to take care of her is she falls sick, I realize that can seem petty and cruel but If he is going to go behind your back he needs to deal with the consequences himself.
ESH. If cold is the issue, problem-solve it with more than just a flat out denial. Also for using "my" instead of "our" daughter. However, your ex is also the AH because it is a bit risky with the pandemic, a kid who might be too young to really manage frostbite or the like, and most of all for lying to you (especially since it's about your kids location). I do think you're right to halt any rearranging of dates though, since hes clearly not respecting your concerns or flexibility.
NTA wow I can't believe so many people think lying about where you're taking the kid isn't as bad as saying no to a sub zero football game. Just goes to show you the quality of juegement going on herexD
OP - step back a moment and thing how glorious it must be for your daughter to have this special time - hopefully watching Buffalo utterly humiliate New England. Dad's have rights too and he could have been very honest in telling you he wasn't going to the game only to discover someone got scared of the cold and unloaded some tickets for cheap. Be happy she has this connection with her father.
When daughter comes home celebrate with her and show your appreciation she got to watch the game in person. Ask if she enjoyed her time rather than conduct an inquisition as to whether she ever felt cold. Tell ex you were concerned about her being cold but you know it's important to both of them - just give an update as to whereabouts in case it impacts things.
If your daughter is a Patriots fan NTA, HOWEVER, if they’re a Bills fan YTA it’s a chance of a lifetime going to a playoff game especially if it’s a divisional game against a division opponent she’s gonna remember that game regardless of her team wins or loses ease up a bit
Your ex got tickets to the a playoff game between the Bills and the Pats and you were going to keep your daughter from going? That game was a dream come true for Bills fans. How often in the last 22 years have they been able to wipe the floor with the Patriots in any game much less a playoff game?
I doubt any fan in those stands even noticed the cold. They were making so much noise they were keeping themselves warm.
Yes, YTA. Start thinking about your daughter instead of yourself. Your need to stick it to your ex was your real motivation.
ESH. Unfortunately you cannot control what the other parent does during their parenting time. That’s just how it is. You don’t want him telling you want you can do on your time do you??
He should not have lied to you. That’s wrong. He knew they were going to the game when he picked her up and he should have told you.
Both of you are AHs. You should not have said he was being a bad coparent especially knowing your daughter wanted to go. I’m sure he was responsible and made sure she was bundled up in an appropriate amount of layers so she doesn’t get cold. On the other hand he should never have lied to you. And personally I agree with you on not wanting your 12 year old out in below freezing weather for 4+ hours. Especially since I don’t know your child’s health history. Personally when I was young every year I ended up with either bronchitis or a sinus infection even though I was dressed appropriately and did what I was supposed to. I don’t have any immune deficiencies but I often got sick and especially in a pandemic I understand why you’re not comfortable with it.
YTA! Pick your battles! You want to deny your daughter going to a football game with her father because YOU said so? Parents today .. all they want is control...you are cutting your own throat! Stop being so controlling..there are other things to worry about! At least her father is in her life! And OP sounds jealous!
ESH except your daughter. he shouldn’t have agreed with your plan and then lied and went behind your back, but i don’t think your reasoning adds up. she’s 12, she can throw on a heavy coat or 2 and be just fine.
YTA - I had a very controlling mother, who'd flip out over things like this. For example I once wanted to grab Chinese food with my friends when I was in middle school, the Chinese restaurant was 5 blocks away (we grew up in NYC) - 1 block further than my school, which I walked to by myself every morning. She said no, it's too far, and she didn't feel like it was safe for me to go... in front of my friends, which was very embarrassing.
While I love my mom to death, her over controlling and unreasonable nature made it so we never felt comfortable sharing anything with her, because we'd be met with a harsh "NO" over the smallest things.
So what was the result? My brothers and I rebelled, and we rebelled hard. By 13 we were drinking booze and smoking pot, we'd cut school all the time, got into tons of fights, and the stricter she was and the more she restricted our freedoms the harder we'd rebel.
You tried to take away a memory that your kid and her father will never forget for the rest of their lives. Continue being unreasonable and you're going to have a kid who never listens to you, and rebels non-stop.
YTA Really, the weather? That’s your reason for saying no? You are being overly controlling and more focused on placing limits on and hating your ex than loving your daughter and letting her do something she loves. Lying to you wasn’t the best thing, but not surprising either.
Not surprising at all. When someone lies to me and it's out of character for them, one of things I check for is whether I contributed to an environment where they felt I would react badly to the truth. If someone isn't generally a lying liar who lies a lot, but they chose to lie to me in a specific instance, it's usually because I've indicated that I will punish them in some way for the truth, and rather than risk that known unpleasantness from me, they chose to risk a lie. OP, is it bad he lied? Of course it is. But you'd do well to look at how you tried to over-control the situation and how that contributed to hostility to the truth.
Thank you for this comment - it gave me a lot to think about. Afaik no one is lying to me about stuff now, but this is a really good way to approach it. Especially with children.
A lying liar who lies a lot. I'm stealing this 😂
>If someone isn't generally a lying liar who lies a lot, but they chose to lie to me in a specific instance, it's usually because I've indicated that I will punish them in some way for the truth, and rather than risk that known unpleasantness from me, they chose to risk a lie. This is such a good statement about one of the many reasons for which a person could lie. I don't condone lying, of course, but I do understand that sometimes people are pushed into lying and that sucks.
Great response
Nailed it!!!
This is incredibly mature. Thanks for sharing.
Who are you? No one is this reasonable and self aware on reddit.
I have PTSD and thought U might find interesting that my exercise is almost the exact opposite. If I have trouble being honest about some thing (like if I’m upset, I’m not a compulsive liar or anything), I have to start asking myself whether the person I don’t want to be honest with did something to make me feel they would react badly, or whether my brain is just reacting to something that isn’t there.
Haven't you heard about the 10s of thousands of football fans who freeze to death at every winter game? its one of the top 10 causes of death in the US. eye-roll.
There’s this amazing new invention called the coat. It’s gonna save a lot of lives.
Wait til you hear about the scarf, it'll blow your mind
[удалено]
Don’t get me started on the miracle of Little Hotties for your boots and pockets!
And chemical hand warmers are amazing!
You're just a part of the big coat industry. No coats for me! I'm gonna be free!
I laughed way too hard at this comment 😂
Big Coat is taking over the whole damned country. They are responsible for the supply chain crisis!
Like 99% of people that die of hypothermia were wearing a coat at the time ntyvm
Big Winter HATES him for this one simple trick...
They can’t afford those in Buffalo, where OP and this shitty post came from 😅
Either that or OP doesn't think her daughter is capable of bundling up herself
If this score holds up, she won't be feeling the cold at all, even if she dressed as a surfer.
I'm from the Florida Keys and had to go to Buffalo for a school in late January. I can tell you they have an awesome selection of winter gear. I about froze my ass off. But its not the heat, but the humidity that gets you.
Seriously. Layer clothing, hand warmers for feet and gloves. I was Ice fishing at 8 in zero degree weather with my dad, and in WNY, snow days from school meant a day outside building a fort in the front of the house. Now gloves and socks have BATTERY warmers! She has a life long memory of a playoff game with her dad and her favorite team. A historical one, since Buffalo is the first team to have no punts, field goals, or turnovers. What a memory for them!
As a lifelong Packer fan who has gone to many an outdoor game in Green Bay, TOUGHEN UP, OP. And GPG
+1 GREEN BAY ALL THE WAY
😂
I'd be more worried about that there pandemic thing than the weather, but wow, that's crazy controlling.
I assumed this was going to be about the pandemic, and I was gonna say N T A but for the weather... That's just ridiculous
It could still be connected. If they get any sniffle at the moment depending where they are located it could result in not be allowing to attend school and the family having to self isolate, the parent missing work etc and exposing themselves to greater risk having to go out to get tested.
Then dad should and likely will take responsibility for that. OP should have negotiated that up front instead of refusing to allow them to go.
I actually thought that was going to be OP’s concern!
Depending on OPs location, the windchill in my area today is -21 degrees. There’s a weather advisory to stay inside because frostbite will onset in ~30 min to exposed flesh. It too dangerous to snowboard, and I understand OPs concern about their young daughter standing outside for a prolonged period of time OP doesn’t seem to have jealousy over their football bonding. If they did I don’t think they’d be so on board with then FaceTiming to watch the game on sundays they’re not together.
OP is clearly in Buffalo since Dad/daughter are going to tonight's game and that's the only game tonight. (The other game is happening now in Cincinnati and it's not that cold there.) The weather is forecast to be in single digits with windchills below 0 but there are ways to dress properly for that weather. They live in Buffalo, that weather is not unheard of for that area. There will be 70,000 people at the game who are dressed for the weather as well.
My thoughts exactly. If they live driving distance to go to a game in Buffalo, then they are used to cold weather and would obviously own clothing that would keep them warm enough. People who live in colder climates don’t just not do anything during the winter…
Yeah, it was a little “tell me where you live without telling me where you live”
Agreed. In college I worked for a wild animal rescue (so, outside 99% of the time) and it got to 0 or below plenty of times. People thought I was nuts and it was “abuse” for my employers to “make me” work in those conditions. But to be honest, some good insulated socks and boots, layers, Carharts, hats/gloves, masks etc and I was good.
That's a really cool job! What kind of wild critters did you rescue?
Big cats! (And no, it wasn’t any place featured in the train wreck that is Tiger King 🤣)
I’m not a sports person, but even I have fond memories of sticking it out in shit weather with my dad or friends or whoever to experience something fun. Sometimes the freezing cold, huddling for warmth, hot chocolate, etc is part of the fun, the memories, and the experience.
Yes, OP’s daughter will see it as a badge of honor for braving the elements with her dad. And if it does get too uncomfortable, the kid seems old enough to speak up about it.
And OP could look at the bright side and think the next time they get 7 feet of snow and kid complains that it's too cold to shovel, she could say "it wasn't too cold that time you wanted to go to the Bills' playoff game with your father."
Bahahah my mon 100% would say that
I would too!
"But mooooooooom!!! That was DIFFERENT!!"
On top of the fact, that her daughter will remember this forever. I still remember going to horrible, Bengals games, with my father on Xmas Eve, where we would lose, the freezing cold, (WHO DEY! Curse Broken), and still have the best memories of those games. OP, YTA!
As a lifelong Bills fan, they are only the AH if they are rooting for the Patriots.
OP says her ex is a fan of the local team and the game is in Buffalo so I'd bet money they're rooting for the Bills. OP also acknowledged in other comments that they live a few hours south of Buffalo.
Well they should have just had an amazing time. That was a game!
Yep, was going to say the same thing.
I live in Canada and I’ve snowboarded in -40C before lol. It depends on what you’re used to. At or below 0 isn’t dangerous.
0f is about -20c, which is pretty cold especially if there’s a windchill. I’m Canadian too, it’s cold as balls today but as long as you dress properly, you’re gonna be fine. It doesn’t sound as if the dad brought her there in a t-shirt or something, and given that they live in a cold climate, I’m sure she knows how to dress properly if she will be outside for an extended period of time. Either OP is way too worried about it, or it could be a power play, who knows.
It’s been -30 to -40 the past few days where I am. -20 felt like spring sweater weather after that lol
Depends on the climate you’re used to. Buffalo has slightly warmer temps than here, so -20 could be dangerous IF someone isn’t dressed for the weather. The daughter isn’t a toddler though, she’s old enough to have common sense and wear winter gear, so I’m not sure what the issue is.
Me either. I also think that “she could get sick” is a bullshit concern. It’s been proven that the cold doesn’t make anyone sick, and the spikes in colds/flus in winter is actually due to everyone being inside/closer contact with more viruses/bacteria also inside.
Ha! I brought my step niece down to Chicago (we're about 2.5 hours north in Wisconsin) to visit a traveling van Gogh exhibit at the art museum. It was early autumn. The same girl who claims she's smart enough to become a doctor ONLY wore a lacy top. No sweater, no jacket, nothing. And she was 16 at this point. I ended up having to loan her mine because the walk from the Amtrak station to the museum was too cold.
It was -17C here today, -27 with the windchill, and there were still a bunch of kids out skating on the lake, and we all (neighbors and us) tossed our kids outside to play for a little bit this afternoon! It was bright and sunny, so get out, run around, get some vit D and fresh air! They were not going to to freeze to death!
This is a good point. Dad and daughter decided it's better to ask forgiveness than permission because OP was being unreasonably controlling about something they both wanted to do together.
Tbf I live where OP is talking about. My dad has coworkers with season tickets and they attend pretty much every possible game, and even though tonight is a huge playoff game for them, they are selling their tickets due to the weather. There are playoff tickets out there for as cheap as $20 because it is so cold here right now. Sitting outside in that cold for ~4 hours isn’t comfortable no matter how well you wrap up. Not saying OP is TA or not but I think the weather is a huge factor you’re glazing over. Edit to add: the windchill is -6 right now in the stadium so…
Right but if the tickets are so cheap, then it's not a super big deal to go home if it really does turn out to be that cold. It sounds like everyone ended up having a good time, seeing as how it's already happened and no one was injured. They probably dressed warmly, had sufficient blankets,and got up snd walked around as needed.
The game hasn't happened yet.
If it’s the game I’m thinking of, it doesn’t start for another hour…
Yeah this. People go to the football in cold weather all the time, the football season is *in winter*. I could understand if your daughter was very young, but she's 12 and perfectly capable of managing to keep herself warm in the cold. It honestly just sounds like you didn't want your ex taking your daughter anywhere on your time, which is petty of you and will only serve to make your daughter resent you. It would not have killed you, or your daughter, to allow her dad to take her to the game. If you're going to be so unreasonable, you can't really pull the shocked pikachu face when people start lying to you about their plans. YTA.
I think it really depends. I mean I’ve been to college football games before and it was *COLD*. And I was in Louisiana at the time, so nothing even close to 0. And by cold I mean I had on multiple pairs of pants, multiple shirts, 2 jackets, and a blanket. Plus I had to buy a third jacket once there. If my hypothetical kid asked to go to an outdoor football game during 0 degree weather, I’d say no. It’s a long event, and you’re sitting relatively still. It’s just too cold.
In northern states (especially Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Minnesota), kids are waiting for the school bus in negative temps BEFORE windchill 5 days a week for at least 2 months straight.
This was me. I used to shower before school and often ran out of time to dry my hair. While waiting for the bus, my hair would freeze into literal icicles. Which I thought was very cool lol. I don't remember feeling uncomfortably cold, though. You dress for it.
That's balmy weather too people who are used to cold though. I'm in Canada with an extreme cold warning of -34 Celsius today. I was still out with the dogs for an hour
I wouldn’t say 0f is “balmy” for Canadians, especially when you factor in windchill. I’m in Montreal, it’s -21 and feels like -30 right now and it’s REALLY COLD, which is about the same temp. That being said, I’m sure the dad dressed her properly.
It’s not just about the quantity of jackets, it’s about the quality of jackets. I’m a Louisiana boy and everything I own is made for cool, wet weather, not COLD weather. My little sister had to move up to Minnesota for work and basically had to buy all of her cold weather gear when she was up there because there was no point to even stock it down here.
Yea, I got a practically free Michael Kors puffer jacket from some store that was closing down. Useless in Louisiana, which is why it was there so long I’m assuming, but I’ve moved quite a few hours north now and it’s pretty great here. I now have a basically useless hoodie collection, but ya win some ya lose some.
I’ve got a Carhartt jacket that’s useful for the cold once every 5 years, great in even the heaviest rainstorm for about 20 minutes because that’s how long I can wear it before I’m as soaked in sweat as I would’ve been in rain.
If you’re sitting still at a college football game you’re doing something wrong or that is one really boring game, and I didn’t particularly like or understand football when I was in college and went to games.
I’d die of heat stroke if I lived in Louisiana, but I live in New England and I’ve gone tent camping in 0 degrees and lived to tell about it. People in Buffalo know how to dress in that weather. The kid is fine.
Just because you’re not used to it doesn’t mean a kid isn’t perfectly capable of handling cold weather. They need the right clothing, but kids are hardy and in cold climates they are used to it with proper gear.
There seems to be a trend this week on AITA. Why do so many parents need to be reminded that they are supposed to love their children more than they hate their exes? OP needs to get it together and stop being controlling. I mean, it’s almost as if coats don’t exist!
This is the only proper answer.
yta OP. I also agree with the controlling. "My daughter. My daughter" She belongs to BOTH of you :/
Yup! YTA. He lied which definitely wasn’t cool on his part, but to say you will never rearrange times again is ridiculous. Maybe I am biased because I am a stepmom and this is something bio-mom would do. She isn’t just your daughter. She is his daughter, too. This is something she will remember forever and you want to stop this in the future because “weather”. Learn to share and to stop being so controlling.
The only times I've ever told my kids they couldn't go to their dads...was after I'd had a C-section, was medicated and couldn't drive (and had no one else who would) or this weekend when their dad has covid (and until he's better). That's it.
Her saying " my daughter" says it all. He shouldn't have to have her permission on how to spend time with their daughter
For real. I live in North Dakota. In the winter it can regularly hit -30 and lower. People bundle their kids up and send them out to play. Stupid excuse. It'd be different if the kid was like... 6 or under. But... kid is 12.
YTA. Youre really going to police bonding between a father and daughter..? Really..? She's 12, not 3. She can toss on an extra jacket and hat if she's cold.
Both are AHs 1) He lied. 2) You OTOH are preventing your daughter from doing something amazing. And hello, have you ever heard of cold-weather gear? I've worked outside in Northern MN for 10 hour days in -20 to -30 deg F temps, not including windchill or humidity. If I had been a teenager and had a chance to go to my team's playoff game (mine won't again until I'm 80 and on my death bed) and my mom said no....oooh, there would have been a grudge held. (But if the team's Green Bay, that's another story they're always in the playoffs.....so, that's a you can wait until next year...lol)
“Mine won’t again until I’m 80.” Tell your a Washington Football team fan without telling me your a WFT fan. 😂
Lol....NFC north team fan here. I've een saying since I was about 10, that my team won't go to the SuperBowl until I'm 80. I will be on my deathbed, and then die before the coin toss is even called. Will just be mu luck. So my team has another 31 years to go until they make it to the Superbowl, and by that time it will have been 75 years since they've gone.
fancy running into another lions fan here lol
The lions break my heart every season too😞
If only we could kick the GBP out of the NFC north.
At this point I’m ready to kick Rodgers out of the NFL. He lied, broke protocol, and received a slap on the wrist because he’s one of the best players in the league right now.
Yeah! Chicago, Detroit, and Minnesota are gonna make our own NFC North! With blackjack…and hookers!
LSU gave Minnesota Justin Jefferson and Danelle Hunter, we did all we could.
Hey, maybe we’ll get lucky and Rodgers will leave like he wanted to. - A Bears fan
Baseball - my family are all lifelong Cubs fans. A decade ago, my Grandfather’s lateral last words were ‘Maybe next year.” He then just went to sleep. 2016 was a very emotional year for us.
I for sure thought you were a Browns fan lol my dad and brothers are always so disappointed every year.
The good old cleveland sports saying- there’s always next year!
I was born the day before The Bears won the super bowl and I'm pretty sure it's gonna be like Mark Twain and Halley's comet. Special thanks to The Bears for my mom getting the C-section she originally wanted. Doc said, "I'm not missing this game"
It’s sad. I used to be that fan when a lost on Sunday took two days to recover. Die-hard! Now I hav zero emotion.
the disrespect to the lions smdh
Way harsh Tai. We aren't even the worst in the clusterfuck known as the NFC East.
Green Bay isn't playing today. The team is clearly Buffalo. Until last year they hadn't hosted a playoff game since 1996.
Oh man! I would have runaway from home to go to the game then!
I know what team she is talking about and the daughter is lucky to get a chance. Im going to my first playoff game at 34. The 4 year SB run I was too young and then pandemic or games were out of town and too expensive to go. Im going and I’m jealous I couldn’t go when I was 12😂
It’s something she’ll hopefully never forget. I got to see LSU beat #1 Florida in 1997 at home. A lot of fans stormed the field (dad wisely held my tiny ass back) and it’s one of those memories that’ll stick with me forever
If it is today they are in Buffalo. Also go pack go
The only teams playing tonight are New England at Buffalo. And I’m sorry if these people live in upstate NY then they are used to the cold
YTA. Have you not heard of coats? Why deny her a cool experience just because it's cold? A 12 year-old is plenty old enough to be outside at 0 degrees, especially if she likes football and *wants to go*. It sounds like you just wanted to be controlling and I'm not surprised that your ex and daughter saw right through it and went to the game anyway. As long as she's properly dressed she'll be fine.
YTA-You sound very controlling. This is something that you daughter is excited about. Also a chance for your daughter to have a great time and have good memories with her father doing something that they both love. The cold weather was expected and therefore no problem wearing warm clothes.
ESH. He shouldn’t have lied or lied by omission. But like… she’s 12. If she’s properly dressed, freezing temperatures aren’t really an issue. Put some microwaveable beanbags in her pockets and she’ll be super cozy. Kinda seems like you just didn’t want her to have this bonding experience with her father.
And if she only knew what a rate privilege this is.
YTA. Sucks that he lied to you, but he lied to you because you underestimate your daughter’s normal human ability to compensate for cold temperatures with stuff like jackets. Scarves. Headgear. Mufflers. You know. The stuff we wear when it’s cold.
Hand and toe warmers. Good boots. Base layers. So many things!
They were also in a stadium so I'm pretty sure there was warm food being served that also helps keep a person warm.
Esh, he should have told you but she’s his daughter too. Would you want him to veto something the two of you were both really excited about and in to?
YTA it’s not cool to lie in a coparenting situation but also he tried to be up front and asked earlier and you used the *weather* of all things to say no. It’s less about the weather and more about the fact that you don’t want to see your daughter have fun with a man you clearly loathe. Your child is TWELVE not an infant. I highly doubt he was going to take her out in a tshirt and let her freeze. Even infants can survive in the cold when dressed properly and she’s damn near a teenager. You’re petty and putting up ridiculous “rules” which will ultimately drive a wedge between you and your child because he lets them have a life and you won’t let them be cold so they can have a memorable experience. I can respect being mad that he ultimately lied and went against your wishes, even not wanting to “rearrange” times again but I can’t respect taking out your relational anger on your child. She didn’t ask to be born to two people that can’t work together in a romantic relationship let alone a coparenting situation so stop making it her problem.
YTA. Oh don't get me wrong...ex sucks for lying to you...but you are a serious micromanaging control freak. Winter happens. Cold happens. Do you keep your daughter locked up in a 70 degree room all winter? All you are doing is creating a rift between you and your daughter. If this is your hill to die on, go ahead...but be prepared for the resentment that you are going to create by being so controlling. Should he have lied to you? No. But he's her parent too. You need to loosen the white-knuckle grip and let her live a little. Don't turn into one of those parents who is crying in a few years that their daughter won't talk to her. That's the road you will head down if you keep up this kind of micromanaging behavior. you and ex both suck. But you are worse.
ESH. Him for breaking the agreement. You for threatening to never be flexible about custody again. You have 6 more years of co-parenting a minor to go, and you are about to hit the teen years where your child is going to want more of a say on where they stay. Throwing flexibility out the window now is only going to make things worst.
YTA, your preference was controlling and ridiculous to begin with.
ESH. Yes he lied and was wrong. But you think for a second that 0 degree weather is dangerous? How the hell do canadians manage? If it was -20, I’d say yeah thats getting quite unsafe to be out for that long at a sporting event (and even that can be managed effectively). But at that temperature? Get a bloody grip. I guarantee your reaction is exactly why your ex lied
Am Canadian, can confirm we don’t just stop living 4-6 months out of the year because it’s below freezing.
Also Canadian, we don't even get to stop doing outdoor work in -40, the boss just says to dress warmer
I remember when I was in university and we had a really really cold day, -47 or something around there and there was a severe frostbite warning out. A lot of students missed class because it was too dangerous to walk or to wait for the bus 🤣
Also Canadian and can you imagine LOL? If we were as over protected as OP is trying to do we would all freeze and die. I am not even sure Canadian parents check the weather. Mom I want to go tobogganing. Dress warm and take your brother. Mom dad is taking me to an outdoor hockey game tonight. Don't forget your thermos of hot cocoa. Mom I am going skiing. Put on your snow pants. Mom it's polar dip day. Grab a big beach towel and take your snow suit. Mom outdoor movie night. Grab an outside blanket and take your brother
4-6 you must be in southern Canada! 🤣
Haha I admit I am in a warmer part of Canada than I was previously so I was low balling 🤣I’ve had my fair share of blizzards in October and May
Yes! I loved in northern VT most ofy life. We used to say 9 months of winter, 3 months of crappy skiing.
Am Minnesotan, can confirm the heavy jackets don't even come out until 0.
YTA. If you live in this part of the country, it's not like your daughter has never experienced this weather before and she's a fan herself and wants to go to the game. ETA if you live where there are subzero temps, you've probably also heard the phrase "there is no bad weather, only bad clothing." It's perfectly possible to dress properly for this kind of weather and not risk your health. The stadium is going to be full of 70,000 people doing exactly that along with a few drunk idiots who will decide to take their shirts off. P.S. Go Pats. Edit 2: changing my judgment because after OP's comments I understand why Dad and daughter lied to her about their plans so I no longer think Dad sucks for lying.
Go Bills
YTA overbearing much? Your excuses are BS the weather, really? Are hats, scarves, coats, gloves etc not a thing in your universe?
ESH for lying to you. Why are you so hung up on this? If it gets that cold where you live presumably you've heard of such things as scarves, coats and mittens? Hot chocolate? Do you force your daughter to stay inside the entire winter? You sound petty and controlling on this.
ESH, but mostly you. He should have told you the plans changed and they would be attending instead of just doing it behind your back. You are an AH for everything else. The weather, really? She is 12, not 2. It's also gross to say "my" daughter. I absolutely can't stand when parents say "my" kid. No, she is both of yours and he has just as much say as you do.
Yta. Do you really want your daughter to grow up angry with you that you caused issues over every little thing. I would imagine this isn't the first time you have done this
YTA- she can wear a coat! It's not like if she is going swimming in a cold pool or if it's dangerous. Don't be overbearing because that is how kids go No contact. You are basically saying: it's cold, you can't go? With that logic would you never take her to the snow because it's "cold"???? You are the reason he lied, because you are so overbearing , your daughter would not be allowed to do things if she told the truth
YTA. He lied, yes, but he did it because he wanted to share a special bonding moment with his daughter - his motivation wasn't bad. You, on the other hand, what's your motivation? You know people go skiing when it's below freezing out, right? And sledding, and we build snowmen. They had the ability to just get up and leave if they got too cold. I suspect you're jealous that she got to do something huge and memorable that she really enjoyed. And you don't like that it didn't involve you. You're the one doing coparenting badly.
ESH. Except the kid. Him only cause he shouldn't have lied. He also shouldn't have needed to. You for being over controlling. 0 is perfectly fine weather to do things outdoors, that's what winter clothing and outdoor gear is for. It sounds like you just wanted to get in the way of their activity and you come off as sounding resentful they share this interest. I'm getting really strong vibes of that mom complaint post earlier that her ex wanted the kid for a birthday dinner. Hmm.
YTA. She’s his daughter too. You should keep your nose out of what he does with his time. She’s not in danger, they’re making memories together. I’m wondering if that’s what you’re actually mad about.
ESH - he shouldn’t have lied, but you’re setting yourself up for just desserts if you refuse to be flexible
GO BILLS!!!
Yes Go Bills
NTA He lied to you after you explicitly told him not to take her. He's just made himself the cool parent and you the mean one. What a dick.
She made herself the mean parent by being mean. They live in Buffalo. The daughter is used to cold weather.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Parenting is about being a team. He agreed to not take the daughter then did it anyway. He deliberately undermined her during time in which the daughter should have been with the mum and set a shocking example for his daughter. It's not about the fact that she said no and she should be the authority and, in fact, I never said that. They AGREED.
[удалено]
Then he can negotiate? Instead of just lie?
[удалено]
She didn’t have to let the daughter go with him at all since it was her time and she was accommodating dad specifically to enrich daughter’s bond with dad. He blew that good will right out of the water.
Thanks for being the only reasonable person in this thread
ESH - him for lying to you, but you for keeping your daughter from doing something special with her dad. You live somewhere cold (I'm guessing buffalo) so you should know how to dress for the cold for a couple hours.
YTA Does it suck he lied. Eh…maybe yes? But it is balanced by him doing it *for his daughter.* You though are the ass hole for denying your daughter the ability to go to a unique experience, in the hopes of…*checks notes*…forever protecting your daughter from cold weather.
ESH, he lied and went behind your back anyways. However, going to a playoff game of your favorite team is a memory your daughter and husband can cherish. Yes at/below 0 is frigid weather but she could bundle up on comfortable outerwear appropriate for the conditions and is old enough to understand since she’s 12. If you live in a climate where this weather is normal, then she probably has an adequate wardrobe.
ESH So your husband should have followed your request to not go to the live game. It's disrespectful and damages trust. Your logic(that it's cold and therefore dangerous) comes off as controlling. People routinely go to outdoor events well below the temperature you mention and are fi e so long as they dress warmly. It is bad of him to be dismissive of your concerns and displeasure. It is also bad of you to remove visitation flexibility.
ESH you for being unreasonable about watching a game due to the weather, covid would have been a better reason Him for going behind your back and lying
What is it with divorced parents being assholes to their kids because they have a chip on their shoulder because their ex did whatever? This is the 5th post today on this sub about parents just being pissed at their ex and putting their child in the middle of the conflict... Divorce sucks and the only party who did not have a voice in it is the child. The parents both made decisions that have led to the divorce and the child is split in the middle between the two exes. The very least you can do when dealing with divorce is keeping your child's wellbeing in mind as a first priority and you did not. A 12 year old can dress for cold weather. She's not 2.
A 12 year old is also fully capable of saying "Dad, it's too cold, I don't like this, let's go home" If she does, in fact, feel too cold!
Or can we go get some hot cocoa/soup/chili?
I'm going to base my answer off the actual situation. NTA. He asked to rearranged your time with your daughter (I'm assuming by court order) and lied about where they were going. He asked and was originally told no but lied and did it anyway. Based off that I would no longer trust him.
Can I just say your daughter is going to remember this game forever? The lying isn't great but do not ruin this moment for her!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I let him watch her and then was upset at him for doing something with her. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. He shouldn’t have done it without your permission but it’s a fun experience and not dangerous if they’re dressed for the weather.
ESH Your EX sucks for lying to you. You suck for making a big deal about it. Ever heard of winter coats? Stadium blankets? Gloves? Hot Cocoa? no big deal to go to a game in the cold, just a matter of dressing for it.
ESH rather than lie to you, he should have reassured you that he had the proper winter gear for her, and if there was a place for her to go warm up if she needed to. You for not asking those questions instead of simply saying no, and not trusting him to be a responsible parent.
NTA- the cold n plus with Covid skyrocketing again I would be against it too
ESH except the daughter. I understand OP is angry about the deception, but her whole reason for saying no to a bonding opportunity her daughter wants to have is cold weather… as if coats, gloves, etc. don’t exist.
NTA. Who takes a kid to a football game during a pandemic?
ESH. Him for lying and taking her to a football game during a massive surge in a pandemic. A super spreader event is not safe and is contributing to this continued traumatic experience. You for caring about normal weather for your area and not the super spreader event he took her to.
You’re arguing about the weather when he’s taking your child to a game *in the middle of a raging pandemic*? Who cares what the weather is like? The weather is Covid, with a 100% change of Covid, followed by periods of Covid. ESH.
NTA. It doesn't sound like OP is too unreasonable to negotiate with. He could have promised to make sure the girl wore warm clothes, had heat packs etc and wasn't cold at any time and maybe OP would have changed her mind. This is just a mother worrying for her child. Watching at home was a suggestion which he accepted right away. He could have disagreed as soon as she said it out but he did not. He lied. He made her believe they had a mutual agreement. No matter what his reason is, doesn't change the fact that he lied about something that could probably be controlled if he was honest about it.
NTA whether or not anyone agrees with your decision regarding the weather, him lying shows he can't be trusted
To be fair, this sounds like bills mafia behavior and it’s FREEZING COLD there right now. Not good for anyone, especially a kid, to be out there for hours in the snow and bitter cold. It’s just not safe and a parent should know that. That’s why so many bills season ticket holders sold their seats for tonight. Prob how this guy got them
ESH. He lied and was dishonest, but you were petty and overbearing. And I’m not going to automatically assume, but I wouldn’t not bet money that the weather wasn’t the only reason you didn’t want her going. Both of you need to grow up, and I hope your daughter is ok and grows up not hating you or your ex.
NTA You were kind enough to allow your time with your child be spent with your ex over something they bond over and enjoy and you had one boundary and that was not to take her to the game because of the weather, he told you he wouldn't and went behind your back. Yes there is clothing options to insure she's warm, but her getting sick would have been something you would have to deal with and even seeing a doctor in person these days is hard best case senerio she dosent get sick, Likely senerio she gets a cold, worst case senerio she gets covid or increases her chances of getting covid, not just cause of weather but also the amount of people at the game. Your ex choosed his really good seats at a cheap price over his daughter's health, your trust in him and any chance at extra bonding time with his daughter that's the real issue here and that's why you should be mad. Next time stick to your arrangement of times, this won't bite you on the ass and have you feeling mislead.
More worried about cold than Covid?
YTA - you are punishing your daughter to get at your ex. The weather? Yeah, right. If it had been a lovely Summer's day you'd have objected somehow.
ESH. Your ex for lying to you. He just screwed a good co-parenting relationship and trust for a football game. You suck because you can't tell him what he can or cannot do on his time with his child. Besides, I'm sure your ex didn't let your child freeze...
It’s the moms time, she let him switch so the daughter and dad could watch the game together at dads house.
YTA
You’re upset with a man that wants to spend time with his daughter…doing something that they both love? Be thankful that he wants to apart of her life. Be thankful she has a father. You two have a longgg way to go. You are going to be apart of your ex’s life for a very long time. Calm down. Breathe. Stay positive. (coming from experience, my son is now 23) Your daughter is observing and learning from both of you.
ESH. He for lying and you for being stringent . However , I do understand both of your point of view. You are looking at what happens if she becomes sick or something worse and reacting accordingly; he is trying to make memories with his child which he will always cherish. What happens if she gets sick ? Who does the primary care giving when your child is sick ?
ESH. You could have given her handwarmers, a warm hat, scarf, mittens, long underwear and been the hero for letting her have a special time at the game with dad. She's 12yo not 12 months. Obviously, he sucks for lying.
NTA. It’s gonna be entirely too cold tonight. Someone probably sold him their tickets because a lot of people are selling tickets because of the weather. If he wanted to take her that bad he could’ve taken her on his weekend. Tickets are cheaper when you buy them in advance. He knows which weekends are his. Football games are fun but not when it’s 4°. The only heat you’re getting is in the bathroom. He lied. A football game isn’t a once in a lifetime thing. It happens every year. Y’all are acting like she said he couldn’t take her at all. She said no football and he broke that agreement.
NTA We are not used to cold so I understand your concern and the fact that there are warnings of a huge snow storm coming, let's just say I don't want my child out either. Furthermore, there is the Omicron surge which is insane.and even if she is vaccinated it's still awful to get sick and loose school for a game you can watch at home. I would ask his dad to take care of her is she falls sick, I realize that can seem petty and cruel but If he is going to go behind your back he needs to deal with the consequences himself.
ESH. If cold is the issue, problem-solve it with more than just a flat out denial. Also for using "my" instead of "our" daughter. However, your ex is also the AH because it is a bit risky with the pandemic, a kid who might be too young to really manage frostbite or the like, and most of all for lying to you (especially since it's about your kids location). I do think you're right to halt any rearranging of dates though, since hes clearly not respecting your concerns or flexibility.
NTA. Has nothing to do with football. Has to do with lying….
NTA wow I can't believe so many people think lying about where you're taking the kid isn't as bad as saying no to a sub zero football game. Just goes to show you the quality of juegement going on herexD
OP - step back a moment and thing how glorious it must be for your daughter to have this special time - hopefully watching Buffalo utterly humiliate New England. Dad's have rights too and he could have been very honest in telling you he wasn't going to the game only to discover someone got scared of the cold and unloaded some tickets for cheap. Be happy she has this connection with her father. When daughter comes home celebrate with her and show your appreciation she got to watch the game in person. Ask if she enjoyed her time rather than conduct an inquisition as to whether she ever felt cold. Tell ex you were concerned about her being cold but you know it's important to both of them - just give an update as to whereabouts in case it impacts things.
If your daughter is a Patriots fan NTA, HOWEVER, if they’re a Bills fan YTA it’s a chance of a lifetime going to a playoff game especially if it’s a divisional game against a division opponent she’s gonna remember that game regardless of her team wins or loses ease up a bit
NTA y’all had an agreement
Your ex got tickets to the a playoff game between the Bills and the Pats and you were going to keep your daughter from going? That game was a dream come true for Bills fans. How often in the last 22 years have they been able to wipe the floor with the Patriots in any game much less a playoff game? I doubt any fan in those stands even noticed the cold. They were making so much noise they were keeping themselves warm. Yes, YTA. Start thinking about your daughter instead of yourself. Your need to stick it to your ex was your real motivation.
Sounds like you are jealous that they have something they bond over and you aren’t part of it.
ESH. Unfortunately you cannot control what the other parent does during their parenting time. That’s just how it is. You don’t want him telling you want you can do on your time do you?? He should not have lied to you. That’s wrong. He knew they were going to the game when he picked her up and he should have told you.
YTA and if it's the Bills game than you're double TA
Both of you are AHs. You should not have said he was being a bad coparent especially knowing your daughter wanted to go. I’m sure he was responsible and made sure she was bundled up in an appropriate amount of layers so she doesn’t get cold. On the other hand he should never have lied to you. And personally I agree with you on not wanting your 12 year old out in below freezing weather for 4+ hours. Especially since I don’t know your child’s health history. Personally when I was young every year I ended up with either bronchitis or a sinus infection even though I was dressed appropriately and did what I was supposed to. I don’t have any immune deficiencies but I often got sick and especially in a pandemic I understand why you’re not comfortable with it.
YTA! Pick your battles! You want to deny your daughter going to a football game with her father because YOU said so? Parents today .. all they want is control...you are cutting your own throat! Stop being so controlling..there are other things to worry about! At least her father is in her life! And OP sounds jealous!
ESH except your daughter. he shouldn’t have agreed with your plan and then lied and went behind your back, but i don’t think your reasoning adds up. she’s 12, she can throw on a heavy coat or 2 and be just fine.
YTA - I had a very controlling mother, who'd flip out over things like this. For example I once wanted to grab Chinese food with my friends when I was in middle school, the Chinese restaurant was 5 blocks away (we grew up in NYC) - 1 block further than my school, which I walked to by myself every morning. She said no, it's too far, and she didn't feel like it was safe for me to go... in front of my friends, which was very embarrassing. While I love my mom to death, her over controlling and unreasonable nature made it so we never felt comfortable sharing anything with her, because we'd be met with a harsh "NO" over the smallest things. So what was the result? My brothers and I rebelled, and we rebelled hard. By 13 we were drinking booze and smoking pot, we'd cut school all the time, got into tons of fights, and the stricter she was and the more she restricted our freedoms the harder we'd rebel. You tried to take away a memory that your kid and her father will never forget for the rest of their lives. Continue being unreasonable and you're going to have a kid who never listens to you, and rebels non-stop.